All language subtitles for Southern Charm S09E11 Jamaican Me Crazy 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

Previously on
"Southern Charm"--

Oh, sh--.

While JT offered
Taylor a shoulder to lean on,

Rod cried on Leva's.

Things were going really
well with Olivia, but then,

like, I can feel
her pulling away.

Yeah.

Maybe it's because Austen
has slithered and leaned in.

♪ He's got the place

♪ Spinning around
his little pinky ♪

Meanwhile,
after Pat hurt her back--

It's black.

I can't drink black coffee.

Whitney had
to host the annual

guys' dinner without her.

Well, sort of.

Flowers on or off the table?

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Whoa-oh

And when Shep
gave Craig a hard time

about Paige being MIA--

I mean, people are
like, we never see Paige.

Craig tried to deflect.

I planned to take
Paige to Jamaica.

We should just say,
[BLEEP] it,

let's go
with all of our friends.

Like, hell yeah.

Let's do it.

But it was
Austen who couldn't

get his story straight again.

Taylor kind of
made a move on me.

Really?

Where was the make out then?

In my kitchen.

No, you guys
said in New York.

No, this was, like,
three weeks later.

♪ Bah-bah-doo

♪ He's making it look
so easy ♪

♪ Mm-hmm

[upbeat music]

♪

What font am I gonna go with?

[line trilling]
My hair's all greasy.

What's up?

Here, let me show you what
I'm embroidering for you.

I think I'm gonna
make you a little hat.

It's fun.

I actually invited the
whole group, you know,

for Paige to get to
know everyone better.

All right, that's six boys,
four girls in the yes column.

There we go.

I love it.

Hell yeah.

All right, you're
about to hit the sign.

Don't hit the sign!

And time-out, halftime.

Oh, it's hot.

Why am I dying?

Grab a water.

I got another water right
there if you need it.

[gasps]

You look like
a kid that just went

on a----ing slip and slide.

So you're going
to Jamaica, right?

Yeah, I don't know.
I'm like--

I'm going.

I'm' sure, like,
watch Olivia, like,

prance around in a
bikini all weekend with,

like, her ex-boyfriend?

And if I go, am I
gonna look thirsty?

No, because
Craig invited you.

- Yeah.
- You're definitely coming.

I'm not asking.
I'm telling.

Taylor will be there.
I need my wingman.

J-Rod, baby. J-Rod.
- Yeah.

You're coming.
- All right, all right.

All right, I'll go.
- Come on, baby.

- I'm in. I'm in.
- Let's go.

- All right, I'm in.
- Jamaica, man.

Jamaica, mon.
- Oh, boy.

All right, are y'all done
chit-chatting, princesses?

No.

So I guess I'll
see you in Jamaica.

[laughs]

Manny can't come to Jamaica,
because he will be in Utah.

Annoying.

Yeah, I'm excited
to hang out with her.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪

[line trilling]

Hey, what's up, baby?

OK, let me see 'em.

You look like a pro traveler.

I'm just here painting my--

my nail.

And I was kind of thinking
about, like, I don't know,

taking a trip together.

Have you been to Jamaica?

So I found this,
like, last-minute

deal to go to Jamaica next
week for, like, three days.

And I thought if you
came to Jamaica with me

and all the crazy
cats of Charleston,

it'd be fun for you to get
to spend time with the group,

get to know everyone
a little better.

Well, you said you
wanted to expand your--

I understand.

I just-- yeah.

I'm just gonna miss you.

I'm more of
a big-picture guy.

You know, I probably should
have checked with Paige

before scheduling the
"get to know" Paige trip

and inviting all of
my friends to Jamaica.

All right, well, I love you.

All right. Bye.

Love you.

Bye.

Oh, man.

[groans]

[upbeat music]

♪

Hey, welcome to Half Moon.

Hey, how are you?

Good.

I need some help.

Yeah.

What can I help you with?

I am going on a
last-minute trip to Jamaica.

Nice.

Looking for bathing suits?

Yeah, just, like,
I'm not really sure.

- OK.
- I need some--

I need some
professional guidance.

Yeah, yeah, I can help you.

Yeah, just make me look cool.

- Hey, welcome to Half Moon.
- Hey, bud.

Oh, no.

Please no.

It's already been purchased.

Julia already-- has
already made the sale.

How are you?

Ooh, I need some shades.

It's kind of a diverse hat.

You can flip it up
in the front.

I love that for you.

I'm excited for Jamaica.

Yeah, I haven't been
to Jamaica since college.

- Many moons ago.
- Many moons ago.

The last time I was in
Jamaica, it was a lot of fun,

you know, partaking in some
extracurricular activities.

I had a good time.

All right, I don't think
I'm actually gonna buy this.

Ooh.

This is nice.

I don't think it really
brings out your eyes enough.

I think maybe go brighter.

[laughs]

So with Taylor,
I mean, I feel bad for her.

She's going through it.

You don't understand
what happened, dude.

Taylor tried to make me
jealous after the guys' dinner

night at Patricia's
by texting me.

And she was like,
"Where are you?"

I was like, "I'm at the house."

She was basically like,
"Do you want to hook up?"

And I was like, "I don't
think that's a good idea."

And she goes, "Fine,
I'll just stay with Austen."

The text from Taylor was
a shock, to say the least.

I don't know what
she's trying to do.

I mean--

Maybe it's three strikes and
she's out, and she'll move on.

I'm already moved on.

That's the problem.
- She is not.

Just I think she
needs the closure.

I don't know how she's
gonna ever get it.

But she's having
a hard time with it.

I know.

In the mountains, she crawled
into your bed, and you--

I know.

Maybe it's my fault.

Shep does care about Taylor,
but I do think his presence is

causing complications for her.

It's hard to watch.

You're right.

It's----ing her head up.

Maybe I should just
leave her alone.

After our dream
trip to Jamaica.

[tense music]

♪

Hi, Barbara, how are ya?

Hi, Austen.

How are you today?

I'm doing well.

I've got you checked in.

Perfect.

- Hi, Austen.
- Hi.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

- OK.
- Good to see you again.

- You too.
- Yeah.

OK.

How you doing?

I'm just good.

OK.

Yeah, I feel like,
you know, routine is good.

You know, keeping busy.

Mm-hmm.

I'm going to
Jamaica next week.

- Oh.
- Did I tell you this?

- No.
- This is a new development.

OK.

So we're all going on
a family trip to Jamaica.

Oh, man.

Who's going?

Well,
Shep and Craig are going.

OK.

Olivia.

Taylor's going,
which I've told you about my

entanglement with--

with all that.

Like, I'm at this dinner
party, right, with, you know,

the guys in my life.

And Taylor is texting
both me and Shep.

Just like, "Hey,
you know, are you guys

"done with that dinner?

"Let's, you know, meet up.

You know,
what are y'all doing?"

- Oh.
- I was like, "Hey,

I'm, you know,
headed here with Whitney."

And, you know,
she met us there.

And then she
proceeded to attempt

to make Shep jealous via me.

And I'm, like,
what are you doing?

And, like, what did I
just get myself into?

Yeah.

Things are already, like,
tense between Shep and I.

Like, she did not have
to use me in that sense.

And the reason that I thought
it was fine to hang out

with her is because
I was with Whitney

and, like, we were meeting
up with other people.

And it was in a
group setting, right?

- Right.
- Nothing happened.

Yeah.

But I should
have been like, OK,

Austen, maybe just don't,
you know, respond and don't--

you know, boundaries.

You have to listen
to your intuition,

your gut feeling when you go,

"I don't think this
is a good idea."

No, I don't think
I have good intuition.

A lot of the challenge
here is listening

to yourself instead
of getting caught up

in what everyone else wants.

Be more confident
with my gut feeling.

Yeah.

I know that it
sounds funny because I

piss off so many people, but,
like, I am a people pleaser.

So when Taylor texted me,
like, to hang out,

my first kind of instinct is,
like, a knee-jerk absolutely.

And that's what
gets me in trouble.

You know,
you can't make everyone happy,

even in friendships or even
with romantic relationships

that you've had.

Yes.

And since we've
been talking,

I've realized how much
of, you know, my life

can be consumed by,
like, a pretty girl.

It's nice to just, like, know
that I am not really, like,

seeking out, you know,
somebody or, like, you know,

dating really.

Yeah.

That is not what I'm
looking for right now.

So, like, with Olivia,
working on friendship

and maintaining a relationship,
and that's healthy and good.

I am gonna continue to
text you things like movie

quotes and things like that.

[chuckles]

I appreciate the
direct line of communication

we're practicing here.

So I think maybe some of my
encouragement for this trip

would be maybe to
be clear with Olivia

about what your intentions are

and you don't want to go into
anything romantic with anyone

right now.

Right.

And listen to your intuition.

You just have
to trust yourself.

I would like to.

Yes.

Coming up--

As far as the IUD--

Uh-huh.

we just take it out, and
you are immediately fertile.

[upbeat music]

[line trilling]

Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm just finishing
up some stuff.

What are you up to?

Oh, nothing.

I'm just on my way to the OB.

Are you excited?

I mean, I don't know how to--

I mean, I'm, like, kind of
anxious, excited, nervous.

All right.

I couldn't imagine
having another child.

And then I met Brett,
and I realized

I would be crazy not to
have a child with him

because Brett is gonna
make an amazing father.

I mean, he already
is now as a stepdad.

So I can only imagine.

So when are we having a baby?

I don't know.

I say we try to get pregnant
by the end of the summer.

Oh.

Maybe I just, you know, treat
this trip as my last hurrah.

[laughs]

If I'm coming home and,
you know, getting pregnant,

I got to--

I got to have fun.

Yeah.

I hate that you
can't be there.

OK, babe, I'm pulling into
the doctor's office now.

We can sext later.

[laughs]

Love you.

Bye.

I definitely think love
can change a woman.

I mean, look at me.

I'm over here about to try
to have another baby, like--

- Checking in?
- Yes, ma'am.

All right,
and what's the name?

Madison LeCroy.

But it's like, what?

I just got this body,
like, but I'll ruin it.

It's totally worth it.

Oh, if I faint.

It's getting hot in here.

Hi.
- Hey, Madison.

It's Dr. Pound.
- How are you?

I'm good.
Are you doing well?

- Yeah, how about yourself?
- Good.

Yes, very good.
- Good.

Very good.

So tell me what brings you in.

Well, you know,
I recently just got married.

And obviously, we're talking
about children and things

like that, but I've had
this IUD in for five years.

OK.

So I'm just trying
to think what I need

to know and do beforehand.

To get ready to have a baby.

I guess.

I'm having a little PTSD
in here, because, you know,

I had Hudson 10 years ago--

Yeah.

right there,
and it was pretty bad,

because I had a pelvic
fracture during the delivery.

Right.

I was bed rest
for almost three months.

And so I had a
Baby Bjorn and a walker,

and that's how I started
being a first-time mother.

I would be lying if I said
that pregnancy

didn't scare me,

but I would do it
all over again.

It's great if you're healthy
and you can have a vaginal

delivery, but with that kind
of history, I would strongly

recommend a C-section.

OK, so it's not
something to where I'm,

like, high-risk or anything?

- No.
- OK.

Not at all.

No, just high risk
of a fracture.

So we're gonna avoid that.

OK.

As far as the IUD,
whenever you're ready--

Mm-hmm.

we just take it out.

And you are immediately fertile
as soon as it comes out.

There's no--

Ah!

there's no delay
of return to fertility.

And then just roll me
over to the cosmetic side

of the surgery afterwards,
and then I'll go.

OK, if we can do that--

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪

It took a minute
for it to come in.

Do we have it in now?

When did we get it?

We got it last week.

- Hello, hello.
- Hi.

Hi, Robbie.

I like that,
whatever you got there.

Oh, I know.

Well, OK, so I've got some in.

Of course, like,
after the fact.

How are you?
You look lovely.

I got these in after the
party, and-- and now it's,

like, 90 degrees outside.

Right?

Go grab a Day Chaser, enjoy
the ice luge ski instructors.

Yeah.

- You guys got it in.
- Yeah, we're in.

We got it in.
- Awesome.

And obviously,
with new products, I mean,

it takes-- it always
takes a little second

to get everything situated.
- Yeah.

[phone dings]
- Oh, shoot.

I got to run to the back.

Something I got
to take care of.

- Bye, Robbie.
- Thank you, Robbie.

I appreciate you.
- Thank you.

- How's it going?
- Good.

How are you?

I'm good.

Like, with everything else?

There's just, like,
a lot of emotions going on

with Shep and I.

Like,
we did-- we shared

a kiss in the mountains.

We passed out in the same bed.

You know, whatever, but--

and, like, I-- I know him.

I'm comfortable with him.

Like, it's easy.

Yeah.

But then this past
weekend, I texted

Austen and Shep,
"What are you guys

doing after Ms. Pat's dinner?"

And I'm texting Shep.

I was like, "Are you coming?

Like, where are you?"

OK, I guess we can call
it a booty-call text.

[tense music]

Look, I'm not sorry about it,
because booty calling

somebody that I
was so in love with

is not a mistake in my book.

But in this case, I tried,
and it didn't work out.

[laughs]

And he was like,
"I'm headed back home."

And then I was like,
"All right, fine, like,

we're gonna stay out
and hang out with Austen."

Like, FU.

You were being petty, whatever.

I was being petty.

Yeah.

You know,
at the end of the day,

like, I would love to
see you guys untethered.

I'm looking at my friend,
but I'm not sure that it's

the person that I knew.

And I'm not saying
she's a bad person.

I just think she's
having a bad breakup.

I mean, guys act out
of pocket post-breakup

all the---ing time.

Like, every night, let me bang
this chick and that chick.

That's how they get over,
like, the love of their lives.

But basically, as women, we're
seeing a different standard.

Clearly Shep is not bringing
out the best in you.

But I'm excited to go,
and I'm sad that you're

not coming to Jamaica.
- Go to Jamaica with Shep.

Yeah, I'm excited to
go to Jamaica with my ex.

Maybe I'll find myself
a little Jamaican man.

Find new boys
to hang out with.

[laughs]

Coming up--

So last night, Olivia
called me on the phone and--

- She called you?
- Called me.

And, like, I really like
the fact that, you know,

she calls me at night.

Is that really what you
want is to be just friends?

[upbeat music]

♪

Anything with flowers.

Olivia?

Hey.
Oh, I love that.

I know.

I haven't gotten
to wear it yet.

And also,
it's pretty see-through.

People don't wear
slips anymore, do they?

I'm gonna have to
wear something with this,

because I'm not really
trying to have all that out.

Is it humid in Jamaica,
or is it just like--

I'm guessing, just Caribbean.

Oh, that's cute.
- [coughs]

I definitely caught
whatever the heck Shep

had in the mountains,
which is weird

because I'm not the one
who woke up in his bed,

but whatever.

It's driving me nuts.

Oh, did you get
to talk to Taylor?

I'm not trying to have any
more conversations about it,

because I don't
think she understands

the level of betrayal in this.

Mm-hmm.

All I know to
do at this point

is to just take the space.

Yeah.

Going to Jamaica,
I want to shelf this,

and I want to go and
have fun with whoever

it is that I'm having fun with.

Well, you know what?

Rod's really sweet.

He and I had
our conversation.

We both just know
it's better to just, like,

pump the brakes.

Oh, no.

I respect you too much to
just, like, drag you along.

There's just,
like, a hesitation

in my own, like,
mental space right now.

Ugh.

Just even thinking about
the different dynamics

of awkwardness is making
me so uncomfortable.

Like, with Austen,
sometimes I just like--

I don't know, don't want
anything to do with them.

And other times, I'm--

there-- I would think I would
be lying if I said I didn't

have any feelings for him.

He was, like,
saying he still loved me.

Maybe I don't make it clear
to certain people in my life

that, like,
you know, just how, like,

important that they are to me.

And, like, I do love you.

I know it can be
confusing because at times,

I'm like, God, he's such
a piece of sh--, but--

I know plenty of divorces
who started out like that.

Yeah.
[laughter]

I'm just, like,
annoyed at myself

that I'm even back
here in this place

of questioning the feelings.

But here I am.

But you're looking forward
to the trip overall, right?

I am.

Like, I'm looking forward
to getting out of Charleston

and just having
vacation time and--

You need that.

You just need a little break.

Yeah.

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

♪

Knock out a set
of leg raises.

♪

Ah, there he is.

All right.

What's up?

How you feel?

Good.

I always feel better
after I leave here.

It's good to hear that.

Let's go over here.

Why are we doing legs today?

It's a warm-up.

Ready?

All right, buddy,
let's get the juices flowing.

You'll feel better.

God.

[BLEEP].

Dumbbell extensions
laying on your back.

OK.

Flex the tris at the top.

Shoot for 12.

Just don't hit
yourself in the face.

Oh, yeah.

Here you go.
- Ow.

Good.

All right,
you can take a second.

[groans]

I'm not putting
a top on in Jamaica.

Tank tops, popping the top.

I might take my shirt
off on the plane.

ing open button-downs
as far as I can go.

As far as the eye can see.

So Paige--

I don't think she's gonna
be able to make this trip.

Sh--.

Like, I asked her,
and she's like, "Craig,

like, it would mess me up if
I left New York right now."

Like, we're more fortunate
than most that we can

at the drop of a hat,
like, go on trips,

but sometimes she just can't.

And, like, I probably should
have checked with Paige

a little bit earlier.

Classic Craig.

I'm gonna be there at the
beach in this romantic setting

and be like,
I wish she was here.

You're thinking about
her and calling her

and talking to her.

Right. And I'm not even
that upset about it.

Like, I just can't
get mad at her

for not being able to go on
a trip with me next week.

Craig can put on a facade
that, you know, "It's all good.

It's all good."

But I know that deep down,
he's-- he's like, "Oh, man."

I'm not saying that there
is trouble in paradise,

but, like, if there was,
like, you can tell me.

Tell me, Craig.

Because I tell him
everything, maybe too much.

There you go, bud.

So 10, 10, 9, 9,
all the way to 1.

So last night,
Olivia called me on the phone,

and we talked.
- She called you?

Called me.

And, like, I really like
the fact that, you know,

she calls me at night.

And she's like,
"What are you watching?"

And we just chat.

And I-- I like that.

8, 9, 10.

So I need to figure out
how I can move forward

with her as just friends.

Because if I was just
gonna hang out with her,

how am I not supposed
to have, like, you know,

flirtatious----ing
tendencies every so often,

her, you know, coming
home with me or something?

Is that really what you
want is to be just friends,

or do you think just friends
is a stepping stone

to get back to--

I really don't
have this hidden--

I don't have this hidden,
like, agenda at the moment.

I don't want to add a,
like, variable to this,

but do you think this is a
friendship that can continue?

Because, like, it's a gal pal,
but it's also, like,

you used to have
chemistry and history.

I know, man.

OK, so that's why I
initially took space.

I think this is why you
don't hang out with exes.

Because when you're in the
moment and you see each other,

you just remember the good.

But that bad is still there.

The reason you didn't
work out is still there.

And it's going to rear its
ugly face sooner than later.

Yeah, it's like,
you know, opened

and unlocked some feelings
that I've always had for her.

And I've been trying
to compartmentalize those

as much as I can to
not mess with her head,

to not mess with my
own head, to be honest.

[quirky music]

Coming up--

Come on.
You want a drink?

Mmm,
these margaritas are good.

Mmm, these are good.

Olivia, brain freeze.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪

Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica.

Oh, my god, these braids
are gonna be the death of me.

Ooh.

Hey, Shep, can you
grab that massive one?

Jesus.

What are you, Diana Ross?

Do you have a concert--
- Yeah.

in Jamaica that you're--

A couple.

Montego Bay, Jamaica.

There it is.

Hi.

- Hey, babe, how are you?
- How you doing?

Perfect.

Thank you so much.

Yes, I will.

- Hey, buddy.
- Morning.

- Good morning.
- Hey, hon, how are you?

How are you?

Good to see you.

Let me see that passport.

It's been stamped more times
than the Rose of Tralee.

- Good morning.
- How are ya?

Fine, how are you today?

Good, Andy, just--

Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Yes, sir,
can't complain about that.

[upbeat music]

♪

Hey!

♪

Whoo.

Cheers.

♪

Welcome to Jamaica.

Thank you, appreciate it.

We made it.

Oh!

Going to the bar.
Come on.

You want a drink?

May I have a Red Stripe Light
and then whatever he wants?

A----ing margarita
to go, baby.

We're staying
in Montego Bay somewhere.

How is that?
- It's right out there.

Like, 10 minutes.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mmm, these
margaritas are good.

Mm, these are good.

Mix it up, though, Olivia.

You think it's one
of those things--

Because there's, like,
a lot of floaters on top.

You're a floater on top.

[laughs]

Sh--,
I'm drinking this fast.

Feel it.

Olivia, brain freeze.

[laughs]
Don't do that.

It'll throw me off
my concentration.

They used to date.

They're probably gonna fight.

Yeah, man,
we're ready to go, let's go.

All right, y'all, let's roll.

But then he used to date
one of the other girls.

It's all crazy.

Craig, let's go.

All right, see you guys.

All right, take care.

The fact that
all these exes are

hanging out with each
other without closure--

This is the bus.

Thank you.

I-- I don't know what I
was-- what I was thinking.

Are you excited?

I wish Paige was here.
- I know.

Me too.

It's gonna be silly,
and it's gonna be fun.

[upbeat music]

All right, everyone, thank
you for joining me in Jamaica.

[cheers and applause]

Look, the accommodations
are awesome.

Everyone has
an oceanfront room.

- Whoo!
- Yes!

Craig, thank you.

Here we go, guys,
Iberostar Grand Resort.

Whoo!

Rose Hall.

Do not jump in front of me,
please, at the check-in line.

Go ahead, you
mother----ing pillow king.

How fun is that?

Wow, moist towelette.

Thank you.

Hi.

Thank you so much.

Hey, thank you.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow, look.

I feel like I'm at
the Caesar's Palace.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Welcome.

Thank you
so much for having us.

Heck yeah.

- Oh, my word.
- Wow.

Thank you.

I'm gonna pace myself.

You're like,
"I didn't finish this one yet."

They, like, find me face
down in the fountain out front.

Not a face down,
but face up in the fountain.

It's fine.

Ass up.

Um...

When Olivia and I
are getting along,

we are like two peas in a pod.

But I'm trying to make
sure that we stay right

there in the friend
zone and, you know,

have fun on this trip.

I'm drunk.

It's definitely a sugar high.

Damn, dude, why is this
check-in taking so long?

I haven't checked in yet.

Why not?

Because I'm waiting.

Shep is in the midst of his.

Madison is still
working on hers.

Just go up there
and get your sh--.

I'm waiting for an
opening, that's it.

- Hi, how are you?
- Hello, sir.

First name is Whitney.

OK, so you have a oceanfront.

Is it a suite,
like a presidential suite or--

Whitney, shut up.

Presidential suite?
This guy.

No, he didn't.

Checking into a
hotel is not that hard.

Whitney, get out of
here, get out of here.

I to go to concierge,
or where do I go?

I want to go
to my----ing room.

He's cranky.

Have you ever been to
Charleston, South Carolina?

It's just like people have
never checked into a hotel

before.
- Are we going to--

Who wants a--

Whitney ordered four drinks.

Anybody want a drink?

Taylor, I have two of them.

Please take the goddamn drink.

Someone's trying to
get me drunk tonight.

Damn right.

Shep, we just talked about
not giving mixed signals

to Taylor, and now
here we are in Jamaica,

and we're-- we're definitely
giving some mixed signals.

All right, guys,
in an hour and a half,

we're meeting at the beach
restaurant for dinner.

So wear your finest linens.

OK, see you there.

Yay, Craig.

♪

Even numbers are for bitches.

Aha!

Venita!

Whoo!

Wow, look at this room.

Oh, it's beautiful in here.

Wow.

Very nice.

Whoa.

Oh, wow, this is beautiful.

If I just took a
hot bath like this--

Oh, I don't want you
in here while I do that.

OK, perfect.

I don't want
too much service, OK?

Yeah.

OK.

All right, yeah, we're good.

[upbeat music]

♪

This is not presidential.

Not at all.

- Coming up--
- What is this?

- Curry goat.
- Horny goat?

Curried goat.

Horny goat?

I thought he said that.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

You are what you eat, Austen.

You are what you eat.

[upbeat music]

♪

OK.

♪

I've got to wake up.

♪

What's up?

No, I'm actually about to go
to dinner, which, by the way,

sucks that you're not here.

Like, I absolutely hate it.

I understand.

This is what
I'm wearing tonight.

Oh, it's like
a "Titanic" balcony.

[laughs]

♪

I definitely got
some sand in my toes.

[laughs]

- Oh, this is super cute.
- This is super cute.

- Ooh.
- OK.

Love it.

And we're exfoliated.

Yeah, no, literally.

I'm gonna sit here.

I'll sit here.

OK.

Thank you.

You know, I might sit
on the other side, y'all,

while we're pouring that.
- Oh, yeah.

That way,
nobody can sit by you.

Yeah, no,
I just think this is--

I don't know.

I want to have a
conversation with Taylor,

but this isn't the place
or time to have a talk.

Oh, you're right.

Who's the brave person to sit
there is what I want to know?

Who is Madison having
for dinner tonight

is what I want to know?

I'm starving.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Where does everyone
want us to sit?

Girls, you're in charge.
- Whatever you want.

No, how many times have we
gotten in trouble for that?

That's why I got down here.

- OK, fair enough.
- I'll stay away from you.

It's good to see you, though,
and we can be friends.

Are we?

Not, like, perfect friends,
but we can be friendly.

Nothing's perfect, you know?

Well, don't I know it.

Whitney, why don't
you sit right here?

You know, yeah.

- This is why we do name tags.
- I like that for Whitney.

- Yes.
- For sure.

I like that for Whitney.

Hi, boys.

Wow.

Hello, girls.

Hello, everybody.

- Good to see you.
- Hi.

Whit, oh,
I love your outfit change.

Hello, everybody.

What's up, friends?

I already made a seating
chart, and you're three.

All right,
where are we going?

Rod's here.
JT is there.

Ladies, y'all look lovely.

Hi.

I like this pink shirt.

It's nice.

- Hi.
- You look beautiful.

Thank you.

You look like you're about
to go sell some real estate

in Charleston.

Hey, Whitney.

Hey, Venita, Austen.
Good to see you.

You look very handsome.

How do you feel?

I feel short
and stout and confident.

Welcome to my life.

Can you tell
him about the deal

you offered me before we came?

So I did my
summertime back shave.

It's hard for me,
so I missed a couple of spots.

So I have a cheeky Speedo.

And I said, if you'll
trim my lower cheeks,

I'll trim your back area.

Do you have a hairy ass?

It's like that,
but a buttock's cheeks.

OK, everyone.

So here we have some
Jamaican oxtail.

- That looks great.
- What is this?

- Oxtail.
- Oxtail.

Yeah, mon.

So we're doing
a family style.

I have had oxtail.

Jamaican rice and beans.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

These are festivals, better
known as hush puppies, OK?

Oh, yum.

We definitely
know what those are.

Man, I thought
I hated everyone.

It was just I was hungry.

This is really good.

Damn, everything's
got a kick to it.

I love it.

They know what they're
doing in Jamaica.

Guys, the last time
I was in Jamaica was 20--

I was in college--

22 years ago.

And one of my best buds--

[laughs]

Oh, my god. Oh.

Cheers.

Cheers, darling.

To us.

[indistinct].

What is this?

- Curried goat.
- Sorry, what?

Horny goat?

- Curried goat.
- Horny goat?

Did he say horny goat?

I thought he said that.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

You are what you eat, Austen.

You are what you eat.

I am a horny goat.

[tense music]

♪

Three out of four
at the table?

Madison, Olivia, Taylor.

Am I number--
I have to be number four,

because I don't
even get a "good morning"

text from Austen.

So there's no way
he's sleeping with me.

[glass dings]

Uh-oh.

All right, everyone.

If I could have
your attention,

I want to thank
everyone for joining me

in beautiful Montego Bay.

I'm happy that no
matter what's happening,

all the crisscrossed webs
that exist,

we can still sit down
and enjoy a meal together,

share a smile, poke fun at each
other in a non-malicious way.

I know my girlfriend
couldn't make it,

and part of
long distance is having

a group of friends
that can sub in

when we can't
always be together.

So--
- Cheers.

Here's to being Craig's subs.

Yeah,
cheers to being your side ho.

Thank you for being
your filler, Craig.

Wait, you have a girlfriend?

Cheers, guys.

That changes everything.

Thanks for having us.

I wish Paige was here, though.
just saying.

- I know.
- Nice.

We miss her.

It's hard to ever
feel bad for Craig,

because Craig's,
like, kind of perfect.

[dreamy music]

But yeah, this one time,
I do feel bad for Craig,

because we're in
a beautiful place,

and I know he's
bummed she's not here.

But he does a really good
job of not showing it.

I love food
in different countries.

It's so much better.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

What countries
have you been to?

Talk to me.

- Shep.
- One country?

Yeah.

That's it?

You said "countries."

Countries, correct.

Which ones?

Dominican,
St. Lucia, Trinidad.

Did you eat any goat?

I didn't eat any goat.

How about a hush puppy?

It was called bakes.

And they do bakes
in Jamaica as well.

OK.

Shep's like, "Oh,
I've experienced so

much more life than you have."

Like, duh, you're
a 40-some-year-old man.

We'll have to get it--
- I can't wait to figure out--

we'll have to get
a genuine thing.

about all your
knowledge about Jamaica.

This is so fun.

[laughs]

When you see Shep act
with her in this way,

it's-- it's patronizing.

It's disrespectful.

Like, I realize you guys
have history, but let her go.

Let the fish off the line.

Put it back.

Tomorrow, we're going to
basically two places that--

attention--
that have the falls

that we can jump off of,
if we want.

Adventure chic
is the theme tomorrow

with a swimming aspect to it.

So bathing suit
under adventure chic.

JT, let's do an arm
chug real quick, please.

OK.

Pressure is on.

I'm just gonna
test the temperature.

Craig, I want to be the same
height as you when we do this.

- Here's to Jamaica.
- Venita, you in?

Ready?

♪

Why is that not as bad as--

It actually
goes down really--

It does.

It's just not as stupid
as I want it to be.

[laughs]

♪

Whitney, if you were
cool, you'd be doing this.

- I'm not doing a bicep.
- It works.

It works.

It's fun.

Thank you very much.

Well, look at us
on vacation together.

Oh, my god.

We are, though.

Don't call it that.

Madison, whatever way
that you want to call it--

- All right, all right.
- we're on vacation together.

All right, fair enough.

It is what it is.

Austen, I think,
is like a big kid, in a way.

And he drives me crazy.

But deep down, I do think
that he's a good person.

So how have you been?

- How am I?
- You can tell me.

I know.

- Oh, I can tell you?
- Yeah.

Oh, you're a steel
trap, aren't you, darling?

No, I can just
look at you and tell

what's actually happening.

So you can tell me
your bullsh-- lie,

and then I can tell you
what's really happening.

Madison, say it, say it.

I'm gonna whisper it.

I've seen you.

I've seen your face.

I've seen your demeanor.

I feel like you love Taylor.

[dramatic musical flourish]

[laughs]

I've seen you.
I've seen your face.

I've seen your demeanor.

I feel like you love Taylor.

[laughs]

No?

Austen, don't laugh.

But, like, OK, OK.

That is now what I was
expecting you to say.

- Oh, really?
- No.

What were you--
you were hoping

I was gonna say I was still
in love with you or something?

No.

Madison, hush
your----ing mouth.

OK, but I'm just saying.

[screams]

Girl, I got to go, baby.

It's ants.

- We're good.
- Oh, it's another one.

Oh, my god, I got to get up.
- Is it an ant or a spider?

I don't know.

It got legs, whatever it is.

I would hate for you
to not pursue something

because of other people.

Like, that mother----er
over there is the most selfish

person in the entire world.

Rah!

Sorry.
[laughs]

I know deep down you
really do have a good heart.

I know you don't
want to hurt him.

I know you don't
want to hurt Olivia.

But at the same time, what--
what do

you want to be happy for you?

I'm very concerned
about the exes

flirting over in the corner.

We literally were just
having that conversation.

I said, how would
you feel about, like,

your married spouse
sitting over there with--

I wouldn't feel
like anything at all.

Shep, you're not included
on this conversation,

because obviously
you wouldn't care.

- Obviously.
- Yeah, you wouldn't care.

Because I'm evolved.

I do get what you're saying,
and, like, at one point,

there was a thought.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

And then Taylor kind
of made, like, a move.

And then I was like,
wait a minute, like,

is this something?

And I think that the
reason that so many people

are upset with Taylor--

OK, so many people
being mainly Olivia--

is because Taylor
won't just, like,

admit that,
that there was, like, a moment,

like, in time where, like,
we actually did speak and talk.

And we were confused
and hurt and all these things

and realized that,
like, it wasn't right.

- You were vibing.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, Taylor refuses
to, like, admit that,

I think, fully to, like,
Olivia or to anybody.

She's like, "It was like, a,
you know, 2 1/2 hour thing."

I'm like,
"Taylor, just be real.

"It was, like, a four-,
five-day thing that

we were thinking about it.
Didn't"--

Anyways, the point of the
matter is, as you know,

I am, like, a romcom lose--

like, I want that romcom
ending in my life.

- Don't say loser.
- Like, a romcom ending.

Because I knew you were
about to say loser.

But you're a dork.

Yeah, a romcom dork.

- You're a dork.
- Sure.

But that's your
niche, you know?

That's-- I mean, that's
what draws people to you.

This is not my romcom ending.

It's not Taylor.

I was confused
there for a second.

And I thought that, you know,
her and I vibed,

but, like, it was all over
hurt for----ing Olivia.

That's it.

It's just like, you and I
both know he talks the most

negative things about her.

And then to see him
sitting there and, like,

chuckling at her jokes
and, like...

[laughs]

I'm just like you're
so----ing fake.

I can't stand it.

I don't know.

I mean, maybe it's
just like, there's,

like, unresolved feelings.

No, we didn't have--
we didn't have closure.

But it's like,
logically, like, I know

he's not the person for me.

The thing about Austen is,
you just don't know what

you're gonna get with him.

He's very confusing and can
be a little bit manipulative.

It's just like,
once again, a reminder

of why I didn't want him in
my life in the first place.

He's also done
things that, like,

you'll never forgive him for.

Believe me,
like, it bothers me

that I'm so bothered by him.

This whole talk about
Taylor, it's not about her.

It was always about
- ing Olivia.

I----ing love her.

It was always about her.

Like, I went to therapy
because of Olivia,

because I should have
ended up with her.

Why can't you still?

Like, I don't know, Madison.

Why can't I be happy
with this----ing

person
who is----ing perfect?

[tense music]

What am I gonna do?

♪

Next time
on "Southern Charm"--

All right, let's do this.

We're going into
the Jamaican jungle.

It's so pretty.

" Page Six."

"'Southern Charm'" stars Austen
Kroll and Taylor Ann Green

hooked up."

Yo, it's unwinnable.

Two days ago,
she wasn't done with me.

Today she is.

I'm----ing exhausted.

He gets off scot-free
with his relationship.

Because I don't cheat
on my girlfriend, buddy.

That's how you
get off scot-free.

Hey, maybe it's the other
way the [BLEEP] around.