All language subtitles for Snooker.Man.2024.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

(gentle music)

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

- Okay.

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

Er, right.

I'm from Essex, like London.

I'm Ronnie, from London Town.

London Town?

Ronnie. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie.

Yeah, I'm Ronnie.

I was more like where the white was going, you know?

All right. (clears throat)

All right, I'm Ronnie.

Okay, so this is my Ronnie O'Sullivan impression.

"Hi kids, it's me, Ronnie.

"Which Ronnie?

"There's only one Ronnie, Ronnie O'Sullivan.

"And today we are gonna pot, the white?

"No, no, we don't pot no whites around here.

"We only pot colors.

"Let's do this.

"So you're gonna follow me all around the table

"and we're gonna pot all the colors of the rainbow.

"Yes. Yes we are.

"'Cause who am I? I'm Rocket Ronnie.

(gentle music continues)

"Let's play some snooker!"

- [Narrator] Working for the UK's

lowest-rated lookalike agency.

Johnny "Snooker Man" Bonnar takes center stage,

navigating the agency's eccentricities

before delving into the world

of competitive miniature snooker.

This is his story.

- Then when it comes to the adults' one, I, er,

well, I would be a bit more like less, "Hi kids."

And I'd be a bit more like

hanging out, talking to them.

"Oh, let's have a beer, let's kick back.

"Let's talk about the old greats."

I'll sort of say about my time,

you know, my friendship with Jimmy, Old Jimmy White.

And yeah,

normally we've had a few crazy times,

you know, so,

but nonetheless, right back onto what else I would.

(knocking on door) Yeah?

- [Flatmate] Johnny, you shut the fuck up.

You're putting me off my shit.

(mysterious music)

♪ Let me introduce you to a man ♪

♪ You've probably heard his name ♪

♪ World champion, the very best ♪

♪ His opponent should be scared ♪

♪ The ladies want him, ♪

♪ The gentlemen want to be him ♪

♪ He's a Snooker Man, the game has begun ♪

♪ One winner and it will be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man and nobody can ♪

♪ Destroy the empire he's built ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ Great player and a greater lover ♪

♪ There is nothin' he does wrong ♪

♪ He does it all like no other ♪

♪ He's takin' over the world ♪

♪ The ladies want him ♪

♪ The gentlemen want to be him ♪

♪ He's a Snooker Man ♪

♪ The game has begun ♪

♪ One winner and it will be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man and nobody can ♪

♪ Destroy the empire he's built ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ You won't see his next move comin' ♪

♪ In the second only a black ball left ♪

♪ And all of his lovers keep comin' ♪

♪ 'Cause his name they can't forget ♪

♪ He's a Snooker Man, the game has begun ♪

♪ One winner and it will be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man and nobody can ♪

♪ Destroy the empire he's built ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

(laid back music)

(Johnny brushes teeth)

- Yeah, I mean, some nights, yeah.

Fucking hell, I mean, I finished work

and I just wanna,

the thing I want to do is just kick back

and it's like, oh yeah, gotta go down there.

A cold shower.

I got into acting 10 years ago.

Done a drama degree

and yeah, it's like two years, intensive.

And that was going well

and picked up lots of different bits and pieces,

like some touring theater around Italy.

And yeah, a couple of theater shows, like a few,

like half a dozen in like small venues around London.

And it was actually at one of them that I met Barry.

He, he just came along to one.

And we got talking.

Barry Keane, who runs the Prestige Lookalikes

and we actually hit it off.

- [Narrator] Barry Keane initially refused

to take part in this documentary

as he objects to Prestige
Lookalikes being featured

as the UK's worst lookalike agency.

He sent a lookalike of himself to take part instead.

- I'm the lead actor, director

and writer of the best British
horror films since Hammer

and founder of Prestige Lookalikes.

Barry Keane, obviously.

- We, we got talking about films, got very,

we're both very passionate about, about movies.

And, and then he, he also was telling me

that he has all these ideas

and a few of them were for, for horror films.

So naturally I thought, great,
you know, let's collaborate.

Let's, let's get some, get some films made.

And yeah, we, we did, we've made a few films now.

- "The Girl With The Two Masks" was my directional debut.

I like to think of it as my love letter

to the giallo films of Dario Argento.

But better, if I do say so myself.

- You nothing to say for yourself? (coughs)

(tense music)

- Stop being a victim and see a therapist!

- [Barry] Okay. Goodnight.

- Well, I wake up with glass taped to my mouth so you know,

if I move my mouth

or do anything, basically it will cut,

I cut my mouth up, nice.

(actor pants)

But then also I get attacked.

So it's like a needle in my arm.

And I basically got to, I'm forced to spray a picture,

like a portrait from my own blood.

(Johnny whimpers)

(actor screams)

(tense music)

I was about to show it to my mum and

she said, "Johnny, you know, it's Christmas Day.

"Let's, let's maybe do it Boxing Day.

"It's a horror."

I said, "all right then".

And then, yeah, it was awkward.

I was watching it with her and my dad

and they were just like, what the hell is this?

- I think for me, why me dad does these films,

it's because A, he's a bit of a cheapskate

and blood's pretty cheap, isn't it?

You can use bucket loads
and it looks really good on film

and it's just cheap to make, but it always sells.

I mean, when I was little, when I was about four or five,

we'd always watch like Hammer House of Horrors.

You imagine being a kid in that household

and you sort to go to bed
watching like mutilations, death,

blood and gore,

screaming out in the middle of your night

and your dad's saying, "Don't worry about that".

"It's about the haunting you've gotta worry about."

Which, I think,

that's exactly where he got "Two Masks" from.

He sort of watches all this stuff.

And he sort of rips it off.

- "To kill a princess"

stars my lovely daughter Margaret

and my current employee, Johnny,

in a fantasy steampunk world.

Maggie is the princess.

She has to be killed.

Johnny has to kill her.

But they fall in love.

A retro futuristic Shakespearean tragedy,

if you wish.

What is this bollocks?

Watch out for my cameo as a steam-powered terminator.

(Barry coughs and screams)

(Barry gurgles)

- [Barry] Run, or you're dead!

(Barry splutters)

(bird sings)

- Do you know, in "To Kill A Princess",

I quite like that 'cause I come across

as this real sort of kick-arse strong woman.

I don't know if it's like, ultimate feminist.

(whimsical music)

Who was that?

You may be a little whore.

A little tall whore

that my father happened to sleep with.

My sister would never be assigned a whore!

- Essentially my character
is out to, to kill the princess.

(wistful music)

It was a terrible shame

you slipped away at such an early hour

at your father's gala.

You have quite an effect on me.

- And I was working with Johnny Bonnar

and it's like this little love affair.

And we'd meet up at the palace

and we had some scenes that
was like sort of a masked ball.

It's quite sexy, but yeah.

And then he got killed.

(tense music) (Johnny pants)

- You're about to die.

Do you have any last requests?

- Yeah. I'm thirsty.

- Oh sure. You're very thirsty.

Maybe you would like that brandy after all.

(Johnny gasps) Come on, come on.

(tense music)

(Johnny spits) (Maggie screams)

Help!

Rose!

(gasps) Rose!

(pistol fires)

Every film we do, he just ends up dead.

Some really gruesome, horrible death.

You just know he is never gonna be in the sequel.

- [Johnny] It's, it's Christmas day

and I'm actually with Maggie, like,

our characters are together.

He's playing my dad.

- And this whole scene just goes all a bit tits up.

(smoke alarm beeps)

(downbeat music)

(meat squelches)

Just a small bit for me. Thanks.

- Oh, come on love, have a big bit.

It's Christmas!

- It's already awkward.

And yeah, like Maggie's character saying like,

"Oh, why didn't you tell your dad about me?"

But I'm, I'm just kind of, there's a reason why.

- We can tell her, John!

- Sit!

Don't look at me like that.

- Tell me what?

- He's trying to contain it.

He's trying to like, you know, not,

trying to hold it down and,

but he can't.

- Let's do a countdown. Ready?

Three,

two.

(Barry makes yelping noise)

(tense music)

- Shit!

(Barry yelps and barks)

- What's happening?

- I'm sorry, babe.

Yeah, he turns into his, into the Chihuahua Man.

Which is like half chihuahua, half werewolf.

(Barry pants)

(Barry barks)

(eyes squelch)

(tense music)

(Barry yelps)

- [Barry] Skip straight to pudding!

(Barry devours food)

(Barry barks)

- Didn't we tell you not to stop taking your medication?

Stay! (Barry barks)

Listen, stay, stay.

Dad, Dad!

Look, Dad, get the fuck off me!

Seriously, Dad.

- And I just don't tell me mates about this film

because who wants to say,

"My dad did this film where we got to dry hump"?

You know, I mean, me guy,

what, me, you know, Johnny, like,

you know, it's a bit weird, isn't it?

'Cause I mean...

- [Johnny] Get off me!

- So she gets all this burnt chicken

that's been all messed up anyway

and sort of entice, like, (whistles)

throw this chicken down, this burnt chicken,

and suddenly my dad goes off

and he's, he's eating this burnt chicken.

I don't even know what these films are about.

(meat squelches)

(tense music)

(Barry yelps)

(laid back music)

I think my dad thinks he's a bit like sort of Tim Burton

where he's got his, sort of, his Johnny Depp

and his, you know, his Helena Bonham Carter,

which is obviously me,

and obviously Johnny's, Johnny Depp.

But honestly it's just 'cause he's cheap if I'm honest.

He just don't wanna pay anyone.

I mean, poor Johnny gets paid nothing really,

just does 'em for free on this promise

that he's gonna be this massive horror actor.

I'm not sure it's gonna happen

'cause he just dies and him done.

He, he's a bit ridiculed, poor guy.

And I mean me,

I don't know how any more I'm gonna do to be honest.

- I mean I'm all for a bit of fun, you know,

getting a bit creative and all that, you know,

getting outta my comfort zone.

But like, you know, a couple
of the ideas he's thrown at me,

I've actually had to say no

because they're just too, too bizarre.

- I started the Prestige Lookalikes Agency in 2018,

hiring the very best lookalikes the UK has to offer.

(laid back music) - The name's Bond

James.

Bond, James Bond.

No, I'm, I'm only joking.

My name's actually er, my name's actually Pete.

Yeah, I'm a, I'm a professional James Bond impersonator,

er, Daniel Craig impersonator.

Yeah, so I'm here today putting the final touches

to my, to my one man show

that I've been developing
over the last couple of years.

It's called "10 Hours to Die".

It's 10 hours long.

'cause you know, we're in the binge, binge age.

You know, people love binging

and that's what we're, we're bringing that to the stage

rather than like home TV, you know.

So it's me, on me Todd, reenacting every scene,

every action, every song from every one

of Daniel Craig's five Bond films.

(Peter makes shooting noise)

Yeah, it's never been done before as far as we know.

And it'll probably probably never be done again.

It's hard. It's hard.

But once you get into it and you're channeling

that Daniel Craig energy,

it's like otherworldly

and you feel like he's watching over ya

and guiding you through it.

So yeah, it's not too bad.

I'm fit.

I go to the gym, work out as well, like he did,

eight days a week, he said.

I'm nine days a week.

Taken good care of your body.

(Pete stifles a scream)

No, to the right, to the right, to the right, to the right!

You are a funny man, Mr Bond.

(Peter hits chair and screams)

Yes, yes, yes!

You know, I've studied him.

I know he's worked so hard on them films

and, like he broke his leg making one of them.

He's had so many injuries
'cause he did all his own stunts

and I think the least I can do
is push through for 10 hours.

In the context of the time he put into all them films,

10 hours is nothing.

♪ Skyfall, let the sky fall ♪

♪ When it crumble, when it crumbles, we can stand tall ♪

- Yeah, I think it's gonna be all right.

And we've got breaks, you know,

after each film we have an
interval, there's four intervals.

'Cause people are gonna need 'em to refresh,

go toilet, that kind of thing.

I'll need to go toilet.

Can't go 10 hours without going toilet.

Q?

Q, are you there?

What? Are they safe, Q?

Yes, they're safe.

Er, Bond, have you left the island?

(laid back music)

(grunts) There's a slight problem with the blast doors.

No, no, no, Bond.

The missiles have already launched.

Just get out of there.

Well, that's not gonna work.

Oh God, oh God.

It's all, all right.

Can you put Madeline on please?

We just need more time.

We have all the time in the world.

(laid back music)

I love you.

I love you too.

She does have your eyes.

I know.

(laid back music)

(Peter makes explosive noises)

You just gotta look at the other Bonds,

people who played Bonds before,

and they're still very present in our minds.

And I think Daniel Craig is,

is gonna be present in our minds

for years and decades to come.

So I think, and he's still working, you know,

and I think the more work he does, the more films,

more doors will open for me as an impersonator.

- Do you know, my poor dad,

I remember once he'd been on this date with this woman

and she dumped him

'cause she said he looked like Toby Jones.

He took it really to heart.

And then he kind of went,

"Screw her, I'm actually gonna make money off this.

"I'm gonna actually start my own lookalike agency,

"be Toby Jones and then see what she thinks then."

- There's more money in it to than acting.

No matter how many roles were being offered to me.

None.

- Oh, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry.

Don't, don't talk to me about Barry, huh.

(Peter laughs)

Yeah, I worked for Barry for about 18 months,

during which time he got me no work.

He seemed a lot more interested
in pimping himself out as a,

as a Toby Jones impersonator.

But there ain't much of a
market for Toby Jones lookalikes

when you can have Daniel Craig.

So yeah, I,

I ended up getting my own work in the end.

So it's been all right, to be honest.

But no thanks to Barry.

- I've had different people come and go,

but we've optimized it to just
me and Johnny at the moment.

How's that?

- Yeah, over the years I've had a,

I've had a few people say to me,

"You know what, have you seen "Evil Dead"?"

I'm like, yeah, I know you're gonna say, yeah,

I look like Bruce Campbell.

I've got a kind of Bruce Campbell look to me

and I kind of like that, you know,

if anyone, Bruce Campbell.

Yeah, he's, I mean, "Evil Dead" character, Ash.

So it's wicked great, really cool character.

So yeah, we go to game conventions

and comic conventions and movie conventions.

There's lots going on, you know, in London

and yeah, yeah, there was a bit of noise with that.

That was quite fun actually.

Okay, so looking like Ronnie O'Sullivan, personally,

I definitely don't think I'm the spitting image

by any means.

And you know, his physique's
not the same really, you know,

nonetheless, there is definitely,

I can see a bit of me in him and vice versa.

- You can visit the Prestige website to hire Johnny

for parties, corporate events, hen dos

and grand openings, anything you want.

He's the UK's 17th rated Ronnie O'Sullivan lookalike.

But we've had to refer to him as Snooker Man

for legal reasons.

They sent a letter.

He's only the 17th best.

But to my knowledge, I'm the number one

Toby Jones lookalike in the world.

And fucking only!

(casual music)

I can't do this anymore. (sighs)

This is utter bollocks.

He's my landlord, I owe him rent.

That's the only reason why I'm doing this.

I work for him for a week and I regretted that.

Look, what do you wanna know about him?

I'll tell you anything.

- Things do come in for Ronnie,

and I'm out there doing the work.

I'm doing some random, oh,

some of the things, it's unbelievable.

Some of the things that I end up having to do.

And he, he rakes in the payday.

Like I get a, I get a cut,

but really for what I'm doing, I should get a lot more.

- I'm a professional at, at what I do.

And he just, he just didn't get me any work.

He promised me the earth and he just didn't deliver.

- There's, there's like pub nights, that's quite a big one.

Yeah, they, they normally love to have, like,

even if it's a darts competition,

they, they like to have a sort of welcome on,

"Hey, and here's Ronnie O Sullivan, you know,

"to do some, some trick shots."

And people do double take sometimes for that.

So yeah, I was booked out by
this, this, this woman who was,

it was a hen party, I thought, oh, interesting.

And so I rock up to do some trick shots.

I got my cue and everything,

and I go to rack up the table

and they're already kind of half gone.

They're all like, really merry.

And they're like, "Well, come on then!

"You know, you still got your bow tie on!"

And I just, oh, I thought, well, yeah,

gonna do some shots.

And they're like, you know,
and then one of them actually

the, she actually threw a johnny at me,

like it landed in my face like a, a condom in its packet.

Barry knew about this.

Barry knew that that was, that was, one, a hen party.

And, and, and also that they,

they wanted me to strip,

but I didn't know that.

Yeah, yeah. He, he, he didn't tell me.

And he's done a few things like that.

But that was the worst.

And I was, no, I was not happy at all.

No, I, I stormed outta that place.

I, I said, well, I've gotta go.

I'm, there's no way I'm, you know,

fuming, fuming.

And I, I just gave him a text

and said, "Oh, where, where, where are you at, Baz"?

And he said, "Oh, I'm in the pub".

(Johnny opens door)

I went into the pub and as soon as I saw him, I didn't care.

I didn't care.

I, I just picked up the pint

and I threw it in his face.

I wanna be an actor.

I'm doing this for a bit of money,

you know,

we are supposed to have a partnership here

and, you know, that's just taken it

way, way too far, you know?

I can't do this forever, put it that way.

And, you know, I've got a reputation.

So, you know, when I hear about the agency

being like, regarded as the
worst in the country, you know,

that kind of, that still backfires on me.

- And it's the lowest rated.

If you look it up, it's right down there.

So it's just, it's just a bit poor, isn't there?

- I have, I've had auditions where people say,

"Oh, aren't you that Ronnie lookalike

"for that really bad agency?"

And it is like, well, "Okay, yeah, yeah, I am, yeah".

And then most of the, well,

they don't wanna see me again, really.

Which is a shame.

- Johnny's a nice lad.

I wouldn't pay to see him as
a Ronnie O'Sullivan lookalike.

That would be a bit of a stretch.

He has eyes for Barry's daughter, Maggie.

Barry wouldn't like that.

- (sighs) I know this is a, a documentary and all.

I dunno how much I can share,

but yeah, I've got, I've got
some feelings for her for sure.

You know?

Yeah, it just is a bit, bit of a tricky one.

'Cause you know, being Baz, Barry's daughter, you know,

he does have a bit of a thing about that as well, so...

- Me and Johnny,

we have these really nice scenes together

and then suddenly it's like my dad got all like,

pissy-arsed about it.

- Actually, there's been a couple of times

when we wanted to,

like we say to Barry, like,

"Okay, can we, should we do a kiss?

"Should we snog?"

- Suddenly writes in him totally different

that I'm suddenly murdering him.

It's like, it's almost like a subliminal message.

Like, "this is gonna happen to you, Johnny,

"touch my daughter" and all that.

I don't even like him.

Not that much anyway.

I think it's 'cause he likes me.

- Yeah, Maggie's, she's a catch.

She's really like, yeah, she's, she's,

she's, yeah, stunning.

Yeah, she's really stunning.

So, yeah.

- In any other universe,

they'd be made for each other.

Anyway, can I do the thing?

As I mentioned before, I used to work for Barry.

(laid back music)

Normally I would not have a beard,

but today I've got one.

Look, Baldy and Slaphead!

What the chances of that happening, eh, eh, eh, eh?

Complimentary cookie?

Get off, get off!

Oh, my old dad, well, daddy, he died again.

What are the chances of that happening?

Sweeter than a hazelnut, the, um...

complimentary cookie?

Complimentary cookie?

Get off, get off!

Goal! And bowl.

What are the chances of that happening?

You get the idea of that, anyway.

- Okay, so I've, I've actually got a gig coming up.

It's quite soon, it's next week, actually.

Next weekend.

And yeah, a big name in the world of miniature snooker,

guy called Wolfgang.

And he's gonna be playing, it's miniature snooker

and there's championships

and people take it quite, you know, seriously.

They really do love it.

And yeah, just with the halftime

I'm gonna be keeping the crowd entertained

with, with my routine.

So yeah, we'll see how that goes.

- Hello, I'm not Peter Ebdon

and I'm here in a bubble bath

to explain the rules of snooker to you.

(upbeat music)

Snooker is a cool cue sport

played on a rectangular table with pockets.

The goal is to score points

by potting balls in a specific order.

At the beginning there are 15 red balls

set up in a triangle shape,

and then the individually colored balls

have their spots on the table.

Now players take turns using the cue stick

to hit the white cue ball,

trying to pot one of the red balls first

followed by a colored one.

Each ball they pot earns them some points.

Red balls are worth just one point each,

but the colored ones are a bit fancier.

Yellow is two points, green is three, brown is four,

blue is five, pink is six,

and the black one is worth the most at seven points.

The player pots a red, then a color,

then another red and another color and so forth.

The colored balls that get potted

are placed back on the table

until all the red ones are gone.

The really cool part is that as long

as they keep potting balls legally,

players can keep their turn going,

creating what's called a break.

But beware.

There are foul rules and if someone messes up,

the other player can earn penalty points.

The game ends when all the balls are potted

and the player with the most
points is declared the winner.

Remember, there's more to
snooker than just this basic stuff

like clever strategies, safety play,

and other tricks that make it a real blast

to play and watch.

Snooker is traditionally played on a 12 foot

by six foot table,

but the world championships of miniature snooker

are conducted on a table just 36 inches in length.

(film clicks)

- [Narrator] Of mixed European heritage.

Wolfgang grew up in East Berlin as the son

of a highly ranking Stasi official.

(gentle music)

(film clicks)

Secret documents revealed

he was snuck into the houses of dissidents

to subtly rearrange furniture.

So the victims thought they were going crazy.

(gentle music) (film clicks)

Be it an open window, a cat flap, or any nook and cranny,

he would squeeze his way in.

(gentle music) (film clicks)

After the fall of the Berlin Wall,

Wolfgang found a new outlet
for his love of cramped spaces,

the world of miniature snooker.

(gentle music) (film clicks)

- [Sportscaster] We are taking a halftime break

during this qualification match

between Wolfgang and Prince Pretty.

Don't go anywhere.

Here comes the halftime entertainment.

(audience claps)

- Good evening everyone.

I'm your Ronnie Sullivan lookalike.

Any ball, any pocket?

- [Spectator] Go for blue in the middle.

- Blue in the middle.

Great.

I like to do a sort of line.

(upbeat music) (Johnny breaks)

For now, I'll just put these in my pockets.

Okay, here we go.

I really hope you're having a good time.

Wolfgang, you'll be back here in a couple of minutes.

Right.

(audience claps)

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

this is my final trick shot for tonight.

Now, I don't if you've seen me do this before,

but this is my favorite.

I made this a couple of years ago.

Very proud of this shot.

This one's called Hell's Cross.

(upbeat music)

No clapping, but that's all right.

(cue ball strikes other balls)

(balls fall in pockets)

Thank you very much.

(audience claps and cheers)

So I hope you enjoyed that.

I really hope to see you all again.

- Way to go Johnny.

- What is he doing here with the documentary crew?

They should be filming me.

I am the greatest player.

(audience boos)

I will win the bloody whole tournament.

Who's the pretty lady friend over there?

(audience boos)

- Do you wanna go with a real champion tonight?

- Hey, get your hands off her!

- [Maggie] Creepy bastard.

- Get your hands off her.

- [Barry] Okay, okay, okay.

- Johnny, it's not worth it.

- Sorry, ladies or gentlemen, sorry.

Sorry, hello, hello.

There's your cue.

Well done, son, all right?

Come on dear, get you out of here.

- See you later. - All right.

- Sorry about this, guys.

- Be having words with you.

- See you, guys.

- Oh, you'll be seeing me, all right.

(crowd chatter)

It's a good job I was there. (mutters)

No, it's just not good.

No, I don't like the fact

that they were kind of, you know, leaning.

I don't like leaning,

you know, leaning in like that.

No, they're getting a bit too close,

er, close, for my liking.

A bit too bloody close.

Gonna be having words with her

and I'm gonna be having words with him.

Yeah. And when I mean words, I mean words,

proper 1970s Northern words,

you know what I mean?

(audience boos)

- [Sportscaster] He does it again.

An easy qualification for Wolfgang.

(audience boos)

We'll be seeing him defend his title at the finals

of the World Championships of Miniature Snooker.

(upbeat music)

- Snooker Man, you're a disgrace.

Everything you do is a disgrace.

It's a disgrace they're doing a documentary

about your shitty lookalike business.

I am the one they should be focusing on.

They should be following my story

on the way to winning the
world title of miniature snooker.

If you're not such a pussy,

I dare you to enter a
qualification match to the finals.

Let me know

and I can fix it for you.

If you dare, I hope to embarrass you in front

of your little princess.

If we ever face each other

because you're a pussy, disgrace,

peace out and piss off.

(mysterious music) (Twitter chimes)

(Twitter chimes)

(Twitter chimes)

(Twitter chimes)

- Can we go around the table

and can you tell me whom
you are all having affairs with?

Dobby is free!

Free Dobby!

Master gave Dobby a sock!

(laid back music)

You see, I reckon that

I'm a better Toby Jones than Toby Jones.

You know, I mean, just look at the quality

of this work already.

Hello, Toby.

See, I can just drop into it like that.

I've never been hired out as a Toby Jones lookalike,

but then I've not put myself out there.

Well then I named my daughter Maggie

'cause of Maggie Thatcher, the Iron Lady.

Yeah, inspiration.

No one's ever happy with the boss they've got.

All my past employees saying I'm the worst boss?

At least they had a boss!

If it weren't for me, they'd be on t'dole, wouldn't they?

Ratings? "The lowest rated lookalike agency"?

Who's rating it?

That's what I say.

Who's rating it?

It's just a matter of opinion, that's all.

(laid back music)

(Barry sniffs)

Right, one thing that's important

when you're

a boss of a high-powered lookalike place,

(Barry unzips suit)

is you have to keep in shape.

I do like (grunts)

to keep myself toned, you know?

Keep myself toned.

So, each morning,

(Barry zips up suit)

a little bit of exercise.

Right.

Quick workout.

(laid back music)

(Barry exhales)

You see, the snooker guys don't have to go to all this,

all this trouble.

Now the thing is, (grunts)

Johnny's going into the proper tournament now,

so I'm gonna get him into some training.

He's gotta get disciplined.

You know, the way I am.

(grunts) I'm gonna be encouraging all that.

(puffs) So, gotta get myself in shape as well.

Now, Johnny, (grunts)

as usual,

has been complaining

about not being able to fit his snooker cue

into his flat.

Now what I say is, (sniffs)

instead of complaining about it,

do something about it.

You know, work with the problem.

Don't just come complaining to me.

Can't deal with all your problems.

Adapt to the situation.

Just stop bloody morning.

(shower runs)

Yeah, I'm gonna be right there beside him

every step of the way.

Yeah, he's got problems

and I'm gonna sort 'em out with him.

He's to work on his gear

(laid back music)

and because of this gig that I've got him,

there's gonna be a lot more work coming his way

(laid back music) (shower runs)

and I'm gonna be right there making sure

(laid back music) (shower runs)

then he gets that work.

And what we could end up doing is going right to t'top.

Right to t'top at lookalike business.

All down to me.

Yeah?

(messenger chimes)

- How's it going, all right?

- Not so bad, lad.

How are you doing yourself?

- [Johnny] I'm beginning a lot better.

- I can see that, actually.

Yeah, you've got the little web cam on the go there,

haven't you?

- Pretty good, eh?

So yeah, you know,

(Johnny pots ball)

it's not really,

not really ideal, you know, like this is,

this has been good enough up until now,

but I really do need some more space, you know?

- Well (laughs), could be,

have you seen where I'm living?

You're in a bigger place than I am.

Yeah?

You know, you just make, do, make, do you know?

(Johnny pots ball)

Angle your...

Tell you what,

tell you what, you know.

It is like, like me old man used to do

at cycle proficiency, right?

Right, listen up.

Used to put the cones tighter together

that you had to cycle round.

So when you took your test

and they were wider apart,

it was a doddle!

Same wi' your flat.

When you've got all the room in t'world in t'tournament,

you're gonna be brilliant!

So actually, it's good for your training

to be where you are, eh?

- The only thing is, it's just so limited.

The space, as you can see, it's just,

I can maneuver around so much, you know?

- Okay, I can, I can look, I can look into it.

I can, I can look for you,

(Johnny pots ball) you know.

- Easy. - Let me have a think.

- I'll catch you later, all right?

Remember, please just get that,

get that flat for me.

(upbeat music)

So yeah, I'm having my first ever

proper game in a basement.

Erm, don't really know what to say.

It's just a bit of a...

Yeah, it is cold and it's dingy

and I'm sure it is a tactic

choosing this location.

He, it sounds like he knows exactly what this spot is

and I'm sure, you know, he knows exactly what he's doing.

- [Sportscaster] Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen

to this qualification match for the finals

of the Miniature Snooker World Championships.

(dramatic rock music)

Best of five.

Let's go, Nadra to break.

(moody rock music)

He's set up nicely for the pink.

(moody rock music)

Nadra takes the lead.

(moody rock music)

Snooker Man to break.

Red goes down.

He makes it look so easy.

Nadra doesn't like that.

Nice rollback off the blue.

(moody rock music)

Snooker Man pulls it back.

One all.

(moody rock music)

Pots it.

Pink-tastic!

Black attack!

Snooker Man takes advantage
and can see blood in the water.

(moody rock music)

Just this black to win.

He does! He does it!

Snooker Man has signed himself off to the finals.

- Over the moon.

Over the moon, really.

This is a perfect start, perfect start.

- Sure, yeah, he could go all the way, I bet.

He's a real talent.

We'll, yeah, yeah.

Good luck. Yeah.

(downbeat music)

- [Narrator] We caught up with Snooker Man

three months before the finals.

Unfortunately he's received some bad news.

This is what happened.

- I'm not gonna lie. Gutted.

(downbeat music)

Yeah, I, I feel, I feel gutted and,

and I was really getting into it, and,

yeah, really excited and,

yeah, you know,

it all seemed to be going well.

And then, yeah, they had to bring this thing back up.

- Hello.

As the leading representative

and the number one ranked miniature snooker player

in the world,

I regret you to inform you all today

of a bigoted indigration
from one of my fellow players.

- It's just a tweet.

It was just a silly tweet,

but you know, it's Twitter for you.

And I mean, bloody hell, it's 12 years ago, 2009.

- On the 5th of June, 2009,

Johnny Bonnar, also known as Snooker Man,

tweeted the following, and I quote,

"Dolphins are just gay sharks".

(downbeat music)

- Yeah. I just, I've always had this thing about dolphins

looking like gay sharks.

That's all.

- I apologize for the homophobic rant

from my fellow professional.

These acts will not go unpunished.

The Federation of Miniature Snooker

have therefore annulled the qualification

of Snooker Man in the championships

and will be replaced in the competition

for my good friend, the Ambassador.

That is all.

- Why has he gotta dig that up?

Dig up this bloody tweet from years ago?

You know, this, this guy.

Seriously. Like, what a prick.

You know, you think you're all, that you're not, you're not,

you're just a prick

giving it large.

Wanker.

(Twitter chimes)

(downbeat music)

I just feel like, you know, this world can be so,

so hard sometimes

and you just want to do something, you know,

just wanna do something.

And then you get some, some,

someone like Wolfgang come
around the corner and you know,

or someone, there's always someone

or something that gets in the way, right?

And I was, you know, I was enjoying this

and I was working hard at it

and I was, I like to think I was, yeah,

I like to put on a good show.

(downbeat music)

Sorry.

(downbeat music)

- [Director] Should we stop?

- I dunno. Yeah, maybe.

- As your future world champion,

I am getting sick and tired
of the internet suggestion

that I got Snooker Man suspended

because I am scared to face him

in a game of miniature snooker.

This is complete bullshit!

I have no time for this shit, man.

This is all I have to say on the matter.

Snooker man is a jackass

and deserves everything that has happened to him.

He's nothing but a stupid fool

and a depressing waste of time.

Goodnight.

- So welcome to my new, my new abode.

And yes, it's about time.

I had an upgrade from Barry, really.

So Barry owns this place.

He's the land, he's essentially my landlord.

So he is now,

yeah, he's my boss and he's my landlord.

So the, the pressure's on a bit.

Yeah, there was, there was this one particular photo,

I dunno if you've seen it,

but yeah, it's, it's a Photoshop image.

They kind of copy pasted my face

and they put it into a, a scene where,

a picture where you've got this,

you've got this, got like the sea

and, and then you got this, this dolphin.

And then, and then you got me

and the dolphin's actually raping me.

(dolphin chatters)

The dolphin's really, really giving it to me, man.

(Johnny sighs)

(downbeat music)

Treasure Island was good.

It was good to be part

of Long John Silver's entourage.

They be a noisy bunch of lubbers
and swabs though, Captain!

My name is Blood Boiler!

"Oh yeah?

"And why do they call you that?"

Because when I gets angry, I'll go bonkers!

And when I gets bonkers, well, my blood boils!

And then when my blood boils, well, I,

I get a little bit overheated and,

and say things that I, I later regret.

I could do with the money right now.

And yeah, like I had three callbacks for that.

It's for the Quavers.

There's a new Quavers advert and a bit of a wacky one.

Yeah, it's like the character.

I, I was gonna be the main character,

the Quaver connoisseur.

And, and they just said to me, well,

that you, you know, step into the camera.

And they dressed me up as a giant block of cheese.

And I just had to say the one line,

"I'm the quaver connoisseur".

It went a bit more like,

(slurs) "I am the Quaver connoisseur".

But they, they went with someone else.

Yeah, they just went with
someone who apparently just had a,

a bit more of a French look.

Yeah, I did say like, well,

"You know, is there anything I could do

"to make myself look more French?"

But I did sort of send 'em a photo

with a sort of curly mustache.

Maybe they just didn't get it.

Yeah, maybe they just,

you know, they're busy, aren't they?

Love the character Rodney Trotter.

Classic, one of my favorites.

It's, it's just the national gem isn't it?

"Only Fools".

And so I saw this ad and I thought brilliant,

because again, a couple of people told me that,

that I looked a kind of like,

I remind them of Rodney.

So, not just that,

I think I have got that kind of quirkiness, I guess.

So yeah, I was, I was, I emailed them over

and said, hey yeah, I was so excited.

And I was right.

I was there, I was there like, the next day.

And then for audition, there was a lot of people,

and I could not believe it.

I could not believe it when
they actually called me back

and they said,

"Okay, we actually gotta workshop a couple of things"

and we did.

I'm gonna kill you!

You set her up to going out with me!

You paid her?

Trig, why do you call me Dave?

My name's not Dave.

My name's Rodney.

It is definitely Rodney!

And the reason they call me Rodney

is 'cause Rodney is my name!

We'd done the scenes and they were going well.

And then, yeah, for some reason, like, (sighs)

yeah, they gave me a call like a week ago just to say,

"I'm sorry Johnny, but we can't use you."

I said, "Really? Wow, okay."

And they said, yeah, there was the other guy, he's just,

he's just that bit taller than you.

And I just, I said, "Well, how about I wear platform shoes?"

They said, "No."

(sighs) Just gutted. Gutted.

(camera hums)

- [Narrator] The 147 break is a perfect score in snooker,

achieved within a single visit to the table.

There's a thriving speed running community

within miniature snooker,

with people recording themselves on camera,

performing their fastest 147 break

and submitting these runs to an online leaderboard.

The Ambassador has not only
used his influence as sponsor

to appropriate himself Snooker Man's former spot

in the tournament finals,

but he's also lobbied the organizers

to reserve a wild card place

for whoever holds the current 147 break record

as his opponent in the quarterfinals

under the pretense it'll make
the competition more exciting.

By anticipating this inevitable loophole,

the Ambassador has taken
the 147 break record for himself.

So will bypass straight to
the semifinals as things stand.

With his ban from miniature snooker ending,

this loophole also gives
Snooker Man his only chance

to get back in.

Whoever records themselves
performing the fastest 147 break

before midnight of the competition

gets an automatic placement.

The game is on.

- Yeah. Got, I got my table back up and running

and I'm putting in, I'm putting in some hours.

I'm, I'm shooting some good shots.

I'm quite excited about this.

- So, basically I started this whole idea.

It's very simple, you know.

I was quick. I'm clever.

The Ambassador coin, it's simple.

Once I take your money, yeah, I can show you things.

I'll give you a lot more back.

Some of my clients are incredible, yeah?

You should see 'em all over the place.

They're everywhere.

I mean, you won't be able to find them,

but they are everywhere.

It's like a game of snooker, yeah?

You sit there, you plan your moves.

It's on a miniature table.

The world is literally like a bank, right?

So all I thought was,

take the same elements, bash 'em all together.

And that's why I'm here.

That's why I sponsored this thing in the first place.

- And so that's, that's pretty much what we have to do.

We gotta beat his record.

- The guy's a fool.

The Snooker Man.

What a stupid name anyway.

It's so obvious, isn't it?

Snooker Man?

What we playing? Snooker?

We plan business.

That's all I'm saying.

- Okay, Mr. Ambassador.

So what I'm gonna do is I'm going to, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna smash, smash the title away from you.

Like you, you, you're not gonna know

what's gonna hit you, yeah?

It's gonna be like,

a bit humiliating.

Without me literally pulling your trousers down,

that's pretty much what's gonna happen.

- If I get that 147 break, right, I'll get two spots.

I won't have to play anyone after this.

I'll be straight to the semifinals.

So all you're saying is you are not gonna get me.

I'm untouchable.

- [Narrator] The first ever record of the 147 break

was set by Colin in 2017,

which was smashed by Twitch streamer Queenie

two years later,

breaking the sub-five minute barrier.

With less than a month before midnight of the finals,

Ambassador set a time of 4:42.

- [Johnny] Yes!

- [Narrator] New to the speed running scene,

Snooker Man stole the record the following week.

- Wolfgang, you are going down Prick Face.

You and the Ambassador.

- [Narrator] Setting up a back and forward rivalry

between the two.

(moody electronic music)

(Johnny cheers)

(moody electronic music)

- Yes!

(moody electronic music)

(Johnny roars)

- [Narrator] With only hours to go before the deadline,

Snooker Man got this run.

(moody electronic music)

- This has all been worth it.

So please, please join me for the finals.

This will be televised and I'm gonna win it.

I'll see you then.

- Hello, my fans.

Ah, so, what you don't realize now is,

I've had the record for a while, okay?

Okay, I've been sitting on this.

- [Narrator] With minutes to go before midnight,

Ambassador uploaded a video
he recorded over a week earlier.

- As you can see, I did it in the timescale

and yeah, I've been holding the footage,

waiting out, Mr Snooker Man,

so you won't have time to get yours in.

That puts me in the spot
where I want to be in the finals

and you're not gonna be able to compete with me.

That makes me the snooker man, Snooker Man.

- [Sportscaster] Welcome to the grand finals

of the World Championships
of Miniature Snooker 2022.

We're here, guys!

A nonstop thrill ride of ball potting action

for you all to enjoy.

A huge controversy has held
its cloud over the competition

this year,

as the Ambassador has not only paid his way

into the competition through
sponsoring the tournament,

but he has also had the 147 break record,

taking up two spots for himself in the finals.

Effectively, he now has a buy-in

past the quarterfinal stage

as he can't play against himself.

All he has to do is show up to take the W.

Here he comes. (audience boos)

This is completely unprecedented, folks.

(audience boos)

- [Spectator] Get out of here!

- [Sportscaster] The crowd here at the snooker zone

are letting him know what they really think of him.

(audience boos)

- What you going on about?

What you having a go at me for, yeah?

You know I've got the 147 locked down.

Yeah?

(Ambassador makes crying baby noises)

I don't even need to be here today.

Listen to me.

I don't need to be here today,

but you know I'm sailing through this. Sailing!

(audience boos)

- [Sportscaster] What's Snooker man doing here?

He's not meant to be here!

Wait, what's that I'm hearing in my earpiece?

Snooker Man's what?

Ladies and gentlemen, last minute rule change.

I'm getting told by the organizers

that they've decided to let Snooker Man compete

as the second placed 147 break record holder.

It's on, guys.

We have a match on our hands.

Let's quickly check on the
tournament quarterfinal brackets.

Wolfgang, the world's number one ranked player,

faces off against Heatseeker.

Fishfingers has work cut out against Colin.

Bigboy versus Queenie looks tasty.

But let's head straight to
Ambassador versus Snooker Man.

Sponsor versus wild card.

Best of three, let's go.

(Ambassador sniffs)

(crowd mutters)

(Ambassador sniffs)

Ambassador playing games with the referee

as we kick things off.

- He breaks, he gets the pot.

(tense music)

(Ambassador pots ball)

Racking up a nice break in the first frame.

(tense music)

I do not believe he wanted to do that.

Snooker Man is up.

(tense music)

Snooker Man is feeling the nerves too.

What a miss.

A very cagey start to the game.

Who can blame them?

Lots on stake here.

Ambassador to win the first frame.

(crowd boos)

1-0 to Ambassador.

Don't worry, Maggie, it's all still to play for.

Snooker Man to break.

Let's see how he does

(crowd boos)

That's a very unsporting gesture from Ambassador.

Seven points with that pot of the black.

Right back at him.

Let's see how he likes it.

Oh no.

He should have been more focused on his game.

Ambassador looking for the double on the black

to take the second frame.

Whoa, he's left an easy pot on for Snooker Man.

(tense music)

(Johnny pots ball)

1-1, final frame. (crowd claps)

Whoever wins this frame
passes through to the semifinals.

He can get his own chalk this time.

(tense music)

(Ambassador drops chalk)

(Ambassador pots ball)

He's clearing up.

(tense music)

(Ambassador pots ball)

What's Ambassador trying here?

(audience jeers)

No time for trick shots in a game this important.

Snooker Man's back on the table.

Let's see what he's made of.

Nice!

(audience claps)

Boom!

Snooker Man wins the match!

Smashed it!

He's punched his ticket into the next round.

He's becoming a real fan favorite with the crowd.

(uplifting music)

We didn't even expect to see a match here.

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

- Thanks. - What a turn up

for the books.

You couldn't write it.

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

- I smashed it.

I smashed it.

You saw the way the game flowed, you know what I mean?

He, his true colors came out the way,

the way he got up and stormed out.

That is the true Ambassador.

He's, he's an idiot.

He's, he, he's gone. He's gone.

- [Sportscaster] Let's look at the story so far, guys.

Wolfgang's steamrolled past Heatseeker

and faces Colin in the semi-final.

And Snooker Man meets Queenie,

a hot favorite in this tournament.

Will we see the rivalry between Snooker Man

and Wolfgang end in the final?

I can't wait.

- My name's Queenie and I am the champion

of Hong Kong of Mini Snooker

Picked up my first cue when I was three years old,

playing regular snooker,

but I really, really fell in love with mini snooker.

I just, there's a skill involved, a miniature snooker

'cause of the space or the lack of space.

And since then I just play, I
play snooker every single day.

It's my life, I live for it.

And I've been training

for this ever since I was literally three years old.

So yes, of course I'm going to win today,

but I, I live for it,

- Man.

I, I'm just, I'm buzzing, I'm buzzing.

I can't stop buzzing, I'm just so happy.

Like, oh, like, I, I can't say enough.

But all the work, all this,

mate, it was draining.

Draining, you know, I couldn't sleep a lot of the nights

and I'm here to win.

I'm not messing about, I'm here to take it.

I'm here to take the final.

So, just two more steps.

I've just got, I've got the semis next.

- So I, I'm aware that there's a new boy in town

called Snooker Man and,

no one's heard about him in Hong Kong before.

So I, I don't really know what he's doing here.

If he's only been playing for, I, I don't know, like,

how long has he been here, for like two months?

And I've been here for at least five years.

I mean, I guess he's good if he's here,

if he's coming in,

but you can't beat experience, man.

Yeah, I look forward to, to meeting him, I guess.

- But hey, you know, I'm all here for a friendly,

decent game here.

You know what I mean?

This is why we're here,

we're here to play some good snooker.

So bring it on.

I'm just looking forward to it.

May the best man win.

- [Sportscaster] Welcome back
sports fans to the semi-finals

of the World Championships of Miniature Snooker.

Let's see how the new fan favorite Snooker Man did

up against the master of the game, Queenie.

We have highlights from
all the action coming right up.

In this best of five,

Queenie, looking too cool for school,

secured the first frame,

but Snooker Man made his
way back, winning the next three.

Let's hear from the loser.

- Yeah, well done Snooker Man.

I think it was a fluke.

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

(chokes) Well done.

(bright music)

- [Sportscaster] Colin was also no match for Wolfgang

in the semifinals.

Wolfgang versus Snooker Man is our grand final.

There's something we also need to show you guys.

Before Wolfgang walked out for his entrance today,

look who came out with him.

(audience boos)

Barry Keane,

a once trusted business associate of Snooker Man,

some would say a close friend,

was seen walking out with
his arch rival in his win today.

(moody electronic music)

What is Barry doing managing Wolfgang?

What does this betrayal mean? How could he?

(Barry sighs)

- Wolfgang?

Well, Wolfgang is a,

well, you know, he's a man of the people.

He understands the media.

He knows what to say and what not to say.

So I'd rather go with someone like that.

- But me dad, I don't know what he's playing at.

Do you know what?

That slug guy's gonna get his little slug

knocked right off.

And he even dresses like a waiter.

Look at his waist coat!

I mean, jeez,

he looks like he should be more serving cheap plonk

or something in Costa Del Sol.

- Snooker Man.

I hope you're doing well.

Looks like Barry has decided

to manage a winner for a change.

You may call him as hell out, but he is just buying it.

It is now my time to tell you what I am entitled to,

to become the World Champion of Miniature Snooker.

- So Barry, Barry leaving me
to go with Mickey Mouse gang,

I mean, Wolfgang,

I think he's having a mid, bit of a midlife crisis.

I think he's a bit lost.

I think he's actually going a little bit do-lally.

You know?

- I don't really wanna say anything to Johnny Bonnar.

Nothing at all.

He's got, he, he, he, he, he, he,

he's nothing to do with me any more

and I don't want anything to do with him.

So, you know, Johnny, you know, good luck.

Well, goodbye.

- Hi Johnny.

If you're watching this,

(upbeat music)

I hope we're friends still because do you know what?

It's just horrible without you.

And just so you know,

whatever happens, I wanted you to win.

In fact, I'm just praying for you to win tonight.

I just, I just want you to go and smash it.

Whatever happens between us, I just,

part of me just thinks that

(upbeat music)

it's just sad.

Even if we've lost our friendship,

I hope you go and win that match, all right?

Smash that guy.

Go and smash 'em all, Johnny.

You're the best.

(upbeat music)

- Ladies and gentlemen.

The time is now.

Right here, right now in that room, in that hall,

you're gonna see me kick Wolfgang's arse.

- Snooker Man, I hope you're watching this.

Look into my eyes.

Look at me in the eye.

- Are you listening to me, Wolfgang?

In that hall, I'm gonna ruin you.

I'm gonna ruin you.

I'm gonna expose you for the absolute Mickey Mouse

that you are,

the absolute pussycat. you're giving it all large.

- I am going to kill you out there.

(moody rock music)

- It's nothing.

I know, I know it's all a front.

I know that you are just one big fat loser.

So get your back to Loserville.

- You look like Rooney O'Sullivan

at your crystal meth addiction.

- You need to switch up this snooker game

'cause it ain't working no more, 'cause I'm here.

- You have the acting ability of an amateur porn star.

The snooker playing ability of disabled.

- I'm here and I'm gonna ruin you.

I'm gonna punish you so bad, so bad.

- I am going to wipe the floor with you in the finals.

- Take yourself and the Mickey Mouse game.

Just pack up and leave.

Get the hell out of here.

- You will suffer.

You will suffer.

- Well I'll tell you what, man.

Get your stuff.

And get outta here.

'Cause I'm gonna, I'm gonna ruin you!

I'm gonna ruin you, mate!

- Fuck you, Snooker Man.

Eat shit and die.

(bright music)

- [Sportscaster] It's the moment

you've all been salivating for,

the grand final

of the World Championships of Miniature Snooker.

(bright music)

Winner takes all, the battle of the ages.

Defending champion Wolfgang

takes on a new upstart in this industry, Snooker Man.

Let's look at the tale of the tape.

Wolfgang far outclasses
Snooker Man in every department,

but I wouldn't rule him out.

Snooker Man has overcome every obstacle

Wolfgang has thrown his way.

Is this going to be the greatest upset of all time?

Let's go!

A somber walk in from Snooker Man.

(audience cheers)

He's taking this moment in.

He's come so far.

(moody music)

♪ Snooker Man ♪

♪ Snooker Man ♪

♪ Snooker Man ♪

(audience boos)

Here he comes.

The reigning defending champion with his manager.

(audience boos)

- [Barry] Wolfgang!

- [Narrator] The crowd has a very clear favorite.

(audience boos)

- Yeah?

He's the Wolfman!

Show him some respect.

Yeah, you.

- [Sportscaster] I don't know about everyone at home,

but the hairs on my neck are standing up.

(upbeat music) (audience boos)

The spooky, ominous mask
being brought out by Barry there.

Double pot from Snooker Man on the break.

What a miss.

(tense music)

Wolfgang takes advantage.

(tense music)

Really taking his time around the table here.

(dramatic music)

(Wolfgang pots ball)

(dramatic music)

(chalk scrapes)

Wolfgang lines up his shot.

Wolfgang takes the lead in the grand final.

(audience boos)

(dramatic music)

God only knows

what's going through the mind of Snooker Man now.

Can he compose himself?

Bang! Plunk! Boof!

Splash down! Bazinga!

Snooker Man has pulled it back

and Wolfgang isn't liking that one bit.

(audience claps) (dramatic music)

The contrast in reaction from the Keane family

tells you everything you need to know.

Wolfgang restores his lead.

(audience boos)

A double thumbs up from Barry to his client.

2-1.

(audience boos) (dramatic music)

Here we go.

Snooker Man matches his nemesis.

2-2. (audience claps)

(dramatic music)

Oh my God, guys, they're both neck and neck

on three apiece.

It's come down to the final frame.

My heart is in my mouth.

(dramatic music)

They think it's all over.

Wolfgang's on championship point.

He's surely won this.

She can't watch, nor can I.

(audience boos) He's taken it.

Wolfgang is your world champion.

What a tournament!

- Yes!

Yes, I've won!

I won!

(Wolfgang laughs)

Yes! Yes!

- [Sportscaster] Commiserations to Snooker Man.

He put up a great fight and should be proud.

(audience boos)

- Yes!

- [Sportscaster] Wait!

What is the referee taking an interest in?

He's seen something.

Yes. - There's been a foul.

- Wait. - Gotta check the...

- What do you mean? - It's not over yet.

The ref is calling for VAR.

(audience claps)

The video assistant referee has pulled this up.

He double tapped the white!

That's a foul.

Snooker Man has a chance to win.

(audience cheers) (Johnny laughs)

- [Johnny] Yes! Yes!

(audience shouts)

- [Sportscaster] The black will be re-spotted.

If he can pot this, he's won.

This is the biggest moment of his life.

(tense music)

Do or die Snooker Man, you can do it.

We all believe in you.

(heart thumps)

(audience cheers) Yes, he's done it!

Well done, champ!

You deserve it.

Why is Wolfgang harassing the referee?

He lost fair and square.

What chaos!

And now he's grabbing his manager.

- Do something.

You're my bloody manager!

Do something!

- Hey!

Go.

(audience boos)

(punch thuds)

(audience claps)

- [Referee] You okay?

- [Sportscaster] Pow! A punch to the face!

He really deserved that.

(audience claps)

(uplifting music)

And this love story comes to an end.

I think Snooker Man needs
to work on his kissing action.

They look like a couple of wet kippers.

(uplifting music)

(audience claps)

As the trophy gets presented to the champ,

- Thanks. - I want to thank you all

for being a part of this broadcast.

- Yes!

- [Sportscaster] I hope you all join us again next year.

Have a great evening, all.

Well done, Snooker Man.

(audience claps)

(upbeat music)

♪ I've got a dream to be a millionaire ♪

♪ Before I wake up in the morning with a horse's head ♪

♪ Hey Del, let's get out. ♪

♪ I'm sick and tired ♪

♪ Of sitting in this three
wheeled yellow van around town ♪

♪ Here I am in a flat with my granddad ♪

♪ Applied for my own job ♪

♪ After reading Del's ad ♪

♪ I'm no plonker, I'm no git ♪

♪ A millionaire, yeah, I predict ♪

♪ Hey Cassandra, I'm in love ♪

♪ I really didn't rub my name on my coat ♪

♪ I promise you I'm not 14 ♪

♪ Hey, please don't laugh ♪

♪ Don't be mean ♪

♪ I just wanna be a Baegman Janja ♪

♪ Time for me to get myself a brand new car ♪

♪ I just don't wanna be a Baegman Janja ♪

♪ Time for me to make another piece of art ♪

(upbeat music)

♪ Art ♪

♪ I found a watch missing for 300 years ♪

♪ A watch that tells you where you are ♪

♪ Anywhere in the world ♪

♪ We'll get it auctioned ♪

♪ Who knows? ♪

♪ Maybe we can sell it for 10, 15, 20 grand ♪

♪ I just wanna be a Baegman Janja ♪

♪ Time for me to get Del Boy a brand new car ♪

♪ I just wanna be a Baegman Janja ♪

♪ Time for me to make another cornflakes art ♪

(upbeat music)

♪ Art ♪

(upbeat music)

(laid back music)

♪ Let me introduce you to a man ♪

♪ You've probably heard his name ♪

♪ World champion, the very best ♪

♪ His opponent should be scared ♪

♪ The ladies want him ♪

♪ The gentlemen want to be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man, the game has begun ♪

♪ One winner and it will be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man and nobody can ♪

♪ Destroy the empire he's built ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ Great player, and a greater lover ♪

♪ There is nothing he does wrong ♪

♪ He does it all like no other ♪

♪ He is taking over the world ♪

♪ The ladies want him ♪

♪ The gentlemen want to be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man, the game has begun ♪

♪ One winner and it will be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man ♪

♪ And nobody can ♪

♪ Destroy the empire he's built ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ You won't see his next move comin' ♪

♪ In the second only a black ball left ♪

♪ And all of his lovers keep coming ♪

♪ But 'cause his name they can't forget ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man, the game has begun ♪

♪ One winner and it will be him ♪

♪ He's the Snooker Man and nobody can ♪

♪ Destroy the empire he's built ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪

♪ The Snooker Man ♪