All language subtitles for Southern.Charm.S05E07.Kats.Got.Your.Tongue.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

- Previously on

- Previously on
"Southern Charm"...

Ah!
- Oh, God.a piss my pants. - No.

- As Shep and I took
a bumpy ride

to shake my baby loose,

Kathryn stumbled her way
through a rocky job interview.

- You know, and--
um, I'm very um--

- Hi, darling.

- Meanwhile,
Pat agreed to turn

Thomas's West Coast paramour

into a proper Southern lady.

- I'd be happy to go shopping.

- And Naomie,
who had previously

put her foot in her mouth...

- You're a ----ing
thirsty bitch.

- Finally decided
to make things right

at the opening of
her parent's new restaurant.

- I, without knowing you,
just cut you down.

And I'm sorry.
- Appreciate that.

- And after the oysters
had Thomas feeling frisky,

with the wrong woman...

[both speaking French]

- I need another.

- Chelsea put Austen
to the ultimate test.

- Shep said you're the one
that's like getting with

all the women and partying.
- That's a crock of sh--.

- So you gonna, like,
say something to him?

- Unfortunately for him,
he didn't realize the stakes

until it was too late.

- Let's get the hell
out of here.

- No.

[Mia Sable's "It's Easy"]

- ♪ It's easy as making you
think that you love me ♪

- ♪ Mm-hmm ♪

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Chelsea.

Squat to warm up.
- I got this.

Push that ass out.

♪ ♪

- Ew.

Ugh.

♪ ♪

- [grunts]

Oof.

Okay.

[gentle marimba music]

[groans]

Ow.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ugh.

[blowing raspberries]

Pacifiers.

Burp cloths.

Do babies need bibs
when they're newborn?

[line trilling]

- Hey, Mom.

- Well, I am getting
all my stuff together

to take to the hospital
with me.

I have my last OB appointment
in about an hour.

Even if I'm not in labor,
she still might induce me, so--

- Yeah.

- Oh, lord.

- Well, I've actually been up
since, like, 2:00 this morning.

I'm having, like, cramping.

- And just like
a lot of pressure.

- [sighs]

I have been so worried
that I'm gonna just have

a nervous breakdown
when I go into labor.

But I feel very tunnel-visioned
and very focused.

And the anxiety
has pretty much gone away.

I don't know, we might be
having a baby today.

- But I don't want you
all up in the hospital

freaking out
and being anxious and crazy.

- Yeah, he's at work

but he said
if anything happens,

he'll meet me at the hospital.

- Okay.
Love you, bye.

- Bye.

- [exhales] Okay.

[blowing raspberries]

[playful upbeat music]

This is the last time I will be
at my house without a kid.

I'm gonna be a mom.

I mean, I'm going to
become a mother.

It's just crazy.

It's something that I honestly
thought may never happen.

[exhales]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Hello?
- Welcome.

There she is.
This is Addie, my roommate.

- Hello.
- I'm Kathryn.

Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Roommate and trainer.
I got lucky.

- All right,
I'm just having her warm up

right now with some squats.

They're not weighted.
- I know, that's the sad part.

[laughing]
- We're just warming up.

- That's--okay.

[both laughing]

[exhales]

I don't work out
as much as I should.

Growing up,
I was always in shape.

But honey,
my body has changed.

- So, I want you
to lunge down this way.

- Oh, (BLEEP).

I've got hips.

How does my ass look?
- Wonderful.

- Does it look like
a flattened pancake?

Like, all the
stretch marks I have?

Like...

[groans]

Lord.
[chuckles]

- Kathryn, what are your goals?

- I wanna look like Chelsea,
that's my goal.

- Stop.

- Hold the ball
with two hands, yeah.

- Okay.
- Stand up.

There you go.
- I mean--

- Go slow.
- Whoa.

This is not yoga.

- Hit that sh--.
- Yeah.

- There we go!
- That was it!

- How good did that feel?

- ----ing good.
- Yeah!

- Bitch.
[laughing]

- Good job, guys.
- Thank you for everything.

- I gotta go to another client.

- All right, bye.
- I'll see you.

- That felt really good.
Wow.

- Let's start hitting the gym.
- Hell yeah.

I have to find ways
to keep myself busy,

because I get very lonely.

- Well, can you see yourself,
like, finding somebody else...

- Dating?
Like, I've gotta

learn how to do that again.

- I'm the worst at that.
I'm so jaded.

- I know, girl.
Trust me.

- [laughing]

- Um, especially
after last night.

Um, Thomas and I, you know,
we were talking at the party

and, like, there was like
some flirtatious whatever.

- What?
- Yeah.

In front of Ashley.

- Oh, God.
Keep that separate.

- It's triangulation.

He uses the both of us
to feed his ego.

If he can get
two girls to, like,

"seem jealous" of each other,

he enjoys it because it's

two people stroking his ego

rather than one.

At this point,
I have Thomas

pretty much where I want him.

Smile.
Laugh.

Flirt back a little bit.

It's really just
like a formula almost.

And that sounds really
manipulative, but, you know,

you gotta do what you gotta do.

- I think that the best revenge
is just to get a banging body.

- Yeah.
- [chuckling]

[upbeat jazzy music]

[dog barking]

- Oh, hey, bud.

♪ ♪

- What's up, dude?

- Just stretching.

It's beautiful out.
It's nice running weather.

For real.
- Lot of puppy dogs.

- Dude, there are dogs
everywhere.

Apparently this is the spot.

- All right, cool.
You ready?

- Yeah.
- Let's do it.

Oh, hey, puppy dog.

This is the most active
I've been in, like, a year.

- It feels good
to sweat though, man.

- Sean goes to
the gym every day 'cause

that's how Sean
got over his breakup.

- It was fun, dude.

- She looked good too.
- I know.

And, like, she loves to dance.

And, like, she's on
the dance floor just ----ing

killing it, and you're like,
"Good grief, girl."

- Yeah.

- How sweet does it
look from right here?

- Come on, buddy.
[both breathing hard]

- Leg it out, leg it out.

- Hold up.

Dude, this water looks
really good right now.

She was texting me, and
she's like, "Where are you?"

- Who was?
Oh, Victoria.

- And I was like,
"I'm just getting home."

She's like, "All right,
I'm leaving. I'm coming over."

- Did she come over?
- Uh-huh.

- [laughing]

- I missed her, man.

I was dating Victoria
over the summer,

who is a friend of Chelsea's.

And everything was going fine
until I just realized that

I still had feelings
for Chelsea.

So, I decided
it wasn't fair to Victoria

to continue our relationship.

I thought that
I was doing her a favor.

- Dude, you either know or
you don't, like--

- Right, and then like I did,
you know, because I was like,

"Maybe there's still
something there with Chelsea."

- Oh.
- And I really thought

for a brief second I was like,
"Maybe--maybe there is."

When Chelsea
and I are together,

there's an obvious level
of flirtation that

builds and it builds and then
it kind of

plateaus off there at the end.

So, I guess...

she's just not interested.

- I think Victoria is great;
like, she's hot and

she's smart and everything,
but if you're always,

like, wondering what if...

- But Chelsea--
like, she's in by 9:00.

But Victoria's right there.
- Yeah.

- She's dancing her ass off,
and then she's like,

"All right, I'm gonna wake up
and go be like

a doctor in the morning."
I love that.

- You need someone that lives
the same lifestyle as you.

That's why Naomie
and I broke up.

Like, you know what?
Other girls, like, they like me.

And I, like, I was with a girl
for a year that didn't like me

and I was like, that sucked.

- What am I supposed to do?

I--I want to keep
my friendship with Chelsea.

- Yeah, but that's up to her.
- 'Cause it means a lot to me.

It really, really does.

You know, but-- Victoria and I
kind of just like--

we kind of just mesh together.

- We both just need to ----ing
man up and move on.

[dramatic music]

- Coming up...

- I did not move
across the country

to be with someone
that I didn't see--

- A future with.

- I said to him, like,
"Don't waste my time."

[upbeat jazzy music]

- Are you finally cleaning
all your cat stuff

off of all your personal
belongings?

- It's not cat stuff.
It's cat nip.

- Okay.

- Can you help me out,
fold my sheet?

- So, you're asking me like
I actually know how to do that?

- Usually Craig did this, okay?

- Craig was
more domestic than I am.

Let's just be honest here.

- It was a relief that
Craig wasn't at Nico because

it's been this rage and repeat
pattern since the beginning.

And it's nice to be able
to focus on myself

and not focus on whether or not
we're gonna fight.

- Do we own an iron?

- I'm not gonna
iron my sheets.

Why would anyone wanna do that?
- I'm not talking the sheets.

I'm talking about the towels
that are supposed to

hang here nicely,
not look like paper towels.

- Oh, I just use
my hair straightener on those.

- Come again?
- You just--I'll show you.

- The Naomie innovations just
never cease to amaze me.

- Listen,
it's the same concept.

- I'm sorry, I have a job.

I don't have time
to learn all these things.

- What is it like having
a real, like, job?

I chose to go
to business school

because I knew
I always wanted to

successfully run
my own company one day.

And seeing my parents
in business

and seeing them work
so hard is...

an inspiration.

But now it's just time
to really

put the brush to the canvas
and get to work.

- I'm curious about, like,
how clean these actually are

knowing how many days...
- They're clean!

- In a row you wore them.

- Only, like, two or three, max.

- Says the person who showers
three times a week.

- You're such a dick.

Ugh!
- [snickering]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[line trilling]

- Hello?

- Dad.
- Hey.

- Nothing, just
lovely fall afternoon

here on Isle of Palms.

How about you?

- How's Whittaker
and Tiernan doing?

- The, uh, Rose name
will live on, Dad.

I--you breathing
a sigh of relief?

Are you--it's not
all resting on my shoulders.

- [laughing]
That's true.

My parents have two stable
children, and then they have me.

Now all I need, Dad,
is the love of a good woman.

- Shep, the woman that's gonna
marry you isn't born yet.

[all laughing]

- I mean, I think
it's quite obvious that

I'm not gonna have
a traditional life.

But I can't tell you
how anxious

I'm gonna be in the future,

when I hit 41, 42, 45.

Am I gonna be like--
[anxious moan]

I don't know.

- Uh, the front yard
is all ripped up.

They're putting in gravel.

- Yes, sir.

As much fun as I've had

investing in bars,

it was unhealthy,
to say the least.

And now,

I've got my place
downtown rented.

That covers the mortgage
and then some.

I'm renovating my house
on the beach.

First things first,
I think some cool bar stools.

Sort of a high-ish table here.

Maybe have the two red couches
facing each other.

Or put
the two red couches downstairs.

- Or put the two red couches
on the curb.

- This is the perfect
definition of mailbox money.

It's setting things up to where
you can do whatever you want

and still make income.

It--it's a beautiful thing.

All right, Dad.
Tell Mom I love her.

- Okay.
Talk to you soon.

Bye-bye.
- All right.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Hi, Patricia.
- Hello, Madison.

- How are you?
- Nice to see you.

- It's good to see you.
- Did you pull some things?

- Yeah.
- Let's go start with that.

And then we can come back...
- Okay.

- And fill in.
- Perfect.

All right.
- Follow me.

- So, do we know
where Ashley is?

- She is not here yet.

The goal is to kind of
transform her.

- What we want is to get away
from the California look.

Not a lot of décolletage.
- Right.

- And shored up to
the Mason-Dixon line.

- Okay.
- If you know what I mean.

- I do.
- [laughing]

I don't usually do
personal styling for people

but in this case,
I think it's justified.

He wants to make her
into a Southern belle.

- Right.

- It's certainly time for

Thomas to settle down.

Pretty soon he's gonna
be on Medicare

if he doesn't hurry up
and get married.

- Yes.
- There she is.

- Oh, my...
- Hello, darling.

- Are you kidding me?
Look at you.

- Glad to see you.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, you hadn't seen that?

- [laughing]
No, I had not.

Can we do ring shopping, too?
At some point?

- Absolutely.
I'm good at that.

- I think that's maybe
what I wanna do next time.

- Okay.

- Are y'all ready to try
on some outfits?

- The first thing
we wanna put you in.

With the black Chanel.
- Oh, my goodness.

- And I'll bring shoes.

These are Jimmy Choo.
- Wow.

- [gasps]
- Chanel bag.

- Wow.
That's sensational.

- With the bag.
- It's beautiful.

[glamorous upbeat music]

- I feel like a Barbie doll.

[music halts]

- Honey, never refer
to yourself as a Barbie doll.

- No?
- No, no, no, no, no.

[cork pops]
Favorite sound.

- This is how you shop.
- Thank you so much.

[glamorous upbeat music]

All right, let's see the next.

- An Alice and Olivia.
- Fabulous.

- Really?

- Fits like a glove, literally.
- I know, it does.

I feel like I need
to suck in more.

- Yeah, right.

♪ ♪

- Oh my gosh.

- You look like
a million dollars.

- Hey.
- Wow.

That is sensational.

- Now I feel like
"Pretty Woman."

[laughing]
- No, no, no, no, no.

- I'm kidd-
- Don't use that analogy please.

- Oh my gosh.
- Pretty, yes.

Not "Pretty Woman."

So sit down and rest
for a minute.

Oh, thank you.

So, do you and Thomas talk
about making it permanent?

- I definitely did not move
across the country

to be with someone
that I didn't see a potential--

- A future with.
- Future with.

I said to him, like,
"Don't waste my time."

- There's a certain time frame.
- Mm-hmm.

- If and when
it goes on too long,

you know, if you have to
give an ultimatum, so be it.

- I agree.
I agree.

- I've had three husbands.

I could have had 20--

Just bragging a little.

Have you thought about
starting your career here?

- The only issue
I've had right now is

getting the state license.

It's a big process.

- Yeah, I understand
it's complicated.

But, you know, a lot of women
make the mistake of--

they start playing house...

- Sure.
- They quit their job.

They're just kind of there.
- Yes. Absolutely.

- And I think that
it's burdensome to men.

I know how to close the deal.

I dated my current fiancé

about fourth months before

he asked me to marry him.

It makes women
so much more attractive

to have their own friends.
- Yes.

- They have a life.
- Absolutely.

- And having a life is really

kind of what tips the scale.

Then, Thomas will want you
on a more permanent basis.

[soft dramatic music]

All I can say is,
I've had successes,

one after another.

We're gonna take
all three looks.

- Perfect.

- Proof is in the pudding.
[laughs]

Thank you, Thomas.

- He's gonna get some
extra loving tonight.

[both laughing]

- Coming up...

- You're a happy man, right?

- Not that I've seen,
but any drawbacks?

- With Ashley,
it's the same drawbacks

you have with all women:
you can't date.

You know?
[all laughing]

[upbeat jazzy music]

- Come on, T.

♪ ♪

[line trilling]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What are you doing?

- Sounds about right.

- I might in a little bit.

Um, so Cam texted me
the other day

and said she was
having contractions.

- No.
So, I'm waiting for

a call or text from,
like, her or Jason.

- Mm-hmm.

My brother and I
are thick as thieves.

When Cameran and I
lived together,

my brother was
our third roommate.

I was secretly hoping that

my brother and Cameran
would date.

I just wanted her
to be my sister.

I can't wait
to meet it though.

"Meet it."
Meet her.

Um, anyway,
I'm gonna go to Hilton Head.

Shep and I are both from there,
so I just think

it'd be fun for us
to go for a couple days.

- I think we should take
the crew to Hilton Head.

Don't you think it'd be fun?
- Yeah, a lot of fun.

Maybe we'll go to Bluffton.

I kind of want to go see our
old house on Bittern street.

We first lived in Hilton Head,

and then we moved to
Bluffton which is

right on the other side
of the bridge of Hilton Head.

I loved it.

After school,
all the kids would meet

and go swimming off the dock.

And every weekend, everyone
would meet at the sandbar.

- What, is Aunt Karen
still in Bluffton?

- With all the cats.

- Oh, good, good.

I'll introduce them
to my family with

the family of raccoons
living in their house.

Well, I might come by
a little later.

I'll let you know.

- All right, love you.

- Bye.

Come on, T.
We're going to Hilton Head.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hello, my friend.

- Good evening.

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

I just ordered
a nice bottle of Barolo.

- Thank you.
So what's--what's going on?

What about meeting
young lasses?

- I choose my moments.
- That's good.

Progressing.
After all these years.

- Hey.
- Thomas.

- How are you doing, my man?
- Good to see you, friend.

- Good to see you.
- Squire.

- Good evening.
- Have a seat.

Have a glass.
- All right.

[chuckles] I missed my Uber.

Um, I was talking to this girl,
um, Nikki.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I'll let you guys...

- She's this friend
of, um, Ashley.

- Sounds like you like her.
- No, not at all.

- [laughs]

- You're a happy man, right?
Sort of in a--

- I'm happy with
what I got, you know?

- Not that I've seen,
but any drawbacks?

- Uh, with Ashley it's

the same drawbacks
you have with all women.

- Which is what?
- You can't date, you know?

[all laughing]

- So, you seem like
an ennui has set in?

- Yeah--no, not really.
I mean...

For everything you get,
you have to give up something.

- But, um,
she's stunning, you know.

- Well, you know,
she's got inner beauty,

too, you know?
- That's great.

- That's what
I'm only looking for.

- If she can withstand

you know, the madness

then that's good.
- She can.

I mean, she was able
to handle Kathryn.

- Oh, you're getting along
with Kathryn better

than you ever have?
- I think so.

- Even when you were together?
- Yeah.

I think everything
got pressurized really quick.

It's like my friend
would say, you know,

"You known the girl
three months and a day

and she's been
pregnant for three months."

So the pressure was on us,
like, from day one.

- [chuckles] Oh my God.
- See, I thought

she had got on
this birth control

and I was being careless, and...

we were having sex
ten times a--a day.

[laughter]

No man can keep up
with that appetite.

- [laughing]
- How often, indiscriminately,

do, like, do you
and Kathryn have sex?

Like, every, like, six months?

For, like, a one off and then--
- [chuckles]

- I'd call it an annual event.

- Really?

Y'all hook up
every now and then?

- I mean, we don't plan it.
It just kinda--is spontaneous.

- But you'll, like,
drop off the kids

and be like...
[soft groan]

I mean look, Kathryn's 5'11",
red hair, very pretty.

She has this acerbic wit

and can be fun to be around,

and I think
Thomas is still drawn to that.

And you were flirting a little
with Kathryn last night.

What was your mind-set?

You were just sort of
walking the razor's edge,

having a little fun?
- I was being playful.

- Can't help but flirt
sometimes, can you?

- Every now and then.

- [laughing]

I mean, I get it.

You know, when she
walks into a room,

you--everyone notices.

But then she's
sort of vulnerable and

there's something about her that

makes you wanna
make sure that she's okay.

Is she dating anyone?
Do you know?

- Are you horny?

- I mean--
I'm not not horny.

[both laughing]

- Coming up...

- We're either together
or we're not.

I want to make sure
you're not going to,

like, freak out again.

- Stop.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

[spray hissing]

Let's be honest,
I was not expecting to

get any sort of job at Gwynn's.

- Hey, Kathryn.
How are you doing?

- I'm good.

- That sounds awesome.
I can't wait.

Madison is such a good friend.

I really am lucky
to have her though.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Morning.
- Good to see you.

- Welcome.

♪ ♪

So, today we'll be doing
a styling exercise.

Follow me.

I am gonna give you
a customer profile.

- Okay.
- Mid 40s.

Mother of two.
Lawyer.

She wants some casual outfits

and she wants
a cocktail outfit.

- Mm-hmm.
- Style head-to-toe.

Put it on the rack
and then we'll go over it.

- Okay.

- All right.

- I don't know.

On a scale of one to ten
of how nervous I am?

A solid ten.

Think, think, think.

The only store I've worked in
was an ice cream shop.

Hmm.

And I was miserable

'cause it's hard
to scoop ice cream.

Okay, let me think.

Then I worked at a park.

I don't know why I was there,
but I was there.

This could be cute.

I worked at a gym
for, like, three years.

I started working
for the lieutenant governor.

There was no pattern.
There was no reasoning.

I just picked a job
and went with it.

I'm gonna put these back.
I'm not shopping for myself.

But I love clothes.
I love fashion.

I know I have potential.

It's just finding the right fit.

- We're out of time.

Okay, so, walk me through this.
- Okay.

Day time, casual.
Cute top, jeans.

I like to be in flats as a mom,
especially whenever

I'm trying to chase around
my two little ones.

- Okay.
- This, too, with the jeans.

Pop the collar.
It's tailored.

It's cute.
It's fun.

But it's also conservative
and mom-friendly.

- Good.
That's great.

- Then, for a cocktail,

I thought this would
be a really cute top

with this skirt.
- Yeah.

- This could be
really, really cute.

A little pop of color
but it also blends well enough

with the black to create
a flow of color, I guess.

- So, a little bit of feedback.

When you're styling,

you have to
think outside the box.

So, this--it's
definitely missing jewelry.

Definitely needs a bracelet,

since it is kind of flow-y and
you'll be able to see her wrist.

- Right.

- And then, I'd wanna
see more color with everything.

But I love where your head's at.

This takes practice.
- Right.

- And it's a good start.
It comes naturally to you.

- She will hopefully
like all of this.

- Where is she?
- Where is she?

Who is she?
[both laughing]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you.
- Does this work all right?

- This looks lovely.
- Enjoy.

♪ ♪

- [exhales]

- How are you doing
this evening?

- Hey, I'm doing great.
- Good.

- Thank you very much.
- Can I start you off with

something to drink
other than water?

- I'm going to do a
32/50 Kolsch.

- Absolutely.

[pensive music]

- Hello.
- Hi.

- I see you wore
your new boots.

- Yeah.

- You look great.
- Thank you.

You look--don't look
so bad yourself.

- Thanks.
I try sometimes.

What do you think that
you want to drink tonight?

- Um...

- Wine?

Maybe start off
with, like, an aperitif

and do like some bourbon?

- And that's what I'm saying.

Thank you.
- You're very welcome.

How are you this evening?
- You're drinking beer then?

- This is my aperitif.
- [laughs]

- And your aperitif
can be the brown water.

- I don't know.
This is too much pressure.

- Do you want to do Bulleit?

- Uh, sure.
- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- Now, I do have
a few dinner specials.

As an appetizer,
I have a red fish ceviche.

- I love ceviche.

- Done.
I love ceviche.

Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- How was work today?

- Work was fine.

I did yoga on my lunch break.

'Cause I had
a two-hour lunch break

because the surgeon came in
to do cataract surgeries.

So I was, like, free.

- Hot yoga?
- Uh-huh.

- I used to come over
to your house

on my two-hour lunch break.

- When Victoria
and I were together,

she cared about me a lot.

I want to be with someone
that when they get off work

their first thought
is to call you and be like,

"What are you doing?
I haven't seen you all day."

Like, "I wanna
hang out with you."

[playful music]

- So, Austen...

- Yeah?

- What do you want?

- What it comes down to is
I wanna be with you.

- You want to be together?

- Yeah.

- I mean, when did
you realize this?

- A little while ago.

- I mean...

[sighs]
Austen...

- I see you and I
giving this a shot.

I mean, don't you?

- You know,
I want to make sure that

you're not going to,
like, freak out again.

I want your loyalty
and I want to know that, like,

I can trust you.

I need to know that.
- That's fair.

- I mean,
Chelsea's my friend but...

Chelsea and you
can hang out, like,

whenever and do whatever and--
- Stop.

I--I don't think that
she has any feelings,

you know, towards me.

- You've been like, tiptoeing
around, like, what you want.

No more.

Like, we're either together
or we're not.

[cymbal shimmers]

- Then we're together.

[gentle upbeat music]

I'm sorry for my indecision.

- Apology accepted.
- That's all I can say.

- It won't be accepted again.

- [quivering exhalation]

- I just want you
and only you.

- Come here.
- And I need you to want me--

- Come here, come here.

[kissing]

- Coming up...

- There was an article in
"The Wall Street Journal"

titled, "Cheap Sex
and the End of Marriage."

[laughs]
- Oh, God.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Farrah, how's it going?

- Pretty well.

- Hey, Connie.

Michael?
- Ma'am?

- Somebody moved the immortals.

There are two immortals
next to one another.

- No worry.

- Mom, how do you insert
these things into the cookies?

Is there an art to this?

- You fold it like origami
and then stick it in there.

- All right.

- So, Thomas, Shep,
Craig, Austen.

I'll put JD here.

I have always had
all-male dinners

because it's fun to,
you know, be the only woman

and just have
a bunch of men.

It's a gator dinner.

- Alligators copulating
on the table,

that's a nice touch.

- I put it in front of Shep.

[both laugh]

And the pigs...

these are male chauvinist pigs.

[all laugh]

Does this kimono
make my butt look big?

[laughs]
- That's funny.

- Makes everything look big.
[soft laugh]

[upbeat music]

[doorbell chimes]

- Good evening.
- Hey, Michael.

- You're looking well, sir.
- Thank you.

- Good evening.
- Hi.

- Hey, Thomas.
- You look beautiful.

Ladies first.
- The two of you in suits.

- [kisses]
- You both look so handsome.

- Three? Oh, good--
- [kisses] Four, four.

- Oh.
[both laugh]

- All right.
- Jeez, my lucky night.

- Here, let me fix your tie.
Jesus Christ.

I was there when
you got that suit.

- Good, it's Gucci.
I know.

- It's not Gucci,
it's Tom Ford.

- I know, the tie is Gucci.
- Oh, the tie is Gucci.

- Yeah, I got Gucci
on the foot, too.

- Two vanity-prone males
discussing their suits.

Love it.

- Would you like a drink?

- I'll have what you're having.
[doorbell chimes]

- Hello.
- Good evening, sir.

- There he is.
- Hello, hello.

- Evening.
Don't you look sharp.

- You're looking dapper.
- Yeah.

- Thomas.
- Hi.

- Patricia, good to see you.

- Nice to see you.
You look great.

- You do.
- Thank you very much.

- Connie, Austen needs
a cocktail.

- I can make you
a Moscow Mule.

- Sure.
Yeah.

Of course I'll take
a Moscow Mule, thank you.

- Look at you!
Whoa, my oh my!

Whoo, you never fail
to be perfect.

[all laugh]
- Hey, darling. [kisses]

- How are you?
- Oh...

- How are you?
- I know all that BS.

[laughter]

- Come on.
- [laughs]

- So, Thomas,
what's going on with you?

- Well, Ashley and I...

we had a little quarrel
last night.

We went to this piano bar.

I was enjoying myself
and she starts yawning.

She wants to go home.
- Okay.

- And I didn't want to go home.

Then I was feeling
this pressure like,

can I just have a good time?

- I know you're trying to be
funny but it's not funny though.

Not because it's offensive,
it's just not funny.

- You're joking, right?
- No, I'm serious.

- Finally we get home,
and I said, "Look.

"Do I need to send you
back to California?

'Cause I'm not gonna
put up with this crap."

- These are men that have
no idea how to date.

It's called compromise.
Welcome to it.

- She's always want--
"Eat this, eat that, eat--"

I was like, "Look, I'm 55.

Don't hover over me like mama."

- Maybe she was
just looking out

for your benefit,
your health.

- Well, she...

feels this need
to kind of control,

and I don't really like
to be controlled.

- You cannot restrain
Thomas Ravenel.

- I know.
- You know?

You're like a tiger.
- I got all the power.

I got all the money.
- You need to roam the jungle.

You can't be in a--
you can't be in a cage.

You know?
- Can't be in a cage.

- Ladies and gents.
- You're missing all the fun.

- Look, how handsome.
- Aww.

Every now and then,
I can polish up.

- You pulled it out.
- He pulled it out.

Michael?
- Ma'am?

- Shep needs a cocktail.

- It's already
been ordered, madam.

- When did you order it?

- He texted me an hour ago.
[laughter]

- Hey, guys, guess who's
last to get here?

- Yeah, as always.
Where is Craig?

- He's probably
sewing you an excuse.

[laughter]

[soft playful music]

- Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Wow.

The prodigal son is here.
- Hey, guy--

I know, we look like
The Oxford Club.

How's it going, buddy?

- Good, man.

Good to see you, baby.

- Well, Craig,
what's happening?

You in good spirit?

- Yeah.
Just, uh, living life.

Sean wants to get a dog

but we travel
too much for that.

- Didn't you and Naomie
have a cat?

Who got the cat
in the break up?

- Naomie has the cat but--
- She got to keep the cat?

- It's a bummer.

You know, I hung out
with Gizmo a lot.

[Gizmo meows]
Come on.

Ready?

Hold on.

It's gonna be bumpy.
[Gizmo meows]

- You have--
you have visitation rights?

- I was like, well, maybe we
should ask Thomas and Kathryn

how--how we should structure
this custody deal.

- [laughs]

- Wait, is everyone single
in the room currently

except for Patricia?
- Everybody's single.

Except me.
- No, no. I have a girlfriend.

- Thomas, I don't know if we'll
ever consider you not single.

- I had a date last night.
- You had a date?

- With who?
- With Victoria.

- What happened to Chelsea?

- I moved on.

When you're single...

I mean, it gets to be empty,
a little bit.

And then you're like,
"Good lord."

- So, you're back
in the saddle?

- Like, you know, it was, uh--
yes.

- Dinner is served.

[groovy music]

- Oh, my word.

- Oh, wow.
- Rotating Buddha.

- Oh, it's awesome.
- Yeah.

- JD, you're here.

Mr. Ravenel,
you're right there.

So, tonight is a vegan dinner.

[music halts]

This is most beneficial

for healthfulness
and mindfulness.

- I had a protein shake
before this, so it's good.

[all laugh]

♪ ♪

- Farrah is our
renowned chef tonight.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- So, you're having
local vegetable stir-fry

and it has
a citrus-ginger glaze.

And then you are
also having teriyaki tempeh.

- What is tempeh?
- Tempeh is a soy protein.

So, it's fermented soy beans
that are pressed,

and it absorbs flavor
really well.

- I though tempeh was
a city in Arizona.

[laughs]

I'm learning a lot tonight.

- Looks wonderful.
Thank you so much.

- Bon appétit.
- Bon appétit.

- This is fantastic.

- It's delicious, isn't it?
- It's excellent, isn't it?

- The noodles are awesome.

- Guys, thank you so much
for coming.

Mom, thank you.
- Thank you very much.

- I keep thinking every year

that you all will get over
your Peter Pan Syndrome

but somehow it keeps on
in perpetuity.

[laughs]

There was an article in
"The Wall Street Journal"

that was titled, "Cheap Sex
and the End of Marriage."

[laughs]
- Oh, God.

- Women have

ruined their possibilities
for getting married

because they act like wives

without any of
the commitment from men.

- That and
they're doing better.

The glass ceiling's
getting thinner.

- You know, in the South,

in my era,
if you were still single

and you were
30-some years old

you were a spinster.
- Spinster.

They ship you off
to the spinster farm.

- What's a spinster farm?

- It's Thomas's house.

[laughter]
- I thought it was in Brooklyn.

- And send 'em all
to Thomas's house.

- "The spinster farm."
- [laughs]

No, but women do have
a biological clock,

and when they get to be 30,
to start getting worried

if they want a family.

[dramatic music]

- Why can't we just marry
as many women as we can afford?

- Funny you should
mention that...

At Thomas's suggestion,

I took Ashley shopping
to Gwynn's.

- Beautiful clothes you picked
out, thank you very much.

- What was the bill?
- Yeah, yeah, what was the bill?

- Are you putting him in
the poor house, Patricia?

- Five fig--it was five figures.
- What?

- [laughs]

- I did not ask the price
of one thing

because I knew you
wouldn't want me to

because that would be tacky.

And it was beautiful,
wasn't it?

- Absolutely.
It was fabulous.

- Oh, the fortune cookies.

- Mmm, fortune cookies.
- Yes.

- Take one, pass it along.

- I have no fortune.

Wait, here it is.

"Your prescription for Adderall
is running low."

This is for you.

[all laughing]

- Am I the only one with
a ----ing prescription?

[upbeat music]

- "My life is a celebration
of my accomplishments."

[laughter]

- What have you accomplished?

[all laughing]

- All right, Thomas, your turn.
- Thomas, you're next.

- "Every exit is...

an entrance
to new experiences."

- [snickering]

- Why would that be
a new experience?

[laughter]
Cheers.

- If Thomas would have
done that,

we'd have a lot less kids
in the family right now.

- To my new vegan life.

- Well, my brother-in-law,
he told me one time

to get a vasectomy.

- You should.

- I gotta see where
it's going with Ashley.

She wants a child.

- Is she at least
on birth control?

- No.

[men snickering]

- When I was
buying clothes with Ashley,

she loved my ring.

- Oh, my...

- Is that the Hope diamond?
[chuckles]

- She said, "I'd love
to have a ring like that."

- Wow.
- A ring like that,

I think we'd have to get it
to the Smithsonian.

[all laughing]

- Well, I had told Kathryn,
I said...

"You know, I think you should
spend at least four seasons

with a woman," you know...

- Wait, to Ashley or Kathryn?

- Ashley.

- Okay, you just said Kathryn.
- You just said Kathryn.

- You did say Kathryn.

- You said Kathryn.

- Little slip.
[laughs]

- Freudian.
- Freudian slip.

[dramatic music]

- Coming up...

- I wish that we could just...

I don't know how
to really say it but...

- Get back together?

[rousing jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Ow.

[whirring]

- Hold on, Kensie.
Kensie, look at this.

Kensie, look.

- What color hair
does she have?

- Who's this guy?

- There you go.

♪ ♪

[line trilling]

- Your call has been forwarded

to an automated
voice messaging system.

[beep]
- Hey, Thomas, it's Kathryn.

I was calling to see if maybe
you wanted to have dinner.

So, let me know.

Just give me a call
when you can.

All right.

- [groans] Oh, lord.

[pensive marimba music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

The day I went
to go get induced,

I was put on a pitocin drip.

Pitocin makes your body
have contractions, so

you could see on the screen,
I mean,

I'm having these, like,
massive contractions.

But my body
was not having it.

My cervix was like
a steel trap.

Ow.

And so, I packed my bags

and I did a walk of shame

out of the hospital
without a baby.

What the heck?

The doctor basically said,

"Wait and she'll come
when she's ready."

But I've been pregnant
for too long.

I need this baby out of me.

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, how are we doing?
- Good.

Reservation for two
under Dennis.

- Right this way.

- Lovely.

Perfect.
Thank you so much.

- You're very welcome.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

- Oh, hi.

- How are you doing?
- Good, how are you?

- Look at you.
- Lovely to see you.

- [kisses] How are you?
We both wore green.

Is that a coincidence?
- Great minds think alike.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

- You look dapper.
- [chuckles]

Thank you.
- How we doing this evening?

Can I get you guys anything
other than water,

at the moment?
- Water's fine for now,

thank you.

- I'll have a glass of rosé.

- Be right back.
- Thanks.

You're like Whitney with his,

uh, Elvis necklace.
- Yeah.

- It had "TCB"
with that symbol.

TCB was
"Taking Care of Business."

- Taking care of business,
I like that.

- Yeah.

- I like your little curl.

There.

I'll fix it for you.
[laughs]

- Any questions at the moment?

- No.

We may want to split
the fish special.

- That's fine with me.

Thank you.

- Cheers.

- Dans les yeux?
- Dans les yeux.

Good memory.

- Hard to forget
a lot of things.

I mean, I'm just gonna
be honest with you.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yesterday,
you posted a photo

of you, Ashley,
and our two children

on social media.

It really, really
hurt my feelings.

Like, I can't even
tell you how, like

just like, broken
my heart felt last night.

You know, like,
I was literally on the couch

just like, totally just numb,
just laying there.

It looked like
a family photo and if you saw

that kind of photo with me,
a guy, and our two children,

wouldn't you think...
- Mm-hmm.

- It looks like
a family photo, almost.

- Yeah.

I get it.
I get it.

I sincerely get it.

I'm sorry.

[soft dramatic music]

And I realize,
it's--it's really hard.

And you know, I'll be
a lot more respectful.

[soft music]

- Your fresh catch.
- Thank you so much.

- For yourself.
- Lovely.

Bon appétit.

♪ ♪

Let's talk about Saint.

His birthday
falls on a Thursday.

- Well, I want
to do something that Sunday.

And I wanted to see if
you would be interested in,

like, helping me plan it
or if you had any input--

- If you're inviting me,
I'd love to come.

- Of course you're coming.

- What if Ashley wanted
to come?

Is that okay if she comes?

[cymbal shimmers]

Just tell me,
I won't bring her.

[cymbal shimmers]

Yeah,
I don't have to bring her.

Okay.
I get it.

- It seems like they're kinda
craving seeing us together.

And I'd just like
to show them that.

It's for them,
and I think it would be good.

- Show that we can be friends.
- Right.

- It's the most important thing
in the world

is how do you raise those kids.

And you only got one chance
to do it right.

- Right.

- I need a partner
to do it, you know.

- Right.
- You're their mother.

They look up to you, I mean--

Kensie looks, pointed
at that painting, says,

"That's my mom.
Why aren't you with her?"

♪ ♪

She's putting me on the spot
there and I was like, whoa.

- Yeah.
- [exhales]

- I wish that
we could have just...

I don't know how
to really say it but--

- Get back together?

[cymbal shimmers]

- No.

I really, really mean it
when I say, like,

I want us to be friends
and get along.

- Absolutely.

[gentle upbeat music]

Shake hands on it.

- Of course.
Yeah.

♪ ♪

You gotta make it
come out again, hold on.

Is it this one?

There.

♪ ♪

- On the next episode of
"Southern Charm"...

- Gizmo.

- I wanted to bring Gizmo
as a peace offering.

He misses his gardening buddy.

- I know there's
a birthday party for Saint.

If she includes everybody,
but exclude me?

Then we have a problem.

- It's gonna be a fun time.
I wish you could come.

- Have you talked to Chelsea
about us yet?

[upbeat music]

- Welcome to Hilton Head.

- This is it?
Oh my gosh, it's so pretty.

- Oh, my gosh.

This place is huge!

- Whoa.

- I wanna go so bad.

- I have to base it off
the least experienced person.

- Okay, no, Gator, no.
No!

- Does she just assume
that you're paying

when you go on these things?

- She assumes I'm paying,
and I always do.

- Thomas, what are you doing?

- Am I invited
or am I not invited?

Yes or no?

- You want to be invited
to something right now

and you're gonna talk
to me that way?

- I see those children
more than you see them.

- You really need
to slow your roll.

- If you want to be
put in your place,

I'll put you in
your ----ing place.

- For more "Southern Charm"
go to bravotv.com.

[bell dings]