All language subtitles for New Girl S03E10 Thanksgiving III 1080p DSNP WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-MiU_track4_[eng]

Nick!
We need to talk.

Winston stays.
End of discussion.

No, dude.

I got your
Thanksgiving invitation.

(MUSIC PLAYING, TURKEY GOBBLING)

-Did you make this?
-Absolutely not.

He's announcing
Thanksgiving!

With his little trumpet,
he's announcing the feast!

It's so funny...
(LAUGHING)

(TURKEY GOBBLING)

We should name that
little guy Roger.

When your testicles fell off,

did you form lady parts,

or is it kind of like
a Gonzo nose down there?

-It's really interesting.
-Yeah.

You see, the thing is,

-my testicles haven't fallen off...
-Right.

...it's just the morning.

And my testicles do
this really unique thing

of burrowing...
When it's cold out.

You're burning me.

-I gotta be real with you.
-Please.

I know how a guy can get, like,

lost in a relationship.

I've been there, dude.
You're snuggling,

you're snuggling, you're snuggling,
and then, bam!

Next thing you know,
you're wearing

a jean skirt and a tube top
with no panties on,

because you guys
said you were gonna

dress up like each other
for Halloween.

But she doesn't
dress up like you.

But you still go to the party.

I could not be
more sorry for you,

-but that's not my story.
-Stand up.

-Stand up?
-Yeah.

Okay.

Are those Jessica's
pajama bottoms?

It's, uh...

Football player pants for, uh,

br-breast cancer awareness.

I like the way that
they hug my gronk.

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

It's Jess!

JESS:
Camping on Thanksgiving?

It might be a crazy Nick idea,
but I kind of like it.

I thought you hated
camping and nature.

You said you were
afraid a fly was gonna

fly in your head and
learn all your thoughts.

I am a man,

and men belong
in wilderness.

It really means
a lot to me.

The only thing
I care about

is that we're
all together.

And that we can all sit down together
and have a nice dinner.

I 100% agree.

I think everybody's
gonna love this idea.

Me, too.

-Camping? What the hell?
-Like we're animals?

Come on. Hear him out.

Let's face it.
Our indoor Thanksgivings

haven't been so great.

-Turkey!
-Dead body!

I think I'm into your mother.

So this can't be worse.

Thank you, Jessica,
I got it from here.

-All right.
-This Thanksgiving,

I want to honor the traditions
of our forefathers.

The mighty Pilgrims
and Native Americans

who came together
in order to survive.

Sure, yeah.

The first chapter in
a proud history of cooperation.

It'll be the ultimate test
of manhood

and our survival skills.

-It will?
-WINSTON: How's this

for a test of our manhood?
We stay at home,

we drink beer,
we watch football.

-Manhood.
-I like that idea.

Winston, I'm talking
about real men.

-Me, too.
-Men who fend for themselves.

You're the laziest
man I know.

Okay, Jess, be
honest with me.

Has he ever
been on top?

Real men are
on the bottom.

No, they're not.
(LAUGHING)

-You're on the bottom...
-Guys, guys. It's Thanksgiving.

We need to be
together.

Who's in?

Come on, guys!

-All right, I'm in.
-What?

-Yeah, Schmidt!
-Yes!

Look, my parents
were super divorced

and they never
took me camping,

but I always thought
that I'd be incredible at it.

Let's get ready.

WINSTON:
What the hell

is on your head, Schmidt?

SCHMIDT:
It's an exact replica of the hat

Viggo Mortensen wore
in Hidalgo.

Knew you'd like it.

(JESS CHUCKLES)

Wow! Nice job, Miller!

This spot's
beautiful.

NICK:
I know.

-Cece!
-Cece's here?

I didn't know she
was gonna be here.

Yay, I'm so happy
you came!

-(LAUGHS)
-We're all together!

-It makes me so excited.
-Of course!

I mean, what
could be better

than camping in the woods
with my ex-boyfriend

and his friend
I just made out with.

With whom you
just made out.

-Don't.
-It's very important.

You know I hate that.

-Don't.
-Grammar's important.

Seriously, don't.

If it get awkward,
I'll come save you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

JESS:
Yay!

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, what's up, girl?

Hey, Cece.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, I never, uh...
Had a chance to ask you.

How did the, um...

How'd your guys' date
go the other night?

-Oh, with Cece?
-Yeah.

Uh... It was...

I loved it.

I mean,
it was good.

It was cool.

That's great.
Super.

-Super-duper.
-So where you thinking

-about pitching, uh, pitching a tent?
-Thinking over there.

-Oh, yonder? Yeah, sure.
-Yeah. Yonder.

Listen, I've been researching
on the Internet

for the past 12 hours

everything there is
to know about the wood.

Now I'm a...
I'm a master camper.

So if you need any help
with anything,

just come to me and ask, okay?

(CHUCKLING)
Thanks, man.

I don't know anything
about the wood.

-I know everything.
-I'm lost.

What is that, a tree?

If these trees were skyscrapers,

-you'd feel very comfortable.
-Yeah.

I'd be right at home.
Unfortunately,

-they're actual trees.
-(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

You're the best.
I love the hat!

I'm sorry, is that a
solar cell phone charger?

Yeah, I can't go more
than two days without it.

(QUIETLY) Okay, hold on. Do you...
Do you hate camping, too?

Are you kidding me?
I absolutely hate camping.

Then why are we here?

Because I didn't get a say.
I never get a say.

Whenever I want to do something,
they don't give a hoot.

Guess who just got free passes
to a pottery seminar.

-Get out of here.
-Winston!

We could've made
the craziest mugs, man.

(GRUNTS)

-Hey, Nick?
-Yeah.

There's just beer in here.

That should last us for
the first few hours,

-actually.
-Where's the food?

Where-where are all
the pies I made?

Look, don't worry, Jess.

'Cause the food is...
Right here.

I'm... Sorry.
I don't understand that gesture.

We're gonna be hunting
and foraging for our dinner,

just like the Indians
and the Pilgrims.

But you brought beer.

You can't forage for beer.
And that's a necessity.

So this is Thanksgiving meal?

96 warm beers?

We can do this.

Guys, we've
gotten soft!

With our antibiotics
and our sports creams.

Do you think George
Washington had a pet cat?

-Yeah.
-He didn't.

-He hunted them.
-What?

And he made milk
and butter

-out of their spoils.
-That's terrible.

So you're saying George
Washington milked his cat?

-Nothing is sounding accurate right now.
-Not at all.

-Where'd you read this?
-I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.

It's gonna be hard.
But we will emerge

out of this better friends

and a tribe.

I'm on board.
(CHUCKLES)

Going old-school.

Men! Killing! Hunting!
Men!

SCHMIDT, COACH AND NICK:
Men! Men! Men! Men!

Oh, my cowman's...
My cowman...

My cowman's hat,
my cowman's hat.

WINSTON:
Guys, look,

I'm as much a man
as anybody here,

but this plan is
straight-up dookie.

I need my sweets and
I need my parade.

Yeah, you know what?
I'm out, too.

Guys, guys, guys. Look.

We're together.

We're a family.

It's Thanksgiving.

And I'm sure Nick
has a plan. Right?

-Oh, yeah. I've got a plan.
-Great.

-You got a plan?
-The man's got a plan.

These wilderness guides
right here detail what plants

are safe for eating
and what traps we can build.

Unfortunately,
I ran out of money,

so I couldn't print out
the chapters

on gutting and
skinning, but...

We'll worry about that
when we get there.

Pilgrim rules.
Men, hunters!

Women, foragers.

I'm not hunting.
The only Hunt I want

is Bonnie or Helen.

You know what I'm
talking about, Coach.

-What?
-Nick.

This is perfect.
Primal man in nature.

Stalking prey. Who's basically
the lady now, Coach?

I've seen that tree six times
in the past 20 minutes.

We're definitely moving
in a small circle.

NICK: Here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna clear a path this way.

We will travel northbound,
I believe.

That's not north,
that's south.

That is south?
Then let's travel southbound.

I'm gonna clear a path.
If something's in there

and you get injured, I promise
you I will kill you fast.

(GROANS)

Scat! Scat.

-There's an animal nearby.
-Hey, Schmidt, that's a raisin, man.

That's not a raisin.
This is scat.

Okay.

(COUGHS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

That's poop for sure.
I was right. In your face, Nick.

-In your face, Nick.
-How so?

I don't know, he put a...
Put a turd in his mouth.

-And that's in my face?
-So that's... Yeah.

I don't think we should
start eating

poo yet, Schmidt.
Let's wait on that.

You want to chase
that with some dirt?

Does anyone have any gum?

No.

Not that I wanted any
in the first place.

That's a mighty
big hole there, Nick.

You trying to catch
a refrigerator?

It's a bear hole.

Bear falls in,
other stuff falls in.

We take what the bear
doesn't want.

-Makes sense.
-Classic human/bear team-up.

I'm from Chicago.
It's the best I can do.

Yeah, bears love to share.

What are you planning
on doing with

that bear when he falls
into the hole?

Dude, I'm trying
the best that I can!

We have no food.

Let me explain something
to you, Nick.

When you're building a trap,

you want to customize it
to your prey.

So, I don't know,
if I was trying

to catch, say a squirrel,

I'd want to think
like a squirrel.

Allow me to demonstrate
with this trap that I built.

How do you get into the mindset
of a squirrel?

(CLICKING TONGUE)

I'm a squirrel... Right?

-You do that really well.
-Look at this!

Oh, there's some nuts here.

Look at all these little nuts.

You might not want to do that.

If I needed your advice on how
to lead a spinning class,

I'd ask you,
but this is my territory.

(SCHMIDT YELLS)

-My scapula!
-Dude, are you all right?

Aah! Aah, get it off! Aah!

(SCHMIDT GROANING)

Get it off...

Get up.
Keep breathing, man.

I don't mean to be laughing,

-but are you okay?
-I'm gonna make you a sling.

You're gonna make me a what?
You don't know how to do that.

-A sling. Of course I do.
-What?

-What are you doing?
-I was an Eagle Scout.

What are you talking about,
you were an Eagle Scout?

-Look.
-That's actually really good.

I'm sorry, dude.

You wanted to be
the best at camping.

You were so excited
about your hat.

I didn't want to get
in the way of that.

Plus with the whole
Cece thing going on...

What are talking about?

You're gonna let me
be the best camper.

-I am the best camper!
-Yeah.

I think this is chicory.

It says you can eat the root.

Or it's jasmine.

Which will kill you.

Hmm.
What do you guys think?

-I'm sure it's fine.
-Yeah, just eat it.

Hey, raspberries!
There... Ow! (LAUGHS) Ow.

There are a lot
of brambles in here.

There's a country store
not far from here.

-Ow!
-Three and a half stars. The reviews say,

"It's functional and dusty."

-Ow!
-Sounds good to me.

This is so fun.
Who wants to help?

This plan is
officially the worst.

We are starving.

Just admit, you don't want
to do this, either.

Okay, listen up.
Only stuff we can find

in the forest, right?

Look at that fish.

It's perfect.

-What?
-Oh, I'm gonna grab it.

I'm so hungry.
Now we get to eat, boys.

Dude, that looks dead.

Guys, stop being
negative right now.

Laying on its side
means it's dead.

I wouldn't get
in that water, man.

You're gonna get
beaver fever.

Where are my
testicles now, Coach?

When he catches that little
critter, I'm gonna show you

how to scale it.
Ow.

-That hurts?
-Yeah, it hurts!

A boulder fell
on my sh...

Is all this 'cause
I teased you

about the invite?

Yes, it is! No regrets!

(GRUNTS)

-Aw!
-Aw, come on, Nick.

(YELLS)

-NICK: Yes!
-Quit it.

You guys might be right!
It might be dead!

In fact, it was dead!

Smells fresh...

Enough!

Oh, come on, Winston, what?

You just get your nails done?
Get the apple dirty!

Grind some dirt in it,
grind some dirt in it.

-God, I'm so hungry!
-Hey, hey!

-Hey.
-Look what the men brought.

-Oh, hey! Hey, hey!
-The plan worked.

Hey, he looks like a fighter.

He really was, kind of.

-Oh, my God!
-Wow.

-I mean, well...
-Whoa.

-Like a smorgasbord.
-You guys did great.

-Yeah, we did.
-Yep.

Where'd you get the cashews?

-Um, on a bush.
-Yeah.

How about the beets?

-Also a bush.
-That's right.

-Yeah.
-The avocado?

-Also on a bush.
-That's right.

Well, look at us.
Living off the land,

fending for ourselves.

We got fish and fruits,

and this is
probably gonna be

the most delicious apple
I've ever eaten in my life.

"Product of Oregon"?

We walked to Oregon?

-What?
-What?

-That's why this cramp...
-Yeah. This place...

Come on, you think the three
of us are true dumb-asses?

-We're not.
-I kind of knew from the beginning.

I mean, there's no way.

You just went to a store
and got all this?

I think so.

I think they definitely bought
everything from the store.

The one thing I wanted was for
us all to sit down together

and have dinner, and you
can't do that without dinner.

We have dinner.

That fish kind of looks
like hippo meat.

-Come on, man.
-Let's just sit down

and eat some delicious almonds.

-And enjoy ourselves.
-Yes.

And have a really nice
Thanksgiving together.

-Come on, Nick, let's eat.
-Come on, man, let's eat.

I feel like how they must've
felt on the first Thanksgiving.

-Betrayed.
-JESS: Nick...

What?

Happy Thanksgiving.

-Oh, come on.
-Nick, come on! Don't do this.

FYI, the first Thanksgiving
was the good one.

WINSTON:
Come on, Nick!

These avocados
were expensive!

Here we go.

It smells so good.

I can't wait till it's ready.

I'm gonna be so stuffed.

Ooh!
The eyeball fell off.

That's how you know it's good.

They got to pop out
when it's ready, I think.

Now that the cards
are finally on the table,

I guess we can see who
the true camp master really is.

-The answer's me.
-First one to make a flame wins.

Let's do this.

Now, check this out.

This is how you
make a flame.

You go with two rocks.
One against the other.

You create friction.

-I'm done.
-What?

-I'm done.
-Well, that's

barely a flame, it's going out.

Whoa! Well, goodness gracious!
What are you? A sorcerer?

Damn it!

Hey, mountain man.

You want to come eat some
dirty vegetables with us?

I should've known those beets
weren't from nature.

Nothing purple grows in nature.

Look, we didn't
come through, okay?

You came through!

Look, you caught a fish!

That's really, really impressive.
How'd you do it?

With my bare hands.

-No way! You're so strong.
-Yeah.

Yeah, it was... It fought...

What are you doing?

I'm not doing anything.
I think that's amazing.

You provided for us.

-You're a man.
-Don't patronize me, Jess.

-I'm not.
-Ever since we started dating, Jess,

we've been doing
a bunch of girly stuff,

and I like some of it
and you, but...

My tolerance
to alcohol has, like,

gotten really, scary low.

I drank three beers, and I got,

like, all giggly and tired.

And I didn't want a fourth.

Last night,
I had a dream

that I was brushing a horse.

I just feel like
I'm losing myself a little.

Just...

Let me eat
this disgusting fish and...

-No, Nick, Nick.
-Yeah, just let me be over here.

This is the most beautiful fish
I've ever seen.

-Don't touch... I wouldn't touch it.
-It is! It is.

Jess, don't...
Don't put your hands ins...

Oh, my Lo...

-Spit it out.
-Mmm!

Mmm-mmm!

Mmm!

Fragrant.

Mmm, I can really...
I can really taste the lake.

-Spit it out.
-I feel like I'm there

in the lake with the fish.

Mmm!

Bony.

That's gonna hurt going down.

But I like it.

Hurts so good! Hurts so good!

Jess, that fish was dead
when I caught it.

There was a sock near it.

(SUPPRESSED GAGGING)

-I'm gonna come with you.
-No.

Jess, let me come
with you.

-Where are you going?
-There's something over here.

-I'm gonna look at it.
-Jess...

I'm seeing
some interesting things.

I'm out of the office
till Friday.

For immediate assistance,

please call Deb at extension
A.C. Slater.

(GRUNTS)

You guys see where she went?

-No.
-No. Jess?

ALL: (CALLING) Jess?

NICK:
Jess?

Jess!

I just want to see
more carpet samples

before I make a final decision.

-(GAGS)
-Jess!

CECE:
Jess?

NICK:
Jess! Jess, where are you?

-Jess!
-Jessica!

NICK:
Oh, God, this is all my fault.

And you know what, Coach?

I did like
the invitation.

I made it. And I liked
the little trumpet guy.

I thought
he was cute.

-He was cute as a damn button!
-What?

So many stars...

Hey, guys, look.
There she is!

There are dogs
that have dollar signs

but don't even own banks.

-Jess, we're over here!
-Jess!

Wait, wait, wait.

-I've seen that tree before.
-Jess, stop!

-The bear trap!
-(GASPS)

-No!
-I'm coming!

Jess!

-Headfirst? Why?
-(NICK GROANS)

(GROANS)
Son of a... (GASPS)

Oh, my God, Jess,
I am so sorry.

I was an idiot.

This Thanksgiving plan
was so stupid.

You shouldn't have eaten
that fish. I'm sorry.

Don't let them
pay the bill, okay?

You bring
the check to me.

No arguments, moon man.

-CECE: Oh, my God!
-Is anyone hurt?

NICK:
We're fine!

I may have cracked a few ribs,

and, uh, Jess
is delirious.

I think she thinks
she's a rabbit.

Guys, we're gonna figure
something out, all right?

NICK: Just get us a rope
or a stick or something.

-All right, man, so, any ideas?
-What are you talk...

You know what, Coach?
Don't humor me.

-What?
-You know what to do.

Look, I admit it...
You're a better camper than I am.

You're better at life than I am.

You're probably better
at dating Cece than I am.

I saw you guys
the other night

inhaling each other
in front of the loft.

Schmidt, that's all we did.
That was it.

I asked her to come upstairs,
she said no, okay?

And now she won't return
any of my text messages.

She's been ignoring me
this whole trip.

I'm all, like, "Hey."
She's like, "Mm-hmm."

I'm like, "What?"

-Why are you smiling, dude?
-I'm not smiling.

I'm over here baring
my soul to you, dude,

-and you're freaking smiling in my face.
-Yeah.

This is the face I make
when I listen.

-All your teeth show when you listen?
-I'm not.

You're smiling right now.
I opened up to you.

-You're pissing me off. Stop smiling.
-I'm not.

-I will wreck you.
-You're crazy, man.

-You're nuts.
-Stop it, listen to me.

We are going to solve
this right now.

All right, take
your pants off.

Okay, I am no
Eagle Scout,

but I know how
to make a pants rope.

-Pants rope.
-You're a genius.

-I know.
-Okay. Are you gonna take off your pants?

Yeah, right after I take off my bra,
so we can anchor the rope to the tree.

-That's gonna happen for real?
-Just take them off now.

(LAUGHING)
Whoa, look at Winston's pants.

-It's got kittens on it.
-These aren't kittens.

I cannot believe I'm
here voluntarily.

-So stupid.
-Take them off.

They're coming off.

CECE: Here, you guys,
grab hold of the rope.

Okay, you go first, Jess.

I'll be right behind you
to support you.

-Ding, dong, ding, dong!
-What are you doing?

Okay, how about this? Get on
my back, I'll bring us both up.

-Back at you.
-Whoa. (COUGHS)

You can do it!

There, hold
this flashlight, buddy.

-Grab hold.
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

-Come on, Nick!
-Here we go!

Oh, God, I'm gonna
get you out of here.

-Nick, come up!
-Whoa!

-(GRUNTING, GROANING)
-Use your legs, Nick.

(GRUNTING)

Come on, Nick!

Come on...

-Ah, Winston, I hate your leggings.
-Come on.

Almost there.

-Let's go.
-You got it.

-You got it.
-You got it.

-You...
-(STRAINING)

(ALL EXCLAIM)

-(SIGHS)
-You chubby son of a bitch.

-Yeah... (GROANS)
-Whoo!

You okay, Jess?
You all right?

Yeah!

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

ALL:
Oh!

Hey.

Thanks for saving me,
mountain man.

So I've got good news
from the doctor.

You don't have rabies.

Oh?

You have, uh, giardia

and something called
Legionnaires' disease.

I'm just glad they were
able to save your foot.

What?

No, nothing.

Never mind.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, I'm sorry about
the whole camping thing.

Oh, no, it's okay.

Ah, I was really stupid.

I haven't been myself.

You're the man I want.

All you wanted was
for everyone

to be together
on Thanksgiving, Jess.

Next year.

-Potato chips.
-Chips?

Maybe a treat.

Listen, Coach, uh,
in the spirit of Thanksgiving,

I thought maybe
that I could give you

some advice about...
About Cece.

How desperate do
you think I am?

-I think you're probably very desperate.
-I'm very desperate, I mean,

she's giving me nothing.

Told her she looked
pretty, she said thanks.

-Mm-hmm.
-What kind of mind game is that?

Look, Coach, things have
always come easy to you.

Cece is not going to be
one of those things.

I once spent hours

in a car with just
a cracked window for air.

She was going into a club

and she just kind of
left me there.

Why are you smiling
about that?

Hey, guys, I figured out
a way to save Thanksgiving.

-I got a plan.
-SCHMIDT: Enough with the plans.

-You suck at plans!
-Not another Nick Miller plan.

I love you, man, but you
are terrible at plans.

Hey.

It's still 11:48,
so happy Thanksgiving.

What?

Got us some Brazilian nuts,
a couple of string cheeses, and

Snack.

Thank you.

WINSTON:
I got the parade on my phone.

-Yes.
-Made some decorations.

I think this may be
a turkey sandwich,

but I'm not sure,

and I know
this whole thing isn't...

It's perfect.

Look, guys, start without me

because it might be a few weeks
before I can eat again.

-(ALL LAUGHING)
-You were throwing up a lot.

(LAUGHS)

That was scary...
Seriously.

-Okay, I'm starving actually. Let's eat.
-Yeah, let's eat.

Nick found all this food
in the woods.

(ALL LAUGHING)

-Can I have the ginger ale?
-CECE: ...ever again.

-Yeah, Nick found that. It's already open.
-(LAUGHTER)

CECE: ...if it looks exactly
like a turkey, but...