All language subtitles for Bruce Almighty (BDrip 1080p ENG-ITA) Multisub x264 bluray (2003)
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1
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:45,461
- Ally, recap?
- Remember the Kowolskis?
2
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:49,799
They want to set a record
by making Buffalo's largest cookie.
3
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,135
- You have to wear this.
- A hair net?
4
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:56,180
Health Department. If you're
near the cookie, you have to wear it.
5
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:59,142
I just did the hair. The hair is perfect.
6
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:00,768
All right, give it to me.
7
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:07,191
God... Why do you hate me?
8
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,902
We're rolling. And speed.
9
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,822
For three decades,
the Kowolski Bakery
10
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,658
has been a mainstay in Buffalo,
11
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:19,829
known for their sweet,
cream-filled Polski pierogies,
12
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,582
and the sugar-induced coma
that follows.
13
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:28,838
In honour of their 30th anniversary,
they've invited us to ride along
14
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:35,094
as they go for the record
on Buffalo's biggest cookie.
15
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:40,183
Vol? Do you need a tissue
or something?
16
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,894
Can we get Vol a tissue? Or a spoon?
17
00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,771
Good thing we're wearing these.
18
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:48,357
I wouldn't want stray hairs
to fall into the booger.
19
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,110
- We doing this again?
- No. We'll cut to B roll.
20
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,570
Moving on!
21
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:57,408
Tell me, Mama,
why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
22
00:01:57,493 --> 00:02:04,540
Man from Health Department say
he find rat pellet in our pastry.
23
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:11,881
But I say, no, is big chocolate sprinkle.
But he shut store down.
24
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:20,056
So, we clean up, make big cookie
to bring customers back.
25
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,227
I admire your candour.
Let's try that again, shall we?
26
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:28,981
Tell me, Mama,
why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
27
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:33,569
So the children of the neighbourhood
will be happy?
28
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:38,491
It must be wonderful seeing
the smiles on their little faces.
29
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:42,912
I work in back. I see no smiles.
30
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:48,417
The previous record was 8 feet, 7 inches,
baked by Gladys Pelsnick.
31
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,754
If this cookie is larger,
it will prove
32
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,048
the Kowolskis
have much more free time.
33
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:57,927
And the cookie is... 1 0 feet, 4 inches!
34
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,638
We have a new record!
35
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:04,433
Cue the cheesy inspirational music!
36
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,245
But what are we really looking at here?
37
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,163
Is it just a big cookie?
38
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,458
Or does this cookie represent
the pride of Buffalo?
39
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:33,129
Its hardworking citizens
the key ingredient,
40
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,923
with a few nuts thrown in.
41
00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:38,467
And finally,
the love of our families,
42
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,970
which provides the warm centre,
43
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,139
making our beloved Buffalo
44
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,474
the sweetest place to live.
45
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,477
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
46
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,315
I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News.
47
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,984
And cut.
48
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,445
So, what do you think?
49
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,821
It's really good.
50
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,490
It sucks. It's a story about a cookie.
51
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,119
The Pillsbury Doughboy
will be riveted.
52
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:09,832
It made me laugh.
Nothing wrong with making people laugh.
53
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:14,211
I'll never be an anchorman.
The job's there, but I can't reach it.
54
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:18,674
They make me do this kind of stuff
and I have to act like a goof.
55
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:22,178
I have no credibility. Not good.
56
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,680
- Now you just sound silly.
- Forget it.
57
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:28,351
It's not important.
Let's watch it once more.
58
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,519
- No.
- Once more? Please?
59
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:34,106
No! You promised to help me
with this photo album.
60
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,526
Get your goofy butt over here.
61
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:50,414
Go through this stack
and pick your favourites.
62
00:04:54,711 --> 00:05:00,049
Come on, this is fun, right?
It's nice.
63
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:02,009
I bet Evan gets the anchor job.
64
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,136
- Bruce!
- He's the favourite.
65
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:07,598
Just forget it. This is just our life.
66
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:10,810
We can always have
some kid do it for us.
67
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,521
Hold the phone.
68
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,107
I like this one.
Our weekend at the lake.
69
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,484
That should be in our private stash.
70
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,946
- Perky. Must have been cold.
- Give it to me.
71
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,032
I can use this as wallpaper
on my computer.
72
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,410
- Give it to me. Come on.
- No!
73
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:31,288
Fine. Do with it what you will.
I don't care.
74
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,290
I will do with it what I will.
75
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:40,589
I may send it in to Playboy.
I hear their layouts are quite tasteful.
76
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:43,426
Give that to me right now!
77
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,595
- Rough stuff.
- I will hurt you.
78
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,811
Sweetie? Time to get up.
79
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,649
Good dream. No.
80
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:12,371
The Buffalo Sabres lost again
last night to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
81
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:15,374
Of course they did. They're my team.
82
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,543
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
83
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:20,546
There might be something
to this cookie line.
84
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,674
All the greatest anchors
had a signature sign-off.
85
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:28,137
Like Walter Cronkite.
86
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,556
"And that's the way it was."
87
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,642
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
88
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:39,732
That's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.
89
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:44,695
- The dog!
- I'm in the shower!
90
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,659
No, Sam. Bad dog.
91
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:55,539
Inside, bad. Outside, good.
92
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,172
You're done now. Great.
93
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,842
B-E-A-utiful.
94
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,679
Let's go back in and have a shit.
95
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,355
- What is the dillio?
- We are having a blood drive.
96
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,775
- Creepy. Needles.
- They need my blood.
97
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:26,028
I have a very rare blood type.
I'm AB positive.
98
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,364
Really? I'm IB positive.
99
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:32,618
"I be" positive they ain't touching me
with no needle. It's just so...
100
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,746
- Helpful and life-saving?
- No. It's blood.
101
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:39,250
Blood is supposed to stay
inside the body, where it belongs.
102
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:44,672
They stockpile it in a warehouse
and tell everyone there's a shortage.
103
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,341
Not true. Where did you hear that?
104
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,385
From a friend of a friend
105
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:53,013
of a girl whose sister is dating
someone in government.
106
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,391
For your protection,
I cannot discuss it.
107
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,810
Get out,
before they see us together.
108
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,900
Here. You need these more than I do.
109
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:06,402
What is these?
110
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,779
Prayer beads.
The kids made them for me.
111
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:12,867
- They will keep you safe.
- I hope they're powerful.
112
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:16,954
I'll need a friggin' miracle
to get to work on time.
113
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:30,843
This isn't happening.
Not during sweeps week.
114
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,054
Not during sweeps week!
115
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,974
God.
116
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:40,269
Yup, meeting started without me.
117
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,480
This is my luck!
118
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,363
Come on!
119
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,745
Jesus.
120
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,206
Get out of there!
121
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:08,214
"Are you blind?" No, but I'm late.
122
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:12,301
Is your child in dire jeopardy?
123
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,553
Find out tonight after the game.
124
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,597
Promos are approved.
125
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,642
Jack? Shouldn't we be focusing
on Pete's retirement?
126
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,312
- This is his last week.
- Any word on the anchor position?
127
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:26,732
Evan, when I know something,
you'll know something.
128
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,025
Sorry I'm late.
129
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,945
The traffic was...
130
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,905
Did you already play the spots?
131
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,033
Nice story,
but we're going with Evan's piece.
132
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,285
The mayoral sex scandal, for sweeps.
133
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,248
Yeah...
134
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,749
Sweeps.
135
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,669
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
136
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,256
Just messing with you, Bruce.
137
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:56,929
You just gotta remember that
the newsroom is like a big cookie.
138
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:02,351
Do you like jazz, Evan?
Let me play something for you.
139
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,403
- I can hold that note all day.
- Knock it off.
140
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:15,197
Bruce, we'll keep your story
in reserve.
141
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:19,368
Can we work on getting something
to put on the air today?
142
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:23,455
Great choice, Jack.
The Cadillac of bolognas.
143
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,249
Jack, can I talk to you?
144
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,377
- Sure. What do you need?
- Sweeps.
145
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:31,839
Jack, hear me out.
I'm getting desperate.
146
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:36,176
I'm pushing 40 and what have I got
to show for it? I've hit a ceiling.
147
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,929
There's an anti-Bruce barrier
I can't get past.
148
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:42,266
And Evan is loving it.
149
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,894
He gets the stories.
Maybe I should be more like Evan.
150
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,772
Don't be like Evan. He's an asshole.
151
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,692
- I can be an asshole.
- No, Bruce. You can't.
152
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,782
- You going to pick that up?
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
153
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:03,162
This anchor thing opening up
has got me nuts.
154
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,621
- Hey, Susan.
- Hi, Susan.
155
00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,957
Hi, Jack.
156
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:11,045
You're a good reporter.
You make people laugh.
157
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,465
I'll tell you what.
158
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,885
Today is the 1 56th anniversary
of the "Maid of the Mist".
159
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,845
Be in Niagara Falls in an hour.
160
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,348
The "Maid of the Mist" is always live.
161
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:28,354
- Evan does the live feeds.
- Now you and Evan do them.
162
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:30,773
I'm going live? During sweeps?
163
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,941
Watch it.
I've seen your outtakes.
164
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,194
Jack, you will not regret this.
165
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,864
I won't forget you
when I go national.
166
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,657
Can you...?
167
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,786
Thanks, pal.
168
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:47,790
Can I have your wish now?
I'll put it in the wish jar.
169
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,291
Put your wish in.
170
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:51,335
- Me, too.
- Put it in.
171
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,796
That looks like a big wish.
172
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,256
No, Martin, don't eat that.
173
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,135
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's paste, honey.
174
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,474
- That must have tasted awful.
- Mommy!
175
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,979
Did you have fun
with Aunt Gracie today?
176
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,148
See how nice this is? Baby on hip.
177
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:17,861
It's amazing. You've become Mom.
The transformation is complete.
178
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,322
I'll get it.
179
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,324
- Small Wonders Day Care.
- Grace?
180
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:26,078
No, Debbie, the sister
whose life you're not wasting.
181
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:33,043
Sorry. Debbie forgot to take
her meds today. Where are you?
182
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:38,006
A little place called the winner's circle.
I'm at the falls, doing a live report.
183
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:40,050
Live? That's great!
184
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:43,220
It's happening.
I got sweeps and I'm live.
185
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,597
They're seeing
if I can think on my feet.
186
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:48,559
Like I might have to do
in a live anchor situation.
187
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,310
My gosh.
188
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:54,231
Yeah! Jack practically came out
and told me.
189
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:55,607
Practically?
190
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,610
He didn't spell it out.
Legally, he can't.
191
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:03,240
This happened to Susan before
they bumped her up to the desk.
192
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,492
It's good.
193
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:09,705
Honey, I don't want you
to get too ahead of yourself.
194
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:14,209
- I gotta go! They're calling me.
- Good luck, honey. I love you.
195
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,128
Love, love, love.
196
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,755
Let's do it.
197
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:23,051
- They want you close to the falls.
- I'll get soaked.
198
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,554
That's the point. Put this on.
199
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,724
A condition
for us getting the exclusive.
200
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,895
You know what?
Nothing can bother me today.
201
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:36,648
Remember,
it's their 1 56th-year anniversary.
202
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:40,777
149 capacity.
They cater to tourists, honeymooners...
203
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,946
And insanely thirsty people.
204
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,450
You'll be interviewing Irene Dansfield.
205
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:50,913
Irene, a pleasure to meet you.
You look beautiful.
206
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,957
Her mother rode the maiden voyage.
207
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,752
- 90 seconds!
- 90 seconds? Holy hell.
208
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,962
OK. 90 seconds.
209
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,131
..because of the fast response,
210
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:04,801
the chemicals were cleaned up
without incident. Susan?
211
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:07,638
Bruce Nolan is standing by
at Niagara Falls.
212
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,641
But first, we have an announcement.
213
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:16,438
As everyone knows, after 33 years,
our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.
214
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:21,777
Pete's shoes are virtually impossible
to fill, but the show must go on.
215
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:26,782
And we could think of no one better
than our very own Evan Baxter.
216
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:34,122
- Congratulations, Evan.
- I'm thrilled and honoured.
217
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:38,794
As you said, no one can replace Pete,
but I'll do my best.
218
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:43,507
I am so proud to be a part
of our community of Buffalo.
219
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:48,804
I think, in a lot of ways,
a great city is like a great recipe.
220
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:52,474
You take hard-working citizens,
add some care givers,
221
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,226
maybe a few nuts!
222
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:01,316
All sprinkled with the love
and support of our families.
223
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:05,487
Ultimately, that makes
one sweet place to live.
224
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:09,157
- That was amazing.
- I wish I'd written something.
225
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,911
And now let's go live to that wacky
Bruce Nolan at Niagara Falls.
226
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,746
Wacky Bruce!
227
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:22,337
- Talk, Bruce. Hello.
- Talk, honey.
228
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,172
- What is it?
- A Walt Disney.
229
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,842
- He's frozen solid.
- Check the audio feed.
230
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,177
We may be having technical difficulty.
231
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,221
- The feed's good.
- Come on.
232
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:33,015
Talk, Bruce, dammit.
233
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,100
Get ready to pull the plug.
234
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,769
Come on, baby. Say something!
235
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:39,855
Talk.
236
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,526
Hi, Susan.
237
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,028
Bruce Nolan here,
238
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,698
aboard the "Maid of the Mist"
in fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.
239
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:54,536
First, let me add my congratulations
to Evan Backstabber.
240
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,872
Pardon me, Bastard... Baxter.
241
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,750
It is good to see what someone can do
242
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:04,588
when opportunities
are given to him instead of me.
243
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,090
I'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom.
244
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:12,346
Why did you throw the Heart of the Ocean
jewel over the rail of the Titanic?
245
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,849
Did you feel bad
letting Leo DiCaprio drown
246
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,310
while you were safe on the big door?
247
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,020
Could you have taken turns?
248
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,440
Or were you too afraid
to freeze your fat ass off?
249
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,901
I guess that's how life is.
250
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:30,947
Some people are drenched,
freezing on a stupid boat in a stupid hat,
251
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:34,534
while others are in a comfy news studio,
sucking up the glory.
252
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,703
No big deal.
253
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,625
It's the owner of the "Maid of the Mist".
Let's talk to him.
254
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,628
Come here, Bill.
No, let's have a talk.
255
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,797
What are you doing?
256
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,008
You've been running
the "Maid of the Mist" for 23 years.
257
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,302
Why didn't I get the anchor job?
258
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,930
- I don't want problems.
- Is it my hair?
259
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,390
Are my teeth not white?
260
00:16:56,432 --> 00:17:03,146
Or, like the falls, is the bedrock
of my life eroding beneath me?
261
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,440
Eroding!
262
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:13,031
- Cut the feed. Go to black.
- I'm on it.
263
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:18,620
I'm Bruce Nolan, for Eyewitness News.
Back to you, fuckers!
264
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,040
My God.
265
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,672
That is perfect.
266
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:34,094
That is the motivation I needed!
Right there! Thank you!
267
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:38,640
Thank you, WKBW.
268
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,352
Wimpy... Kitty Baby Whiners!
269
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:44,521
That's what that stands for!
270
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:50,569
I'll see you on Channel 5,
where they do the real news!
271
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,947
Do I look blind to you?
272
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,327
Let's go, man. Come on.
273
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,913
What are you doing?
274
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,249
Come on. Leave the poor guy alone!
275
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,419
You OK, man?
276
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,672
You'd better keep walking.
277
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:14,217
- What'd you say?
- Run, man!
278
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,386
Run!
279
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,769
I didn't mean it!
280
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,854
I was kidding!
281
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,023
You forgot your things.
282
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,070
Say something now!
283
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,535
B-E-A...
284
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,080
..utiful.
285
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,252
That's what I get.
286
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:53,381
That's what I get
for trying to help someone.
287
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,719
Don't look at me, Walter.
288
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:10,023
That's my payment, I guess.
That is my reward.
289
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:17,072
Just? Just get a clue!
290
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,075
Thank God you're all right.
291
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:25,205
Let's thank God, shall we?
His blessings rain down on me.
292
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:28,291
- Wait! That's not rain!
- Bruce, don't do that.
293
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,044
Everything happens for a reason.
294
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:34,297
That I don't need. That is a cliché.
That is not helpful.
295
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,883
"A bird in the hand
is worth two in the bush."
296
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:40,095
I have no bird! No bush!
God took my bird and my bush.
297
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,390
I see. So God is picking on you.
298
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,892
No! He's ignoring me completely.
299
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:50,188
He's too busy
giving Evan everything he wants.
300
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:53,358
Great, Sam. But you missed your target.
I'm over here!
301
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,236
Don't get mad at the dog.
It's not his fault.
302
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:59,489
It's God's.
He gave him the wrong coordinates.
303
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:02,117
Enough!
Will you stop being such a martyr?
304
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,828
I am not being a martyr!
I'm a victim!
305
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,790
God's a mean kid with
a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant.
306
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:11,126
He could fix my life if He wanted,
307
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:14,546
but He'd rather burn off my feelers
and watch me squirm.
308
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:19,509
I know you're mad.
What Evan did was slimy and wrong.
309
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:24,222
But today could have been much worse.
I'm glad you're OK.
310
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:27,767
News flash! I'm not OK.
311
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:31,313
I'm not OK with a mediocre job!
Or a mediocre apartment!
312
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,065
I am not OK with a mediocre life!
313
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,702
Is that what you think we have?
A mediocre life?
314
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,829
Don't make this about you.
315
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:51,499
About me?
How could I make this about me?
316
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:54,794
It's about you. It's always about you.
317
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:57,172
Perfect!
318
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:01,760
I'll have the worst day of my life
with a side order of guilt, please!
319
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,019
OK, God. You want me to talk to you?
320
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:14,439
Then talk back. Tell me what's going on.
321
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:17,442
What should I do? Give me a signal.
322
00:21:19,946 --> 00:21:23,490
I need your guidance, Lord.
Send me a sign.
323
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:29,996
What's this joker doing?
324
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,213
OK. All right. I'll try it your way.
325
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:43,885
All right. Lord... I need a miracle.
326
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,472
I'm desperate.
327
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,265
I need your help.
328
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,726
Please, reach into my life...
329
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,107
What the...? Where are you?
330
00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:59,275
Got you!
331
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:45,947
Fine! The gloves are off, pal!
332
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,324
Come on! Show me some wrath!
333
00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:52,412
Smite me, O mighty smiter!
334
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:55,707
You're the one who should be fired!
335
00:22:55,791 --> 00:23:00,295
The only one around here
not doing his job is you!
336
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:03,465
Answer me!
337
00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:20,565
Sorry. Don't know you.
338
00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:23,651
Wouldn't call you if I did.
339
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:38,500
God!
340
00:23:44,882 --> 00:23:47,550
Hello, 555 0123.
341
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:15,662
Sam! This has got to stop!
342
00:24:18,707 --> 00:24:22,377
Get it straight. That's the house.
This is the bathroom.
343
00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:26,548
House, bathroom.
Bathroom, house.
344
00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:31,886
What's the point?
345
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,204
555 0123.
346
00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:03,751
Denied that promotion at work?
Is life unfair?
347
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:06,963
Is someone less talented than you
reaping the benefits?
348
00:25:07,047 --> 00:25:08,756
Is your name Bruce?
349
00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:11,092
Then do we have the job for you!
350
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:14,429
We're located at 77256 23rd Street.
351
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:18,099
Come on down.
Or we'll just keep beeping you.
352
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,618
"Omni Presents."
353
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:42,457
The glass is half-full.
354
00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:48,004
Come on! Look! What is that?
355
00:25:48,088 --> 00:25:50,048
What is that?
356
00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:54,928
Thank you!
357
00:26:02,353 --> 00:26:04,479
What the...?
358
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,905
You're looking for room 7.
359
00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:19,827
- I figured.
- Want me to even those up for you?
360
00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:27,835
- Where is room 7?
- On the 7th floor.
361
00:26:27,878 --> 00:26:31,547
- Stairs are over there.
- I'll take the elevator.
362
00:26:31,632 --> 00:26:35,260
- Out of order.
- I love stairs. My second choice.
363
00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:37,553
Mind giving me a hand with this floor?
364
00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:42,058
That's good.
365
00:26:42,184 --> 00:26:43,685
Are you serious?
366
00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:46,562
I'm kind of busy.
367
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,857
Rain check.
368
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,734
I'll hold you to it.
369
00:26:52,403 --> 00:26:54,737
I'm free on the 7th at 7:00.
370
00:26:58,284 --> 00:27:00,535
The 7th at 7:00 it is.
371
00:27:03,539 --> 00:27:05,707
This looks promising.
372
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:13,089
Hello?
373
00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:16,926
Another hugantic,
ginormic waste of my life.
374
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:23,308
I'm looking for whoever runs this joint!
375
00:27:23,392 --> 00:27:28,354
Be right with you. I'm fixing a light.
Tell me if it's working.
376
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,523
Yeah. Seems to be.
377
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:34,610
- Kind of bright, though.
- It is for most people,
378
00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:38,698
who spend their lives in the dark,
trying to hide from me.
379
00:27:40,617 --> 00:27:42,910
The elevator's broken?
380
00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:45,747
Yeah, but I'll get around to it.
381
00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:50,668
- You installed a clapper?
- No, but catchy jingle.
382
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,588
Clap on, clap off
383
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,757
Clap on, clap off
The Clapper
384
00:27:57,593 --> 00:28:00,178
Just can't get it out of my head.
385
00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:02,638
Good luck with that.
386
00:28:02,723 --> 00:28:04,599
I'm going to go now.
387
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,934
But the boss will be right out.
388
00:28:14,985 --> 00:28:19,280
You must be Bruce.
I've been expecting you.
389
00:28:21,575 --> 00:28:23,284
This is hilarious.
390
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:26,162
You're the boss, electrician and janitor.
391
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:28,456
Must be a killer Christmas party.
392
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,959
Don't get drunk.
One of you might need a ride home.
393
00:28:33,212 --> 00:28:36,631
You always were funny, Bruce.
Just like your father.
394
00:28:37,466 --> 00:28:40,259
He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves.
395
00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:43,388
People underestimate
the benefit of manual labour.
396
00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:45,264
There's freedom in it.
397
00:28:45,307 --> 00:28:49,519
Some of the happiest people
smell to high heaven at day's end.
398
00:28:50,687 --> 00:28:55,483
How do you know my father
and how did you get my pager number?
399
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,693
I know quite a lot about you.
400
00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:02,448
Just about everything there is to know.
401
00:29:02,491 --> 00:29:07,120
Everything you've ever said or done
or thought about doing...
402
00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:11,165
Right there in that file cabinet.
403
00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:15,503
- A whole drawer, just for me.
- Yeah.
404
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,922
Mind if I take a look?
405
00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:20,758
It's your life.
406
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,511
This oughta be good.
407
00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:39,986
This last entry was a little disturbing.
408
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:56,419
"The gloves are off.
God took my bird and my bush."
409
00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:59,922
"God is a mean kid
with a magnifying glass."
410
00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:03,384
"Smite me, O mighty smiter."
411
00:30:03,469 --> 00:30:07,555
I'm not much for blaspheming,
but that last one made me laugh.
412
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:10,016
Are you spying on me?
413
00:30:13,187 --> 00:30:15,771
Who are you?
414
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:17,815
I am the One.
415
00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:21,235
Creator of the heavens and the earth.
Alpha and Omega.
416
00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:24,989
I see where this is going.
417
00:30:25,073 --> 00:30:27,950
Bruce... I am God.
418
00:30:28,035 --> 00:30:31,287
Bingo! Yahtzee!
Is that your final answer?
419
00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:34,290
Our survey says,"God!"
420
00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:37,752
It was nice to meet you, God.
421
00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:41,464
Thanks for the Grand Canyon.
Good luck with the Apocalypse.
422
00:30:41,548 --> 00:30:44,091
And by the way, you suck!
423
00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,303
It would have been impressive
424
00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:50,890
if you hadn't used
the cheesy file cabinet illusion.
425
00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:53,267
Anyone with a brain stem
can see the drawer
426
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,728
is fed through the wall
from the other side.
427
00:30:55,771 --> 00:30:59,232
All you have to do
is find the crease right here.
428
00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:03,027
There is a seam here, or a hollow spot.
429
00:31:07,449 --> 00:31:09,325
Where?
430
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:12,745
Through the dry wall and concrete?
431
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:17,625
That is a good one.
432
00:31:18,335 --> 00:31:22,797
- How many fingers am I holding up?
- Thou shalt not tempt the Lord.
433
00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:24,757
- If you can't do it...
- Three.
434
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,926
Two... four... nine.
435
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:28,803
Six... eight... one.
436
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,476
How many now?
437
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:36,811
Seven.
438
00:31:41,942 --> 00:31:45,736
- How?
- You've been complaining about me.
439
00:31:45,821 --> 00:31:48,906
- I'm tired of it.
- Don't come near me.
440
00:31:48,991 --> 00:31:52,201
I don't want to hurt you,
but I will out of instinct.
441
00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:56,080
You haven't won a fight since grade 5,
and that was against a girl.
442
00:31:57,541 --> 00:32:00,543
She was huge.
She had been held back.
443
00:32:00,627 --> 00:32:02,837
And the sun was in your eyes.
444
00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:04,880
The ego.
445
00:32:04,965 --> 00:32:07,633
Anyway, I want to offer you a job.
446
00:32:07,718 --> 00:32:10,344
- What job?
- My job.
447
00:32:10,387 --> 00:32:13,764
You think you can do it better,
so here's your chance.
448
00:32:13,849 --> 00:32:18,019
When you leave here,
you will be endowed with my powers.
449
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,855
Whatever you say, pal.
450
00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:27,945
That did not happen.
No one needs to hear about it.
451
00:32:28,030 --> 00:32:30,573
I'm deleting the program.
452
00:32:31,950 --> 00:32:33,576
No.
453
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,536
I'm having a breakdown.
454
00:32:35,621 --> 00:32:39,206
Everyday psychotic episode,
caused by a tumour.
455
00:32:40,042 --> 00:32:42,209
Come on. Start!
456
00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:46,255
That was lucky.
457
00:32:50,886 --> 00:32:52,428
Calm down.
458
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:56,557
You did not meet God.
You do not have his powers.
459
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,018
If that was God, I'm Clint Eastwood.
460
00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:01,145
Holy hell!
461
00:33:06,943 --> 00:33:11,572
- Be careful what you wish for, punk.
- Nope!
462
00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:16,243
I am a reasonable,
sane human being...
463
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,829
with a .44 Magnum.
464
00:33:18,914 --> 00:33:21,415
The most powerful handgun in the...
465
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:24,919
I'm not Clint Eastwood.
I'm Bruce Nolan.
466
00:33:42,479 --> 00:33:44,939
That was not real.
467
00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:49,735
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
468
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:51,821
We have a special on soup.
469
00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:55,991
- No, thank you.
- It's tomato. I made it myself.
470
00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:35,448
Excuse me, I need a spoo...
471
00:34:42,664 --> 00:34:44,248
I found one.
472
00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:53,883
Your soup.
473
00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:55,843
Soup, right.
474
00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:49,396
Having fun?
475
00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:52,900
Thy... Thou...
476
00:35:53,235 --> 00:35:56,278
Come, take a closer walk with me.
477
00:35:57,906 --> 00:36:00,282
- Let me explain the rules.
- Rules?
478
00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:03,619
You left in a rush,
I didn't get to explain.
479
00:36:05,330 --> 00:36:10,918
- The two extra fingers freaked me out.
- I figured I'd get your attention.
480
00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:15,548
I did the same thing to Gandhi.
He didn't eat for three weeks.
481
00:36:15,590 --> 00:36:20,427
Here's the deal. You have my powers.
Use them any way you choose.
482
00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:23,848
There are two rules.
Tell no one you're God.
483
00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:26,225
You don't want the attention.
484
00:36:26,268 --> 00:36:28,769
And you can't mess with free will.
485
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,859
- Can I ask why?
- You can!
486
00:36:35,569 --> 00:36:37,778
That's the beauty of it.
487
00:36:44,828 --> 00:36:48,205
- Amazing.
- Speaking of amazing, excuse me.
488
00:36:52,127 --> 00:36:54,962
Holy sh... cow.
489
00:36:55,881 --> 00:37:00,551
Since you're through with these,
I'll keep them. Might come in handy.
490
00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,638
See you around, kid.
491
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:08,684
- Where are you going?
- I'm taking a vacation.
492
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:12,646
God doesn't take vacations.
Does he? Do... ye?
493
00:37:12,689 --> 00:37:14,481
Heard of the Dark Ages?
494
00:37:15,483 --> 00:37:20,613
I'm covered. You can clear
everything up in five minutes. Right?
495
00:38:07,827 --> 00:38:10,204
And He saw that it was good.
496
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:38,732
B-E-A-utiful!
497
00:38:43,947 --> 00:38:47,282
Check it out.
498
00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:49,535
It's the hero.
499
00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:52,955
- Whassup, homie?
- Brethren, what up with thee?
500
00:38:53,915 --> 00:38:57,626
- Blessings on your alley.
- Want another beating?
501
00:38:57,711 --> 00:39:01,005
- You didn't get enough?
- He wants more!
502
00:39:01,089 --> 00:39:05,134
Surely, I say unto you dudes,
I do not wish to fight.
503
00:39:05,218 --> 00:39:08,929
As soon as you apologise
and admit your transgressions,
504
00:39:09,014 --> 00:39:13,642
I shall absolve you and continue
along the path of righteousness.
505
00:39:13,727 --> 00:39:16,437
What are you talking about?
506
00:39:19,399 --> 00:39:22,401
I don't know if you lost it up here.
507
00:39:22,444 --> 00:39:25,654
You want me and the homies
to apologise? Cool.
508
00:39:25,739 --> 00:39:30,784
We'll apologise the day a monkey
comes out of my butt.
509
00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:37,207
What a coincidence!
Because that's today.
510
00:39:55,185 --> 00:39:57,686
Did that monkey come out your crack?
511
00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:06,320
This is some voodoo shit!
512
00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:08,197
You guys leaving?
513
00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:12,284
Don't forget your parting gifts!
514
00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:41,855
Little anal-dwelling butt monkey.
515
00:40:41,898 --> 00:40:44,691
Time for you to go home.
516
00:40:57,497 --> 00:41:00,374
I am Bruce Almighty.
517
00:41:00,416 --> 00:41:02,584
My will be done!
518
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:32,406
- My God.
- Call me Bruce.
519
00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:34,825
What happened to you?
You seem so...
520
00:41:39,581 --> 00:41:40,998
happy.
521
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:43,750
Why not? On a night like this.
522
00:41:43,835 --> 00:41:46,253
They're amazing. What are these?
523
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:50,382
A cross-pollination
between tulips and daisies.
524
00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:53,093
I call them todayzees.
525
00:42:02,645 --> 00:42:06,440
These flowers are beautiful,
but last night...
526
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:08,817
Last night, I was only human.
527
00:42:14,199 --> 00:42:16,408
Barry, help me out.
528
00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:19,888
I've never seen the moon that big.
529
00:43:21,557 --> 00:43:23,517
We shouldn't waste it.
530
00:43:34,195 --> 00:43:36,196
Bedroom?
531
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,323
Five minutes.
532
00:43:47,333 --> 00:43:49,960
Let there be light.
533
00:43:52,755 --> 00:43:54,798
Be out in a minute!
534
00:43:55,383 --> 00:43:57,217
Don't rush.
535
00:43:57,260 --> 00:44:01,305
Sometimes anticipation
can heighten the pleasure.
536
00:44:05,893 --> 00:44:08,395
It's a funny thing about pleasure.
537
00:44:09,939 --> 00:44:14,234
It can be quite... pleasurable!
538
00:44:17,071 --> 00:44:19,239
My God.
539
00:44:19,907 --> 00:44:22,326
Pleasuring, pleasurable.
540
00:44:25,246 --> 00:44:26,663
Good God!
541
00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:42,137
In Japan, relief workers are trying
to rescue hundreds of people,
542
00:44:42,221 --> 00:44:46,266
stranded by a freak tidal wave
that hit Kitamoto City.
543
00:44:46,309 --> 00:44:49,102
Scientists say the tsunami
may have been caused
544
00:44:49,145 --> 00:44:52,689
by what they are describing
as unusual lunar activity.
545
00:44:52,774 --> 00:44:54,900
More on this as it develops.
546
00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:03,450
Bless my mommy, my daddy,
and especially my little sister.
547
00:45:07,413 --> 00:45:09,956
Help me get through this, Lord.
548
00:45:11,959 --> 00:45:14,086
I'm asking for your help.
549
00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:19,800
Thank you for everything else
in my life. Amen.
550
00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:47,661
Good boy.
551
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,164
Forget something?
552
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,712
Good boy!
There are girls in the house.
553
00:46:01,968 --> 00:46:04,177
- Morning.
- Good morning.
554
00:46:04,262 --> 00:46:07,472
- I made you grilled cheese.
- My fave.
555
00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:11,726
- Last night was...
- Heavenly. I know.
556
00:46:11,811 --> 00:46:16,481
I woke up and I felt like
my boobs were bigger.
557
00:46:16,524 --> 00:46:21,820
- Do they look bigger to you?
- What?
558
00:46:21,863 --> 00:46:26,366
- Bigger?
- Come on! Look at them.
559
00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:31,663
They are definitely bigger.
Look. They feel huge to me.
560
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:33,373
I have to go.
561
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:39,254
But this has been the breast bek...
Breast... Thank you.
562
00:46:39,338 --> 00:46:43,133
- Where are you going?
- To get my job back.
563
00:46:46,596 --> 00:46:48,889
I am great
564
00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:52,392
I am...
565
00:46:52,435 --> 00:46:54,728
Good grief! Is that what I'm driving?
566
00:47:06,157 --> 00:47:10,368
- Nice car, man.
- It gets me from A to B.
567
00:47:23,799 --> 00:47:27,093
Darn. All this horsepower
and no room to gallop!
568
00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:33,808
Hi-yo, Silver. Away!
569
00:47:42,109 --> 00:47:45,028
I wouldn't want to be a fugitive
with Hank,
570
00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:48,114
Buffalo's number one police dog,
on the job.
571
00:47:48,157 --> 00:47:52,786
Phil Sidleman, at the police canine
training centre, Channel 5 News.
572
00:47:52,870 --> 00:47:55,121
Cut.
573
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:04,631
Look what the cat coughed up!
Channel 7. The guy that went crazy.
574
00:48:05,341 --> 00:48:07,634
- I had a bad moment.
- Why are you here?
575
00:48:08,678 --> 00:48:10,929
- Looking for a story.
- No story here.
576
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:15,517
This pond is all fished out.
Pretty standard stuff, anyway.
577
00:48:15,601 --> 00:48:18,770
My instinct tells me
there's something more.
578
00:48:18,813 --> 00:48:22,315
Go with that.
It served you well in the past.
579
00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:32,325
Hank found something!
580
00:48:33,869 --> 00:48:36,329
We got a body!
581
00:48:37,290 --> 00:48:39,791
Get the camera! Now!
582
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:44,170
- The keys are inside!
- Every dog has his day.
583
00:48:44,213 --> 00:48:46,673
Want to make $1 0?
584
00:48:46,716 --> 00:48:49,384
- Know how to use one of these?
- Duh.
585
00:48:51,178 --> 00:48:53,638
Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.
586
00:48:53,681 --> 00:48:56,850
The body of Jimmy Hoffa
was uncovered in a field today,
587
00:48:56,934 --> 00:49:00,103
outside a canine training centre
in Buffalo.
588
00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:03,857
- Bruce Nolan was first on the scene.
- Thank you, Jane.
589
00:49:03,899 --> 00:49:07,193
The body is being carefully exhumed
590
00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:11,740
for transportation to a facility
where DNA can confirm the identity.
591
00:49:11,824 --> 00:49:14,743
That, however, is merely a formality,
592
00:49:14,827 --> 00:49:20,582
as the body was found with a
birth certificate and dental records.
593
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:23,418
A red-letter day for any canine unit.
594
00:49:23,502 --> 00:49:26,254
Was that enough for Hank?
No, sirree.
595
00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:32,636
Moments later, he busted a news crew
with 220 pounds of marijuana.
596
00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:35,680
I never saw it before! I swear!
597
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,061
I'm Bruce Nolan...
598
00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:44,105
and that's the way the cookie crumbles!
599
00:49:57,286 --> 00:49:59,454
Good work. I'm impressed.
600
00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:06,086
Need me for something?
601
00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:10,882
Just the man I want to see.
Hoffa? What are the odds?
602
00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:13,385
What are the odds?
603
00:50:13,427 --> 00:50:15,595
Sit down.
604
00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:19,516
I'll be straight with you.
We want you back.
605
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:23,103
It was not my decision to let you go.
606
00:50:23,729 --> 00:50:26,981
- When the big guy gives an order...
- No harm, no foul.
607
00:50:27,066 --> 00:50:30,193
I needed to reassess
and get in touch with myself.
608
00:50:30,319 --> 00:50:33,655
- In a day?
- Imagine what I could do with seven.
609
00:50:34,907 --> 00:50:37,784
It's not in my power to give you anchor.
610
00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:40,995
But as far as field reporting goes...
611
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:44,457
Cut the crap
and get down to brass tacks.
612
00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:51,464
I had you going.
613
00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:54,259
Don't worry about it, my old friend.
614
00:50:54,802 --> 00:50:57,637
Give me a camera.
I'll give you the news.
615
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:12,152
I let the jalapenos marinate
in a spicy sauce
616
00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:16,489
for 24 hours
before I stir it into the chilli.
617
00:51:16,532 --> 00:51:19,367
Then I let it all come to a simmer.
618
00:51:24,248 --> 00:51:25,665
Hold that thought.
619
00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:29,169
It seems as if an asteroid
or meteorite
620
00:51:29,211 --> 00:51:33,381
has hit ground outside
the Mark Twain Chilli Cook-Off!
621
00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:37,010
This should spice things up!
622
00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:39,345
His stories are all over town.
623
00:51:39,388 --> 00:51:40,847
From unearthing Hoffa...
624
00:51:40,890 --> 00:51:42,891
..to a meteor crashing...
625
00:51:42,975 --> 00:51:46,352
..Bruce Nolan is becoming known as...
626
00:52:01,118 --> 00:52:04,788
That's the way the cookie crumbles!
627
00:52:09,418 --> 00:52:11,753
This was Bruce's idea?
628
00:52:11,837 --> 00:52:16,549
He wanted me to have a day of beauty
and luxurious serenity.
629
00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:21,346
He is impressing me lately.
630
00:52:21,388 --> 00:52:23,723
Know where he's taking me to dinner?
631
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:25,934
Where?
632
00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:30,271
The Blue Palm?
633
00:52:32,191 --> 00:52:35,235
- I just got chills.
- I know.
634
00:52:35,277 --> 00:52:39,572
He told me to prepare
for the most memorable night of our lives.
635
00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:44,327
- He's going to propose.
- Stop it. No. He's...
636
00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:47,080
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
637
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:50,124
He sends you to a spa,
638
00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:54,379
takes you to a romantic restaurant,
where you had your first date.
639
00:52:54,505 --> 00:52:59,717
I never thought I'd say it, Bruce is
right. This is your night. Enjoy it.
640
00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:11,187
Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six,
with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter,
641
00:53:11,272 --> 00:53:13,982
Fred Donohue, sports,
Dallas Coleman, weather.
642
00:53:14,066 --> 00:53:16,526
Now, Buffalo's number one news team.
643
00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:19,696
Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six.
I'm Susan Ortega.
644
00:53:19,780 --> 00:53:22,282
I'm Evan Baxter.
Here's what's making news.
645
00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:26,286
A potential scandal
with the Buffalo PD surfaced today,
646
00:53:26,328 --> 00:53:29,038
when the mayor demanded...
647
00:53:29,123 --> 00:53:34,335
When the mayor demanded the chief...
When the mayor demanded...
648
00:53:34,795 --> 00:53:37,380
..issued a response to...
649
00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:41,301
- I seem to have something stuck in...
- Get him some water.
650
00:53:41,385 --> 00:53:44,053
My new co-anchor needs water.
651
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:51,895
There we go. Sorry.
652
00:53:51,979 --> 00:53:56,774
In other news, the prime minister
of Sweden visited Washington today,
653
00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:59,986
and my tiny little nipples went to France.
654
00:54:00,863 --> 00:54:03,072
What did he say? Check the prompter.
655
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:11,331
- It's fine.
- Evan, read the copy. It's good.
656
00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:15,585
The White House received
the prime rib roast minister,
657
00:54:15,669 --> 00:54:19,213
and I do the cha-cha
like a sissy girl.
658
00:54:21,050 --> 00:54:23,843
I lika do
659
00:54:23,928 --> 00:54:26,304
da cha-cha.
660
00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:33,937
I'm sorry. We seem to be
having technical difficulties.
661
00:54:34,438 --> 00:54:36,189
In other news...
662
00:54:39,234 --> 00:54:41,778
My apologies.
663
00:56:05,404 --> 00:56:07,822
May I?
664
00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:15,329
It's perfect. She'll love it.
665
00:56:22,963 --> 00:56:26,257
I was going to wait until after the meal,
666
00:56:27,259 --> 00:56:30,970
but it'll burst out of me
like an alien if I don't do it now.
667
00:56:34,433 --> 00:56:39,228
This is it, isn't it?
I don't know if I'm ready for this.
668
00:56:39,313 --> 00:56:44,400
I'm ready. I didn't know
if I would... I'm sorry, go on.
669
00:56:44,485 --> 00:56:47,945
- I didn't know it mattered to you.
- Me, neither.
670
00:57:01,877 --> 00:57:04,212
I got anchor.
671
00:57:09,009 --> 00:57:11,677
It wasn't working out with Evan,
672
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:16,265
so he's going to finish the week
and I go live on Monday.
673
00:57:18,227 --> 00:57:22,313
- That's great, honey.
- I know.
674
00:57:26,193 --> 00:57:29,362
- So that's what this is about.
- Yeah.
675
00:57:30,739 --> 00:57:36,077
Jack's throwing me a party Friday
at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate.
676
00:57:36,161 --> 00:57:38,204
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
677
00:57:38,831 --> 00:57:41,874
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul...
678
00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:44,127
I feel stupid.
679
00:57:44,211 --> 00:57:47,046
- It's loud in here.
- It's not loud.
680
00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:50,508
Keep it down to a dull roar.
681
00:57:50,551 --> 00:57:53,052
- Thank you!
- Is that supposed to be funny?
682
00:57:53,095 --> 00:57:55,555
Because it's not.
683
00:57:55,973 --> 00:57:59,809
- What are you saying?
- What is wrong? Stop yelling.
684
00:58:02,062 --> 00:58:05,481
Can you excuse me?
I'll take a trip to the...
685
00:58:07,109 --> 00:58:09,902
The wine is going right through me.
686
00:58:10,028 --> 00:58:12,905
I'm so sorry.
687
00:58:12,948 --> 00:58:15,074
Keep going, Tony! You're great!
688
00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:22,164
What is going on here?
What is this?
689
00:58:22,249 --> 00:58:24,333
Give me a break!
690
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,424
Really something, isn't it?
691
00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:38,639
- Is this heaven?
- No, this is Mount Everest.
692
00:58:38,724 --> 00:58:41,684
You should watch
the Discovery Channel sometimes.
693
00:58:42,060 --> 00:58:45,688
But I guess you can't now,
being dead and all.
694
00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:49,859
- I'm dead?
- No, I'm messing with you.
695
00:58:49,985 --> 00:58:52,987
That's not funny, man!
696
00:58:54,698 --> 00:58:58,910
And the voices in my head?
Is that part of the hilarity?
697
00:58:58,994 --> 00:59:03,331
Those are prayers.
You keep ignoring them, they'll build up.
698
00:59:03,373 --> 00:59:06,208
It's just noise.
I can't understand them.
699
00:59:07,044 --> 00:59:09,086
You're not listening, son.
700
00:59:09,713 --> 00:59:11,923
Let's see.
701
00:59:12,007 --> 00:59:17,303
You've had my powers a week.
How many people have you helped?
702
00:59:20,599 --> 00:59:22,558
I took care of a few things.
703
00:59:22,601 --> 00:59:25,770
I righted a few wrongs
in my own life first.
704
00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:28,230
I was going to help the others.
705
00:59:28,315 --> 00:59:33,569
- I could help the world.
- That wasn't the world.
706
00:59:33,654 --> 00:59:37,740
That was Buffalo, between
57th Street and Commonwealth.
707
00:59:39,660 --> 00:59:43,245
I didn't want to start you
with more than you could handle.
708
00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:46,958
You took the job.
I suggest you get to it.
709
00:59:51,338 --> 00:59:53,714
Prayers, prayers.
710
00:59:54,967 --> 00:59:59,220
This whisper thing has to end.
I need organisation and management.
711
00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:03,307
I need a system. Something concrete.
Concentrate.
712
01:00:04,726 --> 01:00:09,230
Files. Let all prayers
be organised into files.
713
01:00:14,111 --> 01:00:17,863
That takes care of the voices.
Not exactly a space-saver, though.
714
01:00:18,865 --> 01:00:21,033
Grace might notice.
715
01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:23,661
I know. Prayer Post-its!
716
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:44,140
I need something with a lock.
Security. A password.
717
01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,142
A password.
718
01:00:46,184 --> 01:00:49,812
Yahweh!
719
01:00:49,855 --> 01:00:51,981
You've got prayers.
720
01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:55,860
Welcome to the revelation superhighway.
721
01:00:55,944 --> 01:00:59,030
We bless, no mess. Downloading now.
722
01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:04,160
It's good!
723
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:09,290
This is going to take a while.
724
01:01:22,095 --> 01:01:24,305
I'd better manifest some coffee.
725
01:01:44,284 --> 01:01:48,704
That's fresh, mountain-grown
coffee from the hills of Colombia.
726
01:02:16,566 --> 01:02:20,653
I have to have made
some kind of a dent by now.
727
01:02:22,989 --> 01:02:25,241
Come on!
728
01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:30,162
What a bunch of whiners.
This will suck up my life.
729
01:02:36,128 --> 01:02:38,420
Yes. To all.
730
01:02:40,132 --> 01:02:43,509
There you go.
Now everybody's happy.
731
01:02:52,018 --> 01:02:56,105
I'll drink to that.
My tech stocks tripled in five days.
732
01:02:56,148 --> 01:02:58,399
Joe, you seem taller.
733
01:02:58,441 --> 01:03:01,110
- I am.
- My daughter pitched a no-hitter.
734
01:03:01,236 --> 01:03:04,280
I lost 47 pounds
on the Krispy Kreme diet.
735
01:03:04,364 --> 01:03:07,533
There he is!
The man of the hour!
736
01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:11,537
Bless you! Bless all of you!
737
01:03:11,621 --> 01:03:15,791
Be fruitful, and do long division
or something!
738
01:03:16,793 --> 01:03:19,628
Try that. It's an excellent year.
739
01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:24,925
- Who do you like in the game?
- The Sabres. Coach prays a lot.
740
01:03:46,573 --> 01:03:49,783
This is Bruce, Grace and Sam.
Leave a message.
741
01:03:50,285 --> 01:03:52,828
Are you there? It's me.
742
01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:58,542
Come on, Grace. Come to the party.
743
01:03:59,085 --> 01:04:01,337
I'll call you later, OK?
744
01:04:03,590 --> 01:04:06,008
Come on, Sam.
745
01:04:08,511 --> 01:04:10,638
Help me out.
746
01:04:12,599 --> 01:04:14,934
Sam, don't. Come on.
747
01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,645
- Tell me.
- If I do, it might not come true.
748
01:04:17,687 --> 01:04:22,149
What do you want, Mary?
You want the moon?
749
01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:25,861
I'll throw a lasso around it
and pull it down.
750
01:04:25,904 --> 01:04:29,740
That's a good idea. I'll give you the moon.
751
01:04:29,824 --> 01:04:31,700
I'll take it.
752
01:04:31,743 --> 01:04:34,870
- Then what?
- Then you could swallow it.
753
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:37,039
And it'd all dissolve.
754
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:41,835
Moonbeams would shoot out of
your fingers and the ends of your hair.
755
01:04:54,391 --> 01:04:56,642
This is Bruce, Grace and Sam.
756
01:05:02,524 --> 01:05:06,735
- Why are you in here all alone?
- I was going to...
757
01:05:11,074 --> 01:05:13,659
I was going to give Grace a call.
758
01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:18,455
I didn't see her here.
So how are you and Grace doing?
759
01:05:19,207 --> 01:05:24,920
Actually, we had a bit of a fight.
I'm not sure if she's...
760
01:05:25,005 --> 01:05:27,298
You're on fire, Bruce.
761
01:05:27,382 --> 01:05:29,925
Some women can't handle fire.
762
01:05:30,802 --> 01:05:33,304
Some can.
763
01:05:33,388 --> 01:05:37,558
That's interesting, cos I never thought
we would ever talk...
764
01:05:58,413 --> 01:06:01,123
You might want to stop touching me now.
765
01:06:05,295 --> 01:06:07,963
Come here!
766
01:06:08,590 --> 01:06:10,591
This is weird. I was just calling you.
767
01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:14,136
You thought Susan's mouth
was the phone?
768
01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:16,972
She kissed me.
769
01:06:17,015 --> 01:06:21,643
- You put up a big fight.
- I tried to stop her, but she's strong.
770
01:06:21,728 --> 01:06:24,980
I screwed up.
Can I make it up to you?
771
01:06:25,065 --> 01:06:27,649
Why don't you get me a boat?
772
01:06:27,734 --> 01:06:30,611
A big boat.
And two big bags of cash.
773
01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:32,654
Then I'll be happy.
774
01:06:32,697 --> 01:06:34,865
Lots of money and lots of stuff!
775
01:06:34,949 --> 01:06:40,204
Other people wanna get married
or have babies with the man they love.
776
01:06:40,288 --> 01:06:43,123
But not me. Just give me the boat.
777
01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:46,126
No wonder you stayed single!
778
01:06:46,169 --> 01:06:50,047
- Don't do this.
- I'm not doing this. I'm undoing it.
779
01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:54,468
I'll be at Debbie's.
Keep Sam until I make arrangements.
780
01:06:56,054 --> 01:06:58,472
You can't leave me.
781
01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:01,767
I'm the Alpha, lady!
782
01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:04,019
I'm the Omega, baby!
783
01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,147
Fine! I don't need you!
784
01:07:13,988 --> 01:07:18,117
What's wrong? She can't handle
a little competition?
785
01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:21,787
Game's been called
on account of rain.
786
01:07:37,429 --> 01:07:41,807
An unusually high number of lottery
winners has officials concerned.
787
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:44,601
1 1 00 winning tickets
have been turned in,
788
01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:46,979
all, strangely, from the Buffalo area.
789
01:07:48,731 --> 01:07:50,983
More on this story as it develops.
790
01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:56,530
Enjoying your party? Nothing like
spending quality time with friends.
791
01:07:59,117 --> 01:08:02,911
- Grace left me.
- Yeah, I know.
792
01:08:03,413 --> 01:08:05,497
She'll take me back.
793
01:08:08,084 --> 01:08:11,420
- She'll take me back, right?
- Would you take you back?
794
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,763
How do you make somebody love you
without affecting free will?
795
01:08:22,265 --> 01:08:24,391
Welcome to my world.
796
01:08:24,434 --> 01:08:28,353
If you come up with an answer
to that one, let me know.
797
01:08:37,822 --> 01:08:39,573
Rise and shine, Buffalo.
798
01:08:39,616 --> 01:08:43,619
It's 70 and sunny and the perfect day
to forgive Bruce.
799
01:08:53,796 --> 01:08:55,923
- Bye.
- Have fun.
800
01:09:21,991 --> 01:09:24,785
- Can I get a coffee to go?
- Sure.
801
01:09:24,827 --> 01:09:29,915
K-Tel Records brings you
the 1 00 greatest love songs of all time.
802
01:09:29,999 --> 01:09:33,335
You'll hear such classics
as "All You Need Is Bruce",
803
01:09:33,378 --> 01:09:37,047
"If You Can't Be With The One
You Love, Then Love Bruce",
804
01:09:37,131 --> 01:09:39,633
"Do That To Bruce One More Time".
805
01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:44,596
And who can forget, "Bruce So Horny
(He Love You Long Time)"?
806
01:09:44,681 --> 01:09:49,851
Order today and we'll throw in
the video Sweatin' to Bruce.
807
01:09:49,894 --> 01:09:52,980
Just dial 1 900-4 GIV HIM.
808
01:09:53,022 --> 01:09:56,483
That's 1 900-4 GIV HIM. Do it now.
809
01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:29,433
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's not food.
810
01:10:29,517 --> 01:10:33,312
Go to the bathroom.
Wash your mouth and your hands.
811
01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:36,857
That kid is gonna poop an ornament.
812
01:10:36,941 --> 01:10:39,026
Do it, you're in a lot of trouble.
813
01:10:41,487 --> 01:10:43,572
All right, that's it!
814
01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,577
I surrender!
815
01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:03,258
I'm doing my first anchor tonight.
816
01:11:04,844 --> 01:11:06,261
That's great.
817
01:11:06,304 --> 01:11:09,848
- How have you been?
- Good.
818
01:11:11,601 --> 01:11:15,354
- Debbie won the lottery.
- You're kidding.
819
01:11:15,438 --> 01:11:20,150
But so did 400,000 other people,
so she only won $1 7.
820
01:11:23,821 --> 01:11:25,197
I miss you.
821
01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:35,165
I took the first step. Jumped out on a ledge.
822
01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:38,085
Feeling pretty vulnerable.
823
01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:41,004
- What do you want me to say?
- You want me back.
824
01:11:41,089 --> 01:11:44,299
- No.
- What about all the signs?
825
01:11:44,342 --> 01:11:48,512
How did you know about that?
Did you talk to Debbie?
826
01:11:48,596 --> 01:11:51,932
Would it help if I said
I was a complete ass?
827
01:11:51,974 --> 01:11:53,392
You said "ass"!
828
01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:58,313
It's OK if I'm talking about a donkey.
I didn't say "hole". If I said "ass..."
829
01:11:58,356 --> 01:12:01,274
No, wait. Honey, let's go inside.
830
01:12:01,317 --> 01:12:04,319
Kids! Everybody inside. Time to go in.
831
01:12:06,364 --> 01:12:09,408
Please.
None of this seems right without you.
832
01:12:13,705 --> 01:12:15,747
I have to go.
833
01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:18,208
Wait!
834
01:12:24,215 --> 01:12:26,299
How do you feel now?
835
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:31,847
Have you completely lost your mind?
836
01:12:31,931 --> 01:12:34,933
- Are you drunk?
- Drunk with power.
837
01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,566
Love me.
838
01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:45,569
Love me. Love me.
839
01:12:46,654 --> 01:12:48,655
Love me!
840
01:12:49,907 --> 01:12:51,992
I did.
841
01:13:04,046 --> 01:13:06,131
Yeah, I know. Free will.
842
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:11,928
More power outages reported today
from last week's meteorite strike.
843
01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:15,432
Officials are trying
to repair transformers
844
01:13:15,516 --> 01:13:18,226
damaged by the electrical surge.
845
01:13:18,311 --> 01:13:19,895
It nearly turned violent
846
01:13:19,979 --> 01:13:25,275
when Buffalo residents
protested last week's lottery results.
847
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:28,820
Doomsayers are saying
last week's strange celestial events
848
01:13:28,905 --> 01:13:31,782
are signs that prophecy is being fulfilled,
849
01:13:31,866 --> 01:13:34,534
and the world is coming to an end.
850
01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:37,245
The world's gone mad.
851
01:13:37,288 --> 01:13:39,456
30 seconds to air.
852
01:13:39,540 --> 01:13:42,626
There you are. Your big debut.
How do you feel?
853
01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:47,714
You know what? I'm fine.
Never better. The show must go on.
854
01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:55,055
-The Sabres won the Stanley Cup.
- You're kidding!
855
01:13:55,598 --> 01:13:57,933
Was that tonight? That's great.
856
01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:02,395
It's crazy out there. We're going to
kick live to Fred at the stadium.
857
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:04,105
Five seconds.
858
01:14:04,190 --> 01:14:07,651
- You ready?
- Born that way.
859
01:14:07,735 --> 01:14:12,572
Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six,
with Susan Ortega, Bruce Nolan,
860
01:14:12,657 --> 01:14:15,951
Fred Donohue and Dallas Coleman.
861
01:14:16,118 --> 01:14:18,286
Buffalo's number one news team.
862
01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:20,372
- I'm Susan Ortega.
- I'm Bruce Nolan.
863
01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:22,499
And here's what's making news.
864
01:14:23,626 --> 01:14:26,378
- What happened?
- We lost power.
865
01:14:26,462 --> 01:14:28,547
Transformer's down.
866
01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:30,799
Ever since that damn meteorite hit.
867
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:35,637
- It's OK.
- We apologise for the interruption.
868
01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:37,931
- Back to the news. Bruce?
- Thank you.
869
01:14:37,974 --> 01:14:41,142
I'm sorry. We're going live
to HSBC Arena,
870
01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:44,312
where the Buffalo Sabres
have won the Stanley Cup.
871
01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:45,772
Great.
872
01:14:45,815 --> 01:14:47,566
We're uncorking champagne
873
01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:53,154
because the Sabres have won
their first championship in 22 years!
874
01:14:55,825 --> 01:14:57,325
What in the blue blazes?
875
01:14:57,368 --> 01:15:02,163
We'll be back with the Sabres'
victory in a hot second.
876
01:15:02,206 --> 01:15:04,082
In other news...
877
01:15:04,166 --> 01:15:06,751
- Bloody hell!
- What is it now?
878
01:15:06,836 --> 01:15:09,337
- The booth is down.
- It's not!
879
01:15:09,422 --> 01:15:14,968
In other news, fighting erupted
in the Gaza Strip today,
880
01:15:15,011 --> 01:15:17,178
as Israelis and Palestinians...
881
01:15:17,263 --> 01:15:19,764
- Bruce.
- What?
882
01:15:19,849 --> 01:15:21,850
They're rioting outside.
883
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,936
- You're kidding.
- The town's gone crazy.
884
01:15:30,026 --> 01:15:31,943
Go on, Bruce. Say something.
885
01:15:32,945 --> 01:15:35,864
Ladies and gentlemen, this just in.
886
01:15:36,866 --> 01:15:42,162
Possibly the biggest breaking news story
this town has ever seen.
887
01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,713
And I gotta go.
888
01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:55,091
I'm sorry, Jack.
889
01:15:55,426 --> 01:15:58,053
Susan, it's all yours.
890
01:16:01,182 --> 01:16:03,475
Sabres!
891
01:16:03,559 --> 01:16:05,810
Sabres rule!
892
01:16:05,895 --> 01:16:08,313
Down with the lottery!
893
01:16:08,397 --> 01:16:12,817
Repent! The end is near!
894
01:16:24,038 --> 01:16:29,167
The lottery sucks! I only won 1 7 bucks!
895
01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:33,421
Channel 7 blows!
896
01:16:48,938 --> 01:16:51,773
God!
897
01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:55,735
God?
898
01:16:56,737 --> 01:16:58,947
Are you here?
899
01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:04,160
Hello? I need your help!
900
01:17:04,704 --> 01:17:07,497
Clap on! Clap on!
901
01:17:15,423 --> 01:17:17,674
Figures!
902
01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:23,179
Hello there, Bruce Almighty.
903
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:30,270
Not as easy as it looks, is it, son?
This God business.
904
01:17:30,813 --> 01:17:32,897
They're all out of control.
905
01:17:33,691 --> 01:17:36,276
It's mayhem. I don't know what to do.
906
01:17:36,318 --> 01:17:39,154
You're right on time.
Seven o'clock.
907
01:17:42,616 --> 01:17:44,951
The 7th at 7:00.
908
01:17:58,966 --> 01:18:01,009
All righty, then.
909
01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:06,765
- There we are.
- It's good.
910
01:18:08,851 --> 01:18:10,685
It's a wonderful thing.
911
01:18:10,770 --> 01:18:15,565
No matter how filthy something gets,
you can always clean it right up.
912
01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:19,819
There were so many.
I gave them what they wanted.
913
01:18:22,490 --> 01:18:25,950
Since when does anyone
have a clue about what they want?
914
01:18:28,788 --> 01:18:30,580
So what do I do?
915
01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:38,046
Parting your soup is not a miracle.
It's a magic trick.
916
01:18:39,048 --> 01:18:41,716
A single mom working two jobs,
917
01:18:41,801 --> 01:18:45,845
who finds time to take her kid
to soccer practice, that's a miracle.
918
01:18:46,263 --> 01:18:50,391
A teenager who says no to drugs
and yes to an education,
919
01:18:50,476 --> 01:18:52,102
that's a miracle.
920
01:18:53,687 --> 01:18:59,359
People want me to do everything.
They don't realise they have the power.
921
01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:03,113
You want to see a miracle, son?
922
01:19:03,239 --> 01:19:05,281
Be the miracle.
923
01:19:08,577 --> 01:19:10,745
Are you leaving?
924
01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:13,581
I figure you can handle things now.
925
01:19:14,083 --> 01:19:17,043
But what if I need you?
What if I have questions?
926
01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:21,631
That's your problem.
That's everybody's problem.
927
01:19:21,715 --> 01:19:24,050
You keep looking up.
928
01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:31,891
Order has been restored
after this evening's downtown riot.
929
01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:36,896
Officials have suspended lottery
sales pending an investigation.
930
01:19:36,981 --> 01:19:41,234
No injuries were reported,
but there were dozens of arrests.
931
01:20:32,536 --> 01:20:34,662
- Thanks a million.
- No problem.
932
01:20:34,705 --> 01:20:36,831
God bless.
933
01:20:41,337 --> 01:20:44,172
Bruce giveth, and Bruce...
934
01:20:44,215 --> 01:20:45,590
taketh away.
935
01:20:45,674 --> 01:20:49,219
If you don't like it... mega-bite me.
936
01:21:02,233 --> 01:21:07,362
I suppose you're here to gloat about
the anchor position. Go ahead.
937
01:21:07,446 --> 01:21:09,697
Actually, I...
938
01:21:10,783 --> 01:21:14,035
I came to tell you
I've been a royal prick.
939
01:21:14,078 --> 01:21:17,830
The anchor position is yours.
I turned down the job.
940
01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:20,458
I never really congratulated you.
941
01:21:22,044 --> 01:21:24,337
Congratulations.
942
01:21:26,340 --> 01:21:28,091
Thanks, Bruce.
943
01:21:28,175 --> 01:21:33,805
In the financial world, things are back
to normal, after a fluke market fluctuation.
944
01:21:34,598 --> 01:21:39,644
- You made the right move.
- You ready to go back out there?
945
01:21:40,562 --> 01:21:43,356
Do the cutesy stuff?
The lighter side of the news?
946
01:21:43,399 --> 01:21:47,360
Lower and debase myself
for the amusement of strangers?
947
01:21:47,403 --> 01:21:49,821
I could do that. Sounds like fun.
948
01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:51,531
Good.
949
01:21:53,075 --> 01:21:55,618
Let's do it like the other dogs.
950
01:21:55,703 --> 01:21:59,372
Not to make you feel bad,
but they're laughing at you.
951
01:21:59,415 --> 01:22:01,749
Come on. Concentrate.
952
01:22:01,834 --> 01:22:04,085
Pump it out, if you have to.
953
01:22:04,128 --> 01:22:06,754
What am I going to do with you?
954
01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:11,759
I know this seems crazy,
955
01:22:11,844 --> 01:22:15,763
but desperate times
call for desperate measures.
956
01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:21,811
Do your thing.
957
01:22:21,895 --> 01:22:25,023
That's it. Good boy!
958
01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:28,192
Training my dog.
959
01:22:48,922 --> 01:22:51,966
Yes! We did it!
960
01:22:54,636 --> 01:22:59,265
We're doing it doggy style!
961
01:22:59,308 --> 01:23:01,225
I'll alert Penthouse Forum.
962
01:23:01,310 --> 01:23:03,644
Hi, Deb. How are you?
963
01:23:04,897 --> 01:23:05,980
How's Grace?
964
01:23:06,065 --> 01:23:08,941
I didn't come to chat.
I came for Grace's stuff.
965
01:23:15,074 --> 01:23:17,992
- You need a...?
- That's OK. I've got it.
966
01:23:25,417 --> 01:23:30,129
I don't know if she...
I don't know if she wants that or not.
967
01:23:33,675 --> 01:23:36,386
This is full. You did all this?
968
01:23:47,856 --> 01:23:50,233
Know what I do before I go to bed?
969
01:23:50,359 --> 01:23:54,195
I tuck my kids in, maybe have
some ice cream and watch Conan.
970
01:23:55,697 --> 01:23:58,074
Know what Grace does?
971
01:23:59,201 --> 01:24:01,369
She prays.
972
01:24:02,454 --> 01:24:04,414
Most of the time for you.
973
01:24:26,228 --> 01:24:29,355
Find Grace Connelly.
974
01:24:32,568 --> 01:24:34,735
The woman does pray a lot.
975
01:24:36,488 --> 01:24:39,490
Find... Grace and Bruce.
976
01:24:40,534 --> 01:24:45,204
"Dear God, help Bruce find himself,
find contentment, find you."
977
01:24:45,247 --> 01:24:48,082
"Dear God, help Bruce.
He's struggling."
978
01:24:48,834 --> 01:24:52,837
"Dear God, give Bruce strength.
Dear God, bless Bruce."
979
01:24:57,509 --> 01:24:59,635
It's her.
980
01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:03,556
Sammy, she's logging on.
She's praying right now.
981
01:25:10,731 --> 01:25:12,607
Please, God.
982
01:25:14,193 --> 01:25:15,651
Please.
983
01:25:15,736 --> 01:25:17,737
I still love him.
984
01:25:20,032 --> 01:25:23,117
But I don't want to love him any more.
985
01:25:23,202 --> 01:25:27,955
I don't want to hurt any more.
Please. Help me forget.
986
01:25:28,999 --> 01:25:34,879
Please help me let him go.
987
01:25:55,901 --> 01:25:58,027
You win!
988
01:25:58,779 --> 01:26:00,488
I'm done!
989
01:26:00,531 --> 01:26:03,574
Please!
I don't want to do this any more!
990
01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:07,662
I don't want to be God.
991
01:26:08,163 --> 01:26:11,541
I want you to decide what's right for me!
992
01:26:11,625 --> 01:26:14,126
I surrender to your will!
993
01:26:44,866 --> 01:26:45,908
Am I...?
994
01:26:45,993 --> 01:26:50,329
You can't kneel down in the highway
and live to talk about it.
995
01:26:50,372 --> 01:26:52,623
But why?
996
01:26:53,584 --> 01:26:55,543
Why now?
997
01:26:57,921 --> 01:27:00,047
You have the divine spark.
998
01:27:00,882 --> 01:27:05,094
You have the gift for bringing joy
and laughter to the world.
999
01:27:06,054 --> 01:27:08,347
I know. I created you.
1000
01:27:09,641 --> 01:27:14,353
- Quit bragging.
- See? That's what I'm talking about.
1001
01:27:14,396 --> 01:27:16,689
That's the spark.
1002
01:27:21,278 --> 01:27:23,738
What do you want me to do?
1003
01:27:24,531 --> 01:27:26,490
I want you to pray, son.
1004
01:27:26,992 --> 01:27:30,244
Go ahead. Use them.
1005
01:27:35,959 --> 01:27:39,378
Lord, feed the hungry,
1006
01:27:39,421 --> 01:27:43,174
and bring peace to...
1007
01:27:44,176 --> 01:27:46,427
all of mankind.
1008
01:27:47,929 --> 01:27:50,514
- How's that?
- Great.
1009
01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:53,601
If you want to be Miss America.
1010
01:27:53,644 --> 01:27:57,229
Come on.
What do you really care about?
1011
01:28:06,782 --> 01:28:09,116
You want her back?
1012
01:28:13,455 --> 01:28:15,748
No.
1013
01:28:16,416 --> 01:28:18,959
I want her to be happy.
1014
01:28:21,046 --> 01:28:22,880
No matter what that means.
1015
01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:25,508
I want her to find someone...
1016
01:28:26,051 --> 01:28:28,302
who'll treat her...
1017
01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:33,474
with all the love
she deserved from me.
1018
01:28:36,311 --> 01:28:38,729
I want her to meet someone...
1019
01:28:43,735 --> 01:28:46,112
who'll see her always...
1020
01:28:47,155 --> 01:28:49,323
as I do now.
1021
01:28:53,662 --> 01:28:56,497
Through your eyes.
1022
01:28:56,581 --> 01:28:59,625
- Now that's a prayer.
- Yeah?
1023
01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,794
Yeah.
1024
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:05,548
- It's good.
- It's good?
1025
01:29:05,632 --> 01:29:08,259
It's good!
1026
01:29:09,177 --> 01:29:11,637
I'm going to get right on it.
1027
01:29:12,264 --> 01:29:14,014
Clear!
1028
01:29:14,057 --> 01:29:16,100
- That didn't feel good.
- Clear!
1029
01:29:17,853 --> 01:29:20,563
- Got a rhythm.
- Got a pulse.
1030
01:29:20,647 --> 01:29:23,691
- Get him up.
- Get the backboard and brace.
1031
01:29:34,244 --> 01:29:38,706
Welcome back.
You're lucky to be alive.
1032
01:29:38,790 --> 01:29:41,125
Someone up there likes you.
1033
01:29:56,016 --> 01:29:58,893
I hear that stuff's
in a warehouse somewhere.
1034
01:30:06,276 --> 01:30:08,569
Hi, baby.
1035
01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,115
My God, look at you.
1036
01:30:14,451 --> 01:30:17,411
- I was such an idiot.
- It's OK.
1037
01:30:24,795 --> 01:30:27,588
I don't know what I would have done.
1038
01:30:30,008 --> 01:30:33,052
I wanted to be mad at you forever.
1039
01:30:45,023 --> 01:30:47,691
Now you're just showing off.
1040
01:30:58,537 --> 01:31:02,665
This is Bruce Nolan at Buffalo's
first "Be the Miracle" blood drive.
1041
01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:05,626
It's a B-E-A-utiful day.
1042
01:31:05,710 --> 01:31:09,129
So come on down, because the life
you save could be mine.
1043
01:31:09,172 --> 01:31:14,385
The Kowolskis have baked
a special cookie just for this occasion.
1044
01:31:14,469 --> 01:31:17,638
It's creepy and a shameless plug,
but we love them.
1045
01:31:17,681 --> 01:31:20,850
Thank you, Mama.
Vol, finger, nose!
1046
01:31:22,060 --> 01:31:24,395
I will have given blood twice this week.
1047
01:31:24,479 --> 01:31:26,814
For those of you who haven't heard,
1048
01:31:26,857 --> 01:31:30,693
I'd like to introduce you
to the future Mrs Exclusive.
1049
01:31:30,777 --> 01:31:33,779
Grace Connelly.
There she is.
1050
01:31:33,822 --> 01:31:38,242
Look at her! Isn't she beautiful?
1051
01:31:38,326 --> 01:31:42,496
She just gave blood and she still
has enough to fill up her face.
1052
01:31:42,539 --> 01:31:46,542
Behind every great man,
there's a woman rolling her eyes.
1053
01:31:46,626 --> 01:31:51,213
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News
reminding you to...
1054
01:31:51,298 --> 01:31:53,299
Be the miracle!
1055
01:31:55,176 --> 01:31:56,719
You heard them.
1056
01:31:56,803 --> 01:31:58,929
Cut. Thank you, Bruce.
1057
01:32:03,435 --> 01:32:06,896
- How was that?
- That was really great.
1058
01:32:06,980 --> 01:32:09,440
Go over there.
The nurse is waiting.
1059
01:32:09,524 --> 01:32:11,817
- Do I have to?
- It won't hurt.
1060
01:32:11,860 --> 01:32:14,361
I think you'll find it pleasurable.
1061
01:33:33,483 --> 01:33:34,775
I'm sorry.
1062
01:33:34,859 --> 01:33:38,988
I have a rare blood type.
I'm AB positive.
1063
01:33:39,698 --> 01:33:41,991
Sounds delicious.
1064
01:33:44,786 --> 01:33:47,746
There are storehouses
all over the world,
1065
01:33:47,789 --> 01:33:51,959
with tons of stuff on ice, and...
1066
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:54,378
- Sorry.
- You're like this.
1067
01:33:56,381 --> 01:33:59,133
Positive, IB positive... Sorry.
1068
01:33:59,175 --> 01:34:01,260
I have a rary...
1069
01:34:02,470 --> 01:34:04,888
She has a rary!
1070
01:34:04,973 --> 01:34:09,018
I have a very rare blood type.
I'm AB negative.
1071
01:34:09,102 --> 01:34:11,687
- I'm IB positive.
- Am I AB negative?
1072
01:34:11,771 --> 01:34:13,522
I don't know any more.
1073
01:34:14,065 --> 01:34:17,234
I need a frickin' miracle
to get to work on time.
1074
01:34:35,003 --> 01:34:36,378
Shit!
1075
01:34:40,592 --> 01:34:41,925
That'll work.
1076
01:34:42,302 --> 01:34:46,638
Other stories in the...
1077
01:34:50,393 --> 01:34:55,481
The prime minister of Sweden
visited Washington, and in other...
1078
01:34:58,860 --> 01:35:01,653
In other news...
1079
01:35:08,536 --> 01:35:11,705
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No...
1080
01:35:13,666 --> 01:35:15,417
Eyewitness Nose.
1081
01:35:16,503 --> 01:35:18,879
And clear!
1082
01:35:18,963 --> 01:35:21,131
Be the miracle!
1083
01:35:21,216 --> 01:35:23,383
That's right!
81810