All language subtitles for Die Jungfrau auf dem Dach (The Virgin on the Roof) (1953_ Otto Preminger) SUBTITLED - English (United States)

OTTO PREMINGER AND
F. HUGO HERBERT PRESENT

THE VIRGIN ON THE ROOF

STARRING
JOHANNA MATZ

JOHANNES HEESTERS

HARDY KRÜGER

WITH GREGORY RATOFF
DAWN ADDAMS
SIG RUMAN

SCREENPLAY BY F. HUGH HERBERT
FROM HIS STAGE PLAY "THE MOON IS BLUE"

GERMAN ADAPTATION
CARL ZUCKMAYER

MUSIC
HERSCHEL BURKE GILBERT, S.C.A.

DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY ERNEST LASZLO, A.S.C.
ART DIRECTION NICOLAI REMISCOFF

CLOTHES BY DON LOPER
PRODUCTION MANAGER HENRY S. KESLER
UNIT MANAGER HENRY WINBERGER

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR MAXIMILIAN SLATER
EDITOR OTTO LUDWIG
SOUND JACK SOLOMON

DIRECTED BY
OTTO PREMINGER

OBSERVATION TOWER
TICKETS $1.20

PRICES SLASHED!
REGULAR PRICE $1.95
REDUCED TO $1.20

Six dozen rubber bands
and two pumice stones.

Hey!

TICKET OFFICE
OBSERVATION TOWER

Follow that car!

Why were you in
such a terrible hurry?

Excuse me?

I just followed you into the
ticket office and BANG - you were gone.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I wasn't sure whether
you were really...

I mean, why didn't you
say anything?

I did. I even yelled, "Hey!"

But you had already
vanished like smoke.

No, no, I mean
before that in the shop.

Why were you
buying pumice stone?

Because I sometimes
have ink on my fingers

and pumice stone takes it off.

And all those rubber bands?
What do you need them for?

For my business. I didn't know
you were watching me that closely.

Oh, I think it's fascinating
to watch what other people buy.

You got razor blades, too.

That's because I shave.

But you didn't buy
anything at all.

I fell in love with a
divine new shade of lipstick

but it's $1.50 and that
made me come to my senses.

It's simply divine.
It's called--

Dusty Dawn.

A rather silly name,
if you ask me.

For me?

Yes. I rarely use lipstick.

How terribly sweet of you!

You must have been
watching me in the store!

I've been watching you
for quite a while.

why didn't you smile at me like that
in front of the jewelry shop?

I never smile at men
in front of jewelry shops.

Yeah, fine.
But then in the ticket office.

It wouldn't have
hurt you to smile there.

You didn't have to
scowl so angrily.

I was trying to look
sultry and provocative.

Oh. And then you
escaped into the elevator.

Of course, because I knew
that you were right behind me and...

Gosh. Isn't this wonderful?

Don't exaggerate. Fog's coming in.
Can't see much today.

You can see the islands out there!

Nonsense. You can't see a thing.

I can.

You can hardly see
the other skyscrapers!

- I can!
- Well, you're nuts.

Fine. I can imagine it, anyway.

Didn't you read the sign downstairs?
"Visibility limited".

Nobody's even up here.

Oh, I don't care about that.

I'm glad I came up here.

Just think, we're
over 1,000 feet above the sea!

The world's tallest building!

Well, I think it's wonderful.

Of course, it was a
shameful extravagance...

But I don't care.
It's worth every single penny.

I completely forgot.
Here's your money.

For what? What money?

Despite your sultry
and provocative scowl,

I asked for two tickets

and the woman said that
you'd already paid for yours,

so I confessed that we'd
just had a little lover's spat

and then she gave me
your money back.

You mean you're
treating me to this?

Yes.

How incredibly sweet of you.
Thanks a lot.

Now I can really enjoy it.

And you don't even know my name.

What's your name?

Mine name's Patty.
Patty O'Neill.

Don Gresham.

Don... Yes. That suits you.
You look like a Don.

Patty, I have to ask you something.
See, I don't usually do things like this,

- and I have a hunch--
- I wonder how this works.

For a dime you can find out.

Thanks. You're really nice.

Before, when you came out,
I was only pretending.

That was pretty clear to me.

This is terrific
Now you can see for miles!

Do you want to take a look?

I've been up here quite often.
My office is in this building.

Are you drumming like that
because you're bored or nervous?

Or do you want to hold my hand?

You're definitely a screwball.

But you have very lovely hands.

What's wrong?

- I want to cry.
- What for?

All those people.

What people?

- In Brooklyn!
- Brooklyn's over there.

It doesn't matter.
That's why I have to cry.

But why?

Because it's so sad.

What, living in Brooklyn?

Don't joke around like that.
I was born in Brooklyn.

I'm not trying to joke around.
I swear.

I just have no idea
what you're talking about.

All those unimposing little people,

sweating for their daily bread--

Nobody's sweating on a day
like this. Don't worry.

Don't be so
disgustingly practical.

Look, Patty.
It's getting all foggy.

Shall we go back down?

No. I like it here.

Aren't you getting cold at all?

Only my hands. They always
get cold when I get excited.

What are you excited about?

Coming up here.
I've wanted to for years.

Then why didn't you come up sooner?

Frankly, I couldn't afford it.

You can get a pair of
first-class nylons for $1.20.

I don't know what
came over me either.

You're very sweet.

I swear I had no idea that you
would step in like that.

To think, $1.20 just to go up
to the roof of an old building.

It'll never stay on that way.

Nonsense. It's as strong as iron.

Okay, so it's not as strong as iron.

Come on, let's go
eat instead, hm?

- No.
- Why not?

You've spent far too
much on me already.

Don't be silly.

You have, too.

A ticket to the roof
and a lovely lipstick.

And don't forget the dime
for the gadget.

That's right.

Here's the button.

Do you happen to have a
needle and thread with you?

Of course!

I'll sew it on
for you right now.

Hold the needle, please

No scissors?

The button.

Oh, for goodness' sake. Now--

Now you've dropped the needle!

Oh...

We'll never find it.

Why don't we go to my office
and you can sew it on for me there?

Are you sure you've
got a needle there?

My secretary
is full of needles.

Okay, fine.

We'll try it.

What is your job there, anyway?

Architect.

Oh, that explains the ink and the
pumice stone. Are you a draftsman?

Believe it or not,
I'm a full-fledged architect.

I'll build you what you want,
from a cathedral to a bomb shelter.

What does a cathedral
cost these days?

A small one, for example?

You even have your name
on the door. Are you famous?

No, not in the slightest.

Just a good, modern architect
for use straight from the factory.

Didn't you say your
secretary would be here?

Don't be silly.
She leaves at 5:00.

I merely said she
would have needles here.

Okay. Let's look.

Don't ask me why that animal's
biting himself in the foot.

I don't know myself.

There must be a needle and thread
here somewhere. Let's see.

There. Paper clips...

Kleenex...
These are just stamps.

There. Getting warmer... Pins.

Have you ever really seen her with a
needle and thread? I can hardly imagine--

If you saw my secretary,
you would know at first sight

that she must always have
a needle and thread somewhere.

Let's take a look
in my office.

Isn't that fun?
Like an umbrella stand.

Now I know why you need
all those rubber bands.

- May I take a look?
- Sure.

"Freeport City Library".
Did you build this?

It's being built now.

Look for the needle!

Okay. In the file under "N".

It must be a great feeling for you

to look at such a building when it's
standing there finished and to say,

"It all started in my head."

I'll let you in on a secret.
The first job I ever did on my own

was a huge, hideous
red brick warehouse.

I used to drive out there
at night sometimes

when there wasn't
a soul left around

and sit in my car for hours
just starting at it.

All alone?

Staring at an old brick
building is not something

you can invite
other people to do.

Oh, I could imagine
it's more fun

to have someone
to stare with you.

Who's that?

Her name is Cynthia.

She's quite cute.

Very cute, even.

Why isn't it
standing on your desk?

It was once.

Are you in love with her?

Hardly.

Maybe I used to be, sort of.
Not anymore, anyway.

Is she in love with you?

How can a person tell?

When a girl gives a man her
picture, that's generally proof.

Were you engaged to her?

More or less, so to speak.

A little bit or not at all.

It's all off now.

It's obvious that
my secretary has run off

with every needle to be had.

Where would you like to eat?

Nowhere.

Oh, don't be a silly goose now.

We're eating together and I don't
want to hear any more protest.

Okay, deal.

Where could we go?

Wherever you wish.

Do you have a lot of money?

Make your wish.

- Could you take me to the Golden Star?
- Done.

It's outrageously expensive, though!
None of the boys I know can afford it.

We usually go
50/50 on a goulash.

Mmm, I'm not very
partial to goulash.

Are you partial to
the Golden Star?

I haven't been there
very often. Like the--

Like the name says, it's more
for people in show business and--

I'm in show business!
I'm an actress.

Oh.

With success or without?

For now more "without".

Are you one of those unbearably
showbiz-obsessed creatures

who simply can't
do anything else?

No. Actually not.

I'd just as soon get married.

Oh, why am I kidding you? I--

I'm just dying to get married,
but I'm very choosy

so it won't be so easy.

The men I like
don't grow on trees.

I suppose they'd rather prowl the
lobby of the Empire State Building

picking up girls.

Don't worry. You're not
the type I'm looking for.

- Not at all?
- Not in the slightest.

You just looked sort of
orphaned and helpless

as you were there fiddling with
your silly button and-- Well...

I wanted to get to know you.

But you're much too young.

- Have you ever been married?
- No!

Well, when I get married

I'd like a nice older man
with a giant bank account.

preferably one who's already been
married and has gruesome memories.

For all I care he can
have give kids, too.

That sounds highly romantic.

Oh, nonsense.
Romance is for teenage girls.

I'm rather have a man who
understands and appreciates me

than one who's gushing with love.

Do I seem like I'm gushing?

I think it's sweet.

I have a very affectionate
disposition myself.

Let's see.

Is Cynthia affectionate?

You ask too many questions.
Come on.

Why did you tell him East 79th Street
between Fifth and Madison?

That's not where the
Golden Star is at all.

That's where my apartment is.

Surely you don't want me to go to the
Golden Star with a missing button.

- Yeah, but--
- There is no "but".

We'll have a drink first,
then we'll find a needle.

Then you'll sew my button on.

A bachelor doesn't
have any needles.

But I'm an unusual bachelor.

You aren't afraid to
come up with me, are you?

I'll have to think it over first.

Would you try to seduce me?

I don't know.

Probably. Why?

"Why"? A girl has to know!

A girl follows her sixth sense
about such things.

You can't just go around
asking questions like that.

I can. I always do.

And if someone says yes,
he wants to seduce you, what then?

I usually believe him.

I lose out on a dinner.

And if someone says
he has honorable intentions?

I usually believe him, too.

But you get fooled sometimes.

I can't stand men like that.

After all,
there are lots of girls

who are perfectly
happy to be seduced.

Why not stick to them?

Fine. I won't make the
slightest attempt. You believe me?

Yes.

You're nice and personable.

And if I'm lying?
That may be, after all.

That's true. Are you lying?

Frankly, I don't exactly know.

I've never come across
someone like you before.

How nice.

But I won't promise that
I'm not going to kiss you.

But why not?

Kissing is fine. I don't have
anything against that.

Well, I'll be darned if I know whether
you're really so excessively naive

or whether you're
just putting me on.

Well, pay attention.
Totally unnaively.

When a girl goes into
a man's apartment with him,

there are always
two possibilities.

Either she wants to lose her
virginity or she doesn't.

If she doesn't,
then there's a fight.

I don't want to lose my virginity
and I think that fighting is vulgar.

So I always put my cards
on the table beforehand.

Isn't that completely sensible?

White flag. You win.

Gentle affection,
no wild urges.

Word of honor.

"Gentle affection,
no wild urges."

I think that's charming.

You could found a new party
with that slogan.

You're really very sweet
even if you are a little crazy.

Patty O'Neill.
That sounds incredibly Irish.

Both my parents
were born in Brooklyn,

but my father
is of Irish descent.

When he gets jolly or mad,

he still talks like
he has a mouth full of mush.

- What does he do?
- He's with the police.

Got change for ten dollars?

Yes, sir.

Are you completely sure that you
really want to come up with me?

- Absolutely.
- No qualms?

Not in the slightest.

And I don't have the slightest
doubt about your virility, either.

Let's leave my virility
out of this.

Gladly. I just don't want
you to feel insulted.

Men are so funny about that.

They don't find it flattering
at all when someone trusts them.

Pardon me, lady, but what makes
you trust him so implicitly?

It may sound corny, but
I think he's a man of honor.

A woman can tell.

I got three daughters.
I only hope they can tell, too.

Here you go, mister.
Oh, thank you kindly.

For what I learned on that trip,

I'd have to pay my psychiatrist
at least 25 bucks.

I'm so glad you don't mind.

Mind what?

Most men are bored
to death with a virgin.

I'm so glad you're not like that.

Have you taken many girls
up to your apartment?

I can't seem to
remember at the moment.

Won't the elevator
boy make a face?

The elevator boy is a
button and you press it.

That was Cynthia.

Didn't you say it was all off?

As far as I'm
concerned, completely.

She didn't look as if it were
completely off at all.

She looked more as if
she were about to go.

After you.

This way.

Excuse me.

Hello? Oh, hello, Mike!

No, sorry, pal, not today.
Today I'm going out.

Sure. Later this week?

Okay. Good night.

- Who is Mike?
- A friend of mine.

- Are you mad at him?
- Not at all. Why?

You hung up so quickly.

Because there was
no more to say.

He asked me if I wanted to eat
with him and I told him that I can't.

Well, fine, but you
could have talked to him.

Well, I always talk
with my friends. For hours.

I can imagine.

Where are you going
with Cynthia's picture?

I'm putting her in the
drawer with my winter socks.

Facedown.

Who could have done that?

KISS MY ASS!!

Oh. No idea. Maybe the cleaning
lady who comes here every day.

Must have been a very
refined cleaning lady.

Why would she write that
to you on the mirror?

I've been forgetting to
leave her a tip for weeks.

There are needles,
as promised.

What would you like to drink?
A martini?

No, thanks.

At most a fruit juice
or a Coca-Cola.

Oh, sorry. I'm fresh out of
fruit juice and Coke.

Never mind.

Then... Maybe an
olive or something.

Give me your coat.

Olive?

And where do you
have the button?

Coat.

Button.

It's by Picasso.

Do you like it?

Frankly, I think it's atrocious.

I like your apartment a lot,
but if it were mine,

The first thing I'd throw out
would be that thing there.

I like it.

Then why don't you hang
it in your bedroom?

I like it where it is.

And it's staying there, too.

What a totally divine
kitchen this is.

You should see the stove
in our apartment.

Vicky swears the first immigrants from
Holland must've brought it with them.

- Vicky?
- Mmm-hmm.

My roommate.

And an electric garbage disposal
that you just throw everything in.

Anyway, Vicky says she'd give herself
body and soul to the first man

who'd offer her a kitchen
with a garbage disposal.

Don't you like martinis?

I used to,
but I gave up drinking.

Why?

I think it's sort of
high school to drink and smoke

when you're not
really keen on it.

Do you mind if I
take my shoes off?

Take off anything you like.

You have very lovely feet.

Thank you.

Do you have a mistress?

Mistress?

Isn't that a rather
old-fashioned term?

It may be old-fashioned,
but it's factually correct.

So, do you have one?

You ask the most
unbelievable questions.

What's so unbelievable
about it, though?

You're a bachelor and
you're well-off, it seems.

And most bachelors have one.
So it's a perfectly natural question.

It isn't a bit natural.

You don't go around asking
every man if he has a mistress.

I always ask.

It saves so much time and one
finds out sooner or later anyway.

So do you have one?

A mistress, I mean.

No, if it's of interest to you.
I don't have one.

Oh, good. I'm glad.

Yeah, but why
don't you have one?

Oh, you needn't tell me
if you don't want to.

Well, maybe I think it's
high school to have a mistress

when you're not
really keen on it.

Do you know that
that's really very true?

- Was Cynthia--
- She was not my mistress.

I didn't even ask that, though.

You were just going to.

I only caught a glimpse of her
but she is really... lovely.

She has a very pretty chin.

Oh, she's very pretty all over.

Then she was your mistress!

She was nothing of the sort.

Yeah, but you just said
she was pretty all over.

So I have to assume that...

Why do you really have nothing
other than sex on your mind?

- Who, me?
- Yes, you.

Do I really?

Yes, when you're always asking
if people want to seduce you

or if they're
bored with virgins

or if they have a mistress.

If that isn't being
preoccupied with sex,

I'd like to know what is.

Well, you may be right, but...

Isn't it better for a girl
to be preoccupied with it

than to be occupied with it?

Now you have two needles.

It has begun to rain.

How long have you been
split up with Cynthia?

Since last night or
since this morning, uh...

Sometime in between.

Is that why she wrote Geothe's
Swabian Salute on the mirror?

Oh, you didn't
believe me at all

- that it was the cleaning lady.
- Not for a second.

Are you miserable?

Why should I be miserable?

Oh, you stuck her facedown
in your winter socks

and when I asked you if you
are still in love with her,

you shilly-shallied.

Fine. She left an
aching void in my heart.

Satisfied?

Why did you break it off?

Or did she?

You definitely ask too much.

Oh, I know. I'm sorry,
but I'm really not inquisitive.

I'm just so interested
in other people.

- Heavens, what time is it?
- Just about 8:30. Why?

Oh, that's too late.
My show went on at 8:00.

You're on television tonight?

Yes, we filmed it
two weeks ago.

Too bad, I would've
liked to see it.

Never mind. It goes
on again at midnight.

Fine! Then we'll
watch it together.

Oh no. I'll already long be home
dutifully tucked in bed by then.

But you can watch it.
Midnight on channel 4.

- Okay. Shall we go eat?
- Yes, let's go.

Wait a minute. Without a
raincoat you're gonna get soaked.

I know what we'll do. We won't
go out at all. We'll eat up here.

I'm a sensational cook!

Unfortunately I have nothing
sensational to cook.

You must have
something or other.

Well, I was sure you'd
at least have some leftovers.

You know, no one can believe
what I concoct out of leftovers.

- Do you like kabelutschki?
- I beg your pardon?

Kabelutschki.

You make it out of old cod
and leftover potato salad.

You really don't
have any old cod?

For God's sake, no!

Don't say "For God's sake, no".

There's nothing horrible about
it at all. It tastes delicious!

Look, Patty, the only
halfway edible thing

is this small crock of cheese
someone gave me last Christmas.

Green cheese! I--
- It's going green.

Poison green. See?

- Don't you ever eat at home?
- Never.

Oh, it's no wonder that you're
so unhappy and in poor shape.

I'm not a bit unhappy,
and my shape is simply splendid.

Well, I think it's sad.

Heartbreaking.

this darling kitchen
all for nothing.

The lovely icebox,
the divine stove,

the garbage disposal
that no one uses.

It makes me cry.
Honestly. It does.

You're the strangest girl
that I've ever met.

Oh, you didn't meet me.

You picked me up.

You don't have to
keep rubbing it in.

I do have to. I think both of us
should always be clear about that.

Why?

Because-- I just think we should,
that's all. That's all.

Why?

Just in case we should start
feeling something for each other.

Would that be so bad?

Yes.

I let myself be
be picked up by you

and no matter what happens, you'll
always rack your brain about it.

What about?

About all the others who might
have already picked me up before.

I've already been racking
my brain about that.

Do you do it very often?

Once is enough to
leave doubts forever.

My doubts are completely
dispersed. Completely.

Maybe for the time being,
but then they come creeping back.

Did you build this?

Not yet. I'd like to someday.

It's just an idea of mine.
Sort of a vacation hideaway.

I really like it.

Of course, you won't find such
magnificent old trees anywhere.

The trees are already there.
It's a piece of property I own.

One day I'll build
this shack precisely

so that it fits into the trees.

Is that the bedroom?

Mmm-hmm.
Windows on three sides.

And there's the fireplace.
It's a huge fireplace.

You can roast an entire
ox in it if you want.

That must be fun. Roasting
an ox in the bedroom.

The limbs of the oak tree here
nearly reach the roof. Do you see?

Well, if I had an oak tree
like that, I'd live in it.

You know, when I was a
little kid, we always--

Do you like children?

Ah, I can't stand them.

I suppose you think it would be unfair
to bring kids into this mess of a world.

And who is supposed to
clean up this mess of a world?

Unborn kids, perhaps?

I never even thought
of it that way.

Then think about it.
When you have time.

Now, what about our dinner?

Nah. Even I can't do anything
with moldy old cheese.

There's a store next door.
I have a raincoat.

I can get everything you need.

Yeah? Swell!
I simply adore cooking.

I just rarely get a chance
to cook for a man.

I live together with a girl.

I'm very relieved to hear it.

Now who has sex on their mind?

Okay.

So what should I bring back?

I'll make you a list.

Don't bother me. I don't
want to forget anything.

I'm writing everything down
for you but sugar and salt.

I'll leave those
to your imagination.

There.

Here.

Go on. What are
you waiting for?

I've decided not to
found a new party.

At least not with the slogan
you suggested to me.

"Gentle affection,
no wild urges."

No, I'd rather--

You don't have any urges
at all now, you're hungry.

And so am I.
Now go get the items.

Okay. I'll be back in a flash.

Put your rubbers on.
It's pouring like crazy.

My dear child,
I never wear rubbers.

You put them on.

What... Don't be so bossy.

I'm not bossy, I'm maternal.

How old are you?

26. Why?

Just a second. 26,
half of that is 13.

Plus 7...

Is 20! It works out!
It works out exactly!

What works out?

Haven't you ever heard that the girl is
supposed to be half the man's age plus 7?

What girl? And what man?

Never mind. Beat it.

I think I'll also by rolls,
butter, and jam. Hmm?

Well, calm down, Vicky.
He's an architect.

And he has a just enchanting
apartment on 79th street,

two buildings from 5th Avenue.

His name is Donald Gresham.

And he has soft, blue eyes,
like a forget-me-not.

And-- Just a second.

Stay on the line.
There's somebody at the door.

Oh, good evening.
You're Cynthia, aren't you?

I've already heard
so much about you.

And what a delightful dog.

Don went out.
He's buying some steaks.

Then I'm cooking for us both.

Say, why did you write Goethe's
Swabian salute on the mirror?

What happened?

Won't you come in and wait
for Don? It won't be long.

Well, believe me, Vicky.
He couldn't harm a fly.

He loves children and he owns a
downright marvelous old oak tree.

Yes, right. Oak tree.

Why? I'll explain it
to you later, though.

Someone's at the door
again already.

Yes, yes, sweetie. Yes.

Yes, good night
and don't worry.

- Well, I'll be--
- What will you be?

Oh, sorry.
I'm completely speechless.

I didn't expect to
find a girl here.

Why not, though? It's a very
innocuous hour, after all.

Yes, yes. I wasn't trying
to say that... I mean...

Is Mr. Gresham home?

No, he went down just now,
but he'll be back again soon.

- Won't you come in?
- No, I think I'd rather go.

You know, I live directly
above Don, you see, and...

- I wanted to go--
- Maybe you'd like something to drink?

Yes, in fact I must drink something.
I'm in urgent need of it.

Between us, I still have a
small hangover from last night.

- And in that case a sip--
- I'm familiar with it.

I've already cured more
hangovers than a dog has fleas.

My name is David Slater.
May I know yours too?

Patty. Patty O'Neill.

Oh, pretty name. Hmm-hmm.

Have you known Don long?

Oh, yes. That is, we haven't
known each other very long yet.

It just seems like an eternity.

He's an angel.
I'm totally mad about him.

Very interesting. And he
is just as mad about you?

Oh, it's purely platonic
on both sides.

Yes, yes, of course.

I only took my shoes off
because my feet hurt.

Never say that your feet hurt.

Why not, if they do?

"My foot", singular, "hurts"
is a stimulating statement.

"My feet", plural, "hurt"

is a rather sordid admission.

Have a seat.
The fauteuil whirls around.

Yes, most of the fauteuils
that I sit on whirl around.

Aren't you drinking
something, too?

No, thanks. I don't drink.

Do you know Cynthia?

Yes. Why?

She was sort of engaged
to Don, so to speak.

What do you mean
by "so to speak"?

Seems more or less to have been
a sort of a loose relationship.

Loose? Did he use
the word "loose"?

Oh, no. But, anyway,
it's all off now.

Yes, I know.

He just put her facedown
with his winter socks.

Was she a beast?

That's not an entirely
uncomplicated question.

Why? Either she was one
or she wasn't one.

It's not as simple as that.

Why?

Well, if you
absolutely must know...

She happens to be my daughter.

Oh!

- I understand.
- Mmm. I'm glad.

I'm terribly sorry, but...

If I'd suspected
you were her father,

naturally I never would've thought
of asking you if she's a beast.

You couldn't have come
to a better source.

She is one.

Well, anyway,
she's very pretty.

Yeah, what... What did you just
say there about his winter socks?

Oh, nothing.

Don went down to buy
some steaks just now.

I'm a terrific cook,
you know? Terrific.

- Do you like steaks?
- Oh, I'm mad about steaks.

Then why don't you stay
here and eat with us?

Oh, I'd rather not.

Thank you very much
all the same.

I assume it's
because of Cynthia.

I mean, were you the reason
why they split up?

Did you disapprove or something?

No, no, on the contrary.
I intended to love him like a son.

More than a son!

Do you know I'd been
practically chasing after him,

ready to give my blessing
any moment?

Isn't Cynthia all
broken up about it?

No.

She rarely gets broken up.
I, though. I am.

I was so counting on that boy.

Oh. Then you're sore
because they split up.

You know, I don't have the
slightest idea what happened

except that Don
told me it was off.

Are you furious with Don?

I mean, has he done something
that shouldn't be done?

That's what I'd like to find out.
That's mainly why I'm here.

According to the theory, Don
should be horsewhipped.

- By me.
- Why?

Well, that's what Cynthia said
this morning, I think.

You think? Don't you know?

I wasn't feeling so
fit yet this morning.

You know, she said
a lot of things, like--

Like what, for instance?

Well, it appears as if he...

played a frivolous and base game
with my daughter's feelings.

That doesn't sound like Don.

I wasn't quoting him.

Whom else? Your wife, perhaps?

Why, no, we've been
divorced for years.

No, "frivolous and base" were Cynthia's
rather unoriginal expressions.

I was not cut out
to raise a daughter.

Yeah, what Cynthia needs
is a good influence.

- A mother, probably.
- Mmm.

Either that or a good
kick in the pants.

Well, couldn't you provide her
with one or the other?

You still look awfully young.
Why don't you marry again?

Unfortunately, the woman
to whom I am attracted

would not be quite
the right influence.

Then why don't you kick
her in the pants sometimes?

An attractive thought.

Listen, since you seem
to know him pretty well,

do you consider our friend to be
a man of serious principles?

I don't know what
you're driving at.

If you were a father
then you would know.

You're worried about Cynthia.

Is she pregnant?

No, of course not...

What gives you that idea?

Isn't that usually the reason
when fathers worry?

Indeed it is.

Oh, Mr. Slater,

you don't have the
slightest reason to worry.

I don't know Cynthia, but Don
would never do something like that.

He doesn't believe in it.

Just don't think
about it anymore.

Stay here for a cozy dinner,

then you won't take everything
so tragically anymore.

Between us, I am very tempted,
but oughtn't we ask Don first?

Why? I'm sure it's
okay with him.

He may have something
in mind. For dessert.

Oh, no. That's all
been discussed.

I only agreed to come up here

after he promised
not to make a pass.

And he hasn't.

Couldn't you imagine

that after a steak he might
become more impassioned?

Oh, yes, hopefully!

I like being kissed.

You know, he hasn't even kissed me
since the Empire State Building.

You mean since it was built?

Oh, don't be so childish.

We met there.
In an enchanting fog.

Mix yourself another
bathtub full.

With your permission.

Shall I turn on the television?

Is it in color?

You're crazy.

It won't be in color for years.

Oh, then let's
wait until then.

It's pouring down.

What kind of a car
do you drive?

A Lincoln. Why?

Have you seen the new Cadillac?

- Oh, yes.
- It has an exciting gadget.

Whenever it starts to rain,
you press a little button,

and then water drizzles
over the windshield

so that the wiper
won't smear it.

I always think of it
the moment it starts to rain.

You drive a Cadillac?

My God, wherever--?
You're funny.

But the boy Vicky goes with has one,
and sometimes he lets me--

not drive, just press
the button. Vicky says--

- Vicky?
- Yeah. She lives with me.

Oh, you'd like her.
She's so fetching.

She's all of two years older but
clucks over me like a mother hen.

She's a model.

Are you also a model?

Oh, sometimes, but not really.

I'm an actress.

That is, I want to be one.

It's a hard life.
The competition is simply brutal.

Poor Vicky.
She's having a hard time.

No market for models?

I don't mean professionally,
I mean more concerning the heart.

You see, the boy
with the Cadillac,

he loves her a lot and
he is terribly rich

and has absolutely
everything he wants.

You call that
having a hard time?

Well, yes, it's just
because he's married

and he wouldn't displease his
wife for anything in the world.

- He studied in England.
- How sad.

Where I studied, displeasing
wives was a mandatory course.

Does Cynthia do anything?

I mean, like...

acting school or modeling
or something like that.

- Nothing.
- She does nothing at all?

Nothing at all. At least nothing
that a father could be proud of.

Can you do something that she
as a daughter could be proud of?

What's the matter?

Knockout.

Serves you right.

Parents who constantly complain
about their children make me sick.

I always say
it's the parents' fault.

Don't ever say it again.

- Why not?
- Because it's banal. And true.

It's never too late to change.

Do you always say that, too?

You would actually have
the makings of a great father.

I like the funny wrinkles
in the corners of your eyes.

Why are you standing up?

It seemed like
it would be better.

Why?

Frankly, my child,

I suddenly felt a commanding
and equally ignoble desire

to kiss you until
your lips bleed.

Really? Oh, lovely!
Today is a lucky day for me!

And rather than yield
to that ignoble desire--

What's so ignoble about it?

I think it's wonderful
to be desired.

There's just one point
I'd like to clear up.

Aren't you already in a
relationship with Don?

I you want to know
the exact details,

we only met this afternoon.

We sort of picked
one another up

on the roof of the
Empire State Building.

That will do.

Oh, don't get the wrong idea.
It was all perfectly proper.

Hey! Quick, it's me!

Yes, yes, I'm coming.

Holy sea cow!

I got enough food here
to last a month's siege.

Greetings, old boy!

In view of that
cordial welcome,

I'd better clear off.

You stay here.

Don! Come here!

What the devil
are you doing here?

I invited Mr. Slater
to have dinner with us.

You did what?

Don't be so rude!

I think you're awful!

Mr. Slater came to visit you,
and I asked him--

In that case,
I must inform you

- that Mr. Slater--
- I know everything.

He's Cynthia's father,
but that doesn't matter.

He's not mad at you at all

and he's not going
to horsewhip you, either.

He's not going to what?

My dear child,
you talk too much.

Horsewhipping is a routine that
you don't know anything about yet.

No?

Perhaps you will
explain it to me.

Uh... Patty, would you leave
us alone for a few minutes?

Men talk, honey.

But of course. I have to
start cooking anyway.

Meanwhile you two can chat away
to your heart's content.

If you have wet feet,
then change your socks.

You look like you need it.

I say, that's a charming girl.

Yes. Charming thing, hmm?

I've known her for years.

Good family!

Yes, lots of good families live
in the Empire State Building.

I might have guessed.

How long have you been here?

Oh, ten, fifteen minutes.

She didn't stop talking
for one second.

Fine, I picked her up.

But that's why she's
a nice girl.

But of course. I agree
with you completely.

She is... She is enchanting!

So go ahead.

What is this
horsewhipping routine?

My daughter came home
at 10 this morning.

- Right.
- She spent the whole night with you.

Right again. That is, she spent
the night in this apartment.

- She claims--
- She lies. I never touched her.

Moreover, I don't believe you.
Cynthia has many faults,

- but she would never claim--
- Yes, but she openly--

She lies!

Don't keep yelling "she lies"
in that dramatic tone

before I can even
get a word out.

I will now try to
recollect exactly what...

...what she really did say.

Go ahead.

All right, this morning
I was about to have breakfast,

or more precisely an Aspirin,

then Cynthia comes breezing in
wearing a black, strapless gown.

You could have knocked me
over with a your little finger!

Fair enough, I... I know
she often comes home late.

Oh... at 3 o'clock, at 4 o'clock,
at 5 o'clock in the morning!

But never at 10!

Go on?

I asked her where... where
she had been all night,

and she told me
she'd slept down here.

Openly. In plain language.

You could have knocked me
over with your little finger!

Again?

Oh, this time it was an
entirely different finger.

Imagine, my own
daughter tells me

she slept down here with you.

So in short, I say to her...

Yeah, what did I say?

"Good God."
"Good God," I said.

"You should never
have done that."

Well, or something
in that price range.

My God, I feel uneasy
on a high moral plane.

And what did she say?

"You're quite right," she said.

"I made a grave error."

Then she staggered
into her room,

slammed the door, and
hopped into the shower.

While you searched
for a horsewhip.

This is no reason to be
making jokes, young man.

My daughter says
she'd trusted you

and you'd shamefully
betrayed her trust.

Her own words.

Is that all she said?

No details?

No, that was all.

"He shamefully
betrayed my trust."

She repeated it several times.

She lies. I never
touched her. Never.

Believe it or not,
I didn't touch her.

You didn't touch her?

Well, then that's probably
precisely what Cynthia meant.

But of course!
Now I can understand her!

An extremely
humiliating experience.

By all accounts
I should beat you up!

You don't say.

You want to beat me up because
I didn't seduce your daughter?

Quite a new twist, isn't it?

Who is it?

Let me in, you coward!
Let me in!

Cynthia!

I suppose that girl
is still here.

Yeah, don't act so
innocent. I saw her.

She opened the door
for me. In stockings.

What is she, a yokel?

Please, Cynthia, don't
make a scene here now.

Let's try to behave
like civilized people.

I am the most civilized woman

- you ever met in your life.
- Oh yes, oh yes.

That's why you scrawl such civilized
words on other people's mirrors, too.

I'm telling you, if you treat
that poor thing like me,

then she will probably also
write "kiss my ass" on the mirror.

That is, if she can write.

The last thing you said when
you slipped out this morning

- was that you never wanted
to darken this door again.
- What gives her the idea?

- She gets it from her mom!
- Let me in, you hypocrite, you!

Over my dead body.

Your daughter is a girl
who can't say no.

And she expects the same
from everyone else.

I don't doubt your word,
but I'm trying to envision

what really happened between
you and Cynthia last night.

And why!

I can help you envision it.

We went out to dinner and
then to the theater together.

I brought her home
about midnight.

We took the elevator
straight up to your apartment.

I said "Good night" to her
at the door and went back down.

Five minutes later
she showed up here.

She told me she
found you up there

completely drunk
and with a young lady.

"Young" is true.

That's the reason why
she didn't go back up.

Too degrading?

Nonsense.

She didn't want
to be a killjoy.

So she slept in my bed
and I here on the couch.

A lovely night was not had
by all of us last night.

If everything you are
telling me is true,

why would a young man like
you sleep on the couch?

Apart from moral constraints,
which are of course foreign to you,

the young man might not
want to be committed.

Uh, pardon my asking,

but weren't you more or less
engaged to my daughter?

Ah, there's a vast difference

between an engagement
and a commitment.

Between you and me, I was
unwilling to lose the initiative.

I've though long
and hard about it.

Deep thinker, eh?

If you want to shoot a goal,

then don't wish that the
goalie kicks the ball for you.

Nah, I don't have
a clue about soccer.

But is it a rule that...

that the center forward himself
plays goalie at the same time?

Who blew the whistle?

Geez. What are you
fighting about now?

- Soccer, possibly?
- Yes.

We were just discussing
a missed goal.

Mmm. Tastes very good so far.

Truly delicious.

- No ketchup?
- Coming right up.

- Uh... I'll get it.
- She'll find it.

You'll only confuse her.

A bit inconsiderate to let the
poor kid do all the work alone.

No fake consideration.
Women enjoy working.

Let me do it.
I'm a bit stronger.

Why are men so helpless?

I'll show you.

We should have had champagne!

Forgive me. I didn't know
that you were coming.

- Here you are.
- Oh! Thank you.

Nothing is coming out.

Seems to be stuck.

Oh!

Oh, you and your ketchup!

You weren't even aiming
it at your plate!

Sorry.

Oh, I think you'd
better do it yourself.

I have an idea, Patty.
I'll lend you a dressing gown.

- Then you can clean your dress better.
- Oh, good.

I've had enough, Slater.

Take your steak and
eat it in your apartment.

But my dear boy,

I can't leave that poor defenseless
girl alone with you, after all.

Half naked? I could
never forgive myself.

Well, isn't that a good dinner
I've whipped up there?

I've never eaten so well.

And you? Aren't you
going to say anything?

Would you like to get married
someday and stay married?

Mmm-hmm.

My wife was born in Austria.

A charming little person.

And she could make nockerln.
Real Salzburger nockerln.

Superb.

I never ate less than three
of them and every time I said,

"Delicious nockerln!"

"Heavenly nockerln!"

Yes, once even
"Now those are nockerln!"

But then, an hour later,

while I was still busy
peacefully digesting them,

she would always say,

"Well? Weren't the
nockerln good?"

You know what happened?

You divorced her.

No, she divorced me.

Due to inhumanity on my part.

I hit her with the
nockerl pan.

You didn't!

A brand-new Starck pan.

Still hot from the nockerln.

Right on her behind.

The welt lasted weeks
in-- in all colors.

According to her lawyer.

I no longer had the privilege
of seeing it. The welt, I mean.

I don't believe you.

Why not? It's just like him.

Yes, it's the absolute truth.

You struck a woman?

Certainly. I only
strike women, you see.

I'm a peaceable person.
Also very cowardly.

Don't be so modest.

Occasionally you'd even
strike a small weak man.

If he's completely
defenseless, yes.

Well, I think you're awful.

It's hardly surprising that
your wife divorced you.

It's just a surprise that
he married a woman at all.

But don't you find that I
have a certain wicked charm?

I do. That's the
trouble with you.

You have far too much charm.

And "wicked" is a compliment.
I would call it something else.

Be sure I love you, too.

- My former wife says--
- Shh! I want to listen!

Oh, for crying out loud,
what do you want now?

No. No, I wouldn't think of it.

Okay then. If you don't
don't want to come up,

throw out that little slut!

Please stop taking
that tone, okay?

Fine. Bid farewell to the young
lady and I'll come to you.

No way. Completely
out of the question.

Just as well.

If you're so
brute and callous,

then I'll drown myself
in the bathtub.

Stop that talk.

Talk?

Do you want to hear the water?

Do you hear it?

Do you hear the water?

Yes, b-b-but see... I...

D-d-don't do anything stupid.

Listen. I have a proposal.

I can be dressed
in two minutes.

Meet me in the lobby and
take me for a drink at Luigi's.

A little drink to
our good friendship.

Done. For all I care.
But quick as a flash.

I'm terribly sorry, but I have
to go out for a few minutes.

Oh, w-- Where?

Just 10 or 15 minutes.

- No, but--
- Oh, let him go.

He's not very entertaining
tonight anyway.

Hardly said a word.

Oh, there were a few on the tip
of my tongue, but you were lucky.

There was a lady present.

You've never needed
so little time to get dressed.

Oh, don't trouble yourself
so much with that.

The cleaning lady can do that.

No, I like to tidy up.

Cleanliness is the
first step to virtue.

May be. But virtue
is not up my alley.

What is up your alley?

Steak, alcohol, and broads.
In precisely that order.

You're not half as
depraved as you act.

You just want people
to believe that.

If that's true, wouldn't
you like to marry me, then?

To be thrashed
with nockerl pans?

Quit joking.

It was a mistake of me
to boast about that act.

But you are significantly
stronger than my ex-wife.

You might hit back.

I'd be a lot more
careful with you.

- Well?
- Well what?

Get married.
Would you like to?

How foolish you would
feel now if I said yes.

Not at all. I'm hoping
that you'll say yes.

That's why I asked.

I wouldn't marry you if you
were the last man on earth.

My dear thing, that's a purely emotional
and ill-considered figure of speech.

If I were the
last man on earth

and there were
a million women left,

you'd be fighting tooth and claw
with every single one of them

for the privilege
of becoming my wife.

You'd be panting
to repopulate the world.

Don't make a fool of yourself.

Your love of the human race would
overcome your prejudice against me.

You're seriously mistaken there.

I don't think the
human race is so great.

And I'm not prejudiced
against you.

Can't you hear
a dog barking, too?

Of course I can.
It's Cynthia's poodle.

Ah, look! That blasted dog!

Oh, be reasonable.

Such a small dog can't possibly
make such a large spot--

Where are you going?

Take of your shoes.
You're gonna get wet.

If you think I'm gonna wade in
there, you're profoundly mistaken.

The Eskimos are the most
civilized people in the world.

Why?

They have enough sense to
sell their daughters at birth.

I wish I could
exchange Cynthia

for a girl of your
incomparable neatness.

You really don't want to
think it over and marry me?

Really.

Isn't that cute?

Sickening.

I still need a few rags.

Get some towels.
There in the cabinet.

And as for my
marriage proposal,

if you adhere to tradition,

I'd be happy to
go down on my knee

as soon as you've mopped up.

Do you always propose
to girls you don't know?

No.

But I've occasionally asked
a few chance acquaintances

to live with me without
the blessing of the church.

Why didn't you
propose that to me?

You know, it is often alleged
that decent young girls

are always led astray
by older playboys.

The opposite is the case.

Only playboys have a natural
respect for innocence.

You're sweet.
And probably a little drunk.

No. I'm comparatively sober.

Then you must be crazy.

Why?

It's on record that
you want to marry

a well-heeled man
of mature years.

I'm 44.

Hard to believe.

You act like an adolescent.

It must be an
irresistible combination.

You could mother me.

No, thanks.

Then you could mother Cynthia.

Thanks, yes.
She'd be delighted by that.

I'm all of two years older.

Wonderful! If Cynthia and
Don make it together,

then you could be
his mother-in-law.

Doesn't that appeal to you?

You shouldn't joke about it.

Marriage is a
much too serious matter.

Plus you don't know
anything at all about me.

Oh, I know enough.

You're intelligent. You're
efficient. You have initiative.

You're infectiously
young and gay.

You're an excellent cook

and you also have a pretty face,
a lovely figure, and...

terrific legs.

Please go on.

That should be enough for you.
It's enough for me.

You haven't said
a word about love.

There is far too much
said about that in general.

Nevertheless, a girl
wants to hear them.

From a man like Don, maybe?

Maybe.

You told us both that you would
like to find a nice mature man

who knows how to
appreciate you.

Yes, but a girl would also
like to be happy, by the way.

I have a natural talent
for making people happy.

With nockerl pans?

Well, that was
a clear, clean cut.

She married a rich Brazilian
almost immediately afterwards

and is now living happily
as a snail in its house.

She also got a big settlement.

Well.

Now we can go
downstairs again.

I am very happy here!

If you decide to leave,

then I will probably
call up a dame I know

and ask her to come up.

Don't say, "dame".
That sounds too vulgar.

At least say, "girl".

Well, this girl is vulgar in the
sense of natural and uninhibited.

By common definition
she is by her nature

a dame rather than a girl.

One can have a
delightful time with her.

Then why don't you ask
her to marry you?

Oh, because she'd immediately
lose all respect for me

if I made such
an idiotic suggestion.

Are you perhaps about to
reconsider my proposal?

You know, it's very
strange with you.

You're really horrible and
cynical and shallow and...

immoral and a completely
worthless person altogether.

And I like you!

I like you very much, in fact!

Enough to get married?

Not that.

- Are you rich?
- Oh, yes. Quite comfortable.

Oh, what the hell.
Let's be honest. I'm rich.

I've never worked
a day in my life,

and if I never do, I'll
always have a large income,

despite taxes.

Why?

I often wonder what it would
be like to have a lot of money.

Or at least some money.

Many girls I know
marry just for security.

It's a big temptation.

Do you have any idea how much money
I have in the world at the moment?

I suspect you have
$7.43 in cash

and a bankbook that shows
no balance whatsoever.

I'm not psychic, but I looked in
your purse while you were cooking.

That wasn't very ethical.

Oh, I never claimed
to be ethical.

You know, next Tuesday
I'll be on a television show.

Maybe.

And then, if everything
goes well, I'll get $62.50.

Then with my seven
I'll have almost 70 dollars.

Once I even had over 200.

Over 200 dollars
for a whole week.

That's a feeling you don't know
because you're rich.

- What?
- Yeah!

The exciting fact of knowing that
you have more than 200 dollars.

It's wonderful!

You feel like you
could just go out and

spit in the face of
the first person you see.

I won exactly $600
playing cards two nights ago.

My God.

- Weren't you completely giddy?
- Mmm...

Don't be so blasé.

No one can be that rich.

I said to myself, "Now you
have 600 bucks more."

I ask myself, "For what?"

I still have them here.
Six brand-new beautiful bills.

You must be crazy to carry
all that money around with you!

I lost a purse once
with over $20 in it.

I was sick for weeks.

Patty, I'd like very much
to give you this $600.

You must be crazy.

Will you accept it?

No, of course not.

There are no consequences
attached to it.

But why should you--

I just told you that I got no joy
at all from winning the money.

Give me that joy
and accept it.

Oh, but I can't
take money from--

How many times does
40 go into 600?

15 times. Why?

That's my average.

40 a week.

Gosh!

15 carefree weeks!

Okay?

I don't know what to do.

I've never taken
money from a man.

I won it from an extremely
unpleasant capitalist.

Who lives off the
sweat of the poor.

Okay?

It's a dreadful temptation.

Would you think me
a fool if I said no?

An egregious fool.

But fools who said no

have contributed much to the
advancement of human dignity.

Such as it is.

I suppose it'd
be crazy if I didn't--

I mean, it's a fortune!

I'm just wondering what--

Hey, what will people say?

Personally, I don't
intend to tell a soul.

Think of how many people's
faces you could spit in.

Okay?

Yes.

- I'll take it!
- Congratulations.

Gosh!

I've never seen a
hundred-dollar boll.

I don't know what to say. I--

I'm really completely
at a loss for words.

That's surely never
happened to you before.

No.

I know I talk a lot, but now--

I can't say anything
other than "Thank you".

It sounds terribly silly.

It sounds very nice to me
the way you said it.

Oh, no, it's far too little.

Just "Thank you".

15 weeks of security and...
all for free.

I just don't know
what to say.

I feel abundantly rewarded.

By what?

By the sparkle in your eyes.

You know, for me there are
consequences attached.

Why?

Gratitude.

The burning desire to
repay you someday. Somehow.

Yes, but it's
a gift, not a loan.

Yes, but that's what I
mean by consequences.

You forget a loan
as soon as you pay it off.

For a gift, you're
always beholden.

I wish to never again
hear anything from you

neither in person nor by
telephone or in writing

or by carrier pigeon.
Understood?

And that little girl you
make such nasty remarks about

is worth as much as
50 of your kind.

Oh my God.

When I show this to Vicky
and tell her what happened,

she's really gonna faint.

You don't think
she'll misunderstand?

600 dollars?

Nobody can
misunderstand that much.

Besides, Vicky knows full well
I would never do such things.

And she's a good girl herself.

That's why we live together.

And the man with the Cadillac
who studied in England?

Oh, that's all very
sad and hopeless.

They sometimes go to sensual
movies together and hold hands.

His wife's blood pressure
is much too low.

Or who knows.
Maybe it's much too high?

Well, anyway,
she has bad health.

He doesn't strike me as
very robust himself.

Oh, you. If two people don't
immediately sleep with each other...

I think you're awful!

There!

I don't like the tone
with which you said that.

- Why?
- It sounded patronizing,

condescending, and maternal.

You just offered to
let me mother you.

Don't you like it
when I kiss you?

Oh yes, very much, in fact.

But without "there".

Oh, you're too spoiled.

Wouldn't you have felt silly
if I'd said "there"?

Maybe you're right.

Shall we try it again?

Better?

Not especially.

It wasn't patronizing
or maternal.

This time it was daughterly.

Wasn't it fatherly of you
to give me all that money?

You're too logical.

That's not becoming
to the young.

Either way. You're sweet.

Well, I am flabbergasted.

Oh my God.

You've sure gotten wet!

What were you doing?
Standing around in the rain?

You're right.

She's worth at least
50 of my kind.

Cynthia, go to your room.

I think you'll need
a referee, Daddy.

Cynthia! Go to your room!

Anything you say, Daddy.

She's really going!

I sure as hell shouldn't
have left you two alone.

We don't want to just throw out
the baby with the bath water.

Things are very different
from how they look.

I've got eyes in my head.
It was obvious.

Well, the obvious
is frequently ambiguous.

Take our Patty, for example--

No, you take her and keep her.

Oh! Thank you.

We have his blessing!

Oh, Don, stop being so
horrible and stuffy already!

Okay, fine, I was sitting
on his lap and kissing him.

Is that a crime?

Dear God, I swear, I'll never
kiss a man again as long as I live.

That wouldn't be such
a bad idea for you.

Don! Don't you want an
explanation of what happened?

Why we came up here, why you
found me in this situation--

Will that change anything?
How or why?

I think so.

You see, Mr. Slater
asked me to marry him.

Marry?

He asked you to marry him?

That's right.

I hope, Mr. Slater, you don't
mind that I told him that.

That's none of
his damn business.

Forgive me if I interrupted
this touching proposal.

Oh, he proposed
a long time ago already.

Yeah, sure. Kneeling in front
of the couch, I imagine.

As a matter of fact,
it was in the bathroom,

and he even wanted to go down on his
knee, if you want to know every detail.

Didn't you, Mr. Slater?

- Boy's honor.
- See?

What did you actually mix into
the steak sauce? Yohimbine?

I wish you both
lots of happiness.

Poor Don.

What ever is he thinking?

Hard to tell with such
a clean-minded young man.

They conceive of
the vilest things.

Darn!

Now he probably thinks
I'm just a little cow.

I wouldn't worry about it.

But I do.

He still doesn't know why I
sat on your lap and kissed you.

If you have any brains in
your head, he'll never know.

Do you mind if I borrow this?

Not in the slightest.

I just wouldn't want him
to think I'm that type of girl.

Do you believe
he thinks that now?

I couldn't blame him.

He has reason for suspicion.

Then follow my advice!

Don't dispel it.

- What?
- The suspicion.

Uncertainty.

"Did she or didn't she?"

"Will she or won't she?"

"Does she or doesn't she?"

Doubt. Suspicion.

The most powerful
binding agent.

Stronger than any
aphrodisiac in the world.

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

Kleenex?

Thank you.

Why are you such an idiot,
standing around in the rain?

What were you talking about
so long anyway, you and Cynthia?

Mostly about you.

About me?

I told her exactly how we met

and why you came up here
and offered to cook and--

...and what a
nice girl you are.

Were.

I mean, seemed to be.

- Surely she didn't believe it.
- No.

She said, "I know the type.

Sounds like a
professional virgin."

How mean to say such a thing!

I thought so, too.
We had a hefty fight about it.

And? Go on?

That's all.

But I didn't know where I would
find you... And in what state.

Necking with Mr. Slater.

No one used
the word "necking"!

But you were getting along with
him pretty well, weren't you?

Yes, I adore him.

Too bad you had to come trampling
in just at that tender moment!

I wish Al Smith would've
stuck to politics.

Who?

Al Smith.

Who's that?

The builder of the
Empire State Building.

Oh.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, but he really
couldn't help it.

We could've met anywhere.

Say, do you always go around and
kiss every Fritz, Franz, and Otto?

Yes, yes. Always.

- Well, you kissed him!
- Yes, I did.

Yeah, a complete stranger!

Rubbish!
He had dinner with us.

I've known him almost as
long as I've known you!

I suppose he-- h-h-he was
being tender with you.

Of course! Like mad!

- How could you even doubt it?
- I don't.

Tender. With the
girl you picked up.

Who was wearing your robe and
had your dinner in her stomach!

Oh, Don...

Be sensible.

Let me explain to you
what really happened.

What will that change?

It's just a shame.

I really thought
you were a good girl.

I seriously thought that.

You don't think so anymore?

Not anymore now.

Mr. Slater still thinks so.

That's probably why he
asked me to marry him.

Don't you believe that either?

I don't believe he ever
asked you to do that.

I didn't believe it
when you first told me

or when you tried to
get him to confirm it

and I believe it now even less.

Why not?

Because I know David Slater.

Yeah, if you'd told me he wanted to
get you to have an affair with him,

that I would've believed.

You're horrible!

My God, don't start to cry.

Cynthia prepared me
for this trick.

- She said professional virgins--
- I'm going!

Okay.

- Back upstairs to Slater's?
- Yes, yes I am!

Some unfinished business, eh?

Yes!

- Your name's Donald Gresham?
- Yes.

Where do you think you are?

What are you doing here?

Who are you?

How dare you simply trample
into a stranger's apartment?

Who are you?

Wait a second! Don't come in!

Good evening!

Is Mr. Gresham available?

Not at the moment.

He can't talk anymore.

So she beat him.

With my electric iron!

Oh, Pop...

Pop, what have you done?!

Oh, it was you!

Did you have a reason?

Only my duty, as any
father would have done.

Ah, so you just broke his neck.

He'll come to.

35 years on the force and you
know just how hard to hit a man.

Leave him alone already!

Are you all right?

How did you even
know I was here?

Did you call him?

Me? Heaven forbid...

But then how could you--

It was a twist of fate
that I called your apartment.

Your friend Vicky told me
where you could be found.

That Vicky!

If she could just keep
her big mouth shut...

Visiting a bachelor
in his apartment!

Oh, Pop, you don't understand!
He wasn't even trying--

I know it must give the
completely wrong impression,

but can't you conceive that a man
like Don would never do a thing.

He's an architect!

We'll talk later!

Come now. We're going!

I've told you again and again

- that the wages of sin are only despair!
- Pop, please not now! Not here!

May I ask you something, sir?

Wouldn't you have
done what I did

if you had found your daughter
in a man's bedroom?

That's an interesting
question, Mr. O'Neill...

a very interesting question.

Thank you, sir.
Jolly good night.

Come on. We're going.

But Pop, we can't just leave the
poor man lying there like that.

Quiet. Here.

But he didn't do anything!
He wanted--

Give him the water.

Come on. We're going.

Mr. Slater, do something!

Fear not, pal.

The avenging father has gone and
taken his little daughter with him.

Oh... That eye is
looking grisly, though!

I've never experienced
something so outrageous.

Don't come to me
if you want sympathy.

You deserved that lesson.
With interest.

What?

I'm sorry if you're in pain
of course, but let's be honest.

O'Neill is
perfectly justified!

Oh, I-- I wish you'd do something
about that horrible eye.

I-- I can't look at
stuff like that.

I'll have him kicked off
the police force,

that cretin jackboot,

that flatfoot.

He may be a cretin,
he may have flat feet.

But he's a father.

He would've been
justified to kill you.

And I would've been, too,
as Cynthia's father.

There's no free license
for hunting seducers here.

The unwritten law
protects us fathers!

The unwritten law?! You've--

I grant you,
if it were written,

people would know better
where they stand.

But the principle
remains set in stone.

Man has the right
to protect his daughter.

One could almost say the duty.

Yes, sir!

The good, simple man
taught me a lesson.

A high moral enlightenment.

Get lost. Go away,
if you please.

Poor little Cynthia.

What she must have suffered.

What she must have endured.

At your brutal hand.

You're breaking
my heart. Go away.

Don't be cynical as well.

There's more joy in heaven
over one repentant sinner--

Kindly repent in
your own apartment!

"THE ODORLESS HOUR"

CHLORO-BEER BREWERY PLC
PRESENTS

THE BEER YOUR GIRL WILL NEVER
BE ABLE TO SMELL ON YOUR BREATH

BECAUSE IT CONTAINS
CHLOROPHYLL

♪ Drink with me
the odorless beer ♪

♪ that tastes more
delicious than wine. ♪

♪ It's clear and pure
like the neon light shines. ♪

♪ Naught naught naught
can be smelled on you. ♪

Yes, who is it?
♪ Good in a stein, ♪

Thanks, Cynthia, my eye is great.
♪ good in a glass, ♪

Thanks, Cynthia, my eye is great.
♪ at best in a one-liter mug. ♪

And please don't call again.
♪ at best in a one-liter mug. ♪

♪ at best in a one-liter mug. ♪

Yes, yes, of course
I've tried compresses.
♪ Good in the fall, ♪

Yes, yes, of course
I've tried compresses.
♪ good in the spring, ♪

Hot, cold, lukewarm...
♪ good in the spring, ♪

Hot, cold, lukewarm...
♪ and that without consequence. ♪

♪ and that without consequence. ♪

Of course I'm alone.

Of course I'm alone.
♪ Consequence. ♪

♪ Consequence. ♪

I have the TV on.
♪ Consequence. ♪

♪ Consequence. ♪

I can see enough.
With my good eye.

CHLORO-BEER BREWERY PLC
PRESENTS

Yes, now hang up, or I will.

Good night.

"THE ODORLESS HOUR" WITH THE ODORLESS
CHLORO-BEER SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA

What the hell
do you want again?

Well, what should I want?

- To talk to you, of course!
- What about?

I can't tell you
in two seconds and--

and surely not as long as I'm
standing out here in the hall.

Why not?

All right, I came back to ask you
what Cynthia actually means

when she calls me
a professional virgin!

Shh!

You don't call on
people at this hour!

I know.

I'd have come back earlier,

but it took me loads of time
to get rid of my father.

We had an awful row.

Blue in the face from anger.

You should have seen it.

Thanks, I did.
I saw the first show.

That eye really looks dreadful.
My pop says--

The less I have to hear
about your father, the better.

I've read a lot about
police brutality,

but it never caught
my eye before.

It's dribbling all down
your robe. Come, I'll--

Don't make a fuss.
It's all right.

You should put a piece of
raw steak on it. Police trick.

If you hadn't invited
Slater to dinner,

there might still be
some steak left over.

Oh, Don, look,

I'm terribly sorry that
my father decked you.

But he's old-fashioned
and merely did his duty.

Oh, that bump
looks really nasty.

It's just an
old-fashioned duty bump.

Enough of that, it's getting late.
What else is on your mind?

Don't stare at me so angrily.

When you stare at me so angrily

I can't possibly
discuss things with you.

I'm willing to forgo
any further discussion.

I'm also willing to forget the
whole story like a bad dream.

The whole story?

From beginning to end.

Yes, who is it?

Darling, have you tried
aluminum diacetate on your eye?

It's the best thing--

Listen, Cynthia, will you stop
calling now, for heaven's sake?

But I only wanted to know if--

- Cynthia, you will hang up at once!
- But Daddy!

If you refuse to obey me,
you'll see what happens!

You will hang up at once!

What did she want?

She's overflowing with
sympathy for my eye.

At this time of night?

May I remind you,

that you even showed up here
in person at this time of night?

You're very tired, eh?

It was a hard day for me.

If Cynthia came down now and
chirped around you a little

- and fussed over your eye--
- Not another word about Cynthia, please!

She called me a
professional virgin!

And that's bugging me!

I only came back to
talk to you about that.

Not about Cynthia.
Don't worry.

Only about this
phrase of hers.

It was just a somewhat poorly chosen
phrase and I was angry about it.

May I ask you something?

What does Cynthia
have against virgins?

Look, Patty, nobody even
halfway in their right mind

can seriously take the word
"virgin" as an insult.

Not "virgin",
but "professional".

It makes me furious and I want
an explanation. Why "professional"?

It's not really necessary
to advertise it.

That's all the phrase means.

Why is advertising bad?

People who advertise something
aim at selling it.

Oh, that's what it means.

I can understand that.

Maybe I really am spouting
off about it too much.

Ah, stop spouting
off about it.

Oh well...

You're right.

Don?

Do you believe in fate?

Hmm?

I mean, what would've happened if
it hadn't rained like crazy and--

And you'd just taken me out
to dinner as we'd planned.

We'd have probably had
a more conventional evening.

True.

We just took the
wrong train, it seems to me.

Anyway, we wouldn't be
sitting here now and--

Oh my God!

Th-th-that can't be
your father again, can it?

I don't know!

Hey! Hey! Here!

Come in here!

No, no, not you again!

Are you aware what time it is?

I am precisely and that's
precisely why I'm here.

You're not to be chitchatting with
my daughter on the phone at this hour.

I came down especially
to tell you that.

Kindly tell her that.
She called me.

My dear boy,
I have told her that.

Until I was blue in the face.

But I cant get
one step further.

She laughs at me.

I talked myself hoarse.

To no avail.

And what's worse, I--
I ran out of material.

Say, don't you yourself
think it's rather late

to act like a
huffing father?

You know, Cynthia
said that to me, too!

It shut me up.

A direct hit.

Listen, I'd like to go to bed.

Leave, if you please. Leave.

I was just thinking
of that myself.

Leaving. Going away.
Far away. Away from here.

Yes, sir!

I have decided to take
Cynthia down to Brazil.

Down to her mother!

- A good idea.
- A brilliant idea!

- It'll do her good to learn Portuguese.
- Yeah.

- I should have thought of it years ago.
- Yeah.

I'll book the-- the flight
reservations right now.

May I use your phone?

You've got your
own phone upstairs.

Yeah.

I had one. Yeah.

But just now as Cynthia
wanted to call you,

I ripped the goddamned
thing out of the wall.

I had to take this girl
out of circulation.

Yes, sir!

If more fathers would rip
more phones out of more walls,

then more girls would
be safeguarded from disgrace.

I-it's only a local call.

Whatever. But make it quick.

Do you happen to know the
number for Pan American?

- No.
- Never mind.

I'll find it out.
From information.

Say, do you have a party line?

No.

Oh, you completely rotten,
lying, conscience-proof,

no-good hypocrite, you.

Let the devil--
You've got that girl in there.

- I-- I recognized her voice.
- You don't know what you're saying, you--

- Patty?
- Just a sec, I'm on the phone!

All right.

Wipe that grin off your face.

I told her to hide in there.

She was just going. I didn't
know who was at the door,

and I didn't want to
cause her embarrassment.

You pillar of virtue.

I gotta hand it to you.
You outdid me.

Seems like I'm going downhill.

Well, didn't that homicidal
father cool your ardor one bit?

He would've trampled the last scraps
of libido out of me, I can tell you.

Slater, you're
completely mistaken.

Patty just dropped
by for a moment

- in her quaint fashion--
- Look.

Why don't the two of us
stop fooling each other?

I'm not sitting here in
moral judgment, after all.

Neither of you nor of her.

I'm a little disappointed.

Maybe I'm even a
little disillusioned.

Pity. Seemed like
such a nice girl.

Tell her for me

I'd actually hoped she would've
given it at least 15 weeks.

Why 15 weeks?

She'll underst--

She certainly will.

How dare you say
a thing like that?

You're no better than Don.

I think you're awful.

I didn't think you
would have any doubts.

What happened to your
respect for innocence now?

In all seriousness, against all
appearances, I feel it coming back.

Oh, Slater, go home
now already!

You leave him to me.
I haven't even started

- to tell him what I think yet.
- Now, now, now, calm down.

Don't say or do anything
you would regret later.

I think I really jumped
to the wrong conclusion.

You said there were no
consequences attached to it.

I thought you
meant it seriously.

- I did, though.
- No.

I'm sure you wouldn't've just
thought anything wrong of me

if I hadn't taken the money.

What? What money?

I never should have taken it, and
now I wish to give it back to you.

Could someone kindly explain to me what
in the world you're talking about here?

I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to
Mr. Slater about the money he gave me.

What in blazes did he
give you money for?

I don't know. Ask him.
I have no idea.

You gave her money?

My dear thing, you have
an unerring talent

for saying the wrong thing
at the wrong time.

You should enter
the diplomatic service.

That's why I was kissing him.
In gratitude.

In gratitude for a
gift of 600 dollars.

600 dollars?

He says he won it in poker.

From a bloated capitalist who
lives off the sweat of the poor.

What's so funny about that?

He won it from me.
That's my 600 bucks!

Okay, then you take it.

Nonsense. It's his money.

I insist you take it back.

Mr. Slater, please.

Boy scouts are obligated to do
to do a good deed every day.

They must have crummy days.

I wonder why it is that young men are
always cautioned against bad girls.

Anyone can handle a bad girl.

But a good girl... Men ought
to be warned about that.

You're so right.

I'd like a drink.

Your best idea so far.

I thought you considered it
high school to drink

unless you actually craved it.

That's right. I crave it now.

Soda or tap water?

- Straight.
- Say when.

When.

Isn't that a bit too much?

No.

Haven't we parented the poor
girl enough for one night?

Don't you start getting
fatherly now, too.

Bottoms up, my baby.

Cigarette?

Yes, thanks. I'll take one.

Seems you're really
going high school.

This man seems hard to please.

Grumbles when you're immoral,
grumbles when you're chaste...

Slater.

For the last time,
go home already!

Gladly.

Do you want to come with?

If you really want
to be immoral,

I'd be the last
to talk you out of it.

Really?

We'd have to be very
discrete, of course.

I wouldn't want your
father to get any ideas.

But I know a cute
little apartment.

Fine. Can I have a maid?

Sure. And a Cadillac.

With that button?

You don't play
the part well, Patty.

You'd better stick to
your beer commercials.

Good night.

Why does he deliberately
act differently than he is?

Just to hurt me.

Young men in love
are always cruel.

In love... We've done
nothing but fight!

He's suffering, too.
Believe me.

I'm fed up with always
being nothing but a...

A...

The status to which you are
referring seldom lasts forever.

There comes a time, my child,

when you must follow
your feminine instincts.

Where the heart is more
precious than virtue.

I know.

But we've only known
one another such a short time.

Long enough to know
what you want.

You're a nice kid, Patty.

A sweet kid.

Don't ruin anything for
yourself through false pride.

But won't he lose
all respect for me if...

If I...

For a gift, one is
always beholden.

Good night, Patty.

Did you lease this machine?

Why were you in
such a terrible hurry?

What?

Last night.
You knocked on my door.

Yes, I know. I wasn't sure
whether you heard it.

I heard it. I was
shaving at the moment.

At 1:00 in the morning?

Right. By the time I had wiped off
the lather and came to the door,

you'd vanished like smoke.

I know.

Why did you knock?

Why were you shaving?

How'd you even know
I was up here?

Oh, I didn't. Not for sure.

I was in your office
and your secretary told me

you ran off
without saying a word.

Somehow I couldn't quite work.

She said you were
in an ugly temper.

Why did you tell her
you ran into a door?

Because I don't expect that she's
particularly interested in my love life.

On the contrary.
She was fascinated.

I told her everything
from A to Z.

That's just like you.

She's a terribly nice person.

And she has needles
in that little box under--

Were you able to
sleep last night?

No. Not particularly.

There wasn't much
night left anymore.

I didn't sleep a wink, and I
haven't eaten a thing all day.

How dumb of you. Why?

You should know why!
Because of you!

I was thinking about you,

imagining what insane thing
you'd do next, imagining--

I-I-I-- I nearly lost my mind
when you were suddenly gone.

I didn't even have
your phone number!

Don't worry. I have yours.

Accepting money from
a man like Slater...

Listen, Don.
I've been thinking, too.

About that 600 dollars.

Can you even afford
to lose that much money?

Isn't it a shame to gamble
for such a high amount?

I would bet that was
your whole month's salary.

Does an architect
even have a salary?

One way or another.

I think you could do something

- more reasonable with it!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Will you kindly keep
your lovely mouth shut?

We're not married yet.

Yeah, but w--

What?

What did you say?

I said we're not married yet.

That's what I heard, too.

You want to know
what I thought

when you smiled at me in front
of that jewelry shop yesterday?

I did not smile
until we were up here.

I thought to myself,
"That is exactly the smile

I'd like to wake up to
every morning."

Really?

When you were fixing dinner

and then when you were flirting so
outrageously with Mr. Slater, I--

Are you proposing to me,
by any chance?

What else?

What else can I say?

You could say, "I love you."

In three words. Without all
the shilly-shallying.

Haven't I done that yet?

No. And I'd like
to hear it. I--

I want the real thing,
with all the trimmings.

An proper honest-to-goodness
old-fashioned proposal.

Do you know how my father
proposed to my mother?

Probably gave her a black eye.

Now I can't tell you,
of course.

You wouldn't believe me.

Anyway, he wasn't embarrassed to
come out and say, "I love you."

I'd like to at least
have given you that hint.

Okay, but please
don't prompt me now.

I love you, Patty.

I love you very much, in fact.

Even though you are
a little bit nuts.

And I'll hang the Picasso
in the bedroom.

- Not in our bedroom!
- Okay.

Do they let children
up here at half price?

No idea. Why?

I think it would
be a nice idea

if we always came up here
on our anniversaries.

But with five kids,
it would be too expensive.

We can check them downstairs
at the cloakroom.

No.

I'd like them to see it.

I'm so glad that
Al Smith built this roof.

Our roof.

There.

Did you mind
when I said, "there"?

What?

Oh, nothing.

You're very sweet.

To think, $1.20 just to ride
to the top of an old building.

THE END
A PREMINGER-HERBERT PRODUCTION
A UNITED ARTISTS RELEASE

English translation:
rareelectronic@gmail.com