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1
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,503
Bible Porn: the Story
of Adam and Steve, take one.
2
00:02:43,254 --> 00:02:45,090
And… action!
3
00:02:47,258 --> 00:02:48,885
I’m hungry, Adam.
4
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:50,930
Look, Steve,
that man has an apple.
5
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,224
Can I tempt you with a bite?
6
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:56,226
Or would you rather
swallow my serpent?
7
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,228
Sss!
8
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:58,521
That’s a big snake.
9
00:02:59,854 --> 00:03:00,688
Yeah.
10
00:03:03,442 --> 00:03:05,110
What’s the matter, Wood?
11
00:03:05,902 --> 00:03:08,572
I’m… sorry, Sebastian.
I...
12
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,074
can’t seem to get…
13
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,116
get hard.
14
00:03:11,783 --> 00:03:13,536
This has never really happened
to me before.
15
00:03:13,618 --> 00:03:15,120
Come on, man!
16
00:03:15,204 --> 00:03:16,705
All right.
Everyone, take five!
17
00:03:16,788 --> 00:03:18,331
Wood can’t get wood.
18
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:30,093
♪Where the bears are,
We wanna be♪
19
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:37,058
SEASON 6
EPISODE 11 THE BEAR CONSPIRACY
20
00:03:41,729 --> 00:03:44,483
We have a dangerous assassin
loose in this city somewhere.
21
00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:46,694
I try to reach you,
and you’re off the grid?
22
00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:47,735
I wasn't off the grid, sir.
23
00:03:47,819 --> 00:03:50,030
I was trying to clear my husband
of the charges against him.
24
00:03:50,114 --> 00:03:52,116
I don’t give a flying fuck
about your husband.
25
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,868
I care about you doing your job!
26
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:56,203
And while you were out playing
loyal puppy dog
27
00:03:56,287 --> 00:03:58,789
to that ridiculous narcissist
you married,
28
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,665
we cleared the one
lead you gave us.
29
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:02,918
Prince Omar isn’t the assassin?
30
00:04:03,002 --> 00:04:04,003
Not even close.
31
00:04:04,086 --> 00:04:05,588
And neither is his bodyguard.
32
00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:07,088
According to the intel
from operatives
33
00:04:07,173 --> 00:04:09,133
that are actually working
for me!
34
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,218
Well, then what was Rami
talking about in that email?
35
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,137
See this face, Stevens?
36
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:15,181
This is the face of a man
who doesn’t give a shit.
37
00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:18,141
It's also the face of a deeply
unhappily married man
38
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:21,145
who wakes up every morning
next to a neurotic frigid shrew
39
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,396
wondering where
it all went wrong.
40
00:04:22,478 --> 00:04:23,938
But I digress!
41
00:04:24,023 --> 00:04:26,400
Now get out of here
and find me some answers!
42
00:04:31,112 --> 00:04:32,865
Everyone having a good laugh?
43
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:34,657
Fuck.
44
00:04:36,451 --> 00:04:37,286
Having a bad day?
45
00:04:37,369 --> 00:04:39,622
Yeah, and sadly,
it just got worse.
46
00:04:39,704 --> 00:04:42,123
You have a couple of horny studs
waiting for you in your office.
47
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:44,877
Why would you plan a mid-day
orgy and not invite me?
48
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,419
I’m hurt.
49
00:04:46,504 --> 00:04:47,754
If you don’t get out
of my fucking way,
50
00:04:47,838 --> 00:04:49,757
I’ll show you a
whole new world of hurt.
51
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:51,466
I’m always up for a little kink.
52
00:04:58,223 --> 00:04:59,641
Hey, it’s Chico and the Man.
53
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:02,853
So what did you guys find?
54
00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:04,939
Well, we talked to one
of our buddies in Forensics,
55
00:05:05,021 --> 00:05:07,983
and we may have our killer:
Kenny Kim.
56
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:10,860
The prop master?
I thought we cleared him.
57
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,695
He wasn’t the last person
to handle the gun.
58
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,864
Nelson had passed it
to that Rami guy.
59
00:05:14,949 --> 00:05:15,783
Well, explain this:
60
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:18,201
why are Kenny’s fingerprints
on one of the bullets in the gun
61
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,162
that Nelson used
to shoot Toby Marsden?
62
00:05:20,245 --> 00:05:22,080
Oh, holy shit.
63
00:05:22,163 --> 00:05:24,541
Plus, he’s only been
with the show for a few weeks,
64
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,418
and we still can’t find
any previous work history
65
00:05:26,502 --> 00:05:27,920
of him as a prop master.
66
00:05:28,002 --> 00:05:29,587
Who is this guy?
Where is he from?
67
00:05:29,672 --> 00:05:32,299
We also found out about a couple
of large deposits
68
00:05:32,382 --> 00:05:33,675
made to Kenny’s bank account.
69
00:05:33,759 --> 00:05:35,093
It looks like somebody paid
70
00:05:35,177 --> 00:05:36,720
Kenny to set up
Nelson for the murder.
71
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:37,971
We just don’t know who.
72
00:05:38,055 --> 00:05:39,264
Well, you guys
need to get to Kenny.
73
00:05:39,348 --> 00:05:41,516
- Like right now, today.
- Yeah, we’re on it.
74
00:05:43,935 --> 00:05:45,436
Whoa, done already?
75
00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:47,648
I even brought my own
candy-flavored condoms.
76
00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:52,862
Oh, come on, you guys look
like you have a sweet tooth.
77
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:57,991
MRU
MALE RAPE UNIT
78
00:05:58,074 --> 00:05:59,367
How did they find out?
79
00:06:00,619 --> 00:06:02,830
Yes, I know what I have to do.
80
00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:06,040
Hey, Kenny.
81
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:08,960
We’d like to have
a word with you.
82
00:06:13,214 --> 00:06:14,048
Get him, get him.
83
00:06:22,348 --> 00:06:23,558
Hold it, Kenny!
84
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,146
Relax, Kenny, we just want
to ask you a few questions.
85
00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:29,439
Yeah, no one’s going
to get hurt.
86
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,233
(speaks foreign language)
87
00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:35,486
- What did he take?
- I don’t know.
88
00:06:38,156 --> 00:06:39,240
What's going on?
89
00:06:39,949 --> 00:06:40,825
Kenny!
90
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:43,579
Kenny!
91
00:06:45,915 --> 00:06:47,750
- What the—
- Oh, shit.
92
00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:54,798
The rotund B actor was
last seen fleeing the set
93
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:58,134
of the hit TV series
Law and Order: MRU
94
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,762
with an unknown accomplice.
95
00:06:59,845 --> 00:07:03,265
“Unknown accomplice"?
I am a huge TV personality!
96
00:07:03,348 --> 00:07:04,807
I can’t believe
they didn’t say my name.
97
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,519
This could be a big windfall
for my show.
98
00:07:06,601 --> 00:07:08,895
Shh, would you shut up!
I’m trying to watch this!
99
00:07:08,978 --> 00:07:11,606
The two disguised themselves
and stormed the set
100
00:07:11,689 --> 00:07:14,735
despite the restraining order
against Dorkoff forbidding him
101
00:07:14,817 --> 00:07:16,528
to be anywhere
near the production.
102
00:07:16,612 --> 00:07:19,448
He is now at large
and wanted by the police
103
00:07:19,531 --> 00:07:21,991
for violating the conditions
of his bail.
104
00:07:22,076 --> 00:07:24,161
I can’t believe
they didn’t even mention me!
105
00:07:24,954 --> 00:07:26,579
Guys, I can’t believe it.
106
00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:27,997
- I’m incompetent.
- What?
107
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,375
I can’t get it up, like,
for the first time ever!
108
00:07:30,459 --> 00:07:31,627
It’s “impotent,” Wood.
109
00:07:31,709 --> 00:07:33,419
Getting hard is my livelihood.
110
00:07:33,504 --> 00:07:34,879
I-I don’t know
what is happening!
111
00:07:34,963 --> 00:07:37,632
Uh, would you please
tell “Beer Can Bart,”
112
00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:40,468
or whatever the hell you call
him, to get out of my face!
113
00:07:40,552 --> 00:07:42,221
Wood, I’m in real trouble here!
114
00:07:42,971 --> 00:07:45,348
You don’t think this is
because George quit, do you?
115
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,894
Honestly, I-I haven’t felt
complete since he’s been gone.
116
00:07:48,978 --> 00:07:50,603
You know what?
117
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,981
The old standby,
turn to GROWLr.
118
00:07:53,064 --> 00:07:54,899
- Oh, God.
- Okay, here we go.
119
00:07:54,983 --> 00:07:56,734
- Gross.
- Oh, yeah, this guy’s hot.
120
00:07:56,819 --> 00:07:58,278
- Bob, you like this?
- Yeah.
121
00:07:58,362 --> 00:07:59,196
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
122
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,947
Bob, hello?
123
00:08:01,031 --> 00:08:03,117
Okay, come on!
124
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:04,492
All right, how about this guy?
125
00:08:04,576 --> 00:08:06,120
Oh, yeah, I like that.
126
00:08:06,202 --> 00:08:07,954
Oh, yeah, Bob?
127
00:08:08,038 --> 00:08:09,206
You like what I’m seeing?
128
00:08:09,290 --> 00:08:11,250
Come on, Bob,
what are you doing?
129
00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,836
These guys are hot.
You should be throbbing!
130
00:08:13,918 --> 00:08:14,961
Bob!
131
00:08:15,045 --> 00:08:16,254
Can you believe him?
132
00:08:16,338 --> 00:08:17,173
What I can’t believe
133
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:18,923
is that I’m not the one
on trial for murder.
134
00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:20,592
Why do you always have
to steal focus?
135
00:08:20,675 --> 00:08:22,093
Oh, for God’s sake.
136
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:23,512
Nelson!
137
00:08:23,928 --> 00:08:25,889
I came as soon as I could!
You’re all over the news!
138
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:26,848
What were you thinking?
139
00:08:26,932 --> 00:08:28,850
You’re going to have to go
to jail and stand trial.
140
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:30,352
I know.
The police are on their way.
141
00:08:30,435 --> 00:08:31,728
I turn myself in.
142
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,480
I-I want to fight
this the right way.
143
00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:34,814
Oh, my God.
This is so fucked up.
144
00:08:34,899 --> 00:08:35,982
I can’t believe
this is happening!
145
00:08:36,066 --> 00:08:37,276
I know, I know!
146
00:08:37,359 --> 00:08:38,735
What if I'm convicted, Todd?
147
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,029
What if-- what if I go to prison
for the rest of my life?
148
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:42,198
- No, no.
- Oh, God!
149
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,907
What if I’m there and-and
150
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,992
what if-what if they don’t allow
conjugal visits?
151
00:08:46,076 --> 00:08:47,494
What if I never see you again?
152
00:08:47,577 --> 00:08:49,788
What if-- What if you and I can
never have sex again,
153
00:08:49,871 --> 00:08:50,705
ever in our lives?
154
00:08:50,788 --> 00:08:52,499
- Don’t, don’t—
- Oh, my God.
155
00:08:52,582 --> 00:08:53,875
We have got to take advantage
156
00:08:53,958 --> 00:08:55,001
of these last moments
157
00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:56,921
of freedom right now,
while we can.
158
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,589
You want to have sex now?
159
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,466
No, Todd, I don’t want
to have just sex right now,
160
00:09:01,549 --> 00:09:04,469
I want to have the best fucking
sex we've ever had...
161
00:09:04,552 --> 00:09:06,013
- Yeah?
- ...in our entire lives.
162
00:09:06,096 --> 00:09:11,476
I want to remember it every
night for the next 20 years.
163
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:13,645
Turn around, spread them,
you little bitch!
164
00:09:13,729 --> 00:09:14,939
Oh, yeah!
165
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,441
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Oh, yeah!
166
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,567
(growling)
167
00:09:19,652 --> 00:09:21,487
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
168
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:22,780
Yeah.
169
00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:25,490
Giddyup! Giddyup, cowboy!
170
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,372
(both grunting)
171
00:09:32,456 --> 00:09:33,374
(spraying)
172
00:09:33,456 --> 00:09:35,125
- Get!
- (indistinct yelling)
173
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,543
Yeah, yeah.
174
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,464
God.
175
00:09:42,758 --> 00:09:44,802
Oh, my fucking God!
That’s too much!
176
00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:51,307
Oh, God!
177
00:10:01,652 --> 00:10:03,112
Now, my dick’s sore.
178
00:10:03,195 --> 00:10:04,697
Mine’s chafed.
179
00:10:04,779 --> 00:10:06,740
- But it was hot.
- Uh-huh.
180
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,117
Hey, what’s
taking the police so long?
181
00:10:09,201 --> 00:10:10,326
Hang on.
182
00:10:10,952 --> 00:10:12,288
Stevens?
183
00:10:14,623 --> 00:10:16,041
Cyanide?
184
00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:20,837
Why would Kenny kill himself
before he had a chance to—
185
00:10:22,548 --> 00:10:23,548
Fuck,
186
00:10:23,631 --> 00:10:24,632
I gotta go.
187
00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:27,052
Nelson, baby,
we gotta get outta here.
188
00:10:27,135 --> 00:10:29,012
This is much bigger
than we thought.
189
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,056
There’s some kind
of conspiracy going on here.
190
00:10:31,139 --> 00:10:32,515
Listen, I’m afraid
if you go back to jail,
191
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,808
your life might be in danger.
192
00:10:33,893 --> 00:10:35,186
We gotta hide you someplace safe
193
00:10:35,269 --> 00:10:36,644
until I can figure out
what the fuck is going on.
194
00:10:36,729 --> 00:10:37,605
We need to get
out of here right now!
195
00:10:37,687 --> 00:10:38,521
- Okay, okay.
- Right now!
196
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,231
- I parked in back.
- Okay.
197
00:10:40,316 --> 00:10:41,358
(knocking)
198
00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:42,860
This is Officer Mark Loeffler,
199
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:45,778
and I'm here with Officer
Dennis Fee from the LAPD.
200
00:10:45,863 --> 00:10:47,072
- Open up!
- Go.
201
00:10:47,155 --> 00:10:49,324
Hop the fence in the back, get
to the neighbor’s yard, and run.
202
00:10:49,408 --> 00:10:50,826
- I’ll stall for time.
- Okay.
203
00:10:50,909 --> 00:10:52,118
(imitating Nelson)
Hello, Officer Loeffler,
204
00:10:52,202 --> 00:10:53,828
this is Nelson Dorkoff.
205
00:10:53,913 --> 00:10:54,913
What do you want?
206
00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:58,375
You violated the conditions
of your bail, Mr. Dorkoff.
207
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,084
We’re here to place you
under arrest
208
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,586
and take you back to jail.
209
00:11:01,669 --> 00:11:03,296
How in the hell can you do that?
210
00:11:03,379 --> 00:11:04,923
(normal voice) It's a skill I
picked up in spy training, okay?
211
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:06,216
Just go!
212
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,176
(imitating Nelson) Please,
give me an ankle monitor!
213
00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:10,095
Anything!
I can’t go back to jail.
214
00:11:10,178 --> 00:11:11,554
The toilet seats are too small,
215
00:11:11,639 --> 00:11:13,557
and the fried bologna
gives me terrible gas!
216
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:14,849
Oh, God!
217
00:11:14,933 --> 00:11:16,769
Okay, that is just freaky!
218
00:11:16,851 --> 00:11:17,685
(normal voice) Go!
219
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:19,521
Freeze, Dorkoff!
220
00:11:19,605 --> 00:11:23,149
♪Where the bears are,
We wanna be♪
221
00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:25,653
♪Where the bears are,
Where the bears are♪
15031
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