All language subtitles for Southern Charm S08E14 Trawlin and Brawlin 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

Previously,
on "Southern Charm"...

Someone saw Shep on Raya.

Yeah, well, she doesn't
hold him accountable

for anything.

♪ Ba ba doo

Let me help you.

Just as Shep invited us all
on a trip

to prove everything
was a-okay with Taylor...

- We're gonna have fun.
- Whoo-hoo!

Leva decided to give
this latest outing

a hard pass.

I'm not going.

I don't think I have
the bandwidth for the boys

and the bullsh--.

Meanwhile, Austen
didn't have the bandwidth

for the bullsh--
between Shep and Taylor.

Just the way that he talks
to you sometimes.

You----ing idiot!

But he said,
"I want to work on that."

I mean, Taylor,
it's been two years.

I kind of what her
to quit her job.

If Taylor has
any self-respect,

she will not do that.

♪ He's got scandals

♪ To pass the time

We're here!

But by the time
we all got to St. Simon's...

- Wow.
- Look how fun.

We have ocean views.

Things were looking up.

- Oh!
- That's in! That's in!

That's in!

♪ Let's win this game,
don't you know ♪

- Okay, cheers.
- Cheers. Cheers.

That is, until Craig decided
it was time to bring it down.

Four Patron or Espolon,
four Fireball, four Jager.

You've just been
sitting here. Frown.

Turn your frown upside down.

Leva told me that you said
really mean things

about me at Friendsgiving.
- What mean things?

He called you
a psycho ex-girlfriend.

What you heard,
you ever hear from me?

Craig, I'm literally
just talking to you as like...

Just stop, please.
Move on with your----ing life.

Seriously, move on
with your----ing life,

and stop bringing me into this.

It's crazy.
- Craig.

Craig.

♪ It's easy

♪ As the birds and bees
and the one, two, threes ♪

♪ The kids go loco

- Craig is hammered.
- Yeah, he's hammered.

- Craig.
- Oh, boy.

Craig, oh, my God.

Stop being such a diva.

That's really annoying.

You can still have fun.

Don't be in such a grumpy mood.
- Oh, I'm fine.

- Okay.
- You want me to stop?

Can I get a tequila, please?

And I'll do a Jager, please.

Naomie, I wish to God
that you were my ex.

[laughs] Sorry.
- What?

That is
the weirdest greatest thing.

Cheers.

'Cause my ex has made my life
a living hell.

That's really nice, honestly.

But it's also weird.

[light tense music]

♪

What's happening?
What happened once I left?

♪

I'm definitely more irritable
when Naomie's around.

She's just
the most condescending person.

But, like, we broke up.

You never get to tell me
what to do.

You never get to tell me
how to act.

You don't get to tell me
anything anymore.

I think we should go back
to the house.

- Yes.
- Cool.

Are we going back
to our house?

We're going back
to the house.

Our party house. Whoo!

Do you think our driver's
ticklish?

Oh, my God.

Look how lucky I am
between the two studs.

We're at the house now.

Craig, get out.
We're going to the house.

I'm going to bed. Whoo!

All right,
I'm putting cozy clothes on.

- Craig, stop.
- Come on.

Stop it.
Don't [BLEEP] with me, Craig.

I'm serious, man.

- You lying?
- Don't [BLEEP] with me, Craig.

Ow.
[struggling efforts]

Hey, what pajamas
are people putting on?

I have matching ones.

Oh, okay.

Craig, tap out.

Craig just----ing bull
in a china shop.

Let's go home.

What is wrong with you?

[dramatic music]

Go left then right.
It's right there.

That's our building.

I'm drunk. [laughs]

♪

- Oh.
- Ah!

Trapped like a----ing tree, girl.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

both: Muah.

- No, come get--
- First base!

- Come here, Whitney!
- Hey, come here, Whitney!

- Whitney! Whitney!
- What's going on?

No, just--just do it.
Just plant it.

Whitney, we love you.
- Whitney,

give me a kiss.

- Ahh!
- Yes!

- Oh, my gosh! Yes!
- That was amazing.

Oh, sh--. Oh, sh--.

Let's go upstairs.

I'm drunk.

- I'm going to bed.
- Good night.

- Good night. Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.

Ooh, this is nice.

Where's the marshmallows
when you need 'em?

Come here, please.

No, I like the ground.

Can you please sit next
to me?

I would like that.

This is more copasetic.

Shep is very entitled

especially when he's drinking.

It's the mentality
of a 12-year-old.

Taylor, where are you going?

To go and hang out.

Uh-uh.
I don't like you hanging out.

Shepherd.

- Yeah?
- You be nice.

Yeah.

Bartender, can we do
some sort of shot?

Make it a healthy one.

- What is up with him?
- What?

[cell phone ringing]
- You are in St. Simons.

Guess who this is.

Craig.

Oh, my God. It is.

Answer it.

Hi, Craig.

Hey, where are you?

Are you sure
it's the right room?

Okay, cool.

What's wrong with our house?
Why did--

[hangs up]

Shut up, Craig.

[sighs] That's disgusting.

[laughs]

You were just rubbing
your feet.

I'm not touching your hands.

[laughs]

What were you talking about?

Talking about him and Taylor.

- You need to treat her better.
- [scoffs]

Why are you worried about me?

'Cause you're one
of my close friends.

Yeah, are you a dick? Yes.

But is it mean spirited? No.

This is a----ing
ongoing saga conversation,

and I'm not gonna feed
that monster.

I'm just not gonna do it anymore.

At the end of the day, you're
punished for your kindnesses.

Kindnesses?

Kindnesses.

Is that a plural?

I hear Shep tooting
his own horn up here,

and it's making me laugh
my ass off.

Wait, wait, wait,
let's play your drinking game

about their conversation.
- Okay.

Okay, every time he says...

Every time Shep says
crazy things.

Happy--or crazy.

Whenever Shep says
crazy or happy.

Crazy or happy,
that's when you drink.

That'll be too much.

We don't have enough alcohol
for that.

Are you crazy?
[ding]

all: Crazy!
- He said crazy.

I love Taylor.
That's all you need to know.

Put a ring on that sh--.
It's two years.

I'm happy as [BLEEP], man.

You have to pull
the trigger sooner than later.

Like, this is crazy.
[ding]

[laughs, blows raspberry]

Everybody has their opinion,
but--but--

but they don't listen
to their own advice.

Like, this is insane.
- Don't deflect.

You're deflecting.

Here, we're adding in
another word.

"I'm done."

All right,
done, crazy, and happy.

I'm done.
[ding]

[all laughing]
Done. Thank you.

Cheers, mother----ers.

I'm just trying
to help you navigate.

I don't need help.

- Yeah, you do need help.
- No, I don't.

Listen to Whitney.
He's never, like, misguided.

Ah! I'm happy!
[dinging]

I'm happy. I'm a happy man.

Hold on, hold on.

Leave me alone.

How about that?

I feel like there's piranhas

just taking little chunks
out of us,

and it's driving me crazy.

I'm done. I'm done.
[dinging]

I'm done.

I'm finished.
- Sorry.

I think it's time
to go downstairs.

both: Let's go downstairs.

- Yes.
- Go. Yes.

I think Shep
is overreacting,

but this is not constructive,

and he's just gonna get mad.

I don't want Shep
to get mad at me.

I'm happy.
[ding]

It's crazy down here, right?
Say crazy.

- Oh, crazy?
- Crazy.

We made a drinking game out
of y'all's conversation.

Drink every time someone
said crazy.

- And happy.
- Or done.

Shep said crazy nine times.

And, boy, are we drunk.
[laughter]

I'm done.
[ding]

I'm gonna go pee.

[dramatic music]

♪

I'm sick of it.

- Who cares?
- They're not being nice.

No reason to be angry.

I don't know what to do.

That's why
you're freaking out.

You're damn right.

I don't want to see you be
angry at Whitney or Naomie.

Those are my friends.

Those are your friends.
- I'm sick of it.

Try what I do.

Pray.

Oh, pray?

Okay, I can't with these two
whispering to each other

and Shep being like,
"Taylor, listen to me.

I love you." And Shep, you've
been an embarrassment too long.

ing moron, Shep.
Just wait until bed.

God, you're such
a----ing pussy!

You----ing idiot.

[BLEEP], Austen, you are
the biggest embarrassment...

Don't even go at that.

- Of my----ing life.
- Shep, don't even--

You're a----ing joke.

I cannot believe I'm even
sharing oxygen with you.

I can't believe
I'm sharing oxygen with you!

You're a----ing asshole.
- And you aren't?

You're an asshole,
with you and Taylor.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
- You text and call her 24/7

to control the situation.

That's all you----ing do.

And what do we do
when we're in the car?

- No, hey--
- Control the situation.

Whisper in her ear.

I'm not whispering
in her ear.

Dude, you just stood there
for five minutes.

Sure, sure, sure.

- What are you upset about?
- What you do, man.

Why do you care
about what I do?

Why are you thinking about me?

Why did you just scream
at me?

- Why do you think about me?
- Why did you scream at me?

Why'd you scream at me?

Because I'm not
some----ing bad guy.

Seriously, dude?

I don't want to fight
with you.

Guys, guys, guys.
Shut the---- up. Chill.

At this point,
I feel like I've done enough

trying to be
the relationship counselor.

It's ridiculous, dude.
It's ridiculous.

Nothing I say seems to stick,
and trying to help

the two of them is more trouble
than it's worth.

I'm gonna go home.
- I'm out of here.

We'll revisit in the morning.

[dramatic music]

Coming up...

- Let's sit down for breakfast.
- As a family.

Bringing home the bacon.
Whoo!

Anybody that walked
in right now

would think we were just like,
normal people.

Thanks, Mom.

[upbeat music]

♪

Cookie time!

Pour it all.

Good job.

Okay. That's the egg.

One hand stirs,
one hand holds the bowl.

Good job.

"One stick butter"...

- Mom?
- Yeah?

[gasps] Did you eat that?
- Yeah.

No, you can't eat that.
That has a egg in it, babe.

We gotta wait till it's cooked.

You ready?
I want you to back away.

Okay, Mommy's gonna do
a really fast mix, okay?

We don't want all
the chocolate chips to melt.

Right now.

You can keep mixing it
if you want.

I am a control freak.

It serves me in a lot of ways.

Ooh!

But it's not a good long game,
I've realized, you know?

Take this butter, okay? And
you're gonna mush it around.

It'll be really fun.

It's something Mommy
never lets you do.

- I like butter.
- I like butter too.

And that's what motherhood
teaches a person

who is very controlling
and very perfectionist

that I'm just like, I'm gonna
share what is left of me

and just try
to get this thing done.

Cookies.

Okay.
- Hug.

- You did so good.
- Yeah.

Yeah,
you're such a good chef.

Should we hide them from Daddy

so he doesn't eat
all the cookies?

Yeah.

You know Daddy's kind
of a cookie monster.

Yeah.

[upbeat music]

♪

[knock at door]

Are you gonna get up or no?

Okay, I'll get up.

- Hello.

- Hi.
- You know how to make coffee?

- Yeah. Is Naomie awake?
- I do not know.

I just need to know
if I won the bet or not.

What is the bet
that Naomi wakes up

in Whitney's villa
tomorrow morning?

- 20 bucks?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna take the other side.
- Okay.

- Are you really?
- Yeah.

Why? You just don't like
making money?

[chuckles]

Oh, you think
it's gonna happen?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, wait, did she? Wait.

I have money on this.

It's locked.
- It's locked?

No way, dude.

Naomie, cough twice
if you're in there.

- [whispering] Naomie!
- I have money on this.

[knocking]

- She's in there.
- Oh, they're awake.

- Ooh?
- [snickers]

[laughs]

Last night was
an explosive night.

You at dinner,
and then me and you,

and then me and Shep.

Like, you know,
Shep just screaming at me.

Ow...

About how he hates that
everyone is just weighing in

on him, and I'm like--

Yeah, that's what happens
when you yell

at your girlfriend in front
of a group of people.

Yeah,
if you see abuse going on,

then you're gonna stick up
for the girl.

I mean,
I know that I poked him,

but I think that he sees it
kind of like

spiraling out of his grasp,
and so he's trying to, like,

hold on to it tighter.

Like asking her
to quit her job.

That's making you
financially dependent on him.

That's a controlling thing.

It's like, you know,
Britney Spears' dad,

you know, controlling her life.

And you're like "Free Britney."

Yeah, Free Taylor.

That's like, you know,
holding a bird tight

and not letting it go,
and you're like--

[bird squawking]

- That's a bad--
- That----ing thing.

- That's a bad omen.
- It's Shep.

Shep's spying
on us with birds now.

[both laugh]

Everybody thinks
that I'm bad for you.

I know you can only take
so much,

but watching y'all yell,

that's--I was like, I can't.
I have to walk away from this.

I feel like I'm in this loop
of a video game

where I can't get out of
the first level, or whatever.

[sings "Mario" theme]

And right back
to the beginning.

Well, my best advice to you
is just to set your ego aside

and just say,
"Guys, I have admitted

"that I can be rough
around the edges

"and that I'm willing
and working

"and wanting to change
that part of me, or control it.

Learn to control it."
- Yeah.

Because
I can only say so much.

They just think that I'm just
trying to defend you,

so this is your thing.

I don't--I hear you.

[upbeat music]

What kind of eggs
do y'all want?

Morning.

Good morning.
[laughter]

- I don't feel good!
- You look good.

You can just cook the rest
of those eggs, I guess.

Should I take some
of the grease out?

- Nah.
- Hello.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Shep, can you--
- Rise and shine.

Are we making breakfast?

I'm the only one that got

a full night's sleep
last night,

and, like, everyone else was,
like, raging.

Oh, man.

Yeah, that was an unfortunate
end to the night

for yours truly.

That didn't help.

Oh.

Well, that never helps
any of us.

Shep,
you're gonna be fine today.

It's gonna be good.
- Yeah, thank you.

- Smells really good.
- Thank you for your support.

Do we know
what we're doing today?

Some people are gonna play
golf today,

and everyone else'll be
shrimping off a boat.

We're in charge
of catching dinner tonight.

We are eating
whatever we catch.

Oh, wow.

It's gonna be prepared
for us.

Thanks for doing this
and planning it, you and Shep.

- Let's sit down for breakfast.
- As a family.

Yeah, Venita's coming over
with the bacon.

Bringing home the bacon.
Whoo!

Anybody
that walked in right now

would think we were just,
like, normal people.

- Orange juice.
- Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, let's get some glasses.

- Mimosas?
- That's a good idea.

Are you better at golf
when you drink?

Or is that...
- Um...

Yeah, I'm better
if I have a few beers.

I wanna golf.

Shep, you're gonna have to,
like, teach me

a few things about golf.
- I'm happy to.

I hit the grass
farther than the ball.

- I wanna go shrimping.
- I'm shrimping.

- Shrimping.
- Has anyone talked to Whitney?

- Was he staying with them?
- Next door.

Whitney, like, needs sleep,
you know?

Has anyone heard
from Austen and Craig?

- No.
- Ooh.

Shep is probably
going golfing,

and I don't want to go golfing.
Go shrimping with me.

You're a little hung over to
be on a----ing rocking boat.

Whatever. I'll suck it up.

I think that Shep and I have
to take a break

from one another.

Let's catch some shrimps.

And just chill out for the day.

I don't hate the guy, but
I don't want to be around you.

Craig, let's take
one of these tandems.

[doorbell chimes]

- Morning.
- Nice pants.

This is my golf attire.

Morning.
- Morning.

You look ready to...

we shrimping or golfing?

More like squirrel hunting.
[laughter]

All right, guys,
you ready to hit the lakes?

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Have fun.
- Have fun.

I was gonna hug you,
but, like, good bye.

Bye. See you later.

- Bye, hon, see you later.
- Bye.

- Bye, girls.
- Bye.

Make good choices.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Oh.
- All right.

- That's kinda cool.
- Dude, what are you doing?

What are you doing?
[bike bell chimes]

Dude, we don't have
any breaks.

See you guys.

Craig just blew a kiss
at you.

Oh, well, he and I
are both eating crow today.

You know what I mean?

I haven't seen him eat crow.

I've heard you eat
a lot of crow.

I haven't heard him
do anything.

Like, the self-awareness
is just very different.

With Craig?

Like,
he just doesn't have any.

Oh, no sh--,
do you mean it?

No, trust me, I know.
That's the problem.

Coming up...

We're on top of the world!

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

Ready to catch some shrimp?

Ready to catch some dinner.

- You got that?
- I got it.

- Oh, hell.
- [grunts]

Thank you for coming.

You've played golf enough.
You wanted to shrimp, right?

Like, you're bound
to catch something.

I wanted to hang
out with you.

I love Austen,
but he gets exhausting.

I'm exhausted.
- Yeah, I can tell.

I've never seen you like this, Shep.

I was trying
to help you out last night.

I have your best interests
at heart.

I know.

He's literally saying,

Whitney, just don't [BLEEP]
with him today.

You can resume----ing
with me soon.

[upbeat music]

We're here!

That's where we're shrimping.

- Is this our boat?
- Let's Go Shrimpin'!

- Let's Go Shrimpin'.
- I love that boat.

Whoo!

- Hi.
- Hey, how are y'all?

- This is beautiful.
- Oh, my gosh.

- How's it going?
- Good.

Y'all are more than welcome
to grab a seat

wherever you'd like.

[horn blares]

All right,
welcome, everybody.

both: Hi.

My name's Jeffrey.
I'm your naturalist today.

The first thing
that we're going to do

is trail our net
out behind the boat.

You lower it down
to the bottom.

I just see that thing
dropping right now.

This is----ing wild.

It's a good way
to kill someone.

That is like some "Final
Destination" right there.

- Oh, my.
- Yeah.

You drag it along the bottom,

hopefully scooping up
all the shrimp

into the mouth of the net.

Everything we catch
is gonna drop out here

onto our sorting table.
- Cool.

- Oh, wow.
- Nice.

I've never been
shrimping before

unless I, like, went one time
with Chelsea or something.

I'm treading lightly
like I'm Steve Irwin.

Wait a second.
I don't feel anything anymore.

Austen, you suck.

We're gonna be stopping
at Chik-fil-A on the way home.

No, that was crabbing.

You getting a bear?
- Yeah.

Girl, sign me up.

I'm gonna go do "Titanic" stuff
up front.

I was just thinking that.

Rose is where my distrust
of women came from.

- Oh, my God.
- She promised to never let go.

What'd she----ing go?
She let go.

Am I supposed to be?

We're on top of the world!

[laughter]

This captain's gonna
be like, "These clowns."

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

- Well, this is beautiful.
- It is.

All right.

- Hey, how y'all doing today?
- Hey, how are you doing?

- Do you have a reservation?
- Yes, Shep Rose.

- Okay, yes, sir.
- All right, guys, follow me.

I have never played
on a golf course.

I hate slow carts.

Vroom...

Pretty pretty.

- This is pretty pretty.
- Beautiful.

This is amazing.
All right, guys.

Ah, yeah, baby. All right.
- If I make--

I want you to aim
on the left side.

Shep,
this is not gonna happen.

I don't know sh-- about golf.

Oh.

Good thing it was
a range ball.

But my ass is not going
on a boat

stuck there with Craig all day.

Okay, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Aim that further that way.

Yep. Yep.
- This way?

Yep, just like that.

- Nice.
- Oh, baby.

- Well done.
- You're a good coach, Shep.

The conversation
with you and Naomie

at the dinner table last night.
- My God.

I really thought that we were
gonna have a fun dinner,

and she took her saying
one thing that bothered me,

and I was just like, yeah,
like, there's too much here.

I wouldn't be able
to be having dinners

and hang outs with my ex.

I mean,
it's been a long time.

No, but still,
I understand that, like--

And I'll always have
a place in my heart for her,

but, like, I hated her

because of, like,
the way she put me down

in front of people.

If you were to, like, have
that conversation with her--

But why? Who cares?

Well, then your outbursts
would make sense.

I know
that Naomie's situation

makes Craig derail himself,
but, like, dude.

Reel it in.

It should be okay
for me to be, like,

it's crazy to go on vacation
with your ex.

- I 100% believe--
- Look at the birds.

Oh, that's cool.

Let's go on nets.

- Is he bringing the net in?
- We're catching something.

Look at the birds.

I wanna, like, swing
and not think about it.

Just go like that.
Like that.

Okay.

Perfect.

Thanks, Whitney.
That was good coaching.

Yeah. Nice.

[upbeat music]

- That works, actually.
- Yeah.

Yeah, look at that.

God damn it,
I knew I'd do that.

- ing asshole.
- I give up.

Uh, uh, uh, uh!

[all cheering]

No pressure, Naomie.
Loosey-goosey and confident.

Loosey-goosey and confident,
that's me.

Nice--oh, no!

If we take the pin out,
it would've gone in, so...

Uh-huh, thank you, Whitney.
It's getting cold.

- Okay, let's go.
- So what's the plan?

- Oh, right, right, right.
- The iternary for tonight?

We're going home.
Everybody get changed.

And we'll have a nice dinner.

Hopefully they caught
a lot of shrimps,

and we can have a feast.

Great.

Oh, my gosh,
they're eating our shrimp.

They're eating our shrimp.

God, tell them to leave.
That's our dinner.

- Ew!
- Get outta here.

Oh, my gosh. We got a lot.

- Ah!
- Whoa!

- Ew!
- Got all that shrimp.

That's the appetizer.

- Hell yeah.
- Oh, my God.

- What is that?
- It's a squid.

- Oh!
- Ah!

Oh, sh--!
- He got scared.

Whoa!

This is fun. Like, I don't
feel like I'm fighting

with anyone. I'm getting
along with the boys.

I'm getting along
with the girls.

Everything's
happy, cheery, go-lucky.

Oh, God.

It's, like, eye-opening
because now I'm like,

this can't be the same Craig
that Naomie's talking about.

Like, there's no way.

Do you think they're aliens,
or no?

- I don't think so.
- Well, that solves that.

Hi, my name's Craig,
and I believe in aliens.

We got a lot of shrimpies.

Dinner right there.

Here's y'all's shrimp.
Hope you all enjoy.

Thank you.

All right, cheers to shrimping.
Take it.

all: Cheers.

Wait, oh, no.

Wow.

Someone didn't drink anything.

I've never shotgunned a beer.

I've never done it.

Does caviar count?

Sorry!
- So sorry.

It's like doggy to-go box.
[laughter]

Coming up...

Someone just said
they were pregnant.

You told them?

Huh? You're pregnant?

Did you knock her up, Austen?

[hums]

♪ Home sweet home

Just want to have
a quick drink with Shep,

and then I'll walk back
to my room.

All right,
I'm gonna go shower

and get ready 'cause it's gonna
take me longer than y'all.

- All right.
- Do you want some oreos?

[laughs] No.

Wonder if they're back.
I'm hungry as hell right now.

Yeah, same here.

Hell yeah, guys.
We caught some shrimp.

[laughs] Hell yeah, guys,
we caught some shrimp.

I'm starving,
I could eat--

We have an all-star chef
that's gonna cook the shrimp.

- Oh.
- Oh, that's pretty cool.

- When is dinner?
- 8:00 PM.

I need to figure out
how to get this second wind.

That was fun, Whitney.

I was kind of pleased
to observe

you and Naomie's relationship.

But you're seeing other people?
What--how are you leaving it?

You know,
there's not a label.

Clearly no rush for anything, so...

That's good.

Yeah, the best thing
is that you remain friends

and on a good level, which
I don't think is hard to do.

That's why it drives me crazy
about Craig.

- He keeps harping on it.
- I know.

These moments
of sweetness and sincerity,

and you hang out, and he's cool
and he's funny, and then...

Yeah.

Then he's like the----ing
terror of Tiny Town,

screaming at everything
and everyone.

Look, it didn't end
on terms where--

- Well, she dumped him.
- She dumped him, right.

So the ego aspect.

Yeah.

- I feel bad for her.
- I know.

Well, look, go get dressed.
- Yeah.

See you at dinner.
- Okay.

All right.

All right, let's see
what everybody's doing.

Who do you think had
a better time?

- Us.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Shower time.

How'd it go?

- That was fun. That was cool.
- Hi.

- It was really cool, actually.
- What's up?

We caught dinner.
How was golf?

It was good.

- Austen.
- All right, Craig, come on.

[upbeat music]

♪

Pull on it.
[laughs]

Pull on it.
- Whoa.

Sit down.
- No, I got it. I got it.

Oh.

- Now the other one.
- Oh.

♪

Okay, am I queen
of the castle or what?

Oh, my God!

Wait, that belt,
did that come with that?

Yeah, it goes
with the dress, right?

It, like, makes the dress.

Okay,
I have one finishing touch.

But we need to get the shrimp
over to the chef.

Yeah, I know. We do.

- Ready.
- Ready to go.

You look very nice, babe.

- I do?
- Yeah. Okay.

- Let me see. Are you ready?
- I'm coming soon, shortly.

Okay.

- You ready yet?
- No.

You're the only person
I get ready faster than.

Son of a biscuit.

- Hi.
- Good evening.

Good evening. How are you?

- How are you?
- Good.

[phone ringing]

- Yo?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

We're gonna get going
over there.

Everybody's getting
a little restless,

so why don't you guys walk
on over--

it's not far--
to the main lobby,

and then sort of on the ocean
there behind the main lobby

on the lawn
is where we're eating.

Cool. All right, man.
See you soon.

Okay, everybody. Let's go.

I will grab my jacket.

Ooh,
look at our little light.

Ooh, can I drive?

I like our little cart.

Who knows where we're going?

Let's go. Whoo!

Let's go, sports fans.

Craig, why are we dressed
like this?

We're next to the beach,
and we're dressed like

we're going to, like,
a fox hunt.

No. [laughs]

All right.

The long jaunt is over.

- Welcome.
- Oh, wow.

Follow the leader.

What's up, man?

This looks wonderful.

Really does.

This is cool.
Yeah, I'm into it.

Well, should we get a cocktail?

- What would you like, sir?
- A Bulleit Rye old fashioned.

Really extra dirty Ketle,
please, on the rocks.

- All right.
- Oh, wow.

- Oh, my goodness!
- OMG. Beautiful.

Oh, look. Thing One
and Thing Two beat us.

We've brought our shrimp.
- I see that.

- You talking about me?
- Should I--

Should I take it back
to the chef?

I guess so.
- That's so great.

- Hey, Whit.
- Long time no see.

- Yeah.
- Hey, bro.

- How are you?
- I'm Davia.

I'm the banquet captain here
with the King and Prince.

Hi, Davia.
Nice to meet you.

- The captain?
- Yeah, banquet captain.

- What is that?
- The banquet captain.

It's just a fancy name
for a supervisor.

[laughs] Oh, okay.
Thank you, captain.

- Yeah, captain.
- Oh, captain, my captain.

[laughter]
- It's nice to meet you guys.

I wanna give props to Shep

for this beautiful
floral display.

Why does he assume
that I was in charge

of the floral arrangements?
- 'Cause you're just

a floral guy.

[laughs]

- Mushroom guy.
- Yeah.

I'm a fungi.
[laughter]

Now, how did you two
talk this gentleman

into giving y'all cocktails?

We've been here for a while.

Can I have a glass
of champagne, please?

Double Ketel One
on the rocks.

Can I do a tequila, soda,
orange juice, please?

- A tequila soda.
- I want a beer.

Craig, what did you get?

I got a dirty Ketel One
on the rocks

with blue cheese olives.
- That looks really nice

and stuff.
- Have you ever been

in food and beverage, Craig?
- Oh, my God.

Can we please not
go back here?

You guys have to
be better about

acknowledging waitresses
- How many years did you serve?

Did you work in food and bev?

Craig, I wasn't talking
to you. God.

Y'all we don't even have
the appetizer.

I'd be so relieved if someone
just said they were pregnant.

[tense music]

You told them?

- What?
- Huh?

- You're pregnant?
- Did you knock her up, Austen?

- I--I--
- Oh, jeez.

Are you pregnant?

Yes.

Just kidding.
[laughter]

Coming up...

I do think it might be
helpful if we just

acknowledged his feelings
right now.

Venita, shut up.

[upbeat swing music]

[laughter]

Thank you.

- Hi.

- Hello.
- The captain!

Right.
You ready for us?

Austen's
like a catcher's mitt.

He loves balls
being slapped in his face.

[music winds down]

- Whitney!
- Whitney?

How rude can you be?
- Whitney!

Shut the [BLEEP] up.

Whitney, Davia's
sitting here, waiting for us.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I did not know.

[laughter]
- Ah, there we go.

So I just wanna tell you guys
a bit about our first course

It's a crab cake,

served with a spicy
red pepper remoulade.

We are gonna pair that
with a prosecco.

- Mm.
- I hope you guys enjoy it.

That's exciting.

Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

- Ooh!
- Oh, wow, thank you.

Enjoy your crab cakes.

Thank you so much.

- Please eat.
- Have it.

Just--you're gonna take it
anyway, so just take it.

No, I wanna have just a bite.

Shep is getting better
'cause now he asks

before he eats the food
off your plate.

Oh, my God, this is so good.

- This is very good.
- Mmm.

Oh, that is good.

- And how's the pairing?
- It's good.

- Well, cheers, guys.
- Cheers.

Sticking us
on an island together.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

It smells good.
Is that you?

- Maybe.
- Do you smell good?

Might be. [laughs]
I hope so.

[sniffs] I showered.

I showered after the shrimping.

Hi.
all: Hi.

Our second course
is the entrée,

and I heard that you guys
caught some shrimp earlier.

- Oh, yes.
- Oh, yes.

So the chef prepared
a strip loin of beef

with whiskey butter
and shrimp skewers.

- Ooh.
- Oh, wow.

This looks beautiful.

It's paired
with an Austen Hope cabernet.

That is a big, big steak.

Yours is nice and pink.
Mine's too well done.

Can I get a piece
of your pink sh--, please?

- Whitney!
- What?

You want a piece
of my pink meat?

- Taylor.
- Sorry.

It's too easy.

I'm sorry.
I love her pink meat.

The shrimp tastes amazing.

Oh, my God, is this
the shrimp we caught?

[gasps] Oh, my goodness.

This is the one that I named.

Little Jerry.

Is this wine perfectly paired
with this steak, or what?

The wine is very good.

This is a great pairing.

Well, now that I have
you all here,

I would like to invite you guys
to a party I'm having.

- Oh, awesome.
- Sewing Down South

had a really good year,
and we're gonna throw

a, like,
winter wonderland party.

So that's the theme.

Oh, that's really awesome.

We're gonna have
a sit-down dinner.

It'll be catered
It'll be a cocktail hour,

dancing afterwards.

We have a ten-person band
that's gonna play.

- Oh, fun.
- Ten people?

- Yeah, and, uh--
- Wow.

- That's amazing.
- Who's your date?

I was thinking
I was gonna bring

my girlfriend as my date.

Austen?
[laughter]

What?

You know how much him and I
know about each other?

A lot, I'm sure.

Austen and I will be anyone
in the wedding game--

marriage game?
"Newlyweds Game"?

Is that what it is?
- Oh, we're--

I don't doubt that.

If Craig were a woman,
I would certainly be jealous.

Oh, he knows my birthday,
my middle name.

Yeah, you're...
[laughter]

"He knows my favorite color.

He knows
my favorite sex position."

I think I would have
a lot to worry about there.

- Wow, that was...
- I'm proud of us.

Halfway through dinner,
and no one's screaming

and yelling.

What is the, like,
mood difference tonight?

- What you mean?
- Because you're, like,

so sweet tonight.

I don't know.
I blew my load,

like, at last night's dinner, so...

You blew your load?

I guess that's not
the appropriate term.

Yeah, no.

Anyway, if we can maintain
this Craig--

this is a Craig we love
and like hanging out with.

- Yeah.
- So just maintain this Craig.

- Yeah.
- Tonight I'll try

to stay at the dinner table
with everyone.

- Good job, Craig.
- Craig!

Are you gonna invite Madison?

- I am.
- Okay.

Is that gonna be fine
if Madison's there?

I'm not inviting her
to [BLEEP] with Austen.

I'm just doing it
because I don't--

I don't think
he gives a [BLEEP] anymore.

Wouldn't want to be here
at the table together.

Forgiving people is
the power.

- What?
- That's so interesting.

Thank you for bringing that up, Craig.

But also,
you need to say sorry.

I did last night,
at the table.

Last night,
you were not civil with me.

- Great.
- I'm just saying.

Let's not ruin this, okay?

Godspeed, and good luck.

- [laughs] Thank you.
- Oh, jeez.

[tense music]

Wow, like, are you trying
to pick a fight with Craig?

Keep your sh-- together,

enjoy the steak,
and have a good time.

♪

I'm coming to sit
with you guys.

You preaching to me
how to act at a restaurant--

I should've sat
at the other end of the table.

Then don't say
that I'm your psycho ex

and that I'm nothing
without you

and that I don't exist
without you

and all the sh-- that you
did say, by the way.

Well, that probably
wasn't nice.

It wasn't nice, so then
just don't say that.

Okay, so I will work
on being kinder,

and I'm sorry,
but at the table,

when you told me how to act
at a restaurant--

I never told you
how to act at a restaurant.

Craig, settle down.

- Why are we having this talk?
- No, no, no.

Let's not settle down.
- Go away.

Let's not.
I said, "Guys, listen."

- Why are you yelling?
- She's--

Oh, my God.

Why are you yelling?

No, no, no, I have tools.
I've been to therapy.

I know I have tools
to, like, handle this.

I should never yell at you

or, like, do anything
like that,

but at the end of the day,

we probably shouldn't,
like, interact too much

because, like,
you're in my past.

Okay, let's--let's get rid
of the negativity here.

- Yeah, but when they--
- Can you just acknowledge

that that just bothered him?

Venita, like, what?

- [laughs]
- What did you just say?

♪

You're coming in
on Craig's side

when you've been friends
with Naomie for a decade?

[scoffs] What?
What are you doing?

I do think
it might be helpful

if we just acknowledge
his feelings right now.

Venita, shut up.

♪

- Wow.
- Oh, the classy girl

at the table's
telling people to shut up now.

Actually, you're not welcome
to my party.

I don't want to come
to your party, Craig.

It's okay.
- Craig, that--

that just took it
a little too far.

Look, actually, here it is.
I'm sorry.

This is why I don't hang out
with you,

because this is not
who I wanna be.

This brings me to a level
that I don't like.

So you guys can enjoy
your dinner together

I'm gonna go back to the villa.

I don't wanna act like Shep
and yell at----ing girls.

I just wanna go home.

♪

Check.

Naomie, I'm not saying
what you said was wrong

at the restaurant.

But I was told to shut up,
so I can't get anything out.

Venita, no, what you did
was, like, fake as [BLEEP].

What did I do?

You were taking
Craig's side.

I was saying
that his feelings were hurt.

Really didn't appreciate that.

You also didn't have
to tell me to shut up, though.

♪

[tense music]

♪

Like, don't talk to me
like that.

You--but no, you needed
to shut up.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- You did.

But you got all this class
and all this respect,

but now you're telling me
to shut up?

- Oh, but--
- Got it. Got it.

Got it.
I--don't talk to me,

'cause I don't talk to people
who disrespect me,

so you good.

Naomie and I go back
for how long?

Ten years?

We play tennis every week.

I was there for you
with the Metul breakup.

Like, we are friends.

I would never talk
to anybody like that, ever.

Out of all people,
like, how dare you?

♪

Our last course
is the dessert course.

We are gonna pair that
with a port wine.

- Thank you.
- I love dessert wines.

I like a dessert wine.

It's a lemon fruit tart
and a pot de crème.

- Thank you so much.
- It was nice meeting you guys.

Venita, I'm just, like,
so offended.

But that--you chose to do that.
That's fine.

I would think that Venita
would defend me,

but I guess her friendship
with Craig is better,

and I'm disappointed in her.

Hold on.
Sorry, Venita,

you're both--have a point,

but it's emotional.
It's longstanding emotions.

And that's fine
that I don't know much,

but, like, if she were
to say, like,

"Okay, listen,
you don't know this,

so, like, I would appreciate it
if you don't butt in,"

versus telling me to shut up...
- I understand.

- That's a whole different--
- So you're right.

You're right.
Let's forget it.

[softly] We almost got
to dessert.

He made it longer tonight
than he did last night.

- It's true.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God.

[laughter]
- [imitates rim shot]

I'll go look for him,
make sure he's okay.

I'll bring him some pudding.

Let's go.
I'm chilly.

This is beautiful.

Shepard, I'll come with you.

- Okay.
- Godspeed to you both.

Can we go find warmth
while he does that?

- Yeah.
- I'm going out.

You bring a glass of port.

"How do you not drink the port
on the way?" is the question.

[light music]

Ooh.
Hey, buddy.

- What up?
- Craig.

Brought you some pudding
and some port.

Would you like--
- Pudding and port?

Dude, you know how tough
it was

for me to not just rip
this thing like a shot

walking back here?
- Why, is it good?

It's very sweet,
and it's very lovely,

in my opinion.

Well, we got some wine here

if you like--
- I know, but just try it.

♪

- Oh, that's--that's--
- It's really nice.

What are you...

It's the only spoon
I can find.

It's a measuring cup.
- That's a spoon.

Okay.
All right.

Pour me a glass of wine, please.

- Okay.
- Whoo-hoo, heat, baby!

- Mm.
- [shivers]

- Ooh!
- Okay.

All right,
what are we drinking?

- Okay.
- I'm gonna grab a Truly.

I'm coming behind y'all.

Doing the hot dance?

I'll grab one for Naomie.
She's gonna want one.

Where is Naomie?

She should probably want
several after tonight.

I don't feel like this vacation
was ruined,

but it would just be easier
to enjoy these trips

if they could figure it out.

But, I mean,
I'm still having fun... ish.

Venita, how was that
for you?

You know, I think
that I don't want Naomie

to think that I was taking
Craig's side, because I wasn't.

I wanted her to apologize
so they could just be done.

It's like, my goodness!

[tense music]

Come sit right here!
- Hi.

- I will.
- Come sit right here.

This is embarrassing.

The Naomie factor is--
it shouldn't be a factor.

We got to find
some sense of normalcy,

and I know that's
what you're looking for.

I don't like acting
like that.

- Yeah.
- I don't like that at all.

I don't like it either.

We all have our
breaking points.

Like, we've all seen
each other break.

You shouldn't let, like,
Naomie dictate your sh--.

Do I dare ask what happened,

um, when I walked away?

Venita and Naomie--
I was like, "No more yelling

and craziness."

What happened tonight--

it's, like,
not a good feeling.

Listen, like,
don't disrespect me like that.

You're just trying to be
the mediator.

You weren't, like--
- No.

Like, I wasn't trying
to, like, say

that Naomie's wrong
and Craig's right,

none of that.

Like, we needed
to calm down at the table.

I would not attack you
or, like, come after you.

His feelings were hurt,

and there's nothing wrong
with that.

Okay.

[dramatic music]

So much for loyalty.

It's okay.
It's okay.

You all are friends,
I thought.

♪

I hope.

♪

Next time,

on the season finale
of "Southern Charm"...

- Cheers!
- Cham-bongs.

Cham-bong.

- This is gross. I can't look.
- [slurping]

This is gonna sound crazy,

but I've just
been thinking about it.

I want to...
- Yeah.

[sighs]

Christmastime's
my favorite time of the year.

- Enough.
- As my friend--

We are not friends.

- Good talking to you.
- You too.

Leva's sitting
with your team.

Leva, this is actually
about me and my business,

and you made it
all about you.

I was talking to the people
who actually run your business,

not you, you clown.

Oh, my God.

I'll have security
escort you out,

or you can go.

[dramatic music]