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1
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:15,306
Hello.
2
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,267
Pammy want a cracker?
[bawks like chicken]
3
00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:18,852
No, thanks.
You got a package.
4
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,564
Ooh, Pam with the dirty talk.
[laughs]
5
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,858
And he's lining it up.
6
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:27,027
Seems pretty straightforward
from here.
7
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,737
[whispering]
If Michael Scott sinks it,
8
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,239
he'll win a Buick
signed by Tiger Woods.
9
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,366
- Oh!
- Oh, he totally misses.
10
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:34,868
[whispering]
No, he meant to put it
11
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:37,704
right next to the hole.
That's much harder to do.
12
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,706
[gasps] Ah, interception!
13
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,916
He shoots, he scores. Yeah!
14
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,960
Michael, try it like this.
15
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,920
- This'll be much harder.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
16
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,547
I don't want to chip my mug.
17
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:50,884
Please get that off the floor.
18
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:54,512
All right, Jack Nicholson
for Bud A.
19
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,098
[whispers]
Jack Niklaus.
20
00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,935
It's a celebrity tournament.
21
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,020
- Mm.
- I got it.
22
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,774
[clears throat] No problem.
23
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:06,816
- You see it?
- Oh, man.
24
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,818
It's really back there.
25
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,195
- Yeah.
- Do you feel it?
26
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,404
I can barely--
27
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:15,325
- [ceramic shatters]
- Gah, damn it, Dwight.
28
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:19,746
That's great.
29
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,081
Should I clean out my desk?
30
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:31,716
That won't be necessary.
31
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,719
[upbeat piano music]
32
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:41,768
{\an8}♪ ♪
33
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,279
Most of that is good.
34
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,196
Not today, Kevin.
35
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:39,617
I cannot be around carbs today.
36
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:40,952
You know what one loaf of bread
37
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,746
would do to my abs?
38
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,418
I'm almost there,
39
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,878
so we should have
plenty of time
40
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,755
- to go over the presentation.
- Mm-hmm.
41
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,298
And, uh,
[clears throat] excuse me.
42
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,466
I've also confirmed
the meeting
43
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,717
this afternoon at 4:00 pm.
44
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,302
Conflict.
45
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,220
- What?
- I have a conflict with that.
46
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,806
- What do you mean?
- Uh, pajama party.
47
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,267
At the Playboy Mansion.
With the bunnies.
48
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,810
Michael...
49
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,395
I need you
to take this seriously--
50
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:08,772
I can't get out of it.
51
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,190
- Michael.
- Okay, all right.
52
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,608
- Are you hearing me?
- I'm hearing you.
53
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:12,942
- Meeting confirmed.
- This is very important.
54
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,028
Meeting confirmed.
55
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,280
Would you like
your confirmation number?
56
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,490
Please grab a pen
57
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,824
because I will only be
repeating this once.
58
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:20,825
I'll see you in ten minutes.
59
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,744
4-2-8-9-7--okay.
60
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,828
[laughs]
61
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:24,913
What is a closer?
62
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,040
A closer is a sales term
63
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:30,251
for someone
who always gets the job done.
64
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:33,046
And that is me.
65
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,422
A-B-C.
66
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,926
Always be closing.
"Glengarry Glen Ross."
67
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,637
Hey, gimme the Glen Ross leads.
68
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:43,098
"No way,
they're just for closers."
69
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,224
Do you know
who you're talking to?
70
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,392
I'm Michael Scott.
71
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,019
"Really?
Well, take any lead you want."
72
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,397
No thanks, I don't need 'em.
73
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,857
Because I have a client list
74
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:56,403
right here in my computer.
75
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,279
[exhales]
76
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,073
So, suck on that.
77
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,251
Hey.
78
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:12,335
Hi.
79
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:15,296
What are you doing?
80
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,423
I don't know.
81
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,842
I think I was just
staring at my desk.
82
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,218
Really?
83
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,553
Do you want
to get back to that?
84
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,887
I could go. I should go.
85
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,347
- Yeah, do you mind leaving?
- Not at all.
86
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,099
- It's very important.
- Mm-hmm.
87
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,018
I'm sorry to interrupt.
88
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,978
Hey, have they left
for the big meeting yet?
89
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,022
I got Michael's lucky tie.
90
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,149
No, they're in
the conference room.
91
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,483
- Okay.
- Wait.
92
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,651
Are those Michael's Levi's?
93
00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,487
Yeah.
Who dry-cleans jeans?
94
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:40,989
Michael and his jeans.
95
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,782
He gets in them and
96
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,659
I'm not exactly sure
what happens,
97
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,244
but I can tell you,
98
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,413
he loves the way he looks
99
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,914
in those jeans.
100
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,584
I know that's why
he started casual Fridays.
101
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,877
I'll take those.
102
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,087
Thanks.
103
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:02,927
This is a projection
of the county's needs.
104
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,889
Wow, graphs and charts.
105
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,016
Somebody's really
been doing their homework.
106
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,601
Looks like "USA Today."
107
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,562
13 schools, 2 hospitals.
108
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,481
So, this possible client
they're talking about.
109
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:15,565
Actually, a big deal.
110
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:16,983
It's Lackawanna County.
111
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,943
Our whole county.
112
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,278
And if we get this,
113
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,157
they might not have
to downsize our branch.
114
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:27,744
And I could work here
for years.
115
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:32,874
And years and... years.
116
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,584
So, when we get to
the Radisson,
117
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:37,629
- I'd like to--
- Oh, I changed it to Chili's.
118
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,963
Excuse me?
119
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,466
Radisson just gives out
this vibe.
120
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,635
It's like, "Oh, I'm doing
business at the Radisson."
121
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,929
It's kinda snooty, so...
122
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,347
You had no right
to do that, Michael.
123
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:51,142
Here's the thing,
Chili's is the new golf course.
124
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,019
It's where business happens.
125
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,022
"Small Businessman Magazine."
126
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,482
It said that.
127
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,817
It will. I sent it in.
128
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,486
Letter to the editor.
129
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,570
All right.
130
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,198
But you will let me
run this meeting.
131
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,991
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
132
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,702
- Power trip.
- What?
133
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:11,538
What is it like to close
a really big sale?
134
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:15,750
Think of the best orgasm
you ever had in your life.
135
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:19,087
And divide it in half.
136
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,463
It's that good.
137
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:23,800
She had done
a background check on me.
138
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,468
- She had it printed out.
- No.
139
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,345
Yeah, and she was
asking me about stuff
140
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,389
line by line
while we were having dinner.
141
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,391
- That is unbelievable.
- What's going on?
142
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,852
We are doing
worst first dates.
143
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,562
Oh, my God, I win.
144
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,106
Okay, it was a minor league
hockey game.
145
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,899
He brought his brother.
146
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,359
And when I went
to the bathroom,
147
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,111
the game ended,
and they forgot about me.
148
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,279
Okay, that's a joke.
149
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,698
No, they had
to come back for me.
150
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,700
Wait, when was this?
151
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,745
Um...
152
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,039
it was not that long ago.
153
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,290
Wait, not Roy.
154
00:06:55,331 --> 00:07:00,337
Say it's not your fiancé.
[laughing]
155
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,672
I always knew Pam
has refused to go
156
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,716
to sports games with Roy.
157
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,053
But I never knew why.
158
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,512
Interesting.
159
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,474
- Oh, that is messed up.
- [laughs]
160
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,142
Ha, ha.
161
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,227
- Who's next?
- Pam, that's awful.
162
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,730
What was my worst first date?
163
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,899
Um...
164
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,859
it was a couple years ago.
165
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,152
It was a lunch date.
166
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:27,489
Actually, it was
right down here at Cugino's.
167
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,491
And we had just met
168
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,036
and we really hit it off.
It was...
169
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:37,374
kinda nice. Um...
170
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,918
and, uh, then,
as it turned out,
171
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,253
it wasn't even a date because...
172
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,464
she was actually in love
with someone else.
173
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:48,760
So... best first date's
also my worst first date,
174
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,389
oddly enough. [chuckles]
175
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,557
Okay, let's do this thing.
176
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:55,684
Wish us luck.
177
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,435
Good luck, Michael.
Good luck, Jan.
178
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,645
- Thank you.
- [quietly] Kiss ass.
179
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:01,773
Okay... probably going
to go late tonight.
180
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,566
Burning the midnight tequila.
181
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,319
So, I think you all
could just take off now.
182
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,446
Michael, this shouldn't
take more than an hour.
183
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,698
- Well...
- Do you always shut down
184
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,575
the entire office
when you leave for an hour?
185
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,453
No, no, that would not
be efficient.
186
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,497
Actually, they just don't
get very much work done
187
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:20,625
when I'm not here.
188
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,793
That's not true.
189
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,461
I know how to delegate.
190
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,506
And they do more work
when I'm not here.
191
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,216
Not more.
192
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,301
The same amount of work is done
193
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,388
whether I am here or not.
194
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,015
Hey, everybody, listen up!
195
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,433
This is what we're gonna do.
196
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,935
You sit tight until I return.
197
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,061
Sound good?
198
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,062
Doesn't matter.
199
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,355
It's an order.
200
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,649
Follow it blindly. Mm-ha-ha!
201
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,776
Okay?
202
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,403
All right, ciao.
203
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:49,446
Adios!
204
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,532
So, which way is Chili's?
205
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,034
Ah, I'll drive.
206
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,201
No, that's all right.
I wanna leave
207
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,161
- straight from there.
- It is just
208
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,495
a couple blocks away, so--
209
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,080
boy, you really don't know
Scranton, do you?
210
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,498
- I know Scranton.
- At all.
211
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,208
Have you ever been
to Scranton, Jen?
212
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,543
If it's a couple blocks away,
213
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,919
- we can go together.
- Dur-de-dur-de-dur. Okay.
214
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,547
Jan Levinson-Gould.
215
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,840
Jan is cold.
216
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,759
If she was sitting
across from you on a train,
217
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,386
and she wasn't moving,
you might think she was dead.
218
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,514
And I want to be the guy
sitting across from her
219
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:20,018
who reaches out and just
punches her in the chest
220
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,645
and gets her heart going again.
221
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,230
[sighs loudly]
222
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,107
Remember in high school,
223
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,484
driving around in a convertible
224
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,653
was like the coolest thing
you could do.
225
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:31,821
- Remember?
- * I'm feeling so good ♪
226
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:35,200
♪ I can't even take it ♪
227
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,035
What high school
did you go to?
228
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,828
Catholic girls' school?
229
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:43,166
Uh...
230
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:47,045
You keep reading that,
you're gonna get carsick.
231
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,922
Oh, you know what? Reminds me.
232
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,549
We should come up with
a signal of some sort.
233
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,759
Why would we need a signal?
234
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,511
Well, in case one of us
gets into trouble,
235
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:56,179
the other one can signal--
236
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,389
What kind of trouble
are you planning on
237
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,765
getting in, Michael?
238
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,141
Well, it could be
either of us.
239
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,309
You're gonna let me
do the talking,
240
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,644
we agreed on that.
241
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,480
Yes.
242
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,856
- [radio playing loudly]
- * Feeling so good ♪
243
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,192
- ♪ I can't even take it *
- It's too loud, Michael.
244
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,111
- What?
- It's too loud!
245
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,445
I can't hear you
over the music.
246
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,988
Oh, right, we're almost there.
247
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,824
* And my body's
burning up so hot ♪
248
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,284
♪ Nobody has to be
something they're not ♪
249
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:24,207
Do you think
they'll get the account?
250
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:33,383
How come you never answer me?
251
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,343
I'm sorry, Phyllis.
252
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:38,805
No, I don't think
they'll get the account.
253
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,271
- Hello? Christian?
- Yes.
254
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,439
Thought that was you. Hi.
255
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,523
- Hi.
- Michael Scott.
256
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,941
This is Jan Levinson-Gould.
257
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,276
Just Jan Levinson.
258
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,569
- No Gould?
- No.
259
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,404
Thank you very much
for meeting with us.
260
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,447
Have you been waiting long?
261
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,032
- No, not long.
- Good, good.
262
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,908
Uh, Jan, what happened?
263
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,452
- Michael.
- Is Gould dead?
264
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,995
- What, uh...
- Michael.
265
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,455
We got divorced, okay?
266
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,457
- I'm so sorry, excuse me.
- Wow, you're kidding me.
267
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,375
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- Michael.
268
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,169
Could we have
a table for three please?
269
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,462
When did this happen?
270
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,838
- We're in a meeting.
- Okay.
271
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,214
This way, please.
272
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:16,176
- All right, after you.
- Thank you.
273
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,473
I thought we could start
274
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,141
by going over
the needs of the county.
275
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,517
Right.
276
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,895
Well, Lackawanna County
has not been immune
277
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:30,982
to the slow economic growth
over the past five years.
278
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,360
So for us, the name of the game
279
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:36,279
- is budget reduction.
- Awesome Blossom?
280
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,614
What?
281
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:39,032
I think we should share
an Awesome Blossom.
282
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,492
What do you say?
They are awesome.
283
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,369
You want to, Christian?
Awesome?
284
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,829
- Sure, sure.
- Okay, it's done.
285
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,373
Actually, Megan?
286
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,832
May we have an Awesome Blossom, please?
287
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:48,917
Extra awesome?
288
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,126
Now it is done.
289
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,003
- So, if you have--
- Hey, I heard a
290
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,797
very, very funny joke
291
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,173
the other day.
You wanna hear it?
292
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,299
Christian, you don't--
293
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,218
you don't have
to listen to this.
294
00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,719
It's okay.
I like jokes.
295
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,012
Okay.
296
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,263
Just the one.
297
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:03,807
Just one joke? Okay.
298
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,475
Well, if it's just
gonna be one...
299
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:08,269
I will think of
a different joke.
300
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:13,066
Um...
301
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,526
Dunder Miflin,
this is Pam.
302
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,860
Pam, it's Michael.
I need you to go
303
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,613
into my office
and check some data for me.
304
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,073
Okay.
305
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:22,033
Um, you want me to read 'em?
306
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,326
- Yes.
- Okay.
307
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,412
Um, a fisherman
is walking down 5th Avenue
308
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,163
- leading an animal behind him.
- Nope!
309
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,374
Nope, told it.
Not as good as you think.
310
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,834
- Pick another one.
- Okay.
311
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,919
There's a transcript
between a Naval ship--
312
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:35,380
Oh, hey! Bingo.
313
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,381
And a lighthouse.
314
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,716
Yes, that is hysterical.
315
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,551
Could you start that one
from the beginning?
316
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,885
Sure. There's a transcript
317
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,887
between a naval ship
and a lighthouse.
318
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,241
Is this real?
319
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,869
It is a screenplay.
320
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,454
Starring himself.
321
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,247
Agent Michael Scarn.
322
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,957
Of the FBI.
323
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,083
How long is this?
324
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,920
Oh, Pam, good work.
325
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,757
Oh, wait, stop.
326
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,258
- Drawings.
- What is that?
327
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,468
Oh, those are drawings,
328
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,554
in case the writing
didn't really
329
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,555
put a picture in your head.
330
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,307
And there he is, in the flesh,
331
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,351
Agent Michael Scarn.
332
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,311
Now we know what he looks like.
333
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:34,105
First guy says,
"Well, I'm an astronaut,
334
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,607
so I drive a Saturn."
335
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,443
And the second guy says,
"Well, I am a pimp,
336
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,904
so I drive a cheap Escort."
337
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,947
And the third guy says,
"I got you both beat.
338
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,449
"I'm a proctologist
339
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,077
so I drive a brown Probe."
340
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:51,623
[laughing] Oh, no!
341
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,584
Oh, my God, that's funny!
342
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,920
I almost had Awesome Blossom
coming out of my nose!
343
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,963
[laughing]
344
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,840
Excuse me, could I have
a vodka tonic, please?
345
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:02,592
Oh, drinks.
346
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,636
[both chanting]
Drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks.
347
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:05,720
Vodka tonic.
both: Drinks, drinks, drinks.
348
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,390
No, you know what?
Cancel that.
349
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:12,060
Uh, I hear...
[makes whooshing noise]
350
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,937
an El Niño coming in.
351
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,855
El Niños for everyone.
352
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,941
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Yes, mm-hmm.
353
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:21,111
- Mm-hmm.
- I love El Niño margaritas.
354
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,113
[both laugh]
355
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:25,615
Yes!
356
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,117
- Oh.
- Oh.
357
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,660
- Awesome!
- Isn't it?
358
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,495
- Mm!
- That dipping sauce.
359
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,414
Do we all have our copy of
360
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,332
"Threat Level Midnight"
by Michael Scott?
361
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,709
[all murmuring assent]
362
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,669
All right,
let's get this started.
363
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,797
I'm gonna be reading
the action descriptions.
364
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,507
And Phyllis, I would
like you to play
365
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,717
Catherine Zeta-Jones.
366
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,010
That's the character's name?
367
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,429
You guys should
not be doing this.
368
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,347
Why not, Dwight?
This is a movie.
369
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,598
I mean, this is
370
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,142
for all of America to enjoy.
371
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,393
You took something
372
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:54,978
- that doesn't belong to you.
- Dwight.
373
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,021
Brought it in here,
374
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,230
- made copies of it--
- Do you want
375
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,606
to play the lead role
376
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:02,360
of Agent Michael Scarn?
377
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,863
Argh! [munching noises]
378
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,364
- That's delicious!
- [laughing]
379
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,365
I love it.
380
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,784
Can we--can we, uh...
381
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,453
could we talk about
your account, please?
382
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,204
Okay, downer.
383
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,040
[chuckles]
384
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,791
Are you upset, Jan?
385
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,918
No! I'm--no, I'm not.
386
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,378
- I'm not upset.
- I mean, it's okay.
387
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,421
I know what it's like.
388
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:22,881
You know,
my parents were divorced.
389
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,716
- Oh, really?
- It was tough at first
390
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,217
but then I sort of liked it,
you know?
391
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,677
I had two rooms.
392
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,846
My dad's place was like a fort
393
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,723
and my mom's place
was home base.
394
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,892
Did you have bunk beds?
395
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,894
- No. No, I didn't.
- Ah.
396
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,270
- [sighs]
- That's too bad.
397
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,064
I wish I'd had bunk beds.
398
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,148
I'd get 'em now.
399
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,900
Yes, that's too bad.
400
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,362
Okay, we would probably
be upset with ourselves
401
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,906
if we went this whole night
without talking business.
402
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,159
So, Dunder Miflin can provide
403
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,787
a level of personal service
to the county
404
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,414
that suppliers like Staples
can't match.
405
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,375
Well, we are out
to save money.
406
00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,459
- What's the bottom line?
- Blah!
407
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:02,128
Blah, blah, blah.
[speaking nonsense]
408
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:06,174
That's why I wanted
a signal between us.
409
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:09,094
So, I wouldn't have to
just shout nonsense words.
410
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,595
That's her fault.
411
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,263
Did somebody say
412
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,225
baby back ribs?
413
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,602
Hmm? Hmm?
414
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:18,895
I don't think Christian
415
00:16:18,937 --> 00:16:21,940
- has time for that, Michael.
- I have time.
416
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,275
* I want my baby back,
baby back, baby back ♪
417
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,361
both: * I want my baby back,
baby back, baby back ♪
418
00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:27,612
♪ I want my baby back
baby back baby back ♪
419
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,782
* Chili's baby back ribs ♪
420
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,325
Location, a bank.
421
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,576
A man, very good looking,
422
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,495
runs into a bank
and kills a bank robber.
423
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,122
I am Michael Scarn
with the FBI.
424
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,206
Freeze.
425
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,290
Who's he saying "freeze" to
426
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,333
if the bank robber's dead?
427
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,918
I don't know.
428
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,004
Inside the FBI,
Agent Michael Scarn
429
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,630
sits with his feet
up on his desk.
430
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,841
Catherine Zeta-Jones enters.
431
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,676
Um, sir, you have
some messages.
432
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,803
- Not now!
- They're important.
433
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,180
Okay, what are they?
434
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,557
The first message is:
435
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,058
I love you.
436
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,184
That's from me.
437
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,561
Not in a thousand years, Catherine.
438
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,645
We work together.
439
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,397
And get off my desk.
440
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,065
Yes, I have acted before.
441
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,483
I was in a production
of "Oklahoma!"
442
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,068
in the seventh grade.
443
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:10,739
I played the part
of Mutey the Mailman.
444
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,407
They had too many kids,
445
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:15,160
so they made up roles
like that.
446
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:16,453
I was good.
447
00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:17,954
Let's maintain this--
448
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:19,205
what are you--where you going?
449
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,498
Home. It's after 5:00.
450
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,667
Yeah, but Michael said
451
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,210
for us to stay
until he got back.
452
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,211
Okay.
453
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,634
What is--
454
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:32,677
when he comes back,
455
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,179
he's gonna see you're not here.
456
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,889
Okay.
457
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,558
Okay...
458
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,477
don't let it affect
your performance.
459
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:41,561
Here we go. Phyllis.
460
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:42,687
The President called.
461
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,272
Business or social?
462
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,940
Both.
He has an assignment for you.
463
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,693
Very dangerous, maybe deadly
464
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,819
and he wants you to be
465
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,404
the best man at his wedding.
466
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:52,655
Put him through.
But I'm only
467
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,366
gonna talk business.
468
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,367
Hey, Michael.
469
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,701
How's it hanging?
470
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,787
It's hanging pretty good,
Mr. President.
471
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,122
I understand you have
a dangerous assignment
472
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,457
and I'm your man.
473
00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:03,541
I do.
474
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,210
I have a dangerous assignment.
475
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,920
Are you my man?
476
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,881
You heard me the first time,
you joker.
477
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,466
That would be pretty cool
478
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:12,884
if Michael starred in a movie
479
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:17,555
with Catherine Zeta-Jones.
480
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,599
She is so hot.
481
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:20,558
[all singing to tune of
"Happy Birthday"]
482
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,977
♪ Happy retirement to you ♪
483
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:26,022
- ♪ Happy retirement to you *
- Stop!
484
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,524
Everyone, I'm not retiring.
485
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:28,566
Everyone stops singing
486
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,026
'cause he's not retiring.
487
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,737
Well, if it isn't
my old partner,
488
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,448
Samuel L. Chang.
489
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,367
Agent Michael Scarn,
490
00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:39,244
you lost some weight.
491
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,413
Thank you for noticing.
492
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,040
Now, keep me company
for one more mission.
493
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,375
[whispering]
Hey, I have to work late.
494
00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,711
As soon as I blow out
these candles,
495
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,295
- I'm retired.
- You're joking, right?
496
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,214
Michael Scarn takes out
a nine millimeter gun
497
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:54,551
- and shoots the cake to bits.
- [making gun noises]
498
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:55,719
Ha, ha, ha.
499
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,555
Agent Michael Scarn,
you so funny.
500
00:18:58,596 --> 00:18:59,681
Word.
501
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,307
Michael's movie?
502
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,769
Two thumbs down.
503
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:10,859
[loud sucking noises]
504
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,445
- I bet 100.
- Sir,
505
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,405
the minimum bet is 1,000.
506
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:17,907
If you had let me
finish my sentence,
507
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,451
you would have heard me say,
508
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,287
"I bet 100,000."
509
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,456
Sam, get me my money bag.
510
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,623
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
511
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,709
Agent Michael Scarn,
you so funny.
512
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,419
You da bomb.
513
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,838
Mm, yeah.
514
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,548
It kinda seems like
515
00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:36,134
all the movies that I like.
516
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,136
A man sitting
several seats down
517
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,638
who has a gold face
turns to Michael Scarn.
518
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,307
Uh, ooh.
519
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,768
Oscar, you wanna play
Goldenface?
520
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:45,810
[clears throat]
521
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:46,936
Mr. Scarn,
522
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,355
perhaps you would be comfortable
523
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:49,689
in my private jet.
524
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,649
Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface.
525
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,318
Sam, get my luggage.
526
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,111
I forget it, brotha.
527
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,946
Samuel, you are such
an idiot!
528
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,740
You are the worst
assistant ever.
529
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:01,284
And you're disgusting, Dwigt.
530
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:03,745
Wait, who's "Dwigt"?
531
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,372
Here's what
we think happened.
532
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,664
Michael's sidekick,
533
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,209
who all through the movie
is this complete idiot
534
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,003
who's causing the downfall
of the United States,
535
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,547
was originally named Dwight.
536
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,882
But then Michael changed it
537
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,676
to Samuel L. Chang
538
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,219
using a search and replace.
539
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,680
But that doesn't work
on misspelled words.
540
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,557
Leaving behind one Dwigt.
541
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:27,060
And Dwight figured it out.
542
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:27,936
Oops.
543
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:31,439
D-W-I-G-H-T.
544
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,440
Okay, you know what?
545
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,525
I am done with this.
546
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,026
That's it, the end.
547
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,487
Well, some of us
wanna keep reading--
548
00:20:37,529 --> 00:20:39,572
Uh, you don't speak
for everyone, Jim.
549
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:41,241
Okay, announcement.
550
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,493
My uncle bought me
some fireworks.
551
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:46,371
And anyone who wants
to see a real show,
552
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,540
come with me outside now.
553
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,624
That's actually a good idea.
554
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,584
We'll all take
a brief intermission.
555
00:20:51,626 --> 00:20:53,003
Hey, are you hungry?
556
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,921
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
557
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:58,091
And so after watching my mom
go through so much pain,
558
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,510
I decided to keep that promise
559
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:01,970
that I made to her.
560
00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:03,263
And take care of her.
561
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:04,180
Hoo.
562
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,391
Well, this brings us to Jan.
563
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,102
Truth or dare.
Tell us about your divorce.
564
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:10,395
Oh, no, Michael.
Michael, Michael.
565
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,230
- Do, do.
- Michael, Michael, please.
566
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:13,857
- No, really.
- Oh, hey.
567
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,567
So, you're not gonna play.
She's not playing.
568
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:16,860
- That's not fair.
- She's not playing the game.
569
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,153
We'd been fighting
for a while.
570
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,030
He didn't want kids.
I knew that going into it.
571
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,406
But he also knew that I did.
572
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,783
So, I guess I thought that
he would change his mind.
573
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,952
He thought that
I would change mine.
574
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:27,412
You didn't.
575
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:28,913
I was stupid.
576
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:33,126
No, no, you were not stupid.
577
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:35,754
- Gould was stupid, right?
- That's right.
578
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,380
- You know?
- You were really brave.
579
00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:39,799
I mean, you put
your arms out there.
580
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,760
- You slit your wrist.
- That's true.
581
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,595
You said,
"World, this is my blood.
582
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,722
"It's red, just like yours.
583
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:47,515
So, love me."
584
00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:50,769
I had plans to meet
a friend tonight.
585
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,687
Which I had to cancel.
586
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,606
But this is cool, too.
587
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:57,817
I'm not a complainer.
588
00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:02,322
Wow.
589
00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:03,740
For the bugs.
590
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:04,949
Nice.
591
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:08,661
That's excellent
because bugs love
592
00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:09,871
my famous grilled cheese sandwich.
593
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:11,748
Yes!
594
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:13,792
Nice.
595
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,418
Okay, what's in here?
596
00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:17,462
Uh, sliced tomato.
597
00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:19,923
Uh, we happened to have
one around, actually.
598
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:23,343
I just had to wash off
the name "Angela"?
599
00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:24,678
I guess that's
a tomato company.
600
00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:25,970
I guess you're right.
601
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:26,930
I can't remember
the last time
602
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:30,016
someone made me dinner.
603
00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:34,354
Whoa!
604
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:38,858
Yeah, whoo! Whoo!
605
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:41,528
[whooping and hollering]
606
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:42,987
Whoo-hoo!
607
00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:45,031
- Right down the street?
- Mm-hmm.
608
00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:46,825
Kenneth Road, born and raised.
609
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,284
Spent my whole life
610
00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:49,828
right here
in Lackawanna County.
611
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,455
And I do not intend on moving.
612
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:53,498
I know this place.
613
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:55,417
I know how many
hospitals we have.
614
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:57,919
I know how many
schools we have.
615
00:22:57,961 --> 00:22:59,462
It's home, you know?
616
00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:03,091
I know the challenges that
this county's up against.
617
00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:04,801
Here's the thing about
those discount suppliers,
618
00:23:04,843 --> 00:23:06,011
they don't care.
619
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,430
They come in,
they undercut everything.
620
00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:10,598
And they run us
out of business.
621
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,392
And then, once we're all gone,
622
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,144
- they jack up the prices.
- I know.
623
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:15,353
- It's bad.
- It's terrible.
624
00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:17,689
It is--you know what?
It really is.
625
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:19,065
Uh--
626
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:21,234
I don't know.
627
00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:22,902
I guess I could give you guys
our business,
628
00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:25,530
but you have
to meet me halfway, okay?
629
00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:28,408
Because they're expecting me
to make cuts.
630
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:29,492
Well,
631
00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:31,828
corporate's gonna
go ballistic, but
632
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:35,081
you think we could, Jan?
633
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:38,668
Bullets are flying everywhere.
634
00:23:38,710 --> 00:23:39,711
Ooh, wait, last page.
635
00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:41,671
Big finish, here we go.
636
00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:44,632
Agent Scarn kicks open the
plane door with a karate chop.
637
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:46,968
A kick and a chop are two
totally different things.
638
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,345
Well, it's just
a movie, Dwigt.
639
00:23:48,386 --> 00:23:49,929
It doesn't make any sense.
640
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:51,681
Yeah, now it doesn't
make any sense.
641
00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:54,434
Don't jump, Agent Scarn.
There are no parachutes.
642
00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,728
Just then, Agent Chang
gets a bullet in the head.
643
00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:58,855
Oh, so close to retirement.
644
00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:01,691
Another bullet heads towards
Agent Michael Scarn
645
00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:02,901
but he jumps out of the plane
646
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:06,613
without a parachute.
647
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,741
Is that it?
648
00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:12,202
Yup, I guess so.
649
00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,203
Does he die?
650
00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:14,871
I sincerely doubt it.
651
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:15,997
I have to say,
652
00:24:16,039 --> 00:24:17,999
I think this is
a terrible movie.
653
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:20,043
So, I guess
I'll see you
654
00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:23,046
in... ten hours.
655
00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:24,798
What are you gonna do
with your time off?
656
00:24:24,839 --> 00:24:26,341
- Travel.
- Yeah.
657
00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:29,094
I've been
looking forward to it.
658
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:31,554
It's gonna be...
659
00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:32,597
really nice.
660
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,766
I'm gonna find myself.
661
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:36,059
You have new music?
662
00:24:36,101 --> 00:24:38,019
Yeah.
663
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:39,813
Definitely.
664
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:42,774
[soft rock music playing]
665
00:24:42,816 --> 00:24:49,239
♪ ♪
666
00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:53,952
- See ya.
- Bye.
667
00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:56,663
Thanks.
668
00:24:56,705 --> 00:24:57,914
- Yes!
- We did it.
669
00:24:57,956 --> 00:24:59,040
- We got it!
- Nailed it.
670
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:00,000
- I mean, we got it!
- Nailed it!
671
00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:01,167
- Come here.
- Oh!
672
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:03,211
- [grunts playfully]
- [laughs]
673
00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:07,173
I am really... thrilled.
674
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,355
- Let's go.
- What?
675
00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:23,940
Let's go. Go and--okay.
676
00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:24,983
Where are we going?
677
00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,818
Doesn't matter.
678
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:29,654
Goin' to the go-go.
679
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:32,198
Okay.
680
00:25:43,043 --> 00:25:46,171
Michael?
681
00:25:52,886 --> 00:25:55,764
Michael?
682
00:25:57,682 --> 00:25:59,642
Michael?
683
00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:07,650
His car's not
in the parking lot.
684
00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:11,363
I should check
the accident reports.
685
00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:15,408
Who's this?
686
00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:18,119
Jan?
687
00:26:24,084 --> 00:26:26,211
[car beeps]
688
00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:35,470
My craft group
thinks I'm negative.
689
00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:38,264
I'm gonna try to be
a better person.
690
00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:43,770
Someone took my tomato.
691
00:26:47,691 --> 00:26:49,734
Morning, Pam.
692
00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:51,986
Michael loves
his entrance lines.
693
00:26:52,028 --> 00:26:53,279
He always has one.
694
00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:54,739
It's usually, like,
695
00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:56,282
some version of my name,
696
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:58,868
like a pun, but not really.
697
00:26:58,910 --> 00:27:02,956
And today, nothing.
698
00:27:02,997 --> 00:27:04,833
It was really odd.
699
00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,292
Made the sale last night.
700
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:08,294
All right.
[clapping]
701
00:27:08,336 --> 00:27:09,838
How'd everything go here?
702
00:27:09,879 --> 00:27:10,839
- Good.
- Good.
703
00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:16,928
No, nothing happened.
704
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:18,805
I swear!
705
00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:20,223
Nothing happened.
706
00:27:20,265 --> 00:27:22,183
What--I'm
707
00:27:22,225 --> 00:27:24,769
totally being serious.
708
00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:27,814
A gentleman does not
kiss and tell.
709
00:27:27,856 --> 00:27:29,107
And neither do I.
710
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,359
[laughs] I'm--
711
00:27:31,401 --> 00:27:32,736
No, seriously, guys, I'm not--
712
00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:36,614
I don't wanna
go into it at all.
713
00:27:36,656 --> 00:27:39,617
It's off limits.
714
00:27:39,659 --> 00:27:41,286
Fine, I took her back
to her hotel,
715
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:42,454
and we made out
716
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:43,872
for a little while.
It was great.
717
00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:45,457
I mean, she told me
about her divorce.
718
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:46,958
We talked for about five hours.
719
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,669
She fell asleep on my arm.
720
00:27:54,966 --> 00:27:56,134
Hello, Dwight.
721
00:27:56,176 --> 00:27:58,511
Did you do her?
722
00:27:58,553 --> 00:28:01,014
- Who?
- Jan Levinson-Gould.
723
00:28:01,056 --> 00:28:03,892
Uh, no, no.
724
00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:05,435
No Gould.
725
00:28:05,477 --> 00:28:08,563
- Did you do her?
- This is none of your affair.
726
00:28:08,605 --> 00:28:10,523
- Because she is your boss.
- And she is your boss.
727
00:28:10,565 --> 00:28:12,150
And she is a woman.
728
00:28:12,192 --> 00:28:16,029
She is a strong,
soft, thoughtful,
729
00:28:16,071 --> 00:28:18,615
sexy woman.
730
00:28:18,656 --> 00:28:20,492
And you know what?
I don't think I can sit here
731
00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:22,077
and let you talk about her
732
00:28:22,118 --> 00:28:23,536
that way without me
733
00:28:23,578 --> 00:28:24,954
defending her honor.
734
00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:27,707
Jan, I defend your honor.
735
00:28:27,749 --> 00:28:29,668
Is that all?
736
00:28:33,755 --> 00:28:36,800
Jan didn't come back
for her car last night.
737
00:28:36,841 --> 00:28:38,551
What?
738
00:28:38,593 --> 00:28:40,512
Could it be
that Agent Michael Scarn
739
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:42,347
has finally found
his Catherine Zeta?
740
00:28:42,389 --> 00:28:44,474
Oh, I don't know...
741
00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:46,059
[phone rings]
742
00:28:46,101 --> 00:28:47,268
Oh, my God.
743
00:28:47,310 --> 00:28:48,603
This is Jan's cell.
744
00:28:48,645 --> 00:28:51,106
No way.
745
00:28:51,147 --> 00:28:52,941
Dunder Miflin,
this is Pam.
746
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:55,402
I know we have to register
747
00:28:55,443 --> 00:28:58,530
as a consensual
sexual relationship with HR.
748
00:28:58,571 --> 00:29:01,574
My question,
do I do it as the man,
749
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:04,369
does she do it as my superior?
750
00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:06,329
I don't know.
That leads to other issues
751
00:29:06,371 --> 00:29:07,580
that we may have
752
00:29:07,622 --> 00:29:09,708
in our relationship.
It's, uh...
753
00:29:09,749 --> 00:29:11,918
[phone ringing]
Excuse me.
754
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,044
Hello?
755
00:29:13,086 --> 00:29:16,089
Hi. Just talking about you.
756
00:29:16,131 --> 00:29:17,966
The camera, no.
757
00:29:18,008 --> 00:29:19,801
Uh-huh.
758
00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:21,219
How's traffic?
759
00:29:21,261 --> 00:29:23,972
I miss you. What?
760
00:29:24,014 --> 00:29:26,975
Okay.
761
00:29:27,017 --> 00:29:28,810
Well...
762
00:29:28,852 --> 00:29:32,022
if it was a mistake,
it was a wonderful mistake.
763
00:29:34,232 --> 00:29:35,859
No.
764
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:37,527
Just...
765
00:29:37,569 --> 00:29:41,031
No, I did not intentionally
get you drunk.
766
00:29:42,782 --> 00:29:44,701
Mm-hmm.
767
00:29:44,743 --> 00:29:46,119
No, no.
768
00:29:46,161 --> 00:29:48,288
This is just a fight.
769
00:29:48,329 --> 00:29:49,372
This is just a first fight
770
00:29:49,414 --> 00:29:52,292
of many fights
we're gonna have.
771
00:29:52,334 --> 00:29:54,336
Right.
772
00:29:54,377 --> 00:29:56,379
No.
773
00:29:56,421 --> 00:29:57,547
You--I don't understand.
774
00:29:57,589 --> 00:29:59,466
You wanna see other people.
775
00:29:59,507 --> 00:30:00,925
Only other people.
776
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:02,635
Wha--okay.
777
00:30:02,677 --> 00:30:04,179
I think you're still
a little bit drunk.
778
00:30:04,220 --> 00:30:07,307
Excuse me. Excuse me?
779
00:30:07,349 --> 00:30:09,017
I think you're st--yes.
780
00:30:09,059 --> 00:30:10,685
Why don't you
just come back here?
781
00:30:10,727 --> 00:30:12,062
We can go to the hotel.
782
00:30:12,103 --> 00:30:13,480
Have a few drinks.
783
00:30:13,521 --> 00:30:16,191
No, I didn't
slip you something!
784
00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:17,317
Some might even say we had
785
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,361
our first date last night.
786
00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:20,737
- Oh, really?
- Really.
787
00:30:20,779 --> 00:30:22,697
Why might some say that?
788
00:30:22,739 --> 00:30:24,157
'Cause there was dinner.
789
00:30:24,199 --> 00:30:26,242
- By candlelight.
- Mm-hmm.
790
00:30:26,284 --> 00:30:29,537
Dinner and a show
if you include Michael's movie.
791
00:30:29,579 --> 00:30:31,122
And there was
792
00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:32,999
dancing and fireworks.
793
00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:36,544
- Pretty good date.
- We didn't dance.
794
00:30:36,586 --> 00:30:37,504
You're right,
we didn't dance.
795
00:30:37,545 --> 00:30:41,174
It was more like... swaying.
796
00:30:41,216 --> 00:30:42,592
But still romantic.
797
00:30:42,634 --> 00:30:46,721
Swaying isn't dancing.
798
00:30:46,763 --> 00:30:47,847
At least I didn't leave you
799
00:30:47,889 --> 00:30:50,058
at a high school hockey game.
800
00:30:55,021 --> 00:30:57,440
I have some faxes
to get out.
801
00:30:59,401 --> 00:31:02,529
Oh, come on, Pam, I--
802
00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:04,823
Okay, we didn't dance.
803
00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:06,533
And I was totally joking, anyway.
804
00:31:06,574 --> 00:31:08,827
I mean, it's not really a date
805
00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:12,455
if the girl goes home
to her fiancé.
806
00:31:12,497 --> 00:31:13,748
Right?
807
00:31:28,513 --> 00:31:30,432
Did I? Yeah.
I closed a huge account once.
808
00:31:30,473 --> 00:31:32,600
Xerox.
809
00:31:32,642 --> 00:31:36,229
Hundreds of millions
of dollars.
810
00:31:36,271 --> 00:31:37,355
There was some
confusion though.
811
00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:38,773
They thought
they were selling to me
812
00:31:38,815 --> 00:31:41,109
and I thought
I was selling to them.
813
00:31:41,151 --> 00:31:43,445
But, wow, still.
814
00:31:43,486 --> 00:31:45,238
That was a night.
54772
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