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[HE GROANS]
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[HE SIGHS]
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- [MOTOR RUNS]
- [HE MOANS]
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[SCREECHES TO HALT]
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You were joking, then,
about the helmets?
6
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- Yeah, Ewan, we were.
- Right.
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- Oh, we need more cups.
- Or do we need a second dishwasher?
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Then you have a clean dishwasher
and a dirty dishwasher.
9
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:53,092
You take from the clean,
use it, put it in the dirty.
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Replace all the cupboards
with dishwashers.
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Watto, please don't replace all
our cupboards with dishwashers.
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- What's this?
- Oh, it's from our old school.
13
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They want me to go back
there and talk to the kids.
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- Some sort of inspirational thing.
- They asked you?
15
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Where's mine?
16
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I didn't get anything.
Why didn't I get anything?
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I'm the inspirational one, me.
18
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No. I'm not going to do it anyway.
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I need to focus on work.
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[DOORBELL RINGS URGENTLY]
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I'll go.
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He can't replace all our cupboards
with dishwashers, can he?
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Pants on, fuckers. Party's over.
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- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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- She wasn't due until Thursday.
- I know when she was due, Ewan.
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I put it on my calendar.
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'Thursday 4th, meeting with
hair-flicking cyborg maniac.'
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Don't leave me alone with
her. I feel she is quite
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severely immune to my
freewheeling charms.
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Boys. I can handle Casey. I'm the
horse whisperer, remember?
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Whisper, whisper, whisper, neigh.
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[HE CLEARS THROAT]
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So, Casey, how long are you thinking
of staying, just for our diaries?
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Two days. In and out, quick trip.
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There you go, Leon. Josh.
36
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- Thank you.
- Watto.
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Last but not least, Bewan.
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Okay, here's the toast.
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The real work starts now.
40
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I mean, literally right now,
and I mean this so literally
41
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we don't even have time
to drink our champagne.
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And do you know why else?
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Because we're at work,
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and we don't drink at work.
45
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So, let's just dump it
all right in the bucket.
46
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Um...
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There you go, in, all the way.
48
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Okay, excellent, good.
49
00:02:59,411 --> 00:03:01,146
Can I just ask a question?
50
00:03:01,266 --> 00:03:03,458
Why is it that you're
being not nice to us?
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Great question, happy to answer.
52
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Who knows...
53
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This word?
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- Boss.
- Good.
55
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Who's had a boss before?
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I... Yeah, I worked in
a video shop once.
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- Okay, and what was that boss like?
- A bit of a shit actually.
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Hmm, "bit of a shit actually."
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- Yeah.
- Great job, Bewan.
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And now, you work on a dairy farm.
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And who knows what kind of cows
we raise on our dairy farm?
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- Friesians.
- Cash cows.
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And who knows what comes
out of a cash cow when
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you squirt their juicy
little pink teats?
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- Money milk.
- Money milk.
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Good for you, Watto.
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So, I want you to all start thinking...
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... about this.
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- _
- No, no way.
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We always said we would
never do any sequels.
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All right, they are creatively bankrupt.
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Cat Factory 2.
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We're going to juice this franchise
like a sun-ripened London orange.
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Yeah, we don't really have those here.
75
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Leon promised 13% growth. I mean...
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00:04:03,571 --> 00:04:05,410
You're committed to 13% growth.
77
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Are we?
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00:04:07,771 --> 00:04:10,802
Josh, it's 13%, it's nothing,
it's like this much.
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I didn't know it was 13%. I
did not know it was 13 percent.
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Okay, so, you'll, you'll get your 13%,
81
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but we're going to do it our
way. New games, new ideas.
82
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Well, let's keep talking.
83
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So long as you do your jobs, right?
84
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Every day, in your holding pens,
from the hours of 9am to 6pm.
85
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I have, er, band practice later.
86
00:04:27,611 --> 00:04:29,410
I always have band
practice on a Tuesday.
87
00:04:29,411 --> 00:04:31,850
Well, you have to take that
out of your vacation days.
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I'm... I'm, er, heading out too.
I'm going back to my old school
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to speak to the kids,
give something back.
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Take it out of your vacation days.
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I have a lunch meeting.
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Is anyone planning on
doing any actual work
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- today?
- I'll be here.
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Not that it counts for much.
Office may as well be empty.
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Right, well, I'm going to
poke around a little bit,
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get my feelers out.
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I'm sorry, is she calling me Bewan?
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Look, it's fine, we'll
just keep it normal
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for the next 48 hours and she's gone.
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Where's the dildo?
101
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The office dildo, where is it?
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You had it.
103
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I left it on your desk.
104
00:05:05,691 --> 00:05:08,410
I mean, I dipped it in Hamas
and left it in the fridge,
105
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but that was weeks ago.
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Great! Great. So, the new boss is here
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and we can't account
for the office dildo.
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It's not even a name.
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Bewan.
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[MUSIC]: Cash Money by Fantastic Four
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Right, now, who can tell me how we might
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determine the value of
Faraday's constant?
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- [HELICOPTER APPROACHES]
- Anyone?
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[HELICOPTER BLADES SPIN]
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[SHOUTING OVER NOISE]: What are you
doing? You can't put this here!
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Leon Harbour, I'm here
to talk to the kids!
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I wasn't expecting you!
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00:06:03,491 --> 00:06:06,116
Yet here I am, descended from the skies
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00:06:06,236 --> 00:06:07,811
to inspire a generation!
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00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:09,503
Shall we head in?
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00:06:12,691 --> 00:06:14,530
Hands up who's got a degree.
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Come on, teachers, don't be shy.
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Great, well done, you.
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Now, hands up who has a helicopter.
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Me. I do. I have a helicopter.
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Agusta AW109 E metallic
silver with the red stripe,
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white leather interior, ample legroom...
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Absolutely...
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Ample.
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00:06:36,278 --> 00:06:38,103
Now, who likes helicopters?
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Everyone.
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Everyone likes helicopters,
because helicopters are great.
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You, madam, what's your degree in?
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- Politics.
- Oh, wow, thumbs up.
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00:06:48,691 --> 00:06:50,554
And how quick can your degree in
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00:06:50,674 --> 00:06:52,381
politics get you to, say, Cornwall?
137
00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:55,970
I don't think I understand the question.
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Cornwall, one hour, 30.
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Silverstone, half an hour.
140
00:07:00,411 --> 00:07:02,970
The Isle of Wight, 30 minutes.
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It is fast, it's easy, it's luxurious.
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Because I went to this school,
and there was one teacher, and I
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know for a fact he's still teaching
here because I looked him up.
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00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:16,290
He's out there hiding
at the back somewhere.
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00:07:16,291 --> 00:07:18,610
And he told me a lot of things.
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00:07:18,611 --> 00:07:20,610
He told me I was lazy.
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Told me I was a show-off.
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He told me I couldn't make a bong
for my GCSE ceramics project,
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but the one thing he never told me
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is that there is no correlation
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whatsoever between getting a degree
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00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:34,470
- _
- and getting a helicopter.
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00:07:34,590 --> 00:07:35,738
_
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So, here's my advice.
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Do what you want.
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00:07:41,439 --> 00:07:43,678
Listen to music, play games,
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be with your friends.
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Fall in love.
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And if they say you can't make a bong...
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Fuck it.
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Make a lampshade instead and
put a big, fat stem hole on the side.
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- Now...
- [LAUGHTER]
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Who wants to see ?50,000?
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[EXCITED BUZZ]
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MUSIC: Strange Combinations by Teleman
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Abi...
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What are you doing here?
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00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,239
Getting my lunch, like I usually do.
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00:08:21,359 --> 00:08:24,010
- Shouldn't you be at work?
- Nah, I'm not stressing about it.
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00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:25,908
Just getting a coffee, reading Tintin
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00:08:26,028 --> 00:08:28,290
- in the original Belgian French.
- Oh.
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00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:29,995
And while I've got you...
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- Happy birthday.
- Aw.
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- Oh, my God.
- I got your head 3-D printed.
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- That is so freaky.
- I know.
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Only took me a couple of old
photographs. You know, it
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- wasn't even that expensive.
- Well, that's something.
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00:08:43,811 --> 00:08:45,917
Yeah. Because... No, because don't you
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00:08:46,037 --> 00:08:48,010
remember, you always
wanted your own homunculus?
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00:08:48,011 --> 00:08:50,175
- Yeah, no, not really.
- You definitely did.
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00:08:50,295 --> 00:08:51,506
No, you were definitely always like,
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'Oh, I'd love to have a
little doll of myself, '
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00:08:53,573 --> 00:08:55,715
so I got you a body to go with it.
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- [SHE EXHALES]
- You know, I just thought
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00:08:57,921 --> 00:08:59,331
if there's some way we
could maybe attach the two,
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00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:02,276
then we've got ourselves little Abi.
'What's going on? My name's Abi.'
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00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:04,098
That is easily the most
nightmarish gift I've
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00:09:04,218 --> 00:09:06,610
- been given today.
- Then my work here is done.
189
00:09:06,611 --> 00:09:09,130
- Hey. Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, Greg.
190
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,181
This is Josh. Josh, Greg.
191
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:12,428
- Ah.
- Hey.
192
00:09:12,548 --> 00:09:14,930
Current boyfriend, ex-boyfriend.
193
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:17,592
Only one thing in common: my vagina.
194
00:09:20,307 --> 00:09:22,170
- Bit much, that.
- Abi, it's fine.
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00:09:22,171 --> 00:09:24,497
- We're adults. Right, bro?
- Yeah, bro.
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00:09:24,617 --> 00:09:25,730
Yeah.
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00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,010
I mean, we're very adults.
198
00:09:28,011 --> 00:09:31,170
Josh got my head 3-D
printed for my birthday.
199
00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:35,770
- I didn't know it was your birthday.
- October 19th, same every year.
200
00:09:35,771 --> 00:09:37,609
Yeah, I've been in Canada doing
201
00:09:37,729 --> 00:09:39,811
- a little bike ride.
- Oh, come on.
202
00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:43,477
He basically cycled the
whole of Canada for charity.
203
00:09:44,091 --> 00:09:45,352
Wow.
204
00:09:45,472 --> 00:09:46,851
Well done, you.
205
00:09:46,971 --> 00:09:48,650
And well done on your cat game thing.
206
00:09:48,651 --> 00:09:51,155
I haven't had a chance to play
it. Haven't really had time,
207
00:09:51,275 --> 00:09:53,170
you know, like, pedal,
pedal, pedal. [HE LAUGHS]
208
00:09:53,171 --> 00:09:54,758
But, yeah... It's great.
209
00:09:54,878 --> 00:09:55,968
Cool.
210
00:09:56,651 --> 00:10:00,010
Okay, well, I'm going to
take my assorted body parts,
211
00:10:00,011 --> 00:10:02,250
and say farewell. Thank you.
212
00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:04,143
And enjoy your...
213
00:10:04,385 --> 00:10:05,771
Tintin.
214
00:10:05,891 --> 00:10:07,543
I will enjoy my Tintin.
215
00:10:15,462 --> 00:10:17,918
Thanks for that. It was, er...
216
00:10:18,038 --> 00:10:20,290
I suppose, aspirational, to a point.
217
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:22,890
Oh, where is he, then,
Mr. Young, where's he hiding?
218
00:10:22,891 --> 00:10:25,290
Sadly Kelvin's off sick.
219
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,669
Kidding. He missed the whole thing.
220
00:10:28,291 --> 00:10:29,770
[HE SIGHS]
221
00:10:29,771 --> 00:10:31,490
What's his address?
222
00:10:31,491 --> 00:10:33,604
- [BEEP]
- Scramble the chopper.
223
00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:37,210
God, I need this,
224
00:10:37,211 --> 00:10:40,650
just blast out some horrible
thrashcore for two hours.
225
00:10:40,651 --> 00:10:42,170
Your new kit?
226
00:10:42,171 --> 00:10:43,650
Quite big, isn't it?
227
00:10:43,651 --> 00:10:46,090
[HE LAUGHS] It's massive.
228
00:10:46,091 --> 00:10:49,370
Yeah. Congas, four rack toms...
229
00:10:50,811 --> 00:10:53,171
I don't even know how
to use this. [HE LAUGHS]
230
00:10:53,291 --> 00:10:55,254
And then, for my big finish...
231
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:57,730
[GONG BANGS]
232
00:10:57,731 --> 00:10:59,050
[ENORMOUS REVERB]
233
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,930
[REVERB CONTINUES TO FADE]
234
00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:08,785
Look, can we...?
235
00:11:14,491 --> 00:11:15,910
Listen, Watto,
236
00:11:16,030 --> 00:11:17,691
we should have a little talk.
237
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,890
In terms of The Steel Bastards
and where we're headed.
238
00:11:20,891 --> 00:11:22,766
- Sure, what's the plan?
- It's just...
239
00:11:22,886 --> 00:11:24,450
We feel a bit weird.
240
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,810
About some of the lyrics, you know?
241
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,370
'The daily grind, a bacon rind.
242
00:11:29,371 --> 00:11:31,490
'The men in the suits can be so unkind.
243
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,450
'Bear in mind I'm colourblind.
244
00:11:33,451 --> 00:11:35,256
'Your green and gold
won't change my mind...'
245
00:11:35,376 --> 00:11:37,035
- ... "My mind." Yeah.
- Yeah.
246
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,930
Bacon Grinder, that's a good tune.
247
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:40,821
Yeah, but it is me singing that
248
00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:42,382
and there's you on the drums.
249
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,043
A multimillionaire.
250
00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:45,930
Yeah, but I'm not one of them.
251
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,949
- I'm not a sell-out.
- But you did though,
252
00:11:48,069 --> 00:11:50,079
sell out, in terms of...
253
00:11:50,199 --> 00:11:51,253
Selling out.
254
00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:53,370
Well, I sold out in terms
of selling out, yeah,
255
00:11:53,371 --> 00:11:56,570
but not in terms of
selling out to The Man.
256
00:11:56,571 --> 00:12:00,010
- If anything I sold out to a woman.
- It's just not very punk, is it?
257
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,768
With your higher tax band.
258
00:12:02,531 --> 00:12:04,490
Well, what if I didn't pay my taxes?
259
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:07,076
That'd be a bit more
punk. Bit more edgy.
260
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:10,450
Oh, except that would make
me more like Starbucks.
261
00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:13,427
Oh, what if I paid too much tax?
262
00:12:14,139 --> 00:12:15,570
- [HE SIGHS]
- Fine.
263
00:12:15,571 --> 00:12:17,250
And, erm...
264
00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:19,010
Do you all feel the same?
265
00:12:19,011 --> 00:12:20,175
Bunny?
266
00:12:21,211 --> 00:12:22,413
Madman?
267
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:26,810
Fine. I'll...
268
00:12:28,091 --> 00:12:29,890
... start packing up my stuff.
269
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,315
You can keep the congas.
270
00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:34,490
- Actually...
- Fine! I'll take the congas!
271
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,444
[DOORBELL RINGS]
272
00:12:40,851 --> 00:12:44,222
Jesus Christ, could you live
any further away from a helipad?
273
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:45,883
Leon.
274
00:12:46,211 --> 00:12:47,311
Harper.
275
00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:50,290
- Year Nine.
- What do you want?
276
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,670
I'm here to do an
assembly, motherfucker.
277
00:12:53,291 --> 00:12:55,114
So, no spoilers, but do
you remember when you
278
00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:57,010
said I was lazy and lacked focus?
279
00:12:57,011 --> 00:12:59,290
Not specifically, but, sure.
280
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:02,010
Well, there's been a bit
of an update on that front.
281
00:13:02,011 --> 00:13:04,804
I'll give you a clue. It
rhymes with pelicopter.
282
00:13:06,571 --> 00:13:09,059
So, hands up who has a degree.
283
00:13:11,531 --> 00:13:14,455
Good. Hands up who has a helicopter.
284
00:13:15,571 --> 00:13:17,170
Me. I do.
285
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,221
Augusta AW109 E,
286
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,091
metallic silver with the red stripe.
287
00:13:23,211 --> 00:13:26,438
- White leather interior, ample legroom.
- [PILL HOLDER OPENS]
288
00:13:27,851 --> 00:13:29,570
Are you all right?
289
00:13:29,571 --> 00:13:30,868
Put it this way.
290
00:13:30,988 --> 00:13:32,768
Hands up who has cancer.
291
00:13:33,651 --> 00:13:35,695
Me. I do.
292
00:13:37,091 --> 00:13:38,350
Really, like...?
293
00:13:38,470 --> 00:13:40,855
- Which one?
- You know the good one?
294
00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:43,090
The one that gives you a giant dick?
295
00:13:43,091 --> 00:13:45,210
I have the other one.
296
00:13:45,211 --> 00:13:47,170
But, please...
297
00:13:47,171 --> 00:13:49,010
Tell me all about your helicopter.
298
00:13:49,011 --> 00:13:50,210
I'm all ears.
299
00:13:58,709 --> 00:14:00,960
She can't make us do a sequel, can she?
300
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,943
Once you've perfected the physics
301
00:14:03,063 --> 00:14:04,903
modelling of a plummeting mouse,
302
00:14:05,023 --> 00:14:07,529
and I have, it does become a
bit of an existential grind.
303
00:14:07,649 --> 00:14:09,308
Ewan, I need you to sync the control
304
00:14:09,428 --> 00:14:10,889
version right now, if you please.
305
00:14:11,009 --> 00:14:13,264
Here we go again, syncing
the control versions.
306
00:14:13,384 --> 00:14:16,567
This is my one outlet,
you know. My music.
307
00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:18,866
You should try squash,
it's very cathartic.
308
00:14:18,986 --> 00:14:21,471
Watto, if you want a band, just buy one.
309
00:14:22,191 --> 00:14:23,390
Buy a band?
310
00:14:23,391 --> 00:14:25,320
He's right, you probably couldn't
311
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,668
buy Coldplay or the
Counting Crows, but...
312
00:14:27,788 --> 00:14:30,581
Weezer, I bet you could
buy yourself Weezer.
313
00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:32,299
Sack the drummer, take over.
314
00:14:32,419 --> 00:14:36,790
That is actually a seriously
hard-core, intriguing idea.
315
00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:38,104
There he is.
316
00:14:38,224 --> 00:14:41,371
- Greg. Abi's new boyfriend.
- Crikey.
317
00:14:41,491 --> 00:14:44,870
- He cycled the whole of Canada!
- Yeah, exactly.
318
00:14:44,871 --> 00:14:46,630
What kind of wanker does that?
319
00:14:46,631 --> 00:14:51,088
Oh, a really charitable one,
with a great bike and...
320
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,764
- ... really quite soft eyes.
- Well, much doffing
321
00:14:54,884 --> 00:14:56,950
- of caps to Sir Gregory.
- Don't doff!
322
00:14:56,951 --> 00:14:59,470
- Don't doff to him, Ewan.
- Sorry, didn't think.
323
00:14:59,471 --> 00:15:02,645
No, look, I'm not jealous,
all right? I'm not jealous.
324
00:15:02,765 --> 00:15:04,950
And you're right, good
on him. Well done, Greg.
325
00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:07,170
You know, just to show
there's no hard feelings.
326
00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:09,130
60 grand.
327
00:15:09,131 --> 00:15:10,370
Done.
328
00:15:10,371 --> 00:15:12,250
Yeah, that will show him...
329
00:15:12,251 --> 00:15:14,850
For having sex with the girl
you're still in love with.
330
00:15:14,851 --> 00:15:16,130
[DOOR OPENS]
331
00:15:16,131 --> 00:15:17,822
Oh, Josh, while I'm here.
332
00:15:17,942 --> 00:15:20,130
I'm going to be temporarily
commandeering your office.
333
00:15:20,131 --> 00:15:23,290
- Right, can you do that?
- I don't know, can you stop me?
334
00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:25,597
Er, I'm not sure. I don't think so.
335
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,848
Well, then, looks like
it. This goes in here.
336
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,856
Ewan, what are you doing right now?
337
00:15:29,976 --> 00:15:32,330
Me? Oh, oh.
338
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:33,719
- Nothing much.
- Great.
339
00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:35,934
Then you can help Naomi
get my office all set up.
340
00:15:36,054 --> 00:15:39,370
Er, Ewan, weren't you supposed to
synchronise the control version?
341
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:41,530
He's right, I am doing
something, actually.
342
00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:43,678
- Then why did you say you weren't?
- No idea.
343
00:15:43,798 --> 00:15:45,287
I think it's just a reflex.
344
00:15:45,407 --> 00:15:47,130
'What you doing?' 'Oh, nothing.'�
345
00:15:47,231 --> 00:15:49,190
Think I don't want to
seem too braggy, like,
346
00:15:49,191 --> 00:15:51,230
'Oh, get me, I'm so busy.'
347
00:15:51,231 --> 00:15:53,950
- Bedwetting Hugh Grant fuck.
- Say again?
348
00:15:53,951 --> 00:15:56,270
Oh, no, no, nothing, it's fine, Bewan.
349
00:15:58,751 --> 00:15:59,990
Hmm.
350
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:02,034
Doesn't feel like I'm
making the greatest
351
00:16:02,154 --> 00:16:04,070
of first impressions on the new boss.
352
00:16:07,151 --> 00:16:09,510
But thankfully, the chorus
of dissenting voices
353
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,510
has convinced me otherwise!
354
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:13,550
Hooray for Bewan.
355
00:16:13,551 --> 00:16:15,670
Erm, well, in terms of flying times,
356
00:16:15,671 --> 00:16:18,430
you can go to Cornwall in an hour 30.
357
00:16:18,431 --> 00:16:19,950
Why have you got the money?
358
00:16:19,951 --> 00:16:21,870
Oh, erm...
359
00:16:21,871 --> 00:16:24,959
At the end, I was going to
take out 50 grand in cash.
360
00:16:25,391 --> 00:16:27,012
What are you going to do with it?
361
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,750
I was going to...
362
00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:31,630
Like, flop it around in your face.
363
00:16:31,631 --> 00:16:33,679
- Go on, then?
- I can't do that.
364
00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:35,390
Are you taking pity on me, son?
365
00:16:35,391 --> 00:16:38,630
No, I'm just not flopping 50
grand in a poorly man's face.
366
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,190
Come on, big man. Let's see it.
367
00:16:41,191 --> 00:16:44,870
Or do you not have the bottle?
Do you not have the focus?
368
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,623
All right, OK.
369
00:16:49,671 --> 00:16:51,230
Come on, flop it around!
370
00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:57,823
Not like that. I want
to feel it on my cheeks.
371
00:17:08,351 --> 00:17:10,190
Disgusting.
372
00:17:10,191 --> 00:17:12,824
Waving your cash in a dying man's face.
373
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,910
- You know what? Forget it.
- I was kidding! Jesus.
374
00:17:15,911 --> 00:17:18,510
Maybe spend some of that lottery
money on a sense of humour.
375
00:17:18,511 --> 00:17:21,326
I didn't win the lottery, OK?
I earned this, I deserve it.
376
00:17:21,446 --> 00:17:23,790
- Oh, is that right?
- Well, you don't think I deserve it?
377
00:17:23,791 --> 00:17:25,773
I have no idea, son.
378
00:17:25,893 --> 00:17:29,245
On the evidence of today, probably not.
379
00:17:30,231 --> 00:17:32,190
Well, that's it, you're coming with me.
380
00:17:32,191 --> 00:17:34,630
I'll show you what I've done.
Re-scramble the chopper.
381
00:17:36,391 --> 00:17:37,630
Come on!
382
00:17:39,071 --> 00:17:42,630
Listening, watching the
voice of no reason
383
00:17:46,591 --> 00:17:50,150
Sit with the tube cos her
voice gets you high...
384
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,054
This...
385
00:17:53,453 --> 00:17:55,111
This is what I made.
386
00:17:55,231 --> 00:17:58,750
And all these people are working
on your little cat flaps game?
387
00:17:58,751 --> 00:18:02,710
It's not about cat flaps,
mate. Factory, Cat Factory.
388
00:18:02,711 --> 00:18:04,030
Awards.
389
00:18:04,031 --> 00:18:06,750
They have awards for
people who make cat games?
390
00:18:06,751 --> 00:18:09,110
I mean, what's so impressive
to me is you can make
391
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:12,092
so much money out of
something so... no offence...
392
00:18:12,212 --> 00:18:13,630
Banal.
393
00:18:13,631 --> 00:18:17,030
Because, no disrespect, it's
hardly Salisbury Cathedral.
394
00:18:17,031 --> 00:18:20,030
Fuck Salisbury Cathedral! I could
buy Salisbury Cathedral like that.
395
00:18:20,031 --> 00:18:21,670
OK, son.
396
00:18:21,671 --> 00:18:24,537
- You couldn't buy Salisbury Cathedral.
- You don't think I could
397
00:18:24,657 --> 00:18:26,401
- buy Salisbury Cathedral?
- No, I don't.
398
00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:29,030
OK, we'll see who can and
can't buy Salisbury Cathedral.
399
00:18:29,031 --> 00:18:31,227
- Yes, we will.
- All right, fine.
400
00:18:31,347 --> 00:18:33,311
I'll call the National Trust right now.
401
00:18:33,431 --> 00:18:34,621
Josh!
402
00:18:35,238 --> 00:18:36,472
Sir?
403
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,762
- How are you?
- Great.
404
00:18:39,882 --> 00:18:43,524
- Bit... cancerous but otherwise...
- Oh.
405
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,390
- Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
- It's fine.
406
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:48,670
Leon gave me a ride in a helicopter.
407
00:18:48,671 --> 00:18:50,657
And now he's making me look
408
00:18:50,777 --> 00:18:52,460
- at your awards.
- Who's he? What's that?
409
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:55,510
- Why is nobody working?
- Oh, I am their old form teacher.
410
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:57,990
With all due respect, sir, what
the fuck are you doing here?
411
00:18:57,991 --> 00:19:00,910
I'm just watching Leon
here trying and failing
412
00:19:00,911 --> 00:19:02,662
to buy Salisbury Cathedral.
413
00:19:02,782 --> 00:19:04,355
Really? Leon?
414
00:19:04,475 --> 00:19:06,528
Oh, it's engaged anyway.
I'll try again later.
415
00:19:06,648 --> 00:19:07,842
What's this?
416
00:19:07,962 --> 00:19:10,910
Oh, this is just a small
donation to a local charity,
417
00:19:10,911 --> 00:19:12,670
something very dear to my heart.
418
00:19:12,671 --> 00:19:15,350
Oh, my God, Josh. That's incredible.
419
00:19:15,351 --> 00:19:17,093
Is it, though? It's not for me to say.
420
00:19:17,213 --> 00:19:19,431
- We do what we can.
- So humble!
421
00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:22,470
- With your big jumbo cheque.
- It's good, good for the profile.
422
00:19:22,471 --> 00:19:25,550
People like people who, quote,
"care about people." Look at Bono.
423
00:19:25,551 --> 00:19:27,680
- Everybody hates Bono.
- Hmm,
424
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,544
no, they don't. Everyone loves Bono.
425
00:19:29,664 --> 00:19:31,297
- No, they don't.
- No, he's right.
426
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:32,894
In this country, we all hate Bono.
427
00:19:33,014 --> 00:19:34,756
Yeah, I don't even
remember why, it's just
428
00:19:34,876 --> 00:19:37,231
- something you get handed down.
- Guys, just trust me on this one.
429
00:19:37,351 --> 00:19:39,641
Everybody loves Bono,
and I mean everyone.
430
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,350
[HE COUGHS]
431
00:19:41,351 --> 00:19:42,630
Excuse me.
432
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:46,270
I need to cough this into something.
433
00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:47,630
Josh. I like it.
434
00:19:47,631 --> 00:19:51,070
I like it a lot, we've got
our own little hipster Bono.
435
00:19:51,071 --> 00:19:53,910
Now, that is the worst
collection of words in the world.
436
00:19:53,911 --> 00:19:55,470
Guys, back to work.
437
00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:57,750
Let's go, Cat Factory 2.
Let's keep talking, huh?
438
00:19:57,751 --> 00:19:59,834
I've got good vibes about this one.
439
00:20:00,351 --> 00:20:02,950
Leon, did you helicopter a
poorly man into the office
440
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,950
- just so you could show off to him?
- Yes!
441
00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:06,678
And he still won't admit
he was wrong about me.
442
00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:09,232
Jesus, Leon! A: that's insane.
443
00:20:09,352 --> 00:20:12,071
B: we're supposed to be at work.
444
00:20:12,191 --> 00:20:15,110
I'm just going to use the boardroom
for a bit, so don't come in.
445
00:20:15,111 --> 00:20:16,990
Watto?
446
00:20:16,991 --> 00:20:18,230
Please.
447
00:20:20,271 --> 00:20:22,150
Who the fuck is this guy?
448
00:20:22,151 --> 00:20:24,550
Why is everyone bringing
old men into the office?
449
00:20:24,551 --> 00:20:27,630
I'm just auditioning session
musicians for my new band.
450
00:20:27,631 --> 00:20:30,031
I tried to buy Weezer, but
they weren't playing ball.
451
00:20:30,151 --> 00:20:31,906
No, Watto. You do not audition old men
452
00:20:32,026 --> 00:20:33,711
in leather waistcoats in the boardroom.
453
00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:35,865
Get him out of here before she sees!
454
00:20:36,911 --> 00:20:40,630
Rocky, mate, we're going to have
to do this back at the house!
455
00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:42,990
And do we really need to
be moving desks, Casey?
456
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,190
Bearing in mind you're
only here a couple of days.
457
00:20:45,191 --> 00:20:47,550
I don't like to work with my
back to the window, Bewan.
458
00:20:47,551 --> 00:20:49,190
You don't know what's out there.
459
00:20:49,191 --> 00:20:51,641
You know, Casey, my name's not actually
460
00:20:51,761 --> 00:20:53,511
Bewan, it's Ewan.
461
00:20:53,631 --> 00:20:55,350
Ewan.
462
00:20:55,351 --> 00:20:57,710
I knew that. I was just testing you.
463
00:20:57,711 --> 00:21:00,150
I wanted to see how long it
would take you to correct me
464
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,812
- and you failed that test.
- Oh.
465
00:21:01,932 --> 00:21:03,204
Oh, dear, that's a bummer.
466
00:21:03,324 --> 00:21:04,692
Can I tell you what I
really think about you?
467
00:21:04,812 --> 00:21:06,110
Um, no, thanks.
468
00:21:06,111 --> 00:21:09,110
- I'd really rather you didn't.
- Because me...
469
00:21:09,111 --> 00:21:12,270
People like me, they just
do. I'm a likeable person.
470
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,430
I get it all the time.
"Casey, you're so likeable."
471
00:21:15,431 --> 00:21:16,990
Yeah, see, I get that, too.
472
00:21:16,991 --> 00:21:18,859
Oh, right, great. Good for you both.
473
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:21,134
But they also respect me.
474
00:21:21,551 --> 00:21:25,830
"Casey, Casey, you're so
likeable and well-respected."
475
00:21:25,831 --> 00:21:27,830
I mean, it's well known
within the industry.
476
00:21:27,831 --> 00:21:29,279
Yeah, see, I don't get that.
477
00:21:29,399 --> 00:21:32,550
I get nothing from other people's
praise, it just does nothing for me.
478
00:21:32,551 --> 00:21:35,270
But the fact remains,
likeable, well-respected.
479
00:21:35,271 --> 00:21:37,910
So, tell me this, can you say
the same thing about yourself?
480
00:21:37,911 --> 00:21:40,165
Er, no. No, I tend to inspire
481
00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:42,367
a kind of suffocating apathy.
482
00:21:43,111 --> 00:21:45,990
General consensus is, Ewan,
he's a bit of a floppy cock.
483
00:21:45,991 --> 00:21:48,990
Are you being self-deprecating?
I know that's a big thing over here.
484
00:21:48,991 --> 00:21:51,350
No, no, would that I were,
Casey. Would that I were.
485
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,990
I'm just stating the
grim facts as they lay.
486
00:21:53,991 --> 00:21:57,470
You want my respect?
Earn my respect, Bewan.
487
00:21:57,923 --> 00:21:59,522
It is Ewan.
488
00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:01,470
I know.
489
00:22:13,911 --> 00:22:15,616
- Hey.
- Josh!
490
00:22:16,471 --> 00:22:18,630
I heard about the
donation. That's amazing.
491
00:22:18,631 --> 00:22:21,110
I mean, my first thought
was, 'Bit fucking weird. '�
492
00:22:21,111 --> 00:22:22,910
But I thought, 'No. Nice.'�
493
00:22:22,911 --> 00:22:24,630
Exactly, it's what normal adults do.
494
00:22:24,631 --> 00:22:27,550
They support their friends and
they unite against bloody Crohn's.
495
00:22:27,551 --> 00:22:29,070
Josh, mate.
496
00:22:29,071 --> 00:22:31,270
Thanks so much for all that money, mate.
497
00:22:31,271 --> 00:22:33,550
- It's an absolute pleasure, mate.
- I had no idea you
498
00:22:33,551 --> 00:22:35,910
- cared so much about Crohn's.
- Oh, God, yeah.
499
00:22:35,911 --> 00:22:38,630
- Yeah, it's a total, total fucker.
- Ooh!
500
00:22:38,631 --> 00:22:41,351
All this handshaking's so manly.
501
00:22:41,471 --> 00:22:43,477
Did you want to come in for a photo?
502
00:22:43,597 --> 00:22:47,150
Erm, sure. Yeah. That's fine.
503
00:22:51,711 --> 00:22:53,070
I'll take that.
504
00:22:55,631 --> 00:22:58,190
I know you don't really care
about Crohn's disease, Josh.
505
00:22:58,191 --> 00:23:01,390
That's not true, Greg. I really,
really care about Crohn's.
506
00:23:01,391 --> 00:23:03,186
How about a couple of Josh on the bike?
507
00:23:03,306 --> 00:23:04,674
Yeah, let's give it a go.
508
00:23:06,191 --> 00:23:08,350
We can... Yeah. Yeah.
509
00:23:08,351 --> 00:23:10,045
- Yeah.
- There you go.
510
00:23:12,031 --> 00:23:13,790
- Hop on.
- Yeah.
511
00:23:19,751 --> 00:23:20,950
Where?
512
00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:27,030
Your foot.
513
00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:29,372
Ah! Yeah. Sorry.
514
00:23:29,492 --> 00:23:32,110
- [MOBILE RINGS]
- You're doing great.
515
00:23:33,711 --> 00:23:36,910
- That's great. That's all we need.
- Are you sure?
516
00:23:36,911 --> 00:23:39,470
By no means did you
look like a tit just then.
517
00:23:39,471 --> 00:23:41,447
- Yeah, it felt pretty smooth.
- You'll never guess
518
00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:42,871
who that was. The venue.
519
00:23:42,991 --> 00:23:45,630
Waterlogged. Two feet of water,
they're going to have to cancel.
520
00:23:45,631 --> 00:23:47,199
Oh, no! Bummer!
521
00:23:48,271 --> 00:23:50,630
Oh, there was a gala
thing tomorrow night.
522
00:23:50,631 --> 00:23:53,150
I was going to invite you
as the big donor but...
523
00:23:54,751 --> 00:23:56,178
We could do it at mine.
524
00:23:56,298 --> 00:23:58,114
You could host it at my new house.
525
00:23:58,751 --> 00:24:01,390
- Oh, you don't have to do that.
- I'd be honoured.
526
00:24:03,671 --> 00:24:05,550
All right then, cool.
527
00:24:05,551 --> 00:24:07,040
Cheers, Josh.
528
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,711
Anything for Crohn's.
529
00:24:08,831 --> 00:24:10,350
Game Of Crohn's.
530
00:24:10,351 --> 00:24:12,060
Could be the...
531
00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:13,923
Slogan, if you wanted one.
532
00:24:17,551 --> 00:24:20,193
Take a seat. Did you
want to jump straight in?
533
00:24:21,071 --> 00:24:24,070
- What is this?
- This is the top oncologist in London.
534
00:24:24,071 --> 00:24:26,470
He's basically the Lewis
Hamilton of oncologists.
535
00:24:26,471 --> 00:24:29,430
Well, you know, it's not like we're
officially ranked or anything.
536
00:24:29,431 --> 00:24:31,444
He's going to look you
over and it's all on me.
537
00:24:31,564 --> 00:24:32,791
Right, I see.
538
00:24:32,911 --> 00:24:35,670
- This is big of you.
- Hey! I love to give.
539
00:24:35,671 --> 00:24:38,186
Forget hipster Bono,
I'm the bearded Mandela.
540
00:24:38,306 --> 00:24:39,830
I'm going to take care of your cancer.
541
00:24:39,831 --> 00:24:41,342
Before we get into this,
542
00:24:41,681 --> 00:24:43,386
can we talk about your current
543
00:24:43,506 --> 00:24:44,935
- diagnosis?
- Lung.
544
00:24:45,551 --> 00:24:47,670
Non-small cell, stage four.
545
00:24:47,671 --> 00:24:49,536
- And would you happen to...?
- M1B.
546
00:24:50,671 --> 00:24:53,270
I've got all the shit
somewhere, not on me.
547
00:24:53,271 --> 00:24:55,190
Didn't know I was going to be ambushed
548
00:24:55,191 --> 00:24:57,070
by Lewis Hamilton oncology ninja.
549
00:24:57,071 --> 00:24:59,870
And obviously, I'm assuming
you've had a prognosis.
550
00:25:01,071 --> 00:25:03,630
All right. So, what do we do?
551
00:25:03,631 --> 00:25:06,227
Do you want to tell him
the good news or can I?
552
00:25:07,391 --> 00:25:09,950
Unlucky, skid mark. Your
money's no good here.
553
00:25:09,951 --> 00:25:11,750
I'd need to look deeper into it.
554
00:25:11,751 --> 00:25:14,830
This isn't strictly what I'd
call a standard consultation.
555
00:25:14,831 --> 00:25:16,910
Mate, we don't want the regular chemo.
556
00:25:16,911 --> 00:25:19,550
We want the premium
shit, the primo chemo.
557
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,550
Obviously, I'll make it worth your time.
558
00:25:21,551 --> 00:25:24,030
OK, so you're bribing an oncologist?
559
00:25:24,031 --> 00:25:26,017
If what your friend here
is telling me is true...
560
00:25:26,137 --> 00:25:27,231
Not my friend.
561
00:25:27,351 --> 00:25:29,190
Then, sadly the options
are very limited.
562
00:25:29,191 --> 00:25:31,334
I'm assuming you've been down this road.
563
00:25:35,628 --> 00:25:37,630
There must be something I can do.
564
00:25:37,631 --> 00:25:41,030
Apparently, there's a
big laser on the moon.
565
00:25:41,031 --> 00:25:44,630
And if you fly up there and fire it
right down the tip of your penis,
566
00:25:44,631 --> 00:25:46,190
you get to live forever.
567
00:25:46,191 --> 00:25:47,981
So, there's nothing I can do?
568
00:25:48,751 --> 00:25:51,160
Actually, there is one
thing you could do for me.
569
00:25:52,991 --> 00:25:54,390
You could send me there.
570
00:25:57,311 --> 00:26:00,470
Nice little euthanasia
clinic in Switzerland.
571
00:26:00,471 --> 00:26:02,550
I looked it up on TripAdvisor.
572
00:26:02,551 --> 00:26:04,870
Apparently, the breakfasts are lovely.
573
00:26:11,271 --> 00:26:12,590
This way, lads!
574
00:26:13,831 --> 00:26:17,270
Right, you total, utter bastards,
welcome to the band!
575
00:26:17,271 --> 00:26:20,310
So, we're like a covers
band of your own band?
576
00:26:20,311 --> 00:26:23,750
My old band, and we're not a covers
band, we're like an offshoot.
577
00:26:23,751 --> 00:26:26,230
Don't worry, we'll still
play all the hits.
578
00:26:26,231 --> 00:26:28,390
Saxophone Warfare, Social Insecurity,
579
00:26:28,391 --> 00:26:30,583
Goldman Sachs Ate My
Baby and then after that,
580
00:26:30,703 --> 00:26:33,389
- I thought we could just jam.
- Jamming's extra, man.
581
00:26:33,751 --> 00:26:35,310
Why is jamming extra?
582
00:26:35,311 --> 00:26:38,350
Well, playing through songs,
that's just, like, playing, isn't it?
583
00:26:38,351 --> 00:26:40,533
But jamming, that's
creating original content.
584
00:26:40,653 --> 00:26:42,071
All right, fine.
585
00:26:42,191 --> 00:26:44,790
But then, at the end, I
thought we could hang out
586
00:26:44,791 --> 00:26:47,190
and chat shit and take the
piss out of each other.
587
00:26:47,191 --> 00:26:50,550
Right, and how long is that going
to take, the chatting shit thing?
588
00:26:50,551 --> 00:26:52,030
I don't know, 20 minutes.
589
00:26:52,031 --> 00:26:54,790
OK, well, that will have to be
at the same rate as the jamming.
590
00:26:54,791 --> 00:26:56,990
Yeah, man, because
it's like jamming, isn't it?
591
00:26:56,991 --> 00:26:58,656
But with talking.
592
00:26:59,231 --> 00:27:01,350
All right, add it to the invoice.
593
00:27:01,351 --> 00:27:03,979
But for now, let's just rock
out with our cocks out.
594
00:27:05,831 --> 00:27:08,390
She's great, isn't she? Casey?
595
00:27:08,391 --> 00:27:10,190
I mean, she's like...
596
00:27:10,191 --> 00:27:12,716
But she's cool. I love her mouth.
597
00:27:13,594 --> 00:27:15,390
Certainly a formidable lady.
598
00:27:15,391 --> 00:27:18,230
You just have to work out how to
handle her. You can't go head-on.
599
00:27:18,231 --> 00:27:19,550
She's like the sun.
600
00:27:19,551 --> 00:27:22,630
You can't stare straight at her
but you can't flinch away either,
601
00:27:22,631 --> 00:27:25,550
because then she'll peck
your eyes out like a hawk.
602
00:27:25,551 --> 00:27:27,528
- Just be confident.
- Hmm.
603
00:27:27,648 --> 00:27:29,912
I'll just do that, shall I?
I'll be confident.
604
00:27:30,032 --> 00:27:32,750
- Yeah, exactly.
- I was being sarcastic.
605
00:27:32,751 --> 00:27:35,550
All right. Come at me.
606
00:27:35,551 --> 00:27:37,630
Tell me you're a big deal.
607
00:27:37,631 --> 00:27:41,150
All right. Oh, I'm such a big deal!
608
00:27:41,151 --> 00:27:43,110
Oh, look at me.
609
00:27:43,111 --> 00:27:45,166
I'm a really big deal.
610
00:27:46,391 --> 00:27:49,030
Hello, can I speak to
Mr. President, please?
611
00:27:49,150 --> 00:27:51,110
Mr... Mr. Big Deal speaking.
612
00:27:52,431 --> 00:27:53,590
Do it properly.
613
00:27:55,431 --> 00:27:58,230
Ooh! I'm a really big deal.
614
00:27:58,231 --> 00:28:00,390
- Lose the ooh.
- I'm a really big deal.
615
00:28:00,391 --> 00:28:02,830
- Lose the emphasis on really.
- I'm a really big deal.
616
00:28:02,831 --> 00:28:04,184
Don't widen your eyes.
617
00:28:04,304 --> 00:28:05,988
- I'm a really big deal.
- Bit more confident.
618
00:28:06,108 --> 00:28:07,535
- I'm a really big deal.
- Bit louder.
619
00:28:07,655 --> 00:28:09,410
I'm a really big deal!
620
00:28:10,591 --> 00:28:12,120
Can I just say,
621
00:28:12,350 --> 00:28:14,370
goose bumps over here?
622
00:28:14,991 --> 00:28:16,886
Goose bumps the size of molehills.
623
00:28:17,006 --> 00:28:18,111
So, hold on.
624
00:28:18,231 --> 00:28:20,750
I just say the things I
normally say sarcastically,
625
00:28:20,751 --> 00:28:22,860
just not sarcastically?
626
00:28:25,591 --> 00:28:27,470
I'm a really interesting person.
627
00:28:29,191 --> 00:28:31,204
My God, it works!
628
00:28:41,231 --> 00:28:43,510
I think I might be in the
most boring band in the world.
629
00:28:43,511 --> 00:28:45,547
Well, you can't be
because I'm not in them.
630
00:28:45,667 --> 00:28:47,910
No, scratch that. I'm quite interesting.
631
00:28:47,911 --> 00:28:50,990
It's just a very dry vibe,
a very arid, arid vibe.
632
00:28:50,991 --> 00:28:54,070
You need to tidy up your toys,
OK? They cannot be out here.
633
00:28:54,071 --> 00:28:55,864
You can't really buy a vibe, can you?
634
00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:57,425
You can buy a vibraphone.
635
00:28:57,545 --> 00:28:59,057
Tell you who I thought would make
636
00:28:59,177 --> 00:29:00,982
a bloody good roadie for
a band? Shane Warne.
637
00:29:01,102 --> 00:29:03,590
Funny bloke, good strong
back, plenty of anecdotes.
638
00:29:03,591 --> 00:29:06,190
The motorbikes, the samurai swords,
639
00:29:06,191 --> 00:29:09,310
the arcade games, they all
need to go in the garage.
640
00:29:09,311 --> 00:29:12,630
We're having a party,
here. Tomorrow night.
641
00:29:12,631 --> 00:29:16,390
I'm having grown-ups over, and
they cannot see any of this shit.
642
00:29:16,391 --> 00:29:18,670
We need to look serious and worthy.
643
00:29:18,671 --> 00:29:21,430
And, oh, my God, is that an
actual chunk of solid gold?
644
00:29:21,431 --> 00:29:23,212
A party, for what?
645
00:29:24,031 --> 00:29:26,950
Abi's boyfriend. The charity thing.
646
00:29:26,951 --> 00:29:29,190
Well, what's that for?
647
00:29:29,191 --> 00:29:32,590
It's for walking on, Watto, OK?
This is what grown-ups do.
648
00:29:32,591 --> 00:29:34,928
They buy rugs. Not samurai swords
649
00:29:35,048 --> 00:29:37,710
or ingots or tiny methods of transport!
650
00:29:37,711 --> 00:29:39,597
Mr. Young gave me this.
651
00:29:41,271 --> 00:29:44,150
- Dignitas.
- Yeah, he wants me to end it all.
652
00:29:44,151 --> 00:29:46,209
Have him humanely
destroyed, or whatever.
653
00:29:46,329 --> 00:29:47,927
He's not a horse, Leon.
654
00:29:48,047 --> 00:29:50,550
- He's a person.
- Oh, man, that's huge!
655
00:29:50,551 --> 00:29:53,098
And it's how much, out of
interest? How much does one
656
00:29:53,218 --> 00:29:55,391
- pay to kill one's old teacher?
- Ten grand.
657
00:29:55,511 --> 00:29:57,870
You know, a hit man would
probably work out cheaper.
658
00:29:57,871 --> 00:29:59,670
I'm not hiring a hit man, Watto.
659
00:29:59,671 --> 00:30:01,790
Well, I'm not thinking
of, like, a shanking.
660
00:30:01,791 --> 00:30:04,063
I'm thinking maybe get
a disgruntled NHS
661
00:30:04,183 --> 00:30:06,022
- nurse to do it with pillows.
- Leon,
662
00:30:06,142 --> 00:30:08,471
- you can't do this.
- Why not? I'm doing a good thing.
663
00:30:08,591 --> 00:30:10,950
- No, you're not.
- I'm paying to end a man's suffering.
664
00:30:10,951 --> 00:30:13,790
- You're paying to have a man killed.
- Exactly, same thing.
665
00:30:13,791 --> 00:30:16,190
No, it's not, it's very
much a different thing.
666
00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:17,910
If you grab a woman from behind
667
00:30:17,911 --> 00:30:20,270
because she is choking
on an onion, fine.
668
00:30:20,271 --> 00:30:22,790
But if you grab a woman from
behind because you are feeling
669
00:30:22,791 --> 00:30:26,950
- a little bit saucy, not fine, awful.
- Exactly. Sort of.
670
00:30:26,951 --> 00:30:29,770
- Same moral ballpark.
- But I mean, Josh, in a way,
671
00:30:29,890 --> 00:30:31,790
isn't that the same thing
as Abi and the charity?
672
00:30:31,791 --> 00:30:32,999
No, it absolutely is not
673
00:30:33,119 --> 00:30:34,500
- the same thing.
- What's this?
674
00:30:34,620 --> 00:30:37,070
Josh gave a load of money
to charity to impress Abi.
675
00:30:37,071 --> 00:30:39,750
Now he's hosting a party and
he's bought a horrible rug.
676
00:30:39,751 --> 00:30:42,510
Ah! Now it makes sense. Well done, Josh.
677
00:30:42,511 --> 00:30:45,310
Bravo, exploiting a
charity to get a blowy.
678
00:30:45,311 --> 00:30:48,150
No, because I don't even
like getting blowies.
679
00:30:48,151 --> 00:30:49,390
They're demeaning.
680
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:52,030
You're right, you're right,
you're such a good person, Josh.
681
00:30:52,031 --> 00:30:54,284
- I am a good person.
- Yeah, you and me both, mate.
682
00:30:54,404 --> 00:30:57,390
We're such good people. We're
basically Bill and Melinda Gates.
683
00:30:57,391 --> 00:31:00,190
You're out of your depth, morally.
684
00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:02,670
You should just stick to
buying rollercoasters.
685
00:31:02,671 --> 00:31:06,310
- Or Viking helmets.
- You know what? Bullshit.
686
00:31:06,311 --> 00:31:08,310
I'm sending the old git to Switzerland.
687
00:31:21,111 --> 00:31:22,990
It's pretty big.
688
00:31:22,991 --> 00:31:24,470
It's quite obnoxious.
689
00:31:24,471 --> 00:31:27,950
Josh, it's basically the final
five minutes of Grand Designs.
690
00:31:27,951 --> 00:31:29,830
It's beyond obnoxious.
691
00:31:29,831 --> 00:31:32,230
Yeah, it is pretty obnoxious, mate.
692
00:31:32,231 --> 00:31:33,338
But it's odd.
693
00:31:34,391 --> 00:31:35,576
I love it.
694
00:31:37,391 --> 00:31:39,822
You know, I saw homelessness
695
00:31:39,942 --> 00:31:41,843
when I was in Canada, on a scale
696
00:31:41,963 --> 00:31:43,590
- you probably can't fathom.
- Mm.
697
00:31:43,591 --> 00:31:47,550
A man with no feet living
in a plastic barrel.
698
00:31:47,551 --> 00:31:49,390
I just can't stop thinking about him.
699
00:31:52,311 --> 00:31:56,230
Still, love the chrome
extractor fan there, mate.
700
00:31:56,231 --> 00:31:58,429
I booked your flight to Switzerland,
701
00:31:58,549 --> 00:31:59,761
one-way, obviously.
702
00:31:59,881 --> 00:32:02,230
I'd ask you to bring me back
one of those giant Toblerones,
703
00:32:02,231 --> 00:32:03,950
but, you know...
704
00:32:03,951 --> 00:32:07,190
You know what? I'm gonna leave
a note saying you made me do it,
705
00:32:07,191 --> 00:32:09,910
- so you end up in prison.
- Actually, forget the plane,
706
00:32:09,911 --> 00:32:12,854
I'm gonna have you flung over
to Switzerland from one of those
707
00:32:12,974 --> 00:32:15,094
- giant medieval catapults.
- Is that right?
708
00:32:15,214 --> 00:32:17,804
Then I'm gonna have you stuffed
and turned into a coffee table.
709
00:32:17,924 --> 00:32:21,350
You would as well, cos
you're that fucking gauche.
710
00:32:21,351 --> 00:32:24,167
You can't do it, can you?
You can't just say the words,
711
00:32:24,287 --> 00:32:26,683
'Thank you, I'm sorry,
I was wrong about you.'
712
00:32:26,803 --> 00:32:29,574
Thank you, I'm sorry, I was
wrong about you. Happy?
713
00:32:29,694 --> 00:32:31,666
Can I just have a quick word, please?
714
00:32:35,380 --> 00:32:37,030
You brought him to the house.
715
00:32:37,031 --> 00:32:39,270
Yeah, we're finalising
travel arrangements.
716
00:32:39,271 --> 00:32:40,950
Mate, this is all getting a bit weird.
717
00:32:40,951 --> 00:32:44,230
Oh, from the man who spent ?900
on a carpet just to get a hand-job,
718
00:32:44,231 --> 00:32:46,885
- the tug rug!
- OK, don't call it that, please.
719
00:32:48,991 --> 00:32:51,155
Oh, Watto, I see your band's here.
720
00:32:51,275 --> 00:32:53,071
We're just hanging out, vibing,
721
00:32:53,191 --> 00:32:55,710
- like a band, like friends.
- But you're paying them?
722
00:32:55,711 --> 00:32:57,230
Yeah, by the hour.
723
00:32:57,231 --> 00:32:59,750
It does feel a little bit impersonal
when your lead guitarist
724
00:32:59,751 --> 00:33:01,790
comes out to you with
an invoice that says,
725
00:33:01,791 --> 00:33:04,430
"Banter, 20 minutes," "?32.50."
726
00:33:04,431 --> 00:33:07,870
I suppose at some point I should
go over and vibe with them.
727
00:33:07,871 --> 00:33:09,834
Get my money's worth.
728
00:33:13,271 --> 00:33:15,670
Now's the perfect time
to practise your skills.
729
00:33:18,711 --> 00:33:21,451
- I'm a very powerful man.
- Sure you are, Bewan,
730
00:33:21,571 --> 00:33:23,470
and I'm an 11-year-old Chinese gymnast.
731
00:33:23,471 --> 00:33:24,990
Hey, you gotta take a look at this.
732
00:33:24,991 --> 00:33:27,590
I just had to see what it looked
like with a number two behind it.
733
00:33:27,591 --> 00:33:29,750
See, there's two cats,
cos it's number two.
734
00:33:29,751 --> 00:33:31,390
Oh, you are shitting me!
735
00:33:31,391 --> 00:33:33,710
I am sorry, Casey, but
I have a doctorate...
736
00:33:33,711 --> 00:33:36,110
almost have a doctorate...
in Applied Computer Sciences
737
00:33:36,111 --> 00:33:38,270
and if you think I'm gonna
spend the next five years
738
00:33:38,271 --> 00:33:40,676
on the same cat factory bullcrap,
739
00:33:41,015 --> 00:33:43,156
then you are sorely mistaken.
740
00:33:43,871 --> 00:33:46,110
Yeah, right.
741
00:33:46,111 --> 00:33:48,103
I mean, look what you
made without my help.
742
00:33:48,223 --> 00:33:50,990
- Yeah.
- Imagine what we could do together.
743
00:33:50,991 --> 00:33:52,685
We should do a new game, all of us. Hey!
744
00:33:52,805 --> 00:33:54,511
- Cancel my flight.
- Ah, hold that though.
745
00:33:54,631 --> 00:33:56,084
- Get me a suite somewhere.
- Not necessarily.
746
00:33:56,204 --> 00:33:57,416
I am gonna be staying on indefinitely.
747
00:33:57,536 --> 00:33:59,641
- Are you?
- I'm so glad we had this chat,
748
00:33:59,761 --> 00:34:01,576
- Bewan.
- Me too.
749
00:34:10,591 --> 00:34:13,830
I was like, "That's not
a bear, that's Gary."
750
00:34:13,831 --> 00:34:16,670
He had a beard at the time. He just...
751
00:34:16,671 --> 00:34:20,910
Hey, everyone, this is Josh,
he's a multi-millionaire.
752
00:34:21,795 --> 00:34:25,310
Well, I like to think of
myself as a humanitarian first.
753
00:34:25,311 --> 00:34:28,550
Kind of a Tesco Value
equivalent of Mark Zuckerberg.
754
00:34:28,670 --> 00:34:29,862
Josh, what's this?
755
00:34:29,982 --> 00:34:32,257
That shouldn't be out.
It's a phone, I think,
756
00:34:32,377 --> 00:34:34,830
or a camera or a speaker.
I can't actually remember.
757
00:34:34,831 --> 00:34:37,270
Imagine having so much
money that you can just
758
00:34:37,271 --> 00:34:38,990
buy things and then
forget what they're for.
759
00:34:38,991 --> 00:34:40,426
It's not a, um...
760
00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:42,435
Don't...
761
00:34:42,555 --> 00:34:43,990
Well, you're welcome to try.
762
00:34:46,078 --> 00:34:48,350
You know what I'd do if
I had millions of pounds?
763
00:34:48,470 --> 00:34:50,011
I'd take on blowfly.
764
00:34:50,131 --> 00:34:52,630
Yeah, I'd just sink
everything into blowfly,
765
00:34:52,631 --> 00:34:56,190
but, you know, some people want
the big house, and that's cool.
766
00:34:56,191 --> 00:34:58,470
Yeah, nobody likes a show-off, do they?
767
00:34:58,471 --> 00:35:01,310
Did you know that Greg cycled
round the whole of Canada?
768
00:35:01,311 --> 00:35:03,590
I just wish he'd talk about
it a bit more, you know?
769
00:35:03,591 --> 00:35:06,070
Because you can never have
too many photos of a man
770
00:35:06,071 --> 00:35:09,089
in Lycra stood next to a moose, can you?
771
00:35:11,111 --> 00:35:13,270
Hang on a second! Are you guys going?
772
00:35:13,271 --> 00:35:16,470
I just don't get it, man.
We don't even like banter
773
00:35:16,471 --> 00:35:19,350
and Nicholas here, he's just
very banter averse, right?
774
00:35:19,351 --> 00:35:21,910
Look, I just wanted that
feeling again, you know?
775
00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,067
My own band don't want me!
They don't want a man
776
00:35:24,187 --> 00:35:27,079
that stands on a rug eating
pan-fried Cornish crab!
777
00:35:27,199 --> 00:35:30,270
All due respect, man, that band
of yours sound like a bunch
778
00:35:30,271 --> 00:35:33,310
of shitheads. Look, you don't
stop being a punk just cos
779
00:35:33,311 --> 00:35:34,990
you got money.
780
00:35:34,991 --> 00:35:36,910
It's what inside you, man.
781
00:35:36,911 --> 00:35:39,117
So, tell me, what's in here?
782
00:35:39,991 --> 00:35:41,113
Well...
783
00:35:42,191 --> 00:35:44,990
... the pounding heart of a
nihilistic drumming mad man.
784
00:35:44,991 --> 00:35:48,310
All right, then. So what do you
say we go back in that garage
785
00:35:48,311 --> 00:35:51,082
and we play Fleetwood
Mac covers for two hours?
786
00:35:52,969 --> 00:35:55,413
I still owe you for the
rest of the night, don't I?
787
00:35:55,533 --> 00:35:56,590
Yeah, man.
788
00:35:59,453 --> 00:36:02,870
Everyone, I'd just like to say
some quick thank yous, if I may.
789
00:36:02,871 --> 00:36:05,816
Firstly to all my sponsors, obviously,
790
00:36:05,936 --> 00:36:08,672
and I'd also like to thank Josh Connors.
791
00:36:08,792 --> 00:36:10,830
He's our host for the evening who made
792
00:36:10,831 --> 00:36:12,871
an incredibly generous
793
00:36:12,991 --> 00:36:14,951
donation of ?60,000.
794
00:36:16,911 --> 00:36:20,309
Even though he's just trying
to have sex with my girlfriend!
795
00:36:23,191 --> 00:36:24,590
Isn't that right, Josh?
796
00:36:30,912 --> 00:36:32,510
I'm choking!
797
00:36:35,271 --> 00:36:37,153
I'm choking on a cheque
798
00:36:37,273 --> 00:36:40,670
for ?61,000 to Crohn's Relief UK.
799
00:36:42,798 --> 00:36:44,129
Thank you.
800
00:36:50,231 --> 00:36:53,192
61 grand, the biggest
cheque of the night.
801
00:36:53,312 --> 00:36:55,913
I am officially the nicest
person in the room.
802
00:36:57,341 --> 00:36:59,034
Enough, OK?
803
00:36:59,385 --> 00:37:00,958
You dragged me out here,
804
00:37:01,417 --> 00:37:04,190
made me sit around watching you.
805
00:37:04,191 --> 00:37:06,619
What is it that you
actually want from me?
806
00:37:06,739 --> 00:37:07,998
What?
807
00:37:08,671 --> 00:37:10,390
What is it that you want?
808
00:37:10,391 --> 00:37:11,654
Well,
809
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:13,638
I don't know.
810
00:37:14,871 --> 00:37:16,638
A bit of respect.
811
00:37:17,111 --> 00:37:19,310
Why does it even matter
what I think of you?
812
00:37:20,991 --> 00:37:22,977
Why? Why are you doing this?
813
00:37:28,671 --> 00:37:30,510
All right. I'll get your coat.
814
00:37:34,471 --> 00:37:36,390
- Abi, you OK?
- I'm fine.
815
00:37:36,391 --> 00:37:38,470
Just wanted a minute on my own.
816
00:37:38,471 --> 00:37:41,750
What a dick. What a dick move.
817
00:37:41,751 --> 00:37:43,590
Do you know what, though, Josh?
818
00:37:43,591 --> 00:37:45,239
Actually...
819
00:37:45,911 --> 00:37:47,672
- You're the dick.
- Hey,
820
00:37:47,792 --> 00:37:49,670
- I'm the dick?
- Yeah, you're the dick.
821
00:37:49,671 --> 00:37:51,320
You are, the dick is you.
822
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,510
Can you just pop the sword
down, please? Right down.
823
00:37:53,630 --> 00:37:55,270
I'm not fucking about, Josh.
824
00:37:55,271 --> 00:37:58,950
I am this close to becoming
full-on Welsh Abi right now.
825
00:37:58,951 --> 00:38:01,400
Hang on, I wasn't the one that was
out there acting like a total...
826
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,070
Yeah, I expect that from him, though.
827
00:38:03,190 --> 00:38:06,662
That's his whole thing, he's Greg
the big, posh, fuckable clown.
828
00:38:06,782 --> 00:38:09,070
Well... Fuckable? Meh.
829
00:38:09,071 --> 00:38:11,690
But you, I expected better.
830
00:38:13,271 --> 00:38:15,910
Cos he's right, isn't he? That's
basically what you're doing.
831
00:38:15,911 --> 00:38:17,678
The donation, the party.
832
00:38:17,798 --> 00:38:19,602
What? No.
833
00:38:20,146 --> 00:38:21,533
Abi, come on.
834
00:38:21,653 --> 00:38:23,626
I am not an item,
835
00:38:23,746 --> 00:38:25,631
not something you get to buy.
836
00:38:25,751 --> 00:38:28,590
Electronic dartboard, ride-on lawnmower.
837
00:38:28,591 --> 00:38:30,485
Human woman.
838
00:38:31,999 --> 00:38:33,110
Sorry.
839
00:38:37,297 --> 00:38:39,003
Please don't become a prick now
840
00:38:39,123 --> 00:38:40,829
that you've got money, Josh.
841
00:38:41,631 --> 00:38:43,403
Just be so disappointing.
842
00:38:47,791 --> 00:38:48,950
Night.
843
00:38:54,533 --> 00:38:56,323
I think I remember him,
844
00:38:56,443 --> 00:38:58,311
he came to a parents' evening once.
845
00:38:58,431 --> 00:39:00,666
OK, that's definitely not him.
846
00:39:02,631 --> 00:39:04,510
This is why it matters,
847
00:39:04,511 --> 00:39:06,959
cos I can't say it to him
but I can say it to you.
848
00:39:10,671 --> 00:39:13,310
- I was a shitty teacher.
- Yeah, you were.
849
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:17,710
Suck my balls, Dad.
850
00:39:17,711 --> 00:39:19,390
Suck his balls, Leon's dad.
851
00:39:20,937 --> 00:39:22,270
Take it away, boys.
852
00:39:22,271 --> 00:39:24,510
I used these guys before, they're great.
853
00:39:26,231 --> 00:39:30,910
Fuck you Fuck you-ooh
854
00:39:30,911 --> 00:39:32,190
Bum, bum, bum
855
00:39:32,191 --> 00:39:34,390
To fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
856
00:39:34,391 --> 00:39:36,613
To fuck you, fuck you,
857
00:39:36,831 --> 00:39:40,071
To fuck you, fuck you,
fuck you, fuck you
858
00:39:40,191 --> 00:39:43,830
Fuck you.
859
00:39:43,831 --> 00:39:46,870
10am, Casey should be somewhere
over Denver right now, which means
860
00:39:46,871 --> 00:39:49,350
we can all just unclench,
get back to normal.
861
00:39:49,351 --> 00:39:51,642
No more miscellaneous old men.
862
00:39:54,218 --> 00:39:55,840
Morning, boys.
863
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,510
Hey, Casey, what are
you still doing here?
864
00:39:58,511 --> 00:40:02,230
Great question. Bewan, do
you wanna field this one?
865
00:40:02,231 --> 00:40:03,746
Oh, yes.
866
00:40:03,866 --> 00:40:06,991
We decided between us
we would like to work
867
00:40:07,111 --> 00:40:08,984
on a new game together.
868
00:40:09,391 --> 00:40:10,640
Huh?
869
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,190
Oh, come on, don't worry.
870
00:40:13,191 --> 00:40:16,511
I won't be stepping on anyone's
toes. Just a bit of oversight.
871
00:40:16,631 --> 00:40:19,430
Make sure there's no more
dildos in the closet.
872
00:40:21,551 --> 00:40:23,510
Now get back to work.
873
00:40:24,991 --> 00:40:27,030
You can put that in the
top drawer, Naomi.
874
00:40:30,031 --> 00:40:31,875
Great, thanks, Ewan.
875
00:40:32,751 --> 00:40:35,150
She's gonna juice us
like a London orange.
876
00:40:36,151 --> 00:40:40,310
[MUSIC]: Rich Kid Blues by Terry Reid
877
00:40:42,311 --> 00:40:44,030
Oh, God. It grew back.
878
00:40:54,261 --> 00:40:57,236
_
879
00:41:03,215 --> 00:41:06,421
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
880
00:41:06,471 --> 00:41:11,021
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