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1
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[THE WURZELS'
"GIVE ME ENGLAND" PLAYS]
2
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,191
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
3
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,278
TIMMY:
Hello. It's Timmy Lea yet again.
4
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:56,549
Now, only Sid could've come up with the brilliant
idea of reopening a holiday camp in March.
5
00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:01,112
It was so cold, the Russians were trying to send
political prisoners there. And the wind... Ha!
6
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,273
You could hardly hear
your teeth chatter.
7
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,871
SID:
Ah! This must be the life, Timmy, eh?
8
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:09,434
[♪♪♪]
9
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Entertainments officer
at Funfrall Holiday Camp.
10
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,720
Can you think of a better position?
No, Sid.
11
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,033
There's no doubt about it, Timmo,
this time I've really landed us in clover.
12
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,194
You've got a brilliant brother-in-law.
Yes, Sid.
13
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,751
But listen, shouldn't we think
about laying on something?
14
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,833
Relax, will you, relax!
15
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:38,153
The less we organise,
the less we've got to do.
16
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,914
We're on a cushy number here.
17
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,353
Oh! Steady on, darling!
You nearly bruised Siddy's lips.
18
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,829
Sorry.
19
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,160
Hello!
20
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,870
Oh, Lionel's coming, Sid.
That'll be the day!
21
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,191
SID: What's up?
I don't know, dear.
22
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,354
Rumour, that fickle jade, has it
that the camp has been sold.
23
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,240
And you are wanted
in the office immediately. Ta-ra!
24
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,391
Sold?
25
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,238
WOMAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
Hello, campers!
26
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:23,158
Don't forget to collect your packed lunches from
the main restaurant for the Magical Mystery Tour!
27
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,271
Hey, mush, where's Noddy?
28
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:31,954
Noddy?
Yeah.
29
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,397
If, by any chance, you're referring
to the previous owner, Mr. Nudgeley,
30
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,554
may I inform you that he has already
departed, leaving you his best wishes.
31
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:44,192
For your information, I am not mush, I
am William Whitemonk, the new owner,
32
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:50,391
late, but never in a temporal sense,
of Her Majesty's Prison Garfleet.
33
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,391
What were you in for? Murder?
34
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,551
Rape? Arson?
35
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,711
I was the chief warder, lad.
Eh?
36
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,873
And I had better warn you
at the start of our relationship
37
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,353
that I can't abide whingers, cringers,
skivers, malingerers or backsliders.
38
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,514
I'm fairly certain that you're in that list
somewhere! Smarten up! Disgrace to the uniform!
39
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,549
Get that scruffy vest off! Get a shirt
on! I'm going to get a grip, Noggett!
40
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,953
Henceforward, there are only going to be two
ways of doing things: my way and the wrong way.
41
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,429
Oh, yes!
42
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,270
Anyone who does not play ball with me will have
no balls with which to play. Is that clear?
43
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,717
Perfectly, sir.
You're the entertainments officer?
44
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,918
That's right.
Well, outline your programme, lad!
45
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,514
Come on! Oh--!
46
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,194
Well...
47
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:39,195
Well, we have the occasional sing-song
when everybody's pissed. I mean, had a few.
48
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:44,150
Sing-song?
Yes, sir. Then there's the clock golf.
49
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:49,759
And the donkey derby, when we can get the
donkeys, of course. And the fancy dress.
50
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:56,872
Not very inspired, Noggett. I think our parting of
the ways had better come sooner rather than later.
51
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,236
And the beauty contest, sir!
52
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,711
Beauty contest, eh?
Tell me more, Noggett.
53
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,357
Well,
54
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:14,195
it's only in the early planning
stages, as it were, sir, at the moment.
55
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,070
But I think it could be very big.
56
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,789
I think it's got enormous...
57
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,997
publicity value.
58
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:29,794
I hope so, for your sake, lad. If this beauty contest
doesn't go off with a bang, you'll go out with a thud. Clear?
59
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,394
Yes, sir.
60
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,678
Now, you've got an assistant called--
Lea.
61
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,991
Lea, yes. Now, where is he?
62
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:41,757
Oh! Don't worry about him, sir.
He's always on the job.
63
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,673
[MOANING]
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00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,389
WOMAN:
I do not find it very easy.
65
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,076
TIMMY: Up a bit more and
you'll find it'll slip in quite easy.
66
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,278
WOMAN:
It keeps slipping out!
67
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,115
TIMMY:
Slide it backwards and forwards!
68
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,832
It is easy for you. Oh!
69
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,994
Do you not think maybe we should
be looking after the guests?
70
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,834
I mean, after all,
we are the holiday hosts.
71
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:14,392
Don't worry about them. Sid said
they're much happier being left alone.
72
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,110
I'll bet you cannot
get your balls in here.
73
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,190
Pardon?
74
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,312
Listen, Brigitte, don't be so ridiculous. The idea
of this game is to get your balls in the pocket.
75
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:35,999
Oh! Such a silly game. If you have to put the
balls in the pockets, why you need the table?
76
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,396
That's a good question.
77
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:47,599
I will show you, mon petit.
Well, I won't show you mon petit.
78
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:56,200
Right, Noggett. I want to call a meeting of all
the holiday hosts. I'm going to harangue them all.
79
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,239
Shall I bring a rope?
Harangue, not hang!
80
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,949
Looking at you,
possibly yours is the better idea.
81
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,714
Yes, sir.
82
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,076
BRIGITTE:
You're wonderful to me!
83
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,993
Noggett.
Sir?
84
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,631
Remind me.
What goes on in there again?
85
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:17,431
Oh! That's the billiard room, sir. It's
a very popular recreational activity.
86
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,830
[MOANING]
87
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:30,277
Noggett, I'm talking to you! What exactly is going
on in there? Come out of the way and let me see!
88
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,596
Ah, bonjour.
Ah, bonjour.
89
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,150
Very likely.
90
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,679
He's very good at it, isn't he?
91
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,871
Lucky I got it in, eh?
Ah, oui.
92
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,079
Ah, oui, indeed! Let's see if I can get
that big red one in.
93
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,910
"Mr Noggett, I am enclosing..."
94
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,233
Oh! God!
Sorry, Sid.
95
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,879
Good morning!
You all right, Sid?
96
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,033
Of course I'm all right.
It's your face, it's...
97
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,833
I'm smiling.
98
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,039
The new Funfrall philosophy demands
a warm and happy smile
99
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:22,035
for everybody,
from morning until night.
100
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,193
For 12 hours if necessary.
Aren't you going a bit too far?
101
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:31,118
You heard what Whitemonk said.
Flash your teeth, kid. The teeth, right?
102
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,432
Then you divide
the camp into four suits.
103
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:39,197
Get them to play games against
each other until they're so knackered
104
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,750
they won't complain
about anything.
105
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,870
Oh, my God! It's just going
to be all go from here on in!
106
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,351
How are we gonna cope, Sid?
I don't know, but we're going to.
107
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,433
I'm not interested in failure.
Nor am I.
108
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,433
If I lose this job, our Rosie
is never gonna talk to me again.
109
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,672
She went spare
when the driving school went bust.
110
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:04,551
She's coming down, isn't she?
Don't tell me. Yeah, any moment.
111
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:09,476
And baby Jason. They chose the right
time, didn't they? I tell you what, kid.
112
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,918
I wouldn't even have invited them if I'd
thought they were going to accept, would 1?
113
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,356
Don't you worry about a thing, Sidney.
Thank you.
114
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,319
You can rely on me, mate.
115
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,517
[SID LAUGHS]
116
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,159
Have I heard that before!
117
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:30,113
Listen, kid, all I want you to do is
concentrate on Whitemonk's beauty competition.
118
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,636
Beauty competition?
That's a stupid idea, isn't it?
119
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,871
That's what I've been telling him,
isn't it?
120
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,192
He's mad keen on the idea, kid.
Get it?
121
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,876
Miss British Holiday Camps.
122
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,636
500-pound first prize. Automatic entry
to Miss Globe contest in London.
123
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,111
He thinks it'll get a lot of publicity.
I've just finalised the details.
124
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,000
So, we've got to get
some cracking-looking birds.
125
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,072
You've got it exactly, kid!
126
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,358
I want you to take these forms...
Yes, Sid.
127
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,514
Get out and comb that camp for talent!
Yes, Sid!
128
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,400
Know what I mean?
The real talent, eh?
129
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:09,874
If you and I don't come up with a bevy of
Funfrall beauties and make a success of this,
130
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,795
you and me are for the chop!
131
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,553
Got it?
Yes.
132
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,873
On your little bike. Chop, chop! Hey!
133
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:25,115
Remember, a lot of birds get carried
away when there's 500 quid at stake,
134
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,079
so don't expose yourself to temptation!
No, Sid.
135
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:33,759
We don't want any embarrassment like we had
with Brigitte in the billiard room, do we?
136
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,278
No, Sid.
And remember what Whitemonk said.
137
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,431
No.
138
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,680
An efficient camp is a happy prison!
139
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,311
Oh, God, no! I mean camp!
Camp.
140
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,074
I mean camp, yes.
Camp, yes.
141
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:57,156
What I want you to do is concentrate
on the job in hand, right?
142
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:03,271
And remember that Whitemonk
is watching your every move, kid.
143
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,759
And, Timmo...
What?
144
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,119
Oh, God! Don't you remember?
No. What?
145
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,749
Smile! Yes!
146
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,434
[LAUGHS]
147
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,591
Oh, yes!
148
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:31,197
TIMMY: Sid was clearly going bonkers. The rain
must have rusted up the inside of his nut.
149
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:37,391
Still, a sense of loyalty and stupidity sent
me out with my sheath of beauty contest forms.
150
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:42,510
Look at them! Poor devils! They'd have
been better off with anti-frostbite cream.
151
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,070
Would you like to enter
the beauty contest, madam?
152
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,278
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Fill it in at your leisure.
153
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,673
Morning!
Beauty competition, madam?
154
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,718
TIMMY: Here's a right little cracker! Switch
on the Lea magnetism and in like Flynn!
155
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,119
Excuse me, miss, have you...?
156
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,074
Have you got a light, please?
157
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:22,032
Yes, I don't seem to have got
my cigarettes with me. Silly me. Yes.
158
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,309
Excuse me, sir.
159
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,471
Excuse me,
do you mind if I just help myself?
160
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,710
No.
161
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,314
Thanks very much.
162
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,437
[SCREAMS]
163
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:38,036
I'm sorry! I was just trying to...
164
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,590
Give that back!
Listen... Let me help.
165
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:45,073
There we are. Just get them back
there. Don't forget the camp motto! Smile!
166
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,392
[MAN CLEARS THROAT]
167
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:55,431
What's your game?
I was just trying to enter your wife--
168
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:59,594
WOMAN: How dare you!
No! Let's talk about this somewhere!
169
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,639
Like in the pool!
170
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,314
My best jacket! Hang on, I've got to--
171
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,230
TIMMY: Blimey! When it said in the brochure
that everything in the camp was thrown in,
172
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,391
I didn't know it included me.
173
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,919
Listen... Madam! I just wanted to...
174
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,073
Listen! I was just asking if you--
WOMAN: Go away!
175
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:36,598
Hey, you! Go on, hop it!
What would your mum say, eh?
176
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,437
That is my mum!
Oh...
177
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,279
[YELLS]
178
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,197
You...
Dad!
179
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,158
Come here, midget!
180
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,118
You little rat!
181
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,397
Got you!
Dad!
182
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,553
That's it, mate, that's it! Right!
Dad! Dad!
183
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,670
Lovely little chap, isn't he, eh?
Go and find your mum.
184
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,957
Yes, you go and find your mum.
185
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:17,511
No, listen! I'm off duty!
I've got no time for a swim!
186
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:26,031
Right, keep your knees up now,
keep your knees up! Up! Up! Up!
187
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,829
TIMMY: / soon discovered what Sid meant by
getting everybody too exhausted to complain.
188
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:39,314
Most of them didn't know whether they were coming
or going. They were too knackered to do either!
189
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:51,910
Behave yourselves, will you!
Give over, will you, please!
190
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:56,074
MAN: Why don't you do something
useful, like bashing each other up?
191
00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:02,839
There'd be less of you at the end of
the week. Go and bash your dads up!
192
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,357
Go and play in the road outside!
You'll enjoy it there. It's busy.
193
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,353
All right, Fred.
How's it going, mate? All right?
194
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,753
Dia... if you'll pardon the expression
...bolical!
195
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,995
Ever since that new fella took over, he's got me doing
everything. I'm running up and down like a blue fly!
196
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,390
I'm on the gates one minute.
I don't know where I'm up to.
197
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,799
Will you give over, Kevin!
198
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,309
Oh, he's a...
199
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,951
Stop it!
It's not nice and not good for you!
200
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:36,036
Just blow them up. That's that kid
who put the piranha in the goldfish pond.
201
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,031
Come along, come along!
Knees up, everyone!
202
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,035
FRED: What's going on?
Oh, come along, kiddies, come along.
203
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,272
Diamonds through.
Never mind kiddiewinks.
204
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:53,514
Never mind the whistle!
Come along. Face me, please.
205
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,390
Should have plenty of wind left.
Toes touch now!
206
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,836
[SQUEAKING]
207
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,916
Mrs. Hoskins obviously has a lot of
wind left. Let's try it again. Toes down.
208
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,151
[BALLOON SQUEAKS]
209
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:12,518
There he is. Off you go, then.
That's it! Oh, dear!
210
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,115
Hello. What's your name?
Sarah.
211
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:18,113
Come on, Sarah.
Be a good girl. See you later.
212
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,193
Lovely age, isn't it?
Yes, lovely.
213
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,478
I was wondering if you'd enter
the beauty contest.
214
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,711
Me? I'm a married woman.
215
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,314
Get away! You're not!
Yes.
216
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,198
That little girl is yours?
Yes.
217
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,353
I thought she must be your kid sister.
You're just saying that.
218
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,718
No, I'm not. Fill in one of these
forms at your convenience.
219
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,112
It doesn't have to be
your convenience. Anywhere'll do!
220
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,910
I don't know what my husband'll say.
He'll be proud of you, honest!
221
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,516
Listen. There's a rehearsal at the
swimming pool, 3:00. Don't forget.
222
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:52,709
You'll be a sensation.
Well, I'll have to think about it.
223
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,679
See you Thursday.
Mmm. Bye.
224
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,831
WOMAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
Hello, campers. I'm sorry.
225
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:04,393
Tonight's supper menu should read
"plum duff" and not "duff plum".
226
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,475
You're a Spade, aren't you?
However did you guess?
227
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,997
Look, I hope you don't mind
me saying this.
228
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,550
I'd like to enter you.
Oh!
229
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,838
For the beauty contest!
You raised my hopes for a moment.
230
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,198
You mean it doesn't matter
about me being black?
231
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:26,719
No, there's no colour bra. I mean bar!
You can be any creed, colour or sex.
232
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,715
No, I'm sure you've got to be a woman.
Mind you, in your case, there's no problem.
233
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,189
Thank you.
Pleasure.
234
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:33,635
WOMAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
Hi, holidaymakers.
235
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:38,158
Can we have the finalists
for the over-60s netball competition?
236
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,314
I want to see that. I'll talk to you
about the contest later.
237
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,715
TIMMY: Oh, I can see what
they mean now by racial tension!
238
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,553
SID:
Go on! You'll be the fastest this week.
239
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,069
There you go.
Was that better?
240
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,072
Fantastic!
241
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,596
Listen, I'd like to...
242
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,036
I'd like to have a word in private
with you about the beauty contest.
243
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,399
I think you've got
two outstanding chances.
244
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,235
I was having trouble with the throttle.
245
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:24,997
I know exactly how it felt.
Listen, let's meander over here.
246
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:30,713
I'd like to fill you in on a few of the details.
I think that you could well finish in the frame.
247
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,718
[TIMOTHY WHISTLING]
248
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,314
Morning!
249
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,473
WOMAN: I was wondering how
many lessons it would take.
250
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,519
[WOMEN GIGGLING]
251
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:45,879
Hi, girls. I'm Timmy Lea. Do you want
to enter the...? Oh, dear.
252
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:50,079
Hello. I'm Glad,
and this is me friend Reen.
253
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,596
What do you want to ask us? Eh?
254
00:19:53,840 --> 00:20:00,678
No, I was just wondering if you'd like
to enter the...beauty contest.
255
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,754
Oh, I don't know.
What do you think, Reen?
256
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,071
Will we have to expose
our bodies to scrutiny?
257
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,277
Yes, I'm afraid there is that to it.
258
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,512
Leave us a couple of forms,
and I'll discuss it with my friend.
259
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,479
Oh, right. There we go.
260
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,719
Here, can you drive one of those?
261
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,270
Drive? Me?
262
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,955
Well, yes, I've done a bit.
263
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,114
It looks so dangerous.
No, there's nothing to it, really.
264
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:36,638
Listen, I'll show you. Cop hold of
these, right? Out the way! Right!
265
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,759
[ENGINE STARTS]
266
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,957
Wa-hey!
267
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,552
Now, let me take you
round the curves.
268
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,838
[YELLS]
269
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:28,196
What the bloody hell was that?
You bastard! I'll kill you for this!
270
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,798
I'll have you, you little git!
Drown, you git, drown! See if I care!
271
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:37,989
Don't forget. This evening at the Hippodrome,
it's Monty Raver and the Harmonica Ruffians.
272
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,437
Plus the sweet country sound
of Biff and Scratch.
273
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:48,349
TIMMY: Still the rain came down. Not that I noticed
it. I dressed under the shower to feel normal.
274
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,833
It wasn't much fun for the kids. Some of them
were developing webbed feet. It's no good moaning.
275
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,436
Like Sid says, you've got to keep
a bright smile on your face.
276
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,349
Blimey! Whitemonk! I think I'll
squat this one out for a few minutes.
277
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:06,515
Something about that bloke gives me the creeps. {
always get a feeling he's creeping up behind me.
278
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:15,034
Lea! My all-seeing eye is
ever upon you, sunshine.
279
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,069
Your face is the essence of depravity,
as is your modus operandi.
280
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,958
Thank you very much, sir.
281
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,714
This beauty contest idea of yours
had better work out,
282
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,998
otherwise you and your friend Noggett
will be off this camp so fast
283
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,197
your plimsolls will leave
scorched rubber marks!
284
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,351
Right. We're right on top of it, sir.
285
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:37,437
Always remember, I do not like
layabouts, laggards, loafers or lechers!
286
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,918
Come on! Here we are.
MRS. LEA: Oh, all right, I'm coming!
287
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:54,360
Come on! Don't mess about.
These are heavy! Oh, my God!
288
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,830
Funny smell.
Probably Jason.
289
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,232
It's not!
No, it's not. It's the ozone.
290
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,040
The what?
Ozone. Sniff it up.
291
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,999
Cor!
I see what you mean. Good, isn't it?
292
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,594
It gets--
293
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,358
I can't cope!
Here. Love, love, love!
294
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,558
That's it. That's better.
I'll go and...
295
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:22,275
He's full of the holiday spirit.
Not now he ain't, love! Look, Jason.
296
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:28,478
Sid said something about transport.
He's probably got a lot on his mind.
297
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,233
Where's that car?
298
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,713
Here, mate, is this it?
This is it.
299
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,395
Hey! This is it! It's over here!
300
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,511
ROSIE: Look!
Ooh! Is that for us?
301
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,400
Yeah. Bit of all right, isn't it?
Well!
302
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,270
Sid's done something right
for a change.
303
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,519
Come!
Pass down the car inside, please.
304
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:04,675
MRS. LEA: Wait a minute!
I can't get in with all these suitcases!
305
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,914
Hang on. Here comes Pan's People.
MRS. LEA: Oh, Walter! Come on, love!
306
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,834
Getting in? Come on!
307
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,198
Come on, it may never happen,
girl. In you get.
308
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,239
All right, guvnor?
You're doing all right! Two of them!
309
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:22,872
Hello. Come on, girl, come on. Here,
left your bees at home, have you?
310
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,629
Go on, darling, up you get.
311
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:32,034
This is the first time I've been
to one of these. Don't cry, love.
312
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:36,353
It can't rain all the time.
If it does, there'll be plenty to do.
313
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,309
Oh, yeah! Why don't we have
a nice little sing-song?
314
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,631
All right. How about...
315
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,113
[SINGING "MY OLD MAN
(SAYS FOLLOW THE VAN)"]
316
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,149
MRS. LEA:
Come on!
317
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,069
MR. LEA:
All together!
318
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,433
[♪♪♪]
319
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:56,635
I think that waitress has emigrated.
Wait till I get my hands on Sidney!
320
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:01,192
We'll die of malnutrition here. I'm not
kidding, I'm starving. I'd eat a bloody horse!
321
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:05,035
That food looks nice.
You probably will eat horse here.
322
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:10,400
Let's have it. Any chance of getting served
in the next 12 months? Isn't it marvellous?
323
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:11,994
Walter!
What?
324
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,790
And watch your manners here.
Use your serviette.
325
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,360
Serviette.
326
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,511
ROSIE: Dad!
MRS. LEA: Walter!
327
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,639
Hello, campers.
DINERS: Hello!
328
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,191
He's a bit vice versa.
LIONEL: You can do better than that!
329
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,070
Hello, campers!
DINERS: Hello, Lionel!
330
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,311
Oh, isn't that nice!
331
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,871
I don't want to impede
your delicious din-dins,
332
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,270
but now's the time
for the Mealtime Marathon.
333
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,636
Who's gonna try and beat the record?
334
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:46,829
Is it going to be the Hearts, the
Spades, the Clubs or the Diamonds?
335
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,913
There's only one way to find out.
336
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,197
Eyes closed, aim and...
337
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,798
[CHEERING]
338
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,720
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
339
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,634
LIONEL:
Come on! Up you come, come on!
340
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,793
Up you come! Up you come!
341
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,471
Oh, yes!
342
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,277
You better put that in the oven.
Come along, loves!
343
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,910
Can we put you in this?
344
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,998
Very nice, yes. That's the one.
345
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,872
[CHEERING]
346
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,839
Only another 15 miles before seven o'clock
and you'll put Clubs in the lead! Yes!
347
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,993
Well done. I'll keep an eye on you.
348
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,994
I love sitting down
to a nice cold plate!
349
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,358
[BELL AND BUZZER SOUND]
350
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,591
And desist!
351
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:11,232
That's stop to you, dear. Well, now,
let's see how you've got on, shall we?
352
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,632
Oh! You're never going
to believe this!
353
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:19,033
You've missed it by 300 yards. Never mind.
Very well done, wasn't it? Very well done.
354
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,353
Come along, let's have a big
handy-pandy! What was your name again?
355
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,514
Mr. What? Never mind. A big
handy-pandy, yes, please. Come along!
356
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,671
How about a bit of nosh?
I haven't had nothing yet.
357
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,639
Sorry, we don't serve meals
after seven o'clock.
358
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:36,396
Seven o'clock!
Bloody marvellous, isn't it?
359
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,235
I'm gonna have a drink.
No, you're not. The bar's closed.
360
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,233
God! What a light holiday this is!
361
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,158
TIMMY: It says here any holiday host who gets
involved with a guest will be dismissed forthwith.
362
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:51,674
If not quicker.
363
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,389
[KNOCKING]
364
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:01,433
Oh, hello.
365
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:02,875
[♪♪♪]
366
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,271
I'm a bit busy at the moment.
I'm reading a book.
367
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,832
I want to fill out a form.
Well, looks like you already have.
368
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:21,233
No, seriously, you can't be here.
Mr. Whitemonk would do his nut.
369
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,598
But he's not here, is he?
370
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,113
No. No, he's not.
371
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,589
It's just you.
372
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,718
And me.
373
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,520
Yes, I suppose it is.
374
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,151
I bet you've got fantastic
sense of rhythm.
375
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:44,554
How about you and me having a little
shuffle and getting to know each other...
376
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,518
better?
377
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,195
Well, just a tiny one.
378
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,194
Then you really must go,
because I want to press my blazer.
379
00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,120
It might even be better with music.
Yes, it might be.
380
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,317
Oh! Sorry.
381
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,631
[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]
382
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,238
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
383
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,438
Oh, that's the rhythm, honky.
This is the stuff!
384
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,191
Five hundred pounds.
385
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:30,310
You and I could come
to a...interesting split.
386
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:36,158
Listen, if you think you can get
round me with sex, you may as well...
387
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,629
You're right!
388
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:43,114
Oh, Lordy! I always wondered if it was
true what they said about you white boys.
389
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,071
Wa-hey!
390
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,359
[TIMOTHY GROANS]
391
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,631
Lay off, will you?
392
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:14,595
What's that?
393
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,956
Don't stop, honey!
I'm going into orbit!
394
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,510
[MOANING]
395
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,033
WOMAN:
Oh, yes! Harder! Come on!
396
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:28,239
Shut up!
Turn that bloody wireless off!
397
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,675
Must be Sid. Yeah!
Ooh, oh, yes!
398
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,071
WOMAN:
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
399
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:44,080
Shh!
400
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,959
Hey, hey! Do you hear that?
401
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:56,554
I reckon he's got a bird in there.
Filthy little swine!
402
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,037
[MOANING]
403
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,999
He ain't half giving it!
404
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:19,993
Sid!
What's the matter with you?
405
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:24,791
I've got headache!
You've always got a headache.
406
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,350
Shut up, will you?
407
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:30,916
[♪♪♪]
408
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,754
TIMMY: Phew!
Talk about doing the black bottom!
409
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,914
It was more like 15 rounds with
Muhammad Ali, losing every one!I
410
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,437
Took ten minutes to get me pyjamas
on. As it was, I needn't have bothered.
411
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,591
[KNOCKING]
412
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,751
Oh, no.
413
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,199
Oh! I suppose
it's about the beauty contest.
414
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:04,718
Yeah. I'd like you to scrutinise me.
Oh.
415
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,476
Sounds very interesting, but I can't.
Where's your friend?
416
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:15,114
She's waiting in the alley by the pally.
Good. Why don't you come in?
417
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:21,071
I'll get you an entry form,
and you can fill it in.
418
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:24,233
[KNOCKING]
419
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,915
Oh, God! It must be Sid.
420
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:37,874
Hello, love.
421
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,317
Sorry to be so late. I brought
these nice woolly vests for you.
422
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,597
It can get parky down here.
423
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:45,956
Shall I put them in the cupboard?
No!
424
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,760
TIMMY:
No, not in the cupboard!
425
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,198
No, don't stick it in there, please!
Don't stick it in there, because--
426
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,956
He's still at it!
{ mean.. it's too email!
427
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,910
This is too much! I'll bloody
have him! I'll bloody have him!
428
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:09,154
Open the door! Come on! I know
you've got a woman in there. Open the--
429
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,718
Sidney! What on earth are you doing
here? People are trying to sleep!
430
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,430
What on earth's Rosie going to think?
Back to your chalet at once!
431
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:23,800
You'll catch your death of cold out here like
this. I don't know what you're thinking of!
432
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,829
Oh...
433
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:32,994
What are you doing?
I want to show you me costume.
434
00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:36,949
Reen thinks it goes a bit too far.
Oh, does she?
435
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:42,832
I'd do...anything to come somewhere.
436
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:47,954
[YELLS]
437
00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:53,676
Sid!
Now look what you've done!
438
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,593
Will you get off me, please! Shh!
439
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,433
Blimey!
The blooming bulb's gone now.
440
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,591
Let me see what--
441
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,515
If you place me,
442
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:30,671
I'll place you.
443
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:35,994
That's very kind of you, but I'm afraid
I'm a little bit busy at the moment.
444
00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:38,754
Where are you going?
445
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,112
Ooh! Oh, oh!
446
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,239
Sid!
447
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,114
[HUMMING]
448
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,670
Ooh, the filthy pervert!
Oh, stone me!
449
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,434
Get off! Leave us alone!
You pervert!
450
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,796
Leave me alone! I'm not bent!
451
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,029
What's going--?
452
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:35,398
Good morning, campers! Wakey-wakey! We welcome
you to another sunny day of good cheer!
453
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:40,237
ROSIE: No, Dad, he'll be all right.
Come on, Walter. Here's a nice place.
454
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,630
ROSIE: It's my shoes.
I can't hurry up with these.
455
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,712
MR. LEA: You shouldn't wear
bloody high-heel shoes on the sand.
456
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,749
I didn't know! Where's Jason?
We could've had a game of bingo.
457
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,196
Would've been better!
Shut up!
458
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:55,195
Dad, can you put this up?
Here you are.
459
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,398
He's all right.
He's playing with that boy.
460
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:00,119
Let your mother have a go.
Put that up.
461
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:01,555
Mum can't do it!
462
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,474
Can't do any bloody thing!
Stop it. Everyone's looking!
463
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:09,556
Bloody helpless, you women are!
He should've stayed at the pub!
464
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,235
Bundle of fun on holiday he is!
465
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:16,599
MRS. LEA: Where does this thing go?
ROSIE: Here, Mum, I've done that one.
466
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,036
ROSIE: Sit in there. All right?
MRS. LEA: Lovely!
467
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:23,751
ROSIE: Make yourself comfortable.
Want your bag? Here.
468
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:28,471
WOMAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]: Attention, please! If
campers continue to use toilet rolls as streamers,
469
00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:32,714
we shall have to
install streamers in the toilets.
470
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:40,075
[♪♪♪]
471
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:03,073
[SNORING]
472
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:20,799
Ooh, I did have a nice little nap.
Want a nice cup of tea, Walter? Walt--
473
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,797
Oh, my God! He's buried him!
This kid's buried your dad!
474
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,998
Come on, give us a hand!
Oh, Mum!
475
00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:35,235
Look at this, it's terrible! Oh, God!
What's the matter?
476
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:40,919
What are you two doing?
Trying to rescue me husband!
477
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,674
What are you talking about?
What?
478
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:51,397
He's here! Dad! Blooming ungrateful!
We were trying to save your life!
479
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,918
You gave me such a fright.
All right! No need to get excited.
480
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,232
MRS. LEA: Come on.
Blimey! Getting worked up like that.
481
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,391
Where the hell's my wallet?
I don't know where your wallet is.
482
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,553
It was in here, woman!
I bet that little sod's buried it.
483
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,589
Get off out of it
before I kick you up the harris. Go on!
484
00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:15,949
Right!
485
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,515
What do you think you're doing?
Looking for me bloody wallet!
486
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:25,755
Yeah, well, be more bloody careful!
Now, now, now! Give over.
487
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,913
Let's not let any unpleasantness
mar our holiday happiness.
488
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,073
Tell him to keep out of my affairs!
I won't forget.
489
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:36,393
Elephants rarely do, do they, mate?
That's not a very nice attitude.
490
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,553
What's it got to do with you?
Get back to your ice-cream van.
491
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:43,555
I'll have you know you're
in the presence of a judo expert.
492
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,996
I'm a third dan.
Oh, yeah?
493
00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:49,551
Doesn't bother me, mate. I'm not interested in anybody
who came third! First or second, that's me, mate.
494
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:54,715
Wait till I start on you! You are asking
for a bother! A bother you will get!
495
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:58,396
Let's have you, sunshine!
I've got a bionic finger.
496
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:03,077
I once spoke to Brian London.
I've seen photos of Muhammad Ali.
497
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,950
You're worried now!
This is a fight to the death!
498
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,953
When I get my second wind,
there'll be murder here!
499
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,952
The pubs are open.
500
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:13,952
Are they?
Yes.
501
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:15,713
Shall we call it a draw?
Yes.
502
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,635
Let's go and have a pint.
Did you do a bit in the army?
503
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,793
I fought with the battalion.
What were you in?
504
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,350
Catering Corps.
Did you know Harry Harper?
505
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,318
Was he in the Catering Corps?
He was in the army.
506
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:32,956
So, ladies and gentlemen, to continue
with our biweekly progress report
507
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,356
and self-evaluation.
508
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:40,629
I'm happy to say that the increased
emphasis on competition is paying dividends.
509
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,793
The whole spirit of the camp
is now bursting
510
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:49,069
with a new-found vim, vigour,
verve and dynamism.
511
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,313
A dynamism, however, which must be
reciprocated in your own efforts.
512
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:59,680
Anyone who does not measure up to standard
will be removed without qualm or quibble.
513
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:06,471
Here, here!
Which brings me to Noggett and Lea.
514
00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:12,398
I have read your recommendations for
the beauty contest and in the main I agree.
515
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,952
However, I think we need
another dimension.
516
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:21,319
There are other aspects of feminine
merit which deserve a chance of a reward,
517
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,598
such things as intelligence,
sunny disposition,
518
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,036
talent, thoughtfulness.
519
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,793
Yes!
520
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:30,758
Talent.
521
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,276
Intelligence.
522
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:38,071
Thoughtfulness.
And a sunny disposition.
523
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,436
This is what our beauty queen
will have.
524
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:41,636
Eh?
525
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,552
On the other hand, we could have
a baking contest.
526
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,873
Right. Now, look, let's get
this beauty contest tied up.
527
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:55,398
I want the cakes on tables round
the hall and the rostrum at the other--
528
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,871
Hey, you!
I was just looking out for Whitemonk.
529
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,760
What for?
He's always creeping up behind you.
530
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,710
He's not the only one. Get down the
kitchen staff and tell them we want--
531
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,510
Go down to the kitchen staff and tell
them we want a dozen folding tables,
532
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:14,355
and while you're down there make sure
there's enough charcoal for the sauna.
533
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:15,829
Right, Sid.
Good.
534
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:17,991
Smile.
What?
535
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:28,998
TIMMY: [ was tripping on my merry little way again.
I had a definite feeling that things were on the up.
536
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:32,915
The rain was getting warmer and the wind had dropped
below gale force for the first time in weeks.
537
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:36,118
Everything in the garden was lovely,
except for the flowers.
538
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,079
They'd all been nicked.
539
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,073
[SIZZLING]
540
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,836
Oh, blimey.
541
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,191
Oh, blimey!
542
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,910
Oh! I didn't know
it was a mixed sauna today.
543
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:26,516
No, it's not.
I've just got a bit of knob trouble.
544
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:31,838
What?
I couldn't get the thing on the thing.
545
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:38,554
Oh, don't worry about that. I expect
the heat will soon loosen that up.
546
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:42,919
Yes, I expect it will.
It is hot in here, isn't it?
547
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,630
Oh, yes!
Especially with all those clothes on.
548
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,554
Yes.
Why don't you take them off?
549
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:53,799
Take them off?
550
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:57,396
You do look a bit strange
in a sauna with clothes on.
551
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,109
Oh, yes. I suppose you're right.
552
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:05,275
We don't want anybody
to get the wrong idea now, do we? No.
553
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:09,390
Miss Dubois, whither bound?
554
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,871
With a bound what,
Monsieur Whitemonk?
555
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:17,796
I see my question has outstripped your
rudimentary knowledge of our language.
556
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,951
Bloody frog!
Pardon?
557
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:24,671
I was wondering where you were going. Perhaps
you'd care to accompany me on my rounds?
558
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:30,233
Never forget, Miss Dubois,
surveillance is the watchdog of efficiency.
559
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:33,393
I'm sorry about Thursday.
560
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,318
Thursday?
Yes, the beauty contest rehearsal.
561
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,269
You asked me to enter. Remember?
Oh, yes, of course.
562
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:48,071
I just don't recognise you
without your...makeup on.
563
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:54,475
My husband wouldn't let me enter. He said I
was too fat. That's why I'm here, actually.
564
00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:59,715
Too fat? You must be
round the twist. You're...
565
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:06,709
Sorry. You're very, very desirable.
Do you really think so?
566
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:12,114
Oh, yes! In fact, if I wasn't so busy,
I would do something about it.
567
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,549
Fanny Craddock's a lovely girl--
568
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,589
Just averted a disaster! I'm getting
ready for the cookery class.
569
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,753
Marvellous idea of yours
about the baking contest.
570
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,550
Funny, I was thinking
along the same lines myself.
571
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,839
The thought does you credit, Lionel.
Thank you, sir. I do love a boost.
572
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:41,153
Well, I'd better go
and stick my buns in the oven. Ta-ra!
573
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:47,558
I wonder if he's got it in him.
I would be very surprised.
574
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:51,714
He couldn't make a worse
entertainments officer than Noggett or Lea.
575
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,430
I must get one of these installed
when I get home.
576
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:09,071
Really!
I mean a sauna.
577
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:12,039
She means a sauna.
Oh, yes!
578
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,877
[YELLS]
579
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:22,759
I think I can speak with authority. I
did once make a day trip to Calais and--
580
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,396
A streaker!
581
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,358
Pardon?
Uh, streaker!
582
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,511
Ah...
583
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:46,354
A streaker?
That's what I bleeding said.
584
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:50,559
As if we haven't enough problems.
Now a streaker's running around.
585
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:52,757
Oh, yes, Sid.
586
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,553
Sid, this has packed up. It's broken.
587
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,872
Oh, blimey!
There's no peace, is there?
588
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:08,798
Can't you see I'm trying to do
me relaxation yoga? Give it here!
589
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,237
Family keeping out of trouble?
They're knackered.
590
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,950
Guess where they've gone.
Lionel's cookery classes!
591
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:17,634
He's teaching them
how to make fairy cakes.
592
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,837
Nobody could be better equipped
for the test, could they?
593
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:24,358
Look! Try and be
a bit more practical, will you?
594
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,513
Oh! Yes, Sid, you can rely on me.
595
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,910
You bloody fool!
596
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:31,639
Practical.
597
00:47:32,720 --> 00:47:35,838
TIMMY: Then something amazing
happened. The sun came out.
598
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,960
Some of the staff who had only been at
the camp for a few years had never seen it.
599
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:45,479
Sid, of course, suggested charging extra, but
rented out sunglasses and deckchairs instead.
600
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:49,793
I was just happy to be copping a spot of the
ultraviolet, rather than the ultra-violence.
601
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:51,758
Morning.
602
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:56,312
The sun brought out the crumpet all right, but
it also meant I had to get the beach toys ready.
603
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,517
Sid was thinking of charging
for them too.
604
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:00,840
WOMAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]:
Attention, please!
605
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:04,675
Again, I apologise for the printing
error on tonight's supper menu.
606
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,992
It should read "toad in the hole".
607
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,200
Timmy.
608
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,351
Oh! Hi.
609
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:20,755
You seem to be, how you say,
pensive?
610
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,197
No, I was just thinking.
611
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,080
I have been thinking too.
612
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:32,520
Timmy, I have to have it out with you.
Oh, yes?
613
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:36,230
It was you streaking round the
camp, wasn't it? I recognised you.
614
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:37,709
I wasn't actually streaking.
615
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:39,997
What's happened to the Timmy
I used to know?
616
00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:41,275
Nothing.
617
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:45,559
Have you become so blasé about sex
that you have to resort to that?
618
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:49,714
Of course not, but--
It is so sad, Timmy.
619
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:54,272
You know that the real thing
is much, much better.
620
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:58,639
Well, of course I know that, Brigitte.
Let me remind you.
621
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:13,359
TIMMY:
Oh!
622
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:17,912
What is the problem?
You've been serving lolly-ices.
623
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:22,152
Do not worry.
I will soon warm him up.
624
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:24,277
Oh, goody!
625
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,835
Come along, Noggett. Sit down.
Yes, sir.
626
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:44,758
Two beers, please. Now then, Noggett,
this streaking fiend must be found.
627
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:50,473
I agree.
Or your position will be in jeopardy.
628
00:49:50,720 --> 00:49:52,154
Jeopardy? I didn't know
we had a place there.
629
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:55,631
Don't try my patience, Noggett.
Thank you, miss.
630
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,229
Now, I--
631
00:49:58,480 --> 00:49:59,675
Pay attention!
632
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:05,438
Now, I have pulled off another brilliant coup
and don't want it ruined by this naked lunatic.
633
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:09,719
Do you know who is going to be
accompanying our beauty competition?
634
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:13,396
Alberto Smarmi.
Alberto Smarmi?
635
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:18,237
Alberto Smarmi. Mr. Piano Magic.
You mean Mr. Piano Magic?
636
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,393
The wop with the candles!
The wop with the candles?
637
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:26,840
I would hardly choose that method to describe a
man whose music has brought pleasure to millions.
638
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,071
Even if he is a bloody Eyetie.
639
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:35,191
Anyway, somewhere there lurks a deranged nutter
who could ruin all my future plans for Funfrall.
640
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,471
This man must be found, Noggett!
641
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,194
Mon brave!
Oh, oui.
642
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:29,033
[EXPLODES]
643
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,071
Right, sir, I'll get right on--
644
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:37,960
This pervert exists,
and I want him found!
645
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,395
What is the matter with you, man?
Nothing.
646
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:48,555
I think your brain is softening, lad.
Pay attention when I'm talking to you!
647
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:01,919
I want this man found. I want
searches instituted all over the camp.
648
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,720
I will!
24-hour patrols and guard dogs!
649
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:06,394
I want this man found.
Right!
650
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:08,836
Brigitte! My trunks!
651
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,469
TIMMY:
My trunks!
652
00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,631
Give me my--
Timmy!
653
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:22,630
Mark my words. If we do not catch
this man, we'll have the whole camp at it!
654
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,918
Noggett, are you listening to me?
Yes, yes.
655
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:29,118
We're approaching a crisis.
Pay attention!
656
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:33,274
This entire establishment could crumble
before my eyes if we're not careful.
657
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:38,030
I'm not under a strain,
neither am I suffering from delusions.
658
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:44,916
Noggett, I don't know what ails you,
but if you were a horse I'd have you shot.
659
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,230
I could be talking to myself.
660
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:00,957
Noggett, that's him, that's him! What
are you sitting there for? Come on!
661
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:02,474
[♪♪♪]
662
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:25,555
Looks as if he got away, sir. Drat it!
663
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,757
We've got to catch this man.
Yes, sir.
664
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:32,471
Your position depends on it.
My position? Sir? Sir!
665
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,111
[POP MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]
666
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,471
Oh! Hello! Oh, I see.
667
00:54:10,720 --> 00:54:14,793
That was "Any Way That You
Want Me" by The Allcomers.
668
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:20,069
Now a request for Dave Richards for his
parents. Wishing you a smashing holiday.
669
00:54:21,720 --> 00:54:25,350
Have you got a request?
Well, I could have, yes.
670
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,513
No, I'm a holiday host.
Haven't seen you before.
671
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:33,834
Oh, that's because I never get out
of this place. It isn't half hot in here.
672
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:35,991
Yeah.
What can I do for you?
673
00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:42,589
Well... Perhaps you could make a few
announcements about the beauty contest.
674
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:46,071
Perhaps you could enter, eh?
Oh, no such luck.
675
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:51,235
I used to have a smashing time when I was
working in the camp. Now I'm stuck in here.
676
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:55,155
Oh! Left alone with your mammaries.
677
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,596
I mean memories!
678
00:54:57,840 --> 00:54:59,877
Yes!
Yes!
679
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,111
Yes!
Yes!
680
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,271
Yes?
Oh, yes!
681
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:16,197
[MOANS LOUDLY]
682
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:22,473
[MOANING ON LOUDSPEAKER]
683
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,431
Here, shut up, listen.
Eh?
684
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:39,036
They can't leave anything alone these days. It's one of
your classics, that! Listen to what they're doing to it!
685
00:55:45,720 --> 00:55:47,950
[MOANING INTENSIFIES]
686
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:57,870
I mean,
that's adding nothing to it, is it?
687
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,670
You've got to move
with the times, ain't you?
688
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,990
I'm trying to think who's doing it.
It's...
689
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:12,997
Filth!
Where?
690
00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:14,958
Not you, dear!
691
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:22,317
Oh, Sid...have you got
the key to the chalet?
692
00:56:25,240 --> 00:56:28,471
Oh, definitely!
693
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:33,110
Her asthma hasn't started again,
has it?
694
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:37,274
Where are they going?
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
695
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,438
Keep this to yourself, love, all right?
696
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,193
[♪♪♪]
697
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:11,154
What are you trying to do, drive me into the bloody
nut house? Flashing yourself all over the camp!
698
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:18,033
Broadcasting your sex life
for everybody to hear!
699
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:22,069
Oh, God al-bloody-mighty!
700
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:26,439
Talk about biting the hand
that lays the golden egg!
701
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:28,631
Do you realise, kid,
702
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:34,796
that if anything goes wrong on
this build-up to this beauty contest,
703
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:39,273
you and I, sailor, are out of a job?
704
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,431
Yes, I realise all that, Sid!
705
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:47,153
Whitemonk was hinting at a transfer
to Jeopardy. Do you know where...?
706
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:50,990
That's funny. He said he was going
to send me to Limbo.
707
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:54,437
Either way, we've got a lot to lose.
Yeah.
708
00:57:54,680 --> 00:58:01,120
Now, listen to me! Have you yet
decided on the judging panel?
709
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,311
Yes, Sid, yes! Hang on!
710
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:09,157
Here we are. We've got the vicar,
the mayor, Mr. Whitemonk, of course.
711
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,916
He wants his wife to come down.
Apparently she's very keen.
712
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:17,074
Talking about the beauty contest,
guess who's entering, eh?
713
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:20,312
Rosie. That's a laugh, isn't, eh?
714
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:23,473
A laugh, isn't it? It's a little laugh.
715
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,838
Have you taken entire leave
of your bloody senses?
716
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:29,036
No!
717
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:34,753
Did you think that for a second I'm
going to let a load of bloody layabouts
718
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:39,119
gawp at my Rosie
in the almost altogether?
719
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:42,796
You've entirely blown
your bloody tiny mind
720
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:49,753
because I can assure you, Timmo,
there is no way, but no way
721
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:56,155
that my Rosie is going to enter
this beauty contest!
722
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:57,799
Yes, Sid!
Yes?
723
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:02,794
Right. That's settled. I'm gonna go in for
the beauty contest and Mum can bake a cake.
724
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:06,874
SID: But, Rosie--
If you want to help, unbung that sink.
725
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:12,194
It's blocked. We're going to the beach.
Rosie, come here! You come here!
726
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:14,317
Well, you certainly told her, Sid.
727
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:19,237
No! Shall I get on to Maintenance?
Because of the tap--
728
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:24,316
Maintenance? You don't need to get onto
Maintenance for a little job like that!
729
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:27,632
I mean, what would Whitemonk say?
730
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:32,078
A holiday host is supposed
to show some initiative...
731
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:35,836
Just joking, Sid.
You ought to get hold of one of these.
732
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:38,469
I'll go and get one.
Not now!
733
00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:41,678
Not now?
Not now! Come and watch what I do.
734
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:45,675
I'll probably get one later.
There's probably something--
735
00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:50,676
Look! It's leaked on the carpet. There's
probably something caught in this trap.
736
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:54,834
Yeah, you got it, Sid.
I've got it, yeah. It's coming.
737
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:57,674
You done it? Soon check.
That's done it.
738
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:00,833
Right! Seems to be working.
739
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,869
SID: You bloody fool!
Turn it off! Turn...
740
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:09,834
Sid, it wasn't my fault! I was just
seeing if it was flowing all right.
741
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:11,912
It's not gonna be the only thing
flowing around here, mate!
742
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:15,755
Look, this tap's still leaking! Look!
Well, you fix it, then.
743
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,310
No, no!
I'm not doing everything around here.
744
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:20,153
[BOTTLES FALL]
745
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:22,869
11 fix it.
God...
746
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:26,875
God give me patience!
I'll get you some patience.
747
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:33,469
If you want a job doing, you've got to do
it yourself if you want it done properly...
748
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:35,631
Right, Sid!
Don't you?
749
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:37,393
There we are.
750
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:41,838
Now look what you've gone and done.
751
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,754
Get something!
Don't just stand there! Do something!
752
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:49,471
I'll do something! Oh, yes! I'll get--
Come on, quick! Don't panic!
753
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:53,350
I'm not panicking, Sid!
Put it under there quick!
754
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:56,991
You bloody fool!
I'm just about to kill you with this!
755
01:00:57,240 --> 01:01:01,791
Not down there! Oh, God, no!
Put it under! That's right!
756
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:03,951
Out there!
Oh! Yeah.
757
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:07,357
Sid!
758
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:09,679
[CRIES]
759
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,275
Quickly, quickly!
760
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:16,036
Look, why don't you go outside
and turn off the--
761
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:18,191
Turn off the--
762
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:21,955
Yes!
Turn off the stopcock, Sid.
763
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:25,759
Stopcock! Stop the stopcock!
764
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:30,039
Kevin.
765
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:35,432
What's the matter, son?
This bloke emptied a potty over me!
766
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:38,513
Don't be so ridiculous! What bloke?
767
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:45,114
Right!
768
01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:48,233
Right!
769
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:52,393
Get back to your mother!
770
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:07,633
You got the wrong fella.
Stop it, please! Stop!
771
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:10,394
No! It's not me! Don't--
772
01:02:23,680 --> 01:02:26,069
Sid, it's all right.
I've stopped the cock!
773
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:29,756
Sid! Sid! I've done it!
I've stopped the cock!
774
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:32,160
Sid?
775
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:36,553
Where are you, Sid? Si--
776
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:40,430
Oh, there you are.
I've managed to stop the thingy, yes.
777
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:49,236
I'll get on to Maintenance because the--
Maintenance!
778
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:56,157
Oh, fantastique! Wonderful!
779
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:05,479
LIONEL:
Yeah! Whoa!
780
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:08,439
Wonderful! Very good.
How's that, Brigitte?
781
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:12,435
I'm all wet! Now, must take the ski.
Trés bon, Lionel.
782
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:18,949
And the other one. There we are. All
you've got to do...just bend the knees.
783
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:23,114
Bend the knees. Let the boat pull you.
Oui.
784
01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:25,556
Ooh! Naughty!
785
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:28,314
Don't pull on the rope.
Oui.
786
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,790
Whatever you do,
just keep your legs together, dear.
787
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:35,557
Timmy! Did you see Lionel?
Great! You're a man of many parts.
788
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:41,432
Cheeky monkey! Do you waterski?
Me? Well, yes, of course I ski.
789
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:45,992
Nothing spectacular, of course.
No. Tell you what, I'll give you a tow.
790
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:49,751
What, now?
LIONEL: Mmm.
791
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:54,836
Don't you even want to try?
Once you are up, it is very easy.
792
01:03:55,080 --> 01:03:59,039
LIONEL: Yes.
Oh, yeah! Right! No jumping, though.
793
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:01,396
Come on, then.
Right.
794
01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:08,356
This, sir, is our new waterskiing
facility, as you suggested, of course, sir.
795
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,672
It's proving very popular
with the public.
796
01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:17,473
Wait... Where are you going?
You can't waterski.
797
01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:20,997
I don't know yet. Haven't tried, Sid.
798
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:22,639
Over here, sir--
799
01:04:22,880 --> 01:04:24,712
Never mind that. Let's watch this man.
800
01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:29,557
This could be very interesting.
Oh, no, sir, you don't want to watch--
801
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:34,078
Noggett, will you please shut up?
I'm not in the least interested.
802
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:41,113
Are you ready, ducky?
Okay.
803
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:45,517
Hang on a minute! Hang on!
804
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:49,554
[YELLS]
805
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:58,235
Noggett. I'll get you for this, Noggett!
806
01:05:04,200 --> 01:05:06,316
BRIGITTE:
Marvellous! He's still up.
807
01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:08,949
TIMMY:
Help! Stop!
808
01:05:09,200 --> 01:05:11,316
BRIGITTE:
Be careful! Hold on!
809
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:16,233
Come on, Timmy!
Very good! Wonderful!
810
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:19,871
Be careful now! Timmy!
811
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:34,200
[YELLS]
812
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:37,800
Blast it! You bloody...
Sorry, sir!
813
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:44,351
Cheers!
Oh, sir, I'll help you out, sir.
814
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:48,230
There we go. It's a nice day...
815
01:05:48,480 --> 01:05:50,391
Oh. You.
816
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:52,358
Pool.
817
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:57,151
I don't need to tell you, Noggett,
I am not at all happy.
818
01:05:57,400 --> 01:06:00,153
Your position with this camp,
lad, hangs by a thread.
819
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:04,951
If it were not for this beauty competition, I would
have no hesitation in sacking you on the spot.
820
01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:07,794
Sid, I've got some--
821
01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:13,479
Sid, I've got good news about the...
Don't skulk in the corner! Come in!
822
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:18,033
Now I come to think of it--
823
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:20,430
[PHONE RINGS]
824
01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:23,873
Sorry, sir. Hello.
825
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:26,509
Hello, Silly Willy, it's Woofsie.
826
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:30,071
I'm at the silly old station,
and they've run out of taxis,
827
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:37,153
and I wondered if you'd like to get
into a jalopy and come and get me!
828
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:39,789
Uh, Silly Willy...
829
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:43,192
I mean Mr. Whitemonk, sir,
I think it's for you. It's Woofles.
830
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:46,319
Woofles?
Yes. She wants you to pick her up.
831
01:06:46,560 --> 01:06:47,914
Hang on.
832
01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:53,189
Can you bring Mr. Squidgy with you?
Give me that! Hello there!
833
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:59,354
Antonia! It is you, my love.
Good gracious! It's my wife.
834
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:01,159
Aw!
835
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:07,078
What's that, treasure? Don't worry. I'll
send someone down with a car to collect you.
836
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:11,917
Behave yourself, now,
and don't talk to any strange men.
837
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:14,993
If you like, sir, I'll go--
Stay where you are.
838
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:19,757
You and I have got plenty to get on with. For a
start, we haven't caught this damned streaker.
839
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:26,151
No, sir, it can't be me!
840
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:28,311
This man can go.
841
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,271
Mrs. Whitemonk?
Yes.
842
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:48,512
Sorry I'm late.
I got a little bit behind, I'm afraid.
843
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:53,118
So I see! You should have got me one.
Where's my husband?
844
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:55,556
He's tied up at the moment.
Never mind.
845
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:58,952
I expect you'll make
a very good substitute.
846
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:03,353
Well, I try, yes. Is there anything
you want me to put inside?
847
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:06,069
Mind reader!
848
01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:08,118
Ooh!
849
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:09,794
[LAUGHING]
850
01:08:10,040 --> 01:08:11,758
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING
OVER LOUDSPEAKER]
851
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:21,311
I can't drive any further, Mrs. Whitemonk.
We've nearly had three very serious accidents.
852
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:25,758
You could have got us killed!
But what a lovely way to go!
853
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:29,470
What's the matter?
Don't you find me attractive?
854
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,599
Of course I do,
but it's your husband...
855
01:08:32,840 --> 01:08:38,358
You find him more attractive than me?
No! He's on the point of sacking me.
856
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:41,956
I'm the driving force in this operation
857
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:45,113
when I can find
the right steering column.
858
01:08:51,960 --> 01:08:57,751
Oh, look! I just like to stir the juices.
Fairs always turn me on.
859
01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:03,473
Yes.
One quick ride, I'll be good as gold.
860
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:05,631
If I may ask, Mrs. White--
861
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:09,635
Get off, will you?
Where did you meet your husband?
862
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:14,750
I was on the Prisoners' Aid committee
and he was the chief screw.
863
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:21,913
TIMMY:
Look, we must get to the office!
864
01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:25,751
I love fairs.
865
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:27,957
And I love affairs!
866
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:30,840
No!
Your husband will be very anxious.
867
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:35,472
Supposing I told him you'd made
a pass at me? He's insanely jealous!
868
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:39,679
You wouldn't do that, would you?
Not if you made a pass at me.
869
01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:42,910
Let's go in here.
No! Definitely--
870
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:46,391
Mrs. Whitemonk, I might lose my job.
I'd rather you lost your clothes.
871
01:09:46,640 --> 01:09:52,113
Quick! Take them off! I want to drink
from the glistening chalice of your body.
872
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:10,796
Here, it's years since I've seen
one of these things.
873
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:13,475
Yeah, and that's not the only thing.
You're too old for all that.
874
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:17,156
Oh, go on, Dad, give Mum a thrill.
That'll be the day!
875
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:21,758
One of these weeks I'll come
into season and give you a shock.
876
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:25,550
Here! Come on, it's free!
I can just afford that. Wanna bunk up?
877
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:29,475
Oh, Walter!
Bet that brought back memories.
878
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:33,429
MR. LEA: Hold it still while I get on.
Don't burn your hand.
879
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:35,398
Ta-ra, Rose!
Ta-ra, love!
880
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:39,076
Send me a postcard!
Behave yourselves!
881
01:10:42,880 --> 01:10:45,349
Rosie! Have you seen Tim yet?
No.
882
01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:46,829
Thank God for that.
883
01:10:47,080 --> 01:10:50,835
Ooh, ain't it lovely!
Ooh, look at that!
884
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:55,592
Bloody thing looks like our vicar.
885
01:10:56,640 --> 01:11:00,759
Here, look at this one!
Mum's more frightening than that.
886
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:03,071
Ooh, I'm frightened!
887
01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:06,073
Ooh, Walter!
I'm glad it's free. I wouldn't have...
888
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:13,315
Here! Here, that looks like Timmy!
I'm sure it's Timmy.
889
01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:17,235
No, they'll bring pornography
into anything nowadays.
890
01:11:17,480 --> 01:11:19,471
WHITEMONK: Noggett!
Oh, yes, sir.
891
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:23,714
Noggett, have you seen my wife?
Don't worry. She's being seen to.
892
01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:29,751
I hope so, lad, because I will hold you
responsible if she's not in good hands.
893
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:32,753
[SHRIEKING LAUGHTER]
894
01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:35,913
WHITEMONK:
Antonia!
895
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:39,995
Oh, poor darling, what a shame.
I've completely worn you out.
896
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:48,551
Oh, God!
I can't take much more of this.
897
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:51,597
[KNOCKING]
898
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:53,751
Sid.
899
01:11:56,240 --> 01:11:58,754
Oh, no!
I just came to remind you.
900
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:01,116
It's the contest tomorrow, honey.
I know.
901
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:05,035
So I'm going to be nice to you
if you are nice to me.
902
01:12:05,280 --> 01:12:06,679
Ooh. No--
903
01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:08,718
[KNOCKING]
904
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:10,394
In the cupboard!
905
01:12:10,640 --> 01:12:14,031
I'm not going in there!
Yes, you are! Quick! Sh!
906
01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:20,600
Sorry to trouble you. I wondered
if you remembered your promise?
907
01:12:20,840 --> 01:12:26,279
You said you were going to try and help
me improve my chances for the competition.
908
01:12:26,520 --> 01:12:29,239
[KNOCKING]
909
01:12:29,480 --> 01:12:33,155
In the cupboard! The cupboard!
In the cupboard! Quick!
910
01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:37,838
Oh, darling!
911
01:12:38,080 --> 01:12:40,674
Ooh, I've come, I've come!
912
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:41,955
[KNOCKING]
913
01:12:42,200 --> 01:12:45,272
My husband!
In the cupboard! Yes!
914
01:12:45,520 --> 01:12:48,080
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
915
01:12:51,120 --> 01:12:53,760
Oh...
Oh...
916
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,799
Oh...
Oh...
917
01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:58,792
Oh...
oh, oh...
918
01:12:59,040 --> 01:13:03,398
Mon petit, I've been so very worried
about you. Why you do these things?
919
01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:05,756
Je ne sais pas.
You need help.
920
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:07,115
[KNOCKING]
921
01:13:07,360 --> 01:13:10,398
Oh, mon Dieu!
That must be Mr. Whitemonk.
922
01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:12,597
The cupboard, quick!
Timmy!
923
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:14,877
[WOMEN GRUNTING]
924
01:13:15,120 --> 01:13:18,431
Timmy, you have been deceiving me.
925
01:13:18,680 --> 01:13:20,796
Well, I couldn't afford mothballs.
926
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:28,795
The time's come for me
to make a stand.
927
01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:30,758
Don't look at me, dear.
Don't mock.
928
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:35,312
Ever since you and that Noggett creature came
here, this camp has sunk into a mass of depravity.
929
01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:39,394
Look at this! Look at it! I've been hiding
my light under a bushel for too long.
930
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:41,358
I should hope so, dear.
Hmm?
931
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:45,833
Nothing. I was just--
I believe that you are the streaker.
932
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:48,754
What? Me?
Yes, you. Filth!
933
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:51,674
And furthermore, furthermore, have
you got a woman in that cupboard?
934
01:13:51,920 --> 01:13:53,274
That's just my--
935
01:13:53,520 --> 01:13:56,353
I'm warning you, Lea,
I'm bent on exposure.
936
01:13:56,600 --> 01:13:59,797
I always wondered what it was.
No, look--
937
01:14:00,040 --> 01:14:04,079
I've given my suspicions to Mr
Whitemonk. He's gonna come in in a minute.
938
01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:08,154
So stand aside.
No! Lionel, please! I appeal to you.
939
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:11,038
It'd be different if you did.
Stand aside.
940
01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:13,157
No, don't! Don't do that!
941
01:14:16,000 --> 01:14:18,310
Just a few close friends
I asked round for tea.
942
01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:24,872
Lionel!
Good God, not him!
943
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:29,956
So you're the streaker!
I've been framed! I mean...
944
01:14:37,360 --> 01:14:38,589
One, two...
945
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:42,549
Freddie, it's not working, dear.
One, two, buckle my shoe.
946
01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:46,874
Freddie, dear, would you mind pulling
your finger out of that?
947
01:14:48,080 --> 01:14:51,835
All right. Just a giggle.
I'll see to that. You join the ladies.
948
01:14:52,080 --> 01:14:54,640
All right.
They're waiting for you.
949
01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:59,953
One, two, testing!
One, two! One, two, three!
950
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:04,831
Is it on, Wally? Can you hear me
in the games room?
951
01:15:05,080 --> 01:15:07,071
She's here.
952
01:15:07,320 --> 01:15:10,950
Thank you! Got the turn for you
before the beauty competition.
953
01:15:11,200 --> 01:15:15,080
This turn's cost us a lot of money,
so I want you to listen.
954
01:15:15,320 --> 01:15:20,918
You're on your holiday, so do as you're told.
Thank you. That's a bit better. Thank you.
955
01:15:21,160 --> 01:15:26,838
This turn has just come back from a successful
tour of the Conservative clubs in Moscow.
956
01:15:27,080 --> 01:15:30,675
He is very famous
on radio, on television and on films.
957
01:15:30,920 --> 01:15:33,753
I want a big clap,
because he's a big turn.
958
01:15:34,000 --> 01:15:36,719
Give over now this time for...
959
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,111
Alberto Smarmi!
960
01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:00,277
[PLAYS PIANO]
961
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,080
I'm so nervous.
962
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:06,631
What are you nervous about?
What do you mean?
963
01:16:06,880 --> 01:16:11,556
You are the boss' wife, aren't you? It's a
handy way of keeping 500 pound in the family.
964
01:16:11,800 --> 01:16:17,113
What are you incinerating?
Bitch, bitch! We're on. Walk this way.
965
01:16:17,360 --> 01:16:20,273
ROSIE:
Blimey! I thought I already did.
966
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:34,079
They've started. Here, Walter, put it
on that plate with F on it.
967
01:16:34,320 --> 01:16:36,914
With F on it?
Yes.
968
01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:39,719
Walter!
969
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:44,511
Run out of self-raising, did they?
Oh, dear! That really is a rock cake!
970
01:16:55,320 --> 01:16:58,676
Sid. Sid! What do you want me to do?
971
01:17:01,320 --> 01:17:08,113
I don't want you to do anything.
I don't want you to touch anything.
972
01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:11,671
I don't want you to speak to anybody.
973
01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:17,757
I want you to stay well away.
Is that clear?
974
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:20,469
Perfectly, Sidney.
Good.
975
01:17:22,240 --> 01:17:24,993
Very kind of you to agree
to be one of our judges, Mr. Mayor.
976
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:28,710
When I heard press were coming
I couldn't refuse.
977
01:17:30,280 --> 01:17:34,353
Our celebrity judges have arrived
for the Funfrall Beauty Competition.
978
01:17:34,600 --> 01:17:38,389
I think we ought to give them all
a very big welcome. Thank you.
979
01:17:38,640 --> 01:17:40,950
[APPLAUSE TURNS TO JEERING]
980
01:17:43,280 --> 01:17:46,830
I regret to announce that
the celebrity compere hasn't arrived.
981
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:48,559
[JEERING]
982
01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:50,757
Eh? So I'll do it.
983
01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:52,832
[GROANING]
984
01:17:56,280 --> 01:17:58,396
Walter!
985
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:02,719
[WOLF-WHISTLING]
986
01:18:09,880 --> 01:18:13,839
I've got all these girls here now who
are trying to win this coveted title.
987
01:18:14,080 --> 01:18:18,199
We'll have the first girl, please.
We'll have you.
988
01:18:23,960 --> 01:18:25,473
What is your name?
989
01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:26,790
[GIGGLES]
990
01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:30,112
It says here you're from Birmingham.
991
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:36,199
Don't they speak there?
What are your hobbies?
992
01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:40,391
All the time?
993
01:18:40,640 --> 01:18:46,318
Big round of applause for our
first girl. Back to your place, love.
994
01:18:49,160 --> 01:18:53,154
Could we have the next girl, please?
Ooh, that one! Come on.
995
01:18:57,040 --> 01:18:59,350
Are you a friend of hers?
Yes.
996
01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:01,511
Can't win them all, can you?
997
01:19:01,760 --> 01:19:04,400
What's your name?
Glad.
998
01:19:04,640 --> 01:19:06,551
I didn't ask what you were,
I asked your name.
999
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:08,916
Glad.
1000
01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:11,754
FRED: Where do you live?
GLAD: Birmingham.
1001
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:15,595
FRED: And what's your hobbies?
GLAD: Well, I like to ride...horses.
1002
01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:20,038
Very good! Back to your place.
Big clap for this girl, thank you.
1003
01:19:22,840 --> 01:19:26,037
Have you next, love, thank you.
Have you next, please.
1004
01:19:26,280 --> 01:19:28,999
Stop gassing. Come on, love.
1005
01:19:35,480 --> 01:19:38,438
Oh, you've had a bit of sun, have you?
1006
01:19:38,680 --> 01:19:40,830
As well as.
1007
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:44,277
What's your name?
1008
01:19:44,520 --> 01:19:46,431
Blackbird.
1009
01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:51,310
FRED:
What's the other one called?
1010
01:19:54,080 --> 01:19:55,798
What's your hobbies?
1011
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:00,871
What do you think you're doing?
1012
01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:13,231
No, it was the little thing...
1013
01:20:15,040 --> 01:20:18,032
No, it was...the little...
1014
01:20:24,840 --> 01:20:28,515
TIMMY: Down in the forest, something
stirred. The jungle tom-toms spoke.
1015
01:20:28,760 --> 01:20:32,230
Some deep, primitive force, half as
old as time, was guiding her towards me,
1016
01:20:32,480 --> 01:20:35,393
like an angry black pudding on legs.
1017
01:20:37,480 --> 01:20:38,709
Hello.
1018
01:20:49,080 --> 01:20:52,072
[MIXED GASPS AND AMUSEMENT]
1019
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:57,511
[♪♪♪]
1020
01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:03,031
SID:
Please! Please!
1021
01:21:27,720 --> 01:21:32,112
Mr. Mayor, I hope you won't let
this little incident spoil your day.
1022
01:22:15,040 --> 01:22:20,160
Oh, Lionel, you are magnifique!
I'm a devil when I'm aroused, dear.
1023
01:22:20,400 --> 01:22:23,711
Bonjour! I think
you have come over a little queer.
1024
01:22:23,960 --> 01:22:26,679
No, I think I've just given it up.
1025
01:22:42,320 --> 01:22:44,914
Sid! Sid! Over here!
1026
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:49,071
SID: Timmo!
TIMMY: Sid!
1027
01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:52,551
Oh, brains, you berk. Couldn't you get
anything better than this?
1028
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:55,030
It's all I could find! Come on, get on!
1029
01:22:57,760 --> 01:23:03,039
That's it, pedal! We're going
that way, not that way!
1030
01:23:03,280 --> 01:23:05,794
SID:
Get some speed up!
1031
01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:14,634
TIMMY: Where are they, Sid?
SID: Look out!
1032
01:23:16,880 --> 01:23:18,917
TIMMY: Go faster, Sid!
SID: They're gaining!
1033
01:23:19,160 --> 01:23:21,037
This way!
1034
01:23:21,280 --> 01:23:24,591
Move those short, hairy, bloody legs!
1035
01:23:27,440 --> 01:23:29,716
That way!
1036
01:23:41,640 --> 01:23:43,711
TIMMY: Sorry, Sid!
SID: You...
1037
01:23:46,640 --> 01:23:47,869
TIMMY: Well, there you go.
1038
01:23:48,120 --> 01:23:52,318
You don't have to shove more than half a dozen custard
pies down my Y-fronts before I can take a hint.
1039
01:23:52,560 --> 01:23:56,030
Time to look for a new career
opportunity. No, seriously.
1040
01:23:56,280 --> 01:24:00,399
We've got to find something more suited
to our talents. Brain surgery, maybe.
1041
01:24:00,640 --> 01:24:05,157
Or plumbing, perhaps. I've been a bit
worried about my plumbing lately.
1042
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:04,796
WOMAN [OVER LOUDSPEAKER]: Could I have your
attention, please? A little boy has been found.
1043
01:25:05,040 --> 01:25:10,035
He answers to the name of Willy. He's
wearing a blue T-shirt and red trunks.
1044
01:25:10,280 --> 01:25:13,238
Will his daddy please come
and collect his little Willy!87656
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