Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,629
This is why I buy my food
from gas stations, Jess.
2
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:06,840
Nick, you knocked over
a wheelbarrow full of fruit,
3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,342
and then you actually skipped away.
4
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,010
Guys, I'm trying to concentrate, okay?
5
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:13,096
The LAPD does not offer entrance exams
every single day.
6
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,934
Just Mondays and Fridays.
But I am not waiting till Friday.
7
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:18,810
Hey, why do you have so much fruit?
8
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:22,064
Because this one ran into his
ex-girlfriend at the farmers' market.
9
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,275
-Nick?
-Hey! No way!
10
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,153
Caroline of my past.
11
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,322
What a pleasant surprise.
12
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,740
My ex-lover... No!
13
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,536
I don't deal with exes.
They're part of the past.
14
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:39,540
You burn 'em swiftly
and you give their ashes to Poseidon.
15
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,124
I'm really good friends with Berkley,
16
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,168
and we had a terrible breakup...
Come on, what?
17
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,462
You have a good relationship with him
because he wants to bone you.
18
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,964
He's a stay-at-home dad.
19
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,216
His entire life
revolves around his family.
20
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,885
He's the most emotionally
evolved person I know.
21
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,471
And I'm sure his favorite
emotion is the emotion
22
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,182
-of wanting to bone you.
-That's not an emotion.
23
00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:00,894
Possible sex is the only reason
people stay "friends" with their exes.
24
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,813
-Come on.
-Back me up, Winnie the Bish.
25
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,815
Yeah, that's true. I mean,
I'm friends with all my exes...
26
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,191
-See?
-...families.
27
00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:08,026
-Ha-ha! See?
-I still send Shelby's dad
28
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:11,655
a Father's Day card, and he still sends me
five bucks on my birthday.
29
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,990
-What is wrong with you?
-That's nice.
30
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,534
-Hey, guys.
-I bet Coach is friends with his exes.
31
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,411
-Oh, for sure, yeah.
-Yeah! I'm right!
32
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,745
-For sex.
-No!
33
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,623
-Ha-ha! I'm right!
-Can't spell "sex" with the "ex."
34
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,250
Man, is that sexy when he does that.
35
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:29,006
Announcement... I finally finished
my loft. Hold the applause.
36
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,259
Let's go. All right.
37
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,635
Come on.
38
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,848
Come on, you guys. All together, now.
39
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,057
We're not... Who's coming?
40
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,434
Let's go. Come on, Nick.
41
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,019
I don't want to go, man.
Thanks for the invite.
42
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,354
Nah, come on. Winnie.
43
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,481
No?
44
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,734
(SINGING) Who's that girl?
45
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,528
-Who's that girl?
-It's Jess!
46
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,115
(WHISTLES)
47
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,493
JESS: You and Caroline
still need some closure.
48
00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,162
Well, what do you want me to say?
49
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,539
That I walked out on her
and now I'm dating you?
50
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,958
We started dating, like,
a year after you broke up.
51
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,168
Yeah, but that doesn't matter with her.
52
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,962
She's got a crazy streak,
and this is bound to set her off.
53
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:10,297
What if she hurts me physically?
54
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,466
What if she hurts me with words?
55
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,134
Just talk to her. Clear the air.
56
00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,053
You'll feel better, she'll feel better.
57
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,473
Besides, Nick,
I can't give up that farmers' market.
58
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,267
Strolling around, chatting with vendors...
It's so nice.
59
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,727
I feel like Don Corleone.
60
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,562
I think a lot of ladies do.
61
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,196
(HOARSE) Hey. (CLEARS THROAT)
62
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,406
Hey... (COUGHS)
63
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,535
(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry about that.
64
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,204
Haven't spoken to anybody all day.
Phlegm buildup, you know?
65
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,333
I've been cooped up all day
in my loft apartment.
66
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,001
So much space for one person, you know?
67
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,462
You could scream in there,
nobody would ever hear you.
68
00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,130
I'm gonna go.
69
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:53,841
Bye.
70
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:56,885
What is going on?
71
00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,929
May I speak plainly with you, Cecilia?
72
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,222
(SIGHS)
73
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:01,974
I'm in a bit of a sexual drought.
74
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,476
The Good Valley Schmidt
hasn't seen rain in months.
75
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,104
You're just...
You're giving off a creepy vibe.
76
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,399
All right? Living alone is messing up
your game and it's making you weird.
77
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,150
Yeah, but I love living alone.
78
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,944
Where are you, grapes?
79
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,612
Grápés.
80
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,239
Great apes.
81
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:20,742
Grapes, we have you surrounded.
Come out with your stems up!
82
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,160
(SNIFFLES)
83
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:27,499
(SOBBING LOUDLY)
84
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:30,919
I guess my game could be upped
if I increased my human contact
85
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:32,296
-a little bit.
-Good.
86
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,173
Because you're caressing
your own arm right now.
87
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,177
-Hmm.
-That's not normal, man.
88
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,137
I've been working out.
It feels... I don't...
89
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,432
I just want to know why you walked out.
90
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,145
Was there something else going on?
Was there someone else?
91
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:49,771
Can I just say,
92
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,024
I really wish this coffee
was a giant beer.
93
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,484
And I wish this scone was a whiskey
94
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,236
and I could just drink one...
Just chase 'em.
95
00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:01,074
This is nice. Glad we're doing this.
96
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:02,784
So how'd it go?
97
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,996
We gabbed like a couple
of washer women over the back fence.
98
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,832
That's great. So proud of you.
99
00:04:09,625 --> 00:04:11,877
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-You two are dating?
100
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,046
I knew it. I knew it was her!
101
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,339
What?
102
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,174
You didn't tell her we were together?
103
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:18,967
I told her we were together.
104
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,553
I'm not getting away with this.
I didn't tell her.
105
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:22,888
CAROLINE: Screw you, Miller!
106
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:28,060
I don't understand.
You guys talked for 30 minutes.
107
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,646
-How did our relationship not come up?
-'Cause I got scared.
108
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:32,481
There were so many things
that I wanted to tell her.
109
00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:35,442
You ever thought how weird it would be
if you just gave up your thumb?
110
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,111
You just didn't have a thumb.
I mean, how would you give a thumbs up?
111
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,321
Just like this?
112
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,031
I think a guy died in the building,
'cause one day
113
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,242
in the dumpster is a bunch
of clothes that just fit me.
114
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:46,411
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) What I like to do now
is take the Underground, yeah?
115
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,664
Spend my quid. Cheers?
116
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,000
-(PHONE CHIMES)
-Oh, crap. This is her.
117
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,794
She thinks I cheated, Jess.
118
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,755
You know who you should talk to? Berkley.
119
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,216
He's so good at this stuff,
friendship, closure.
120
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,802
Actually, he did write a book about it.
It's an e-book.
121
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,388
I gave it four stars, but it
kind of falls apart at the end.
122
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,932
He goes into God in a way
I don't think he needs to.
123
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,350
You know what? I'm gonna text him?
124
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:12,104
Why would I talk to your ex-boyfriend
about my ex-girlfriend?
125
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,522
-Well, you need his help.
-You're right.
126
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:14,731
-No, no, no.
-Give me. Can I see? Can I see?
127
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,149
-Can I see?
-Yeah. Yeah.
128
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,694
-"Hey, babe..." Don't call him "babe."
-It's just what we call each other.
129
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:19,820
"BF problems"?
130
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,488
My boyfriend is having problems.
131
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,532
-XOXO?
-It's a really common greeting.
132
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,617
"Kissing you, hugging you,
kissing you, hugging you"?
133
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:27,661
What else am I gonna write? "O-O-O"?
134
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,788
That just looks like "Oh..."
135
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,164
You're leading him on, Jess.
136
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,958
-Oh, Nick.
-You are.
137
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,459
Berkley's really gonna teach you a lot.
138
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:38,881
Men don't talk to people they've dated
unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
139
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:40,716
-I also want sex.
-Going to Schmidt's.
140
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,467
He's been begging us to all week.
141
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,261
Jess, men are sick.
142
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,514
Look, I'm a relatively good guy,
but even I'm a sicko.
143
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,433
Luckily, we have the Internet
as a community of...
144
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,060
-(PHONE CHIMES)
-Oh, this is terrible!
145
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:55,355
She's quoting scripture,
but using tons of cuss words.
146
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,274
-This is as bad as it gets with Caroline.
-Okay.
147
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,110
Berkley's around the corner
at his baby's world music class.
148
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,114
Okay, you know what? I'm in.
149
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,824
-Great.
-What kind of beer does Berkley like?
150
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,118
-He doesn't.
-Oh, great. I cannot wait to meet him.
151
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,247
Fellas. You made it.
152
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,374
As promised,
here's a coupon for a free sub.
153
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,751
-Yup.
-(CHUCKLES)
154
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,377
Probably get ham.
155
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,588
Wow, man. (LAUGHS)
156
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,423
-It's nice inside of here, man.
-Yeah.
157
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:22,883
It's like a European airport.
158
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,177
Oh, what's that?
Uh, you want to watch the game?
159
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,221
Which one? Basketball? Football?
160
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,305
Of Thrones?
161
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,224
WINSTON AND COACH: Oh!
162
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:31,517
WINSTON: That is awesome, man.
163
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,976
Look at this place, Schmidt.
164
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,520
You got so many plush surfaces.
165
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,396
Well, there are 15 different
bang spots in here,
166
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,483
each one specifically designated
to its own sexual position.
167
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,859
-WINSTON: Mmm.
-That's standing,
168
00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,694
this is sitting, that's diagonal.
169
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:43,946
(LAUGHS) That's how I do it.
170
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,197
The "Why? Why? Because."
171
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,782
The "Closure of the Lincoln Tunnel."
172
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,951
The "Red Beanbag Chair."
173
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,953
Which is pretty obvious,
but, you know, that's a good one.
174
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,371
The "Glass Menagerie."
175
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,539
-The "Bike Share."
-Nice.
176
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,749
-The "Backwards Oops."
-What is "backwards oops"?
177
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,584
When you don't want to put it... Mmm.
178
00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,545
-You don't know what it means.
-I mean, I don't...
179
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:00,921
I've done it, I've done it,
180
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,423
but I didn't know I was doing it.
You know, it was...
181
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,884
Super cool, dude.
I wish I had my own place.
182
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:08,220
Guys, mi casa es su casa.
183
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,805
-I even made you guys keys.
-What?
184
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,682
-Check these out.
-That one's yours.
185
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,017
-Aw, it looks like a guitar.
-Yeah, that's 'cause you're rocking.
186
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,352
Mine's a...
187
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,062
It's a rainbow kissing a star.
188
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,897
-You like it?
-Blah!
189
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:21,525
-Yeah.
-Guys, hang out here anytime you want.
190
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,068
-Even now. Who's thirsty?
-Thanks.
191
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,278
-Right there.
-Dude!
192
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,445
-Shut up!
-Damn, man.
193
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,281
-You're like James Bond.
-(CHUCKLES)
194
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,157
But I'll be...
I'll be Moneypenny, for sure.
195
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,826
-Yeah.
-Wait, which one is Moneypenny?
196
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,244
It's the woman.
197
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,370
Oh.
198
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,414
(WHISPERING)
199
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:38,041
So, did the store have that, uh,
bamboo highchair you were looking for?
200
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,086
No, not the one I wanted.
So I think I'm just gonna...
201
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:43,255
BOTH: Order it online.
202
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:46,175
-You still got it.
-(LAUGHS) You still got it.
203
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,135
Big deal, I've been online, too.
I still got it.
204
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,761
-It's different.
-(PHONE CHIMES)
205
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,889
So, this is the problem.
206
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,516
Nick didn't tell his ex
that we were together,
207
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,394
and she found out, and now
she's really, really upset.
208
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,896
This is the scariest one yet.
209
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,480
It's just a bunch of smiley faces.
210
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:03,358
Okay, um, not to be all guy with a baby,
211
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:06,653
but, uh, exes are really
a lot like newborns, okay?
212
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,822
The burps can be so yucky,
213
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,325
-but you know what comes after a burp?
-What?
214
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:12,910
A big old smile.
215
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,411
Aw.
216
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,914
What the hell are you talking about?
217
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,123
It was a metaphor, Nick.
218
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,666
It was a classic fatherhood metaphor.
219
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:24,213
No, my point is you just need to face her
and let her get it all off her chest.
220
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,464
Oh, I feel like I've done that.
221
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,590
No, you didn't.
222
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,426
You just talked and talked
about nothing for 30 minutes.
223
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,887
Okay, look, I know it's hard,
I know that, man.
224
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,639
I'm here and I'm hearing it.
225
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:34,890
I mean, when Jess and I did this,
226
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,351
I think we cried for, like... Two days?
227
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,936
I mean, at least. But look.
228
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,855
Now I have such a good friend,
and we talk all the time,
229
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,106
and he's such a good listener.
230
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,691
Say what? I can't hear you.
231
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:47,110
(LAUGHS)
232
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,238
(LAUGHS)
233
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:50,948
Is this real?
234
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,492
You guys saw each other naked,
and now you're friends?
235
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:56,745
Yes, it's the purest form of friendship.
Straight Leno and Eubanks.
236
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,121
(LAUGHS)
237
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:01,667
I just want to say you're incredible,
238
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,503
and I'm so lucky to have you in my life.
239
00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,298
Okay, I took your advice.
240
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,925
What do we got?
241
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,679
"My bad. Let's be friends, 'kay?"
242
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,514
Smooth, but tough.
243
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,598
That's not good, Nick.
244
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:20,352
Friendship is a, um...
It's like a beautiful flower.
245
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:21,937
You have to nourish it, okay?
246
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,605
-You can't just buy it at a store.
-All right.
247
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,316
First of all, it was a draft,
okay, and I'll fix it.
248
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,152
And second of all, with all due respect,
249
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:32,114
you can buy a flower at a store.
250
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,408
(LAUGHS) Millered!
251
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,620
SCHMIDT: I know as an angel
you usually sleep in heaven,
252
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,956
but would you care to spend
the evening at my place?
253
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,375
I think maybe I would.
254
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,294
Fantastic choice.
255
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:47,171
Here's my address.
256
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,506
There's usually no place to park.
257
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:53,594
-Well, so where would I...
-You're a big girl.
258
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,304
You'll figure it out.
259
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,352
Uh, just try south of Sixth.
260
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,188
There's usually a string
of open spaces down there.
261
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,816
And there's not a right turn
on red on Fifth... Just FYI.
262
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:10,944
Okay, here's the deal.
263
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,988
I've been wanting to end things
with Claire for years now.
264
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,364
And I'm gonna do it,
it's gonna take one phone call.
265
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,490
What?
266
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,867
She's gonna burn
all my clothes on the lawn. I don't care.
267
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,410
I only want to wear Henleys anyways.
268
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,329
Jess, we can finally be together.
269
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:23,165
What? Wait, no, but leave your wife?
270
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,459
For you. I'm gonna leave my wife for you.
271
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,793
Wait, what?
272
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,253
"Thank you for being so incredible."
273
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:30,380
"So lucky to have you in my life"?
274
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,090
-Jess.
-Mmm-mmm.
275
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,967
-When you said those words, I knew.
-No.
276
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:36,720
Berkley, there's been a fundamental
misunderstanding here.
277
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,223
You know the last time
Claire thanked me for anything?
278
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,934
It was when I was pulling out
her chair at our wedding.
279
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,936
-No...
-She doesn't appreciate me like you do.
280
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,604
No, it's not happening. No, no...
281
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:48,815
Aah! Damn it, Winston! Oh, God.
282
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,859
Pretend this is attached,
and there's water coming out.
283
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,945
Okay.
284
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:54,947
No, not like that.
285
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:56,573
(MAKES WHOOSHING NOISE)
286
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:59,493
It's not sexual!
No! I'm not feeding you water!
287
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:00,661
-Wet my mouth.
-No!
288
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,121
Oh, hi.
289
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,706
-Are you Schmidt's friend?
-What?
290
00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,124
Schmidt's friend?
291
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,253
Where you at? 'Cause I'm ready to ea...
292
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,337
Hey!
293
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,798
My good friend... Frank...
294
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,591
Scabopolis!
295
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,385
Ah, give me a hug,
you Greek son of a bitch!
296
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,594
-Come here!
-What?
297
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,015
Where is this coming from?
298
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:23,851
You. The phone calls, the texts,
299
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,770
"Boyfriend problems,"
"I need you," hugs, kisses.
300
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,272
-What?
-More hugs, more kisses.
301
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,731
-I...
-You have been setting up
302
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,276
dominoes for 10 years.
And now they are falling.
303
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,861
-You have a baby, sir!
-I know.
304
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,280
And you are gonna make
such a good stepmom.
305
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,865
I love you, Jessica.
306
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:41,118
God, it feels good to say that out loud
and not just to my sleeping wife.
307
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,037
-NICK: (GROANS) Guys, I need your help.
-You, hey!
308
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:46,498
Nick was right about you,
and he can't know that,
309
00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,417
-so put a sock in it!
-What is wrong with me?
310
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,710
-Hi.
-Hey.
311
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,712
I keep trying to write to Caroline,
but I'm choking.
312
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,797
I can't get past "What's up, C?"
313
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,299
-(PHONE CHIMES)
-Oh, that's her.
314
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,134
It says, "Come
the window, friend." Friend.
315
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,469
-That's good. That's good.
-That's a good thing. Yeah.
316
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,014
Caroline! Hey!
317
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,350
You cheat on me and then
you want to be friends?
318
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,102
I'm just writing you an email!
319
00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:08,729
It's not sending!
320
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:11,273
Look, I'm gonna throw it down,
but I need my phone back!
321
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,525
-We talk now!
-Caroline! Hey!
322
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:15,110
-(CAR ALARM WAILING)
-Stop!
323
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,278
Really excited to...
324
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,905
-No!
-...talk to you guys.
325
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,573
Hey, stop! That's not my car!
326
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,909
Tell Jess I said hi.
327
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,953
No, Caroline, I parked down the street!
328
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,456
It... Why am I telling you?
329
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:33,253
At least she can't get into the building.
330
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,088
Okay, what am I gonna do here?
331
00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:36,798
She cut off the power.
332
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,133
No, Nick, that was you.
You turned off the light.
333
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:39,468
All the other lights are still on.
334
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,345
My bad. Thank you.
335
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,555
(QUIETLY) I know you're scared.
Let me be brave.
336
00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:45,140
You should go because you have a wife
337
00:12:45,224 --> 00:12:47,267
and you have a baby and you love them.
338
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,311
Jess, what are you, crazy?
339
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,188
It's not safe out there. Berkley can't go.
340
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,397
-He stays here.
-I don't think that...
341
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:54,608
-Thank you, Nick.
-You're very welcome.
342
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,735
I'll be with you
in just one second, all right?
343
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,362
-Mmm-hmm.
-And don't drink the water by the bed.
344
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,072
It's got my contacts in it.
345
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:02,324
-Okay.
-(LAUGHS)
346
00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:04,660
-What are you doing?
-What are you doing?
347
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,746
And tell her that I'd like
to be reimbursed for those strawberries.
348
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,581
-What? Dude.
-Why is she calling you Schmidt?
349
00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:11,375
I told her my name was Schmidt
in case we saw your mail.
350
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:12,960
I don't just leave mail out.
351
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,920
This isn't a small business. Get out.
352
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,130
Dude, I'm about to seal the deal.
I'm not getting out.
353
00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,924
I'm about to... I'm... I'm a deal sealer.
354
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,969
I'm about to get some squish, dude,
and you need to not get in between that.
355
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,262
I'm about to nail it into the wall.
356
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,681
Dude, I'm about to take
down that va-dragon.
357
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:28,892
I'm about to pin the tail
on the va-donkey, dude.
358
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,310
You better not stand in the way of this.
359
00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:32,521
Don't call her a va-donkey.
I don't even know her well
360
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:33,939
and I want her to leave,
but please don't call her
361
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,232
-a va-d... Va-donkey.
-I won't. All right.
362
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,526
Please. I need this.
363
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,904
Okay, fine. I will use the guest room.
364
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,865
-Yes.
-Like an animal.
365
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,075
Oh, yes.
366
00:13:45,576 --> 00:13:47,536
Oh! Winston! What are you doing?
367
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,954
Oh, we were just playing a game.
368
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,914
You know, Bad Cop, Black Cop?
369
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,666
It's me, Bertie!
370
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,168
(GROANS)
371
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:56,128
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
372
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,426
Um, I might have been
wrong about some things,
373
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,470
-um, some Berkley things.
-Hey, the screaming stopped.
374
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:07,181
-I knew she'd run out of gas.
-(POUNDING ON DOOR)
375
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,348
-CAROLINE: "My bad"?
-What?
376
00:14:08,432 --> 00:14:09,975
"Let's be friends, 'kay"?
377
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,186
You couldn't even write out "okay"?
378
00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:14,938
It's go time, Nick.
Time to break out that burp cloth.
379
00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:17,649
Jess, let's give him some space...
(WHISPERS) ...by going to a motel.
380
00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:19,359
I don't love you.
381
00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:21,612
I got a slight beer buzz. Let's do it.
382
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,405
-Yeah, don't go.
-I thought you wanted me to talk to her.
383
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:26,450
-Don't go right now.
-I'm sorry. You don't love me?
384
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,203
-Say it again?
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
385
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,873
-Oh... What?
-Then why have you led me on for 10 years?
386
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,458
Oh, hell on Earth no!
387
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,627
Oh, my God, I was right.
388
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,712
-He wants to bone you.
-Oh, come on, Nick!
389
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,048
Caroline, I'll be right there.
390
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,050
I'm so sorry, Berkley. You got cut off.
391
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,218
-Thank you, sir.
-No.
392
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,802
-(MOUTHING)
-BERKLEY: May, 2004.
393
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,472
You brushed my hand
at a Dave Matthews concert
394
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,432
-during Two Step.
-"Two Step"?
395
00:14:50,516 --> 00:14:52,518
-Oh, my God.
-Or that time that I helped you move,
396
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,061
and I came over, I was wearing sweatpants.
397
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,188
You couldn't stop staring at my rig.
398
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,397
She loves looking at rigs.
399
00:14:57,481 --> 00:14:59,900
-Why are you calling it a rig?
-You're doing it again.
400
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,318
One second, Caroline!
401
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,986
Open this door!
402
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,035
You think I wear this
sweater because I like it?
403
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,037
-It's a handsome sweater.
-That's right, I love you.
404
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,830
-No!
-BERKLEY: What do you mean, no?
405
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,082
-I don't want no.
-Ooh!
406
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,292
Open the door! Come on!
407
00:15:17,376 --> 00:15:18,544
Schmidt?
408
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,754
You said to me that I was incredible
409
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,506
and you were so lucky,
and now here we are,
410
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,508
we're trying to hook up
Nick with his ex-girlfriend.
411
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,843
I mean, that's what this is, right?
412
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:26,927
-That's not what we're doing.
-No, it isn't.
413
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,428
So let's just do it, come on.
414
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,722
-Hey, hey, Berkley, Berkley!
-Oh, no! No, no!
415
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,516
-No, what are you doing?
-Oh, no.
416
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,518
-'Kay!
-Oh, hey!
417
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:37,104
-Car-o-line.
-Yeah...
418
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,107
You stole my boyfriend.
419
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,071
Schmidt?
420
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,281
Be right there!
421
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,033
That should buy us some time.
Coach, you stay with your girl,
422
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,827
who thinks that you're me, in my bedroom.
423
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,495
Winston, you stay
in the guest room with Bertie
424
00:15:53,579 --> 00:15:54,705
doing whatever the hell it is
you guys are doing.
425
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,623
-Gross.
-I'm gonna keep Sarah...
426
00:15:56,707 --> 00:15:58,292
-(KNOCKING)
-Almost there!
427
00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,918
I'm gonna keep Sarah in the living room,
428
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,546
using one of the living-dining-
open-floor-plan bang spots.
429
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:06,675
Now, no exits, no entrances,
no Noises Off baloney. Capeesh?
430
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,385
-Confirm my capeesh!
-Capeesh!
431
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,888
-(MUTTERS GIBBERISH)
-Let's go. Do it. All right.
432
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:12,598
-Guys, guys!
-Right.
433
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:15,142
This is the exact type
of baloney that I'm talking about.
434
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,102
Unbelievable. Guys, guys!
435
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,479
I'm really glad that we're doing this.
436
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,690
-Okay.
-All right.
437
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,483
I did not steal your boyfriend.
438
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:24,818
Timeline. Now.
439
00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:28,030
Okay, um, you and Nick break up.
440
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,531
London has a great Olympics.
441
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:30,991
Uh-oh, trouble in Syria.
442
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:34,119
Board up your windows. Superstorm Sandy.
443
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,789
Hey, over here. Me and Nick get together.
444
00:16:37,873 --> 00:16:39,416
And here's that beautiful
Sunday in the park
445
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,043
that you and I went to,
and we have a wonderful Sunday.
446
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,961
-Shut up, Berkley!
-No, you shut up, Jess.
447
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,422
-Don't take this out on Jess.
-Oh, oh, right, it's the beginning,
448
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,007
so you're being all supportive now.
449
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,759
He's still trying.
I mean, I bet he's still
450
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,260
laughing at all your jokes, right?
451
00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:53,138
Well... I have a great
instinct for comedy.
452
00:16:53,222 --> 00:16:54,973
All right, well, you know what,
you enjoy all that
453
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,559
while it lasts,
because I'll tell you what.
454
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,103
It's not gonna be long before he stops
455
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,564
holding your hand
and starts high-fiving you
456
00:17:02,648 --> 00:17:05,192
and he stops letting you be
the little spoon and he starts
457
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:08,070
drifting off during
important conversations.
458
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,613
Are you listening right now?
459
00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,908
-What's that?
-Seriously, Nick?
460
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:16,453
Jess, you're the girlfriend now,
but one day you're gonna be the ex.
461
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:20,541
And two years after he breaks up with you,
he still won't tell you why.
462
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:26,630
Um, okay, well, um...
This has been a really, um,
463
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,007
neat talk, so, um...
464
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:33,470
I'm gonna go sit in the shower,
465
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:35,889
and, um, go over
the greatest hits in my mind.
466
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,600
I'll just be right here,
picturing the whole sudsy thing.
467
00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:41,061
Hey, hey, homeboy, I'm right here.
How about a little respect?
468
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,480
I know. What, you...
This is obviously happening.
469
00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:45,732
-JESS: No, it's not!
-Where's your brain?
470
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,820
Hey, Jess, you okay?
471
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:54,741
(VOICE BREAKING) No.
472
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,704
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
473
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,415
(SOBS) I've led a very fortunate life.
474
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,126
-Look, Jess, you were right.
-No, you were right.
475
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:05,878
I feel like such a fool.
476
00:18:06,837 --> 00:18:08,380
You were right about everything.
477
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,673
No, I wasn't.
478
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,509
Caroline deserves to know why I left.
479
00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:14,845
And you should hear, too.
480
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,227
-I'm thirsty! Stop! Let me go, boy!
-What the... No, no, no, come, come...
481
00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:23,812
Whoa!
482
00:18:23,896 --> 00:18:25,022
Who the hell are you?
483
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,940
Who the hell are you?
484
00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:28,442
-Schmidt.
-What?
485
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,153
Frank Scabopolis is up in here
making out with some bitch.
486
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:32,529
SCHMIDT: That's not necessary.
487
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:34,072
I mean... Who's Frank Scabopolis?
488
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,408
-Aren't you Schmidt?
-I... I am Schmidt.
489
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,493
-I thought you were Schmidt.
-I am Schmidt.
490
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,787
-Uh...
-Uh, we're brothers.
491
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,956
We are, we're brothers.
What an upbringing that was.
492
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,959
Yeah, same mom, different dads.
One browner. (SIGHS)
493
00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:49,296
Then who the hell is Frank Scabopolis?
494
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:50,881
-Yeah.
-(DOOR OPENS)
495
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,300
I am Frank Scabopolis!
496
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:55,052
(SIGHS)
497
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:57,471
Is this helping, Schmidt?
I forgot the plan.
498
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,848
-Winston, please shut up.
-Plan? What plan?
499
00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:02,017
I... there's no plan.
I know nothing about a plan.
500
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:06,104
Is this some little nasty group sex games
y'all got going on up in here?
501
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,774
Been a couple years, but... I'm down.
502
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,192
-(GROANS)
-I didn't want to know that.
503
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,276
I am out of here.
504
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,195
-I'm way ahead of you.
-No, no, please!
505
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,989
Sarah, please, wait! I can... Ugh.
506
00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:17,741
(SIGHS) Just...
507
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,327
(CLEARS THROAT) Well,
I'm gonna go back to bed.
508
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:23,330
Schmidt, that mattress is heaven.
509
00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:24,665
It's pretty good.
510
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,334
See?
511
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:30,045
You don't think I'm scary, do you, baby?
512
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:31,171
-Oh, whoa!
-Oh!
513
00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:32,256
-No. Hey, no.
-(LAUGHS)
514
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,549
-I was just kidding.
-No.
515
00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,384
Hey, Caroline, there's
something I need to say.
516
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,719
-Nick, you don't have to do this.
-NICK: No, I... I do.
517
00:19:37,803 --> 00:19:40,848
Look, I never cheated on you,
but I might as well have.
518
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,852
See, I fell in love with Jess
the moment she walked through the door.
519
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,980
-Boo!
-Really?
520
00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:49,565
Sorry.
521
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,900
The moment I walked through the door?
522
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:53,652
Really?
523
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,446
'Cause I thought I annoyed you.
524
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:57,823
-Can we do this later, please?
-Yeah, okay.
525
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:58,949
-It's just not a great... Yeah.
-Got it, yup.
526
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,910
-Got it.
-Caroline, she's the reason that I left.
527
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,955
I always thought that it was Jess.
528
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,125
I'm glad I'm not crazy.
529
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,502
-Well...
-Hmm.
530
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:12,212
Thanks for telling me the truth.
531
00:20:12,296 --> 00:20:13,964
Oh, I'm just sorry
it didn't happen sooner.
532
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,299
-Don't touch me.
-I'm so sorry.
533
00:20:16,008 --> 00:20:18,760
-I was kidding.
-There's that famous Milwaukee humor.
534
00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:21,263
-I'm not from Milwaukee.
-You honestly scare me.
535
00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:23,807
-Goodbye, Nick.
-Bye.
536
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:26,935
Hey. Look, Berkley, um,
537
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:29,897
I'm so sorry that you got
the wrong idea about us.
538
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,858
You were right.
539
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,776
I did play some part in it.
540
00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:36,486
Thank you.
541
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,239
-Good luck, Jessica.
-Thanks.
542
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,284
-See you later, bud.
-(SIGHS)
543
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,620
I really don't want to go back to my wife.
544
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:46,121
Do you guys want
to play cards or something...
545
00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:47,873
-Go. Just go.
-Get out of here.
546
00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:52,085
(DOOR CLOSES)
547
00:20:54,588 --> 00:20:56,465
The moment I walked
through that door, huh?
548
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:57,549
Just be cool about it.
549
00:20:57,633 --> 00:20:59,927
'Cause for me, it was way later.
550
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,261
-Yeah, I know.
-Like, a lot later...
551
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:03,263
Oh, come here already.
552
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:05,599
You could use that for something.
553
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,100
-That's the "Glass Menagerie."
-Yeah.
554
00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:09,394
-I'll sit her down right on top of that.
-Oh, absolutely.
555
00:21:09,478 --> 00:21:11,063
The, uh, "Star 68."
556
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,565
-Where's that at? Oh.
-Right there on that pillow.
557
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:14,858
-Wow.
-The "Jumanji."
558
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:16,610
Yeah, you do the... The "U Lock" on here.
559
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:17,778
-That'd be cool.
-(CHUCKLES)
560
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,071
The "Jean-Michel Basquiat."
561
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:21,406
-Oh, okay.
-The "Fabric Softener."
562
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:22,991
That's the "Kansas City Shaker."
563
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:24,701
-This, right here? I like that.
-Yeah.
564
00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:26,328
Back there, that's the "Nia Vardalos."
565
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,622
-Ooh. That's nice, dude.
-(CHUCKLES) Nice.
566
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:31,208
That one's "Sex on the Rug."
567
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:32,793
Which is... And, again,
it's pretty obvious.
568
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:34,461
-That's super obvious.
-But that's... You know.
569
00:21:34,545 --> 00:21:36,380
Why mess with a classic?
43517
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.