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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:05,464 Hey, Stevens, 2 00:00:05,546 --> 00:00:08,966 you're still seeing that guy who hocks adult diapers on TV? 3 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,343 Well, he doesn't do that anymore, 4 00:00:10,426 --> 00:00:13,179 but, yes, he is my husband for two years now. 5 00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:16,140 - Very cool. - Congrats, Stevens. 6 00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,809 - Gay married? - Yeah. 7 00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:18,769 Look at you. 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,896 Say, which one's the wife and which one's the husband... 9 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,814 if you know what I mean? 10 00:00:22,897 --> 00:00:24,608 Which part fits where? 11 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:28,195 Really, that's none of your fucking business, Hooper. 12 00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,865 Just fuckin' with you. I love you, Stevens. 13 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,367 Even though you're a big ol' homo. 14 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,993 Well, I love you, too, man. 15 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,625 Man, Stevens, I saw you working out in the gym. 16 00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:42,960 You look good for an old timer. 17 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,337 The boss isn't around, 18 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,213 so you can knock it off with the digs. 19 00:00:47,296 --> 00:00:48,840 No digs, just paying you a compliment. 20 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:49,883 Yeah. 21 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:53,052 Feel free to compliment me if you see anything you like. 22 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,431 I'm married. 23 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,268 Last week I drilled Putin's defense minister while 24 00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:01,228 licking Russian caviar off the back of his neck. 25 00:01:01,310 --> 00:01:03,229 He was wearing a wedding ring, too. 26 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,022 Yeah, okay. 27 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:07,775 I hope you won't hold it against me when I take that promotion. 28 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,195 I hope you won't hold it against me when I tell you to fuck off. 29 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:15,033 What the...? Okay! Come on! All right! 30 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,496 So, this is awkward. 31 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,875 Our junk is touching. 32 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,794 Mission accomplished. 33 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:37,264 ♪Where the bears are We wanna be♪ 34 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:44,146 SEASON 6 EPISODE 2 BEARS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT 35 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,442 INQUISITIVE CHANNEL 36 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,737 They're firing you? 37 00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:53,446 Yeah, well, the official reason is 38 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,073 they need the money for Cyril's expanded dressing room. 39 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,784 That's outrageous! I'm good! I'm good! 40 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,620 I'm sending my son to grad school. 41 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,079 That's not cheap, you know. 42 00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:03,582 Cyril's getting a bigger dressing room 43 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:04,583 and I'm not? 44 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,587 Reggie, could you put a good word in for me, please? 45 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:12,673 I'd be happy as a tick on a fat dog's ass. 46 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,968 Of course, Frank, anything for you. 47 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,802 You know I'm always here for you, right? 48 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,223 Step aside, Sling Blade! Hot Arab at 2 o'clock! 49 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,644 Sorry, only people connected to the show 50 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,271 can speak to the prince, and I don't recognize you. 51 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,149 Oh, it's okay, Rami. He works here. 52 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,526 I don't just work here, 53 00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,236 I am the star of the show! 54 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,445 Didn't you see the giant poster of me hanging on the wall 55 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,406 - as you came in? - Oh, no, no, no. 56 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,242 I had that removed until the one with both of us 57 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,494 is ready now that we have equal billing. 58 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,539 Well, I certainly know who you are. 59 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,290 Prince Omar Al-Fayeed, new owner 60 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:48,168 of the Inquisitive Channel and a huge fan of your work. 61 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,254 Oh, well, thank you. 62 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:53,256 I'm a huge fan of hot, hairy... 63 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,343 ...Arab men with lots of money. 64 00:02:56,425 --> 00:02:57,593 I was just telling Cyril, 65 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,638 although the channel is under new management, 66 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,348 Murder Time with Reggie Hatch-- 67 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,100 and Cyril Bowers. 68 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:04,685 Well, actually if you were to go by Q ratings, 69 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,687 it should be "Murder Time with Cyril Bowers... 70 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,231 and Reggie Hatch." 71 00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:11,692 Bam! 72 00:03:14,151 --> 00:03:17,196 Well, I consider Murder Time to be our flagship series, 73 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:19,908 and it will play a crucial role in our future plans. 74 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:20,825 Oh? 75 00:03:20,908 --> 00:03:22,870 - Watch out! Watch out! - What the hell? 76 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,580 Assassin, assassin! 77 00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:26,540 That is not an assassin, you idiot. 78 00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:28,457 That's Eddie. He's just here to make sure 79 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,711 Cyril doesn't try to chew someone's face off. 80 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,880 Everybody's so jumpy when I'm around, 81 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,298 but I'm really just a pussycat. 82 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,257 Meow! 83 00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,552 My apologies, Your Highness. 84 00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:41,346 (buzzer sounds) 85 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,390 Oh, they need me and Cyril on set. 86 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,683 Don't go too far, Your Highness. 87 00:03:44,765 --> 00:03:46,350 I would love to show you around later. 88 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,395 Maybe we can start with my dressing room? 89 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,230 Let's go. 90 00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,442 Do you think they suspect why we're really here? 91 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,278 No, I think we're good. 92 00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,199 It's not exactly a brain trust around here. 93 00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:06,120 ONE DAY BEFORE THE MURDER 94 00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:11,043 What's the issue now, Dorkoff? 95 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,504 We are already an hour behind schedule, 96 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,254 and I'm supposed to be at home cooking 97 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,757 dinner for my husband's boss. 98 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,341 Where the hell is Toby? 99 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:19,927 Toby will be here. 100 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:22,721 He's wrapping up a meeting with the producers right now. 101 00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:25,681 Oh, no, no, no, please, God. Scott, tell me you're 102 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,350 not making him a series regular. 103 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,144 Relax. You're going to shoot and kill him 104 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:31,480 just as I wrote in the original script, all right? 105 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,274 - Thank me! - Thank you, Jesus. 106 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,526 Yeah, we're developing a new sitcom 107 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,278 and a character just for him. 108 00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,197 - He is huge in social media. - Huge. 109 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:41,781 I've got to think of a good name for that. 110 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,033 What about, Everybody Loves Toby? 111 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,744 - Everybody does love Toby. - That Darn Toby. 112 00:04:45,826 --> 00:04:47,079 - That Darn Toby. - What's Up with Toby? 113 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,330 - What's Up with Toby? - Toby is so darn funny! 114 00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:51,332 - Toby! Toby! Toby! - Toby! Toby! Toby! 115 00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:53,752 - What about Not Dorkoff ? - Yeah, exactly. 116 00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,295 Powder me. 117 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,298 Stay strong, Nelson. He will be gone soon, 118 00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,800 and everything will be back to normal. 119 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,844 I sure hope so, because I am at my wit's end. 120 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,764 - What is it, Kenny? - Oh, no, nothing. 121 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:09,141 Kenny? Tell me, you're my best friend. 122 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,812 You're the only person that talks to me on this entire set. 123 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,230 Toby tweeted about you again. 124 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,732 Oh, God! 125 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,318 "What do you get when you breed Nelson Dorkoff with a groundhog? 126 00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,405 Six more weeks of bad acting." 127 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,323 That's terrible, that's terrible. 128 00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,367 I'm gonna go. I'll see you later. 129 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,661 God, I hate him! 130 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,290 Give me some concealer, please? 131 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,877 More. 132 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,336 More, please. 133 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,759 I call this board of directors' meeting 134 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,678 for Sporting Wood Limited to order. 135 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,930 I shall now commence with the roll call. 136 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,225 Creative Director and Head Designer George Ridgemont? 137 00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:52,685 Check. 138 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,730 Chief Model and Resident Beefcake Chuck Chambers. 139 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:59,568 Check. Founder and CEO Woodrow Burns. 140 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,111 Woodrow Burns! 141 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:03,780 I can't believe he didn't show. 142 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:04,947 That's you, Wood. 143 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,657 Oh, right. Oh, right. 144 00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:08,035 Check. So... 145 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:12,206 now, first order of business: company expansion plans. 146 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,915 Well, I just invested in a new dick pump 147 00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,709 that gives me an even more pronounced bulge. 148 00:06:15,791 --> 00:06:18,628 That's great, Chuck. But I think we can go even bigger. 149 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,630 Well, sure, as long as I can submit the bill 150 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,382 for penis-enlargement surgery as a company expense. 151 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:25,593 No, what I'm talking about is starting a film division! 152 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,847 Oh, Wood, that's a wonderful idea. 153 00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:32,643 I have always been a frustrated filmmaker, 154 00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:36,230 ever since I was ten years old and I did a shot-by-shot remake 155 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,856 of Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments. 156 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:42,944 I cast my cousin as Moses and I played Nefretiri, 157 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:46,365 originally played by the amazing Ann Baxter. 158 00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:50,618 "Oh, Moses, Moses, you lovable, adorable fool, you!" 159 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,872 I want to make porn films! 160 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,541 I don't know, Wood. 161 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:57,500 When I signed on for this, 162 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,461 I didn't expect to be starring in porn movies. 163 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:02,213 You don't have to worry about that, I'm gonna be the star. 164 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,508 You just have to have sex with me on camera. 165 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,927 Oh, well, in that case, no problem. 166 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:10,764 And as the auteur, in the tradition 167 00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:14,268 of my creative inspirations Hitchcock, Truffaut, 168 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,019 and of course, Almodovar, 169 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,939 I will assemble all of the elements into a bold, 170 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,774 fresh, exciting mise-en-scène. 171 00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:26,445 Yeah, about that, George, I think that we need to have 172 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,781 an experienced porn director on the set, 173 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:32,870 so I've already put in a call to Sebastian St. James. 174 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,454 That man is a hack! 175 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,709 He has no creative style, no sense of vision. 176 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,001 His last film, 177 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,588 that musical Rimming in the Rain was a critical disaster. 178 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,967 I mean, who eats ass in a thunderstorm? 179 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,677 Well, I'm sorry, George, my mind is made up. 180 00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:56,475 You can't be the director, but you could be on-set fluffer. 181 00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,645 Mmm, so, 182 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:04,318 you think I'm going to spend hours on end, on my knees, 183 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:08,906 sucking on hot porn-star cock, just to earn my paycheck? 184 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,031 Uh, yah. 185 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,658 You are so right! 186 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,163 We're making a movie! 187 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:21,752 ♪Where the bears are We wanna be♪ 188 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,170 ♪Where the bears are Where the bears are♪ 13403

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