All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S06E04 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

Luke: oh, now come on.
You have got to be kidding me.

Luke, come down here.

This baseboard's not level. I
Can tell just by looking at it.

Tom told you.
It's a work in progress.

Disaster in progress.

This baseboard
Belongs in a fun house.

Luke, going up there is like
Busting into an operating room

In the middle
Of a heart transplant

And getting mad
At the surgeon

Because the guy's heart
Is on the outside.

And you're like, "Hey, his heart
Should be in his chest."

And the surgeon's like,
"Dude, I'm not done yet."

I got to check
The bathroom fixtures.

Hey, uh, help.
Fire, fire.

We're on fire down here.
Help.

Flames crackling,
Marshmallows toasting.

Save us.

What are you doing yelling
"Fire"? You can't do that.

No, that only pertains
To movie theaters, crowded ones.

If you're watching a wednesday
Matinee of "Deuce bigalow,"

You can yell
"Fire" all you want.

Hell, you can start a fire,
And no one will complain.

So, how is
Your project going?
Like gangbusters.

Looks like it.
You're getting rid of a ton.

No, no.
Whoa, there, mister.

Those are the keepers.
These are the ones I'm tossing.

There's two videotapes
In there.

Every journey begins
With a single step.

This was your idea,
Remember --

Use the remodel to purge
Yourself of useless stuff.

Yeah, useless.
I'm keeping what I need.

You need an episode
Of "Magnum p.I." from 1986.

Of course not.
That tape is mislabeled.

That's a "Knots landing"
From 1981.

All the women
Are held hostage at gunpoint

During ginger's
Baby shower -- classic.

"21 jump street" -- season one.
You do not need this.

I need my "Jump street."
So buy the dvds.
It'll save you a ton of space.

No, the dvds won't have
The commercials on them,

The original commercials,
Which is half the fun.

Spuds mackenzie,
Clara peller,

"Nothing comes between me
And my calvins."

I mean, they don't make them
Like that anymore.

You're gonna be one
Of those weird old people

Who hoards empty film canisters
And laundry measuring scoops.

Uh, gonna be.

Hey, I've been looking
For this. Check it out.

"Riding the bus
With my sister."

Rosie o'donnell
Plays a retarded woman

Who's obsessed
With riding the bus,

And andie macdowell is her
Uptight, big-city sister.

Sister?
Yeah, and it gets better.

In the ads I saw,
The rosie character

Was calling herself the sheriff
And bragging about her sex life

And buying toilet seats.

And anjelica huston
Directed it.

Maerose directed it.

Okay, fine. Watch it tonight
After I leave.

Then you can
Dump it tomorrow.

You kidding?

You don't just sit down
And watch a movie like this.

This is
A friday-night special.

I'd have to have takeout,
Pizza,

Red vines, mallomars --
The works.

Plus, there's no way I would
Watch this by myself.

This is exactly
The kind of movie

I would watch with someone.

Someone else, you know?

Yeah, right.

Well, at least try to pare
This box down a little, please?

I'll try. I will.
I promise.

Good.
If you promise not
To go upstairs again.

I just got to
Check on one thing.

Oh, look -- "America's castles,"
The special florida edition.

Seen it five times,
Keeping it.

One thing.
Oh, "The history of paper,"

A documentary by ted burns,
Distant relative of ken burns.

Oh, seven hours, dull, dull,
Dull. Keeping it!

I'm not going up.
Good.

"Please don't eat the daisies,"
Seasons two and four.

I've been looking for this.

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow

* oh, oh, oh

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need

* if you need

* you need me to be with you

* I will follow where you lead

[ knock on door ]

Come in.

[ french accent ]
Good morning, miss gilmore.

Good morning.
Oh, wow, need help?

No, thank you.
What's that for?

Mrs. Gilmore instructed me

To help you with
Your summer things.

My summer things?

Mrs. Gilmore says that autumn is
The time for sweaters and wool,

Not for sundresses
And flipper-floppers.

Oh. Well, I don't really
Dress seasonally.

I just sort of
Go with the flow.

That is what mrs. Gilmore
Would like to correct.

Oh.
[ cellphone rings ]

Hello?

Emily: hello, rory,
It's your grandmother.

Grandma, we were
Just talking about you.

How are you?
How's helsinki?

Cold, unaccommodating,
A population of walking dead.

Oh, I'm sorry
To hear that.

[ phone beeps ]

The cuisine isn't fit
For a stray cat --

Kippers and cabbage rolls.

And the weather -- it snowed
6 feet last night,

And apparently they can't fly
Under those conditions.

Can't or won't,
It's hard to say.

I defy you to read a finn.

Yeah, they can be pretty stoic
In those northern climes.

Excuse me, but I actually
Use a lot of this in autumn.

You know, light layers.

Emily: anyway,
Your grandfather and I

Are going to be delayed
A couple of days.

I'm sorry. That stinks.

I'm in a real bind.

I've got that mixer with
The girls I'm hosting tomorrow

With the curators
Of the gilbert stuart exhibit.

I wear it with tights.

But here I am thousands
Of miles away,

Stuck in a land of reindeer
Stew, and I'm loathe to cancel

Because there's nothing
Constance betterton

Would like more
Than for me to slip up

So she can destroy
My reputation,

Run me out of the d.A.R.,

Then jump like a cheerleader
And land doing the splits.

Uh, wow.
That's -- the splits, huh?

Um, whatever I can do
To help, grandma.

I wear white after labor day.
I'm a rebel.

Just go with it.

Are you still there?

Yeah, I'm still here,
Grandma.

I was wondering if you could
Possibly fill in for me.

Me? At the mixer?

It's all ready to go.

The menu is set, and these new
Caterers I found are fabulous.

All you have to do is smile

And make sure everyone's
Cocktails are replenished.

Well...

Just picture that snake
Doing the splits.

Um, okay, grandma.
I'll help you out.

Oh, bless you.

I'll check in
A little later

And give you a briefing
About some of the canapés.

Good, because I'm rusty
On canapés.

Call you later.

Okay, bye, grandma.
Stay warm.

Maid?

This is not going to work.

Maid?!

A bath? A baptism is nothing
Like taking a bath!

I'm not saying it's a bath!

I'm just saying
If you don't believe

In the religious aspect of it,
Then it's like a bath --

As simple and as brief
As a bath.

Coffee.
It is so not
Like taking a bath!

When you take a bath,
There are candles

And water-warped entertainment
Weekly's to read and
Soap.

There are not people standing
Around praying over you,

At least not
When I take a bath.

Who's getting baptized?
Oh, our kids are,

Because apparently we're
Suddenly super-religious.

Would you mind moving over
Just a little bit?

Sookie, look at the baptism
As a bargaining chip.

If we give my mother this,
Then it'll soften the blow

When she finds out that we're
Not having any more children

Because of the vasectomy.

They'll want to stay at the
House if we have this baptism --

Your whole family.
We'll just have
To make room.

How? The house is barely
Big enough for us and the kids.

We'll end up sleeping on a leaky
Air mattress in the kids' room

And getting horrible creaks
In our neck

While your mother blasts
Her "Flatt and scruggs" cd.

And your cousins are gonna
Be picking their teeth

With my paring knives.

Oh, like your family
Is so easy!

What about the time we had to
See your stuttering cousin odell

In the worst production
Of "Nicholas nickleby"

Known to man?!

That was like nine hours
Of pure hell!

And did I get to fake a heart
Attack during intermission? No!

I'm sorry.

There is a difference between
Nine hours and three full days.

There's 48 hours plus 24,
Whatever that is, minus 9 hours.

What does that equal?

48 and 24,
So that's, uh...

Eight and four...

And that's two...

And 10 over.

Whoa! Whoa!

Sookie, don't do math.
You know that hurts your head.

Ow.
Hey, I have an idea.

If you're gonna
Have the baptism

And you've got three days
Of family in town,

How about
If they all stay here?

At the inn?
Yeah.

Just give me the dates.
We'll work it out.

And that would be okay?

Sookie, you're part owner
Of the place.
Oh, yeah.

That would really help.

So, cool. I'll take care
Of the arrangements.

Sookie, you just deal
With the post-baptism party.

Oh. I didn't know anything
About a post-baptism party.

You didn't tell me anything
About a post-baptism party.

I didn't know myself.

I've got some
Late-summer salad recipes

I've been wanting
To try out.

Oh, perfect.

Okay, well, just let michel know
How many rooms you need,

And I'll see you guys later.

Thanks, lorelai.
Yeah, thanks, hon.

I just need the invoice signed
For the zucchini and I'm off.

You think I'm taking
This zucchini?

You ordered them.
You stressed them out.

Don't point
That thing at me.
I can tell.

Get them out of here.
No, you give me
The invoice.

I'll just have one of my guys
Get them out of here.

This isn't about the zucchini.
This is about the baptism.

Well, I christen
These vegetables sucky!

Oh, hello, sarah.
Thank you so much for coming.

Excuse me. Hold on a sec.

This tray is half empty.

Should we fill it up
To make it look less sad?

Uh, this is the last tray.
What?

Oh, no.

Oh, boy, there are only
Eight trays of salmon puffs

Allotted for the whole night?

This is not good.
This is really not good.

Do you think I should have
Staggered their release?

I should have. I should have
Staggered their release.

Okay, well, just spread them
Out, and then push the shrimp.

Okay, you can circulate now.
Circulate.

Uh, excuse me.

There's garnish on this tray
And there shouldn't be.

My grandmother
Hates garnish.

Here, I'll just, uh --
There you go.

Okay, go, circulate.
Circulate.

Hello, lana.
Hello.

Nice to see you.

Carole, hello.
Great dress.

Darla, does the pearls council
Know about you?

Fabulous.

Everything all right
Over here, ladies?

Everything's perfect, rory.
This is a lovely party.

And those salmon puffs --
Insane.

Aren't they, though? Eight
Trays, and they're almost gone.

I might have to go grab a pole
And do some fishing.

Let me know
If you need anything.

I like the way he paints
Washington's hair.

It looks so luminous.

If gilbert stuart
Were alive today,

I would commission him
To paint a portrait of my henry.

Well, martha washington
Had the same impulse.

In 1796, she commissioned stuart
To do a portrait of her husband

Along with the one of herself
To hang at mount vernon.

Henry's not nora's husband.
He's her springer spaniel.

Oh.

May I freshen
Your drink, nora?

Well, thank you, rory.
That's awfully sweet of you.

Vodka tonic. No ice
And light on the tonic.

I'll be right back.

Isn't she just darling?

Excuse me?

Hi. The woman with the red hair
Over by the paintings,

Could you get her a vodka tonic,
Please, a.S.A.P.? Thanks.

No ice
And light on the tonic.

Oh, rory, perfect.

Maybe you could help us
With something.

Absolutely.

We're admiring
This plant here --

This one
With the waxy leaves --

And yet the name for it has gone
Right spot out of our heads.

I'm so sorry. I'm not sure
What it's called.

But I promise to ask
My grandmother and let you know.

Let me just get
Your phone number here.

Oops! Garnish.

You just can't
Get away from it, huh?

Um, excuse me
For a minute.

Hey, I didn't know
You were coming.

Yeah. I forgot
You had a thing today.

Oh, it's okay, because
Now I get to show you off.

Nancy, lucy, I'd like to
Introduce logan huntzberger.

Logan, this is nancy osgood
And lucy faxton-field.

How do you do, logan?

It's such a pleasure
To meet the young huntzberger.

Hey.

Uh, logan, I think
I've told you about nancy.

She's the one who insists
I look like clara barton,

Which I'm still not sure
Is a compliment.

Oh, it's a compliment
Of the highest order.

[ chuckles ]

Um, well,
If you'll excuse us,

I think I promised logan
One of the coveted salmon puffs.

So nice to meet you,
Logan.

Want some coffee?

With your scotch?

I'm just not in the mood
To deal with

This type of thing right now,
These type of people.

Why?
Did something happen?

So how long do you think
This thing's gonna last?

Um, an hour,
Hour and a half tops,

And then 15 minutes
For me to pay the caterers

And make sure the cleaning staff
Knows what to do.

Hey, why don't you go hang out
In the pool house,

And then I'll come out
As soon as I finish up here?

Yeah, okay.

We need coffee!

There's no more coffee.
Someone make some coffee!

Okay, paul anka, dinnertime.

You need to eat tonight, okay?

Now, this is the kibble you like

In the nice, new, yellow bowl
That you picked.

I will now...

I will now back out of the room
So you can eat...

In the dark, like you like.

Woman on tv:
...Cnn senior analyst
Jeff greenfield is back.

You heard what these guys had
To say. Where do you weigh in?

I mean, overall, what happens
Next and who benefits?

Greenfield:
The only thing,

Given what's happened
The last two months,

That might surprise me
Is if a spacecraft

Landed in front of the
State capitol in sacramento

And an alien got out and asked
For a driver's license.

[ telephone rings, beeps ]

Woman: we're sorry.

You have reached a number
That has been disconnected

Or is no lo--

[ dialing ]

[ telephone rings, beeps ]

We're sorry.

You have reached a number
That has been disconnected

Or is no longer in service.

If you feel --

* she's a piratey soul
Full of vinegar and glitter *

So, I would cancel with him,
Darling.

Is that so difficult?

I find the fact that you love
Him completely irrelevant.

What's going on?

Hey, is that
My salmon puff?

Yeah.
Anything is good
In a puff.

Hi.
Hi.

Hey, rory.

Hey, colin. I didn't know
You guys were coming over.

I invited them over.
I hope that's cool.

Oh, yeah,
Of course it's cool.

I would have
Brought more puffs.

You need a drink.

Somebody give me a sonnet.
Melissa's a poetry major.

There once was a gal
From nantucket.

Stop it, colin.
I'm not trying to propose.

Melissa, do you miss me,
Darling?

Hi.

Uh, logan?
Yes.

Who's the skirt?
Ah, that is
Colin's roommate.

He brought her back
From holland?

Yes, he did.

Oh.

Hi. I'm rory.
I've heard a lot about you.

She doesn't
Understand english.

Oh, sorry.

Yes, aren't we all.
Colin, rude.

Everywhere I go, everything I
Do -- surprise -- there she is.

Well, you brought her here.
What did you expect?

When we were
In the netherlands,

She seemed so amazing,
You know?

But the minute we left,
She began to lose her appeal.

Everything looks appealing
When you're stumbling out
Of an amsterdam coffee bar.

Tell me about it. I spent
Half an hour hitting on a bike.

Maria, you're the only one
That can save me.

Rory, you have
To understand --

Milkmaids
Are iconic over there.

They're practically
Dutch superheroes.

Dating katrinka
Was like dating wonder woman.

Katrinka.

He's gonna be hearing about
That one for a long time.

Oh, I see.

Well, just so you know, I think
You're an awfully sweet girl

To date a guy with such
An unfortunate skin condition.

Rory, any chance you're
Breaking up with logan

In the next
20 minutes?

Sorry.

Veronica -- finn.

Still engaged, darling?

Well, I am, too, but I'm not
Going to say in what.

So, this is a surprise, the guys
Being here and everything.

Well, colin just got back.
I hadn't seen him.

Is that okay?
Oh, yeah, it's fine.

I just -- you seemed like
You were in a bad mood earlier.

Well, this is how you
Get out of a bad mood, ace.

Hey, let's get something to eat.
I'm starving.

Yes. Chinese food.
No dairy in chinese food.

Perfect. General lee's
Has that adorable waitress

With a very tiny intellect.
Let's go.

General lee's?
General lee's.

Just give me a minute,
And I'll go change.

No way, you've got that
Hot librarian thing going on.

I like it. Grab a book.
Let's go.

Finn:
I've got shotgun.

No, you don't.
You're driving.

I can reach over
To steer.

Uh, colin, you forgot
Your milkmaid.

Okay, room 5
Just checked out,

So let's give that
To jackson's sister adele.

Put cousin rachel
In room 3

And aunt pat and uncle rusty
In room 6.

Okay, that's two people
In room 6.

Aunt pat and uncle rusty,
They're gonna need two keys.

I gave them one.
They can share.

It's the least
The freeloading hicks can do.

They're not freeloading hicks.
They're our guests.

They are moochers.

They go supermarket-hopping to
Gorge themselves on free samples

And get their perfume
From magazine inserts.

You can recognize them from
The paper cuts on their wrists.

Jackson not here yet?

No, but his family's arrival
Is imminent,

So I'm off to nail
The furniture to the floor.

I don't believe it. The whole
Clan will be here any minute.

Sookie, relax.
I can't relax.
It's jackson's family.

I try to say nice things to
Them, but they misinterpret it

And they think
I'm insulting them.

So I've tried
Being really quiet,

And then they get all like,
"Why are you so quiet?"

So I overcompensate
And start cracking jokes

Like I'm carrot top, and I start
Doing funny things with props.

I hate prop comedy.
We all do, honey.

They're right behind me.

Jackson, you almost left me
Bufferless. What happened?

Aphids happened,
All over my tomatoes.

And I was squirting them,
And they're multiplying,

And I lost track of time.

So I start
Racing over here on foot,

And I saw bo's minivan
Just in front of me,

So I cut through
The thicket,

And you know
How I hate the thicket,

Just so I could
Get here first.

Oh, my god, my breath.
I can't catch my breath.

I'm breathing out,
But I can't breathe in.

Okay, jackson, calm down.
You're here, right?

He's here.
Your buffer's here.

I got my buffer.
It'll be okay.

Okay, so, did you
Tell hmm-hmm about hmm-hmm?

No, he's your family.
You tell hmm-hmm about hmm-hmm.

Why do I get the feeling I'm
At least one of the "Hmm-hmm"S?

Lorelai, we need
To tell you something.

Remember my brother bo?

Uh, dark hair, coarse stubble,
Jefferson davis tattoo?

He thinks you're a nympho.
A what?

It's short
For nymphomaniac.

It means you really
Dig the fellas.

I know what it means,
But how?

I didn't say two words
To the guy when I met him.

I said one -- hi.

And that was not in response to,
"What's your sex drive like?"

Cousin rune told him.

Rune -- short guy,
Light hair,

Thought marijuana
Gave your salad zest?

That's the one. Bo said
Rune said you're a horn dog.

A horn dog?

His word, not mine.
His family, not mine.

Mom!

Buffer.

Welcome to the dragonfly.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, my, that's quite a bit
Of luggage for three days.

You are just staying
Three days, aren't you?

That's right,
Little brother -- three days.

Why don't you all relax.

I'll take care
Of checking us in.

Well, hello, l.G.

Welcome
To the dragonfly inn.
Welcome to bo.

Nice sunglasses.
Very "Risky business."

Risky business, huh?
Are you into risky business?

No. All of a sudden
I hate it.

Tom cruise in his underwear
Makes me want to barf.

Would you like to register?

I would love to.

You just
Signed the blotter.

Oh, whoops.

Sorry. I was distracted.

Well, um, you're in room 7,
So just take a right

At the top of the stairs
And enjoy your stay.

Well, aren't you
Accommodating.

I guess I'll just go get my
Duffel bag out of the minivan.

That's the first time

I ever heard the word "Duffel"
Sound dirty.

I am so, so sorry.

All right,
Here are their keys.

Names are on the envelopes.
They can go up any time.

I am so, so sorry.

Ooh, uncle artie
Hugged me too long.

Lorelai checked bo in.

We are so, so sorry.

Keys!
Let's get them upstairs.

I got your keys, everybody.
Come and get them.

Come and get them.

Just thought I'd give you
My room number, princess.

I have it. Remember, I checked
You in about a minute ago?

All right, then.
See you soon.

[ exhales sharply ]

He asleep?
He's waiting
For his muse.

Don't say it like that.
Like what?

All condescending.
It's not cool.
I wasn't condescending.

Songwriting is about making
Yourself open and vulnerable

So that the lyrics
Come out true.

If I'm being sensitive,
That's a byproduct of my craft.

I hear you.

Okay, now you
Just patronized me.

I wasn't
Patronizing you.

Carry on.

What's with her
Being all dismissive?

Hey, you want
To get more fries?

Oh! Yes! Yes!

Dude, you said "Fries,"
And it hit me.

Really?
Quick, get this down.

Go.

* ah ah ah ah-ah
Oh-oh-oooh *

Wait, what?

Just get it down
Before I forget it.

* ah ah ah ah-ah
Oh-oh-oooh *

It's not lyrics.

Duh, it's a melody.
Come on.

* ah ah ah ah-ah
Oh-oh-oooh *

Okay, okay.

Get it?
I think so.

Up, down, further down,
Little higher up, down a smidge.

Brian!
I don't read music.

Great.
Lane, come here.

* ah ah ah ah-ah
Oh-oh-oooh *

What?
I need your cellphone

So I can call home and leave
A tune on our machine.

I don't bring my cellphone
To work.

Ohh!

* ah ah ah ah-ah
Oh-oh-oooh *

Um, you're starting to freak out
Some of the customers.

I just want you to know I feel
Really helpless right now.

Luke, luke, luke,
Look, look, look.

Luke, luke, luke,
Look, look, look.

That was kind of funny.
It just came out.

Sookie, I'm working.
I know.

I just came by
To show you this.

What's that?
This is a vintage
Cake-topper --

Porcelain bisque, hand-painted
I think in the 1940s.

Shoulder pads
On the shoulders.

I found it at a flea market
This morning -- it's perfect.

Perfect for what?
For your and lorelai's
Wedding cake.

Oh, well, that's nice.

Nice? Nice?

It's not nice --
It's fate. Look.

Perhaps this
Looks familiar.

His butt.

It's your butt.

It's your butt, luke.
It's your butt.

Stop screaming, "It's
Your butt." people are eating.

What are the odds of me
Finding a cake-topper

With exactly your butt?

Turkey burger with swiss.

Oh, when I found this topper,

Your whole cake came to me,
Like in a vision --

White and sparkly

With beautiful daisies
Made of fondant on the top.

Cow burger with cheddar.

So, now that
I know the cake,

All you have to do
Is set the date.

When is the date?
I don't know.

What do you mean,
You don't know?

I mean I don't know.

Luke, miss manners said
You're not really engaged

Until you have a ring
And a date.

Yeah, and it's tacky to drink
From a can, but there you go.

Luke, please.

Look, you know
The drill here, sookie.

We're not setting a date

Until things are settled
Between lorelai and rory.

And when exactly
Is that going to be?
I don't know.

Well, what do you plan
To do about it?
Nothing.

Nothing? What kind
Of an answer is that?

Sookie, it's between them.

Me and my butt
Are staying out of it.

Oh, come on.
This whole non-talking thing

Between lorelai and rory
Is ridiculous, and you know it.

I do know it.

Grilled cheese,
Double order of fries.

Well, all I can say

Is that those two better make up
Before your butt falls

And this gorgeous
Antique cake-topper

Is nothing more than a kitschy
Piece of junk from the 1940s.

[ car horn honks ]
Crap. I got to go.

I left jackson's mother
In the car.

Maybe I should have
Cracked the window.

* oh oh-oh oh

* oh-oh oh

Hi, mrs. Lamkin.

What is going on?
What is that?

Hey, this is the g5 dual 2.3
With a one-gig ram upgrade.

This 3 1/2-inch aluminum casing
Houses a 300-gig hard drive.

And we got
Pro tools, too.

We're gonna
Be able to record

Like a million tracks
Every song.

We can burn, mix,
And edit our own cds.

It's gonna be nuts.

Yeah, just as soon as we
Figure out how to turn it on.

But how?
When did...?

Oh, my god!
The tour money!

Lane: you went into
My underwear drawer?!

I cannot believe that you went
Into my underwear drawer.

But that's where
The tour money was.

But that was
My underwear drawer.

It was business,
Not pleasure, lane.

I had my eyes closed the entire
Time. It was all by feel.

That was my room,
My private inner sanctum,

And you ransacked it.

The fact that you felt you had
To hide the tour money from us

Is pretty insulting.

Yeah, and that money was
For recording equipment, anyway.

But did you at least
Shop around?

I mean, did you go through
The stack of research I have

On recording equipment,
Cost comparisons,

Audio magazine articles?

Did you happen
To look at any of that?

Jeez, we didn't go through
All your stuff, lane.

I can't believe you spent
9 grand without talking to me.

It wasn't the plan --
We just cruised by the store

To get a microcassette recorder
So I could preserve my tunes.

And there was
This salesguy --
A great guy.

And we ended up
Talking to him about music.

And zach
Sang him his tune.

Which he totally dug.
Reminded him of early smiths.

Great guy.
He was, and he was like,

"You should get this."

And he was like,
"This is the last day

Of our once-a-year sale,
And everything's 30% off,"

And he showed us
This whole system.

He spent like an hour
With us.

Totally great guy.
He thinks
We're gonna be huge.

Was there change?
Huh?

Did the totally great guy
Give you any change?

Ohh!

She totally
Would have liked him.
'cause he was a great guy.

I believe jackson's
Aunt pat

Is borrowing dvds
From our collection

And secretly burning copies
For her own dvd library.

What makes you think she's
Not watchi the dvds?

The belleville's
Are freeloaders,

The whole lot of them.

They are as cheap as tan
Panty hose with white sandals.

Plus, I believe they
Have emptied all the booze

From the minibars upstairs
Into their own flask

And then refilled
The bottles with water.

Can I interest you
In a sick day?

Pssh, I would not
Give them the satisfaction.

Oh, how proud a family reunion
Must be for you.

He's snarky.
And sarcastic.

He's sarcastic.
Hey, do you have a minute?

I want to ask you something
Kind of important.

Sure, I've got nothing
But minutes.

Well, I was wondering if you
Would honor me and jackson

By being
Martha's godmother.

[ gasps ] Oh, wow.

Oh, is that a good "Oh, wow"
Or a bad "Oh, wow"?

It's just "Oh, wow."

The whole idea
Of me being a godmother --

I never thought of myself
As the godmother type.

Would I need a wand?

I think you can
Pull it off without it.

Oh, jeez, sookie,
I'm touched.

I would love
To be martha's godmother.

Great. Oh, I'm so happy
You said yes.

It's going to be great.

And we're gonna baptize
Both kids at once,

So davey's gonna
Need a godmother, too,

And I thought,
"How about rory?"

Rory, huh?

Yeah, I thought
It would be fun.

And I know it's weird
With you two now,

But there's really no one else
I'm close to to ask.

Yeah? What about your friend kat
From the culinary institute?

You guys roomed together
In college.

She's been
Institutionalized.

What? Really?
Oh, yeah.

She shaved her head. She thinks
She's susan powter. Sad.

How about theresa? She lived
Next door to you growing up.

Aren't her husband
And jackson best friends?

She moved.

She moved?
To peru.

When?
Yesterday, actually.

Tall, skinny margo?
Has an inner-ear problem.

Frankly,
I'm a little worried

She'll lose her balance holding
The baby and fall in the water.

She's tall, so that's
A long way to fall.

But, hey, look,
If you don't want to do it

Or you don't want me
To ask rory,

Then I'll
Totally understand.

I'm sure jackson will
Understand, too, and martha.

Hey, you got to do
What you got to do.

No, no, it's okay.

Um, I'll do it.

You will?
Of course I will.

Oh, thank you.

It's gonna be
A perfect day.

[ alarm beeps ]

Which one goes better
With a baby?

I like the green one.

It's not too sheer? Because
I'm gonna be in a church.

Looks good from here.

Yeah, maybe. Man, she's good.
She's really good.

Who?
Sookie.

This whole baptism thing

Is just a ruse to get me
And rory together.

She's played me
Like a stradivarius.

So, don't go, then.
No, I got to go.

Why?
She asked me to be a godmother.
You don't say no to that.

Why?

I know what she's doing,
And she knows what she's doing,

But no one else
Knows what she's doing,

So on the chance she's not doing
What I think she's doing,

Which is actually just
Doing what she wants to do,

Then I will be the jerk who
Wouldn't be the godmother
To her best friend's baby

'cause she thought something
Was happening that wasn't.

And that will be the story
Everyone remembers, understand?

I like the green dress.

[ alarm beeps ]

Go back to sleep.

I have to go
To the baptism.

Blow it off.

I can't.

You can do anything. You just
Have to believe in yourself.

Did we learn nothing
From "Mad hot ballroom"?

I have to go
To stars hollow.

I have to see my mom.

One, two, cha cha cha.

Ohh, okay.

Nothing left to do but get up
And face the music.

Which goes better
With a baby?

You're wasting
Your time, lane.

That manual's
Just a bunch of gobbledygook.

Got to be r2-d2
To understand that thing.

No, you just have to spend
More than six minutes

Trying to figure it out
Before giving up.

I can't believe
There's a second c-span.

[ knock on door ]

Hi.

Rory.

Hi. Am I interrupting
Anything?

Nah, there's nothing on.

No, you're interrupting
Nothing. Come on in.

Wow, this looks
Very fancy.

Yeah, it's pretty fancy,
All right.

Apparently is does everything
Except turn on.

You look pretty fancy, too.

Oh, I'm on my way over
To sookie's kids' baptism.

I'm gonna be
Davey's godmother.

Very religious.
My mother would be impressed.

Is it true you get to keep
The baby if the parents die?

I'm just doing it
As a favor for sookie.

[ imitating marlon brando ]
Did you make her an offer
She couldn't refuse?

Dude, you nailed that.
Thanks.

Come on, I need a break
From the a.D.D. Boys.

Whoa!
There's a third c-span!

Room looks the same.

Yeah.

How come there's a padlock
On your dresser drawer?

Long story.
Here, sit.

So, you look great.
Did you get a haircut?

Yeah.
Well, maybe a month ago.

I like it.

Thanks.
You look good, too.

I like the bangs.
Very marianne faithfull.

Thanks. I'm hoping
Mick jagger notices.

So, you went on tour.
Yeah, we did.

And how was it?
Great.

Great.

And, um, how are things
In the zach department?

I mean, you two
Are still together, right?

We are, and it's good.
He's good. We're good.

How many times
Can I use the word "Good"?

Have you guys...?

No, no, no,
We're still not having sex,

But I did tell zach he could
Tell the guys we're doing it.

It's a little more
Rock 'n' roll.

You are a good girlfriend.

So, how's logan?

Logan is...

A constant surprise.

I have trouble
Keeping up with him.

He moves a mile a minute,
Gets bored in two seconds flat.

He started flying
Those scary little planes

That seem like they're
Made of papier-mâché,

Which is thrilling,
By the way.

And logan's good.

Wow. Is this serious?

Seriously exciting.

I love that.

Is it hard with him at yale
And you with your grandparents?

No, not really.
It's been fine, actually.

Taking time off
Has been great.

It was absolutely
The right decision for me.

That's good.
That's really good.

Yeah.

I just wish that my mom
Could understand that.

She's so...

I doubt that she will
Talk to me again

Until I am back in a dorm room
With a course catalog on my lap,

If then.

I don't know.
Maybe we'll never talk again.

You two? Oh, please.

We haven't talked in weeks.
It'll blow over.

She didn't tell me
When she and luke got engaged.

Rory, look at me.

You and your mom
Will talk again.

This rift is nature's attempt
To find some equilibrium.

You and lorelai have gone too
Many years without fighting.

So you had to have one big fight
To make up for it.

Now you've had it,
And soon you'll make up

And then this will all
Be just your lost weekend.

I've missed you.

I've missed you, too.

We can never go this long
Without talking again.

Deal.
I'll do anything.

I'll raise carrier pigeons.
I'll learn morse code.

I'll send you pigeons,
And you can send me code.

Okay.

Oh, it's 10:30. I have
15 minutes before I have to go.

Now, I want to hear
All about that tour.

Let's start with the "Three boys
And no shower" thing.

Oh, lord.

[ church bells ringing ]

You look nice today, kirk.

Thanks. This is the suit
They buried my dad in.

Oh, well...

I think I'm gonna
Let that one go.

Do you know which is the davey
Side and which is the martha?

I don't think there are sides.
It's not like a wedding.

I think we're all
On both kids' sides.

I just didn't
Want to offend

By taking a side
If there are sides.

I've had some contact
With davey in passing --

Couple of high-fives,
One or two peek-a-boo
Sessions,

But I haven't had
Much contact with martha.

She seems more reserved,
Elusive.

There's a bit
Of garbo in her.

[ both chuckling ]

I just talked
To my former mother,

And, oh, you are going
To love this.

Guess who's
Getting baptized today?
Who?

Me.
No.

Is it christmas already?
This isn't funny.

You've never
Been baptized?

Apparently on the day I was
Supposed to be baptized,

I stuck a quarter up my nose and
Had to be taken to the hospital,

And they never rescheduled.

Organizational skills were never
Your family's strong point.

You know what?
I have had it with my family!

I want you
To march right over there

And tell my mother you're
Divorcing me if I get baptized.

Oh, yeah,
That will go over very well.

Okay, fine. Then just say
We're getting separated.

I better find out what it means
For a grown man to get baptized.

Oh, my god, are you gonna wear
A giant christening gown?

You're really enjoying this,
Aren't you?

Ooh, you have no idea.

Oh, rory's here!
Yeah, I see that.

Boy, that's a pretty dress
She's wearing, don't you think?

Sure. It'll go good
With a baby.

Well, I better
Go check on the kids.

Say hi to rory for me
If you see her first.

Reverend:
Oh, there you two are.

Good.
Do you have a minute?

I was hoping we could have a
Quick chat before the ceremony.

Oh, well...
Um, sure.

Wonderful.
Right this way.

So, I always like to take a
Few minutes before my baptisms

To get to know the godparents
A little bit.

I already know you two,
But I just want to touch base

And make sure you understand
The obligations

Of what you're getting into
Here today.

Now, basically,
Godparents are responsible

For the spiritual upbringing
Of their godchildren.

I certainly hope the parents
Throw their two cents in,

But the godparents
Are vitally important figures

In a child's life.

So, tell me, what are
Your religious affiliations?

Oh, well, reverend,
You've known us forever.

Well, yes, I have,

And I still have no idea what
Your religious affiliations are.

Oh...
Well...

We're a bit lapsed.

Yes. From...?

Well, um...Religion.

But, you know,
I can't speak for rory,

But I have a strong belief
In good...

You know...Over evil.

I mean, if I was asked
To choose a side...

I read "The lion, the witch,
And the wardrobe."
I have a bible.

I may have accidentally
Given it to goodwill,

Because I'm remodeling.

But goodwill is
A religious organization...

I think.

But even if it's not, good
Will -- it's in the ballpark.

I buy tons
Of girl-scout cookies.

I have two "Mary
Is my homegirl" t-shirts.

These are all very positive
If somewhat irrelevant things.

And it seems like your hearts
Are in the right place.

Absolutely.
Definitely.

And it says something good
About you both

That when a friend calls you up
And asks a favor,

You come through like this.

Right, right.

Shall we?
We shall.

So, are you a davey
Or a martha?

Davey, I bet, right?
He's much more accessible.

He's the dandy warhols

To martha's
Brian jonestown massacre.

[ coins clattering ]
Oh. Dang it.

Hey, rory.
You look so pretty.

Hey, sookie.

Oh, I want a picture
Of this.

Welcome, everybody.

Jesus tells nicodemus
In the fourth gospel,

"Unless one is born
Of water and spirit,

One cannot enter
The kingdom of god."

Today we gather
To honor three individuals

As they dedicate themselves in
The first sacrament of the faith

And become members
Of the body of the church

And the kingdom of god.

Here to bear witness
And offer spiritual support

Are lorelai gilmore,
Godparent to martha,

Rory gilmore,
Godparent to davey,

And, uh -- jackson.
Yo.

Acting as your godparent
Will be...?

Oh, uh...

My brother bo, I guess.

And, uh, bo belleville

Will serve as sponsor
And witness for jackson.

Will you come up here,
Please, bo?

Oh!
[ coins clattering ]

Oh, bananas.

The candidates for baptism
Will now be presented.

We are honored with the
Privilege of being here today

To witness and support in faith

The baptism
Of david edward belleville,

Martha janice lori
Ethan rupert glenda

Carson daisy danny belleville,

And jackson matthew belleville.

I hereby charge lorelai gilmore,
Rory gilmore, and bo belleville

With the responsibility of
Seeing to the spiritual welfare

Of these children
And this believer.

We will now begin a series
Of ceremonial questions.

Lorelai gilmore,
Do you renounce satan

And all the spiritual forces
That rebel against god?

[ audience murmuring ]

Lorelai.
What?

Why aren't you
Renouncing satan?

He said,
"Do you renounce satan?"

That's not something
You pause about.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, yes, I renounce satan.

Okay.

Rory gilmore,
Do you renounce satan

And all the spiritual forces
That rebel against god?

Did you call rory?
What?

Did you call rory
And ask her to be a godmother?

I renounce him.

Bo belleville...

What are you
Whispering about?

I'm just trying
To get some information.

Satan can kiss my ass.

How come sookie
Had your phone number?
What?

She called you
To ask you to be here,

Which means she must have
Had your phone number.

Excuse me. Ladies?

I'm sorry, reverend. Can you
Just give us a moment, please?

What is wrong with you?

It's not like
I really care, okay?

It's not like I was gonna
Call you up to chitchat

Or make a date to go
Shoe shopping or something.

Shouldn't a mother have a way
To contact her daughter

In case of an emergency?

What if I had to have
A blood transfusion?

You're the only person in the
World with the same blood type.

It would really help
To have your phone number.

We are holding up
The service.

It's weird you would give sookie
Your number and not me.

I didn't give sookie
My new number.

Sookie called grandma,
Grandma left me a note,

And then I
Called sookie back.

And I didn't get a new number.
I lost my phone.

If you lose your phone,

You should suspend your service
Until you get a new one.

That way, you get
To keep the same number.

It's ridiculous to get
An entirely new number.

No one gets
An entirely new number.

Well, next time,
I will suspend my service.

Um, hi, guys.

We kind of
Need the kids back.

Hey, godmother.

Hi.

So sorry again
For the drama.

You always give me
A good story to tell.

I aim to please.

I have a little
Confession to make.

I kind of asked you and rory
To both be godmothers

Because I thought it might
Kind of bring you back together,

Patch things up.

Well, blow me down.
Didn't fool you, huh?

No, but the salads
Are excellent.

The salads are excellent.

Okay, that's it.
I'll be right back.

Hi, bo.
Hey, darlin'.

What do you say we get
Out of these wet clothes?

Listen, bo, there's been
A misunderstanding here.

What rune told you about me --
It's not true.

Really?
None of it.

So you don't
Have a kid?Well, no,
I do have a kid.

You didn't get knocked up
When you were 16?

Well, that part
Technically is true.

And he said
You've never been married.

Well, I've never been married
Exactly, but I'm engaged now.

That's pretty steady,
Very permanent.

He said
You were engaged before.

It's all true --
I'm a horn dog.

So if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna get some potato salad.

Potato salad.

I get it.

Okay.

So, I'm leaving.

Okay. Drive safe.

Look, I know this is lame
At this point,

But you can have my new number
If you want it.

That's okay. I can call mom,
And she can leave you a note.

Okay.

Okay.

[ sighs ]

[ cellphone rings ]

Hello?
Rory: hey.

Hey, how was the baptism?

Fine. I don't know.

I don't know
What's going on.

I'm not handling things
Particularly well these days.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Logan, are you okay?

I had a talk with my father
The other day,

And apparently I'm going
To graduate this year.

I'm going
To get my act together

And I'm gonna become
A huntzberger.

What does that mean?

I'm going to start attending
Shareholder meetings,

Letting the boys
See my face around.

It means my preordained life
Is kicking in.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey, always read the fine print
On the family crest.

Maybe you can talk to your dad
And tell him how you feel.

Hey, how far away are you
From the airport?

Why?
Let's go to new york.

What?

New york, you and me right now
By helicopter.

A helicopter?
You're kidding.

We will spend the weekend
At the pierre.

You don't have your community
Service till monday, right?

Don't pack. We'll shop.
Much more irresponsible.

Um...Logan --

I'll see you at the airport
In 20 minutes, ace.

Okay, I'll see you
In 20 minutes.

Rosie o'donnell: I think he's
Gonna take me for a ride in it.

Man: what about your boyfriend?
What about jesse?

Jesse's delicious.

He's gonna take me today
To get a new toilet seat

Because mine got broken
And was sliding.

I would fall off of it.
I go, "Whoa!"

It's not the same.

What, am I scaring you?

Want me to scare you?

Boo boo boo!

Beth...