All language subtitles for Teahouse

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[oriental music]

[woman singing in Japanese]

[birds chirping]

[speaking Japanese]

Tutti-frutti.

Most generous gift
from American sergeant.

Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen,
pleased to introduce myself.

Sakini by name,
interpreter by profession.

Education
by the ancient dictionary.

Okinawan by whim of Gods.

History of Okinawa reveal

distinguished record
of conquerors.

We have honor to be subjugated
in 14th century

by Chinese pirates.

In 16th century,
by English missionary.

In 18th century,
by Japanese warlords.

And in 20th century,
by American Marine.

Okinawa very fortunate.

Culture brought to us.
Not have to leave home for it.

And we learn many thing.

Most important that rest
of world not like Okinawa.

World filled
with delightful variation.

Example, uh, in Okinawa,
no, no locks on doors.

Bad manners
not to trust neighbors.

In America,
lock and key big industry.

Conclusion, bad manners,
good business.

Another example.

In Okinawa,
wash self in public bath

with nude lady quite proper..

...but a picture of nude lady
in private home quite improper.

In America, statue of nude lady
in park win prize..

...but nude lady in flesh
in park win a penalty.

Conclusion..

...pornography,
question of geography.

But Okinawa most eager
to be educated by conquerors.

Not easy to learn.

Sometimes very painful.

But pain make man think.

Thought make man wise.

And wisdom make life endurable.

So now..

...now we going to tell you
little story

to demonstrate
splendid example

of benevolent assimilation
of democracy by Okinawa.

Boss by name
of Colonel Purdy III.

Number three after name indicate
he is son of a son of a son.

Colonel Purdy
put up many sign.

This exceedingly civilized.

Make it very easy
for uncivilized

to know what not to do.

Here laundry of officer..

...not to fraternize
with laundry of enlisted man.

Douzo.

This gentleman,
honorable Sergeant Gregovich..

...assistant to Colonel Purdy,
but not a son of a son of son.

You know what he’s doing?

Explanation, Colonel Purdy
great student of history.

So every month,
wife of Colonel Purdy

send him magazine
called "Adventure Magazine."

Cover have picture of pirate
with black patch over eye.

Everyone try to steal magazine.

So colonel hide under desk
so he can read first

but sergeant always find.

[laughs]

He’s a smart mouse.

This gentleman,
exalted boss Colonel Purdy III.

Colonel very wise man.

Every morning look up at the sky
and make a prophecy.

It’s not gonna rain today.

And you know what?
Not-not rain.

Of course, it not rain
this time of year

in whole history of Okinawa..

...but the colonel
not make mistake.

Une, deux, trois..

Explanation, army teach colonel
French for invasion of Europe..

...then send to Okinawa instead.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven.

Where’s my eighth pair
of shorts?

Now, colonel gonna yell loud
for Sakini.

So I hide.
I pretend to be asleep here.

- So..
- ’Sakini.’

Sakini? Sakini?

Sakini!

Sakini!

- Sakini.
- Oh, good morning, boss.

You sure surprised me, boss.

My laundry comes back every week
with one piece missing.

- Oh, gets lost, boss.
- I know it gets lost.

What I wanna find out
is how it gets lost.

Oh, very simple, boss.

Family take laundry
to wash in the stream..

...and while friends
exchange greetings

laundry exchange places.

We run down hill fast as dickens
to catch laundry, boss.

- Well?
- Not run fast enough.

No wonder you people were
subjugated by the Japanese.

If you’re not sleeping,
you’re running away from work.

Where’s your get-up-and-go?

Oh, guess get-up-and-go went,
boss.

Well, get up and go down
to the officers’ quarters.

See if Captain Fisby’s
arrived.

If he has, tell him to report
to me at once. Hurry.

- Sakini.
- Yes, boss?

You are a civilian employee
in the pay

of the United States Army
and should dress accordingly.

- Yeah.
- Pull your socks up.

Oh, very sorry, boss.
Very sorry.

- Socks up. Anything more, boss?
- That’ll be all.

Is that as fast
as you can walk?

No, no, boss, but to walk
any faster, socks fall down.

Une, deux, trois,
quatre, cinq, six..

- Good morning, sir.
- At ease.

I’m gonna get rid
of that interpreter.

Doesn’t set a good example.

Uh, colonel, sir..

...we gotta have someone around
who speaks the language.

You’re quite right, sergeant,
quite right.

It isn’t often I make a mistake,
but when I do..

- It’s a beaut?
- I wasn’t gonna say that.

I was gonna say,
"By George, I admit it."

I’m sorry, sir.

We’ve got a new officer
reporting this morning.

He’s been transferred to us
from Psychological Warfare.

I don’t suppose you happen
to know who they are.

Aren’t they something at the
rear of the rear echelon?

They’re just the cream
of the army’s geniuses.

They’re just the brains
behind the fighting heart.

Every man Jack of them
has a mind like a steel trap.

We’re lucky to be getting
one of their officers.

I’ll watch my step, sir.

While we’re waiting
for Captain Fisby

I’d like you to make a note
of new signs I want.

The painter hasn’t finished the
ones you ordered yesterday, sir.

There’s only one answer to that,
put on another sign painter.

Yes, sir.

Now, I noticed the men
were dancing with each other

in the canteen
the other night.

Yes, sir.
"No dancing allowed."

I didn’t say that, Gregovich.

I don’t object
to the men dancing.

I want them
to enjoy themselves.

It doesn’t set a good example
for the natives

to see noncoms dancing
with enlisted men.

So have a sign posted saying

"Sergeants are forbidden
to dance with privates."

[clearing throat]
"Sergeant.."

Take that memo to the
sign painter right now.

Yes, sir.

Sakini here, boss.

Don’t ever put your finger
on an officer.

- Oh, not alright, boss?
- No!

If you want to announce
your presence, knock.

Can’t you natives ever learn
anything about custom?

What do you think
you’re doing?

Oh, not know, boss.
Do what you ask.

Everything in this country
conspires to annoy me.

Well, where is Captain Fisby?

Oh, he come now, boss.
I run ahead. Socks fall down.

Captain Fisby reporting, sir.

Welcome to Team 147.

I can’t tell you how glad
I am to have you.

Thank you, sir.

Frankly, we’re so desperate
for officer personnel

I’d be glad to see you
even if you had two heads.

[giggling]

That’ll be all, Sakini.
You can wait outside.

- Okay.
- Sit down, captain, sit down.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Oh, sorry, boss.
I sit by door, boss.

- May as well be comfortable.
- Yes.

Not sleep.

- Have you unpacked?
- Oh, yes, sir.

As soon as I got in
last night.

Well, that’s too bad because
you’ll have to pack again.

I am sending you
to Tobiki at once.

- We need a man of your caliber.
- Well, thank you, sir.

I’m informed, captain,
that you requested this transfer

from Psychological Warfare
to my outfit.

- May I say that I am honored.
- Yeah.

In all fairness, sir,
I think I should tell you

that I was requested
to request it.

- Oh, may I ask why?
- Uh-huh.

Well, you see, sir
it seems that my..

...my propaganda to undermine
the enemy’s morale

undermined
the staff’s morale instead.

How’d you get into Psychological
Warfare in the first place?

I was requested
to request a transfer.

- From what?
- Paymaster General’s office.

What was your duty there?

Well, I, I had charge of the
payroll computation machine.

Well, until..

- Until what?
- Well..

You know, machines have always
been my mortal enemy, colonel.

I don’t believe
that they’re inanimate.

They’re not inanimate at all.

They’re full of malice
and ill will--

I asked you what happened.

Uh-huh. Yes. Yes, sir.

This machine, this, you know
the payroll computation machine?

It made a mistake it seems

of a quarter of a million
dollars in the payroll.

And unfortunately,
the men were paid

before the mistake
was discovered.

What did they do to you?

Oh, they gave me a job
licking envelopes.

- Then you asked for a transfer.
- No.

I developed
an allergy to glue.

How many outfits in this man’s
army have you been in, captain?

Let’s see,
how many are there now, sir?

Never mind. I admit
disappointment, but not defeat.

I thought you were given to me
in recognition of my work here.

Frankly, I expect to be made
a general soon.

And I want that star
for my wife’s crown.

Naturally,
that’s very hush-hush.

Oh, yes, naturally.

Do you know something, sir?
Do you know something?

I just think that perhaps I just
wasn’t cut out to be a soldier.

Captain, none of us
was cut out to be a soldier

but we do the job.

We adjust, we adapt,
we roll with a punch

and bring victory home
in our teeth.

Do you know what I was
before the war?

A football coach?

I was the Purdy Paper Box
Company of Pottawatomie.

What did I know
about foreigners?

My job is to teach these natives
the meaning of democracy.

And they’re gonna learn
democracy

if I have to shoot
every one of them.

Yes, sir.

What did you do
before the war?

Oh, I was an associate professor
at Muncie.

- What’d you teach?
- The humanities.

Captain, you’re finally getting
a job you’re qualified

by training to handle.

Teaching these natives
to act human.

I don’t think the humanities
are that.

If you can teach one thing,
you can teach another.

This is plan B.

Washington has drawn up
full instructions pertaining

to the welfare and recovery
of these native villages.

- Mm-hmm.
- Consider it your Bible.

Yes, sir.
I’ll study it very carefully.

There might be some questions
I’d like to ask.

Washington has anticipated
all of your questions.

- Yes, but I was thinking--
- You don’t even have to think.

This document relieves you
of that responsibility.

- Uh, how is your Japanese?
- Oh, not so very good.

- No, no. Not good, sir.
- You’ll need an interpreter.

Well, I..
No, no, s-sir--

- I’ve got just the man for you.
- Colonel?

- Colonel?
- Sakini!

- I could study the language.
- No need, we won the war.

Sakini present, boss.
Socks up, not sleeping.

Sakini, this is Captain Fisby.

- We meet before. You forget.
- Yeah, we met.

I’m assigning you
to Captain Fisby.

He’s gonna take charge of a
village at the top of Okinawa.

- A village called Tobiki.
- Oh, Tobiki, boss?

Very nice place, boss, but not
at top of Okinawa, at bottom.

Don’t tell me where the villages
under my command are located.

I happen to give
a course in map reading.

Sorry, but happen to be born
in Tobiki. It’s at the bottom.

Then, it’s time you learned
where you were born.

Oh, very sorry, boss,
but the map upside down.

Oh, yeah. Here it is.

Why doesn’t the army learn
how to draw a map properly?

That’ll be all, Sakini.

Find Sergeant Gregovich
and have him assign

a jeep to Captain Fisby.

Load supplies and the captain’s
gear. You’ll be leaving at once.

I mention you
in prayer to Gods, boss.

I wait for you in jeep,
captain.

I sometimes think
we occupation teams

have it tougher
than combat troops.

- Now, I wouldn’t say that--
- They’ve it rough for a while.

But we have the killing
daily grind with no glory in it.

Yes, sir,
I know what you mean.

Life itself is a battlefield
with its own obscure heroes.

- I consider that poetry.
- Oh, no, no, that’s prose.

And it isn’t mine, you know.
It’s Victor Hugo.

Ah! Yes, Victor Hugo.

How I loved
"Tale Of Two Cities."

I-isn’t that Dickens?
Isn’t that Dickens, sir?

Well, to get back to Tobiki.

Your first job will be to
establish a municipal government

and to build a school.

Plan B calls for the schoolhouse
to be Pentagon shaped.

Penta--

When it’s built,
you will organize

a Ladies League
for Democratic Action.

- Uh-huh.
- Captain.

This is a chance for you
to make a name for yourself.

Yes, sir, I-I feel that I
personally have delayed victory

at least a year
and I want to vindicate myself.

That’s the kind of talk
I like to hear.

- Thank you.
- Well, I won’t detain you then.

- Yes, sir.
- Put that village on the map.

Y-yes, sir.

Send me a bimonthly progress
report in triplicate.

- Yes, sir.
- Don’t duplicate your work.

No, no, sir. No, sir.

And remember
that the eyes of Washington

are on our occupation teams
and the eyes of the world

are on Washington.

- I’ll keep the eyes in mind.
- Goodbye, captain.

Yes, sir. Goodbye, sir.

Oh, everything all set, boss?
We go Tobiki now?

Listen, I gotta
get my gear packed first.

All finished, boss. I have
many cousin working for Army.

- Where’s our jeep?
- Right over there, boss.

- Ohayou gozaimasu.
- Ohayou gozaimasu.

- What’s she doing up there?
- Oh, she nice old lady, boss.

She hear we go
to Tobiki village

so she think
she go along to visit grandson.

Oh, she does?
Uh-huh, well..

Well, you tell her
I’m very sorry

but, you see, this,
this is against regulations.

Oh, she not fall off, boss.
She tied on good.

Yes.
Well, you untie her, Sakini.

Get there and untie her
and tell her to get down.

She’ll have to find some other
way to visit her grandson.

Boss, her grandson mayor
of Tobiki village.

You will make him lose face
you kick old grandma off jeep.

- She’s the mayor’s grandmother?
- Yes.

Mm-hmm. Well, alright.

You see, I, she’s tied
on alright, I guess.

- So I guess we can take her.
- Sure.

- Is all this stuff here mine?
- Most of it belong to old lady.

She gonna stay three or four
months so she bring

her cooking pots and bed
and a present for friend and..

Uh-huh. Well, I don’t-I don’t..
Alright.

Look, if you see
any low branches coming

you just, uh, you know,
you yell out and, uh..

Get in there, Sakini and give me
directions while I drive.

- You wanna get in?
- No, can’t go yet.

Old lady daughter not here,
boss.

W-wait a minute, maybe I didn’t
hear you right. You say..

You don’t mean the daughter
is coming with us.

Well, old lady very old, boss.

Who gonna take care
of her on the trip?

Oh, here she come now, boss.

- Right on dot.
- I don’t...Listen--

- Ohayou gozaimasu.
- Ohayou gozaimasu.

Will you just wait a minute?
Wait a minute. Will you mind?

Tell her, uh, miss..

Sakini, will you tell her
that there’s no room

for anything more
on this jeep.

Old lady must take clothes
to show friends, boss

because you make
her lose face

if people think
she only got one dress.

Miss, will you please come back?
Ask her to come back.

There’s no room for any more
bundles on this jeep.

No, she not go get bundles,
boss. She go get children.

- Sakini. Sakini.
- What?

Look, these things
are always happening to me.

And I’ve gotta put
a stop to them someplace.

Daughter not
go without children

and old lady
not go without daughter.

And if old lady not go

mayor of Tobiki
be mad with you, boss.

Will you wait
just a minute please?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, hi.

Don’t get up on there.
Not on the hood of the..

Just a minute. Son, son.
Please don’t...son.

Look, Sakini, f-for Pete’s sakes
how does she expect me

to see how to drive?

Oh, old lady got
very good eyesight, boss.

She gonna sit up there
and tell us when to turn.

You’ll have to move over here,
son, because I..

Son, will you please stop
if you’re gonna..

What?

[indistinct chattering]

What? What?

- Oh, he going to get goat.
- Goat?

You can’t leave
goat behind, boss.

Just a minute!
Hold it, everybody.

Now, we’re gonna see who is
going to lose face right now.

And we’re gonna see because

no goat is going
to ride on this jeep.

- Oh, you not like goat, boss?
- No, no, no.

Yes, I like.
I mean, I don’t know.

It’s not a question
of whether I like the goat.

It’s, I’m just sure that the
colonel, he-he wouldn’t like it.

Oh, well, the children
not go without goat, boss.

- Or mother without children.
- Yeah.

Old lady not go
without daughter.

- I know, I know.
- And if old lady not go..

(both)
...mayor of Tobiki
will be mad at you.

I know.

- Oh, no, no, please.
- Everyone here, boss.

Goat unmarried lady goat.
No children.

No, you’ll have to get down.

You’ll never get it
off the ground, captain.

Uh, Sakini, come on,
we gotta get started.

You get in, boss.

And no one else going, boss.
No one else is going.

- Wait a minute.
- Hey, you got another customer.

- ’Hey, wait a minute.’
- Oh. Oh, no.

- Sakini! Wait. Please wait.
- What?

Now, who in the blazes is he?

Who in the blazes he, boss?
Never see before.

Wh...ask him what he’s doing
sitting here, please.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh. He say he see people
going on a trip, boss.

- He’d like to go along too.
- No, plea..

He does?
Well, you t-tell him for me

that he’s gotta
get off right now.

Come on.

[speaking Japanese]

No, no. What?

He say why, why you not
take him, boss?

- You take goat.
- Oh, no.

He say maybe you think
he not as good as goat.

Tell him for me, Sakini, that
the eyes of Washington are on..

...uh, the-the world
is on Washington

and the eyes of Washington
are on me.

Will you just...folks, please,
I would love to take you.

If this was my jeep or if this
wasn’t against regulations

I’d be only too..

- Captain Fisby!
- Yes, sir.

What do you think you’re doing?

Well, it’s hard to explain, sir.

[indistinct chattering]

What are they saying?

They say tell fat old man to
shut up so we can get started.

[bleating]

Which one of you men
made that noise?

[engine revving]

Just a second.
Where are you going?

Hey, Captain Fisby, Sakini,
Come back here. You hear me?

[indistinct chattering]

[goat bleating]

Shh. Jus-just a minute please.
Just a minute. Which road?

[speaking Japanese]

Just a minute please, just
a minute. What did she say?

Old lady say, boss,
she want to go to Awasi, boss

because she got sister
she not see in 22 half years.

We’re on duty, Sakini, we’re not
on a tour of the island.

Would you please ask her for me
which is the road to Tobiki?

[speaking Japanese]

- That way, boss.
- This way?

Alright, that’s all
I asked you.

[goat bleating]

(Fisby)
Alright. Alright.

- Well, so this is Tobiki.
- Tobiki, no. This Awasi, boss.

I distinctly asked this lady
to tell me the way to Tobiki.

Well, old lady make mistake,
boss. Very sorry.

Well, you know,
we can’t go--

Oh, sorry, boss,
but she not very smart.

Yeah.

Konnichiwa.

[goat bleating]

Alright, which road?

No, no, don’t ask her.
I don’t trust her.

[speaking Japanese]

Just a minute.
Just a minute.

Alright. What are they saying?

Children want to go
to Yatoda, boss.

I suppose they’ve
got some cousins

that they want
to visit there, hmm?

No, ocean at Yatoda, boss.
Children never see ocean.

Our orders are to proceed
directly to Tobiki.

Now, which road?

Ohh! There.

[speaking Japanese]

There. Over here, huh?
Alright.

[indistinct chattering]

- Boss.
- Don’t tell me. This is Yatoda.

- How you know, boss?
- Well, I recognize the ocean.

Ah so.

[indistinct chattering]

[goat bleating]

Now, where is this? Whose uncle
or cousin lives here?

Oh, this Tobiki, boss.

- Sakini!
- I don’t believe it.

I don’t believe it.

[indistinct chattering]

Now, according to plan B

my first job here is to
hold a public meeting, Sakini.

I want to make certain
that they understand

that I come as their friend.

Sure.

That we intend to lift
the yoke of oppression

from their shoulders.

Oh, they’ll like that, boss.
That their favorite speech.

Wh-what do you mean
their favorite speech?

When Japanese come,
they say same thing.

- Then, take everything.
- No, no, no.

No, you don’t understand,
Sakini.

We don’t come
to take anything from them.

We’ve come here
to give them something.

Oh, that’s alright, boss.
We not mind.

After eight centuries,
we get used to it.

Now, when friends come

we hide everything
quick as dickens.

So I will go tell people
you make your speech, boss.

So socks up, boss.

[clears throat]

[bell tolling]

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

Everyone here eager
to meet you, boss.

I might as well get started.

- Citizens of..
- Up here, boss.

- They’ll see you.
- Thank you.

Citizens of Tobiki--

[speaking Japanese]

- Citizens of Tobiki village--
- Sorry, boss.

- Can’t begin lecture yet.
- What seems to be the trouble?

- Not good manners, boss.
- Why?

Because people bring you gifts.
You must accept gifts first.

Oh, no. Sakini, wait a minute,
you got it all wrong.

I’m here to bring gifts
from my government to them.

No, very rude.
Make people feel poor, boss.

Well, I don’t want to do that.
Get up, Sakini.

Tell them I’ll accept gifts,
but in the name

of the United States
occupation forces.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, here Mr. Hokaida, boss.
He give you very nice gift.

Well, thank you very, very much.
What is it?

That’s a very splendid
cricket cage, boss.

What do you use
a cricket cage for?

You keep your crickets
in there.

No, there isn’t.
There’s no cricket inside.

No, you gotta get
your own cricket, boss.

- No one gonna get for you.
- Oh, I see.

I got it, yeah. Thank you.
Thank him for me.

Tell him I’ll keep
my eye open for a cricket.

Yeah. What do you keep
a cricket in a cage for?

So fortune smile on you, boss.
A cricket very good luck.

- Oh, that’s nice.
- Boss, here Mr. Omura.

He give you chopstick.

[speaking Japanese]

What did he say?

He say hope that only food
of Gods touch your lips.

No, that’s..
Oh, that’s very nice.

That’s one of the
nicest things I’ve heard.

- Boss, Mr. Seiko.
- Yes?

[speaking Japanese]

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

That’s wooden sandal, boss,
very comfortable for tired feet.

He say may you walk
in prosperity.

You tell him
that I will walk in

the cool meadow
of pleasant memories. Huh?

What’s the matter?
Is that alright?

Oh, boss,
that’s very pretty, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

Thank you. That’s alright.
Thank you very much.

And, boss,
here Miss Higa Jiga.

She unmarried lady, boss.
She give you three eggs.

Isn’t that nice?

Yes. No, tell her that I’ll
have these eggs for breakfast.

[speaking Japanese]

Yeah, yeah.

Chicken and the eggs, huh?

She hope you gonna enjoy
your turtle egg, boss.

- Turtle eggs? Oh, my.
- Yes.

[crowd cheering]

Oh, you very big success, boss.
They sure like you already.

Oh, I’m..
Yes. Turtle eggs?

- This Mr. Oshira, boss.
- Hold these for me, Sakini.

I’m getting a bit too much.

He give you a very nice
lacquered cup, boss.

He make that cup hisself.

No, he didn’t.
Thank him for me.

Tell him that
I’ll be forever indebted

to him for his very lovely gift.

You are most welcome, captain.

Hey, you speak English!

Sure, boss, Mr. Oshira
teach me English

when I’m a little boy
in Tobiki.

In my youth
I work in Manila.

How is Mr. McKinley?

Oh, you mean
President McKinley?

Well, I’m afraid
somebody shot him.

- I am sorry.
- It was a long time ago.

Yes, a long time.

May August moon fill your cup.

Why an August moon, sir?

All moons good, but August moon
little older, little wiser.

Is it? Sakini said that you
made this cup all by yourself.

Oh, yes.

This is a lost art, Sakini.

This is an industry we could
start right here in Tobiki.

Think you could
mass produce these?

Mass produce?

Yes, you know, set up machines,
turn them out by the gross.

I take pride in making
one cup at a time, captain.

How many do you think you could
turn out in, oh, say, one day?

If I work hard,
maybe one or two a week.

Fine, that’s good.
You make as many as you can.

We’ll send them
to the American Post Exchange

and sell them as fast
as you can turn them out.

I shall do my best.

Fine. We’re in business, Sakini!

Now, Mr. Hokaida,
you make those cricket cages

and the getas, we can sell
a lot of those getas.

And the chopsticks, great.
A lot of those.

And I saw some straw hats.

See those straw hats?
Make a lot of those.

We’re going into
the souvenir business, folks.

We gonna make money, boss?

Make enough of these,
I’ll guarantee the recovery

of Tobiki village.
You tell them that.

[speaking Japanese]

[crowd cheering]

Oh, boss,
you very big success.

They sure like you already,
boss.

And they say they will make
everything fast as dickens.

Sakini, ask them to postpone
any more gifts for now.

I wanna tell them
what we’re going to do for them.

Okay.

[speaking Japanese]

What?

Okay. They say okay, boss.

They got no more presents
for you anyhow.

It’s important that I tell them
about the schoolhouse

that we’re going to build
for their children.

Now, according to plan B,
I believe it says

the direct approach
is the most effective.

- So you ready?
- Oh, all set, boss.

[clears throat]
Do you want to be ignorant?

[speaking Japanese]

- What? What was that?
- They say yes, boss.

Y-yes? You mean they
want to be ignorant?

Oh, no, boss. Oh, in Japanese,
boss, yes mean no.

They say, "Yes, we not
want to be ignorant."

Oh, I see.

Do you want your children
to be ignorant?

[speaking Japanese]

Now, what was that?

They say, uh...no, boss.

No? Wait a minute now.

Sakini, no, they do?
Or no, they don’t?

Yes, boss. They not want
no ignorant children.

Right. Now.

There’s gonna be a daily issue
of rice for everybody here.

[speaking Japanese]

[all cheering]

Yes, yes. And we’re gonna build
a fine new schoolhouse

for your children.

Wait. Pentagon-shaped.

[speaking Japanese]

Pentagon.

[speaking Japanese]

Pentagon.

She say what is a pentagon,
boss. Never hear before.

They’ve never heard
of the Pentagon?

- No, boss.
- They need a school here.

The Pentagon. Everybody knows
what the Pentagon is.

The P..
It’s, um..

Well, it really, really means
five-sided, you know, Sakini.

- Five-sided?
- Yes, it has five sides.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

[all laughing]

They say, boss, they say
there are no children

in Tobiki got the five sides.

No, no, the school.

The school has five sides,
not the children.

No, you see, it’s like
a building in Washington, folks.

And everybody is gonna
learn about democracy.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

They say what is a democracy,
boss. They know what rice is.

Yes, alright. Democracy is a
system of self-determination.

It’s the, it’s the right
to make the wrong choice.

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

No, we’re not getting through
to them. Let me explain.

Suppose I’m back home
and I don’t like

the way that Uncle Sam
is treating me.

Well, you know what I can do?

I can write to the President
himself, and I can tell him so.

[speaking Japanese]

They say, but do you send
that letter, boss.

- Let’s get on with the lecture.
- Okay.

(Fisby)
’Now, we’ll show you
how democracy really operates.’

We’ll hold an election.

We’re gonna organize
this village.

- Is the mayor here?
- Here’s the mayor. White coat.

We’ll have to get
him a new coat.

We wouldn’t want a new mayor.

Keep the mayor.
Hard to find a white coat.

Now, we need a chief of police,
and a chief of agriculture.

Now, who’d make a good chief
of agriculture here?

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

They say they like Mr. Seiko.
He the best man for the job.

- He’s an experienced farmer?
- He artist, boss.

- What?
- He artist.

He draw lovely picture
of golden wheat, butterfly--

Sakini, just because he draws
a very nice picture of wheat

that doesn’t make him
an experienced wheat farmer.

Wheat not grow here anyhow,
just sweet potatoes.

Oh, alright. Well,
if he’s their choice. Fine.

Now, we’re gonna have to have..

[speaking Japanese]

What did he say?

He want a white coat
like mayor, boss.

You said that we can’t get..

That’s alright.
If we don’t get a white coat..

You know what we’ll do?
We’ll get him a helmet.

And we’re gonna have written
on the helmet

"Chief of agriculture."

[speaking Japanese]

Now, right, fine.
Now, we need a chief of police.

Now, who’d make
a good chief of police?

[speaking Japanese]

Hokaida, boss.

They say they like Mr. Hokaida.
He champion wrestler.

- They afraid of him.
- Yeah.

- That’s alright.
- Strong, boss.

Yes, indeed. Alright, fine.
Now, we gotta--

[speaking Japanese]

- What? What’d he say?
- He want a helmet.

Oh, sure, we’ll requisition
a helmet for him too.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright? Fine.
Now, for the ladies.

Now, we’re gonna organize
a...I know what it is.

It’s a Ladies League
for Democratic Action

and we’re gonna have
to have a league president.

Now, who’d make
a good league president

for the Ladies League
for Democratic Action?

The ladies like that.
They never vote before.

Fine.

[speaking Japanese]

Higa Jiga.
They say they want Higa Jiga.

She gonna make
a classy president.

I’m sure.

[speaking Japanese]

What?

Yes, I know. No, never mind.
I understand.

Tell her I’ll get her a helmet
too. Yeah, alright, fine.

Yes, fine, alright.
Fine. Now, now.

[clears throat]
I’ve been talking a long time.

Folks, I’ll bet you there are
questions you’d like to ask me.

Ask them, Sakini.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, she say
what time it is, boss.

Time? It’s quarter to five. Why?

Oh, they got to go then, boss.
They not want to miss sunset.

Every afternoon
they like to go

sit in the pine grove, and
sip tea, watch the sun go down.

Isn’t that nice.
Alright, Sakini.

You thank them all
for me and tell them

they can go to the pine grove
and watch the sun go down.

[speaking Japanese]

Sayonara. Sayonara.

Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

How do you think we did?

Oh, they cooperate, boss.
Future look very rosy.

I wonder where I can find
a cricket.

Well, maybe have cricket
in your house now, not know.

- I’ll take these.
- Okay.

- Thanks, Sakini.
- Sure.

I’ll be right here
if you want me, boss.

Right.

(male #1)
’Psst. Psst.’

[speaking Japanese]

[laughing]

Psst. Psst.

[speaking Japanese]

Yes?

- You busy, boss?
- No. What is it, Sakini?

Boss, Mr. Sumata leave
a present for you.

Put it on the shelf where
it will be out of the way.

Not able to, boss,
the present get mad.

What?

[speaking Japanese]

- Who’s she?
- Souvenir.

What? What are you
talkin’ about?

This the present
from Mr. Sumata, boss.

Introducing Lotus Blossom,
geisha girl first class.

America san, Captain Fisby.

[speaking Japanese]

- Wh-what..
- Oh.

She say she very happy
to belong to handsome captain.

She say she gonna
serve you well.

She’s not gonna serve me at all.
I want you to get your friend.

I want you to tell him
I’m returning his gift.

- Impossible to do, boss.
- Why?

Mr. Sumata go to mountain,
visit cousin.

He leave present for you

and wish you
very best success in Tobiki.

[speaking Japanese]

What? What did she say?

She said she want to know where
you want her to stay, boss.

I d...I don’t care where she
stays, but she can’t stay here.

Where she go, boss?
She got no home now.

[speaking Japanese]

Now, wait a minute.

She want to put
your kimono on for you.

She trained to please you.

I know what she’s trained to do.

And I don’t need
any translation there.

Now, you get my stuff
out of the supply shack

and you, uh, you know,
and we’ll put her up over there.

Not very democratic, boss.
You make her lose face.

She think
she bad geisha girl.

I’ve got a bit
of face to save.

Now, don’t give me
any of that

oriental hanky-panky business,
you know.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright, what?
What’s she saying?

Oh, she say for me
to go home to grandpa, boss.

She first-class geisha girl.
She know her business.

- Goodnight, boss.
- Sakini?

[speaking Japanese]

This is all a big mistake.
You know..

[clears throat]
Uh, S-Sakini?

[speaking Japanese]

- Me.
- Me, me.

Me, no.

[speaking Japanese]

No, this is not a kimono.
This is a bathrobe.

And I don’t want
to put it on, you see?

[speaking Japanese]

Sakini!

This is against regulations.

[telephone ringing]

[shouting]
Hello!

You don’t have to shout.
I can hear you.

- This is Colonel Purdy.
- Yes, sir.

’Just thought I’d check up
on you. How are things going?’

- ’Anything I can do for you?’
- I can’t think of a thing, sir.

’I realize it’s bound to get
lonely for you down there.’

’So you know
what I’m gonna do, my boy?’

- Now, what are you gonna do?
- ’I’ll tell you.’

’I’m gonna send you some
of my old adventure magazines.’

No, I don’t want them.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir, very much.

I would like something
to read, sir.

’How are you getting
along with the natives?’

Well, it’s
an age-old problem, sir.

It’s a question, or a struggle
to see who’s going to lose face.

’I understand.’

As Mrs. Purdy says

"East is East, and West is West
and there can be no twain."

’But you are making progress?’

Well, nothing that I’d like
to put on paper, sir.

’Well, send in
a detailed progress report.’

Well, if that’s what you’d like
me to do, sir. Yes, sir.

’You’ll find that
these people lack’

’the capacity
for sustained endeavor.’

’Don’t hesitate
to build a fire under them.’

I don’t think that
that will be necessary, sir.

’Don’t forget, the eyes of
Washington are on you, Fisby.’

Oh, I hope not, sir.

’It just occurred to me.’

’Have you given any thought
to physical education?’

Well, I don’t think th-that..

You know, sir, that was a
masterpiece of timeliness, sir.

’Thank you, my boy.’

’Could you use a deck of cards?’

Sir, I..

’Hello? Hello?’

’Fisby, you’re getting weak.’

No. No.

Well, be good, my boy.
Keep up the good fight.

Bye-bye.

[speaking Japanese]

No.

[speaking Japanese]

No, wait.

[grunting]

Sakini!

Sakini!

Ohayou gozaimasu.

- Good morning, good morning.
- Ohayou gozaimasu.

Listen, do you know
where Sakini lives?

- Ohayou gozaimasu.
- Good morning. Do you know..

- Do you know where my chief..
- Ohayou gozaimasu.

- Do you know where my chief..
- Ohayou gozaimasu.

[speaking Japanese]

Ohayou gozaimasu.

(Fisby)
’Sakini!’

Oh. Oh, boss.

Say, where you been?
Been looking all over for you.

Where have you been? Now,
where’s my chief of agriculture?

There’s not a man
working this morning, Sakini.

Look around for yourself.
Not a man--

Wait a second, boss.

Lotus Blossom leave
all her things at Awasi, boss.

She got no way
to come here, boss

so everyone take a wheelbarrow
and go help bring Lotus Blossom.

Do you mean to tell me
that she has so much stuff

it takes my entire staff
to move this woman

this girl to my village?

No, boss, but chief of police
not trust chief of agriculture.

- No.
- Mayor not trust Mr. Oshira.

- So all got to go, boss.
- Oh, I see.

Mr. Oshira?
That old man?

He old, boss,
but he not dead.

Well, that’s a fine way for a..

That’s a great way
for officials to act. That’s..

As soon as they get back,
I want to see them.

Okay, boss.

[all singing in Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

[all speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

- What’s going on?
- I don’t know, boss.

- What’s the trouble?
- Don’t know, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

You know what they say?

They say they got
discrimination here, boss.

Discrimination? Where? Where?

[speaking Japanese]

Boss. Hey, boss, she gonna tell.

- Lookit..
- She gonna show you, boss.

She gonna show you.
They’ll wait.

What’s..

[speaking Japanese]

They’re waiting
for the rice, boss.

- Yes?
- At the rice place.

[speaking Japanese]

Lotus Blossom come along.

- That’s Lotus Blossom?
- That’s Lotus Blossom.

Konnichiwa.

[speaking Japanese]

Ration clerk come out there.

Now, wait a minute..

Alright, alright.
Listen. No.

I wish you wouldn’t use..

No, boss. She still use it.
She’s ration clerk, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

He invite her in.

[speaking Japanese]

Wait!

[indistinct chattering]

Look, wait a minute! Look.

This is what undermines
the democratic ideal.

You tell her that I intend
to do something about it.

You tell her.

No. Wait a minute. Wait.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Just...now, wait a minute,
I’m gonna see right now

we’ll have to get rid
of this disrupting factor

in our recovery program.

[indistinct chattering]

- McEvoy at Awasi, please.
- What you gonna do, boss?

This village isn’t big enough
for plan B and a geisha.

Tobiki never have
a geisha girl before.

- We like very much.
- She’s got to go, she’s..

No. Uh...shh.
Major McEvoy?

This is Captain Fisby at Tobiki.

Ju-ju-just a moment.

I have a request, sir,
from one of my people

t-t-to transfer
to your village. It’s..

Yes, sir.
It’s a female citizen, sir.

Uh...oh, her job?

Boss, please, do not make
her go. Not democratic, boss.

Uh, yes, as a matter of fact.

Uh, yes, her name
is Lotus Blossom, major.

H-how did you know?

No, no, sir. No, sir.

I am not trying to put anything
over on you, sir. It’s, uh..

Major.

Mm-hm.

Oh. Oh, you did?

Oh, you did.

Oh, he know Lotus Blossom, boss?

Yes...you know something..

...as a matter of fact,
Lotus Blossom was at Awasi.

- She wrecked his recovery plan.
- Ah so.

Oh, so. Don’t give
me that, "Oh, so."

Listen, do you know
that she has been booted

out of every village by
every commander on the island?

- Oh, poor little Lotus Blossom.
- Oh, poor little Lotus Blossom.

Now, I know why Mr. Sunata
or whatever his name is

just off he goes,
disappears. I know why. I know.

The major gave him 100 yen to
get the girl out of the village.

Well, by golly, she’s not gonna
cause any dissension here. No.

[speaking Japanese]

Ladies. Ladies. Ladies.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Ladies, close the door.
Close the door. Wait.

Ladies. Ladies.
Ladies. Hey, ladies.

Just a minute, please.
Alright, just one minute.

Please, just..

Alright, what is it
you want, ma’am?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, she say she waiting for
some democratic action, boss.

And if she don’t get it, boss

she gonna write
this Uncle Sam you talk about.

Wait, we don’t want
to do that.

We don’t want letters
going to Washington

about any trouble around here.

The discrimination, which all
these lovely ladies have been..

I know you’re worried.
We’ll take care of it.

We’re gonna take care of
every bit of it.

So that’s it.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, no, she say please not
eliminate discrimination, boss.

Just give her some.

Now, what does she mean by that?

She say Lotus Blossom
unfair competition.

Oh, well, granted.

And she say you promise her
everyone gonna be equal, boss.

And I intend to keep my word.

But she say
she can’t be equal, boss

unless she have everything
Lotus Blossom have.

What Lotus Blossom has
the government doesn’t issue.

[speaking Japanese]

Alright, alright.

Yes, just a minute now.
What is this?

She say she want you to get her

and Ladies League
the following items.

A, red stuff to put
on lips like geisha girl.

B, stuff that smell very nice.

What do you think
the post exchange would think

if I put in a requisition for
lipstick? This is ridiculous.

This, I can’t do.

[speaking Japanese]

Now, what?

Oh, she say she think

she gonna have to write this
Uncle Sam after all, boss.

No, you don’t.

Now, wait a minute.
Ladies, wait a minute, please.

Ladies, ladies, please,
will you come back?

You, ladies,
just come back here.

Look, no, just one.
Look, sit down.

You, sit down.
Come on. Here now.

There’s a nice girl. Sit down.

Now, the rest of you,
don’t, please don’t.

Now, look, will you explain..
Sakini, listen very carefully.

Will you? Oh, my.

Just explain to her that

I, I will phone the, uh,
Post Exchange at Awasi

and I will see
if I can get some, uh..

Well, I’ll get some talcum
powder and some shaving lotion.

You know, tell her. Tell her.

Yeah. alright?

Yeah?

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, it’s alright. Yes?

What now? What did she say?

Oh, she say
one more thing, boss.

She say she want you
to get Lotus Blossom

to teach all the ladies
to be geisha girl.

No.

No.

No. No. No.

[humming]

[door opens and closes]

Ah!

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

Fisby san!

[Lotus Blossom chuckles]

Oh, boss, look who’s here.
Lotus Blossom come to see you.

Alright, now. Where have
you been all day? Hm?

Oh, don’t bother
to tell me. I know.

You’ve been out, uh,
upsetting the agri..

Oh, no, upsetting the
agricultural horse cart? Huh?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, she say sun
burst through clouds

now that you smile on her.

I’m not smiling.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh. Oh, boss, you know
what she give you?

- The works.
- No.

When lady give a gentleman
chrysanthemum bud in Okinawa

that mean that her heart
ready to unfold.

Well, this is one bud
that’s not going to bloom.

[singing]

Now, what’s this?

She-she-she want to know
you want some tsukemono, boss.

- No.
- Tsukemono good between meals.

No, no, no.

[speaking Japanese]

Will you, will you, ple..
Will you..

Tell her to leave
my feet alone.

- Captain Fisby san.
- What?

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, boss,
she very worried about you.

When you go out in hot sun,
you must wear kasa on head.

You tell her to stop worrying
about my head and my feet and..

...and one thing very important,
she’s just got to stop

interfering
with my recovery program.

[speaking Japanese]

- You want some tea, boss?
- No, I don’t. No, no, no.

Oh, you want
to hear some music, boss?

No. No, I don’t.

[speaking Japanese]

She say you jealous, boss.

Ha ha ha.

[speaking Japanese]

You want to tell her
your trouble, boss?

Tell her my wha-what..

What do I wanna
tell her my troubles for?

Oh, she geisha girl, boss,
that’s her business.

Yeah. Yeah, some business.
Some business.

Oh, oh, no.

[speaking Japanese]

- Oh, she very sad, boss.
- Hm.

She want to help
you because she..

She say you best boss
she ever have.

You not take money from her.
You not make her work.

Do you mean to tell me
that the men who owned her

hired her out and then..

- And they took money from her?
- Oh, sure, boss.

Oh, well, now, really. I mean..

You know, where I come from the
men who do that sort of thing--

Oh, you got the geisha business
in America too, boss?

No, but, well, I mean..

Look, will you please explain
to her I have no intention

of, of making her work

and I’m certainly not going
to take any money away from her.

- I mean, that’s..
- Why not, boss?

She pay dues to geisha guild.
She member in good standing.

This is the most immoral thing
I’ve ever heard of.

No, I mean, I don’t say,
Sakini, that

where I come from
we don’t have, uh..

Well, you know,
but I mean..

By golly!
We don’t have unions.

And we don’t set rates
and we don’t collect dues.

No, no, boss, no.

Geisha girl not do
what you think.

No-no-no. Wait a minute.
Everybody knows what they do.

Oh, no,
then everybody wrong, boss.

What do they
pay her for? Hm?

Oh...well, very hard
to explain, boss.

Poor man like to feel rich.

Rich man like to feel wise.

Sad man like to feel happy.

So all go to geisha house
and tell trouble to geisha girl.

Now, she listen very politely.

She say,
"Oh, that’s too bad, boss."

She very pretty.

She make tea, and she sing

and she dance, boss.

Pretty soon
troubles go away, boss.

So that not
worth something, boss?

Sakini, I apologize to you.
I-I, I really apologize.

I’m-I’m...I’m very glad
you cleared things up.

That’s kind of..

That kind of puts
a new light on things.

[speaking Japanese]

She say, she say, why you smile
at her all of a sudden, boss?

You mad or something?

Sakini, uh, will you ask her

if she’d be kind enough

to give geisha lessons

to the Ladies League
for Democratic Action?

Huh?

[Lotus chuckling]

[traditional music]

[speaking Japanese]

[knocking on door]

Boss.

Oh, boss.

- They come to see you.
- What can I do for them?

The have a meeting
in democratic fashion

and majority agree
on resolution.

They want you to
build them a chaya.

- A what?
- Chaya!

- A teahouse, boss.
- A teahouse?

Sure, now that Tobiki got the
geisha girl like big city, boss

they want a teahouse
like big city, too.

They say, you give Ladies League
what they want, boss.

I can’t build a teahouse.
I have no authority to do that.

You say rule of majority is law,
boss. You gonna break the law?

No, I’m not going to break..

[speaking Japanese]

Well, look, they’re going
to have a school, you see.

Now, now, that’s enough.

Oh, school. Well, majority
too old to go to school, boss.

They want to have chaya,
a teahouse.

We haven’t got the materials
to build a teahouse.

[speaking Japanese]

What did she say?

She say yesterday
big Army truck come

and leave lovely lumber
and beautiful paint, boss.

That’s right. It’s for the
schoolhouse. It can’t be done.

- Oh, okay.
- No, it just can’t.

[speaking Japanese]

They say you very mean to them,
boss, after present

they give you everything, but--

I’m sorry. I’m sorry, folks.
I’m really very sorry.

Oh, they very sorry too, boss

because Tobiki
like to be proud, boss.

Teahouse give them a face.

It’s gonna be a fine school.
Five sides.

- May I speak, captain-san?
- Yes, of course, Mr. Oshira.

There are lovely teahouses

in the big cities.

But the men of Tobiki
have never been inside them.

We are too poor.

All of my life I have dreamed

of visiting a teahouse

where paper lanterns
cast a light

in the lotus pond

and the bamboo bells
hanging in the pines

tinkle as the breezes
brush them.

But this picture
is only in my heart.

I may never see it.

I am an old man, sir.

I shall die soon.

It is evil for the soul
to depart this world

laden with envy or regret.

Give us our teahouse, sir.

Free my soul for death.

Well, we haven’t any carpenters.

Daiku-san! Daiku-san!

(all)
Daiku-san! Daiku-san!

Oh, boss, what you think?

Mr. Sumata and papa-san
just come down

from mountain right now.
Ha ha ha.

Alright, alright,
I haven’t got a chance.

I guess Uncle Sam is going
into the teahouse business.

Captain Fisby!

[all cheering]

Uncle Sam!

[all cheering]

[singing in Japanese]

[phone ringing]

Thank you.

Captain Fisby.

’Hello. This is Colonel Purdy.’

Yes, sir. How are you, colonel?

I wanna talk to you
about your progress report.

There’s nothing here about the
schoolhouse. Did you get lumber?

Yes, sir. As a matter of fact,
we’re using it out there now.

But, colonel, I think we’re
gonna have to have some more.

’I sent ample according
to specifications.’

’How big a structure
are you building?’

We have to consider expansion,
you know, population increase.

We don’t need
to consider expansion.

Our troops will be out of there
by the next generation.

Which brings me
to another point.

What’s this about six kids
being born last week?

It’s the only thing to fill
the progress report with, sir.

Then you’ve failed
at your indoctrination.

Don’t you know
that births are entered

under population increases?

They’re not considered progress.

No, not children, sir.
Kids. Goats.

There must be something wrong
with this connection.

It sounded just
as if you said goats.

You see, I’m trying to increase
the livestock down here.

Goats? Look here, Fisby.

Suppose some congressman
flew in to inspect our team.

How would I explain
such a report about goats?

’The population of civilians
alone concerns us.’

’I wanna know exactly
what progress you’ve made’

’as outlined in plan B.’

Well, sir, I’m getting along
with the people.

In other words, nothing.
Listen to me, Fisby.

Do you know what Major McEvoy
has accomplished in Awasi?

- ’No, sir.’
- Then I’ll tell you.

His fourth graders know
the alphabet through M.

His whole village can sing
"God Bless America" in English.

I wish I could say the same.

See that you do. I don’t want
any rotten apples in my barrel.

I wanna know exactly what you’ve
accomplished in the five weeks.

Well, sir, now,
we have started an industry.

In fact, we’re sending our
first shipment out this week.

- Now, we’re making getas--
- Wait a minute.

What in thunder is a geta?

No, it isn’t a geta, sir.
It’s plural. Getas.

Getas, you know,
you have to have two.

- Are you breeding some animal?
- No, no.

You see, you wear them
on your feet.

And...and they’re very good

for the metatarsal
muscles, colonel.

And now, I have another group.

They’re out there
making cricket cages.

Captain Fisby...what kind of
cages did you say?

’Cricket cages, colonel.’

You know, the cricket.

The black bug that..

’It rubs its
hind legs together.’

I think we can sell just
thousands of those cages.

Of course, we don’t
supply the cricket.

Naturally, not.

Captain Fisby, have you
taken your salt pills?

Oh, yes, sir. Every day
at chaya in the pine grove.

Have you been going out
in the sun without your hat?

I wear a kasa, sir. It’s a, uh..

The wind blows
through the straw.

’It kind of
ventilates the brain.’

I see. I see.

That’ll be all, captain.

- Gregovich.
- Yes, sir?

What’s the name
of that psychiatrist in Awasi?

- Captain McLean?
- Yes. Get him on the phone.

My man in Tobiki has gone
completely off his rocker.

[horn blaring]

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning.

- Hello?
- Good morning.

Good morning.

[speaking Japanese]

Oh. Thank you. Thank you.

Excuse me.

I’ll see you. Bye.

Well, who are you?

- Oh, you startled me.
- I’m Captain Fisby.

Can I do something for you?

Can I do something for you?

Oh, well, I’m Captain McLean.

How do you do, captain?

Uh, there was nobody here,
so I came in.

Medical Corps. I see it.

See? Huh? What are you doing
down here in Tobiki? Hmm?

- I’m on leave.
- Oh?

- Thought I’d spend it here..
- Uh-huh.

...making some
ethnological studies..

- Oh?
-...of the natives.

- lf you have no objection.
- No, I don’t!

That’s in your way,
I’ll take it.

I was just examining that.

- That’s my cricket cage.
- Oh, you like crickets?

I haven’t found one,
but I have the cage.

Matter of fact, I’ve got two.
Would you like one?

Oh, no, no, no, thank you.
It’s alright.

- What happened to your uniform?
- Oh, it’s around.

I find getas and
a kimono much more..

...comfortable in this climate.

But isn’t that a bathrobe?

Well, it passes for a kimono.

Why don’t you take
your shoes off, captain?

- Oh, no, thank you. Thank you.
- No?

- I’ll just keep them on.
- Alright, fine. No objection.

Sit down, sit down.
In my good chair, my good chair.

- Thank you.
- Well.

No?

Hmm?

- May I ask..
- Mm-hmm.

What’re you building
down the road?

Oh, that’s my chaya.

That’s gonna be something
to write home about, Mac.

- A chaya?
- Mm-hmm.

If you have a geisha

you gotta have a chaya,
you know.

- How’ve you felt lately, Fisby?
- Mac, I’ll tell you something.

I have never felt better.

I feel reckless and happy

and carefree and...well..

And it all happened
the moment I decided

not to build that
pentagon-shaped schoolhouse.

- That what?
- The good colonel ordered me.

He ordered me to build
a pentagon-shaped schoolhouse

while the natives,
they wanted a teahouse.

Would you believe it? One of
them gave me a geisha girl.

So I decided that I was going
to give them what they want.

I guess it sounds
kind of crazy, doesn’t it?

[chuckling]
Well, yeah. Yes and no.

You know,
these are wonderful people.

Wonderful people with a...
a strange sense of beauty.

Hard working, hard working
when there’s a purpose.

You know what they’re doing
out there?

They’re making cricket cages
and lacquerware and chopsticks

and all these
to sell as souvenirs.

Don’t let anybody ever tell you
that these people are lazy.

Oh, that’s..

- Oh, I see.
- No, you don’t. You don’t.

- Oh, I see.
- You don’t, no, no, no.

You will when you study them.

- You’re building a teahouse.
- Yes.

Next, I’m gonna go out
and test that soil.

See if it won’t grow something
besides sweet potatoes.

I’m gonna send for some
nitrates, and DDT and chemicals.

Chemicals?

’Yes.’

- You wanna poison these people?
- What’re you talkin’ about? No.

- Look, capt..
- What? What?

I’m sorry.

You just touched on a subject
that’s very close to my heart.

- Gardening.
- Yes?

For years, I’ve been on
the point of giving up my career

just so I could set up
an experimental farm

somewhere where I could
raise vegetables organically.

Nature’s way.
No poisons, no chemicals.

Let me tell you something,
captain.

Chemicals will kill
all your earthworms.

- Earthworms aerate your soil.
- They do?

Do you know that
the earthworm leaves castings

eight times
its own weight every day?

That much?

Organic gar..
It’s the only thing.

Compost.

Manure...but no chemicals.

You know a lot about this,
I can tell. Huh? You do?

I subscribed to all
the farm journals for years.

Mac, listen to me, I’ve got the,
I’ve got the greatest idea.

While you’re here, you could
really do us a big big favor.

A big service. You could
sort of take over supervision.

Establish.. what do you call it,
an experimental station?

Huh?

- Well..
- Hmm?

- Oh, I haven’t got the time.
- Take time, man. Take time.

This is a chance
to put your theories into facts.

These are not theories.
These are proved facts.

Just tell us how to go about it.
That’s all, Mac.

- Is your soil acid or alkaline?
- Oh, golly, I don’t know.

That’s the first thing
we’ve to find out.

You’re the man we need.
You’re a genius.

- I’ll want plenty of manure.
- You’ll get it.

And I want to set
this program up scientif..

- Oh!
- What’s the matter? What is it?

I wish I had my books,
my seed ca..

Oh, I’ve got a stack
of seed catalogs that high.

- You have?
- Oh, man, and I..

Let’s sit down here.
You know what you can do?

You can write a list of those
seeds, catalogs, and books.

We’ll have the airstrip boys
to fly them in.

- Can you do that?
- Can I do it? Sit down.

Can I do it? Of course, I can.
Make the list--

Every spring,
I’ve made lists of seeds.

I never had any soil
to put them in.

Oh! Now I can
actually germinate..

Make the list right now
and we’ll get started.

- Uh, corn, Golden Bantam.
- Yes.

- And, and Country Gentleman.
- Right.

- Hybrid.
- This, I got to check.

- Hybrid.
- Hybrid? Yes.

I gotta check with my department
of agriculture now.

But I’ll be back this afternoon,
because you and I

we’ll have tea
in the pine grove, Mac.

We have tea in the pine grove
every day as the sun goes down.

Cucumbers.
Early, green, prolific.

Oh! And radishes.

Crimson giant.

[phone ringing]

Crimson giant.

- There’s no answer, sir.
- What do you mean, no answer?

Well, keep trying, I won’t take
no answer for an answer.

[phone ringing]

Tomatoes...Ponderosa, Earlyiana.

Watermelon.

All American gold medal.

[ringing continues]

Hello.

- Who is this?
- ’This is Captain McLean.’

This is Colonel Purdy.

- Can you talk?
- ’Why not?’

I’m anxious to hear your report
on...you-know-who.

’On who?’

Captain Fisby. The man
I sent you down to examine.

Oh. Uh...well, colonel..

...looks like I’ll have to
be down here several weeks.

Several weeks?

- ’Rome wasn’t built in a day.’
- What?

I said,
Rome wasn’t built in a day.

’Well, you’re the doctor.’

Thank you, but I expect
to work miracles.

Splendid, splendid.
Is there anything I can send?

Some old Adventure
magazines or anything?

Say, colonel, there are
a couple of books I’d like.

Uh...I don’t think
you could get them.

’You name them.’

Well, one is the
"Principles Of Pea Production."

’And the other one, the "Do’s
and Don’ts of Cabbage Culture."

Oh, and, colonel..

...do you think you could lay
your hands on a soil test kit?

- A what?
- A soil test kit.

I wanna test the soil down here,
see if it’s sour.

Sour, did you say?

Well, yeah, if soil is sour

your seeds won’t germinate.

And, oh, I’d love to lay
my hands on some bees.

There is something wrong
with this connection.

And I’m gonna have
to take some time out.

I gotta build up this soil,
you know, with manure.

- Did you say manure?
- Yeah.

Nature’s way.

I’ve lost faith in chemicals.
You kill all your worms.

Oh, let me tell you, colonel.

When you kill a worm,
you’re killing a friend.

Hello?

- Gregovich.
- ’Yes, sir?’

- Where’s plan B?
- ’Uh, what did you want, sir?’

I wanna see who I send
to analyze an analyst.

[speaking Japanese]

That’s hot water.

- Hot water.
- Hot water.

That’s it.

[both laughing]

- Captain Fisby-san.
- Oh. Hey. Hey.

[claps hands]

Mac, Mac, come on, over here.

- Over here.
- I’ve a list of seeds here.

Put some more
hot water in the pot

’cause we have a guest here.

Uh, uh...this,
this is Lotus Blossom.

- You know?
- How do you do?

That’s the geisha girl
I told you about.

- Konnichiwa.
- She can’t speak English.

- Oh, she doesn’t need to.
- No?

Oh, hey. The seeds.

- Sit down here, will you?
- Thank you, I’d like that.

Have some of this.
You know something?

You know, Mac,
that’s real jasmine tea.

- Really?
- Here. Here’s a pillow.

- Thank you.
- Take off your shoes.

- Now, about those seeds--
- Shh. Shh. Shh.

Now we’re gonna sit here
and watch the sun go down.

And we’re gonna contemplate
the end of the day.

[clears throat]

[sighs]

[oriental music]

[singing in Japanese]

Look, captain,
I’m sorry to interrupt.

Could you let me have few boys
to help me in the fields?

Darn Japanese beetles are
eating up all my Chinese peas.

Alright, I’ll get Sakini to get
a couple of boys to help you.

- Oh, good, thanks.
- Alrighty. Now, Mac?

Sit down, Mac,
and listen for a while.

Lotus Blossom, will you sing it
again for my friend Mac?

- Thank you.
- Mac, but quiet, huh?

[Lotus chuckles]

Alright.

Here we go.

[oriental music]

[singing in Japanese]

Boss?

Very sorry to interrupt
lovely song, boss

but emergency out here.

- What’s the matter?
- Everyone come back, boss.

Oh, alright,
we better go see how

they made out
with the souvenirs.

Yeah, put it up here
so we can use this.

Alright.

Alright, come on, let’s go.

[goat bleating]
What’s this?
Now what’s happened here?

All the souvenirs
come back, boss.

What do you mean? You mean to
say they didn’t sell anything?

No, the soldiers
who look at the straw hats

say "What you think we are?
Hayseed?"

Mr. Oshira, look, you were
at Yatoda, what happened?

The Navy always spends money.

Sailor said,
"How much you want?"

- I said, "25 yen."
- That’s good.

They say, "Oh, too much.

"Can get better
in five-and-ten-cent store.

Give you one nickel."

Didn’t you tell them,
Mr. Oshira

that every one
of those cups is handmade?

They say, "Not care."

They say,
"At home, have big machine

make ten cups every minute."

They say,
"Take nickel or jump in lake."

How do you like that?

Boss, you gonna stop work
on the teahouse?

No, we’re not going
to stop work on..

They’re gonna get that teahouse,
Sakini, if not anything else.

By golly, you can tell them
I’m very proud of that work

that they’ve done.
I’m so proud.

And you can tell them too,
that I’m very proud of them.

No, I am, I really am.

I-I don’t understand this.

No, no, no,
I don’t understand this.

I don’t understand this.

Boss, they sure wish
they could make some money

to spend in the teahouse, boss.

Because they not like
to go poor like beggar.

I know, I know.

[speaking Japanese]

See, he say, boss, it not
your fault no one buy souvenir.

Well, they going home
to get drunk now, boss.

I don’t blame them, Sakini.

If I could find something
to drink, I’ll do the..

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, folks.

What are they
gonna get drunk on?

Oh, they got nothing
but brandy, boss.

- Nothing but brandy?
- Nothing but brandy?

How are you gonna manage
to get brandy?

Oh, we make a very fine brandy,
boss, from sweet potatoes.

Been making for generations.

You make brandy yourself?

Yeah, sure, boss.
You want to taste some?

[speaking Japanese]

- Here you are, boss.
- Mac, Mac, my dear friend, Mac.

If this stuff
is only halfway good, we’re..

Oh, man, we’re really
in business.

This is one thing our men
I know they’ll buy this.

It may not be any good.

Some things even our troops
won’t drink.

- Well..
- Take a sip, boss.

I wanna smell it first.

- Obviously it has a kick.
- Yeah.

How old is this stuff, Sakini?

[speaking Japanese]

- Seven years?
- No, seven days, boss.

Oh, no, no, I mean, it wouldn’t
smell like that in seven days.

They make it last week, boss.

You try it, will you, Mac?
You’re a medical man.

- You give it a try.
- What?

- You first.
- No, you’re my guest.

I waive the honor.

You know, anybody ever die
or go blind from this?

- We not dead. We not blind.
- Of course not.

- You see? Come on, Mac.
- They’ve worked up an immunity.

I don’t wanna kill one of
my own countrymen, you know?

There must be some way to test
this, isn’t there, without me..

There isn’t, huh?

Well..

[goat bleating]

Sakini, get me Elsa Maxwell.

One goat coming up, boss.

Elsa Maxwell.
That’s who we need.

That’s Higa Jiga’s goat.
We’ll test it on her, you see?

Well, what are you gonna prove?
Goats have hardy stomachs.

No, look, if this brandy..

If this passes the goat test,
we’re really in business.

You know why? Because
no Marine will ever admit

that his stomach
is weaker than a goat’s.

Hey, boss, you gonna make
a guinea pig of goat?

Give me something to put it in.
Anything at all will do.

- Helmet?
- That’s fine. That’s fine.

That’s just fine.

- Elsa Maxwell very lucky goat.
- Easy, easy.

You better hold her head,
Sakini.

Alright, doctor,
proceed in the name of science.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

We’re either gonna
have an industry

or goat meat for dinner.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, not too much.

[laughing]

She likes that.

Hey. Hey.

She alright? Alright?

What do you think, doc?

It doesn’t seem to affect her.
Reflexes okay.

[goat bleating]
Well, here goes.

[all laughing]

Oh.

[all laughing]

- Hey.
- Where you going, boss?

I’m about to form

the cooperative
brewing company of Tobiki.

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

Officers’ Club at Awasi, please.

- We gonna make brandy?
- I’ll tell you in a minute.

Officers’ Club at Awasi?

This is Captain Fisby
speaking at Tobiki.

Yeah, oh, major?
Major, this is Fisby.

You know,
when I was with your unit

we had a hard time keeping
a supply of liquor?

You remember? Yeah.

Well, major, I think
I have stumbled on to something

that might be
of interest to you.

Yes, as you know, Tobiki

is the heart
of the brandy industry.

(major)
’Brandy? Did you say brandy?’

Yes, brandy.

Look up the word sweet potato
in my dictionary, Mac.

See if there’s a fancier word
for sweet potato.

Oh, I’m here, major.
Yes, here I am.

Yeah, now, look, major,
I might be able to supply

some of that brandy to you

that is, of course, if you’re
willing to pay the price.

And you keep the source secret.

Yes.

Oh, they’ve been making it here
for generations, sir.

Oh, yes, as a matter of fact

I’m sure you’ve never tasted
anything quite like it.

Hold on a minute, major.

The Haitian name for sweet
potato is B-A-T-A-T-A, Batata.

Major, you’ve heard of
Seven Star Batata, haven’t you?

Oh, well, they make it here
in Tobiki. Yes.

The Seven Star got him, I think.

Brandy eight or ten-day-old,
better. Nine or ten-day-old.

Major, we also have Eight Star
Batata, and we have Ten Star.

Of course, the Ten Star,
now mind you

that comes a little bit
more expensive, yes.

That will run you, uh..

...100-occupation-yen a gallon.

Delivered.

Yes.

What? How many?

Five gallons. Yes.

Five gallons will be delivered
in one week.

It’ll be delivered by
our Department of Agriculture.

Yeah, right.
You’re welcome, sir. Right.

[all cheering]

Alright. Alright, let’s..

[phone ringing]

Hello?

News kind of
gets around fast, huh?

Hello?

Oh? GHQHH...GHQPX.

Yes. Yes.

Oh?

- Uh, 30 gallons?
- No.

COD?

Yes. Right.

It’ll be there.

Right. Thank you.

Thirty gallons!

Let’s go to work, huh?

I don’t have to tell you.
Let’s go to work.

Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

I’ve got my cricket.

Put a label on that one.
Put a label on that one.

Seiko, 150 more gallons

to the Naval Officers’ Club,
Big Koza.

COD. Take it away.

Yatoda!

Hey, Sakini,
what are they doing here?

We’re diverting water
for a lotus pond.

You can’t have a teahouse
without a lotus pond.

Yeah, where’s
your goldfish, Mac?

When you have a lotus pond,
you gotta have goldfish.

Hey, boss.

Everyone send me to bring you
to teahouse opening, boss.

Mac, look. Isn’t that something?

This first-class, boss.

Hey, boy, that’s really
something, Sakini.

How about that?

- Well, come on, let’s go.
- Lead on.

Okay.

[bells chiming]

Take shoes off, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

Thank you.
Good evening to you.

Boss, you sit here.

Lotus Blossom gonna dance
in your honor.

Hey, Mac, you hear that?
She’s gonna dance.

Come on. Sit down, Mac.
This is in my honor.

How can I stall Purdy
so I can stay down here?

I’ll have a relapse for you.

[oriental music]

[singing in Japanese]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[applause]

[speaking Japanese]

Chrysanthemum bud
in full bloom now, boss.

And now, happy birthday.

Very good.

Well, I’ll be.

- How did you know?
- I gave you away.

Boss, now everyone like
to show appreciation, boss.

Happy birthday.

How very lovely you are.

And a happy, happy to you.

[speaking Japanese]

[indistinct chattering]

Oh, boss, you know what you do?

It called for flowers,
sort of, you know?

That mean you give
your heart to her.

Well, I do. We all do, huh?
Wasn’t it beautiful, Mac?

Oh, she can dance
in my chaya any day.

Pardon me, sir.

Are you sure
this is Tobiki village?

According to the map, sir.

- The place seems deserted.
- There was a light over there.

Come on.

What? What is this?
Sakini, what do they want?

They want you
and doctor to sing song.

Sing? No.

Alright, come on,
come on, Mac.

Come on,
we’re gonna sing something.

How about
"Deep in the Heart of Texas?"

Why not? There aren’t
any Texans here, are there?

We’re gonna have some fun now.
Come here, Sakini, look.

Tell them they’re gonna help us.

When we clap four times and sing
they have to join in.

I know that song.
Very nice, boss. We demonstrate.

- What is it?
- Stars at night.

♪ Stars at night ♪

♪ Are big and bright ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

[speaking Japanese]

Deep in the heart of..

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Then we clap four times.

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

Hey, we’re all ready.
Hey, we’re ready.

Alright. You ready on the left?
Ready on the right. Here we go.

♪ The stars at night
are big and bright ♪

♪ Deep in the heat of Texas ♪

♪ The prairie sky
is big and high ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The stars at night
are big and bright ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The prairie sky
is wide and high ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

♪ The sage in bloom
is like perfume ♪

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪

Captain Fisby!

♪ The one I love
deep in the.. ♪

What in the name..

What?

I see you, Fisby.

Fisby, I see you.

[speaking Japanese]

Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?

Fisby. Fisby. Come out of here.

Come out of here.

Sit down!

How many lectures
have you delivered

to the village children
on democratic theory?

- Well, now, let me see, sir.
- Four, five?

No, no, it wasn’t
that many, sir.

- Three?
- No.

Two?

No, no.

You’ve only delivered
one lecture?

None, sir.

Don’t tell me you haven’t
delivered a single lecture?

Yes, sir, I’ve not
delivered no lecture.

Any lecture.

Have you organized a women’s
League for Democratic Action?

Yes, sir, I did that.
I sure did. I sure did that.

How many lectures on democratic
theory did you give them?

- Uh...none, sir.
- You can’t mean none.

- You must mean one or two.
- No, just none.

- I refuse to believe it.
- I’m very glad, sir.

- Sir, I must go!
- Where?

My seedlings are wilting.
I have to transplant them.

Captain, you’ll pack your gear
and transplant yourself

to your unit at once.

Yes, sir.

They’ll die.

Yeah.

This is murder.

Please, take care of my beans.

Now, is the
schoolhouse finished?

No, sir.

Well, why isn’t it finished?

W-well, we-we haven’t started.

What did you do
with the lumber I sent?

We built a teahouse.

I don’t suppose
you have any aspirin here?

Huh? I...no.
I don’t think so.

What in the name of occupation
do you mean by saying

you’re building a teahouse!

Lotus Blossom,
she had to have a place

to teach the Ladies League
geisha lessons, sir.

- Fisby!
- Yes? Yes, sir?

What?

Uh..

How could you sink
to such depths, man?

I was only giving into what
the majority wanted, colonel.

I don’t doubt that statement,
not at all.

It’s a sad thing
it took a war to convince me

that most of the human race
is degenerate.

I thank my stars
I come from a country

where the air is clean,
where the wind is fresh--

Oh, for heaven’s sake, sir,
there’s nothing that goes on

in a teahouse that
your own mother couldn’t watch.

You be careful how you use
my mother’s name, Fisby!

Well, my mother then, sir.

Sir, there’s nothing immoral
about our teahouse.

Well, answer me this,
what’s bringing all that

occupation money
to this particular village?

[telephone ringing]

Uh...it’s, uh..

- Well, answer it.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- It’s nothing, nothing.
- It might be for me.

- It’s noth--
- Answer it.

No, this phone rings
all day long.

Then I’ll answer it!

Hello?

What do you want?

Who is this?

Well, Commander Meyers,
you must have a wrong connection

this is not a brewery!

- Yes.
- Hmm.

Yes.

Yes. Ohh, I see!

I see.

I see.

Well..

...there was nothing else
that we could make

that anybody would want...
would want to buy.

Brandy.

This ends my army career.

When I’d promised Mrs. Purdy
I’d come out a general..

You’ve broken
a fine woman’s heart, Fisby.

I’m sorry.
I’m very sorry.

You sullied the reputation
of your nation!

- And all the tears--
- Alright! Shall I kill myself?

Oh, don’t minimize this!

You don’t know the enemy’s
genius for propaganda.

What’ve you done with all the
money you made so dishonestly?

I banked it in Seattle.

Oh! That’s despicable!

Making a personal fortune off
the labor of ignorant people.

I haven’t touched a cent
of this money, colonel.

It’s all banked in the name of
the Tobiki Co-operative Company.

Everybody in the village,
they’re partners, don’t you see?

You know?

You know,
share and share alike--

That’s communism!

It is?

[sobbing]

I-I’ll be lucky to get
out of this war private.

- Captain Fisby.
- Yes, sir.

You’ll consider yourself
under technical arrest.

You will proceed to HQ
at once to await court-martial.

I intend to wipe this stain
from our country’s honor.

- Gregovich!
- ’Eh, you called, sir?’

I did!

[women laughing]

Yes, sir.

We have some business to attend
to here before going to Owase.

Yes, sir, I’m glad to hear it!

May I congratulate you on what
you’ve done for this village!

- It’s a dream!
- Thank you very much, sergeant.

It’s an alcoholic dream!

It’s one vast distillery!

I want you to take a detail and
some axes and smash every still!

Destroy them?
Ha ha ha!

- Beyond repair!
- Ha ha ha!

Take another detail
and rip down that teahouse.

- But colonel--
- Pile the lumber by the road.

Ha ha ha.

That’s an order.
You understand?

Yes, sir.

[woman sobbing]

[thudding]

[speaking Japanese]

[pots shattering]

I know.

[shouting in Japanese]

[sobbing continues]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Hot water.

[chuckling]

[speaking Japanese]

[sobbing]

Uh, boss. Sorry, boss,
jeep all loaded now.

I’ll be along
in a minute, Sakini.

You gonna take Lotus Blossom
with you, boss?

Sakini.

Ask her for me if there’s
anything that I can...do

for her before I go.

Ask her.

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

What did she say, Sakini?

Oh, she say
she want to marry you, boss.

Now, why...why would she
wanna marry me?

Oh, she say you nicest man
she ever seen, boss.

Oh, no, no.

No, you...you tell her
for me that I’m clumsy

I...I got a talent
for destruction.

I’d only disillusion her
just-just the same way

I disillusioned all her people.

[speaking Japanese]

She say she-she like
to go to America, boss

where everyone happy,
sit around

sip tea while machines work.

But tell her
I’ll never forget her.

I’ll never forget this village.

And on the other side of the
world, in the autumn of my life

when an August moon
rises in the East

I’ll remember
what was beautiful..

...and what I was wise enough
to leave beautiful.

[speaking Japanese]

[chuckles softly]

[speaking Japanese]

She say, boss,
she never forget you.

She like you to know
that she go and make up

her own song story about you,
to sing in the teahouse.

[chuckles softly]

And she say,
maybe in 100 years from now

you gonna be famous
all over Okinawa.

[instrumental music]

I’d like that.

[whispers]
I’d like that.

[clogs clattering]

[speaking Japanese]

Oh, he sure wanna push her
wheelbarrow for her, boss.

[speaking Japanese]

She say okay but not to think
that she’s his property.

[chuckling]

He very happy fellow, boss.

[clogs clattering]

[speaking Japanese]

She going now, boss,
but you still her boss.

So she say she not go
till you drop fan from face.

[speaking Japanese]

[instrumental music]

I’ve written a full report
of this affair

to your commanding officer!

I’m only glad
you don’t belong to my outfit.

I won’t tolerate
rotten apples in my barrel!

[telephone ringing]

Hello!

Who?

What!

When?

Ohh!

Uh, sit down, captain.
Sit down.

Sit down. Heh heh heh.
Make yourself comfortable.

Uh, give me your hat.

Have some of these tsukemonos.

Take your shoes off.
Uh, I’ll be right back.

- You going now, boss?
- Yeah, I guess so, Sakini.

Hey, boss, since you
not take Lotus Blossom

you maybe take me?

No, Sakini, no.

I’ll work for you
for half price, boss.

Um, Major McAvoy is coming
down here to take charge

and, uh...well, he’s gonna
need your help, you know.

Oh, you very hard man
to bargain with, boss.

Okay, you want,
I work just for rice ration.

No.

You mean you gonna make me
work for nothing, boss?

I mean, yes, you’re not going
to work for me at all, Sakini.

- Now, you belong here.
- Okay, boss.

Tsk.

Ohh, boss.

You know what
I think gonna happen

when American leave Okinawa?

No, what?

Ohh, I think we gonna have to
use a Pentagon-shape schoolhouse

for teahouse.

[laughing]

Ho ho!

[laughs]
So long, Sakini.

You’re a rare rascal.

So long, boss.

Say, you know,
I’m gonna miss you.

- Hey, boss.
- Yes?

You not failure.

I’ll tell you something, Sakini.

You know, I used to worry a lot
about not being a big success.

I-I think I felt an awful lot
like you people felt

always being conquered.

Well, you know, now I’m not sure
who’s the conquered

and...who’s the conqueror.

So..

I’ve learnt in Tobiki the wisdom
of gracious acceptance.

See, I don’t wanna be
a world leader.

I’ve made peace with myself
somewhere between my ambitions

and my limitations.

That’s good, boss.

What’s a step backward
in the right direction?

Take care.

Socks up, boss.

[panting]
Sakini! Sakini!

Sakini! Sakini!

Where’s Captain Fisby?

Ohh, right over here, boss.
This way.

- Fisby!
- No, no, no, no.

- Over here.
- Fisby! Fisby!

Fisby, come back here at once!

I’m not in shape.
Too much paperwork.

- You called, sir?
- I’ve been looking for you.

You can’t leave.
You’ve got to stay here.

- You’ve got to help me, Fisby!
- I don’t understand, colonel.

We’ve got to pull this village
back together again.

The lid is blown off
of everything!

- Where’s Gregovich?
- Well, he..

He’s out there breaking up
the rest of the stills.

- Oh, no!
- Why? What’s the matter?

I radioed the report
to Washington.

Some fool senator misunderstood.

He’s using this village
as an example

of American get-up-and-go
in the recovery program.

- We’re all over the newspapers.
- That’s wonderful, colonel!

It’s not wonderful,
a congressional committee

is flying over here
to study our methods.

They’re bringing photographers
for a magazine spread.

- Tonight, Fisby, tonight!
- Oh, that’s bad, that’s bad.

- Gregovich!
- Um, colonel, wait a minute.

Maybe there’s some way
we can stall ’em.

Ah, maybe we could quarantine
the place or something.

You can’t quarantine
a congressman.

They’ve got immunity
or something.

- Fisby.
- Yeah?

- Help me.
- Yes, sir!

I don’t ask you for my sake..

...I ask you for Mrs. Purdy.

I could be a brigadier yet.

Gregovich?

- Gregovich!
- Oh.

(Purdy)
Gregovich!

- Gregovich.
- Did you call, sir?

Come here. Come here, Gregovich.
Come here.

Come here. You haven’t destroyed
all the stills, have you?

- No. No, of course you haven’t.
- Oooh, yes I have!

[grunts]
I carried orders out
to the letter.

Why can’t somebody disobey
orders once in a while?

What’s happened to the American
spirit of rebellion?

[coughs]

- Sunstroke?
- Uh, potato brandy, sir.

Oh.

(Purdy)
’Sergeant, wake up!’

Do you hear me?
That’s an order.

Colonel, I’m afraid
he’s passed out.

It’s desertion.
I need every man.

- Gregovich, get to your feet.
- Come on, sergeant.

- Heh heh ha ha!
- Come on, sarge...sergeant.

Gregovich!

- I wanna ask you questions.
- Sorry, sir.

Stop weaving!

You’re weavin’, sir.
I’m standin’ perfectly still.

- You smell like a brewery.
- Oh, well..

I fell in a vat.

- You got drunk.
- No, sir. I fell in a vat.

Naturally, I had opened my mouth
to yell for help.

Go to the office
and sober up at once.

Yes, sir.

Oh, sergeant.
Uh, sergeant!

- Fisby.
- Yes, sir?

- I’m gonna need you. Stand by.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[airplane whirring]

Oh, no!

[whirring continues]

I’m a sinking ship..

...scuttled by my own men.

- Colonel Purdy.
- Don’t bother me.

- Stills not all destroyed.
- I haven’t got time.

What did you say?

We not born yesterday.

We get sergeant drunk,
give him water barrel to break.

Sakini!

My friend. You’re not saying
this to make me feel better?

No, stills as good
as ever, boss!

Production not cease yet.

Sakini, you really are a rascal.

No, he’s really an American.

- He’s got get-up-and-go.
- Sakini, listen.

If you get the people
in the village to work together

how long would it take them
to rebuild the teahouse?

Oh, we don’t destroy, boss.
We just take away and hide.

Come here.

[Purdy panting]

Now we gonna show you
Okinawa get-up-and-go.

Oye!

[shouting in Japanese]

[man shouting in Japanese]

[singing in Japanese]

Oye!

[speaking Japanese]

Be right back.

[singing continues]

[speaking Japanese]

[singing continues]

It’s a land of mystery
of the Orient.

It’s-it’s beautiful.

- Simply beautiful.
- There’s only one thing wrong.

It needs a sign
to tell people what it is.

And we oughta put
another sign up over there

naming this Grace Purdy Avenue.

And another sign--

Sir, how about a nice
cup of tea? Hmm?

Alright?

[laughing]

Twenty Star
for the colonel, Sakini.

Okay, boss.

[clogs clattering]

Little story now concluded

but history of world unfinished.

Lovely ladies, kind gentlemen..

...go home to ponder.

What was true at beginning
remains true.

Pain make man think..

...thought make man wise..

...and wisdom
make life endurable.

So, may August moon
bring gentle sleep.

Sayonara.

[Japanese song]