Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,845
Andy?
2
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:15,306
[music from "Sweeney Todd"
playing]
3
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,726
* Attend
the tale of Sweeney Todd ♪
4
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,269
♪ ♪
5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,771
♪ His skin was pale
and his eye was odd ♪
6
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,231
Yes.
7
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,566
* He shaved
the faces of gentlemen ♪
8
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:27,861
♪ Who never thereafter
were heard of again ♪
9
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,655
♪ He trod a path
that few have trod ♪
10
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,408
♪ Did Sweeney Todd ♪
11
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,702
♪ The Demon Barber
of Fleet Street ♪
12
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,537
Did you write this?
13
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,997
- No.
- Who did?
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,832
- Stephen Sondheim.
- Who is he?
15
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:44,919
all: * Swing your razor wide,
Sweeney ♪
16
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:48,465
♪ Hold it to the skies ♪
17
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:55,138
♪ Freely flows the blood
of those who moralize ♪
18
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,681
What the hell is happening?
19
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,099
We are the cast
of "Sweeney Todd:
20
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,559
the Demon Barber
of Fleet Street."
21
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,936
We open in a couple weeks
at the Loose Screw Playhouse,
22
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,521
here in Scranton,
and today, just doing...
23
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:07,067
[Cockney accent] A wee bit
of viral marketing, gov'nor!
24
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,194
all: * Attend
the tale of Sweeney Todd ♪
25
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,237
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
26
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,198
* He served a dark
and a vengeful god ♪
27
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,741
all: * He served
a dark and a vengeful god ♪
28
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,701
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
29
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,912
* What happens then,
well, that's the play ♪
30
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,538
♪ And he wouldn't want us
to give it away ♪
31
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,582
[cast gasps]
32
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:23,792
all: * Not Sweeney Todd ♪
33
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:26,044
♪ ♪
34
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,713
♪ The Demon Barber
of Fleet ♪
35
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,548
♪ Street ♪
36
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,425
Wha ho ho!
37
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,511
[applause]
38
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,846
Oh, that was amazing!
39
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,556
That was awesome!
40
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:41,434
I auditioned for this!
When did the cast list go up?
41
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,228
Like a month ago.
42
00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,105
Really?
They didn't call me!
43
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,942
Who am I playing?
44
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,278
Andy?
45
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,281
{\an8}[cheerful music]
46
00:01:55,323 --> 00:02:02,080
{\an8}♪ ♪
47
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,273
[gasps]
48
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,817
Two comps for m'lady
and her Gabe.
49
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,318
It's closing night.
50
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,778
Tomorrow we have to give
the theater over
51
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,113
to the Scranton's
Miss Fitness pageant.
52
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,657
I am so excited,
but I just need one.
53
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,950
Gabe can't come. Sorry.
54
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,577
- What?
- Yeah.
55
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:43,246
That's awful.
Everyone's gonna miss that guy.
56
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:46,124
{\an8}Gabe is not coming,
which is huge,
57
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,376
{\an8}because my plan is
to make Erin
58
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,129
{\an8}fall back in love
with me tonight.
59
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,966
{\an8}Women cannot resist
a man singing show tunes.
60
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,052
{\an8}It's so powerful,
even a lot of men
61
00:02:57,093 --> 00:03:00,013
{\an8}can't resist a man
singing show tunes.
62
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,307
{\an8}I'm not worried about Erin
seeing Andy's play alone.
63
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,351
{\an8}She's already getting
her actor fix.
64
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,227
{\an8}In the third grade we did
"Sleepy Hollow."
65
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,937
{\an8}I played Ichabod Crane.
66
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,773
{\an8}They picked the play
just so I could be in it.
67
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,107
{\an8}Seventh grade,
totally randomly,
68
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,359
{\an8}I played the same role.
69
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,944
{\an8}11th grade,
I played Abraham Lincoln.
70
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:17,989
{\an8}And in college,
Ichabod Crane again.
71
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,866
{\an8}- Oh, who else is going?
- Everyone.
72
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,701
{\an8}Gabe seemed to think
no one was going.
73
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,162
{\an8}What kind of terrible
rumor monger is Gabe?
74
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,706
{\an8}He is woefully ill informed,
all right?
75
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,208
{\an8}Excuse me,
76
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,169
clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody.
77
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,130
{\an8}You're all coming
to my show tonight, right?
78
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,840
{\an8}We love culture,
79
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,551
{\an8}but Bob hates New York.
Too many--
80
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,513
{\an8}well, he just hates it.
81
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,139
{\an8}I'll be there.
82
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,226
{\an8}But do not expect
a standing ovation.
83
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,311
{\an8}I am sick of going to shows
84
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,896
{\an8}and feeling like
I need to stand
85
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,981
{\an8}when the show isn't that good.
86
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,858
{\an8}You hear me, Steve Harvey?
87
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,193
{\an8}Andy,
what time's it start?
88
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,861
{\an8}- 8:00 p.m. sharp.
- How long is it?
89
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,656
{\an8}- Hour, 45.
- No, I can't make it.
90
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,492
{\an8}They say that no one
can take your pride,
91
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,994
{\an8}but the people who cast
Andy's play,
92
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,329
{\an8}they took mine.
93
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,623
Jim, Pam,
you guys are in, right?
94
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:09,624
{\an8}Oh, we wanted to,
95
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,084
{\an8}but our sitter
just fell through.
96
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,419
{\an8}I'm really sorry.
97
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:15,380
We actually love
musical theater.
98
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,090
The great thing about
Stephen Sondheim
99
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,300
is even terribly performed
Stephen Sondheim
100
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,927
is great Stephen Sondheim.
101
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,638
Oh, we once watched a vending
machine at a carnival
102
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,391
sing "Send in the Clowns,"
for, like, 30 minutes.
103
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,809
It was unreal.
104
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,854
The problem is, it is
very hard to find a sitter.
105
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,397
That's true,
because let's be honest,
106
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,149
I'm not gonna pay
some random teenage girl
107
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,734
to fix my water heater.
108
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,278
But I'm supposed to pay her to
keep my child alive at night?
109
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,030
And there are no good
teenagers left.
110
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,072
That's totally true.
111
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,741
Pot is way too easy to get.
112
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,617
You go to the doctor,
say you have a headache--
113
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,162
boom, weed for a year.
114
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,581
How do you know
that it's so easy to get?
115
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:50,749
Dwight?
116
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,251
Uh, no, thank you.
117
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,502
Last time I went
to the theater,
118
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,464
a man dressed as a cat
sat on my lap.
119
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,801
I need a lot of people tonight.
120
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,386
Big crowd.
121
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,221
You know, counting on
that crowd dynamic
122
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,806
to help Erin love the show.
123
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,184
Like, when I go to a concert
and there's 20,000 fans,
124
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,144
I have a great time.
125
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,188
But if I saw Justin Bieber alone
126
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:16,816
at a museum, I'd probably
punch him in the face.
127
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,027
Hey, Michael.
128
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,987
I know you don't want to,
129
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:24,115
but it would mean
so much to me
130
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,533
if you came to my show tonight.
131
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:28,328
I can't, Andy.
It's too hard.
132
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,705
That's--
133
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,457
I put everything I had
into that audition.
134
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,626
Do you understand that?
Everything was on the line.
135
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,629
I--I cried
136
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,047
I passed out.
137
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,049
I pretended
they couldn't wake me up.
138
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,425
If it makes
you feel any better,
139
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,511
no one who auditioned
for the part of Sweeney Todd
140
00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:45,804
got that part.
141
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,888
They had to bring in a ringer.
142
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,139
Wow.
143
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,724
This guy's, like,
world class.
144
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,393
You should not feel bad.
145
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,186
[sighs]
146
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,188
I'm asking you
thespian to thespian.
147
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,149
Will you please
be the bigger man
148
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,234
and come to my show?
149
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,694
I wish I could, Andy,
150
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,153
but I can't.
151
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,823
I have plans that night.
152
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:08,410
I'm going to see a friend in
a play called "Sweeney Todd."
153
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,164
You're that friend.
I'm going to see your play.
154
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,583
[laughs]
155
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:16,835
Noishe!
156
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,795
- And scene.
- Ah, take a bow.
157
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,131
[laughter]
158
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,924
- That was a good performance.
- Thank you.
159
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:23,967
- Whoo!
- I know.
160
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,052
- You had me going.
- I know.
161
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,557
[door shuts]
162
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,975
It's crooked.
163
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,351
Yes.
164
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,561
And if I come back
and it's straight,
165
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,354
I'll know someone's
been in here.
166
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,939
Smart.
167
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,859
Listen, I would like you to
take me to Andy's play tonight.
168
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,694
Please, waste of time.
169
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,530
You know what? Let's just knock
this out right now.
170
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,240
[clattering]
171
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,034
It saves me a solitary effort
of my own.
172
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,201
Disrobe.
173
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,662
Angela?
Don't like her anymore.
174
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,414
Not attracted
to her anymore.
175
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:57,709
Just contractually obligated
to make a baby with her.
176
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,210
Give me the punch card.
177
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,129
No. If you want to punch
the punch card,
178
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,213
you have to
take me to the show.
179
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,965
That is
not in the contract.
180
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:06,343
Well, there's a lot
of gray area in that clause.
181
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,053
Do you want to re-mediate?
182
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,262
All right, fine!
183
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,847
I'll go to your little show,
184
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,558
- but I'm not wearing a cape.
- Thank you.
185
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,061
Dwight and I have
a contractual agreement
186
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,605
to procreate five times,
plain and simple.
187
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:22,567
And should he develop
feelings for me?
188
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,277
Well,
that would be permissible
189
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:29,699
under item 7c, clause 2,
so I would not object.
190
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:32,077
Hey.
How are those salads?
191
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,495
It's my own fault--
192
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:36,331
My parents used to scramble
to find babysitters
193
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,708
so they could take
my little brother to do stuff.
194
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,585
I understand
how hard it can be.
195
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,796
I just--tonight,
I mean, if you could--
196
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,922
We'll keep looking.
197
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,090
- Yes!
- Really?
198
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,508
I mean, who knows?
199
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,134
Maybe I have a niece
my family never told me about.
200
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,594
Oh, my gosh,
that would be amazing.
201
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,096
- Yeah.
- For a lot of reasons.
202
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,514
Yeah, I know.
203
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,848
Neiche!
204
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,603
- You're sure?
- Yes!
205
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,605
Yeah, I think it would be fun.
206
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,607
Yeah, I mean, if we can find
someone qualified.
207
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,275
Well,
your niece sounds perfect.
208
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,819
[laughs]
209
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,278
Brillo's Flowers.
Can I help you?
210
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,072
Yes, hello.
I was wondering
211
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:12,117
what sort of flowers
I should order
212
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,744
to say
"I am being the bigger man.
213
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:18,123
"I am doing the mature thing.
Have fun tonight,
214
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,249
and do your best."
215
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,334
Uh, roses?
216
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,254
Ah, good.
Okay, how about 20 roses?
217
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,673
And some orchids.
218
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,216
And, uh--
219
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,759
oh, do you have
venus fly traps?
220
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,761
- No.
- Okay, maybe just put in
221
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,304
some baby's breasts?
222
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,514
- Okay.
- Okay.
223
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,599
Let's see,
your total will be
224
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,686
$112.
225
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,856
Okay. Wow.
226
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,149
They're flowers, right?
227
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,317
They're basically just leaves.
228
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,279
Now, that includes everything
and delivery?
229
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,489
Delivery is
an additional $32.
230
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,866
All right, so this is...
231
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,117
$144--
232
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,703
Oh.
Hello?
233
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,872
Hello?
234
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,957
Oh, must've--
235
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,050
Fell asleep
during that production.
236
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,593
[coughs]
Oh, hey, Phyl.
237
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,219
We thought you'd fallen in.
238
00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,138
- [laughter]
- You are too much, Bob.
239
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,681
[laughter]
240
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,684
Bob and Cynthia seem to have
hit it off.
241
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,269
I wasn't sure they'd get along
242
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,355
because Bob has strong moral convictions
243
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,691
and Cynthia is
a homewrecking slut.
244
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,693
- Oh, hey, guys.
- Oh, hey.
245
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,195
Oh! I knew it.
246
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,363
I should have worn my fur.
247
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,947
You brought balloons
to a play?
248
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,533
I did, because
I am being the bigger man,
249
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,243
and balloons are bigger
than flowers.
250
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,912
It's nice, like "Up."
251
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,789
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
252
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,375
Are you the guy that did
an entire "Law & Order" episode
253
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,918
for his audition?
254
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,381
Nope.
255
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,383
- Guys?
- Hey!
256
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,842
- Andy!
- Hey!
257
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,220
You all made it.
Thank you so much.
258
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,513
You should actually
thank Erin.
259
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,891
She's the one who agreed
to babysit.
260
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,142
She's babysitting?
261
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,186
I really wanted to see
Andy's play,
262
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,271
because he's so, so talented,
263
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:08,483
but I've been trying to get in
the babysitting game forever.
264
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,110
The 13-year-olds in this town
265
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,861
have a complete monopoly.
266
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,823
It's almost like
a babysitters' club.
267
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,324
I understand.
268
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:18,535
This is like...
269
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,620
huge opportunity
for her.
270
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,504
Hey, she's coming, right?
271
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,297
No. She has to babysit.
272
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,216
Oh, I'm so sorry.
273
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,052
Would it help to play
some Zip, Zap, Zop?
274
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:39,014
- I don't think so.
- Andy.
275
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,348
Andy.
276
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,392
I know the sadness that you're
feeling right now
277
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,352
does not feel like a gift.
278
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:46,146
But it is.
279
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,941
Use it.
Let it inform your performance.
280
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:50,859
Use it!
281
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,527
I'm so upset. I just--
282
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,653
I think I should go home.
283
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,113
Then go home.
284
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,907
Conrad can do your part.
285
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,327
I'm gonna use it.
286
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:02,996
Use it.
287
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,247
Okay?
288
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,671
- I can do your part--
- I'm gonna use it.
289
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,598
Thank you.
290
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:27,062
And... we have a winner.
291
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:30,732
They did an all-white
production of "The Wiz."
292
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,692
- Huh.
- Oh, Kevin.
293
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,694
Why would you buy that?
294
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:38,031
But I was cold.
295
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,158
Obviously.
296
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,077
"Mama,
I love my new babysitter.
297
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:42,952
She's the best."
298
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,579
Erin keeps texting me as Cece.
299
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,830
[chuckles]
300
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,374
That's what you want
in a babysitter.
301
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,667
Little gentle comedy.
302
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,418
- Yeah, I guess so.
- It's fine.
303
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,087
She need anything?
304
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,422
Yes.
"Now Cece wants to know
305
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:57,717
if she should wear her yellow
or purple onesie for bedtime."
306
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,011
What? How'd she even find
the purple one?
307
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,430
No, I never want her in that.
She looks ridiculous.
308
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,932
Jim.
309
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,935
They adapted "The Bourne
Identity" to the stage.
310
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,270
[chuckles]
Good one.
311
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,856
Jeez.
Purple.
312
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,775
I'm wearing purple.
313
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,319
No, no, no,
it looks good on you.
314
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,449
Andy,
these just came for you.
315
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,451
Well...
316
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,162
what have we here?
317
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,209
Oh, yeah.
318
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,337
They're from me.
319
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,300
[balloons creaking]
320
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:42,220
This is ridiculous.
321
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,513
You'd think they'd
discourage people
322
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,098
from bringing in balloons.
323
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:48,476
Hey, I think this guy playing
Sweeney Todd is my plumber.
324
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,645
No, Darryl.
325
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,647
This guy's
a world-class actor.
326
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,441
He doesn't daylight
as your plumber.
327
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,734
No, it's my plumber.
328
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,152
Says so in his bio.
329
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,320
Apparently, the director
discovered him doing karaoke.
330
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,322
It's his first play.
He didn't even audition.
331
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,490
- [piano playing overture]
- Are you kidding me?
332
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:03,658
Shh!
333
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,118
If we don't listen
to the overture,
334
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,494
we won't recognize
the musical themes
335
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,495
when they come back later.
336
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:08,997
All right, I'm sorry.
337
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,499
[balloons squeaking]
God.
338
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:14,044
* Attend the tale
of Sweeney Todd ♪
339
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,922
♪ His skin was pale
and his eye was odd ♪
340
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,176
* He shaved the faces
of gentlemen ♪
341
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,303
♪ Who never thereafter
were heard of again ♪
342
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,556
♪ He trod the path
that few have trod ♪
343
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:29,392
♪ Did Sweeney Todd ♪
344
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,395
♪ The Demon Barber
of Fleet Street ♪
345
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:37,400
♪ ♪
346
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:39,611
* He kept a shop
in London town ♪
347
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,821
Excuse me, I think
you may be in the wrong seats.
348
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,740
* Of fancy clients
and good renown ♪
349
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,200
Oooh!
350
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,951
* What if none of their souls
were saved ♪
351
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,829
♪ They went to their maker
impeccably shaved ♪
352
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,498
♪ By Sweeney ♪
353
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,083
♪ ♪
354
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:55,377
♪ By Sweeney Todd *
[balloons creaking]
355
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,545
♪ The Demon Barber
of Fleet Street ♪
356
00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:01,549
[balloons creaking]
357
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:05,553
* I feel you ♪
358
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,890
♪ Johanna ♪
359
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:13,395
♪ I feel you ♪
360
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,438
♪ I was half convinced
I waited ♪
361
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,899
[whispering]
I work with that guy.
362
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:21,194
* Satisfied enough
to dream you ♪
363
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:24,906
♪ Happily
I was mistaken ♪
364
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:29,119
♪ Johanna ♪
365
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,246
[whispering] Ugh!
There's gum on the seat,
366
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,956
and now it's
on my work skirt.
367
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,541
I have to go change.
368
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,419
Too bad I'm not gonna
explain anything that you miss.
369
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,380
Oh, Dwight, just move.
370
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:44,634
* Do they think
that walls can hide you? ♪
371
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:46,761
His name's Andy.
372
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,097
He's a terrible salesman.
373
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:52,559
* I am in the dark
beside you ♪
374
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:59,315
♪ Buried sweetly
in your yellow hair ♪
375
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,317
[whispering]
What time is it?
376
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,493
[balloons creaking]
377
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:16,791
Michael!
378
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,293
Shelby Thomas Weems,
the director.
379
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,377
Hello.
380
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,587
I promise you
381
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,172
that if you keep auditioning
382
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:23,923
- with a similar gusto...
- Okay.
383
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,675
We are going to find
a production
384
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,094
with a role for Michael Scott.
385
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137
- Okay.
- Yes?
386
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,347
- Yes.
- Good.
387
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,723
- Good.
- Enjoy the second act.
388
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,099
- You enjoy the second act.
- Have a refreshment.
389
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,100
Thank you.
You, too.
390
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,019
Oh, thank you,
thank you.
391
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,690
Come on, Dwight.
392
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:42,692
Why are you dressed
like a seed catalog model?
393
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:46,154
These are just my dirty
old gardening clothes.
394
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,490
They were all that I had
in my car.
395
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,866
Let's go.
396
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,121
Hey, Erin, it's Pam.
397
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:56,331
Hey, how you doin--
398
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,124
no, no, don't put cece
on the phone,
399
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,293
because she can't talk yet.
400
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:03,296
Okay. No, I was just calling
to see how everything's going.
401
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,507
Yeah?
Yeah? It's good?
402
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,592
The play?
403
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,927
The play is kind of great.
404
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,762
I mean, it's fun
to hear Andy sing
405
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,806
in the appropriate setting.
406
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:16,518
No, he's really sorry
you couldn't make it, too.
407
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:17,435
Yeah.
408
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,145
So thank you
so much again.
409
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,480
We're having a great time.
410
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:21,940
Oh, they're
flashing the lights,
411
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:22,982
so we should go in.
412
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,776
Thanks. Bye.
413
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,112
Okay, so we called,
and everything's fine.
414
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,571
- Everything's fine.
- We can relax.
415
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,865
We can relax.
Let's get our Sweeney on.
416
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,617
Let's get ready to Sweeney.
417
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,868
Stop! Sweeney time.
418
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,788
Hey, does she know how to use
a bottle warmer?
419
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,082
- I don't know.
- Okay.
420
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,627
Hey! Erin, it's Pam.
421
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:46,423
* Then I go walking
with you-hoo ♪
422
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,216
♪ You-hoo ♪
423
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:51,219
♪ I warm me bones
on the esplanade ♪
424
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:54,597
♪ Have tea and scones
with me gay young blade ♪
425
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:55,765
[whispers] Michael!
426
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:56,891
* And I'll knit a sweater ♪
427
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,226
♪ While you write a letter ♪
428
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:01,896
♪ Unless we got better
to do-hoo ♪
429
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:04,357
Anything you say.
430
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:08,194
* Think how snug it'll be
underneath the flannel ♪
431
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,779
♪ When it's
just you and me ♪
432
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,531
♪ And the English channel ♪
433
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:14,617
♪ In our cozy retreat,
kept all neat and tidy ♪
434
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:17,620
♪ We'll have chums
over every Friday ♪
435
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:21,958
Ten bucks says you can't
sneak up on stage.
436
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,419
You're on.
437
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:27,255
- ♪ By the sea *
- * Anything you say ♪
438
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:31,134
* Don't you love
the weather ♪
439
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,136
- ♪ By the sea *
- Just checking my emails.
440
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,889
See if I got
any last-minute "break a legs"
441
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:38,558
or "I still love you"
type texts.
442
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,102
* by the seaside,
ooh-hoo ♪
443
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,979
Doesn't look
like I got anything.
444
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:44,064
Maybe on my Facebook wall.
445
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:47,984
[sustaining note]
446
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,573
Unfortunately,
in this ham-fisted production
447
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:54,949
of "Sweeney Todd,"
448
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,035
the real terror comes
from the vocal performances.
449
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,328
New paragraph.
450
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:01,998
Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd!
I found her!
451
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,292
You found Johanna.
452
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,044
That monster of a judge
453
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,921
has locked her--
[cell phone chiming]
454
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:11,341
[chiming]
455
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:14,010
Locked her away--
[chiming]
456
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,304
[chiming]
457
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:19,849
There's a little bird
fluttering around.
458
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,435
Do hope it ceases chirping.
459
00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,312
[laughter]
460
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:26,064
How is that funny?
461
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,148
[chiming]
The bird continues to call.
462
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,776
Someone please
turn off your... bird.
463
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,695
[chiming]
464
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,738
Oh, for the love--
turn your phone off!
465
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,198
There are signs!
466
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,703
Oh, it appears the bird
was in mine own pocket
467
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,121
this whole time.
468
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,832
He's gone to sleep now.
I closed his beak.
469
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,334
Mmm...[laughing alone]
470
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,962
What is the news
of my darling daughter Johanna?
471
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,213
[text message chimes]
472
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,340
You know what?
Let me just double check,
473
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:56,553
make sure that bird...
474
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:57,971
okay, good.
475
00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,639
It's off.
476
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:00,974
I mean, silenced.
477
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:03,977
I silenced it
by killing it.
478
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,520
I've killed it!
I'm a murderer!
479
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,355
Just like you,
Sweeney Todd!
480
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,065
See? It all connects.
481
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,527
Not that I know
you're a murderer.
482
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:14,404
My character
doesn't know that yet.
483
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,741
But I'm suspicious,
484
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:18,950
because of all the razors
485
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,036
that you have laying around.
486
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:24,122
[laughing]
And you spend time alone,
487
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,875
but you're a barber,
so that's legit.
488
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,710
So there's that.
489
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:29,919
But...
490
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,087
Where is Johanna?
491
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,380
- A madhouse.
- A madhouse?
492
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,383
- Yes, a madhouse.
- A madhouse?
493
00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,093
Johanna is as good as rescued.
494
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:38,553
Where do you suppose
495
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:39,971
all the wig makers of London
[wine bottle tips over]
496
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,265
go to obtain their human hair?
[bottle clanks]
497
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,976
Do you think...
[bottle rolling across floor]
498
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,645
So you think...
[bottle rolling]
499
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:55,236
[bottle rolling, clanking]
500
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:56,821
[bottle comes to a stop]
501
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,782
- So you think--
- Fogg's Asylum, why not?
502
00:19:58,823 --> 00:19:59,949
- [pops]
- Aah!
503
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,910
[balloons popping]
504
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:04,746
[baby crying]
505
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:05,997
Sounds like Cece.
506
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,333
Okay, I think everybody
just needs to relax.
507
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,043
- [baby crying]
- Oh, my God, go, go.
508
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:11,294
Oh, my God.
509
00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:14,464
[Cece crying]
510
00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,844
That's really
irresponsible of Erin.
511
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,805
She's a terrible babysitter.
512
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,185
Whoo-hoo!
513
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,524
I just didn't think
you guys were gonna see us.
514
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,483
We were just gonna stop by
and then get some ice cream
515
00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:35,485
and then go home.
516
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:36,903
Okay, this was
pretty simple.
517
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,947
Why are you here?
[overlapping statements]
518
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,198
All you had to do
was play with her
519
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,574
for, like, 30 minutes
and then put her to bed.
520
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:42,742
Then we were kind of hoping
521
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,035
that you wouldn't
touch her again.
522
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,287
Babies shouldn't have
ice cream, by the way.
523
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,497
I'm sorry.
524
00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:48,998
I just--I really wanted
to see Andy.
525
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,750
You guys made it sound
so unmissable,
526
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,961
and you set me up
with a car seat and everything.
527
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,588
Well, the car seat was to
take her to the hospital or...
528
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,882
But why would I take her
to the hospital?
529
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,509
You know what,
it doesn't matter.
530
00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:00,719
It doesn't matter.
531
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,137
Why don't I just
take her home,
532
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,805
and let you guys finish,
533
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,682
and then you should stay out
as late as you want.
534
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:07,392
No, we're good.
Thank you, though.
535
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:08,768
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
536
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,228
Okay.
All right, bye, Cece.
537
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,230
[giggles]
538
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:13,732
- Okay.
- All right.
539
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,191
Well, we're never leaving
the house again.
540
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,276
Not together.
541
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:19,279
[music playing, applause]
542
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:26,202
♪ ♪
543
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:27,954
[loud applause]
544
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,797
Boo!
545
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:40,050
Boo!
546
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,771
I don't even know
why we're here.
547
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,481
If I had known the full title
548
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:55,774
was "Demon Barber
of Fleet Street,"
549
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,567
I wouldn't have gone.
550
00:21:57,609 --> 00:21:59,819
That was more horrifying
than "Nunsense."
551
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,987
All that singing
got in the way
552
00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:04,574
of some perfectly good murders.
553
00:22:04,616 --> 00:22:06,117
Where's my car?
554
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:16,544
Come on.
555
00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:20,090
I can't believe
you actually made it.
556
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,841
I know.
I wish I had seen more
557
00:22:21,883 --> 00:22:23,677
than just your curtsy
at the end.
558
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:25,595
But that was amazing.
559
00:22:25,637 --> 00:22:28,473
Hey, do you want a tour
of the stage?
560
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:30,266
Yes!
561
00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:32,519
But does it cost much?
562
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,853
Jim and Pam kinda stiffed me.
563
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:36,231
No, it's free. Come on.
564
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,276
Mmm! Fruit is so much better
when it's dried.
565
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:41,861
I've already eaten,
like, 30 apricots.
566
00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:44,155
- Darryl?
- Hey!
567
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:45,865
Didn't know
you were gonna be here.
568
00:22:45,907 --> 00:22:47,617
- How's the toilet?
- Silent.
569
00:22:47,659 --> 00:22:49,327
- Look, congratulations.
- Thank you.
570
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,578
I had no idea.
571
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,331
This plumber has pipes.
572
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:55,083
Yeah, good job.
Well done.
573
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,960
You're the guy
who booed me.
574
00:22:57,002 --> 00:22:59,254
Hmm?
575
00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:00,755
No, there were
a lot of people booing you.
576
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,048
I wasn't one of them.
577
00:23:02,090 --> 00:23:03,383
No, I saw you,
578
00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:04,718
and you were the only one.
579
00:23:04,759 --> 00:23:06,678
Get your eyes checked, chucklehead.
580
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:07,929
Be cool, Michael.
581
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:09,723
I saw this guy
kill a bunch of people.
582
00:23:09,764 --> 00:23:11,266
- Good work.
- Thank you.
583
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:16,688
You didn't have to boo him.
584
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,314
Well, he was getting
a lot of applause,
585
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:19,983
and I just didn't think
it was indicative
586
00:23:20,025 --> 00:23:21,693
of how people
were really feeling.
587
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:22,819
How would you like it
if we booed you?
588
00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:24,112
That would never happen.
589
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:25,196
Boo!
590
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:26,781
- Okay.
- Boo!
591
00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:27,741
I appreciate
the feedback.
592
00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,493
Boo! Boo!
593
00:23:30,535 --> 00:23:34,414
I don't like that at all.
594
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:36,916
I don't know, Phyllis,
I think it's all in your head,
595
00:23:36,958 --> 00:23:39,252
but honestly,
it is just too gross
596
00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:41,087
for me to contemplate seriously.
597
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:42,464
[gasps]
598
00:23:42,505 --> 00:23:43,923
Did they just bump phones?
599
00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:47,427
Ugh, I can't watch this.
600
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:49,262
Are you ready?
601
00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:50,263
Yes.
602
00:23:50,305 --> 00:23:51,348
Oh, I'm so scared!
603
00:23:51,389 --> 00:23:52,932
Okay, kill me!
Just kill me! Kill me!
604
00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,768
- Aah!
- Aah!
605
00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:57,020
Ah, blood everywhere.
606
00:23:57,062 --> 00:23:59,397
Oh, no.
607
00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:01,441
I'm so glad we're hanging
out again outside of work.
608
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:04,027
Yeah, me, too.
609
00:24:04,069 --> 00:24:05,779
Okay, I kill you now.
610
00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:07,906
- Okay.
- All right.
611
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,742
All right,
let's do this.
612
00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:11,951
No, actually, Dwight,
613
00:24:11,993 --> 00:24:13,745
I didn't realize how far
this walk was,
614
00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:14,829
and I--
I'm exhausted.
615
00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:16,164
It's okay, I smell.
616
00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:17,165
No. No, no, no.
617
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:18,500
I think I just
want to go home,
618
00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:19,959
but it's okay.
619
00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:21,252
This can count
as one of your times.
620
00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:22,712
No, no, no.
621
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:23,963
Contractually,
we're obligated to have sex.
622
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:25,215
Well, I won't tell
if you don't.
623
00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,133
I will tell.
I will tell the mediator.
624
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:31,471
What--what are you--
625
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:32,972
oh, okay.
626
00:24:33,014 --> 00:24:35,058
Oh, was that in the way?
Get rid of it.
627
00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:36,810
Oh.
[hole punch clicks]
628
00:24:36,851 --> 00:24:38,687
Good night, Dwight.
629
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:46,820
Good night.
630
00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:49,239
[engine starts]
631
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,574
These would have been
your seats.
632
00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:52,951
Best seats in the house.
633
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:54,661
Lot of people think
it would be the front row,
634
00:24:54,703 --> 00:24:56,121
but, actually,
right here,
635
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:58,832
this is where
the speakers converge
636
00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:01,835
and the sound just, like,
nails you right here.
637
00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:02,877
This is awesome.
638
00:25:02,919 --> 00:25:04,838
[cell phone rings]
Oh.
639
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:06,214
- Sorry.
- Oh.
640
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:08,299
Hi, Gabe.
641
00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:10,343
Yeah, I just stopped
by Andy's cast party
642
00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:12,262
to say hi to everyone.
643
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:13,847
Oh, sure, I can
pick you up some soup.
644
00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:15,765
What do you want?
645
00:25:15,807 --> 00:25:17,851
That's broth, Gabe.
646
00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:20,562
Okay, I--
I'll see you soup. [giggles]
647
00:25:20,603 --> 00:25:22,439
Okay, I have to go.
648
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,523
Thank you so much.
649
00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:24,816
This is so much fun,
650
00:25:24,858 --> 00:25:26,735
and I'm really sorry
that I missed your play,
651
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:28,236
but next time,
I'll be there.
652
00:25:28,278 --> 00:25:30,572
Or here.
Right here, I promise.
653
00:25:30,613 --> 00:25:31,698
Awesome.
654
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,366
- Okay.
- See you later.
655
00:25:33,408 --> 00:25:35,285
Thank you.
656
00:25:42,751 --> 00:25:43,752
[Cece crying]
657
00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:45,879
It's like "The Hurt Locker.
658
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,297
This night
was a disaster.
659
00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:49,049
No,
it was not a disaster.
660
00:25:49,090 --> 00:25:53,053
It was weird,
but it wasn't a disaster.
661
00:25:53,094 --> 00:25:56,181
I think we have, like,
a gift bottle of Irish cream.
662
00:25:56,222 --> 00:25:57,223
Yeah?
663
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:58,058
We could put that
in orange juice.
664
00:25:58,099 --> 00:25:59,726
- Get it.
- Yeah?
665
00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:01,227
- Let's get our juice on.
- Yeah.
666
00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:04,397
[to rhythm of "Who Let the Dogs
Out] Ruh ruh ruh ruh-ruh.
667
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:05,940
Found him.
668
00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:08,735
Hey,
what's going on here?
669
00:26:08,777 --> 00:26:09,903
Post-show blues?
670
00:26:09,944 --> 00:26:11,363
Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
671
00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:13,531
Yeah, I get those
every day after work.
672
00:26:13,573 --> 00:26:14,949
Your show
was really great, Andy.
673
00:26:14,991 --> 00:26:16,910
Interesting subject matter.
674
00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:18,787
I'm surprised
you pulled it off.
675
00:26:18,828 --> 00:26:20,372
It was
like amateur hour.
676
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:22,123
It was an amateur production, technically.
677
00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:24,626
Oscar, enough
with the sass, please!
678
00:26:24,668 --> 00:26:26,586
God! What is wrong with you?
679
00:26:26,628 --> 00:26:27,962
Andy, listen to me.
680
00:26:28,004 --> 00:26:29,631
Look me in the eye.
681
00:26:29,673 --> 00:26:31,549
I thought
that you were awesome.
682
00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:32,676
Stop just saying that.
683
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,052
I am not just saying that.
684
00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:35,845
You can trust that I am
telling you the truth.
685
00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:37,722
I booed someone tonight.
686
00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:39,224
I have no filter.
687
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,476
And if I thought you were
terrible, I would have booed.
688
00:26:41,518 --> 00:26:43,353
And if I thought
you had done a better job,
689
00:26:43,395 --> 00:26:46,022
I would be saying
nicer things right now.
690
00:26:46,064 --> 00:26:49,109
But I thought that you were
exactly awesome.
691
00:26:49,150 --> 00:26:52,654
No better, no worse.
692
00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,447
Thank you.
That feels good.
693
00:26:54,489 --> 00:26:56,533
I did not say that
to make you feel good.
694
00:26:56,574 --> 00:26:58,618
I just said it.
695
00:26:58,660 --> 00:27:00,370
Total integrity.
696
00:27:00,412 --> 00:27:02,247
Andy,
sing us another song.
697
00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:03,915
Thanks, but I feel
like a loner right now.
698
00:27:03,957 --> 00:27:05,291
Oh, come on, Andy.
You were the highlight.
699
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:06,710
Come on, Andy, seriously.
700
00:27:06,751 --> 00:27:09,963
Andy! Andy! Andy!
701
00:27:10,005 --> 00:27:11,256
Andy! Andy!
702
00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:12,966
Okay, all right,
all right, all right.
703
00:27:13,008 --> 00:27:16,011
♪ I try to say good-bye
and I choke ♪
704
00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:19,014
♪ Try to walk away
and I stumble ♪
705
00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:21,474
♪ Though I try to hide it,
it's clear ♪
706
00:27:21,516 --> 00:27:24,936
♪ My world crumbles
when you are not here ♪
707
00:27:24,978 --> 00:27:30,483
♪ I play it off,
but I'm dreaming of you ♪
708
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:33,653
♪ I keep my cool,
but I'm fiending ♪
709
00:27:33,695 --> 00:27:36,573
♪ I try to say good-bye
and I choke ♪
710
00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:39,617
all: * Try to walk away
and I stumble ♪
711
00:27:39,659 --> 00:27:42,746
♪ Though I try and hide it,
it's clear ♪
712
00:27:42,787 --> 00:27:46,041
♪ My world crumbles
when you are not here ♪
713
00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:48,752
♪ My world ♪
714
00:27:48,793 --> 00:27:49,961
♪ It crumbles ♪
715
00:27:50,003 --> 00:27:51,421
♪ When you are not ♪
716
00:27:51,463 --> 00:27:58,428
♪ Here ♪
717
00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:01,139
♪ ♪
718
00:28:01,181 --> 00:28:07,270
[cheers and applause]
719
00:28:10,398 --> 00:28:11,649
In the criminal justice system,
720
00:28:11,691 --> 00:28:12,859
the people are represented
by two separate
721
00:28:12,901 --> 00:28:14,819
but equally important groups,
722
00:28:14,861 --> 00:28:16,863
the police who investigate
the crimes
723
00:28:16,905 --> 00:28:19,699
and the district attorneys
who prosecute the offenders.
724
00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:20,784
These are their stories.
725
00:28:20,825 --> 00:28:22,077
♪ Kun-kun! ♪
726
00:28:22,118 --> 00:28:24,579
[imitating vacuum cleaner]
727
00:28:24,621 --> 00:28:26,873
[high-pitched voice]
I'm just a cleaning lady.
728
00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:28,875
Aah! A dead body!
729
00:28:28,917 --> 00:28:31,419
[normal voice] He wrapped
his belt around his own neck.
730
00:28:31,461 --> 00:28:34,839
It looks like a classic case
of autoerotic asphyxiation.
731
00:28:34,881 --> 00:28:36,716
Yeah, looks like everybody's
tightening their belts
732
00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:38,051
in this economy.
733
00:28:38,093 --> 00:28:41,388
[humming "Law & Order"
theme music]
734
00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:44,432
Last time you saw the victim,
was he happy?
735
00:28:44,474 --> 00:28:47,686
Last time I saw this john,
he was...
736
00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:50,188
he wasn't a victim, if you
know what I'm talkin' about.
737
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:52,190
- Thank you.
- No, that was just--
738
00:28:52,232 --> 00:28:53,274
I'm just getting
into the first act.
739
00:28:55,694 --> 00:28:58,655
[cheerful music]
740
00:28:58,697 --> 00:29:05,620
♪ ♪
51248
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
