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1
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,177
(phone ringing)
2
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,682
Pam, line three.
3
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:16,975
Okay, thanks.
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,977
New York as it turns
out is very expensive
5
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,688
and I ran out of money.
6
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,606
I thought about
selling a kidney,
7
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,358
but Michael offered to get me
8
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,777
a part-time job at corporate.
9
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,071
Hey.
10
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:34,951
(Michael singing in
foreign language)
11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,787
Of course, now Michael knows
where to reach me
12
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,748
16 to 18 hours a week.
13
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,041
Hey Michael.
14
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:45,253
(Michael singing in
foreign language)
15
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,215
[Michael] Miss ya, kiddo.
16
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:50,050
Miss you.
17
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,302
So much.
18
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:53,053
Miss me?
19
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,305
Yeah. Umm...
20
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,765
[Michael] I got a new one.
Pardon me.
21
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:59,851
Do you have any Grey Pou-Pam?
22
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,144
What can I do
for you, Michael?
23
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,395
I'm kind of busy.
24
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,438
[Michael] I guess
that job that I got you
25
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,647
is working out pretty well then.
26
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:05,732
It is.
27
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,025
Thanks again.
28
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:07,817
[Michael] If there's
anything else I can do,
29
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,194
just let me know.
30
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,740
And of course,
31
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,033
if there's ever anything
I can ever do for you...
32
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,534
[Michael] You know what?
33
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,995
I would love a slice of
real New York style pizza.
34
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,664
If I get you a slice
of pizza, are we even?
35
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:22,957
Even as pie.
36
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,597
That's the spicy meatball!
37
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,431
Oh!
38
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,854
(Michael humming)
39
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,815
That's the real McCoy.
40
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,820
(Michael humming)
41
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,697
I'm the Godfather!
42
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,532
That's good.
43
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:56,741
That's good.
44
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,744
I'm gonna eat this whole pizza.
45
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,830
Then I'm gonna kill you.
46
00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:08,503
It doesn't get any
better than this.
47
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,515
(bright upbeat music)
48
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,411
(phone ringing)
49
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,287
Hey.
50
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,580
Hello.
51
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:44,247
That was really
fun last night.
52
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,915
Yeah. It was nice.
53
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,000
I'm actually
thinking about getting
54
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,126
my own set of
putt-putt golf clubs.
55
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,878
That would be great. You need that.
56
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:50,879
Yeah?
57
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:51,629
- Yeah.
- Oh really?
58
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,381
Yeah. It would help.
59
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,716
Well, I let her win.
60
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,051
{\an8}No he didn't.
61
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,595
{\an8}So, when can I see you again?
62
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,514
Tonight.
63
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:02,807
{\an8}I'm free tonight.
64
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,893
{\an8}Is that too eager?
65
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:05,810
I don't care.
66
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:06,770
{\an8}I'm free tonight.
67
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:07,771
{\an8}Okay.
68
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:08,605
{\an8}Oh, wait.
69
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:14,277
{\an8}Tonight's no good because
I am busy taking you out.
70
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,238
{\an8}Oh, I just remembered,
I can't tonight.
71
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,073
Why?
72
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,241
{\an8}I'm going out with you.
73
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,326
{\an8}Wow.
74
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,328
(Holly giggling)
(Michael giggling)
75
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,871
{\an8}Oh, wait a second.
76
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,332
I can't tonight.
77
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,333
No more.
78
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,334
No more.
79
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,919
{\an8}Too many times.
80
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,087
{\an8}It's all good.
81
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,088
{\an8}All right, so good.
82
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,673
{\an8}So, have a nice day.
83
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:35,507
[Holly] Thank you.
84
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,424
You too.
85
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,009
You're welcome.
86
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,929
{\an8}In my opinion, the third
date is traditionally
87
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,224
{\an8}the one where you have sex.
88
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,268
{\an8}Does Holly feel that way?
89
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,645
{\an8}I don't know.
90
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:51,981
{\an8}I will probably
find out tonight.
91
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,400
{\an8}If she starts
having sex with me,
92
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,026
{\an8}I'll know for sure.
93
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,861
{\an8}That's for you.
94
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:57,904
{\an8}And, oh.
95
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:03,076
{\an8}I am right in assuming that
Dwight is short for D-Money?
96
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:06,538
{\an8}'Cause that's what I wrote
on your save-the-date.
97
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,956
You set a date?
98
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:13,253
{\an8}[Andy] J-Money or should
it be T-Money for tuna?
99
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,007
{\an8}Receptionist Money.
100
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:20,969
K-Money.
101
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,805
I am going to run three
possible date ideas by you
102
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,724
{\an8}and I want you to
tell me which one
103
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,101
{\an8}gets your blood percolating.
104
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,436
I'm sure they're all great.
105
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,605
{\an8}I have two sure
things, one wild card.
106
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,649
Start with the wild care.
107
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,777
{\an8}The wild card is dinner
at a nice restaurant.
108
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:38,653
Uh oh.
109
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,571
Exactly.
110
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:40,739
Here are my sure things.
111
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,782
I blindfold her.
112
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,994
I take her to the
Houdini museum.
113
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,537
She chains me up...
114
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,080
I think I got a pretty
good sense of that one.
115
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,915
- [Michael] Okay, all right.
- Let's move on to the next.
116
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,126
Number two, we go to the mall,
117
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,086
we go to the bed store,
118
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,755
I let her choose
whatever bed she wants.
119
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:57,589
I like the wild card.
120
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,882
- Really?
- Umm-hmm.
121
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,884
I don't know. Everybody goes
to restaurants.
122
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:02,010
Yeah, call me old fashion.
123
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,762
I've set the bar high.
124
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,431
It's a big third date, Jim.
125
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,640
What do I do?
126
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,225
Have you asked her
what she wants to do?
127
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,936
Well, I thought as a man that
I should make the decision.
128
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:12,896
No.
129
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,147
You got that backwards.
130
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,399
Times have changed, Jim.
131
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,944
What are you making?
132
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,279
A knife.
133
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,781
You're making a
knife with a knife?
134
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,657
You got a better way?
135
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,746
You wanna talk about it?
136
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:30,663
About what?
137
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,207
You know I know.
138
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,085
You know they know.
139
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,924
I know none of
that, and if I did,
140
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:43,176
you'd be the last to know.
141
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,471
Schrute's don't open up.
142
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,972
Flowers open up.
143
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,891
And flowers can't kill.
144
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,768
Rocks can kill.
145
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,978
End of discussion.
146
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,564
- Oh! The mall could be fun.
- Yeah.
147
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,191
We could go to the food
court, get different foods.
148
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,735
You could get chicken
teriyaki, I could get a hotdog.
149
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:01,861
Some of what we
order depends on
150
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,114
if we're having sex after.
151
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,244
(Michael giggling)
152
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:09,994
Wow!
153
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,830
Elephant in the room.
154
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,039
Are we, do you think?
155
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:16,668
Do you think we're
gonna have sex tonight?
156
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:17,669
Hell yeah.
157
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,799
Okay. So, we do the restaurant
thing and
158
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,175
then we can do...
159
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,510
We'll just do the
restaurant thing first.
160
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,345
Yeah. That's good.
161
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:33,143
Probably get soup
or something light.
162
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,477
(Michael sighing)
163
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,730
The pallet truck's
got a busted caster,
164
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,773
we still waiting on
those safety goggles,
165
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,191
and we need a new forklift.
166
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,110
Well, I can take
maintenance cash and
167
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,361
put it in the supply budget,
168
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,613
if Michael's okay with it.
169
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,158
Michael?
170
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,826
Do you approve that?
171
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,456
Hell yeah.
172
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,290
Fine.
173
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,004
Also, we have gnomes
living in the wall.
174
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,005
You mean rats.
175
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,340
Naw.
176
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,217
I mean little scary
men with red hats.
177
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,471
I think they're drinking
all our soda pop.
178
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,556
You okay with that, Mike?
179
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,515
Soda pop.
180
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:16,811
Soda pop.
181
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,940
[Phyllis] Hi.
182
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,318
She introduced me
to so many things.
183
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,446
Pasteurized milk,
sheets, monotheism,
184
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,451
presents on your birthday,
preventative medicine.
185
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,911
It's nice to learn new things.
186
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,037
I was talking to myself.
187
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:34,871
Okay.
188
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,916
I just don't get it.
189
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,626
What don't you get?
190
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,463
Why is she marrying Andy?
191
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,842
Angela's not
really a risk taker
192
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,303
and Andy's not really a risk.
193
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,601
That's really fattening.
194
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,395
No, it's lettuce.
195
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,397
Dwight puts up a
very strong front,
196
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,357
but underneath that
front, he's a pussycat,
197
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,943
but underneath that,
198
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,319
he's very tough.
199
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:10,949
I'm trying to reach
the middle part.
200
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,327
Our first date was at
the Anthracite Coal Museum.
201
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:15,662
We had both been before,
202
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,414
but we pretended like
it was our first time
203
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:21,292
so we could get all
the extra information.
204
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,713
They knew we were faking
'cause they recognized us.
205
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,841
We made them tell
us all the stories
206
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,301
and all the safety information
207
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,387
and we corrected them
whenever they got it wrong.
208
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,473
(Phyllis giggling)
209
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,147
You want half a sandwich?
210
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,857
Okay.
211
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:44,983
I'll bring you one tomorrow.
212
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,484
You've earned it.
213
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,869
I hope you like fox meat.
214
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,704
I just don't know if
he's presidential enough.
215
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,247
I know.
216
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,374
And how long is CJ gonna
spend this whole MS thing?
217
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,168
How can Josh and Sam keep quiet?
218
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,878
Every night, Jim and
I watch an episode of
219
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,714
"The West Wing" together on DVD.
220
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,507
He wanted to watch
"Battlestar Galactica"
221
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,178
and I wanted to watch
"Cranford," so we compromised.
222
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,013
Next, we're gonna
watch "Cranford."
223
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:15,847
"Cranford?"
224
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,140
No.
225
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,184
We will never watch that.
226
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,312
Did she say we were
gonna watch that?
227
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,231
It's time to go.
228
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:26,191
No.
229
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,233
No.
230
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,444
Reservations are at 8:00,
231
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:33,114
so we got like an
hour and 45 minutes.
232
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,282
(Michael sighing)
233
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,034
I'm a crazy eight. I'm crazy.
234
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,702
You're crazy. Go crazy.
235
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,550
I forgot my keys.
236
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,260
- Do you need 'em?
- Yeah.
237
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,178
Let's go grab them.
238
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,930
[Michael] All right.
239
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,182
[Holly] After vous.
240
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,433
Thank vous.
241
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:10,360
What?
242
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:12,946
Oh.
243
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,572
(Michael moaning)
244
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,157
[Holly] I didn't
forget my keys.
245
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,325
I just didn't wanna
make out with you
246
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,994
in front of the cameras.
247
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,413
Do you think they can hear us?
248
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,748
[Michael] Not if
we turn these dials
249
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,084
all the way down.
(volume goes up)
250
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,752
Now they can't hear us at all.
251
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,628
[Holly] Oh, good.
252
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:30,171
[Michael] We're totally alone.
253
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,840
(Holly giggling)
254
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,514
Yes, that's correct.
255
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:43,768
I need to cancel checks
from 10,001 to 90,000.
256
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,895
Great. They stole my laptop.
257
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,523
Yeah, well, they stole
my surge protector.
258
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,858
How does that even compare?
259
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:53,611
Oscar, I'm now going
to be prone to surges.
260
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,616
Do you need any police tape?
261
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,702
You have police tape?
262
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,830
Do you need police tape?
263
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:08,335
In my desk, I had a delicious
bottle of cream sherry,
264
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,878
and on my last day at work,
265
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,506
I was gonna drink the whole
thing and take a cab home.
266
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:16,551
Now I have to buy
more cream sherry.
267
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:20,430
I leave my laptop at work
one day and nothing happens,
268
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,558
so then I start
to keep it there.
269
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,518
These sickos didn't
just take my stuff, okay?
270
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,853
They adjusted my chair.
271
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:29,439
Not only is it
higher, like Phyllis',
272
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,816
but the armrest are
angled like Phyllis'
273
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,110
and it smells like Phyllis.
274
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,659
Oh my God, what happened?
275
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,827
We were robbed last night.
276
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,329
Bravo, Watson.
277
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,247
Looks like a classic
seven-man job.
278
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,749
Security tapes were stolen.
279
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,126
Motives, financial or possibly
280
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,420
vintage HP computer collectors.
281
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,964
Hank down at security
had clocked out.
282
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,424
And that is all we have.
283
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,842
Can I talk to
you for a second?
284
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,427
Yeah.
285
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:03,014
(Michael groaning)
286
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,432
That wasn't us, right?
287
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,227
You remembered to
lock the doors?
288
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,437
No. Did you?
289
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,605
Michael, I think
this is our fault.
290
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,232
- Oh, no, my God.
- Oh.
291
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:13,566
Oh my God!
292
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:16,486
Let's go check
on everyone else.
293
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,573
(door closing)
294
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,535
(Michael groaning)
295
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,661
Bastards.
296
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,500
So much for sex
without consequences.
297
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:36,715
I guess with great sex
comes great responsibility.
298
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,259
[Pam] You are such a dork!
299
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,552
Shots!
300
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,886
(Pam laughing)
301
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,805
So apparently Pam
went out last night
302
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,557
and accidentally
called my work phone
303
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,726
at 3:00 in the morning.
304
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,977
[Pam] I'm not drunk.
305
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,396
I'm on minute six
of this message.
306
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,815
[Pam] Okay, I do
not sound like that.
307
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,316
[Man] You can take
the girl out of Philly.
308
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,735
[Pam] Scranton.
309
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:01,489
The future mother
of my children.
310
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,324
I never felt safe here.
311
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,076
You're always safe with me.
312
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,536
I'm a very good screamer.
313
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:09,080
And one day, we're
gonna move to Disney's
314
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,499
Celebration Village
in Florida and leave
315
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:12,709
all of this behind.
316
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,586
I would very much like that.
317
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,462
Yeah?
318
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,463
[Angela] Yeah.
319
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,007
Consider yourself at home!
320
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,843
(Dwight groaning)
321
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:26,097
[Phyllis] Bob, they
took my Garfield lighter
322
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,891
you bought me in Kenya.
323
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,185
What are you doing?
324
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,644
Elevators, now.
325
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,188
Get in.
326
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,776
[Phyllis] Where are we going?
327
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,319
I know she loves me, Phyllis.
328
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:40,820
I am sure of it.
329
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,572
She practically told me so.
330
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:44,115
[Phyllis] Then you need
to give her an ultimatum.
331
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,493
Tell her she needs
to make a choice.
332
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,078
You or Andy.
333
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:49,371
If she picks you, great.
334
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,997
If not, you can move on.
335
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,707
Are you sure
that's gonna work?
336
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,084
[Phyllis] It did
when Bob said I had
337
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:58,922
to stop talking to my
sister on the phone so much.
338
00:13:58,963 --> 00:13:59,798
Wait.
339
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,800
This isn't our floor. Dwight.
340
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,719
How's everyone doing?
341
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:08,014
My door is always open
if anyone wants to talk.
342
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,683
My door is always
open as well,
343
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,768
unless there's a
sock on the doorknob.
344
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,228
I don't wanna talk.
345
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,562
I want my laptop back.
346
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,106
I have spent the last two years
347
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,942
working on a guide to
light entertaining called
348
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,945
"You Say Martinez,
I Say Martinis"
349
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:25,865
and all the notes
were on that laptop.
350
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,450
I want to know
how someone can just
351
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,577
walk in here and take
all of our stuff.
352
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,329
How did this happen?
353
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,872
Valid and important questions.
354
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:37,794
I hear that 90% of all office
robberies are inside jobs.
355
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,713
Well don't look at me.
356
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:40,422
I went to the gym
and home to bed.
357
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,923
We all did that.
358
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:42,590
[Oscar] Where was
everyone else last night?
359
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:43,466
Movies.
360
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:44,759
A bar.
361
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,511
Maybe the cameras
picked something up.
362
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,762
No, no.
363
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,764
I refuse to turn this
into a witch hunt
364
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,516
where we spend the
rest of the afternoon
365
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,144
deciding which
person here to hunt.
366
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,896
We may never find the
person responsible,
367
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,523
but when a crime is committed,
368
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,317
is assigning guilt
really the answer?
369
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,610
That one's a softball.
370
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,570
No.
371
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,612
No, no.
372
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:05,864
You need your stuff back, right?
373
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,115
You need your stuff back.
374
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,241
I'm gonna get you
your stuff back.
375
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:09,701
How?
376
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,746
I'm gonna make everything
all right, all right?
377
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,706
Conference room, 15 minutes.
378
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,624
Half an hour, all right?
379
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,960
(clapping)
380
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:22,172
Nobody steals from Creed
Bratton and gets away with it.
381
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:25,550
The last person to
do this disappeared.
382
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,052
His name?
383
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,595
Creed Bratton.
384
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,804
To recoup their losses,
385
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,806
I am planning a
little charity auction
386
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,017
where people from all
over Scranton can come
387
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:37,354
and bid on our
goods and services.
388
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,439
I'm calling it C.R.I.M.E-A.I.D.
389
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:40,940
It's like farm aid,
390
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,526
but instead of farms
fighting against AIDS,
391
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:47,322
it is us fighting
against our own poverty.
392
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,698
I think it's a fun idea.
393
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,241
Thank you.
394
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,618
We could auction off things
that we do for each other
395
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,870
like cleaning or tennis lessons.
396
00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:55,246
My sorority did it all the time.
397
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,207
Okay, I'm gonna have
to stop you right there.
398
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,834
Was this a sorority that
you didn't get into,
399
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,712
a real sorority, so you had
to kind of form your own?
400
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,339
Move on, Michael.
401
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,216
Okay. Well, come on! Let's
have an auction.
402
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,425
Let's do this.
403
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,261
We'll auction off people
like the olden days.
404
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,765
So, in order to recoup
the value of items we liked,
405
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,351
we have to spend more money
on things we don't want.
406
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,186
Who would ever come to this?
407
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,229
I don't know.
408
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,647
It could be any
number of people,
409
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:21,898
it could be a pedestrian,
410
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,275
it could be an old person,
411
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,277
it could be a lookie-loo,
412
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:30,323
or it could be a
Bruce Springsteen fan.
413
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:31,199
What?
414
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,033
Who said that?
415
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:32,742
I did.
416
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:33,993
Why did I say that?
417
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,704
Oh, I think you know
why I said that.
418
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,706
I think it is very apparent.
419
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,791
I think it goes without saying.
420
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:40,959
Bear with me.
421
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,252
There's a point there.
422
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:43,294
But what is the point?
423
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,046
I don't understand
what he's saying?
424
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,924
It seems a little shady,
it seems a little foggy.
425
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,634
Well, it's not a little foggy.
426
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:50,844
There's really
something going on here.
427
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,387
Do you need us
for any of this?
428
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,055
Do I?
429
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,807
[Holly] Michael scored
the big ticket item.
430
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,559
Springsteen tickets.
431
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,810
The boss scored the boss.
432
00:16:58,852 --> 00:16:59,853
Yeah.
433
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:00,812
I think that's pretty boss.
434
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,063
(Holly giggling)
435
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,773
He knows how to get things.
436
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:04,816
He got me.
437
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:07,277
Whoa!
438
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,070
(Holly giggling)
439
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:09,946
Sorry.
440
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:12,198
Twice.
441
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:15,285
Right?
442
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,290
Wow.
443
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,250
Straight to voicemail.
444
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:23,251
Okay.
445
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,502
Hi boozey.
446
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,338
This is your boyfriend
Jim just checking in.
447
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,256
I've got my hands full with
the crime of the century.
448
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:29,758
You'll probably read about
it in tomorrow's "Times,"
449
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:32,594
but if you have any
questions, give me a call.
450
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,262
Love you. Bye.
451
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,598
(Jim groaning)
452
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:37,432
Toffee?
453
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,563
(door squeaking)
454
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,608
Listen to me close 'cause
I'm only gonna say this once.
455
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:47,942
You either break
off your engagement
456
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,861
with that singing
buffoon, apologize,
457
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:53,907
and then date me or you
can say goodbye to this.
458
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,953
I think you have me
confused with another person.
459
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:00,914
I said I was only
gonna say it once.
460
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,999
You have until 6:14 PM.
461
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:04,918
6:14!
462
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,211
[Angela] I heard you!
463
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,170
Pump it up!
464
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,546
Yeah!
465
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,798
Yeah!
466
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,383
Yeah!
467
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,926
Pump up the volume!
468
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,886
Thank you very much, everybody.
469
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:17,180
Thank you, Mr. Springsteen.
470
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:22,811
And welcome to C.R.I.M.E-A.I.D.
471
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,312
(Michael clearing throat)
472
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:28,525
Crime Reduces Innocence Makes
Everyone Angry I Declare.
473
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:35,657
It is not known how
many office robberies
474
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:40,203
occur every second 'cause
there is no Wikipedia entry
475
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,288
for office robbery statistics.
476
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:46,751
However, tonight, its
victims are standing together
477
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,046
and standing strong
in the form of song,
478
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,008
(group clapping)
479
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,218
cooking lessons, and hugs.
480
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:59,681
Really, Phyllis? You're
auctioning a hug?
481
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:04,019
Okay. So with no further ado,
lights, camera, auction!
482
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,688
Take it away, Bruce!
483
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:10,442
(group clapping)
(upbeat rock music)
484
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,820
Mike gave me a list of his
top 10 Springsteen songs.
485
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,031
Three of them were "Huey
Lewis and the News,"
486
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,450
one was Tracy
Chapman "Fast Car,"
487
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:22,078
and my personal
favorite, "Short People."
488
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,707
Okay, this is the
moment that you have
489
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:27,000
all been waiting for.
490
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,919
Our first item up
for bids tonight
491
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:34,716
is something I consider
to be very boss indeed.
492
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:35,925
(group clapping)
493
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,678
It is a yoga lesson
from Holly Flax!
494
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,222
Yoga!
495
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,976
And I would like to start
the bidding off at $300.
496
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,770
$300 dollars, do I hear $300?
497
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:47,896
$300.
498
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,230
Hey, batter, batter, batter.
499
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,858
Hey batter, swing
batter, $300, $300, $300.
500
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,193
Anybody, $300.
501
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,277
$400.
502
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:58,239
(Michael speaking in gibberish)
503
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:00,241
Do I see somebody in the back?
Is there somebody in the back?
504
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,327
Do I see somebody in the back?
$400, $450.
505
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:03,745
(Michael speaking in gibberish)
506
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:04,704
Sold!
507
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:05,955
For $300 to me!
508
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,123
(gavel squeaking)
509
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:08,291
What the hell is that?
510
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,668
It's the only
gavel I could find.
511
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,585
It squeaks when you bang it.
512
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,753
That's what she said.
513
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,421
Let's hear it for me!
514
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:14,547
Right?
515
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:17,467
(group clapping)
A bargain at any price.
516
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:18,843
[Darryl] Hey
Mike, do my thing.
517
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,011
Oh, yes, great.
518
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,554
Very good.
519
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:25,600
So, Darryl and the boys in
the hood in the warehouse
520
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,644
have graciously donated to
521
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:32,482
go out for a beer
with them right now.
522
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,775
You know what?
523
00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:34,943
I'm actually going
to bid on this.
524
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,403
I'm gonna start
the bidding because
525
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,905
this is something
that I have dreamt of.
526
00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,240
Mike, you can't do that.
527
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:41,616
It's conflict of interest.
528
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:42,826
$5.
529
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:43,702
Sold!
530
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,453
To Jim.
531
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,705
Sold!
532
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:47,622
(group clapping)
(gavel squeaking)
533
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:49,207
Have fun, you guys.
534
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,751
Aw man.
535
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:52,919
Pam loves Bruce
Springsteen, too.
536
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,629
I love Bruce Springsteen.
537
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:58,174
I was really excited
about those tickets.
538
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,136
You know, my only
reservation was that
539
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:04,139
Bruce Springsteen isn't
currently touring.
540
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,682
So I'm gonna go.
541
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:09,978
Well, this next item
is sure to spring steam
542
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:12,522
from your ears if
you don't win it.
543
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:15,775
Dance lessons with
our very own Kelly!
544
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:16,609
Kapoor.
545
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,195
What's up C.R.I.M.E-A.I.D?
546
00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:21,448
Bid on me and I will
teach you the dance moves
547
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:24,117
to Soulja Boy Tell'em's
dot com's "Crank That."
548
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,244
Michael, please kick it.
549
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,707
(upbeat hip hop music)
550
00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:36,838
♪ Baby girl, if you wanna
take it to the floor ♪
551
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,008
♪ Shake it down till your
body can't shake it no more ♪
552
00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:40,967
♪ Shake it down ♪
553
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:43,678
♪ Shake it, shake it ♪
554
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,512
Okay!
555
00:21:44,554 --> 00:21:45,388
Good!
556
00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:48,558
We've seen it and do I hear $15?
557
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:49,684
$40.
558
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:51,311
Really? $40?
559
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:54,230
Yeah. And if I had $45, I'd
bid $45.
560
00:21:54,272 --> 00:21:55,732
If I could bid the moon
and the stars, Kelly...
561
00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:57,859
Okay, okay! Sold!
562
00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,486
(gavel squeaking)
563
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,155
To that gorgeous, young man
who's a little bit crazy.
564
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:04,157
But I barely danced.
565
00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:07,660
This is how it's gonna go down.
566
00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:09,204
I'm gonna go to his house,
567
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,622
I'm gonna teach
him my dance moves,
568
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:12,749
I'm getting him so
worked up so he is
569
00:22:12,791 --> 00:22:14,417
dying to sleep with me.
570
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,586
Then I'm gonna shower
and gonna leave.
571
00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:17,629
Later, Howard.
572
00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:19,964
You wish you had this.
573
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:23,009
Our next item,
it just says Creed.
574
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:25,428
Yeah, that's all-inclusive.
575
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:28,890
She thought I was McNabb.
576
00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:30,642
(men laughing)
577
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:31,768
I can see that.
578
00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:33,812
Yeah, well, what you gonna do?
579
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:36,398
Another round, boys? Great.
580
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:40,318
[Roy] Halpert?
581
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,695
[Darryl] What's up, Roy?
582
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:42,529
Hey man.
583
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,368
Relax, man.
584
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:49,786
I'm not gonna hit
you or anything.
585
00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:51,621
Oh, I wouldn't...
586
00:22:51,663 --> 00:22:53,039
(Jim clearing throat)
587
00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:53,957
You good?
588
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:55,750
I'm good. How you doing?
589
00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:57,002
- I'm good.
- Okay.
590
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,253
[Roy] Hey Darryl,
what's happening?
591
00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,754
- What's up, Roy?
- What's up guys?
592
00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:00,588
[Roy] How you been?
593
00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:01,923
Hi.
594
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:05,677
I'm Kevin and I'll
do your taxes.
595
00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:07,929
Let's hear an
opening bid, everybody.
596
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:08,930
Who's first?
597
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,557
Kevin do your taxes.
598
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:11,808
He's the tax man.
599
00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:13,268
Kevin the tax man.
600
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,563
- Federal and state.
- Federal and state.
601
00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:20,191
Fine.
602
00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:22,068
Okay, all right.
603
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,820
You know what?
604
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,447
I would appreciate it if people
605
00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:27,949
would stop storming
off the stage.
606
00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:31,161
(bright guitar music)
607
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,708
(watch beeping)
608
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:41,212
(bright guitar music)
609
00:23:57,395 --> 00:24:01,775
♪ Me and the blues ♪
610
00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:05,070
♪ It's me and the blues ♪
611
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:08,990
I am not the type of person
to break an engagement.
612
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:10,492
You should talk to Pam.
613
00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:12,243
Please welcome Meredith.
614
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:13,828
Come on up, Meredith.
615
00:24:13,870 --> 00:24:15,789
(group clapping)
616
00:24:15,830 --> 00:24:19,876
Meredith today is going
to be auctioning off a...
617
00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:22,253
(Meredith mumbling)
618
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:23,296
A what?
619
00:24:24,381 --> 00:24:26,508
(Meredith mumbling)
620
00:24:26,549 --> 00:24:28,259
Okay, let's start
the bidding at $1.
621
00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:29,844
[Oscar] I'll take it.
622
00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:30,762
Sold to Oscar.
623
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:31,554
(gavel banging)
624
00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:32,430
$1.
625
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:35,266
Wow.
626
00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:36,643
How many of you thought that
627
00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:40,939
that was going to be
something sexual and gross?
628
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:41,981
Good.
629
00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:42,857
Thank you, Meredith.
630
00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:44,192
Excellent.
631
00:24:44,234 --> 00:24:47,821
Holly, would you add the
$1 to our amount raised?
632
00:24:47,862 --> 00:24:49,906
Well, we've hit a little
bit of a speed bump.
633
00:24:49,948 --> 00:24:54,411
So far we have raised
about four inches of money
634
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,538
and that may sound like a lot,
635
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:58,039
but in order to break even,
636
00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:01,459
we need to raise
a foot and a half.
637
00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:03,003
A foot and a half.
638
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:09,342
Slow and steady.
639
00:25:09,384 --> 00:25:11,970
Well, well, have we
been blessed today.
640
00:25:12,012 --> 00:25:14,806
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. David Wallace!
641
00:25:14,848 --> 00:25:16,349
(group clapping)
642
00:25:16,391 --> 00:25:17,684
(Michael chuckling)
643
00:25:17,726 --> 00:25:20,228
Thank you, Michael. Thanks.
Thanks, everybody.
644
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:21,438
I'd like to auction
off a weekend
645
00:25:21,479 --> 00:25:22,355
at my place in
Martha's Vineyard.
646
00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:23,189
Hey, hey!
647
00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:24,107
$100.
648
00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:25,066
$100, great.
649
00:25:25,108 --> 00:25:25,984
$125.
650
00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:26,818
[Michael] $125.
651
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:27,485
$140.
652
00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:29,029
[Michael] $140.
653
00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:30,196
Phyllis, someone let
the air out of your tires.
654
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:32,240
- Come quick.
- Oh dear.
655
00:25:32,282 --> 00:25:34,117
[Michael] Keep it going. Hey
batter, batter, batter.
656
00:25:34,159 --> 00:25:34,909
- $160.
- $160.
657
00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:36,995
I had to get your attention.
658
00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:38,371
This is an emergency.
659
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:39,414
Why couldn't you
have just said it?
660
00:25:39,456 --> 00:25:40,582
Why did you actually do it?
661
00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:43,084
Listen, she
ignored my ultimatum.
662
00:25:43,126 --> 00:25:44,044
Now what?
663
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,004
Now you move on.
664
00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:48,423
Okay, fine. I've moved on.
665
00:25:48,465 --> 00:25:50,216
Now how do I get her back?
666
00:25:50,258 --> 00:25:51,343
Well, Dwight, I
don't think you do.
667
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:54,512
I think you've got your answer.
668
00:25:54,554 --> 00:25:56,931
What, that's it?
669
00:25:56,973 --> 00:25:58,558
That's your advice?
670
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,269
I thought you had some
kind of big master plan.
671
00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,854
Well, I just think
we all deserve to be
672
00:26:02,896 --> 00:26:06,107
with someone who
wants to be with us.
673
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:07,317
Oh.
674
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,610
I get it.
675
00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:10,278
You're trying to
secure your place as
676
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,072
head of the
party-planning committee.
677
00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:14,115
You're just being selfish.
678
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:18,620
And you slap like a girl.
679
00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,376
What did Phyllis do wrong?
680
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:26,419
I'll tell you what
Phyllis did wrong.
681
00:26:26,461 --> 00:26:28,630
She stuck her nose
into my business
682
00:26:28,672 --> 00:26:30,590
and tried to help me.
683
00:26:33,093 --> 00:26:34,386
What's going on with Pam?
684
00:26:34,427 --> 00:26:36,429
She's good, actually.
685
00:26:37,389 --> 00:26:38,515
She's in New York.
686
00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:40,141
She's at an art school.
687
00:26:40,183 --> 00:26:41,059
Really?
688
00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:43,853
Yeah. She's doing really well.
689
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:50,443
And she's engaged... to me.
690
00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:53,071
(Roy giggling)
691
00:26:53,113 --> 00:26:55,073
Congrats, man.
692
00:26:55,115 --> 00:26:56,199
Thanks, man.
693
00:26:57,367 --> 00:26:58,743
Appreciate that.
694
00:27:00,495 --> 00:27:02,247
So Pam's happy?
695
00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:04,082
Yeah, I'd say she's happy.
696
00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:08,837
I mean, she loves her
classes, loves the city.
697
00:27:08,878 --> 00:27:10,463
I mean, last night, she
was out with her friends
698
00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:12,757
till like 8:00 AM.
699
00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:14,175
Wow.
700
00:27:14,217 --> 00:27:15,552
What?
701
00:27:15,593 --> 00:27:18,054
I thought you were a friend.
702
00:27:23,893 --> 00:27:26,563
I am going to see Pam 'cause
703
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:30,025
I feel like I should.
704
00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,612
(Jim sighing)
705
00:27:34,654 --> 00:27:36,573
When are you getting to Bruce?
706
00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:37,574
Just a few more items.
707
00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:39,284
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce!
708
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,453
(group chanting Bruce)
709
00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:42,787
All right, all
right, all right!
710
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:44,414
Here we go, here we go.
711
00:27:44,456 --> 00:27:45,373
Big ticket item.
712
00:27:45,415 --> 00:27:48,001
(group cheering)
713
00:27:48,043 --> 00:27:49,085
In my pocket,
714
00:27:50,670 --> 00:27:57,302
I have two tickets to Mr.
Bruce Springsteen, front...
715
00:27:57,344 --> 00:27:58,720
Where are those?
716
00:27:59,763 --> 00:28:02,599
Has anyone seen an envelope with
717
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,726
Bruce Springsteen
front row tickets
718
00:28:04,768 --> 00:28:05,935
and backstage passes?
719
00:28:05,977 --> 00:28:08,480
Anybody seen something
lying around?
720
00:28:08,521 --> 00:28:09,481
Do you want us
to look for 'em?
721
00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:11,066
No.
722
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:12,609
I think they were stolen.
723
00:28:12,650 --> 00:28:16,363
I think they were stolen
and they're gone, forever.
724
00:28:16,404 --> 00:28:19,199
That was the last good item,
725
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,910
so good job, everybody.
726
00:28:21,951 --> 00:28:23,661
I have my hug.
727
00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:27,332
Well, Phyllis, nobody
really wants a hug.
728
00:28:27,374 --> 00:28:28,667
I'll bid on a hug.
729
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:30,126
She's your wife, you idiot.
730
00:28:30,168 --> 00:28:30,960
$100.
731
00:28:31,961 --> 00:28:32,921
$200.
732
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:34,506
What the hell is happening?
733
00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:35,465
$250.
734
00:28:35,507 --> 00:28:36,925
What are you doing?
735
00:28:36,966 --> 00:28:38,885
I need a hug, unless
you're gonna give me one.
736
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:39,552
Not here.
737
00:28:39,594 --> 00:28:40,428
$300.
738
00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:41,346
$300.
739
00:28:41,388 --> 00:28:42,430
We have $300.
740
00:28:42,472 --> 00:28:43,723
$300 going once.
741
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:45,100
$300 going twice.
742
00:28:45,141 --> 00:28:48,520
$300 and one penny.
743
00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:49,562
$300 and one penny.
744
00:28:49,604 --> 00:28:50,397
$300 and one penny.
745
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:51,314
$325.
746
00:28:51,356 --> 00:28:52,148
[Michael] $325.
747
00:28:52,190 --> 00:28:53,024
$350.
748
00:28:53,066 --> 00:28:53,733
[Michael] $350.
749
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:54,609
$350 and one penny.
750
00:28:54,651 --> 00:28:55,443
$350 and one penny.
751
00:28:55,485 --> 00:28:56,736
- $400.
- $400.
752
00:28:56,778 --> 00:28:57,654
- Hey batter, batter.
- $400 and one penny.
753
00:28:57,696 --> 00:28:58,446
[Michael] $400 and one penny.
754
00:28:58,488 --> 00:28:59,364
[Bob] $500.
755
00:28:59,406 --> 00:29:00,240
[Michael] $500, $500.
756
00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:01,783
$500 and one penny.
757
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:03,034
$500 and one penny.
758
00:29:03,076 --> 00:29:04,452
$1 million!
759
00:29:04,494 --> 00:29:05,370
$700!
760
00:29:05,412 --> 00:29:06,204
[Michael] $700.
761
00:29:06,246 --> 00:29:08,540
$700 and one penny.
762
00:29:08,581 --> 00:29:10,959
Humuna, humuna, humuna.
763
00:29:11,001 --> 00:29:11,751
$1,000!
764
00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:15,547
Eh, it's not worth it.
765
00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:17,382
$1,000 going once,
$1,000 going twice.
766
00:29:17,424 --> 00:29:18,216
(gavel banging)
767
00:29:18,258 --> 00:29:19,509
Sold for $1,000!
768
00:29:19,551 --> 00:29:22,262
(group clapping)
769
00:29:25,140 --> 00:29:26,099
Nicely done.
770
00:29:29,644 --> 00:29:32,147
(Jim sighing)
771
00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:37,360
(tires screeching)
772
00:29:40,405 --> 00:29:41,406
(Jim laughing)
773
00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:42,657
No.
774
00:29:42,699 --> 00:29:44,534
You know what? No.
775
00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:46,619
Because I'm not that guy.
776
00:29:47,746 --> 00:29:52,042
And (giggling) we
are not that couple.
777
00:29:55,462 --> 00:29:56,379
(marker squeaking)
778
00:29:56,421 --> 00:29:58,089
Hey.
779
00:29:58,131 --> 00:29:59,299
That looks good.
780
00:30:01,801 --> 00:30:03,678
Listen, about the tickets.
781
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,432
It's sort of kind of a
gray area in terms of
782
00:30:07,474 --> 00:30:09,726
whether I had them.
783
00:30:09,768 --> 00:30:13,605
The Springsteen tickets
seemed too good to be true,
784
00:30:13,646 --> 00:30:17,400
but a lot of Michael
seems too good to be true.
785
00:30:18,651 --> 00:30:21,279
So far, it's all true.
786
00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:26,159
But yeah, those tickets really
seemed too good to be true.
787
00:30:38,171 --> 00:30:39,381
No.
788
00:30:39,422 --> 00:30:43,176
I did not know that
Michael was dating Holly.
789
00:30:51,685 --> 00:30:54,270
(keys jingling)
790
00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,362
(thud)
791
00:31:05,699 --> 00:31:09,786
(bright upbeat music)
52115
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