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1
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,982
It's kinda blurry.
2
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,362
That's better.
3
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,866
[inhales, exhales]
4
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:35,869
Question.
5
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,830
What kind of bear
is best?
6
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:39,956
That's a ridiculous question.
7
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,833
False.
Black bear.
8
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,335
Well, that's debatable.
9
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,378
There are basically
two schools of thought--
10
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,839
Fact.
Bears eat beets.
11
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,383
Bears. Beets.
12
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:51,634
Battlestar Galactica.
13
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:54,387
Bears do not--
What is going on?
14
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,722
What are you doing?
15
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,515
Last week,
I was in a drugstore,
16
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,184
and I saw these glasses.
17
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,935
Uh, $4.
18
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,729
And it only cost me $7
19
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,439
to recreate the rest
of the ensemble,
20
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,609
and that's a grand total of...
21
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,778
$11.
22
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:11,071
You know what?
23
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,864
Imitation is the most
sincere form of flattery.
24
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,116
So I thank you.
25
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,369
Identity theft
is not a joke, Jim!
26
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:21,081
Millions of families suffer
every year!
27
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:22,457
Michael!
28
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,541
Oh, that's funny.
29
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,876
Michael!
30
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,879
{\an8}[cheerful music]
31
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:34,969
{\an8}♪ ♪
32
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,494
{\an8}Yes, I understand.
33
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,371
{\an8}Can I transfer you
to Customer Relations?
34
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:02,539
{\an8}Absolutely.
35
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:03,832
{\an8}I couldn't be
more sorry about this.
36
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:05,125
{\an8}(Phyllis)
I know, I know.
37
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,668
{\an8}We're all trying to get
to the bottom of this.
38
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,129
{\an8}(Stanley)
I am upset. Don't I sound upset?
39
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,255
{\an8}[voices overlapping]
40
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,549
{\an8}Disgusting.
I totally agree.
41
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:15,593
{\an8}Well, we're going to be
recalling all of that paper.
42
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,554
{\an8}We have a crisis.
43
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,848
{\an8}Apparently, a disgruntled
employee at the paper mill
44
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:23,268
{\an8}decided that it would be funny
to put an obscene watermark
45
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,938
{\an8}on our 24-pound
cream letter stock.
46
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,524
{\an8}500 boxes has gone out
47
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:33,278
{\an8}with the image
of a beloved cartoon duck
48
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,238
{\an8}performing...
49
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,283
{\an8}unspeakable acts
upon a...
50
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,953
{\an8}certain cartoon mouse
that a lot of people like.
51
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,788
{\an8}I've never been a fan.
52
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,999
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
53
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,542
That is so messed up.
54
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,669
Everyone here is so upset.
You have no idea.
55
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,588
And rest assured,
your voice has been heard.
56
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:54,799
Okay, I'll be thinking
about you all day.
57
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,344
Customer Service.
This is Kelly.
58
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,970
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
59
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,472
That is so messed up.
60
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,183
Everyone here is so upset.
You have no idea.
61
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,060
And rest assured,
your voice has been heard.
62
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:07,312
Okay, I'll be thinking
about you all day.
63
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,147
Customer Service.
This is Kelly.
64
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,190
Oh, my God.
I am--
65
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,485
I don't have anything to say.
66
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:18,156
I just wanted to sit here
for a while.
67
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,326
Everybody in here, STAT.
68
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,495
No time to lose.
69
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,997
Cry-Man Squaw, F and C,
double time.
70
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,540
Cry-Man Squaw?
71
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,833
Crisis Management Squad.
72
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,001
F and C, double time?
73
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,211
Front and center,
74
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,004
twice as fast
as you would normally go.
75
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,339
Any other questions?
One more.
76
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,216
Why are you talking like that?
To save time, Jim.
77
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:37,759
Actually, I think
you could make the argument
78
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,010
that it wastes time.
79
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,012
(Pam)
Yeah, she has a good point.
80
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,972
I mean, for example,
with the last thing you said,
81
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,683
by the time
you explained it,
82
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:45,934
it actually took up
more time.
83
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,185
You know what?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
84
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,312
Forget it.
Where's Creed?
85
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,523
Creed, quality assurance. Here.
86
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,024
Your job.
87
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,236
I really think you screwed
the pooch on this one, Creed.
88
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:59,447
Because of you, the entire
company is in jeopardy.
89
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,949
[sighs]
90
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,659
Every week, I'm supposed
to take four hours
91
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,203
and do a quality spot-check
at the paper mill.
92
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,706
And, of course,
the one year I blow it off,
93
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,958
this happens.
94
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,043
We have a lot of angry
customers out there.
95
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,212
This puts us
at threat level Midnight.
96
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,090
Accounting, you are on customer
service duty today.
97
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,091
That's really
not our job.
98
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,552
Midnight, Oscar!
99
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,429
Don't worry, Kelly will be
training you first.
100
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,472
Kelly's training us?
101
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,725
[Kelly, chanting]
This day is bananas.
102
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,560
B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
103
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,353
This day is bananas.
104
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,479
B-A-N-A...
105
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,064
[pills rattling]
106
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,776
I don't have a headache.
107
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,945
I'm just preparing.
108
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,823
Jim, big fire
in your house.
109
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,117
Your client,
Dunmore High School,
110
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,619
sent out their prom invitations
on this paper.
111
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,830
Went home
to all the kids. Yeah, I got a call out on them.
112
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,665
No, no, no.
Not good enough.
113
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,000
This is a keystone account.
114
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,668
I want you in the school.
In person.
115
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,961
Sure.
I want you to bring a partner.
116
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,296
I'll go.
No, sweet cheeks.
117
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:57,881
We need somebody
who's actually made a sale.
118
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,090
Andy, you go.
119
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,425
[cockney accent]
William Dolittle,
120
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,926
at your service.
121
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,429
AKA, Will Do.
122
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,181
Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna go alone.
123
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,266
No, no.
I need two men on this.
124
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,934
That's what she said.
No time!
125
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,561
But she did.
No time!
126
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,188
Guys, get on this!
127
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,940
Dwight, I want you to be in
charge of the press conference.
128
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,610
Yes! You're entering
the "No Spin Zone."
129
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,403
We're having
a press conference?
130
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,656
No, Pam, the press is just
gonna find out by themselves.
131
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,200
Not.
132
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,576
Here's the thing.
133
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,911
When a company screws up,
134
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,454
best thing to do is to call
a press conference.
135
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,582
Alert the media,
and then you control the story.
136
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,960
Wait for them to find out,
and the story controls you.
137
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,796
That's what happened to O.J.
138
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,589
I have invited Barbara Allen,
139
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:42,133
one of our oldest clients,
to come in here
140
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,928
and meet with me
for a personal apology.
141
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:47,472
The press wants a story.
I will give them a story.
142
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,265
Oh, did the press
ask for a story?
143
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:51,643
Here is your headline.
144
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:55,730
"Scranton-area paper company,
Dunder-Mifflin,
145
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:59,234
"apologizes to valued client.
146
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,986
"Some companies still know
147
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,989
how business is done."
148
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,491
Okay?
[claps hands]
149
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,661
Battle stations, everybody.
Let's go, go, go, go, go!
150
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,995
Yes, hello.
151
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,205
Creed Bratton,
Quality Assurance.
152
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,998
Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.
153
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,043
I was supposed to meet
with one of your floor managers
154
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,170
last week
for a quality inspection,
155
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,090
and he or she wasn't there.
156
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,676
And I'm trying to remember
who it was.
157
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,178
Mm-hmm.
Who wasn't there last week?
158
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,850
Debbie Brown.
And which day was that?
159
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,561
Wednesday the 11th. Perfect.
160
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,730
The only difference
between me and a homeless man
161
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,148
is this job.
162
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,150
I will do whatever it takes
to survive.
163
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,028
Like I did...
when I was a homeless man.
164
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,529
Hello.
CNN?
165
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,157
I need to speak to your
Scranton area bureau chief.
166
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,199
All right,
then the bureau chief
167
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,535
for the greater
Wilkes-Barre area.
168
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,746
How 'bout,
uh, Lackawanna County?
169
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,206
Okay,
Northeastern Pennsylvania then.
170
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,958
This is extremely urgent.
171
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,251
No.
172
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,462
You put your supervisor
on the phone!
173
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,630
Customer service
isn't like accounting.
174
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,050
It's not just typing numbers
into a calculator
175
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,301
and then it tells you
an answer.
176
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,677
We do a lot more than that.
177
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,721
Okay, or hand out checks
or whatever it is you do.
178
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,265
Look, I know the reason
that you guys became accountants
179
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,059
is 'cause you're not good
at interacting with people.
180
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,477
But guess what?
181
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,395
From now on,
you guys are no longer losers.
182
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,647
So give yourselves
a round of applause.
183
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,401
I wonder how many
phone calls you're missing
184
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,153
while you're teaching us
to answer calls.
185
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,488
I know, right?
Probably a lot.
186
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:27,697
(Angela)
Can you just tell us
187
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,157
what we need to do
so we can go?
188
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,659
Okay, Angela.
I love your enthusiasm.
189
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,661
All you need to know how to do
is pick up the phone and say,
190
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,372
"Customer Service.
This is Kelly."
191
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,540
Except don't say Kelly.
Say your own name.
192
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,584
Or, if you're bored,
you can just make up a name.
193
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,419
Like one time
I said I was Bridget Jones,
194
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,796
[British accent]
and I talked like this
195
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,255
for the whole conversation.
196
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,298
Ooh, can I be...
197
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,841
[awkward accent]
Australian, mate?
198
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,218
[Kelly, British accent]
Absolutely!
199
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,719
[awkwardly]
'Ello, mate.
200
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,389
I like ice cream.
I need a boyfriend.
201
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,016
I like ice cream, too, mate.
202
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,601
Alli-gators
203
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,895
and dingo babies.
204
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:00,188
Okay.
Roleplaying time.
205
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,898
All right, I think I'm trained.
Thank you.
206
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,817
Ooh, can I be a pirate?
207
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,152
In my opinion, the watermark
208
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:09,614
is not going to be the most
distasteful part of my day.
209
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,244
Beer me.
210
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,912
What's that?
211
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,956
Hand me that water.
I always say, "Beer me."
212
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,250
Gets a laugh, like,
a quarter of the time.
213
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,835
So how's what's-her-name?
214
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,294
You know her name.
215
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,587
Who, Karen?
216
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,589
Yeah, she's only one
of my oldest friends.
217
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,967
Mm. How's the apartment
hanging?
218
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,677
It's fine.
219
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,346
Nice.
220
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,807
Check out
this sunshine, man.
221
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,517
Global warming, right?
222
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,353
Today was supposed to be
really cold, I bet.
223
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:43,148
What about music?
Do you have any music?
224
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,442
Uh, yeah.
Should have said so.
225
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,154
♪ Rah-dah-dah-dah,
now gimme the beat, boys ♪
226
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,655
♪ And free my soul ♪
227
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,450
♪ I wanna get lost
in your rock and roll ♪
228
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,660
♪ And drift away-ay ♪
229
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,663
[scatting]
230
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,458
♪ Gimme the beat, boys,
and free my little old soul * ♪
231
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,460
I was thinking
more like a CD or...
232
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,128
a CD?
233
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,504
Your call, dude.
234
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,340
My girlfriend
made an awesome mix.
235
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,799
Beer me that disc.
236
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,928
Lord, beer me strength.
237
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,598
So, Tuna, when we
get in there,
238
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,600
let's do a really
good job, okay?
239
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,226
Did that really
need to be said?
240
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,562
Well, not everything
a guy says needs to be said.
241
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:26,024
Sometimes it's just about
the music of a conversation.
242
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,984
Whoa, what the--
243
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,195
why is my girlfriend here?
244
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,447
Oh, is she that
teacher in the white?
245
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:36,493
No, she's a part-time
frozen yogurt chef.
246
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,119
Which one is she?
247
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,704
The one
in the green hoodie.
248
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,289
Wow!
249
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,041
I wonder if she's, like,
250
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,793
a guidance counselor
or something?
251
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:45,835
No.
252
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,212
I don't think so.
253
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,546
She's probably a tutor. Nope.
254
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,215
She's probably a te--
No.
255
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,424
She's--
No.
256
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,887
Okay, press conference in 45.
257
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,889
Dwight, make sure
this place looks nice.
258
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,432
On it.
259
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,062
Okay, Karen, Ryan, Pam.
260
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,230
Center stage.
261
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,857
Pam, run a comb
through your hair.
262
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,442
(Dwight)
First rule in roadside beet sales:
263
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,444
put the most
attractive beets on top.
264
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,279
The ones that make you pull
the car over and go,
265
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,990
"Wow, I need this beet
right now."
266
00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,909
Those are the money beets.
267
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:18,952
[door opens]
268
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:22,831
Hey!
[snaps twice]
269
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:23,915
Look sharp.
270
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,417
Hey, uh, hi.
271
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,918
Hello.
Dwight Schrute.
272
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,295
And you must be, uh,
from The Washington Post.
273
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,422
Scranton Times.
274
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,132
Chad Lite.
"Lighter Side of Life."
275
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,675
And "Breaking
Corporate News."
276
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,844
And obits.
277
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,595
[under breath]
Oh, dear God.
278
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,930
Okay, here are
your credentials.
279
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,641
You've been granted
level 3 security clearance.
280
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,852
Don't get too excited.
That's out of 20.
281
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:44,728
Right this way.
282
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,438
Regional Manager Michael Scott
283
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,523
will be addressing the client
in the press room shortly.
284
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:50,859
Have a seat.
Can I get you a beverage?
285
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,028
Uh, yeah,
I'd like a-- Great.
286
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,743
Oh, Andy,
you know what?
287
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,910
We don't have a lot
of time,
288
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,329
so we should probably--
289
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,748
Jamie.
Andy--oh!
290
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,583
What are you
doing here? Andy?
291
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,209
Are you a student here?
292
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,003
Oh... yeah.
293
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:13,673
You never told me
you were in high school.
294
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,550
This is weird.
295
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:17,927
I gotta go to Spanish.
296
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,267
Oh, my God!
297
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,810
Oh my God.
298
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,315
I had no idea.
299
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:35,612
Well... that's not gonna
hold up in court.
300
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,280
We didn't do anything illegal.
301
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:41,785
Except knock over a mailbox
with her friends.
302
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,453
Okay.
Then you did nothing wrong.
303
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,788
We should go.
304
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,207
How could I not realize?
305
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,042
She looks older.
306
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,002
Yeah.
She does, doesn't she?
307
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,962
No.
308
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:56,257
She acts older too.
309
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,593
She knows everything
about European history
310
00:11:58,635 --> 00:11:59,886
and photosynthesis
311
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,638
and she made me this lanyard
312
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:05,058
with, like,
a female clay... thing.
313
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,851
She's a Renaissance woman.
314
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,478
Or a high school girl.
315
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,356
Let's go.
316
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:22,492
Hello.
Hey.
317
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,578
'Scuse me.
318
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,955
You're Creed Bratton,
319
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,582
guitar player for Grass Roots
in the late 1960s.
320
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:32,335
I am indeed.
How'd you know that?
321
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,920
I wrote your obituary.
322
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,964
Oh.
Oh, that's right.
323
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:38,341
Good work.
Thank you very much, sir.
324
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,760
(Creed)
About ten years ago, for tax reasons,
325
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,595
I faked my own death.
326
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,975
I've been collecting benefits
as my own widow ever since.
327
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,853
Sir, yes, you have
a valid point.
328
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,187
I'm sorry.
329
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,524
No, I am so sorry.
330
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:55,859
Really?
Dickson City.
331
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,027
(Angela)
Excuse me?
332
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,903
Well, I don't see
how that's our fault.
333
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,363
And I've already told you
334
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,782
the official position
of Dunder-Mifflin is apologetic.
335
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,159
So I don't know
what you want from me.
336
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,788
Okay,
first I just wanna say
337
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:12,167
that you are doing
so good.
338
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:15,378
Look, you have so many
good qualities
339
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,547
that the one that you
might wanna work on
340
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,758
is... apologizing?
341
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,679
When I went over Wednesday
for the spot check,
342
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,097
I got a call
from Debbie Brown
343
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,767
saying she has an emergency
dentist appointment.
344
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,977
Emergency dentist appointment.
345
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:34,314
Now I'm told she told
her manager she had the flu.
346
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,900
I'm a trusting guy,
but, uh...
347
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,485
I just wish
Debbie Brown had been there.
348
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,236
We would have caught this.
349
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,949
Yes.
350
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,701
I'll be sure someone
returns your call.
351
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,079
I'm so sorry. Bye.
352
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,081
Hello. I'm looking
for Michael Scott.
353
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:54,042
(Michael)
Mrs. Allen is our most important client.
354
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,086
Because every client
355
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:58,088
is our most important client.
356
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:02,342
Even though she's a pretty
unimportant client, really.
357
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:05,804
And so, with the eyes
of the nation upon us,
358
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,430
I would like to say
359
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,808
that Dunder-Mifflin
truly regrets
360
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,185
this unfortunate incident.
361
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:15,105
And, as a gesture
of gratitude
362
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:19,317
for your continued loyalty,
Mrs. Allen,
363
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,821
I would like to present you
with this novelty check
364
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,241
for six months of free paper,
or 25 reams,
365
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,992
whichever comes first.
366
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,079
You look good in this.
367
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:36,001
So... let us consider
this matter ended.
368
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,128
Well, it isn't ended.
369
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,922
I'm--I'm very angry.
I could have lost business.
370
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:44,092
I know.
I know you're angry.
371
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,845
And we are truly,
truly sorry.
372
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,265
With dissatisfied clients,
it doesn't matter what you did.
373
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,727
All they wanna hear
is that you're sorry.
374
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:54,978
They're like women that way.
375
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,688
And this client is a woman.
376
00:14:56,730 --> 00:15:00,525
So when I say I'm sorry,
it will be twice as effective.
377
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,486
I don't accept
your apology.
378
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:06,656
The watermark was obscene
and horrifying.
379
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,116
Well...
380
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,701
we are extremely sorry.
381
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,746
I don't accept.
382
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,789
I'm sorry.
383
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:18,335
Well, okay...
but I don't accept.
384
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,170
Say you're sorry
times infinity,
385
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:21,629
'cause there's no comeback
for that.
386
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:22,672
All right.
387
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,424
We are infinitely sorry.
388
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:25,508
I'm still furious.
389
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,677
You understand
you get this check.
390
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:28,928
Mm.
391
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,892
I don't believe in apologies.
392
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,102
When someone in the Yakuza
makes a mistake,
393
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,772
they cut off a portion
of their own pinky finger,
394
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:42,025
and in that way save face.
395
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,526
And knowing the Japanese,
they probably get
396
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:46,363
an even better
prosthetic finger.
397
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,906
With a knife
you can take out of it
398
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,533
or a screwdriver
or a corkscrew.
399
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:54,996
I'll be with you in a moment.
400
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,373
All right.
401
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:03,463
Who was that guy she was
talking to at her locker?
402
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:06,216
Not important.
Because you're not dating her.
403
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,218
Because it's a felony.
404
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,053
But who was that guy?
405
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:13,598
Probably another
high school student.
406
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:22,482
Chicken pot pie.
407
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,734
What's that?
408
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,444
It's what I was eating
409
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,989
in the parking lot
of a 7-Eleven for dinner,
410
00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,366
and I got out of the car
411
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:34,119
to shake the crumbs
off my shirt,
412
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,372
and this smokin' hot woman
comes up
413
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,498
and we strike up
a conversation.
414
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,667
Oh, you don't
have to tell me this.
415
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,585
She lets me buy her
416
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,587
and her friends
some wine coolers
417
00:16:44,629 --> 00:16:46,214
for a dinner party
she's going to.
418
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:50,468
You shouldn't be talking
about that.
419
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:56,266
I threw in some scratch tickets
'cause I'm a generous guy.
420
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,601
The issue with the watermark
is very serious.
421
00:16:58,643 --> 00:16:59,769
Absolutely.
422
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,855
We teach our students
that character counts.
423
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:04,232
And you should.
[scoffs]
424
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,109
You don't teach it well enough.
425
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,570
One of your students
is a bitch.
426
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:12,157
Andy is having
a real rough day today.
427
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:15,118
I wanna take out an ad
in your yearbook.
428
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,661
Full page, two words.
429
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,121
"Good luck."
430
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:20,832
That's not what I had in mind.
431
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,876
Ask where he's from.
432
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,961
Where are you from?
433
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,629
Ohio? That's nice.
434
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,965
So what do you want?
435
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,383
He's upset
about the watermark.
436
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,593
Ok, great.
437
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,178
Now tell him that
it was an unfortunate error,
438
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:34,804
and we're doing everything
we can do to fix it,
439
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,139
and that you're sorry.
440
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:38,475
It was an unfortunate error.
We're fixing it.
441
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,101
And you already got
your money back--
442
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,561
And you're sorry.
443
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,355
And the company
has already apologized,
444
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,358
so you can take that
apology or not.
445
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,445
I think he had
Tourette's or something.
446
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,322
Why am I getting
all of the bad ones?
447
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,656
Why can't you just say
you're sorry
448
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,033
and make them feel better?
449
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,743
I'm not gonna lie
and say I'm sorry
450
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,495
when the company didn't do
anything wrong.
451
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,330
That's immoral
and this is ridiculous.
452
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,457
Would you please... please.
453
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,376
Well, you have to do
what I say, okay?
454
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,169
Because Michael put me
in charge
455
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,587
even though you're old enough
to be my mother.
456
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,089
What?
457
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,759
Well, what you say is stupid,
and your job is pointless.
458
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,261
And you're a slut,
and everyone thinks so.
459
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:18,014
Well, you're fired, okay?
Go back to Accounting, Angela.
460
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:19,766
Gladly.
I quit.
461
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:26,064
We are going to do
everything humanly possible
462
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,982
to ensure that this
never happens again.
463
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,609
Well, it doesn't help.
464
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:31,403
Because it already
happened to me.
465
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,863
The watermark--
it's a one-time thing.
466
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:35,865
I don't care.
It was disgusting!
467
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,450
Cartoon characters
having sex?
468
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:41,037
May I point out that the sex
appeared to be consensual.
469
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,623
Both animals were smiling. Okay.
470
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:45,166
I grew up on a farm.
471
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:49,045
I have seen animals having sex
in every position imaginable.
472
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:52,007
Goat on chicken,
chicken on goat.
473
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,258
Couple of chickens
doing a goat.
474
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,510
Couple of pigs watching.
475
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,054
Whoever drew this
got it exactly right.
476
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,307
If cartoon characters didn't
have sex,
477
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,769
then how do we get
new cartoon characters?
478
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:09,816
What... can I do
for you?
479
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:13,194
For starters,
I think that you should resign.
480
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:14,571
Well...
[exhales]
481
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,406
Okay. Well...
482
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,074
Um, wasn't really
my fault.
483
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,285
The guys
at the paper mill-- You're the head--
484
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,286
It was a guy at the paper mills.
No, no, no.
485
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,246
You're the head
of the company!
486
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,040
I'm the head of the company?
Yes, and that makes it your responsibility--
487
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,541
No, I'm a regional manager.
488
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:27,792
(Mrs. Allen)
And you should lose your job!
489
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,669
Okay, this is insane.
You can get out of here.
490
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:31,629
Get out!
That's insane. Fine.
491
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,214
We'll give this to somebody
who will appreciate it.
492
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,382
(Dwight)
It's nontransferable.
493
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,592
Doesn't matter.
Out, please!
494
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,052
I'm calling
the Better Business Bureau.
495
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,804
Yeah, well, I'm calling
the Ungrateful Bee-otch Hotline!
496
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,018
Did you get all that?
497
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,436
Everything.
498
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:52,442
The customer is always right.
499
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:54,277
Mrs. Allen was our customer.
500
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,154
She was wrong.
501
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,655
Is that a contradiction?
502
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,492
No, because she's not
our customer anymore.
503
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:07,040
We gotta do something.
504
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:08,041
[exhales]
505
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,626
This is spinning
out of control, Pam.
506
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:10,919
This is just not--
507
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,712
It's just
The Scranton Times.
508
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,839
No, then Newsweek
picks it up.
509
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,384
And then CNN
does a story about it.
510
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,094
And then... YouTube
gets a hold of it.
511
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,470
You know what?
512
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:22,347
I really think the whole thing
is just gonna blow over
513
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,432
in, like, a week or two.
514
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:27,769
You're right.
It will blow over.
515
00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:33,608
But it's not
going to take...
516
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,402
a week or two.
517
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,946
Do you know what
this is for?
518
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,739
Yes.
519
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,074
(Pam)
Michael likes me to run the camera
520
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,952
when he makes
his apology videos.
521
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:47,914
He says he needs
a woman's touch.
522
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,500
My favorite is the one
for his mother.
523
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:51,835
Hey, Mom.
524
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,962
Happy birthday, belatedly.
525
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,505
Sorry I forgot.
526
00:20:55,547 --> 00:21:00,260
I had put it on my calendar,
and then Pam... threw that out.
527
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,761
The one I'd like to forget
528
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:04,556
is the one
for the condo association.
529
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,391
And without denying
the seriousness
530
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,434
of the situation,
531
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,436
I would just like to remind you
532
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,146
that in much
of the Netherlands,
533
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:13,898
swimming naked is the norm.
534
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,484
So in Norway,
you'd be the weirdos.
535
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:20,071
Very well.
536
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:21,406
I just got a call
from Debbie Brown
537
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:22,407
over at the mill.
538
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,742
She claims innocence
539
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,785
and is willing to come
over here and defend herself.
540
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:27,704
No time.
541
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:29,873
Dwight, I love Debbie Brown.
542
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:32,292
She's a close personal friend,
543
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,586
but quality is my life.
544
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:38,298
This company has a reputation
to uphold.
545
00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,549
As much as it pains me,
546
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:42,093
someone has to be
held accountable.
547
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:45,221
You're right.
Mercy is for girl babies.
548
00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:48,850
Time to put this dog down.
549
00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:50,727
Hey, Angela?
550
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:51,853
I'm sorry that I said
551
00:21:51,895 --> 00:21:53,313
that you were old enough
to be my mother.
552
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:54,773
I don't know why I said that.
553
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,483
I think I might be hypoglycemic
or something,
554
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,485
but still, it's no excuse.
555
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:01,529
So I'm very sorry.
556
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:03,573
Oh.
557
00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:06,284
Thank you, Kelly.
558
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:18,838
And I...
559
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,674
wish I hadn't
called you stupid.
560
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:23,176
Do you think I'm a slut?
561
00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:24,928
No, but some of your outfits
are not app--
562
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:26,638
Apology accepted.
I didn't apologize.
563
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,348
We're, like, best friends now.
We're not.
564
00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:29,557
I'll text you.
Don't.
565
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:31,101
(Kelly)
Bye, Angela.
566
00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:32,644
Fine.
567
00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:35,188
That is all
I was looking for today.
568
00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:37,357
She got something
out of my training session.
569
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,526
I mean, she will never work
in customer relations.
570
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:40,694
Oh, my God, no, never.
571
00:22:40,735 --> 00:22:43,279
But maybe she'll be
less of a grump.
572
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,615
Kelly's not so bad.
573
00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:48,076
She really taught me
something today.
574
00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:55,208
To the fullest extent
of the law.
575
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:56,793
Listen up, everyone.
576
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:58,962
I just got off the phone
with the mill.
577
00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:00,839
Final responsibility
for Watermarkgate
578
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,382
has been assigned.
579
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:05,760
Floor Manager Debbie Brown has
officially been terminated.
580
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,470
Let's give a big hand
to Creed Bratton,
581
00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,764
without whose earnest
and diligent sleuthing,
582
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,350
this scandal might
never have been resolved.
583
00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:19,274
Just doing my job, guys.
584
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:31,494
Am I shiny?
585
00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:33,121
Yeah.
586
00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:45,592
Okay, I think that's good.
587
00:23:45,633 --> 00:23:47,677
Okay, that's enough Aqua Net.
588
00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:49,637
I don't know.
[clears throat] Stop it.
589
00:23:49,679 --> 00:23:51,723
[coughs]
590
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:53,308
(Michael)
"Hello, I am Michael Scott,
591
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:56,353
"Regional Manager
of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton.
592
00:23:56,394 --> 00:23:59,105
"By now, you are probably
sick of hearing about
593
00:23:59,147 --> 00:24:03,276
"Dunder-Mifflin and our
embarrassing watermark boner.
594
00:24:03,318 --> 00:24:06,112
"Let me tell you something.
Something from the heart.
595
00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:09,449
"I am not leaving
this office.
596
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:11,242
"It will take a SWAT team
597
00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:13,411
"to remove me
from this office,
598
00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:15,038
and maybe not even that."
599
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,290
Uh, you could never
withstand a SWAT team.
600
00:24:17,332 --> 00:24:20,543
That's how devoted I am
to this job.
601
00:24:20,585 --> 00:24:21,878
I'm just saying.
I know.
602
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,463
They would flank you,
throw in a concussion grenade.
603
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,298
I understand that, Dwight.
You'd be on the ground--
604
00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:26,758
Do you think
you're taking it a little...
605
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:27,884
blind, deaf, dumb.
606
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:29,469
literally, Dwight?
607
00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:30,637
And now we're wasting tape.
608
00:24:30,679 --> 00:24:32,013
I'm gonna have
to cut this all out.
609
00:24:32,055 --> 00:24:33,556
Can you say "cut"...
Cut.
610
00:24:33,598 --> 00:24:34,974
So I know where to--
Cut.
611
00:24:35,016 --> 00:24:36,351
I'm asking Pam
to do it, please.
612
00:24:36,393 --> 00:24:39,646
Cut.
Okay, ready?
613
00:24:39,688 --> 00:24:42,482
Kevin, what's four
plus seven?
614
00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:44,109
Eleven.
615
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,276
Yeah, well,
you didn't know that
616
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,487
when you filled out
this payroll form.
617
00:24:47,529 --> 00:24:51,199
Yeah, well, at least I didn't
suck at customer relations.
618
00:24:51,241 --> 00:24:52,492
Ooh, yes!
619
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:53,493
Facial!
620
00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:54,536
Yes.
621
00:24:54,577 --> 00:24:57,122
You two are apes.
622
00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:59,624
I expect you to apologize
for that, Angela.
623
00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,459
I'm sorry.
624
00:25:01,501 --> 00:25:03,503
That you're both morons.
625
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:05,046
But you still said,
"I'm sorry."
626
00:25:05,088 --> 00:25:06,506
I called you morons.
Still said it.
627
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,258
Still said it, so...
628
00:25:16,891 --> 00:25:19,352
Five, four, three.
629
00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:21,396
"There is no way
630
00:25:21,438 --> 00:25:22,856
"I will resign.
631
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:24,190
"It wouldn't be fair.
632
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,776
"Not to the good workers
I work with,
633
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:28,570
"not to my clients,
634
00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:30,697
"and especially not to me.
635
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,365
"Let's not forget
636
00:25:32,407 --> 00:25:36,494
"who this whole resigning
business is about, anyway.
637
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,621
"I have literally apologized
638
00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:40,790
"an infinite number of times
on this,
639
00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:43,835
"and there are still calls
for me to resign,
640
00:25:43,877 --> 00:25:46,421
"calls from an annoying woman
641
00:25:46,463 --> 00:25:49,299
"and possibly even
the media alike.
642
00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:51,009
"Well, let me
tell you something,
643
00:25:51,051 --> 00:25:52,677
"something from the heart:
644
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:54,846
"I will not resign.
645
00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:58,391
"I need this job.
646
00:25:58,433 --> 00:26:02,062
"My mortgage is
hundreds of dollars a month.
647
00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:04,898
"With this job,
I can barely cover that.
648
00:26:04,939 --> 00:26:06,941
"I have a company car,
649
00:26:06,983 --> 00:26:08,943
"but I still have to pay
for gas,
650
00:26:08,985 --> 00:26:11,863
"and gas prices are high,
651
00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:14,991
"and I have no savings whatsoever.
652
00:26:15,033 --> 00:26:18,953
"And it wasn't even me.
653
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:23,333
"It's so not fair
that they want me to resign.
654
00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:26,086
"If I could leave you
with one thought,
655
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:28,505
"remember... it wasn't me.
656
00:26:28,546 --> 00:26:31,966
"They're trying to make me
an escape goat.
657
00:26:32,008 --> 00:26:35,053
"If I am fired,
I swear to God
658
00:26:35,095 --> 00:26:38,765
"that every single piece
of copier paper in this town
659
00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:42,977
"is going to have
the F-word on it.
660
00:26:43,019 --> 00:26:45,438
The F-word."
661
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,982
You have one day.
662
00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:50,110
(Pam)
One day for what?
663
00:26:50,151 --> 00:26:53,488
That's--they always
give an ultimatum.
664
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:54,864
Okay.
665
00:26:54,906 --> 00:26:56,324
(Michael)
Good? Cut?
666
00:26:56,366 --> 00:26:57,951
Cut.
667
00:26:57,992 --> 00:27:00,620
That was your best
apology video ever.
668
00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:02,288
I thought so too.
669
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:05,125
Okay, Andy, we need to go. Seriously.
670
00:27:05,166 --> 00:27:08,420
Dude, there she is.
Don't look, don't look.
671
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:11,131
[sighs]
She's sitting with Denise.
672
00:27:11,172 --> 00:27:12,757
How am I supposed to do this?
Denise hates me.
673
00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:14,050
Don't do it.
674
00:27:14,092 --> 00:27:15,969
What is your problem, man?
675
00:27:16,011 --> 00:27:18,847
Can't you support a bro?
676
00:27:18,888 --> 00:27:22,058
That's why you don't have
any friends, Tuna.
677
00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:23,810
[exhales]
I'm sorry.
678
00:27:23,852 --> 00:27:24,894
I'm sorry.
I just--I need your help.
679
00:27:24,936 --> 00:27:25,937
It's okay.
680
00:27:25,979 --> 00:27:29,149
I...love her.
681
00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:31,776
What?
Yeah.
682
00:27:31,818 --> 00:27:33,945
I lo--I love her?
683
00:27:33,987 --> 00:27:36,031
Is this what love is?
684
00:27:36,072 --> 00:27:38,241
This, like, horrible feeling
in my stomach?
685
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:39,909
Nope.
That's your conscience.
686
00:27:39,951 --> 00:27:41,369
Listen to it.
687
00:27:41,411 --> 00:27:43,580
Look, okay, just be my wingman.
688
00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:45,457
Beer me five minutes.
689
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:46,708
Go talk to Denise.
690
00:27:46,750 --> 00:27:50,837
She's really into
White Russians and whippets.
691
00:27:50,879 --> 00:27:52,756
Jamie, can I talk to you
for a second?
692
00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:54,299
[sighs]
693
00:27:54,341 --> 00:27:56,384
Yeah.
I only have a minute.
694
00:28:01,598 --> 00:28:04,476
So... high school.
695
00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:08,146
You have a cigarette?
696
00:28:08,188 --> 00:28:11,066
Oh, I don't smoke. Sorry.
697
00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:15,403
Hey, does Mr. Nortman
still teach here?
698
00:28:15,445 --> 00:28:17,030
He's a jerk, right?
699
00:28:17,072 --> 00:28:19,866
He's dead.
700
00:28:19,908 --> 00:28:20,992
Hey, do you have any weed?
701
00:28:21,034 --> 00:28:23,912
No.
Nope.
702
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:24,954
Do you have a kid here?
703
00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:27,290
Hey, Andy?
What?
704
00:28:27,332 --> 00:28:28,541
Yup.
705
00:28:28,583 --> 00:28:30,001
Well, crisis averted.
706
00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:32,796
Apology video is online,
707
00:28:32,837 --> 00:28:36,549
and the hits are
already pouring in.
708
00:28:36,591 --> 00:28:37,717
Enjoy.
709
00:28:37,759 --> 00:28:39,803
[cheery music]
710
00:28:39,844 --> 00:28:42,263
Ouch!
711
00:28:42,305 --> 00:28:44,140
Accidents happen.
712
00:28:44,182 --> 00:28:47,268
Even to the best of us.
713
00:28:47,310 --> 00:28:49,270
Hello.
I am Michael Scott.
714
00:28:49,312 --> 00:28:51,731
Regional Manager
of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton.
715
00:28:51,773 --> 00:28:52,941
By now...
716
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:55,151
Got a farewell card
for Debbie Brown.
717
00:28:55,193 --> 00:28:56,528
I thought maybe
you'd like to sign it.
718
00:28:56,569 --> 00:28:58,196
Maybe throw a couple
of bucks in there for her.
719
00:28:58,238 --> 00:28:59,739
She's got some children.
720
00:28:59,781 --> 00:29:01,533
(Creed)
I feel terrible about Debbie Brown.
721
00:29:01,574 --> 00:29:03,535
She got fired
because of Dwight.
722
00:29:03,576 --> 00:29:07,080
So I thought I'd pass around
a good-bye card.
723
00:29:07,122 --> 00:29:08,665
Maybe everyone could put in
a couple of bucks
724
00:29:08,707 --> 00:29:11,668
to help her through
these difficult times.
725
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:15,005
Why do bad things always happen
to the good people?
726
00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:19,259
It's tragic.
Just tragic.
727
00:29:21,886 --> 00:29:23,847
(Michael)
"Local paper distributor Dunder-Mifflin
728
00:29:23,888 --> 00:29:28,143
"has recalled 4,000 reams
of 24-pound cream letter stock.
729
00:29:28,184 --> 00:29:31,229
"Branch manager Michael Scott
remains optimistic
730
00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:33,106
about the recall."
731
00:29:33,148 --> 00:29:36,443
And that, incidentally,
is exactly how I spun it.
732
00:29:42,615 --> 00:29:43,658
You want music?
733
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,286
I don't care.
734
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:47,787
Come on, man.
Just give it a couple days.
735
00:29:47,829 --> 00:29:49,748
I think
you'll be all right.
736
00:29:49,789 --> 00:29:50,707
Yeah.
737
00:29:55,754 --> 00:29:57,797
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
738
00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:59,841
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
739
00:29:59,883 --> 00:30:02,052
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
740
00:30:02,093 --> 00:30:04,137
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
741
00:30:04,179 --> 00:30:05,388
You know what?
I-I don't--
742
00:30:05,430 --> 00:30:07,015
[louder]
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
743
00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:08,808
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
744
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:10,810
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
745
00:30:10,852 --> 00:30:12,228
♪ A-wimoweh ♪
746
00:30:12,270 --> 00:30:16,232
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
747
00:30:16,274 --> 00:30:18,777
♪ Ree um bum bum-a hey *
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh ♪
748
00:30:18,818 --> 00:30:20,111
♪ A-wimoweh ♪
749
00:30:20,153 --> 00:30:23,531
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
750
00:30:23,573 --> 00:30:27,535
♪ Ree um bum bum-a hey *
♪ A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh * ♪
751
00:30:27,577 --> 00:30:28,578
Sweet.
752
00:30:32,374 --> 00:30:33,375
In order to defeat your enemy,
753
00:30:33,416 --> 00:30:36,044
you must become your enemy.
754
00:30:36,086 --> 00:30:39,923
And so I will become
my own worst enemy.
755
00:30:44,928 --> 00:30:46,304
Pam?
756
00:30:46,346 --> 00:30:48,264
Hey, Dwight.
757
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,266
You look
really nice today.
758
00:30:50,308 --> 00:30:52,143
Psh!
I look like an idiot.
759
00:30:53,436 --> 00:30:54,688
Hey, Karen.
760
00:30:54,729 --> 00:30:56,398
Hey, Dwight.
Lookin' sharp.
761
00:30:56,439 --> 00:30:58,233
Yeah, that's 'cause I'm...
762
00:30:58,274 --> 00:31:00,485
your boyfriend,
Jim Halpert.
763
00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,028
Hey, Karen,
764
00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:03,905
wanna get together later
765
00:31:03,947 --> 00:31:07,033
and have sexual intercourse,
'cause you're my girlfriend?
766
00:31:07,075 --> 00:31:08,284
Do you?
No.
767
00:31:08,326 --> 00:31:10,161
Okay.
I'm good. Thanks.
768
00:31:17,127 --> 00:31:18,420
Look at that.
769
00:31:18,461 --> 00:31:19,838
I'm Jim Halpert.
770
00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:23,758
Spot on.
771
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,553
Blah, blah, a little comment. Yeah.
54638
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