All language subtitles for I.Do.Until.I.Dont.2017.WEB-DL.x264-MovieFull-HD.com-English

Fixed & Synced by bozxphd. Enjoy The Flick.

"For life."

No one wants anything
"for life."

It just reminds us
of our impending death.

I pledge allegiance...

The etymology of the word "betroth"
comes from the word "pledge."

Americans pledge allegiance a
myriad of times during their life

and then proceed to throw a
happy meal out the car window.

"Betroth" is a word
from the 1500s.

I mean, the bloody Ming dynasty
was still around.

Our problem is,
we live too long.

I mean, if we were all dying at
45, then fine, yeah, of course.

Go get yourself betrothed.

But now we insist on doing
Pilates colonic retreats

and vitamin drips,

convicting ourselves
to a dreadfully long existence

with one partner
for half a bloody century.

What do we do,
collectively as a species?

Die younger or,
a far less painful fate,

rethink the system.

I choose life.

I hate that he died. They
were kind of a cute couple.

Yeah.
You know?

At least one of them
got out of it alive.

Shh.

Thank you, Janet.

Who was that?

And now Hamish's
first and second wives

will read the lyrics to "come
away with me" by Norah Jones.

Excuse me.

So, what is the point?

Children? Sure.
We marry to procreate.

Yet these precious progeny are the very
reason for your marriage's demise.

Money? Of course.

It's cheaper to conjoin funds,

cohabit, joint Costco cards,
tax breaks.

Yet still, finances are the
number-one culprit for severed vows.

Cruel business.

What else then?

Definitely not the sex.

Companionship?

Boredom? Religion?

And then there's love.

We marry for love?

Don't be daft.

Love is not sustainable.
Nor is marriage.

Oh. Mel.
Somebody over there.

Hi.
Hello.

Um, I have two questions,
uh, for you.

Um...
Speak up a little.

Um, the first question is,

why did you choose Vero beach,
uh, to make your project?

Um, and "B" is, uh, I loved
your film tween jungle so much,

and I just, uh, admire that you
dedicated your life to the arts.

Both great questions.
Thank you.

Uh, why Vero?

Well, my new project will delve
into the social theorems

presented to amend the
architecture of marriage,

that it should be a seven-year
contract with an option to renew,

and that's what I'm gonna be
concentrating on here in Florida,

the divorce capital of America.

So, you proud inhabitants
of this swinging state,

I am going to get down
on one knee and propose,

will you accept
that marriage is dead?

I'm not actually going to get down on
one knee. That was a sort of metaphor.

Oh, Noah, how can you
not remember?

It was the woman,
Vivian Prudeck.

She's the one who did that amazing
documentary, tween jungle.

And there was that one scene
with all those baboons

dancing all angsty to Nirvana.

I'll never forget that image. Guess
who jumped ship, by the way?

Moses Wolper,
my own goddamn godfather,

prefers crappy prefab bullshit
from rightnowblinds.Com.

Anyway, it's just
incredible... unbelievable.

That she's coming to Vero.
Where's the loyalty?

You should've seen her speech.
She was so riveting.

Really. She commanded
this whole audience.

She was funny and charismatic.

She's looking for couples for her
new... I'm sorry. Who's doing what?

You are not serious, are you? You're
not listening to me at all, are you?

Oh, dear. Is there another leak?
Yeah. Of course there is.

But at least we get our plants watered
instead of ruining the goddamn carpet.

Why don't we just call the
Sorensen's kid to fix the roof?

We can't do that. Why not?
You still don't trust him?

He was 13 when he drove the
lawn mower into the river.

No, I forgave him for that. It's just, it's
800 bucks, and we don't have that. Okay?

We need to do a standard line.

Doing a standard line
is not gonna change the

fact that rightnowblinds.
Com is so easy.

Who's side are you on?
I-I'm sorry.

We're basically broke.
We gotta get creative.

Listen. I have an idea. Yeah?

Yeah.

I think we need to
change our slogan. No.

Listen. Just hear me out. I
like "blindful thinking."

It's got a nice ring to... it was
dad's thing. Honey, I know that.

I just... I have some really
great ideas, I think,

'cause I think we can make
it a little more modern.

So just hear me out. Okay.

Um...

Blinded by the light.

What about that?
Mmm.

We don't blind people. That would be bad.
No. It was sort of cool.

Um, what about, uh,
blinders keepers?

Okay. Okay, so... you
don't like that one.

But, uh... who's
blind is it anyway?

Come on. Is that modern? I think
it's kinda groovy and cool.

I'll write them down so that
you can really see them.

It's sometimes easier
to see it visually.

You know what you should do?
Blind your own business.

- Oh, that's good. No, that's not good.
- Don't write that down.

"Blind your own business."

When you see it written
it looks quite good.

You are ovulating.

What is that?
It's an app.

Wha... it...

See, the green days
are "fertile."

You have an... you have an app
on your phone for my ovaries?

Um... well, yeah.

It's pretty cool, right?

So...
Oh.

Um...

Maybe...

Well... I see.
Oh, um...

I do have to pee, so I
might be able to come.

Just for fun.
Yeah.

Um...
Can I smell your breath?

Oh, Noah, please don't
make me do that.

Come on. Come on.

God, I love the way your breath
smells after you work out.

Oh, don't say that.

That just reminds me of our "be more
active to improve our sex life" talk.

That really makes me
self-conscious.

Because I'm doing my best.
I know.

I just lack
hand-eye coordination.

I did the tennis clinic today.
No.

Listen, you are very good
at hacky sack.

You're just saying that.

Hey.

Meet me in the bathroom...

In five.

Okay?

Don't know if I need fi-five
minutes to get there, hon.

W-watch it. Watch it. Noah?
That actually hurt.

Oh. Turn around. Put your right leg up.
Just be gentle.

Oh, no! Poo, poo, poo.

Oh, gosh, who doesn't...

Who doesn't flush after taking a
number two? That's unreasonable.

I'm sorry.
I just... I thought...

There we go.

No, there's poo in there.

Well, it's a toilet.

I know. I just...

I just don't want to bring
life into this world over poo.

Beans on toast.

Convention.

Man meets woman.

Convention.

Tweens hating their parents.

Convention.
You're so annoying!

Follow the fearless journey of
four species, four adolescents,

four hemispheres of the earth
in the...

Tween jungle.

Why would you do that, Mel?

That's quite an aggressive act,
stapling my face like that.

Sorry. If I don't eat something
soon, I am gonna murder someone.

And given your proximity, it's
in your interest to help me.

We are in front of a diner.
Oh, yes! Well done, Mel.

Might have a shandy tonight
after all.

Oh! That bastard!

Breathe in the light, Viv.

Breathe in the light.

I don't really want
to speak to you anymore.

I think about you all the time.
Well, that's rich.

Considering you disposed of me like a
rain-drenched newspaper in a ditch of shit.

Stop yelling, please. Don't
order me around, Richard.

Is she there, the horse-training munter?
Name's Pippa.

Oh, no, sorry. The equestrian wrangler.
Don't answer that.

I want you to come home. I miss you.
Well, I don't care!

I think you do. No, I don't give a toss.
And neither do you.

How's the project going? It's
going very well, actually.

Is it then? Is that a lighter I hear?
You're not smoking?

No, I'm not smoking. I
can hear you smoking.

It's not good for your face. Currently
I've got too many couples to choose from.

Is that right? Okay. Good for you, girl.
No, it's good. It's therapeutic.

Is it then? All these
strangers reminding me

why you're so fucking
predictable!

How's Richard?

He sounds really well, actually.

1.4 is more
than reasonable. Period.

After all, comma,

won't it feel great
to finally get rid of

that gator-infested
property... question mark.

Again, comma, so...

Sorry about your bichon frise.

Exclamation point. Must
have been a horrific sight.

Exclamation point.
Exclamation point.

Um, if you wou...

Ah.

Hi.

Mmm-mmm-mmm,
mmm-mmm-mmm.

Is it too sexy?

Almost too sexy.

Harvey, am I a gay man in
the '60s looking to bone?

- All right, fine.
- I mean, come on.

You know what? You wanna be a
goddamn pill, be a goddamn pill.

I'd rather take one than be one.

What?
What did you just say?

I said I'd rather
take one than be one.

Why does everything gotta be
a quip, a little dig?

It's... it's... it's unpleasant.
I'll tell you that.

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm,
mmm-mmm-mmm.

Oh, my god, please. Are you going
to take the helmet off for dinner?

I don't know.
Is it safe?

What? I don't know if
it's safe to take it off.

Because I feel like... we're in
a fricking restaurant, Harvey.

Danger zone here. I might need
it for some sort of protection.

Well, just so you know, you
do look mentally challenged.

Well, that's fine. Because you know what?
It's the opposite of sexy.

Being married to you is
challenging in so many ways...

Mentally, emotionally,
physically...

That, to me, it seems fitting

that I would look challenged,
sitting here with you.

- Mmm, I'm sure.
- Okay.

I am gonna take a leak.

Order me the French dip.

Hello. I'm so sorry
to bother you.

Two French dips,
side, creamed spinach...

- No, I'm not a waitress.
- Okay, well, I'm broke.

And I'm not interested
in what you're selling.

I'm not soliciting anything.

Okay, well, I don't think
you think I'm a hooker,

unless you're an idiot
or a very hopeful lesbian.

Oh... oh, god.

I didn't know you were lesbians.

No, no, we're not lesbians,
nor hopefuls.

Well, actually, she is.
I'm not.

- Hi. I'm Vivian Prudeck.
- Hello.

I'm in the area making a
documentary for BBC films

about the concept
that marriage...

How much? Should be a contract
that expires after seven years...

Married 31.
How much?

Well,
it's quite a modest budget.

But it's more the cachet
of participa...

20k, five percent.

3,000, two percent,
and that is more than generous.

Seventeen and three, and I'll
throw in some domestic abuse.

Four and 2.5, and that's my final
offer, with the domestic abuse.

Twelve and four,

and I'll give you a trial
separation at some point mid-shoot.

You're bluffing.

Bluffing is for children.
Don't insult me.

I'll give you 10,000
and three percent

if you deliver all of the above

and... Divorce papers.

You've been listening
to widespread panic radio.

To build your custom blinds,

say "yes" to
rightnowblinds.Com.

It's just seamless and easy.

There it is.
What's wrong?

Our accountant says
we have to file.

For what?

Uh, for chapter 13.

So, uh...
But don't worry.

Lenny says
it's just to reorganize

so we don't have to
lose the house.

Lose the house? What? Yeah.

No, that's...
That's crazy.

I mean, i...

I didn't know it was that bad.
Yeah, well...

Why didn't...
I-i-it is what it is.

My god!
I mean, Jesus!

Gosh, Noah! God, I really
think that's unfair.

I wish you would
have told me. I...

Well, don't panic. I'm panicking.
I should panic.

I feel sick.
I feel really warm.

The bankruptcy is to protect us
from further credit issues.

Oh, my god!
It's just to reorganize.

We can't bring a child... you're talking
about bringing a child into poverty?

Thank you.
No, thank you.

One thing at a time.
Okay.

My god, I feel so frivolous.
I got my hair done today.

You can get your hair done.
What was it, 30, 40 bucks?

No, it was, like, $120.

What?
Yeah!

What did they even do?
It looks the same.

It's low-lights.
It's a... whole thing.

It's like highlights. You
know highlights. Sure.

So it's like that,
but it just...

The whole point of it is that you don't
really notice. It's very subtle.

But there's a gleam.
Jesus.

Then... then yes. Okay? Yes?

How about no hair treatments that cost over
a hundred bucks and result in nothing?

Gleam? How does hair gleam? Yeah, it was
a bad call. I just didn't realize...

Where we were.

Huh?

Mmm, o-okay.

Hi.
Is that foreplay?

'Cause I feel like I
missed something crucial.

Well, you were all ready
before, and so I was just...

Just feel like we need
to connect, so i...

Yeah, well, it just... hi.

Hi. Um...

No, I mean, I appreciate it.

I-I-i just didn't know
you were gonna...

I-I'm...

I'm... I'm already...
I-i took care of myself.

I already did it.

What?

When? Well, like, just now.

I didn't hear anything.
How do you do that?

I didn't even
feel the bed shake.

When I do it myself, it's really...
Silent and efficient.

Geez.

Well, where's all the stuff?

I-I don't know.
You don't know?

I mean, it's on a shirt
or something down there.

Hey, um, Fanny and Zander are in
for tomorrow night, by the way.

Why bring up my sister when
we're talking about your penis?

Well, you're the one who's
obsessed about Fanny, not me.

What are you doing?
Watching GIF's on tumblr.

Good night.

Um, excuse me.

Uh, hi. Sir? Yes?
How may I help you?

Yes, I was just... I'm a really
big fan of Vivian prudeck's...

Oh, excuse my bodyguard.
Hello.

Hi. Hi. Wow.

Sorry. I saw you speak, and I just was
really interested in your project.

I see by your wedding band that
you're either married or separated.

I am, yeah.
We are married.

It's coming up seven years now.
Mel, get the release!

Yeah, I just... and I don't
mean to be gauche, but, um,

how much does this
sort of thing pay, or...

What's your name, my darling?

Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry, Vivian
Prudeck. I'm Alice. Alice brewing.

If you'll allow me, Alice, I'd like
to ask you a personal question.

Oh. Okay. Yeah.
Are you happy?

Sorry. My profession sometimes
encourages me to overstep my mark.

That's quite all right.
I understand.

Happy? Yes.
We're very happy.

We went to college together.
I was a freshman.

And then took some time off.

We had great faith in our love though,
so we did eventually get married.

That's fantastic. Well, take care.
Well done, you.

Oh, thank you.
Mel, let's jog on!

There's a used Porsche
dealership up there.

You could get some talent there.
Excuse me. I just really...

I was excited to hear
about your project...

Look, lady, I'm very
glad that you're happy.

But my mission is to unveil the
archaic horseshit that is matrimony.

Oh. Uh...

The last thing I need is to waste
my budget on a couple of lovebirds.

Hang on just a minute. Noah and I have all
kinds of problems. We're not perfect.

We've been trying to have a baby
for the past four years.

Our sex life
is purely result-based.

And I can only orgasm
when I have to urinate.

Sweetheart, these issues are amateur hour.
Okay? I've got a thesis to prove.

Um... sometimes I think he wants
to have sex with my sister.

Is she local?

Yes. And she rarely
wears a bra.

Okay, I'm gonna let you
do this on trial. Really?

- But I'm not paying you.
- Well... oh.

Um, look, I think to dedicate our time
we should be compensated monetarily.

Uh, Mel, start the car.

Okay, fine. Fine.

I-it's okay.
Mel, the release form.

Deal. Thank you so much,
Vivian Prudeck.

Gosh! Vivian Prudeck!
This is amazing.

Um... yes.
Okay, I'll sign here.

Listen, I majored in art history at Tulane,
so I kinda know, you know, what you do.

I'm actually part of the Vero
beach cultural association.

I am so excited.
I put my number right there.

Just so you can call us and tell us
when to start. Thank you. Great.

A-any other questions too, just let
me know. I'm always here to help.

Even if you want, you know,
just a little tour around Vero.

Um, I've done
this sort of thing,

but can you just explain
to Harvey?

I don't think he knows
about the camera.

Of course. You just have to look at me.
I got it.

It's just an impromptu chat, so don't
look in the camera. I understand.

At all. Just ignore the camera.
I understand.

- All right.
- Fantastic.

What was the question?
I'll ask you that again.

Um, how did it all start?

Uh...
Well...

We met...
It was 1985, in Manhattan.

And, uh...

We were both heart fans.

Mmm.
That is true.

Dreamboat Annie.
Flawless. Love that album.

Sometimes I think that's the only
thing we have left in common.

I don't know about that.

When we met she was beautiful.
And she is beauti...

But she used to
wear these shoes,

they were, like, these
green, snakeskin-y pumps.

Oh, god. You make me sound
like a hooker, Harvey.

Well, I don't think
that's what I'm saying, but...

Look, I had no time for any of that.
I was a single mom.

I was hustling my ass off.

Getting laid or anything like
that was just an afterthought.

But he was very
sexually aggressive.

I... well, she was hot.

And we were...
It was mutual.

We were hot for each other.
There was a lot of heat.

That's how I got her
to marry me in the first place.

I was a champ in the sack.

Okay. Wow. So modest.
I'm...

Let's see.
Then we got married.

Then we got married.
Then we got married.

Yes.
That changed a little.

- The first 10 years, that was...
- They were hard.

Just a lot of pressure.

Well, there was
a lot of stuff going on.

She was miserable at work.
She was dragging her feet.

She was in
the financial world and...

Wait! No.
I loved my job.

I just...
I struggled...

Balancing everything.

So we decided to make a change

and we moved down here
to be with all the other Jews.

I'm not... Jewish. I'm not...

I don't think
you have to underline that.

But also...
Also...

Because Cybil's daughter Milly
lives in Miami.

- That was a big incentive to move.
- That's not the only reason.

I didn't say
it was the only reason.

I read that article in Redbook about
prince Charles playing Polo in Vero,

so it always struck me as a
very nice place to live.

So we moved to be near prince Charles.
That's why we're here.

The point is, the man can go anywhere in
the world, and he chose to go to Vero.

- He's here a lot.
- Wouldn't call him a neighbor.

And what about the concept of
marriage as a seven-year contract,

that after seven years you walk your own
separate way and that's the end of it?

Yeah. Interesting.
Hmm.

Don't think it's a bad idea,
to be honest. I mean, uh...

Cyb... I don't...
Truly?

Sometimes I'm amazed that
Cybil and I made it this far.

I think it's valid.
I really do.

Is that too harsh?

No. We're just here
to tell the truth, Harvey, so...

Okay.

Wait. I'll just get
the salad dressing.

Okay.

You okay?

Mmm! Yes. Ah.

So stupid.
You sure?

Yeah.

I can't tell what
makes you testier,

entertaining or the pending
arrival of your sister.

Well, the combination
isn't great.

- Hello!
- Hey!

How are you?
Good to see you, zenith.

Fanny. You look...

No. I love you.
I've been fasting.

Hi. Peace and blessings.
Peace and blessings.

You've been fasting?
Really?

Yeah.
Oh, okay.

Well, can you eat then, or...

'Cause I have made a
casserole for everyone. Hi!

Good to see ya. Good to see you.
Good to see you.

Welcome.

You wanna watch the TV? We
just got some new channels.

Oh, no, no. Shh. He
doesn't know it exists.

Still he doesn't know? He's gonna
find out eventually, don't you think?

- Because he's older now, he could maybe...
- you'll see when you have kids.

- It just seems sorta crazy.
- We just don't honor it as a concept.

No, he doesn't know what TV is.

Well...

Oh! Gifts! We come
bearing gifts yes!

Our gifts. Oh, boy! Gifts!

Is this straight from the
free thinkers workshop?

-Yes, it's incredible!

Creative comrades using their
wares, making their inventions.

It's so cool.

Best thing we ever did was
moving here to be close to you.

We could not agree more.

Can we use your shower?

What? Why? We had to turn
our water supply off.

- The welding machine spazzed out on...
- while we were making the gift.

Which you are gonna love.

With the electrical
stuff, it went all cuckoo.

Sounds dangerous.

Yeah, but it's making
this mineral formation

on the cement that's
just really beautiful.

It's like this amazing, poetic,
wet bruise on our floor.

A happy accident.

You got it. Who's
ready for a shower?

I'm gonna!
Shower!

Shower!
Thank you!

You guys freshen up.
We'll be chillin'.

How great are they?
They're great.

So funny.
They're so fun.

- Yes, present time.
- The presents!

What have you brought us?

Open it!

Is it these things
that are the presents?

- No, we need those back.
- Oh. Okay.

Okay, that's the first part.

- Keep going. Keep going.
- -What is that?

There you go.
I'm still confused.

You made this?
Yes.

Well...
Whoa.

Ah.
Whoa!

It's an at-home
agave spirit-maker.

A...
Get outta town!

You're welcome.

Get outta here!
I love it!

Wh... how does it...
What do you do?

H-how does it, um...
oh, it's easy.

All you do is, you get the
blue agave cactus from Mexico.

Once you get the plant,
you take the heart out of it.

You want to heat it up
to about 116 degrees.

Mm-hmm. And make
sure... don't go over.

I'm sorry. You said
there's a blue agave plant?

Blue agave cactus.

C-cactus? From Mexic...
Where do you get that in mex...

It's illegal to import 'em.
Illegal?

But we have a guy.
Yeah.

You guys are the coolest!

Are you kidding me?

You make this thing
out of, like, copper...

So glad you like it.
Where do you meet these people?

He's from a moon-chanting
circle that we're a part of.

You know, Noah and I have been
approached to participate

in this sort of avant-garde
documentary study on marriage.

Does anybody want a refill?

We have?
Yes.

It's this, um, award-winning, uh, British
filmmaker who's Helming the piece,

and I just couldn't turn down the
opportunity to support her artistic vision.

Oh, we're doing that too. Yeah.

No, I-i don't think... it's probably
a different thing, 'cause...

I don't know what you guys are talking
about. I haven't heard about this yet.

The lady,
she came by the workshop

and she begged us to do it because
of our open relationship.

No. That's not possible. Yeah. What
was her name? Lillian or, uh...

No, love, no.
It was, uh, Gideon.

Gideon. Gideon. Vivian!

Her name's Vivian. Prudeck.
Her name's Vivian Prudeck.

Yes. Yes.
Yeah.

- When, um... she's right.
- It was Vivian.

When did sh... yeah, when
did this come about?

Enough, Noah!
When did she...

No, I think I deserve to know whatever
avant-garde sex games you signed us up for.

It's not
avant-garde.

I mean... but I can totally see
why you would think that.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know what's great?
That we're all gonna do it.

Are we talking about sex? No!
No one's talking about sex.

You brought sex into it.
It's not like that.

At least we're all getting paid.

No. Good. There's money involved.
That we can use. How much?

It's actually quite a lot.
It started out as 5,000.

But then we said we weren't gonna do
it, so she jacked it up to 10,000.

- Oh, my gosh.
- That's so great.

It's been such a lovely night.

I'm feeling so tired. Ten grand?
Are you kidding me?

When were you gonna
tell me about this?

I... was gonna surprise you.
This is huge for us right now.

I was gonna surprise you.

I am gonna sleep well tonight.
Yes.

Get a view of love! Yeah!
Are you kidding me?

Handcuffs.

After three years
of studying in Chile,

the word that struck me most
was esposa, meaning "wife."

But also, it aptly translates
to mean "handcuffs."

An ancient language
has a message, perhaps.

Marriage
is quite literally jail.

Both parties
are stripped of their freedom.

We are animals, after all.

We are programmed
to maximize our options.

Hot-blooded monkeys.

Monkeys...

In captivity.

Cut.

Okay, Mel, can you get me out
of these, please? Immediately.

Turn your wrist.
Is it on this side?

Just turn... stop saying
"turn." Take me out of them.

I'm going to do it.

Just wait there, please,
quietly.

Thank you.

Oh, my g... what...

Can't... no, I can't...
Oh! Oww! Mel, do it!

Okay.

Oh, god, thank you.

Sorry.

Oh, I always get in a
panic in handcuffs.

- How do you think it went?
- Good?

Tsk-tsk.

What?

You know what that
place is, right?

It's called
"your welcome spa."

You get me?

They give handy endings.

I think you mean happy endings.

Huh. Well, aren't
you the expert.

Boats! Boats.

Crash. Boats crash.

Boats crashing.

Psssh!
The big spoons!

Life jackets in the garage!

Oh. Sorry.

Huh? What is this?

Early anniversary.

Is it Anthrax?

I don't know what this is.
I don't...

I don't get it.

I-it's in town.
It's by the gas station.

I'm not gonna sex you
for our anniversary,

so you might as well get
a handy from a stranger.

That's nice.

You know what?
I could use a bookmark.

We actually have these
in our house.

And they're phenomenal.
They're like...

Excuse me.

Well, that's not
humiliating at all.

Did we pay the electric? Yes, of course
we did. I think. I gotta call Lenny.

We'll just come back! Yes! Of course.
Thank you, Ms. Michaelcheck.

Shit.

This is Lenny.

Lenny. Hey, it's Noah. Oh, hey.

Just wanted to triple-check that the
shop electric bill got paid in full?

Oh, god. Why?
Is there a problem?

That's why I'm calling.
We're sitting in the dark.

Ooh, yeah.
I'm looking at it now.

Is there any other revenue coming in?
I don't know.

The 10 grand from this documentary
thing should be coming in soon.

That's great. When's that coming in?
I'll ask my wife. Hold on.

- Lump sum or increments?
- Is the documentary

money gonna be a lump
sum or increments?

Um, it's, uh... I think
it's increments. Yeah.

You know what? I need
to go get a slushie.

A slushie? Yeah! I saw
an ad for one earlier.

It was like, oh, god, the '90s called
and it wants you to quench your thirst.

Marketing, right?
Yeah.

Get me one!
Yeah.

Hold on. Here we go.

Oh, god.
Okay, Alice.

Just...

Bring it back in.

Just bring it back.

Rightnowblinds.Com.

Oh, god.

Okay.

Hacky sack club
co-founder.

Field hockey, junior
varsity, two years in a row.

Defense.
Defense, Alice.

Defense leads to offense, Alice.

Lucky listener number seven could
win a dinner for two at Bonnie's.

Oh, thank you.

All I'm sayin' is, don't let
nobody treat you like you basic.

You have to embody your queendom.
All right, Lyn.

Hi. Sorry.

Um, I was wondering if... If I
could have a cigarette, please?

Oh, my god, are you okay?
Lyn, give her a cigarette.

They camels though. She doesn't
care, idiot. What's wrong with you?

Thank you.

Come here. It's all good.
We got you, boo.

Ooh, uh...

You okay?
You okay?

Why you cryin'? Don't be rude, woman.
Jesus!

But you can tell us if you want to.
Oh, it's, uh...

Ugh. It's...
M-money stuff, basically.

Yeah. I feel you.

It's hard out here.
Life is tough as shit.

That's why we doin'
what we doin'. Right?

If you strapped,
then we could hook it up.

You look good.
Know what I mean?

We only roll up pretty bitches.

You pretty, we pretty. Like, we could
get this paper together. Right?

Um...
Do you get it?

- I'm sorry. I'm not...
- Don't be sorry.

That's right.
Never apologize.

Never apologize.
Never apologize.

What's your name?

Um, I'm Alice.

Alice.
I'm Bonnie.

Tell her your name. I'm Lyn.

She makin' like
she can't talk to nobody.

Hi. You can call me bonbon.

We gotta come up with
somethin' cute for you.

Oh, I don't know. Like alley
cat or some shit, right?

You seem like an alley cat.
That's cute, huh?

Why don't we go inside.
Go inside?

What's my nickname?
Lyn. You're Lyn.

Is that legal?

I-it's 'cause I like you and I
wanna help girls out when I can.

I don't like
that boys club shit.

No, you gotta jerk the
flank to make that bank.

Gonna get mines, for word.

I... I'm flattered.

But I can't, um,
uh, jerk anything

because I'm married.

Oh, you married? I didn't know!
Whoa!

Yeah, so I can't. And that's
actually how I got into this mess.

I told my husband that we're making
a bunch of money doing this movie,

and, uh, we're not making a bunch
of money, but he's counting on it.

So I've lied to him
and I can't tell him because...

Stop, stop, stop, stop. That's
why we're gonna hook you up.

- I never thought you'd do porn.
- You got a couple choices. Okay?

We get big money up in here 'cause
clients know our gorgeous girls

are between
the ages of 18 and 21.

Oh, well, I'm actually
34, so... you 21 now.

You can either do a massage and
ball-cupping for 142 bucks,

a topless massage,
no balls, for 175,

a massage and a handy for 375,

or topless massage with a
ball-cupping and handy for 499.

I only take 23% commission 'cause
Lebron is my man. Hey, hey, 23!

- Yeah. Free throws.
- Thank you, but...

I commute from port St. Lucie
'cause Vero dick pays sick.

This bitch
is from port St. Lucie.

I made almost 2 G's
in tips yesterday

'cause dudes
was feelin' guilty as shit.

- Yeah, 'cause it was Thursday.
- Thursday be some crazy shit.

Is everybody horny on Thursday?
I guess so.

Hump day?

Sweetie, come here. You wanna
see how smart your husband is?

Can you please not park that damn
thing in the middle of the driveway?

My stomach is not well.
I had burrata for lunch.

Turn the...
Turn the television on.

Gonna have to
strip down for this.

Why do I eat cheese?

I remember her eyes, you know.
Her eyes, they tore me apart.

And then they drew me back
for more.

She was glistening, and I
knew I was in trouble,

because I never wanted
to look away from her again.

And that was the first time
we'd ever been to a sex club.

That's right.
Nine years ago.

Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I didn't even know
that normal people went to them.

Yeah, 'cause, you know,
it's about activism. You know?

It's about actions.

We have a child together.
Actions.

We don't need to be married
just because we exist together.

We are together.

Therefore socially
recognized as together.

And it's about communication.
Yeah.

That's the key to any
good relationship, I think.

It's not just
an open relationship.

Yes.
It's how you communicate.

Yeah. If it's not open,
then it's closed.

Yeah. And you don't
wanna be closed.

When you talk about
an "open" relationship,

how often do you sleep
with other people?

All the time.
It's a constant.

Never stops. It's a
part of our life.

Take me through a
"constant" day of sleeping

with other people.
How does that...

Why don't we take a tour of the shop?
You still haven't seen what we do here.

Shall we talk about this.

Just quickly do this bit first?
And then I'd love to see the...

And this is our baby. Yes!

Free thinkers workshop.

This is how we pay the rent.

And through Zander's
illustrations, of course.

He does this bunny...

Wiesman,
the Jewish bunny rabbit.

I'm working on a children's book

about how Wiesman
struggles on Easter.

It's about tolerance and
acceptance, communication.

That's true. Yes.

Just stop recording. It's a total
waste of time. Come see this!

- Gideon, follow us. Come on.
- It's Vivian.

This is our collection
of vintage sidecars.

We're refurbishing them, remodeling
them, giving them new life.

It's great, right?
It's a philosophical choice.

Wow. So, is this how you
pay rent on this place?

Yeah, and... and my... my
father runs a hedge fund.

Ow!

Come look at this!

Hello.
Hi.

And your welcome.

All right. Uh...

Is it your first time here, sir?

It is, yes.

I got, um...

I-I...

I have this.
Okay.

It was a gift.
Mm-hmm.

But, uh... would you
like a massage?

Yeah. Okay.

I'd like a massage.
I would.

'Cause my neck... I have...
I have this stiffness.

Stiffness.
No, no.

Pain. Pain.
I have neck pain.

I would love to massage...
To massage that.

Because we also have
special massage...

The massage plus,
the massage total,

and, of course,
the massage total plus.

Sounds all kinda the
same, uh, to me.

I-I-i, uh...
About the massage plus...

It's 142. It's the one
with the ball-cupping only.

But I can explain each one. No, no need.
Why don't we just do what we talked about.

The massage plus?
Right this way.

- Ow! Ow!
- Ohh! Sorry.

Oh, um, your welcome. Your welcome.
What is that?

- What is this?
- There's cupping service.

- No, this is an actual cup.
- For cupping.

- You don't cup with a cup.
- Cup. Cupping. Cups.

Stop saying "cup."
I'd like to leave now.

No, please don't go, sir.
This is not pleasurable.

- I'm just not that athletic.
- What does that have to do with anything?

My forearms are very weak.
It's hereditary.

Wh-what?

Lacrosse is more of a hand-job kind of
cupping sport. Stop talking. Take a breath.

- And stop.
- Okay.

- Good lord.
- I'm sorry.

Could you... would you
hand me my shirt, please?

Sure. Yes. Oh, yes.

Here.

Um, this one or...
Just...

sorry. I think
I got oil on it.

That is literally the
least of my problems.

How old are you?

Twenty-one.

You're 21?
Really.

Why? You think
I look old?

No, you don't look old.

But you don't look 21.

Well, I'm 30.

That I believe.

I'm 34.

I believe 34.

Could I ask you a question?

Why are you doing this?

I lied to my husband
about money,

and I'm just bailing myself out.

So you're married?

Yes, I'm... yeah.

Are you?

Mmm. Barely.

Marriage is the best thing
that ever happened to us.

When we first met at Tulane,
in the cafeteria,

she was a freshman, I was a
senior, and I'll never forget it.

She was going to town
on this bowl of olives,

and I said...
I was trying to be flirty...

"uh, olives is not lunch."

And she said,
"they is to me."

Well...

And so I said, uh,
"I'm Noah."

And she said,
"I know-uh."

So we laughed and...

The rest is history.

It can be hard though, too,
you know, marriage.

Just... we struggle a lot. We have
a lot of struggles. Interesting.

- How do you struggle?
- We're trying to get pregnant.

Yeah.
But we can't.

- Well, that's not entirely true.
- Yes, it is.

We don't know yet. We're
just... we're trying.

- We have sex very rarely.

And when we do,
we sort of fail at it.

Y-you fail at...
At sex stuff.

- What?
- All of it, really. Everything.

No, we don't.

At least I never thought we did.

I always wanted to be an artist.

You wanted to work in
advertising, so that's... it's...

That's still... A very creative position.
Not exactly the same.

You never said you wanted to be an artist.
Well, we had a deal.

We had a break.
Remember, we had a break.

Yeah, we took some time off. A long break
because he was waiting for me to graduate.

And the deal was that
we were going to go to New York.

I was gonna get a chance,
finally, to pursue my career.

We were gonna start new there.

You know,
it would've been great.

Uh, but my father passed away.

His father passed away.
And I had to take over, so...

And then after,
I thought we could...

So we came back.

Now Alice runs all the ad sales,
marketing, and graphic design...

- Don't get to do anything, but...
- For brewing blinds.

I always wanted to have a Bob,
like Louise Brooks.

A what?
A Bob.

A haircut.

Yeah. My sister had a
Mohawk in high school.

Who cares?
You tell me.

What?
What?

Change battery.
Quickly.

Sorry.

Stay there.
Stay there.

We have great deals on blinds

installed in your home
or office.

You're not still bummed about, uh...
not working in advertising, are you?

What? Oh, um...

No, it's not that.

I think, um, I just get so
anxious in front of that camera.

Alice.
Noah.

Okay.

I think I'm just tired.
You know? Totally.

Hi. Welcome. Welcome to
the free thinkers bookshop.

- Hello.
- Hello.

That's the bunny rabbit
that missed out on Easter.

- What is it?
- A Jewish bunny rabbit.

- Jewish.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm the artist.
Mmm.

Please come back and see us.

Perhaps of a different
belief system.

Now, you have work to do.

- Are you Fanny and Zander?
- Oh. Yeah. Hi.

That's great.
I'm Egon.

Hi. My friend Zorn
from occupy Orlando

recommended I come see you
about work out here.

Yeah. What kind of work
do you do, brother?

Oh, I'm a sculptor-slash-
performance artist. Oh!

I make life-sized copulating
nudes with reclaimed appliances.

Oh, that's genius.
That sounds amazing.

What's the performance component?
It's called gut extraction.

Wow!
Wow!

Through volunteer subjects,

I pull the energy from their
insides using breath and proximity

and I transfer the human spirit
into the metal structures.

Wow!
Wow.

I can show you, if you
want to volunteer maybe.

Very cool. Yeah! Yeah!
Of course.

Okay. That's awesome. Right on!
Absolutely.

It's cool, right? There's a stool here.
It's all we need.

Thank you so much for taking
this journey of life with me.

You're welcome.

Okay, just focus on my nostrils.
All right?

That's very good.

Now, if you could just spread your legs
a little bit for me, that'd be great.

You know what? We're
good on the guts art, bro.

Oh.

Well, when you use it with the
metal and it goes in there...

You should walk away now.

Begone, Egon. Don't apologize.
Just walk.

Namaste.
Namaste.

Na-must-go.
You were really good.

Hey.
Na-must-go.

See ya. Bye.

I've been, like...
I'm sorry...

Christ on a stick, they're
square for hippies.

They didn't buy it.
Where did you find this dolt?

- Craigslist, Boca Raton.
- Should I go back in there?

I have spent six years
of my life into research

and endured a lacerating divorce
from a welsh industrialist

to authenticate this project.

And you use Craigslist Boca.

I'm sorry, Viv. He's the best we
could get for the time and money.

I need chaos.
It's too clean.

Maybe we should've
gone to Shreveport.

No, Mel! Florida's the
one with the statistics.

Shreveport.

Besides, my nan used to say,

bacteria grows richer
in a pristine petri dish

than in a sullied one.

I miss my nan.

Maybe just tell them
it'd be more compelling

if their marriage falls apart.

It's my responsibility
to paint a picture.

Maybe I just need
a heavier hand.

I notice you're holding a helmet.
Is that something you wear in the house?

Or do you have a motorbike?

Just, uh...
Just had a little ride.

That's all right. I can take
it out, if that's a problem.

It's embarrassing.
What?

Mid-life crisis.
Embarrassing.

At your age, it does
just read as bourgeois.

And garden fountains
are not bourgeois

Wong told us to get those
and you know that.

Who is Wong?

We went to a therapist,
Dr. Sandra Wong.

This was years ago,
when we first got together.

Because Cybil, uh, said

that i... I made our bedroom
a hostile environment.

He snores.
I snore.

So I took to putting
a pillow over his face.

She tried to kill me, basically.
That's what that is.

I tried to silence you.
There is a difference.

Explain that to a jury.

That's how you would kill someone.
Right.

- If you apply pressure, which I didn't.
- Yeah, well, you could die.

Dr. Wong told me to write
in this journal thingie

whenever I felt like
I might want to kill him.

Which is a much better idea.

Which was at night,
when he was powerless.

And he's flagrantly loud.

Okay.

- Flagrantly... loud.
- Got it. Thank you.

Um, let's talk about family.
You have a daughter. Right?

Yes. Milly.

She's, um...

Well, she's from my previous,
very brief marriage

to Max.

Milly is very independent.

A...

And...
You know what?

Let's just...
Let's just leave her...

I-I can't hear you.

Let's just not... let's just
leave her out of this, maybe.

Do you have regrets
about your role as a mother?

No. No.

No.

Well, I worked a lot.

Uh, maybe Milly harbors some...

Let's just...
Let's just do what we said,

which is, stick to
the whole marriage thing.

Does Milly see you as a failure?

She just said she doesn't
want to talk about it.

Of course.
So let's not talk about it.

Okay. Yes. Go to
another question.

Yeah. Um, so, that's all...
That's all brilliant.

Um... mm-hmm.

Oh, it's beautiful out here.

Yeah. Live in art
to make art.

Yes, I agree.

We're both artists in that way.

It's a... it's a sensual
existence, don't you think?

I suppose so.
Mmm.

Being open is... is Paramount
to the free life.

That's why I'm so thankful

that you and Fanny let me in.

Yeah, I understand why
you never got married.

It's an old-fashioned,
stodgy principle.

Yeah.

And you're both like cavemen,

with whomever you feel
or smell at that time.

Yeah, that's true.
Like beasts.

Hmm? Yeah...

Oh. Oh. Oh!

Oh, you know, I should
probably feed the chickens.

Yeah.
Namaste.

Namaste.

Blast.
These people are puritans.

Shh. It's okay. It's okay.

All ri...
Okay. Okay.

We're gonna get you in the chair.
Snackies? You want Snackies?

- We have your little
snackie bag.

Shit.

Clear, Alice. Clear.

It's difficult,
isn't it, darling?

Vivian, I didn't see you there.

Trying to move forward when your
partner's stuck in the tall grass.

Oh, yes, yeah.
I've been there.

You have?
I was married, you know.

You were? We're more
alike than you realize.

I'm okay. Mmm. Okay.
You're sharp, Alice.

You were right about Noah.

I was? About what?

It's not his fault he has a wandering eye.
He is, after all, a baboon.

He's a baboon?
As are you and I.

Yes. I've observed
your sister Fanny.

Her robust fertility
that's awarded her a son.

She is but abounding sensuality,
so effortless and free.

Yes, yes.
I mean, how could Noah,

a man of ripe virility,
ignore such a scent?

Do you... know something?

Here's what I know.

Are you both really doing all
that you can to get pregnant?

I mean, I know that you
are, Alice, but is he?

Well, if I'm really
honest with you,

the subject is really complex
because I'm really not sure...

Oh, damn right it's complex.

I'm sure that he operates
with fine intentions,

but... a wild animal
cannot help

but bite.

I think the price is actually very
reasonable. The seller's very motivated.

It's really beautiful.

Oh! This is the seller's agent.
Honey, what do you think?

So just... why don't you
just take it all in?

I won't be a sec.
Wanna look over there?

Yeah.

Hello.
Hello?

Mom?
Milly? Oh.

Hello? Oh, honey,
I can't hear you.

I'm gonna call you back.
What?

Hey, it's Milly. Leave a message.
Oh.

Okay, I guess you're in a
bad area, or maybe it's me.

I don't know.
I couldn't hear you, honey.

We... we're so excited
that you're coming.

Um, i...
It's been so long.

I feel like I'll hardly
recognize you.

But I will.
I mean, I will, of course.

It's not even a nice thing
to say. I'm sorry.

Um... okay.

Well, call me when you can.
Okay? I love you so much.

So... so what's the catch?
Call me.

I mean, did someone die
in here or something?

Uh, yes, but natural causes.

Wait, what?

I've actually got one that
I think will work for you.

Yeah?
Yeah.

It's an s1k that we picked up
from a yard in Rhode Island.

Okay. It's a little rusted
out, but I can sand that out.

It'll rig on there okay?
Oh, yeah.

I can prep the mount today and then you
can take it on and off whenever you want.

I've never ridden
with the extra weight.

It's like training wheels. You just
gotta be careful around the turns.

But it provides extra support.

Sure, sure. You got
yourself a copilot?

Uh... well, in theory.

Oh. Is this
a special occasion?

Hopefully. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

I am so thrilled
we can make it work.

Me too. Thanks so much. All right.
You got it, Mike.

You got it. Paperwork's
on its way to you.

Uh-huh.

Ha!
Okay.

Here we go.

What...
I just signed it.

I don't know the password.

Is this it...

Milly's not coming.

Hmm?
What'd you say?

How's the sex?

Horrible.
It's great.

He wears his glasses
during cunnilingus.

I did that once.
Well...

I am never gonna live that down.

My vagina felt inspected. I felt that
I was under scrutiny of some sort.

Why do you think I can only
come when I have to pee?

What does that have to do with anything?
Alice, what is going on?

- Can we turn the camera off for a second?
- Of course.

Noah.
What... what... this vibe.

I was just being honest for the
sake of artistic integrity.

A noble cause.

Okay, excuse us.
I just was trying...

Sorry. Come here.
Noah.

Pan out, pan out.

What?

Listen.
What's wrong?

Every time we come in here, you
make it seem like we're miserable.

I think we have a pretty great life.
Don't you?

- Yes, sometimes, yes.
- Get in there.

I don't think this is good for us.
I think we should bail.

We need the money.
Fuck the cash.

Fanny's doing it.
Besides, we can't bail.

Is that what this is about? Your
maniac sister is doing this.

You said we need the cash.
My maniac sister? Jesus.

You said she's the most
athletic person you know, so...

Okay. Who cares?

Do you think about
sleeping with her?

What? Oh, my god.
Do you?

Why would you accuse me of that?

I think I've been more than patient and
reasonable with your moody outbursts.

For someone
who wants a baby so badly,

you're making it pretty difficult
to want to have sex with you.

You're being irrational
and mean.

I'm being mean?
Yeah.

You're being mean.
I am so nice to you, Noah.

I play tennis for you.

I let you smell my mouth
before I brush.

I listen to widespread panic
for you.

What about me?
What about you?

Well, okay, the most creative thing I
have done in the past three months

is hem your fucking pants, Noah.

Well, there's... don't
bring up brewing blinds.

Brewing never needs any new
artwork, and that is the truth,

because you insist that "we need a
visual that clients can trust."

Basic brand. I understand that.
But you know what, Noah?

I could have moved
to New York without you,

because Terry Schultz
had that extra room,

and I could have dealt
with those cats

easily if I just took
Claritin or something.

Then I could be getting coffee on my
lunch breaks or buying gesso somewhere.

I could have a Mohawk right
now, but I don't, for you.

So don't tell me
that I'm being mean.

Alice. No. I will not have that!

Namaste.
Namaste.

Oh, god.

Fermented burdock? No,
thank you, my love.

Fanny.
Yes?

No matter what roof
we've lived under,

whether it's tin
or hay or stars,

I feel like we've always been
transparent with each other.

The hearth of truth.
Yes. The hearth of truth.

It's... it's just...

This is...

Is there someone you're
wanting to connect with?

Someone you're wanting
to bring into our bed?

No, it's not that.

I don't know if it's
because I'm getting older

or maybe I'm losing my edge.

We haven't talked about the
fact that neither you or I

have brought anyone into our
bed in nearly six years.

Fanny,

you are so much more than I
could have ever dreamed of.

And this hearth of truth...
Our hearth of truth...

Our fire...

I don't know if I want
to share that warmth

with anyone anymore.

Jesus, Al.
Knock sometimes.

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in here.
I really didn't.

That's why you knock. Okay.
Well, can I just go pee?

Yeah. Of course. No, alone?
Can I go alone?

'Cause i... yeah, that kind of pee.
I got it. Yeah.

Thank you.

I'd like some privacy.

Yeah, I'm not really sure
if that's what I imagined.

Man, I get it. It's hard to stick
to the one you're married to

when you could always have the
newer, sexier model, right.

So, why don't you live with it.
Yeah?

Right? And if it
doesn't turn you on,

you can always replace it.

Good point.

Hey, Noah?
Mm-hmm?

Could I just talk to you for a
second, please? Yeah. Sure.

Excuse me.
Okay. All right.

Sorry. Hey, I just want
to talk to you. Okay.

Are you taking hydrocodone because
you want to be with Fanny?

What are you talking about?

I know you injured your elbow
three years ago mountain biking,

and you took hydrocodone, but there's no
reason you should be taking it anymore

unless you're deliberately trying to
sabotage our chances of having a child,

which was your idea
to begin with.

Okay, where is this coming from?
I saw you take those pills.

Those pills you take.

Vivian said I should look out
for signs, and I saw signs.

I saw you taking those pills.

She said Fanny was "abounding" with all
kinds of stuff, and we're all baboons...

Stop!
Just stop, okay?

Just tell me.
All right.

I don't even know
where to start.

I have to, like...

I... I'm not taking hydrocodone.

I'm taking he shou Wu.

It's for male pattern baldness.

"Maherpatterbaldas"?
What's "maherpatter..."

male pattern baldness.

Oh.
Okay?

I got it from a Chinese doctor
that Fanny and Zander recommended.

I didn't wanna tell you because
I want you to think of me

as this viral, hunky man,

and not some old dude
with his hair falling out.

But why did you go to Fanny
to talk about that?

Why do you have this secret
meeting with Fanny? Fanny! Fanny!

Something you won't even talk to me about.
Let's clear up this Fanny thing.

Okay. I would like
to do that.

Let's just settle this, 'cause
there's something you need to know

about your sister Fanny.
What?

She's great, but...

In the way
that llamas are great.

They're cute in pictures
and maybe they're fun to feed,

but I don't want one in my house
because they spit a lot.

I'm serious.

The best thing Fanny's got going
for her is Zander and zenith

and that she's got you
for her sister.

Other than that,

she kind of smells like a
combination of ear wax and oregano.

I love you, Noah.

I love you too, Al.

Future mother of our children.

Noah.

I don't want to have a baby.

What?

I... I just feel like

I'm putting
all this frantic energy

into trying to get pregnant,
and i...

The truth is it just really
makes my stomach hurt.

I only wanted to have a baby
because it's what you wanted

and because it's so obviously
what we're meant to do.

But i...

I'm sorry.

So sorry.

I mean, that's hard
for me to hear.

I know.

Noah.

Please don't divorce me.

Please. Because then
Vivian wins, right?

What?

Okay, wait. First of all, that British
jerk has nothing to do with us.

And second of all,

we're not getting a divorce.

Okay?
Yeah. Okay.

Now, I admit,
I want to have kids,

and i... I want
to have them with you.

But when we got married,

we promised to walk through the
mud and the light together.

And I meant it.

So I gotta process this,

but I'm not going anywhere.

Okay. Nice to hear.

Now, I have to ask you
a very important question.

Anything.
Okay.

Do you, Alice brewing,

promise to extract us

from this toxic horror show
of a documentary,

for richer or for poorer?

I do.

Okay.

I'm here.

I'm gonna take a shower
before we get started.

So I won't be a second.
All right, baby.

I have to finish this...
Welcome home.

Hi. Hi, hi.
Guess who's here.

Hi, mom.
Milly?

- Holy shit!
- I'm pregnant.

Well, I'm not an idiot, Milly!

This is precisely why
I didn't tell you.

I'm your mother, for Christ's sake.
Oh, my god.

I knew you'd flip your lid,
mom, which clearly you are.

- And how long? How far along are you?
- Nine months.

- Nine months? -Nine months.
- Nine months.

Oh, my god, Milly.
You're so beautiful.

You better sit down. Harvey,
can you get her a chair?

- She's got a couch. She's fine.
- Get her a chair.

Mom, you have to calm down. Just
calm... no, stop it. Stop it! Stop it!

This is why I don't tell you anything!
What do you mean?

- Harvey can tell you. We talk about it.
- Did you know about this?

No.

I've been working my ass off
preparing for this damn thing.

- I'm broke.
- I'll help you.

I don't need your help. This crazy
lady is paying me $500 to be here.

How dare you pay her only $500?

You're paying everybody else
way more than that!

No, 'cause I also
paid for her bus fare.

That was nice.
They got the bus fare.

- You made her take the bus?
- Oh, boy.

- A bus.
- Here we go.

In her condition.

You made her take a bus
in her condition?

Mom, it was fine. What
kind of barbarian are you?

It's fine. Stop it.

I don't know what kind
of tricky piece of magic

you're trying to conjure up here
with your horseshit reality show.

I don't know, but I'll
tell you something.

It's kind of sexy.

Pack up the cameras. Pack up your lesbian
and get the fuck out of my house!

Can you just calm down, please?
No!

Turn that off!
A bus!

- Hello?

Hello! Hello!

Oh. Oh, shoot! Coming!

Sorry.

Hi.
Hey.

Sorry, sister. I didn't
hear you knocking.

Normally zenith hears it.

Come on in.

Hi. Hello.

Should I, uh...
Yeah.

Do you want...
Yeah, sit down.

I just can't breathe unless
there's incense, you know?

Um... so, I-i... I just want
to apologize to you, Fanny.

When I think of you...

When i... you know...

What?
I'm sorry.

It's just so loud. Could we
tell them to just take five

or smoke something?

Of course. Yeah, sorry.

Thank you.

From when you lived
in Lithuania?

Yeah.
Yeah.

So cool. Um...

I just want you to know that...

Even though you are
my younger sister,

I have always looked up to you.

I mean, you are so good
at making life

just exciting, you know?

And... strange
and wonderful.

You're like my life
spirit animal, you know?

I love that.
It's true.

I love that.

Noah and I will never
be as effortless as you.

You know, probably 'cause
we could never handle

having multiple sexual
partners in our relationship.

Um, can I just...
Yeah.

If I wanted to do heroin,

I have the means and resources
to do heroin.

Wait, what?
When did you do heroin?

Zander and I could do heroin,

but we choose not to do heroin.

That's why we don't do heroin,

is because we choose not to.

Well, that's great.

I mean, 'cause it's
a really dangerous drug.

Heroin being the metaphor
for cheating.

Oh!
Yeah, we don't cheat.

You don't cheat. What?
We don't cheat.

See, that was such an
interesting way to say it.

It would have been easier if you
just said it. It was quite a reach.

Oh! Does Vivian know that?
I feel like...

Oh, screw that bloodsucker. Why?
You don't like her anymore?

She was trying to seduce Zander,
and he wouldn't let her.

She fired us.
What?

Yeah.
That's crazy.

She came over here and kissed him.
No. Stop.

She kissed him on the mouth.

Oh, my god.
Fancy lady blouse.

I really thought that she was
one of the great people.

She was picking up
on some dark energy.

You're good at reading juju.
I know, right?

Oh, my gosh. She's terrible.
You need to get revenge.

I know.
What are we gonna do?

Hey.
Hey.

So glad you got to have
a proper shower.

I just... I made you some sleepy time tea.
Thank you.

And I, uh...

I put some Milanos there too.

You didn't have to do that.
Yeah.

And...

It's very good.
I know.

Tomorrow night, if you like,

we can make some artichokes.

I'm probably gonna go back
to Miami first thing.

- Oh.
- So...

May I ask
who the lucky father is?

- Quilton.
- Is that a real name?

- Yeah.
- Well, he...

He sounds nice.
Yeah, he's super nice.

He's in jail.

For what?

For walking his dog
without a leash.

Oh, well, that seems
a little harsh.

Yeah, well, he has a lot
of tattoos all over,

so he gets arrested for
stupid stuff all the time,

and then we don't have
enough money to bail him out.

Well...

Nice to see he has a dog.

Yeah.

Oh, Milly, why don't you just...

Stay here for a few weeks?

Maybe until the baby comes even.

See, I can help you
with everything.

I'm sure Quilton would understand that
your mom wants to care for you right now.

That's okay.
He'd get that.

No, no. We have a plan,
and it's your anniversary.

You don't want your pregnant daughter
running around, ruining the mood.

No, I do. I do.
The mood is fine.

The mood is...

It's good.

Mom, he's stuck in jail, and he's
not gonna see the baby come.

I can't just sit here in your guest
room, eating Milanos and drinking tea

and just waiting for him
to come out.

We'll bail him out.

We will bail quilter out.

Quilton.

Quilton.

Mel, can you come
over here, please?

Do you want a shandy?

Spoon you?

It can't all fall apart.

I've come too far.

They're all failing me.

Where do I find new subjects?

There's a sex addicts anonymous
meeting in fort Pierce tomorrow.

You're so clever, Mel.
You know that, don't you?

Thank you.

Could I call you Richard
from now on?

Maybe not.

And I lifted my head
from her crotch

and said,
"I don't want to be here."

This is not me anymore.

I choose to stop eating you out
because I do not know your name.

That's so great.

- Hello?
- Vivian. Yes, hi.

Hello, Alice. Yeah. I can't talk at
the moment. It's not a good time.

Well, I understand,
but you were right.

Fanny and Noah, they're
cheating on me, and, um...

They're doing it.

Oh, my god.
I'm so sad.

I found Fanny's panties
in Noah's briefcase.

- What? I'm not a lawyer in an '80s movie.
- I don't wear panties.

I mean, such is life. As I
always say, fate is inevitable.

Yes, you are right.

I just... I've been in
my car alone, crying.

And the shit just hit the fan.

And the shit has hit the
fan in my relationship.

We need to investigate
this arduous time.

Yeah, we do need
to investigate it.

And I want to do it...

And I want to do it on camera,

for your documentary

because I think I really
want to confront him.

Wait. I've got an idea. What if we did
a public event on emancipation day?

It could be dramatic
and profound.

Think about it.

Why be in front of one when you can be
in front of a crowd and really ruin him?

A crowd? She wants to do it publicly?
She's insane!

You know, I think it's a fair idea.
I do.

Because it's a perfect place
for me to free myself.

Why? What do you mean?
Free yourself from...

Uh... divorce.

That's right. Divorce.
I'll see you there.

Di... bye.

Mel!
We must organize.

Hey!
Sorry, guys.

We're in a meeting.

Come on quickly, Mel.

I think I'm close to tears.

Mel. Mel, Mel. Come on. I'm in a pocket.
I'm in a pocket now.

Okay, and...
Okay, good.

The jig is up, people.

We perform these
lofty acts of love...

Sky-written proposals,

flash mobs of "I will love you
forever," blah, blah, blah.

These are gestures
of disillusionment.

Modern society has the
privilege to evolve.

Seven years is more than enough
to ask of someone...

If any years at all.

However, if you have taken
that futile path,

as I had done myself, in vain,

you needn't remain captive.

So often people
declare their love.

Why not declare your freedom?

My subject, Alice brewing,

after seven years of marriage and
servitude to her husband Noah,

will publicly exercise
her marital liberation

on none other
than emancipation day,

the day that so many proud citizens
shed the shackles of bondage

in the name of human rights.

A day that my subject, Alice,

will aptly demand hers.

Cut.

Well, shit.

Well, this just in.

Critically acclaimed
documentarian Vivian prudeck...

You know, the one with
the wild ideas about marriage.

She's hosting an emancipation
day event tomorrow.

- Hey. Okay. The guys here say
it's not just the battery.

It's the starter.

Or it's the... possibly
the sole... "solenord"?

I don't know.
I don't speak car.

But anyway, whatever it is,
it's gonna be another day or so.

I think we should just stay
in tonight, get take-out.

Take-out,
for our anniversary?

I know, but Milly's here, so we'll
just do a low-key thing, okay?

All right. Okay.

Okay. I'm waiting for my cab,
so it'll be another hour.

Okay. See you in an hour.

Milly, you want anything while I'm out?
No, thanks. I'm good.

All righty. Actually, yeah, yeah.
Can I have some shrimp scampi?

You got it.

But not from that Italian
place near the pizza place.

- I don't like that place.
- Okay. I got it.

Anything else?

A bunch of chocolate stuff.
Just surprise me.

Perfect. Got it.
Thank you.

That'll do it.
Thank you, ma'am.

Yo! Zander?

Hello?

Anybody else notice
how filthy her aura was?

It was like...

I'm sorry to interrupt.
Harvey! Oh! Oh!

You're picking up today.
That's right. Come in.

Hate to intrude. Sorry.
Meet my family.

- This is Fanny. Fanny, this is Harvey.
- Hello.

That's Ophelia.
And that's Cyrus.

And that's Noah and Alice.

- Wait. Where's Alice? Wait. Alice.
- Alice!

It took me forever to
figure out your eco-toilet.

Alice, this is Harvey.
Harvey, meet Alice.

- We've met before, haven't we?
- No, no. I don't think...

I don't think so.

There's something so
familiar about your face.

- I think I just have one of those faces.
- You look so familiar.

Well, look, Harvey.
You know what?

Why don't you sit down,
have a drink.

I'm gonna mount that sidecar.
I worked really hard on it.

Your special lady's
gonna love it.

What's happening? You're
all stiff all of a sudden.

- I didn't... no.
- Have more.

Oh, thank you.
Massage her, Noah.

- No, no, no. No massaging. It's fine.
- How 'bout a massage?

- No!
- I'll wait outside.

- No, don't be silly.
- Relax, baby!

- Uh, no, no...
- Please, I don't need...

- Massaging you!
- Hey!

You guys hear about
that Vivian Prudeck thing?

Yeah. Yeah. We're going to that.
Are you?

You know, my wife and I, we're doing
this crazy documentary thing that...

- You're what?
- -Get out of here!

Oh, my god! You know
what I'm talking about?

We're doing that.
But we hate her.

No.

She's doing that whole
thing because of us.

That Vivian crazy lady?

- She's insane!
- No. No way.

You gotta join us.

It's here.
Hey.

Smells so good.
I'm super hungry.

Oh. Look at you,
with your candles.

I just want it to be
nice ambience, okay?

So I'm gonna set it up and then you
can just have a good anniversary.

And I'll just go into my room.
What?

Hey, what is more perfect
than... than this?

Okay.
Okay.

Hi.
Hi.

Uh, would you ask your mom to
come out for a minute, please?

Hey, mom, it's for you.

What?

Happy anniversary.

I know you may hate this gift,

or you may think
it's really selfish,

but, uh,

I realized...

I don't... I don't
want to ride alone.

I really don't.

I was gonna make it
"I don't want no Cybil war,"

but I thought this was
a little more to the point.

What is this?

Happy anniversary to you.

Is it a divorce in a box? No,
they don't make those. I checked.

I got this
so I could ride bitch.

I...

I never knew
you wanted to join me.

You never asked.

Come on. Suit up.

I'm taking you out.
Now?

- Yeah, right now.
- Oh, no, now? No.

We got a whole spread, like a table thing.
I don't care.

I'm taking you out for a steak dinner.
Come on. Suit up.

Milly! Eat the food!
I'm taking your mom out.

Okay, uh...
Just give me a second.

Climb in. You're doing so well.
Exactly.

It's like a chair.
Wait, wait.

But much harder. Thank god you thought
of this 'cause I'll be honest,

with a head as hard as yours,
I forgot to get a helmet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
didn't think about it.

Don't go... don't go till I'm
ready, till I know you're going.

Okay. There you go.
Okay.

Never seen anything cuter.

You're like the cutest
cosmonaut there ever was.

Okay, what do I hold on to?
Me!

And your life.

Keep your hands...

Hey, Noah, do you think that...

Are you sure that there was no
alcoholic in the, um, sugar thing

that they had,
that they were serving?

I don't know what the
hell was in that stuff.

And that's why I didn't
drink any of it.

No! You didn't?

No. I didn't. We were supposed
to be together in that.

I don't drink anything
from that house

'cause it could be
goat pee or who knows?

Who makes it at 165? That doesn't
even... what's happening?

What are you doing? I'm trying
to make these bagel bites.

You want some help with that?
So much to read.

I just want to admit
something to you. Okay.

Just... I want to be completely frank.
Lay it on me.

I think I might be a little
bit buzzed because...

Not really drunk or anything,
but just a wee bit buzzed.

Because honestly, I, um... I
want you to be up here with me.

It's so fun.
Come, come, come, come.

I am jealous of where
you are right now.

I have some catching up to do.
I know!

I'm going to get some glasses.

Let me guess. You must be Quilton.
Yeah.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.

Thank you so much for
bailing me out, Mr. burger.

Please, call me Harvey.
All right, Harvey.

Okay. I'm so embarrassed that
we had to meet like this.

Ah, don't you even
worry about it.

Here we go.
Hop on in.

How 'bout that?

That's the... that's your ride?
That's it.

Sweet, right?

Yeah. I'm afraid of motorcycles.

You actually...
Really?

Yeah.
I mean, yeah.

Okay. Tell you what.

I promise I won't do
any wheelies today.

Please don't. Yeah, don't...
please don't do that.

No, I'm kidding. 'Cause you can't.
Okay.

That was a joke.
You can't do... okay.

It's just like a car,
except there's no roof.

And it's not a car.

My heart is on high.

How can I be so blessed that my subjects
be so ripe for their noble demise?

- Mel?
- I'm right here.

Is the boom operator here yet?

A professional person
should be tardy for no one.

He's been here for 20 minutes.
Good.

Let him wait 10 more. Time
is dictated by its leader.

You look like the hippie
actor we hired who bombed.

Yeah, it's him.
Sorry.

Why is he here for the
boom operator position?

I majored
in artistic psychology.

Mel, I'd like a sidebar.

This makes me very uncomfortable.
He's very intuitive.

I don't work
with attractive people.

I'm questioning his competence.

He said he would do it for free if you
give him a signed copy of tween jungle.

He saw tween jungle?

Welcome to the team.

Right on. Wow. Thank you.

Um, next time, more coverage
on the wardrobe selection.

Oh, nipple. Sorry.

Both sides. I didn't
mean to do that.

Yeah.
Good.

Famed documentarian Vivian Prudeck
is here for an upcoming project

concerning the surroundings
of her theories.

Look at this.
Hey.

- Huh?
- Oh-ho!

- Nice, mom. Very impressive.
- She's a pro.

Just drive safe.

Oh, yeah. Very good.
Have fun!

How are you?

Excellent.
Okay, good. Thank you.

We have plenty.
So pass this...

Do you know what you're doing?

No, no. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Oh, okay. Crate of eggs.
Crate of eggs.

Baby!

Hey, dad!
Hi, mama!

There's our little minnow.

Oh.

You all set?
Mm-hmm.

Ladies and gentlemen, kindly welcome Ms.
Vivian Prudeck.

Hello. Hello. Hi.

Happy emancipation day.

Thank you all so much.

As I think most of you know,

my documentary project,
I do until I don't,

examines the idea that marriage
should be a seven-year contract

with an option to renew.

Today's presentation
is not so much a performance

as it is a declaration.

In the words of Dr. Coontz,

we should ban all performance
weddings to begin with.

I'm not insinuating that the idea... mmm.
That's where they are?

I'm saying if you build a union on
fantasy... yeah, it's that lady.

Then it's impossible
to maintain.

I'm simply proposing
marital reform.

Reform is
an evolutionary privilege.

Uh, what's so bad
about marriage anyway?

Well, I think the convention has merited
a slightly more complex analysis

than just saying it's "bad."

I have a question.
Yes?

Um, life is hard enough. Why not have a
human constant to go through it with?

What kind of constant
are you referring to, sir?

'Cause the only constant
that humans are capable of

is that of a philandering nature, Mr.
Constant.

- Care to comment?
- I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, you don't know what you're talking
about? Wow. Guess what, Noah.

I have something I really want
to talk to you about right now.

Okay.

After all of these years, and after
everything that we have been through,

how dare you?

What part of you
could so flagrantly...

Continue to love me wholly
despite my flaws?

Aw!

Because of your flaws, Alice.

I'm your constant.

I am your constant.
No, no, no. Wait!

I'll be your constant.
And I will be yours.

- Yeah?
- Shh! Alice!

- You promised. You said...
- Oh, come off it, Vivian.

Look, no one's cheating
on anyone.

And no one's getting a divorce.

Vivian, if I may? And I think I
speak on behalf of everybody here.

You don't have to get married,
but let others work it out.

Don't make it worse.
We've got enough problems.

Come on, people. You don't
all believe this, do you?

People only partake in open
relationships for the bragging rights.

Yeah, but you're in
a bloody open relationship.

Yeah, but we've been monogamous
for, like, six years now.

- You're a liar and a conformist.
- Hey, what about penguins?

- They're monogamous!
- -Yeah!

Really? Penguins?

You have all been brainwashed!

It's a ruse! "Ew! Scary!"
No, it's not scary!

Polyamory is our birthright.

- Hey, Fanny?
- Yes, Zander?

- Will you marry me?
- -What?

Yes.

No! No!

You can't just... no, you can't! You
can't just ask her to marry you!

Whoo!

Brother-in-law!

Milly! Oh, my god!
What?

We gotta get out of here!
What? What?

Milly's going into labor. My
daughter's going to have a baby.

Now?
Yeah, now. Now.

Why would she do that now?

What?

It's on our way.
On your way? Really?

We'll follow you.

What are you doing, you animal?
Put me down! Put me down, please!

What are you doing,
kissing me like that?

Stop talking.

Egon!

It's quite a nice name, Egon.

You're gonna be fine.
This is really it.

So you step down. We're
just gonna get the keys.

- Whoa, whoa.

- Go to it, babe.
- Wait a second. Where is the damn car?

The car is in the shop.
You knew that.

You're welcome certainly
to take our car.

That's not a car even!

Sidecar has room. I'll
get her there fast. No!

Oh, that is significant!

You guys, I think we should just stay here.
Is that a possibility?

What's going on?
What?

We'll do it in the house.
Have the baby in the house.

Feels like an urgent situation.
We should just make a decision.

The baby is coming, for crying out loud!
I'm a Doula. Don't worry.

- What is a Doula?
- You know, the tractor's really safe.

No!

I don't wanna go anywhere!
Let's just stay here.

She wants to stay here.
Let's just stay here.

What?

Boil some water.
What?

- She knows what she's doing.
- She knows what she's doing?

Wait, wait.
What...

Okay, sweetie. We're gonna do it
in the house. It's happening.

It's happening in the house.
Chop, chop.

It's not good. It's not good.
It's not good.

What's not good, honey?
Ma, just... be cool.

Try the banana?
You want this banana?

No, I don't want the banana.

Oh! Baby!

We are never selling this house.

Deal.

Hey, Vero beach.
You got blinds on the mind?

Come down to brewing blinds to
satisfy all your sun-shading needs.

Save on energy with beautiful
custom blinds and shades.

Let brewing blinds go ahead
and shade your day.

We can give you peace of blind by
making your home where the heart is,

not where the heat is.

After all, love is blind.

Didn't recognize us? You guessed it.
Brewing blinds has a new look.

But not to fear. We've got the same
old attention to value and service.

On a budget? Here's news
that will blow your blind.

We're proud to announce
brewing basics.

Our new standard line of blinds
offers the same brewing quality

that Indian river county has
come to trust at half the cost.

So come on, Vero beach.
Make a date.

Make a blind date
with brewing blinds today.

Blindful thinking since 1953.

Go, gators!