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1
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Oh, my God.
2
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(Intercom buzzes)
3
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God, I cannot believe
you got a girl's number on the train!
4
00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,324
Well, I didn't... you know, I...
It wasn't a pick-up,
5
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:29,626
I just got her business card.
6
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:31,461
Oh, my God, read it to me.
7
00:00:31,496 --> 00:00:33,630
Josh: "Laura Ferber, Marketing Liaison."
8
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God, I knew she was black!
9
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:36,966
No, it... she's not black.
10
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Oh... well, whatever.
11
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Either way, I'm proud of you, buddy.
12
00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:41,337
The coolest part is that
13
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she seems so nice.
14
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Awesome.
15
00:00:44,342 --> 00:00:46,059
Like, I looked at her eyes
16
00:00:46,144 --> 00:00:48,144
- and I was like, these are nice, like...
- Yeah.
17
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- You know, sometimes...
- You want to jizz all in 'em or something.
18
00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:52,482
No, no.
19
00:00:52,517 --> 00:00:53,683
There's nothing semen about this.
20
00:00:53,735 --> 00:00:55,068
- Oh, okay.
- I feel like,
21
00:00:55,153 --> 00:00:56,486
for the first time since we broke up,
22
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I'm actually over Maggie.
23
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Spectral voice: Maggie...
24
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You hear that?
25
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,576
Spectral voice: Maggie...
26
00:01:03,662 --> 00:01:06,029
Nah. It sounds like your walls
are whispering, "Maggie."
27
00:01:06,114 --> 00:01:08,698
That's-that's, uh, the old pipes.
28
00:01:08,783 --> 00:01:10,867
- The-the old pipes.
- Ah. Uh-huh. Okay, all right.
29
00:01:10,919 --> 00:01:13,536
Anyway, you were, uh, saying?
About being totally over Maggie?
30
00:01:13,588 --> 00:01:15,204
Wait, who's Maggie? That kind of thing.
31
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Like, it's just like it's off my shoulders.
32
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And right now, Josh is in a good place.
33
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Hey, is that a framed photo
34
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of you and Maggie spookily coming to life?
35
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That's a floating, uh, framed photo of
36
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,383
two-two... Come here...
37
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two other...
two other people that were in love.
38
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What about that pink razor
39
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crawling across the rug?
40
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That Maggie-related?
41
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No. No, that's...
42
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You okay, man?
43
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You're not dealing with Maggie, or...
44
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(Razor squeals)
45
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- Nope. Not at all.
- Okay, Josh,
46
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if you're really over Maggie,
why do you still have her stuff?
47
00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:45,034
I don't... what stuff?
48
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Just a cute framed picture
49
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and a little pink razor blade?
50
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I don't have anything else. (Booming sound)
51
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(Squeaks)
52
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(Squeaking)
53
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S01E02
Traib
54
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sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
55
00:02:26,911 --> 00:02:28,778
(Wind howling)
56
00:02:31,950 --> 00:02:33,282
Father, thank God you're here.
57
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- Dove�?
- Follow me.
58
00:02:38,423 --> 00:02:40,089
Dio mio.
59
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:42,291
Mike, you really didn't have
to hire an exorcist, man.
60
00:02:42,343 --> 00:02:43,868
Everything's fine.
61
00:02:44,128 --> 00:02:45,531
Aah!
62
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Maybelline.
63
00:02:49,717 --> 00:02:51,050
Maybe she's born with it. (Laughs)
64
00:02:51,136 --> 00:02:52,468
Ugh.
65
00:02:52,554 --> 00:02:54,270
(Speaking Italian)
Josh: What?
66
00:02:54,305 --> 00:02:55,471
What's he saying?
67
00:02:55,557 --> 00:02:57,723
Uh, he says you're being haunted
by your ex-girlfriend.
68
00:02:57,743 --> 00:02:59,776
Haunted? Maggie's still alive.
69
00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:01,360
(Speaking Italian)
70
00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:03,279
That doesn't matter.
71
00:03:03,314 --> 00:03:06,816
She will continue to haunt you
as long as you still still love her.
72
00:03:06,901 --> 00:03:08,920
I don't still love her.
I am totally over her.
73
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Aah!
74
00:03:09,988 --> 00:03:11,788
(Speaking Italian)
75
00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:13,835
Yeah, then why do you still have her stuff?
76
00:03:13,855 --> 00:03:15,369
(Exorcist speaks Italian)
77
00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:17,627
What's that about? Seems weird.
78
00:03:17,662 --> 00:03:18,961
Or, like, um...
79
00:03:18,997 --> 00:03:20,329
What, "pathetic"?
80
00:03:20,381 --> 00:03:22,748
- Aah!
- Mike: Or "desperate..."
81
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,133
Uh, "unable to move on..."
82
00:03:24,169 --> 00:03:25,334
Something... yeah, something like that.
83
00:03:25,386 --> 00:03:26,919
Just lame. Just lame.
84
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:28,638
Everything here is under control.
85
00:03:28,673 --> 00:03:31,257
(Bra squeaking)
86
00:03:31,342 --> 00:03:33,176
(Exorcist chokes, screams)
87
00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:35,178
(Grunts)
88
00:03:35,263 --> 00:03:37,647
(Chants in Italian)
89
00:03:37,682 --> 00:03:39,015
Whoa! No, no, no!
90
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,434
(Squeals)
91
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Oh, that was my favorite one. Aah!
92
00:03:43,321 --> 00:03:45,321
I picked it out of the catalog.
93
00:03:45,356 --> 00:03:46,689
It was so cool.
94
00:03:46,774 --> 00:03:48,191
(Speaking Italian)
95
00:03:48,276 --> 00:03:49,492
Mike: You must get rid of all of
96
00:03:49,527 --> 00:03:51,444
Maggie's stuff,
or else you will never move on.
97
00:03:51,529 --> 00:03:52,695
Hey, come on...
98
00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:56,866
Okay. Okay, okay. I'm in.
99
00:03:56,951 --> 00:03:58,034
Good idea.
100
00:03:59,871 --> 00:04:01,120
That was the last of it.
101
00:04:01,206 --> 00:04:03,539
(Chanting in Latin)
102
00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:09,045
(Hissing)
103
00:04:09,097 --> 00:04:11,514
(Continues chanting)
104
00:04:11,549 --> 00:04:12,932
(Deep growling fades away)
105
00:04:13,017 --> 00:04:16,552
Guess, uh... guess that's that.
106
00:04:16,638 --> 00:04:18,187
Uh, father, thank you.
107
00:04:18,223 --> 00:04:20,389
Grazie... Or, um...
108
00:04:20,475 --> 00:04:22,578
- (Whispering): Do... do I... Do I tip him?
- Nah.
109
00:04:22,598 --> 00:04:23,559
- Nah?
- Nah.
110
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Are we paying him at all?
111
00:04:24,896 --> 00:04:26,229
- Nah.
- No.
112
00:04:26,281 --> 00:04:27,697
We'll just go to church or something.
113
00:04:27,732 --> 00:04:28,865
(Whispering): I... I'm Jewish.
114
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(Banging sound)
115
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(Rattling)
116
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I thought you said that was everything.
117
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It's, uh, almost everything.
118
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(All scream)
119
00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:38,241
Mike: What is that thing?
120
00:04:38,293 --> 00:04:40,576
Maggie won it for me at a, uh, fair.
121
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We called it Mr. heart,
'cause he's a little heart.
122
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- Oh, my God.
- Mama Mia!
123
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- Ha! Ha!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
124
00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:46,415
Please, please, please, please.
125
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,134
Just let me keep this one thing.
126
00:04:48,219 --> 00:04:49,252
He's cute, he's fuzzy.
127
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Look, he speaks!
128
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(Distorted): I love you.
129
00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,640
(Speaking Italian)
130
00:04:54,726 --> 00:04:56,058
Gotta destroy it. Now.
131
00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:57,927
But it seems a tad wasteful.
132
00:04:58,012 --> 00:04:59,262
I mean, C-Craigslist.
133
00:04:59,347 --> 00:05:00,763
(Speaking Italian) Craigslist?
134
00:05:00,815 --> 00:05:02,598
It's a piece of garbage.
Nobody wants it, Josh!
135
00:05:02,684 --> 00:05:04,100
Actually, you know who might want it?
136
00:05:04,185 --> 00:05:05,434
Maggie might want it. Let me just call her.
137
00:05:05,486 --> 00:05:06,435
No! No, no, no! Just get rid of it, man!
138
00:05:06,487 --> 00:05:07,767
- Get rid of it!
- No.
139
00:05:08,773 --> 00:05:10,670
Good-bye, Mr. heart.
140
00:05:11,242 --> 00:05:13,276
I love you.
141
00:05:13,328 --> 00:05:15,111
(Distorted): I love you.
And now you're going to...
142
00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:17,029
(Demonic voice): suck my dick!
143
00:05:17,115 --> 00:05:18,781
Suck it! (Screams)
144
00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:23,452
Yeah, yeah! Oh, yeah! (Josh gagging)
145
00:05:23,504 --> 00:05:25,254
Suck him off, man! Finish him off!
146
00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:27,957
Somehow he has a penis now!
147
00:05:28,042 --> 00:05:29,292
Work the shaft, Josh.
148
00:05:29,377 --> 00:05:31,544
Come on. Now you get it. Oh, yeah.
149
00:05:31,629 --> 00:05:32,595
(Mike screams)
150
00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:34,964
(Rising scream)
151
00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:36,048
Get it off!
152
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:37,934
(Growls)
153
00:05:37,969 --> 00:05:39,802
Aah!
154
00:05:39,854 --> 00:05:41,387
Do it! (Screaming)
155
00:05:41,472 --> 00:05:42,805
Suck that dick...
156
00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:45,107
(Mumbling)
157
00:05:45,143 --> 00:05:48,311
(Exorcist chants in Latin)
158
00:05:48,363 --> 00:05:50,313
Oh, God. Mr. heart...
159
00:05:50,365 --> 00:05:52,148
Oh, that stinks.
160
00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:53,399
I'm just happy it's over.
161
00:05:53,484 --> 00:05:54,483
Exorcist: No! Huh?
162
00:05:54,569 --> 00:05:55,818
(Speaking Italian)
163
00:05:55,870 --> 00:05:57,820
He says there is
164
00:05:57,905 --> 00:05:59,739
a final task you must complete
before you're free of Maggie.
165
00:05:59,824 --> 00:06:01,324
Do I have to pray? Or is penance...
166
00:06:01,409 --> 00:06:04,377
Whatever... You must sex... new woman.
167
00:06:04,462 --> 00:06:06,879
Okay, well,
I just got a number from Laura...
168
00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:08,331
Number?
169
00:06:08,416 --> 00:06:10,333
You must do sex.
170
00:06:10,385 --> 00:06:12,001
Huh? Capisce?
171
00:06:12,053 --> 00:06:13,002
- Yes.
- Understand?
172
00:06:13,087 --> 00:06:14,670
I-I will... I will have...
173
00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:15,638
He doesn't understand.
174
00:06:15,673 --> 00:06:17,340
Balls deep, eh?
175
00:06:17,425 --> 00:06:18,724
Oh, my God...
176
00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:20,559
"P"... Yeah?
177
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- in "V." Huh?
- Oh...
178
00:06:21,846 --> 00:06:22,895
Josh: Okay.
179
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:24,180
- Empty balls.
- Oh, my God.
180
00:06:24,232 --> 00:06:26,015
- Sex! Sex!
- Yeah, okay.
181
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,183
Mmm. That's... I will try.
182
00:06:27,268 --> 00:06:28,517
- Try what? Huh?
- Oh, my God.
183
00:06:28,603 --> 00:06:29,685
- Huh?
- I... I will try to...
184
00:06:29,771 --> 00:06:31,020
- Say what is you try!
- Oh, my God!
185
00:06:31,105 --> 00:06:32,355
Exorcist: Say what is you try!
186
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,689
- I will try to...
- Huh?
187
00:06:33,775 --> 00:06:35,524
- Empty my balls.
- Yes?
188
00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:37,026
- Fire my "P"...
- Yes?
189
00:06:37,111 --> 00:06:38,611
into... into a "V."
190
00:06:38,696 --> 00:06:39,945
Ah!
191
00:06:40,031 --> 00:06:40,863
Josh: Okay, okay.
192
00:06:40,948 --> 00:06:41,914
Amen.
193
00:06:43,034 --> 00:06:44,250
A-amen.
194
00:06:44,335 --> 00:06:46,173
Hey, you're having sex.
195
00:06:47,218 --> 00:06:49,351
Okay, I think I got it.
Can I read it to you? Uh-huh.
196
00:06:49,436 --> 00:06:52,214
"Hi, Laura, it's Josh from the train.
197
00:06:52,234 --> 00:06:53,537
"Great meeting you.
198
00:06:53,557 --> 00:06:55,440
Want to get dinner Friday?"
199
00:06:55,475 --> 00:06:57,843
- Oh, that sucks.
- What's wrong with it?
200
00:06:57,863 --> 00:06:59,811
(Squeaky voice): "Great meeting you.
I'm Josh from the train.
201
00:06:59,863 --> 00:07:01,029
You want to get dinner Friday?"
202
00:07:01,114 --> 00:07:02,314
Okay, I know what I sound like.
203
00:07:02,366 --> 00:07:03,982
So what... what should I write, then?
204
00:07:04,034 --> 00:07:05,650
Uh, "come over.
205
00:07:05,736 --> 00:07:07,319
Come and get this." Something like that.
206
00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:09,237
I can't say that.
That seems a bit aggressive.
207
00:07:09,323 --> 00:07:10,872
It's not aggressive enough, man.
208
00:07:10,957 --> 00:07:12,374
How 'bout this, dude?
209
00:07:12,459 --> 00:07:14,409
Send her a picture of your penis.
210
00:07:14,494 --> 00:07:16,745
Ooh, shh. Yeah. Caption...
211
00:07:16,830 --> 00:07:17,962
"Guess who."
212
00:07:17,998 --> 00:07:19,497
(Whoops)
213
00:07:19,549 --> 00:07:20,832
I can't...
214
00:07:20,884 --> 00:07:22,467
I-I think I need another opinion.
215
00:07:22,502 --> 00:07:24,552
Josh, are you okay?
216
00:07:24,638 --> 00:07:26,838
I want to text Laura,
but I-I don't know what to say.
217
00:07:26,923 --> 00:07:28,723
- You said it was an emergency.
- Well, it is.
218
00:07:28,809 --> 00:07:30,425
I really like this girl,
I don't want to blow it.
219
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:32,177
- Oh, my God.
- Wait, wait! Listen, listen to this.
220
00:07:32,262 --> 00:07:35,013
Uh, uh, "Hi, Laura,
it's Josh from the train.
221
00:07:35,065 --> 00:07:36,348
Great meeting you. Come get this."
222
00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:38,337
That's pretty good, right?
223
00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:41,353
Cancel my 2:00.
224
00:07:41,405 --> 00:07:42,654
I have a family emergency.
225
00:07:42,689 --> 00:07:43,970
I got it.
226
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:45,607
- Okay.
- "Laura."
227
00:07:45,692 --> 00:07:47,525
- Period.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
228
00:07:47,611 --> 00:07:50,195
"It's your stranger from the train. (Gasps)
229
00:07:50,247 --> 00:07:51,746
- Film reference.
- Nice.
230
00:07:51,832 --> 00:07:53,748
Liz: "Would you do me the honor
231
00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:57,252
of joining me for dinner
this Friday's eve?"
232
00:07:57,337 --> 00:07:59,254
I like it. That's pretty good, yeah.
233
00:07:59,339 --> 00:08:01,039
- "This Friday's Eve"?
- Yeah.
234
00:08:01,091 --> 00:08:03,091
It's clever, it's quirky...
235
00:08:03,176 --> 00:08:04,542
- That sucks.
- I've been in
236
00:08:04,628 --> 00:08:06,378
a long-distance relationship
for three years.
237
00:08:06,463 --> 00:08:07,379
That's why you don't know anything.
238
00:08:07,464 --> 00:08:08,880
I have sex with women.
239
00:08:08,932 --> 00:08:09,964
- I know how to talk to women.
- Do you?
240
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:11,466
Or do you just say, "uh, uh,
241
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:13,218
put your butt on my face."
242
00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:15,270
Yeah, I say, "put my butt on your face."
243
00:08:15,355 --> 00:08:16,354
Type that, 'cause that's better than
"this Friday's eve."
244
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:17,772
Thank you. Um...
245
00:08:17,858 --> 00:08:19,957
I think I need another opinion.
246
00:08:22,396 --> 00:08:24,229
To me, the course of action is clear.
247
00:08:24,314 --> 00:08:26,281
The text, above all, ought to be cute.
248
00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:27,899
I would deploy
249
00:08:27,951 --> 00:08:28,950
an emoji.
250
00:08:29,035 --> 00:08:30,318
Perhaps a crying
251
00:08:30,404 --> 00:08:32,737
wah-wah face or a winky kitten.
252
00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:35,323
I... I...
a well-placed kitten, actually, could...
253
00:08:35,409 --> 00:08:37,125
Sir? If I may...
254
00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:38,076
Our research indicates
255
00:08:38,128 --> 00:08:39,327
that women enjoy texts
256
00:08:39,413 --> 00:08:41,246
in which you reference something
257
00:08:41,298 --> 00:08:42,163
that you talked about before.
258
00:08:42,249 --> 00:08:43,998
We... we have no idea why.
259
00:08:44,084 --> 00:08:45,750
Josh: Okay, well,
let's-let's run with that, then.
260
00:08:45,802 --> 00:08:47,919
What are... what are some things
I said to Laura on the train?
261
00:08:47,971 --> 00:08:49,721
Scientist: Okay...
You talked about the weather...
262
00:08:49,756 --> 00:08:51,903
The fact that it was a weekend...
263
00:08:53,107 --> 00:08:54,175
Um...
264
00:08:54,261 --> 00:08:56,680
The fact that you were on a train...
265
00:08:58,598 --> 00:08:59,347
(Laughing): Wait.
266
00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:00,849
I've got it.
267
00:09:00,934 --> 00:09:02,267
"Choo-choo!
268
00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:04,519
"It's Josh from the train.
269
00:09:04,604 --> 00:09:06,654
Next stop, dinner!"
270
00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:08,523
(Laughs) Right?
271
00:09:08,608 --> 00:09:09,991
That's really cute.
272
00:09:10,076 --> 00:09:11,609
It's really good.
273
00:09:11,695 --> 00:09:13,411
- It's good.
- Josh: Yes.
274
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:14,362
It's one... Yeah, okay, it's just...
275
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:15,663
We have a lot of ideas.
276
00:09:15,749 --> 00:09:17,782
That's a classy problem to have.
277
00:09:17,834 --> 00:09:19,083
Tell you what. I'm gonna start it off.
278
00:09:19,119 --> 00:09:20,869
(Clears throat loudly)
279
00:09:20,954 --> 00:09:22,954
"Hey, it's Josh."
280
00:09:23,039 --> 00:09:24,255
General: See? Already, you've failed.
281
00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:26,207
You've got a comma after your "hey"
282
00:09:26,293 --> 00:09:27,959
and a period after "Josh."
283
00:09:28,044 --> 00:09:30,545
What's next, semicolons and footnotes?
284
00:09:30,630 --> 00:09:32,430
Okay, fine, no... No punctuation.
285
00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,632
No, I... If you look at the data,
286
00:09:34,684 --> 00:09:36,768
you will see that women are going nuts
287
00:09:36,803 --> 00:09:39,220
- for punctuation.
- That is true.
288
00:09:39,306 --> 00:09:40,722
Exclamation points, in particular.
289
00:09:40,807 --> 00:09:42,774
I would... I would suggest 50.
290
00:09:42,809 --> 00:09:45,226
Fifty?
291
00:09:45,312 --> 00:09:47,695
- So now we're screaming at her?
- Time is critical right now.
292
00:09:47,781 --> 00:09:49,397
- If you would just listen!
- We only have one chance to do this right.
293
00:09:49,483 --> 00:09:50,398
I'll just masturbate.
(Talking over each other)
294
00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:51,866
I'll just masturbate.
295
00:09:51,952 --> 00:09:53,818
Mike: Look at us!
296
00:09:53,904 --> 00:09:56,120
Panicking like a bunch
of frightened children.
297
00:09:56,156 --> 00:09:59,491
What happened to us?
298
00:09:59,543 --> 00:10:01,826
What happened to America?
299
00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:04,245
("Battle hymn of the Republic" begins)
300
00:10:04,331 --> 00:10:06,915
There was a farmer from Virginia.
301
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,751
He had a funny little idea
302
00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:11,336
about starting a country based on freedom.
303
00:10:11,421 --> 00:10:12,804
You might have heard of him.
304
00:10:12,839 --> 00:10:14,973
His name was George Washington.
305
00:10:15,008 --> 00:10:18,059
Josh...
306
00:10:18,144 --> 00:10:19,677
Send Laura a dick pic.
307
00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:22,397
I'm sorry, did you just say "dick pic"?
308
00:10:22,482 --> 00:10:24,599
Through the boxers, fully erect,
309
00:10:24,684 --> 00:10:27,485
with a quarter in the
frame to show its size.
310
00:10:27,521 --> 00:10:29,153
Look.
311
00:10:29,189 --> 00:10:30,688
We can send a normal text
312
00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:32,857
that's smart and funny
313
00:10:32,943 --> 00:10:35,193
and references a thing from before.
314
00:10:35,245 --> 00:10:37,362
And we could get that dinner on Friday.
315
00:10:37,414 --> 00:10:38,997
But where would that lead to?
316
00:10:39,032 --> 00:10:40,365
Another text?
317
00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:41,699
Another dinner?
318
00:10:41,785 --> 00:10:43,668
Text, dinner, text, dinner!
319
00:10:43,703 --> 00:10:46,704
The goal isn't texts and dinners!
320
00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:48,553
It's sex!
321
00:10:48,573 --> 00:10:50,621
We want sex!
322
00:10:50,641 --> 00:10:52,627
And if that's not something she wants,
323
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:54,546
well, then, we need to know right now!
324
00:10:54,598 --> 00:10:55,713
Yeah!
325
00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:58,883
Perhaps it's fate
that today is the fourth of July.
326
00:10:58,969 --> 00:11:01,135
It's November 12.
327
00:11:01,221 --> 00:11:03,271
Today let's not be coy.
328
00:11:03,356 --> 00:11:07,225
Let's not be smart or funny or quirky.
329
00:11:07,277 --> 00:11:09,394
Let's pull down our pants,
330
00:11:09,446 --> 00:11:11,813
take out our dick,
331
00:11:11,898 --> 00:11:15,149
jerk off a little bit to make it hard,
332
00:11:15,235 --> 00:11:17,735
and send her a picture
of it with the caption...
333
00:11:17,787 --> 00:11:18,903
"guess who."
334
00:11:18,955 --> 00:11:19,904
Yes!
335
00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:23,157
All (Chanting): Dick pic!
336
00:11:23,243 --> 00:11:25,577
Dick pic! Dick pic! Dick pic!
337
00:11:25,662 --> 00:11:27,412
Yeah, uh, I don't, I don't,
I don't really want
338
00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:28,880
to send her a picture of my dick.
339
00:11:28,915 --> 00:11:30,331
Yeah, it's a really bad idea.
340
00:11:30,417 --> 00:11:31,716
It's a terrible, terrible idea. All right.
341
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:32,667
Oh, my God, thank God.
342
00:11:32,752 --> 00:11:35,253
Oh, it's just all wrong.
343
00:11:35,305 --> 00:11:36,554
Doesn't add up.
344
00:11:36,590 --> 00:11:38,256
Think, Josh, think.
345
00:11:41,553 --> 00:11:43,116
I got it.
346
00:11:44,397 --> 00:11:45,513
Liz: What's he doing?
347
00:11:45,599 --> 00:11:46,848
Josh, be careful.
348
00:11:52,188 --> 00:11:53,938
Liz: It's in all caps.
349
00:11:54,024 --> 00:11:57,609
"Hi, Laura, it's Josh from the train.
350
00:11:57,661 --> 00:11:59,777
"Great meeting you.
351
00:11:59,829 --> 00:12:01,412
Want to get dinner Friday?"
352
00:12:01,448 --> 00:12:04,115
Liz: No jokes. No references.
353
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:06,250
Well, it's just a normal thing,
like someone would say.
354
00:12:06,286 --> 00:12:07,835
Will it work?
355
00:12:07,921 --> 00:12:10,121
There's only one way to find out.
356
00:12:12,626 --> 00:12:14,042
Here it goes.
357
00:12:14,127 --> 00:12:15,376
Oh, God.
358
00:12:15,462 --> 00:12:16,928
"Hi, Laura,
359
00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:19,764
it's Josh from the train."
360
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:22,133
(Gasping, siren blaring)
361
00:12:22,185 --> 00:12:24,135
General: "Josh from the traib"?
What the hell's a traib?!
362
00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:25,770
She's gonna think we're crazy.
363
00:12:25,805 --> 00:12:27,605
Josh: Oh, my God. Okay, delete,
delete, delete, delete, delete.
364
00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:29,807
"It's Josh...
365
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:32,360
from the train."
366
00:12:32,445 --> 00:12:33,778
(Relieved sighing, siren stops)
367
00:12:33,813 --> 00:12:35,063
(Groans)
368
00:12:35,148 --> 00:12:36,447
Josh: "Great meeting you."
369
00:12:36,483 --> 00:12:38,316
- Uh...
- Liz: You got it.
370
00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:41,202
"Want to get dinner
371
00:12:41,287 --> 00:12:43,621
this Friday?"
372
00:12:43,657 --> 00:12:45,323
Here goes nothing.
373
00:12:47,327 --> 00:12:49,043
- May God forgive us.
- Josh: Sending.
374
00:12:49,129 --> 00:12:50,545
Liz: Oh, it's so slow.
375
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,830
Mike: Come on. What service do you have?
376
00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:54,549
Josh: Send, damn you. Send, damn you.
377
00:12:54,634 --> 00:12:56,050
Come on!
378
00:12:56,136 --> 00:12:57,358
Oh. Come on!
379
00:12:58,672 --> 00:13:00,505
Okay, it went through.
380
00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:02,507
The text went through.
381
00:13:08,181 --> 00:13:11,399
It's been almost 15 seconds
since Josh texted Laura,
382
00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:13,518
and still no response.
383
00:13:13,603 --> 00:13:16,187
By this point,
Laura must have seen the text,
384
00:13:16,272 --> 00:13:18,489
even if she was in the
bathroom or something,
385
00:13:18,525 --> 00:13:20,491
and yet the silence continues.
386
00:13:20,527 --> 00:13:21,943
What does it all mean?
387
00:13:22,028 --> 00:13:23,945
Was the text too forward?
388
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:25,329
Not forward enough?
389
00:13:25,365 --> 00:13:27,615
Did she hate the text?
390
00:13:27,701 --> 00:13:29,777
There's just no way to know.
391
00:13:39,175 --> 00:13:41,726
Maybe she doesn't want
to seem too overeager.
392
00:13:41,761 --> 00:13:42,894
Maybe she's in the shower.
393
00:13:42,929 --> 00:13:45,030
She's not in the goddamn shower.
394
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:48,833
She hated the text...
she's never gonna respond.
395
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,702
Hey, relax, my man.
396
00:13:50,754 --> 00:13:52,203
We have to save face.
397
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,038
We have to pretend we were just kidding.
398
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,790
Text "jk."
399
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,625
Liz: Hey, get him out of here! Text "jk"!
400
00:13:57,711 --> 00:13:59,461
Get him out of here.
401
00:13:59,546 --> 00:14:00,712
Oh, my God.
402
00:14:00,797 --> 00:14:03,214
(Screaming)
403
00:14:04,551 --> 00:14:05,850
Text "jk."
404
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:07,685
Text "jk"!
405
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:09,554
Man: Sir?
406
00:14:09,606 --> 00:14:11,589
It's been over a minute.
407
00:14:11,658 --> 00:14:13,391
- It's not looking good.
- Thank you, Wallace.
408
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:14,559
You're just doing your job.
409
00:14:14,611 --> 00:14:16,043
Yes, sir.
410
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,730
Okay, um...
411
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,638
Let's pack it up, people.
412
00:14:25,238 --> 00:14:26,654
You sent one hell of a text.
413
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,206
Thank you. We-we all, we all sent
414
00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:29,741
one hell of a text.
415
00:14:29,793 --> 00:14:31,493
Look!
416
00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:33,344
Th-the things, th-the little bubbly things!
417
00:14:33,413 --> 00:14:34,996
She's writing back, she's responding.
418
00:14:36,299 --> 00:14:37,966
(Cheering)
419
00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:58,676
I'm going out with Laura.
420
00:15:45,294 --> 00:15:47,127
Just wanted to make sure he had his order.
421
00:15:47,162 --> 00:15:48,461
Oh, okay.
422
00:15:48,497 --> 00:15:49,829
Well, we did it.
423
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:50,830
We did it.
424
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:51,831
We're here.
425
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,383
Yep.
426
00:15:53,468 --> 00:15:57,137
It's, uh, you know, it's pretty, uh, crazy
that we, uh, met on the train.
427
00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:58,471
Yeah, y-y-yeah.
428
00:15:58,507 --> 00:15:59,973
It's so... It's so crazy.
429
00:16:00,008 --> 00:16:01,346
Yeah. Um...
430
00:16:01,366 --> 00:16:02,562
But, you know, not, like, crazy bad.
431
00:16:02,582 --> 00:16:04,227
No. No, it-it's definitely good crazy.
432
00:16:04,313 --> 00:16:05,696
It's definitely... Oh, y-y-yeah.
433
00:16:05,781 --> 00:16:07,564
Like something from a romantic comedy.
434
00:16:07,649 --> 00:16:09,412
Yes, like, uh, um...
435
00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:12,369
When Harry met Sally.
436
00:16:12,454 --> 00:16:14,237
Yes, th-that's a romantic comedy.
437
00:16:14,323 --> 00:16:15,822
Yeah.
438
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:18,241
Um... Sleepless in Seattle.
439
00:16:18,327 --> 00:16:19,376
- Also a romantic comedy.
- Yeah.
440
00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:20,627
- Y-y-y-yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
441
00:16:20,662 --> 00:16:22,629
Must love dogs.
442
00:16:22,664 --> 00:16:23,797
What?
443
00:16:23,832 --> 00:16:25,165
Uh... uh...
444
00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:26,917
It's a romantic comedy.
445
00:16:27,002 --> 00:16:28,468
Oh, I'll have to see that one.
446
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:30,456
Yeah, oh, y-you definitely do.
447
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:35,008
Hmm.
448
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:39,012
J-Jerry Maguire.
449
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:43,850
What?
450
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,685
J-Jerry Maguire.
451
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,199
Is it, is it...
H-how is it?
452
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,034
It's really sweet.
453
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:02,919
Do you want, do you want to get,
uh, something else?
454
00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:04,838
No, it's fine, it's, um...
455
00:17:04,873 --> 00:17:06,206
It's also there were...
456
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,041
It's also has...
457
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,127
Is good... and fine.
458
00:17:10,212 --> 00:17:11,545
- I feel bad, do you want...?
- No, n-n-no.
459
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,180
I-I'll just... I can just watch you eat.
460
00:17:13,215 --> 00:17:15,265
It's fine.
461
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,551
Got water. (Chuckles)
462
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,388
Uh...
463
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,390
- Oh, you first.
- No, no, you-you go first.
464
00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:24,608
You go first.
465
00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:25,725
No, you-you go first.
466
00:17:27,062 --> 00:17:28,228
You.
467
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:29,896
Okay, (Stammers)
468
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:33,050
I was just gonna ask you,
a-are you having an okay time?
469
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:35,452
Yeah.
470
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,572
Are you gay?
471
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:39,873
What? Um...
472
00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:41,408
(Mouth full): No...
473
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,492
No.
474
00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:43,460
Right.
475
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:45,662
Whenever you're ready.
476
00:17:45,747 --> 00:17:47,380
Both: Thank you.
477
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:49,082
I-I got this.
478
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,467
Um, how about we split it?
479
00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:52,419
Oh, n-n-n-no, please, I'm, uh, a gentleman.
480
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,004
I... allow me.
481
00:17:54,089 --> 00:17:56,139
Let's split it.
482
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,094
Laura: Okay, bye.
483
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,013
(String quartet music plays)
484
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:07,463
_
485
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:10,788
_
486
00:18:10,912 --> 00:18:14,710
_
487
00:18:47,809 --> 00:18:48,725
O-okay, guys, that's...
488
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:49,969
Y-you can stop.
489
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:51,384
Where is Laura?
490
00:18:51,404 --> 00:18:52,525
When does she come?
491
00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:53,890
Uh, sh-she doesn't come.
492
00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:56,186
Uh, the date didn't really go very well.
493
00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:58,018
(Sighs) This is disappointment.
494
00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:00,688
I have high hopes that
this was going to happen.
495
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,156
Yeah, yeah.
496
00:19:02,191 --> 00:19:03,691
I, uh, I kind of felt the same way.
497
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,843
(Gasps) I know, we do concert for one.
498
00:19:06,863 --> 00:19:08,279
(Music begins)
499
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:10,081
Uh, that's very nice of you,
500
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:13,000
but, uh, I kind of think I just
want to be alone right now.
501
00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:14,535
So if you guys just want to pack it up,
that's...
502
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,705
Oh, okay, I understand.
503
00:19:17,375 --> 00:19:18,690
Thank you.
504
00:19:20,093 --> 00:19:21,342
Eh. Love.
505
00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:22,888
(Chuckling)
506
00:19:22,908 --> 00:19:24,911
It's a crazy thing.
507
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:29,068
One day you're up, and then you're down.
508
00:19:29,088 --> 00:19:30,371
But you listen to me.
509
00:19:30,391 --> 00:19:35,003
One day you will find a beautiful woman.
510
00:19:35,023 --> 00:19:37,407
And she will be warm.
511
00:19:37,492 --> 00:19:38,858
And giving.
512
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:42,862
And she will deserve... your love.
513
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,197
Okay.
514
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,699
Thank you, thank you.
515
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:47,617
I-I appreciate... I needed to hear that.
516
00:19:47,703 --> 00:19:48,702
Okay.
517
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:49,869
And one more thing.
518
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:51,871
Yeah.
519
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,841
Can I use your bathroom?
520
00:19:55,447 --> 00:19:56,626
Oh, yeah, of course,
yeah, right-right there.
521
00:19:56,712 --> 00:19:58,962
Oh, thank you.
522
00:19:59,047 --> 00:20:01,131
Eh...
523
00:20:01,216 --> 00:20:03,049
Is a number two.
524
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,384
Uh... okay.
525
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,019
Jan, he makes a joke.
526
00:20:06,054 --> 00:20:08,555
We have pierogi for dinner,
527
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,473
and he take pepper flake top off,
528
00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:13,310
and he put too much.
529
00:20:13,395 --> 00:20:15,061
- Oh, my God.
- I did not see it.
530
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,529
And then, you know, eat, no, I...
531
00:20:16,565 --> 00:20:18,231
- Like, four big bites.
- Oh, God.
532
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:22,152
And now feels like a big storm in my tummy
533
00:20:22,237 --> 00:20:23,320
and is gonna explode.
534
00:20:23,405 --> 00:20:24,404
Oh, okay.
535
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:25,322
Yeah, that's... That's good.
536
00:20:25,407 --> 00:20:26,573
Is gonna be stinky.
537
00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,375
- Uh, okay.
- Is okay?
538
00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,794
Yeah, yeah, I don't know what
to do with that information.
539
00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:32,746
- I apprec...
- Well, fair warning, right?
540
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,323
- Yeah.
- Eh.
541
00:20:38,839 --> 00:20:39,970
Violinist: Uh, Joshua?
542
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,171
Yeah.
543
00:20:41,256 --> 00:20:42,756
You have wet wipes?
544
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,091
Uh... oh, my God.
545
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,926
Uh, can you bring me a wet towel?
546
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,596
- It shot out like cannon.
- Oh, for...beep... sake.
547
00:20:55,061 --> 00:20:56,920
- I have more to come.
- Okay.
548
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,004
I jumped the gun.
549
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,472
No, no, come in here. Come...
550
00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,007
- No, I'm not... no.
- No, I can't reach it.
551
00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:03,810
It's on the floor, man, I can't pick it up.
552
00:21:04,289 --> 00:21:07,528
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
553
00:21:07,578 --> 00:21:12,128
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36705
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