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(tense music)
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Ice cream or drugs?
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Drugs.
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Ice cream or drugs?
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(Both)Ice cream, please!
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Should you be selling drugswhen children are around?
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No, but who's gonna stop me?
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The police? (laughing)
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(tyres screeching)
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Oh, no, it's the police!
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(Child)Not the filth!
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(upbeat funky music)
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We're OfficersJohn Mahogany and Mitch Rust
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of the Justice CityPolice Department.
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All right?
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And you're under arrest.
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(gentle ice cream truck music)
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(upbeat funky music)
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(car engine revving)
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(truck engine choking)
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(gun clunking)
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You book this guy,I'll sort the evidence.
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(upbeat funky music)
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So, the evidence?
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Sorted it.
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(upbeat funky music)
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(gun clunking)
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(gun blasting)
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(traffic horns blaring)
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(upbeat funky music)
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Hey, Stokes, you catchthe game last night?
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- What game?- Huh! Tell me about it!
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Hey, Garrity, what areyou driving these days?
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(Garrity) Police car.
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Yeah.
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You still up forvideo night tonight?
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Sure, what are we watching?
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I'll give you a clue.
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Speed.
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Is it Speed?
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- Yeah.- Good clue.
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You two!
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Quit your yapping andget your asses in here!
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(upbeat funky music)
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# Chief #
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- Chief.- Chief.
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Mitch, you blew upthe evidence again.
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Pretty much.Looked cool, though.
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Yeah, I heard it looked cool,but goddammit, boys!
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City Hall's looking for any excuseto take your badges right now.
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I can't defend youif you keep blowing shit up!
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(Both)Sorry, Chief.
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Now, I need you to questionthis ice cream guy.
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We think he's part ofsome kind of drugs racket.
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Has he given you a name yet?
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- Chubby Bellend.- And what about his name?
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He calls himself Steve,but we can't find nothing on file.
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Steve.
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However, we think he'sworking for notorious mob boss
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Harry McCrane.
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(dramatic music)
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What makes youthink that, Chief?
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Harry recently took overan ice cream factory
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and he's the biggestgangster in Justice City.
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Could be a connection.
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It's all part of MayorGrady's latest nutball scheme,
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something called"Cons in the Community."
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Cons in the Communitywill see Justice City's criminals
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integrated back into society,including Harry McCrane here.
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Rather than lock Harry away
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like some battery henor elderly parent,
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we're gonna getsome use out of him
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and put him incharge of the city's
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largest ice cream business.
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(Reporter) Mr Mayor,
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what about Harry'snine life sentences?
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Nine lives? He's a man, not a cat.(laughs)
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Thanks, everyone,you've been great.
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(Reporter) Mr Mayor! Mr Mayor!
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We need to find outHarry's next move,
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so I'm gonna needyou boys to focus.
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What the hell areyou looking at?
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A woman.
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(gentle music)
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Goddammit, boys!
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Guess I should take a lookat this myself.
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Ah, that'd be Pippa.
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She's the new psych coveringfor Varley, since his accident.
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I think I love her.
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Bit desperate.
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No, maybe it's justlove at first sight.
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That's just somethingdesperate people say, John.
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Might go and chat with her,
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see if we've gotanything in common.
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Damn it, John! Womendon't work like that.
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Take it from a lover ofanother brother's mother,
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you got to play it cool.
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Thanks for the advice, Chief,
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but, uh, I think I knowwhat I'm doing, yeah?
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Are you sleepingwith your mate's mum?
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Get out!
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(upbeat music)
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- Hey.- Oh!
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- Sorry!- Oh, God!
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Um, no, it's fine, you just,um, scared me,
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the way you swung in. (laughs)
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Yeah, I did do that. (laughs)
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And you are quiteclose, actually.
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Oh, sorry, I couldn'treally judge the distance.
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You must be Pippa! Hi, I'm John.
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Ah, yes. John Mahogany,of course.
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And, you must be...
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Mitch. Mitch Rust.
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Mitch.
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Cool.
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I'm sitting in on yourquestioning shortly.
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Steve, I think?
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Yes! That's our questioning!
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OK, great.
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I mean, maybe it is,maybe it's not.
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Whatever, yeah?
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So, is it notyour questioning, then?
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Oh, no, yeah, itis our questioning, yes, what...
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Hey, has anyoneshowed you around yet?
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- No, actually, they haven't.(laughs) - Oh, God.
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Well, maybe I couldgive you the tour, then.
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Please don't do tour time.
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Tour time!
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Helga, our forensics specialist.
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She's got the nose of abloodhound, eyes of a hawk.
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Rumour is that she onceperformed an autopsy
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on her own boyfriend.
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Jesus, Helga!
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He was not my boyfriend,
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but we were in an intensesexual relationship
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until shortly after his death.
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(ominous music)
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(upbeat funky music)
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Zach, computer expert andinformation specialist.
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There's nothing thisguy doesn't know
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when it comes to the latesttechnology.
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Hey, what're youdoing there, Zach?
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Playing Solitaire? (chuckles)
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No, I've just hacked yourvideo library account.
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There's some interestingtitles in here, actually.
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I'll read them out if you like?
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OK, on with the tour!
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All right, Zach.How's the missus?
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- Which one?- (sighs) Tell me about it.
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And who are those guys?
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Oh, they're justa couple of cops.
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Finally, this is my dad, Frank.
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He was a hero cop but losthis life in the line of duty.
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Sometimes, I feel I canreally hear his voice
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calling from the other side.
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But I'm not sureif it's really him
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or I've just gotmental problems.
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(Frank) He's got mentalproblems, all right.
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That's the least of his worries.
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Dad, I've got this. Shut up.
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(Frank) Don't worry, love.
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He's never been greatat talking to girls.
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Fancied one of histeachers when he was 10,
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called her "Mum"and pissed himself.
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Dad!
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Then there's me.
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Well, what can I say?
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I'm just a regular guy,
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trying to get throughlife one day at a time.
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Pip? Pip?
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Pippa?
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Pippa, I was just sayingI'm a regular guy.
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- Pip?- (Pippa speaking faintly)
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OK, well, I'll see you then.
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OK. (laughing)
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(suspenseful music)
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So, the police, they think they canarrest my son, Steve,
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just like that.Cheeky little bastards.
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Well, I'm about to teach them
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that nobody messes withthe McCrane family!
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Yes, Sandra?
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Hiya, Harry.
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I've been thinking aboutthis whole crime thing.
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Maybe we could justsell ice cream again?
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Cos we always did all rightwhen we just sold ice cream.
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Yeah, maybe we shouldn'tbother with the drugs.
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It is a lot of hassle, Harry.
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We talked about this.
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We sell ice cream and drugs now.
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But Harry, I makechocolate sprinkles.
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I don't knowanything about crack.
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And what about poor Lindain the tasting department?
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She's been off her titsthe last three days.
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Look, we sell ice cream anddrugs and that is final!
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Now, you might havenoticed some new faces
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in the room today.
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Let's all give a warm welcome
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to Nutcrusher,Death Machine, and R-I-Pete.
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(tense music)
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- Hiya.- Hiya. You all right?
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So, to concludethis team meeting,
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we are gonna teach JusticeCity Police Department
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a lesson they'll never forget.
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And the disabled toiletis still out of order.
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Sorry.
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(tense groovy music)
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I'm not saying anythingwithout my solicitor.
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Where you're going,you won't need a solicitor.
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Oh, yeah? Where's that, then?
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A court of law.
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For the record,if you do go to court,
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you will be entitledto a solicitor.
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(John) Let's start withthe ice cream business.
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I told you, I'm nottelling you filth anything.
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Well, let me tell yousomething, I'm not filthy.
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I take excellent careof my personal hygiene.
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Never had any complaints there.
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Drugs, Steve!
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Where are you getting the drugs?
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You should know, my familyhas got only two rules.
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One, never use UHT cream,cos it's crap,
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and two, always takean eye for an eye.
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Is that a threat?
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No, it's a phrase.
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Don't try and flex yourmuscles with us, Steve.
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You might have noticed already,I've got big muscles, too.
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What? Look, I'm not sayinganything without a solicitor.
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Well, when you do, I'll hear it.
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I'm a great listener, Steve.
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Yeah, I'll just go andfind out where he's got to.
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Thanks, Pippa.Really appreciate it.
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OK, I think I should just go for it
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and ask her out tonight.
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It's video night tonight.
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Come on, we can do videonight another night.
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It's a Monday night.Monday night is video night.
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We're gonna watch Speed,
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I've built a busout of cardboard,
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and it's your turnto be Bullock.
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I told you, I'm not doing thosere-enactment things any more!
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What do you think?Should I go for it?
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If you want. Whatever.
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Yeah, but it's video night tonight,Steve.
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Have video night, then.
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But I might not getanother chance, Steve!
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OK, then, go for it.
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Oh, for God's sake, Steve!
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What? I don't know!
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Sorry, can we get back totalking about me, please?
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Mates before dates, Steve! Yeah?
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- Don't cancel, then!- You selfish bastard, Steve!
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How am I meant toknow what you boys...
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Argh!
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God, help! Get off me!
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- Please, help!- Hey, come on, break it up!
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- Just get them off me!- (all yelling)
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Get him off me! Get him off!
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(John) All right,I'm cool. I'm cool.
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Drag me out of there!Come on, mate!
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Drag me out of there!
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It probably was a bitunprofessional, in hindsight.
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How's your incidentreport coming along?
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Nearly done.
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(Peterson) Looks like Eddiecan't reach his wheel again.
265
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,360
Oh, no. I guess he's goingto need to find a way
266
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,680
to get from that cagedown to this one.
267
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,000
I'd say so. Bye.
268
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,440
Bye.
269
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,760
(gentle smooth music)
270
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,720
Mitch! How do you like that?
271
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,280
I'm over here busting my ballson this McCrane case,
272
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,360
while your partner's tryingto crack on to the new girl.
273
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,320
(both laughing)
274
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,600
So, I don't know whatyou're doing tonight.
275
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,840
Maybe you'd like to gofor something to eat, or...
276
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,200
Right, then.Let's have a look, shall we?
277
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,320
Sorry, Mitch. I was just...
278
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,040
Got your results backfrom the sex clinic.
279
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,280
The what?
280
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,800
Oh, dear, dear,dear, dear, dear.
281
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,280
Oh, you've got the lot, mate.
282
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,200
You've got clap, clip, clop,
283
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,320
clippity, uh,clippity-clop-clops.
284
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,960
Athlete's knob.
285
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,320
- Athlete's knob?- Yep.
286
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,560
It's rotten, mate.
287
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:56,760
It's ruined.
288
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,360
Sorry, Pippa, would youexcuse us for a moment?
289
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,200
What are you doing?Is this about video night?
290
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,520
What? No, I'm trying to help.
291
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,040
Get you out of thatdating bollocks.
292
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,880
What? But I wanna goon a date with her!
293
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,480
What, with athlete's knob?That's not fair on her, mate.
294
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,880
I don't have athlete's knob!
295
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,280
Hi, sorry to interrupt.I've gotta go.
296
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,000
But just to say,that would be really nice,
297
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,680
I'd love to getsomething to eat later.
298
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,800
Amazing! That's great.
299
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,200
(laughs) Thanks, Pippa!
300
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,600
I'll see you a bit later, then.
301
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,200
Yeah. (laughs)I'll see you later.
302
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,920
Thanks, Pippa!Really appreciate it.
303
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,520
Hey, we can watch Speedanother night, yeah?
304
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,840
Yeah, yeah.
305
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:37,640
- Crisp?- Oh, no.
306
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,560
I've got dinner with Pippa later,it'll ruin my appetite.
307
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,200
(tense music)
308
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,000
(suspenseful music)
309
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,400
(object thudding)
310
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,240
Yeah. You're a stubbornlittle bastard, in't ya?
311
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,640
Hiya, love, R-I-Peteasked me to let you know
312
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,960
that there's some good newsand some bad news.
313
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,040
Good news is, the plan to getSteve back is going great.
314
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,560
Excellent, and the bad news?
315
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:07,800
We've run out of wafers.
316
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:08,920
Jesus Christ!
317
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,240
Do I have to do everythingmyself around here?
318
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,760
(Sandra) Oh, what's he like?
319
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,960
- (Harry sighs)- (Sandra laughs)
320
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,520
Right.
321
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,520
Looks like it's timeto give the police
322
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,640
some McCrane family justice,
323
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:24,600
right after I ordersome more wafers.
324
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,760
(suspenseful music)
325
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,320
(gentle sombre music)
326
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,600
That's not your coat, Mitch.
327
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,840
(gentle exotic music)
328
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,040
So, this is nice.
329
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,200
Yeah, I love a curry.
330
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,640
Oh, me, too. We'll regret itin the morning, though.
331
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,760
(laughs) Yeah. Maybe.
332
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,920
Sorry, I don't mean we'llbe together in the morning.
333
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:13,960
No. No, I know.
334
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,960
I just mean we'llindependently have the shits.
335
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,840
- So, what... (clears throat)- -what happened to Varley,
336
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,360
then, the regular psych?
337
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,000
Uh, perfume accident, apparently.
338
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,960
Perfume accident?Bloody hell, how is he?
339
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,360
Incensed? (laughing)
340
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,120
- (laughing)- Get it? (chuckles)
341
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,520
Do you like jokes, then?
342
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,920
Oh, I love jokes!
343
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,040
OK.
344
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,040
I can't find the toiletsaround here.
345
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,560
They're right there.
346
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,960
Won't be long.
347
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,920
(groans)
348
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:05,520
And I couldn't eat it, so I justgave it to Mitch and, yeah, he ateit.
349
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,840
This is me. (laughs)
350
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:08,920
OK. Um.
351
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,960
Well, uh, thanks fora lovely evening.
352
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,080
Do you, um...Do you wanna come up for coffee?
353
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,920
Sure, I'd love to.
354
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,840
(Mitch) John!
355
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,400
Mitch, what are you doing?Are you drunk?
356
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,680
Yeah. It's a fair cop.
357
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:27,040
OK, well, I'm just quite busyright now, so, um...
358
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,040
Do you wanna go and nick a bus?
359
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,320
No, I don't wanna steal a bus.
360
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,440
There might be a bomb on it.I don't know. (laughs)
361
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,320
Mitch! Go home.
362
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,440
Oh!
363
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,440
I see what's goingon here. (laughing)
364
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,720
- (Pippa laughs)- Yes! (laughs)
365
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,920
Right, well, I'll be off, then.
366
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,400
Nick it by myself.
367
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,920
(gentle downbeat music)
368
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,440
You should probably go andmake sure that he's OK.
369
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,840
Or we could have thatsex that you mentioned?
370
00:15:57,840 --> 00:15:59,320
I didn't mention sex.
371
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,440
Coffee is...
372
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,920
He's gonna go and steal a bus.
373
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,520
Yeah, but he does thatevery video night.
374
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,960
- So, we...- Just go and I'll see tomorrow.
375
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,560
(gentle music)
376
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:18,680
- (screaming)- (dramatic music)
377
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,400
One of our own, taken fromright under your damn noses!
378
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,280
Pip?
379
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,120
As if I ain't got enoughon my plate right now,
380
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,360
what with that bus thatgot stolen last night!
381
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,320
(John) What are wegonna do, Chief?
382
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,160
(Chief)"We"? What do you mean "we"?
383
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,840
I've a good mindto take you off...
384
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,000
(upbeat funky music)
385
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:58,520
(Chief) I'm sick and tired ofcovering for you all the time!
386
00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,640
Way things are going,
387
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,000
you boys are lucky tostill have your badges!
388
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,680
(door knocking)
389
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,760
Sorry to interrupt,
390
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,920
but there's an urgentphone call for you, Chief.
391
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,840
We think it is Harry McCrane.
392
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,120
(gentle suspenseful music)
393
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,320
One.
394
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,360
(all)Hello?
395
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,040
This is Justice CityPolice Department.
396
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,400
Who the hell is this?
397
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,600
Hello, officer.If you want your precious Pippa
398
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,160
back in one piece,then I suggest you safely returnSteve
399
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,840
to the ice cream factory tonight.
400
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,640
And if there's funny business,
401
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,840
then Pippa will be sleeping withthe...
402
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,320
(phone dial clicking)
403
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,560
Hello?
404
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,200
Yeah, I'm on the phone. Hello?
405
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,720
Is that you, Harry?
406
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,360
Yes, Sandra. I'm on the line.
407
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,600
Oh, sorry, love.
408
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,000
I was calling you to gothrough the checklist
409
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,360
for the school run tomorrow.
410
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:54,840
All right. Go on, quickly.
411
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,240
- Fab?- Yep.
412
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,520
- Mint Feast?- Yep.
413
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:58,440
Screwballs?
414
00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,640
(Harry) No, they need restocking.
415
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,240
- Knobbly Bobbly?- Look, sorry, Sandra,
416
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,280
can we sort this later?
417
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,400
I'm in the middle ofa ransom call here!
418
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,960
(Sandra)Ooh! Very posh.
419
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,160
You'd better do what he wants,
420
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,080
cos he's a right moodybugger otherwise! (laughs)
421
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,120
Yeah, thank you, Sandra.
422
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,600
All right, so long! So long!
423
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,480
Bye, Sandra.
424
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,400
You know what to do.
425
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,960
(suspenseful music)
426
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,720
OK, let's get to work.
427
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,600
You two, prep theprisoner for exchange.
428
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,080
You boys made too many mistakes.
429
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,600
You beat up a suspect,blew up the evidence,
430
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:34,880
but I'm gonna giveyou one more chance,
431
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,240
because, deep down,I know that if there's one thing
432
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:42,360
you'll never do,it's dishonour the badge!
433
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,240
I have the forensicsreport from the bus
434
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,040
that was stolen last night.
435
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,040
(upbeat funky music)
436
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,400
(car horns blaring)
437
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,840
- Ice cream?- Oh, you fancy an ice cream?
438
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,920
Ice cream is the greatest healer.
439
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,600
No, time is the greatest healer.
440
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,840
Not in this case.
441
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,840
She'll probably be dead in a fewhours.
442
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,160
Right, that's it! Give me one reasonwhy I shouldn't kick you out of mycar!
443
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,200
I sleep in it.
444
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,720
What?
445
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,160
You've been sleeping in my car?
446
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,200
Pretty much.
447
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,000
(toothbrush clatters)
448
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,480
(John) How long for?
449
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,920
I try and get at least eight hours.
450
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,600
Think you'd better go.
451
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,480
All right.
452
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,680
Just let me pull oversomewhere safe so you can...
453
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,280
- Mitch?- (car horns blaring)
454
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,920
(smooth groovy music)
455
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,320
# You think you have it all #
456
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,440
# Then it all just slips away #
457
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,160
# When life startsbeating you down #
458
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:47,000
# You get drunk andgo and steal a bus #
459
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,680
# His partner ditchedhim for a rubbish girl #
460
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,120
# And drove off in the placehe called home #
461
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:57,080
# He just wanted a video night #
462
00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:01,440
# With the best movie in the world #
463
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,600
# Speed #
464
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,200
(TV Presenter) Swans areone of the few animals
465
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,560
that become mates for life.
466
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,400
No matter what happens,
467
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,640
they never turn theirback on their mate.
468
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,960
They always support theirpartner in their time of need.
469
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,920
Also, the male swan hasa retractable penis.
470
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,800
# Maybe John was too tough #
471
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:24,320
# Maybe John should'veput mates before dates #
472
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,120
# Mitch really did like crisps #
473
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,600
# Bacon #
474
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,160
- Mitch?- Don't make me touch it!
475
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,360
It's me, John!
476
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:40,960
John.
477
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:43,960
All right?
478
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,320
You got any change?
479
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,400
You're a mess, mate!What happened to you?
480
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,840
The streets, John.
481
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,520
The streets happened to me.
482
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,720
It's only been half an hour.
483
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,840
Time is meaninglesson the streets, John.
484
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,160
Look, I'm sorry I ditched videonight to go out with Pippa.
485
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,320
That's all right.I'm sorry I called her a twat.
486
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,840
Did you?
487
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:07,840
No.
488
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:12,080
Look, the thing is I've lostmy gun, I've lost my badge,
489
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,440
more importantly,
490
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:16,800
I lost my home.
491
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,320
Don't do that. Don't touch that.
492
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,280
- Don't.- What I'm trying to say is
493
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,400
if you wanna get Pippaback, then let's do it.
494
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,840
Just because we don'thave our badges any more,
495
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,080
doesn't mean we're not cops.
496
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,600
That's exactly what it means.
497
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,640
Yeah.
498
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,680
Let's go save the bloody day,partner.
499
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,200
All right, partner.
500
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,000
(upbeat funky music)
501
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,480
- What are you doing?- Let me in there!
502
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,440
- Get off!- It's right there!
503
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:46,560
- Get out!- What's wrong with you?
504
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,600
(suspenseful music)
505
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,040
I think this is the place.
506
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,200
We need a way in.
507
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,760
(suspenseful music)
508
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,120
(upbeat funky music)
509
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,080
I've got it.
510
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,000
(car tyres screeching)
511
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,160
(upbeat funky music)
512
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,000
(glass smashing)
513
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,800
(tense groovy music)
514
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,720
Shit! Chief's herewith Steve already.
515
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,760
It's OK, I've got a plan.
516
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,800
Go on.
517
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,200
But you're gonna have to goin there and buy me some time.
518
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,280
OK, run it past me.
519
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,520
Nah, it's brilliant. Trust me.
520
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,320
I really think it's best we chatthese plans through first.
521
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,960
John, I know I've let youdown before, but not now.
522
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,040
(gentle emotive music)
523
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,960
Not this time.Just trust me, partner.
524
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,160
I trust you, partner.
525
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,320
- Wait!- What?
526
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,000
- I got a different plan.- What's wrong with the first one?
527
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,680
- It wouldn't have worked.- What?
528
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,120
You might've beenkilled, actually.
529
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,360
We were about to go and do it!
530
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:05,880
It's fine.
531
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,960
This one's much better.
532
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,120
- Trust me.- Mitch?
533
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,920
Mitch.
534
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,080
Mitch!
535
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,840
(tense music)
536
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,760
Welcome home, son.
537
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,520
You ain't never gonnaget away with this, McCrane!
538
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:24,120
Pippa, would you liketo join your friends?
539
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,640
(tense music continues)
540
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,520
Grab 'em!
541
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,160
(guns clunking)
542
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,040
Mmm!
543
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:39,520
Thank you for reuniting mewith my darling husband.
544
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,720
Oh, no, it looks likeit's a double-cross!
545
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,240
But how did she do it?
546
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,160
Oh, it was all prettysimple, really.
547
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,800
(gentle funky music)
548
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,600
(Varley whistling)
549
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:52,640
Varley?
550
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:55,920
Argh!
551
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,840
- (body thuds)- How do you think he feels?
552
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:58,880
Incensed!
553
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,440
(men laughing)
554
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,160
Well, I must say, young lady,
555
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,200
this resume ismighty impressive.
556
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,680
What can I say?I'm a psychologist with a capital S!
557
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,160
Sounds good to me.Welcome aboard!
558
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,960
(grunts) Cheers, Sandra.
559
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,560
It's quite fun, actually,this crime stuff, isn't it?
560
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,040
(laughing)
561
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,640
Once I convinced youI was one of your own,
562
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,320
I knew you'd give upSteve to get me back.
563
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,880
Wait!
564
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,160
(suspenseful music)
565
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:36,320
John! Please tellme you've got a gun.
566
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,800
No, Chief, I'm not armed,
567
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,680
except with the weapon of love.
568
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,160
Oh, shit!
569
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,000
Pip, I'm here to rescue you.
570
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,760
- Um...- John,
571
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,120
- she just said that she's...- Don't try and stop me, Chief.
572
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,200
(gentle tender music)
573
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,040
There's something I wanna say.
574
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:11,280
I will never let anythingstand in the way of our love.
575
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,600
Oh, Jesus!
576
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,920
- John, she just told us...- Because you and me, Pippa...
577
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:20,600
# We are meant to be together #
578
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,960
# Like two peas in a pod #
579
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:28,520
# Or some doves flyinghigh in the sky #
580
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,600
# Tweet-tweet, you're my girl #
581
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,040
- I'm a crook, mate.- What?
582
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,120
I literally just toldeveryone before you came in.
583
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,160
So...
584
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,680
Yeah! (laughs)Yeah, I knew that.
585
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,240
That was...
586
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,120
That was, um...
587
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:47,320
I think someone's dropped somethingon the floor just over here.
588
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,200
- I'm just gonna...- Dignity?
589
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,360
- No.- Your self-esteem?
590
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:50,720
Not helping, Chief.
591
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,520
Well, that was the most embarrassingthing I've ever seen.
592
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,360
Right, let's kill 'em.
593
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:56,400
Just try not to make a mess
594
00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,040
or I'll have environmentalhealth all over me.
595
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,640
- Three, two...- (gentle chiming music)
596
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,200
What's that bleeding racket?
597
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,320
- (truck engine revving)- (upbeat music)
598
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,200
Do you wanna flakewith that, bitch?
599
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,880
(upbeat funky music)
600
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,920
Nice work, Mitch.
601
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,240
How did you knowPippa was a baddie?
602
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,240
(dramatic music)
603
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:23,800
She's what?
604
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:24,920
(gentle music)
605
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,200
(Clive) Ice cream or drugs?
606
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,360
What?
607
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,600
Only joking! We don't dothat any more. (laughing)
608
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,880
I'll get you an ice cream.There you go.
609
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,920
Sorry it didn't work outwith your girlfriend, mate.
610
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,520
Oh, that's all right.She'll come crawling back.
611
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,840
Well, she'll have to,she's paralysed from the waist down.
612
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,440
Well, boys, we learned a lot today.
613
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,240
I learned somethingnew about love.
614
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,560
I learned somethingnew about swans.
615
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:48,880
And I got brain freeze!
616
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,800
(all laughing)
617
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,960
- Yeah!- Oh! Oh, me, too!
618
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,840
- Oh!- (all laughing)
619
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,880
(whining)
620
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,040
(laughing) I've got it as well, now!
621
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,360
You don't know what we'retalking about, do you?
622
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:03,520
I don't know what we're doing.
623
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:08,560
- (all laughing)- (upbeat smooth music)
624
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,360
(upbeat funky music)
50625
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