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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,120
This programme contains adult humour
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00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,840
# Blow the dice for me
Woo
3
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,200
# Put your pretty ass lips together
Blow it real nice for me
4
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,400
# Blow it real nice for me
Yeah
5
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,000
# I'm tryna hit a lick and slide to
the dealership in the morning
6
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,320
# Wah
7
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,040
# Poppa need a brand-new foreign
8
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,640
# Uh, hot hand, they
not gon' believe me
9
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,080
# But check the recording
10
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,440
# Ooh, just touched down,
up a few thou'
11
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,840
# Big booty hoes with me
in the big house
12
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,480
# Bar full of liquor,
cash for the strippers
13
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,600
# It's gonna get weird tonight,
so no pictures
14
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,560
# Pretty...with some money to blow
15
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,920
# I'm 'bout to buy Las Vegas
after this roll
BURPS LOUDLY
16
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,160
# I'm about to buy Las Vegas
after this roll
17
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:41,000
# Come on, 7-7-7, let's go... #
18
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,000
You've got bean
juice on your whistle.
19
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:46,760
Peanut!
20
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,560
Oh, my life.
21
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,960
# I'm J to the M to the E
22
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,600
# I make G-R-I-M to the E... #
23
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,480
Peeps say getting inked hurts.
24
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,200
Must have a high pain threshold.
25
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,320
Yeah, for eyeliner.
26
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,720
Dickhead.
27
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,560
"Mug life."
28
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,880
Bruv, I told you to write
"thug life."
29
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,360
You saying I'm dyslexic?
My spelling is on point, bruv.
30
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:10,080
You best put some
R-E-C-P-T-E-T-E on my name.
31
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,080
THEY LAUGH
32
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,040
You guys, I was on Wowcher last
night because I'm so skint
33
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,760
and I found this hip-hop yoga class
called NamastDizzle.
34
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,120
And I was thinking...
35
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,960
Jinx, is that a yoga class
or a hate crime?
36
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,240
Yeah, so lame, right?
37
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,640
I'm so blessed to have
you guys as my galdem.
38
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,520
And I got these.
39
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,920
Cute.
40
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,360
Yo, bup, bup, bup, bup, Blessing,
bust me a pack of Nik Naks.
41
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,800
My label owes me gwap.
42
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,200
Label? I didn't know they paid
people to sing on Songs Of Praise.
43
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,480
Hey, allow it.
44
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,920
And I told you, I was only in that
church choir for the pussy.
45
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,360
Like you've even seen one.
46
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,440
Morning!
47
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It is me. It is I.
48
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All right, sir.
49
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,960
Er...
50
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,360
It's giving matinee energy.
51
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,200
We'll try that again, shall we?
52
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,960
CHEERING
53
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,040
Now that just felt sarcastic.
54
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,760
Out, out, out, out. Everybody out!
55
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,880
Sir, why are you kicking us out?
56
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,080
You broke one of my
only rules, Usma -
57
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"No bad vibes."
58
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Sharpish.
59
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What?
60
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,640
# Uh-oh
61
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:42,120
# Uh-oh, you're in trouble... #
62
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,760
And you can get out, too.
63
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,440
You're the definition of bad vibes.
64
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,320
You can't send me out, treacle.
65
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,720
I'm a teacher, too.
66
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,760
I can do whatever I want.
67
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,520
I can run in the corridor, chew gum.
68
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,040
I can even swing on my chair.
69
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,000
I'm invincible.
70
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,520
Oh!
71
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,640
# Yeah, proper tings
72
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,000
# Original style
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# We've come to keep them down
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00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,440
# The wicked man is one, yeah. #
75
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,240
No lipstick, girls.
76
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,080
This is a school, not a brothel.
77
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,800
Why aren't you working?
78
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,720
I want As coming out
of this classroom,
79
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,960
and currently there are too many Ds.
80
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,440
Oi, miss man, you don't like the D?
81
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,960
KIDS SNICKER
Of course I don't like Ds.
82
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,480
What happens when
you catch a D, Miss?
83
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,280
I'd be clamping down on it...
84
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,560
..very hard.
85
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,320
KIDS LAUGH
86
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,080
Don't sneak back in.
87
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,200
I can smell...
HE SNIFFS
88
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,600
..urgh, cheap deodorant
and morning breath.
89
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,200
Funny, I'm wearing Chanel number
90
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,320
do you want to get fired?
91
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:29,120
Oh, I thought I was
smelling Mr Harper.
92
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,400
Doubt it. Jinx has confiscated
my Lynx Africa.
93
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,640
She said it was problematic.
94
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,400
It's like Jesy Nelson in a can.
95
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,280
You send them all out for bad vibes?
96
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,720
That's not true, Miss.
97
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,520
He sent me out for
blocking his light.
98
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,400
Mr Harper, where's your class?
99
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,000
In the gym playing Capture The Flag.
100
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,280
Well, what if the game ends?
The game won't end, Miss.
101
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,920
Why not? Because I've got the flag.
102
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:48,960
LAUGHTER
103
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,640
You two, my office, now.
104
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,640
Mate, I can't lose this job now.
105
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,120
My Mrs says it's turning me
into a responsible adult.
106
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,560
Oi-oi.
107
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,680
HE LAUGHS
How was your trip, you tuna melt?
108
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,960
How come your arse ain't flapping?
109
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,680
I'm like Prince Andrew.
110
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,440
That is not something
to say in a school.
111
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,080
As in, I'm not sweating. Full stop.
112
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,480
Er, move.
113
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,000
I'm booked and busy.
114
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,240
Joe McElderry's got shingles on
the Grease tour and they want...
115
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,440
Nice. West End?
116
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,680
Doncaster Art Centre.
117
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,800
Then the bright lights of LA.
Los Angeles?
118
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,200
Lytham St Annes. Oh.
119
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,120
PHONE VIBRATES
Oh, it's my agent. One sec.
120
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,000
Darling!
121
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,360
I thought you'd forgotten me.
122
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,000
What's she doing in there
with the maths teacher?
123
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,240
I'll let you into a
dirty little secret.
124
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,880
I got my IB when I was 17.
125
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,160
Bernadette, I had no idea.
126
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,760
No. Well, I usually
keep it on the QT.
127
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,200
You know, employers can get
very funny about these things
128
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,320
and make me feel like
I'm some sort of freak.
129
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,320
THEY LAUGH
130
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,840
Fuming. What?
131
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,520
That little tart's
made a full recovery.
132
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,640
I thought shingles was fatal.
133
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,600
Now you're sweating.
STEPHEN SIGHS DEEPLY
134
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,000
Your career's back on the blink,
and I've got this to think about.
135
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,040
Oh, cute. Innit?
136
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,960
And he's hung like a donkey.
137
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,480
That's the umbilical cord.
138
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,640
Oh, is that what they're
calling it nowadays?
139
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,000
DOOR CLOSES
Children.
140
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,080
The head mistress will see you now.
141
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,760
"Children"?
142
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,640
Would a child do this?
143
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,520
Jog on, Calculator.
144
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:30,240
You two are by far the worst
performing teachers in this school.
145
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,040
Er, you can't just throw a shade
like that without receipts.
146
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,680
Oh, you want receipts?
Well, how about this?
147
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,080
Hey, Keira and Tom, have
a fab time at Thorpe Park.
148
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,640
Live your best lives. School's out.
149
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,960
Aw, cute.
150
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,120
It's one of the cameo videos
I did for my devotees.
151
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,520
"Devotees"?
152
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,160
No, these are students,
and they are tricking you.
153
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,440
You have given them
permission to play truant.
154
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,480
HE LAUGHS
She means bunk off.
155
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,920
And now we turn to the
Poundland Joe Wicks.
156
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,640
Could you please explain to me why
we found your cross-country team
157
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,880
heading for John O'Groats?
158
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,480
What, the pub near the roundabout?
159
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,280
I did tell them to stay
hydrated, to be fair.
160
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,280
No, it's the furthest
point in Scotland.
161
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:07,560
Then what you got the 'ump for?
162
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,080
That is literally cross-country.
Enough.
163
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,920
The government is
making cuts to education
164
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,040
and accordingly I have
to cut our budget by 30%.
165
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:19,280
So we are going paperless,
heatless and school counsellorless.
166
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,160
But I also need to lose
one whole department.
167
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,240
I've narrowed it down
to a shortlist of two.
168
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,440
Can you guess which they are?
169
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,280
Erm... Oh, I love guessing games!
170
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,160
Er, yeah. Er...
171
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,040
History and the one
with the Bunsen burners.
172
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,360
Drama and physical education.
173
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,520
It's alright for me, then.
174
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,440
I've never even heard
of physical education.
175
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,360
It's PE, dipshit.
176
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,560
Oh, bollocks.
177
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,960
Look, prove to me which
of your tinpot subject
178
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,280
is of greater value to Abbey Grove.
179
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,440
I mean, which can actually
be used to teach our pupils
180
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,640
genuinely useful things?
181
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,480
Ah, when the kids had
their chemistry mocks,
182
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,400
I taught them that dry
periodic table song.
183
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,440
Stephen, slaytrogen
is not on the periodic table.
184
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:07,000
It's...
# Slay-tra-g-ogen. #
185
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,880
And half of them wrote that
E equals MC Squared
186
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,640
is a Mariah Carey album.
187
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,840
Well, it is.
188
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,880
You have until the end of the week.
189
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,400
Then you will be back in here
and one of you will get fired.
190
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,200
Oh, well, I'll miss you, babes.
191
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,680
I'll miss you too, mate.
Good luck with the job hunt.
192
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,960
Huh? Just face it. You're the one
that's going to be back signing on.
193
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,120
Joke's on you, mate,
cos I still am.
194
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,120
Whaaaay.
195
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,600
Gotcha!
196
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,640
Psst! Stephen, I need a word.
197
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,880
What?
198
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,240
The cuts mean I have to buy produce
that's got about 21 seconds to go
199
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,800
before it becomes life threatening.
200
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,160
So now I have to print off
health warnings, by law.
201
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,920
Well, Hoburn's not
going to like that
202
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,920
because she wants the
school to go paperless.
203
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,120
Oh, crap-tin-fantastic.
204
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,400
Then I really need your help.
205
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,400
The thing is,
I was bashing away at the buttons
206
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,800
and it started printing
something about aardvarks.
207
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,640
Erm, I don't think
you can serve those.
208
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,640
No, Stephen, it's a word
that begins with a double A.
209
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,280
Don't you get it?
210
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,480
This is the entry form
to Alcoholics Anonymous.
211
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,880
Ah, well, we've
suspected it for years.
212
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,040
No, Stephen, I think I'm printing...
213
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,840
..the entire Internet.
214
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,760
I don't have time for this drama,
just unplug the printer.
215
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,560
PRINTER STOPS
216
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,920
HE SIGHS
217
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,400
PRINTER RESTARTS
218
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,960
Oh, no, it's gone viral.
219
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,080
Today we're doing something
a little bit different.
220
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,880
We're integrating the
PSHE into our class
221
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,200
to show all the ways that
drama can make you a healthier,
222
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,160
more valuable person.
223
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,640
Ignore me. Pretend I'm not here.
224
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,000
Let's talk trauma.
225
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,440
What better way to deal with
it than with theatre? Therapy.
226
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,560
Shh! So who wants to share some
trauma they've experienced?
227
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:17,360
Sir, I'm carrying a lot of trauma.
228
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,840
I've got the unbearable weight
229
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,600
of being the only
peng ting in Tring.
230
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,880
I'm exhausted.
231
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,240
Sir. Hm.
232
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,400
Go on, Harrison.
233
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,960
I'm in an abusive relationship...
Ohh.
234
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,440
..with biscuits.
CLASS GIGGLES
235
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,680
Can we have a serious one, please?
It is.
236
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,120
It's not good for the gains.
237
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,760
I tried to quit, but then my nan
found me round the back of Londis,
238
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,720
crouched by the wheelie bin
with a face full of ginger nuts.
239
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,920
I'm just so ashamed. Uh.
240
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,320
Anyone else? My mum
and I are leaving home.
241
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,200
Oh, hello.
242
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,480
We're going to live on a farm.
243
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,840
The Soho farmhouse.
244
00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,040
But the spa is broken.
245
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,440
But the only reason we're going
there is because my parents
246
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,960
are getting a divorce.
247
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,600
Oh, brilliant!
248
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,880
Oh, well, not for them or for you.
249
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,680
Start there. Yo. I feel for her.
250
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,920
That's why she's been
beg friend of the year.
251
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,560
I'm scared I won't get to see
my friends this half term,
252
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,240
now that I have to go on
two separate skiing holidays.
253
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,560
Oh, I just stopped
feeling bad for her.
254
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,480
The Caucassie. Er...
255
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,960
Who wants to play Jinx's
mum and dad in a role play?
256
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,240
Oh, no.
257
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,800
Oh, no, no, no.
258
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,960
Of course not.
That was an inappropriate question.
259
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,400
I'll play them both.
260
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,440
Oi, Fraser, have you
got any passata?
261
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,400
Mitchell, I'm printing
the Internet in colour,
262
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,360
and it's coming out of
every printer in the school.
263
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,960
Hoburn cannot find out.
264
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,880
Help me get the rest
of eBay in the oven
265
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,560
and then I'm going
to tackle the Kanye.
266
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,960
You take his tweets,
I'll grapple with the discourse.
267
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,360
Look, I think I know why
Bernie's in such a filthy mood.
268
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,880
I overheard her
complaining about having IB.
269
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,400
Have you ever heard of it?
270
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,960
IB? AKA irritable bowel.
271
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,720
No laughing matter.
Well, can it spread?
272
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,000
Cos I think she might
just be full blown irritable.
273
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,360
I wish I could help you out,
274
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,080
but I've just turned the
NHS website into a smoothie.
275
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,480
Jinx, this is your chance to say
what you need to your parents.
276
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,040
Your deepest, darkest fears.
277
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,480
Let it all out, girl.
278
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:17,080
OK. Mum, Dad, are you
splitting up because of me?
279
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,880
No, Jemima, sweetie, of course not.
280
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,360
Er...
281
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,680
I guess I needed to hear that.
282
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,240
IMITATES MUM: We're getting a
divorce because somebody spent
283
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,480
all of our money on fast cars,
fine wine,
284
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,720
and probably something
to do with crypto.
285
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,480
IMITATES DAD: Our money?
That's a stretch.
286
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,000
That's why Jinx is stuck
in that inner city school
287
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,760
with the dregs of Greggs.
288
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,280
But Jinx has one fantastic teacher -
Mr Carmichael.
289
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,920
What? That drop dead ten
you undress with your eyes
290
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,920
at every parents evening?
291
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,560
Plot twist!
292
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,280
I'm sorry, Jemima,
293
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,440
but Mr Carmichael has made me feel
things that take me right back
294
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:00,840
to boarding school.
295
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,400
Sir, I really appreciate everything
you're trying to do here,
296
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:09,080
but I'm starting to feel slightly
overwhelmed and quite confused.
297
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,840
As long as you're feeling, babes.
298
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,520
And that's what we'll show
the entire school tomorrow.
299
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,240
We're going to do an
assembly...about divorce.
300
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,840
And scene.
301
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,320
# Don't sweat the technique... #
302
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:35,280
Right, today we are going to be
integrating some geography with PE.
303
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,640
Two lessons for the
price of one. Bargain.
304
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,320
Yes, it sounds good,
but I'm not here.
305
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,280
You know nothing
about geography, sir.
306
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,520
You told me that Carluccio's
was the capital of Italy.
307
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,400
KIDS GIGGLE
Shut it.
308
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,320
We are going to learn about
tectonic plates and volcanoes
309
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,800
by playing The Floor Is Lava.
310
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,240
BOTH: Period.
311
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,920
See? We're in sync.
312
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,160
Yeah, nice try.
313
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,360
But even I know periods
only come when it's a full moon.
314
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,440
What's that?
315
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,440
Gout.
316
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,080
Well, if you fall in some fruit
and veg, it might do you some good.
317
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,520
OK. Let me get my mouth guard.
318
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,120
And my helmet, and my
girdle, and ankle support,
319
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,200
and kneepads,
and protective goggles.
320
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,480
Mr Harper, Mr Carmichael's
class was very triggering.
321
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,680
I need to talk to someone
about my feelings.
322
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:22,920
Have you tried Siri?
323
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,160
Mr Carmichael wants to do a whole
school assembly
324
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,480
about my parents' divorce.
325
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,760
He's hijacking my trauma to
show off the drama department.
326
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:33,720
Well, I am going to show you
why drama can suck PE's balls.
327
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,240
Oh, sorry.
328
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,280
Physical Education's balls.
329
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,800
ALL: Ohhh...
330
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,280
THEY CHEER
331
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,240
Did I mention that
I'm allergic to garlic?
332
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,120
What are you, a vampire? Jump.
333
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,520
CHANTING: Warren! Warren! Warren!
Warren! Warren!
334
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:59,800
Warren! Warren! Warren!
Warren! Warren! Warren!
335
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,520
Go on, little man.
336
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,840
You got this!
337
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,880
HE YELLS
338
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,880
# That glides
339
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,720
# Across the sky... #
340
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,080
He don't go this.
I'll get the first aid kit.
341
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,720
That was a perfectly good shelf.
342
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,960
Warren, are you OK?
343
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,120
This is full of beer.
344
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,520
Who done that?
345
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,800
HE SNICKERS
346
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,200
I'm going to die.
347
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,160
Ooh!
348
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,280
Content for the Gram, Bernie?
349
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,760
"Gram"?
350
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,680
I'm putting the
coffee machine on eBay.
351
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,160
Every penny counts.
352
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,600
Oh... Fab!
353
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,640
Um...
354
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,040
Psst...
355
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,120
I'm not one to tell tales out of
school, but since we're in school,
356
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,040
um... Naming no names,
357
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,280
one of your members of staff
is planning a very expensive
358
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,960
vanity project and again,
naming no names...
359
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,320
It's a new PE kit.
360
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,240
Harper! Mm-hm.
361
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,920
I found these in his locker.
362
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,920
That's the spring-summer collection.
363
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,360
This is the autumn-winter.
364
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:17,160
That gilet alone
costs the same as a laptop.
365
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,240
What in the LGBTQIA+ is that?!
366
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,000
It is a preposterous
attempt to make it look like
367
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,640
you would have the taste,
368
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,320
wit and manual dexterity
369
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,960
to make a mood board.
370
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,760
Mr Carmichael, if you
spent more time teaching
371
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,640
and less time trying to
throw your rival under the bus,
372
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,720
then perhaps your subject would
not be on the chopping block.
373
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,040
Two can play that game.
374
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,640
Ha!
375
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,360
Ooh! Close, close, close...
376
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,400
Right, now Dickers.
377
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,360
Harrison!
378
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,240
You all right, mate?
Yeah, you all right?
379
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,920
Yeah. I'm buzzing for this assembly.
What's it about?
380
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,360
It was going to be about
Jinx's parents divorcing,
381
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:07,240
but then Sir got an angry text from
her dad, so now Sir needs another
382
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,680
big issue, otherwise
he's going to be selling it.
383
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,760
That's a touch, because I just heard
that Hoburn's got irritable bowels.
384
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,760
Oh. And she is dead
keen to raise awareness.
385
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,920
But why would she want us
to be aware of her bowels?
386
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,320
Kids are cruel, sir.
387
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,960
That's why she needs a
powerful assembly to show everyone
388
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,280
this is no laughing matter.
389
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,600
Ohhh... Harrison, it's a chance...
390
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,360
To use drama to break
down the stigma surrounding
391
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:33,000
irritable bowels, a condition
that's very close to her heart.
392
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,520
Well, stomach.
Let me stop you there.
393
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,480
It's genius.
# We just wanna have fun... #
394
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,240
The book fair tomorrow morning
has been moved to the history block
395
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,120
because the industrial cleaners...
396
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,440
Fraser? You all right?
I haven't slept...
397
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,600
..have still not slept.
I thought the end was in sight
398
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,680
and then I hit Wikipedia
at 5am this morning.
399
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,280
Finally, we have what we
were promised would be
400
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,280
a brief PSHE presentation,
401
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,360
though if it's anything
like his assembly on pronouns,
402
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,800
strap in.
403
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,600
Class K, and Mr Carmichael.
404
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,680
Let's go! Positions.
405
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,000
LIGHT LAUGHTER
406
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,320
In a world of darkness,
407
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,200
knowledge is light!
408
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,320
FUNKY POP MUSIC PLAYS
409
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,320
THEY WHOOP
410
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,200
STEPHEN LAUGHS
411
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,000
As a disco ball,
412
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,040
I see it all.
413
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,880
Here I am at a house party.
414
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,520
Giving, twirling, shining!
415
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,080
Who's this unconventionally
attractive teenage gworl?
416
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,240
Zancing with the village hunk?
417
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,320
Tommy?
418
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,720
WOLF WHISTLE
419
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:45,960
Wait!
420
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,120
What's that frown?
421
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,520
GROANING, STOMACH RUMBLES
422
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,840
What's holding her back?
423
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,640
MUSIC ENDS OUT OF TUNE
424
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,080
My name's Jeanette Bowman, and
I want my first kiss for Tommy
425
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,400
tonight to be fireworks.
426
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,720
SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS
427
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,320
But I'm scared...those fireworks
might come out the wrong end
428
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,840
because I suffer...
429
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,160
..from...
DRAMATICALLY: ..I-B-S.
430
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,360
Irritable
431
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:08,440
bowel
432
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,920
syndrome!
433
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,720
Oh, no! Zon't panic.
434
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,520
Have you done any of the
following to trigger your symptoms?
435
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,800
Have you eaten chillies, bruv?
"Chilli"?
436
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,840
I'm a lemon and herb girl!
437
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,320
Are you on drugs, man?
438
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,080
"Drugs"? Heck, no.
439
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,920
They're for mugs.
440
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,200
Maybe you're stressed.
441
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,280
Oh, yes! Stre-e-ess!
442
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,600
I'm stressed about my exams because
I dream of having a management job
443
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,640
in some kind of public institution.
444
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,240
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the
only one who suffers from IBS.
445
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,880
Tch! Ow, man!
446
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,760
WHISPERING: IBS. IBS. IBS!
447
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,280
WHISPERED: Lauren!
448
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,920
But you're not alone, Jeanette. Oh!
449
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,520
Whoa!
450
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,880
SNICKERING
451
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,800
One in 20 people suffer with IBS.
452
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,560
It can affect anyone,
whether you're old or young,
453
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,480
black, white, a man or
a woman of a certain age
454
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,800
doing a high pressure job
in education.
455
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:09,840
LAUGHTER
456
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,480
Thanks for calling
out the BS in IBS.
457
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,440
I can do anything now. Whoo!
458
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,920
Be an astronaut, an Olympic swimmer,
459
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,320
or even a head mistress. Whoo-o-o-o!
460
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,040
STEPHEN LAUGHS
461
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,080
That's the spirit,
Jeannette Bon-Bon.
462
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,080
Now, the only thing you'll be
feeling in your tummy are...
463
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,880
..butterflies.
464
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,720
What the actual...
465
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,320
We wanted you to feel seen.
466
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,000
How is she meant to maintain
authority when you've just told
467
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,600
the entire school
she's bowel divergent?
468
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720
Harrison said that you
wanted to raise awareness
469
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,600
about your condition.
It's not my condition.
470
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,400
I have a perfectly
functioning digestive tract.
471
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,920
Well, Mr Harper said that you
wanted to raise awareness.
472
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,360
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
thank you, Harrison. Mm!
473
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:57,400
Miss Hoburn, I was just
trying to take the initiative.
474
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,960
I heard you pouring your heart
to the human calculator...
475
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,520
WHISPERED: ..about your IB.
476
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,240
WHISPERED: IB is the
International Baccalaureate.
477
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,440
It's an exam.
478
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,640
HE SNIGGERS
Obviously. Duh!
479
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,280
Look, to be fair, I was just
as shocked that that assembly
480
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,320
weren't about your
international balaclava.
481
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,600
Look, by Friday,
482
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,480
one of your departments
will cease to exist.
483
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,400
Forget disco balls.
484
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,200
I'm bringing a wrecking
ball to this little party.
485
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,920
# Me again, allow me to pick up
where I left off... #
486
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,920
Move, get out the way!
487
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,640
Move!
488
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,200
METAL CLATTERS
489
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,320
Inchez, this is well muggy.
490
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,880
You told me it was
Fish And Chip Friday on a Tuesday.
491
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,240
MUFFLED: Move, bitch!
492
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,480
DOOR OPENS
What the...?!
493
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,440
HE YELPS
Ugh...
494
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,840
Warren! You said Nicole Scherzinger
was street-casting
495
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,120
for the new Pussycat Dolls. You made
me run in my vintage zebra belt.
496
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,560
MITCHELL SNICKERS
497
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,560
And what is she doing here?
498
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,360
Chip and Stormzy. Mm-hm.
499
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,920
Biggie versus Pac. Yeah!
500
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,720
Vardy and Colleen! Yeah!
501
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,000
Eh-heh!
502
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,920
All beefs lead to bloodshed.
503
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,440
This has to stop!
504
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,600
I have nothing to say to this
unseasoned dustbin fire
505
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,800
of a human. Oh...
506
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,680
SHE SLAMS TABLE
Stop it!
507
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,080
My whole life is shit.
508
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,680
I can't rely on anyone at home,
509
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,560
I had to move schools,
510
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,400
they sold my horse.
511
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,920
I was so lonely.
512
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,280
And then I came here...
513
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,920
..and found you guys.
514
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,200
My...
515
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,320
My tribe.
516
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,160
But like so many tribes before us,
517
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,560
we are being decimated
518
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,720
by the forces of capitalism.
519
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,960
And I'm sorry for my white tears.
520
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,520
Don't apologise for crying, Gee!
521
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,200
You're both great teachers.
522
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,400
You actually equip
us for real life.
523
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,880
Sir, you taught me about
the Renaissance...
524
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,440
..and Beyonce's other albums.
525
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,240
Mr Harper,
526
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,040
You taught me how to shotgun a beer.
527
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,200
Guys, I'm sorry for being extra.
528
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,360
I didn't mean to upset you.
529
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,520
Just Mitchell. Yeah.
530
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,720
No hard feelings, eh?
531
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,200
Well, I guess we've just got
to knuckle down and hope that
532
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,480
Hoburn has a change of heart.
Are you man dumb or dumb?
533
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,600
There's only one way you
both get to keep your jobs.
534
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,240
You need to work together to
destroy some other teachers.
535
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,760
Ooh!
536
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,840
J'adore! Bitches unite. Mm-HM!
537
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,560
But who should we
throw to the wolves?
538
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,720
Wait...
539
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,680
You guys thinking what I'm thinking?
540
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,640
Miss, the art teacher
forced us to do this.
541
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,800
When I tell my dad, miss,
he'll be pissed.
542
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,400
This is haram!
543
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,440
MUSIC: Sabotage
by Beastie Boys
544
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,560
Shall I go tell him he's fired?
545
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,600
Bellissimo!
546
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,400
Is that Italian for "nonce"?
547
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,040
I can't believe anyone
could coax this kind of flair
548
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,880
from the mouth-breathers
at Abbey Grove!
549
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,840
Our art department
are working miracles.
550
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,680
THEY SIGH
551
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,360
Miss... The music
teacher is a t'ief.
552
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,280
My man is stealing my bars
that I spit in his lesson.
553
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,200
And he's making money
selling them to big artists.
554
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:31,040
Mr Redley, who brings in the
most potent egg mayo sandwiches
555
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,640
to save money,
is making a fortune off you?
556
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,760
Tell her Mr Redley has a
very comfortable lifestyle
557
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,200
for a music teacher.
558
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,400
I saw Mr Redley in a German whip
559
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,720
with big rims and some bad Bs
560
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,680
with the fattest bunda
riding dirty in the town centre.
561
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,200
Are you having a stroke?
Nah! Look...
562
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760
You heard of Ed Sheeran?
563
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,600
Looks like a character you'd see
on the tap of a real ale? Yeah!
564
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:53,880
His song Galway Girl?
565
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,000
That's my riddim!
566
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,400
I wrote the song Holway Girl
before that ginger prick
567
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,800
bought my lyrics off Sir.
568
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,240
Tell her you'll sue!
569
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,480
I'm Sue.
570
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,880
THEY SIGH
571
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,680
No, I'll sue YOU!
572
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,560
Man's going to make it rain, fam.
573
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,400
Really? Call her bluff!
574
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,160
Miss...
575
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,280
You is buff.
576
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,000
Well, let me speak, then!
Shut up, you never let me finish!
577
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,640
STEPHEN SCREAMS, HE WINCES
578
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,360
It's so rude to have headphones
in when you're talking to someone.
579
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,480
What are you listening to? Nothing!
580
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,560
HE SIGHS
581
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:25,800
Let me listen.
582
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,080
STEPHEN SQUEAKS
583
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,520
# Got a little rhythm,
a rhythm, a rhythm
584
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:38,120
# That did a pass
through my brain...
585
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,640
# So darn persistent
the day isn't distant
586
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,760
# But it'll drive me insane... #
587
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,160
I'm impressed. Shh!
588
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,240
Mr Redley is interesting
students to musical theatre.
589
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,520
THEY GIGGLE
590
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,440
Even though this singer is
in completely the wrong key.
591
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,480
Bitch!
592
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,320
Bitch! I beg your pardon?!
593
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,640
STEPHEN GASPS
594
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:58,680
Pitch.
595
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,920
Yeah. It's in the wrong pitch.
596
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,760
Ah...
597
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:04,840
Mm!
598
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,760
SOFTLY: I wasn't!
599
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,680
This has been a surprisingly
difficult decision,
600
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,960
given that you both chose
to stage a masterclass
601
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,880
in incompetence this week.
602
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,960
But as only one staff member
needs to go... Ah-ah-ah.
603
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,520
Wait, if you fire one of us...
604
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,600
SIMULTANEOUSLY: Both of us...
We protest. Huh?
605
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,200
I thought I needed a nuclear
option. That's not what we agreed.
606
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,600
The point is, Bernie, if you
fire one of us, both of us quit.
607
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:36,720
STEPHEN SIGHS
608
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,240
She sacks both of us.
609
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,960
THEY SIGH
610
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,120
But you guys will be
all right without us. Just...
611
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,760
Just remember the
Class K motto, yeah?
612
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,000
Chat shit, get banged.
Not that one.
613
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,800
No bad vibes. Yeah.
614
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,400
Come on, y'all.
615
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,760
Group hug. Get in here.
616
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,680
HE SOBS
617
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,880
HE SIGHS HEAVILY
I'm a goner too.
618
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,240
Fraser?
619
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,320
The school intranet
has become sentient.
620
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,240
It doesn't matter how
many printers I disable,
621
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,400
it's going to get the job
done one way or another.
622
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,920
I've just intercepted
the tail end of WebMD,
623
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,560
which means we're onto websites,
starting with the letter X.
624
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,400
Ooh, that ain't going to be pretty.
625
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,320
Whoever plugs their printer in next
626
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,280
is going to unleash
a tsunami of poonani.
627
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:17,440
THEY GROAN, RETCH
628
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,320
Oi, sir! That's your chance, man.
629
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,360
# One time, circling the block
630
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,200
# Lil buddy got murdered on a flock
631
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,880
# Two times, you know how we rock
632
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,120
# You know who we knocked on
You know who we socked... #
633
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,080
Miss, Miss, come quick, something
awful's happened in the Maths room.
634
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,240
# Christian Dior, I'm crippin' Bjork
635
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,360
# Made an uh-oh letting
Vince in the door... #
636
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,480
DISTANT CHEERING
637
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,640
We're meant to be going paperless!
638
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,560
Jesus, Mary...
639
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,360
Joseph! Is that a donkey?!
640
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,600
Only...I promise...
I did not print any of this.
641
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,160
I-I-I was just trying
to teach them equations.
642
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,880
He ain't lying, Miss. This page
shows how three goes into one!
643
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,480
HE SNICKERS
644
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,800
This is a criminal offence,
you degenerate!
645
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,160
Pack up your classroom.
646
00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,720
MUSIC: Buga (Lo Lo Lo)
By Kizz Daniel & Tekno
647
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:15,600
SHE GASPS
648
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,960
You guys!
649
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,360
THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD
650
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,160
Better!
651
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,120
Now, because we got the
maths teacher fired,
652
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,520
I have to temporarily
teach you maths, so...!
653
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,040
The basics.
654
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,400
Counting. After me!
655
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,040
A five, six, seven, eight.
656
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,520
THEME SONG PLAYS
47670
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