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1
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,511
Look at that. Nice.
2
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,138
I love cycling.
3
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,056
Andy, I feel like
a tourist in my own city.
4
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,599
I literally can't wait
to wake up every morning.
5
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,393
- Okay.
- She is a beaut.
6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,477
Can't beat a horse.
7
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,979
A horse is a bike
that peddles itself.
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,188
- Yes, it is.
- Oh, look at that.
9
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,649
- Smooth roll.
- You got it!
10
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,234
Lance Armstrong's bike.
11
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,361
- Yes!
- His ass was on that seat?
12
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:29,654
- All right!
- Nice.
13
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,698
No, Meredith,
that's not his actual bicycle.
14
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,325
But it is the same
exact model he uses.
15
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,244
I'm on Sheryl Crow's side
in that whole thing,
16
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,079
so I feel really weird
right now.
17
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,372
- [clatter]
- Michael!
18
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,373
- Oh, God!
- Oh.
19
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,001
Yes, I can ride a bike.
20
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,670
I take spinning classes
three times a month.
21
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,464
I think I know
how to ride a bike.
22
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,382
Are you sure you once
knew how to do this?
23
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,800
I did, yes!
24
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:54,387
I had those extra wheels
on the back that support you.
25
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,181
Mi-chael! Mi-chael!
26
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,350
all:
Mi-chael! Mi-chael!
27
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,894
- Mi-chael! Mi-chael!
- Michael! Yeah!
28
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:03,021
- Yeah!
- Just steer more now.
29
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,564
- Oh, my God!
- Not the car!
30
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:07,359
- No! No!
- Ow! [grunts]
31
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,364
You never forget.
32
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,449
Whoo!
33
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,452
{\an8}[cheerful music]
34
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:24,417
{\an8}♪ ♪
35
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,930
{\an8}[exhales deeply]
36
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,139
{\an8}How do I look?
37
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,809
{\an8}Amazing.
How do I look?
38
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,144
{\an8}Normal. Ugly.
39
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,604
{\an8}Well, I do the best
with what I've got.
40
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,315
{\an8}- Let's go.
- All right.
41
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,234
{\an8}Wait, wait, wait,
wait for me.
42
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,319
{\an8}It's weird if I come in
slightly after.
43
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,196
{\an8}We have a big meeting
with the chief buyer
44
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,031
{\an8}for Frames Select,
Steve Nash.
45
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,200
{\an8}He's not the Steve Nash.
46
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,493
{\an8}He's big, though.
He's kind of like...
47
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,661
{\an8}Scranton's Steve Nash.
48
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:00,745
{\an8}Will you stop
trying to put it in terms
49
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,122
{\an8}you think
they'll understand?
50
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,331
{\an8}- It's condescending.
- I'm not doing that.
51
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,916
{\an8}I'm just explaining.
52
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,210
{\an8}And who is this
"the" Steve Nash?
53
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,254
{\an8}Phoenix Suns point guard?
54
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,089
{\an8}- No.
- No? Nothin'?
55
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,966
{\an8}No, Mr. Jock Hipster.
56
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,342
{\an8}Well, I'm neither
of those things, so...
57
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,220
{\an8}[scoffs]
58
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,096
{\an8}Whoa.
59
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,265
{\an8}Libby Dirketts got married.
60
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,768
{\an8}Big, red mazel tov
to the Libster.
61
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,104
{\an8}Ooh. Says here Dan Becker
62
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,939
{\an8}fell off the side
of Kilimanjaro
63
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,399
{\an8}in a climbing accident.
64
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,943
{\an8}It appears Dan's Sherpa
survived to tell the tale--
65
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,487
{\an8}- Oh, my God!
- What? Is Dan okay?
66
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,989
{\an8}No, he died.
67
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,407
{\an8}It's Broccoli Rob.
68
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,783
{\an8}You know this guy.
69
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,452
{\an8}I showed you his picture
on Facebook.
70
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,703
{\an8}Yes.
71
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:43,288
{\an8}"Some Vermont-based alums
72
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,166
{\an8}"can hear
'Broccoli' Rob Blatt, '96,
73
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,044
{\an8}"in the state milk lobby's
new milk awareness song,
74
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:52,339
{\an8}"'Calci-yum,' featuring
Phish's Trey Anastasio.
75
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,632
{\an8}"Says Broccoli, 'Trey and I
had a ton of fun in the studio,
76
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,259
{\an8}and I think you can
hear it in the song.'"
77
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,887
{\an8}Oh, that's great news
for your friend.
78
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,805
{\an8}Yeah. Yeah.
It's great.
79
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,140
{\an8}You know,
I forget about milk.
80
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,933
{\an8}This is a terrific reminder.
81
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,643
{\an8}Hey, where can I get
that song?
82
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,979
{\an8}I'd like to download it
for my workout playlist.
83
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,319
{\an8}I was the artsy
musical one.
84
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,196
And here comes trouble.
I had four solos.
85
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:17,781
Broccoli Rob had three.
86
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,532
Right?
87
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,868
Uhh.
88
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,246
Go tell her we're here.
89
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,331
You're good
with receptionists.
90
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,374
Oh, ha ha.
91
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,377
Dwight...
92
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,009
Crap.
93
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,511
Danny Cordray is the worst.
94
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,179
Well, by worst,
you mean the best.
95
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,972
The best salesman ever.
96
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,599
He works for Osprey Paper
over in Throop,
97
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,060
steals more clients from
Dunder-Mifflin than anyone.
98
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,311
So the situation
is the worst.
99
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,771
Also, he slept with Pam.
100
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,856
No, he didn't.
101
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,608
[mouthing words]
102
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,694
Tell 'em.
103
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,362
Nothing happened.
104
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,197
We went on a couple of dates.
105
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,532
He never called me again.
106
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,283
What?
He never called you?
107
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,451
I thought you said
it just fizzled.
108
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,619
That's fizzling.
109
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,287
I mean, someone has
to start the fizzle.
110
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,414
Yeah, I thought
you started it.
111
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,207
No, I liked him.
112
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,418
For a couple of days.
113
00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,044
Four years ago.
114
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,548
You know I have a kid
with you, right?
115
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,674
Ah.
116
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,928
I'm gonna intimidate him.
117
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,221
- Okay?
- Okay, great.
118
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,265
- I'm just gonna watch.
- Watch this.
119
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,267
So, anyway, she says,
"That is the biggest penis
120
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,310
I have ever seen."
And I said, "I know.
121
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,688
"That's why I brought you
to the Penis Museum,
122
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,732
where tickets are $1,000."
123
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,191
Well, hello, Danny.
124
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,235
Hey, Dwight.
Good to see you.
125
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,486
- Jim, hey.
- How are you?
126
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,947
- I'm good.
- What are you doing?
127
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,240
Oh, I'm just here
for the coffee.
128
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,492
- Oh, like hell you are.
- Dwight!
129
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,578
He's not just here
for the coffee, Jim.
130
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,246
Wake up.
131
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,457
Hey, by the way, did you open
that, uh, restaurant?
132
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,250
Last time I saw you,
you were talking about that.
133
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,919
Yeah, and I did.
It was embarrassing.
134
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,755
- Really?
- It went under.
135
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,423
My dad and I are about
to open.
136
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,092
- Mm-hmm.
- And we get this insane
137
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,927
high-ball offer
from this developer.
138
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,930
He wants to build
these huge lofts, and...
139
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,349
I think it's great, you know,
140
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,101
'cause my dad can finally just
retire and take it easy.
141
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,770
Then, of course,
what does he do?
142
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,355
[scoffs] Travels the world.
143
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,107
But I don't know--I guess
that's just the cowboy in him.
144
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,109
Sorry, what--
what was embarrassing?
145
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,319
Excuse me?
146
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,279
You said the story
was embarrassing,
147
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,031
but that just sounds wonderful.
148
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:26,701
Yeah, I guess was just kind
of embarrassed that, you know,
149
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:29,245
I got so much out of it
for such little effort.
150
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,039
Mr. Cordray,
he's ready for you.
151
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,624
All righty.
152
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,793
Well, guys, wish me luck.
153
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,587
Good luck.
[groans]
154
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,714
Brainstorming session
is now open.
155
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,591
Anyone has an idea.
156
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,051
[cell phone ringing]
Hold... on.
157
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,636
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
158
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,679
Hello?
159
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,097
Hey, it's Jim.
160
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,765
Listen, this is important.
Are you busy?
161
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:49,849
Oh, hey.
No, I'm not busy.
162
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,101
- What's up?
- You are busy!
163
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,227
We're in a meeting!
164
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:55,271
It's Jim, okay?
Yes.
165
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,481
I have a question for you.
166
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,024
Why do you call
on a blocked ID?
167
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,317
Why would you pick up now?
168
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,152
And you didn't even see
who it was?
169
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,030
You know what? Everyone who's
important calls on blocked ID.
170
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,532
It's true.
171
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,617
In four years, every phone's
gonna be in a museum.
172
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,910
Listen, you got to
get over here,
173
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,036
'cause we're
pitching Steve Nash
174
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,329
and Danny Cordray's here.
175
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,289
You need the big guns, yes?
176
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,499
- Yes.
- What'd he say?
177
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,918
- What did he say?
- The big-gun thing. Stop.
178
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,587
I will see you in ten.
Bye! Hold tight.
179
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,548
[sighs]
180
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,967
Well, I know a lot of you
thought that my sales days
181
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,260
were behind me.
182
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,803
And to be honest,
so did I.
183
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,514
And the only reason
I got out of the sales game
184
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,182
was to be reluctantly
called back in.
185
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,809
You don't look reluctant, Michael.
186
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,144
You look really eager.
187
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,688
[laughing]
No, I don't have time for this.
188
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,189
- Are you kidding me?
- You don't?
189
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,066
No! Okay.
All right!
190
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,526
Oh!
191
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,863
I can't believe I have to go.
192
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,157
Oh, I'm a manager,
193
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,284
not a salesman anymore.
194
00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,202
I'm an old man,
195
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,580
doesn't have time
for all of this,
196
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:56,332
like Clint Eastwood
in all of his movies.
197
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,917
Oh, here's the thing--
198
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,338
my two best guys have called me
out of retirement.
199
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,214
They need my help.
200
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,217
I may get killed, but I won't,
201
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,637
because it is not
my day to die.
202
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,514
So...
203
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,224
All right.
204
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,562
* Knockity-knock,
don't knock back ♪
205
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,981
Just kidding, you can knock.
It's your office.
206
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,191
Do you have a minute?
207
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,861
I'm very busy
with time-sensitive work.
208
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,571
Not to go all
Sherlock Holmes on you,
209
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,947
but I can tell by
the reflection in your glasses
210
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,533
that you're entering points
into weightwatchers.com.
211
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,577
If you don't enter them immediately,
212
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:33,745
you forget.
213
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,413
What?
214
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,750
I'm starting a band,
and I need you on keyboards.
215
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,959
Nah.
216
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,336
I play for pleasure.
217
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,921
This is for pleasure.
218
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,714
Wouldn't enjoy that.
219
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:45,924
I'm willing to pay you.
220
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,425
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
221
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,386
- How much?
- 60 bucks a session.
222
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,929
That's crazy money.
223
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:51,930
I'll take 40.
224
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,348
Yes!
225
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,435
[growls playfully]
Awesome.
226
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,146
First session's today at lunch.
227
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,148
I need to be in this band.
228
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,444
There is so much inside of me
that I need to express,
229
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:10,198
but I am too lazy
to write it down.
230
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:12,826
There he is.
231
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,621
Oh, no,
that's a male model.
232
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,664
No, that's him.
233
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,666
That...
234
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,335
Hello.
235
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,045
Michael Scott,
Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company.
236
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,506
- Danny Cordray, Osprey Paper.
- Nice to meet you.
237
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,258
Three of you guys
for one sale?
238
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,467
Yeah, well...
239
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,760
we call it overkill.
240
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,595
Why am I telling you
my strategy?
241
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,973
Well, whatever
works for you.
242
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,307
Anyway, all right.
243
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,350
- All right.
- Good to see you guys.
244
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,727
- Nice to meet you.
- Buh-bye.
245
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:41,354
I could swear that guy
was a male model.
246
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,397
He's ready for you.
247
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,857
Oh, thank you.
All right.
248
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,525
On the count of three,
it's showtime.
249
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,485
- Ready, one, two--
- No, I'm not doing that.
250
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,820
I've been in showtime mode
since breakfast.
251
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,488
All right,
just forget it then.
252
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,489
- Showtime!
- It's showtime!
253
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,492
Oh. Never mind.
Let's go.
254
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,494
When I knock on your door,
you know who it is.
255
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,871
It's Michael Scott.
256
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,789
We've been together forever,
and--
257
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,500
Michael, I appreciate
everything that Dunder-Mifflin
258
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,169
- has done for this company.
- You know what?
259
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,589
You are having some problems
with your loading dock.
260
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507
Are you not?
All right.
261
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,176
We're going to deliver to you
on weekends.
262
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,219
That's very generous,
but--
263
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,637
And you know what else
we're gonna do?
264
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,514
I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
265
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,641
We are going to offer you
our paper at cost.
266
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,851
I know.
267
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,561
I could get in a lot
of trouble for this,
268
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,355
so you'd better shake
my hand right now.
269
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,564
- He's not kidding.
- Shake it, shake it!
270
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024
Michael,
I'm going with Danny.
271
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,525
Oh.
272
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,693
Thanks for coming in.
273
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,821
- Okay. Thank you.
- Thank you.
274
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,408
- Jim talked too much.
- No, I didn't.
275
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,701
- Yes, you did.
- Stop it.
276
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,495
Just stop it. We did
what we should have done.
277
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,788
We just got bested.
278
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,500
Why is there
a door-close button
279
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,586
if it doesn't even
close the door?
280
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,922
How do I feel about
losing the sale?
281
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:52,634
It's like if Michael Phelps
came out of retirement,
282
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:56,680
jumped in the pool,
belly-flopped, and drowned.
283
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,474
Danny Cordray...
284
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,143
a real threat?
285
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:06,064
The answer is...
286
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,524
yes.
287
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,192
So why did you write
a question mark at all?
288
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:12,904
Because I like to start the
meeting with an action, Jim.
289
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,532
You know who we always
lose out to?
290
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,410
Staples, the big guys.
291
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,578
Osprey?
They're a small company.
292
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,913
They're smaller than we are.
293
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,791
What's our excuse?
How do we combat this guy?
294
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,418
Stanley,
how do we combat him?
295
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,544
We sell better?
296
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,254
Okay. You know what?
297
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,424
You clearly don't care,
so why don't you just leave?
298
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,592
I would like to stay.
This pertains to me.
299
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,303
Why don't you go outside
and take a shot of insulin
300
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,888
and have a nap, okay?
301
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,890
Why do you always assume
I have diabetes?
302
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,475
I don't know.
Your frame, your build.
303
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,394
Why don't you have a glass
of apple juice
304
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:45,437
and tell me
you're not a diabetic?
305
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,980
[grunts]
306
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,606
See? I could tell by the
sound you made
307
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,358
when you stood up that you
have--okay.
308
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,444
- Yes, Phyllis?
- I could try to seduce him.
309
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,945
Oh, my God!
310
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,780
I wouldn't actually do
anything, 'cause I'm married.
311
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,490
I'd just get him
a little steamy,
312
00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:58,825
heat him up a little.
313
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,952
Okay, could we have
some real suggestions?
314
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,746
'Cause that was
just embarrassing.
315
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,249
I came out of retirement to go
in there and get this account,
316
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,585
and I had my ass handed to me.
317
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,087
I know how we can
learn his tricks.
318
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,883
What I'm about to show you
is of the utmost secrecy.
319
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,427
- Is that your office?
- Yes, Jim.
320
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,804
And with a little tweaking,
it becomes a different office.
321
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,557
We lure Danny to it
and watch him sell.
322
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,476
- Ehh...
- I'm out of here.
323
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,478
- This is weird.
- You know what this is?
324
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,021
- This is a stinger.
- A what?
325
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,316
- Like the movie.
- Oh, you mean "The Sting."
326
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,860
Paul Newman, Robert Redford.
They're bank robbers?
327
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,905
- Nope. Different movie.
- "The Sting." "The Sting."
328
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,202
- Can I have...?
- Oh, yeah, please.
329
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,620
- It's open.
- Sorry.
330
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,386
Your 2:00.
331
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:00,637
Thanks, hon.
332
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,138
Meredith
was the perfect choice
333
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,641
to play the head
of the company.
334
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:07,060
Her lunch break lined up with
our appointment with Danny,
335
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:09,229
and... that's it.
336
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,648
That's really
all we were looking for.
337
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,066
Danny Cordray.
It's great to meet you.
338
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,609
Meredith Van Helsing.
Pleased to meet you.
339
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,277
Meredith Van Helsing?
340
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,779
Van Helsing
was a respected professor
341
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,739
before he was
a vampire killer.
342
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,533
Okay. But what is he
more famous for?
343
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,617
Shh!
344
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,703
Hey! That's my mug.
345
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,579
You know this isn't
real TV, right?
346
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,581
Yes.
347
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,625
Why am I so interested?
348
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,753
I just want to see how this guy
charms people--clients.
349
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,214
I'm just doing my job, so...
350
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,757
Is that so crazy?
351
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,050
Can I get you anything?
352
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,927
Well, if you're offering me
a beer,
353
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,095
- I wouldn't turn you down.
- [laughs]
354
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,388
Iced tea for me, sweetie.
355
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,474
Meredith Van Helsing
is 17 years sober.
356
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,144
Congratulations. That's
no small accomplishment.
357
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:52,188
Well, I was a single mom,
out every night,
358
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:55,984
promiscuous, drinking,
swearing, out of control.
359
00:12:56,026 --> 00:13:00,613
And today I am president
of Pennsylvania SolarTech.
360
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,782
I'm married to an Asian man,
361
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,452
and I eat trout every night.
362
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,661
That's a story.
363
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,580
Can I ask you--
how did you do it?
364
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,081
I wish I knew.
365
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,126
Darryl and Andy:
♪ Please, Mr. President ♪
366
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:16,296
♪ If you want to
give hope a whirl ♪
367
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,965
♪ Bring our troops home
safe and sound ♪
368
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:22,302
♪ Says this little girl ♪
369
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,013
[continues in falsetto]
♪ Please, Mr. President ♪
370
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,514
Wait a second, wait a second,
wait a second.
371
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,851
So... the song is from the point
of view of a little girl.
372
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,311
- Yeah.
- But you're singing it.
373
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,063
Yeah. But I'm using
my falsetto.
374
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,314
No, that's not a good idea.
375
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,899
I don't see it
as a very good song.
376
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,275
Yeah, well,
it'd sound a lot better
377
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,486
if you actually
sang with some soul.
378
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,446
- Oh, I never sing with soul.
- That's a lie.
379
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,990
- I could sing it.
- I just was hoping maybe
380
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,283
you'd save your voice
381
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,160
in case we did a novelty
song about frogs.
382
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:50,580
But my voice is unique.
Like Bob Dylan.
383
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:51,873
Okay, three-way argument
384
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:53,708
between a drummer,
a keyboardist,
385
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,627
and the front man
lead singer.
386
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,380
Wonder who's gonna
win this one.
387
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,507
Two, three, four--
388
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,385
The name Osprey also shows
our commitment
389
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:06,388
to environmentally
sustainable paper.
390
00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,516
- Because osprey's a bird.
- Got it.
391
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,059
You know what?
392
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,811
I'm gonna take off my coat,
if you don't mind.
393
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,771
Just a bit warm in here.
394
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,608
Hel... lo!
395
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,360
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't...
396
00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,821
People can't keep their
true natures hidden for long,
397
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,406
and this guy is smoldering
like a tire fire.
398
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,157
- Testify.
- He's not that good-looking.
399
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,867
I don't understand why
everybody's--
400
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,035
Yeah, he is that
good-looking.
401
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,495
- He's very, very handsome.
- Okay.
402
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,497
That's a great set
of shoulders you got there.
403
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,208
What is that... genetics?
404
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,419
Creatine?
[telephone rings]
405
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,837
Sorry.
406
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,964
- Yeah.
- Pull it together, all right?
407
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,966
Stop lookin' at him.
408
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,010
I'm sorry.
409
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,555
You're here
to sell me some paper.
410
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:51,224
Well, actually, uh...
no, Miss Van Helsing.
411
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,726
[laughs]
That's not why I'm here.
412
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,102
I'm here to meet you,
413
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,730
see if we'd be a, you know,
good fit.
414
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,648
- What do you mean?
- Oh... my God!
415
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,568
He's making her sell to him.
416
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,069
Andy and Darryl:
♪ Bring our troops home ♪
417
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,904
♪ Safe and sound ♪
418
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,906
♪ Says this little girl ♪
419
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,616
- [music stops]
- Okay. Honest-feedback time.
420
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,119
- Oscar.
- That's pandering.
421
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,079
And it makes me think
you think I'm stupid.
422
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,081
But do you think
it could be famous?
423
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,750
Like, in a car commercial
or something?
424
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,043
Not really.
425
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,919
It's kind of weird
that a grown man
426
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,547
is singing from the point
of view of a little girl.
427
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,091
I feel like I can see
someone ice-skating to it.
428
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,177
You know,
like, in the Olympics.
429
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,012
I-I don't think
they usually...
430
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,931
skate to such...
bad songs.
431
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,309
Rude.
And not helpful.
432
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,811
Well, I really,
really, really liked it.
433
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,439
Well, that...
really bums me out.
434
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,983
You're welcome.
435
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,485
We should think of this
as a first date.
436
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,028
- [giggles]
- And I think it's going
437
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,072
very well.
How 'bout you?
438
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,449
Real well. Uh...
439
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,659
feels more like
a third date to me.
440
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:52,869
Ha ha.
There you go!
441
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,996
[telephone rings]
442
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,374
- Stay--
- Shut up and let me do this!
443
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,334
You know,
444
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,379
what is with this desk
keeping us so far apart?
445
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,880
I've never been a desk man.
446
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:08,009
Always traveling on the road.
Come on... why not, huh?
447
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,178
- Oh...
- Well, we'll get this...
448
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,973
- Oh...
- Oh, man.
449
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,225
So... what's your drink?
450
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,186
You a vodka man?
Me too.
451
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,979
We're not seeing
how he closes a deal.
452
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,690
We're seeing
how she closes a deal.
453
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,650
And yet,
it's equally fascinating.
454
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:24,943
I wish I had a Taser.
455
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,486
I do have a Taser.
456
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:27,654
Damn it, it's in there.
457
00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,155
I hope you told her
to wear underwear.
458
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,865
How could that possibly be
my job?
459
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,492
No, I should've checked.
It's on me.
460
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,327
Yeah, it is.
It's all over you.
461
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,037
Okay, we got
to switch this up.
462
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,956
We got to get someone else
in there right now.
463
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,000
You're an exec
at Pennsylvania SolarTech.
464
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,543
- That sounds fake.
- What do you mean?
465
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:42,836
I told you.
466
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,129
You're an exec
at Stark Industries,
467
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,880
a corporation
you inherited from your father.
468
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,090
Stop it.
Here's the story.
469
00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,967
They need Meredith somewhere
else ASAP, okay?
470
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,510
So you're taking over.
471
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,637
You just got to get her out
of there as soon as you can.
472
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,805
I can do that.
Then what?
473
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,015
Then make him
pitch to you.
474
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,474
- You got to see what he's got.
- Exactly.
475
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,018
Okay, and, remember,
you're not gay.
476
00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,644
Stop it.
It's gonna be great.
477
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,897
And, listen, if anything else
happens, just... roll with it.
478
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,818
- Meredith, I--
- Oh, Manuel.
479
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,195
This is Manuel,
my cleaning man.
480
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,822
He doesn't speak
any English.
481
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,991
Hola. ¿Qué tal?
482
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,659
¿Cómo estás, señor?
483
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:18,371
Uh, Manuel,
cleano el window.
484
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:21,041
I never knew
she was this smart.
485
00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,251
She's smart when she cares.
486
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,046
Remember they raised the
tobacco tax in Philadelphia,
487
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,840
she testified
before State Senate?
488
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,009
Who else we got?
489
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,388
Okay. You're a young hotshot
from Stark Industries.
490
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,015
You've just bought
this company.
491
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,433
Meredith is fired.
492
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,560
It's a whole new regime.
He's got to pitch to you now.
493
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,312
Okay. Stark Industries
isn't real.
494
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,397
I run Google.
Larry and Sergey brought me--
495
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,399
Great, sounds awesome.
Just have him pitch to you.
496
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,985
- Don't let us down.
- Will do. Won't do.
497
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,654
- Yeah, sure.
- Smell like a Scorpio.
498
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,949
This is Esteban,
another cleaning man.
499
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,951
He doesn't speak English either.
500
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,496
Esteban, el floor-o.
501
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,295
You know what?
502
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,089
I may have parked my car
in a compact space,
503
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,548
and I hate when I see
others do that, so--
504
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,676
Danny, I feel
a real connection to you,
505
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,302
and I got to get real.
506
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,470
- No. No, no, no.
- No, no, no, no, no!
507
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,222
- I'm goin' in!
- Michael!
508
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,807
No, Michael, stop it!
No!
509
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,475
Stop, stop!
Oh, my God!
510
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,936
Okay. Stop it,
stop it, stop it.
511
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,479
Gross!
Stop it, please.
512
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,023
- Everybody stop.
- Michael Scott.
513
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,316
I said stop.
514
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,364
Okay, back it off,
around the desk, please.
515
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,117
Okay, guys, you can go.
516
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,327
Oscar, Ryan, good job--not.
517
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,204
[door closes]
I'm pulling the plug on this.
518
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,455
Okay, Danny...
519
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,749
this is not
Pennsylvania SolarTech.
520
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,335
This is
Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company.
521
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,004
- This is Meredith Palmer.
- Pleased to meet you.
522
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,006
Don't--stay away from him,
please just leave.
523
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,590
Get out of here.
Go. Forever.
524
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,635
- Hmm.
- I owe you...
525
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,637
a most sincere
and humble apology.
526
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,639
This was incredibly unprofessional.
527
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:03,601
Oh, my God, JanSport backpacks.
528
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,604
10 or 15 years ago--you were
a model for JanSport backpacks,
529
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,314
- were you not?
- Yes.
530
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,858
- What's going on here?
- I knew it.
531
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:13,236
I remember the one
you were like, hey.
532
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,738
Okay, to answer your question,
533
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,699
we were trying to watch you
to see your sales technique
534
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,909
so we could stop losing
so many clients to you.
535
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,036
Watch from where?
536
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,996
A surveillance room
next to this one.
537
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,247
What?
538
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,790
I didn't say that.
539
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,668
Okay, so you...
set up this fake company,
540
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,628
then you hired
this homeless woman
541
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,840
to impersonate an executive
to spy on me
542
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,842
so that you could copy
my sales technique.
543
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,927
Yes. And it's the sincerest
form of flattery.
544
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,554
Or... crazy.
545
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:40,847
- Well--
- I'm gonna go.
546
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,183
Okay. You know what?
It wasn't just me.
547
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,685
Jim and Dwight
are behind that wall
548
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:48,188
in the surveillance room,
and it was their plan as well.
549
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:49,689
- [stifled] No!
- No, no, no, no.
550
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,024
Oh, well, then, yeah.
All right, hey!
551
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,401
Good luck, guys!
552
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,445
Seems like you got
a great operation here.
553
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:57,197
No, we don't.
Here's... here's my point.
554
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,824
Danny, listen,
you have to understand
555
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,243
that we are not normally
like this.
556
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,995
We just--we wanted to know
your tricks.
557
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,122
What do you mean, tricks?
There's no tricks, man.
558
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,874
I'm just a good salesman.
559
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,584
You want to copy that?
You can't copy that!
560
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:10,877
You are, you are.
You are!
561
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,128
Stop it, stop it.
562
00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,255
Stop.
You are a good salesman.
563
00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,008
And because of that...
564
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,052
I want you to work for me.
565
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:21,137
Sure. You seem like
a fun, professional guy.
566
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,389
- So you will.
- No!
567
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,182
Hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold on.
568
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,394
Hold on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.
569
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:28,937
Danny, I want you
to look at me.
570
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,188
[exhales, groans]
571
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,190
Do you want your life
to be better
572
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,067
or to be worse
or to stay the same?
573
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:36,194
- Get out of my way.
- Answer the question.
574
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,529
Do you want
a better life, Danny?
575
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,448
I swear to God,
I'm gonna hit you.
576
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,033
I didn't mean that.
I'm sorry.
577
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,202
I'm not--it's just
I'm very upset right now.
578
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,829
- I'm very upset!
- I know, I know.
579
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,872
Do you want more freedom,
less freedom,
580
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,249
or to stay the same?
581
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,126
More freedom.
582
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,086
I can give you
more money.
583
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,587
There's your better life.
584
00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,631
I can let you come and go
as you please.
585
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,508
There's your freedom.
586
00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,051
And you already know
Dunder-Mifflin
587
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,262
has the best service
and the best prices.
588
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,139
But you beat us anyway.
589
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,932
- [chuckles]
- Can you imagine
590
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,310
how well you would do
selling our stuff?
591
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,816
Everyone,
may I have your attention?
592
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:17,944
I would like to introduce you
to Mr. Danny Cordray.
593
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:22,115
He's going to be joining us
as our new traveling salesman.
594
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,491
Say hello to Danny!
595
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,452
[bleep] me.
596
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:27,412
Okay.
You know what?
597
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,080
No. No.
598
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,875
This is not some sort
of construction site
599
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,335
or all of Italy,
600
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,295
where you can just go around
treating people like meat.
601
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,963
We are to respect him.
602
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:40,800
I respect him because
he reminds me of somebody.
603
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,635
Can anybody guess
who that is?
604
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:44,929
- Josh Duhamel.
- Yeah, I can see that!
605
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,807
No. No. No.
Somebody in this office.
606
00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:50,018
He's like
a better-looking Andy.
607
00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:51,269
Thanks, Kevin.
608
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,938
No. Me.
Right?
609
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:56,649
Sort of like... a little
younger version of me.
610
00:21:56,691 --> 00:21:58,568
It's hard to judge ourselves
accurately, isn't it?
611
00:21:58,610 --> 00:21:59,694
- Michael.
- Yes.
612
00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:01,071
Can I talk to you
about something?
613
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:02,447
No, you may not.
614
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:03,782
It's about this very
announcement you just made.
615
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,158
- I just said no.
- Michael--
616
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,035
Michael, I think you
really want to talk to him.
617
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,703
Okay, let's--
all right, all right.
618
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:10,330
Let's talk.
Please don't let him leave.
619
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:11,748
- Don't leave.
- Gotcha.
620
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:13,917
Why would I agree
to work here?
621
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,836
Well, I feel like Pam and I
have some unfinished business.
622
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,838
And if Jim gets burned
in the process,
623
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,924
well, that's just gonna be
too bad for him.
624
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:27,055
[laughing] I'm just kidding.
625
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:30,058
They offered me
a stupid amount of money.
626
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,769
- You hired him?
- Let me ask you something.
627
00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:34,479
Do you want your life to be
better or worse
628
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,606
or stay the same?
all: stay the same.
629
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,693
Okay. Well... get ready,
'cause it's gonna get better.
630
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:41,319
It's not gonna get better.
631
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:42,570
He's gonna steal
all of our clients.
632
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,364
No. No. Wrong.
633
00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:45,782
He would have stolen
your clients,
634
00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,575
but you know what?
He can't now.
635
00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:50,286
This guy used to steal
sales from us.
636
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,038
Now he's going to steal
sales for us.
637
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,040
Where's he gonna sit?
There's no more seats.
638
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:56,292
He doesn't need to sit.
He's a traveling salesman.
639
00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:58,712
Look, I am not going to exclude
good people from our staff
640
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:01,131
simply because
they are threatening to you.
641
00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:03,008
And unless you have a better
argument than that,
642
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,300
I suggest you leave.
643
00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:06,219
Mm!
644
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,470
Where's he gonna park?
645
00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,389
There's no more
reserved parking spots.
646
00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:10,724
Good-bye!
647
00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:16,479
This morning Danny Cordray
stole a sale from me.
648
00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:17,731
So what do I do?
649
00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,399
I go out,
and I steal Danny Cordray.
650
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,401
The sale that mattered I made.
651
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:22,777
Boom.
652
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,070
Funny thing about it--
we don't even need him.
653
00:23:24,112 --> 00:23:26,698
We already have Packer
on the road.
654
00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:28,366
[groans]
Crap.
655
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:31,494
I forgot about Packer.
656
00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:32,829
[sighs]
657
00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:35,040
- Songs about truth.
- Yeah.
658
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,042
What's something
you really care about?
659
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,252
Reverse snobbery.
660
00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:40,628
More universal.
661
00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,298
Sometimes I feel like
life has passed me by.
662
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:45,008
[plays soft chords]
663
00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:48,303
* Couldn't get
outta bed today ♪
664
00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:51,097
♪ Wish the alarm clock
would go away ♪
665
00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:52,098
Oh, nice!
666
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:53,516
Holy crap.
Are you kidding me?
667
00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,310
You just made that--
that's amazing.
668
00:23:55,352 --> 00:23:56,603
Go ahead.
669
00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:58,938
* Which me
am I gonna be today? ♪
670
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,149
* Which me
am I gonna be today? ♪
671
00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:03,943
* I got a closet
full of mes ♪
672
00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:07,739
♪ Am I gonna be
the happy me? ♪
673
00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,158
* Or the me that stinks? ♪
674
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,787
I don't know. I've been in
bands with people I like less.
675
00:24:13,828 --> 00:24:16,748
Oh, my gosh.
We're almost out of time.
676
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,208
How much
for another half hour?
677
00:24:18,249 --> 00:24:20,752
Oh, don't worry about it.
[plays notes]
678
00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:22,170
Wait.
Seriously?
679
00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:23,672
Yeah.
680
00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:25,924
So we're just, like,
jamming as friends?
681
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,760
One, two, three, hit it.
682
00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:30,637
* Closet full of me ♪
683
00:24:30,679 --> 00:24:32,806
Oh, you know... funny.
684
00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:35,141
Your wife and I
went on a few dates.
685
00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:36,643
Did ya?
686
00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:37,977
Yeah, way, way,
way back.
687
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,646
I'm just kidding.
She told me about it.
688
00:24:39,688 --> 00:24:41,773
Oh. Yeah.
She was not into me.
689
00:24:41,815 --> 00:24:43,149
- Oh.
- Obviously.
690
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:44,651
I don't even think
she called me back.
691
00:24:44,693 --> 00:24:46,903
- You snubbed her.
- Dwight, please.
692
00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:48,405
Let me handle this, Jim.
693
00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:49,989
Drop the act, Cordray.
Okay?
694
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:51,908
We all know
that you probably thought
695
00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:55,870
that Pam was too "meh"
or thin without being toned.
696
00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:57,622
But I want to tell you something.
697
00:24:57,664 --> 00:24:59,499
She is one of the plain,
hearty women of Scranton
698
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,710
that make this city great.
699
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:03,169
And so what if she doesn't
wear makeup?
700
00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:05,171
- [mouthing words]
- We like her better that way!
701
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:07,048
And you steal clients,
don't you?
702
00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:08,883
Don't you!
703
00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:10,427
Okay... that's different.
704
00:25:10,468 --> 00:25:11,678
Oh, that's different,
is it?
705
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,471
Okay, thief.
706
00:25:13,513 --> 00:25:15,306
You better check
your things, people.
707
00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:17,058
In fact,
where are my keys?
708
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,394
Oh.
They're in my pocket.
709
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,062
False alarm.
710
00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,565
Okay.
711
00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:25,066
[sniffs]
712
00:25:25,108 --> 00:25:27,986
So you're...
gonna be workin' here.
713
00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:30,363
Uh... I mean...
714
00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:31,656
yeah.
715
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:34,075
Welcome aboard.
716
00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:37,412
Thank you.
717
00:25:37,454 --> 00:25:39,289
Hey, crazy, um...
718
00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:42,584
so... that's it?
You're just--you're fine?
719
00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:46,546
It's after 5:00, Jim.
I'm not gonna take this home.
720
00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:48,673
- Oh.
- Pleasure.
721
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,050
Thanks.
722
00:25:50,091 --> 00:25:53,386
Anybody can buy
and sell things.
723
00:25:53,428 --> 00:25:55,513
But...
724
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:58,558
to buy and sell people...
725
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,977
that's the noblest thing
of all.
726
00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:07,609
* Stars in her eyes,
tongue full of flies ♪
727
00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:11,154
♪ Would you like
to share my pad? ♪
728
00:26:11,196 --> 00:26:12,822
all: * Croak, croak, croak ♪
729
00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:15,575
♪ Bullfrog in love ♪
730
00:26:15,617 --> 00:26:18,661
♪ Croak, croak, croak,
bullfrog in love ♪
731
00:26:18,703 --> 00:26:20,121
♪ And I gave her the croak
that meant ♪
732
00:26:20,163 --> 00:26:21,539
♪ I love you ♪
733
00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:24,084
* I'll be
your croak monsieur ♪
734
00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,753
[falsetto]
♪ I'll be your croak madame ♪
735
00:26:26,795 --> 00:26:29,172
* Your mama might've said
that bullfrogs are dogs ♪
736
00:26:29,214 --> 00:26:30,173
♪ But I'm here
to tell you that ♪
737
00:26:30,215 --> 00:26:31,800
all: * I'm a frog ♪
738
00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:34,803
* Come and sit on my log,
you little pollywog ♪
739
00:26:34,844 --> 00:26:36,888
I find you
absolutely ribbiting!
740
00:26:36,930 --> 00:26:39,766
all: * Croak, croak, croak,
bullfrog in love ♪
741
00:26:39,808 --> 00:26:42,268
♪ Croak, croak, croak,
bullfrog in love ♪
742
00:26:42,310 --> 00:26:43,895
* Croak, ribbit ♪
743
00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:46,439
* Scoopty-splash ♪
744
00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:47,941
Nice!
53851
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