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1
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,258
- ♪ Come on, Eileen ♪
2
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,884
♪ Oh, I swear, well, he means ♪
3
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:12,137
♪ At this moment ♪
4
00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,806
♪ You mean everything ♪
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,349
♪ You in that dress ♪
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,184
♪ My thoughts, I confess ♪
7
00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:20,437
♪ Verge on dirty ♪
8
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,231
♪ Ah, come on, Eileen ♪
9
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,200
♪ Jim is calling ♪
10
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,910
♪ Jim is calling ♪
11
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:39,205
♪ You're so lucky
'cause Jim is calling ♪
12
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,708
Pick up, pick up.
- Yo.
13
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,627
- I've been googling. I
think I have a dermoid cyst.
14
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:45,754
- A what?
15
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:47,255
- A dermoid cyst.
16
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:50,133
Some of them have
hair and teeth.
17
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,469
There's a chance it's
my embryonic twin
18
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,722
who I devoured when we were
sharing our mother's womb.
19
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,557
Take a look.
20
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,894
- I think it's just a
skin tag. Hack it off.
21
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,437
- Hack it off?
22
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,856
Put the axe down, Lizzie Borden.
23
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,399
Ask Trey. He's the genius.
24
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,068
- Trey is sleeping.
25
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,570
- Trey was sleeping.
26
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,780
- Hi, hun.
27
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,424
Jim just stumbled upon
some kind of growth
28
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,908
under his arm.
- Hey, Trey.
29
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,409
Weigh in on this.
30
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:19,037
So far, we got skin
tag or embryonic twin.
31
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,414
- Guys, not now.
I gotta sleep.
32
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,100
- He's just psyching himself
up to cut the thing off.
33
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:25,293
- OK. Well, go get 'em, tiger.
34
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,128
I'm rooting for
you. Night, night.
35
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,589
- Do it if you can.
36
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,900
And if you chicken out,
I'll come by tomorrow
37
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,425
and cut off your junk.
38
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,260
- I beg of you, cut off my twin,
39
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:38,348
but leave my junk.
- Please, make it stop.
40
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:39,849
- See? See? Trey agrees.
41
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,686
We need a protest march
with signs and songs.
42
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:46,815
Hands off men's junk.
Ooh, actually, bad idea.
43
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,195
- It's Julia. Please,
leave a message.
44
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,366
- OK, guys, I have
resolved to murder
45
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,326
my long lost twin
little brother.
46
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,287
So, if I die too,
47
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:05,083
please donate both of
our bodies to science.
48
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,210
OK, I'm opening the scissors.
49
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:10,964
Three, two, one.
50
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,095
Ow! That was so stupid!
51
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,806
- ♪ It's true ♪
52
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,810
♪ The marriage that we
once had now is through ♪
53
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:27,981
♪ And now we're doing
all that we can do ♪
54
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:31,985
♪ To keep us all
together as a crew ♪
55
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:35,989
♪ Trust, do as we
say, not as we do ♪
56
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:40,285
♪ We really thought
that we were done ♪
57
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,787
♪ But we've just begun ♪
58
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,583
- Hey, babe.
59
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,835
Look at my sleep tracker
which grades my sleep
60
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,712
with stunning accuracy.
61
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,006
- Ooh, 58. That's good, right?
62
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,674
- No, that's 58 out of 100.
63
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,135
That's an F. I'm
flunking sleep.
64
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,180
Why? Because lately, Jim
calls every single night.
65
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:02,140
- To update me on the kids.
66
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,683
- Well, it starts with kid talk,
67
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:07,020
but it always shifts to
other talk, Jim talk,
68
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,481
about Jim things.
69
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,399
Things Jim read, things Jim's
70
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,401
thinking of reading,
things Jim ate,
71
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,737
things Jim thinks Jim
would enjoy eating.
72
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,782
Jim things, Jim things.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim things.
73
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,827
Look, our windows have
blackout curtains,
74
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,872
but what we need now
is Jim-out curtains.
75
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,207
- I hear you.
76
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,876
- I admire your commitment
to a thriving divorce,
77
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,586
but I need my sleep.
78
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,171
Please, I am begging you.
79
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:37,676
Please, just tell him, "Jim,
don't call after 10:00, Jim."
80
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,344
- Do I have to say
his name twice?
81
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,846
- I think it conveys the proper
gravitas of this situation.
82
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,057
- Two Jims it is. I'll
say it just like that.
83
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,600
- Thank you.
84
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,479
- I did not say
it just like that.
85
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:52,399
In fact, I did not say
it anything like that.
86
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,984
In fact, I did
not say it at all.
87
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,236
I had planned to say it,
88
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,321
but before I could,
fate stepped in.
89
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,658
Fate sent me a
message on Facebook.
90
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,328
- Can you believe this? 19
years later, here we are.
91
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,959
- I know. I love Facebook.
92
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,877
For every 600 friends,
there's actually one
93
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,004
you want to see in person.
94
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:19,134
- So Australia.
95
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,261
- Oh, great country.
96
00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,971
I just followed the
wrong man there.
97
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,473
- You followed your heart.
Love took you there.
98
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:26,683
- And hate brought me home.
99
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,979
- I'm just joking. I
don't hate my ex-husband.
100
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,731
Actually, I hate my ex-husband.
101
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,191
But you get it. You've
been through it all.
102
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,818
- Still going through it.
103
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,194
But it's good.
104
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,131
We kept the apartment, so
the kids can stay there,
105
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,507
and we're the ones
who come and go.
106
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,699
- Well, that's smart.
107
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:43,884
It's less disruptive
for the kids.
108
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,744
- Still ironing out the details.
109
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:49,164
For example, Jim has been
calling a lot late at night,
110
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,874
and my fiancé is not thrilled.
111
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,543
But I always pick up
because he makes me laugh.
112
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:54,937
- Well, if you're tired of
him, tell him to call me.
113
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,671
I'm up all night playing
Words With Friends
114
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,798
with people who aren't friends.
115
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,467
Well, if you're
serious, I'll set it up.
116
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:04,137
- I wasn't serious.
Should I be serious?
117
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,889
- Maybe.
118
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,974
- You want to set me
up with Jim, your Jim?
119
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,143
- He's not my Jim
anymore. No, no, no.
120
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,519
I have relinquished all claim.
121
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:15,065
He is now public domain Jim.
122
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,524
- So it wouldn't
be weird for you?
123
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,901
- Are you kidding me?
124
00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,903
I want him to be with
someone as great as you are.
125
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:24,032
I mean, he's smart, kind,
charming, funny as hell.
126
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,909
None of that changes
just because by the end,
127
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,828
I wanted to stab him in
the neck with a lawn dart.
128
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,456
But he's a great dad,
and he's a good guy.
129
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,543
- Do you have a picture?
- Yes.
130
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,505
Let me find a good one.
- OK.
131
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,600
- She said I'm cute? What
picture did you show her?
132
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,894
Oh, yeah. I do look cute.
133
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,523
Hot, actually. I am
smoking hot right there.
134
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,441
- Do you need to be alone?
- I'm good.
135
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,860
But when you get a
minute, airdrop me that.
136
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:03,446
Got a photo of her?
137
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,990
Oh, hell, yeah, I'll
go out with her.
138
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,951
- A photo is all it takes?
139
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,303
- She's hot, and
she thinks I'm cute.
140
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,788
That's what I call go time.
141
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,791
- Mom, or Dad, or
whoever I should ask,
142
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,793
can I sleep over at
Sophie's tomorrow night?
143
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:19,295
- Sophie J. or Sophie K.?
- Sophie K.
144
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:21,506
- Sophie J. will not be there?
- Uh-uh.
145
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,342
- Look at me, look
at me, look at me.
146
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,469
You promise me
there is no chance
147
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,346
that Sophie J. will be there?
148
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,433
- No Sophie J., only
Sophie K. I promise.
149
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,019
- OK with you Jim?
- Yep.
150
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:36,771
- Then have a lovely time.
151
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,859
- It's Sophie Z. You
gotta worry about.
152
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,332
- It makes me happy
you're going on a date.
153
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:45,530
- Hmm, I'm glad.
154
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,407
- And you seem happy now.
155
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,592
- Did it seem like
I was not happy?
156
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,118
- No, I just...
157
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,995
you're a wonderful guy,
and I care about you,
158
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,872
and I want you to
find your Trey.
159
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,999
You shouldn't hide your
light under a bushel.
160
00:06:56,041 --> 00:07:00,378
- Never said my bushel
wasn't out there busheling.
161
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,131
My bushel has actually
been very busy,
162
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:07,469
and also, my peck.
- Oh.
163
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,678
I wasn't aware of that.
164
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,347
- Well, you know, I
like to be discreet.
165
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,557
But yes, many
dates, uh, triggered
166
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,560
by my magnetic libido.
167
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,729
So, hey, do you think
your friend Lydia
168
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,647
might be free tomorrow night?
- I can ask.
169
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,941
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, hey, Jimmy.
170
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,337
You know, it's been a long time
since you went on a sleepover.
171
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,588
Why don't you call
Trevor and see
172
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,797
if you can do one
tomorrow night?
173
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,407
- Trevor G. Or Trevor H.?
- I do not care.
174
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,205
- It's Trevor Z. You
got to worry about.
175
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,044
- To first dates.
- Oh. Ow.
176
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:42,545
- Are you all right?
177
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,464
- Yeah, let me just
use the other arm.
178
00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:47,300
To first dates.
179
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,677
Mm.
180
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,470
Lydia, full disclosure,
181
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,180
it's been a while
since I've done this,
182
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,640
so I might be a little rusty.
183
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,017
- Well, I wish this
wine had WD-40 in it.
184
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,186
I'm just kidding.
185
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,872
We're restarting the
engine after the car's
186
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,272
been in the garage
for a long time.
187
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,191
- It was a long winter.
- How was your winter?
188
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,735
Because mine was cold and dark.
- Mine was dark and deep.
189
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,112
- Mine was deep,
bleak, and dull.
190
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,154
- Hm.
191
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:10,699
- Well, what doesn't kill us...
192
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,785
- Wounds us so bad,
we wish we were dead.
193
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,037
- I was gonna say,
"makes us stronger."
194
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,374
- Hmm. Tell that to my armpit.
195
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,251
- I'm sorry, your armpit?
196
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:24,004
- You want to know why
I winced a moment ago?
197
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,213
- Sure.
198
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,340
- Are you familiar
with dermoid cysts?
199
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,801
- I am not.
200
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,762
- It's a growth of skin cells
that sometimes gets infected.
201
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,514
Sometimes they have
hair and teeth.
202
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,641
And...
- Are you ready to order?
203
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,935
- I think we need a moment.
- Certainly.
204
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,061
- You know what?
205
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,543
I can finish this
story after we eat.
206
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,711
- OK, so the other
night, I used scissors
207
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,532
to hack off a dermoid cyst
that was under my armpit.
208
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,825
- Lord, are you OK?
209
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,452
- Yeah, I am now,
but it was brutal.
210
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:58,371
I bled like a mother.
Bled and oozed.
211
00:08:58,413 --> 00:08:59,873
And overnight, the pus set in.
212
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,459
I think it was
lymph leaking out.
213
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,586
We have lymph nodes
under our arms, right?
214
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,297
- I'm a tax attorney.
215
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:09,632
- Well, anyway, I was surprised.
216
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,886
- I am too. You
scissored off a cyst.
217
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,889
- Cyst is a polite word. This
was a commanding presence.
218
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:20,268
It could start a
cult. It hurt so bad.
219
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,395
- I can imagine.
- No, you cannot.
220
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,607
I dropped to my
knees, not to pray,
221
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,734
although I did pray
once I was down there
222
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,487
for forgiveness for
murdering my twin.
223
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,448
See, they think that
these dermoid cysts
224
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,075
are fetuses that
the other fetus,
225
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,494
in this case me,
devoured in the womb.
226
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,121
So it was my cyst-er.
227
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,878
- Jim, this was delightful.
- Was?
228
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,880
- But I have to leave now.
- Why?
229
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,441
- Because I have learned
to follow my gut,
230
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:51,800
and right now,
I'm about to puke.
231
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,178
It was very nice to meet you.
232
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,139
Um, here's a 50 for the
wine. Keep the change.
233
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,641
Put it towards your co-pay.
234
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,813
I wish you well.
Condolences about your twin.
235
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,272
I hope you don't get sepsis.
236
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,607
Please tell Julia I said,
237
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:08,793
"Thank you for the introduction.
238
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:10,151
"I am deleting my Facebook.
239
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,404
"I will speak to her
again by accident
240
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,197
in another 19 years."
241
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,035
- Jim just texted that
Lydia left the date.
242
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,496
- Lydia?
- My friend I set up with Jim.
243
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,457
- Oh, so a friend you
don't really like.
244
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,292
- This jackass.
How hard is it?
245
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:31,172
- Oh, if it isn't
the merry matchmaker.
246
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,674
- What did you do, Jim?
247
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,218
What did you do.
- Nothing. I was being myself.
248
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,012
- And there's your problem.
249
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,598
- You were being yourself?
Why would you do that?
250
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,643
- It's too soon, Jim, too soon.
- Exactly.
251
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:44,978
That's the first rule of dating.
252
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,939
You got to be someone else
first for a long time.
253
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,816
- Yeah, everybody does, Jim.
254
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,819
But especially you, Jim.
255
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,654
- You got to trick
'em into liking you
256
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,298
before you let 'em see
who you really are.
257
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,657
This is basic stuff.
258
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,492
Just tell me exactly
what happened.
259
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,119
- It was all going well,
260
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:04,372
and then I told a story,
and she got up and left.
261
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,291
- Which story?
262
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,668
- About the dermoid cyst.
263
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,795
- Oh, my God!
264
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,714
- What? It was hilarious.
265
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,091
- There's something really
wrong with this dude.
266
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,926
- Guys, guys.
267
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,888
You live how you live, and
I will do the same, OK?
268
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,349
Because guess what?
I met someone else.
269
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,975
- What?
270
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,144
- A lovely woman named Thea
Lynn, single and looking,
271
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,854
who happened to be
at the next table
272
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,356
and heard everything.
She's witty.
273
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,899
She's attractive.
274
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,401
She's festooned in
turquoise jewelry.
275
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,028
She vacations in Santa Fe.
276
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:38,948
And she loved the dermoid
cyst story, Julia.
277
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:43,036
Wants to know what I would have
named my twin had he lived.
278
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,704
She came over,
introduced herself.
279
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:45,997
I asked her to join me,
280
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,917
and we are having
a blast. Goodbye.
281
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,878
Well, hello again.
282
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,089
- I missed you.
Did you miss me?
283
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,049
- I did.
284
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,885
- I am having so much fun.
- Oh, me too.
285
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,596
Oh, I figured out a
name for my twin, Lyle.
286
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,972
- Love it.
287
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,518
- This is great!
288
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,061
Jim met someone he likes.
289
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,789
With any luck, this will
turn into something,
290
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,314
and for a little
while, at least,
291
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,732
I'm gonna get some sleep.
292
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,234
Mission accidentally
accomplished.
293
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:17,904
Come on.
- We are in desperate trouble.
294
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,114
- How is this not good news?
295
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:21,408
Why isn't anything
ever good news?
296
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,243
- You don't understand.
297
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:27,122
Jim has a defect in his brain
that makes him love people.
298
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,289
It's horrible.
299
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,041
The guy collects friends
wherever he goes.
300
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,711
He's like a human lint roller.
- That's not horrible at all.
301
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,213
That's good.
- No, it's bad for romance.
302
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,049
Very, very bad. Jim
falls in love instantly.
303
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,801
He fell in love with
me from down the block
304
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,511
before I saw him or said a word.
305
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,930
- A, nobody can blame him.
306
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,433
And B, for a long
time, it worked out.
307
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,934
- Yes.
308
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,687
Because as it happens,
I am wonderful.
309
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:51,813
- Hmm.
310
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,606
- But... but that was just luck.
311
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,001
You know, I could
have been a beast.
312
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,484
I could have killed the guy.
313
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,778
And now I may have.
314
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,256
Someone's got to go
down there and get eyes
315
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,115
on this Thea Lynn,
do some recon.
316
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,867
- Good luck.
317
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,069
- I don't see him.
Do you see him?
318
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,186
- No. Well, I guess
that's a good try.
319
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,129
We did everything we could...
- Excuse me.
320
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:17,714
Do you happen to
remember a couple?
321
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,632
He's handsome,
shaved head, beard.
322
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,885
She was wearing a
lot of turquoise.
323
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:25,096
- The guy who cut
off his oozing cyst?
324
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,181
- That's the one.
325
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,599
- Yeah, they were in my section.
326
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,225
- Did they leave together?
- Oh, yeah.
327
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,667
They ordered our famous soufflé
and left before it was ready.
328
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:34,582
- Excuse me. You said
he paid for this?
329
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,774
- Yeah.
330
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,030
- Hey, babe, babe.
- What?
331
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,341
- It's not too
late to turn back.
332
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,283
- I've got to save
Jim from himself.
333
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,368
- I disagree.
334
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,036
But allow me a prediction.
335
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,829
The moment you walk
through that door,
336
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,182
you're gonna see that
it's an innocent date,
337
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:53,041
and you're gonna want to leave.
338
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,001
At that moment, I
want you to look at me
339
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:58,129
and say the word "soufflé."
340
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:03,468
That'll be a signal that
you are, A, ready to flee,
341
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,428
and B, I was right.
342
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,222
- Oh.
343
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:10,642
Your beard,
it's so ticklish.
344
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,310
Oh, a little more here.
345
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,021
Ooh! Oh, oh.
346
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,817
Hey, um, do you mind
if I take off my dress?
347
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,820
- Mind? I'm honored, grateful.
348
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,114
I'm already composing
a thank you note.
349
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,970
- I thought you said
we were gonna be alone?
350
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,038
- We were. Julia,
what the hell?
351
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,291
- Soufflé, soufflé,
soufflé, soufflé.
352
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,002
- Wait, who are you?
353
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,797
- I'm Julia, Jim's ex-wife,
354
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,757
former wife, wife at one time.
355
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,634
This is Trey, my fiancé.
356
00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:47,137
- Hello.
- I'm Thea Lynn.
357
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,680
- Enchanté.
358
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:51,307
- "Enchanté," she said as
if she says it all the time.
359
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:54,477
- Sorry for the flyby.
I had to get some stuff.
360
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,354
I live here too.
Not all the time.
361
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,689
Jim and I take turns.
362
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,065
I leave stuff
behind now and then.
363
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,483
And now and then,
I got to get it.
364
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,235
Hi, I'm Julia.
365
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,737
- Yes, you said
your name already.
366
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,321
- That's right.
And she said hers.
367
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,657
Thea Lynn, which is
so unique and pretty,
368
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,409
like the woman herself.
369
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,870
- I'm sorry, you said
you live here too?
370
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,597
- On account of the
children, both of them, two.
371
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,433
They live here all the
time, so they never need
372
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,876
to get stuff, but I
do. Getting stuff.
373
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,503
Can I offer you a
Diet Dr. Pepper?
374
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,756
- Uh, no, thank you.
375
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,716
- You know, we call
this place the nest.
376
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:29,846
My son named it, you know,
because birds live in a nest.
377
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,490
- But when they're all
here, it's crowded.
378
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,434
So some of them have the
decency to fly away fast
379
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,186
and far and away, away, away.
380
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:39,064
- Look at all that
lovely turquoise.
381
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,648
Why the turquoise, Thea Lynn?
382
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,150
- Because I like it.
383
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,236
- Why Santa Fe?
- You know about Santa Fe?
384
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,571
Oh..
385
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:47,947
Jim texted that he had met you,
386
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,657
and I texted him with
various inquiries,
387
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,451
and then he texted us.
- Oh, no us.
388
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,411
I didn't text anyone.
389
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,163
- You were in the
restroom, I believe.
390
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:57,207
- I was very happy
that I'd just met you.
391
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,834
- What are your intentions
regarding my ex-husband?
392
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,836
- Well, before you got here,
393
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,505
I intended to take my dress off.
394
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:04,881
- Oh.
- I look back
395
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,008
on that time fondly.
396
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,094
- Well, look, I don't
want to get in the middle
397
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,655
of what you guys got
going on here, so...
398
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,138
- Yes, that's right.
399
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,890
We're just here to get
the baseball glove.
400
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,767
- And I have it, and we will go.
401
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,435
- Play ball!
402
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:21,272
- But before we go, uh,
I'm sure, Thea Lynn,
403
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,900
that you are a lovely
person, and that this will
404
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,568
be a lovely
relationship, and that
405
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,779
you will treat Jim lovely-ly.
406
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,240
But if you don't, be warned that
407
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,117
whatever your motives,
whatever your schemes,
408
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,411
whatever your pathology,
I shall thwart it,
409
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,413
for I am his shield
and his sword,
410
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,331
his bulletproof
vest and his rifle.
411
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,624
- Julia.
412
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,084
- I have his back and his front,
413
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,795
his side and his flank.
- Flank means side.
414
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:47,132
- Regardless, I got the keys
to get in here anytime I want.
415
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,844
- Uh, Jim?
- Yes.
416
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:54,848
- Thank you for a
lovely two hours.
417
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:57,183
- You're welcome.
418
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,436
- Shorter than
many relationships,
419
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:02,272
and yet, never to be forgotten.
- I understand.
420
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,899
- This is obviously a very
complicated situation.
421
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,569
- I know.
- More people than I'm used to.
422
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:08,903
- Me too.
423
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,322
- Well, uh, it was a
delight to meet you all.
424
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,866
And Julia, bravo.
425
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,285
You've saved Jim from
my sense of humor,
426
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:18,246
my big heart, and my
voracious sexual appetite.
427
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,373
- Wait, Jim is a
really great guy.
428
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,625
- Agreed. It's you
I'm worried about.
429
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,419
- Oh, don't be.
430
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,839
- Any chance I can
still call you?
431
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,633
No.
432
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,802
No, no, no.
433
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,388
No. No.
434
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,356
- Huh.
435
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,815
- Hmm.
436
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,026
- Ay, ay, ay.
437
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,323
- I...
- You?
438
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:54,491
- I...
439
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,618
- You?
440
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,495
- Jim, I...
441
00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,746
I'm so sorry.
442
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:01,414
- No one is more
sorry than I am.
443
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,500
- What are you...
444
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:04,709
what are you thinking?
445
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,252
- I am not thinking.
446
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:10,674
What you see on my face
is bafflement, wonder,
447
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:15,470
awe, all mixed with
astonishment at the absurdity
448
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,222
of what you've just done.
449
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,016
- I just... I don't...
450
00:18:20,058 --> 00:18:21,285
I don't know what
I was thinking.
451
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:22,602
- Oh, I do.
- You do?
452
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,521
- You were thinking that
I do my best thinking
453
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,898
when you're there to remind
me what my best thinking is.
454
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,026
- Look, you have every
right to be angry.
455
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,195
- I'm not angry
because I know you,
456
00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,631
and I know you did
what you just did
457
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,199
out of your own peculiar
and still evolving
458
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,034
definition of post-divorce.
459
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,453
- I think I was
just afraid that...
460
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,540
- That harm would come to me,
harm that would be your fault
461
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,041
because you were
the one who sent me
462
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,002
on the dermoid cyst
date in the first place.
463
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:50,171
But no harm came to me.
464
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,382
And actually, it
was the opposite.
465
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,384
Events conspired,
and moments ago,
466
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,636
for the first time
in a very long time,
467
00:18:56,678 --> 00:19:00,390
I was caressed with desire
by another human being...
468
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,812
Who, before you barged in here
469
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:09,691
with your sawed-off shotgun
and your Kevlar vest,
470
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:14,154
had decided without being
asked or begged to disrobe.
471
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:19,075
Today was a
thrilling, if bizarre,
472
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,578
reminder of life's
post-divorce possibilities,
473
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,205
and none of it
would have happened
474
00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:26,041
if you were a normal person.
475
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,546
So thank you.
476
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,091
- You're welcome?
- Too soon.
477
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,636
Now, if you've nothing
else, please leave
478
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,598
so I can return to
Santa Fe in my mind.
479
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,600
No calls after 10:00.
480
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:47,312
- What?
- No calls after 10:00.
481
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,105
- Oh, uh, Jim, there
is one other thing.
482
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,732
No calls after 10:00?
483
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,253
- The reason Julia tried to
fix you up in the first place
484
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,154
is because I need my sleep.
485
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,781
And we figured if
you had a girlfriend,
486
00:19:57,822 --> 00:20:00,241
you'd be less likely to call
in the middle of the night
487
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,786
because you were busy
being caressed with desire.
488
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:05,538
- I was gonna just call you
and say no calls after 10:00,
489
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,749
but then things happened.
- Things?
490
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:08,958
- Thoughts.
- Your thoughts?
491
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,460
- Thoughts that
led to choices...
492
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:11,711
bad ones.
493
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,673
- But that's the rule,
no calls after 10:00?
494
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,174
- If you don't mind.
- No problem.
495
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:18,343
- Unless it's an emergency.
- OK.
496
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,303
- If you got to, you got to.
- Thanks.
497
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263
- Call whenever you want.
498
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,517
- Cool.
499
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:32,023
- Love you.
- Love you.
500
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:36,403
- Very fond of you.
- And you.
501
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,157
Julia?
- Yeah.
502
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,326
- Leave the cistern please.
503
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,538
- Right.
- Thank you.
504
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:50,166
- Oh. Hi, everyone.
505
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:53,003
Um, I didn't realize
you were here.
506
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,213
Sophie J. Crashed
the sleepover.
507
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,173
She smelled like pot,
so I left immediately.
508
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,009
Um...
509
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:02,220
I'm gonna go shower.
Uh, don't hug me.
510
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,682
- See that?
511
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:07,017
Silver lining.
512
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:08,560
You know, I don't
show up tonight,
513
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,854
your daughter walks in
on you going Southwest
514
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,856
on the turquoise express.
515
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:13,982
It's called fate.
516
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,567
- Mm, no, it's not.
517
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,153
- I tried.
37720
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