Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:11,594
[elevator bell dings]
2
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:14,514
[Human Beinz' Nobody But Me]
3
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:18,268
♪ ♪
4
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:21,730
* No no no no no
no no no no ♪
5
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:26,151
♪ No no no no
no no no no no no ♪
6
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,863
♪ No no no no
no no no no no no ♪
7
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:33,158
♪ Nobody can do shing-a-ling
like I do ♪
8
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:36,161
♪ Nobody can do the skate
like I do ♪
9
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:39,330
♪ Nobody can do the boogaloo
like I do ♪
10
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:42,500
♪ Nobody can do the Philly
like I do ♪
11
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:45,337
♪ Well, don't you know
I'm gonna skate, I do it ♪
12
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,339
♪ Ain't nobody do it but me
nobody but me ♪
13
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,882
You're falling behind.
14
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,343
* Well, I'm gonna Philly
I do it ♪
15
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,678
♪ Ain't nobody do it
but me, babe ♪
16
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,722
♪ Nobody but me ♪
17
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,682
- - Wuphf.
- Com. - Ryan, we're doing...
18
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,392
This is how
you build a business.
19
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,186
This is how you
make it in this country!
20
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,813
* Let me tell you nobody
nobody ♪
21
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:05,357
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
22
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,816
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
23
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,485
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
24
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:09,944
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
25
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:11,571
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
26
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,947
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
27
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:15,158
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
28
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:21,581
♪ ♪
29
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,416
[Bluetooth ringing]
30
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,043
- Find opportunities...
- You got Creed.
31
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,336
And jump in front of them!
32
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,713
You make it so hard
to love you sometimes.
33
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,507
Still behind.
34
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,551
I said I didn't want
to be on the internet!
35
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,805
Go, go, go, go!
36
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,516
* No no no no no
no no no no ♪
37
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:44,479
♪ No no no no
no no no no no no ♪
38
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:48,191
♪ No no no no
no no no no no no ♪
39
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,402
- ♪ Nobody can do *
- all: Streamers!
40
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:51,695
* Like I do ♪
41
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,197
Hyah! Ha ha!
42
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,158
[muffled shout]
Ha!
43
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,785
Dwight!
44
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,162
Dwight--no--
are you crazy?
45
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,497
Haaah!
46
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,542
* Nobody, nobody ♪
47
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,670
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
48
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,589
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
49
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,634
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
50
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:18,138
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
51
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:21,391
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
52
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,475
[music fades out]
53
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,436
Toby, how did we do?
54
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,895
Well, that was better.
55
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,188
Whoo! We did it!
56
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:31,276
[all cheering]
Yes!
57
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:34,279
{\an8}[cheerful music]
58
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:41,077
{\an8}♪ ♪
59
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,108
{\an8}I suppose summer
had to end sometime.
60
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,487
{\an8}It's sad, though,
because I had a great summer.
61
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:18,823
{\an8}I got West Nile Virus.
Lost a ton of weight.
62
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,784
{\an8}Then I went back
to the lake.
63
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,620
{\an8}I stepped on a piece of glass
in the parking lot,
64
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,330
{\an8}which hurt.
65
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:29,542
{\an8}That got infected,
even though I peed on it.
66
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:32,295
{\an8}Saw Inception.
67
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:35,715
{\an8}Or at least I dreamt I did.
68
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,258
{\an8}Broccoli Rob, obviously,
69
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,177
{\an8}- will be there.
- Yes, of course.
70
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,513
{\an8}And J.C.
We call him Blorville
71
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,349
{\an8}because he looks like
a Black Orville Redenbacher.
72
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,142
{\an8}Who's the guy
who invented the peanut?
73
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,978
{\an8}- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
74
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,355
{\an8}Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.
75
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,189
{\an8}Not at all.
76
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,399
{\an8}I'm gonna head back
77
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,650
{\an8}to Siberia there.
78
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,402
{\an8}- Aw.
- Ciao.
79
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,824
{\an8}I started dating Erin
this summer.
80
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:04,869
{\an8}It has been, in a word, exquisite.
81
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,371
{\an8}Gabe is awesome.
82
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:11,876
{\an8}He has accomplished so much
career-wise and height-wise.
83
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,212
{\an8}Thank God he's my boss because
84
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,089
{\an8}I would not have said yes
to a first date
85
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,590
{\an8}if I didn't have to.
86
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,343
{\an8}But... it's been great.
87
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,595
{\an8}Am I angry that Gabe
stole my girlfriend
88
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:23,596
{\an8}over the summer?
89
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,098
{\an8}No.
90
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:28,268
{\an8}I've been through
anger management, okay?
91
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:32,063
{\an8}So right now I am sitting
on a nice beach at Cape Cod,
92
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,942
{\an8}gazing out across
the whitecaps.
93
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,403
Oh, look,
it's a humpback whale.
94
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,906
[chuckles]
How pretty.
95
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,909
He's eating Gabe.
[chuckles]
96
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:49,164
Toby, Boby, Bo, boo-boo-boo.
What, no good morning?
97
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:51,791
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought I said good morning.
98
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:55,086
Well, this summer, I finished
my murder mystery novel.
99
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,089
Self-published it.
I sold four copies.
100
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,720
I'm also being sued
for plagiarism.
101
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:06,389
[chuckles]
102
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,641
[humming]
103
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,356
[laughing]
104
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,440
What?
105
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,691
Oh.
106
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:20,111
Oh, well, last night,
Jenny came over again.
107
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,696
She cooked me dinner,
108
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:25,033
and then we had sex
all night long.
109
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:28,370
- Gross.
- That's awesome, Kevin.
110
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,537
It is.
111
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:34,626
This summer, I decided
to become a liar.
112
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,170
I just make things up.
113
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,047
It's going great.
114
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,174
How was my summer?
115
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,467
I was on a new diet
116
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,886
where I couldn't eat
any red meat.
117
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:49,432
I lost two pounds,
and I'm angry all the time.
118
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,267
This summer I did
the minority
119
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,311
executive training program
at Yale.
120
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,146
You guys, I'm, like,
really smart now.
121
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,773
You don't even know.
You could ask me,
122
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,983
"Kelly, what's the biggest
company in the world?"
123
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,152
And I'd be, like,
"Blah blah blah,
124
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,612
blah blah blah
blah blah blah,"
125
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:05,365
giving you the exact
right answer.
126
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:12,205
Hey.
What are you doing?
127
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,332
From now on, if you're hot,
sit on an ice pack.
128
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,001
Well, what if
you're cold?
129
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,336
Pbbbt! Like you'd ever
be cold, Kevin.
130
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,588
Stop asking me
hypothetical questions.
131
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,132
I'm too busy.
132
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,675
Hey, Dwight,
I don't know if you heard,
133
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,011
but we're supposed to be
drinking out of weird backpacks
134
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,595
instead of cups,
like regular people.
135
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,055
Oh, you did hear.
136
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,432
Jim, you have one job
to do,
137
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,891
and you do it forgettably.
138
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,477
Those of us who are busy
require hands-free hydration.
139
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,730
Mm, busy?
140
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:40,191
Is that why the men's bathroom
toilet is still broken?
141
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,818
[groans]
142
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,529
Dwight Schrute,
star salesman, beet farmer.
143
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,114
Bed and breakfast proprietor.
144
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,741
Aspiring freelance bodyguard.
145
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:51,870
Add to that list
owner of this building.
146
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,372
Then burn the list.
147
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,044
There's nothing wrong
with the toilet, Jim.
148
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,545
You forgot to flush.
149
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,380
I have no idea
what that means.
150
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,174
After you use the toilet,
you flush it.
151
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,884
Okay, you know what?
152
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,762
You don't have to throw out
all these fancy plumbing terms.
153
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,096
I'm just a guy.
154
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,226
Dwight and I have agreed
to have procreative relations
155
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,395
five times before the end
of the calendar year.
156
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,023
But he's been so busy
with this building this summer.
157
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,401
We barely have three months
left for four more times.
158
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,821
I mean, this isn't Woodstock.
159
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,323
Coffee monkey's arrived.
160
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,909
The coffee was supposed
to be here at 9:00.
161
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,244
Here you go, big "O."
162
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,290
Tiny...
163
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,542
Darryl Hannah.
164
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:43,755
It says "decaf."
You get me decaf?
165
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,299
Ooh, yeah.
166
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:50,053
Must have been some sort
of mix-up there.
167
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,429
You could just drink it,
168
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,723
or should I drive
all the way back?
169
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,021
Well, summer, I, um,
170
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,731
blew out my knee
playing softball.
171
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,067
Ended up watching CNN
most of the time.
172
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,403
I don't know how we're gonna
get out of Afghanistan.
173
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,446
I hate the new assistant.
174
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,157
He's only been here
for a week, and I hate him.
175
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,910
The new guy sucks.
Calls me "the nard man."
176
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,453
I'm the "nard dog," okay?
177
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,288
Nard man is my father.
178
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,332
My name is Luke Cooper.
179
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,376
I love cinema.
180
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,169
My favorite movies are
Citizen Kane
181
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,005
and The Boondock Saints.
182
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,215
Michael, Luke literally has
not done anything right
183
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,508
- since he got here.
- Not true.
184
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,011
He's a bad worker
and he has a bad attitude.
185
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,847
That kid is the worst.
186
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,808
Needs to be fired, Michael.
If you can't do it, I can.
187
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,686
My dad let me fire people
during a board meeting once.
188
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,688
I don't remember it.
Apparently I was, like, four.
189
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,357
And whoever I tagged got fired.
190
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,152
He's not the worst.
Okay? He's not the worst.
191
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,236
You know who's the worst?
192
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,988
That intern we had
a few years ago.
193
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,614
That guy--remember?
194
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,867
Eehhhhh! That face,
how ugly he was?
195
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,578
He was the worst.
Good worker, though.
196
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,664
Mm--aw, it's not cappuccino.
197
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,125
- He messed yours up to.
- He's got to go, Mike.
198
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,337
It's just coffee, guys.
Okay?
199
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,838
Java junkies.
200
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,132
No, it's not just coffee, okay?
201
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,467
It's very important.
202
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,510
What if the CEO of Nike walked
in here,
203
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,095
and I couldn't meet with him
because I was too tired?
204
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,680
I would say, "Just do it."
205
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,224
What if the cast of SNL
walked in
206
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,268
and wanted you to audition,
and you were off your game
207
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,394
'cause you hadn't had coffee?
208
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:24,522
I would say,
"I will pump them up."
209
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,692
See? I came up with that
without caffeine.
210
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,778
But yeah, I'll look
into it, okay?
211
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,157
Wow, that's a lot
of keys.
212
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,826
The bigger the key chain,
the more powerful the man.
213
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,703
That's right.
The janitor said that.
214
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,121
By the way,
the raccoons are back.
215
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,539
Where?
216
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,124
I think they run
through these panels
217
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,376
and then down under the map.
218
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,543
I wouldn't know for sure
219
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,711
'cause I don't have
a trained ear.
220
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,381
That's why I have to use
one of these.
221
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,174
- Gimme that.
- Yep.
222
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,218
Wait. And this.
223
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,470
- Yes.
- Go get 'em.
224
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:56,971
What happened to me
this summer?
225
00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,433
Dwight bought the building,
so actually, this has been
226
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,560
the busiest summer
of my life.
227
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,532
[laughing]
228
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,827
Hey, what's so funny
over here?
229
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:22,455
Ha, very nice.
Give me my keys.
230
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,462
Ha... ha!
231
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,465
Not... funny... Jim!
232
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,802
Sorry.
233
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,137
Oh, no.
Don't worry about it.
234
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,847
I was just gonna put
a couple keys on every day
235
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,181
until Christmas.
236
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:42,058
Then his pants would have
fallen down, which was...
237
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,268
a little gift to me, but...
238
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,644
It was really funny.
239
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,439
Well, it would have been.
240
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,815
So unprofessional,
Mrs. Halpert.
241
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,777
I love you.
242
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,240
Luke...
243
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,242
Luke!
244
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,577
What's up, Venus?
245
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,579
Did you send those samples
to Justin
246
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:03,663
at Lehigh Motors yesterday?
247
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,123
Because he didn't get 'em.
248
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,668
Uh, if you asked me to do it,
I'm sure I did it.
249
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,713
Yeah, strawberries are ripe.
250
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,215
Luke.
251
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,801
I would like to talk to you
privately, please.
252
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,937
Sayonara.
253
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,657
I found a pizza place
that opens at 8:00 a.m.
254
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,159
And I was thinking
that we could carpool
255
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,953
and get some morning 'za.
256
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:48,375
Healthy balanced breakfast. Not.
257
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,418
What do you think
Nana would say to that?
258
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,463
And another thing
I did this summer.
259
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,508
I hired my nephew.
260
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,722
Having Luke here
is a pretty big deal for me.
261
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,224
Because his mother,
262
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,601
who also happens to be
my half sister...
263
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,437
kind of cut me off
from that side of the family
264
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,855
15 years...
265
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,440
14.
266
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,442
The last time I saw Luke
267
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,570
was the opening day
of Ace Ventura II,
268
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,030
and that was '95.
269
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:24,285
So, yes, 15 years
on the dot.
270
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:27,288
Anyway, I lost him
in a forest.
271
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,582
Hey.
272
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:30,750
Hey...
[snaps fingers]
273
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,753
Turn off the Chumbawamba
and scram, twerp.
274
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:34,879
You don't have to yell.
275
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,340
Okay, rude.
276
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,925
Luke...
277
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:43,847
- Could you--
- Hey, sorry.
278
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,432
- Yeah.
- Vampire Weekend.
279
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,018
Ooh, spooky.
280
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,937
Luke, I want you to go
to the supermarket for me.
281
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,272
What for?
282
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,107
To get some ice cream
for everybody.
283
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:57,110
It's National Ice Cream Afternoon.
284
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,945
Sort of a local tradition here.
285
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,156
So why don't you just get?
286
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,783
Get out there and pick us up
some ice cream.
287
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,326
Great.
288
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:12,208
Everybody, conference room
right now.
289
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,961
Not to pat myself on the back,
but thanks to me,
290
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,130
this is a very comfortable
work environment,
291
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:20,425
a place in which people feel
292
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,678
that they can say anything
they want to one another
293
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,388
without any repercussions.
294
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,682
"Hey, you know what?
You're an idiot."
295
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,684
"Oh, yeah? Well, you're ugly."
296
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,145
"Well, I'm gay."
"Well, so am I."
297
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:35,648
"Michael rules."
"He's the best."
298
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:38,985
Whatever you want to say,
without any sort of fear.
299
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:42,113
But now that my nephew is here,
300
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,157
I need to make sure
that everyone
301
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:47,702
is no longer comfortable
at all.
302
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,746
Don't bother Luke.
303
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,873
Why is there a circle
with a line through it?
304
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:53,208
That means don't.
305
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,793
Haven't you seen
Ghostbusters, Pam?
306
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,754
Yeah, but it's like you're
saying we should bother Luke.
307
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:00,340
No, it...
308
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:01,966
yes, okay. Right.
309
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,885
All right, yep.
My bad.
310
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,304
I got it.
311
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,391
Here we go.
312
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,226
Don't don't bother Luke.
313
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,268
Got it.
314
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,186
[scoffs]
315
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,230
Come on. Okay. Um...
316
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,361
that's as clear
as I can make it.
317
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,529
Hey, why can't
we bother Luke?
318
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,822
He deserves it.
319
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,156
Because I don't want it
getting back to Sabre
320
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,282
that we're yelling
at assistants.
321
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:27,909
I think it would
reflect poorly on us.
322
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,744
Who's gonna tell on us?
Gabe?
323
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,829
[laughter]
324
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,372
That'd be hilarious.
325
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,124
Uh, "Jo, they're creating
a hostile work environment.
326
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,875
Stop 'em."
[laughter]
327
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,210
Nope, it won't be Gabe,
328
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,962
but actually,
there is somebody in the office
329
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,422
who is very,
very close to Luke.
330
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:41,840
How close?
331
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,049
Well, Dwight,
he wiped his butt.
332
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,468
Is that close enough
for you?
333
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,429
Yes. Of course.
334
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,306
Guys, I think Michael
and Luke are related.
335
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,141
No.
336
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,102
No, Toby.
He's not.
337
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,145
Yes, he is.
338
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,730
He's my nephew.
339
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,106
- all: What?
- Ohh!
340
00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,566
Luke is my nephew.
341
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,068
Nicely done, Toby.
Sherlock Toby.
342
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,279
Ah, thanks.
Got a mind for mysteries.
343
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,031
I might buy
that book of yours.
344
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,532
Legally, it's best
if you don't buy it.
345
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,616
It could ruin me.
346
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,201
Put me down
for a million copies.
347
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,453
Michael, that's nepotism.
348
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,579
Luke is getting
special treatment
349
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,747
because he's your nephew.
350
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,040
Yes, exactly.
351
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,708
That is a very nice
way of putting it, Oscar.
352
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:20,754
Mixing family and business
is a beautiful thing.
353
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,464
You know what comes to mind?
354
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,299
Sanford and Son.
355
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,760
Stanley, you like
Sanford and Son, right?
356
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:30,305
It's not Sanford and Stranger.
It's Sanford and Son.
357
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,433
And they worked in a junkyard,
and they were best friends.
358
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,018
And they worked well together.
359
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:38,396
That was a failing business,
and they fought all the time.
360
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,231
What's wrong with
a level playing field?
361
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,692
Do think they should
have had open auditions
362
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,194
for the band Hanson?
363
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:47,113
What if no one
named Hanson showed up?
364
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,448
That wouldn't
even make sense.
365
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:51,451
Or what if they just
hired the littlest kid
366
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:56,664
and a 50-year-old guy
who was a murderer?
367
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:57,749
Really safe.
368
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,210
Oh, man, so many
points being made.
369
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:02,128
I couldn't care less
about nepotism,
370
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,422
but I'm loving the debate.
371
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,716
Great minds battling it out.
372
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,718
And I've got a front-row seat.
373
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,179
God, when he needed
help on Earth,
374
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,515
who did he hire?
Jesus Christ, his son.
375
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,016
That's a really tight argument.
376
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,476
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
377
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,812
But you're comparing
you and Luke to God and Jesus.
378
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,188
No! No.
379
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,356
I'm just saying,
why does God
380
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:22,816
get to do something
that I don't?
381
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,402
Michael, you worked very hard
to get where you are.
382
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,736
I can't believe
you would support
383
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,113
this kind of favoritism.
384
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,366
Pam, imagine for a second
that you're my daughter,
385
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,993
and I am the CEO of the world's
biggest toy company,
386
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,870
Scott's Games and Fun.
387
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,664
We make funny putty.
388
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,416
We make magic marbles.
389
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,960
- We make Connectables.
- What are Connectables.
390
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:44,921
They're my knockoff LEGOs.
Almost as good, half the price.
391
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,464
So I die.
392
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,342
I fall into the Slime-inator,
and I'm dead,
393
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,677
and I give the company to you.
394
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,178
Now, do you turn it down?
395
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,014
If I'm unqualified, yes.
396
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,098
But you're qualified!
397
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,392
You have a marvelous mind
for toys.
398
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,977
This is hypothetical.
399
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,521
We're talking about Luke,
who happens to be terrible.
400
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:02,856
Well, then,
why aren't you bugging me
401
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,024
to fire everybody
who's bad?
402
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,358
You just want me
to fire Luke.
403
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,818
That's reverse nepotism.
404
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:10,071
He should not be punished
because he is related to me
405
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,531
and bad at what he does!
406
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:12,991
I would just like
to say something
407
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,201
off of what Darryl said
about the level playing field.
408
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,288
That is actually
a zoning issue.
409
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:23,543
So thank you.
410
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,545
If there's nothing wrong
with this, Michael,
411
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:26,880
why have you been
keeping it a secret?
412
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,424
Because I wanted you
to come to me and say,
413
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,468
"Wow, he is so great."
414
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,887
And I was gonna say,
"Well, it's in the genes."
415
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:36,431
And I was actually
gonna be wearing jeans.
416
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,016
And I'd point to them--
right? No.
417
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,184
But you ruined it.
418
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,144
So... thank you very much.
419
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,563
Here he comes.
Guys, look.
420
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,274
I don't want you
to treat him
421
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,776
like anyone else
in the office.
422
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,153
I just want you to treat him
like my nephew.
423
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:51,404
Hey, there he is!
424
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,281
Hey! Ice cream afternoon!
425
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,783
- Whoo whoo whoo!
- Whoo!
426
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,868
Wait...
427
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:57,994
soy ice cream?
428
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,996
Did you get real ice cream?
429
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:01,414
Or enough for everyone?
430
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,124
No, man.
There was no list.
431
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,293
Uh... but I got
bagel chips.
432
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:07,003
Ah, my favorite part
of an ice cream party.
433
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:09,005
The bagel chips.
434
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,715
Clutch cream run, bro.
435
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,176
Mmm, soy ice cream.
436
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:15,345
- Marni Cooper.
- Hey.
437
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:18,431
I am so psyched you approved
my friend request.
438
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,017
Oh, we have Nana in common.
439
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,103
She posts constantly, right?
440
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,938
Not on my wall.
441
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,189
No, actually, I take that back.
442
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,607
One time she posted
that she thought
443
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,818
her Haitian caregiver was
stealing from her purse.
444
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:32,362
[laughs]
445
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:34,948
Nana is such a racist!
446
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,324
Oh!
447
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:37,617
Hey, how's Luke doing?
448
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,911
- Oh, best nephew ever.
- Isn't he?
449
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,288
He really--he changes
450
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,667
the whole demeanor
of the office.
451
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:46,751
Aww.
452
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,586
It's really such a joy
having him here.
453
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,797
- He's really a joy.
- Aww, good.
454
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,508
I just wanted to ask you
a parenting question.
455
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,093
A parenting question?
456
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,929
How do you deal with his...
457
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,223
What? How do I deal
with what, Michael?
458
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,642
- What?
- No, no, it's--he's great.
459
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:05,145
He's fantastic.
It's just--
460
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,605
you know when he has--
461
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,315
he does this little
attitude thing?
462
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,400
What attitude?
463
00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:11,651
No, not at--
464
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,778
not attitude in a negative way.
465
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,321
I'm talking like P!nk.
466
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,574
You know how P!nk has
an attitude?
467
00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:20,076
Or when a fashion photographer
says, "Give me more attitude."
468
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,578
That's what I'm talking about.
469
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:22,954
- Oh. Oh, good.
- He's great.
470
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:26,166
He has a big--he just has
a lot of attitude.
471
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,043
It's great.
472
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,377
Okay. All right.
473
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:30,712
Well,
I'm glad it's working out.
474
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:33,006
It's great.
He is such a joy
475
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:34,341
and a pleasure.
476
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,259
And a real gem.
477
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,510
Okay, great.
478
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:40,180
Well, you're the best, Michael.
479
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,516
Well, thank you.
480
00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:46,519
That is awfully nice of you
to say.
481
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:50,899
And I just posted something
on your wall.
482
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,234
"Thanks for saying
I'm the best.
483
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,819
Love, your brother, Michael."
484
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,322
There it is.
485
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:00,283
Give Luke a hug for me.
486
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,868
I'll give him a hug
and a kiss.
487
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:05,538
- Just a hug. Just--
- All right.
488
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,501
[coin clanking]
489
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,211
Get whatever you want.
On me.
490
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,797
You really think you can
make it up to me with food?
491
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,548
I don't know.
That usually works.
492
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,008
Well, not this time.
493
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,718
Because I was being nice earlier,
494
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,388
but that was the best prank
I was ever gonna pull.
495
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,556
I know.
It was pretty elegant.
496
00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:25,100
- Yeah.
- I apologize.
497
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,267
I do not accept.
498
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:28,228
Wow.
499
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:30,230
Jim, are we ever gonna
get past this?
500
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:31,356
I don't know, Pam.
501
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:32,899
I mean, what is this, right?
502
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:35,610
We have a beautiful marriage.
We have a beautiful child.
503
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,779
Sometimes we have some laughs
when we cook,
504
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:41,241
or maybe we eat Chinese takeout
together and watch movies.
505
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,909
We live together
and we love together,
506
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:44,619
and yeah, we take
the occasional vacation,
507
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,788
but really, is that enough
to build a life on?
508
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:49,958
I don't know. I don't know.
That's a lot to think about.
509
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,292
[sighs]
510
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,378
If you get the Swedish Fish,
can I have half?
511
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,965
Thank you. Thank you.
512
00:20:57,007 --> 00:21:00,093
I feel horrible
for blowing Jim's prank.
513
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:02,512
I don't know if you can tell,
but he's mildly upset.
514
00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:04,514
And Dwight hasn't been messed
with in a while,
515
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:06,558
so he's become
a monster.
516
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,476
I need
to make this right.
517
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,862
I came down here to feed
the feral cats
518
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,155
like I usually do,
519
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:21,281
and I found
something unsavory
520
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:22,407
in the back of your
nephew's car.
521
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,408
Okay, you know what?
522
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,367
Just--just back off.
523
00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:25,493
Back off!
524
00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:26,953
Well, take a look.
525
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,705
It's all the packages
he was supposed to overnight.
526
00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:30,790
He never bothered
to send them.
527
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:34,085
All right,
those might be his.
528
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,545
He might own an eBay store.
529
00:21:35,587 --> 00:21:37,756
Yep. That's exactly
what my first thought was.
530
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,049
And then I remembered having
a conversation with him
531
00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:40,467
where he was like,
"I don't own an eBay store."
532
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:41,968
- So...
- Okay, okay.
533
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,136
You know what?
This is disgusting.
534
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,637
This is like a witch hunt.
535
00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:46,723
This is like
The Blair Witch Hunt Project.
536
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:48,350
Oh, sure, those are
the expense reports
537
00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:50,060
that corporate
was waiting for yesterday.
538
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,479
Let's just make this kid
open this damn car.
539
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,563
Oh, my gosh,
those are the pants
540
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:54,814
you wanted to return
to Talbots.
541
00:21:54,856 --> 00:21:56,816
I'm reconsidering
sending them back anyway.
542
00:21:56,858 --> 00:21:59,235
You get that kid
to open this car,
543
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,363
or I'm gonna do it myself...
544
00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:03,073
[whispering]
By calling AAA.
545
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,449
- Wait a minute.
- I'm in!
546
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,326
Don't--all right.
547
00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:08,495
Well, okay.
548
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:10,288
You've just
committed a felony.
549
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,581
Yep, here they are.
550
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:13,041
Yep, I just lost a client
551
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:15,293
'cause I swore I sent
these samples on time.
552
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,378
This kid's costing us sales, Michael.
553
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:18,004
[car door slams]
554
00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,173
I'm sorry, do you want
to try them on again to see--
555
00:22:20,215 --> 00:22:21,341
No, I know they fit.
556
00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:22,759
It's not about the fit.
557
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,056
Why is this my problem,
Michael?
558
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:29,641
Because Gabe tattled.
559
00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:30,642
I was perfectly happy
560
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:32,143
to just hide it from you.
561
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:34,020
Those overnight packages
needed to go out,
562
00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:36,106
and Michael refuses to hold
the guilty party accountable.
563
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:37,649
Lower yourself, Gabe.
564
00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:40,402
I don't wanna be having
a conversation with your crotch.
565
00:22:42,654 --> 00:22:45,323
Okay, now educate me
why you won't fire the boy.
566
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:46,825
You don't have
all the facts.
567
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:49,369
- Which are?
- I love him.
568
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:51,705
Oh, God.
569
00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:54,207
How far has it gone?
570
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:55,458
No. No.
571
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:56,793
He's my nephew.
572
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:58,044
Well, I got a nephew too.
573
00:22:58,086 --> 00:22:59,629
But he don't work for me.
574
00:22:59,671 --> 00:23:00,672
You know why?
575
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:02,340
'Cause he's a screw-up.
576
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,926
He can swim in my pool,
but he can't come in my house.
577
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,345
Well, this office
is my pool.
578
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,722
And my house is my house.
579
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:11,224
And I just want
my nephew to work
580
00:23:11,266 --> 00:23:12,308
in my pool.
581
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:13,727
If you keep him, Michael,
582
00:23:13,768 --> 00:23:15,395
I'm gonna hold you
accountable for him.
583
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:16,563
You're on the hook
for this kid.
584
00:23:16,604 --> 00:23:17,731
- You got that?
- Mm-hmm.
585
00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,816
Cover his ass
like tighty-whities.
586
00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:22,819
I will cover his ass like moss
on a Mississippi tree stump.
587
00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:24,946
Was how I put it
not clear enough?
588
00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:27,240
I mean, you had to go
and make up your own saying?
589
00:23:27,282 --> 00:23:29,117
Deal with it, boys.
590
00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:31,870
- You can move.
- Okay.
591
00:23:35,999 --> 00:23:37,542
There he is.
592
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,586
Whatcha cooking in there?
You know what we call this?
593
00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:41,004
Paper oven.
594
00:23:41,046 --> 00:23:44,174
Any tasty treats coming out
of the paper oven?
595
00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:46,301
Yeah, just doing
these invoices.
596
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:49,012
Invoices. Good work.
Ahh!
597
00:23:49,054 --> 00:23:51,348
You know what?
Those need to be double-sided.
598
00:23:51,389 --> 00:23:54,976
Yeah, I was trying to find
the button to do that, but...
599
00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:56,603
well, maybe you could just
staple 'em together
600
00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:58,521
or--you don't have to.
601
00:23:58,563 --> 00:23:59,606
Just make someone else do it.
602
00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:00,648
Okay? You know what?
You know what?
603
00:24:00,690 --> 00:24:02,108
We're gonna do this together.
604
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:04,319
And first, I might as well
walk you through it.
605
00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:06,946
Here we go.
So first, press menu.
606
00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:08,823
Actually, think of it as being
in a restaurant.
607
00:24:08,865 --> 00:24:09,991
Press menu.
608
00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:13,078
I will have a side of function.
609
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,330
Maybe with a little bit
of option.
610
00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:17,123
And then press 4.
611
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:19,626
[phone ringing]
And here we go.
612
00:24:19,668 --> 00:24:21,461
Hey, what's up, man?
613
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,254
Here we go.
614
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:25,799
Good.
615
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,342
Perfect.
616
00:24:30,345 --> 00:24:34,474
Luke and I have been working
side by side
617
00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,142
as master and commander.
618
00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:38,061
Me as master, he as commander.
619
00:24:38,103 --> 00:24:40,063
Occasionally he'll need
a little push,
620
00:24:40,105 --> 00:24:43,066
and I will do that,
and he'll slow down,
621
00:24:43,108 --> 00:24:44,484
and then I'll push him again.
622
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:46,486
That's the thing with kids.
You have to keep pushing.
623
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,988
You have to push them
until they push you back.
624
00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,198
And then you push some more.
625
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,574
It's all about give and take,
626
00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:54,411
but mostly it's about
pushing each other.
627
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:57,831
When your husband has lost
his faith in you,
628
00:24:57,872 --> 00:24:58,915
how do you restore it?
629
00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:00,458
How do you show him
630
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:04,170
that your marriage is still fun
and exciting?
631
00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:07,465
By making him a special video.
632
00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:13,054
Not that kind of video.
633
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:14,472
Oh, yeah.
634
00:25:14,514 --> 00:25:16,141
This will be easy.
635
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:18,685
So just, like, rearrange
the buttons and stuff.
636
00:25:18,727 --> 00:25:19,853
Yeah, yeah.
637
00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:20,854
Like when he presses
"door closed,"
638
00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,272
the doors open.
639
00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:23,356
Or he presses "lobby,"
it goes to third floor.
640
00:25:23,398 --> 00:25:24,774
Stuff like that.
Can you do that?
641
00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:28,194
Yeah. Let me take a look
at the circus board.
642
00:25:28,236 --> 00:25:32,073
Dwight is about
to get so Pammed.
643
00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:33,658
How did you learn
how to do this?
644
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:37,120
Before this job, I worked
as an elevator repairman.
645
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:39,581
I specialized in the buttons.
646
00:25:39,622 --> 00:25:43,168
I've never worked
as an elevator repairman.
647
00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:45,628
That's another lie.
648
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:49,549
It's become a tangled web.
649
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,927
I'm a bit worried
I'm losing myself.
650
00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:55,013
Hey, did you
SMS text message me?
651
00:25:55,055 --> 00:25:56,598
I just came from the museum,
652
00:25:56,639 --> 00:26:00,810
where I saw an exhibit
on rare coins.
653
00:26:00,852 --> 00:26:02,812
Yeah, I wanted to show you
something in the lobby.
654
00:26:02,854 --> 00:26:04,647
Uh, come on.
655
00:26:09,110 --> 00:26:11,488
- Okay, that's weird.
- Hmm.
656
00:26:11,529 --> 00:26:13,239
Just hitting "door closed."
What?
657
00:26:13,281 --> 00:26:14,616
- There we go.
- Well...
658
00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:16,701
- Good.
- Is this elevator going up?
659
00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:17,911
Hmm?
660
00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:21,748
Hey... the elevator
is disobeying us!
661
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,166
[crash, thud]
662
00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:24,376
Ohh-kay. Okay.
663
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:26,086
We are stuck.
We are stuck.
664
00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:27,587
- Um...
- Hank! Hank!
665
00:26:27,629 --> 00:26:29,464
Can you hear us?
666
00:26:29,506 --> 00:26:30,507
Oh, my God. Okay.
667
00:26:30,548 --> 00:26:31,966
Emergency protocol.
668
00:26:32,008 --> 00:26:33,468
- Oh...
- Just calm down.
669
00:26:33,510 --> 00:26:36,012
Pam, try and pry open
those front doors, immediately.
670
00:26:36,054 --> 00:26:37,889
- I don't--
- Use your talons!
671
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:39,099
Pry 'em open!
672
00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:40,934
[laughing] Okay, Dwi--
oh, my God!
673
00:26:40,975 --> 00:26:42,268
Well, don't look, freak!
674
00:26:42,310 --> 00:26:43,478
Dwight,
what are you doing?!
675
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:44,813
Well...
676
00:26:44,854 --> 00:26:46,272
We've only been in here
for, like, two seconds!
677
00:26:46,314 --> 00:26:47,941
I got 56 ounces
of fluid in my bladder!
678
00:26:47,982 --> 00:26:50,235
And we have to establish
a pee corner.
679
00:26:50,276 --> 00:26:52,445
You've gotta be kidding me.
680
00:26:52,487 --> 00:26:54,322
Luke, is going to use
his laser pointer
681
00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:56,866
to point to account setup.
682
00:26:56,908 --> 00:26:58,118
You click on that first,
683
00:26:58,159 --> 00:26:59,828
then a whole new--
not--no, no, no.
684
00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:01,246
Luke, come on.
Come on.
685
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,789
Not on Oscar's head.
686
00:27:02,831 --> 00:27:04,499
- Tsh.
- All right.
687
00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:05,834
Luke, come on.
688
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:07,085
- Stop it.
- What? I'm stopping it.
689
00:27:07,127 --> 00:27:08,128
That's what you said.
690
00:27:08,169 --> 00:27:10,255
Give me the pointer.
691
00:27:10,296 --> 00:27:11,339
So you just
want me to move it.
692
00:27:11,381 --> 00:27:12,716
You're being totally
unclear here.
693
00:27:12,757 --> 00:27:14,300
I'm just gonna go ahead
and move it.
694
00:27:14,342 --> 00:27:15,593
No, just power it down.
No, no, no, no, no.
695
00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:17,387
Not on Angela's boob.
Come on. Come on.
696
00:27:17,429 --> 00:27:19,472
- Luke, seriously.
- All right, fine, fine.
697
00:27:19,514 --> 00:27:21,433
- I'll just go.
- Okay.
698
00:27:21,474 --> 00:27:23,643
- I'm gone.
- All right. Okay.
699
00:27:23,685 --> 00:27:25,020
Good job.
700
00:27:25,061 --> 00:27:26,980
Okay, email accounts.
701
00:27:27,022 --> 00:27:28,231
So we're starting
with account setup.
702
00:27:28,273 --> 00:27:30,150
Oh, my God,
is it in my eyeball?
703
00:27:30,191 --> 00:27:31,943
- Yes.
- I think he's burning my eye.
704
00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:33,319
Michael, do something.
705
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:34,487
- Sack up, man.
- You have to stop this.
706
00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:36,322
- Luke, can I have that?
- No.
707
00:27:36,364 --> 00:27:39,534
Okay, I am going
to count down from five.
708
00:27:39,576 --> 00:27:40,660
both: Five.
709
00:27:40,702 --> 00:27:41,703
Four.
710
00:27:41,745 --> 00:27:43,163
I'm not kidding.
711
00:27:43,204 --> 00:27:44,289
both: Three.
712
00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:46,916
- Two. One.
- Give--okay.
713
00:27:46,958 --> 00:27:48,668
- All right, give it up.
- No!
714
00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:52,630
You... are going to learn
to be more professional, Luke!
715
00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:53,757
What the--
716
00:27:53,798 --> 00:27:55,216
That's what you're
going to do, Luke!
717
00:27:55,258 --> 00:27:57,761
Aah!
What the hell was that?
718
00:27:57,802 --> 00:27:59,679
I had to do that.
719
00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:01,097
[sighs]
720
00:28:01,139 --> 00:28:03,183
Hey, [bleep] this!
721
00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:04,768
- Screw it!
- All right. Are we good?
722
00:28:04,809 --> 00:28:06,644
[crying]
723
00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:08,855
You're okay.
724
00:28:08,897 --> 00:28:11,066
He's okay.
725
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:15,028
There are many different
schools of thought
726
00:28:15,070 --> 00:28:17,739
on capital punishment.
727
00:28:17,781 --> 00:28:19,532
That was awesome.
728
00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:21,659
Texas justice.
729
00:28:21,701 --> 00:28:23,828
Yeah, your nephew
is so lame.
730
00:28:23,870 --> 00:28:26,539
He's been trashing us
relentlessly on Twitter.
731
00:28:26,581 --> 00:28:29,042
Yeah, it's funny stuff,
but mean.
732
00:28:29,084 --> 00:28:31,378
You follow him on Twitter?
733
00:28:31,419 --> 00:28:32,921
Everywhere I look,
it's Betty White this
734
00:28:32,962 --> 00:28:34,255
and Betty White that.
735
00:28:34,297 --> 00:28:37,092
Finally, a kid who's not talking
about Betty White.
736
00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:38,718
Of course I follow him.
737
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:39,928
Michael...
738
00:28:39,969 --> 00:28:42,055
you just physically
assaulted an employee.
739
00:28:42,097 --> 00:28:43,473
Can we talk in private?
740
00:28:43,515 --> 00:28:45,100
[quietly] Yes, of course.
741
00:28:45,141 --> 00:28:47,602
What is this
in reference to?
742
00:28:49,813 --> 00:28:51,690
Pam?
743
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:53,191
Oh, hey, Jim.
744
00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:55,902
Some prankster switched
the elevator buttons on Dwight.
745
00:28:55,944 --> 00:28:57,654
I did not do this.
746
00:28:57,696 --> 00:28:58,780
I know.
747
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:05,036
Yeah, and it was
going really great at first.
748
00:29:05,078 --> 00:29:06,913
I got video.
749
00:29:06,955 --> 00:29:08,331
This is impressive.
750
00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:09,874
Well, you know...
they don't call me
751
00:29:09,916 --> 00:29:11,751
the Bart Simpson of Scranton
for nothing.
752
00:29:11,793 --> 00:29:14,587
- Do they call you that?
- They do call me that.
753
00:29:14,629 --> 00:29:15,672
Come on, give me your hand.
754
00:29:15,714 --> 00:29:17,257
- I'll help you down.
- Nope.
755
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,425
Scared of getting
cut in half.
756
00:29:18,466 --> 00:29:19,884
Also, there's pee
on the floor.
757
00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:22,762
Oh! Course there is.
758
00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:24,014
Hey, Chinese tonight?
759
00:29:24,055 --> 00:29:25,765
- Yeah.
- All right.
760
00:29:25,807 --> 00:29:27,767
How ya doin'?
761
00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:29,310
Pretty good.
762
00:29:29,352 --> 00:29:30,520
You must be almost
out of water.
763
00:29:30,562 --> 00:29:33,690
Stop drinking the water!
764
00:29:33,732 --> 00:29:35,275
Stop!
765
00:29:35,316 --> 00:29:37,902
Please, I'm begging you
to stop drinking it.
766
00:29:37,944 --> 00:29:39,946
See you guys in a bit.
767
00:29:39,988 --> 00:29:40,947
Yeah.
[laughter]
768
00:29:40,989 --> 00:29:42,866
- Oh!
- You...
769
00:29:42,907 --> 00:29:44,451
No, no, no, no.
It's the other hand, right hand.
770
00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:45,785
- Right hand?
- Yeah.
771
00:29:45,827 --> 00:29:47,287
Would have been nice
to work with my family.
772
00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,164
It would have been nice
773
00:29:49,205 --> 00:29:51,791
if Luke had been able
to stay here.
774
00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:52,917
But he couldn't.
775
00:29:52,959 --> 00:29:55,253
These things
seldom work out.
776
00:29:55,295 --> 00:29:57,464
I don't know how
Ringling Brothers do it.
777
00:29:57,505 --> 00:29:59,132
Night after night,
town after town,
778
00:29:59,174 --> 00:30:00,633
all across America.
779
00:30:00,675 --> 00:30:02,677
You would think they'd
be sick of each other by now.
780
00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:04,888
But, clearly,
781
00:30:04,929 --> 00:30:06,139
they make it work.
782
00:30:06,181 --> 00:30:07,724
And my hat's off to them.
783
00:30:07,766 --> 00:30:09,434
[laughter]
784
00:30:09,476 --> 00:30:11,102
- Argh!
- Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa.
785
00:30:11,144 --> 00:30:12,479
- You--
- Hey...
786
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,147
- Dwight...
- Dwight...
787
00:30:14,189 --> 00:30:15,899
[laughing] Argh!
788
00:30:21,029 --> 00:30:22,197
Legal says the best way
to protect us from a lawsuit
789
00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:24,491
is to call this
a stress-induced outburst.
790
00:30:24,532 --> 00:30:26,368
Mm-hmm.
791
00:30:26,409 --> 00:30:28,828
You will have to undergo
six sessions of counseling.
792
00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:31,706
That's it?
Really?
793
00:30:31,748 --> 00:30:34,334
That's nothing.
All right.
794
00:30:34,376 --> 00:30:36,461
That's highway robbery. Good.
795
00:30:36,503 --> 00:30:37,879
- Well, that's the spirit.
- I can do that.
796
00:30:37,921 --> 00:30:39,714
And, uh, you will do
your counseling right here,
797
00:30:39,756 --> 00:30:42,384
because our HR staff are all
certified counselors.
798
00:30:42,425 --> 00:30:43,927
Okay.
799
00:30:43,968 --> 00:30:45,553
Wait, what?
800
00:30:45,595 --> 00:30:47,472
Yeah, I'm really
looking forward
801
00:30:47,514 --> 00:30:51,101
to working with you, Michael.
802
00:30:51,142 --> 00:30:53,895
Is there another option?
803
00:30:53,937 --> 00:30:55,897
The alternative
is termination.
804
00:31:01,945 --> 00:31:03,446
Michael...
56425
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
