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{\an8}[mellow music]
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{\an8}♪ ♪
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Tonight is the Dundies,
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00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,420
the annual employee awards night
here at Dunder Mifflin.
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00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,548
And this is everybody's
favorite day.
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Everybody looks forward to it.
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Because, you know,
a lot of the people here
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don't get trophies
very often.
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Like Meredith or Kevin.
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I mean, who's gonna give
Kevin an award,
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00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,768
Dunkin' Donuts?
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Plus, bonus,
it's really, really funny.
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00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,689
So I--You know, an employee
will go home,
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and he'll tell his neighbor,
"Hey, did you get an award?"
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And the neighbor'll say,
"No, man."
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I mean, I slave all day.
Nobody notices me.
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Next thing you know,
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employee
smells something terrible
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coming from
the neighbor's house.
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Neighbor's hanged himself.
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Due to lack of recognition.
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{\an8}So...
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Wow.
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Those are, um... gleaming.
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You buy a new pair
every day, or...
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I like keeping them
new-looking.
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[Jim chuckles]
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So you ready for...
the Dundies?
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Ugh.
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(Pam)
You know what they say about a car wreck,
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where it's so awful,
you can't look away?
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The Dundies are like
a car wreck that
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you wanna look away
but you have to stare at it
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because your boss
is making you.
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Hey-hey-hey!
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It's Fat Halpert!
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What?
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Fat Halpert!
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Jim Halpert.
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So why don't I take
you on a tour
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00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,130
of past Dundie winners?
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We got Fat Jim Halpert here.
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Jim, why don't you show off
your Dundies to the camera?
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Oh, I can't
because I keep them hidden.
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I don't wanna look at them
and get cocky.
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Oh!
That's a good idea.
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(Dwight)
And mine are at home,
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in a display case
above my bed.
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Yeeaacck! TMI.
TMI, my friends.
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(Michael)
TMI?
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Too Much Information.
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00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,193
Uh, it's just easier
to say TMI.
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I used to say "Don't go there,"
but that's lame.
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And here we have
Stanley the Manley.
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Now, Stanley
is a Dundie all-star.
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Aren't you, Stanley?
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Why don't you, uh,
show them some of your bling.
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I don't know where they are.
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I think I threw
them out.
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Oh, no, you di-in't.
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Uh, think I did.
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Mm--Why did--
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Say, we gotta order some more
appe-teasers this time
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We ran out last year, remember?
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Yes, we should.
I--You know what?
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I wanted one of those
skillets of cheese.
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But when I got off stage,
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someone had eaten
all of them.
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I am psyched for the Dundies.
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I got a sitter for my kid.
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I am gonna drink frozen drinks
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paid for by Dunder Mifflin.
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I'm gonna eat some good
Chili's food
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and hopefully...
meet someone nice at the bar.
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00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,077
I love the Dundies.
The only thing
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00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,703
I don't like about the Dundies
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is that Michael thinks I have
the gene for alcoholism,
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and so he cuts me off
after like two drinks.
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I usually share a table
with Phyllis.
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[inhales, exhales]
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Well...
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I haven't eaten anything
all day.
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And I think I'm gonna
skip lunch
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so that I can maximize
my food at the Dundies.
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00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:51,564
I think I'm gonna share some
Cadillac Fajitas with Toby.
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00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:56,903
Toby is so cute... except
he has that stupid kid.
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There's a lot of drinking
at the Dundies,
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and people say
very inappropriate things.
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I never should have had
that drink last year.
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One year, I didn't go,
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00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,709
and then what happens is
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Michael tells you about it
over and over again.
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Like for a month.
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So it's--
it's less painful to go
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and just get it over with...
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than... than not go.
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You think you're getting
away with it.
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00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,641
Well, you're not.
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Yes, I'm the designated driver,
which is very important.
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We need everyone
to get home safely.
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00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,066
But no one ever gives me
gas money,
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and people live all over.
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It's expensive.
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[inaudible conversation]
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Pfff.
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Like a gaggle of geese.
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[high voice]
Mee-mee-mee-mee.
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[giggling]
It was you.
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00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,545
It wasn't.
I swear.
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Yeah, it was.
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00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,672
So what's the joke?
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You're not perfect either.
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We're not laughing
at you, Dwight.
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00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,427
So who are we
laughing at?
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Um, just something
somebody wrote.
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00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,389
Who? Dave Barry?
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00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,891
No, no.
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00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,810
Just something that was written
on the ladies room wall.
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What is it?
Who wrote it?
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Um, it's kind of private.
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[whispering]
It's about Michael.
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[giggling]
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That is defacement
of company property.
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So you'd better tell me.
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00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:23,114
Kelly, if you tell me,
you'll be punished less.
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00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,867
Okay, now I'm laughing
at you.
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00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,452
[giggling]
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00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,496
It hasn't always been easy
being a whistleblower.
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When I was in school,
the kids would call me
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00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,208
a tattletale
or a snitch or a worm.
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00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:38,463
So I really identify
with those women from Enron.
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I wrote them letters to tell
them how much they inspired me,
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but they never wrote back.
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00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,681
I guess they're all married.
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00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,683
All right,
we need something for Kevin.
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00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,309
(Jim) Mmm-hmmm.
What do we know about him?
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00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,686
He's an accountant.
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00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,980
He plays guitar,
he likes naval history.
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He's a bowler.
He's fat.
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The fat accountant award.
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00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,196
Well, you seem to
have this under control.
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00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,240
The weird part
about this whole deal
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is that Michael truly believes
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00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,662
that these awards are
inspiring and motivational.
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00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,832
I mean, he puts more effort
and time and commitment
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00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:17,877
into the Dundies than anything
else he does all year.
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00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,382
Which is probably why
this branch will be downsized.
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00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,801
(Michael)
I am the fat accountant. Michael, I need to talk to you.
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Here he is.
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00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,054
I just thought
that you might like to know
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that someone has written
something about you
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on the ladies' room wall.
Really?
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What did they say?
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"For a good time,
call Michael Scott"?
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00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,023
Good one.
Uh, no, no.
156
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,316
No, I think
something bad, maybe.
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00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,068
Why do you think that?
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00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,612
You just immediately
go to that, Dwight?
159
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,239
Why are you so negative?
Why are you--
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00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,365
Michael.
I mean, you just come in,
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00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,034
and you're just negative... Michael.
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...and you just walk negatively.
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Do you want me to find out
what it says?
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Yes.
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By any means necessary?
What does that even mean?
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What are you... what are
you talking about?
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00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,589
(Dwight)
It's the ladies' room.
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00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,257
Just go and find out what
it says and who said it
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00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,842
and report back to me.
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00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:08,887
But don't tell anybody that I
have anything to do with it,
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00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,349
because if they ask me, I
will say that you are crazy.
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Thank you.
You won't regret this, Michael.
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What award would you
like to give Dwight?
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I hadn't planned on
including him.
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00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:22,734
Okay.
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Kevin.
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00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,084
To Oscar Martinez,
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00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,087
it's the
Show Me the Money award.
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00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:45,632
Michael has taped
every Dundies Awards.
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00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,093
And now he's making me
look through
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hours of footage
to find highlights.
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For the ladies.
Hit it, Dwight.
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00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:56,351
[playing flute]
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♪ A little bit of Pam
all night long ♪
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00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:03,108
♪ A little bit of Angela
on the thing ♪
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00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,442
(Pam)
Oh, yeah.
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This is the part
where Kevin sat
188
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,113
in front of the camcorder
all night.
189
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,823
It's great.
190
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,032
♪ A little bit of Roy
eating chicken crispers ♪
191
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:14,411
♪ A little bit of Tim
with some ribs ♪
192
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,162
♪ A little bit of Matt-- ♪
193
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,167
Angela, it's simple.
194
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,003
Just tell me what
the bathroom wall says.
195
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,171
I don't talk about
what goes on in the restroom.
196
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,549
I'm not asking
what you do in there.
197
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,176
I just want to know
what's written about Michael.
198
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:32,053
I don't say those kinds of
things out loud.
199
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,222
It's inappropriate.
200
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,391
Okay, I'll talk.
201
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,060
You nod if I get it right.
202
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,896
Does it have to do with
his butt or his wiener?
203
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,732
[Angela sighs]
204
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,946
Will her highness
Jan Levinson-Gould
205
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:53,408
be descending from her corporate
throne this evening
206
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:57,287
to visit us lowly serfs
here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton?
207
00:08:57,328 --> 00:09:00,331
It's a two-and-a-half-hour
drive from New York, Michael.
208
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,624
Well, you could take the bus.
209
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,585
You could work
on the way here,
210
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,587
sleep on the way home. No.
211
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,630
Come on, Jan.
This is important.
212
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,883
I mean, this is,
this is validation
213
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,217
to my employees here
214
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,094
that you and corporate
approve of this.
215
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,513
Well, we don't
approve of this, Michael.
216
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,265
W--
I mean, you only have the budget
217
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,267
for one office party
a year, so...
218
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,644
we're not paying for this.
219
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:22,771
Um--
220
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,066
Can you--?
221
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,192
Are you there, Michael?
Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
222
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,277
I just wanted to, uh...
223
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,904
talk to you for
a second about that.
224
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:33,698
Um, what, uh, what is--
225
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,159
I mean, come on!
Jan.
226
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,495
What's--You're droppin'
an A-bomb on me here.
227
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,622
Really? I'm dropping
an atomic bomb on you?
228
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,207
Well, yeah.
I mean, what is--
229
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,708
Right.
230
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,543
You already had a party
on May 5th for no reason.
231
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,838
No reason!
It was the 05-05-05 party.
232
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,590
It happens once
every billion years.
233
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,883
And you had a luau.
234
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,551
And the tsunami relief fundraiser,
235
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,470
which somehow
lost a lot of money.
236
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,722
Okay, no, that was
a fun raiser.
237
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,557
I think I made that
very clear in the flyers.
238
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,267
Okay, well, I don't
understand why anyone...
239
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,395
Fun. F-U-N.
...would have a tsunami fun raiser, Michael.
240
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,813
Well, I think
a lot of people
241
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,773
were very affected
by the footage.
242
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,901
All right, just watch
the off-color jokes.
243
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,237
I got a lotta complaints
from H.R. last year.
244
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,030
Ugh, well, that's Toby.
245
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,740
Jerk-face. He, uh...
246
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,201
hasn't won a Dundie,
and it's sour grapes,
247
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,744
and he's a very bitter, bitter...
248
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,746
[Jan sighs]
...young balding man.
249
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,456
All right.
I gotta go, Michael.
250
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,417
What? Okay.
We'll talk about this later.
251
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,252
No, this all sounds great.
This sounds great.
252
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,379
[Jan, indistinct]
So maybe we'll see you later.
253
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:32,465
Okay. All right, buh-bye.
254
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,887
Oh, let's see.
What's on the computer?
255
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,809
Uh, yes, that's true.
I have never won a Dundie.
256
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,521
I am more than okay with that.
257
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,899
It's a little character
I like to do.
258
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,361
It is, uh,
loosely based on Carnac,
259
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,072
one of Carson's
classic characters.
260
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,950
Here we go.
261
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,618
The PLO, the IRA,
262
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,371
and the hot dog stand
behind the warehouse.
263
00:11:04,456 --> 00:11:06,458
[rips envelope]
264
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:12,213
Name three businesses that have
better healthcare plans
265
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,840
than Dunder Mifflin.
266
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,927
Here's the problem.
267
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,097
There's no open bar
because of Jan.
268
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,725
And it's the reason why
269
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:27,479
comedy clubs have
a two-drink minimum.
270
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,690
I mean, it'll be fine,
I just...
271
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,943
wish people were gonna be drunk.
272
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,946
I think his characters
are pretty funny.
273
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,324
Especially Ping.
274
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,992
Well, what should I do, guys?
275
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,286
Seriously, do you want me to
just cancel the Dundies?
276
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:45,330
No, we were just hoping you
wouldn't do those characters
277
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,998
like last time.
Ping?
278
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,168
Everybody loves Ping.
He's my most popular character.
279
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,296
I think many people find
that character slightly racist.
280
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,925
Really?
Well, he is based on
281
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,593
the Chinese delivery
guy that I have
282
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,178
who talks exactly like that,
283
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,640
so I think you should take it
up with him instead of me.
284
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,726
Well, I'm just saying
there are many people
285
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,104
that are offended
by your insensitive skits.
286
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,023
[sighs] Well, neither of you
are Chinese, so what...
287
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,401
Why do you care?
288
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,958
(Phyllis)
Dwight, get out of here.
289
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,167
What are you doing
in the ladies room? It's not what you--
290
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,711
No! Why were you in there?
291
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,546
You are a pervert!
What were you doing in there?
292
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,964
I am not.
I'm telling Michael.
293
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,841
I am on official business.
Michael!
294
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,384
Phyllis, you are not.
Michael!
295
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,677
No--stop it!
296
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,012
Stop it!
Michael.
297
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,264
Michael--no, do not listen
to her.
298
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,557
Dwight was in the ladies room,
299
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,100
and he was looking at me.
What?
300
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,685
This is not true.
He was looking at me
301
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:49,978
in the ladies' room.
That is totally unfair!
302
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,896
I was just in the ladies'
room in order to spy.
303
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,440
Dwight, Dwight, that--you've
hit an new low, my friend.
304
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,316
That's what I said! He was
spying in the ladies' room.
305
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,693
What do you think, Phyllis?
306
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,486
You think I followed
you in there like, "Oh good.
307
00:12:58,528 --> 00:12:59,988
Phyllis is going
to the bathroom,
308
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,906
so maybe I get to see
her naked from the waist down."
309
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,408
I'm not even attracted to you.
310
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,035
That is a good point.
311
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,745
Write him up,
or I'll take it to Jan.
312
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,830
Okay, all right,
I will do that.
313
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:11,082
I will get to that definitely.
314
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,584
Absolutely.
315
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,337
When?
Oh, I don't know.
316
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,922
Maybe after I finish writing,
producing, directing,
317
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:21,009
and hosting your awards show,
all right?
318
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,470
Just relax,
keep your pants on.
319
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,263
Unless, of course,
you're in the bathroom
320
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,892
and you should be able to take
your pants off in that case
321
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,644
without Creepsville Central
spying on you.
322
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,524
Good.
323
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:40,820
The Dundie award
for longest engagement
324
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,615
goes to Pam Beesley.
325
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,576
Pam, everybody!
Yoo!
326
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,370
When is that girl
gonna get married?
327
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,413
That's what I have to say.
Aha, Roy's accepting.
328
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,165
Thank you, Roy, are there
any words you'd like to say
329
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,291
on Pam's behalf?
330
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,126
(Roy)
Uh, we'll see you next year.
331
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:59,839
(Michael)
Yeah! Oh, hope not! Hope not.
332
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,424
I'm not changing that.
That's the best one.
333
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,009
No, it's hilarious.
You're right.
334
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,888
I just think, um,
World's Longest Engagement,
335
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,765
um, we're all expecting it,
you know?
336
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,225
That's why it's funny.
337
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,560
Every year that Roy and Pam
don't get married
338
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,062
it gets funnier.
339
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,939
Well, I think if you use
the same jokes,
340
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,857
it just comes across as lazy.
341
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:21,069
Oh. Lazy.
342
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,696
Uh-huh.
343
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:23,905
Excuse me, everyone.
344
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,532
Can I have your attention, please?
345
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,326
I just wanted to say
346
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,620
that the women in this office
are terrible.
347
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,038
Especially the ones
348
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,581
who wrote that stuff
about Michael
349
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,125
on the bathroom wall.
350
00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:37,085
Having a bathroom
is a privilege.
351
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,671
It is called a ladies' room
for a reason.
352
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:42,298
And if you cannot behave
like ladies,
353
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,635
well, then, you are not
going to have a bathroom.
354
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,512
You're taking away
our bathroom?
355
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,348
We are going to have
two men's rooms.
356
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,975
But where would we--go?
357
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,269
Be prepared to hold it, folks.
Okay, okay.
358
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,603
From 9:00 a.m.--
Look.
359
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:56,980
(Pam)
Michael... Yes?
360
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,440
Dwight's banning us
from our bathroom.
361
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,525
Okay, well, that's ridiculous.
So just don't--
362
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,985
I don't have time
for this right now.
363
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,863
There needs to be repercussions
for people's behavior.
364
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,116
Stop it! Stop it!
Okay.
365
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,452
Look, I know there have been
a lot of rumors flying around
366
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,120
about the Dundies this year,
367
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:15,123
how there is no money
and how there is no food,
368
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,917
and how the jokes
are really bad.
369
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:22,088
But, what the hell, everybody?
I mean--
370
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:28,553
God, the Dundies are about
the best in every one of us.
371
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,221
Can't you see that?
I mean--
372
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:34,559
Okay, we can do better.
373
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,479
(Michael)
So tonight, for the first time,
374
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,024
we are inviting all of your
friends and family
375
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,068
to attend the awards
with us.
376
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,235
Yes.
377
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,945
(Michael)
Yeah, not bad, right?
378
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,907
So let's make this
the best Dundies ever.
379
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,742
[claps hands]
Best Dundies ever.
380
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,708
All right, let's wrap it up.
Come on, we're late.
381
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,543
The Dundies
are starting very soon.
382
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,796
Accounting, let's go, let's go.
383
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,048
Okay, I gave you fair warning.
384
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,550
Out. Who's next,
customer service?
385
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,052
Meredith, let's roll.
386
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:16,017
[siren, horn playing Reveille]
387
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,603
Welcome to the eighth annual
Dundies awards.
388
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,314
(Dwight)
Before we get started, a few announcements.
389
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,441
Keep your acceptance
speeches short.
390
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,068
I have wrap-it-up music,
391
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,987
and I'm not afraid
to use it, Devon.
392
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:31,741
[Naughty By Nature's O.P.P.]
393
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,660
♪ Drop a load on 'em ♪
394
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:37,997
♪ ♪
395
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,499
[rapping]
♪ The Dundies ♪
396
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,625
♪ How can I explain it ♪
397
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,835
♪ Awards you and I created ♪
398
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,253
♪ I'm glad that
you all made it ♪
399
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,672
♪ You never have to work
so I don't hear no noises ♪
400
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,966
♪ You're just a name a number
and no one even says hello ♪
401
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,010
Card!
Come on.
402
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:53,638
The Dundies are kind of like
a kid's birthday party.
403
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,809
And you go, and there's really
nothing for you to do there.
404
00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:00,020
But the kid's having
a really good time.
405
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,272
So you're kind of there.
406
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,482
That's--that's kind
of what it's like.
407
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,110
♪ Down with the Dundies *
♪ Yeah, you know me ♪
408
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:09,529
♪ You down with the Dundies *
♪ The Dundies ♪
409
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,948
♪ You down with the Dundies,
you're my homies ♪
410
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:14,034
I have listened to that song
so many times,
411
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:16,369
and I still don't know
what OPP stands for.
412
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:19,706
Other people's...
413
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,750
I--something--I--
414
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:24,127
♪ You down with the Dundies ♪
415
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:26,254
♪ You down with the Dundie-- *
[music stops]
416
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,173
The waitress tripped
on the cord.
417
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,799
All right.
All right.
418
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,509
Joke landed.
So we are here.
419
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:36,222
Thank you all for coming
to the 2005 Dundie awards.
420
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:39,225
I am your host,
Michael Scott.
421
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,228
So, Pam, I wonder
who's gonna get
422
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,398
"longest engagement"
this year.
423
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,901
Well, you're not gonna get
longest engagement, man,
424
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,861
'cause we got that
locked up.
425
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,780
I wonder what I'll get.
426
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,911
I brought my fiancée.
427
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:00,997
And I just wanna tell you,
please, please,
428
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,999
do not drink and drive.
429
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,460
Because you may hit a bump
and spill the drink.
430
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,089
I'll just put these
on the group tab.
431
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,092
Nope, actually,
this year, no group tab.
432
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,885
We're gonna be doing
separate checks.
433
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,346
What?
Oh, great.
434
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:18,098
You said we could bring
our families.
435
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:22,352
I did, and why didn't you,
Stanley?
436
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:25,105
I did. My wife's
name is Teri.
437
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,440
Well, I'm looking forward
to meeting Teri.
438
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,567
It's this person whose hand
I'm holding, Michael.
439
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:33,113
[recorded deep voice]
Oh, yeah.
440
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:34,280
[whispers to Dwight]
Shut it.
441
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:35,699
Um, good.
442
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,867
Speaking of relationships
of all--
443
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:40,453
all waves, shapes,
and forms,
444
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,247
um, I was out
445
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,124
on a very, very hot date
last night
446
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,167
with a girl
from H.R., Dwight.
447
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,545
Really? We don't have
any girls from H.R.
448
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:49,963
No, uh...
449
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,589
F-for the sake
of the story.
450
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,591
And things were getting
hot and heavy.
451
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,884
(Dwight)
Yeah?
452
00:18:54,926 --> 00:18:56,469
And I was about to take
her bra off,
453
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:59,556
when she had me fill out
six hours' worth of paperwork.
454
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:00,724
Like an AIDS test?
455
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,642
No.
456
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,310
God.
457
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,687
(Michael)
Ahem!
458
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:08,189
All right, so let's get
this pahty stahted!
459
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,858
Hey, let's go
to Poor Richard's.
460
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,277
Yeah,
let's get out of here.
461
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,236
Um...
462
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,905
Guys, where are you going?
463
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:17,782
Pam,
show's just getting started.
464
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,284
Sorry.
465
00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,162
[clears throat loudly]
466
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:24,080
And now to celebrate...
467
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,166
You staying?
Yeah.
468
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,918
Gotta eat somewhere.
469
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,839
The Busiest Beaver Award
goes to Phyllis Lapin!
470
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:34,591
Yeah!
471
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:38,345
Way to go, Phyllis.
Nice work. Per usual.
472
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:41,598
This says Bushiest Beaver.
What?
473
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:44,351
I told them busiest--
Idiots. It's fine.
474
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:45,685
We can fix it.
We'll fix it up.
475
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,562
You don't have
to display that.
476
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:49,856
All right, our next award...
477
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:53,610
ah, yes, this award goes to
478
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:57,197
the most creative writing
on the ladies' room wall,
479
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,407
and the winner is...
480
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,242
Who is it?
481
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,703
Who wants to claim it?
Shiny Dundie.
482
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,413
Who wrote it?
483
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,959
Great idea, Dwight.
484
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,878
Because that's what happens
every time! He's a jackass!
485
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,088
Every year.
486
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,214
Come on, we're going
to Poor Richard's.
487
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,007
No, I don't wanna go.
I don't want to!
488
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:19,552
Pam, no.
If you would've asked me that, then you would know.
489
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:23,014
[bad Asian accent]
Herro, everybody!
490
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,059
Hey... how are you?
I thought you left.
491
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,103
Um, no, I just--
I decided to stay.
492
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,063
Oh.
I'll just get a ride home from Angela.
493
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:34,526
(Michael as Ping)
I going to call the next award!
494
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,653
Oh, good, I'm just
in time for Ping.
495
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:39,155
Oh, that would be where?
496
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:43,201
Uh, me so horny, right?
You know what I'm talking about.
497
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:45,537
Can I get a drink?
(Michael as Ping) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
498
00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:54,629
This next award goes to somebody
who really lights up the office.
499
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:58,591
Somebody who I think
a lot of us cannot keep
500
00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,468
from checkin' out.
501
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:05,098
The Hottest in the Office Award
goes to...
502
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,850
Ryan the temp!
503
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:09,561
♪ I believe in miracles *
Yeah!
504
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,856
♪ Hey, ho,
you sexy thing ♪
505
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,524
♪ Sexy thing you * ♪
506
00:21:14,566 --> 00:21:15,608
Here you go.
507
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,111
[humming with music]
508
00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:19,988
♪ Hangin' in
the huh nuh nuh ha ♪
509
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:22,699
♪ Come from, baby * ♪
510
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,617
There you go.
There you go, whoo!
511
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:27,537
What am I gonna do
with the award?
512
00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:30,665
[scoffs]
Nothing.
513
00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:33,501
I--I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
514
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:36,713
That's the least
of my concerns right now.
515
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:40,592
I think you're the hottest.
516
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:44,429
Thanks, Phyllis.
517
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:52,103
Thank you.
518
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,316
Ooh, my Reggae Sun Splash.
519
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:59,110
I looked... so cool
ordering that.
520
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:00,612
[giggling] You want some?
521
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,238
No, thank you,
522
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,574
it's not really quite
pink enough for my tastes.
523
00:22:04,616 --> 00:22:05,825
[Pam giggles]
524
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:09,037
Straw optional.
525
00:22:09,079 --> 00:22:10,538
[both laughing]
526
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,958
Excuse me,
Goldschlager, extra flakes.
527
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,502
We don't have that.
528
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,087
You want
a Presidente Margarita?
529
00:22:17,128 --> 00:22:18,672
Blue Pacific Margarita,
El Nino...
530
00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:21,549
No, no. No margarita.
Hot sake.
531
00:22:23,802 --> 00:22:25,762
Fosters in the big can.
532
00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:31,810
Just a chocolate shake,
chocolate sprinkles.
533
00:22:36,898 --> 00:22:40,777
(Michael)
And the Tight-Ass Award
534
00:22:40,819 --> 00:22:42,278
goes to Angela.
535
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,281
Not only because she is
everybody's favorite stickler,
536
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:48,410
but because she has
a great caboose.
537
00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:53,123
So, come on down. No.
538
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:58,086
[laughs]
539
00:22:58,128 --> 00:23:01,089
[slurps drink]
540
00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:03,341
I think those
might be empty.
541
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:04,676
No, no, 'cause the ice melts,
542
00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:06,761
and then it's like,
second drink.
543
00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,096
[giggles]
544
00:23:08,138 --> 00:23:10,724
Second drink?
545
00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:12,434
(Michael)
The Spicy Curry Award
546
00:23:12,475 --> 00:23:15,020
goes to our very own
Kelly Capour.
547
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:17,605
Get on up here.
[applause]
548
00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:19,065
There you go.
549
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:20,859
"Spicy Curry."
What's that mean?
550
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,153
Um, not everything means
something, it's just a joke.
551
00:23:23,194 --> 00:23:24,863
Yeah, but why'd you
give it to me?
552
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,322
I don't know.
I just--
553
00:23:26,364 --> 00:23:27,741
This is a bowler.
I know.
554
00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:29,534
It's--they didn't have
any more businessmen.
555
00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:31,786
Yeah, but I don't--
Just sit down, Kelly.
556
00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:34,289
[heavy sigh]
557
00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,625
It's so freaking hot in there.
558
00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:39,210
Now I know what Bob Hope
was going through
559
00:23:39,252 --> 00:23:40,170
when he performed
in Saudi Arabia.
560
00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:41,796
Man!
561
00:23:41,838 --> 00:23:43,715
I got Dwight sucking
the funny out of the room.
562
00:23:43,757 --> 00:23:45,800
But, you know, you do
what you can do.
563
00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:48,636
[piano playing]
Here we go, he's early with the cue.
564
00:23:48,678 --> 00:23:50,347
Gotta go.
565
00:23:50,388 --> 00:23:54,851
[to the tune of Tiny Dancer]
♪ You have won a tiny Dundie ♪
566
00:23:54,893 --> 00:23:56,811
Ow! Sing it, Elton!
567
00:23:56,853 --> 00:23:58,605
Hey, thanks guys.
568
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,315
Hey, where're you guys from?
569
00:24:00,357 --> 00:24:02,108
We just came
from your mama's house.
570
00:24:02,150 --> 00:24:03,318
Are you guys gonna
finish that?
571
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,778
(Michael)
Oh, right, yeah!
572
00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:06,905
(man at bar)
Sing another song, Dude.
573
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,406
Uh, you know what, guys?
574
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:09,908
We're just having a little
office party.
575
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,701
So if you wanna--
Hey!
576
00:24:11,743 --> 00:24:12,911
You know, cool it guys, really.
577
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,371
You suck, man.
578
00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:16,998
You suck.
579
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:21,753
[Tiny Dancer playing]
580
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:23,797
Let's cut it.
[music stops]
581
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:30,136
I had a few more Dundies
to give out tonight,
582
00:24:30,178 --> 00:24:32,889
but I'm just gonna
cut it short
583
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:34,766
and wrap it up
584
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:36,935
so everybody can
enjoy their food.
585
00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:39,771
Um, thanks for listening,
those of you who listened.
586
00:24:39,813 --> 00:24:41,648
[clears throat]
587
00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:43,608
This last Dundie is for Kevin.
588
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,152
This is the Don't Go In There
After Me award.
589
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:48,863
It's for the time that I went
into the bathroom after him,
590
00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:52,242
and it was really,
really smelly.
591
00:24:55,912 --> 00:24:57,497
There you go.
592
00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:05,255
Yay, Kevin!
593
00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:07,716
Whoo hoo!
For Kevin!
594
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:10,218
For stinking up
the bathroom!
595
00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:12,971
Yeah, all right, Kev!
Whoo!
596
00:25:13,013 --> 00:25:14,889
Hey, I haven't gotten one yet.
597
00:25:14,931 --> 00:25:16,891
(Jim)
Yes, I have not gotten one either.
598
00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:19,144
So, keep going.
More Dundies!
599
00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:21,354
Dundie. Dundie.
Dundie. Dundie.
600
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:24,941
[chanting continues]
601
00:25:24,983 --> 00:25:26,568
All right, all right,
all right, okay.
602
00:25:26,609 --> 00:25:27,944
All right,
we'll keep it rolling.
603
00:25:27,986 --> 00:25:30,071
Okay, this is
the Fine Work Award.
604
00:25:30,113 --> 00:25:31,531
This goes to Stanley
605
00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:34,075
for all the fine work
he did this year.
606
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:35,744
You know you did.
607
00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:37,746
(Pam)
Hear, hear.
608
00:25:37,787 --> 00:25:40,540
Speech, speech, speech,
speech, speech, speech...
609
00:25:40,582 --> 00:25:43,501
Well, last year,
I got Great Work.
610
00:25:43,543 --> 00:25:46,129
[drunken laugh]
611
00:25:46,171 --> 00:25:48,548
So I don't know what
to think about this award.
612
00:25:48,590 --> 00:25:50,592
But, at least I didn't get
613
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:52,385
Smelliest Bowel
Movement like Kevin.
614
00:25:52,427 --> 00:25:54,596
[giggles]
615
00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:56,681
[light cheers and applause]
616
00:25:56,723 --> 00:26:00,852
And this next award is going out
to our own little Pam Beesley.
617
00:26:00,894 --> 00:26:02,729
I think we all know
what award
618
00:26:02,771 --> 00:26:03,938
Pam is gonna be
getting this year.
619
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:07,359
It is
the Whitest Sneakers Award
620
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:11,946
because she always has
the whitest tennis shoes on!
621
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,240
Get on down here!
622
00:26:14,282 --> 00:26:16,451
Pam Beesley,
ladies and gentlemen.
623
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:17,660
Ooh, here we go.
624
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:22,791
I have so many people to thank
for this award.
625
00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:25,043
[laughs]
626
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:26,795
Okay, first off, my Keds,
627
00:26:26,836 --> 00:26:29,005
because I couldn't have
done it without them.
628
00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:31,508
Thank you.
629
00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:33,468
Let's give Michael
a round of applause
630
00:26:33,510 --> 00:26:35,053
for emceeing tonight,
631
00:26:35,095 --> 00:26:38,348
because this is a lot harder
than it looks.
632
00:26:38,390 --> 00:26:41,226
And also because
of Dwight too.
633
00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:44,813
Um, so, finally,
634
00:26:44,854 --> 00:26:49,567
I wanna thank God
because God gave me this Dundie.
635
00:26:49,609 --> 00:26:54,989
And I feel God
in this Chili's tonight.
636
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,908
Whoo!
637
00:26:56,950 --> 00:26:58,993
Pammy B.,
ladies and gentlemen.
638
00:26:59,035 --> 00:27:00,495
Oh, thank you.
639
00:27:00,537 --> 00:27:03,373
Yeah!
Chair?
640
00:27:07,419 --> 00:27:09,754
Oh!
641
00:27:09,796 --> 00:27:12,632
[sighs]
[sighs]
642
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,343
(Jim)
What a great year for the Dundies.
643
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:17,053
We got to see Ping.
644
00:27:17,095 --> 00:27:19,389
And we learned Michael's
true feelings for Ryan.
645
00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:20,807
Which was touching.
646
00:27:20,849 --> 00:27:23,643
And we heard Michael
change the lyrics
647
00:27:23,685 --> 00:27:25,478
to a number
of classic songs.
648
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,106
Which for me,
has ruined them for life.
649
00:27:28,148 --> 00:27:30,483
[Michael singing
I've Had the Time of My Life]
650
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:31,776
What?
651
00:27:31,818 --> 00:27:33,319
Nothing.
652
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:34,779
Okay.
653
00:27:34,821 --> 00:27:37,907
What?
I don't know, what?
654
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,036
Oh, my God.
655
00:27:41,077 --> 00:27:43,288
You are so drunk.
656
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:44,539
Did you get that?
[Pam laughs]
657
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:45,665
Please tell me that you got--
658
00:27:45,707 --> 00:27:47,292
Vince, Vince!
Woman has had a seizure!
659
00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:48,793
(Dwight)
Grab her tongue! Grab her tongue!
660
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:50,587
It's okay,
I'm a sheriff's deputy.
661
00:27:50,628 --> 00:27:52,130
Well, he's a volunteer.
Don't get into that now.
662
00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:53,965
We need something
to cushion her head.
663
00:27:54,007 --> 00:27:55,717
A throw pillow?
A cushion?
664
00:27:55,759 --> 00:27:57,385
Okay, I'm gonna use my shirt.
665
00:27:57,427 --> 00:27:59,054
Dwight, this is crazy. Okay.
666
00:27:59,095 --> 00:28:00,221
Jim, not now!
667
00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:01,681
We need to cushion
her head.
668
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:03,016
Lie still. Please, Pam.
669
00:28:03,058 --> 00:28:04,642
Do not move.
Dwight, Dwight.
670
00:28:04,684 --> 00:28:05,560
I'm sorry.
[laughing] I am fine.
671
00:28:05,602 --> 00:28:06,728
Jim, don't interfere.
672
00:28:06,770 --> 00:28:08,355
You have to put your clothes
back on.
673
00:28:08,396 --> 00:28:09,731
People are trying to eat.
674
00:28:09,773 --> 00:28:10,940
Can you
give me a second, sir?
675
00:28:10,982 --> 00:28:12,275
No!
Dwight, let me up.
676
00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:13,401
Right now.
677
00:28:13,443 --> 00:28:15,528
I am a Sheriff's Deputy.
That's fine.
678
00:28:15,570 --> 00:28:17,280
I could have my men
in here in a second
679
00:28:17,322 --> 00:28:18,782
and have you arrested.
680
00:28:18,823 --> 00:28:20,075
Pam, are you all right?
681
00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:21,368
I'm fine.
Sir, sir.
682
00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:22,577
How many fingers
am I holding up?
683
00:28:22,619 --> 00:28:23,912
You're holding up
three fingers.
684
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:25,747
Are you okay?
Put your clothes on, right now.
685
00:28:25,789 --> 00:28:27,707
I will. I will.
You need to calm down.
686
00:28:27,749 --> 00:28:29,084
Was this year's
Dundies a success?
687
00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:30,585
Well, let me see.
688
00:28:30,627 --> 00:28:32,837
I made Pam laugh so hard that
she fell out of her chair.
689
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,756
And she almost
broke her neck.
690
00:28:34,798 --> 00:28:36,383
So I killed. Almost.
691
00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:38,093
[laughs]
692
00:28:38,134 --> 00:28:39,177
Oh, my God!
693
00:28:39,219 --> 00:28:40,261
I just wanna say,
694
00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:43,014
that this was the best
Dundies ever!
695
00:28:43,056 --> 00:28:44,933
Whoo!
696
00:28:44,974 --> 00:28:47,185
Whoa, whoa.
Careful, careful, careful.
697
00:28:47,227 --> 00:28:48,853
Don't wanna forget that.
698
00:28:48,895 --> 00:28:51,189
You and your party
really need to leave right now.
699
00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,233
Absolutely. Is this mine
or is this Chili's?
700
00:28:53,274 --> 00:28:54,693
I--
You know what? Don't worry about it.
701
00:28:54,734 --> 00:28:57,153
Keep it. My gift.
Thank you.
702
00:28:57,195 --> 00:28:59,114
Have a good night.
See you next year.
703
00:28:59,155 --> 00:29:00,740
That's... fine.
704
00:29:02,409 --> 00:29:05,161
We have a strict policy here
not to over-serve.
705
00:29:05,203 --> 00:29:07,622
(waiter)
Apparently this young woman was sneaking drinks
706
00:29:07,664 --> 00:29:09,082
off other people's tables.
707
00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:11,251
I Xeroxed her
driver's license,
708
00:29:11,292 --> 00:29:12,627
and she is not welcome
709
00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:14,295
at this restaurant
chain ever again.
710
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:15,755
[clicks tongue]
711
00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:17,257
Great work tonight.
Watch your step.
712
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:18,883
Excellent.
Thanks.
713
00:29:18,925 --> 00:29:21,052
I had to, uh,
check her pupils
714
00:29:21,094 --> 00:29:23,138
to make sure
that wasn't a concussion.
715
00:29:23,179 --> 00:29:25,348
Yes, that too,
but I mean with the audio.
716
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:26,891
Great, great work.
717
00:29:30,353 --> 00:29:33,148
I feel bad about what I wrote
on the bathroom wall.
718
00:29:33,189 --> 00:29:35,275
No, you don't.
719
00:29:35,316 --> 00:29:37,360
[laughs]
720
00:29:37,402 --> 00:29:39,988
Oh, here she is.
721
00:29:40,030 --> 00:29:41,990
[sighs]
Careful, careful, whoa.
722
00:29:42,032 --> 00:29:44,242
[laughs]
All right. Easy.
723
00:29:44,284 --> 00:29:46,202
Almost there.
724
00:29:46,244 --> 00:29:51,041
Hey, um, can I ask
you a question?
725
00:29:51,082 --> 00:29:53,168
Shoot.
726
00:29:58,548 --> 00:30:01,593
Um... I just wanted
to say thanks.
727
00:30:02,844 --> 00:30:04,721
That's not really
a question.
728
00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,890
Okay, let's get
you home, pronto.
729
00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,351
[laughs]
730
00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:11,603
[Elton John's Tiny Dancer]
731
00:30:11,644 --> 00:30:12,854
All right. Bye.
732
00:30:12,896 --> 00:30:14,397
Good night.
Have a good night.
733
00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:16,358
Thank you, Angela.
734
00:30:16,399 --> 00:30:20,862
(Elton John)
♪ Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer ♪
735
00:30:22,989 --> 00:30:27,702
♪ You had a busy day today ♪
736
00:30:29,579 --> 00:30:33,249
♪ Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer ♪
737
00:30:36,628 --> 00:30:38,838
One sombrero--$20.
738
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,298
People leaving without paying
739
00:30:40,340 --> 00:30:43,093
and sticking me with a bill
for $400...
740
00:30:43,134 --> 00:30:45,303
$400.
741
00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:48,890
Making someone laugh
until they puke...
742
00:30:50,225 --> 00:30:52,310
Priceless.
743
00:30:52,352 --> 00:30:54,020
My favorite Dundies moment?
744
00:30:56,231 --> 00:30:58,441
I think it's when Angela
tied the cherry stem
745
00:30:58,483 --> 00:31:00,652
with her mouth.
746
00:31:02,696 --> 00:31:05,198
A couple of years ago,
I got an award
747
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:08,618
for tying a cherry stem
with my tongue.
748
00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:10,745
I won't do that anymore.
749
00:31:10,787 --> 00:31:13,707
She... she kinda went like...
750
00:31:20,672 --> 00:31:22,549
It was pretty cool.
751
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:24,300
As for the bill, big deal.
752
00:31:24,342 --> 00:31:27,804
People didn't pay, and I got
stuck with a tab for $400.
753
00:31:27,846 --> 00:31:29,305
The joke is on them.
754
00:31:29,347 --> 00:31:32,976
Do you realize how many
airline miles that is?
755
00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:36,396
Six more years, and I will
see you in Mardi Gras.
55120
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