All language subtitles for Man Down s02e03 Divty.eng

You tell me. I thought you'd invited
me to discuss "us". Are you cross?

The idea of an "us"
has never been further away.

You ARE cross.

You tell me
what you think you've done wrong.

Well, I went down that alleyway
behind the Co-op once,

cos someone told me there were some
jazz mags there, but that was in the '80s.

This is serious!
There's been a complaint.

What did you do while you were
invigilating the science GCSE exam

last week?
Nothing. I mean...

I had a couple of games of Camp
Aisle. Right, what's Camp Aisle?

You know, Camp Aisle!

Me and Dave from English invented
it. You take it in turns to...

"Mince up and down
between the rows of desks

"in an incrementally camp manner
whilst stifling giggles."

It's not just me. Well, you were the
one who was seen.

That's cos I'm the best!
It's offensive and it's offended

the gay... person who's complained.
What?!

June Telford from Science?
She's not gay!

"The '60s were a cock harvest, Dan."
Her words.

It's a pupil.
There's a gay kid in Year 10?

Brilliant! Who is it?
I won't be naming names!

Well, do they do drama?
No.

Well, why not?! I need those guys!

What?!

Come on...

gays improve plays.

You haven't got a clue, have you?

Welcome to your weekend, Dan.

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Well, if it's getting to the
point it's affecting your squash game,

you know you need to get that
knee sorted.

Yeah. Barbara beat you, didn't she?

I was very tired that day. And I
think Barbara would be the first to admit

that her service is borderline
illegal.

Well, I don't blame you, Brian.
Hospital is amazing.

You've got a telly, him over there.

You've got free magazines, satsumas!
I wish I had a dodgy knee.

I have a business to run, Jo.
This is no holiday.

What do you think Magda and I
are doing down the salon?

Celebrity Fusions is tough.
Jo, for the last time,

nobody wants two celebrity looks
on their face simultaneously.

It's a business disaster!
Sorry, Brian, I'm not being funny,

but, um, why don't you just
stick to what you do?

What, like advise small businesses?

Unbelievable! She's sending me on a
diversity course.

"Hello, Brian. Sorry I'm really late.
Nervous about your operation?"

"Can I have one of your satsumas,
Brian?"

She said I was homophobic.
Me, homophobic?

I wish I was gay.
I've told you that.

They're all out having
the time of their lives.

What are we doing? Sitting at home
complaining about milk!

As soon as I find a man I fancy,
I'll make him the future Mr Davies.

Presuming he's happy
to take your name.

She said I was a dinosaur!
You're not a dinosaur, Dan.

I've seen pictures -
they're fucking massive!

If anything, it's homophobic to
suggest that all gay people are camp.

You've met Simon from the White
Lion. He walks like RoboCop!

Would anyone here care to
talk about my forthcoming operation?

Now, I'm spending my Saturday with a name
badge on, tossing a ball around the room.

"Hello, everyone,
my name's Dan and I like pasta."

Visiting hours are up.

So if you wouldn't mind...
That's fine.

And can I just say,
I don't think you are paid enough.

All women should be paid more.

Except those who are tossing
around in someone else's beauty salon.

Barbara, you should come
down the salon.

I could do you a Rihannie Lennox.

"Good luck with the operation,
Brian."

Bit of a handful, that lot.
Gosh, yes.

The wife seems nice and quiet,
though.

Barbara? Oh, oh, no.
God, no! Barbara's not my wife.

No, my family are up in Leith,
for a whole week.

I miss 'em like hell.

I mean, it's just common sense,
this.

OK, oi, oi, stop that.

What?
No more cleaning for you.

I like cleaning.

No, you don't, you've been
brainwashed, it says here.

I've not been brainwashed.

It's lovely when everything's
all spick and span.

Look, old woman,
if I tick enough of these off,

I'll get away from the course early.

So I've just challenged
a gender role,

so no more cleaning for you - tick.

Ah, Polly, can you... can you help
me get rid of this stain?

Fuck me, half a car wash.

Yes, I don't expect you to know anything
about traditional English festivals.

You're a slave to technology
and pornography.

I'm surprised you haven't rubbed
your front tail off! Now, Polly...

This stain, can you help?
No, she can't!

Daniel says I'm not to clean any
more. He's on a course.

Your mother is made happy
by manual labour. She is a woman.

That is an archaic view
and I'm challenging it.

Besides, I've ticked the box now,
so there's no going back.

No more cleaning.
And anyway, you're a woman too.

I'm more of a man than you'll ever
be!

I ran the farm for 30 years
after Bertie died. I evolved.

I haven't had a sit down wee since
1978. Ugh!

But your mother's role
is more traditional.

Things have moved on, Nesta.

Who's going to do it, then?

Somebody's got to, since Mrs Wigmore
mysteriously resigned.

Why did Wigmore resign?

It doesn't matter why
Mrs Wigmore resigned.

The point is,
Mum's not cleaning any more.

The boy's gone queer, Polly.
Er...

"The boy has gone strange."
Please, Nesta.

It's a piece of piss, this.

Tick.

We'll just let the hair set,
Mrs Williams.

And then, you can look at the new
you.

We can't keep doing for free.

All right, Magda!
We'll start charging soon.

We need to get the portfolio
finished. Where are we?

So... so far, we've got the Halle
Lulu - Halle Berry and Lulu.

Amazing.

Liv and Let Dido - Liv Tyler, Dido.

Brave.
Fucking brave.

Oh, lovely lips you've done there.
So thin. Who was this?

Duchess of Cambridge, Malcolm X.

The Malcolm in the Middleton.

This one is gonna be so popular.

So brave.
You've said that.

Over here, we have another classic.

You said it wasn't possible to
combine Beyonce and Liza Minnelli.

I was Doubting Thomas.
Yes!

Behold...

...the Beyonzelli!
It's beautiful!

I only came in for a cut and set.

Ssh!

And I just realised
I'd presumed that about her

just because she was from Ireland.
I-I felt... really ashamed.

Well, I think you're being
a little harsh on yourself.

The Irish do pride themselves
on their drink.

Er, Dan?

Oh, yes. Thank you. Hello, I'm Dan.

I found the pamphlet
incredibly useful as well.

I probably don't need to do the whole day,
because... I've already stopped my mum

from doing housework.
Wow, there's a quick response.

She's been a slave too long, guys,
so I'm gonna get her a cleaner.

Oh, good, so another poor woman
gets to do all the work.

What? It could sound like you've rather
transferred the problem there, Dan.

Can I throw this now, or what?

Well, I think that we're gonna
have a great day, guys.

Now, your employers would've sent
you here for a variety of reasons.

I know some of you are in coordinator
roles and some of you, dare I say,

need to sharpen up
on your attitudes a little.

Whatever the reason,
I will try my best

not to make the world of diversity
awareness seem too boring. Ha-ha!

So, this afternoon,
we'll actually be going out

into the community to meet people
from all different backgrounds.

But, what I want to do first,
little energizer everyone, on your feet.

Now, what I want you to do is
find yourself a diversity buddy.

Now, that's someone you feel is
from a very different background to you.

There you go.

Hi...

Hello, I'm Dan.
Teggun.

Sorry?

Teggun!

Right. No English at all, eh?

Teggun.

Well, nice to meet you.

Ah...

False hand, eh?

Yep!

I anticipate the operation
going smoothly, Mr Ames,

but we may have to break
the bone to reset it again,

so that could mean an extra
couple of weeks, I'm afraid.

Well, Doctor, if it's a break
I need, it's a break I need.

And next up, a double bill
of Britain's Greatest Steam Engines,

presented by Katie Deraway.

Mmm!

Right, time's up.

So, let's pop around the room
and hear about your chats.

Now, I want to hear a few things
about your partner, but remember...

OK?

Do you want to start?
Right, well, er, this is Sue.

She has three daughters,
who she loves very much,

almost as much as she loves
Aston Villa Football Club.

And she dreams of walking
up Machu Picchu one day.

Don't we all?

Er, Dan, two things
about your partner, please.

Oh... Oh, no, I don't think
I can, so if you'd like to...

Come on, don't be shy. We'll all
have to talk over the course of the day.

OK.

Um, she's not English.
Ah, ah, ah!

No referencing backgrounds,
remember?

Yeah, but I...
Please.

I don't really know anything.
You've been chatting for 15 minutes.

Yeah, but...
Dan, please!

So... this is Teggun.

And, honestly...

I think there's something wrong with
her.

So, whilst it is important to be open
and direct, it's also important to be aware

of the impact that we can have
on other people from different groups.

I'm sure you'll get the hang of it
when we start

working through...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if I tick all these off,
will I get a certificate,

cos I've ploughed through
quite a few of these already?

Right, it's not just about
ticking things off.

It's about reaching a new level
of awareness, as I think

your little cleaner story
demonstrated. OK. I can do that.

And it's great that you want to.
Oh, God, I do!

If I nail this, me and my boss will
be

in and out of each other
like a set of Russian dolls.

And I'll have embraced diversity.

See you after lunch, Dan.

I think we're really
on to something here.

Mm-hm. It's our bravest look yet.

I'll put some more shade on
the chin. No, I do bottom half.

I decide.
No, you do eyes and hair.

It's agreement.
All right, Magda!

If you want this business to work,
you need to be more flexible.

All right, Dan? How's the course?

It's a waste of taxpayers'
money, that's what it is.

Fuck! Right?!

I mean, it's hard enough getting
Chairman Mao's look right.

Combine that with Samantha
from Sex And The City,

or, as we like to call it,
Chamantha Mao.

From Sex And City.

Bold! So bold.

I mean, you're lunatics.

What's he fucking laughing at?

Ignore him, Shakira,
you look great.

Bob? Not Bob.

Bob! No, Shakira!

You've got to get used to it!

Business going well?
Yes, it's good.

So this one's called
the Jesus To A Chiles.

Hmm.

Magda, I shouldn't ask this, I
suppose, but is there really a woman

that's going to want Adrian Chiles
and Christ combined on their face?

Yes! All women like
make-up. Do they?

Or are women doing it for men?

My husband like make-up.
I'll bet he does.

Probably because he is...

..seeking to objectify you.

Oh, Magda!

You don't need make-up!

You're beautiful without it.

Am I?

Probably.

Now, come on, let's get all
this muck off your face.

Don't worry about it.
Yeah. No, it was good, yeah.

It was totally clean. I promise you,
I've never left an 'ouse so clean.

It was a proper good job, yeah.

That's because I'm the best,
aren't I?

Excuse me...

How long have you been a
cleaner, Scott?

Donkey's years.
He's done it for ages.

He doesn't look like a bloody
chambermaid.

It's not 1913!

Get off to your festival of bumpkin, you!
Go and throw some seeds in a kid's face!

What would you use to clean
glass, Scott?

Well, um...

Just use an old avocado. He uses an
avocado, he's old-school.

That would smear, surely.
This is horse shit!

He's not a cleaner!
What, because he's a man?!

It is the 21st century,
old woman. Right, Scott?

Yeah. Right.

And you do ironing?
Of course he does ironing!

Oh, fuck, yeah. See?

What's the biggest thing
you've ever ironed, Scott?

Um, I ironed a windsock once.

He ironed a windsock once. And
they're massive, aren't they?

It was a windsock, was it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Right, if you'll forgive me, I've
got to go and finish my course now.

Very disappointed in
you two, actually.

A windsock!

Where do you want me to start?

And when you start to see
things through that prism,

you start to question...
He's a man!

Sorry?

My mum's new cleaner, he is male.

Oh! Weren't expecting that,
were we, Sue?

See what I do? I challenge. I adapt.
You're all seeing that now.

Teggun!
Thank you, Teggun.

OK. Thank you for that, Dan.

So, this afternoon, in your pairs,
we're going to be building a tower.

What? Not with cards?

It's just a little trust exercise.

Teggun can't build a card tower!

Oh, come on!
What's she going to use, this?

Oh, God!

It's about finding a balance, Dan!

Making Teggun feel like
she can't take part like that!

Mate, she's got a false hand.
She's physically challenged, yes!

But that doesn't mean you exclude
her, you adapt to her company!

Mate, I'm just being practical.
We've all got our limits.

Teggun can no more build a card
tower than I can wear a dwarf's...

..tabard?

Right, I think that's it.

I think we've reached
the end of the road, Dan.

David? What about the
community interviews?

Oh!

Teggun, what are you doing here?
I've been kicked off the course.

Go and work with Sue and Naz.
I don't want you to fail because of me.

Teggun.

What are you trying to say?

Teeeeggggguuuuun.

You're right,
I shouldn't give up.

If it's a guest he wants,
it's a guest he'll get.

Teggun!

Exactly.

Nesta, it-it's me.

I'm sorry to call you.

It's that cleaner Daniel got me.
He's taken everything!

That bloody fool!

Leave it with me, Polly.

I'll turn back now.

Thank you.

Oh!

Yeah, must be nice to get a bit
of fresh air, isn't it, mate?

Where are you taking me?
I'm meant to be resting.

Well... I just thought we could
pop out for a little bit.

Maybe we could go
to my diversity course.

What?! I've got a backless gown on.

Argh! Argh!

Oh, dear, does that hurt?

Here, let's give you some morphine.
There.

No, it's meant to be
self-regulating. Argh!

You're clearly in pain, aren't
you? Take me back!

There.

Let's pop him in.

Beugh! There's a good boy.

David's going to love this. Teggun,
we've hit the diversity mother lode.

Teggun!

Put the big glove on!

We were just driving to my local park
and this lady was in tears on a bench.

But Naz and I spoke to her and... I
wouldn't have normally.

Anyway, it turns out she's been
kicked out by her husband.

She'd only popped back to get some
more cleanser and he threw her out.

My husband say he don't like
me with no make-up.

Aww!

He say my face look like bread.

I like make-up.
And why shouldn't you?

Because my friend's friend
said it made me slut for men.

I'm back!

David, I know I've been
kicked off the course,

but I think you're
going to love this.

This is my friend Brian
and he's in a wheelchair.

That's him!

That's the man!
Magda? What are you doing here?

He is the one who forced me,
it's all his fault!

Yet again, Dan, you seem to have
misinterpreted the course.

No, I haven't, I'm nailing it.
I've got a disabled friend.

He's not disabled, he's clearly
coming round from an operation.

He is disabled,

and he's gay, which is fine,

and also, he's a mute since birth.
So you're prejudiced.

Choo-choo, move along the garden.

He's not mute! He just said,
"Choo-choo, move along the garden."

My husband kick me out
and you destroy my business!

I was liberating you.

And you haven't got a business,
you fucking nutter!

Oh, my...

Excuse me, are you Dan Davies?

Yes. Your aunt's here.

What?

I really need to go home.

I can't let you go with half a
Slim Shady Gaga, Mrs Thompson.

My business partner hasn't shown up.

I only wanted a cut and set.

Ssh! I'll give her another try.

Magda? Where the hell are you?

Are you crying?

What?

He said what?

Nesta, I don't have time for
this! I'm...

You bloody fool!

Oh my...!

What have you done?

What have I done?

You rotter.

You have hired a gangster
to clean your mother's house.

I am supposed to be dancing a jig
at the Banbury Folk Festival,

not dealing with naughty boys.

Nesta, you have to get out of here.

They won't understand this.
No-one would understand this!

Understand what?

Well, this!
This is a Banbury tradition.

Now, I am going to see your mother
and you are coming with me.

You go, I'm just going to go
and get my certificate, OK?

And then we'll...
Daniel... you can decide how,

but one way or another,

you are coming with me.

OK, guys, all right,

let's take it down a bit...
Oh, my God!

Arrgh!

Oh, he's a brave little boy,
putting up a fight.

Nesta, please!

Dan, for God's sake, stop this!
I can get you help.

Fuck off, David, she started it.

Why, there's no-one
he doesn't hate!

Leave her alone. Victim!

I live with her.
Domestic violence!

Victim!

Your mum's house has been
totally emptied, you fool!

Victim! Dan!

Dan! This is all your fault!

He's beaten up another old woman.

Victims! Plural!

Victim!

No, it's make-up.
You don't like

women wearing make-up.

Victim!

Please stop shouting "victim".
This is a misunderstanding.

Oh, Nesta, that's him.
The male cleaner.

That's the man who took
all my mum's stuff.

Trying to get other people
to do time for him.

Victim! Oi! Oi!

You're not going anywhere,
you sick bastard!

Please, oi!

Teggun!

David, you wanted to know
two things about my partner.

That is Teggun,

she is fiercely loyal,

and as it turns out,
a fucking good throw.

Now, can I have
my certificate, please?!

Victim!

Lovely lines,
confident stride from Davies here.

The big man focused,
finding his groove early on.

Now then, what's he got for
us here?

Oh, my goodness!
What's this?

He's going for it,
it's a full hip swivel!

This is going to break records!

This might be one of the most
flamboyant aisle walks I've ever seen!

The old master
back at the top of his game!

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