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[IAN LLOYD'S "BROTHER LOUIE"
PLAYING]
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
3
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah
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00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:25,221
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
5
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Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry
6
00:00:29,829 --> 00:00:34,323
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah
8
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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Louie, Louie, you're gonna die
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Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
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[CHUCKLING]
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You gotta be kidding me. Jesus.
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[DOOR OPENS]
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[DOOR CLOSES]
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[WATER RUNNING]
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Hey, hey.
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What? Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you gonna go?
18
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No.
19
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Hey, were--
20
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Are you seriously gonna put
your penis in there?
21
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Sure.
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Why would you do that?
23
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Heaven. It says it right there.
24
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Have you done that before?
No.
25
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Then what--? How do you know something
terrible is not gonna happen to you?
26
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Why would you take that risk?
27
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:18,261
I don't know. You gotta have faith.
28
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If there is a God,
then that dude is an asshole...
29
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...which I know is not a popular belief,
but I do think he's an asshole.
30
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:37,950
Because every story-- Abraham, he went
to Abraham in the middle of the night.
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There was only like eight guys then.
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And God would just, once in a while,
he'd just bother one of them.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
34
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So...
35
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:50,535
...God went to Abraham's house.
36
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He's like, "Abraham! Abraham!
Wake up, man."
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And Abraham is like,
"Dude, what is up, what is up?"
38
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And God goes,
"Kill your son. Dude, kill your son."
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And Abraham's like, "You mean Isaac?"
40
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"I don't know his name, just kill him.
Just kill him!
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Aah!
42
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:21,056
Ooh, I'm God, kill him."
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And Abraham goes, "Why?"
44
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,402
"Because you don't love me
if you don't do it.
45
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You don't love me. Do it."
46
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:35,374
So Abraham's like, "Dude, you
are insecure. I don't understand you.
47
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,415
But okay, fine."
48
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[EXHALES]
49
00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:44,314
Goes, wakes up Isaac,
takes him to a mountain somewhere.
50
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:46,253
I don't know why he had to be
all drama queen about it...
51
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:47,825
...and take him to a mountain.
52
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:51,486
He could have just killed him in his sleep,
pfft, and go back to sleep.
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But he took him to a-- Woke the poor kid up,
dressed him, took him to a mountain.
54
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Kid's like, "Daddy, what are we doing?"
55
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"I don't know, just gonna murder you."
56
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Goes like this.
God shows up right before he does it...
57
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,139
...goes, "Hey, what are you doing?"
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This is in the Bible, I swear to God.
59
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Isaac-- And Abraham goes,
"I'm killing Isaac."
60
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,750
And then God's like,
"Why would you--? That's your kid.
61
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,119
What is wrong with you?"
62
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,625
And he's like.... Ahh. Ahh.
63
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:25,821
And he just went home
feeling like a piece of shit.
64
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,894
That God is like a shitty girlfriend.
65
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:32,327
"You won't do it
because you don't love me."
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00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,234
"Okay, I'll do it."
"Why are you doing it?"
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00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:37,103
"What the **** do you want from me?"
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[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
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NUN:
And so Pontius Pilate...
70
00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:58,496
...who was thus instructed
by the Jews...
71
00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:04,134
...sentenced the Jesus
to be scourged and crucified.
72
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:09,503
They tied our Lord to a post
and whipped him on his back...
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00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:14,670
...tearing at his skin,
and a crown of thorns was put on his--
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00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,838
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
75
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Who finds this funny?
76
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,444
Who?
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00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,784
Who is amused
at the suffering of Christ...
78
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...who sacrificed his life for your sins?
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00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,357
Sister Carson?
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00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:39,767
If Jesus sacrificed his life for my sins,
isn't it a waste unless I sin a lot?
81
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,406
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
82
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I can see that I have not done my job.
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00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:56,285
I can see that I have not imparted to you
the true nature of Christ's suffering.
84
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Tomorrow you'll know.
85
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That's it for today.
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[DOOR OPENS]
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00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:15,731
[DOOR CLOSES]
88
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[BLOWING A RASPBERRY]
89
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[CHATTERING]
90
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:27,479
Good morning. Settling down, please.
91
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:36,893
Since I have obviously
failed to illustrate for you...
92
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:40,555
...the nature of the sacrifice
suffered by our Lord...
93
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:45,432
...I have brought someone here
who will give it to you in detail.
94
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,096
This is Dr. Haverford.
95
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,074
Hello, children.
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Today we will examine the scourge
and crucifixion of Christ...
97
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,948
...from a medical point of view.
98
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:06,750
I will walk you through the
brutal punishment to his body.
99
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:13,027
And will discuss the damage
to the tissues of his body.
100
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What is known as a postmortem
or theoretical autopsy.
101
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Yes?
102
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:23,742
You mean like we're in the FBI?
103
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Yes. Just like that.
104
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That man?
Brutally beaten and murdered.
105
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,947
And we're the FBI.
106
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The subject is 33 years old...
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...sentenced to scourge and crucifixion
by Pontius Pilate.
108
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,594
Let's start with the scourge.
109
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Um....
110
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May I have a volunteer?
111
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You.
112
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Me?
Yes, come up here.
113
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You can be our Jesus Christ.
114
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:11,718
All right, um.... Take your shirt off.
115
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[STUDENTS CHUCKLING]
116
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Ah, yes, you're a strong boy.
117
00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:21,693
Well, let's see.
118
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First thing...
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...he's tied to a post...
120
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:34,703
...and the centurions whip his back
with one of these.
121
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It's called a flagellum.
122
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:45,253
And a centurion,
a man of peak physical strength...
123
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:50,760
...raises this above his head
and brings it down with full blunt force.
124
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,000
And that's repeated 40 times.
125
00:08:56,168 --> 00:09:00,127
And these thongs of leather
rip the skin of the back...
126
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,567
...and then they cut deeper
into the subcutaneous tissues...
127
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:07,508
...producing spurts of arterial bleeding.
128
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:12,049
Then the skin of the back sags off...
129
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:15,886
...his body and hangs down in ribbons.
130
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:19,014
The flesh underneath is just pulp.
131
00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:21,022
They put a robe on his back...
132
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...and they take a crown of thorns
and they put it on his head.
133
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:34,705
And the scalp, being of great vascularity,
bleeds profusely.
134
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:40,307
Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.
135
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:46,513
The robe, which is fused
to the dripping wound of his back...
136
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:51,055
...is then ripped off and the pain
from this explodes in his brain.
137
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,551
So our victim...
138
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...Jesus Christ, age 33,
is laid back on the cross.
139
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:05,860
Square iron nails are driven through
the wrist to the small bones of the arm.
140
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:10,441
Here. Another nail
is driven into the arch of each foot.
141
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,306
He is tilted up, and as he does,
his body sags down...
142
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:16,778
...putting his full weight
on the nail in his feet.
143
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:22,046
And as he pushes himself upward
to avoid this torment...
144
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:24,849
...he puts the full weight
on the median nerve...
145
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:28,791
...causing excruciating pain.
146
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:32,362
He's trading one pain for another.
147
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:38,364
And the compressed heart
is struggling to pump thick, heavy...
148
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:40,664
...sluggish blood to the tissues.
149
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,472
The body of Jesus...
150
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,469
...is now in extremis.
151
00:10:47,913 --> 00:10:49,778
He can feel...
152
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:54,446
...the chill of death
creep through his tissues.
153
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,020
I'll need another volunteer.
154
00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,017
You.
155
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,894
Me?
HAVERFORD: Yeah, you.
156
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,097
Come up here.
157
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:09,162
Do you understand
what you were just told?
158
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:13,361
Do you now know
how the Lord suffered?
159
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,669
Yes? Then show me.
160
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:21,643
Take this.
Show me where the nail goes in.
161
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:24,146
Show me, come on.
162
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,682
Take this, take it.
163
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,911
Okay, raise it above your head.
164
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,324
Okay, go ahead then, drive it in.
165
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,551
Do it. Do it.
166
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:38,492
Drive the nail in.
167
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,522
What's the matter?
168
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:45,934
You can't do it?
Well, then why'd you do it to him?
169
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,530
You drove in his nails with your sins.
170
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:53,668
The son of God, and you let him die
with your careless, faithless sins.
171
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:58,549
And you won't nail them into this brat?
This godless boy?
172
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,543
You love him before the Lord?
173
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,745
[MUMBLES]
174
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,755
Go ahead. Nail him in.
175
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,820
Go ahead. Go ahead.
176
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,393
Nail him in.
177
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,587
Go ahead.
178
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,771
Thank you, doctor.
That's all for today.
179
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,670
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
180
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:33,618
I never believed
in any of that shit before.
181
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,651
Me neither.
182
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,528
I gotta go, see you later.
183
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,326
See you.
184
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,814
[MOANING]
185
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,314
[THUNDER CRASHING]
186
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,285
[INAUDIBLE]
187
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,852
[SCREAMING]
188
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,017
[PANTING]
189
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,638
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
190
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:03,934
I did it, it's my fault.
I didn't mean to.
191
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,270
But I did, I did it.
192
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:10,677
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
193
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,377
It's all my fault. I'm sorry.
194
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:17,386
I'm sorry. I did it.
195
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:20,719
I did it. I'm sorry.
196
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,139
[EXHALES]
197
00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:45,013
It's all right.
198
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,612
It's all right.
199
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:57,420
Vandalism and desecration of church
property is a serious offense.
200
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,587
I could have your son
brought up on charges.
201
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:02,666
I realize that. I am so sorry.
202
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,860
I don't know what's gotten into him.
203
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,267
He's been acting
so strange the last few days.
204
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:13,639
Yes. Well, I am willing to forego
legal action considering his age.
205
00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:16,303
But he will have to be punished.
206
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:18,412
At home.
207
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,619
Uh-huh.
208
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,323
He really shouldn't have done that.
209
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,930
So, what happened in there?
What is this about?
210
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,598
I was scared.
211
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,701
Scared of what?
212
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,004
I did that to Jesus.
213
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:45,769
It's my fault he got nailed to the cross
and blood spurted out of his muscles...
214
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,469
...and his skin was all ribbons.
215
00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:49,307
I did that to him, Mom.
216
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:52,917
I steal sometimes
and I do stuff I shouldn't do.
217
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:56,486
I drove the nails into Jesus
and damaged his nerves and killed him.
218
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:59,522
Oh, my God. Wait, is that what
they're teaching you in there?
219
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,456
Yes, it's true.
No, it's not true.
220
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,721
Louie, look at me.
221
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,888
It's not true.
222
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:09,796
It's not?
No.
223
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,733
Eh-- You had nothing to do with
that man being hurt.
224
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,736
I mean, you were nowhere
near the place.
225
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,171
But I'm bad and I sin.
226
00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:20,040
You are not bad.
227
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:23,879
Listen to me, I am telling you this.
You're a good kid.
228
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:27,810
Okay, I mean, you make mistakes,
you do bad things sometimes...
229
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,716
...because I'm not done raising you,
and it's not okay...
230
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:31,788
...and I'm gonna talk to you
about the stealing later.
231
00:16:31,957 --> 00:16:34,391
But you are a good person.
232
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,888
Well, what about Jesus?
233
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:42,960
Jesus was a really, really nice guy...
234
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,468
...who lived a long time ago and
he told everybody to love each other...
235
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,833
...and, boy, did he get his for that.
236
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,203
But you had nothing to do with it.
237
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,039
I mean, if you ask me,
this whole thing's a big cover-up.
238
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:57,046
But he came back.
No, he....
239
00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,378
He didn't. Louie, he didn't.
240
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,519
How could he do that, really? Come on.
241
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:05,987
The whole thing,
it's a bunch of malarkey.
242
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:11,656
So you don't believe in any of this?
243
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:14,264
No, I don't.
244
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:18,066
Well, then,
why do you make me come here?
245
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:19,499
I don't know, I don't know.
246
00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:21,502
You know, I thought it was selfish...
247
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,368
...just because I don't have religion,
not to give it to you.
248
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,305
I mean, it's a big deal, religion.
249
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:27,069
You might want it someday.
250
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:28,713
But if I'd known it was gonna stress
you out this much...
251
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,371
...I never would have done it.
252
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,176
Well, I don't want to go anymore.
253
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:34,012
Well, it's fine, you don't have to.
254
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,517
So there's no God?
255
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:41,449
I don't know, I don't know, Louie,
I don't.
256
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,653
All I know is that
you have to be good to people...
257
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:47,060
...whether there is or there isn't.
You have to take that on yourself.
258
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:50,030
Okay, nobody's gonna
watch if you're good but yourself.
259
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,170
It's all on you.
260
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,435
Wow.
Yeah.
261
00:17:57,543 --> 00:18:00,239
Hey, you wanna get some doughnuts?
Yeah.
262
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,472
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
263
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,020
Shit.
264
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,291
[SIGHS]
265
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:31,535
But that's a sin,
to say the Lord's name in vain.
266
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:33,575
But you don't even have to say
something that terrible.
267
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:37,181
You can go to hell just for saying
Jesus Christ with a tone in your voice.
268
00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,078
It's all the tone in your voice,
that's the weird part.
269
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,981
It's a very subtle sin, because you can say,
"Jesus Christ," you're fine.
270
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:45,180
But if you say, "Jesus Christ,"
you go to hell forever.
271
00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:46,381
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
272
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:48,185
Just for saying it like that.
273
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,523
There must be at least one dude
who was right on the line...
274
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:53,790
...who was like, "Jesus Christ."
And then he was in hell...
275
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,333
...he's like, "Seriously?
For that, that's it? Seriously?
276
00:18:57,503 --> 00:19:01,269
It was a huge pumpkin.
What, was I gonna not say anything?"
277
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:07,974
It's one of the top Ten Commandments.
It's in the Ten Commandments...
278
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,412
...to not take the Lord's name in vain.
Rape isn't up there, by the way.
279
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,051
Rape is not a Ten Commandment.
280
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:18,087
But don't say the dude's name
with a shitty attitude.
281
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,621
I think it's so unfair, though, to send
people to hell for saying Jesus Christ...
282
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:27,458
...because it's just too satisfying.
283
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:30,796
I don't know why that is, but it just
feels good. Oh, Jesus Christ.
284
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:34,530
It just feels good, it cleans you out.
I don't know why.
285
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:37,174
Whether you're anger
or in pain or having sex...
286
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,900
...or all three at the same time.
287
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:44,074
What did folks say before that dude?
288
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,986
How did anybody express themselves...
289
00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:50,417
...in a big moment before Jesus?
290
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:54,047
Even the people that knew him,
how did they, how did they--?
291
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:57,491
The people watching him be crucified,
what could they even say...
292
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,257
...watching that happen? They're like....
293
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:03,200
[MUMBLING]
294
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:09,170
That is bananas.
295
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,321
How much would you give me if
I take a shit on those people's doorstep...
296
00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:26,821
...right now?
What? Nothing.
297
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:29,688
I'll shit right on the step right now.
How much will you give me?
298
00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:32,091
I'm not giving you anything.
299
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:35,560
Well, I'm not doing it for nothing.
I didn't ask you to do it.
300
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,066
Give me five bucks. Give me five bucks.
I'm not paying you.
301
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,171
I don't have five bucks.
302
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:41,396
[SIGHS]
303
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,167
Give me a dollar.
No.
304
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,438
Give me 10 cents.
305
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,945
Brian, I do not have any money.
306
00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:52,140
Well, what do you have?
307
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:55,013
I have a pencil.
308
00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:58,054
Fine, I'll do it for that.
309
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:04,693
[SIGHS]
310
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:31,312
[English - US - PSDH]
23450
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