All language subtitles for The Twilight Zone - S05E28 - Caesar and Me.eng.SDH

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: You unlock this
door with the key of imagination.

Beyond it is another dimension…

A dimension of sound,

A dimension of sight,
a dimension of mind.

You're moving into a land of
both shadow and substance,

of things and ideas.

You've just crossed over
into the Twilight Zone.

MAN: Oh, sure, it's a nice watch,

but I'm sorry, Mr. West.

I'm afraid that that's
all I can give you.

[IRISH ACCENT] That
belonged to my grandfather.

Five dollars, Mr. West.

Now, don't you worry.

Your luck is bound to get better.

Oh, sure, sure it will.

Now, listen, I'll be coming back

real soon to claim that

so please, don't sell it, huh?

I'll do my best.

Thank you.

For 30 days, at least.

Mr. West?

I'll, uh… I'll give you $25 for him.

Oh, thank you, no.

No, thank you, he's not for sale.

Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Cudahy.

Hello, Mr. West.

[CHIMES TINKLING]

Nuts.

Why, Susan, I'm warning
you for the last time now.

Stop playing with those poison darts.

They're not really poison, Aunt Agnes,

and I missed him anyway.

Wanna bet you didn't get a job?

Susan. Go out and play.

Oh, I am so sorry, Mr. West.

I don't know what to do

with that little girl.

That's perfectly all right.

I imagine you have your hands full.

WEST: You just sit right here and relax

and I'll fix us some dinner.

A fella deserves something in his stomach

at the end of a tough day, huh?

Now, this ought to do it.

I'll warm up some of that fine
potato soup I made for you.

And don't you worry…

We're gonna get a booking

any day now, you and me.

We're going to be headliners

just like you and that
other fellow used to be.

Only I won't skip out on you like he did.

No, sir.

The shame of it all.

Abandoning you for some woman!

No, sir!

It's going to be you and
me, pal, together forever!

Why don't you stop
kidding yourself, buddy?

Face it, you're finished.

NARRATOR: Jonathan West, ventriloquist,

a master of voice manipulation.

A man, late of Ireland,

with a talent for putting words
into other peoples' mouths.

In this case, the other person
is a dummy aptly named Caesar,

a small splinter with large ideas,

a wooden tyrant with a
mind and a voice of his own

who is about to talk Jonathan
West into the Twilight Zone.

Tonight's the night.

I can feel it,

we're going to knock 'em dead.

Wait till they hear the new material.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Oh, hello, Susan.

Show me how you make him talk.

Oh, I'd like to, Susan,

but we're in a hurry right now.

We're on our way downtown.

We've got an important appointment.

An audition, as a matter of fact.

Just do it once, Jonathan.

The part where he laughs.

I want to see if your lips move.

All right.

Caesar, what did the lady say

she would do to you

if you ever misbehaved again?

CAESAR: She said

she'd slice me into a venetian blind.

And you replied?

I said "Oh, you make me shudder!"

[LAUGHING]

I didn't see your lips move.

That's right, you didn't.

If you're so good,

then how come you can't get a job?

Well, all that's going to change,

young lady, tonight.

You've said that before.

WOMAN: Susan, where are you?

Go on, run along.

You won't get the job.

Hey, pal!

Keep that brat out of this room.

Now, now, don't you worry about her,

my lovely friend.

We're going to kill 'em.

Oh, and Caesar, there's a man outside.

What about it?

A man with a wooden leg named Smith.

Is that so?

What's the name of his other leg?

Would you like me to go through

the juvenile delinquent
routine, Mr. Miller?

It's really very funny.

No, that'll be all.

Just leave your phone number.

We'll get in touch with you.

Maybe Mr. Miller had a fight

with his wife at breakfast.

Maybe he heard your bad jokes.

Ah, morning, Mrs. Cudahy.

It's a fine lovely day, isn't it?

Yes, it is, Mr. West.

I have to talk to you.

I know, Mrs. Cudahy, it's about the rent.

I'll have that straightened
out by this evening.

Oh, that'll be nice.

You see, I'm looking for a job

something till the show biz picks up.

Well, as you're in that frame of mind

maybe I can help you.

Now, this is my Cousin.

He works at that employment agency.

Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Cudahy.

My, you are a living darling!

Typing?

No, sir.

Salesman?

No, sir.

Mechanic?

Uh… no.

Mr. West, have you ever held

a position of any sort?

Ever made any kind of a regular salary?

That is, besides show business?

Well, sir, uh… yes, I did.

Doing what, may I ask?

Back home I worked for a puppeteer

as his apprentice.

Apprentice?

Yes, sir, he taught me my trade.

And I came to your
country to earn me fortune.

Well, then you're not
a citizen, Mr. West?

Oh, no, sir, not yet, but I'm studying

and I soon will be.

That's very nice.

All right, we have your number.

We'll call you

if we get anything in your line.

[TOY MACHINE GUN FIRE]

♪ Jonathan can't find a job ♪

Susan, why don't you go find

somebody else to bother?

The truth hurts!

And you're too scared to tell my aunt

because you're behind in your rent.

[SIGHS]

Now what?

I don't know.

It seems no matter what I try, I fail.

If I could just get some money together…

Enough for some food
and to pay the rent…

I could think clearly
without these pressures.

Just a little money for
food and rent, is that it?

Is that all you want out of life?

I guess so.

You're a clod.

A real clod.

I try, I give it my best.

Your best stinks.

In the name of heaven,
Caesar, I've had enough!

I'm the one who's had enough.

Get that through your head.

What do you mean?

Let me spell out the cold, hard facts…

The way it's gonna be
and what you're gonna do.

Oh, forget it, I'm a failure.

Will you shut up and listen?

There's all kinds of
ways to get hold of money.

I've tried everything.

You have not tried everything.

Now, shut up… and listen.

CAESAR [MUFFLED]: Where are we now?

We're right in front
of the furniture store.

I don't mean that, stupid!

I mean, how far are we
from the delicatessen?

Please, not so loud!

Why, is there anyone around?

No, no, but please, be quiet!

Tell me when we're in front of our mark.

[METAL CRASHING]

Now what?

I lost my footing, it's very dark.

Good, that's a break.

Are we on the sidewalk now?

Yes, now we're right in
front of the delicatessen.

Is the coast clear?

Yes.

There's absolutely no one around.

Okay.

Then stop wasting time.

Move!

WEST: 31… 32… 33.

There you are, Mrs. Cudahy

all paid up in full.

Will wonders ever cease?

Shh, Susan.

Isn't it nice to pay your bills?

Yes, ma'am.

Better count it again.
See if they're real.

Susan, be a good girl
and go tidy up your room.

Don't be fresh to Mr. West.

He has a new start on life, don't you?

That's right, a new start.

Don't let her worry you.

You know how children are these days.

Oh, I understand.

A common thief.

What a way to make a living.

You couldn't make it any other way.

What's happened to me?

What am I?

A no-talent ventriloquist.

Worse.

A second-rate thief.

Third-rate.

Starving to death.

In the profession I know

paying the bills by robbing
the neighborhood delicatessen.

Well, that's show biz.

I guess I wasn't too bad

considering it was my
opening performance.

Let me straighten you out

before you start taking too many bows.

Oh, Caesar, just let me alone, please.

No! Let me spell it out for you.

You act penny ante
because you think penny ante.

That's the story of your life.

From now on, you're gonna listen to me.

You're gonna get rid of
that shanty Irish routine.

This is America.

What do you mean?

Open your eyes! Look around you!

The streets are paved with
gold, and it's sitting out there

waiting for us.

Think you're smart,
don't you, Mr. Stuck-Up?

Just 'cause you're on the stage.

You can talk!

I heard you!

Come on, say something.

I dare you.

Susan!

What were you doing in my room?

You're hurting me, I'll tell my aunt.

Didn't she tell you to stay
out of the guest rooms?

What were you doing in there?

Wouldn't you like to know?

You brat, tell me what you were doing.

You're so smart, ask him.

Caesar.

Caesar, what happened?

Sit down.

Did she do anything to hurt you?

Never mind that.

First things first.

We've got to get of here. I'm scared.

Maybe she knows.

This is no time to get chicken.

After tonight's job,

we'll be on easy street.

You don't understand

I'm not cut out for this line of work.

Take it easy. You're eating, aren't you?

You're paying the rent.

Where were you before?

Now, listen to me.

This is the big one.

But this is the last one.

The end for me.

Yeah, sure.

Sure it is, pal.

Just one more.

The "really big shoe."

It's all right so far.
There's no one around.

CAESAR [MUFFLED]: Then
get moving. Up to the front office.

[RUSTLING]

It's only the mice.

Get going before they attack us.

And stop shaking.

CAESAR: Hurry up.

You got the wire?

Yes.

Remember, if the watchman comes around,

just stay as calm as you can

and explain you were
looking for Mr. Miller;

that you were supposed to meet him here.

Slowly now.

It'll work.

Suppose it doesn't.

Supposing I can't open it.

You opened the back door, didn't you?

Now, stop whining.

You wanna be poor again?

[CLACK]

[CLICK]

It clicked.

Open it, stupid.

Hold it out there!

Who is it?

Jonathan West, sir, the ventriloquist.

Mr. Miller told me to
meet him after closing.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, sir.

Have you met Caesar, sir?

Caesar, can you say hello

to the nice gentleman from in there?

CAESAR: What are you, the house dick?

No, I'm the night watchman.

Listen, flatfoot, with
the job you're doing

it's a wonder the mice
haven't heisted the joint.

Now, Caesar, that's enough.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm afraid he's a born comic.

Sure, I remember you
now from the other day.

You were auditioning.

Mr. Miller went home.

He left about 45 minutes ago.

Really? I'm sorry.

He should stuck around
and caught our act.

We're very big in Dublin.

Never mind, Caesar.

Thank you very much, sir.

I won't be keeping you.

Good night.

WEST: I'd feel better

if the watchman hadn't seen us.

CAESAR: I'll cover for you.

I'm your alibi.

But if that watchman reports me…

Not you, pal… us. We're a team.

Sure, sure, I know that.

But what about that night watchman?

Forget the watchman.

Shut up, go to bed.

CUDAHY: "The Carioca Club
robbed last night.

"Manager's office looted."

"Night watchman"

providing police with clue."

[BELL RINGS]

[DIALING]

Police department, please.

I know who robbed the
Carioca Club last night.

CAESAR: Kinda early in the day

to be hitting the
juice, ain't it, Dillinger?

You like a roof over
your head, don't you?

Now don't give me your
common thief routine again, huh?

A man has to live with himself.

Even if he lives in the gutter.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Oh, Mr. West, these two gentlemen,

they're from the police department

and they want a word with you.

Why, certainly.

Won't you come in please?

What could I do for you, gentlemen?

-Well, you see…
-Thank you, Mrs. Cudahy.

Mr. West, I'd like to
ask you a few questions.

Mrs. Cudahy, would you mind waiting?

You may be of some help.

Oh, of course.

Mr. West is one of my favorite boarders.

I'd ask you to sit down, gentlemen,

but I don't have many chairs.

It's just a room for one.

Me and my friend, that is.

But it suits me just fine.

Mr. West, where were you
last night at around midnight?

He was at home, I'm sure.

He seldom goes out at night.

I seldom go out at night.

Mr. West, the desk sergeant

received an anonymous phone call

which leads us to believe
you were not in your room.

We're almost always here at night.

You didn't go to the
carioca looking for anyone?

The night club?

Oh.

Oh, that night club.

That's a place where we
might be working soon.

'Cause the night watchman said

that he saw you there… absolutely.

Oh, last night, you say.

Well, uh, let me think now.

Caesar and I had dinner and…

Tell them, Caesar.

Caesar, please, tell them.

Tell them I wouldn't hurt anyone.

I mean, I didn't use a
gun or anything, did I?

Please, Caesar, tell them how
we were gonna play the big time.

We're a team, you see.

You don't believe me, do you?

Well, you just ask him.

You ask Caesar.

Go on, tell them.

Tell them, Caesar.

Tell them how you were

only trying to help me…

To take the pressures off.

I tried to find a job and I couldn't.

Isn't that right?

You were only trying
to help me… tell them.

The bills were piling up,
there was no food to eat,

the rent was overdue and
you were trying to help me.

Isn't that right, Caesar?

Please tell them, Caesar.

Tell them that you were
just trying to help me

and that I'm not a common thief, Caesar.

Please, Caesar.

I thought you said it was us.

Oh, Caesar.

He said we were a team.

Mr. West, you better
come along with us now.

Such a nice man.

SUSAN: He's a no-good crook.

CAESAR: Psst.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you.

Come over here, honey.

I know you finked on him.

You're a hip little kid.

I like you.

I knew you talked.

I knew it.

I want to ask you something.

You're not happy living here
with your crummy aunt, are you?

That's a stupid question.

You'd probably like to
run away from this flea trap.

I sure would.

Okay… it's you and me, kid.

We're a team.

Is Mr. West going to jail?

Honey, he'll be gone a long, long time.

I know where he's got the money hidden.

We'll go to New York.

I'll show you the bright lights.

But what about my aunt?

Honey, you still got those poison darts?

NARRATOR: A little
girl and a wooden doll,

a lethal dummy in the shape of a man.

But everybody knows dummies can't talk…

Unless, of course, they
learn their vocabulary

in the Twilight Zone.

PRESENTER: And now, Mr. Serling.

Next time out, you'll share a
study in depth of human terror

with Martin Landau and John Van Dreelen.

You'll stay in a hotel
room of a European city

which has been booby trapped
with a plastic bomb.

You'll walk around this room

with violent death
resting on your shoulder.

It could be anywhere: a picture, a chair,

or simply the carpet you're walking on.

Next time out on The Twilight Zone,

"The Jeopardy Room."