All language subtitles for Picket Fences S01E03 Mr Dreeb Comes to Town 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-WELP_track4_[eng]

KENNY: It's gotta be
some kind of joke.

Since when do we listen to
what Frank the Potato Man says?

MAXINE: Since when does
Frank the Potato Man speak?

If he called it in,
he must have seen it.

There it is!

Please pull the elephant over
to the side of the road.

Sir, would you get off
the elephant, please?

What, was I speeding?

Well, I'm sorry, sir, but we just need
to see some identification.

Please de-board the elephant.

My name is Peter Dreeb.

I have no documentation,
nor am I required to.

I'm not operating
a motor vehicle.

Get down!
I won't get down.

Sir, we're asking you very nicely,
but if you don't comply,

we may have no choice
but to place you under arrest.

Will you listen to yourself?

A man can't even
ride his elephant

without being subject to your
militaristic harassment.

I mean, what kind of person
becomes a cop, anyway?

What kind of person
selects as a life goal

the opportunity
to impose authority on others?

Just get down!

(EXCLAIMING)

Now what?

Hey!

Mr. Dreeb, you stop that elephant
right now or I will shoot!

I will discharge my firearm!

He ain't gonna stop.

Freeze!

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh, God. Oh, God.
Come on, let's move.

Nice going, Max.
Shut up.

You had to shoot.
Shut up. Run!

You had to pull out the gun, didn't you?
Run!

(CAR HORN BLARING)

Get off that thing.
You're under arrest.

Bad elephant! Very bad.

You can't leave an elephant
unattended on a curb.

Would you be quiet?

Kenny. Kenny.
Get him out of there.

He wouldn't come willingly.

I didn't want to drag him.
This made it easy.

I'm innocently
riding my livestock,

and he pulls me over, handcuffs me
and throws me in a shopping cart.

Oh, you little...

Mr. Dreeb. Mr. Dreeb.
We know who you are. This just came in.

You stole an elephant from the
Bender Traveling Circus.

You're under arrest
for grand larceny.

Not to mention assault.
Gotcha!

Let go of my foot.

Kenny, let go of him.
I'm not letting him go.

Get your hands off of me.
He'll just kick me again.

Kenny!

(KENNY EXCLAIMS)

You see?
JIMMY: Don't do that.

Book him.
Arraignment in one hour.

Mr. Dreeb.

You, I'll go with.

MAXINE: Please stand
against the wall, sir.

The elephant's outside.
What do you want to do with that?

One, two, three.

(ALL SINGING GOSPEL SONG ABOUT CAESAR)
♪ Caesar

♪ Oh, Caesar

♪ Oh Caesar

♪ Oh Caesar

♪ He turned down the crown

♪ Three times he turned it down

♪ But Brutus says ambition and Brutus

♪ He was not a man
♪ Yes!

♪ Caesar

♪ Oh Caesar

♪ Caesar

♪ Oh Caesar ♪

I cannot take this anymore.
This has got to stop.

This is a high school,
not a discotheque.

My students cannot concentrate
on math with this, this...

Et tu, Harriet?

Cut the Shakespeare crap,
Pankow. Look at you.

You're dressed like a stupid knight,
singing gospel about a dead Roman,

and my kids
can't learn their logarithms!

"Hence! Wilt thou lift up Olympus!"

You're nuts.

"Then fall, Caesar!"

(STUDENTS GASP)

(STUDENTS APPLAUDING)

Are you out of your mind?

It was a perfectly good throw.

Look, maybe you don't care
about your future, but how about mine?

You're my college advisor.
I need you for recommendations.

Well, you'll get them.

Yeah, what good will they be?

What credibility will you have
hurling knives at math teachers?

Maybe you're right.
You know what?

I could throw
hand grenades at nuns

and you'd still go
to whatever college you want.

I've never had a student
with more potential.

I may be a nut, but I'll make damn sure

those college admissions people
know what they've got in you.

Thank you.

And if not, I'll give them
10 good jokes, rapid fire,

and at least make them laugh.
Oh, God.

Now, Harriet Bridges,
she cut off my gospel.

We need to plan revenge.

Case number 32444,
People v. Peter Dreeb.

Douglas Wambaugh appearing
for the midget, Your Honor.

Surprise, surprise.

I have a small practice.

(LAUGHING)

Judge, the defendant is an employee of
the Bender Traveling Circus.

He absconded
with the animal last night.

Your Honor,
I have a motion here

which I would like to file to ask
the court to grant temporary custody

of the elephant known as
Big John to my client.

Why?
You're asking me why?

Yes. Why?
I'll tell you why.

Little Mr. Dreeb ran off with the animal
because the trainers were abusing it.

I object to that.
Who are you?

Your Honor, my name is Michael Ralo.
I represent the circus,

and I object to the inference
to animal abuse.

It is not an inference.
It's a flat-out accusation.

Your goons
beat the thing with a stick.

I don't know who you think
you are, sir, but I...

I'm the next mayor in this town.
And right after election,

I'm going to pass a law to ban
pinstripe city shysters like yourself

that earn their keep
defending animal clubbers.

Look at his shoes, Judge.
Wambaugh, knock it off.

Do you know
about this animal abuse?

No. I thought this was
a simple larceny case.

They tortured the animal. Quiet.

That's a lie.
It is not.

I said quiet.

On the criminal matter,
I'm releasing the defendant O.R.

On the animal abuse issue,
I'll need an evidentiary hearing.

You've got to be kidding.

You better hope
he doesn't make a case, Counsel,

because if he does, your circus client
is going to lose an elephant.

As for now,

the animal will stay in the custody of the
Rome Sheriff's Department.

What am I going to do
with it, sir?

I've made my ruling.

Now, listen...
He made his ruling.

Ten o'clock tomorrow.
All parties be here. That's all.

Jimmy.
Yeah.

How can you
even consider this?

Well, I was thinking about
putting him in the barn, but...

He prefers garages.
He's very domesticated.

He'll be quite content here.

And as long as the chain
is around his foot, he won't run.

Are you a midget?

I'm a little person. My name is Mr. Dreeb.
And who might you be?

Zachary Brock.

Pleased to meet you, Zachary.

You play a musical instrument,
don't you?

Trombone.
How did you know?

Well, I'm a little magical.
Now Big John, he loves music.

It relaxes him. I want you to play
your trombone for him.

Okay.

Mr. Dreeb...

(EXCLAIMS)

He likes you, too, Jill.

So I want Jill and Zachary in control.
The older boy out of the garage.

And him I'd prefer
out of town completely.

Hey, buddy.

In the first place,
the hay is for Big John,

I'm not your buddy,
and don't threaten me.

The feeding instructions are written down.
Walk him at least three times a day.

Will there be
a security guard?

Round the clock.

Excellent. In that case, would you be
so kind as to take me to my motel?

I have no transportation and the poet here
forgot his shopping cart.

I'll take you.

You be good to them,
they'll be good to you.

Let's go.

(SINGING UPBEAT SONG ABOUT MATH)

♪ You can't take three from two,
two is lesser than three

♪ So you look at the four
in the eight's place

♪ Now that's really boring
so you make it three eight's

♪ Regroup and you change
the eight to eight ones

♪ And you add to the two
and you get one two base eight

♪ Which is ten base ten
And you take away three

♪ That's seven

What's going on here?

Harriet Bridges. She complains
I disrupt her math class.

Tomorrow, I march into her classroom,
I am singing math.

And he wants me
to supply the keyboard.

My own teacher's going to
get me suspended.

Well, now, in the first place,
it's my song.

We sang it six years ago
at the P.T.A. amateur night.

You don't recall that?

Yeah, he told me.
And they booed you.

They didn't boo me.
I'm better than he is.

♪ Now instead of four
in the eight's place

♪ You got three
'cause you added one

♪ That is to say
eight to the two

♪ But you can't take
seven from three

♪ So you go to the 64s

♪ From the three
you then use one

♪ To make eight ones
you add those ones to the three

♪ And you get
one three base eight

♪ Or in other words ten base ten
You have eleven and you take away seven

♪ And seven from eleven
is four!

♪ Now go back to the 64s

♪ You're left with two

♪ and you take away one
from two and you get...

PANKOW: Booed. You get booed.

Come on. I'm sorry.
You gotta do it better. I mean it's...

Did I stink?

Well, now...
Don't tell me I did.

I'm gonna get some juice
or something.

Kimberly, keep practicing,
and just try to forget

you have this man's
musical genes. Okay?

Okay.

Are you really going to terrorize
Harriet's math class?

Well, at least
I'll keep them awake,

which is more than what Harriet does
with her logarithm lectures.

It's gonna be great.

Jill, I have
a confession to make.

I came over tonight
on a bit of a pretext.

Really?

You didn't Saran Wrap
our toilet bowls again?

No, no, no, no.

When Mrs. Bridges came into class today...

Mm-hm.

Oh, yeah, Kimberly told me.
You're nuts.

I'm beginning to wonder.
I really did think I was Caesar.

Excuse me?

When I threw that sword,

I believed I was Caesar
and that she was trying to kill me.

I mean,
for a few seconds there, I...

You know,
reality came back, but...

Has this ever happened before?

A couple of times. A couple of times
I've felt disoriented,

but I've always been able to recover,
you know. But today...

Have you had headaches
or dizziness?

Mm.

Yeah.

Well, you know,
it could be nothing.

I mean, after all, for you going crazy
is a short trip.

Yeah. But...

Well, I could
set up some tests.

Shall we say, tomorrow,
Norwood Hospital, 6:00 a.m.?

You won't even
have to miss school.

I'll be there. Okay.

Music man, I'm ready. Come on.

Officer Tone Deaf
wants to sing now.

Cut the flap. Get out here.
I'm the law. Come on.

Yes, sir, I'm coming.

JIMMY: I've got it down cold.

PANKOW: You will never
get it down.

JIMMY: Just listen to this.

Of course, this town stands committed
to the safety of this magnificent animal.

And I, as Mayor, will do everything I can
to ensure his welfare.

And how many times did you see them
beat the elephant?

Repeatedly. Cruelty was
their sole method of training.

And you fled with the beast

to save it from certain death
at the hands of these ruthless criminals?

For God's sake. That's leading, compound,
argumentative and inflammatory.

Make up your mind.

The objection is sustained
on all four grounds.

Of course, Your Honor.

Tell the court

why you ran off with this elephant
that didn't belong to you.

I don't look at life as this fair game
where everybody has to play by the rules.

Sometimes things aren't fair.

When a circus owner endangers
the life of a gentle animal,

when they lock it in a horse trailer
and it has to stand in its own feces,

when they beat it with a stick
till its skin is red raw

and it screams with pain,

I will do something, whether
the law permits or not.

BONE: Quiet.

And you're asking that you be granted
custody of this elephant?

No. Only that it be denied to them.

Give him to a zoo.
Or even to another circus.

Just don't
entrust his care to people

that could be so capable
of such atrocious cruelty.

Thank you, Mr. Dreeb.

You were wonderful.
Your witness.

You say you don't
look at life as being fair.

Fair in general or fair to you?

Both.

Yeah, you had an argument
with the circus owners

over a pay raise, didn't you, the very day
that you took the elephant?

That had nothing to do with this.

You didn't steal the elephant
out of retaliation?

No.
You get yourself into a

lot of physical disputes,
don't you, Mr. Dreeb?

I don't back down.

Thirty-three years old.
You're 3'7" tall. That isn't fair, is it?

Objection.

You were born a freak,
relegated to a job

where you have to run around all day
in funny little hats and be laughed at.

He's badgering the midget.

Your Honor, this man is angry,
and stealing the elephant was payback.

That's ridiculous.

I don't think so, Mr. Dreeb.

You're mad at my client
so you swipe the animal.

You're an impulsive guy.

Then to cover yourself
against criminal charges,

you make up this story
of elephant abuse.

I didn't make it up.

Why should you play
by the rules, Mr. Dreeb?

Why should you play fair in life?
Look how life has played you.

You're a dwarf. A physically deformed
little oddity that people stare at.

DOUGLAS: Your Honor!

Hey! Bailiff, put that witness in lockup
for an hour. Let him cool off.

Your Honor, please note the volatile
and erratic nature of this witness

when you regard his testimony.

Let the record reflect
this little guy can hit.

Shut up.

We're adjourned.

And when we resume, Mr. Dreeb,

we'll be adding a contempt charge
to the larceny.

Judge...
Get him out of here.

And be sure he doesn't have
a hacksaw on him.

A brain tumor.

I wish there was a way to make it
sound less devastating.

Than it is.

Technically.

It's located deep
in the left temporal lobe.

It's called a grade three astrocytoma.

And you can't operate?

It's not completely inoperable,
but the chances of any procedure...

The tumor is under the
speech center of the brain.

So an operation...

You could come out hemiplegic.

You wouldn't be able to speak.

And if I do nothing?

The tumor will erode your brain.
It could take two years or a month.

My God.

I can die or be a vegetable.

I'd like to do a lot more tests.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Okay, I'll notify the school.
They should know about...

I can beat this. I gotta get to school.
But I can handle this.

You had the judge totally won over
and then you had to punch the lawyer.

You blew your case.

It happens.

The important thing is a valuable lesson
was learned here by everybody.

Which was?

Never cross-examine a midget
at close range.

Well, the judge ordered a vet
to examine Big John.

If there is evidence of abuse,
you might still win.

Thank you, Officer.

May I see your hand?

What? What do you see?

Would you have dinner
with me tonight?

You want me to have dinner?

Yes, Maxine.
I'm asking you out on a date.

(PLAYING)

Hi.

Jill told me.

Yeah, do you believe this thing?

All those years you were telling me
to get my head examined.

Yeah.

You know, I'm going to be positive.

I told the principal, I said,
"Why not use this as a teacher?

"Talk about life, death,
motivational stuff."

Steve, the principal called
an emergency meeting

of the school committee today,
and you know I'm on it. And...

They voted to terminate your employment.

Now, I didn't vote with them,
but only because you're a friend of mine.

What does that mean?

You were violent in class, delusional.

What am I supposed to do,
Jimmy, sit at home, just wait to die?

Look, there's a lot
I can offer these kids.

I'll fight it. I'll take it
to court and I'll fight it!

I'm behind you on this, but...

Kim.

Son of a bitch.

Hup, hup, down.

Hup, hup, turn.

Hup, hup.

Zachary! Zachary!
Zachary Brock!

We're in the middle of a show.

How much did you
charge these kids?

Five bucks. That's a bargain.

Matthew, listen to me.
This is not...

Zachary, what are you doing?

Mr. Dreeb
taught me some tricks.

I don't care. You get down right now,
get over here this minute.

Honey, how much money
do you have altogether?

A hundred and fifty bucks.

A hundred and fifty bucks?

Yeah.

Let me see your hands.

This woman is a doctor.

Thank you, ma'am.

Hey, you. Stop that.

Okay, everybody,
now the show is over. All right?

Are you crazy?

Refund. Now.

I have not danced
like that in years.

I believe it.
You weren't very good.

Oh, please.

You invented half of those steps
and I still caught right on.

Even your little... Wait.
Hop, dip, boom, boom.

You didn't dip low enough
and you boom-boomed my head.

Can I ask you something?

This afternoon,
what did you see in my hand?

A soul mainly.

And a wall that keeps that soul hidden.

You use that uniform and badge
the same way I use my temper, as armor.

I don't know about that.

I do. And now,
here you are out of uniform.

What are you doing?

Well, there's only so much
I can tell from a person's hands.

First date and you lean in
and kiss a girl. That's pretty aggressive.

No. If I hadn't used the chair,
that would have been aggressive.

Hi, baby.

You want to jam or something?

I don't want to jam, Daddy.

Steve is going
into court tomorrow

to get an injunction against the school
to get his job back.

Maybe...

I don't care.

I'm sorry, Daddy,
I just need to be alone right now.

Sometimes I think the only person in the
world I can't talk to is you.

I can't talk to you on this.

You're closer to him than me.

And I can't take
seeing you cry on top of...

Please, can we just...

Is he going to die?

I don't know.

Please, can I be alone now?

This man is not a vet.
Where's Bob Savage?

Florida. Sylvie threatened to divorce him
if she didn't see the beach.

Objection. This is
a $200,000 animal at stake.

You are exchanging town gossip.

He is calling a mortician
as a veterinary expert.

I'm not just a mortician.
I'm a medical examiner, too.

You are not a vet!

I did two years of vet school.
You've got no foundation.

I can give expert opinion on animals!
Quiet!

May I speak?
No!

Mr. Ralo is right, Carter,
you've got no foundation.

Wambaugh, get that animal
looked at by a real vet.

We'll reconvene tomorrow.

Well, how about the...

You keep the elephant another night.

That's all. Next case.

Oh, Your Honor.

With the clerk's permission,

I have an ex parte motion to overturn
the school committee's termination

of Steven Pankow,
an excellent teacher

who is sitting before you today
with a tumor in his head.

Steven.

On that, we go to chambers.
Dr. Brock, you too.

I know I can still teach.

Steven, Steven. Let me.
He can still teach.

I don't doubt it,

but Dr. Brock says your condition
could deteriorate.

I never said
he couldn't do his job.

He already threw the sword at Harriet,
almost took her head off.

No, I'm not going to be a danger
to anyone. I promise you, Henry.

Did you really think
you were Caesar?

Very briefly.

I'm sorry. My obligation here
is to the students.

Look, Henry, my daughter is in his class.
I have no problem.

But suppose something should happen.

The town could be held liable.
We can't run the risk.

Oh, please. We lose our sense of decency
because we're so gun-shy about lawsuits!

It's awful.

We know this man. He's taught
all of our children.

Why shouldn't we give him
the benefit of the doubt?

I would love to,
but his brain is rotting away.

I'm sorry, Steve. I hate to be so blunt.
But you've been delusional,

and there's a likelihood
that it could get worse.

And I cannot entrust the children
of this community to your care.

I'll pray for you with all of my heart.
I'll probably cry for you.

But I can't send you back
to that school.

I have to get back.

Well, we gave it a shot.

How fast can you set up
for the operation?

Now, let's take some time
to think, Steve.

I've been thinking about it.
It's all I think about.

All I have is my teaching, and let's
face it, no school is going to hire me.

There's a very high risk
you could end up vegetative.

And my chances are zero without it.

There's lots of other options
that are open to you

that could buy you some time.
Several years, maybe.

What kind of years would they be?
I have no family.

I'd just be sitting at home alone watching
a bump grow out of my skull.

I would lose my ability to think.

I am a teacher, Jill.

That's what I am.

I want this thing cut out of my head.

Okay. I'll set it up.

I work with the best neurosurgeon
in the state. He'll do it if I ask him to.

Can you be part of it?
I know it's a lot to ask.

I'll be there.

Jill, you gotta come now!
Why?

The elephant has fallen
and he can't get up.

Big John, get up, please.

You have to do something, Mom.

Was he up and down
before he stayed down?

Yes, and he was moving his head
all over the place.

Sounds like colic. Get me a garden hose.
Why?

We gotta flush him out.
I think he's got lower bowel obstruction.

What are you going to do?
I want everybody out of here, Jimmy.

Hold on, I represent this animal.
Out!

For the record, I'd like to know
what you're going to do.

I'm going to stick my hands
where the sun don't shine, Doug.

This elephant needs an enema.

I cooperate fully.

Okay. Max, I'm going to need you
down by the tail area.

You're going to have to
sort of pry open a cheek.

You've got to be kidding me.
This is awful.

Yeah. And it ain't going to be
good for Big John, either.

Do you know what you're doing?

Of course I don't know
what I'm doing, honey.

It's an elephant.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

This is not a time for politics.

Our only concern right now
could be for Big John's health.

Of course, whatever differences
I had with the Mayor,

we are joined in prayer right now
for this magnificent elephant.

And may I say for the record, Bill,
I am moved by your compassion.

As I am by yours.

Hear, hear.

Easy, boy. You're doing fine.

Any luck?
Just fine.

Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be fine.
You hold his tail up real high.

Okay, hold it up high.

Okay, Big John. It's okay.
It's all going to be over soon.

Just be brave. You, too.
Here comes the big one. Ready?

Okay.
Here we go, guys. Ready?

(ELEPHANT FARTING)

Is everything all right?

JIMMY: Here we come.

Oh, beautiful!

Bless you, Jill Brock. Bless Jill Brock.
Take pictures. Take pictures.

No. No. No.

Big John won't go back
to the killers, will he?

Oh, it's not...
They're not killers, little guy.

But they beat him.
He could die.

Well, you let the court
decide that. You just...

The court?
The system is flawed, Dad.

The government isn't working.
I heard it on TV.

Good night, baby.

Good night.

You just get up to bed, okay? Go on.

Okay.

You did good today, Doc.

I hope I'm good tomorrow.

You know what, honey?

In medical school

I used to dream about going into surgery
with life and death on the line.

I had this vision of how powerful I'd be.

But I never felt so weak.

A neurosurgeon will be in charge.
You'll be assisting, so...

Yeah. But it's my hand in there,
holding his brain to one side

while somebody else cuts it.

(EXCLAIMS)

(CHUCKLING)

I want to save all my patients.

But because of Kimberly
and because of you, this one...

Doesn't make me
very professional, I guess.

Makes you human.

How did you get in here?

I'm magic, remember?

Are these for me?

Oh, thank you. They're beautiful.

Let's play with your handcuffs.

I'm on duty.

All right.

Oh, no, the chair.

We could move on to different furniture.

You little pervert.

Don't call me little.

I'm sorry.

Kenny. Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

I just came by to see
if you wanted to go for a beer.

I'm still working.

Okay.
But thanks.

See you. Thank you.

Do me a favor, pray to the Greek gods.
There's more of them.

Deal.

Now, if I don't come through this...
You will.

I know I will. But if I don't,
I want 10 jokes, rapid fire.

I want to hear you entertaining me
as I float up to the gates.

Better yet, when you're in recovery,
I will sing to you.

There's incentive to live.

Post time.

I'm ready.
She's good, isn't she?

I've only seen
her carve turkeys, so...

Especially
the one she married.

Hey, hey.
I'm so much better for you.

Hold it.
What?

See you later.

The veterinary report
at least suggests abuse, Mr. Ralo.

It suggests that
the trainers strike him,

but they have to sometimes
for discipline. This is typical.

We also have the testimony
of Mr. Peter Dreeb.

RALO: An unreliable malcontent
looking to stir up trouble.

Your Honor, the evidence
is not conclusive.

These people are asking you
for an extraordinary remedy

that cannot be supported
by the conflicting facts of this case.

May I speak?
Do I have a choice?

Oh, yes, Your Honor,
you do have a choice.

The law says you can go either way.
It's completely up to you.

Thank you.

Which means, Your Honor,
when you make your decision,

as you face reelection,
you must first decide what you're about.

We know the wonderful people
of our community

that have rallied to the garage yesterday
to pray for the elephant.

We also know
the heroic Dr. Jill Brock,

who inserted her hands
into the giant rectum of Big John

to save him
from deadly constipation.

These are the people,

these are the values who define who we are
in Rome, Wisconsin.

Your Honor, we are a gentle,
kind and loving people.

It is time to tell us who you are.
Who is Judge Henry Bone?

BONE: Quiet. Everybody, quiet.

The testimony of Peter Dreeb
has not been discredited.

The medical reports
do indicate serious beating.

And under these circumstances,

I'm not giving the elephant
back to the circus.

A determination for permanent custody
will be set for December the 10th.

In the meantime,

I'm ordering that the elephant
be sent to the Madison Public Zoo.

The criminal charges against Peter Dreeb
are dismissed, and this case is adjourned.

I invite you all to a grand
send-off for Big John.

Sit down! This is my moment!

Don't you interrupt me!

Congratulations, Peter.
Justice has triumphed.

Good luck, good luck.

Hey, Max.

I've got a great idea.

I'm going to deliver Big John to the zoo
and then I'm going to quit the circus.

I'll probably get fired anyway.

That's retaliatory. You could sue.

I don't want to sue.
I don't even want the job.

I want to move to Rome, live here.

Peter, do you think I could
talk to you alone for a second?

Let's go in here.

I...

I just don't think it would be a
great idea for you to come back to Rome.

I see.

And why is that?

I just don't think
that it would work out,

really, between us.

The truth, Maxine.

You owe me at least that.

Okay.

I got this image
of the perfect man in my life.

I see him walking me down the aisle.

I see him playing with the kids
on the beach.

I see him lifting me up
in his arms.

And you don't
see him a midget.

Last night, when I saw
the expression on Kenny's face,

I started to think how people...

I'm so ashamed of myself.

But, yes, it matters.

You could fall in love with me.

I know.

And it would be unforgivable
for me to still walk away just because...

But I would.

You're honest.

I certainly do appreciate that.

Peter, I'm so sorry.

Look, no. No, you're right.

We should be grown-ups
about this. Avoid the pain.

We don't want to get hurt.

Yeah.

Okay.

At least we have
one thing in common.

Right now we both
feel sorry for each other.

My skull's open.
He's in there?

JILL: He's in there.

ZAWOSKI: All right, Steven,
I'm going to stimulate your cortex

to test certain areas
of your speech center.

Okay, I'll wait right here.

Good. Now I want you
to count for me.

One. Two.

Give me low grade on electrode two. Three.

Four.

Increase.
Five.

Six.

Boat.

Why did you say boat?

I don't know. It just came out.

Electrode three, low grade.

Steven, this time I want you to count
backwards for me from 100.

Steven?

JILL: Doctor, he looks unconscious.

Doctor, we've got arrhythmia.
ZAWOSKI: His brain is hemorrhaging.

JILL: Crash cart.
He's going to arrest.

Bolus of lidocaine.
Got it.

ZAWOSKI: I can't stop this bleeding.

NURSE: He's asystolic.

Okay, paddles. Come on,
paddles, quick. Clear!

Clear. Again. Clear.

No change.
I'm going in.

Good.
Scalpel.

Oh, no.

The tumor was too big.

He would have only been a...

I think he knew.

I think he chose to die.

All right, everybody. Band, stop!

Okay, everybody, settle, settle.

As we say good-bye to this elephant,

I think it's important to remember
how he has touched us.

It is said that every man...

What the hell?

Oh, God, honey, I don't think
I can deal with this right now.

I'll go around the corner.
We'll go in the back door.

Okay.

This week, a giant spirit
walked into Rome, Wisconsin,

and he calls himself Big John.

Let us march Big John
to the train station

in final tribute
to this magnificent beast.

(BAND PLAYING CARNIVAL MUSIC)

Nobody even came to the hospital.

How can they care more
about a stupid elephant than a human?

It's safer.

Did you hear about the man
who could eat asphalt?

He was invited for dinner, he said,
"No, thanks, I'll eat up the street."

Two fleas meet on a street.

One says, "Should we walk or catch a dog?"

A man crosses a termite
with a praying mantis,

gets a bug that says grace
before he eats the house.

KIMBERLY: What did
Beethoven do after he died?

JILL: What?
He decomposed.

A man sees a farmer
on his front porch. He says,

"You live here all your life?"
Farmer says, "Not yet."

A man goes to see his doctor.
He says...

Yeah.