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1
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,850
Die, die.
2
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,025
I got you, Adam.
3
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,028
- Harley?!
- Talk about skid marks?
4
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,885
I bet the ones on the roads
aren't the only ones around.
5
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,116
That was not funny!
6
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,495
So you're off to
Betty Ann mcallistor's wedding.
7
00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:04,622
I just wanted to come along.
8
00:03:04,956 --> 00:03:07,124
- No way.
- Oh, yes way. I'm coming.
9
00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:08,772
No! No, you're not. You can
10
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,816
you can hitch a ride
back for all I care.
11
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,983
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
12
00:03:12,296 --> 00:03:13,777
Is that your final decision?
13
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,466
Yes.
14
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,420
You are such a bastard
with those tittie-twisters, man.
15
00:03:32,483 --> 00:03:34,339
Oh, Adam, come on, man.
16
00:03:34,777 --> 00:03:37,321
Let me in, Adam.
It'll be like old times, buddy.
17
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,428
- Forget it, Harley.
- Oh come on,
18
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:42,910
- this trip will let us patch things up.
- That bus has already left town.
19
00:03:43,327 --> 00:03:45,058
We're never gonna be friends again.
20
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,670
You still keep your spare
in your magnetic hide-a-key.
21
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,568
You are so predictable!
22
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,696
Uh-uh, that's mine, baby.
23
00:04:00,761 --> 00:04:03,535
I never liked Betty Ann.
You know why?
24
00:04:03,764 --> 00:04:05,787
'Cause she was
a major prick tease, dude.
25
00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:08,102
You were friends with her
for over 10 years,
26
00:04:08,144 --> 00:04:10,064
and not once did she
consider you as a boyfriend.
27
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,501
I know that's what you wanted.
28
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,903
Hey, what are you doing?
Come on!
29
00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,512
Just what I suspected, bro'.
30
00:04:22,575 --> 00:04:24,577
You still keep her picture
in your pocket.
31
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,580
And it's laminated, even, man.
32
00:04:27,663 --> 00:04:30,583
- You're such a wussy.
- I'm not a wussy, okay?
33
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,811
And you have no idea what
my relationship with Betty Ann is like.
34
00:04:32,835 --> 00:04:35,588
Oh, I do. And I'm a lot
deeper than you think.
35
00:04:35,671 --> 00:04:37,819
I'm an anthropology major,
you know, bro'?
36
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,989
Yeah, for seven and a half years.
You haven't learned anything.
37
00:04:41,052 --> 00:04:44,805
I have too. If I was an anthropologist
200 years in the future,
38
00:04:44,889 --> 00:04:46,515
and I came across your car,
I would still
39
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,143
- deduce that you were a wussy.
- Okay, and how would you do that?
40
00:04:49,185 --> 00:04:51,666
First of all, I would conclude
that you're overly cautious.
41
00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:54,628
'Cause not only do you have
42
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,109
a club for your steering wheel,
43
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,987
but you also have lowjack as evidenced
by the beeper on your key chain.
44
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,282
It's for security purposes
and it protects my car.
45
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,744
And most guys use a little black book
to write babes' numbers in.
46
00:05:06,827 --> 00:05:09,142
You, however,
use your little black book
47
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,645
to keep track
of your car's gas mileage.
48
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:15,440
I've got a babe's number in there,
if you just look in the bs.
49
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,481
You write it all down
with this itty bitty little pencil
50
00:05:17,505 --> 00:05:19,757
'cause you're too goddamned
cheap to buy a new one.
51
00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:24,282
And what kind of person
puts one of these on their antenna?
52
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,263
A little wussy, that's who.
53
00:05:26,889 --> 00:05:27,911
Thafsil
54
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,851
okay
55
00:05:30,893 --> 00:05:33,771
that's right, I wanna hear it.
I'm not a wussy.
56
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,357
- No way.
- I'm not gonna let you out,
57
00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:38,150
- until you say it.
- I'm not gonna say it.
58
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:41,716
- I'm not a little wussy.
- No, you're a wussy.
59
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,116
I'm not letting you out
until you say it, Harley.
60
00:05:45,241 --> 00:05:47,743
- Okay, you're not a little wussy.
- Right.
61
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,186
You're not a wussy, man.
62
00:05:53,749 --> 00:05:55,376
You're not a little wussy.
63
00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:58,212
You are a complete wussy.
64
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,152
Look, Adam, all I'm trying to say is
65
00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:03,738
that after all the term papers
you ghost wrote for Betty Ann
66
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,407
and all the finals
you prepped her for,
67
00:06:05,428 --> 00:06:07,888
she not once unclamped
her knobby little knees for you,
68
00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,224
let alone let you make out with her.
69
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,436
Just admit it, man.
She used you.
70
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,126
She did not use me.
71
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,502
She just
72
00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:43,174
That was weird.
73
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:45,822
Yeah.
74
00:06:53,559 --> 00:06:55,853
Yeah, Adam, let's get serious.
75
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,419
You know a girl's pubic hair
is really like her hood ornament?
76
00:06:59,899 --> 00:07:02,047
How she shaves her vagifro says a lot
77
00:07:02,109 --> 00:07:03,590
about what she's got under the hood.
78
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,052
But if her little sex goatee
is perfectly manicured
79
00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:10,764
into a little caterpillar
or a cute little butterfly,
80
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,474
like, I bet this girl's done
81
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,916
whoo, boy, telling you she's got
a lot of horsepower under that hood,
82
00:07:16,957 --> 00:07:19,460
and she's gonna be one sweet ride.
83
00:07:21,003 --> 00:07:22,442
Man, you're too much.
84
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,466
I can't believe I let you come along
on this trip with me.
85
00:07:27,426 --> 00:07:28,990
Good god.
86
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:33,745
Hey, this is
a choice opportunity, all right?
87
00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:35,580
We stopped being pals over Betty Ann.
88
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,540
I thought that now
that she was getting hitched
89
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,480
you'd be over her
and maybe we could start over.
90
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:42,212
You know, this road trip, I thought,
would be the trick.
91
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:46,216
- Tell a few jokes, have a few laughs.
- I don't know, man.
92
00:07:46,237 --> 00:07:48,343
It's a little hard getting over
being punched in the face
93
00:07:48,364 --> 00:07:50,804
- by your best friend.
- You called me a liar.
94
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,181
- You called Betty Ann a slut.
- She is.
95
00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:55,684
The skank can deep throat
a garden hose.
96
00:07:55,746 --> 00:07:57,706
The bitch was humping
everybody, but you.
97
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,042
Look, I just didn't want you
to get hurt, man.
98
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,295
Right, right. Well, then
you shouldn't have punched me.
99
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,842
I am in awe. I am in utter awe.
100
00:08:07,883 --> 00:08:09,239
This is ridiculous.
101
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:13,910
The forces of stupidity are far greater
than the forces of intelligence.
102
00:08:14,265 --> 00:08:17,831
We're outnumbered, Adam.
We are severely outnumbered.
103
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,875
Now look at this, look at these
pea brain watching this crap.
104
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,545
Could you just kind
of keep it down a little bit?
105
00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:26,151
These rednecks must have
an I.Q. The same number
106
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,445
as my underwear size to enjoy this.
107
00:08:29,864 --> 00:08:31,678
I don't really think
it's such a good idea
108
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,243
to use the phrase redneck
in a place like this.
109
00:08:34,285 --> 00:08:35,640
Oh, okay.
110
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,582
How are these hillbillies
ever gonna change
111
00:08:39,623 --> 00:08:41,730
unless someone points out
how lame ass they are.
112
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,566
You owe me $12.63 for the meal.
113
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,923
They have got to know that watching
a monster truck exhibition
114
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,759
is just as bad as buying
a velvet painting of Elvis.
115
00:08:51,927 --> 00:08:53,908
Is there any way I can get you
to just shut up?
116
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,264
If a vehicle could take Viagra,
117
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,349
a monster truck
is what it would look like.
118
00:08:57,808 --> 00:09:01,541
Those giant tires make the truck look
like it's got blue balls.
119
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,334
And another thing. These th...
120
00:09:09,862 --> 00:09:10,946
What?
121
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,762
I'm speechless.
122
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:25,648
Did you know that you suffer
from diarrhea of the mouth?
123
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,298
Oh, back there at the diner.
124
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,696
Yeah, I was just having
a few shits and grins.
125
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,345
Yeah, well you totally pissed
those people off, man.
126
00:09:34,386 --> 00:09:36,076
They looked like they were
gonna pummel us.
127
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,454
You know, you haven't changed one bit
since you roomed in college.
128
00:09:41,435 --> 00:09:44,667
You secretly like having me around
'cause you know I'm good for you.
129
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,044
How is that?
130
00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:48,797
You live vicariously through me.
131
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,382
If it weren't for me,
"Dr. Maestro sir,"
132
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,406
you wouldn't know the first thing
about free style orifice probing.
133
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:58,452
Your entire sexual knowledge is based
on listening to my experiences,
134
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:01,267
which I kindly give you the blow
by blow, if you know what I mean.
135
00:10:01,288 --> 00:10:02,685
Hey, stop that.
136
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,426
And I call you on all
the swishy stuff you do.
137
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,012
- Swishy?
- Yeah, swishy. Like that.
138
00:10:17,096 --> 00:10:19,994
- Like what?
- You just used your turn signal
139
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,268
to pass a piece of road kill and there's
not a goddamned car in sight.
140
00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:24,541
Shut up.
141
00:10:30,818 --> 00:10:33,112
You're 25 and you never done it.
142
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,366
You never even tried.
You're still a fucking virgin.
143
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,160
Fucking virgin?
Isn't that an oxymoron?
144
00:10:40,577 --> 00:10:43,393
No, man, it's just plain moron.
145
00:10:43,872 --> 00:10:45,937
Just admit it, man.
You never done it.
146
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:49,566
Never done the dirty deed.
Never conjugated the verb.
147
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,068
You never made the beast
with two backs.
148
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,486
It's not what you think.
149
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,988
It's not what you think?
150
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,635
You remind me of the guy
151
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,471
with the skull-and-bones full-body
tattoo caught in the crack house
152
00:10:59,596 --> 00:11:02,412
with his buck naked, shaved pussy,
skinhead teenage girlfriend.
153
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:05,019
He's got blow up his nose,
needle sticking out of his arms,
154
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:08,668
a cache of uzies next to his kkk
propaganda and child pornography.
155
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,733
The doors are smashed down
and he's caught.
156
00:11:10,774 --> 00:11:13,339
He says to the SWAT team,
"hey, it's not what you think."
157
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,218
Shut up.
158
00:11:18,532 --> 00:11:21,812
You know the reason I've never done it.
It's 'cause I haven't found the right girl.
159
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,664
No, it's because you've been stupidly
saving yourself for Betty Ann.
160
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,146
But you're not fooling me, man.
161
00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:30,847
I figured out what lame ass move
you're gonna pull once you see her.
162
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,423
- What are you talking about?
- I know you.
163
00:11:34,673 --> 00:11:37,947
You've never told Betty Ann how you
really feel but you've always wanted to.
164
00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:40,450
Now time is running out,
it's your last chance.
165
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,368
You're gonna have
to declare your love for her
166
00:11:42,389 --> 00:11:44,975
and hope that she drops this dildo
she's about to marry for you.
167
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,665
I'm right, aren't I?
168
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,104
That's what you're gonna do.
169
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,760
Look at the size of that thing.
170
00:12:01,575 --> 00:12:03,806
Hey, buddy, you know what this is?
171
00:12:03,869 --> 00:12:05,266
It's a flock of these!
172
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:09,979
- Are you nuts?
- The "rum ranger" deserved it, man.
173
00:12:31,814 --> 00:12:35,213
- Can't this thing go any faster?
- I got it floored, I got it floored.
174
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,726
This can't be happening.
175
00:12:52,376 --> 00:12:55,275
Oh, man, for once maybe you were right,
I shouldn't have flipped him off.
176
00:12:56,171 --> 00:12:58,987
Just let him pass us, man.
Just let him pass us.
177
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,905
Come on, man, pass us.
178
00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:04,450
Okay, okay, pass me.
Come on, pass me.
179
00:13:04,513 --> 00:13:07,161
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to flip you off, man.
180
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,540
Oh, oh, god.
181
00:13:16,275 --> 00:13:18,840
- Jesus Christ.
- He's gonna hit us again.
182
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,978
I feel like we just played drop
the soap with Godzilla, man.
183
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,355
Damn you. It's all your fault.
184
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,629
Get off me, Adam.
185
00:14:00,235 --> 00:14:02,070
Adam, get off me.
186
00:14:05,824 --> 00:14:08,848
Oh, yeah!
It's time for super wedgie time.
187
00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:12,998
Super wedgies! Wahoo!
188
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,667
You fight like a girl.
You fight like a girl.
189
00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:18,212
How do you like that now, huh?
How do you like that?
190
00:14:18,253 --> 00:14:19,400
What a wussy girl!
191
00:14:19,421 --> 00:14:21,506
Adam, you're pissing me off
right now.
192
00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:29,765
Captain Harley's cruncher.
193
00:14:33,477 --> 00:14:34,937
Eat the dirt!
194
00:14:36,063 --> 00:14:39,274
Stop it, Adam, stop it.
Stop it or I'm gonna fart on you.
195
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,797
Okay.
196
00:14:45,197 --> 00:14:47,178
That was a wise choice, kimosabe.
197
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,742
You know I would've.
198
00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:53,017
Give it another try, Adam.
We should be able to get this started.
199
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,707
These vista cruisers
usually keep going forever.
200
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,112
Hey, the fuel line's busted
but I can fix that.
201
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,094
Where are we gonna get more gas,
Dr. Maestro sir?
202
00:15:21,817 --> 00:15:23,193
Hey Adam, wait up.
203
00:15:24,319 --> 00:15:25,925
Hey man, was I right?
204
00:15:27,698 --> 00:15:29,637
Are you gonna tell Betty Ann
how you really feel?
205
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:35,747
Yeah.
206
00:15:36,623 --> 00:15:38,792
Yeah, I'm gonna tell her I love her.
207
00:15:40,335 --> 00:15:44,381
I don't expect her to leave her guy
for me or anything, but
208
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,759
I couldn't live with
myself if I didn't at least try,
209
00:15:48,552 --> 00:15:49,678
right?
210
00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:52,180
That's nice.
211
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,724
Just one thing.
212
00:15:54,808 --> 00:15:56,518
Before you tell Betty Ann that,
213
00:15:57,060 --> 00:15:59,271
you better take those
tampons out of your nose.
214
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,113
Come on, man,
stop being such a douche.
215
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,887
You're being such a fucking douche.
216
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,434
What's that?
217
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,228
It marks where someone died,
Mr. Anthropology.
218
00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:21,189
How do you know that?
219
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,796
Some guys in my contract law class
220
00:16:24,838 --> 00:16:27,132
were in this nasty
drunk driving accident.
221
00:16:27,466 --> 00:16:30,573
As a memorial some of my classmates
put up a cross in the road
222
00:16:30,594 --> 00:16:32,888
- and marked where they died.
- Huh.
223
00:16:36,058 --> 00:16:39,770
You know those silicone implants they
give to girls when they get boob jobs?
224
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:41,792
You know, they're
supposed to last forever.
225
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:44,274
What freaks me out is
when one of these women dies.
226
00:16:44,608 --> 00:16:47,527
After a few years her corpse
will totally be rotting in the ground,
227
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,822
but her carcass will have
these perfect silicone implants
228
00:16:50,864 --> 00:16:52,783
still sitting on her decayed chest.
229
00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:56,119
- It's disgusting.
- Hey, come on, man.
230
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,767
I'm just trying to make you laugh.
231
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:02,000
Can you not be serious for one minute?
That truck ran us off the road.
232
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:04,398
You really think
he was trying to kill us?
233
00:17:04,419 --> 00:17:05,942
It sure seemed like it, yeah.
234
00:17:06,046 --> 00:17:08,173
It's probably just a redneck
from back in the diner
235
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,716
trying to get us back
for what I said.
236
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,739
No, it seems like more
than just payback.
237
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,032
You're paranoid.
238
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,847
Just because you're paranoid,
doesn't mean that
239
00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:19,747
doesn't mean that
someone isn't coming after you.
240
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:24,001
Hey, look at that.
241
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,690
- They have gas.
- Go.
242
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:28,881
Come on.
243
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,530
Uh, watch that.
244
00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:35,054
Hello?
245
00:17:36,118 --> 00:17:37,244
Hello!
246
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:38,558
Anybody home?
247
00:17:38,995 --> 00:17:41,039
Hello! Anybody home?
248
00:17:43,708 --> 00:17:45,231
There's no one home.
249
00:17:45,502 --> 00:17:47,337
Probably went for a hike
or something
250
00:17:47,421 --> 00:17:49,423
I guess we could wait here
until they come back.
251
00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:51,320
Forget that.
Let's just siphon in some fuel.
252
00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:54,636
- Can we do that?
- I've done it plenty of times before.
253
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:58,369
I can use this cup. I'll just
suck it out and spit it right in here.
254
00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:26,814
Hey man, that's not the gas tank,
it's the septic tank.
255
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:34,342
I'm sorry, man, I should have told you.
I couldn't resist.
256
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:38,534
You knew?
257
00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:47,647
Hey, hey, man, at least you
finally made me laugh, right?
258
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:07,000
That was a good one.
259
00:19:07,042 --> 00:19:09,920
You got me Adam,
that was a pretty good joke.
260
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,130
Speaking of which, did you know
261
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,631
that "citizen Kane" is
the biggest practical joke in the world?
262
00:19:14,966 --> 00:19:16,051
How is that?
263
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,949
Well, Charles foster Kane was based
on William Randolph hearst,
264
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,472
the big newspaper magnate.
265
00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:24,538
And William Randolph hearst named
his girlfriend's pussy, her rosebud.
266
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,041
That's why the
biggest line in the movie
267
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,272
is the biggest practical
joke in the world.
268
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,108
Rosebud.
269
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,343
Say it with me once. Rosebud.
270
00:19:37,405 --> 00:19:41,764
- Rosebud.
- Rosebud, rosebud.
271
00:19:41,785 --> 00:19:45,851
Rosebud, rosebud, rosebud.
272
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:48,708
Rosebud, rosebud, rosebud.
273
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,481
Rosebud.
274
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:54,860
- Rosebud.
- Rosebud.
275
00:19:54,923 --> 00:19:57,196
Rosebud.
276
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,032
Wow, check out this space cowgirl.
277
00:20:00,595 --> 00:20:02,681
Oh, oh, Adam, slow down,
now is your chance.
278
00:20:02,722 --> 00:20:06,184
- Oh, this girl is made for banging.
- I can't pull over.
279
00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:08,416
You could totally Bury
your dead hamster in her grave.
280
00:20:08,436 --> 00:20:10,376
She is absolutely made for banging.
281
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,170
Oh, just observe
that commendable firmness.
282
00:20:13,316 --> 00:20:16,716
That bellybutton ring is a sure sign
that she is corrupt with horniness.
283
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,885
I'll bet you she is free and breezy
underneath that skirt,
284
00:20:19,906 --> 00:20:22,993
giving you easy access
to her rosebud.
285
00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:26,955
Yeah right, I can't pick up some chick
just before I declare my love to Betty Ann.
286
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,206
Oh, oh, fuck.
287
00:20:44,639 --> 00:20:52,639
B-u-d.
288
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,560
Excuse me,
are there restrooms back there?
289
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,082
Okay, thanks.
290
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:24,492
Nasty.
291
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:18,400
Rosebud, rosebud.
292
00:26:41,454 --> 00:26:43,143
What the hell are you doing?
293
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:45,959
A little payback of our own, buddy.
294
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:48,774
Harley, you gotta get down,
he's coming. Let's go.
295
00:26:50,463 --> 00:26:54,571
Move your fat ass.
Come on, hurry, hurry, jump.
296
00:26:55,218 --> 00:26:56,302
Let's go!
297
00:27:08,314 --> 00:27:10,900
That's a first you're going
over the speed limit.
298
00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:12,944
Shut up, you're so stupid.
299
00:27:13,006 --> 00:27:15,425
He didn't even know we were there.
We were parked on the south side.
300
00:27:15,446 --> 00:27:17,219
I don't care,
I saw the guy, he is a freak.
301
00:27:17,281 --> 00:27:18,992
We were hidden behind the dumpster.
302
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,640
He had this one eye. It was all white,
it didn't even look human.
303
00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:25,018
There is no way that he saw us.
There is absolutely no way that he saw
304
00:27:27,896 --> 00:27:30,420
umm, Adam?
305
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,464
Was that like that before
we stopped at the gas station?
306
00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:38,115
Oh no, man, now he knows it was us,
307
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:40,221
he knows it was you
who pissed in his truck.
308
00:27:40,304 --> 00:27:42,411
I been waiting my whole life
to fuck up like this.
309
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:44,684
Congratulations,
you fulfilled your destiny.
310
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:47,291
- Adam, I gotta tell you something.
- Yeah, what?
311
00:27:47,353 --> 00:27:48,938
I mean I really
don't want to tell you,
312
00:27:48,959 --> 00:27:51,607
but I'd hate to go to my grave
without letting you know.
313
00:27:51,691 --> 00:27:52,900
Okay.
314
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:56,029
I slept with Betty Ann.
315
00:28:00,929 --> 00:28:02,410
Aren't you gonna say anything?
316
00:28:04,370 --> 00:28:06,435
That's how I knew
she was sleeping around,
317
00:28:06,497 --> 00:28:08,187
and that's why I was badmouthing her.
318
00:28:08,270 --> 00:28:10,772
I wanted you to get over her
so if you found out what I did
319
00:28:10,835 --> 00:28:12,420
you might not be quite as mad.
320
00:28:15,152 --> 00:28:16,445
I'm sorry.
321
00:28:43,242 --> 00:28:45,390
Okay, I parked the car around back
322
00:28:45,411 --> 00:28:47,246
so no one should know
we're staying here.
323
00:28:47,476 --> 00:28:49,770
You know,
I actually think we're in the clear.
324
00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:53,377
I mean, the odds of him finding us
are like winning the lottery.
325
00:28:53,961 --> 00:28:57,507
We're more likely to find a dead hooker
stuffed in our mattress.
326
00:28:57,965 --> 00:28:59,634
Hey Harley, look at that.
327
00:28:59,717 --> 00:29:03,304
Police discovered the body of a man
murdered inside his motor home.
328
00:29:03,367 --> 00:29:05,014
No details were released.
329
00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:08,810
Police would only comment that it was a
grisly scene inside the camper trailer,
330
00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:10,978
and that part of the body
had been removed.
331
00:29:11,229 --> 00:29:16,109
Ktml has unsubstantiated reports that
the body was decapitated.
332
00:29:16,234 --> 00:29:19,883
Satanic ritual is suspected as indicated
by the large pentagram
333
00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:21,489
drawn in the field,
334
00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:23,637
apparently with the
vehicle's wheels
335
00:29:23,699 --> 00:29:25,472
that's the motor home
where we stole the gas.
336
00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:27,349
I know, I know.
337
00:29:27,787 --> 00:29:30,706
Oh man, this whole trip
is turning into a nightmare.
338
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:34,356
We're getting chased around
by a madman in a monster truck.
339
00:29:34,418 --> 00:29:37,651
We're running around trailer homes
with corpses inside of them.
340
00:29:37,693 --> 00:29:39,215
I found out you slept with Betty Ann.
341
00:29:41,697 --> 00:29:43,115
I don't know what's worse.
342
00:29:43,845 --> 00:29:45,575
We gotta call the police.
343
00:29:45,763 --> 00:29:48,287
And tell them what,
I sucked in a mouthful of shit?
344
00:29:48,391 --> 00:29:51,352
- We didn't see any of that.
- Harley, we have an obligation.
345
00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:54,021
What if they hold us for questioning.
346
00:29:54,105 --> 00:29:56,825
There's no way you're gonna get
to Betty Ann before she gets married.
347
00:29:57,212 --> 00:29:59,256
We don't know anything
that's gonna help them.
348
00:29:59,339 --> 00:30:02,134
Do you really wanna drive back
into the monster truck's backyard?
349
00:30:02,259 --> 00:30:04,845
I think it's just best that we get
the hell out of dodge.
350
00:30:04,866 --> 00:30:09,245
Oh, oh, do you have
any tweezers, man?
351
00:30:16,002 --> 00:30:19,443
Oh, shit man, you got everything in that
Batman utility belt of yours.
352
00:30:20,756 --> 00:30:26,971
Ow, oh god, ah, I can't get it out.
353
00:30:41,235 --> 00:30:43,967
I'm gonna get you.
354
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:49,639
I'm gonna get you.
355
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,915
I'm gonna get you.
356
00:30:54,999 --> 00:30:58,252
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you.
357
00:30:58,336 --> 00:31:00,108
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you.
358
00:31:01,735 --> 00:31:03,779
I'm gonna get you.
359
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:07,908
I'm gonna get you.
360
00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:11,224
I'm gonna get you.
361
00:31:17,146 --> 00:31:19,544
I'm gonna get you.
362
00:31:20,316 --> 00:31:23,840
I'm gonna get you
and bang your brains out, baby.
363
00:31:24,758 --> 00:31:28,908
I'm gonna get you
and bang your brains out baby, yeah.
364
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,860
How do you like that?
365
00:32:25,965 --> 00:32:28,864
Oh, you like that, don't you?
366
00:32:31,429 --> 00:32:35,370
You take it, yeah, baby, yeah.
367
00:32:36,183 --> 00:32:38,331
Oh, oh boy, yeah,
368
00:32:38,352 --> 00:32:40,771
your snatch is so wet for me, honey.
369
00:32:41,022 --> 00:32:44,692
Mm, you like that, don't you?
What's that, honey?
370
00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:47,737
You want me to lick your button, huh?
371
00:32:49,613 --> 00:32:52,512
Yeah, daddy will
take it home for you, baby.
372
00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:34,346
Well, let's just look
on the bright side.
373
00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:37,182
- There's a bright side?
- Well yeah, he could've killed us.
374
00:33:37,244 --> 00:33:39,747
Oh yeah, great,
that makes me feel a lot better.
375
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,666
Oh shit, we got a flat.
376
00:33:44,773 --> 00:33:46,066
Look, he got us back.
377
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:48,235
It was pure payback,
that's all it had to be.
378
00:33:48,297 --> 00:33:50,546
If he wanted us dead,
he would've dahmered with us already.
379
00:33:50,570 --> 00:33:53,615
You are one bong hit away
from having absolutely no brain cells.
380
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:55,554
That guy is gonna kill us.
381
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,577
He killed the guy in the woods,
and now he's gonna kill us.
382
00:33:57,598 --> 00:34:00,893
He's just waiting for the right moment.
I know it. I just know it.
383
00:34:01,456 --> 00:34:03,208
Fuck! Come on, come on,
help me fix this.
384
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:05,314
No way.
I'm not getting out of this car.
385
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:07,733
I thought you just said
we had nothing to worry about.
386
00:34:07,900 --> 00:34:11,404
Now come on. I'm not going out there
unless you're there with me,
387
00:34:11,508 --> 00:34:12,822
watching my back.
388
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:15,741
Forget it. My ass is in this seat.
It's not going anywhere.
389
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:21,893
If he kills you, can I tell Betty Ann
that I love her?
390
00:34:23,207 --> 00:34:26,439
- That's not funny.
- And what if I'm telling you the truth?
391
00:34:28,337 --> 00:34:29,943
What, you love Betty Ann too?
392
00:34:29,985 --> 00:34:33,071
Well yeah, you know
our fling wasn't a one-timer.
393
00:34:33,175 --> 00:34:35,699
I was pretty tore up
when she broke things off with me.
394
00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:37,951
That's why I said
all those bad things about her.
395
00:34:38,389 --> 00:34:41,725
This trip has really got me thinking.
I might wanna tell her how I feel.
396
00:34:42,268 --> 00:34:44,541
You wanna tell her how you feel?
397
00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,439
Well after you, of course.
398
00:34:46,647 --> 00:34:48,503
I figure while she's
figuring out her choices,
399
00:34:48,524 --> 00:34:50,568
I might as well throw
my name into the mix.
400
00:34:52,278 --> 00:34:53,842
You're unbelievable.
401
00:35:18,304 --> 00:35:21,828
Wow, relax guys,
I was just crashing in your car.
402
00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:27,083
Hi, I'm Sarah.
403
00:35:27,646 --> 00:35:29,794
Hey, I'm Harley,
404
00:35:29,899 --> 00:35:31,901
and this is my dorky friend Adam.
405
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,011
Nice outfits.
406
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:40,680
Oh yeah.
407
00:35:41,869 --> 00:35:43,600
Oh yeah.
408
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,042
So what were you guys doing
409
00:35:48,063 --> 00:35:50,085
in the middle of the night
in your underwear, huh?
410
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:53,276
Is this some
sort of frat initiation stunt?
411
00:35:54,381 --> 00:35:57,238
Yeah, I guess you could say
it was something like that.
412
00:35:57,968 --> 00:36:00,950
So, where are you headed?
413
00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:04,704
- Anywhere but here.
- And why is that?
414
00:36:06,477 --> 00:36:07,916
None of your business.
415
00:36:08,249 --> 00:36:10,835
Oh, mysterious.
416
00:36:11,336 --> 00:36:12,545
I like that.
417
00:36:13,984 --> 00:36:15,757
Your friend
doesn't say much, does he?
418
00:36:16,529 --> 00:36:18,989
No, he gets nervous around girls.
419
00:36:20,658 --> 00:36:23,181
Well maybe I like
the strong silent type.
420
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:26,226
Well you got the silent part right.
421
00:36:26,247 --> 00:36:28,707
You see, he's a virgin.
422
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:30,689
Huh.
423
00:36:31,439 --> 00:36:34,255
And you're what I call an a-hole.
424
00:36:35,631 --> 00:36:39,364
- Hey, do you need some help?
- Oh, I got it, thanks.
425
00:36:40,469 --> 00:36:41,574
What?
426
00:36:44,306 --> 00:36:45,495
Your eyes
427
00:36:46,037 --> 00:36:48,519
I like your root beer colored eyes.
428
00:36:49,791 --> 00:36:53,190
Oh, root beer colored eyes.
429
00:36:54,275 --> 00:36:56,172
I like that.
430
00:37:06,662 --> 00:37:07,809
What's your name, boy?
431
00:37:07,830 --> 00:37:09,811
I told you, officer,
I don't wanna be identified.
432
00:37:10,583 --> 00:37:12,939
- This is an anonymous tip.
- I need your name.
433
00:37:13,002 --> 00:37:16,317
- Please just listen.
- All right. What's this about, boy?
434
00:37:16,359 --> 00:37:18,504
Just north of the motor home
where you found the murder,
435
00:37:18,528 --> 00:37:21,343
my friend and I were chased
off the road by this huge
436
00:37:22,907 --> 00:37:24,451
weird monster truck. And it,
437
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:26,703
I mean,
438
00:37:27,266 --> 00:37:31,103
who... whoever was driving
the vehicle was trying to kill us.
439
00:37:32,396 --> 00:37:34,982
I think the driver of that monster truck
could be your murderer.
440
00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:39,361
It's it's all yours.
441
00:37:47,286 --> 00:37:49,768
Harley, I just called the cops.
442
00:37:50,456 --> 00:37:53,125
Look, maybe they'll actually pick up
that guy in the monster truck.
443
00:37:53,709 --> 00:37:55,833
I think we just gotta get to the
wedding as soon as possible.
444
00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:57,546
I have to talk to Betty Ann
before she's married.
445
00:37:57,567 --> 00:37:59,423
Are you sure that's
what you wanna do?
446
00:37:59,986 --> 00:38:01,738
You know, this is your big chance.
447
00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:04,699
- What?
- You know, with Sarah.
448
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,659
This is your moment to lose it.
449
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,141
Pop your cherry, become a man,
you name it.
450
00:38:09,496 --> 00:38:12,811
I'm not interested.
I'm really not interested.
451
00:38:12,874 --> 00:38:15,356
Oh, I think you're interested big time.
452
00:38:15,397 --> 00:38:17,086
Come on, man, stop it, stop it.
453
00:38:17,775 --> 00:38:21,695
That chick is hot.
And biology is destiny, baby.
454
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:24,782
Biology is destiny.
455
00:38:24,865 --> 00:38:27,677
I find it hard to believe she likes me
with you cutting me down at every turn.
456
00:38:27,701 --> 00:38:29,140
It's all a part of my plan.
457
00:38:29,182 --> 00:38:31,497
I'm being an a-hole on purpose
so she's gonna hate me
458
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:33,957
and thereby like you.
It's brilliant.
459
00:38:34,166 --> 00:38:35,250
Oh, okay.
460
00:38:35,292 --> 00:38:37,692
Then how do you explain
being an a-hole before she showed up?
461
00:38:37,774 --> 00:38:41,069
I'm telling you, everything that happened
on this trip has happened for a reason.
462
00:38:41,194 --> 00:38:44,489
All the cosmic forces are conspiring
for you to meet this chick.
463
00:38:45,135 --> 00:38:46,324
I don't think so.
464
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:49,264
Come on. This girl digs you.
465
00:38:49,932 --> 00:38:51,996
And I'll bet you this chick
does anything.
466
00:38:52,142 --> 00:38:53,977
I'll bet you she'll even
give you those little
467
00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:56,313
eyelash butterfly kisses
you like so much
468
00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:58,732
on your balls, even.
469
00:39:00,004 --> 00:39:02,549
Man, you know, you just want me
to get interested in this girl
470
00:39:02,611 --> 00:39:05,051
because now you've decided
you're in love with Betty Ann, too.
471
00:39:05,114 --> 00:39:08,200
Oh, that is not it at all.
Look man, if you're not gonna go for it,
472
00:39:09,243 --> 00:39:10,619
I'm gonna have to.
473
00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:12,955
She probably likes me better, anyway.
474
00:39:13,726 --> 00:39:14,915
Cut it out.
475
00:39:14,957 --> 00:39:16,834
Oh man, she'll never
even know I felt her up.
476
00:39:16,855 --> 00:39:18,022
Harley, don't.
477
00:39:18,648 --> 00:39:20,191
Come on.
478
00:39:20,233 --> 00:39:23,152
Come on, don't you wanna know
if she's got root beer colored nipples?
479
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:25,884
Okay, well yes, a little bit,
but no, no, no, don't.
480
00:39:25,926 --> 00:39:27,740
Harley, Harley.
481
00:39:32,975 --> 00:39:34,560
Oh Adam
482
00:39:36,353 --> 00:39:41,087
I love the way you touch me, baby.
483
00:39:42,672 --> 00:39:44,841
I can't believe that.
484
00:39:54,913 --> 00:39:57,979
I can't believe that she's more
attracted to you than she is to me.
485
00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:00,899
I mean, that's absurd. I mean,
look at you and look at me.
486
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,942
Would you just let this go?
487
00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:05,758
I promise you by the end of this trip
she's gonna be mine.
488
00:40:05,862 --> 00:40:08,114
Why are you getting so competitive
all of a sudden?
489
00:40:08,156 --> 00:40:10,262
- Because I like her.
- Yeah, well I like her too.
490
00:40:10,304 --> 00:40:12,347
Yeah, but you're not
gonna do anything about it,
491
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:15,705
- so why don't you just step aside?
- Can't you let me have this one thing?
492
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:17,478
She had a dream about me, so what?
493
00:40:17,561 --> 00:40:19,292
So what? It should've been me.
494
00:40:19,521 --> 00:40:22,274
Yeah, well it should've been me
who slept with Betty Ann, not you.
495
00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:24,485
Betty Ann didn't sleep with you
because you're a wussy.
496
00:40:24,526 --> 00:40:26,424
- I'm not a wussy.
- You are too.
497
00:40:26,507 --> 00:40:28,405
- Am not.
- Are too.
498
00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:29,656
- Am not, am not.
- Are too, are too.
499
00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:30,762
- Am not, am not.
- Are too, are too.
500
00:40:30,783 --> 00:40:31,804
- Am not, am not.
- Are too, are too.
501
00:40:31,825 --> 00:40:32,844
- Am not, am not.
- Are too, are too.
502
00:40:32,868 --> 00:40:33,890
- Am not, am not.
- Are too, are too.
503
00:40:33,911 --> 00:40:35,579
What the hell's going on?
504
00:40:39,249 --> 00:40:40,751
That's what this is about?
505
00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:43,399
Which one of you I'm attracted to?
506
00:40:44,588 --> 00:40:45,985
You two are such little boys.
507
00:40:46,006 --> 00:40:48,206
I mean, Jesus Christ,
you could've gotten us all killed.
508
00:40:50,198 --> 00:40:52,951
You know what?
I think I'm gonna hitch another ride.
509
00:40:53,597 --> 00:40:56,975
Oh that's great, look what you did.
The best thing about this trip was Sarah
510
00:40:56,996 --> 00:40:58,685
- and now you made her leave.
- Me?
511
00:40:58,727 --> 00:41:00,124
- Yeah, you.
- This is your fault.
512
00:41:01,104 --> 00:41:04,107
Sarah, Sarah come back.
513
00:41:04,191 --> 00:41:06,819
- Come on, Sarah
- Harley: Come on, Sarah, we're sorry.
514
00:41:06,839 --> 00:41:08,278
- All right, please?
- Sorry.
515
00:41:08,487 --> 00:41:12,074
- I'm sorry, please, come back.
- Please, Sarah.
516
00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:14,868
I'm sorry.
517
00:41:38,121 --> 00:41:41,144
Wow! Sweetjelly,
she likes me better!
518
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:42,959
Aah... hold, please.
519
00:41:44,857 --> 00:41:47,401
Okay, now is your turn, Adam.
520
00:41:48,631 --> 00:41:49,653
What?
521
00:41:49,695 --> 00:41:50,925
Your turn to kiss me.
522
00:41:51,509 --> 00:41:53,761
Then I can tell who turns me on more.
523
00:41:54,324 --> 00:41:56,660
We can settle this for good
and be on our merry way.
524
00:41:57,682 --> 00:42:01,269
Oh, I I don't know
I don't think so.
525
00:42:35,198 --> 00:42:37,910
That's settles it. Adam wins.
526
00:42:38,139 --> 00:42:40,954
Oh, that's it! All right?
I call the backseat.
527
00:42:40,996 --> 00:42:43,853
This is one bad dream and I just need
to sleep it off, all right?
528
00:43:01,662 --> 00:43:04,686
So, Sarah, where are you headed?
529
00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:06,459
Nowhere.
530
00:43:07,814 --> 00:43:09,900
No, seriously, where are you going?
531
00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:13,841
Look, I don't want to talk about it.
532
00:43:15,718 --> 00:43:18,700
Let's just say
I'm leaving my problems behind.
533
00:43:25,666 --> 00:43:27,563
I will tell you one secret though.
534
00:43:30,775 --> 00:43:33,090
I wasn't sleeping
when you touched me.
535
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:35,801
What?
536
00:43:37,052 --> 00:43:39,033
But then, why did you let me
537
00:43:39,346 --> 00:43:42,140
oh jeez, I'm really sorry.
538
00:43:42,307 --> 00:43:43,976
I mean, Harley and I
were goofing off...
539
00:43:44,017 --> 00:43:45,123
It's all right.
540
00:43:45,143 --> 00:43:48,605
I pretended to dream about you, because
I wanted to teach Harley a lesson.
541
00:43:49,064 --> 00:43:51,003
Same thing with the kissing contest.
542
00:43:51,525 --> 00:43:53,464
You wanted to teach him a lesson?
543
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:54,987
Yeah
544
00:43:55,570 --> 00:43:57,635
I saw how he was treating you.
545
00:43:58,010 --> 00:43:59,658
I wanted to show him that
546
00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:03,578
you don't have to come on
so tetosterony to be a man.
547
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,605
Thanks, I guess.
548
00:44:14,881 --> 00:44:18,010
I have another lesson
to teach Harley.
549
00:44:39,990 --> 00:44:42,826
- What are you doing?
- Nothing, I'm just waking you up.
550
00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:44,640
It's Adam's turn for some shut eye.
551
00:44:51,043 --> 00:44:53,107
Why did god invent
shopping carts?
552
00:44:53,170 --> 00:44:54,504
I don't know, why?
553
00:44:54,567 --> 00:44:57,090
To teach women
how to walk on their hind legs.
554
00:45:05,411 --> 00:45:07,371
Guys, this town
isn't even on the map.
555
00:45:07,413 --> 00:45:08,935
Sure you didn't take a wrong turn?
556
00:45:30,999 --> 00:45:33,606
Look. You know, I can please
three women at once.
557
00:45:33,627 --> 00:45:37,276
- Oh, yeah, in your dreams.
- Yeah, I do it with my toes.
558
00:45:37,422 --> 00:45:39,028
Cheers to that.
559
00:45:45,305 --> 00:45:46,932
Look at these yokels.
560
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:49,643
Look at these hillbillies
putting on a pair of socks
561
00:45:49,705 --> 00:45:51,958
as their equipment
to putting on a three-pieces suit.
562
00:45:55,336 --> 00:45:58,631
Hey, what are you staring at,
a-hole?
563
00:46:01,509 --> 00:46:02,823
Harley, quiet!
564
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:06,389
I'll be quiet if you let me
give you another kiss.
565
00:46:06,618 --> 00:46:11,143
And I'll kiss you on your neck
or anyplace else you'd like me to.
566
00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:13,083
No, thanks.
567
00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:17,149
Ah, come on, I can be
just as charming as Adam here, okay?
568
00:46:17,233 --> 00:46:19,485
Check out my suave sense of humor.
569
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:22,697
That's not funny.
570
00:46:25,992 --> 00:46:27,389
Like to dance, little lady?
571
00:46:28,598 --> 00:46:30,058
Oh no, thanks.
572
00:46:30,496 --> 00:46:32,081
No, I think you'd like to dance.
573
00:46:34,437 --> 00:46:35,814
You heard the lady.
574
00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:38,546
She's not interested.
575
00:46:42,070 --> 00:46:44,427
I wasn't talking to you, pretty boy.
576
00:46:48,118 --> 00:46:52,601
What? Me dancing with this girl
is gonna ruin your ménage a trois?
577
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:58,065
Hey, let's take this dance
to the back of my truck.
578
00:46:58,441 --> 00:46:59,817
Yeah.
579
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:02,361
You see these hands?
580
00:47:03,842 --> 00:47:05,531
Now, watch out for my foot.
581
00:47:10,202 --> 00:47:12,517
You just got beat up by a girl.
582
00:47:13,414 --> 00:47:15,541
That guy was such a dick.
583
00:47:15,958 --> 00:47:19,024
He was a big guy,
he was a big dick.
584
00:47:19,149 --> 00:47:22,256
I just can't believe
you let Sarah kick his ass.
585
00:47:22,485 --> 00:47:23,570
Adam?
586
00:47:24,571 --> 00:47:26,385
Adam, where did you go?
587
00:47:26,406 --> 00:47:27,490
Here.
588
00:47:28,742 --> 00:47:29,993
Thanks.
589
00:47:42,631 --> 00:47:46,197
I can't understand
why you're being so nice to me.
590
00:47:46,927 --> 00:47:49,200
It's nice being nice to the nice.
591
00:47:51,181 --> 00:47:52,787
I don't know how you can say that,
592
00:47:52,828 --> 00:47:55,289
I'm not even man enough to stick up
for the girl I like.
593
00:47:57,187 --> 00:48:00,106
- You like me?
- Yeah.
594
00:48:04,861 --> 00:48:06,926
Then why don't you
do something about it?
595
00:48:09,032 --> 00:48:10,075
What?
596
00:48:10,992 --> 00:48:12,494
Do you have a girlfriend?
597
00:48:15,622 --> 00:48:18,562
Well no, not really.
598
00:48:19,772 --> 00:48:22,295
I heard you and Harley
talking in the car.
599
00:48:22,879 --> 00:48:25,674
It sounds like you really have a thing
for this Betty Ann.
600
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:28,885
Yeah.
601
00:48:28,927 --> 00:48:34,036
Listen, I'm not looking
for a commitment here.
602
00:48:34,870 --> 00:48:35,996
I know.
603
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,311
You know,
604
00:48:38,603 --> 00:48:41,335
a woman likes a
man with experience.
605
00:48:41,982 --> 00:48:44,401
Betty Ann might like
you better if you were
606
00:48:44,859 --> 00:48:46,653
a little more worldly.
607
00:48:47,362 --> 00:48:49,281
- Really?
- Yes.
608
00:48:51,011 --> 00:48:53,076
So, what are you waiting for?
609
00:48:55,036 --> 00:48:56,475
I'm afraid.
610
00:48:56,976 --> 00:48:59,708
Why? Do you think
that when a woman's the aggressor,
611
00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:01,564
that makes you less of a man.
612
00:49:03,461 --> 00:49:04,587
Yeah.
613
00:49:06,006 --> 00:49:10,156
Well no, maybe it's not it, anyways.
614
00:49:11,574 --> 00:49:13,430
Then what are you afraid of?
615
00:49:15,327 --> 00:49:16,579
Everything.
616
00:49:17,663 --> 00:49:19,081
What if I'm not good?
617
00:49:21,542 --> 00:49:24,295
Oh, you'll be good. I know it.
618
00:49:56,619 --> 00:49:59,205
- Oh, I'm sorry...
- What?
619
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:02,687
My nose bleed I've been
having it since I was a a kid.
620
00:50:02,791 --> 00:50:05,711
It happens pretty easily,
I'm sorry.
621
00:50:06,149 --> 00:50:08,380
Oh, here,
622
00:50:08,923 --> 00:50:11,529
let nurse Sarah
take a look at that.
623
00:50:17,619 --> 00:50:19,621
You've got a little bit on your face.
624
00:50:25,126 --> 00:50:27,921
Here, let me kiss that
and make it all better.
625
00:50:47,795 --> 00:50:48,879
Is that better?
626
00:50:50,110 --> 00:50:51,403
Much.
627
00:50:54,614 --> 00:50:56,324
Are you really a virgin?
628
00:50:57,826 --> 00:50:58,868
Yeah.
629
00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:02,268
I can't believe that
630
00:51:02,872 --> 00:51:04,687
a handsome guy like you.
631
00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:08,169
It's true.
632
00:51:11,423 --> 00:51:12,590
You swear?
633
00:51:13,591 --> 00:51:16,428
Yeah, I swear.
634
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:21,850
That really turns me on.
635
00:51:35,259 --> 00:51:36,906
You're so cute.
636
00:51:54,466 --> 00:51:56,050
Make me come now.
637
00:51:56,822 --> 00:51:59,074
Okay, can we try.
638
00:52:00,242 --> 00:52:04,371
Do or do not, there is no trying.
639
00:52:04,809 --> 00:52:05,894
Huh?
640
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:09,710
Ooh! Very white you
make me, young jedi.
641
00:52:12,796 --> 00:52:15,424
It's supposed to be fun.
Just go with it.
642
00:52:15,695 --> 00:52:16,988
And remember
643
00:52:17,301 --> 00:52:19,762
size matters not.
644
00:52:37,091 --> 00:52:39,990
You feel the force
blowing through you.
645
00:52:57,904 --> 00:53:00,740
- You know what I really love?
- Huh?
646
00:53:04,390 --> 00:53:06,162
Your root beer colored nipples.
647
00:53:13,503 --> 00:53:14,796
What the hell is that?
648
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:24,055
- Somebody help me.
- What's going on?
649
00:53:24,639 --> 00:53:27,350
It's definitely not colonel mustard
in the study with a candlestick,
650
00:53:27,371 --> 00:53:28,497
I'll tell you that.
651
00:53:28,872 --> 00:53:31,854
- Sarah, wait!
- Oh, hell's bells.
652
00:53:34,420 --> 00:53:36,150
Sarah, it could be dangerous.
653
00:53:36,568 --> 00:53:40,655
Help! Somebody help me!
654
00:54:51,872 --> 00:54:55,918
You dang kids are up to your assholes
and elbows in trouble.
655
00:54:56,898 --> 00:54:58,941
Ask the elbows what?
656
00:54:59,984 --> 00:55:01,757
We can't find a dang thing.
657
00:55:01,986 --> 00:55:05,239
Let alone some dead man
flattened like the coyote
658
00:55:05,260 --> 00:55:07,221
in some dang road runner cartoon.
659
00:55:07,262 --> 00:55:10,203
No, sir, we saw that.
I swear it.
660
00:55:10,536 --> 00:55:11,850
You know what I think?
661
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:14,436
I think you're all pulling
some dang prank.
662
00:55:15,124 --> 00:55:17,147
I got a holler from upstate
663
00:55:17,251 --> 00:55:19,712
about a couple of boys
fitting your description.
664
00:55:20,025 --> 00:55:23,195
You left a piece of dang
road kill in a motel room,
665
00:55:23,341 --> 00:55:25,364
thinking it was pretty dang funny.
666
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:30,556
I got half a mind to haul you in
for wasting my time.
667
00:55:30,786 --> 00:55:34,185
We're not lying.
We saw the whole dang thing.
668
00:55:39,336 --> 00:55:42,485
You angling to get in on some
drop the soap action, boy?
669
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:44,591
'Cause if you are,
670
00:55:44,716 --> 00:55:48,345
I'll put you in with a whole cell
of Hardy hard-ons.
671
00:55:48,449 --> 00:55:52,286
They'll stretch your ass out
till it looks like a spare tire.
672
00:55:53,746 --> 00:55:55,269
My advice to you
673
00:55:55,435 --> 00:55:59,669
is to get in your dang car
and get the hell out of my state
674
00:55:59,836 --> 00:56:03,715
before I put you in a place
where your nicknames will be
675
00:56:03,819 --> 00:56:06,926
firestone and uniroyal.
676
00:56:12,348 --> 00:56:16,039
So, this guy in a monster truck
has been following you for two days?
677
00:56:16,269 --> 00:56:17,729
You got it, sister.
678
00:56:18,187 --> 00:56:20,606
Boy, did I hitch a ride
with the wrong car.
679
00:56:22,358 --> 00:56:23,651
What are you doing, dude?
680
00:56:24,089 --> 00:56:25,549
I think I took a wrong turn.
681
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:28,406
Well, this is a perfect place
for old fuck face to nail us.
682
00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:31,325
- Fuck face.
- Yeah, you saw the guy.
683
00:56:31,492 --> 00:56:33,181
His face was totally fucked up.
684
00:56:33,453 --> 00:56:35,413
Looked like someone
quilted his face together.
685
00:56:35,601 --> 00:56:36,998
Wired his jaw shut, too.
686
00:56:37,227 --> 00:56:40,188
So yeah, he's fuck face in my book,
so come on, let's go.
687
00:56:40,209 --> 00:56:43,066
Look, I can't turn back around.
Deputy dang will throw us behind bars.
688
00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:45,193
If we go this way,
we could run right into fuck face.
689
00:56:45,548 --> 00:56:47,588
Look, I'm not going anywhere
until we check the map.
690
00:57:00,292 --> 00:57:02,857
Come on, make a decision,
make a decision.
691
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:05,777
- Give him a second.
- Oh yeah, that's just great.
692
00:57:05,797 --> 00:57:08,863
Gang up on me now that you
and studmeister general here
693
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:10,761
have taken your male
and female juices
694
00:57:10,844 --> 00:57:14,202
and mixed them all together into
a flagrant smorgasbord of bodily soup.
695
00:57:14,494 --> 00:57:17,184
- Gmm.
- Flagrant smorgasbord?
696
00:57:21,667 --> 00:57:24,170
You are next.
697
00:57:25,233 --> 00:57:27,590
- What?
- You are next.
698
00:57:29,279 --> 00:57:31,448
Well, that's what it says
on your hood.
699
00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:34,534
See?
700
00:57:35,223 --> 00:57:37,850
You are next.
701
00:57:38,956 --> 00:57:41,208
Even if that weren't on your hood,
702
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:44,398
I'd tell you folks you shouldn't be
stopped out here on this road.
703
00:57:45,045 --> 00:57:46,588
No siree Bob,
704
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,612
not with the demon out there.
705
00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:51,426
What demon?
706
00:57:54,054 --> 00:57:56,640
The demon that did this to my arm.
707
00:57:57,829 --> 00:58:00,081
Look how he butchered me.
708
00:58:00,915 --> 00:58:02,291
What happened?
709
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:04,815
Oh, yo, fuck that!
710
00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:11,259
I was out hunting,
I was aiming at a deer,
711
00:58:11,634 --> 00:58:14,908
laying as still
as my granddaddy in his casket,
712
00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:18,620
when I feels this cold shadow
come over me.
713
00:58:19,058 --> 00:58:20,747
So I take a look see.
714
00:58:21,310 --> 00:58:24,814
And there's a man,
he's as big as a tree.
715
00:58:25,043 --> 00:58:29,006
His face is a patchwork
of skin and stitches.
716
00:58:29,485 --> 00:58:34,011
I calls him demon because he is
the scariest thing I ever seen,
717
00:58:34,824 --> 00:58:36,909
and nothing human
could be that strong.
718
00:58:37,201 --> 00:58:40,350
He lifts me up like I was nothing.
719
00:58:40,767 --> 00:58:44,521
Knocks my head against
a tree limb, and I'm out.
720
00:58:45,147 --> 00:58:48,838
When I wakes up
I'm still in the woods,
721
00:58:49,046 --> 00:58:52,466
but my arm's been sawed off.
722
00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:54,886
It's true.
723
00:58:55,428 --> 00:58:58,994
It's happened to dozens others
the exact same way.
724
00:58:59,599 --> 00:59:01,893
Most of us too poor to leave.
725
00:59:03,623 --> 00:59:06,501
I ain't afraid of him no more.
726
00:59:06,752 --> 00:59:09,463
He wanted to kill me,
he would have done and done it.
727
00:59:12,299 --> 00:59:14,968
No, he's through with me.
He needs fresh meat.
728
00:59:15,114 --> 00:59:16,699
Fresh meat, I tell you.
729
00:59:17,366 --> 00:59:19,076
So take my advice.
730
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:22,663
You best not mosey
along this road, you hear?
731
00:59:23,414 --> 00:59:25,729
You heard him,
let's not mosey along this road.
732
00:59:25,750 --> 00:59:28,586
- Yeah.
- Good day, folks.
733
00:59:29,503 --> 00:59:30,859
Good day.
734
00:59:36,636 --> 00:59:37,991
- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh, what?
735
00:59:38,095 --> 00:59:39,594
I don't wanna freak
you out or anything,
736
00:59:39,618 --> 00:59:41,015
- but we're almost out of gas.
- What?
737
00:59:41,036 --> 00:59:44,122
- How can we almost get out of gas?
- I don't know. The needle dropped.
738
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:45,999
- It must've been sticking.
- Oh, this is not good.
739
00:59:46,020 --> 00:59:49,127
- This is not good at all.
- Guys, what's that?
740
00:59:50,629 --> 00:59:53,444
- It's just a scarecrow.
- If it is, we! I...
741
00:59:53,653 --> 00:59:55,863
Why isn't it protecting
some farmer's cornfield
742
00:59:55,884 --> 00:59:58,053
instead of standing there
in the middle of the road?
743
01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:25,017
- What are you doing?
- I'm making a pact with god.
744
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:27,749
If he spares us,
I promise not to be an a-hole anymore.
745
01:00:29,814 --> 01:00:31,565
Oh, jeez, on the road.
746
01:00:38,802 --> 01:00:40,053
How you doing?
747
01:00:54,130 --> 01:00:56,132
This road is really creeping me out.
748
01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:59,447
Hey guys, guys, look!
749
01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:01,262
Check it out.
750
01:01:01,595 --> 01:01:03,869
All right,
it looks like they got gas.
751
01:01:06,308 --> 01:01:09,895
Hey Sarah, let me show you
what I can really do with my mouth.
752
01:01:10,062 --> 01:01:11,105
Check it out.
753
01:01:13,503 --> 01:01:14,900
Jesus, slow down.
754
01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:16,256
You're gonna get brain freeze.
755
01:01:23,993 --> 01:01:25,807
Oh, that hits the spot.
756
01:01:27,747 --> 01:01:29,853
You know that soda
contains a lot of fructose?
757
01:01:30,103 --> 01:01:31,167
Yeah, so?
758
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:35,609
Well did you that 95 percent
of a man's ejaculate is fructose?
759
01:01:36,735 --> 01:01:37,965
It's totally true.
760
01:01:39,133 --> 01:01:40,676
Well, what are you trying to say?
761
01:01:43,491 --> 01:01:46,411
Hey, you know, I don't think
I like what you're implying there.
762
01:01:46,849 --> 01:01:48,225
Oh, food's here.
763
01:01:52,271 --> 01:01:53,689
Oh, thank you so much.
764
01:01:54,336 --> 01:01:58,027
So, how do things with you and Sarah
affect the way you feel about Betty Ann?
765
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:00,529
I don't know.
766
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:03,970
You know, I got another day
before we get to the wedding.
767
01:02:04,012 --> 01:02:05,555
I hope to figure it out before then.
768
01:02:05,785 --> 01:02:08,183
Well, whatever you decide man,
I'm behind you.
769
01:02:08,537 --> 01:02:11,165
You know, if you go for Betty Ann,
more power to you.
770
01:02:11,332 --> 01:02:14,856
If you decide on Sarah,
well, that's cool too.
771
01:02:17,067 --> 01:02:19,194
I'm really sorry
about everything I did, man.
772
01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:23,594
You know, I'm the type of guy
who puts the "ick" in the word dick.
773
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:38,234
Okay, guys, there's nothing that a bowl
of chili and a hamburger can't fix.
774
01:02:39,527 --> 01:02:40,861
Mmm.
775
01:02:44,177 --> 01:02:47,264
All right guys, from now on
we stop only for gas.
776
01:02:47,430 --> 01:02:50,579
Drive straight through.
If I get tired, we'll switch off.
777
01:03:14,353 --> 01:03:16,772
Oh, dude,
I think you just ate somebody.
778
01:03:19,316 --> 01:03:22,048
Oh, this is not good,
this is not good!
779
01:03:28,179 --> 01:03:29,472
Harley, come on.
780
01:03:37,272 --> 01:03:40,754
I can't believe that happened.
There were people in my chili.
781
01:03:41,797 --> 01:03:42,944
An eyeball!
782
01:03:44,341 --> 01:03:48,742
- I can't believe what just happened.
- Goddamm it, I ate somebody.
783
01:03:49,346 --> 01:03:52,057
There's a dead guy in the back seat.
784
01:03:56,437 --> 01:03:57,625
Oh, god!
785
01:03:59,586 --> 01:04:00,858
Jesus.
786
01:04:01,066 --> 01:04:04,382
- Get it out of here, Adam.
- You're in the back, you get rid of it.
787
01:04:04,445 --> 01:04:07,031
It's your car, "major domo,"
you get rid of it.
788
01:04:13,746 --> 01:04:15,623
Oh shit, it's fuck face.
789
01:04:19,168 --> 01:04:21,045
We're all gonna die.
790
01:04:21,107 --> 01:04:24,798
I definitely hitched a ride
with the wrong car.
791
01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:34,579
I can't outrun it.
792
01:04:40,731 --> 01:04:44,172
- Do something, Adam, do something!
- I'm open to suggestions.
793
01:05:02,962 --> 01:05:05,944
Adam, hurry,
that guy is gonna kill us.
794
01:05:44,169 --> 01:05:45,337
Come on.
795
01:05:46,901 --> 01:05:49,466
Adam, hurry, start the car now.
796
01:05:49,508 --> 01:05:51,010
It's not starting.
797
01:05:53,825 --> 01:05:54,993
Just start it.
798
01:05:58,892 --> 01:06:03,084
Get it started,
he's coming, oh my god!
799
01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:10,279
What's going on, what's going on,
what's going on?
800
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:11,634
Let me out!
801
01:06:11,947 --> 01:06:13,261
Run Harley.
802
01:06:31,925 --> 01:06:33,260
Harley.
803
01:06:36,701 --> 01:06:37,848
Come on, Harley.
804
01:06:38,432 --> 01:06:40,976
I'm a corpse burrito, dude.
805
01:06:41,331 --> 01:06:43,124
- We're gonna get you out of here.
- We'll get you out.
806
01:06:43,145 --> 01:06:44,250
Come on!
807
01:06:45,168 --> 01:06:46,961
- Come on.
- Try wiggling.
808
01:06:47,086 --> 01:06:50,027
- I am wiggling.
- Wiggle more.
809
01:06:50,069 --> 01:06:52,112
- Wiggle.
- Wiggle, come on.
810
01:06:52,133 --> 01:06:53,843
He's coming around again.
811
01:06:55,741 --> 01:06:58,515
- What are you doing?
- I'm bringing the dead guy close,
812
01:06:58,577 --> 01:07:01,455
- so I can get Harley out.
- That's fucked up, but okay.
813
01:07:05,980 --> 01:07:07,190
Hurry up.
814
01:07:50,754 --> 01:07:51,880
Harley!
815
01:07:54,591 --> 01:07:57,782
Harley, get rid of those
goddamn clogs!
816
01:07:59,346 --> 01:08:03,663
Hurry, Harley. Harley, let's go.
817
01:08:06,833 --> 01:08:08,293
Come on!
818
01:08:42,285 --> 01:08:44,996
I can't run anymore.
I can't do it.
819
01:08:46,706 --> 01:08:48,979
- Do you think we lost him?
- Yeah, sure.
820
01:08:49,188 --> 01:08:51,377
None of these stains
are gonna come out of my shirt.
821
01:09:30,437 --> 01:09:32,001
Run, run.
822
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:16,149
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.
823
01:10:26,764 --> 01:10:27,890
Sarah?
824
01:10:29,329 --> 01:10:31,060
Sarah!
825
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:33,521
Adam!
826
01:14:07,193 --> 01:14:08,965
Good evening.
827
01:14:09,800 --> 01:14:12,469
We've been expecting you.
828
01:14:12,740 --> 01:14:17,036
Thanks for joining
us this evening, friend.
829
01:14:25,607 --> 01:14:27,171
Adam, help.
830
01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:30,695
Brother Bob,
831
01:14:30,737 --> 01:14:33,844
our company has arrived.
832
01:14:36,368 --> 01:14:37,619
Hurry, hurry.
833
01:14:38,516 --> 01:14:41,498
- I thought you were dead.
- I'm so glad you're here.
834
01:14:45,961 --> 01:14:48,547
Hurry, hurry, that freak's out there.
835
01:14:50,820 --> 01:14:52,968
He's in there, of course.
836
01:14:53,218 --> 01:14:55,992
Move, you dumb ass, move.
837
01:15:02,623 --> 01:15:05,605
Good, you're almost there.
We gotta get out of here.
838
01:15:20,057 --> 01:15:21,121
Give me the shovel.
839
01:15:39,723 --> 01:15:41,495
Welcome friend.
840
01:15:41,579 --> 01:15:44,707
I'm so glad you could be here
with us tonight.
841
01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:46,855
- Go to hell.
- I already did.
842
01:15:46,897 --> 01:15:48,815
And that's why I'm here
with you today.
843
01:15:49,170 --> 01:15:52,465
Actually, I have my sister
Sarah here to thank, too.
844
01:15:52,569 --> 01:15:55,780
Indeed you do, brother Fred,
indeed you do.
845
01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:59,743
You're probably wondering
why we've brought you here.
846
01:15:59,930 --> 01:16:03,997
See, brother Bob
was driving his truck around,
847
01:16:04,039 --> 01:16:07,918
blasting his music,
acting all macho while off roading.
848
01:16:08,209 --> 01:16:10,921
But he was basically drunk
on his own testosterone.
849
01:16:11,212 --> 01:16:15,071
Which makes a fellow do terrible
things sometimes, I always say.
850
01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:18,949
Anyhows, brother Bob doesn't see me
851
01:16:18,970 --> 01:16:21,452
taking a leak over near the creek,
852
01:16:21,827 --> 01:16:23,996
he done clean runs me over.
853
01:16:24,309 --> 01:16:25,790
Bobby heard the thump, though.
854
01:16:25,852 --> 01:16:28,021
He turns around
and sees his brother Fred
855
01:16:28,042 --> 01:16:29,773
looking deader
than Robert e. Lee.
856
01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:35,800
But he doesn't notice
the tree up ahead.
857
01:16:37,489 --> 01:16:38,552
Wham.
858
01:16:38,949 --> 01:16:42,681
Next thing brother Bob knows,
he's flying through the windshield.
859
01:16:43,057 --> 01:16:44,683
Brother Bob survived, though.
860
01:16:44,913 --> 01:16:47,666
And I was able
to sew him back together.
861
01:16:48,166 --> 01:16:51,607
Brother Bob, will you go prepare
the Satan's blood.
862
01:16:55,799 --> 01:16:58,405
I was a different story.
863
01:16:59,219 --> 01:17:02,889
Luckily, sister Sarah's studying
witchcraft.
864
01:17:03,035 --> 01:17:07,164
She starts praying to the devil,
865
01:17:07,310 --> 01:17:09,729
and praise Satan
866
01:17:09,792 --> 01:17:13,066
'cause I done rise from the dead.
867
01:17:13,233 --> 01:17:14,630
But there's a catch.
868
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:17,466
For brother Fred to stay alive,
869
01:17:18,551 --> 01:17:21,324
our lord Lucifer
needs a sacrifice.
870
01:17:21,491 --> 01:17:25,036
So every full moon,
brother Bob must go out
871
01:17:25,078 --> 01:17:29,103
and run someone down,
just like he did me.
872
01:17:29,395 --> 01:17:31,543
That explains the guy
he mowed down behind the motel.
873
01:17:31,584 --> 01:17:33,545
You catch on quick, boy.
874
01:17:33,837 --> 01:17:37,361
Anyways, once brother Bob
has done his work,
875
01:17:37,382 --> 01:17:39,905
sister Sarah does what she does.
876
01:17:39,989 --> 01:17:44,097
Chanting and drawing her fancy stars.
877
01:17:44,201 --> 01:17:47,705
- Pentagrams.
- Sorry sis, pentagrams.
878
01:17:48,810 --> 01:17:51,229
Anyhows, the life energy
879
01:17:51,292 --> 01:17:54,149
of that poor soul
that brother Bob flattened,
880
01:17:54,232 --> 01:17:56,797
goes and restores me.
881
01:17:57,965 --> 01:18:00,947
I was not a pretty picture.
882
01:18:01,156 --> 01:18:05,243
The bones in my arms and legs
were shattered... lost an eye, too.
883
01:18:05,368 --> 01:18:08,705
I was nothing but a rag doll, really.
884
01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:12,938
Until Sarah started
experimenting sewing
885
01:18:12,980 --> 01:18:15,754
other people's arms and legs onto me.
886
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:19,403
Well, we couldn't just kill
peoples and take their limbs, no.
887
01:18:20,863 --> 01:18:23,428
No, we discovered
we had to let them live
888
01:18:23,553 --> 01:18:27,077
if we wanted
my new arm or leg to take.
889
01:18:27,369 --> 01:18:29,476
Yeah, we met some of your friends
you borrowed from.
890
01:18:29,559 --> 01:18:33,563
Yeah, but it's too bad we couldn't
borrow a torso that would work.
891
01:18:33,709 --> 01:18:36,795
Always turned
into a bloody goddamn mess.
892
01:18:36,921 --> 01:18:38,589
That's where you come in.
893
01:18:38,756 --> 01:18:41,571
Sarah found a new book
of spells and such.
894
01:18:41,613 --> 01:18:44,762
She found I could have me
a whole new body
895
01:18:44,824 --> 01:18:47,348
if it were prepared right.
896
01:18:48,140 --> 01:18:49,746
- Prepared right?
- Yeah.
897
01:18:50,267 --> 01:18:52,978
This devil's manual Sarah came by
898
01:18:52,999 --> 01:18:55,668
explains that with the right rituals
899
01:18:55,710 --> 01:18:58,442
and the correct dark ceremonies
900
01:18:58,463 --> 01:19:02,634
prior to slicing and dicing
and hitching and stitching,
901
01:19:02,696 --> 01:19:06,617
we wouldn't have the problems we've had
before attaching a torso to me.
902
01:19:06,659 --> 01:19:10,204
My brother
is getting your body, Adam.
903
01:19:20,089 --> 01:19:21,257
What's this, huh?
904
01:19:21,569 --> 01:19:23,571
What, you gonna leave
before the party starts?
905
01:19:24,093 --> 01:19:25,406
You should be honored.
906
01:19:25,448 --> 01:19:27,888
Sarah picked you out from the get go.
907
01:19:28,847 --> 01:19:30,391
It was you in the hearse, wasn't it?
908
01:19:31,412 --> 01:19:32,705
Sizing me up?
909
01:19:34,457 --> 01:19:38,128
We needed someone pliable.
910
01:19:38,148 --> 01:19:41,464
Someone easy to prepare.
911
01:19:41,527 --> 01:19:43,779
And that you were.
912
01:19:44,154 --> 01:19:48,221
Step one, we needed
a body to voluntarily
913
01:19:48,242 --> 01:19:51,870
step inside a pentagram
with a decapitated body.
914
01:19:52,162 --> 01:19:54,248
Shit, the trailer home.
915
01:19:55,499 --> 01:19:58,002
Oh shit is right.
916
01:19:58,294 --> 01:20:01,630
Phase two, we needed you
to sleep with road kill.
917
01:20:03,173 --> 01:20:06,135
Item three and four came easy.
918
01:20:06,156 --> 01:20:07,615
My favorite.
919
01:20:07,782 --> 01:20:11,181
Sarah needed to taste your blood,
920
01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,309
and take your virginity.
921
01:20:14,414 --> 01:20:16,708
Four times just to be sure.
922
01:20:17,021 --> 01:20:20,962
Shut up, Sarah,
you're making me jealous.
923
01:20:21,171 --> 01:20:23,256
What was the last thing?
I had to eat the dead?
924
01:20:23,590 --> 01:20:25,091
Almost last thing.
925
01:20:25,258 --> 01:20:27,552
The final step in preparing you
was simple.
926
01:20:27,844 --> 01:20:29,470
You had to be scared to death.
927
01:20:30,743 --> 01:20:34,246
I think brother Bob did a fine job
of doing that.
928
01:20:35,476 --> 01:20:37,708
I want to thank you
for letting me have
929
01:20:37,729 --> 01:20:41,086
your beautiful body, young man.
930
01:20:41,420 --> 01:20:43,484
I only have one question.
931
01:20:43,756 --> 01:20:46,133
You diddled my sister with that body,
932
01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:47,885
so when I get your body,
933
01:20:47,968 --> 01:20:51,367
does that mean
I fucked my own sister?
934
01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:56,101
Stop worrying about that,
brother Fred.
935
01:20:56,602 --> 01:20:58,354
When you're all brand new,
936
01:20:58,499 --> 01:21:01,106
I'll do something to make
that a moot point.
937
01:21:10,574 --> 01:21:12,013
Shall we begin?
938
01:21:12,847 --> 01:21:17,060
Goodbye, Adam.
You'll always be a part of me.
939
01:21:33,472 --> 01:21:35,766
I take it back,
I never liked the color of your eyes.
940
01:21:38,915 --> 01:21:41,855
He's getting away, he's getting away.
941
01:21:46,527 --> 01:21:50,489
I need that body, I gotta have
that body, don't let him get away.
942
01:22:15,180 --> 01:22:17,015
Now your name really is fuck face.
943
01:23:00,705 --> 01:23:02,227
How's that for prepared right?
944
01:23:08,755 --> 01:23:10,089
Drop dead, Fred.
945
01:23:15,365 --> 01:23:20,996
Fuck you!
946
01:23:41,788 --> 01:23:44,916
Looking for this, boy?
947
01:23:58,992 --> 01:24:02,538
Oh, you may be quiet
as a church mouse,
948
01:24:04,331 --> 01:24:07,668
but you'll soon make a mistake.
949
01:24:09,962 --> 01:24:12,256
And then I'll get you.
950
01:24:24,142 --> 01:24:28,543
I'm not dead yet,
but I'm gonna be soon.
951
01:24:28,897 --> 01:24:32,547
And you're gonna be joining me.
952
01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:48,875
You're bleeding.
953
01:24:52,087 --> 01:24:54,318
Is the little wussy hurt?
954
01:24:58,385 --> 01:25:02,118
I got a sixth sense for blood,
wussy boy.
955
01:25:03,161 --> 01:25:06,310
It's my own special radar.
956
01:25:07,790 --> 01:25:12,441
And the more blood there is,
the stronger I'm drawn to it.
957
01:25:15,965 --> 01:25:19,281
There's no hiding from me now,
wussy boy.
958
01:26:02,074 --> 01:26:06,286
Oh, you're bleeding badly now.
959
01:26:34,314 --> 01:26:35,836
Where's that goddamn key?
960
01:26:38,151 --> 01:26:39,695
Who's the wussy now?
961
01:27:25,678 --> 01:27:28,243
Who, Adam! Hey, Adam.
962
01:27:29,035 --> 01:27:30,996
Hey, I take it all back, buddy.
963
01:27:31,100 --> 01:27:32,893
You're not a complete wussy.
964
01:27:33,039 --> 01:27:35,459
Hafley? I thought you were dead.
965
01:27:35,688 --> 01:27:38,316
Hey, just hand over
that academy award, baby.
966
01:27:39,900 --> 01:27:41,089
You want to drive?
967
01:27:47,179 --> 01:27:48,263
Yeah.
968
01:28:34,267 --> 01:28:35,956
Hey, Adam!
969
01:28:36,165 --> 01:28:38,709
Adam, hey!
970
01:28:43,589 --> 01:28:44,632
What?
971
01:28:47,009 --> 01:28:48,427
I think you got him.
972
01:28:50,763 --> 01:28:51,889
Hey, Harley,
973
01:28:53,161 --> 01:28:55,080
thanks for coming
back and helping me, man.
974
01:28:55,309 --> 01:28:57,687
I mean not just now, today.
975
01:28:58,667 --> 01:28:59,897
I mean the whole trip.
976
01:29:01,273 --> 01:29:02,608
You really are a good friend.
977
01:29:03,213 --> 01:29:04,527
It's no problem, bro.
978
01:29:06,383 --> 01:29:08,468
This is probably getting
a little swishy, isn't it?
979
01:29:08,677 --> 01:29:10,720
Yeah, just a little bit.
980
01:29:11,367 --> 01:29:14,391
But speaking of swishy,
I got you a little present.
981
01:29:18,436 --> 01:29:19,437
I like that.
982
01:29:19,479 --> 01:29:22,858
So, if you drive like a maniac, we can
still make it to Betty Ann's wedding.
983
01:29:24,130 --> 01:29:27,216
- Screw Betty Ann.
- Excuse me?
984
01:29:27,591 --> 01:29:29,322
I don't really think
she's my type anymore.
985
01:29:29,447 --> 01:29:32,158
Well then let's go pick up
some poontang.
986
01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:36,162
Come on, man,
what are you waiting for?
987
01:29:36,183 --> 01:29:37,393
Start up this bad boy.
988
01:30:11,364 --> 01:30:13,012
Wussies.
989
01:30:13,033 --> 01:30:16,098
You can't kill me,
990
01:30:16,119 --> 01:30:21,437
you can't kill me, wussies.
991
01:30:21,541 --> 01:30:25,462
You can't kill me.
992
01:30:29,487 --> 01:30:30,717
The end?
993
01:30:32,531 --> 01:30:34,763
This can't be the end.
994
01:30:35,534 --> 01:30:37,745
I'm still alive,
995
01:30:39,246 --> 01:30:43,313
and I was gonna fuck my sister.
996
01:30:44,627 --> 01:30:46,962
Now what am I gonna do?
997
01:30:47,025 --> 01:30:49,840
Oh god!
998
01:30:55,283 --> 01:30:58,078
This sucks.
76447