All language subtitles for Mad About You s01e16 Love Among The Tiles.eng

I wanna be a part of it

New York, New York

Hurry it up, Frank.
I don't want to be late.

Murray, that is just so disgusting.
Come on. Come on.

- What time are we supposed to be there?
- Oh, ten minutes ago.

I really don't understand why
we have to spend Valentine's Day...

with Mark and Fran
and their devil child.

Because Fran lives
for Valentine's Day.

She likes to invite
all of her unattached friends...

- and, you know, attach them.
- I know, but we're already attached.

Exactly. We're the happy couple.
We're the role models.

- We are?
- Yeah.

That's the saddest thing
I've ever heard.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

Uh-oh, right now you are
married to the wrong guy.

Tell me why
I love you like I do

Tell me who
can start my heart as much as you

Let's take each other's hand

As we jump into
the final frontier

I'm mad about you, baby

Yeah

I'm mad about you

- What did you do?
- I didn't do anything.

It just came off in my hand.

All right. You know what?
I can do this.

This is a doable thing
that can be done by me.

Go give me...
give me some tweezers.

- Straight or angle?
- Honey.

Oh, and give me a Q-Tip, please.

- What are you gonna do with a Q-Tip?
- I got water in my ear.

- Is it working?
- No, I still hear like a sloshing thing.

No, this is not working.
You have bobby pins?

- No.
- Floss?

- Floss?
- Yeah.

I once saw a MacGyver episode
where he escaped from a missile silo...

- just using floss.
- I found floss.

- Waxed?
- Yeah.

No good.

Tell you what. Just get me the inner
cardboard roll from the toilet paper...

three Band-Aids,
a razor and two emery boards.

- What are you gonna do?
- Make us a plane and fly us outta here.

- This will never work, and I'm freezing.
- Here, here, try these.

- Hey, who put this in the hamper?
- I did.

This is still good!

How do you feel about
knocking the door down?

- Go for it.
- I meant you.

Oh. That's very different.

- No, forget it. You'll kill yourself.
- Hey, I work out.

This building is still better built
than you. You're gonna hurt yourself.

I hurt myself.

- You know what the problem is?
- You're a man, it's a door?

No. I can't get up enough...

You know, I can't move back far...
Well, no guy could, really.

There's no room to back up far enough
to get a good running start.

Can't you just get up speed
by running around in circles?

That's truly the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

- Why?
- Because... Circle... You can't...

It could work.

Let me try. Watch out.

I'm serious.
Get out of the way. Seriously.

Jamie promised to come early
and help make the passion punch.

Uh-huh. Everyone always thinks
Jamie's the dependable one...

- but you notice who's here on time.
- Yeah.

Well, she could have
at least called.

Well, maybe you should call her.

Or not.

Everyone always thinks
I'm the screw-up...

just because I don't have
a job or a relationship...

and high school was
the worst five years of my life.

But tonight could be
your lucky night...

because Fran is a genius
when it comes to fix-ups.

You'll see. I invited a lot of nice,
successful single men.

In other words,
no one my type. Thank you.

What, you couldn't find one neurotic,
unemployed gay guy?

- George Cavanaugh. Sure!
- She'll love him.

This is ridiculous.
Where is everyone?

If we had the radio on too loud,
they'd be here in three seconds.

We're gonna miss Fran's party.

What is the big deal
with Valentine's Day?

You know,
it's a made-up holiday.

Nobody even knows who
this St. Valentine guy was.

He was a Roman priest
who defended the Christians...

and was beheaded by Claudius II
on February 14, 269 A.D.

Yeah, I know, but when did the little
candy hearts with the messages come in?

In the middle of the 16th Century.
The Prussians made...

All right!
But the point is...

The point is, I resent being told
when to be romantic.

Why should I love you any more
in the middle of February...

than I would on,
say, August 21 st?

To me, every day with you
is Valentine's Day.

- You forgot to buy me a card.
- Is what I'm saying.

I have an idea.

Wait a second.
Here's what you need.

This.

I hate this apartment.

It's a shame 'cause it doesn't
look like were movin too soon.

Hey, honey, let's just
throw something out the window.

- No! You'll kill somebody!
- I just want to get their attention.

What's the good of getting the attention
of somebody you've concussed into a coma?

- Concussed?
- Concussed. Yeah. To give a concussion.

To cause to be concussed.

That's a word.
You could look it up.

Why don't we just drop something,
but wrap it up to cushion it?

See, now you're thinkin'.
Now you're very smart.

- I'm Mrs. MacGyver.
- Exactly.

This way, it's weighted,
but padded.

So there's no guilt,
no injuries, no lawsuits.

Hey! There's our little Cupid!

And who knows where
his love arrows will land?

Ryan!

You know, I bet Paul
talked Jamie out of coming.

- He does that.
- Oh, you're telling me.

Just because they get married, they think
they have to spend all this time together.

Look at these girls.

Those breasts are not real.

Good for you. You just figured out
Victoria's big secret.

Well, I think it's just wrong.

You know what?
This is really fun.

It's like painting
on a little, tiny canvas.

- Honey, do you think she's sexy?
- No.

Oh, come on.

No. Really, no.

Truly, she just doesn't
do anything for me.

What am I, stupid?

You mean you never fantasize
about me in one of these outfits?

Sweetie, right now my biggest fantasy
would be you in a tool belt...

on the other side
of this door.

- Good work.
- What?

Didn't you just give him
a phone number?

Yeah, for my therapist.

So you'll have
something in common.

I can't believe
they're not here yet.

First she twists my arm
to come to this lousy party...

and then she leaves me here
to suffer alone.

Paul and Jamie canceled on us
three times in the last month.

They're always dumping me.

That's it.
I am never calling them again.

Me neither.

Come on, guys. Give 'em a break.
It's Valentine's Day.

They're probably in each other's arms,
happily locked away somewhere.

One, two...

I don't wanna!
I changed my mind!

Chicken.

I can't believe we missed Fran's party.
She's gonna kill me.

Good. She'll have to
open the door to do it.

You know, these catalog boys,
they're not so hot.

You think this guy's
good-looking?

Yes.

Really?

He's not better looking than me.
He's just better dressed.

I'm like one good pair of chinos away
from being this guy.

I can't believe they haven't
come looking for us.

If Lisa, Mark or Fran were supposed to
show up here, you'd go looking for them.

Actually...

I mean, what kind of friends
do we have?

We obviously have
very bad friends.

Oh, thank God!

Tums!

Did you just thank God
for antacids?

These have precious nutrients.

Their bodies were found dead,
but mysteriously loaded with calcium.

Okay, there's eleven.
That's five for you and six for me.

- How do you figure that?
- I found them.

They were in the medicine cabinet.
It's not like you had to hunt for them...

and kill them
with your bare hands.

- You want yours now or later?
- Just, you know...

Just give me one
'cause we should space these out.

Good idea.

It's like
Swiss Family Robinson.

Except for our families aren't here
and we're not named Robinson.

And frankly,
we're not so Swiss.

Oh, honey, we'll get out of here.
Don't cry.

That wasn't me.
I thought that was you.

- Murray! Oh, Murray!
- I forgot all about him.

- Murray will save us.
- How?

Oh, good boy!
Good boy.

Oh, I really hope that's Murray.

Good boy. Good boy.
Listen.

Murray, we need you
to go get help.

- Oh, come on.
- He can do this.

Murray, all you gotta do is
go to the front door, okay?

And use your paws
to turn the knob...

and go down the hall to the elevator
and push the button with your nose.

Then get in the elevator
and you press L for lobby.

Right. L for lobby.
And then you go down to the lobby...

and you go
to the doorman, Eddie.

You know Eddie.
Yeah, that's right.

He smells like wool,
and he's got... the epaulettes.

And you tell him the Buchmans
are trapped in 11 -D.

Honey, you're talking to Murray.

He gets confused playing fetch.

Don't you listen to her, Murray.
You can do it.

You wanna go over it
one more time?

Oh, look, he's going.
He understood. Good boy! Good...

Oh, bad boy. Bad!

- Go! Go get help!
- He's so dumb.

- He's not dumb.
- I love him, but he's dumb.

- Scared of his own shadow and dumb.
- He's just getting back at us...

for all the times we made him him wait
to go out and we didn't feed him on time.

That's right, honey.
I'm sure he's motivated by revenge.

Face it. We're never
getting out of here.

We're marooned in
the middle of ten million people.

It's ironic.
It's like a desert island...

but with tiling.

Did you ever make up a list of the books
you'd like to take to a desert island?

You know what I don't understand
about that list?

Is it supposed to be books that
you love? Your favorite books?

Or books you always wanted to read,
but never got a chance?

Boy, is my tongue chalky.

'Cause now you're on a desert island,
you got nothing but time.

But if you don't like the books,
then you're stuck.

You wish you brought your favorites.
It's a conundrum.

- I have to go to the bathroom.
- So?

So I can't.

Actually, that's the one thing
you can do in this room.

Not with you here.

- Oh, stop it. We're married.
- No.

- Come on. I do it in front of you.
- I know, and I hate it.

- I did not know that.
- Well, now you do.

Hey, we're gonna be together forever.
It's gonna happen eventually.

Not if I can help it.
Now get in the tub...

plug your ears,
pull the curtain and sing.

Sing? Sing what?

- I don't care. Whatever you want.
- Do you have any requests?

Something loud
and up tempo.

- Perhaps a show stopper?
- Yes. And hurry.

- How about Brigadoon?
- Fine.

I don't really know
Brigadoon.

- I don't care.
- I know King and I.

- Just sing!
- All righty.

What are you staring at there?

- My pores.
- What pores?

I've been enjoying your face
for several years.

I never once
noticed any pores.

That's because I take care of them
before they become noticeable.

- Oh, right. The Incredible Hulk mask.
- Yeah.

- You wanna try it?
- Thank you, no.

You should, you know.
You could use it.

- What do you mean?
- I mean you have clogged pores.

- Since when?
- Since I met you.

- How come you never said anything?
- Because I love you.

- Let me give you a facial.
- Really? No.

- Come on. You'll enjoy it.
- I don't think so.

- Come on.
- I'm already not enjoying it.

Oh, good.

Relax!

Boy, this is bringing back some
very painful childhood memories.

What, did your parents punish you
by giving you a facial?

No, my sisters.
When I was little...

they used to practice
putting makeup on me.

Really?
Did they dress you up too?

Just once. And I was damn cute,
I'll tell you that.

What is in this stuff?

"Aloe, lemon, avocado."

Oh, my God.

Tastes very much
like chicken.

- Why don't you just call them?
- No.

I had Jamie every year to this party
when she was single...

and this is the thanks I get.

Hey, looks like
Lisa found somebody.

It's great to finally meet you.
Fran has not stopped raving about you.

Really? Well, it's nice
to meet you too.

So tell me, what's it like
breeding racehorses?

I don't know. Fun?

Well, from what Fran says,
fun's your middle name.

- What's my first name?
- Stephanie.

No. Lisa.

Oh! Fran told me
all about you too.

Excuse me.

- Wanna play hangman again?
- No, I don't wanna play any more games.

Is your foot asleep?

My... My foot, my leg
and my right buttock.

Honey, I'm bored.
You know, I'm really, really bored.

Well, what do you want?
We've played every game.

We've read everything
there is to read.

We've counted the tiles 11 times.

What else is there
left to do?

You wanna?

I don't know.
You wanna?

If you wanna.

Now what are we gonna do?

I don't know.
What do you want to do?

Anything that takes
more than five minutes.

Okay, so the earth
didn't move.

The bath mat
didn't even move.

I told you.
My leg was half asleep.

You're right, honey.
I'm sorry. It's all my fault.

All right.

- Sweetie?
- Hmm?

- Do you have any more Tums?
- Yes.

- But I'm saving them.
- But I'm really hungry.

Well, you should have thought of that
while you were scarfing down yours.

But no, you wanted to eat them
right away, so now...

Give me a Tums
or I'll leave you.

Lisa, will you please mingle?
You're bringing down my average.

I appreciate what you're trying
to do, but it's hopeless.

We have got to work
on that negative attitude.

I am taking you on
as a personal challenge.

Thanks, but I think I'll go cry at
Paul and Jamie's, then I'll head home.

You don't have a Valentine!
You don't have a Valentine!

Oh, Ryan, please have
some compassion.

Ryan! What did I tell you
about arrows and eyes?

I'm Andrew.

I'm Lisa.

Do you like carriage rides
through Central Park, Lisa?

I love them.

Especially
when I'm with someone.

I don't think I've ever stared at you
for this many hours in a row before.

- And?
- We may be pushing it.

- Was that your last one?
- Yes, it was.

- I guess you got your wish.
- What wish?

- No Valentine's Day.
- I never said I didn't want Valentine's Day.

I just said I don't need the chocolates
and the flowers and the big fuzzy cards.

Last year you gave me chocolates
and flowers, and we went dancing.

- Yeah, 'cause I was still wooing you.
- And now?

Now I got you.

Don't you understand?
That's why guys get married.

So they can stop wooing.
It's exhausting to woo.

You know, you woo,
you woo and you woo...

and then you gotta go, "Whoa."

Still...

Come on, Jamie.

You know I love you, right?

Yes, I know, but once in a while
it would be nice...

to have some
grand romantic gesture.

A well-doneJohn's Pizza
with garlic.

Two. We'll get two.
One for each of us.

- We'll stuff ourselves till we're sick.
- We can't get sick.

We got enough antacid in us
to eat an entire deli.

Murray? What...
How did you...

- Mark, it's Murray!
- Our accountant?

What the hell's he doing here
at this hour?

Murray, what happened?

Where are Paul and Jamie?

They're where? In the well?

- In the mine shaft?
- They don't go to bars.

Mark, please!
Murray, go on.

Oh, my God. Paul and Jamie
are trapped in the classroom.

In the bathroom?

Paul and Jamie are trapped
in their bathroom?

Okay. Let's go, Murray.
You lead the way.

In front!

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