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DRAMATIC MUSIC
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SQUAWKING
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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welcome to this movie theatre -
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the doors of which,
you will note, are now locked.
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- DOORS SLAM
- So you may abandon
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any hope of escape.
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I see you have a predilection
for the macabre.
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00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:34,660
So allow me to whet your appetite
for a tale of terror
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00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:38,740
that will challenge
your very concept of evil.
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00:00:40,260 --> 00:00:43,580
In a wild and ravaged corner
of this country,
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00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:46,020
more than a century-and-a-half ago,
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00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:49,820
legendary was the name of
Sir Jacob Surtees,
14
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:53,220
a heartless nobleman
of dark Satanic powers.
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00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,300
Assuming the guise of
a hideous phantasm,
16
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,220
he would stalk his prey.
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Sating his thirst for flesh
in a most vile and twisted manner.
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00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:16,420
To a ghastly theatre
of perverted practice
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00:01:16,420 --> 00:01:19,420
and torture were conveyed
the objects of his lust
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00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:21,460
and their ill-fated lovers...
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No!
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..where, it was averred by those
who were forced to watch,
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he would consign each victim
to ungodly oblivion.
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SCREAMING
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00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,620
To the end of his days,
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00:01:56,620 --> 00:02:03,060
no rational means or human agency
could ever account for the horrors
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00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:06,140
that took place in that chamber -
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as you too, my friends,
will discover when you encounter
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00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:14,220
the Brides Of The Damned.
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00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:45,020
OK, you'll be ready to stretch
your legs now, probably.
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00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,740
Rain seems to be easing off
a bit, so...
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00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:50,180
Only, I'd as soon not go
any further.
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00:03:51,460 --> 00:03:54,340
It's just, erm, this place,
you know?
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00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:57,820
Obviously, don't want to believe
everything you hear, but...
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00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,340
BIRDS CAW, THUNDER RUMBLES
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00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:04,140
No worries.
Erm, what do we owe you?
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I know it sounds stupid, but...
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No, no, no. We understand.
There you go.
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00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,420
DOORBELL RINGS
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00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:49,660
15 years of nightmares.
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00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,380
GASPING
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00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:01,820
I suppose this was
never going to be easy.
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00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:04,180
Hey, remember the mantra?
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00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:06,860
It's just bricks and cement...
45
00:05:06,860 --> 00:05:09,540
and a shitload
of Victorian superstition.
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00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:14,940
As houses go, it's as safe as...
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Argh! Ah!
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What the hell?! You all right?
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00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,980
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Give me a break! - Sorry, sorry.
50
00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:24,420
- That was NOT supposed to happen.
- God almighty. Stephen?
51
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,220
The masonry up there, I think.
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00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:29,300
- Talk about a deathtrap.
- It's seen better days.
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00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:31,660
ECHOING SCREAMING
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00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:47,140
HE SIGHS
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00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:51,820
Who was it said, "Every time
Nathan Clore directed a film,
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00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:53,420
"it was a turkey shoot"?
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00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:58,580
Er, some smartarse wordsmith.
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00:05:58,580 --> 00:05:59,820
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
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00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:06,900
Oh! Of course. This is, er...
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00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,220
A consequence of
his most recent aneurysm
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00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:12,020
has been a near-total shutdown
of the body's neurological
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00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:14,220
and motor functions.
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00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,020
But he CAN still hear.
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00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:24,660
And his eyes, Mr Belkin,
I should warn you,
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00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:26,500
are very much alive.
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00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,500
Erm...
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00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:38,580
I always thought the only way
I could deal with what happened
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00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:42,020
was to put as much distance between
the two of us as possible.
69
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:48,580
But then I suppose you grow up,
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00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:50,860
realise the futility of denial.
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00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,700
And when I got your letter
two weeks ago...
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00:06:57,660 --> 00:07:00,860
Your stepfather had so much
he wanted to say to you.
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00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:03,660
It was barely three days
after he wrote that.
74
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:09,620
It's beyond cruel,
the way things have worked out.
75
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:13,500
"The time has finally come,
for you to learn the truth."
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00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:19,620
Somewhere in this house,
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if we look hard enough,
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00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,540
we'll get to unlock the past.
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00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:27,540
God help us...
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00:07:27,540 --> 00:07:29,180
to live with what we find.
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00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,820
CHURCH BELLS CHIME
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00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:41,460
Hello, is that Laszlo Hasselhoff,
of Hasselhoff Hassle-Free Removals?
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00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,420
It's Jonathan Creek.
84
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,220
Yeah, this text you've sent me.
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00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:48,820
"Job number 640C 2B confirmed."
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00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:53,500
Does that mean you're confirming
job number 640C 2B,
87
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:57,820
or that job number 640C
is still awaiting process?
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00:07:57,820 --> 00:07:59,540
In spite of the fact, I notice,
89
00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:02,420
that my cheque for the deposit
cleared 11 days ago.
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00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,580
Creek.
91
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:07,940
C-R-E-E...
92
00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:11,020
Yes, all right, put Zoltan on.
93
00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:13,260
RADIO: House Of Fun
by Madness
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00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,700
'Hello.
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- 'Speaking. No. No, no...'
- How about this?
96
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,460
Oh, perfect!
97
00:08:19,460 --> 00:08:21,140
With the front turned up, maybe.
98
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,100
'Can I...can I stop you there?'
99
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:26,140
- Oh, I know what I meant
to say to you, Polly. - Mm?
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00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:29,700
My other half, last week, was
doing a job at this big, old house,
101
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:33,340
erm, Daemons' Roost,
did he say was the name of it?
102
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:37,020
Reckoned there'd been all sorts
of strange and unexplained stuff
103
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,820
gone on there over the years.
104
00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:41,060
Owner's on his last legs now,
105
00:08:41,060 --> 00:08:44,340
and the step-daughter's come back
to take over the property.
106
00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:47,180
Well, straightaway, of course,
I thought of Jonathan.
107
00:08:47,180 --> 00:08:49,460
Sounded just the sort of thing
he might be inter...
108
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:52,540
Yes! Er, are you sure that's going
to fit on like that, Nina?
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00:08:52,540 --> 00:08:54,900
Maybe a bit of stitching,
to keep it in place?
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00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,580
Friday morning, they're saying now.
111
00:08:56,580 --> 00:08:58,500
I'll believe that when I see it.
Ruddy cowboys.
112
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,540
Well, I don't know
why we have to see it.
113
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,180
I thought the whole point of
downsizing
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00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:04,180
was to have a good declutter,
get rid of the past -
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yours as well as mine.
116
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:07,580
Load of old junk from the windmill.
117
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Can you believe it's taken
five years to sell that thing?
118
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,900
How he thinks it's all going
to fit in this place...?
119
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:16,500
Right, I think all we need now
is a needle and thread.
120
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,860
Ooh, my sewing box is out
there on the shelf.
121
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:21,540
If you want to go and pick some
cotton, I think we'll be there.
122
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:26,020
- Are you out of your tiny mind?!
- What's your problem?
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In this day and age?!
You'll get us all arrested!
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00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:30,820
- Well, I only told her to go and pick
some cotton... - All right! Just...
125
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:34,660
Sorry about that. Have you met
my wife, Senator Barry Goldwater?
126
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:36,260
See what I have to live with?
127
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:39,780
And, erm, this is looking very...
128
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,940
He's got no idea.
129
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:45,100
It's the Scarecrow Carnival.
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00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:47,860
Organised every summer,
by the Reverend Wendell Wilkie,
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00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:50,380
- in Amblesham. Oh. - Parish newsletter?
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00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:54,420
Big fan of yours, of course. He's
always saying he'd love to meet you.
133
00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:57,500
?50 prize for the funniest entry?
You should give it a go.
134
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,940
Give you a chance to
lighten up for a change.
135
00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:02,020
Enter into the community spirit.
136
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,700
I don't think so.
137
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,180
No, no, I can see you definitely,
138
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:13,380
in her eyes.
139
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:21,340
So this would've been
the last Christmas before, er...?
140
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,500
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
141
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:30,140
Why, Phillipa...
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00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:33,780
after 15 years of silence
does the man who packed me off
143
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:37,420
to a foster home decide it's time
to play at being a parent again?
144
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:40,580
Tell me.
145
00:10:40,580 --> 00:10:43,260
Certain corners of
his life were so sensitive.
146
00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:47,460
What happened to your mother
and the children,
147
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:50,540
obviously he couldn't bring
himself to share with me.
148
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:56,900
I so wish I could help you,
Alison, but...
149
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:04,100
And you've had your own tragic loss
to deal with, as I understand?
150
00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:11,660
I mean, forgive me,
I've no desire to...
151
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:14,740
Wallow in all the gory details...
152
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,300
of how my first wife was
poisoned to death?
153
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,100
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
154
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:23,980
Yes, it's fair to say, Miss Teller,
155
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,420
life's been a bit of
a train wreck for both of us.
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00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,500
The main thing is we've found
each other now
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00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:32,420
and whatever we have to face
from here on, we face together.
158
00:11:39,380 --> 00:11:40,980
SHE GASPS
159
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:09,660
"Qui olim iussit daemonia."
160
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:12,860
"Who once commanded devils."
161
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,660
Yeah, we've both seen the film.
162
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:18,500
All that stuff in the dungeon,
seriously camped up for effect.
163
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,220
But based on source material?
164
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,340
Contemporary accounts, from all
those women who witnessed it
165
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:27,660
with their own eyes,
who had no reason to lie?
166
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,500
Oh, she saw something
from that window.
167
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,660
What did she see?
168
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:44,100
Something in this place
that took her away from me.
169
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,820
That took both my sisters.
170
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:51,460
The truth, he said, Stephen -
how do we get to the truth?
171
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,380
That guy who sorted things out
for YOU!
172
00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:58,220
No. Different circumstances.
173
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:00,460
There was a fresh crime scene,
hard evidence,
174
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,700
clues to pick through.
175
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,460
But he turned the whole case on its
head when no-one else could see it.
176
00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:06,700
What was his name again?
177
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,860
WEATHER FORECAST ON RADIO
178
00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:11,860
'25, perhaps, but in the south it
looks like clouds and rain.
179
00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,180
'Hovering around 15 or so.'
180
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:15,460
DOORBELL RINGS
181
00:13:18,420 --> 00:13:20,620
Don't worry, I haven't come to
baptise you!
182
00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:23,620
Mr Creek? Wendell Wilkie -
St Hugh's of Amblesham.
183
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,140
I should think your hair nearly
caught fire, did it, yesterday?
184
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,460
- Excuse me?
- The way your ears were burning.
185
00:13:28,460 --> 00:13:30,740
Your friend Nina and I -
did she tell you?
186
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,100
I'm your biggest fan!
187
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,540
When I found out you were right here
on my doorstep...
188
00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:36,620
"Well, pop round, pay him a call,"
she said,
189
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:40,140
"He won't mind, he's a lovely gent!"
So, er, here I am.
190
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,500
God bless you.
191
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,380
Oh, sorry - mustn't talk shop!
192
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:50,220
So, what are you up to
at the moment, Jonathan?
193
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:52,020
Anything exciting on the horizon?
194
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,140
Any juicy locked-room mysteries
I should know about?
195
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:56,060
No, it all tends to be fairly
quiet these days...
196
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:59,060
Cos that WAS a classic, wasn't it?
Satan's Chimney.
197
00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:02,700
Spoiler alert -
the old descending ceiling.
198
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,860
You don't get cases
like that any more.
199
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:08,020
So, er, what would actually be your
personal favourite, then?
200
00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:10,180
The corpse that climbed up
the cellar steps...
201
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,620
the vanishing skeleton -
have to be top of my list.
202
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:15,220
Anything with an empty tomb,
you can't go wrong.
203
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:16,900
As the apostle said to the heretic!
204
00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:23,220
But, no, got to come clean -
there was a purpose to my visit.
205
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:25,580
I'm sure you'll remember
that horrible business -
206
00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:28,220
a while back now -
in the House Of Monkeys?
207
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:31,220
Poor old scientist, ended up with
a Samurai sword through his middle.
208
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:33,300
And, of course, the guy they put
away for it -
209
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,900
by the name of Patrick Tyree -
thanks to your endeavours,
210
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:40,460
I've got to know quite well over the
years, through my prison visits.
211
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,340
Nasty piece of work,
you might say. Well, yes, he was,
212
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:47,180
but no man who finds God is beyond
contrition and repentance.
213
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:49,740
And I tell you what - today,
you wouldn't recognise him.
214
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:51,940
The monster in his breast
is vanquished.
215
00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,700
His soul has been cleansed.
216
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,780
And, you know, the last thing
he said to me, Jonathan,
217
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:57,740
before he was granted parole -
218
00:14:57,740 --> 00:15:00,980
how grateful he was to you,
for giving him the chance to
219
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:03,900
reflect on his crimes,
and redeem his sins.
220
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:07,300
It just goes to show - even
a man like that can finally learn
221
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:11,140
the meaning of kindness,
compassion, and humanity.
222
00:15:11,140 --> 00:15:14,580
IN FOREIGN ACCENT: Easy now,
watch how you go with that.
223
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,060
It's OK, I've got it.
224
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:18,860
This guy, I don't know
what his problem is,
225
00:15:18,860 --> 00:15:21,940
but let's not give him
something else to complain about.
226
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:56,580
- There you go.
- Want to see how it works?
227
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,700
- Go on. - Yeah. I think it...
Does it go in here somewhere?
228
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,700
Stop messing about, boys!
Come on, we're behind!
229
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,780
We're against the clock.
Come on, chop chop.
230
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:06,300
Let's get this wrapped up.
231
00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:12,740
Two-and-a-half hours of
nonstop monologue.
232
00:16:12,740 --> 00:16:15,100
Not since the heyday
of the British sitcom
233
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,860
has the Funny Vicar been so unfunny.
234
00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:19,300
And then when he got on to your
magic career and said he had
235
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,300
a little conjuring trick
of his own to show us...
236
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:24,260
Oh! Cutting your finger with
a cake knife - that was genius!
237
00:16:24,260 --> 00:16:26,060
Totally stopped him in his tracks.
Well done.
238
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:28,340
What do you mean, "genius"?
I very nearly sliced my fin...
239
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:30,620
TOILET FLUSHES
240
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:31,820
Now then, yes!
241
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:35,180
I was going to impress you with my
little party piece, wasn't I?
242
00:16:35,180 --> 00:16:38,660
It's a variation on an old routine,
but quite fun.
243
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:41,820
Now, did I see a needlework box
around here somewhere?
244
00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:44,420
Ah, yes, if I could just
borrow some of these
245
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,060
nice ivory-coloured buttons...
246
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:48,540
Oh, yes, I was going to put those
on a blouse I just bought.
247
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,300
Never fear! They'll be safe
as houses - trust me.
248
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,260
Park over there.
249
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:07,580
So, everything goes in shed, OK?
Let's move it.
250
00:17:08,780 --> 00:17:11,620
And now, together with
a length of cotton thread,
251
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:14,260
I shall place them all
in my mouth, so...
252
00:17:16,580 --> 00:17:18,660
You want to get behind and pull.
253
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:20,700
- Pull! - Argh!
- This weight.
254
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,700
- Careful!
- What's in this thing?!
255
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:29,380
MUFFLED SHOUTS FROM OUTSIDE
256
00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,420
Watch it!
257
00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:33,660
It's going, watch! Argh!
258
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:35,620
SPLUTTERS
259
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:36,820
Oh, God!
260
00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:39,380
What the hell are they playing at
out there?!
261
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:44,340
Now, erm, all is not lost.
262
00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:46,340
You will get them back, I promise.
263
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:47,980
Er, what I'll do,
the minute I get home...
264
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:50,820
No! Thank you, Mr Wilkie,
there's no need. I'll get some more.
265
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,580
- Er, will you excuse me a sec?
- Of course.
266
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,700
PHONE RINGS
267
00:17:57,700 --> 00:17:59,460
'Hello, sorry we're not here
at the moment.
268
00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:02,860
'Please leave a message and we'll
get back to you as soon as we can.'
269
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:05,980
Hello, this is a message
for Jonathan Creek.
270
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:08,820
You won't know me,
my name's Alison Belkin.
271
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,780
Erm, you helped my husband,
Stephen, six years ago,
272
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:13,540
when his first wife was killed.
273
00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:17,460
I don't know if you remember
the so-called
274
00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,060
"Striped Unicorn Affair" at all.
275
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:21,700
Only...
276
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:26,460
there's something in this house
that no-one can make any sense of.
277
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:33,820
It's like, I don't know, some
horrible presence that won't let go.
278
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,700
Oh, yes, this'll make
a nice addition to the household(!)
279
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,900
We can use it as that
Weimar Republic-themed
280
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,660
broom cupboard
we always talked about.
281
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,100
Yes, one of Adam's
more tasteful designs.
282
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,100
Can't think why I kept it.
283
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:54,580
Cos I probably couldn't pay anyone
to take it away.
284
00:18:56,820 --> 00:18:58,380
We may not need to.
285
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,020
Oh-ho-ho!
286
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,380
This is going to kill - I tell you
what - at the next church fete!
287
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:11,100
How special is this?
Really chuffed. Oh!
288
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,620
Oh, and, er, don't forget that
scarecrow, Jonathan.
289
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,780
You're going to blow our socks off,
I know it!
290
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:16,820
Ta-ra!
291
00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,900
HORN BEEPS
292
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:30,460
'..there's something in this house
that no-one can make any sense of.
293
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,580
'It's like, I don't know,
294
00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:36,220
'some horrible presence
that won't let go.'
295
00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:44,100
Who was the striped eunuch
on a ferret?
296
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,380
I beg your pardon?
297
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:49,980
The striped eunuch?
On a...ferry?
298
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,060
I heard someone talking about it
the other day.
299
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,220
One of your ingenious murder cases.
I was just curious.
300
00:19:56,940 --> 00:20:01,060
I can only assume you're referring
to the Striped Unicorn Affair,
301
00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:03,940
which I would hardly describe
as ingenious,
302
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:06,940
though it did present one or two
singular features.
303
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:08,340
Which were?
304
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,940
Since when have you been interested?
305
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:12,300
Oh, I'm not! Particularly.
306
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,420
If it's that big a deal.
307
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:15,740
It's not a big deal.
308
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:22,500
Six years ago, a young guy
named Stephen Belkin,
309
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:27,340
a research chemist, was wrongly
accused of murdering his wife.
310
00:20:28,740 --> 00:20:31,340
Quite a high-profile bank executive.
311
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:34,020
Imelda, I think her name was.
312
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:37,180
I get a call from his solicitor -
can I give them a hand,
313
00:20:37,180 --> 00:20:40,300
to sort out what appeared to be
an open-and-shut case?
314
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:45,180
For several weeks,
315
00:20:45,180 --> 00:20:48,580
she'd been getting these
anonymous death threats.
316
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:53,300
Someone with some kind of vendetta
against the capitalist classes.
317
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,180
Stephen, come and see this.
There's another one!
318
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,660
I don't understand how these keep
arriving. Who does this?
319
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:07,580
And all signed, rather mysteriously,
with the name "Anti-Money".
320
00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:10,900
Night in question, the door to the
bedroom's all locked and
321
00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:15,340
bolted securely from the inside,
taking these threats very seriously,
322
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:18,980
and a brand-new sealed bottle
of mineral water is opened,
323
00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:20,780
which they share between them.
324
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:33,980
So, he's first into bed,
and fairly soon, out like a light.
325
00:21:36,540 --> 00:21:40,780
An hour or so goes by, she finds
another one of these notes,
326
00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:45,300
in her book, announcing that she's
about to die that very night.
327
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:47,540
Wake up, wake up.
This was inside my book!
328
00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:51,940
Someone's been inside the room.
Look.
329
00:21:51,940 --> 00:21:53,740
He does his best to reassure her
330
00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:56,380
the house and the room
are totally airtight.
331
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:57,860
No-one can possibly get in.
332
00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:00,660
The whole thing's just someone's
idea of a sick joke.
333
00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:06,180
The next morning, room all securely
locked still, as before,
334
00:22:06,180 --> 00:22:08,620
and she's lying there.
335
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,100
You were the only two people here.
I don't believe you, OK?
336
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,180
Well, we were clearly NOT the
only two people here...
337
00:22:13,180 --> 00:22:15,420
- I don't believe your story.
- ..if I woke up and she's dead.
338
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:17,060
It turns out she's been poisoned.
339
00:22:17,060 --> 00:22:19,100
The water HE'S been drinking
is fine.
340
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:22,500
In fact, there's no way anyone else
could have possibly got in there,
341
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:24,860
and he stands to cop
for all her money.
342
00:22:24,860 --> 00:22:27,700
And being a research chemist
into the bargain -
343
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:30,700
motive AND means -
he's bang to rights.
344
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:02,340
Main thing it all hinged on was
a child's painting
345
00:23:02,340 --> 00:23:05,260
her little niece had done,
which she'd got stuck to the wall
346
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:10,500
beside her bed - of a zebra,
with a horn. Slightly odd.
347
00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:14,180
But even odder - Belkin absolutely
swore blind there was
348
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:16,340
no horn on it
when she put it up there.
349
00:23:19,020 --> 00:23:20,740
Hence the "striped unicorn".
350
00:23:22,380 --> 00:23:24,300
Well, that was weird.
351
00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:27,940
But, put together with the slightly
protruding books on the shelf,
352
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,740
quite conclusive.
353
00:23:29,740 --> 00:23:31,740
I won't bore you with
the solution, obviously -
354
00:23:31,740 --> 00:23:33,660
it's hardly rocket science -
355
00:23:33,660 --> 00:23:36,500
but it was enough to convince the
DPP that the whole thing was
356
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:39,020
a carefully staged fit-up,
and they dropped the charge.
357
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:45,980
I might go through some of that
stuff from the mill in the morning.
358
00:23:45,980 --> 00:23:48,220
See what's what.
359
00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:49,580
Night-night.
360
00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:50,820
Night-night.
361
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:17,220
How's it going, Mr Ryman?
Are you nearly done, I hope?
362
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:20,500
Well, it's not a five-minute job,
unfortunately.
363
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:23,420
He did say
he wanted blanket coverage.
364
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:27,180
Oh, and the young lady said
to tell you, if you want her,
365
00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:28,700
she's in the lounge.
366
00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:31,540
Her and this chap who just
called round.
367
00:24:31,540 --> 00:24:34,220
Think they said something
about an exorcism?
368
00:24:38,740 --> 00:24:40,780
Yes, just doing that now.
369
00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:45,180
One and two - both lit.
370
00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,300
Holy water? Right, coming up.
371
00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:49,100
Freshly blessed.
372
00:24:51,260 --> 00:24:53,740
May this be sealed and hallowed,
373
00:24:53,740 --> 00:24:56,060
and consecrated in the
name of the...
374
00:24:56,060 --> 00:24:59,060
Sorry?
You've gone a bit faint.
375
00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:02,820
Wouldn't normally use one of
these helplines,
376
00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:04,860
but it's not exactly my field.
377
00:25:04,860 --> 00:25:06,820
They put you through to Rawalpindi
or somewhere,
378
00:25:06,820 --> 00:25:08,740
and of course the blasted
connection keeps g...
379
00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:09,780
Hello?
380
00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:14,820
No, I'm seeing
no green mist at the moment.
381
00:25:14,820 --> 00:25:16,180
Or red mist.
382
00:25:16,180 --> 00:25:19,500
I'm not seeing any mist at all.
What does that mean?
383
00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:23,340
Erm...
Luke 11. Give me a second.
384
00:25:25,380 --> 00:25:28,740
14 to 22, got that.
385
00:25:29,860 --> 00:25:30,900
Sorry?
386
00:25:32,180 --> 00:25:34,620
When you say
"a reliquary of St Ignatius",
387
00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:37,820
where would I get one of those
on a Saturday morning?
388
00:25:37,820 --> 00:25:39,260
Hello?
389
00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:40,460
Oh, for God's sake!
390
00:25:40,460 --> 00:25:41,500
Sorry.
391
00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:45,580
No, you've gone again.
392
00:26:16,380 --> 00:26:19,300
Well, anyway, just thought,
perhaps I could offer my services,
393
00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:20,540
try and put your mind at rest.
394
00:26:20,540 --> 00:26:23,900
No, no, Mr Wilkie,
I'm pleased you rang.
395
00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:28,020
It's not something I'd have, erm...
Cos I'm not a religious person.
396
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:30,580
I have to say that.
It's just that...
397
00:26:39,660 --> 00:26:41,860
Look, do you mind if we...?
398
00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:45,620
I was the youngest of three sisters.
399
00:26:45,620 --> 00:26:48,300
My mum and dad had got divorced
when I was two.
400
00:26:50,060 --> 00:26:52,500
But all I remember is
we were happy, still.
401
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:55,220
And everything was fine,
402
00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:58,500
until she got married again
and we moved into this place.
403
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:00,180
Daemons' Roost.
404
00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:07,220
Weird and creepy
and reeking of decay.
405
00:27:09,660 --> 00:27:13,500
Of course, that was the whole reason
he'd bought it, my stepfather.
406
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,740
He'd made all his money
from these cheesy horror movies.
407
00:27:17,900 --> 00:27:20,220
He was so into all that stuff.
408
00:27:21,660 --> 00:27:25,660
The legend of Jacob Surtees,
who used to live there.
409
00:27:25,660 --> 00:27:27,140
He even based one of his films on.
410
00:27:27,140 --> 00:27:28,340
Argh!
411
00:27:30,420 --> 00:27:33,500
Of course, I wasn't old enough
to understand all that.
412
00:27:40,020 --> 00:27:44,340
All I knew was
my mother was starting to change.
413
00:27:51,700 --> 00:27:53,980
It was so frightening to watch,
414
00:27:53,980 --> 00:27:59,700
like some kind of sinister force
had found its way into her soul.
415
00:27:59,700 --> 00:28:01,660
Everywhere she went,
416
00:28:01,660 --> 00:28:06,420
every corner of the house seemed
to terrify her out of her wits.
417
00:28:06,420 --> 00:28:08,500
SOBBING
418
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:12,740
After we'd all gone to bed at night,
she'd just always be crying.
419
00:28:17,180 --> 00:28:18,580
I'm scared.
420
00:28:18,580 --> 00:28:22,780
And I'll never forget the first time
I heard her mention it -
421
00:28:22,780 --> 00:28:24,260
the hobgoblin.
422
00:28:25,860 --> 00:28:28,340
Like this was the thing
that frightened her more than
423
00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,260
anything else in the world.
424
00:28:31,940 --> 00:28:33,980
Then, one day, they found her.
425
00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:44,420
And it was like nothing would
ever be the same again.
426
00:28:44,420 --> 00:28:47,500
And I can't remember how soon it was
after that -
427
00:28:47,500 --> 00:28:48,940
I had no idea of time...
428
00:28:48,940 --> 00:28:50,940
both my sisters...
429
00:28:50,940 --> 00:28:55,180
Something horrible happened that, to
this day, has never been explained.
430
00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:07,260
The hobgoblin.
431
00:29:07,260 --> 00:29:10,220
I know - how does that fit in
with the demons?
432
00:29:10,220 --> 00:29:14,460
But it's something that's stayed
with me all these years.
433
00:29:16,740 --> 00:29:18,020
PHONE BEEPS
434
00:29:19,980 --> 00:29:23,380
Oh! Looks like my husband's
found something.
435
00:29:23,380 --> 00:29:28,260
No, I just thought this might
take us somewhere. Jacob Surtees.
436
00:29:28,260 --> 00:29:31,300
Professing his powers of
sorcery and black magic.
437
00:29:31,300 --> 00:29:33,660
Author of this book's in
no doubt whatsoever, he was just
438
00:29:33,660 --> 00:29:36,580
a very clever con man. And like most
con men, he says, would have
439
00:29:36,580 --> 00:29:39,700
loved to ensure his cleverness was
one day fully appreciated.
440
00:29:39,700 --> 00:29:41,980
And he thinks this could be
a key passage,
441
00:29:41,980 --> 00:29:44,100
from one of his manuscripts.
Listen...
442
00:29:45,300 --> 00:29:48,180
"To you who seek a light
within the darkness
443
00:29:48,180 --> 00:29:51,740
"That lamp,
on my account, shall not be lit.
444
00:29:51,740 --> 00:29:54,980
"Though such a course be
palpably beneath me now
445
00:29:54,980 --> 00:29:57,820
"The clue is in the foot
that does not fit."
446
00:29:59,860 --> 00:30:03,620
The foot that does not fit.
Whose foot?
447
00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:08,940
Things you hang on to.
448
00:30:10,540 --> 00:30:13,140
East Germany, Yugoslavia...
449
00:30:14,260 --> 00:30:16,380
South Vietnam!
450
00:30:16,380 --> 00:30:17,660
God, I'm old.
451
00:30:19,740 --> 00:30:21,820
Your first conjuring set.
452
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:24,180
- That was actually my brother's. - Oh.
453
00:30:24,180 --> 00:30:26,700
Yeah, one of the many things
he got me started on.
454
00:30:26,700 --> 00:30:29,860
- I didn't realise it was Terry
that... - Yeah.
455
00:30:32,060 --> 00:30:34,460
He had a lot to answer for,
456
00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:36,340
one way or another.
457
00:30:39,860 --> 00:30:43,820
And what have we here?
Oh, look, an old school report!
458
00:30:43,820 --> 00:30:46,140
"JW Creek. Age - 15.
459
00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:48,860
"Sex - he seems to find
this a struggle."
460
00:30:48,860 --> 00:30:51,300
Oh, no, sorry, that's German.
461
00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:53,060
And it says you were in
the school play.
462
00:30:53,060 --> 00:30:55,620
"In the end-of-term production
of A Tale Of Two Cities,
463
00:30:55,620 --> 00:30:58,500
"he touched all the girls
with his..."
464
00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:00,220
"Portrayal..."
465
00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:03,100
"..portrayal of Sydney Carton,
466
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:06,220
"ably evoking the character's
final act of self-sacrifice."
467
00:31:06,220 --> 00:31:08,340
He pretends to be the
Frenchman Charles Darnay,
468
00:31:08,340 --> 00:31:10,740
so he can take his place
on the guillotine.
469
00:31:11,940 --> 00:31:15,340
Ends up losing his head
so that another man may live.
470
00:31:15,340 --> 00:31:17,940
Many would say
it was my finest hour.
471
00:31:17,940 --> 00:31:19,700
Oh, look at you.
472
00:31:19,700 --> 00:31:22,620
I wonder why you didn't take it up,
then. Acting. You'd have been good.
473
00:31:22,620 --> 00:31:25,220
Yeah, that would have gone down
a treat with my father(!)
474
00:31:25,220 --> 00:31:27,180
I might as well have told him
I liked wearing bras.
475
00:31:29,380 --> 00:31:32,260
Cos this was all completely real
to me, at the time.
476
00:31:35,940 --> 00:31:40,460
Jonathan! Jonathan! Come and see
what I found in the woods!
477
00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:42,340
He was eight, I was four.
478
00:31:42,340 --> 00:31:44,900
Told me he'd met these
magic pixies in the wood,
479
00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:46,780
who'd given him special powers.
480
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:50,180
Course, I didn't believe
a word of it.
481
00:31:53,780 --> 00:31:58,180
But then I started finding these
little letters under my pillow,
482
00:31:58,180 --> 00:32:01,620
in tiny spindly writing,
from the pixies,
483
00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:03,700
telling me it was all
completely true -
484
00:32:03,700 --> 00:32:06,060
he was now a fully qualified wizard,
485
00:32:06,060 --> 00:32:10,220
and if I didn't watch my step,
he was going to turn me into a newt.
486
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:12,300
He was an evil sod.
487
00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:13,980
And so did you, then?
488
00:32:15,140 --> 00:32:16,220
What?
489
00:32:16,220 --> 00:32:17,860
Like wearing bras?
490
00:32:17,860 --> 00:32:18,980
What ARE you talking about?
491
00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:20,700
No, it doesn't matter.
I'm not judging you.
492
00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:22,900
For goodness' sake.
493
00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:25,100
Right, well,
I'll leave you to it, then, shall I?
494
00:32:25,100 --> 00:32:27,380
I don't suppose you've given any
more thought to...
495
00:32:27,380 --> 00:32:29,340
I'm not going to build a scarecrow.
496
00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:32,620
That looks like your mum,
I'm sure it does.
497
00:32:32,620 --> 00:32:34,580
Oh, my mother's better-looking
than that!
498
00:32:34,580 --> 00:32:37,740
MUSIC: Funeral March Of A Marionette
by Charles Gounod
499
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:10,060
(Foot... Foot...)
500
00:33:25,540 --> 00:33:27,300
(Yes!)
501
00:33:28,780 --> 00:33:32,340
'Well, it's my belief he's not
referring to a foot on a leg
502
00:33:32,340 --> 00:33:33,940
'or 12 inches at all -
503
00:33:33,940 --> 00:33:36,140
'but to a student of poetry,
of course,'
504
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:39,700
a "foot" is also
a metrical unit in a line of verse.
505
00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:42,580
And if you go through the whole
thing - "To you who seek a light
506
00:33:42,580 --> 00:33:43,660
"within the darkness
507
00:33:43,660 --> 00:33:45,660
"That lamp,
on my account, shall not be lit.
508
00:33:45,660 --> 00:33:48,380
"Though such a course be palpably
beneath me now
509
00:33:48,380 --> 00:33:51,460
"The clue is in the foot
that does not fit."
510
00:33:51,460 --> 00:33:53,060
It's the third line that's wrong -
511
00:33:53,060 --> 00:33:54,980
there's one syllable too many
at the end.
512
00:33:54,980 --> 00:33:57,540
"Beneath me now"
is the foot that doesn't fit.
513
00:33:57,540 --> 00:34:01,420
And "beneath me now" - surely -
can only refer to one place.
514
00:34:01,420 --> 00:34:04,220
If he left us something behind
to explain what he did,
515
00:34:04,220 --> 00:34:06,340
it could literally still be there.
516
00:34:06,340 --> 00:34:09,180
Underneath him, in his grave.
517
00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:10,860
This is going to be fun.
518
00:34:10,860 --> 00:34:13,260
STEPHEN: Yeah, and best avoided
in broad daylight.
519
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:18,740
If my wife ever finds out
I've committed this sacrilege,
520
00:34:18,740 --> 00:34:20,380
she'll brain me.
521
00:34:20,380 --> 00:34:25,260
It can't be sacrilege, Mr Ryman,
when he's the disciple of Satan.
522
00:34:25,260 --> 00:34:27,700
Now, get digging.
523
00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:53,700
Now, then, let's see
if our friend's theory is...
524
00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:58,100
ALL YELL
525
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:13,580
You see?
526
00:35:13,580 --> 00:35:18,100
Yeah, I told you you'd come up with
a masterpiece, once you got going.
527
00:35:18,100 --> 00:35:19,580
What is it exactly?
528
00:35:20,980 --> 00:35:24,140
What do you mean, "What is it"?
It's obvious.
529
00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:26,660
Oh, yes! Of course, it's brilliant!
530
00:35:26,660 --> 00:35:28,260
Phill Jupitus.
531
00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:30,780
Phill Jupitus?!
It's Alfred Hitchcock.
532
00:35:30,780 --> 00:35:34,780
It's a play on the famous publicity
stills he did for The Birds.
533
00:35:34,780 --> 00:35:37,420
Oh, yes. No, very funny.
534
00:35:37,420 --> 00:35:41,220
It's funny! Maybe not
laugh-out-loud, but it's...
535
00:35:41,220 --> 00:35:43,780
- Mm-hm. - It's witty by implication.
536
00:35:43,780 --> 00:35:46,940
What you've got is a scarecrow
that's scaring crows, by means of
537
00:35:46,940 --> 00:35:50,380
a person who made a very scary movie
about crows scaring people,
538
00:35:50,380 --> 00:35:53,420
so it's subliminally ironic.
539
00:35:53,420 --> 00:35:56,940
OK. You don't think, if you got
two bulging ping-pong ball eyes...
540
00:35:56,940 --> 00:35:59,420
I'm not dumbing it down
just to get a cheap laugh.
541
00:35:59,420 --> 00:36:01,540
- No, no, you're right. - Thank you.
542
00:36:03,700 --> 00:36:07,740
Anyway, I think I got there in the
end, with that unicorn business.
543
00:36:07,740 --> 00:36:10,900
The horn on the zebra was done
in poisoned paint,
544
00:36:10,900 --> 00:36:13,540
which the murderer then got to drip
into her glass,
545
00:36:13,540 --> 00:36:16,180
somehow or other,
during the middle of the night.
546
00:36:17,860 --> 00:36:19,260
Very, very good.
547
00:36:20,300 --> 00:36:21,540
Wrong, but very good.
548
00:36:23,220 --> 00:36:25,980
No, they tested the paint,
it was just harmless watercolour.
549
00:36:25,980 --> 00:36:29,780
Fairly obviously, that whole
unicorn thing was just incidental.
550
00:36:29,780 --> 00:36:32,660
The fact that the picture was only
loosely stuck to the wall
551
00:36:32,660 --> 00:36:34,580
with Blu-Tack was the clue.
552
00:36:35,580 --> 00:36:39,660
What if it had slipped down
beforehand through 90 degrees,
553
00:36:39,660 --> 00:36:42,260
and then something had splashed it,
causing it to dribble,
554
00:36:42,260 --> 00:36:46,100
so that when it was put back,
it just LOOKED like a horn?
555
00:36:46,100 --> 00:36:48,500
And clearly something had landed
in the water,
556
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:51,540
which could only have come
from that shelf, just above.
557
00:36:51,540 --> 00:36:55,260
A shelf that had been very slightly
raised at one end,
558
00:36:55,260 --> 00:36:59,380
so something small and round
and lethal would be
559
00:36:59,380 --> 00:37:03,740
exactly channelled down towards
the spot where her glass stood,
560
00:37:03,740 --> 00:37:07,380
and just invisibly dissolve
in the water.
561
00:37:07,380 --> 00:37:11,180
Let's say the book she's reading
has been deliberately replaced,
562
00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:13,020
about halfway along.
563
00:37:13,020 --> 00:37:16,500
The second she retrieves it, the
whole thing's set in motion.
564
00:37:31,660 --> 00:37:34,180
A few telltale crystals they found
behind the books
565
00:37:34,180 --> 00:37:35,660
just about sealed it.
566
00:37:35,660 --> 00:37:38,300
Of course, they never did track down
this mysterious Anti-Money
567
00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:42,300
character, though they'd have had
a hard time in any case to prove...
568
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:43,540
PHONE RINGS
569
00:37:46,260 --> 00:37:47,660
Jonathan Creek. Hello.
570
00:37:48,780 --> 00:37:50,020
Ah, Mr Wilkie.
571
00:37:51,340 --> 00:37:53,060
Sorry? Daemons' what?
572
00:37:54,140 --> 00:37:55,780
No, what phone message was this?
573
00:38:13,180 --> 00:38:16,020
The coffin I have reburied,
Mr Clore.
574
00:38:16,020 --> 00:38:18,340
And as long as you know,
it wasn't my idea, any of this -
575
00:38:18,340 --> 00:38:19,780
I didn't want any part of it.
576
00:38:19,780 --> 00:38:22,180
Whatever it was that flew out of
that thing, it's fair to say
577
00:38:22,180 --> 00:38:25,100
it's put a slight dent on our policy
of cynical detachment.
578
00:38:26,220 --> 00:38:27,460
God help us all.
579
00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:35,420
I know you know so much.
580
00:38:39,260 --> 00:38:41,180
So much you can never tell us.
581
00:38:43,900 --> 00:38:46,020
If only you could tell us.
582
00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:24,900
Oh, my God! Call an ambulance!
583
00:39:24,900 --> 00:39:26,460
Call an ambulance!
584
00:39:26,460 --> 00:39:27,900
I'm afraid...
585
00:39:29,940 --> 00:39:31,540
..that won't be necessary.
586
00:39:39,420 --> 00:39:41,500
'So you're saying they're all out
there, digging up
587
00:39:41,500 --> 00:39:43,940
'this bloke's grave, as you do,
in the middle of the night?!'
588
00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:46,300
We're talking about a coffin
that's been buried underneath
589
00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:48,700
- six feet of soil, for 150 years.
- MACHINE BEEPS
590
00:39:48,700 --> 00:39:50,860
And not one but three witnesses,
Jonathan!
591
00:39:50,860 --> 00:39:53,980
'OK, I think we need to put these
theories about resident demons
592
00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:56,940
'on hold for a bit, don't we?
And try and be sensible.'
593
00:39:56,940 --> 00:39:58,220
Sorry, could you just excuse me
594
00:39:58,220 --> 00:40:01,260
while I turn off the washing
machine, or it'll drive us mad.
595
00:40:10,300 --> 00:40:12,500
Oh! My godfathers!
596
00:40:16,820 --> 00:40:20,380
'Hello? Are you still there?
What's going on?'
597
00:40:20,380 --> 00:40:23,060
Yes, er, I don't want to worry you,
Jonathan,
598
00:40:23,060 --> 00:40:25,540
but there's been
a bit of an incident.
599
00:40:27,100 --> 00:40:29,620
I'm still a little hazy as to why
you happened to have
600
00:40:29,620 --> 00:40:32,060
a life-size effigy of Mr Creek
in your sitting room,
601
00:40:32,060 --> 00:40:34,820
but then the personal proclivities
of the clergy have always been
602
00:40:34,820 --> 00:40:38,380
a closed book to me - and are not
germane to this present inquiry.
603
00:40:38,380 --> 00:40:42,260
Suffice to say, it's served to alert
us to the fact that Tyree
604
00:40:42,260 --> 00:40:44,140
obviously has a score to settle,
605
00:40:44,140 --> 00:40:46,940
and it won't take him long to rumble
what's happened and try again.
606
00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:50,860
Rest assured, we are on the case,
607
00:40:50,860 --> 00:40:55,420
but 24-hour protection is not
a luxury we can currently afford.
608
00:40:55,420 --> 00:40:59,340
In the meantime, I'd think seriously
about switching bases,
609
00:40:59,340 --> 00:41:01,500
maybe to somewhere nice and safe,
and out of the way,
610
00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,740
where he's less likely to find you.
611
00:41:03,740 --> 00:41:05,700
I don't know if anywhere occurs
at all,
612
00:41:05,700 --> 00:41:07,820
that would fit that particular bill.
613
00:41:19,140 --> 00:41:21,340
Jonathan, hi. Come in.
614
00:41:21,340 --> 00:41:22,700
Stephen. How have you been?
615
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:25,540
- And you've not met Polly. - Hello.
616
00:41:25,540 --> 00:41:28,260
Yes, out of one frying pan -
thanks to you -
617
00:41:28,260 --> 00:41:31,500
and into another fire, it seems.
I gather Mr Wilkie's, erm...
618
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:33,900
Yes, filled us in
on pretty much everything.
619
00:41:33,900 --> 00:41:35,500
And listen, it's open-ended,
620
00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:38,900
so feel free to stick around
for as long as it takes.
621
00:41:38,900 --> 00:41:41,540
- Phillipa's lived here six years,
nearly... - That's right.
622
00:41:41,540 --> 00:41:43,180
..nursing him right up to the end,
623
00:41:43,180 --> 00:41:45,660
so she'll be able to answer
most of your questions.
624
00:41:47,300 --> 00:41:48,860
Oh, God! Do you know what?
625
00:41:48,860 --> 00:41:52,340
Just having you here in the house -
I'm feeling safer already.
626
00:41:55,140 --> 00:41:57,740
It's, erm, not what you'd call
pokey here, exactly, is it?
627
00:41:57,740 --> 00:41:59,220
Well, we don't even use...
628
00:42:03,460 --> 00:42:06,020
So it couldn't have worked out
better, then, really, could it(?)
629
00:42:06,020 --> 00:42:08,940
Stalked by a homicidal,
knife-wielding psychopath -
630
00:42:08,940 --> 00:42:12,700
plus a nice romantic getaway for two
on the set of the Amityville Horror.
631
00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:16,820
You wonder why I try and filter all
this weirdness out of our life?
632
00:42:16,820 --> 00:42:20,140
Because I still have this rather
quaint affection for breathing.
633
00:42:20,140 --> 00:42:21,860
SHE SNIFFS
634
00:42:27,620 --> 00:42:30,980
Jonathan - dead rat.
Oh, God, what do we do?
635
00:42:30,980 --> 00:42:32,820
I'll get them to send one up.
636
00:42:33,900 --> 00:42:37,220
Now, from this picture of the place,
as it originally was,
637
00:42:37,220 --> 00:42:40,140
you've got some other outbuildings
and an old chapel here,
638
00:42:40,140 --> 00:42:42,300
which have all mostly disappeared.
639
00:42:42,300 --> 00:42:45,700
If we believe all this guff about an
underground dungeon,
640
00:42:45,700 --> 00:42:48,700
where grown men were sent
flying across the room,
641
00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:50,020
it does make you wonder if...
642
00:42:50,020 --> 00:42:51,220
Jonathan!
643
00:42:55,300 --> 00:42:57,020
Oh, yeah, sorry.
644
00:42:57,020 --> 00:42:58,900
Dead rat. Remove.
645
00:43:04,740 --> 00:43:06,460
Any preference which one?
646
00:43:29,100 --> 00:43:31,420
When was it electromagnetism
first kicked in?
647
00:43:31,420 --> 00:43:33,500
Wasn't there some magician,
about that time,
648
00:43:33,500 --> 00:43:34,860
who used it in one of his tricks?
649
00:43:34,860 --> 00:43:38,580
Robert-Houdin -
The Light And Heavy Chest.
650
00:43:38,580 --> 00:43:41,300
Be around the mid-1800s.
651
00:43:41,300 --> 00:43:43,780
Yeah, it would have to be
a pretty powerful force
652
00:43:43,780 --> 00:43:47,380
to whisk people like that
50 feet through the air.
653
00:43:47,380 --> 00:43:49,740
Or, alternatively,
a very weak force.
654
00:43:51,580 --> 00:43:55,820
Erm, this letter, Alison,
you say he sent to you...
655
00:43:55,820 --> 00:43:57,460
About two weeks ago.
656
00:43:57,460 --> 00:43:59,780
It doesn't say very much,
just how sorry he was we'd lost
657
00:43:59,780 --> 00:44:04,300
contact all those years, and now
it was time I "learned the truth".
658
00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:06,940
Second page is just directions
to the house and how
659
00:44:06,940 --> 00:44:09,500
he hopes we'll both be able
to settle down here.
660
00:44:09,500 --> 00:44:12,500
Mmm. But I wonder why he'd do that.
661
00:44:12,500 --> 00:44:14,900
Put the date again at the top,
662
00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:17,740
which is four days
after the date on the first page.
663
00:44:17,740 --> 00:44:20,380
Can't have taken him five days
to write,
664
00:44:20,380 --> 00:44:21,620
what, a couple of dozen lines?
665
00:44:21,620 --> 00:44:23,140
But what about last night, guys?
666
00:44:23,140 --> 00:44:26,420
That was like nothing human
came out of there.
667
00:44:29,580 --> 00:44:32,220
Don't know. There's definitely some
stuff going on round here that
668
00:44:32,220 --> 00:44:34,780
someone's desperate
to keep a lid on, but...
669
00:44:37,020 --> 00:44:39,300
..how the hell
it all fits together...
670
00:44:42,860 --> 00:44:47,900
A lot of CCTV around the house,
I can't help noticing.
671
00:44:47,900 --> 00:44:50,100
Well, there's another mystery.
672
00:44:50,100 --> 00:44:53,180
Evidently, something he'd ordered up
just before she came.
673
00:44:53,180 --> 00:44:55,380
As to why,
your guess is as good as mine.
674
00:44:59,820 --> 00:45:02,820
So, your wife having an early night?
675
00:45:04,060 --> 00:45:06,260
Feeling the strain of events,
I think.
676
00:45:28,860 --> 00:45:30,620
POLLY SCREAMS AND GASPS
677
00:45:34,540 --> 00:45:36,020
Oh!
678
00:45:53,660 --> 00:45:57,020
- Oh!
- Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
679
00:45:58,340 --> 00:46:00,380
Been a bit of a day, hasn't it?
All in all.
680
00:46:00,380 --> 00:46:03,300
Yes, and I'm feeling
a little queasy, Mr Wilkie.
681
00:46:03,300 --> 00:46:05,900
Cos I forgot to give them to you,
didn't I?
682
00:46:05,900 --> 00:46:09,140
Earlier on - your buttons.
All now safely retrieved,
683
00:46:09,140 --> 00:46:12,580
courtesy of a quick-acting emetic,
soon as I got home.
684
00:46:12,580 --> 00:46:13,740
Oh...
685
00:46:13,740 --> 00:46:16,940
- They HAVE been through
the dishwasher. - Ah.
686
00:46:18,460 --> 00:46:20,020
Tell you what you need, Polly, is
687
00:46:20,020 --> 00:46:21,820
to suck on as many ice cubes as
you can.
688
00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:24,180
- No better cure for nausea. - Ah...
689
00:46:25,620 --> 00:46:30,540
Such a shame they only ever got
to see him as he was at the end.
690
00:46:32,620 --> 00:46:35,700
I really believe
he was terribly fond of her.
691
00:46:35,700 --> 00:46:39,180
The fact that she came back
will have meant a lot to him.
692
00:46:39,180 --> 00:46:43,260
But he never shared it with you -
anything from his past -
693
00:46:43,260 --> 00:46:45,260
that would have helped us now?
694
00:46:45,260 --> 00:46:47,540
Well, sometimes,
when he'd had a drink or two,
695
00:46:47,540 --> 00:46:49,820
you'd see him loosen up a little,
but...
696
00:46:51,060 --> 00:46:53,660
..he was under strictest orders
to keep off alcohol.
697
00:46:53,660 --> 00:46:55,060
Paid no attention to that.
698
00:46:56,340 --> 00:47:00,020
I just gave up in the end, trying
to frustrate his little schemes -
699
00:47:00,020 --> 00:47:03,260
like filling up the ice trays
with neat vodka.
700
00:47:03,260 --> 00:47:06,060
He could be quite a wily old
customer when he wanted.
701
00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:44,380
POLLY SCREAMS
702
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:51,140
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, no!
703
00:47:51,140 --> 00:47:55,020
No! Agh! Agh!
Can this get any worse?!
704
00:47:55,020 --> 00:47:57,180
Oh, God, you made me jump!
705
00:47:57,180 --> 00:47:58,980
I was trying NOT to make you jump!
706
00:47:58,980 --> 00:48:01,260
What,
have you gone completely blind now?
707
00:48:01,260 --> 00:48:02,700
No, she was just telling me,
708
00:48:02,700 --> 00:48:05,220
the undertakers couldn't make it
till the morning.
709
00:48:25,300 --> 00:48:30,460
So, what do we think about your
amazing detective friend, Mr Creek?
710
00:48:30,460 --> 00:48:32,340
Doesn't give a whole lot away,
does h...?
711
00:48:34,340 --> 00:48:35,500
Stephen?
712
00:48:38,860 --> 00:48:41,300
Hello?
713
00:48:41,300 --> 00:48:42,620
Somebody down here?
714
00:48:46,140 --> 00:48:47,620
Who is that?
715
00:48:47,620 --> 00:48:48,820
Stephen?
716
00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:54,220
LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS REPEATEDLY
717
00:48:54,220 --> 00:48:55,980
Come on, this isn't funny.
718
00:48:57,940 --> 00:48:59,420
Stephen?
719
00:48:59,420 --> 00:49:00,700
Are you in here?
720
00:49:04,340 --> 00:49:05,660
What's happening?
721
00:49:08,380 --> 00:49:10,740
ALISON SCREAMS
722
00:49:13,540 --> 00:49:16,020
See, I just don't buy this.
723
00:49:16,020 --> 00:49:20,540
2nd of August and the 6th of August.
You're not telling me
724
00:49:20,540 --> 00:49:23,780
he left four days
between writing these two pages?
725
00:49:23,780 --> 00:49:26,940
Someone's trying to be clever here,
but not clever enough.
726
00:49:26,940 --> 00:49:29,060
Is there a fire alarm going off
somewhere?
727
00:49:29,060 --> 00:49:32,780
Says it's time she learned the
truth, and then goes into
728
00:49:32,780 --> 00:49:36,140
lengthy directions
about how to get to the house.
729
00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:38,820
Highly significant,
you'd have to say.
730
00:49:38,820 --> 00:49:41,180
The minute I finish orbiting this
light fitting, I tell you,
731
00:49:41,180 --> 00:49:42,980
I'm out of here.
732
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:44,020
Bloody man!
733
00:49:48,740 --> 00:49:50,460
Highly significant - how?
734
00:49:53,340 --> 00:49:56,780
You look at this second date again,
more closely,
735
00:49:56,780 --> 00:49:59,340
and then compare it to the first
one - what do you notice?
736
00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:02,580
Ohh!
737
00:50:02,580 --> 00:50:03,660
What?
738
00:50:05,140 --> 00:50:10,260
The ink on the "th" and the "Aug"
is a very slightly different colour,
739
00:50:10,260 --> 00:50:12,900
and a brave but unsuccessful attempt
740
00:50:12,900 --> 00:50:15,860
has been made to copy
the handwriting.
741
00:50:15,860 --> 00:50:19,820
Conclusion - they were added in
afterwards, by someone else,
742
00:50:19,820 --> 00:50:21,540
to what was already there.
743
00:50:21,540 --> 00:50:24,260
Which was just the number six.
744
00:50:24,260 --> 00:50:27,500
Now disguised to look like a date
745
00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:30,540
which, together with the rather
abrupt change in topic,
746
00:50:30,540 --> 00:50:35,020
between one sheet and the other,
surely only points to one thing -
747
00:50:35,020 --> 00:50:39,100
that pages two to five
of the original letter
748
00:50:39,100 --> 00:50:44,260
that Clore wrote to Alison
were removed before it got to her,
749
00:50:44,260 --> 00:50:51,260
by person or persons unknown, to
stop her reading about "the truth".
750
00:50:58,900 --> 00:51:00,700
GROANING
751
00:51:05,140 --> 00:51:06,740
MOANING
752
00:51:09,220 --> 00:51:11,980
SCREAMING
753
00:51:43,540 --> 00:51:45,660
BIRDS CAW
754
00:51:57,060 --> 00:51:59,260
Oh, everyone having a lie-in?
755
00:51:59,260 --> 00:52:02,380
Mr Wilkie had a christening to
attend to, and I'm not sure
756
00:52:02,380 --> 00:52:04,860
where Mr and Mrs Belkin
have got to this m...
757
00:52:16,460 --> 00:52:19,540
And that's absolutely everything,
Alison, you can remember?
758
00:52:19,540 --> 00:52:21,980
You have no recollection of being
taken into this place
759
00:52:21,980 --> 00:52:23,580
or out again afterwards?
760
00:52:23,580 --> 00:52:25,140
Oh, if only I AM going mad.
761
00:52:25,140 --> 00:52:29,620
Having nightmares, sleepwalking,
anything but that...
762
00:52:29,620 --> 00:52:31,780
Sounds to me as if whatever they
drugged you with had
763
00:52:31,780 --> 00:52:33,860
some kind of hallucinogenic
effect, maybe? Or...
764
00:52:33,860 --> 00:52:36,180
So where is he?
765
00:52:36,180 --> 00:52:38,500
You say he's not in the house.
766
00:52:38,500 --> 00:52:39,660
Oh, dear God.
767
00:52:39,660 --> 00:52:41,300
DOORBELL RINGS
768
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:43,540
Oh, sorry. Funeral directors.
769
00:52:43,540 --> 00:52:44,980
I'll have to, er...
770
00:52:44,980 --> 00:52:46,140
Yes, of course.
771
00:52:49,340 --> 00:52:51,660
Your poor stepfather.
772
00:52:51,660 --> 00:52:53,940
Must have been such a shock
when he...
773
00:52:56,220 --> 00:53:01,140
Just before he died, it's like
he was trying to say something.
774
00:53:02,460 --> 00:53:04,020
With his eyes.
775
00:53:04,020 --> 00:53:07,340
And his chair was just there
and she was next to him.
776
00:53:07,340 --> 00:53:10,620
Seemed like he kept looking
back and forth...
777
00:53:11,780 --> 00:53:16,500
First, at my mobile phone on the
table, and then over to that door,
778
00:53:16,500 --> 00:53:20,860
three or four times, and...then...
779
00:53:24,060 --> 00:53:26,180
I don't know, he just, he just...
780
00:53:27,380 --> 00:53:30,620
Oh, it's OK,
you'll be getting drowsy.
781
00:53:30,620 --> 00:53:33,220
Best if you just lie down,
try and sleep it off.
782
00:53:33,220 --> 00:53:36,060
End of the day,
you're going to find out -
783
00:53:36,060 --> 00:53:41,180
it's just one of those scary things
that never actually happened.
784
00:53:41,180 --> 00:53:44,020
I promise, because,
well, how COULD it have happened?
785
00:53:52,860 --> 00:53:54,860
"Just one of those scary things"?
786
00:53:54,860 --> 00:53:56,540
The poor girl was in bits!
787
00:53:56,540 --> 00:54:00,300
Anyway, you don't believe
it's possible she saw all that?
788
00:54:00,300 --> 00:54:04,420
Her husband being magically
teleported into a furnace,
789
00:54:04,420 --> 00:54:06,500
by a demented Satan worshipper?
790
00:54:07,620 --> 00:54:11,860
Hmm. The teleportation part,
I can certainly believe.
791
00:54:11,860 --> 00:54:16,060
It's the demented Satan worshipper
I'm having more trouble with.
792
00:54:16,060 --> 00:54:17,900
- What?
- PHONE BEEPS
793
00:54:20,700 --> 00:54:23,620
Oh, it's a picture from Nina,
with her scarecrow.
794
00:54:23,620 --> 00:54:27,060
Yeah, very nice,
but I'm not in the mood right now.
795
00:54:27,060 --> 00:54:33,140
Scarecrow. Oh! Deus ex machina.
That would CERTAINLY do it.
796
00:54:34,500 --> 00:54:36,620
I Think it's high time, don't YOU,
we had
797
00:54:36,620 --> 00:54:38,500
a scout round that grave out there?
798
00:54:41,380 --> 00:54:43,260
So, we on a ghost hunt, then, now?
799
00:54:45,340 --> 00:54:48,500
Please don't tell me you're planning
to dig all that up again.
800
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:50,140
Not unless we have to.
801
00:54:50,140 --> 00:54:52,820
If my first instinct was
anywhere near correct,
802
00:54:52,820 --> 00:54:55,220
about that routine in the
torture chamber,
803
00:54:55,220 --> 00:54:58,580
then this coffin thing shouldn't be
too much of a headache.
804
00:54:58,580 --> 00:55:00,660
Doesn't even bear thinking about.
805
00:55:00,660 --> 00:55:02,900
Some stupid old piece of folklore
806
00:55:02,900 --> 00:55:05,340
that was completely impossible
in the first place.
807
00:55:07,060 --> 00:55:09,940
You don't really think
that poor man might have...?
808
00:55:09,940 --> 00:55:12,620
The way it happened,
quite obviously, was a trick,
809
00:55:12,620 --> 00:55:15,620
cleverly designed to spook everyone.
810
00:55:15,620 --> 00:55:19,460
Same way it did all those other
women that Surtees brought there
811
00:55:19,460 --> 00:55:21,860
in order to terrify them
into surren...
812
00:55:23,660 --> 00:55:24,700
Ah.
813
00:55:26,140 --> 00:55:27,780
Aha!
814
00:55:27,780 --> 00:55:28,860
Now, then.
815
00:55:28,860 --> 00:55:31,860
Oh, a rusty ring! All is solved(!)
816
00:55:31,860 --> 00:55:34,740
Come on, a rusty ring
that was once part of...
817
00:55:39,060 --> 00:55:42,060
Ah, think I'm starting to see...
818
00:55:43,300 --> 00:55:44,780
Am I?
819
00:55:44,780 --> 00:55:47,780
Knowing that one day someone was
going to fathom out that clue,
820
00:55:47,780 --> 00:55:52,660
as a final parting shot, in order to
scare the living crap out of them,
821
00:55:52,660 --> 00:55:56,780
he sets up what is essentially a
very high-powered jack-in-the-box.
822
00:55:57,980 --> 00:56:00,700
And a pretty nifty piece of work,
you have to say,
823
00:56:00,700 --> 00:56:02,180
to stand that test of time.
824
00:56:02,180 --> 00:56:04,620
So he was never even buried here
in the first place.
825
00:56:05,860 --> 00:56:06,740
Oh!
826
00:56:07,980 --> 00:56:09,820
You might be right. There's another
827
00:56:09,820 --> 00:56:11,900
piece of the spring here as well,
look.
828
00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:17,220
But we still haven't found anything
that tells us who's behind
829
00:56:17,220 --> 00:56:18,820
all that other...
830
00:56:18,820 --> 00:56:20,860
No, the fact we haven't found
anything might tell us
831
00:56:20,860 --> 00:56:22,300
EXACTLY who's behind it.
832
00:56:37,260 --> 00:56:39,620
PHONE RINGS
833
00:56:55,980 --> 00:56:58,340
It just seems
an unlikely coincidence -
834
00:56:58,340 --> 00:57:00,740
this magic dungeon
makes a reappearance
835
00:57:00,740 --> 00:57:04,020
immediately after that grave
was opened the other night.
836
00:57:04,020 --> 00:57:06,220
Oh, do you think maybe that was
the entrance to it?
837
00:57:06,220 --> 00:57:09,180
Or else furnished some clue
to the entrance.
838
00:57:10,700 --> 00:57:15,020
Underground crypt of some kind?
Now very recently accessed -
839
00:57:15,020 --> 00:57:18,540
somewhere round here,
beneath our feet.
840
00:57:18,540 --> 00:57:21,980
Depends how good a job they made, I
suppose, of covering up afterwards.
841
00:57:21,980 --> 00:57:25,140
- Mmm. - Might be a hands and knees job.
842
00:57:25,140 --> 00:57:28,660
Start at the front, maybe,
then work our way round?
843
00:57:28,660 --> 00:57:30,620
And, of course,
what we still don't know is,
844
00:57:30,620 --> 00:57:34,420
who was it killed that first wife
in your clever poisoning case?
845
00:57:34,420 --> 00:57:37,220
And if they had a grudge
against both of them,
846
00:57:37,220 --> 00:57:39,820
why wait all this time
to take out the husband?
847
00:57:41,340 --> 00:57:43,820
If that IS what they've done.
848
00:57:43,820 --> 00:57:47,140
Or else,
are they entirely unrelated?
849
00:57:48,580 --> 00:57:53,100
Remembering our "Anti-Money"
character, from those death threats,
850
00:57:53,100 --> 00:57:56,420
who was supposedly killing for
political reasons, but it was
851
00:57:56,420 --> 00:58:00,100
MRS Belkin who was drawing all
the big bankers' bonuses,
852
00:58:00,100 --> 00:58:02,420
so why take it all out
on a research chemist,
853
00:58:02,420 --> 00:58:06,060
who has no connection with the world
of high finance of any ki...?
854
00:58:07,660 --> 00:58:09,500
What?
855
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:12,500
I can't believe I missed that.
856
00:58:12,500 --> 00:58:15,380
Six years it's been sitting there,
I never saw it.
857
00:58:15,380 --> 00:58:17,860
- Saw what? - Research chemist.
858
00:58:17,860 --> 00:58:19,780
Oh, if you want
a detective brain-teaser,
859
00:58:19,780 --> 00:58:21,380
that one takes the biscuit.
860
00:58:54,420 --> 00:58:58,060
Funny how a thing can bother you at
the time - under the surface -
861
00:58:58,060 --> 00:59:00,460
but you just let it go.
862
00:59:00,460 --> 00:59:03,380
That signature - "Anti-Money".
863
00:59:03,380 --> 00:59:06,060
Well, I suppose it makes sense
for someone who's deeply opposed
864
00:59:06,060 --> 00:59:08,100
to the whole culture of capitalism,
but...
865
00:59:09,860 --> 00:59:12,780
Could it be a coincidence?
Could it be a double bluff?
866
00:59:12,780 --> 00:59:15,940
Or could it be that whoever it was
that murdered his wife
867
00:59:15,940 --> 00:59:21,260
was daring to taunt us by declaring
their identity in some kind of code?
868
00:59:21,260 --> 00:59:22,700
"Anti-Money".
869
00:59:23,940 --> 00:59:26,860
- Sorry? - Just need to check
that I'm remembering it right
870
00:59:28,620 --> 00:59:29,940
And I am.
871
00:59:33,300 --> 00:59:35,460
What do you reckon?
872
00:59:35,460 --> 00:59:36,740
Antimony.
873
00:59:37,780 --> 00:59:40,420
Toxic metallic element.
Atomic number 51.
874
00:59:40,420 --> 00:59:42,460
Chemical symbol Sb.
875
00:59:43,820 --> 00:59:45,780
Sb.
876
00:59:45,780 --> 00:59:47,340
Oh!
877
00:59:47,340 --> 00:59:50,180
Too much of a stretch, surely!
Stephen Belkin?
878
00:59:50,180 --> 00:59:53,020
What, deliberately staged
that whole thing
879
00:59:53,020 --> 00:59:55,940
to look impossible,
so that he'd be accused of murder?
880
00:59:55,940 --> 00:59:58,260
And then got you in
to prove it was someone else?
881
00:59:58,260 --> 00:59:59,740
Wouldn't be unheard of.
882
01:00:05,980 --> 01:00:07,420
If I hadn't got there by myself,
883
01:00:07,420 --> 01:00:10,620
he could have gently nudged me
in the right directions.
884
01:00:10,620 --> 01:00:12,300
And looked at from this distance,
885
01:00:12,300 --> 01:00:14,980
doesn't it all seem
just a little too perfect?
886
01:00:14,980 --> 01:00:19,020
That painting on the wall supposedly
slipping down that very night.
887
01:00:19,020 --> 01:00:22,260
And the splash mark from the water
that very conveniently
888
01:00:22,260 --> 01:00:24,460
created the horn on the zebra?
889
01:00:24,460 --> 01:00:26,700
It's just the kind of things
he knew I'd pick up on.
890
01:00:45,060 --> 01:00:47,180
Ugh!
891
01:00:47,180 --> 01:00:48,700
Stephen...
892
01:00:49,900 --> 01:00:51,220
Ugh!
893
01:00:54,940 --> 01:00:58,140
SHE GASPS FOR BREATH
894
01:01:12,980 --> 01:01:14,540
Well, I don't know.
895
01:01:14,540 --> 01:01:16,740
You're going to need a lot more
than that to convince her
896
01:01:16,740 --> 01:01:18,620
she married a killer.
897
01:01:18,620 --> 01:01:20,300
I know.
898
01:01:20,300 --> 01:01:21,540
I know.
899
01:02:23,500 --> 01:02:24,860
You knew about this.
900
01:02:26,340 --> 01:02:28,500
All along. Everything.
901
01:02:31,380 --> 01:02:32,820
The hobgoblin.
902
01:02:42,220 --> 01:02:44,820
A lot of flattened grass just here.
903
01:02:44,820 --> 01:02:46,700
I think we could be getting warm.
904
01:02:54,580 --> 01:02:56,420
Oh, well done, you.
905
01:02:56,420 --> 01:02:59,140
- If I had a biscuit...
- Don't push it, sunshine.
906
01:03:02,340 --> 01:03:05,100
JONATHAN GRUNTS
907
01:03:15,700 --> 01:03:17,780
You ready to face the demons?
908
01:03:17,780 --> 01:03:19,180
Let's get on with it.
909
01:04:29,660 --> 01:04:31,420
Interesting.
910
01:04:32,860 --> 01:04:34,300
Very interesting.
911
01:04:36,620 --> 01:04:39,620
And, of course, you know exactly
what's on the other side of this.
912
01:04:39,620 --> 01:04:41,860
Well, there was only ever
one possibility
913
01:04:41,860 --> 01:04:44,740
that would tie together all those
first-hand accounts
914
01:04:44,740 --> 01:04:49,140
of demonic powers and a boring old
thing called the real world.
915
01:04:52,820 --> 01:04:55,940
DOOR CREAKS
916
01:04:59,660 --> 01:05:01,020
Careful how you go...
917
01:05:17,460 --> 01:05:20,580
LOUD CREAKING
918
01:05:27,140 --> 01:05:30,100
90 degree shift in
the viewers' perspective,
919
01:05:30,100 --> 01:05:32,420
and there was no mystery to it
at all.
920
01:05:46,820 --> 01:05:48,300
What IS that?
921
01:05:48,300 --> 01:05:50,500
A work of art in itself.
922
01:05:50,500 --> 01:05:53,780
Certainly puts all those village
scarecrows to shame.
923
01:05:55,380 --> 01:05:58,260
One of the signature tricks
of 19th-century magic.
924
01:06:00,180 --> 01:06:03,340
It's a very skilfully constructed
automaton.
925
01:06:06,300 --> 01:06:09,300
The most persuasive part
of the whole deception.
926
01:06:11,260 --> 01:06:13,900
Don't know why it took me so long
to tumble.
927
01:06:20,900 --> 01:06:27,060
Here, we presume,
is our "fiery furnace in the wall".
928
01:06:32,740 --> 01:06:34,180
Oil of some kind.
929
01:06:35,220 --> 01:06:39,740
Piped in, maybe, or some kind
of supply tank somewhere.
930
01:06:39,740 --> 01:06:41,340
Very recently ignited.
931
01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:46,780
POLLY SIGHS
932
01:06:46,780 --> 01:06:49,020
Do we really want to see
what's under here?
933
01:06:49,020 --> 01:06:51,420
Just curious as to where
it was all controlled from.
934
01:06:54,580 --> 01:06:58,340
A handy little recess,
suitably disguised.
935
01:06:58,340 --> 01:07:00,420
CLUNKING AND RATTLING
936
01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:11,500
DOOR SLAMS
937
01:07:15,460 --> 01:07:19,420
And this is where he worked it.
Simple, but effective.
938
01:07:26,220 --> 01:07:28,220
So when they all woke up
on this thing,
939
01:07:28,220 --> 01:07:30,940
I suppose they'd be in such
a drugged state to start with...
940
01:07:30,940 --> 01:07:34,460
And strapped on so tight,
they'd have no sense of gravity.
941
01:07:34,460 --> 01:07:37,460
Ah, yes. Your relatively weak
physical force.
942
01:07:37,460 --> 01:07:40,140
Well, you have to hand it
to these Victorian engineers -
943
01:07:40,140 --> 01:07:42,380
they certainly built things to last.
944
01:07:42,380 --> 01:07:44,500
So who the hell do you think
is behind all...?
945
01:07:44,500 --> 01:07:45,780
POLLY GASPS
946
01:07:47,180 --> 01:07:49,300
Where is he? Where is he?
947
01:07:53,620 --> 01:07:56,940
Jonathan Creek! Show yourself!
948
01:07:56,940 --> 01:07:58,660
Well, he's, erm...
949
01:07:58,660 --> 01:08:00,780
- Come on. - He's, erm...
950
01:08:00,780 --> 01:08:03,820
I'm not here
to play Hunt The Thimble.
951
01:08:03,820 --> 01:08:07,540
Creek! You and me have got some
unfinished business to sort out!
952
01:08:13,740 --> 01:08:16,780
CREAKING AND RATTLING
953
01:08:21,460 --> 01:08:23,820
GRUNTING AND SQUEALING
954
01:08:29,900 --> 01:08:33,820
Yeah, that's going to work(!)
Piece of shit Wizard Of Oz routine!
955
01:08:33,820 --> 01:08:36,220
I don't think you're hearing me!
956
01:08:36,220 --> 01:08:40,820
This floor's going to get very
red and sticky in a minute.
957
01:08:40,820 --> 01:08:43,300
Wait, erm, how did you...?
958
01:08:43,300 --> 01:08:44,500
Yeah, it took a while.
959
01:08:44,500 --> 01:08:48,020
One of your neighbours
had some very helpful suggestions.
960
01:08:48,020 --> 01:08:52,220
OK, I'm not waiting for Christmas,
Mr Creek!
961
01:08:52,220 --> 01:08:54,060
It's you or the young lady here.
962
01:08:56,140 --> 01:08:57,620
Decision time!
963
01:09:00,820 --> 01:09:02,900
TYREE YELLS
964
01:09:02,900 --> 01:09:05,260
POLLY SCREAMS
965
01:09:30,940 --> 01:09:34,540
ALL YELL
TYREE SNARLS
966
01:09:34,540 --> 01:09:36,060
Come here!
967
01:09:40,660 --> 01:09:41,780
- Get the matches. - What?
968
01:09:41,780 --> 01:09:42,860
They're on the floor.
969
01:09:45,980 --> 01:09:47,140
You're dead!
970
01:09:49,060 --> 01:09:50,540
JONATHAN YELLS
971
01:09:50,540 --> 01:09:51,780
You're dead now, Creek!
972
01:09:51,780 --> 01:09:54,060
Oh!
973
01:10:06,940 --> 01:10:08,660
Get off!
974
01:10:08,660 --> 01:10:09,980
Oh, quick!
975
01:10:28,500 --> 01:10:32,420
POLLY SOBS
976
01:10:37,860 --> 01:10:39,860
ALISON SOBS
977
01:10:42,860 --> 01:10:44,540
Yeah, we will.
978
01:10:45,620 --> 01:10:49,900
Don't think he couldn't tell
you were holding something back -
979
01:10:49,900 --> 01:10:52,900
who you think it was
behind all that last night.
980
01:10:53,900 --> 01:10:56,460
There's one very obvious candidate,
but...
981
01:10:56,460 --> 01:11:00,740
my track record here's been pretty
iffy so far, I could be way off.
982
01:11:00,740 --> 01:11:04,500
There's too much stuff pulling
in the wrong direction.
983
01:11:04,500 --> 01:11:07,020
Hang on a sec.
Is that the photo she sent?
984
01:11:07,020 --> 01:11:09,060
Nina? With her scarecrow?
985
01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:11,740
What?
986
01:11:13,700 --> 01:11:16,300
Because when you told me
that she told you...
987
01:11:17,340 --> 01:11:21,300
Oh, you see?
Too many easy assumptions.
988
01:11:23,180 --> 01:11:24,980
Now the options start to open again,
989
01:11:24,980 --> 01:11:28,100
cos when he was staring at her
mobile - Clore -
990
01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:30,660
and then through the open doorway,
991
01:11:30,660 --> 01:11:34,660
and then there's the mystery of all
the last-minute security cameras,
992
01:11:34,660 --> 01:11:36,500
which surely just about seals it.
993
01:11:40,780 --> 01:11:44,740
Unlikely as it may seem,
I think we have our killer.
994
01:11:52,620 --> 01:11:55,340
Alison, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
995
01:11:55,340 --> 01:11:57,140
If there's anything I can do...
996
01:12:11,580 --> 01:12:12,860
Good evening.
997
01:12:20,500 --> 01:12:22,260
- Er, gin and tonic, please.
- Certainly, sir.
998
01:12:43,140 --> 01:12:44,420
He's on his way.
999
01:12:45,700 --> 01:12:46,780
Thank you.
1000
01:12:48,060 --> 01:12:49,980
Hello, sir.
1001
01:12:49,980 --> 01:12:52,220
Ryman, a table for eight o'clock.
1002
01:12:52,220 --> 01:12:53,620
Thank you.
1003
01:12:59,700 --> 01:13:00,900
Good evening, sir.
1004
01:13:00,900 --> 01:13:02,900
- A glass of red wine, please.
- Yes, sir.
1005
01:13:12,220 --> 01:13:16,660
Mr Ryman? We were never properly
introduced, at the house.
1006
01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:20,220
Wendell Wilkie, and this is
Jonathan Creek, and Polly.
1007
01:13:20,220 --> 01:13:22,820
You can probably guess
how much we already know.
1008
01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:26,300
This is more in the way
of a mopping-up operation.
1009
01:13:26,300 --> 01:13:27,460
Creek.
1010
01:13:28,860 --> 01:13:29,980
You were the one...
1011
01:13:29,980 --> 01:13:32,620
Helped Stephen Belkin get away
with murdering his wife.
1012
01:13:34,620 --> 01:13:39,060
A crime for which, we assume,
you've now brought him to justice,
1013
01:13:39,060 --> 01:13:42,340
in a suitably grisly fashion.
1014
01:13:42,340 --> 01:13:44,740
I'm guessing it wasn't
exactly planned that way,
1015
01:13:44,740 --> 01:13:46,660
you were just on his tail,
1016
01:13:46,660 --> 01:13:49,860
ready to strike
when the conditions were right.
1017
01:13:49,860 --> 01:13:52,820
I don't think any of us see you
as a professional hit man,
1018
01:13:52,820 --> 01:13:56,100
so someone
with a personal stake in the case?
1019
01:13:58,140 --> 01:13:59,980
That picture of a grazing zebra,
1020
01:13:59,980 --> 01:14:05,060
painted by his niece, suggested
a family connection overseas.
1021
01:14:05,060 --> 01:14:09,580
So, a close relative, maybe? Someone
in the domestic security business,
1022
01:14:09,580 --> 01:14:11,700
who would have had the perfect cover
1023
01:14:11,700 --> 01:14:14,860
to hang around the house all day
and monitor his target.
1024
01:14:15,940 --> 01:14:17,740
Feel free to correct me
at any point.
1025
01:14:19,980 --> 01:14:22,500
I deny everything, naturally.
1026
01:14:24,500 --> 01:14:27,900
And knowing how shaky your theories
were first time round,
1027
01:14:27,900 --> 01:14:30,500
I don't give much
for their chances this time.
1028
01:14:37,860 --> 01:14:41,580
I suppose you're going to say that
was found at the scene of the crime.
1029
01:14:41,580 --> 01:14:43,660
Good luck with the jury.
1030
01:14:43,660 --> 01:14:47,420
Actually, I borrowed it from your
jacket pocket to light a candle.
1031
01:14:53,180 --> 01:14:54,580
Forgot to put it back.
1032
01:14:55,940 --> 01:14:58,780
Two from the same hotel - we thought
it was odds-on we'd find you here.
1033
01:15:00,900 --> 01:15:04,420
Well, certain facts,
I won't try to conceal.
1034
01:15:05,900 --> 01:15:08,100
Imelda - yes - my wife's sister.
1035
01:15:09,180 --> 01:15:13,900
Gifted, sweet-natured,
but far too trusting.
1036
01:15:14,980 --> 01:15:17,340
Never saw through him,
1037
01:15:17,340 --> 01:15:18,820
never saw it coming.
1038
01:15:19,940 --> 01:15:24,860
That was his great gift, I suppose.
The mask of innocence.
1039
01:15:26,580 --> 01:15:30,580
Predatory, reptilian,
1040
01:15:30,580 --> 01:15:33,940
and more than happy
to bide his time.
1041
01:15:33,940 --> 01:15:38,300
It turns out she wasn't worth
quite as much as he thought,
1042
01:15:38,300 --> 01:15:42,900
so he had no choice
but to bail out early,
1043
01:15:42,900 --> 01:15:44,340
and look elsewhere.
1044
01:15:47,420 --> 01:15:50,220
So you've managed to keep
close tabs on him all this time,
1045
01:15:50,220 --> 01:15:51,420
and what happened next?
1046
01:15:52,820 --> 01:15:56,260
You heard that he'd married again,
to Alison.
1047
01:15:56,260 --> 01:16:00,420
A young lady who stands to inherit
a very large property and estate.
1048
01:16:00,420 --> 01:16:03,940
What are the chances history's
going to repeat itself?
1049
01:16:03,940 --> 01:16:07,380
You're still looking for proof
of Belkin's guilt, so maybe
1050
01:16:07,380 --> 01:16:10,460
you'll catch something on one of
your cameras that'll give him away.
1051
01:16:10,460 --> 01:16:14,500
Clore's final stroke is
your stroke of luck.
1052
01:16:15,660 --> 01:16:17,220
You turn up on the doorstep,
1053
01:16:17,220 --> 01:16:19,780
claiming the work's already
been arranged.
1054
01:16:19,780 --> 01:16:23,100
The nurse takes your word for it.
Clore, by this time,
1055
01:16:23,100 --> 01:16:25,740
is in no state to say otherwise.
1056
01:16:29,580 --> 01:16:30,820
Or is he?
1057
01:16:32,500 --> 01:16:36,300
Before he died that day,
he did try to say something,
1058
01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:37,540
with his eyes.
1059
01:16:39,100 --> 01:16:42,940
Seemed to be staring,
first at a mobile phone,
1060
01:16:42,940 --> 01:16:44,980
and then at an open doorway.
1061
01:16:48,460 --> 01:16:51,180
A doorway through which
he would have seen...
1062
01:16:55,100 --> 01:16:59,980
..the edge of a film poster,
and the letter Y.
1063
01:17:03,860 --> 01:17:07,700
Too hammy - do you think -
even for the mind of Nathan Clore,
1064
01:17:07,700 --> 01:17:10,740
to try and put those two clues
together?
1065
01:17:10,740 --> 01:17:12,860
To think that what he was actually
trying to tell us was
1066
01:17:12,860 --> 01:17:15,940
that the man standing next to him
1067
01:17:15,940 --> 01:17:17,140
was a "phoney".
1068
01:17:20,540 --> 01:17:22,780
When they roped you into that
grave-digging job is when
1069
01:17:22,780 --> 01:17:24,940
it all went south, I'm afraid.
1070
01:17:24,940 --> 01:17:27,980
Spring-loaded phantom shoots
out of an empty coffin,
1071
01:17:27,980 --> 01:17:30,380
and disappears into thin air?
1072
01:17:30,380 --> 01:17:31,500
I don't think so.
1073
01:17:46,500 --> 01:17:51,140
Far more likely Surtees did leave
instructions there, as we thought.
1074
01:17:51,140 --> 01:17:53,100
A map, or a plan, or something,
1075
01:17:53,100 --> 01:17:57,540
that led you down into that chamber,
where it all fell into your lap.
1076
01:18:01,700 --> 01:18:07,540
A means of disposal that was just
nasty and ritualistic enough
1077
01:18:07,540 --> 01:18:09,700
to tick all the boxes.
1078
01:18:11,220 --> 01:18:14,380
We know he went outside
to take a phone call.
1079
01:18:14,380 --> 01:18:17,180
We can only guess who he thought
was ringing him -
1080
01:18:17,180 --> 01:18:19,660
certainly no-one he wanted
his wife to know about.
1081
01:18:24,260 --> 01:18:27,220
MUFFLED YELLING
1082
01:18:47,980 --> 01:18:50,780
HE SCREAMS
1083
01:19:00,260 --> 01:19:05,140
Prospects of it getting traced back
to YOU are already pretty slim.
1084
01:19:07,580 --> 01:19:10,340
And, with Alison there as a witness,
1085
01:19:10,340 --> 01:19:14,140
there's even a chance that it'll be
put down to the "evil forces"
1086
01:19:14,140 --> 01:19:15,260
in the house...
1087
01:19:16,940 --> 01:19:18,660
..if you believe in such things.
1088
01:19:24,220 --> 01:19:28,500
Ah, well, my flight leaves at 11.
1089
01:19:28,500 --> 01:19:32,100
I had thought of squeezing in
a bit of supper, but maybe not.
1090
01:19:38,580 --> 01:19:40,700
There WAS an evil force
in that house.
1091
01:19:42,500 --> 01:19:44,580
I think you'll find it's gone now.
1092
01:19:51,340 --> 01:19:52,700
Shouldn't we...?
1093
01:19:52,700 --> 01:19:55,460
Take a moment to reflect,
before we rush to judgment.
1094
01:19:59,300 --> 01:20:03,460
Nina's husband - remind me
what he does again?
1095
01:20:03,460 --> 01:20:04,900
He's a taxi driver. Why?
1096
01:20:05,900 --> 01:20:06,940
Course he is.
1097
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,460
PHONE BEEPS
1098
01:20:10,460 --> 01:20:12,580
Oh. Alison.
1099
01:20:13,580 --> 01:20:15,780
Suggesting ten o'clock tomorrow
for coffee.
1100
01:20:18,220 --> 01:20:19,660
State she'll still be in.
1101
01:20:21,740 --> 01:20:23,100
Can you imagine?
1102
01:20:25,220 --> 01:20:27,540
- Yeah, here! - Ace!
1103
01:20:27,540 --> 01:20:29,460
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
1104
01:20:29,460 --> 01:20:31,260
Yeah. One, two, one, two,
one, two, one, two!
1105
01:20:31,260 --> 01:20:32,340
What are you doing?!
1106
01:20:32,340 --> 01:20:35,900
What the hell are you...?
Leave that alone! Leave that...
1107
01:20:38,900 --> 01:20:40,100
Oh!
1108
01:20:44,140 --> 01:20:45,780
Weirdest thing, isn't it?
1109
01:20:47,300 --> 01:20:53,180
The way you can feel about someone,
that's so intense, and so real...
1110
01:20:56,340 --> 01:20:59,100
..and now I have to tell myself
that was all a lie.
1111
01:21:08,300 --> 01:21:09,940
I suppose I always knew...
1112
01:21:12,300 --> 01:21:14,020
..when I came back here.
1113
01:21:15,900 --> 01:21:17,020
It's like...
1114
01:21:18,700 --> 01:21:22,540
..my eyes were going to be opened
to stuff you'd never want to see.
1115
01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:28,460
The truth he spoke about
in that letter
1116
01:21:28,460 --> 01:21:30,740
troubled him every hour
of every day.
1117
01:21:33,220 --> 01:21:37,380
When I realised, for whatever
reason, you hadn't read it...
1118
01:21:37,380 --> 01:21:40,300
I don't know - was it my place
to say something?
1119
01:21:42,620 --> 01:21:46,260
And then...events just seemed
to take over, and...
1120
01:21:50,260 --> 01:21:53,740
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.
1121
01:21:53,740 --> 01:21:56,900
It was me that dragged you
into all this, so...
1122
01:21:56,900 --> 01:21:59,220
If I'd just been a bit smarter,
in the first place...
1123
01:22:01,580 --> 01:22:03,380
I'm sorry.
1124
01:22:03,380 --> 01:22:04,980
He was a very clever man.
1125
01:22:09,820 --> 01:22:13,460
Found his way into this no trouble,
at any rate.
1126
01:22:13,460 --> 01:22:17,620
I suppose it suited his purposes
to keep me in the dark, until...
1127
01:22:21,620 --> 01:22:26,380
Basically, what killed
my mum and my sisters...
1128
01:22:29,460 --> 01:22:31,340
I can't even try to pronounce it.
1129
01:22:32,980 --> 01:22:35,660
You hear about these
very rare blood diseases.
1130
01:22:38,900 --> 01:22:44,020
This one was, like, only a handful
of cases ever recorded.
1131
01:22:44,020 --> 01:22:45,540
In the space of 18 months...
1132
01:22:48,060 --> 01:22:49,460
Three lives.
1133
01:22:51,020 --> 01:22:54,740
All down to some shared gene
or other.
1134
01:22:57,580 --> 01:22:59,700
And so unpredictable.
1135
01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:03,460
There was no way of telling whether
I'd last a month, a year, or...
1136
01:23:06,700 --> 01:23:09,180
So, wow. You know?
1137
01:23:10,660 --> 01:23:13,260
This place, for you, then,
held only horrors.
1138
01:23:15,700 --> 01:23:19,140
While there was still a chance
you might have a life ahead of you,
1139
01:23:19,140 --> 01:23:21,180
he felt the kindest thing was...
1140
01:23:23,460 --> 01:23:26,900
Then, in the end,
with his own time running out,
1141
01:23:26,900 --> 01:23:29,100
and the risk you might
be planning a family...
1142
01:23:34,300 --> 01:23:36,420
So all those scary stories about...
1143
01:23:38,540 --> 01:23:40,900
Little worlds you build as a child.
1144
01:23:42,780 --> 01:23:44,620
You never really leave, do you?
1145
01:23:48,700 --> 01:23:50,780
And now, obviously...
1146
01:23:56,420 --> 01:23:58,780
Ring a ring o' roses...
1147
01:23:58,780 --> 01:24:03,180
Can I ever bring myself to imagine
what she had to go through?
1148
01:24:18,580 --> 01:24:20,420
SHE GASPS
1149
01:24:46,220 --> 01:24:48,980
SILENCE
1150
01:25:04,900 --> 01:25:10,540
Leukocytes and lymphocytes.
White cells and red cells.
1151
01:25:11,660 --> 01:25:15,100
At five years old, what other sense
could I make of that word?
1152
01:25:16,260 --> 01:25:17,540
The haemoglobin...
1153
01:25:22,140 --> 01:25:25,980
Just seemed like it had the power
of life and death and...
1154
01:25:28,100 --> 01:25:30,780
..whatever it was,
one day it would come for me.
1155
01:25:32,820 --> 01:25:34,340
It hasn't yet.
1156
01:25:37,740 --> 01:25:39,140
Maybe it never will.
1157
01:25:53,020 --> 01:25:57,300
It is a far, far better thing
that I do than I have ever done.
1158
01:25:57,300 --> 01:25:58,540
Come again, Mr Creek?
1159
01:26:00,620 --> 01:26:02,700
Ah, there you go.
1160
01:26:02,700 --> 01:26:05,380
Well done. That wasn't easy.
1161
01:26:06,900 --> 01:26:10,020
Listen, I really do appreciate this.
1162
01:26:11,260 --> 01:26:12,900
What can I say?
1163
01:26:12,900 --> 01:26:15,020
Yeah, this is definitely
going to work.
1164
01:26:15,020 --> 01:26:17,700
And I think,
with the big ping-pong ball eyes...
1165
01:26:17,700 --> 01:26:19,220
Oh, yeah, that'll be wicked.
1166
01:26:19,220 --> 01:26:20,420
It'll be hysterical!
1167
01:26:20,420 --> 01:26:22,900
Congratulations, congratulations,
1168
01:26:22,900 --> 01:26:26,900
one and all, on a most splendid
joint effort, if I may say.
1169
01:26:28,380 --> 01:26:31,340
And I hope you'll all agree -
the best man won?
1170
01:26:31,340 --> 01:26:32,660
Oh, definitely.
1171
01:26:41,260 --> 01:26:42,540
Definitely!
1172
01:26:44,260 --> 01:26:47,060
Big improvement on your first draft,
by the way.
1173
01:26:47,060 --> 01:26:49,460
Phill Jupitus -
not that well-known round here.
1174
01:26:54,820 --> 01:26:57,700
Well done! Congratulations!
First prize!
1175
01:26:57,700 --> 01:27:01,060
Come on, Miss, have a photograph.
1176
01:27:01,060 --> 01:27:03,340
You know there is a hosepipe ban
in this village?
1177
01:27:03,340 --> 01:27:04,740
LAUGHTER
1178
01:27:07,940 --> 01:27:09,300
Looking for...?
1179
01:27:10,420 --> 01:27:13,460
Oh, no, just a final rummage.
1180
01:27:15,140 --> 01:27:16,580
All done now.
1181
01:27:19,340 --> 01:27:21,540
Won't be sorry
to see the back of it all.
1182
01:27:24,220 --> 01:27:27,740
Little worlds you build, as a child.
1183
01:27:27,740 --> 01:27:30,220
Hobgoblins. And pixies.
1184
01:27:32,700 --> 01:27:35,740
I know. Those tiny letters
your brother wrote.
1185
01:27:38,260 --> 01:27:41,100
Probably found them all
when I got older, you know,
1186
01:27:41,100 --> 01:27:43,500
and just chucked them, like you do.
1187
01:27:44,620 --> 01:27:47,780
To prove you didn't believe
in fairies.
1188
01:27:47,780 --> 01:27:49,860
He'd never have wanted me
to keep them.
1189
01:27:49,860 --> 01:27:51,060
No.
1190
01:28:01,940 --> 01:28:04,420
You don't really think
I liked wearing bras?
1191
01:28:04,420 --> 01:28:06,740
Hey, we live in enlightened times.
1192
01:28:06,790 --> 01:28:11,340
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