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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,511 Look at that. Nice. 2 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,138 I love cycling. 3 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,056 Andy, I feel like a tourist in my own city. 4 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,599 I literally can't wait to wake up every morning. 5 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,393 - Okay. - She is a beaut. 6 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,477 Can't beat a horse. 7 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,979 A horse is a bike that peddles itself. 8 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,188 - Yes, it is. - Oh, look at that. 9 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,649 - Smooth roll. - You got it! 10 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,234 Lance Armstrong's bike. 11 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,361 - Yes! - His ass was on that seat? 12 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:29,654 - All right! - Nice. 13 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,698 No, Meredith, that's not his actual bicycle. 14 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,325 But it is the same exact model he uses. 15 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,244 I'm on Sheryl Crow's side in that whole thing, 16 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,079 so I feel really weird right now. 17 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,372 - [clatter] - Michael! 18 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,373 - Oh, God! - Oh. 19 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,001 Yes, I can ride a bike. 20 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,670 I take spinning classes three times a month. 21 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,464 I think I know how to ride a bike. 22 00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,382 Are you sure you once knew how to do this? 23 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,800 I did, yes! 24 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:54,387 I had those extra wheels on the back that support you. 25 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,181 Mi-chael! Mi-chael! 26 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,350 all: Mi-chael! Mi-chael! 27 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,894 - Mi-chael! Mi-chael! - Michael! Yeah! 28 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:03,021 - Yeah! - Just steer more now. 29 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,564 - Oh, my God! - Not the car! 30 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:07,359 - No! No! - Ow! [grunts] 31 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,364 You never forget. 32 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,449 Whoo! 33 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,452 {\an8}[cheerful music] 34 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:24,417 {\an8}♪ ♪ 35 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,930 {\an8}[exhales deeply] 36 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,139 {\an8}How do I look? 37 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,809 {\an8}Amazing. How do I look? 38 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,144 {\an8}Normal. Ugly. 39 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,604 {\an8}Well, I do the best with what I've got. 40 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,315 {\an8}- Let's go. - All right. 41 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,234 {\an8}Wait, wait, wait, wait for me. 42 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,319 {\an8}It's weird if I come in slightly after. 43 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,196 {\an8}We have a big meeting with the chief buyer 44 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,031 {\an8}for Frames Select, Steve Nash. 45 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,200 {\an8}He's not the Steve Nash. 46 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,493 {\an8}He's big, though. He's kind of like... 47 00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,661 {\an8}Scranton's Steve Nash. 48 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:00,745 {\an8}Will you stop trying to put it in terms 49 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,122 {\an8}you think they'll understand? 50 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,331 {\an8}- It's condescending. - I'm not doing that. 51 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,916 {\an8}I'm just explaining. 52 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,210 {\an8}And who is this "the" Steve Nash? 53 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,254 {\an8}Phoenix Suns point guard? 54 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,089 {\an8}- No. - No? Nothin'? 55 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,966 {\an8}No, Mr. Jock Hipster. 56 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,342 {\an8}Well, I'm neither of those things, so... 57 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,220 {\an8}[scoffs] 58 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,096 {\an8}Whoa. 59 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,265 {\an8}Libby Dirketts got married. 60 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,768 {\an8}Big, red mazel tov to the Libster. 61 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,104 {\an8}Ooh. Says here Dan Becker 62 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,939 {\an8}fell off the side of Kilimanjaro 63 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,399 {\an8}in a climbing accident. 64 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,943 {\an8}It appears Dan's Sherpa survived to tell the tale-- 65 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,487 {\an8}- Oh, my God! - What? Is Dan okay? 66 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,989 {\an8}No, he died. 67 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,407 {\an8}It's Broccoli Rob. 68 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,783 {\an8}You know this guy. 69 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,452 {\an8}I showed you his picture on Facebook. 70 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,703 {\an8}Yes. 71 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:43,288 {\an8}"Some Vermont-based alums 72 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,166 {\an8}"can hear 'Broccoli' Rob Blatt, '96, 73 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,044 {\an8}"in the state milk lobby's new milk awareness song, 74 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:52,339 {\an8}"'Calci-yum,' featuring Phish's Trey Anastasio. 75 00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:54,632 {\an8}"Says Broccoli, 'Trey and I had a ton of fun in the studio, 76 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,259 {\an8}and I think you can hear it in the song.'" 77 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,887 {\an8}Oh, that's great news for your friend. 78 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,805 {\an8}Yeah. Yeah. It's great. 79 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,140 {\an8}You know, I forget about milk. 80 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,933 {\an8}This is a terrific reminder. 81 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,643 {\an8}Hey, where can I get that song? 82 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,979 {\an8}I'd like to download it for my workout playlist. 83 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,319 {\an8}I was the artsy musical one. 84 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,196 And here comes trouble. I had four solos. 85 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:17,781 Broccoli Rob had three. 86 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,532 Right? 87 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,868 Uhh. 88 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,246 Go tell her we're here. 89 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,331 You're good with receptionists. 90 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,374 Oh, ha ha. 91 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,377 Dwight... 92 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,009 Crap. 93 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,511 Danny Cordray is the worst. 94 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,179 Well, by worst, you mean the best. 95 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,972 The best salesman ever. 96 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:44,599 He works for Osprey Paper over in Throop, 97 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,060 steals more clients from Dunder-Mifflin than anyone. 98 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,311 So the situation is the worst. 99 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,771 Also, he slept with Pam. 100 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,856 No, he didn't. 101 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,608 [mouthing words] 102 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,694 Tell 'em. 103 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,362 Nothing happened. 104 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,197 We went on a couple of dates. 105 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,532 He never called me again. 106 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,283 What? He never called you? 107 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,451 I thought you said it just fizzled. 108 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:04,619 That's fizzling. 109 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,287 I mean, someone has to start the fizzle. 110 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,414 Yeah, I thought you started it. 111 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,207 No, I liked him. 112 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,418 For a couple of days. 113 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,044 Four years ago. 114 00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,548 You know I have a kid with you, right? 115 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,674 Ah. 116 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,928 I'm gonna intimidate him. 117 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,221 - Okay? - Okay, great. 118 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,265 - I'm just gonna watch. - Watch this. 119 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,267 So, anyway, she says, "That is the biggest penis 120 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,310 I have ever seen." And I said, "I know. 121 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,688 "That's why I brought you to the Penis Museum, 122 00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,732 where tickets are $1,000." 123 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,191 Well, hello, Danny. 124 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,235 Hey, Dwight. Good to see you. 125 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,486 - Jim, hey. - How are you? 126 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,947 - I'm good. - What are you doing? 127 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,240 Oh, I'm just here for the coffee. 128 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,492 - Oh, like hell you are. - Dwight! 129 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,578 He's not just here for the coffee, Jim. 130 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,246 Wake up. 131 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,457 Hey, by the way, did you open that, uh, restaurant? 132 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,250 Last time I saw you, you were talking about that. 133 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,919 Yeah, and I did. It was embarrassing. 134 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,755 - Really? - It went under. 135 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,423 My dad and I are about to open. 136 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,092 - Mm-hmm. - And we get this insane 137 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,927 high-ball offer from this developer. 138 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,930 He wants to build these huge lofts, and... 139 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,349 I think it's great, you know, 140 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,101 'cause my dad can finally just retire and take it easy. 141 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,770 Then, of course, what does he do? 142 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,355 [scoffs] Travels the world. 143 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,107 But I don't know--I guess that's just the cowboy in him. 144 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,109 Sorry, what-- what was embarrassing? 145 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,319 Excuse me? 146 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,279 You said the story was embarrassing, 147 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,031 but that just sounds wonderful. 148 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:26,701 Yeah, I guess was just kind of embarrassed that, you know, 149 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:29,245 I got so much out of it for such little effort. 150 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,039 Mr. Cordray, he's ready for you. 151 00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,624 All righty. 152 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,793 Well, guys, wish me luck. 153 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,587 Good luck. [groans] 154 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,714 Brainstorming session is now open. 155 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,591 Anyone has an idea. 156 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,051 [cell phone ringing] Hold... on. 157 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,636 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 158 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,679 Hello? 159 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,097 Hey, it's Jim. 160 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,765 Listen, this is important. Are you busy? 161 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:49,849 Oh, hey. No, I'm not busy. 162 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,101 - What's up? - You are busy! 163 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,227 We're in a meeting! 164 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:55,271 It's Jim, okay? Yes. 165 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,481 I have a question for you. 166 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,024 Why do you call on a blocked ID? 167 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,317 Why would you pick up now? 168 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,152 And you didn't even see who it was? 169 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:04,030 You know what? Everyone who's important calls on blocked ID. 170 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,532 It's true. 171 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:07,617 In four years, every phone's gonna be in a museum. 172 00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,910 Listen, you got to get over here, 173 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,036 'cause we're pitching Steve Nash 174 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,329 and Danny Cordray's here. 175 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,289 You need the big guns, yes? 176 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,499 - Yes. - What'd he say? 177 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,918 - What did he say? - The big-gun thing. Stop. 178 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,587 I will see you in ten. Bye! Hold tight. 179 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,548 [sighs] 180 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,967 Well, I know a lot of you thought that my sales days 181 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,260 were behind me. 182 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,803 And to be honest, so did I. 183 00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,514 And the only reason I got out of the sales game 184 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,182 was to be reluctantly called back in. 185 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,809 You don't look reluctant, Michael. 186 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,144 You look really eager. 187 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,688 [laughing] No, I don't have time for this. 188 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,189 - Are you kidding me? - You don't? 189 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,066 No! Okay. All right! 190 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,526 Oh! 191 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,863 I can't believe I have to go. 192 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,157 Oh, I'm a manager, 193 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,284 not a salesman anymore. 194 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:51,202 I'm an old man, 195 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,580 doesn't have time for all of this, 196 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:56,332 like Clint Eastwood in all of his movies. 197 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,917 Oh, here's the thing-- 198 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,338 my two best guys have called me out of retirement. 199 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,214 They need my help. 200 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,217 I may get killed, but I won't, 201 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,637 because it is not my day to die. 202 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,514 So... 203 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,224 All right. 204 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,562 * Knockity-knock, don't knock back ♪ 205 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,981 Just kidding, you can knock. It's your office. 206 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,191 Do you have a minute? 207 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,861 I'm very busy with time-sensitive work. 208 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,571 Not to go all Sherlock Holmes on you, 209 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,947 but I can tell by the reflection in your glasses 210 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,533 that you're entering points into weightwatchers.com. 211 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,577 If you don't enter them immediately, 212 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:33,745 you forget. 213 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,413 What? 214 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,750 I'm starting a band, and I need you on keyboards. 215 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,959 Nah. 216 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,336 I play for pleasure. 217 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,921 This is for pleasure. 218 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,714 Wouldn't enjoy that. 219 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:45,924 I'm willing to pay you. 220 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,425 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 221 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,386 - How much? - 60 bucks a session. 222 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,929 That's crazy money. 223 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:51,930 I'll take 40. 224 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,348 Yes! 225 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,435 [growls playfully] Awesome. 226 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,146 First session's today at lunch. 227 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,148 I need to be in this band. 228 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,444 There is so much inside of me that I need to express, 229 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:10,198 but I am too lazy to write it down. 230 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:12,826 There he is. 231 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,621 Oh, no, that's a male model. 232 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,664 No, that's him. 233 00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:19,666 That... 234 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,335 Hello. 235 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,045 Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. 236 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,506 - Danny Cordray, Osprey Paper. - Nice to meet you. 237 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,258 Three of you guys for one sale? 238 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,467 Yeah, well... 239 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,760 we call it overkill. 240 00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,595 Why am I telling you my strategy? 241 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,973 Well, whatever works for you. 242 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,307 Anyway, all right. 243 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,350 - All right. - Good to see you guys. 244 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,727 - Nice to meet you. - Buh-bye. 245 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:41,354 I could swear that guy was a male model. 246 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,397 He's ready for you. 247 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,857 Oh, thank you. All right. 248 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,525 On the count of three, it's showtime. 249 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,485 - Ready, one, two-- - No, I'm not doing that. 250 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,820 I've been in showtime mode since breakfast. 251 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,488 All right, just forget it then. 252 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,489 - Showtime! - It's showtime! 253 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,492 Oh. Never mind. Let's go. 254 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,494 When I knock on your door, you know who it is. 255 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,871 It's Michael Scott. 256 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,789 We've been together forever, and-- 257 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,500 Michael, I appreciate everything that Dunder-Mifflin 258 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,169 - has done for this company. - You know what? 259 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,589 You are having some problems with your loading dock. 260 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,507 Are you not? All right. 261 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,176 We're going to deliver to you on weekends. 262 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,219 That's very generous, but-- 263 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,637 And you know what else we're gonna do? 264 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,514 I can't believe I'm gonna say this. 265 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,641 We are going to offer you our paper at cost. 266 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,851 I know. 267 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,561 I could get in a lot of trouble for this, 268 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,355 so you'd better shake my hand right now. 269 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,564 - He's not kidding. - Shake it, shake it! 270 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,024 Michael, I'm going with Danny. 271 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,525 Oh. 272 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,693 Thanks for coming in. 273 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,821 - Okay. Thank you. - Thank you. 274 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:35,408 - Jim talked too much. - No, I didn't. 275 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,701 - Yes, you did. - Stop it. 276 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,495 Just stop it. We did what we should have done. 277 00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,788 We just got bested. 278 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,500 Why is there a door-close button 279 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,586 if it doesn't even close the door? 280 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,922 How do I feel about losing the sale? 281 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:52,634 It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, 282 00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:56,680 jumped in the pool, belly-flopped, and drowned. 283 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,474 Danny Cordray... 284 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,143 a real threat? 285 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:06,064 The answer is... 286 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,524 yes. 287 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,192 So why did you write a question mark at all? 288 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:12,904 Because I like to start the meeting with an action, Jim. 289 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,532 You know who we always lose out to? 290 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,410 Staples, the big guys. 291 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,578 Osprey? They're a small company. 292 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,913 They're smaller than we are. 293 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,791 What's our excuse? How do we combat this guy? 294 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,418 Stanley, how do we combat him? 295 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,544 We sell better? 296 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,254 Okay. You know what? 297 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,424 You clearly don't care, so why don't you just leave? 298 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,592 I would like to stay. This pertains to me. 299 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,303 Why don't you go outside and take a shot of insulin 300 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,888 and have a nap, okay? 301 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,890 Why do you always assume I have diabetes? 302 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,475 I don't know. Your frame, your build. 303 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,394 Why don't you have a glass of apple juice 304 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:45,437 and tell me you're not a diabetic? 305 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,980 [grunts] 306 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,606 See? I could tell by the sound you made 307 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,358 when you stood up that you have--okay. 308 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,444 - Yes, Phyllis? - I could try to seduce him. 309 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,945 Oh, my God! 310 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,780 I wouldn't actually do anything, 'cause I'm married. 311 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,490 I'd just get him a little steamy, 312 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:58,825 heat him up a little. 313 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,952 Okay, could we have some real suggestions? 314 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,746 'Cause that was just embarrassing. 315 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:06,249 I came out of retirement to go in there and get this account, 316 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,585 and I had my ass handed to me. 317 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,087 I know how we can learn his tricks. 318 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,883 What I'm about to show you is of the utmost secrecy. 319 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,427 - Is that your office? - Yes, Jim. 320 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,804 And with a little tweaking, it becomes a different office. 321 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,557 We lure Danny to it and watch him sell. 322 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,476 - Ehh... - I'm out of here. 323 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,478 - This is weird. - You know what this is? 324 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,021 - This is a stinger. - A what? 325 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,316 - Like the movie. - Oh, you mean "The Sting." 326 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,860 Paul Newman, Robert Redford. They're bank robbers? 327 00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,905 - Nope. Different movie. - "The Sting." "The Sting." 328 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,202 - Can I have...? - Oh, yeah, please. 329 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,620 - It's open. - Sorry. 330 00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,386 Your 2:00. 331 00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:00,637 Thanks, hon. 332 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,138 Meredith was the perfect choice 333 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,641 to play the head of the company. 334 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:07,060 Her lunch break lined up with our appointment with Danny, 335 00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:09,229 and... that's it. 336 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,648 That's really all we were looking for. 337 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,066 Danny Cordray. It's great to meet you. 338 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,609 Meredith Van Helsing. Pleased to meet you. 339 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,277 Meredith Van Helsing? 340 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,779 Van Helsing was a respected professor 341 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,739 before he was a vampire killer. 342 00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,533 Okay. But what is he more famous for? 343 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,617 Shh! 344 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,703 Hey! That's my mug. 345 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,579 You know this isn't real TV, right? 346 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,581 Yes. 347 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:30,625 Why am I so interested? 348 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,753 I just want to see how this guy charms people--clients. 349 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,214 I'm just doing my job, so... 350 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,757 Is that so crazy? 351 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,050 Can I get you anything? 352 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,927 Well, if you're offering me a beer, 353 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,095 - I wouldn't turn you down. - [laughs] 354 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,388 Iced tea for me, sweetie. 355 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,474 Meredith Van Helsing is 17 years sober. 356 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,144 Congratulations. That's no small accomplishment. 357 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:52,188 Well, I was a single mom, out every night, 358 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:55,984 promiscuous, drinking, swearing, out of control. 359 00:12:56,026 --> 00:13:00,613 And today I am president of Pennsylvania SolarTech. 360 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,782 I'm married to an Asian man, 361 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,452 and I eat trout every night. 362 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,661 That's a story. 363 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,580 Can I ask you-- how did you do it? 364 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,081 I wish I knew. 365 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,126 Darryl and Andy: ♪ Please, Mr. President ♪ 366 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:16,296 ♪ If you want to give hope a whirl ♪ 367 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,965 ♪ Bring our troops home safe and sound ♪ 368 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:22,302 ♪ Says this little girl ♪ 369 00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,013 [continues in falsetto] ♪ Please, Mr. President ♪ 370 00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,514 Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. 371 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,851 So... the song is from the point of view of a little girl. 372 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,311 - Yeah. - But you're singing it. 373 00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,063 Yeah. But I'm using my falsetto. 374 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,314 No, that's not a good idea. 375 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,899 I don't see it as a very good song. 376 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,275 Yeah, well, it'd sound a lot better 377 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,486 if you actually sang with some soul. 378 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,446 - Oh, I never sing with soul. - That's a lie. 379 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,990 - I could sing it. - I just was hoping maybe 380 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,283 you'd save your voice 381 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,160 in case we did a novelty song about frogs. 382 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:50,580 But my voice is unique. Like Bob Dylan. 383 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:51,873 Okay, three-way argument 384 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:53,708 between a drummer, a keyboardist, 385 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,627 and the front man lead singer. 386 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,380 Wonder who's gonna win this one. 387 00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,507 Two, three, four-- 388 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:03,385 The name Osprey also shows our commitment 389 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:06,388 to environmentally sustainable paper. 390 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,516 - Because osprey's a bird. - Got it. 391 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,059 You know what? 392 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,811 I'm gonna take off my coat, if you don't mind. 393 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,771 Just a bit warm in here. 394 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,608 Hel... lo! 395 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,360 Oh, no, no, no. Don't... 396 00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,821 People can't keep their true natures hidden for long, 397 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,406 and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire. 398 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,157 - Testify. - He's not that good-looking. 399 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,867 I don't understand why everybody's-- 400 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,035 Yeah, he is that good-looking. 401 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,495 - He's very, very handsome. - Okay. 402 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,497 That's a great set of shoulders you got there. 403 00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,208 What is that... genetics? 404 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,419 Creatine? [telephone rings] 405 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:38,837 Sorry. 406 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,964 - Yeah. - Pull it together, all right? 407 00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,966 Stop lookin' at him. 408 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,010 I'm sorry. 409 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,555 You're here to sell me some paper. 410 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:51,224 Well, actually, uh... no, Miss Van Helsing. 411 00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,726 [laughs] That's not why I'm here. 412 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,102 I'm here to meet you, 413 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,730 see if we'd be a, you know, good fit. 414 00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,648 - What do you mean? - Oh... my God! 415 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,568 He's making her sell to him. 416 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,069 Andy and Darryl: ♪ Bring our troops home ♪ 417 00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,904 ♪ Safe and sound ♪ 418 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,906 ♪ Says this little girl ♪ 419 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,616 - [music stops] - Okay. Honest-feedback time. 420 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,119 - Oscar. - That's pandering. 421 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,079 And it makes me think you think I'm stupid. 422 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,081 But do you think it could be famous? 423 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,750 Like, in a car commercial or something? 424 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,043 Not really. 425 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,919 It's kind of weird that a grown man 426 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,547 is singing from the point of view of a little girl. 427 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,091 I feel like I can see someone ice-skating to it. 428 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,177 You know, like, in the Olympics. 429 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,012 I-I don't think they usually... 430 00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,931 skate to such... bad songs. 431 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,309 Rude. And not helpful. 432 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,811 Well, I really, really, really liked it. 433 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,439 Well, that... really bums me out. 434 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,983 You're welcome. 435 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,485 We should think of this as a first date. 436 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,028 - [giggles] - And I think it's going 437 00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,072 very well. How 'bout you? 438 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,449 Real well. Uh... 439 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,659 feels more like a third date to me. 440 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:52,869 Ha ha. There you go! 441 00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:54,996 [telephone rings] 442 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,374 - Stay-- - Shut up and let me do this! 443 00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,334 You know, 444 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:02,379 what is with this desk keeping us so far apart? 445 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:03,880 I've never been a desk man. 446 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:08,009 Always traveling on the road. Come on... why not, huh? 447 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,178 - Oh... - Well, we'll get this... 448 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,973 - Oh... - Oh, man. 449 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,225 So... what's your drink? 450 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:18,186 You a vodka man? Me too. 451 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,979 We're not seeing how he closes a deal. 452 00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,690 We're seeing how she closes a deal. 453 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,650 And yet, it's equally fascinating. 454 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:24,943 I wish I had a Taser. 455 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,486 I do have a Taser. 456 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:27,654 Damn it, it's in there. 457 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,155 I hope you told her to wear underwear. 458 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,865 How could that possibly be my job? 459 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,492 No, I should've checked. It's on me. 460 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,327 Yeah, it is. It's all over you. 461 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,037 Okay, we got to switch this up. 462 00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,956 We got to get someone else in there right now. 463 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,000 You're an exec at Pennsylvania SolarTech. 464 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,543 - That sounds fake. - What do you mean? 465 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:42,836 I told you. 466 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:44,129 You're an exec at Stark Industries, 467 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,880 a corporation you inherited from your father. 468 00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:47,090 Stop it. Here's the story. 469 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,967 They need Meredith somewhere else ASAP, okay? 470 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,510 So you're taking over. 471 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,637 You just got to get her out of there as soon as you can. 472 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,805 I can do that. Then what? 473 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,015 Then make him pitch to you. 474 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,474 - You got to see what he's got. - Exactly. 475 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,018 Okay, and, remember, you're not gay. 476 00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,644 Stop it. It's gonna be great. 477 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,897 And, listen, if anything else happens, just... roll with it. 478 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,818 - Meredith, I-- - Oh, Manuel. 479 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,195 This is Manuel, my cleaning man. 480 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,822 He doesn't speak any English. 481 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,991 Hola. ¿Qué tal? 482 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,659 ¿Cómo estás, señor? 483 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:18,371 Uh, Manuel, cleano el window. 484 00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:21,041 I never knew she was this smart. 485 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:23,251 She's smart when she cares. 486 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,046 Remember they raised the tobacco tax in Philadelphia, 487 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,840 she testified before State Senate? 488 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,009 Who else we got? 489 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:35,388 Okay. You're a young hotshot from Stark Industries. 490 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,015 You've just bought this company. 491 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,433 Meredith is fired. 492 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,560 It's a whole new regime. He's got to pitch to you now. 493 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,312 Okay. Stark Industries isn't real. 494 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,397 I run Google. Larry and Sergey brought me-- 495 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,399 Great, sounds awesome. Just have him pitch to you. 496 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,985 - Don't let us down. - Will do. Won't do. 497 00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:51,654 - Yeah, sure. - Smell like a Scorpio. 498 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,949 This is Esteban, another cleaning man. 499 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,951 He doesn't speak English either. 500 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,496 Esteban, el floor-o. 501 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,295 You know what? 502 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,089 I may have parked my car in a compact space, 503 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,548 and I hate when I see others do that, so-- 504 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,676 Danny, I feel a real connection to you, 505 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,302 and I got to get real. 506 00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,470 - No. No, no, no. - No, no, no, no, no! 507 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,222 - I'm goin' in! - Michael! 508 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,807 No, Michael, stop it! No! 509 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,475 Stop, stop! Oh, my God! 510 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,936 Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it. 511 00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,479 Gross! Stop it, please. 512 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,023 - Everybody stop. - Michael Scott. 513 00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,316 I said stop. 514 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,364 Okay, back it off, around the desk, please. 515 00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,117 Okay, guys, you can go. 516 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,327 Oscar, Ryan, good job--not. 517 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,204 [door closes] I'm pulling the plug on this. 518 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,455 Okay, Danny... 519 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,749 this is not Pennsylvania SolarTech. 520 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,335 This is Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. 521 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,004 - This is Meredith Palmer. - Pleased to meet you. 522 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,006 Don't--stay away from him, please just leave. 523 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,590 Get out of here. Go. Forever. 524 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,635 - Hmm. - I owe you... 525 00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,637 a most sincere and humble apology. 526 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,639 This was incredibly unprofessional. 527 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:03,601 Oh, my God, JanSport backpacks. 528 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,604 10 or 15 years ago--you were a model for JanSport backpacks, 529 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,314 - were you not? - Yes. 530 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,858 - What's going on here? - I knew it. 531 00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:13,236 I remember the one you were like, hey. 532 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,738 Okay, to answer your question, 533 00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:17,699 we were trying to watch you to see your sales technique 534 00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,909 so we could stop losing so many clients to you. 535 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,036 Watch from where? 536 00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,996 A surveillance room next to this one. 537 00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,247 What? 538 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,790 I didn't say that. 539 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,668 Okay, so you... set up this fake company, 540 00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,628 then you hired this homeless woman 541 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,840 to impersonate an executive to spy on me 542 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,842 so that you could copy my sales technique. 543 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,927 Yes. And it's the sincerest form of flattery. 544 00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,554 Or... crazy. 545 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:40,847 - Well-- - I'm gonna go. 546 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,183 Okay. You know what? It wasn't just me. 547 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,685 Jim and Dwight are behind that wall 548 00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:48,188 in the surveillance room, and it was their plan as well. 549 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:49,689 - [stifled] No! - No, no, no, no. 550 00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,024 Oh, well, then, yeah. All right, hey! 551 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,401 Good luck, guys! 552 00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,445 Seems like you got a great operation here. 553 00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:57,197 No, we don't. Here's... here's my point. 554 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,824 Danny, listen, you have to understand 555 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:02,243 that we are not normally like this. 556 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,995 We just--we wanted to know your tricks. 557 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,122 What do you mean, tricks? There's no tricks, man. 558 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,874 I'm just a good salesman. 559 00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,584 You want to copy that? You can't copy that! 560 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:10,877 You are, you are. You are! 561 00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,128 Stop it, stop it. 562 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,255 Stop. You are a good salesman. 563 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:17,008 And because of that... 564 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,052 I want you to work for me. 565 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:21,137 Sure. You seem like a fun, professional guy. 566 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,389 - So you will. - No! 567 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,182 Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold on. 568 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,394 Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. 569 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:28,937 Danny, I want you to look at me. 570 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,188 [exhales, groans] 571 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,190 Do you want your life to be better 572 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,067 or to be worse or to stay the same? 573 00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:36,194 - Get out of my way. - Answer the question. 574 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,529 Do you want a better life, Danny? 575 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,448 I swear to God, I'm gonna hit you. 576 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,033 I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. 577 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,202 I'm not--it's just I'm very upset right now. 578 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,829 - I'm very upset! - I know, I know. 579 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,872 Do you want more freedom, less freedom, 580 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,249 or to stay the same? 581 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,126 More freedom. 582 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,086 I can give you more money. 583 00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,587 There's your better life. 584 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,631 I can let you come and go as you please. 585 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:58,508 There's your freedom. 586 00:20:58,550 --> 00:21:00,051 And you already know Dunder-Mifflin 587 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,262 has the best service and the best prices. 588 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,139 But you beat us anyway. 589 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,932 - [chuckles] - Can you imagine 590 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,310 how well you would do selling our stuff? 591 00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,816 Everyone, may I have your attention? 592 00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:17,944 I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordray. 593 00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:22,115 He's going to be joining us as our new traveling salesman. 594 00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,491 Say hello to Danny! 595 00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:25,452 [bleep] me. 596 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:27,412 Okay. You know what? 597 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,080 No. No. 598 00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,875 This is not some sort of construction site 599 00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,335 or all of Italy, 600 00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,295 where you can just go around treating people like meat. 601 00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:36,963 We are to respect him. 602 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:40,800 I respect him because he reminds me of somebody. 603 00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,635 Can anybody guess who that is? 604 00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:44,929 - Josh Duhamel. - Yeah, I can see that! 605 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,807 No. No. No. Somebody in this office. 606 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:50,018 He's like a better-looking Andy. 607 00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:51,269 Thanks, Kevin. 608 00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,938 No. Me. Right? 609 00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:56,649 Sort of like... a little younger version of me. 610 00:21:56,691 --> 00:21:58,568 It's hard to judge ourselves accurately, isn't it? 611 00:21:58,610 --> 00:21:59,694 - Michael. - Yes. 612 00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:01,071 Can I talk to you about something? 613 00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:02,447 No, you may not. 614 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:03,782 It's about this very announcement you just made. 615 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,158 - I just said no. - Michael-- 616 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,035 Michael, I think you really want to talk to him. 617 00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,703 Okay, let's-- all right, all right. 618 00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:10,330 Let's talk. Please don't let him leave. 619 00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:11,748 - Don't leave. - Gotcha. 620 00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:13,917 Why would I agree to work here? 621 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,836 Well, I feel like Pam and I have some unfinished business. 622 00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,838 And if Jim gets burned in the process, 623 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,924 well, that's just gonna be too bad for him. 624 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:27,055 [laughing] I'm just kidding. 625 00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:30,058 They offered me a stupid amount of money. 626 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,769 - You hired him? - Let me ask you something. 627 00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:34,479 Do you want your life to be better or worse 628 00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:36,606 or stay the same? all: stay the same. 629 00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,693 Okay. Well... get ready, 'cause it's gonna get better. 630 00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:41,319 It's not gonna get better. 631 00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:42,570 He's gonna steal all of our clients. 632 00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,364 No. No. Wrong. 633 00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:45,782 He would have stolen your clients, 634 00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:47,575 but you know what? He can't now. 635 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:50,286 This guy used to steal sales from us. 636 00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,038 Now he's going to steal sales for us. 637 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,040 Where's he gonna sit? There's no more seats. 638 00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:56,292 He doesn't need to sit. He's a traveling salesman. 639 00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:58,712 Look, I am not going to exclude good people from our staff 640 00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:01,131 simply because they are threatening to you. 641 00:23:01,172 --> 00:23:03,008 And unless you have a better argument than that, 642 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,300 I suggest you leave. 643 00:23:04,342 --> 00:23:06,219 Mm! 644 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,470 Where's he gonna park? 645 00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:09,389 There's no more reserved parking spots. 646 00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:10,724 Good-bye! 647 00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:16,479 This morning Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. 648 00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:17,731 So what do I do? 649 00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,399 I go out, and I steal Danny Cordray. 650 00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,401 The sale that mattered I made. 651 00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:22,777 Boom. 652 00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,070 Funny thing about it-- we don't even need him. 653 00:23:24,112 --> 00:23:26,698 We already have Packer on the road. 654 00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:28,366 [groans] Crap. 655 00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:31,494 I forgot about Packer. 656 00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:32,829 [sighs] 657 00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:35,040 - Songs about truth. - Yeah. 658 00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,042 What's something you really care about? 659 00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,252 Reverse snobbery. 660 00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:40,628 More universal. 661 00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,298 Sometimes I feel like life has passed me by. 662 00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:45,008 [plays soft chords] 663 00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:48,303 * Couldn't get outta bed today ♪ 664 00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:51,097 ♪ Wish the alarm clock would go away ♪ 665 00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:52,098 Oh, nice! 666 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:53,516 Holy crap. Are you kidding me? 667 00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,310 You just made that-- that's amazing. 668 00:23:55,352 --> 00:23:56,603 Go ahead. 669 00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:58,938 * Which me am I gonna be today? ♪ 670 00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:01,149 * Which me am I gonna be today? ♪ 671 00:24:01,191 --> 00:24:03,943 * I got a closet full of mes ♪ 672 00:24:03,985 --> 00:24:07,739 ♪ Am I gonna be the happy me? ♪ 673 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,158 * Or the me that stinks? ♪ 674 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,787 I don't know. I've been in bands with people I like less. 675 00:24:13,828 --> 00:24:16,748 Oh, my gosh. We're almost out of time. 676 00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,208 How much for another half hour? 677 00:24:18,249 --> 00:24:20,752 Oh, don't worry about it. [plays notes] 678 00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:22,170 Wait. Seriously? 679 00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:23,672 Yeah. 680 00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:25,924 So we're just, like, jamming as friends? 681 00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,760 One, two, three, hit it. 682 00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:30,637 * Closet full of me ♪ 683 00:24:30,679 --> 00:24:32,806 Oh, you know... funny. 684 00:24:32,847 --> 00:24:35,141 Your wife and I went on a few dates. 685 00:24:35,183 --> 00:24:36,643 Did ya? 686 00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:37,977 Yeah, way, way, way back. 687 00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,646 I'm just kidding. She told me about it. 688 00:24:39,688 --> 00:24:41,773 Oh. Yeah. She was not into me. 689 00:24:41,815 --> 00:24:43,149 - Oh. - Obviously. 690 00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:44,651 I don't even think she called me back. 691 00:24:44,693 --> 00:24:46,903 - You snubbed her. - Dwight, please. 692 00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:48,405 Let me handle this, Jim. 693 00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:49,989 Drop the act, Cordray. Okay? 694 00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:51,908 We all know that you probably thought 695 00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:55,870 that Pam was too "meh" or thin without being toned. 696 00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:57,622 But I want to tell you something. 697 00:24:57,664 --> 00:24:59,499 She is one of the plain, hearty women of Scranton 698 00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,710 that make this city great. 699 00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:03,169 And so what if she doesn't wear makeup? 700 00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:05,171 - [mouthing words] - We like her better that way! 701 00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:07,048 And you steal clients, don't you? 702 00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:08,883 Don't you! 703 00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:10,427 Okay... that's different. 704 00:25:10,468 --> 00:25:11,678 Oh, that's different, is it? 705 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,471 Okay, thief. 706 00:25:13,513 --> 00:25:15,306 You better check your things, people. 707 00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:17,058 In fact, where are my keys? 708 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,394 Oh. They're in my pocket. 709 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:21,062 False alarm. 710 00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,565 Okay. 711 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:25,066 [sniffs] 712 00:25:25,108 --> 00:25:27,986 So you're... gonna be workin' here. 713 00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:30,363 Uh... I mean... 714 00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:31,656 yeah. 715 00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:34,075 Welcome aboard. 716 00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:37,412 Thank you. 717 00:25:37,454 --> 00:25:39,289 Hey, crazy, um... 718 00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:42,584 so... that's it? You're just--you're fine? 719 00:25:42,625 --> 00:25:46,546 It's after 5:00, Jim. I'm not gonna take this home. 720 00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:48,673 - Oh. - Pleasure. 721 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,050 Thanks. 722 00:25:50,091 --> 00:25:53,386 Anybody can buy and sell things. 723 00:25:53,428 --> 00:25:55,513 But... 724 00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:58,558 to buy and sell people... 725 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,977 that's the noblest thing of all. 726 00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:07,609 * Stars in her eyes, tongue full of flies ♪ 727 00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:11,154 ♪ Would you like to share my pad? ♪ 728 00:26:11,196 --> 00:26:12,822 all: * Croak, croak, croak ♪ 729 00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:15,575 ♪ Bullfrog in love ♪ 730 00:26:15,617 --> 00:26:18,661 ♪ Croak, croak, croak, bullfrog in love ♪ 731 00:26:18,703 --> 00:26:20,121 ♪ And I gave her the croak that meant ♪ 732 00:26:20,163 --> 00:26:21,539 ♪ I love you ♪ 733 00:26:21,581 --> 00:26:24,084 * I'll be your croak monsieur ♪ 734 00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,753 [falsetto] ♪ I'll be your croak madame ♪ 735 00:26:26,795 --> 00:26:29,172 * Your mama might've said that bullfrogs are dogs ♪ 736 00:26:29,214 --> 00:26:30,173 ♪ But I'm here to tell you that ♪ 737 00:26:30,215 --> 00:26:31,800 all: * I'm a frog ♪ 738 00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:34,803 * Come and sit on my log, you little pollywog ♪ 739 00:26:34,844 --> 00:26:36,888 I find you absolutely ribbiting! 740 00:26:36,930 --> 00:26:39,766 all: * Croak, croak, croak, bullfrog in love ♪ 741 00:26:39,808 --> 00:26:42,268 ♪ Croak, croak, croak, bullfrog in love ♪ 742 00:26:42,310 --> 00:26:43,895 * Croak, ribbit ♪ 743 00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:46,439 * Scoopty-splash ♪ 744 00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:47,941 Nice! 53851

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