All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S06E05 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Previously
On "Gilmore girls"...

This is an important family.

Marrying into it
Is important business.

A girl like rory has no idea
What it takes to be in
This family, logan.

She wasn't bred for it.

I don't understand.

They treated her like trash.

I highly doubt that.

I have an internship available
If you're interested.

Lorelai: there's something wrong
With this internship.

My god, you're paranoid.

It's a tough business.
Definitely.

You don't got it.

Lorelai:
Rory's quitting yeale.

I thought between the three
Of us, we could knock
Some sense into her.

But I really need the two of you
To back me up on this.

Rory will be taking
Some time off from yale.

She will be moving into
The pool house here with us.

Have you talked to rory
About this?

She told me what she wanted
In her own words.

Oh! Winded --
Too many steps.

I said
I'd carry them.

Need water.
Gunga din!

They're not
That heavy.

You should take those steps out.
They get in the way.

First thing tomorrow.

Man, you bought
A lot of stuff.

All stuff I need or want or
Think I might need or want.

Let's find
Your new wallet!

We can get it later.

No, it's buried
In here somewhere.

Have I looked
In this bag already?

You didn't have to buy me a new
Wallet. My old wallet was fine.

Your old wallet
Has velcro.
It works.

It's disgusting.
Come on, let's find it.

Wait a second.
What is this?
Your underwear.

Ah, thanks a lot.

I didn't see how big they were.
What are they doing in there?

Probably hiding
From their real owners,

'cause I would hate to
Be wrapped around the
Woman who fit those.

You grabbed
The wrong bag.

Poor thing,
She's single.

[ cellphone ringing ]
[ clears throat ]

It still applies.

Hello?

Sookie, slow down, I can't
Understand a word you're saying.

She's got huge feet.

The inn's on fire?!
What?

The stove is on fire?
Well, put it out.

It's out?

There was a fire,
But now it's out.

Good, what's the damage?

You had a fire?

Okay, okay, good.
I'll be right there.

The wall behind the stove
Caught fire.

There's damage,
But nothing major. Thank god.

Come on.
I'll take you.

Oh, my god, another fire at the
Inn, like the independence inn.

Am I a fire starter?
I'm a fire starter, aren't I?

You are not
A fire starter.

Caesar,
We'll be right back.

What about the bags?
Caesar will put the bags away.
Let's go.

Go first, in case things burst
Into flames behind me as I walk.

Will do.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

I saw my whole life pass
Before my eyes --

That's how traumatic
It was!

She's been scarlett o'hara
For two hours.

It's sickening.

My whole life -- flash --
I mean, that's upsetting!

You know, not that
It's been a bad life,

Although I could have skipped
Seeing "Mummenschanz."

Do you want to hand me
The screwdriver?

Jackson: I would kind of need
A third hand to do that.

Why are
The boys bickering?
There's something
In the air today.

Could you not shine that
In my face?
Move your face.

You mean off of my head?

So, mutt and jeff,
What's the prognosis there?

When's the last time
You checked your ductwork?

Never. Oh, boy, I shouldn't be
Allowed in a kitchen!

My guess is that the grease
Built up in the back,

And the ventilation's
Not great,

And the wall heated up,
And it burned.

So what do we do?
Don't tell me
We're shut down!

Repair the wall
Before you put the stove back,

And clean your ductwork.

Which means closing the kitchen
Till you do.

Well, then,
Fix it now.

If an insurance guy doesn't
See it before you fix it,

He won't pay.

Well, I've already talked
To the insurance company.

They've never heard of us.

That's impossible --
We're customers.

We send them a check
Every month.

The people I talked to --
All very rude, by the way --

Said they don't even cover
Businesses such as ours.

A mistake. I'll get the policy
Out, I'll call them myself.

Thank you.

You really should
Get a second screwdriver.

Nag, nag, nag.

We should be flayed.

Don't overreact, nora.

We should never have let it get
To this point.

We're all
At fault here.

It's a humiliation.

No one is more embarrassed
Than myself,

But what
Are we going to do?

How many tables
Are still unsold?

Over half.

Oh! Unbelievable!

This is a function
For our troops.

We'll be the laughingstock
Of the d.A.R.

We'll lose our national
Accreditation,

And this
Is a very weak drink.

It's just punch, nora.
My point, dear.

I simply don't
Understand people.

This money was designated
For additional armor

For the boys at fort drum.

We've insulted the organization,
Insulted our troops.

We might as well march to
Mount vernon, drop our drawers,

And do something foul
On george washington's grave.

Nora!

I'm sorry,
But I'm really upset about this,

And I'm far too sober to put it
In any sort of perspective.

The function is still a week
Away. There's time to fix this.

Rory,
You're darling.

She's new, ladies.

A week is nothing.

Again,
What do we do?

We should
Cancel the event.

This is a nightmare.

Is constance not showing
Her face on purpose?
Would you?

Why would constance...?
She's running the event --
Into the ground.

I blame myself.
I let her talk me into it.

She's never slipped up
Like this before.

Is it definitely too late
To do something?

To do what?

To publicize the event more,
Get those tables sold?

We spent our budget
For publicity. We're wiped out.

A budget is just an estimation.
It's guesswork, fake numbers.

In any business endeavor,
Sometimes it makes sense

To run a deficit in order to
Achieve a bigger payoff later.

We're lunching
With grover norquist.

Well, have we tried
Getting the word out online?

A lot can be done
That way.

And maybe we can add
Some entertainment or a theme,

Send out some e-mails.
E-mailing doesn't cost a thing.

We hadn't thought
About e-mail.

I think there's a way to correct
This. A week is plenty of time.

Well, well, well,
We have a star amongst us.

Who?
You.

Me?

Take it over.
What?

I think
That's a wonderful idea!

We have a mountain here,
Ladies.

We're screwing the pooch, emily,
And we've got to go balls out.

I will not have those priggish
Twigs from the new york chapters

Lording this over us.

We need
To take a swing here,

And babe ruth
Sits before us.

You shouldn't
Feel pressured.

I know.

If rory doesn't think she can
Do it, she'll turn us down.

I suppose that's true.

What do you say,
Slugger?

I'll do it.

Yes!
Let's ring constance.

We'll put you in touch with the
People at the venue immediately.

And you'll have an assistant,
Lacey. You'll love her.

I'd look at the menu.
And we'll set up
A discretionary fund.

This publicity idea you were
Thinking of may be the key.

[ all talking at once ]

Dig in, everybody.

I'm past digging, I'm burrowing.
This is delicious.

Tri-tip on the barbecue --
You can't beat it.

You turn
The barbecue off?

The barbecue
Is off.

Good stuff, huh?
Really good.

Thanks. Excuse me.

Davey, turn
The volume down!

The vegetables are good,
Sookie.

Thanks, luke.

Davey, you heard your father --
Turn it down!

I'll turn it down.

No, we want davey
To do it.

That's how he learns.

You heard me, son.
Turn it down.

Turn it down!
Right now.

Ooh, I need
A lemon slice.

So did anybody see that new show
On tv last night?

Where they
Were solving crimes

By cutting bodies open
And poking their organs?

No.

Where they're solving crimes
From 30 years ago

By going to graveyards
And cutting open bodies

And poking their organs?

No.

Where people
Are missing,

And they find their
Bodies, cut them open,

And poke their organs,

And that's how
They solve crimes?
No.

You gotta
Turn the tv down, son!

Are you sure
You don't want me to --
He's got to learn.

You heard me, son!
Volume down!

Volume down!

Listen
To your mother!

What's that show
I'm thinking of?

I'm back.

You like
The squash, luke?

Oh, this
Is gonna bug me.

I'm not a big fan
Of the squash.

I forgot
The pepper flakes.
Your food's
Getting cold.

I thought
You liked squash.
Nope.

What's that vegetable
I thought you liked?

Do you have a fork for paul
Anka? He likes his own fork.

Plastic preferred.

Got one here.

Oh, now this is gonna bug me!
What is that vegetable?

The plastic's too high
For me to reach. It's up there.

I'll get it.
You have to eat.

Jackson,
What's that smell?

Oh, man,
I left the barbecue on.

We cannot set this place
On fire, too.

I have had enough fires
This week.

I'll get it.

Turn the volume down,
Davey.

I'm not gonna
Tell you twice.

Here you go. It's nice
And lean, the way you like it.

Dog who doesn't like fat
Is just weird.
He's not weird.

He's trying to maintain
His bathing-suit figure.

So, speaking of my least
Favorite word in the world --

Fire -- where are we
With the insurance company?

Nowhere. I got the same
Runaround they gave michel.

Let's just do the work.
Forget the insurance.
Give me back my kitchen.

Tom's all ready
To jump in,

But we can't afford to do it
Without the insurance money.

That's why
We have insurance.

We have
Stupid insurance.

Wasn't this policy
Set up by your --
Yes.

Does it mean that
You have to --

Yes.
Sorry.

It seemed like a good idea
At the time.

I'll call him tomorrow.
[ baby crying ]

Barbecue's off.
Sookie: martha's up.

I'm on it.
Turn the tv down, davey.

Turn it down.
You heard us -- turn it down.

I'm gonna count to 10,
Davey,

Then the tv is going off
For the rest of the week.

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

[ clock ticking ]

She threw out the menu.

Hmm?

Rory -- she's changed
The entire menu.

What menu?

Richard, listen
When I talk to you.

I'm sorry, emily.

It takes a second to emerge
From samuel beckett.

He's a strange man.
Go on.

Rory threw out the entire menu
For the fort drum event.

Granted, constance was going
With cornish game hen --

Been there, done that --

And her fetish for
Brussels sprouts is upsetting.

But to throw out the entire menu
So close to the event?

I can't say that I'm a big fan
Of d.A.R. Cuisine,

So I may not be
Of much help.

I'm trying not to butt in,
But how can I not worry?

By not thinking about it.

Is there still a u.S.O.?

I think so. Why?

That's the theme, the u.S.O. --
Or that's where it's being held.

Oh, my god, she didn't change
The menu and the location?

Is that possible?

You should ask her.
I'm trying
To keep out of it.

You're doing
A terrific job.

She's not
Serving salmon puffs.

Good night, mr. Beckett.

We've never
Not served salmon puffs.

Not in 25 years have we staged
An event without salmon puffs.

Emily, please.
It's rory.

What she tackles,
She conquers.

This girl could name
The state capitals at 3,

Recite the periodic table
At 4,

Discuss schopenhauer's influence
On nietzsche

When she was 10.

She's read every book

By every author
With a russian surname

And had a 4.2
Grade-point average

At one of the toughest schools
On the east coast.

If she's
Excluding salmon puffs,

She has a good reason
To exclude salmon puffs.

And I, for one,
Have complete confidence

In her ability
To tackle this job,

And so should you.

Fine, go back
To your beckett.

Thank you.

Salmon puffs.

We'll show 'em,
Huh, guys?!

We'll show 'em you don't need
Fancy stuff like stoves

In order to make
A delicious meal.

We've got salads --
Lots and lots of salads --

Caprese and endive and arugula
And -- ooh! --

Cold sandwiches and beef
Carpaccio and tuna carpaccio

And vegetable
Carpaccio and --

Oh, my god. Am I ever
Gonna get the stove back?

I'm dying here!

Okay,
Hang in there, hon.

Thanks.

Lorelai, I hope it's all right
Walking in like this.

I knew where the kitchen was,
So I just figured I'd come back.

Sookie.

You're our knight
In shining armor, mr. Gilmore.

This is harris.

He'll do the inspection,
Get the lay of the land.

Shouldn't take long.
Go ahead and start.

I should apologize
For the red tape and the delay.

As a rule, we don't take on
Small accounts like this,

Except under
Extraordinary circumstances.

Until the news reached my desk,
No one was sure of what to do.

Uh-huh.

I can write you
A check today.

Figured
That would please you.

Terrific.

I'm gonna go call tom

And see if he can race right
Over here and start the work.

Bless you, sir.

You're my golden god.

So, um, how's your big plan
Working out?

Excuse me?

Oh, your big plan for rory.
How's that going, dad?

Let me know if you
Need anything, harris.

Is she back at yale?
Lorelai --

Oh, I take it
She's not.
No, she's not.

Huh. But it's in the works.

We'll be here 10 minutes.

Let me guess --

You're gonna trick her
Into going back, right?

You'll drive up
And drop her off at yale,

Then you'll drive away really
Quickly before she catches on.

Is that one
Of the plans?

Is there anything I can do
To expedite this, harris?

You see that family of logan's
Recently, the hamburgers?

Huntzbergers.

Right, right.
How are the old huntzbergers?

They behaving any better
Than that night

They humiliated
Your granddaughter?

They did not
Humiliate her.

Rory said they did.

I know the huntzbergers.
They're fine people.

What happened that night
Was a misunderstanding,

Because they have
Nothing against rory.

No?
Why would they?

Ask them!
It's not true!

Then that granddaughter
Of yours -- what a liar.

Harris, take a couple
Of pictures and we'll go.

We just need the quote
From your contractor in writing.

Send all his bills
Directly to me.

Will do.
Goodbye.

It's been lovely.

What about silverware?

I can get you 1940s,
The real thing.

Plates are a toughie.
Plates break.

I can get you a couple of dozen,
Hand-painted, not 100.

So, what's our best bet,
An off-white, new, but
Made to look vintage?

Off-white would be super.

They should be heavy,
Right, solid?

My servers
Are gonna love that.
Then not too heavy.

Lacey, get me samples
Of all this?
Will do.

There must be a color photo
Of the hollywood canteen.

We've checked the internet.
The library?

The getty in california
Has one in their collection,

But they're very flaky
On the phone.

Oh, california.
I'm so
Over the west coast.

A bunch of granola heads.
[ cellphone ringing ]

Rory gilmore's phone.

Who's calling?
One moment, please.

It's logan huntzberger.

I'll take that.

Hello?

Oh, my god.
Who was that?

My assistant.
I forwarded my phone to hers.

You have an assistant?

Just for this d.A.R. Thing.
I get a million calls.

I consider myself lucky
To be patched through.

You have
Priority clearance.

I got the p.A. System
You wanted

At the price you wanted.

Really? Cool.

Lacey, p.A. System -- done.

Excellent.
That's great.

This guy's done the sound
At every party I've ever thrown.

[ knock on door ]

And, oh, goody.
Paris is here.

And she looks upset.
That and a bulldozer
Would knock me over.

Excuse me?
The door is locked.

Do you know her?

Let her in,
Then hide.

I'll call you later.

Bye.

"Do you know her?"

I'm only her best friend.
Who the hell are you?

Paris, come here.
Calm down.

What's wrong?
I'm broke.

Broke? How?

My parents flipped the bird at
The I.R.S. One too many times.

They've frozen everything.

All I've got
Is my trust fund,

Which doesn't kick in
Till I'm 25.

Unless you can whip out a magic
Wand and age me four years,

I'm a goner.

Sit down.
Calm down.

My atm refused me.

I thought it was
Just that particular one.

So I went to another,
And it refused me, too.

So I went to the bank and used
A few choice expletives,

And a bunch of guys in suits
Started closing in on me.

So I started pacing and yelling,
"Attica! Attica!"

Then the manager hit a little
Red button under his desk,

So I ran out of there
And came right over here.

I'm a pauper. I'll be playing
A hurdy gurdy on street corners

And selling pencils
Out of a tin cup.

Slow down.

Yale's paid for through the end
Of the year, thank god.

But what'll I do
About everything else I need?

You'll have to do what everyone
Else who needs money has to do.

What's that?
What people do.

What am I,
A mind reader?
Get a job.

A job?
I've never had a job.

I don't know the first thing
About having a job.

All I've got on my résumé
Is academic achievements,
Which will mean doodly-squat

When I'm in line
With 11,000 people

Vying for an opening in the
Garden department at wal-mart.

Paris, wait.
As you said, yale's paid for.

That's the bright side.

From now on, you'll just have to
Keep your expenses low.

And I could get you some work --
Right away. How would that be?

Really?
Yes.

I know you'll be a hard worker.
That's a given.

I definitely would be.

And I speak chinese and farsi.
That'll help.

I need servers for the food.
You could do that, right?

I think so.

See? You're on the road
To recovery.

Oh, thanks.

And I'll work my butt off,
Too, glenda.

Oh, and I know a smattering of
Ancient aramaic, if that helps.

It could.
If christ shows up.

And who are you?

Go home, paris.
You've had a rough day.
I guess.

I'll call you
With the details.

Thanks.

Hey, uh, can you
Spot me a 20...

Sure.

...5, 25?

Here you go.

Thanks.

I owe you more
Than you currently realize.

Okay, where were we?

Mmm.

Pasta's almost done,
Sauce is close, too.

We could have just used
The store-bought sauce I have.

That stuff is junk.

It's delicious
Italian sauce.

First off, it's not.

Second, all you had
Was four already-opened jars,

Two of which I couldn't
Get the lids off of.

And one of them had a layer
Of white fuzz on it.

That was a little gross.

And the last one,
Green fuzz.
Also gross.

I make better,
Just like mama taught me.

I know you do.
How's paul anka's dinner coming?

His hamburger's
Close, too.

You're not overcooking it,
'cause he likes it rare plus --

You know, not too rare,
But not medium rare.

I'm cooking it to his
Exacting specifications.

Miss patty's
Having a recital?

Oh, yeah.

It's her big annual show.

All her kids in all her classes
Get to perform.

It's be there or be square,
Best show in town.

This thursday?
I can have caesar close for me.

Why?

So I can go with you.

Oh, no. You're not going
To this recital.

Why not?

Because it's a night
Of kids dancing,

Singing, twirling batons --
You'll hate it.

No, I won't.
Yes, you will.

It's not my first choice
In entertainment, but I'll go.

Luke, no. You have been
Sacrificing too much of yourself

These past few months.

You go with me to my movies, you
Tag along when I go shopping.

And that dinner
At sookie and jackson's --

How you kept from killing
Us all, I'll never know.

I haven't been complaining
About any of this.

I know, and that has filled me
With no end of guilt.

You've been a saint, but you've
Got to do your luke stuff, too.

When was the last time
You went camping or fishing?

You don't like
Camping or fishing.
That shouldn't stop you.

I'd go
If I felt like it.

Then go thursday
While I'm at the recital.

I'll go with sookie.
It'll be fun with her.

You sure?
Yeah, go. You haven't been
Camping in forever.

Be grizzly adams.

Okay, sure,
I'll go camping.

Good.

Oh, that's officially it.

Oh, medium rare,
Not rare plus.

I'll get him another.

Well, I don't know
Why I bother.

The great books take practically
A lifetime to read as it is.

But if you heed the word
Of mortimer adler,

One needs to read a classic
Three times

To fully comprehend
Its meaning.

Yeah.

I wonder if mortimer ever read
"Euclid's geometry" three times.

That's a fun read.

Have you read
"Euclid's geometry"?

Me? No.

It doesn't get any drier. What
Have you been reading lately?

I keep forgetting to ask.

Rory?

Sorry, guys. The event's
Right around the corner,

And I just keep thinking
Of things I have to do.

I'm just texting lacey.

So how's that going?
Good, really good.

Good.

Did lacey mention
The partitions?

Partitions?
At wafford hall.

It's so big, and these
Partitions can cut the room

So it won't look so empty.

They're not very decorative,
But they work.

Hold on just a second.

Partitions?
For the room.

But we won't have any room --
We're sold out.

Sold out?
That's not possible.

Oh, it's a fact. The theme
Got people's attention.

Plus, the online campaign
Went like gangbusters.

We're having to
Turn people away.

I'm trying
To squeeze in a few more,

But we're fighting
The fire department over it.

You're turning
People away?

But still encouraging them
To give a sizable donation

To our boys.

Brilliant.

Sold out!
I knew you could do it!

Good job!
Thank you.

Continue texting.
Thank you.

When the band gets here,
Get them to do a sound check.

Make sure they're happy
With the sound.

Not just jerry --

Lacey?
Where's my lacey?
Lacey: here.

Come on, honey,
Keep up.

I spotted the security guard,
So I filled him in.

Excellent.
Cross that off the list.

Servers are here?
Got them all waiting
In the back.

Treat her gently there, boys.
Betty's life was tough enough.

Hey, paris.

Rory, I clocked in.

They gave me this card,
And it had my name on it.

And I shoved it
In the clock thing,

And it made the punchy sound,
And I'm officially on the job.

I was a little nervous
Last night

About making small talk
With co-workers,

So I went to the video store
And rented "Working girl"

And the first season
Of "Just shoot me."

Got a couple
Of wendie malick bon mots

That have already
Come in handy.
Very good.

Welcome.
Thanks, boss.

I'm gonna welcome
The whole group here.
No problem.

Hello.
You must be my servers.

I'm rory gilmore.
I'm running this little shindig.

How are all of you today?

Good.
Great.

You all come highly recommended
By glenda, our catering manager,

So I know
You're all top notch.

Yeah, super.
Looks like a good group.

Good group.

Um, you know,

You should probably be standing
Over with the others.

Oh, right. I'm one of them.
Got it. Sorry.

So it's going to be hard work
Tonight.

We have 100 people
Dining with us.

But I want you
To have fun, too.

We have your outfits
On a rack over here.

Your name should be on them.

It's a good cause,
So let's get changed and go do.

So, working hard
Or hardly working?

Oh, my, oh, my.
I love it!

Thank you.

So where's luke tonight?

As we speak, he's off communing
With nature.

Oh, good for him.

Ooh, the ballerinas
Are doing "Swan lake."

That always
Makes me cry.

Oh, patty's
Packed it all in.

Baton twirling,
A modeling exhibition.

She's added
A couple new features, too.

What's krumping?

Um, like hip-hop dance,
I think, more herky-jerky.

And what is
Pubic speaking?

I'm hoping
It's a misprint.
I hope so, too.

Welcome, everybody,

To the 28th-annual miss patty's
School grand recital.

Thank you. We have a lot
On the program tonight.

So, without further ado,

Please welcome my intermediate
Pupils as they welcome you.

Hit it, boys.

[ applause ]

She always does
A fun opening number.

* join us,
Leave your field to flower *

* join us,
Leave your cheese to sour *

* join us,
Come and waste an hour or two *

Isn't he cute?
Darling.

* doodle-ee-do

* journey, journey to a spot
Exciting... *

Uh-oh,
They're in the audience.

I hate it when they come
Into the audience.

Okay.

This is --
This is not good.

* ...We've got magic to do

* just for you

* we've got miracle plays
To play *

Ah!
Oh!

Blowing stuff on us!

* we've got magic to do
Just for you *

* bei mir bist du schon

* please let me explain

People seem hungry tonight.
Tell...

...Glenda to speed
The trays up a bit.

Yeah, and let
The sound guy know...
...That the drums
Are a little loud.

And it's a tad warm.
Already had them
Adjust the a.C.

Any incoming choppers,
Radar?
Choppers? No.
What do you mean?

That was a joke, lacey.

Oh. Sorry.

Remember to have a little fun
Tonight, too.
Will do.

Radar -- I get it now.
That was funny. I'll be back.

Appetizers?

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

So how was that?

Mm, fine, very good.

I meant the transaction.
I'd love a performance review.

Be my dave navarro.

Um, you were fine.

I'm gonna need more.

It was t.S. Eliot who said

Criticism is as
Inevitable as breathing

And said that we should be
None the worse

For articulating
What passes in our mind

When we read a book,
See a play, or --

Now I'm elaborating --
Pass a cheddar and olive ball.

I need some feedback.

Really, you offered it to me
Well, and all seemed great,

And I don't want to talk
About this anymore.

Good. Thank you.
This has been a help.

Welcome
To the hollywood canteen.

Thank you.
We're the gilmores.

Richard,
Look at this place!

It's wonderful.

Here is your table number.
And take a pin, both of you.

Oh, thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Oh, I love this song.

And look at the band --
It's the andrews sisters.

They've kept
In pretty good shape.

Hi, guys.

Looks like you've got a hit
On your hands.

So far, so good.
No one's dancing, though.

It's early. You'll see plenty
Of dancing after dinner.

You'll see some dancing
Right now.

Richard, there's no dancing
During appetizers.

Come on, let's show these
Fuddy-duddies how it's done.

* don't sit
Under the apple tree *

* with anyone else but me

* anyone else but me

* anyone else but me,
No, no, no *

* don't sit
Under the apple tree *

* with anyone else but me

* till I come marching home

* ah, ah, ah ah, ah, ah

* ba-ba, ba-ba-ba ba-ba

* ah, ah, ah

My father was
A huge benny goodman fan.

Hated glenn miller,
Hated him.

Always claimed
It wasn't the enemy

Who shot down that plane of his,
But music lovers.

Oh, richard,
That's a horrible thing to say.

It was my father
Who said it.
But you just repeated it.

Here's the woman
Of the hour.

How's the food,
Everybody?

The macaroni and cheese --
What an inspiration!

Rory, please accept my profound
Thanks for serving food

At a d.A.R. Event
Which is remarkably edible.

Oh, richard.
We always have good food.

You have
Fancy good food.

If I never look
At another duck's liver

For the rest of my life,
I will be a happy man.

Rory, could I pull you away
For just a second?

Sure.
Excuse me, everybody.

She's so poised...

Like you, emily.

A party's arrived.
I'm looking, looking.

They did not rsvp,
But they're expecting a table.

Where are they?
By the war bonds table.
It's shira huntzberger.

She waltzed in
With a group of ladies in tow

And made it clear she
Expected to be accommodated.

And not
Very nicely either.
Oh, what a shock.

But you know her, right?
That's your boyfriend's mother.

Yeah, yeah,
I know her.

I didn't mean to insult her.
She was just very abrupt.

I'll take care of it.
Here's the seating chart.

Thanks.

Hey, boss.
It's interesting, you know.

Karl marx has come alive
For me today.

I never understood what
He was yammering about before.

Now it just seems so wrong
That those who control capital

Should make their fortunes off
The labor of the working class.

What's wrong with you?
Shira huntzberger is here.

Logan's mom?
And she showed up
With no warning, no rsvp,

No donation to the cause
That I know of.

Just sashayed in, expecting
Everyone to fall at her feet.

I hate that.

I hate her.

Hate -- strong, unadulterated,
Blind -- ah!

Wow. You're always so desmond
Tutu-ey. This is refreshing.

I should march up to her
And tell her

To grab those
Arrogance-dripping,

Petulance-oozing,

Surgically cosmeticized bims
She brought along

And hit the bricks.

I bet they all have money,
Too --

Every one of
Those commodity fetishists.

How can she expect a table?

The tables are for the people
Who are polite enough

To respond to an invitation
In the proper manner.

I bet you the romanovs
Never rsvp'd either.

They got theirs.
Capitalist scum.

I hate her.
I hate the rich.

A hard rain is gonna fall,
You know what I'm saying?

I really hate her!
They should die.

I should probably
Give her a table.
What?

We have
A spare table.

We kept it open in case
Of something like this.
I should give it to her.

But she doesn't deserve it.

I know, but this is business.
It's not personal.

I should give her
That table.

Fine. Whatever you think.
You're the boss.

Hey, boss, how much
Are you getting paid

In this job of yours?

Mrs. Huntzberger.

Rory, hi!
What are you doing here?

I'm running
This event.

I didn't know.

Well, now you do.

I think I've been bad.

Oh, really? Why?

I just showed up
Without any warning.

I didn't think I could come,
So I didn't call.

Then I could, and the group
And I just came down.

It happens.

That's what I told
That other girl.

She was a bit rude.

Lacey?
I'll talk to her.

Could you get us a table?
Of course.

It's not a problem?

Not at all. Come with me.
It's all set up.

You are the best.

It's just my job.

So no logan?
Not tonight.

Not his thing?
Oh, you know logan.

Here we are.

Thank you so much.
And you look so pretty.

So do you.
Have a good time.

I'm sure we will.

You've created a superstar
Here tonight, emily.

I hope you know that.
Well, yes, I do.

There's already talk
Of giving her the a.A.

An a.A.?
An abigail adams,

For distinguished service
Above and beyond.

She deserves it.

She's made this
A must-be-at event.

I'm guessing that's
What brought shira here.

Shira?
Shira huntzberger's here?

Rumsfeld, himself,
Would probably call her

And thank her for the donation
She made on the way in.

Hillbilly armor
Will be a thing of the past.

Where is she sitting?
Up front --
The table by the band.

Oh, my god.

What?

Oh, my god,
Excuse me.

Rory, where's
The seating chart?
What? Why?

There's been
A terrible mistake.
What mistake?

You sat shira huntzberger
At the slush table.

It was all
That was available.

The slush table
Is the loser table.

But why would we have
A loser table?

It's for people
Who show up unannounced.
She w unannounced.

There's people,
Then there's the huntzbergers.

They cannot sit at the table.
This needs to be rectified.

I don't know what I can do.
Every table is taken.

I'll take care of it.
Give me the seating chart.

I'll find someone to bump.
There's always someone to bump.

It doesn't seem fair
To bump someone.
It's not.

But if we don't find better
Seating for the huntzbergers,
It'll be a major faux pas,

And it may be the only thing
People remember from this
Otherwise wonderful event.

Wow.
Yes.

Well, thank you for helping.
And it's not the huntzbergers.

What?
You keep saying
"The huntzbergers."

It's only shira
And some friends.
And mitchum.

No.
Yes.

He's right over there.

The bettertons, perfect!

We'll bump constance betterton.
It's a win/win.

Paris?

I'm just on my break.
You're white as a sheet.

I'm having trouble
Breathing.

You're having
A panic attack.

I think so.

Don't worry.
I have these all the time.

What do I do?
Well, it depends.
There are different kinds.

Does it feel like an elephant
Is sitting on your chest?
No.

Does your chest feel
Like an overinflated balloon

With a slow leak?

Not really.

Sharp needles, intermittently
Poking into your left ventricle?

I don't know from ventricles,
But there is a needle thing.

You need diazepam.
50 -- no, 100 milligrams.

I'll get my purse.
No, wait.
I don't want any diazepam.

Well, what do you want?
Fluoxetine, protriptyline?

I have others floating
Around the bottom of my purse.

I have no idea what they are,
But popping a few can't hurt.

These people -- those people,
They didn't even rsvp.

That's not right.

This is for our boys.
They need to make a donation.

Tough night
For you, huh?

Shira's one thing.
I can deal with her.

But mitchum?

I can't see him.
I can't face him.

It's too much, after what
He did, what he said to me.

What did he say to you?

If it weren't for him,
I wouldn't have --

You wouldn't have what?

Rory?

Nothing, nothing.

He's just --

They're just not
The nicest people.

Well, the rich never are,
Because they don't have to be.

When you control
The means of production,

It reduces the incentive
To humanize workers.

Capitalist system --

I haven't eaten all day.
I should eat. That's my problem.

Sure, boss, go eat.

There's probably somewhere else
Where you eat, right?

Special room.

[ music from "Swan lake" plays ]

It's just
So damn beautiful.

I know, honey.

[ music stops ]

The patty ballerinas,
Everybody.

Now I would like to introduce
A special new segment

Of my annual recital

Entitled
"It was 20 years ago today."

One of our local townsmen
Is going to re-create an act

That he performed
On this very stage 20 years ago.

This young man
Was a talented pupil

Of my wonderful dancing skills
And a genius tumbler.

He once did 98 somersaults
In a row without throwing up.

But that's nothing compared
With his talent for mime.

Here to present a piece
Of his own creation

Entitled "The journey of man"

Exactly as he performed it
20 years ago

Is...Kirk!

It's moments like these
That make life worth living.

[ dramatic music plays ]

Ew.
Ew.

[ chanting ]

Ew!
Ew!

So it's the birth
Of lucille ball?

He's a parent now,
I get that.

He's moving along
At a nice clip.

I'll be right back.

I'll catch you up
When you return.

[ knock on door ]

Hey, grizzly adams.

Why are you back?
The woods closed or something?

No, they weren't closed.
I was --

I don't know.

It's...What it is.

Nature.

Nature?

Nature is...

You know, it's there,
I saw it --

Trees, leaves, whatever.

That's your second answer
In the form of a haiku.

Let's get beyond that.
Why are you back?

Because I felt like coming back.
I can't do what I want to do?

Of course you can.
Good.

But camping is something
You want to do.
No, it's what
You wanted me to do.

When did you
Turn against camping?
I didn't
Turn against camping.

I'm just trying
To understand

Why you were trying
To get rid of me tonight.

I wasn't doing that.
You sent me off
To the woods.

What if I don't want to
Go off to the woods?

You always want to
Go to the woods.

I don't like going to the woods
When I'm being banished to them.

No one
Is banishing you.

It felt like it.

Well, then,
That's my fault.

[ sighs ]

Look...

I like doing things
With you.

Surprised I have to
Tell you that.

You don't have to
Tell me that.

I like going shopping
With you,

I like having dinner
With sookie and jackson.

The actual shopping
Seems a little pointless,

And sookie's kids
Drive me up a wall,

But you're there,

And I like hanging
With you.

I know that.

And I could have been fun
At this recital.

You're probably sitting there
Mocking most of it.

I can mock stuff.

You're a great mocker.

I was only thinking of you
When I mentioned the camping.

You haven't been camping
Since we got together,

And I was feeling weird
About that.

You should do the things
You like.

I do do
The things I like.

I wasn't
Getting rid of you.

I want you to do
Whatever you want to do with me.

I know that sounded dirty.

And dirty things count, but
I didn't mean the dirty things.

You and me can hang whenever,
Wherever.

Yeah, well,
Maybe I'm being sensitive.

I really wasn't
Getting rid of you.

I mean, I'm not dying
To see baton twirling.

I'm happy to be with a man
Who isn't.

Was there baton twirling?

Oh, yes, and it was no fun.
She didn't drop it once.

You want to come back
To the recital with me?

Kirk is doing something strange
And disturbing.

No, I think
I might go back out camping.

Wouldn't mind
Doing some fishing.

Good.

Yeah. Good.

[ door opens ]

[ dramatic music plays ]

Lorelai:
Excuse me. Thank you.

[ chanting ]

Kirk's dying.

Oh.

Well, it's gonna happen
To all of us one day.

Just not so spazzy.

[ music stops ]

Whoo!

And that's our show,
Everybody,

And I think
It was the best one ever!

From all of us
At the miss patty school,

We thank you.

* we've got magic to do

* just for you

* we've got miracle plays
To play *

Okay. Oh, wow!

You'd think they would have run
Out of glitter by now.

This is so stressful!

* kings and things
To take by storm *

[ door opens ]
Richard.

Oh, mitchum, old boy.

I didn't know
You were out there.
Just got here.

It's quite the affair
We got going here.

And for
A wonderful cause.

Not stuffy like the others,
No smell of mothballs.

My granddaughter
Is responsible for it.

Planned the whole thing.

That's nice.
She's a sweet kid.
The sweetest.

Yeah. I wish rory
Nothing but the best.

I came straight from work
Without looking in a mirror.

Wish I had.

Mitchum,
Just out of curiosity,

What happened
With all of that?

All of what?

Uh, that paper of yours
In stanford --

Something apparently
Got blown out of proportion.

There was
Some misunderstanding.

Oh, it was nothing much.
She's a great kid.

She is.
And a great journalist --

I've read things she's written.
She's a talent.

Hmm, maybe.

What do you mean
"Maybe"?

I worked with her, richard.
I read her stuff, too.

Meaning?

I've read great.
I know what great is.

When I said great, I didn't mean
She was ben bradley yet,

But she could be.

Anything's possible.

What exactly happened
At that paper, mitchum?

It didn't work out, richard.
It was just one of those things.

She's better off
For what I did.

And what exactly
Did you do?

Nothing you
Wouldn't have done.

And what was that?

You're in the business world.
You have employees, yes?

Of course.

Say you got a guy
Working in your office,
You brought him in.

Nice guy,
Everybody loves him,

But he just doesn't have it.
He's a drain on the company.

What are you gonna do?

My granddaughter was not
A drain on your company.

I wasn't going to put her
In a position to become a drain.

Now, richard, really,
We should get back out there.

What did you say to her?
Richard --

What did you say to her,
Mitchum?

I did what I do with everyone.
I called it like I saw it.

I was honest with her.

I don't pussyfoot.
You know that.

You crushed her.

And if she's got what it takes,
She'll bounce back.

No one's every criticized you,
Reprimanded you, critiqued you?

I find that
Hard to believe.

This is not about me.
She was in over her head.

She lacked maturity.
She's not even 21!

Look, just blame me, okay?

I felt bad that she had to sit
Through that disastrous dinner

With shira and pop going on
About marriage and how she
Can't become a huntzberger.

I don't care
About any of that,

So I gave her a shot,
And she wasn't up to it.

You crushed that girl!

I did what I do.

We should have done this
On the phone.

* to change your name to mine

Richard,
There you are.

This is one of your favorites,
And you're missing it.

It's all true,
All of it.
What's true?

Everything she told us.
Everything who told us?

Lorelai --
About what mitchum did to rory,

How he said things to her,
Crushed her,

About logan's whole family!
That can't be.

Mitchum
Just confirmed everything.

He told that girl
She wasn't good enough.

I ought to punch him!
Richard, calm down.
People will hear.

They don't want her marrying
Into their precious family.

He told her
That she didn't have it.

And you know she does!
I know she does!

Of course she does.

I can't stay in this room
With these people.

Richard, go outside,
Get some air.

We should go home.
I'll catch up with you.
Go outside.

Yeah, yeah.

* what a wonderful day

* for you and me

* church bells will chime

* you will be mine

Emily!

Hello, shira.
I'm here to rescue you.

I've got a table for you
And mitchum right in the center.

Oh, bless you, emily.
I'm undeserving.

It was a terrible mistake,
And it must be rectified.

Aren't they amazing?

The whole combo is amazing.
Follow me.

Me, I love the beatles.

Mitchum took me
To see paul mccartney last year,

And I almost died.

So richard tells me
We have a little problem.

Really? With what?

With the kids --
Logan, rory.

I understand you're not exactly
Thrilled with the match,

That you let that be known
To rory at the dinner she had

At your house.

Oh, well,
I wouldn't say "Not thrilled."

Then what would you say?

Oh, emily,
This is a party.

I'm just curious.

This may not be
The time and place, emily.

Hello, you two,
Drop by our table later.

Let's make it
The time and place.

Consider the discrepancies,
Emily.

That's what's
Confusing me.

They both come from good
Families, both have good values.

Money doesn't seem to be
An issue. We all have money.

Frankly, emily, there's your
Money, then there's our money.

Oh?

And our family has
A lot of responsibilities

That come with that,
An image to maintain.

Let me tell you this, shira --
We are just as good as you are.

You don't think rory
Is good enough for your son,

As if we don't know
Logan's reputation.

We do. But he is welcome
In our home anytime,

And you should extend
The same courtesy to rory.

Emily --

Now let's talk
About your money.

You were a two-bit gold
Digger, fresh off the
Bus from hicksville

When you met mitchum

At whatever bar
You happened to stumble into.

And what made mitchum
Decide to choose you to marry

Amongst the pack of women
He was bedding at the time,

I'll never know.

But hats off to you
For bagging him.

He's still a playboy, you know?
Of course you know.

That would explain why
Your weight goes up and down

30 pounds
Every other month.

But that's
Your cross to bear.

But these are ugly realities.
No one needs to talk about them.

Those kids are staying together
For as long as they like.

You won't stop them.
Now, enjoy the event.

* in apple blossom time

Diane, hello.

The swing dolls,
Everybody.

I'm rory gilmore,
The architect of this event.

Thank you.

And I'd like to take this moment
To thank some others

For the outstanding success
This evening.

To lacey boscombe,
My right hand, my girl friday,

I could not have done it
Without you.

To glenda, lance, the entire
Serving crew, thank you.