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1
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,695
I have running water and a toilet.
That's all it took.
2
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:07,169
[ALL LAUGHING]
3
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,566
Ka-ching. Ching.
4
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:11,836
I seduced a harp player.
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,536
A harp player?
A harp player.
6
00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:16,682
He goes, "She's young, cute."
He goes, "She doesn't work here."
7
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:17,942
[ALL LAUGHING]
8
00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,450
Waitresses there hate him since then.
9
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,918
Is that bad?
MAN 1: That's terrible.
10
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,218
You're my sister.
11
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:27,485
And I wanna do open mikes.
12
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,560
[ALL LAUGHING]
13
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,691
LOUIE:
Yes, honest to God.
14
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,061
NICK:
Behind a Dunkin' Donuts?
15
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:37,226
Okay, okay, okay.
16
00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:38,761
Okay, sorry.
17
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,303
LOUIE: Deal.
All right.
18
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:43,033
Two gets a nine,
that's flushing, queen gets a jack.
19
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,734
Wait, is this high-low?
Yes, it's high-low.
20
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,540
Seven of hearts, five--
Know what you can do with this?
21
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,410
Shove it up your mother's shitmaker.
22
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:52,676
I don't think it'll fit.
Her ass is crammed...
23
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:55,286
...with those dicks she finds
behind the bus station.
24
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:56,945
That doesn't make any sense.
25
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:59,921
What Nick is saying
is your mother goes to the bus station...
26
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,493
...and she gets
like old, thrown-away penises there.
27
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,961
Like out back where they keep those.
Like in a bin.
28
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,896
She does it so much
her ass is just crammed full.
29
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,229
Your mom does that?
30
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,337
I don't know.
LOUIE: Let me finish.
31
00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,496
MAN 1: All right.
She just crams them in there...
32
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:19,100
...and uses one of those coffee tampers
for espresso machines. Pushes them--
33
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:20,337
MAN 2:
I got it earlier--
34
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:22,242
Wait a minute, I'm not finished.
35
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:26,181
And she just shoves them in there,
just comp-- It's just compressed.
36
00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:29,480
It's like she's almost crushing dicks
into like a dick diamond...
37
00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:33,114
...Iike a pink diamond. And so,
you know, try to get a card in there.
38
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,527
Okay, that does make sense.
39
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,060
What's that feel like?
RICK: What?
40
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,822
A dick in the ass.
41
00:01:38,998 --> 00:01:40,829
You're asking me
because I'm gay?
42
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,264
No, I'm asking you
because you're very learned.
43
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,529
Yeah, because you're
the only gay person here.
44
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:49,106
You interested for any particular reason?
You need a breath mint, my friend.
45
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,299
[ALL LAUGHING]
46
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:53,640
Hey, Rick, is it true there's
a club in this city called Jerks...
47
00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:56,714
...where gay guys stand around,
play with each other's dicks?
48
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,847
Yeah, City Jerks.
Oh, my God.
49
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,451
What is wrong with you people?
50
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,180
There's a club like that?
It's not a club per se.
51
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:06,484
It's like a floating party.
Meets in different locations every week.
52
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:09,092
What goes on there?
Do we need to hear this?
53
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,695
Shut up and learn something.
54
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,298
Hey, why don't you shut up?
Nice one.
55
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,991
Don't want to.
Well, City Jerks is a gathering...
56
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,830
...sometimes in a hotel room...
57
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,871
...sometimes at a club,
and, you know, different places.
58
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,372
And it started, basically,
when AIDS did.
59
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,568
They wanted a club
where guys could have...
60
00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:29,408
...Iike a group sexual outlet
but still play safe.
61
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:33,279
You know, so at this--
You know, at these meetings...
62
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,320
...they get together,
some guys go one-on-one...
63
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,514
...some guys go in a huddle.
64
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,988
Like what goes on?
65
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,253
You masturbate each other.
Ugh, Jesus.
66
00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:44,521
I thought masturbation
meant only one person.
67
00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:47,097
So you stand in a room
and you jerk each other off?
68
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,928
That's why they call it City Jerks.
69
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,626
RICK:
Well, you could just watch.
70
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:54,000
A lot of guys like to watch
while another guy pleasures himself.
71
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,610
Stop. Stop telling this.
I'm gonna puke.
72
00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:00,837
Is there a lesser charge for watching?
RICK: No, no, no.
73
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,448
Like auditing a class?
RICK: No, because you're never--
74
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:04,913
[ALL LAUGHING]
75
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:08,013
What's a huddle?
You said "huddle." What's that?
76
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,452
It's a huddle,
where you huddle together...
77
00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:13,353
...and everybody reaches in,
and you kind of help yourself.
78
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,084
To cocks and balls.
Sure.
79
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,626
NICK:
Oh, my God. What--?
80
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,230
What are they in, a candy dish?
81
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,959
Jesus Christ,
what are you people thinking?
82
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:27,132
Is there like a quarterback of the huddle?
And he's like, "You jerk him, you jerk him.
83
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,365
Break."
84
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:29,872
LOUIE:
"Break. On two."
85
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,773
MAN 2: On two.
MAN 3: What if somebody recognizes you?
86
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,641
RICK:
Say hi.
87
00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:36,247
[ALL LAUGHING]
88
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,442
Well, you'll be pleased to know
everybody's naked...
89
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,086
...except for shoes and socks.
90
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:43,950
Why shoes and socks?
After a while, the floor is full--
91
00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:47,058
All right! I get it!
92
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,058
Christ!
LOUIE: That much?
93
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,697
You gotta put on shoes?
Like Timberlands? Thick shoes?
94
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,764
RICK: No. Just regular shoes
with a rubber sole.
95
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:58,131
LOUIE: Sure. Something stylish, though?
Florsheim has some stuff, you know.
96
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,602
LOUIE: Or snowshoes or something.
MAN 1: Flip-flops.
97
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,297
MAN 3: Flippers.
Flip-flops.
98
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:06,275
Mud cleats.
A mud cleat-- That's another club.
99
00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:08,141
[ALL LAUGHING]
100
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,010
That's one of Jim's clubs.
MAN 2: Mud cleats.
101
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,311
MAN 1: Yeah.
NICK: I know it's a free country, Rick...
102
00:04:13,486 --> 00:04:16,148
...and I don't care what you guys do but--
RICK: Thanks, Nick.
103
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,722
Next time I'm about to go down
on a juicy cock...
104
00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,791
...I'll remember it's all right with you.
105
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:24,061
You should have that stamped
on the head of the cock:
106
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,797
RICK: Nick-approved.
Nick's face.
107
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:29,561
I don't care and God bless you.
But I gotta be honest...
108
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:32,364
...what you guys do,
it really makes me sick.
109
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,529
And not on a political,
Bible level either.
110
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:38,108
I mean, just picturing you
touch another guy's dick, that's gross.
111
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,143
LOUIE:
Is that how you feel about what we do?
112
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,507
What, sex with women?
113
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,206
Yeah, do you get grossed out
thinking about pussy?
114
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,113
I don't think about pussy.
115
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,744
You know, I don't care what you guys do.
You're the ones who asked me.
116
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:53,358
And you guys ask me this shit
every time I'm here.
117
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:57,690
I talk about gay sex more with you guys
than I do with any of my gay friends.
118
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:58,990
You guys are obsessed.
119
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,497
Well, I'm curious.
I don't know that I'm obsessed.
120
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,832
Really? You, who says "faggot" onstage
more than you say hello?
121
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,166
Hello?
Who says hello more than once onstage?
122
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,775
MAN 1: Who says hello onstage at all?
Yeah. Hello?
123
00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:14,674
I mean in life. In life, he says--
More than he says it in life.
124
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:16,781
Rick, does it offend you
when I say that?
125
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:19,179
RICK: What word? Hello?
No, faggot.
126
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:22,287
Yeah, does it bother you
when he says the word faggot?
127
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:25,183
No, it bothers me when you say it.
Because you mean it.
128
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:29,624
But really, as a comedian and a gay guy.
You're the only gay comic I know.
129
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,560
Do you think
I shouldn't be using that word onstage?
130
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:35,427
I think you should use
whatever word you want.
131
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:39,194
When you use it onstage,
I can see it's funny and I don't care.
132
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:42,500
But are you interested to know
what it might mean to gay men?
133
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:45,034
Yeah, I am interested.
Well...
134
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:50,042
...the word "faggot" really means a
bundle of sticks used for kindling in a fire.
135
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:51,478
Now, in the Middle Ages...
136
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,176
...when they burned people
they thought were witches...
137
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,379
...they used to burn homosexuals too.
138
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,217
They burned the witches at a stake.
139
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:01,292
But they thought the homosexuals
were too low and disgusting...
140
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,361
...to be given a stake to be burned on...
141
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:08,762
...so they used to just throw them in
with the kindling, with the other faggots.
142
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,070
So that's how you get "flaming faggot."
143
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:15,707
So you're saying gay people
are a good alternative fuel source?
144
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:19,070
That's where they get the term
"diesel dyke."
145
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:20,872
[ALL LAUGHING]
146
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,708
I'm sorry, go ahead.
147
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:26,409
You might wanna know
that every gay man in America...
148
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:29,487
...has probably had that word
shouted at them...
149
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:31,145
...when they're being beaten up.
150
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:35,954
Sometimes many times.
Sometimes by a lot of people all at once.
151
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,155
So when you say it...
152
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,960
...it kind of brings that all back up.
153
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:46,499
But, you know, by all means, use it,
get your laughs.
154
00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,436
But, you know,
now you know what it means.
155
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,144
Okay, faggot, we'll keep that in mind.
156
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,647
[ALL LAUGHING]
157
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:05,316
[IAN LLOYD'S "BROTHER LOUIE"
PLAYING]
158
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,697
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
159
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:19,062
Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah
160
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:24,031
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
161
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,712
Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry
162
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:33,179
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
163
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:37,888
Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou-ah
164
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,489
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
165
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:47,263
Louie, Louie, you're gonna die
166
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,096
Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie
167
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,770
LOUIE:
Getting divorced is like, uh....
168
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:54,904
It's like stepping out of a time machine.
169
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:58,009
That's what it's like.
I got married when I was 28...
170
00:07:58,177 --> 00:08:02,671
...divorced when I was 42.
Somebody please tell me how long that is.
171
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,309
WOMAN 1: Fourteen years.
Thank you.
172
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,112
That's my wife.
173
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:14,387
I was married when I was 28, divorced
when I was 42, so I was married 14 years.
174
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,189
And so getting divorced
is like stepping out of a time machine...
175
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,662
...that traveled you 14 years.
176
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:23,427
But it's a really shitty time machine.
177
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:28,540
It's the kind of time machine
where it takes the real amount of time...
178
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:32,303
...to take you to the future.
179
00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:34,378
It's basically just a--
180
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:38,347
Like if a time machine was a box
that you get in...
181
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:43,046
...and sit in it for two years,
and then it's two years later.
182
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:48,325
That's really what marriage is.
183
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,722
Well, that's it. You're divorced.
184
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:37,839
Dude, you're divorced.
That's just weird.
185
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,671
Well, it's not that weird, you know?
186
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:44,077
It's-- I look at it positively.
It's change. Change happens.
187
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,310
Yeah, but it's weird. It's just
really weird that you're divorced.
188
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,784
That's not the greatest thing
to keep saying now.
189
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,481
I'm just saying, you know?
You've always been this guy.
190
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:56,788
Mr. Married, with the wife,
you had the kids, and now you got nothing.
191
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,260
Nothing.
192
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,625
I don't have nothing.
193
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:03,462
I got my kids, we're sharing custody.
They're with me for half of every week.
194
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:05,601
Yeah, but still, you lost your kids.
195
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,932
You're gonna keep saying
what you're saying.
196
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,405
I'm just saying
I'm worried about you, bro.
197
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,441
I don't want you to kill yourself.
198
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,671
Jesus, Bobby, I'm not gonna kill myself.
199
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:17,782
I'm just saying, you know?
Your life looks pretty bleak.
200
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,178
Okay?
201
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,753
I'm upset. I'm upset.
Could you shut up?
202
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:26,358
I don't feel negative about this.
You're trying to make me feel negative.
203
00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:28,493
I'm not talking about how you feel.
204
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,128
I'm saying I'm upset.
205
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,695
I mean, I have feelings too.
206
00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:33,388
I'm your brother and I'm upset.
207
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,898
I get it, okay?
208
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:39,571
I'm trying to see the positive.
209
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:43,033
I'm single now,
I can be with anybody I want.
210
00:10:45,177 --> 00:10:46,576
You know what's really sad?
211
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:48,304
What?
212
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,380
What's sad is you're too old
to get anybody else.
213
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,580
You just signed a paper
that guarantees...
214
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,724
...you're gonna die alone in a room
with a blanket over you...
215
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,217
...and the nurse comes in
and just shuts the machine off.
216
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,124
Dude.
217
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,093
Well, picture that.
218
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:19,506
Now, also, I'm 42. So I'm getting--
I'm really on the decline.
219
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,307
There's never gonna be another year
of my life...
220
00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:24,608
...that was better than the year before.
221
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,651
That's never gonna happen again.
222
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,288
I've seen my best years.
223
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:34,256
I thought, "Okay, now I'm gonna start--"
See, you kind of like go up like this:
224
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,055
Then I thought you're gonna start--
No. It's exponential.
225
00:11:37,229 --> 00:11:43,395
The loss of ability, agility
and breath is exponential.
226
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:49,633
Last year, I lost 90 percent
of my health and well-being.
227
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:53,677
So I had 10 percent
of what I did the year before.
228
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:57,748
Now, this year,
I've lost 90 percent of that 10 percent...
229
00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:00,010
...so now I have 10--
230
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:02,381
You don't understand
what exponential means.
231
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,954
So....
232
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:51,466
Oh, my God. Nightmare.
233
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:04,339
[CHUCKLING]
234
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:10,883
Tammy.
235
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:15,351
Tammy Wickilinis.
236
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,849
What are you looking at?
237
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,590
Nothing.
238
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,650
You're funny-looking.
239
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,691
No, sir.
You look just normal.
240
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:10,740
Hey.
241
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,615
You wanna see something?
Sure.
242
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,276
Come over here.
243
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:25,794
What's that?
244
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,890
It was my dad's at the hospital.
245
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,626
He had a car accident. He died.
246
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,436
Some creepy shit, right?
247
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,201
I mean, you're holding that.
248
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,469
My dead dad wore that.
249
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,104
Frigging creepy, right?
250
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,446
You wanna keep it?
251
00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:01,159
Oh, my God.
252
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,962
Hey.
Hey, what's up?
253
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,799
You want a shot?
No.
254
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:38,869
Come on.
It's only peppermint schnapps.
255
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:40,662
No.
256
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,574
Okay, so I'll see you later.
257
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,004
Yeah, okay.
258
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:46,474
Hey.
Yeah?
259
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,510
What are you, stupid?
What?
260
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:50,808
Do you like me?
261
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,517
Do you like me, like, as a girl?
262
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:58,784
Yeah.
Okay, so whip it out.
263
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,223
What?
Come on, whip it out.
264
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,088
[PLANKS RATTLING]
265
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,592
[JUNK RATTLING]
266
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:07,085
Tammy.
267
00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:09,159
My God, you showed up.
268
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,057
Yeah, hi.
269
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,824
Hey. Well, come in.
270
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:15,967
You still wanna come in, right?
271
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,660
Yeah, sure, of course.
272
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:22,264
[DOG BARKS]
273
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:33,247
So, uh, do you remember me much?
274
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:36,245
No. To be honest, no.
275
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:38,447
But you remembered me.
276
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:40,755
Obviously, you looked me up.
277
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,321
Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.
278
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,623
So, what do you remember?
279
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,257
[CHUCKLES]
280
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:50,592
What?
281
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:55,135
Just, uh, nothing. I-- We had a moment.
282
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:57,999
You and me had like a moment...
283
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,602
...and it kind of stuck with me.
284
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,673
Really? What?
285
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,008
Nothing, just, uh--
286
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:08,977
Whip it out.
287
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,617
Something you said to me that--
288
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,519
It just kind of-- It just--
289
00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,756
Come on, whip it out.
290
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:18,989
You know, when you're kids--
Like, we were kids, so--
291
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:21,826
We ain't kids no more, huh?
292
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,467
Nope.
293
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:26,331
I used to be a pretty hot little shit
back then, wasn't I?
294
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,865
Yep.
Not anymore.
295
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:33,109
Well, don't say that.
No, that's all right. Nobody stays like that.
296
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,678
I'm 42. I got three kids, husband.
297
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:37,605
And here I am.
298
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,050
What about you?
299
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:43,144
Well, I got married and I got two girls.
300
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,550
Nice.
Yeah.
301
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,122
And I'm divorced now.
302
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,124
Oh, that's why you're Facebooking.
Playing Could Have Been.
303
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:51,159
Yeah, I guess so.
304
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:52,524
Yeah.
305
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:06,976
Well--
Yeah. Thanks for stopping by.
306
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,736
Okay.
307
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:10,975
It was good to see you.
Yeah.
308
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,349
Bye, Tammy.
309
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:16,249
What did I say to you?
What?
310
00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:19,652
You said I said something that stuck out.
What did I say?
311
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:22,760
Well, you told me to--
312
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,657
You said, "Whip it out."
313
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,760
Really?
Yeah.
314
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:31,635
Wow.
315
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:32,827
Did you?
316
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,200
No.
317
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:40,270
I didn't have the guts.
Hm. Well....
318
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,417
So whip it out.
319
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,345
Come on, whip it out.
320
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:51,752
Just whip it out.
321
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,042
[BOTH GRUNTING]
322
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,119
LOUIE: If nobody ever told me
not to **** animals....
323
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,890
If no one--
324
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:30,594
If no one ever said,
"You should not have sex with animals"...
325
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:35,825
...I would totally have sex with animals
all of the time.
326
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:39,333
The only reason
I don't have sex with animals...
327
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:43,600
...is because I'm not supposed to
and somebody told it to me.
328
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:52,676
I would totally have sex
with most monkeys, probably.
329
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:56,911
Why not?
330
00:20:57,289 --> 00:21:00,781
You know, I wouldn't, for one reason.
Because I think it would be rape.
331
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:05,726
I don't think any animal is attracted
to any human being.
332
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:08,331
I don't think it's morally wrong,
I really don't...
333
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,593
...except I don't think
the animal is into it.
334
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:14,671
If you can get an animal horny,
go ahead, man.
335
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,102
Go ahead and **** it.
336
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,106
If you can--
337
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:23,442
If you can finger a monkey
and the monkey is like, "Ooh. Ah."
338
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,816
Get in there, man, you earned it.
339
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:32,820
You earned it.
340
00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:37,287
I really think if there was--
If I was alone on the Earth...
341
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:41,159
...if I found myself alone on planet Earth,
no other humans...
342
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:45,167
...I would have sex with a monkey
in, like, two minutes.
343
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,573
Two minutes.
That's really not long enough...
344
00:21:49,741 --> 00:21:52,574
...to be sure you're alone
on the Earth even.
345
00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:55,713
That's like getting a little--
346
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:58,482
I walk outside, it's--
There's not much traffic.
347
00:21:58,650 --> 00:21:59,878
"Oh, my God, it's just me.
348
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,577
I'm gonna have sex
with a monkey right now.
349
00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:05,154
Oh, no, there's a person."
350
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,564
Is it bad to brush your teeth
after you suck a dick?
351
00:22:14,733 --> 00:22:15,927
Because it causes blood...
352
00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:18,501
...and you could catch AIDS.
Is it better to not?
353
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:21,662
LOUIE: That's a legitimate question.
I know it is.
354
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,968
RICK: Why you're bringing it up?
The pulp from your teeth--
355
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:27,304
NICK: What are you doing
that you gotta ask that?
356
00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:30,175
It might be funny,
but I think about that all the time.
357
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,512
Is there cock meat over your mirror
in the bathroom after you floss?
358
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,414
No, I have a good imagination.
359
00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:37,555
[LOUIE LAUGHING]
360
00:22:40,392 --> 00:22:44,988
I can visualize it. I don't need the meat
to be actually be on the mirror.
361
00:22:45,163 --> 00:22:47,154
NICK:
But, I mean, it--
362
00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:50,157
I thought you meant cock meat
because you're flossing--
363
00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:52,462
NICK: That's what I meant.
That's what I mean.
364
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:07,474
[English - US - PSDH]
28140
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