All language subtitles for The.Office.Superfan.Episodes.S02E16.Valentines.Day.Extended.Cut.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Everybody.

Hello, can I have
your attention please?

Since it's Valentine's Day,

there's something
that I wanted to say.

I love the women
of this office.

Pam,

I love you.

[kisses]

Michael's got a few tricks
for Valentine's Day.

He found a place
where you can get

12 plastic roses for $10

and he's got a great line:

"Me so thorny."

I love you, Phyllis.

[kisses] Milady.

I love you, Angela.

[kisses]
Yes, even you.

I love you, Kelly.

[kisses]

I love you, Meredith.

This is all platonically,
of course.

And I have one more.

And this one goes to...

to me

because I'm heading to New York

and I need some good karma.

Yeah, but roses
don't give you good karma.

Roses are symbols of death.

You know what? Just--okay.

- There you go, smart guy.
- No, ah!

Whoa, okay! Problem solved.

I love ladies.

Always have.

And you know what I think
is the most attractive part

of a woman's body?

The brains.

Because I don't think
a woman is beautiful

unless she is smart.

And also, the brains

are where ladies get their best

nasty ideas for bedroom stuff.

[soft piano music]

♪ ♪

I really like Valentine's Day
in this office.

It's kinda like grade school.

Everybody gives out
little presents and stuff.

Like last year,

Jim gave me this card
with Dwight's head on it.

It was horrifying and funny.

Phyllis.

You just sign here.

Roy and I are saving
for the wedding,

so I made him promise

not to get me anything too big.

"Happy Valentine's Day, darling.

Love Bob Vance,
Vance Refrigeration."

Isn't he sweet?

- Yeah.
- Wow.

All right, Dwight.

As you know, I'm heading
to New York today

doing a presentation
on the branch

to the new CFO.

And you want me
to come with you.

No. The opposite of that.

I will stay here
and run things on this end.

Very good.

Question:
will you be seeing Jan

when you're in New York?

I probably will.
Why do you ask?

Well, it's Valentine's Day.

And you guys, you know...

Yeah.

Screwed.

What is your problem?

This is a business trip.

I would have to be
a raving lunatic

to try to talk to Jan

about what happened between us.

Her words, not mine.

She sent me an e-mail
this morning.

But it is Valentine's Day.

It's New York,

city of love.

Hey, Pam, you heart NY, right?

You want me
to pick you up anything?

- That's okay.
- All right.

The best present would be

you do a good job
in front of the new CFO.

Dude, I'm gonna nail it.

Me in New York?
Oh, I own that city.

Fo'get abou' it!

See ya!

[door closes]

It's mafia slang
for "forget about it."

So I broke up with Katy and

haven't been dating
anybody else.

So this year,
I don't have to worry

about Valentine's Day.
It's gonna be good.

I invited a couple
friends over.

We're gonna play some cards.

And I'll end up
winning a lot of money

because they're idiots.

It's gonna be great.

Well, here we go.
On our way to New York.

New York, New York.

The city so nice,
they named it twice.

Manhattan is the other name.

What's this?
What is this?

I don't know.
It's on your desk.

But who put it here

and for what purpose?

It was there
when I sat down.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

It's me.

I'm the bobble-head.

Yes!

Ah!

Yeah.

The meeting
isn't till 3:00.

But I always like to come
to New York

a little bit early

and hit some
of my favorite haunts.

Like right here is my favorite
New York pizza joint.

And I'm gonna go get me
a New York slice.

Hey, Kelly.

- What's up?
- Nothing.

Oh. Except, oh my God, Jim.

Last night, Ryan and I

totally finally hooked up.

- It was awesome.
- Oh, that's great.

- I'm really happy for you.
- I know.

And it was so funny.

'Cause we were at this bar
with his friends.

And I was sitting
next to him the whole night.

And he wasn't making a move.

So in my head, I was like,

Ryan, what's taking you
so long?

And then he kissed me.

And I didn't know what to say.

- Wow.
- So I said,

"Ryan, what took you so long?"

I mean, I just said it to him.

Can you believe that?

- Wow.
- Oh my God, Jim.

Is that embarrassing?
I'm embarrassed.

No, don't be.

Oh, thank God.

Because I was nervous, Jim.

You will not believe.

- I bet.
- I was so nervous.

But now--
now I have a boyfriend.

- All right.
- [giggles]

I hooked up with her
on February 13th.

Here it is.
Heart of New York City.

Times Square.

Named for the good times

you have when you're in it.

Most people,
when they come to New York,

they go straight
to the Empire State Building.

That's very touristy.
I come here.

Great places to eat.

We have Bubba Gump Shrimp,
Red Lobster down there.

You know.

This is--this is the heart
of civilization right here.

That's a lotta noodles.

How much sodium
do you think is in that cup?

This place used to be full

of hookers and porn shops

and it's not that way anymore.

This is where
it's all happening.

We got TGI Friday's.

I'm in the picture!

Sometimes I just
jump into people's pictures.

A lot of people
have their picture taken.

It's kind of
a New Yorker thing.

You jump in on
a tourist picture

and kinda ruin it.

The ball on New Year's falls...

from... one of these buildings.

There's an old building.

That one hasn't been
torn down yet

but they will.
They'll get to it.

Oh, look at that. That's cool.

Reese's and Hershey's.
Look at--

The top of the building
has Hershey kisses on it.

You don't find that
in Scranton.

Maybe Hershey, Pennsylvania,

but not Scranton, Pennsylvania.

There's an energy
to New York that you just feel.

Um, everybody--don't get hit.

Everybody is kind of together

and everybody hates each other

but loves each other
at the same time.

Planet Hollywood
right over here.

"TRL."
Love to go there sometime.

And check out
some of these billboards.

You know, they've really
cleaned up their act

around here.

You got your
Shakira poster there.

Little porn still left.
Not so much.

Ah, screw off!

[laughs]

People just yell at each other

in New York and it's great.

And you can smell it.

Even in the cold,
it kinda smells like

chilled urine.

Happy Valentine's Day, Meredith.

Thanks.

Okay, you take it easy, Ace.

Here you go, Creed.

Hey, thanks, Ace.

I'm not good with names.

[keyboard clacking]

Got big Valentine's Day
plans, Kev?

Not really.
My fiancée's out of town.

Where is she?

I'm not sure. Arizona?

Sometimes she doesn't tell me.

Cool.

Whoa.

[chuckles]

Thanks.

Oh.

Guess what?

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, they're from Bob again.

That's great.

Everybody takes the subway
in New York.

It's fast, it's efficient,

gets you there on time.
It's a way to--

okay, there's a guy pooping
in a cardboard box down there.

This is the world-famous
Rockefeller Center.

Founded, of course,
by Theodore Rockefeller.

This is a skating rink.

And I think the Rangers
practice there sometimes.

And it's--that's Tina Fey.

That's Tina Fey
from "Saturday Night Live."

Ahem, hello. Hello.

Hi. Oh, I'm s--

I'm sorry.

I thought you were--okay.

[chuckles] I thought that was--

she looked like--
she looked a lot like Tina Fey.

Hello. Hello.

I thought that was Tina Fey,
but it wasn't, so.

Are you serious?

He was here? When?

When I was talking
to the fake Tina Fey?

Come on! No, are you s--

Hello, Angela. Did you hear?

Somebody totally
rocked the house

and got me the best present
I've ever gotten.

Really?

I wouldn't know
anything about that.

- But I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- Oh, I did.

I did.

I didn't get anything
for Valentine's Day.

Oh, I bet you will
before the day is over.

Really?

Well, I hope I do.

I would love to live
in New York someday.

It's a big dream of mine.

Work at corporate with Jan.
Be awesome.

Go to Broadway shows,
eat hot dogs.

Scranton is great but

New York is like
Scranton on acid.

No, on speed. Nah.

On steroids.

Okay. Um, I think...

that's either
the Hudson or the East.

So we're back--
should be back this way.

There is a lot of pressure
on me right now.

It's like Michael Jordan
in the NBA finals

or like Stormin'
Norman Schwarzkopf.

And this presentation
is Desert Storm.

And as soon as it's over,

we will not have to deal
with those Iraqis anymore.

Let's do it.

Nah, that's all right.

Spend money on her
instead of giving it to us.

That's fine.

No, I didn't even have
a seat for you anyway.

Yeah. [laughs]

All right, man.

Okay, have a good night. Bye.

[footsteps approaching]

Whoa, whoa.

Phyllis Lapin?

Holy God.

It's from Bob.

Man, that thing's
bigger than I am.

No, it's not.

- Oh, zip it.
- Wow.

Look at that.

When is this gonna end?

Hey, don't get mad at me.

You're getting married.
You don't have to worry

about this stuff anymore.

Yeah, thank God for that.

I'm gonna go call Bob.

So what are you doing
for Valentine's Day?

I'm gonna spend it
with my fiancé.

What are you guys doing?

Probably go grab dinner
with my girlfriend.

He's gonna be pulling his plug
watching Skinemax.

- [sneers]
- [chuckles]

Nice.

Okay, okay, that's enough.

- Hey.
- Come on, break this up.

Yes. Sure.

Mr. Scott, you can
head to the conference room.

The other managers
are already there.

Great.

- Thank you.
- Sure.

[impact]

There they are.
What's up?

- Hey.
- Hey, hey.

- Michael Scott.
- Josh Porter.

High five.

Bam.

You know Dan Gordon
from Buffalo.

Yeah, how you doing?

Nobody needs
to introduce this guy.

Craigers. Oh.

- What's up, buddy?
- You have been kicked out

of every strip club in Albany,
is that true?

- Guilty. Yeah.
- [chuckles]

So what's going on?
What'd I miss?

Not much.
They're, uh,

I guess running late upstairs.

So we're just

waiting for the presentations.

Cool. Good, good, good.

Give us some time
to catch up and...

[whispering]
Pam, hi. How you doing? Good.

Listen, uh,
may I speak with you...

privately?

You can't fire me, Dwight,

- just 'cause Michael's not here.
- No, Pam, just, um--

Just--please--

You need to get something

- for your girlfriend?
- Girlfriend. Yes.

And the reason I didn't
get anything

for this particular person--

who shall remain nameless--

is that she's not really
the kind of person

you'd think would be
into Valentine's Day.

She's kind of...

Tightly wound?

Exactly.

Okay, well,

sometimes the gift
is really about the gesture.

You know, like what it means
instead of what it is.

You mean...

like a ham?

No.

Not like a ham.

It's about doing something

so that the person knows

- that you really care about her.
- Okay, I get it.

- That's great.
- That you remember her.

Okay, shut up.
I know exactly what to do.

How do you spell "animalian"?

- "Animalian."
- Yes.

- Why?
- None of your business.

I'm writing something.

You're writing something.

Forget it.
I'll look it up myself.

No, you know what?

- You do it.
- No, not gonna do that.

Uh, yes. I'm in charge.

You have to. Look it up.

- But I know how to spell it.
- So tell me.

Only if you tell me
what you're "writing."

Oh, forget it. I'll do it.

But you're getting written up.

So now you're writing
two things?

How about you, Craig?
Did you lose anyone?

Oh, man.

Jan called me in September.

And she's like
"you gotta fire four people."

And I was just like,
"what?" You know.

- Did you?
- No.

I just ignored her.
She's the worst.

Well, she is our boss.

She ain't my boss, dude.

I don't work for that bitch.

Hey, ca--ca--come on.

You know, that's not--
just cool it.

What, you like Jan?

How can you like Jan?

Maybe because
she's my girlfriend.

Was or not my girlfriend.

We hooked up and--

You hooked up with Jan?

That was just,
you know, it was months ago.

It was just once.
God, it's just stupid.

Just--just forget it.

Yeah, let's change
the subject.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know
what he's thinking,

but I would just be so psyched

if we just dated forever.

Well, take it slow.

'Cause it seems like
a lot of the time,

things like that need to--

Soda.

Cool.

Hey, so do you wanna

do something tonight, or?

Oh, no,
not while I'm here.

I mean, I know that
it's Valentine's Day

or whatever, but there's
totally no pressure

at all of any kind
whatsoever, so.

I can't tonight.
I have plans with my friends.

Okay. That's cool.

- I completely understand.
- Okay. Cool.

Okay.

Sorry we're late, everyone.

This is our new CFO,
David Wallace.

- Gentlemen.
- Hello.

- Dan Gore, Buffalo.
- Dan.

- Craig Brennan, Albany.
- Craig.

Josh Porter, Stanford.

- David.
- Nice to meet you.

And Michael Scott, Scranton.

- Nice to meet you.
- Ditto.

How are you, Jan?

Fine, Michael. Thank you.

Okay.
So we are in the process

of doing a complete review

of the company's
financial strength.

All I'd like to do today
is to hear your--

Nervous?
No, I'm not--not nervous.

Well, I mean,
I guess I'd be lying

if I didn't say
I was a little nervous.

Um, the new CFO
is judging me on this, too.

And, well, it is Michael, so--

yeah, I'm very nervous.

So with the 12
new local accounts,

we had a total
of 4% organic growth,

which was just above
our pre-year targets.

- Thanks very much.
- Thank you.

Okay, Michael.

[clears throat]

What is a business?

Is it a collection of numbers

and sales reports? Sure.

But as you know,

David and Jan,

it is much more.

[U2's "With Or Without You"]

♪ ♪

Life moves a little slower
in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

And that's the way we like it.

'Cause at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton,

we're not just
in the paper business,

we're in the people business.

Let's meet some of the folks

who make the Scranton branch
so special.

This is Stanley Hudson,

one of our talented salesmen.

An African-American
father of two,

Stanley's dedication

is no doubt
one of the hallmarks

of the foundation
of the business

we're hoping to build
our basis on.

Yeah, I shot a bunch
of footage around the office,

edited it together on my Mac.

Was thinking about
entering it in some festivals.

Probably won't.

You know,
not what this is about.

And finally, Pam Beesly.

Look at her. Look how cute.

Not bad at all.

As the receptionist,

Pam is truly the gateway
to our world.

Well, I hope this gave ya

a little taste
of what life is like

here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

What it's like to walk
a mile in Oscar's shoes.

Or try on Phyllis' pants.

Next time you're in town,

give us a call.

Stop on by.

I'm sure you'll be greeted
by a big smile

and a "How you doing, pal?"

Maybe even one of Angela's
famous brownies.

And you'll know
that you're home.

♪ ♪

Great Scott!

Questions.

Wow.

Okay.

Okay, thank you, Michael.
That was great.

Yes, thank you.

But for right now,

what I'd really
like to know about

is the branch's performance.

So do you have
that information as well?

Yes, absolutely, David.

Get that for you. I, um--

[sighs]

How many times
are you gonna do that?

As many times as it takes
until I get it right.

Oh, so infinity times.

Look.

You may not
understand this stuff,

but sometimes
you need to make a gesture

to somebody that you love.

Oh, you're in love.

That's fantastic.

Which Powerpuff Girl is it?

You know what?

At least I have someone
to send a Valentine's to.

Dwight lives on a beet farm

and he practices karate
at the fourth grade level.

And he apparently
has a girlfriend.

So.

I guess there really
is someone for everybody.

[phone ringing]

Hi, this is Kevin.

Stacey?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Yeah.

Oh, awesome.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll be leaving
here soon.

Cool.

I love you, too.

Kay, bye.

- Stacey's back.
- That's great, man.

[door opens]

- Can you sign?
- Yeah.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Sure.

Oscar.

Nothing for me?

Join the club.

Who's it from?

My mom.

It's frustrating 'cause
we'd be so perfect together.

You know what?

Here's the deal, Kelly.

It would be really nice

if he was into you, right?
It would be great.

But he isn't.

Yeah, but it would be
so great if he was.

Well, he's not though.

So you just gotta suck it up.

You just gotta move on.
Try to have some fun.

Come to my poker game tonight.

Okay, cool.

Is it okay if I invite Ryan?

And that about does it.
Thank you.

Okay.

Craig.

Yeah, here's the deal.
[clears throat]

I did not understand that
this was supposed to be

a full on, like,
report or whatnot.

I'm sorry. What did you think

"financial presentation" meant?

I was under the impression
this was more of, like,

a meet-and-greet type deal.

So, does that mean
that you don't have

the numbers on your branch?

That is correct. Yes.

Craig, you realize that
we are trying to decide

whether drastic steps
need to be taken.

Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

Well, the point is that
this doesn't exactly

bode well for your branch.

Oh, man. You know what?

Michael made that stupid movie.

He doesn't get in any trouble.

Maybe I should've
slept with you too.

- Okay, okay.
- No, no, no.

- All right, this--
- I'm not--I just--

I just don't know what
to do anymore, Michael.

I mean, I'm probably
gonna get fired.

- No, you're not.
- Yeah, I-I-I--

Michael, the CFO thinks
that we slept together.

Don't you understand?
People get fired for much less.

And I just can't believe

that you told everybody.

And we didn't even
sleep together.

Technically,
we fell asleep in the same bed.

Oh, God.

Michael, it was months ago.

It was once.

It's over.

Do you understand?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I'll fix this.

I'll talk to him.

I'll talk to David.

Surely,
you cannot be serious.

I am serious,

and don't call me Shirley.

"Airplane."

Women are like wolves.

If you want a wolf,
you have to trap it.

You have to snare it.

And then you have to tame it.

Keep it happy.

Care for it. Feed it.

Lovingly, the way an animal
deserves to be loved.

And my animal deserves
a lot of loving.

- Hey, babe.
- Hey.

You, uh,
almost ready to go?

I guess, yeah.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

It's just that I had
to sit here all day

while Phyllis got,
like, an entire garden

delivered to her.

What, you're mad
at me?

I mean, I know
that we said no big gifts,

but I was kind of hoping
you'd get me something

for Valentine's Day.

Well, Valentine's Day
isn't over.

Let's get you home,

and you are gonna get

the best sex of your life.

He's very...

romantic.

You understand this is
a very serious situation.

No, no, no.
Yes, I--okay, well--

all right, here's the deal.
This is my fault.

This is--this is totally on me.

Before you guys came in,

I was talking to the guys,
we were all chatting.

And I made a joke.

A really dumb joke.

And Craig, the idiot,
took it seriously.

- You made a joke?
- I did.

It was stupid.

And Craig, you saw him,

he's not the sharpest tool
in the shed.

Although he is a tool.

Well, I don't need
to explain to you

that even a joke
about sexual relations

- with your boss--
- I know.

It was borderline at best.

And--and Jan
is a fantastic executive

and has all the integrity
in the world.

And, um, I'm really sorry.

And it'll never happen again.

Uh, that's fine.

Let's just, uh, just forget it.

Okay, good.

Heading out?

Yeah.

All right, Beesly.

Hey, happy Valentine's Day.

Bye.

Good night, Pam.

Night, Phyllis.

- Night, Creed.
- Good night, Ace.

- [elevator bell dings]
- Uh, Michael.

Thank you again
for that, really.

- It was very nice.
- Oh, no big deal.

I'm really sorry again.

Oh, no. It's--it's okay.

So, uh, happy Valentine's Day.

Yeah, happy
Valentine's Day.

Oh.

Oi vey... schmear.

Guests of
"The Michael Scott Show"

stay at the Mercury--
the Marquis New York.

Not really.
I have to head back.

I have to be back
in Scranton by 9:00.

Hey, hey, Scott.

Hey.

Hey, hey!

Come here.

Come here!

You know what?

It was nice to see Devon again.

And sort of get closure
on that whole thing.