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1
00:00:11,023 --> 00:00:13,538
You have been warned.
2
00:01:07,304 --> 00:01:11,456
It feeds off the human psyche,
seeks out the deranged,
3
00:01:22,704 --> 00:01:24,740
Oh, pardon me...
4
00:01:28,904 --> 00:01:30,496
Oh! Oh, n...! Urgh!
5
00:01:55,744 --> 00:01:59,817
Not too little and not too much.
That's important...
6
00:02:05,904 --> 00:02:07,701
Here we go!
7
00:02:07,864 --> 00:02:11,413
I'll just give your quarters
a quick tickle around, sir.
8
00:02:11,584 --> 00:02:14,018
- Won't take a jiff.
- Not now. I'm cooking.
9
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:25,937
- I didn't know you could do that!
- Oh, yes.
10
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,299
I have add-ons for my groinal socket
11
00:02:28,464 --> 00:02:32,457
which allow me to perform virtually
any household task imaginable.
12
00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:34,895
- Like what?
- Oh, you name it,
13
00:02:35,064 --> 00:02:37,897
buzz-saw, drill, hedge trimmer...
even an egg whisk.
14
00:02:38,864 --> 00:02:42,937
So, you stick the egg whisk on
and you can whip up an omelette?
15
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:47,183
I can, but it's amazing how
few people are prepared to eat them.
16
00:02:53,304 --> 00:02:56,455
Goodness me!
I must have sucked up a penny.
17
00:02:58,424 --> 00:03:02,542
I better change the old bag.
Yes, I'll just get a fresh one.
18
00:03:03,544 --> 00:03:07,378
Mmm! Something smells good! What is it?
19
00:03:07,544 --> 00:03:10,741
It's me! I love this aftershave!
20
00:03:11,584 --> 00:03:15,020
You are minutes away
from the greatest meal of your life.
21
00:03:15,184 --> 00:03:17,493
Set your taste buds on Def Con 3!
22
00:03:18,144 --> 00:03:20,499
Hey, where'd you get all this stuff?
23
00:03:20,704 --> 00:03:24,299
I got sick of plastic cutlery,
so I went to the medical unit.
24
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,256
This is a scalpel!
25
00:03:27,224 --> 00:03:30,773
I'm supposed to use something
that's been inside someone's guts?
26
00:03:30,984 --> 00:03:33,498
It's all been washed. It's clean.
27
00:03:34,144 --> 00:03:38,899
Something that once may have performed
a certain popular Jewish operation?
28
00:03:39,904 --> 00:03:42,099
I'm supposed to eat with this?
29
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:45,495
Get the onion salads out of the fridge.
30
00:03:46,224 --> 00:03:48,260
"Embryo Refrigeration Unit"?!
31
00:03:48,424 --> 00:03:52,178
How many times...? It's clean!
It's been cleaned!
32
00:03:53,304 --> 00:03:56,296
- Onion salads...
- They're in the kidney bowls,
33
00:03:56,464 --> 00:04:00,457
next to the colostomy bag
with the chilli sauce in it.
34
00:04:01,904 --> 00:04:05,180
Here we go! Here we go!
35
00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:23,423
Yahoo!
36
00:04:23,584 --> 00:04:27,020
Come on, man. Come on.
It's ready. Sit down. sit down.
37
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,494
One kebab for you and one kebab for me.
38
00:04:32,464 --> 00:04:34,341
Lemon juice?
39
00:04:35,904 --> 00:04:39,374
- What the hell is that?
- It's a syringe.
40
00:04:39,544 --> 00:04:42,183
- What kind of syringe?
- It's for cows.
41
00:04:42,344 --> 00:04:45,256
Artificial insemination. It's been washed.
42
00:04:45,424 --> 00:04:48,097
It's all been sterilised. Do you want some?
43
00:04:49,584 --> 00:04:52,257
- Excuse me.
- What about the meal?
44
00:04:53,104 --> 00:04:55,379
This isn't a meal, it's an autopsy!
45
00:04:55,544 --> 00:04:59,776
- What about the main course?
- You think I got nothing else to do
46
00:04:59,944 --> 00:05:03,459
than watch you serve
chicken chasseur in a stool bucket?
47
00:05:03,664 --> 00:05:06,053
Charming! I don't know.
48
00:05:06,224 --> 00:05:09,455
You pull out all the stops,
you make an effort...
49
00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:13,297
try and do something with a bit of class,
50
00:05:13,464 --> 00:05:15,853
and where does it get you?
51
00:05:17,064 --> 00:05:19,259
Mmm, very cheeky.
52
00:05:39,824 --> 00:05:42,179
Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt, sir.
53
00:05:42,344 --> 00:05:44,574
I just need to get a... Sorry.
54
00:05:44,784 --> 00:05:48,982
Oh, no, Kryten. It's all right.
Just running a few old home movies.
55
00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:54,537
That's me, there. Those are my brothers -
John, Frank and Howard.
56
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:56,695
God, we were close.
57
00:05:56,864 --> 00:05:59,253
The Four Musketeers,
we used to call ourselves.
58
00:05:59,424 --> 00:06:03,781
Well, the Three Musketeers, actually.
I was always the Queen of Spain.
59
00:06:03,944 --> 00:06:08,176
Marvellous. Yes, I was the butt
of the occasional practical joke,
60
00:06:08,384 --> 00:06:10,773
but I mean, er... nothing sinister.
61
00:06:15,784 --> 00:06:18,252
Just the usual boyhood pranks, you know -
62
00:06:18,424 --> 00:06:22,019
apple-pie beds and black-eye telescopes...
63
00:06:22,184 --> 00:06:26,496
One time, they even hid
a small landmine in my sandpit.
64
00:06:26,664 --> 00:06:29,224
They took it from my father's gun cabinet.
65
00:06:29,384 --> 00:06:31,944
How did they know it would go off?
66
00:06:32,104 --> 00:06:35,221
- Marvellous guys.
- Oh, who's that?
67
00:06:35,384 --> 00:06:37,454
- An old girlfriend, sir?
- Hardly.
68
00:06:37,664 --> 00:06:41,179
No, not really your type.
Silly old trout like that.
69
00:06:42,064 --> 00:06:47,457
- She's my mother.
- Oh! Oh! I am so sorry, sir...
70
00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:50,855
- Just forget it.
- Oh, how can I forget it, sir?
71
00:06:51,024 --> 00:06:54,937
I compared your mother
to a foolish, aged, blubbery fish.
72
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:59,416
I said she was
a simple-minded, scaly old piscine.
73
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:03,213
I intimated she was an ugly,
lungless marine animal
74
00:07:03,384 --> 00:07:05,375
with galloping senility,
75
00:07:05,544 --> 00:07:10,743
a putrid amphibious gill-breather
with less brains than a mollusc.
76
00:07:11,424 --> 00:07:13,415
Forget it!
77
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:17,136
Ah. Freeze.
Ah, there she is. Magnificent woman.
78
00:07:17,344 --> 00:07:20,620
Very prim, very proper. Some say austere.
79
00:07:20,784 --> 00:07:23,173
Some took her for cold, aloof.
80
00:07:23,344 --> 00:07:28,099
Not a bit of it, she just despised idiots,
no time for fools.
81
00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:31,062
Tragic, really,
otherwise we would have got on famously.
82
00:07:32,064 --> 00:07:36,615
Well, if you'll excuse me, sir.
This is a private family moment.
83
00:07:36,784 --> 00:07:39,617
I've no fish to embarrass you further.
84
00:07:39,784 --> 00:07:41,979
I'll let myself trout.
85
00:07:42,224 --> 00:07:45,022
- Oh, sir, I'm...
- Just go!
86
00:07:47,544 --> 00:07:51,742
Don't panic, Arn, but it does appear
there's a very tiny possibility
87
00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:55,817
that there may very well be
a non-human life form on board.
88
00:07:56,024 --> 00:07:59,141
You mean like last time,
when we got all worked up
89
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:02,614
and went scooting off,
complete with bazookoids and backpacks,
90
00:08:02,784 --> 00:08:04,775
and it was one of Lister's socks?
91
00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:07,614
I didn't recognise the genetic structure.
92
00:08:07,784 --> 00:08:10,378
Biologically speaking,
they were a completely new life form.
93
00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:14,296
Absolutely ridiculous. I felt a total goit.
94
00:08:14,504 --> 00:08:16,734
- Take a butchers'.
- Where is it?
95
00:08:16,944 --> 00:08:20,414
I lost it. It's somewhere
along the habitation decks.
96
00:08:20,624 --> 00:08:23,184
Can't get a moment's peace!
97
00:08:25,784 --> 00:08:28,821
- Enjoying your meal, sir?
- It's de-smegging-licious, Kryten.
98
00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:31,054
It's my own recipe, you know?
99
00:08:31,224 --> 00:08:35,263
Shami Kebab Diablo. It's beautiful.
It's like eating molten lava.
100
00:08:35,904 --> 00:08:40,500
I cooked up one for Petersen once.
He was in sick bay for a week.
101
00:08:44,904 --> 00:08:47,099
- What?
- I didn't say anything, sir.
102
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:57,781
- You like them that hot?
- It's trying to kill me.
103
00:08:57,984 --> 00:09:00,179
Oh, it's a good one, huh?
104
00:09:01,704 --> 00:09:05,060
- It went under here.
- Are you all right, sir?
105
00:09:05,264 --> 00:09:06,820
It's gone.
106
00:09:06,984 --> 00:09:10,579
- What?
- How? Where could it go?
107
00:09:10,744 --> 00:09:13,941
We better go, Kryten.
Something very weird is going on.
108
00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:17,460
Something very, very... Ooh!
Sudden pain in my groin.
109
00:09:19,744 --> 00:09:22,133
- What's wrong?
- Ah! My underpants!
110
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:26,098
They're shrinking. Oh, God!
Me boxers are alive, man!
111
00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:29,933
They're getting smaller! Help me, please!
112
00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:32,135
Please, I'm begging you!
113
00:09:35,544 --> 00:09:37,535
Get 'em off!
114
00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:40,943
- Pull them down!
- Keep still!
115
00:09:48,304 --> 00:09:51,694
Well, I can't say I'm totally shocked.
116
00:09:51,864 --> 00:09:54,253
You'll bonk anything, won't you, Lister?
117
00:09:54,464 --> 00:09:57,456
- The boxers, where are they?
- I put them here.
118
00:09:57,624 --> 00:09:59,615
- You sure?
- There's nothing here.
119
00:09:59,784 --> 00:10:01,900
Just the blanket and the...
120
00:10:02,104 --> 00:10:03,503
Snake!
121
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,980
- Snake!
- Kryten!
122
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:11,778
- What the smeg is going on?!
- I hate snakes.
123
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:14,412
They freak me out totally, snakes.
124
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,940
They are my all-time
second-worst fear, guy.
125
00:10:18,104 --> 00:10:20,334
What's your first?
126
00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:25,261
This.
127
00:10:32,704 --> 00:10:34,376
Is he OK?
128
00:10:34,864 --> 00:10:37,936
- As far as we can tell, yes.
- Where'd it go?
129
00:10:38,144 --> 00:10:42,456
It turned into a squelchy thing
and squidged off down the corridor.
130
00:10:42,664 --> 00:10:47,055
- What is it? Some kind of alien?
- No, it's from Earth, man-made.
131
00:10:47,224 --> 00:10:51,137
I checked its DNA profile.
A genetic experiment that went wrong.
132
00:10:51,344 --> 00:10:55,337
Apparently, it was an attempt
to create the ultimate warrior,
133
00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:58,974
a mutant that changes shape
to deceive its enemies.
134
00:10:59,184 --> 00:11:02,142
- So what did go wrong?
- It's insane!
135
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:04,733
It feeds off the negative emotions -
136
00:11:04,904 --> 00:11:08,817
fear, guilt, anger, paranoia,
drains them out of its prey.
137
00:11:09,024 --> 00:11:11,413
It's a sort of emotional vampire.
138
00:11:11,584 --> 00:11:13,973
It changes shape
to provoke a negative emotion.
139
00:11:14,144 --> 00:11:19,502
It took Lister to the limit
of his terror, then sucked out his fear.
140
00:11:19,704 --> 00:11:22,696
- So now Lister's got no fear?
- Precisely.
141
00:11:22,864 --> 00:11:26,618
- What are we going to do?
- I say let's go and twat it.
142
00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:32,178
Lister, you're ill. Leave this to us.
143
00:11:33,184 --> 00:11:36,574
I could have had it,
but it took me by surprise.
144
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:41,179
Lister, it turned into an 8ft-tall
armour-plated alien killing machine.
145
00:11:41,384 --> 00:11:43,693
If it wants a barney, it'll get one.
146
00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:47,379
One knee in the happy sacks,
it'll drop like anyone else.
147
00:11:48,184 --> 00:11:50,493
Fine. We'll bear that in mind.
148
00:11:50,704 --> 00:11:54,014
I'm gonna beat it to death
with its own tonsils.
149
00:11:54,184 --> 00:11:55,981
Yes, yes. Very good.
150
00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:58,578
I'll stick my fist so far down its gob,
151
00:11:58,744 --> 00:12:02,657
- I can pull the label off its pants.
- Yes, yes. Kryten...
152
00:12:05,144 --> 00:12:07,135
What's that? You starting trouble?
153
00:12:07,344 --> 00:12:10,222
It's just something to calm you down, sir.
154
00:12:10,424 --> 00:12:13,143
Come on, then. All of you slags!
155
00:12:13,304 --> 00:12:17,695
All together or one at a time.
It's all the same to me. I'm...
156
00:12:19,544 --> 00:12:23,696
Thank God for that.
Right, we have two options -
157
00:12:23,864 --> 00:12:27,903
one - we take it on and kill it,
or two - run away.
158
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:31,500
- Who's for two?
- Two sounds good to me, sir.
159
00:12:31,704 --> 00:12:33,695
It's always been my lucky number.
160
00:12:33,864 --> 00:12:36,617
- Right, let's load up Starbug.
- What about Lister?
161
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:40,612
Seal the hatch from the inside.
He'll be safe until we go.
162
00:12:40,824 --> 00:12:44,419
- Remember, it could be anything.
- Let's move it.
163
00:12:44,624 --> 00:12:49,459
What about the Space Corps directive
which states that our primary duty
164
00:12:49,624 --> 00:12:54,061
is to contact other life forms
and bring them home?
165
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:58,293
What about the Rimmer directive,
which states, "Never tackle anything
166
00:12:58,464 --> 00:13:02,173
"that's got more teeth
than the entire Osmond family"?
167
00:13:13,904 --> 00:13:15,701
It's here.
168
00:13:16,424 --> 00:13:19,018
- Where?
- Somewhere.
169
00:13:19,784 --> 00:13:22,173
Set the bazookoids to heat-seeker.
170
00:13:23,704 --> 00:13:26,343
When you see it,
aim roughly in its direction,
171
00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:29,701
and the heat-seekers will do the rest.
172
00:13:42,984 --> 00:13:47,102
In the shadows...
It's in the shadows! There! There! There!
173
00:13:50,544 --> 00:13:53,104
Sorry. My fault. False alarm.
174
00:13:54,864 --> 00:13:56,661
Idiot.
175
00:14:03,184 --> 00:14:07,336
I don't understand, holograms
don't produce heat. Neither do androids.
176
00:14:07,504 --> 00:14:09,813
What are they homing in on?
177
00:14:11,904 --> 00:14:13,940
So long, guys.
178
00:14:49,144 --> 00:14:51,294
Oh, come on! Give me a break!
179
00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:05,981
You either got it or you ain't,
and, boys, you ain't even close.
180
00:15:07,064 --> 00:15:09,055
Cat, where are you?
181
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:12,978
- Over here.
- Stay put, we'll come and find you.
182
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:15,260
Keep talking.
183
00:15:25,744 --> 00:15:28,338
What are you looking for?
184
00:15:28,504 --> 00:15:31,223
A mutant. It's dangerous.
It can turn into anything.
185
00:15:31,424 --> 00:15:33,460
Oh, sounds pretty scary.
186
00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:35,615
It is, baby. Believe me.
187
00:15:36,904 --> 00:15:41,580
It must take a really brave sort
of guy to do this kind of work.
188
00:15:41,744 --> 00:15:45,498
- Well, I guess you're right.
- And I bet you have to be smart.
189
00:15:45,664 --> 00:15:48,337
Smart? Yeah,
you definitely have to be smart.
190
00:15:48,504 --> 00:15:52,543
It can turn into anything.
You gotta have your wits about you.
191
00:15:52,704 --> 00:15:57,539
Don't let up for one second,
or - blip! - you're dog meat.
192
00:15:57,704 --> 00:16:02,619
- Come on, babe.
- You know, you're quite a guy,
193
00:16:02,784 --> 00:16:07,255
- Brave, smart, handsome...
- Oh, you think handsome?
194
00:16:07,464 --> 00:16:11,980
Oh, come on. You're probably
the best-looking guy I've ever seen.
195
00:16:12,184 --> 00:16:17,178
- I wasn't going to be first to say.
- Do you know what I'd really like?
196
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,778
To make love to a guy like you.
197
00:16:22,144 --> 00:16:25,898
Well, I'm sure I have a window
in my schedule somewhere.
198
00:16:26,064 --> 00:16:30,455
Let's see... What are you doing in,
say, ten seconds time?
199
00:16:30,624 --> 00:16:35,493
- Nothing I couldn't cancel.
- Hi. I'm the Cat.
200
00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:38,741
Hi. I'm the genetic mutant.
201
00:16:38,944 --> 00:16:42,380
Glad to know you. Jenny who?
202
00:16:48,864 --> 00:16:50,263
It's got him!
203
00:16:50,984 --> 00:16:54,420
Oh! Oh, my goodness! Are you all right?
204
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,380
- Is he dead?
- Unconscious,
205
00:16:57,544 --> 00:17:00,297
but, according to the psi-scan,
he's lost an emotion.
206
00:17:00,504 --> 00:17:02,654
- Which emotion?
- He's lost his vanity.
207
00:17:02,864 --> 00:17:05,822
- This is your fault, Kryten.
- M-M-My fault?
208
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:08,140
We were supposed to stick together.
209
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:11,859
- But it wasn't...
- He trusted you. Now look at him.
210
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,897
- Oh, please. I feel so...
- Guilty?
211
00:17:15,064 --> 00:17:18,579
- Yes.
- Good!
212
00:17:28,304 --> 00:17:29,862
Hah!
213
00:17:33,384 --> 00:17:34,783
Shoo! Shoo!
214
00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:46,379
- Let's get out of here.
- It's got my guilt, the one emotion
215
00:17:46,544 --> 00:17:50,935
which prevents my transgressing
the mores of civilised society.
216
00:17:51,144 --> 00:17:53,783
Stop your blithering, Kryten. Let's go.
217
00:17:53,984 --> 00:17:56,100
Oh, screw you, hadron-head!
218
00:18:04,744 --> 00:18:06,939
Where have you been? Let's go!
219
00:18:07,104 --> 00:18:10,096
I was getting myself comfortable, man.
220
00:18:11,944 --> 00:18:15,493
- Come on, Kryten. You're holding us all up.
- Who cares?
221
00:18:15,664 --> 00:18:18,178
- You'll get us all killed.
- So?
222
00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:31,734
Oh, look. It's Bonehead's mum.
223
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:34,980
- Mother?
- Hello, dear.
224
00:18:35,184 --> 00:18:38,938
- What are you doing?
- What does it look like, darling?
225
00:18:39,144 --> 00:18:42,375
- You made love to my mother?
- Yeah. What of it?
226
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:46,498
- It's the polymorph!
- You've just had my mum?!
227
00:18:46,704 --> 00:18:50,458
Five times. He was like a wild stallion.
228
00:18:51,584 --> 00:18:55,372
"Very prim, very proper. Almost austere."
229
00:18:56,224 --> 00:18:58,454
It's trying to make you angry.
230
00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:01,497
Darling, I wish
you could have seen him in action.
231
00:19:01,664 --> 00:19:05,782
He was like a set of pistons
in an ocean liner engine room.
232
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:07,935
I think I'm going to be sick.
233
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:11,534
- Don't get angry.
- Lister and mother...
234
00:19:11,704 --> 00:19:13,854
it's a dream come true.
235
00:19:14,024 --> 00:19:16,094
He's so energetic.
236
00:19:16,264 --> 00:19:20,223
I honestly thought
my false teeth were going to fall out.
237
00:19:20,384 --> 00:19:23,740
- Lovely.
- The positions he bent me into!
238
00:19:23,904 --> 00:19:27,135
Terrific. That sounds enchanting.
Well done.
239
00:19:27,304 --> 00:19:31,900
And the things this boy can do
with Alphabetti Spaghetti.
240
00:19:32,064 --> 00:19:36,455
- Cool it, Arnie.
- ALPHABETTI SPAGHETTI?!
241
00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:56,254
- Where is it now?
- It's gone back to the cargo bays,
242
00:19:56,424 --> 00:20:01,134
sleeping off a four-course meal
of fear, vanity, guilt and anger.
243
00:20:03,624 --> 00:20:07,139
Just because it's an armour-plated
alien killing machine
244
00:20:07,304 --> 00:20:09,818
that salivates unspeakable slobber,
245
00:20:09,984 --> 00:20:12,418
doesn't mean it's a bad person.
246
00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:17,339
We need to put together a solution package
over tea and biscuits.
247
00:20:17,544 --> 00:20:19,933
Look at him. You can't trust his opinion.
248
00:20:20,104 --> 00:20:22,095
He's got no anger. He's a total dork.
249
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:26,422
Good point, Kryten.
Let's take that on board, shall we?
250
00:20:26,584 --> 00:20:29,257
David? Do you have anything to say?
251
00:20:30,744 --> 00:20:32,894
Well, yes. I have, actually, Arnold.
252
00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:35,339
Let's go to the ammunition stores,
253
00:20:35,504 --> 00:20:39,099
get the nuclear warheads
and then strap one to my head.
254
00:20:39,264 --> 00:20:41,459
I'll nut the smegger to oblivion.
255
00:20:42,264 --> 00:20:46,701
Right, well, that's nice, David.
Let's put that on the back burner.
256
00:20:46,864 --> 00:20:49,298
Cat, let's have your contribution. Come on.
257
00:20:49,464 --> 00:20:52,820
Hey, don't ask me, I'm nobody.
Just pretend I'm not here.
258
00:20:53,024 --> 00:20:57,575
That's lovely. Thank you very much.
Moving on a step...
259
00:20:57,784 --> 00:21:01,459
and don't think
that I'm setting myself up as chairperson.
260
00:21:01,624 --> 00:21:05,583
Just see me as a facilitator.
Kryten, what's your view?
261
00:21:05,744 --> 00:21:08,304
Well, we should send Lister in as a decoy,
262
00:21:08,464 --> 00:21:10,455
and while it's eating him alive,
263
00:21:10,624 --> 00:21:13,661
we could blast it into the stratosphere.
264
00:21:14,304 --> 00:21:17,580
Good plan. That's the best plan yet.
265
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,974
Let it get knackered eating me to death,
266
00:21:20,224 --> 00:21:22,215
then you guys, like, catch it unawares.
267
00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:25,173
Well, that's certainly an
option, David, yes.
268
00:21:25,344 --> 00:21:29,542
Um, but here's my proposal.
Let's get tough.
269
00:21:29,704 --> 00:21:31,934
The time for talking is over.
270
00:21:32,104 --> 00:21:36,382
Call it extreme, but I propose
we hit it hard and hit it fast
271
00:21:36,544 --> 00:21:41,459
with a major,
and I mean major, leaflet campaign.
272
00:21:41,624 --> 00:21:45,742
And while it's reeling from that,
we follow up with a whist drive,
273
00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:48,464
a car-boot sale, some street theatre
274
00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:51,092
and possibly even some
benefit concerts. OK?
275
00:21:51,264 --> 00:21:55,382
Now, if that's not enough,
I'm sorry, it's time for the T-shirts.
276
00:21:55,544 --> 00:22:00,902
"Mutants Out."
"Chameleonic Life Forms? No, Thanks."
277
00:22:01,064 --> 00:22:03,339
If that's not enough, what is?
278
00:22:03,544 --> 00:22:07,935
Has anyone ever told you that
you are a disgusting pus-filled bubo
279
00:22:08,104 --> 00:22:10,572
who has all the wit,
charm and self-possession
280
00:22:10,744 --> 00:22:13,417
of an Alsatian dog
after a head-swap operation?
281
00:22:15,064 --> 00:22:18,943
Listen, you bunch of tarts,
it's clobbering time!
282
00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:22,460
There's a body bag
with that scud-ball's name on it.
283
00:22:22,624 --> 00:22:27,140
I'm doing up the zip. Anyone
who gets in my way gets a napalm enema.
284
00:22:28,224 --> 00:22:33,218
I think everybody's right,
except me, so just forget I spoke.
285
00:22:33,424 --> 00:22:38,134
Um, I think we're all beginning
to lose sight of the real issue here,
286
00:22:38,304 --> 00:22:41,216
which is what are we
going to call ourselves?
287
00:22:41,384 --> 00:22:46,504
I think it's a choice between
the League Against Salivating Monsters
288
00:22:46,664 --> 00:22:48,894
or my own personal preference,
289
00:22:49,064 --> 00:22:52,613
the Committee for the Liberation
and Integration of Terrifying Organisms
290
00:22:52,784 --> 00:22:55,776
and their Rehabilitation into Society.
291
00:22:55,944 --> 00:22:59,334
Erm, one drawback with that,
the abbreviation is CLITORIS.
292
00:23:03,184 --> 00:23:05,175
Look, it needs killing!
293
00:23:05,344 --> 00:23:10,464
If that means I sacrifice my life
in some pointless way, all the better.
294
00:23:10,664 --> 00:23:13,462
Yes. Even if it doesn't
work, it'll be a laugh.
295
00:23:14,424 --> 00:23:18,337
Right, so let's just cut all
of this business and get on with it.
296
00:23:18,504 --> 00:23:21,621
Last one alive's a wet ponce.
Who's with me?
297
00:23:21,824 --> 00:23:24,463
Well, the car stickers
aren't ready till Thursday,
298
00:23:24,624 --> 00:23:27,775
but sometimes
one just has to act spontaneously.
299
00:23:27,944 --> 00:23:30,253
- People, let's go.
- I'm coming, too.
300
00:23:30,424 --> 00:23:32,494
Maybe I can bum some money.
301
00:23:32,664 --> 00:23:37,454
Maybe if I hand you guys over,
it'll let me go. Move it, suckers!
302
00:24:10,184 --> 00:24:12,254
♪ Love everybody
303
00:24:12,424 --> 00:24:14,415
♪ All you need is love... ♪
304
00:24:14,584 --> 00:24:16,575
Come on, you chicken!
305
00:24:16,744 --> 00:24:20,134
Show us your slobbery chops
and we'll blow them off.
306
00:24:22,264 --> 00:24:25,461
Here they are, nice juicy humans.
Come and get them.
307
00:24:25,624 --> 00:24:28,092
Here, mutie-mutant!
308
00:24:50,104 --> 00:24:52,743
Phewee! What am I wearing?
309
00:24:52,944 --> 00:24:55,663
Oh, how can you ever forgive me, sirs?
310
00:24:55,824 --> 00:24:58,099
Naturally,
I will commit suicide immediately.
311
00:24:58,264 --> 00:25:01,461
Hey, we were all a bit whacked out there.
312
00:25:01,624 --> 00:25:04,377
- You can say that again.
- Come on, let's clean up.
313
00:25:04,544 --> 00:25:06,739
If I don't get into evening wear,
314
00:25:06,904 --> 00:25:12,024
I'm going to have to resign my post
as Most Handsome Guy on the Ship.
26197
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