All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S05E09.Hilton.Head-ache.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

- Previously on

- Previously on
"Southern Charm"...

- What's the situation?
- She's still in my uterus.

As I whiled away the days
in pregnancy purgatory,

Thomas was getting an earful

about Saint's upcoming
second birthday party.

- If she includes everybody,
but exclude me,

there's going to be a problem.

- ♪ He's got more honeys
than any honey bee ♪

- And when the gang took off

for a weekend
in Hilton Head...

- So it's just us
four girls and Ashley.

- Yeah.

- It'll be fun, it'll be great.

- I mean, what could go wrong
with Ashley and Kathryn,

not to mention the rest of
the break-up bunch,

under the same roof?

- ♪ Anyone who's in the know ♪

♪ Says he makes
the kids go loco ♪

- Meanwhile, as the boys
bonded on the golf course...

- Does she just assume
that you're paying

when you go on these things?

- She assumes I'm paying,
and I always do.

- Thomas, what are you doing?

I'm just saying,
just keep your guard up.

- Ashley had no interest
in being one of the girls.

- Why are you so angry?
- Am I invited

or am I not invited?
Yes or no?

- That's just not
a conversation for the table,

to be honest with you.

- When is that conversation?

- When I'm ready, got it?
- No, I don't have it.

- Well, you should
learn to get it

if you're going to be around.
- I won't.

- Are they okay?
What's going on?

- You want to be invited
to something right now,

and you're going
to talk to me that way?

- Well, I already know
I'm not invited.

- Okay, so why'd you ask?

Are you trying
to start something with me?

- I already know, like,
in ten years from now--

- You're probably not going
to be here in a month, hon'.

Sorry.
- All right. I don't plan on

going anywhere,
so get used to me.

- Okay, well--
- Yeah, I see those children

more than you see them.

- Girl, you better--
- You, you really need to

slow your roll, girl.
- That was low, dude.

That was low.
- Don't bring up

the kids, please.
- Yeah, that's so ----ed up.

- If you want to be
put in your place,

I'll put you
in your ----ing place.

- ♪ Ba ba doo ♪

[tense music]

- You know what,
I know a lot more information

than everyone else at
this ----ing table knows.

- Oh, go ahead and tell them.
I'm sure nobody knows.

- Ashley--
- I told you!

- That's enough.
- What's going on?

- Don't, don't even,
because you guys don't know.

- Tell me about it, girl.
Tell me all about it.

- We ----ing know her
more than you do.

- Oh, you know that?

[dramatic musical flourish]

- Uh-oh, bad, dude.

- You don't see how they come
back after the weekend with you.

I--I see it.
- Then tell me about it.

Tell me about it.
What's wrong with them?

- First of all,
they don't sleep.

- Because they see me
for two days.

- I was watching Naomie
and she's staying calm,

so if she waved me over,
then I would.

But I'm like...

- I don't think it's
anybody's place.

- Well, that's what's
even scarier, is you're going

to start getting
more time with them.

Yeah.
- Whoa, dude.

You better shut the (BLEEP) up,
do you hear me?

[groovy music]

- You better watch yourself.
- Or what?

- Don't threaten her.
(BLEEP) that.

That's so ----ed up.
- You shouldn't do that.

- You're really, you know,
moving in the right direction

with me if you want
to be involved, okay?

- You know what, Kathryn?
- Yeah?

- I just don't respect you.
- Okay. Good to know.

- I think you're
doing the right thing,

though, I really do.
- It's hard for me.

- It's Thomas
that needs to step in.

- Thomas.
- Shut her the (BLEEP) up.

- I've never read anything...

- Thomas, you might need
to do an intervention here.

Perhaps.

- Are we ready for a nice meal?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- What's going on here?
- The only reason people

warned me about dating Thomas

was that you're a part
of the situation.

[dramatic music]

- You need to stop talking.
- I'll say whatever I want.

The nannies say, you know,
Kensie walks up--

wakes up four or five times
and knocks on the door.

They're not sleeping,
they don't sleep in this bed.

- You need to zip it!

- You don't know anything
about being a mom,

or like--
- This is what I hear

from the nannies.
- Thomas, what the (BLEEP)?

Tell her to stop.

- The nanny, Deirdre,
the one that you fired.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Stop flipping your
----ing hair like that.

- Um, I would...

Thomas, could you, can you...
- Hey, let's just--

- Um, inter--
- Try to salvage the evening?

- Ha ha ha, that's so funny.

- I'm trying to be respectful
towards Ashley,

and if I jump in,
and pull her away,

I think that would be
disrespectful.

But at the same time, I don't
want her being disrespectful

to the mother of my children.

So I'm in a difficult position.

- I really want to hope
that you are going to try

to be the best mother
that you can be.

I pray--
- Shut the (BLEEP) up

with your bullsh--, god damn.

- Thomas, come here.
Thomas, seriously.

Get your ----ing ass over here.

- Don't come over here,
don't come over here.

[tense music]

- She is not allowed
to talk about

your ----ing kids that way.
Sorry.

- When Saint had to
have his adenoids taken out,

how many times did you go visit
your son in the hospital?

- Are you ----ing kidding me?

- The ----ing nanny
had to sit with him.

- (BLEEP) off.

Bitch, I wasn't allowed to go

because Thomas told me
I was not allowed to be there.

Because guess what,
who's in control?

Thomas.

Do you think, like,
I didn't give a (BLEEP)?

Are you kidding me?

- Thomas, Kathryn's not
throwing anything out there.

- Yeah.
- She is being very respectful.

Ashley has no right
saying anything.

Shut her the (BLEEP) up.

- You have no idea about those
details of those situations.

- I read it, how many times
did you visit your son?

- Kathryn,
don't answer her anymore.

- Shut up, I'm talking.
- (BLEEP) you.

You know what?
How about you walk away

because no one wants you
to ----ing sit here anyway?

[dramatic music]

- Oh, my God, dude.

- Oh, boy.

- This is what I hear
from the nanny.

- Dude, just don't.
- Yeah, the nanny.

- Come here, come here.
- The nanny, the nanny.

- Thomas, you should
get her out of her.

- Did you visit your son
in the hospital?

No.
- She's taken a lot of shots.

- Let me talk to you a second.
Let me talk to you a second.

- You can't respond
to people like that.

- Well, I'm not responding...
- Get her the (BLEEP) away.

- To her, because she's saying
totally incorrect information.

- I don't want--
I want to go.

- They're coming towards us.

- I want to go.

I...

I don't like
any of those girls.

- God, get her
the (BLEEP) away.

- Well, that was lovely.

[tense music]

- Damn.
- I'm shocked.

- I'm ----ing shocked.

- But I would say
you handled it very well.

- Yes, holy sh--.

- Two years ago,
you would have probably

stabbed her
with the ----ing fork.

- I should--
- I know, right?

- Well, I'm just glad that
I have y'all right now,

because I would be alone,
so upset,

if I wasn't with my friends.
- You're not ever going to

be alone, ever.
- We're here.

- My blood is still boiling.
- I love you.

- Thanks, I love you.

Two years ago, not
a single person at this table

like, would even talk to me
or be around me.

Now, they're all
banding around me

and like, have my back.

Like, that's crazy
and it feels wonderful.

- I've never had a child,
but I can't imagine

having two children--
(BLEEP), I'm about to cry--

and loving them
as much as you do,

and having someone
say sh-- like that.

I can't ----ing imagine that.
I can't.

[somber music]

- I know, I know.

- All day, I was trying to be
so nice to her and include her,

but (BLEEP),
that was, like, deep.

- That was fairly intense.
- Holy sh--.

- Yo, you all right?

- That's an evil bitch
right there.

- You did great.
- Deep breath.

- Can I get a--just a download
on what happened exactly?

- You don't even want to know.
- But I mean, I do.

both: No.

[tense music]

- Coming up...

- You just said that
if Kathryn's uncomfortable,

we can't stay in there.
You have no say so.

- Okay.

[tense music]

- Babe, I try to, you know,
be my kind, my sweet self.

And I kissed her ass, I kissed
her ass, I kissed her ass.

I am done kissing her ass.
[sniffs] Done.

And I knew I wasn't invited
to that birthday party.

And what did she say?
Oh, you're only going to

be around for another month.

(BLEEP) you.

How bad of a mother must you be

that the courts
took two children,

and gave them--excuse me--
- Mm-hmm.

- But to a "convicted felon."

And you're wonderful,
but I'm so sick of everyone

feeling sorry for her.

I think it's better, maybe,
just don't even engage.

- All these enablers.
"Oh, Kathryn, oh, Kathryn."

And all this, "Oh, Ashley,
that was a low blow."

"Oh, that was horrible."
"Oh, you take that back."

Stop, stop, ----ing Danni,
shut the (BLEEP) up.

This isn't your conversation.

Enabler, enabler, enabler,
enabler, enabler.

♪ ♪

- I mean, I can't count how
many times she went like that.

- Danni goes, "Stop
flipping your hair like that!"

- I mean, she--every time,
she'd be like,

[mock scoffing]

- She's--I feel like
she's going to come back.

- No, she's not.

- You know she's going
to be like, "I'm not leaving.

I'm staying."
- You think she has the balls

to come back?
- I think so.

- If it makes Kathryn
feel uncomfortable.

They need to
head on back to Charleston.

- What do we do?

- We go back there
and eat our dinner.

- Please don't put me
with the wolves, please.

- Yeah, we'll just get our food.

- Please?
- No, I won't. I won't.

- Okay.

But we're not--
I'm not leaving.

Literally and figuratively.
You're stuck with me.

- I know.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Kathryn, I'm sorry
that all that happened.

- Can we just do some extra
cocktail when you get a chance?

Extra, like an
extra cocktail sauce?

Oh, God, they're back.
Oh, (BLEEP) that.

- Told you.
I ----ing told you.

- Oh.

- So can we go inside
and grab a drink?

Or do we have to sit out here?
- Yeah, let's go inside.

[tense music]

- Sounds good.
- It's better than out here.

- [sighs]

The worst part of this is that

we have to take a ----ing ferry.
- I know.

- The ferry ride is
going to be a sh--show.

- What do we do
when we get home?

- I'm going to go get a drink.
- Um, I cannot believe--

I just can't believe
that happened.

- Guys, the reason
she handled it so well

is because she's ----ing sober
and crushing life.

And apparently,
I didn't have to come over,

because I didn't
see it escalate too much.

[laughter]

- Really?
- Oh, my God.

I was just complimenting her
on her recovery.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I just want you to know,

I don't think I've ever fought
for a man like that in my life.

But this is my life,
and I don't see life

without you in it.
- I know.

- If you proposed to me
tomorrow, I would say yes.

You know that.

♪ ♪

I love you.

- All right,
so what do we do now?

- Go home.
- I'm going to flip a chair

and walk out,
and let's leave it.

- Just jump in the fire.

[all laugh]

- I got to pee.
- I kind of have to pee too.

- Yeah, I'm just going to come
for moral support.

- I'm going to get a beer.

- All right, what are we doing?
- Hey. Well.

Join me by
the roaring fireplace.

- It is nice and toasty
right here.

- Mm, it's definitely nice.

So I--I did talk to
Victoria recently.

[tense music]

And, I--you know, I'm going to
give it another shot with her.

- Yeah.
- I just don't want

my relationship,
you know, with Victoria

to like, affect us.

You know, this summer,
when we weren't, you know,

together, truly hurt me,
and I was like,

oh, I just like,
miss you in my life.

And I really don't
want to lose you again.

I really--I can't, I can't.
- Austen.

- It means too much to me.

- But I also feel like
you said, like,

the reason why you
and Victoria ended things

was because
it just wasn't there.

- I mean, Chelsea,
I might have been--

I might have been saying that
because of you.

Can I ask you something?

At what point...

Did you know, you know,
that you and I

weren't really
going to work out?

- Honestly, I feel like,
where I'm at in my life

is so different from
yours, that like,

you can go out and party all
you want, you're living it up.

But like,
I don't do those things.

- I know.
- So eventually,

I feel like I would have bored
the hell out of you, you know?

- Right.
- But this is the thing,

though, is you shouldn't
have had to choose

between, like,
someone that you cared about

and your friendship with me,

and I put you
in that situation.

And I can deal with it, I can.
Why am I so emotional?

- Good.
- It's not good.

Like, something
is wrong with me.

- Like, no.

- You know, every now
and then, I'll wonder, like,

am I missing out
on something here,

because we're
such close friends?

And from what I've been told,

you know, you're supposed to be
with your best friend.

- Just come here.
- It's hard.

- Come here.

- 'Cause I love you so much.

- You and I are
going to be close

until we're sitting
in rocker chairs

in the geriatric club.

- [laughs]
- I mean, that is for damn sure.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

[gentle acoustic guitar music]

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

- Hello.
- Hi.

- I'm sorry what happened
happened, guys.

Y'all have been getting along
so well, I don't get it.

- I was appeasing her.
You know that saying--

- Well, that's good.
- You know that saying,

keep your friends close,
and your enemies closer?

- Yeah, but appeasing somebody
is a good move

almost 100% of the time.

- I agree, until the straw
that breaks the camel's back.

There is more to it, okay?
- All right, all right.

But don't say things
you can't take back.

- I don't really care.
- All right, all right.

- I don't like her.

[dramatic musical flourish]

I don't like her.

And what I see on a daily basis,
Shep, you don't know.

- And there's a lot of history
that--that nobody knows.

Only Thomas and Kathryn know,
and only they experienced it.

You might think you know,
but you just don't know.

So you have to be a little bit

of deferential
towards the past.

You do, you do.
- She doesn't want to be a mom.

She doesn't care
about these kids.

- Hey, hey, it's not--

- She should know better.

For Christ's sake,
she's 33 years old.

You know, whatever you think
about this person,

it's not like
they're going to go away.

And why dredge up the past
when you weren't even there?

It's just outrageous,
and not fair, and unkind.

[mischievous music]

- Did you get a road beer?
- Hey!

- You're welcome.

- I feel like this is like
the "Titanic" right now.

- It's not the "Titanic."
That's absurd.

- Uh...
are my golf clubs on here?

- Hi.
- Hey.

- All right, let's get in.

[boat horn blares]

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Austen, just don't move any--
just stay right there.

Nobody take my spot.

- You could sit here, Whitney.
- No, no, no.

- No, you could sit here.
- Chelsea--Chelsea--

just doesn't want you
in the house tonight.

What are you going
to do about that?

- Oh, God.
- Just--can you stop?

- No, I already said
that it's up to Kathryn.

If it makes her
uncomfortable, then...

- Hold on, wait a second,
wait a second.

Is it up to--
hold on.

Wait a sec, hold on.
- [gasps] Whoa.

- Did you just say
that it's up to Kathryn

if she can stay in
the house tonight?

- I just said if it makes
Kathryn feel uncomfortable,

then...

And I invited--
I invited Kathryn,

and obviously, it's going to be
uncomfortable at the house,

and I don't want
it to be uncomfortable--

- I didn't know you had
the ----ing decision

to decide who stays
in the house.

You have no say so.
- Okay.

- So don't act like you do.
- Okay.

- And shut the (BLEEP) up.
- Whoa, Thomas.

[dramatic music pounds]

- Coming up...

- She just owes
Kathryn an apology.

- No, she owes me
going away and never returning.

- Well, that's
a different situation.

- No, it will be
a legal situation.

- [coughs]

[boat horn blows]

- Shut the (BLEEP) up.
- Whoa, Thomas, let's not

go there.
Let's not go there.

- Don't act like
you've got the power,

when you don't
have the ----ing power.

- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Thomas, don't you yell at her.

Thomas, you cannot
talk to her like that.

Like, you can't
talk to anyone like that.

- Ashley, don't go
smirking over there

like you think you ----ing--
- Oh, you shut up, you enabler.

- Oh (BLEEP) you.
I'm not an enabler, Ashley.

- Enabler, enabler, enabler,
enabler, enabler, enabler.

- (BLEEP) you.
- Don't even look at me.

- And the fact that Ashley,
she's not trying to

de-escalate the situation,

speaks volumes
for Ashley's character,

which is ----ing trash.

- Wow, holy sh--.
- [clears throat]

- This is fun.

He's had a tough night.
It's not what he wanted.

You know?

- These people are all seeing
the Thomas that I knew.

But Ashley, she's loving it.

She's like, all up in his ear,
PDA like a mother----er.

It's like, you guys are sick.

- Like, looking at Ashley
and Thomas looks like

an unhealthy,
mental hospital room couple.

- Dude, dude, Thomas.
- What?

- ----ing chill.
Smile, calm.

Breathe, okay, this is good.
See, good smile.

Everything's good,
everything's fine.

[uneasy music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- Oh, we're turning.
- Are we capsizing?

I think we're here.
- Yeah, (BLEEP) yeah.

- Yeah.
- Go.

- Appreciate it.
- Have a good one. Thank you.

- All right, man. Thank you.
- Bye-bye.

[whimsical music]

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Come here,
you crazy mother----ers.

- Nice to meet you.
- All right.

- Hope you had a good night.
- Cheers, we did

have a great night.
Well, some of us.

♪ ♪

- Hey, honey, you got it?
- Yep, oop. - I love this door.

- Welcome to the great escape!

- It's blinding.
Why is it so bright?

- I go to sleep every night
frustrated by this human being.

- Let's just don't
talk about it.

- We're going to walk over
to um...Coligny.

- I look like sh--.

- I'm going to walk
to my friend's bar.

Um, see some friends.
You guys want to go?

- Later, bro.
- Y'all are leaving?

- Thomas, you want to come?
- My girlfriend might get mad.

- I'm going to bed.
- Good night.

- All right, breakfast
is at 9:30, Chels.

- Yeah, right, after your
two mile run down the beach?

- My entire life savings
says that you won't.

- No sh--, Naomie, that's why
I wasn't talking to you.

I was talking to Chelsea,
but you're more than welcome

to enjoy it in the morning.
- Jesus Christ.

- I don't need to hear
any more of your negativity.

It's exhausting.

- Whatever.
- All right, sh--.

- Tomás.
- What?

- She does not think
I'm an enabler, does she?

- In what neighborhood?

- [laughs]

"Enabler."

- [whispers]
Is she outside?

- Hey.
- Okay, do you--

I'll talk to you--
talk to you when you're inside.

- I'll be back in a second.

- You didn't hear
half of the conversation.

Kathryn wasn't saying anything.
- I wanted to respect her,

and let her finish,
and not interrupt.

- Oh, my God, dude.
- The sh-- that she says.

- She was talking about
our children.

Like, stuff
that's not even true.

Like, Lord have mercy,
that was so just

inappropriate in every way.

- [exhales]

What are they talking--
Who is she talking to now?

- You know what, Chelsea,
I've tried.

- Oh, God.

- So you think
being that evil to her

is going to make it better?
- No.

But I don't want to be taken
advantage of my kindness

or my niceness.
You're right, I stooped.

But you think she really
wants to get to know me?

- Yeah, I do.
- Oh, my gosh.

She needs to go to sleep.

- Why doesn't she
be nice to me, then?

- Look what the (BLEEP)
you just said to her tonight.

- Oh, but this was building up.

You think this
just happened tonight?

- It doesn't--
the evil that I saw,

I don't know how you ever
turn back from that,

and that's what sad,
is because we all were like,

this is good, they're going to
have a good relationship.

They're going to get along,
they're going to be able to

do this co-parenting thing.
- Yeah, right.

I don't want to
hang out with her.

She's--you don't even know.
She's crazy.

But I'm doing it for the sake
of the freaking children.

Chelsea, I'm not
going anywhere, Chelsea.

- I know, but I think--
- Chelsea, everyone moves on.

- Those children,
that's their mother,

and you said some evil sh--
about--about their mother.

- Just because you give birth
to something, Chelsea,

doesn't mean you're a mother.

I know a lot of
adoptive parents, Chelsea.

You know what?
God gave us all free will.

- Okay.
- She chose this.

- Okay. Okay.
- She chose this path.

It's time to take some
accountability, Chelsea.

Accountability.
- Please stop talking

to me like that.

Please stop talking
to me like that.

It's so annoying.
I'm just trying to go to bed.

Like, I don't need "Chelsea."
Goddamn.

- Accountability,
responsibility.

- She just owes Kathryn
an apology.

- No, she owes me going away
and never returning, I swear.

- That's a different situation.
- No, no.

It will be a legal situation.
- She owes you an apology.

- [coughs]
- These are my children.

This is my life.

[whimsical music]

- Well, you know, it's just--
- I mean, my God.

- And she gets
real, real protective,

and it's hard to control.
- She has nothing to protect.

She's been here, what,
two, three months?

- She's half Italian,
I think that makes it--

I don't know,
I don't want to sound racist,

but you know, they got to move
the hands around and all.

They're a real
passionate people.

You know, it's like,
oh, my God.

See, I just told her,
like, look.

- She said a bunch of bullsh--.

I don't think you know
the extent to which she went.

I'm just like--
I really have not much to say.

It's a shame.
It's a damn shame.

- I know.

[tense music]

[sighs]

- Coming up...

- Has anybody heard
from Whitney?

- No.
- He's hanging upside down

in the closet.

[laughter]

[upbeat percussive music]

♪ ♪

- Dude, I'm starving.
- Are you a bacon wizard?

Because I can do the eggs.

- Ooh, we have sausage,
should we whip that up, too?

- Yeah, just pull it all out.

♪ ♪

- But it was nice that like,

everybody was there
for Kathryn.

Because she hadn't always
been like that.

- Yeah,
- I mean, I was holding

her hand, she was trembling
the whole time.

- I'm just trying to

remember everything that
happened yesterday.

Just everything
is running through my mind.

- [laughs]

- Certainly not going
to have any girlfriends.

- I would just kind of lay low.

- It was inappropriate.

Like, that sh--
was inappropriate.

- It was beyond inappropriate,
it was--it was like,

that's just something
that you should never say

to somebody that's like,
trying to do better

and move on from the past.

- As bad as it is,
like, I kind of feel

a little bit bad for Ashley.
- Why?

- Like, how do you bring
yourself back from this?

- You don't, bye.
- She's not.

She was still
defending herself last night.

She's not apologizing,
like, at all.

"You don't understand, Chelsea."

I was like,
jeez, please, God, stop.

Like--
- Make it stop.

- Like, she ain't right.

- I don't know if I'm ready
to just leave.

Because if I leave, I feel
they got the best of me then.

- Mm-hmm, just stay.
- And I'm not--yeah.

- And don't fight with them.
- But I can't promise you

if someone came to confront me,

that I'm not going
to stick up for myself.

- I'm asking you.
- To speak my truth.

- I know, but I'm asking you.
- I just have to feel like

what my heart
is telling me to do, and--

- You don't always
have to have the last word.

You don't have to.

Sometimes, the guy that gets
in the last word, or girl,

she comes off
as being petty as sh--.

- What's up, dude?
- What's up, buddy?

[upbeat music]

- How's it going?
- What's up, dude?

- How you feeling?
- Morning.

- I feel fine.
- Yup.

- Are y'all going fishing
today with me?

- I'm coming.
- Why, um...

Why so many mushrooms?

Can you make some
without mushrooms for me?

- Yes.
- Okay.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hello.

- Join us.
- Hi.

- I felt like last night
lasted like, ten hours.

- I didn't even know
how to react.

Like, I've never had a man
yell at me like Thomas did.

- Yeah, but how
disturbing is it to think that

those two people
last night are the ones

that are with my children?

- Oh, God.
I've lost my appetite.

- I know.
- It does smell good, though.

Is Craig down there
with the frittatas?

- It smells like--
- Probably.

- Let's go eat.
- Yeah, I'm hungry.

- Y'all going to have my back

if I get attacked
by this chick?

- Duh.
I'll fight.

- Chelsea's bringing the fist.
- Chelsea's taking the fist.

- Ketchup and hot sauce?
- Oh, hot sauce.

- Uh, should we call Cam?

- Oh, yeah, we can do that.
Is the baby coming out?

- I mean, Craig, no.

- Mmm, smells delicious.

- Come here, Chels, Cam.

[line trilling]

- Can we look at her?

- I don't think
she'd like that very much.

- You have reached
the voicemail box...

- Aw, should I have
left a message?

- No, don't call her back now.

- I'm not calling her back.
- What's for breakfast?

- Just bacon, and just
these simple scrambled--

Hey, you guys, help yourself.
- Ooh, that looks good, Craig.

I love how you wait
until after we broke up

to, like,
get up and cook breakfast.

- Yeah, that's how it
always happens, isn't it?

- Yup.

[mischievous music]

- How you doing?
- Hey, man.

- Good morning, oh, my gosh.
- How's it going, good morning.

- Thank you so much.

- Good morning.
- Do you want some bacon?

- Yeah, if you don't mind.
- Have some.

- Thank you so much.

Where are the plates?
Oh, right there.

I'm going to
go around this way.

- We should probably
put these away.

- The knives?

- Where the heck
is all the champagne?

♪ ♪

[bottle pops]

♪ ♪

Good morning, Chelsea.
- Good morning.

- It's disturbing.

- Has anybody heard
from Whitney?

- Oh, my gosh,
I forgot about him.

- He's hanging upside down
in the closet.

- [laughs]

- Whitney, where are you, bud?

- You went to
go get some breakfast?

- No way, that's funny.
He's such a prima donna.

- Okay, we'll see you
when you get back.

Unbelievable.

- Well, if we're leaving
at 1:15,

we're going to go crabbing

with one of my friends
that I grew up with.

He has a charter fishing boat.
- I know him really well.

Chris.
- Chris Shoemaker?

- He's the man.
Um, who wants

to go with Chelsea?
- Chelsea, we'll go.

- I'm going.
- Okay.

So I think
it's me, Kathryn, and Craig,

the three musketeers
on the fishing boat.

Are y'all going to chill?
- We're going swimming.

In the pool.
- Yeah, we'll just hang.

- That's cool.
- Uh-uh.

- Anyway, I think--
I mean, the point is,

is we all get a big catch,
"a haul," as it were,

and we have a chef
prepare it tonight.

- That's sweet, dude.
That'll be awesome.

- I can't wait.
- All right, y'all.

Let's go get ready.
- I'm ready.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

All right, Kathryn,
the Uber's here.

- We're going
to finally live out our

"Gilligan's Island" fantasy.

- Oh, I can be Ginger.
- You can be Ginger.

- I assume that
I have to be Gilligan?

♪ Here on Gilligan's Island ♪

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, y'all, I'm here.
all: Yay!

[all cheering]

- Whitney, you want to
come crabbing with us?

- I would love to, but--

- You're not really
dressed for it.

- I mean, yeah, I'm not
really dressed for it.

[laughter]

- Ashley is just sort of like,
you know,

not a whole lot
going on upstairs.

- It wasn't going to be some
like, wholesome, great girl.

- I'm serious,
I mean, like, you know.

- The elevator doesn't
go all the way to the top.

- No.
- Yeah.

- And it stops
at random floors.

- And unloads?
- [chuckles] Yeah.

- All right, y'all, our
Uber's here, so we got to go.

Austen!

Come on!
- Okay. Bye, guys.

- Hope your boat
doesn't capsize.

[laughs]

- And this one.
- Yeah.

- That was interesting.
- Yeah.

- She's acting
like nothing happened.

- I think Thomas is actually
a really easily

manipulated person,
and I think Ashley knows that.

And so last night,
Chelsea and I had to ride back

with them, and she was like,
she was like, "Thomas,

this is why we're perfect
for each other, this is why."

- We must be perfect
for each other.

We're both a little bit crazy.

- But it was weird.
- Yeah.

The problem is now, though,
where they could have had

a good relationship,
now Ashley's acting like

it didn't happen,
and Kathryn's devastated.

- All right,
I'm going to go excuse myself

and go take a little rest
in the bedroom.

- Okay.
- Will you meet me in there

in a little bit?
- Sure.

[mischievous music]

- [sighs]

- Got your hands full, bro.
- Uh, you think?

- That was amazing last night.

What prompted that?
- I think she felt like

she was being excluded
from this party,

because she found out everyone
else was being invited.

- Well, I mean, not taking
the devil's advocate,

but I mean,
it is a weird dynamic.

- She probably shouldn't
have even gone there.

- No.
- I think that, you know,

until she and I really know
what our future holds,

it may be premature
for her to kind of

step into this role wherein
she is trying to

hold my baby mama to account.
- Yeah.

- Um, but you know, Kathryn,
you know, remained cool, calm

under this withering attack,
you know?

She was able to control herself.

- Yeah.
- So I was a bit surprised.

I've never seen that kind of
self-control in anyone.

- Mm.
- Least of all her.

- Mm, mm.

- So maybe she has changed.
- No sh--.

[both laugh]

- My...

- Coming up...

- Kathryn, you have
something in common

with the crazy girl.
- Don't say that.

- Neither of you
took birth control

when you were with Thomas.

- What?

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- So, guys,
this is my friend, Michael.

He's a boat captain.

"Papa Bear" is the name
of his boat.

- I like it.
- It's his nickname.

- What's up, stranger,
- How's it going, big guy?

- Good, man, welcome home.
- Same old, same old?

- You got it, guy.
- How's the family?

- What's up, man?
How's it going, I'm Craig.

I cut my finger.
- Hi, I'm Michael Perry.

- Kathryn, nice to meet you.
- What you thinking, big guy?

- Well, we got a little time,
man, left in the day.

We'll go out and play around,
try to bend a rod.

- All right, let's do it.
- Yeah.

- How's your mom and dad doing?
- They're great.

Let me give you a hand here.
- You going to have a beer

with us, or?
- Yeah, man.

I think that'd be fine.
- All right, good, good.

- You got it.
- We've had a few together.

[both laugh]

- How long have you guys
known each other?

- Uh...
both: 20 years.

- Oh, wow, that's awesome.

- We've had some good times.
- Yeah.

- Growing up in Hilton Head
was idyllic.

Michael's parents were
best friends with my parents,

and we all
went to school together.

We would run around
like wild men.

It was crazy.

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- This is old town Bluffton.

This is what it all
used to look like.

This house I grew up on,
it was like, I mean,

our backyard was the river,

so I mean, I was like
a river rat growing up.

Oh, here, we're here.
May River Excursions.

So we're going to go
with my friend, Chris.

He's like
a charter fishing captain,

and we were, like,
neighbors growing up.

Should be fun.

Chris!
- What's happening?

You didn't bring
more beer than that?

- Really?
- It's uncomfortable.

- How you been?
- Good, how are you?

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- Hi.
- This is Chris, hop on.

- Yeah, y'all can get on.
- All right.

- I love this boat, Chris.

Is it going to be hard to
catch blue crab at this tide?

- I catch them any tide.
- Yeah.

- That's because
you a professional.

- I like to hear
that answer, Chris.

[upbeat music]

- So, Chelsea, do you
remember when you were

growing up at Estill Beach?
- Yes.

- It was like, the first memory
I ever had of you

was when going by your house
and I was in the back

of my dad's truck,
and you were standing out

and like, waving at me.

You were probably
like five years old.

all: Aw.
- I'll never forget that.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- It's a little nippy.
- Yeah.

- Yee!
- It's kind of ominous

out here right now, isn't it?
- Yeah, it's really hazy.

- It's like, this is the
setting for horror movies.

[suspenseful music]

- I feel like
this is real fishing

with this, like, haziness.

- It is, it's like "Jaws."
- Yeah, okay.

[upbeat music]

- All right, guys, get ready.
- Hell yeah.

♪ ♪

- How far is your house
from here?

- My parent's house is--
See the bay, see that bridge?

- Yeah?
- It's about half a mile down.

- Oh, fish on.

- Got him on right here.
- All right, hold this.

- Ladies first.
- I got it.

[laughter]

- Yeah, that'd be Shep.
Ladies first.

- [grunts]

Keep it up, keep the tip up.

- Just nice and tight right
there, everything's good.

- All right, here we go.
- Sharky shark.

- Is it?
Holy sh--, it is a shark.

- Oh, my goodness gracious.
- Yeah.

- [laughs]

- Poor little nugget.
Do you think he's scared?

- No, he's like,
what the ----'s going on.

- Craig, take a picture.
- Oh...

[upbeat music]

- All right.
- All right, now...

[all yell]

[laughter]

- Lord, you could
have just been

a little more
gracious about it.

- First catch of the day.
- [laughs]

[country music]

♪

♪ ♪

- So I'm going to get
pretty shallow up here.

I mean, real shallow.

- You ain't worried
about the oysters?

- Nah.

- "You ain't worried
about the oysters?"

She gets back--
She gets back home,

and she starts...

"You ain't worried
about them oysters?"

- Basically, it's just
chicken on a string,

throw it over
the side of the boat,

they grab on--
- Take the net.

- And net it up, easy.
- Oh, really?

- Yeah.
- Oh, hell yeah, let's do this.

- Cross our fingers.
- Who wants a beer?

Does anyone want a beer?
- Ooh, I'll take a beer.

- Yeah, next year at this time,
we'll be drinking my beer.

- Yes!
- Are you coming out

with your own?
- I am.

- That's exciting.
- I'm trying, I'm trying.

- I cannot wait.
- Chelsea, you want one?

- Yeah.
- So I already got them

tied in, so drink half a beer,

and then we'll pull them up.
- You think Shep and them

are actually catching anything?

[dramatic mu

- Here, fishy, fishy,
fishy, fishy.

- Craig, you got one.
- Ooh, I got at one.

I got one, what do I do?

[laughs]

Oh, Shep, look what I got!
- You got something?

- You caught a rock?
- Yeah, he caught a rock.

- Hold it up, Craig.
Craig, you've hit rock bottom.

- Sh--, I thought that was
a few years ago.

- Turns out you can go lower.
- Yeah.

- Just like that.

[all cheers]

- Now that is eating.
- Look at that!

That one's huge.
- Scoop it.

- Yeah!
- Boom.

- You got one?
- Yep.

- Hell yeah.

- Okay.
- Oh, he's in there!

- Use your boot.
- Use your boot.

- Put your boot in there
and let him pinch it,

and then, put your boot
over the bucket.

[cheers and laughter]

- Okay.
- Nice.

- Das boot came in handy.

[idle music]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- Aw, I love when your hair
is like, to the side like this.

- Uh--
- Not when it's gelled.

- I feel like I'm regressing
back to my childhood.

- You are so cute.
You are just the cutest.

- [giggles]
- Aw.

♪ ♪

I think we would have
beautiful babies.

- You think?
- Yeah.

- I agree.
- I think we should

keep practicing.

[both laugh]

I mean, I need
to have babies with the man

that lets me paint his toenails.

You are a keeper.
- Mm-hmm.

Good genetics.
- Everyone's on the high seas,

fishing for dinner.

This is where everyone
should be at right now.

- I know.

So do you feel the need
to apologize

to Kathryn, you know?

- No, I don't feel the need
to apologize,

because those
were my true feelings,

and I still feel that way.
- Okay.

[upbeat music]

- Kathryn, you have
something in common

with the crazy girl.
- Don't say it.

- Neither of you
took birth control

when you were with Thomas.

- What?

- [laughs]
- What?

- She's not taking
birth control.

- How do you know?
- Thomas told us

the other night at dinner.

- I got to see where
this is going with Ashley.

She wants a child.

- Is she at least
on birth control?

- No.

[whimsical music]

- I wouldn't be surprised
if she went far away very soon.

- Yeah, but not
if she gets knocked up.

[dramatic musical flourish]

- Maybe I shouldn't have yelled,
or I shouldn't have...

- Forget about the tone
and the energy, but--

- Yeah, because
I feel bad about that.

- Do you regret the content
of what you said?

Nothing?
Yeah.

- You know, I learned long ago
never to wrestle with pigs.

You both get dirty,
and besides, the pig likes it.

And I got--
I wrestled last night.

[dramatic musical flourish]

- I think she wants
to be set for life,

and she wants to get--
- Well, she ain't going to get

anything.
- Kathryn's like,

hey, dum-dum,
why don't you take it from me?

- She got a credit card and
10K for a shopping spree.

- She spent 10K
on his credit card.

- On what?
- On clothes at Gwynn's.

- You know what I got from him?
A purse and a suitcase.

- You still got the suitcase?

- Who has fancy luggage?
Is it you?

[all laugh]

- The tide's getting out.

- We have got to move.
We do not want to get stuck.

[groans]

- Austen, I like seeing
this side of you.

I wish you were wearing--
- Oh, boy.

- I wish you were wearing camo,
with a dip in,

but this is sexy, too.

We eating good tonight.

- That's all us,
we did all that.

- Whoo!

- Are we all bringing back,
like, fish, crab

and everything,
and cooking that tonight?

- We're going to lie.
- Yeah.

- There's 100 different places
between here and there

that we can be like,
"Look at what we got."

It's a victimless crime.

- [laughs]

- That's part of
my life plan, too, just lie.

- Just lie if you have to?

- Fake success if
you can't achieve success.

- Fake it till you make it.

- [laughs]

- Holy sh--.

- Do I?

- Danni, move your head.

- Coming up...

- Who's the boss?

- I am.
- Okay.

- Good chat, good talk.

- [laughs]

[groovy upbeat music]

- The knives here,
the burners here.

- Did you have a fun day
with me doing nothing?

- Yeah.

- Isn't it nice
to have a buddy

you can do absolutely
nothing with but still have...

fun?
- Yeah.

- Hello?

Hey, what's up?
- Welcome.

- Wow.
- No way.

- Shep's here.
- Oh, my gosh.

Wait, are they still alive?
- Yeah, man.

They're all moving around,
I tell you.

- Y'all take it out back, Danni
and I are going to go shower.

- Shower.
- Sounds good.

- Hello?
- Hey, what's going on?

- How are we doing, guys?
- Oh, Lord.

- We have a big haul
of blue crab.

- Fresh from the May River.
- Whoa.

- Yes.
- You guys did very well.

- Good, have the other people
come back?

- Not yet.
- We're going to go shower up.

- Okay, cool.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Come on, fish master.
- Chelsea!

- Uh-oh.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- What's up?

- How was your day?
- It was good.

We've got three flounder
and a tile fish.

- Y'all crushed it.
- Well, you know--

- Good, we both
had a successful day.

- It was very hard, I mean,
conditions were rough.

Let me go get the flounder
from Carmines'

so we can look like
we just had a bounty.

[upbeat music]

You guys got some flounders?

Yeah, we caught them,
fair and square.

Yeah, we got a couple big ones.

I'm not trying to hurt anybody.
I'm feeding people.

Come on, come on.

You know,
flounder tastes amazing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- All right, cool,
I guess I'm going to shower

and get dressed
for dinner, right?

- Yeah, I guess.
- We've only been waiting

like, five hours, ten hours...
I'm just kidding.

Like, when do we actually
get this dinner?

- Nice.
- How's it going?

- Hi.
- Yeah, we got some fish.

- Right up here.
Oh, my.

- Is this enough for everybody?
- Yeah, absolutely.

- You think so?

- So we weren't really
expecting the rain.

- I know, though, it is wet.

- We can just
set up something inside.

- Absolutely.
- Thank you guys.

- Thank you.

[whimsical music]

- What the (BLEEP)?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Orchid.
- Well, what have we here?

- This is some
Jack Daniels chicken skewers

to start out with.
- Jack Daniels what?

- We're going to make some
drinks for you too, right now.

[upbeat lounge music]

- Wow.

- That's probably--
- Yeah, it's, like, sweet.

- This one.

- What are you supposed to do
in this situation?

- I mean, I'm doing
the same thing, I'm like--

- Keeping the peace,
keeping the peace.

- Hey-o.
- Wait.

What do you have on
under your hoodie?

- Nothing.
- Stop.

[upbeat music]

- Did you shave your chest?
- A few days ago.

I don't have any clothes left.
- We got here yesterday.

- Would you like a Mai Thai?
It's delicious.

And the rum's from Daufuskie.
- Yes, I would love one.

Thank you.
- You shaved your chest?

He shaves his chest?

- Sir.
- Look at you.

Sharp as can be.
- Oh, the ladies look lovely.

- Good evening, how are you?

- Welcome. Hi.
- Hey, baby.

- What's going on?
- Yeah, hell yeah, bro.

- These are Mai Thais
made out of Daufuskie rum.

- Is it your Thai
or is it "my Thai?"

- Our Thai.
- It's our Thai!

- All right, so this is a
cream-marinated flank steak.

- I'm going to try
a little bit of this.

- Huh?
- I'm asking him to feed me.

- [dry heaves]

Feed yourself, you're like,
30-something years old.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hello.

- There she is.
- You ladies all look

wonderful tonight.

- Well, eat,
look at all this food.

- How can we get
a baby update on Cameran?

- She's already been induced,
and it didn't work.

- All right.
- So she's waiting until Monday.

- Right.

- And if it doesn't come
by Monday,

they're going
to do a C-section.

- Oh, sh--

- Are these the one's
y'all caught?

- Yeah, dude, we got like 40.

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

- What?

♪ ♪

- Do you want to go to that
little lounge down there?

I don't want to embarrass.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Foot up.

- Hey, how was--
wait, what'd y'all do all day?

- We absolutely did nothing.

She gave me a pedicure.

- How long is the paint
going to stay on your toenails?

- Well--
- As long as I want it to.

- I'm going to see--
- As soon as it starts

coming off,
I'm going to re-apply it.

- No, you're not.
- Oh, yes I am.

- I'm going to get the nail--
- Who's the boss?

♪ ♪

- I am.
- Oh, yeah, he thinks he is.

- [laughs]

- I've never seen him
not think that he's the boss.

- Oh, no, I am the boss.
- Oh, wow.

- I let her think that.
- No, okay.

- Oh.
- Good chat.

- Yeah, it was fun.
- Good talk.

Good talk.
- Listen to her.

- Yeah.

Ashley's confrontation
with Kathryn

has turned her, in her mind,

into the biggest badass
in Hilton Head.

- Hey, Shep, will you get me
a shot of tequila?

- Yeah.

- Can you get me
a chilled shot?

[both laugh]

- What's up, guys?
- [burps]

- I love that he
shaved his chest.

Who shaves their chest?
Is he in Chippendales?

[laughter]

- Oh, it's raining again.
- Guys.

all: Shep!

- What's up, bud?
- Hi, Shep.

- I ----ing hate her.

[all laugh]

- I have never heard
Shep say that, ever.

- That is my favorite line
Shep has ever ----ing--

- I don't like her.
- I don't either.

- Right this moment.
She has this--this like,

irrational confidence right now

that makes me ----ing
sick to my stomach.

She was talking about Thomas,
like, she was like,

I'm in charge, and I was like,
uh, no you're not.

And then she goes,
she goes, "Good talk."

I was like, (BLEEP) you.
- Oh, condescending, like--

- She's a "last word" person.
- "Good talk," I was like,

you're lucky I'm even
----ing giving you

a breath of mine.
- Yeah.

- You're stealing my oxygen,
you know that?

But guys...

both: Yeah.
- She won't be here in a month.

Crazy as Thomas is,

he doesn't like that--
he doesn't like all this heat.

You know,
he's sitting at a table,

it's just the two of them.

He wants to be--
he wants to go around

and be T-Rav, and dance,
and she's a pariah.

- Coming up...

- You want this
to end like this?

You're that threatened?

- Yes.
It's not disrespectful.

- [groans]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God, look at this
presentation, everybody.

- Wow!

- Craig, that's the one
you caught?

- That's the one I ripped
from the bottom

of the ----ing ocean.
- Come on, Whitney.

- Damn it, what the (BLEEP)?
Mr. class guy.

- I'm taking it for one second.
- Amazing.

- So dinner's ready?
- Yes.

- Friends!
- Yum.

- Talk about farm-to-table.

- All right, where does
everyone want to sit?

- Are we not sitting
at a table?

- Dining room.
- Let's sit at a table.

- Y'all, can you
even believe this?

- Oh, amazing.
- That's a good one.

Paper shell.

- Don't--just
leave that all in right now.

- I'm telling you what it is.
- It's a different kind--

- That one's paper--
- We know, we caught them.

- I'm helping you out.
It has nothing to do with size.

It has to do with density.

- Is that what
the last girl told you?

- Danni, this one's
a better crab.

- Just fill your plate.

- Craig, it has everything
to do with size.

- I'm just helping people.
Danni, eat that crab.

- Hello
- Here.

Lay it all...

- Thank you.

- Is there enough room
for everyone?

- Yeah.
- Let's go share this, come on.

Take it in there.
- Oh, yeah, get that flounder.

That flounder's awesome.
- Babe, can you--

are you holding this?
If this falls--

Ew, I don't like that,
with the tail.

- Come on.

Where are we going to sit?

- We need one more seat.
- Um, here.

- We need one more chair.
- I'll get a chair.

- [laughs]

- Oh, okay.

- We share chairs.
- We're gonna share the chair.

- Chairman of the board.
- Or I'll find a chair.

- What are you doing?

- Ashley.
Can you grab me a beer?

- A bee--
Yeah.

- Oh, my God.

- I think there's
another chair outside, too.

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

- Excuse me, I'm right
behind you, thank you.

- I thought you'd get
an ottoman or something.

- No, I got this.

- We got room behind Whitney.
- Perfect.

- Put it right there.
- I don't want to sit

at the head of the table.
- Yeah, you sit at the head

of the table.
There you go, voila.

- Here you go, guys.
- What are these?

- These are called
Italian nightclub disco.

- I've loved every drink
they've given me so far.

- Fire, fire, fire.
- We need utensils.

- Is this--is this--is this--

am I at a dentist's office
right here?

Here, Shep, can I get that
out of your tooth?

- Come here, come here.

- [giggles]

- I just don't know
how to eat this.

- Let me see, let me see it.

- Guys, can I have the floor?

- Have you ever had a shrimp
in your cocktail?

[glass clinking]
- Don't do that, please.

Me and Chelsea
would like to thank you--

"Chelsea and I," sorry.
- I was about to say. Jesus.

- Um, would like to
thank you all for coming

and experiencing
a little bit of Hilton Head.

How beautiful is this place?

- It's something I'm
so proud of.

Like, when someone asks me
where I'm from,

I'm like, proud to tell them
where I'm from, you know?

- Yeah, look, I mean,
Charleston's fantastic.

- It is.
- But this is way more--

I don't know how to describe it,

but there's a good feeling,
a positive vibe.

[playful dramatic music]

- Cheers to friends,
good times.

- Thank you, Chelsea and Shep.
- Had an amazing time.

- Today was awesome.

[phone rings]
- Victoria.

Hello?

Yes.
What do you mean?

- Y'all want to take
this conversation

to the living room?
- Let's do that.

Let's get out of here.

- I was enjoying
my sitting here.

- Okay, Whitney,
you can do the dishes.

How about that?
Have you ever done a dish?

Ever?
- I have, Danni.

[dramatic music]

- No.

- Look, we were riding back
in a very, very cold boat.

She's not kissing my shoulder,
I promise you that.

- Stop it.

- You're that threatened?
Yes.

- It's not disrespectful.

- [groans]

This, this can't happen.

I think you are over-reacting,
100%.

- Send me whatever you want.

You've always
had this jealousy,

and you've always had this like,

"oh, you and Chelsea
are just going to--"

No, it's not like that,
and I'm not going to feel weird

about giving her a hug,
and I'm not going feel weird

about any of that sh--,
like, I'm not going to

talk you off the ledge
every single time

that you have
an insecure thought.

- Oh, my God.

I mean, look at me
sitting there.

I'm like, freezing.

Do you want this
to end like this?

Because you're jealous
of her holding my arm

because we're--
because we're cold?

- No, she's not.

- Are you serious?

- Hello?

[dramatic music]

- On the next episode
of "Southern Charm"...

- I have, like,
pictures of my stepdad

like, pushing me
down this driveway.

I can't.

[crying] (BLEEP) me, man,
why can't I just like,

keep my sh-- together?
- What's going on?

[groovy music]

- [grunts]

- Look at them legs.
- God.

- First look's free.

- I can convince
a lot of people

of anything I want
to convince them of.

I'm a great liar.

- I just don't think Chelsea's
a very romantic girl.

Let's just throw that out there.

- Okay, defend her,
like, to the death.

- I'm not defending her
to the death.

[upbeat music]

[cheering]

- Would you like to
join us for dinner?

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

- You guys aren't a family.
You were never a family.

- Well, hold on--
- You said you never

really were in love with her.

- I mean, if you
disrespect Kathryn,

you're disrespecting
me and my kids.

- For more "Southern Charm,"
go to bravotv.com.

[bell dings]