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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
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CAT: OK, five card draw poker.
3
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You in, Cincinnati?
4
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:47,887
Of course he's in. Come on, Rimmer.
5
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Deal the cards.
6
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RIMMER: Match-sticks, nothing more.
7
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If you think you're winning
my back issues
8
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,087
of Morris Dancer monthly,
you've got another thing coming.
9
00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,525
Here we go.
10
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One, two, three, four, five.
11
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Let's see what we got.
12
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Where are our cards?
13
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You ain't getting any.
14
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- But without cards, we can't win.
- Exactly!
15
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What kind of game is that?
16
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A good game.
17
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A game I'm gonna win.
18
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Look, let's try it another way.
19
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So that we all get
20
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five cards
21
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,806
and we all get
22
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a chance to win.
23
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You might just enjoy it.
24
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How many cards do you wanna change?
25
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None, are you crazy?
26
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You've got a really good hand, right?
27
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How did you know?
28
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Have you never heard of a poker face?
29
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Huh?
30
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,962
You get your cards,
you look at 'em like this,
31
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,445
and you don't give anything away.
32
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,250
All right. Let try it again.
33
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,485
How many cards do you want to change?
34
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Five.
35
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(BEEPING)
36
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KRYTEN: Sirs, we're picking up an SSL.
37
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It's in the neighbouring vector.
38
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OK, starting her up.
39
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(ENGINE STARTING)
40
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Silky as the first day we got her.
41
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,561
Moon base, coming up
on our starboard side.
42
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,241
What is this place, Kryts?
43
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According to the ident,
44
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,442
it's a United America Scientific
Research Station.
45
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,689
- United America, who's that?
- Well, at the end of the 23rd century,
46
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,085
America attempted
to bring peace to the world,
47
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by asking every nation on Earth
48
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to sign a Peace Treaty.
49
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Any nation that refused, they invaded.
50
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,806
Now a war ensued
51
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that was called the War against War.
52
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Those countries who went to war,
53
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because they were so against war,
54
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they were prepared to go to war,
55
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to fight in a war against war,
56
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called themselves, United America.
57
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,841
But why would
these United America johnnies
58
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,161
want to build a Research Station
way out here?
59
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,521
By the looks of their manifest,
their loaded with tech,
60
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,810
maybe we can finally fix
Starbug's thruster.
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00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,209
I'm sick of always having to turn left.
62
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,448
Alrighty. Bringing her in.
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00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,808
RIMMER: There's a sandstorm coming in.
18 on the Newton scale.
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Looks like we're going
to be stuck here for a while.
65
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,851
Any idea what they did here, Krytes?
66
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,003
Well, it appears they were testing
a cure for evil, sir.
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Evil? But you can't cure evil.
That's ridiculous.
68
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What do they do?
Hand out tubes of evil ointment?
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00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,203
'Gently rub into your frontal lobes
when feeling psychotic.'
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00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,602
To be honest,
I've never really believed in evil.
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00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,762
You should try inhaling
your socks, sometimes.
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LISTER: OK.
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Some people do terrible things,
but not because they're evil,
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it's because they're mentally bonkers.
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I never realized you read up
on the subject, Listy.
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'Mentally bonkers' I'm struggling
a bit to keep up here.
77
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,046
Do you mean they're psychopaths?
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00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,600
Well, not all psychopaths kill
of course, sir.
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They don't?
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Most psychopaths lack empathy for others
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and have no remorse.
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But as a rule, they don't actually
physically harm anyone.
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00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,405
- So what do they do then?
- Well, many go into banking.
84
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,851
Many others are CEOs, business men,
lawyers, even politicians.
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Ruthless men and women,
drawn to positions of power
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and the reward that brings.
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This evil cure, Kryte,
any idea who they test it on?
88
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You think they might be wall to wall
crazies in here?
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Running around, rioting,
screaming and stabbing people?
90
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,410
You make it sound like my old school.
91
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,685
I want all of the bazookoids,
safety's off, ready to fire.
92
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,082
All of the bazookoids are back
on Red Dwarf sir.
93
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,722
(EXHALES) Have we got any guns with us?
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Just your staple gun, sir.
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Fill her up.
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Hey.
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Cryo booths.
98
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Look at this.
99
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,923
'Vlad the Impaler-cured.'
100
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,762
'Joseph Stalin-cured.'
101
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,844
'Messalina-cured.'
102
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'Adolf Hitler-cured.'
103
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'Rupert Murdoch,
104
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'not responding to treatment.'
105
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Hitler?
106
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Isn't he dead?
107
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I thought he died playing golf.
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00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,367
He was in Berlin, you goit, in a bunker.
109
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,368
He poisoned his partner
and shot himself.
110
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,169
Huh. Golf can do that to you.
111
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,449
All these people
are from ancient history.
112
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Where did they get them from?
113
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,771
It appears they tracked down
their descendants,
114
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,691
and then,
with DNA regression technology,
115
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,331
travelled back, down the ancestral line
116
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,801
via their mitochondrial DNA,
117
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and recreated them.
118
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,165
But Hitler didn't have any kids.
119
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His ancestral line died with him.
120
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,049
I read this conspiracy book once,
121
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,124
and it proposed the theory that
at the end of the second Word War,
122
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,211
Hitler killed his wife
and his body double,
123
00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,089
to make it look as if
he committed suicide.
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00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,323
Then, he snuck of to Argentina
in a stolen U-boat,
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00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,051
with art treasures looted
from the museums of Europe.
126
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,201
Hitler,
127
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,044
the more you hear about that guy.
128
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,967
The story went,
that when he reached Argentina,
129
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,081
he had kids there.
130
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,767
Well, there's a long held belief that
memories are indeed encoded
131
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,123
in DNA, sir,
and passed down the ancestral line.
132
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,084
It explains why humans have
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seemingly inexplicable phobias.
134
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,362
- Like?
- Fear of rats, for example.
135
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Fear of rats. Descendants be ware,
136
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,728
- they spread bubonic plague.
- Precisely.
137
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,161
Fear of clowns?
138
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,802
Descendants be ware, of weird looking
children's entertainers.
139
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,041
They can be really dodgy.
140
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,571
So who's this Messalina?
141
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,930
The third wife
of the Roman Emperor, Claudius.
142
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,770
Possibly the most depraved,
143
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,687
brutal and murderous nymphomaniac
in history.
144
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,200
Not all bad, then.
145
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,124
These are some of the most damaged
and deranged humans who ever lived.
146
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,121
They are worse than
the 1970s Leeds United team.
147
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:55,971
So how do they cure these people?
148
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,644
In people labelled 'evil, '
149
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a misfiring gene,
150
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,403
has often turned empathy of.
151
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,167
So they can just flick it back
on like a light switch?
152
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,287
It's as easy as that?
153
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,089
Hey, light switches can be tricky.
154
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,764
I don't always get them, first time.
155
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,644
There's another cryo booth here.
156
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,009
Professor Shaul Telford.
Maybe he can help us.
157
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,083
KRYTEN: I suggest we release
the Professor
158
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,527
and ask him if they have the tech here,
to repair the thruster.
159
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,286
Hey, this one's empty.
160
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,321
TELFORD: Indeed it is.
161
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,766
Good day, gentlemen.
162
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Your arrival here
automatically triggered
163
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the cryo booths to release mode.
164
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,771
Wait, when you said, we automatically
triggered the cryo booths,
165
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,928
did you mean, all the cryo booths?
166
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,002
You have nothing to fear.
167
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,131
My patients have been cured
for many centuries.
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00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,766
Come.
169
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,491
Join us for lunch.
170
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,287
Let me introduce you. Joseph Stalin.
171
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,523
Pree-vee-et. Call me Joe. (LAUGHS)
172
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,604
- Adolf Hitler.
- Please, call me, Dolphy.
173
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,808
No Mein Fuhrer; that's the old me.
174
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- Messalina.
- Ca ll me, uh,
175
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:08,961
anytime.
176
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,769
(STALIN, HITLER LAUGHING)
177
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,490
HITLER: She is such a joker.
178
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,161
It is so lovely for us to have guests.
179
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,125
Some wine? Let me be Mutter.
180
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,249
Now, appetizers?
181
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,962
Pumpernickel canapés? We just got them
out of cryo. I made them myself.
182
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:26,681
Fruit?
183
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,326
That's a keeper.
184
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,848
Oh, and you must try his puddings.
185
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,324
Dolphy makes
the most divine choux pastry.
186
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,926
Oh, Messie, please,
you're embarrassing me.
187
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She's terrible.
188
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,241
(LAUGHING)
189
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,049
Oh, sorry, I'm late.
190
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,325
- May I sit here?
- Sure.
191
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,404
I'm Vlad. The Impaler.
192
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:54,127
Ah. Are you on your own
or is there a Mrs. The Impaler?
193
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,530
What about all the other scientists?
194
00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,963
I mean, surely you weren't
here on your own.
195
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,485
Well many years ago they sent
a Special Task Force to eliminate us.
196
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,641
But with our pooled skills,
we managed to survive.
197
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,962
Why would they try to eliminate you?
198
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,811
A cure for evil would mean
an end to War.
199
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,690
An end to war would mean
no Arms industry.
200
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,366
Which would mean, trillions of lost
dollar-pounds.
201
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,169
The first World economy would slump.
202
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,641
The Second and Third world economy
would boom.
203
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,041
There would be no one to exploit.
204
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,044
Society wouldn't work any more.
205
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,886
Yes, they couldn't allow
the end of evil to happen.
206
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,210
So they marooned us here,
207
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,963
with no hope of getting back to Earth.
208
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,686
But enough. Let us eat.
209
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,326
There's much to do.
210
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,166
After lunch, we must show you
our engineering department.
211
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,488
In the meantime, a toast.
212
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,769
To new friends.
213
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,571
ALL: New friends.
214
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,010
New friends.
215
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,850
HITLER: Selfie. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
216
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,370
(WIND BLOWING)
217
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,810
(METAL CLINKING)
218
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:13,881
Tea?
219
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,530
Or, as you English, say,
220
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,929
'Would you like a nice cup of cha?'
221
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,161
I'm fine, thanks.
222
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:28,520
I hope you don't mind me saying this,
but I just totally adore your jacket.
223
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:30,521
Where did you buy it?
224
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,531
London? Paris?
225
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,081
New York?
226
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,847
I bought it in a second-hand shop
on Mimas, and then I painted it myself.
227
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,561
Nein way.
228
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,328
Your manipulation
of the palette is dazzling.
229
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,731
And your use of saturated colours
to celebrate the counter culture
230
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,882
spirit of the piece is so...
231
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:50,890
Chic and fun.
232
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,606
That's what I was going for.
233
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,203
It so works.
234
00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:59,285
Did you go to art school?
235
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:00,926
Yeah.
236
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,646
(EXCITEDLY) Get out of town!
I went to art school, too.
237
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,883
Well, I applied
but they wouldn't take me.
238
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,889
You probably didn't fail enough exams.
239
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,001
(LAUGHING)
240
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,564
- You still paint?
- Not so much
241
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,326
since I was reincarnated, I'm trying to
explore other sides of myself.
242
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,006
I play guitar now.
243
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,644
Get out. I play guitar.
244
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,123
You are schizing me.
245
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,211
We should jam sometime.
246
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,681
Yeah. Maybe.
247
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,607
Are you waiting for these pieces to dry?
How about now?
248
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,010
Look I can't jam with you, OK?
249
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,410
It's because I'm Hitler, isn't it?
250
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,884
Look, I admit I was evil.
251
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,730
But it is a disease, I'm cured now.
Really, I am.
252
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,207
What is it they say?
253
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,282
'To err is human,
254
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,691
to forgive divine.
255
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,567
I can't jam with you,
is cause I haven't got my guitar.
256
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,889
I got a bunch of guitars in my quarters.
257
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,411
Hi. We didn't get much
of a chance to talk at lunch
258
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,845
so I brought you some milk.
259
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,445
Don't even think about it, Lady.
260
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,400
I know all about your murderous,
poisoning, nympho-seducing ways,
261
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,050
so let me tell you right now.
262
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,608
This, is off limits.
263
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,607
- All right.
- I know this is gonna be hell for you.
264
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,283
Like dangling the world's juiciest steak
in front of a starving pitbull.
265
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,569
But you're just gonna have
to accept the fact
266
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,051
that no matter how much you want it
267
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,565
you ain't getting it. Got it?
268
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:43,926
That's fine.
269
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,044
Now, I'm going to be working,
which means I may be bending down a lot.
270
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,284
I might even get sweaty and have to pop
of my shirt. Now if that happens,
271
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,849
I suggest you fashion some sort of bib,
to catch the drool.
272
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,402
Otherwise, we're gonna be slipping
and sliding all over the place
273
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,926
Look, you do not need to worry because
I'm really not interested in you.
274
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,804
- You're not interested?
- No.
275
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,326
In me?
276
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:07,966
Not in the slightest.
277
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,811
We are talking about me, right?
278
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,405
You're just, uh...
279
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,321
not my type.
280
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,607
Not your type!
281
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,728
Every type's your type.
Your type's every type.
282
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,881
(UPSET) How am I not your type?
283
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,926
You just don't ping my bell.
284
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,445
Ping your bell!!
285
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,402
You know what, Lady. They were right.
286
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,531
You are crazy.
287
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,890
(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
288
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,405
♪ I like to go
289
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:40,846
♪ A wandering
290
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,731
♪ Around the mountain track
291
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,451
- ♪ And as I go I like to sing
- ♪ And as I go I like to sing
292
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,281
- ♪ With a knapsack on my back
- ♪ With a knapsack on my back
293
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,965
- ♪ Valdarie
- ♪ Valdarie
294
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,565
- ♪ Valdara
- ♪ Valdara
295
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,051
- ♪ Valdarie
- ♪ Valdarie
296
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,565
♪ Valdar a ahahahahaaha
297
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:56,846
- ♪ Valdarie
- ♪ Valdarie
298
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,490
- ♪ Valdara
- ♪ Valdara
299
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,881
BOTH: ♪ With a knapsack on my back
300
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,689
BOTH: ♪ Knapsack on my back
301
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,609
♪ I like to go a wandering
302
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,320
BOTH: ♪ Around the mountain track
303
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,371
BOTH: ♪ And as I go I like to sing
304
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,968
♪ With a knapsack on my back
305
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,645
- ♪ Valdarie
- ♪ Valdarie
306
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,324
- ♪ Valdara
- ♪ Valdara
307
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,765
- ♪ Valdarie
- ♪ Valdarie
308
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,365
BOTH: ♪ Valdara hahahaha
309
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,885
- ♪ Valdarie
- ♪ Valdarie
310
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,405
- ♪ Valdara
- ♪ Valdara
311
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:41,090
BOTH: ♪ With a knapsack on my back
312
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,321
(LOUDLY) Thank you, deep space!
313
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,486
Lister, can I have a word?
314
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,166
Jamming with Hitler?
315
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,891
You think that's all right?
316
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,680
Can't you see what he's doing?
317
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,208
Before you know it, he'll have you
in Lederhosen playing,
318
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,645
'Tomorrow belongs to me.'
319
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,326
I got carried away.
I thought it was the right thing to do.
320
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,527
'The right thing to do'?
321
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,206
Playing soft rock with a man
who caused World War II?
322
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,445
Playing soft rock!
That's never the right thing to do.
323
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,122
Sirs, there isn't time
to discuss this now.
324
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,686
Grave news I'm afraid.
325
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,524
We've detected a protoplanet
326
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,643
which is going to collide with this moon
327
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,484
in less than ten hours.
328
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,881
We're outta here as soon as
that sandstorm clears.
329
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,411
What about Hitler and the others?
330
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,928
- Are we gonna bring them?
- I think we're pretty much covered
331
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,843
in the Fascist dictator department.
332
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,648
They don't know anything
about the protoplanet.
333
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,881
The thruster's fixed,
334
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,042
we're out of here
the second the sand storm passes
335
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,326
around three in the morning.
336
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,402
So you're suggesting that
we just walk away from here
337
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,561
and leave them to die?
338
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,291
No. I'm suggesting we leg it from here
and leave them to die.
339
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,649
But that's immoral, Rimmer.
That's not right. Cured or not cured.
340
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,961
It's an ethical dilemma, sir,
I'll grant you that.
341
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,964
We go at three. We're not taking
the evils. No arguments.
342
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,083
- Yeah, what about Telford?
- Apart from Telford.
343
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,764
Well, he won't go without everyone else.
344
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,921
Well, then, we'll leave him too.
345
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,570
In fact, let's leave him too.
346
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,726
I mean, having to put a whole lot
of ramps all over Red Dwarf,
347
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,410
what a giant pain that will be.
348
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,529
And why should he get the big toilet
349
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,489
with the snazzy red chord,
all to himself?
350
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,603
Rimmer, if we leave them to die here,
we're no better than they were.
351
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,884
It means we're committing
an act of evil, ourselves.
352
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,331
Oh, no, we're taking them all.
353
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,931
I'm gonna tell them we leave at three.
354
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,369
You know what, I don't feel that great.
355
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,170
Feel like I might have been druuu...
356
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,444
What do you think he was trying to say?
357
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,731
Do you think it might possibly have been
'drugged, ' sir?
358
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,448
I think, I might have been drugg... too.
359
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,282
What's going on?
What are we going to do?
360
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,405
I'm not sure I can help, sir.
361
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,529
I think my hard drive's been hacked.
362
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,846
And as we speak,
363
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,129
someone's closing down my files,
364
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,320
and enabling a voice shut dowwwnnnnnn...
365
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:56,846
Am I next?
366
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,081
(HITS GROUND)
367
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,366
(RIMMER GRUNTS) Where am I?
368
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,045
(KNOCKING)
369
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,361
What's this?
370
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:05,926
Ah. (CLICKING)
371
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,246
(SUSPENSEFUL BEAT)
372
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,526
'A. Hitler.'
373
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,650
He's buried me alive.
374
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,489
Help! Help!
375
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,126
This is a nightmare.
376
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,241
(PANTING)
377
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,606
This is my worst fear ever.
378
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,170
Being buried alive.
379
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,208
Nothing's worse than being buried alive.
380
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,922
(PANTING) How can anything be worse
than this?
381
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,801
Ah!
382
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,721
(ZOOMING)
383
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:31,281
What's going on?
384
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,563
(BEEPING)
385
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,524
What! No!
386
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,605
No! They're not cured!
387
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,331
- (WATER FILLING)
- What the hell!
388
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,409
(YELLS) I hate water!
389
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,328
Not my clothes.
They're 'dry clean' only.
390
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,242
Help!
391
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,683
Hello! I've got no arms.
392
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,842
How am I gonna mop up, ever again.
393
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,890
(LASER RUNNING)
394
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,166
(EXHALES)
395
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,561
Kryten?
396
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,002
What have they done to you?
Where's your head?
397
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,004
I don't understand
sign language, Kryten.
398
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,365
It's no good signing slower.
I don't understand sign language.
399
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,601
Have you lost your mind?
400
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:40,765
Come on, let's go and find the others.
401
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,601
Yeah, and your head.
402
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,323
Oh, sir, thank goodness.
403
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,045
(WATER FILLING)
404
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:02,727
This way.
405
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,131
- (PSI SCANNING)
- (YELLING) Rimmer!
406
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,247
Rimmer!
407
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,164
Shh. Listen.
408
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,044
- (SCANNER STOPS)
- (RIMMER BANGING) Help!
409
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,245
(BANGING)
410
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,004
I think they put him
in the waste disposal.
411
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,844
- (RIMMER YELLS) Help.
- No.
412
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,490
I was starting to think
this whole damned day
413
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,721
couldn't get any worse
414
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,645
and then you get a boost like this.
415
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,326
- We've gotta get him out.
- Get him out! Are you crazy!
416
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,606
We should seal him in.
417
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,011
Rimmer's locked in there.
418
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,929
I mean, aren't you getting
the claustrophobic sweats
419
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,764
- just thinking about it?
- No.
420
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,086
I'm not in there. He is.
421
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,805
But if it was you in there,
how would you feel if you were Rimmer?
422
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:42,441
Ugly.
423
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,761
Get him out.
424
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,245
'22-89-62.'
425
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,366
(UNLOCKS)
426
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,486
That's the last time
I ever trust a psychopath.
427
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,200
KRYTEN: He's unconscious.
He's received a blow to the head.
428
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,842
I think we may have
interrupted his attacker.
429
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,007
(PSI-SCANNER)
430
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,161
(DOOR OPENS)
431
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,651
We've been looking for you everywhere.
432
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,481
- HITLER: What happened to Telford?
- He's been attacked.
433
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,131
- And he's not the only one.
- Rimmer got buried alive.
434
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,929
Cat got sealed in a water tank.
435
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,924
I nearly had me love spuds lasered.
436
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,484
Kryten woke up with his head on a stake.
437
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,046
Who could have done this?
438
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,283
It's an absolute mystery.
439
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,969
You think
we had something to do with this?
440
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,166
They found his head impaled on a stake.
441
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,245
So somebody's head winds up impaled
on a stake, so it's automatically
442
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,606
got to be, Vlad the impaler!
443
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,881
Well, let's be fair,
you have got a bit of previous.
444
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,810
Four or five thousand mistakes
and you never hear the last of it.
445
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,490
Whoever buried me alive,
446
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,045
left this behind.
447
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,000
'A. Hitler.'
448
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,480
And you think that's mine!
449
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,091
It did cross my mind.
450
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,245
It's not possible.
451
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,890
There's an Andy Hitler.
452
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,290
Or an Ainsley Hitler.
453
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,880
And even if it did stand for 'Adolf, '
454
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,526
that doesn't necessarily
mean that it is mine.
455
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,081
Oh, no, wait, it is mine.
456
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,690
Who stole my Zippo?
457
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,401
So what now?
458
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,882
One or more of you isn't cured.
459
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,766
We've got to find out who
and fix them.
460
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,161
How?
461
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,607
By employing the psychopathy scanner.
462
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,923
That'll tell us who the fruit loop is.
463
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,081
But wait a minute.
464
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,606
How do we know
it's not one of you guys, eh?
465
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,210
You think I buried myself?
466
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,681
Do you think I'd wave bye bye
to my two best friends?
467
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,968
Everybody gets tested.
468
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,611
Ready to commence, sir.
469
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,920
Processing now.
470
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,449
- Scanning all brains.
- (SCANNING)
471
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,440
I know who my money's on.
472
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:11,610
'Don't ping my bell!'
473
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:15,285
No wonder they couldn't kill you.
474
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,166
(SCANNING STOPS)
475
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,083
(PRINTING)
476
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,290
Well, there is indeed
a psychopath among us.
477
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,524
According to the psycho scan,
478
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,887
they display all the tell-tale signs.
479
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,811
Greatly reduced empathy,
480
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,089
no remorse, and a massive sense
of self worth.
481
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,003
I knew it! Which one of them is it?
482
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:38,607
It's you, sir.
483
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:42,767
What?
484
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,481
According to this, sir,
you are a psychopath.
485
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,761
Let me see that.
486
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,729
'Vain, superficial, self centred, '
487
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,644
'self-obsessed,
unaware of others feelings.'
488
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,927
'Narcissistic and egotistical!'
489
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,844
I can't believed
they haven't mentioned handsome.
490
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,681
A psychopath he may be, Kryten,
but he's not the type that kills.
491
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,250
- Hmm. Wait.
- (PRINTING)
492
00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,725
There's something else coming through.
493
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,491
Must be an apology for forgetting
to mention 'handsome.'
494
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,644
There are two psychopaths.
495
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,724
One is the cat.
496
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,126
The second is...
497
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,404
It's Professor Telford.
498
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,410
Hey! How come he's walking.
I thought he needed a wheelchair.
499
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,165
He was faking it.
500
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,450
(PRESS REMOTE)
501
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,402
(ROBOTIC WALKING)
502
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,406
They're droids.
503
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:38,961
So, who're you?
504
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,531
United America.
505
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,050
Head of research and development.
506
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,724
I was a neuroscientist.
507
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:49,488
I brain hacked entire populations
and made them attack themselves,
508
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,968
before my arrest and execution.
509
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:54,407
You were the patient. The only patient.
510
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,689
They were the scientists
trying to cure you.
511
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:58,444
Indeed they were.
512
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,848
Didn't it strike you as curious
513
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,288
that Hitler (SMIRKS) didn't really look
very much like Hitler?
514
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:10,045
He was an android neuroscientist
515
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:13,522
physically identical to his creator,
Professor John Asquith.
516
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,889
I rewrote his programming.
517
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,565
There's one thing I don't understand,
518
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,370
why didn't you leg it
when we were trapped?
519
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,727
But I did, but I couldn't start Starbug.
520
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,728
It must have some special
ignition sequence.
521
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:26,881
What is it?
522
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,206
Ah!
523
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,325
So you can't go anywhere without us.
524
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,324
I only need one of you.
525
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,046
The rest of you
526
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,085
are going to die.
527
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:38,960
- You.
- Who? Me?
528
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,691
You have no loyalty to them.
A cat has no fidelity
529
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,842
to anyone but himself. Join me.
530
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:46,646
I don't care what the damn scan says
531
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,926
we're the posse.
532
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,680
- Boys from the Dwarf.
- Yeah.
533
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:54,369
- No one's changing sides here.
- Nuh-uh.
534
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,169
And I'll give you anything
that you want.
535
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,366
Sounds good.
536
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,208
- Cat man!
- Hey, I'm a cat.
537
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:03,841
It's my nature.
538
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,963
I can't help it. You heard him.
539
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,487
- I have no fidelity.
- Well, in that case, sir,
540
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,564
- why be on his side? Be on ours.
- Okay.
541
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,127
I'll give you anything
that your heart desires,
542
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,090
if you join me and show me
how the ship starts.
543
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,366
Okay, deal.
544
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,321
I'll give you anything
that your heart desires,
545
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,046
plus, a special secret surprise,
546
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:27,601
if you join us.
547
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,047
I love secret surprises.
548
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,802
They're not going to be giving
you anything because pretty soon,
549
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,166
they're gonna be dead.
550
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,405
In fact, let me prove it to you
by killing them
551
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,728
- one by one.
- No, wait.
552
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,682
I'm with you. But I get to do it.
553
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:44,766
Hmm?
554
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,246
Can I trust you?
555
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,165
Can I?
556
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,526
Really?
557
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,840
I'm a psychopath, ain't I?
558
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:57,167
You and me, both.
559
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:00,406
What more do you need?
560
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:06,486
(SHOOTS)
561
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:11,561
I'm starving. Let's eat.
562
00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:14,201
You shot him.
563
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,687
How was that for a pokey face, huh?
564
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:21,770
It's poker face.
565
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,167
I only have to know how to do it,
not say it.
41160
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