All language subtitles for The West Wing (1999) - S02E18 - 17 People (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track3_[eng]

Previously, on The West Wing:

I made a deal with Abbey

'cause of
my thing.

One term.

TOBY:
The energy secretary is going

to respond and I'd like
to mention that

to the Vice President.

Shouldn't have
Bill Trotter do it.

Who would you send?

To punch back?
Yeah.

Me.

I'm sure you know
I was curious about

why you'd volunteer
for something like that.

Mr. Vice President, what
do you know that I don't?

Toby, the total tonnage
of what I know that you don't

could stun a team of oxen

in its tracks.

MAN ( on TV ):
That's an incredible
one in 500 Americans

afflicted with this disease,
which leads me to part two

of our question.

Senator, how is it that,
despite the prevalence

of this disorder, autism
has received less than 15%...

( paper crumpling )

WOMAN ( on TV ):
...would gradually cut

one percentage point
off each individual tax rate

as well as significantly reduce
the so-called marriage penalty

it also would reduce

the capital gains tax rate
for an individual

and eventually eliminate
the inheritance tax.

And Republicans say their work
is not necessarily in vain...

Leo?

Hey.

I didn't know
you were still here.
Yeah.

What's going on?

I've been thinking...

about why Hoynes volunteered
to slap down big oil.

It was his polling information.

Yeah, but why did he put
the poll in the field at all

is what I'm saying.

John Hoynes is an egomaniac

who needs to be told
what people think of him.

Well, that's pretty unusual
for Washington.

Yeah.

Leo, has there been
a discussion

in some room, someplace,
anywhere, on any level

about Hoynes being dropped
from the ticket in 2002?

No.

You sure?

Yeah.

'Cause I thought

maybe it was
an Eisenhower/Nixon...

No. Toby, I wouldn't give it

a lot of thought.

Okay.

( ball bouncing )

( motor whirring )

Hey.

Scared the hell out of me.

The poll that Hoynes
put in the field...

Hoynes is going to run
for President one day.

Why shouldn't he do
his own polling?

He's going to run for President
six years from now.

What good does last week's do?

I really don't know.

Okay.

TOBY:
It's never happened before,
right?

LEO:
No.

A Vice President would never
challenge a sitting President

for the nomination.

Of course not.

You see his itinerary

for the weekend?

Who?
The Vice President.

I don't keep tabs on John.

He's giving a speech
at a semiconductor plant.

The title of the speech is

"Clean Air Industry
in the High Tech Corridor

of the Industrial
Northeast."

Where?

Nashua... New Hampshire.

Toby, nobody--

and particularly not Hoynes--
would be naive enou...

What I mean to say is,
if he's going to New Hampshire

for the reason
you're thinking

he would mask it
with something.

it wouldn't be an official trip.

He'd make up a benign excuse
to be up there.

I know.

So, why are you concerned
about the speech?

Because it comes in the middle
of a three-day camping trip

to Killington.

Why does Hoynes think
the President

isn't going to run again?

What's going on, Leo?

( knocking )

Excuse me, Mr. President.

I closed the embassies
in Tanzania and Brussels.

What about domestic?

I don't have to make
that call yet.

How much time do you have?

About an hour.

Mr. President,
I've got Toby

waiting in his
office right now.

Why?

We've got to tell him.

Tell him what?

We've got to tell him.

What happened?

He got curious

when Hoynes
volunteered
to step in

for Bill Trotter

and then more curious
when he found out

it was 'cause Hoynes
put a poll in the field.

Yeah.

Now he's camping

in Killington, Vermont

with a quick stop
in New Hampshire...
Come on.

...and Toby's not an idiot.

He...

None of them are.

He scheduled a trip
to New Hampshire?

High Tech corridor
of the Northeast.

Yeah, thanks to who?

What does that
matter right now?

I think you've got to see
this as an opportunity.

To do what?

To gauge reaction.

You think Toby's reaction

is going to be the same

as the public's?

I meant the staff.
Which will be?

I'm sorry, sir?

The staff's reaction
will be what?

I don't know.

Shock, betrayal,
confusion...

concern about our future.

I don't know.

What do I tell him?

Everything.

Go get him.

Yes, sir.

( sighs )

Now it starts.

( heavy sigh )

Hmm.

Yes.

Well...

You know what the
problem with this is?

Yes.

It's supposed
to be funny.

And yet...?
It's not.

No.
Who worked on this?

Jay Breech, Janet Lippman,
Andy Kyle worked on it a little.

You know what
they did?

Yeah.

They forgot to
bring the funny.

Yeah.

How much time
do we have?

I want to show it to him
within the hour.

Toby.
Yeah?

Sam and I are
going to stay

and punch up
some of the jokes

for the Correspondents' Dinner.

Yeah, I read it.

They forgot the funny.
You want to stay?

Where you going to be?

We'll find a place.

I'll hook up with you
in a little bit.

What's going on?
Nothing.

Yeah.

Hello.

How you doing?

I'm doing fine.

Did you get the flowers?

Yes, I did.

Did you like them?

They were very pretty.

Do you know why
I sent them?

I know why you think
you sent them.

It's our
anniversary.
No, it's not.

I'm the sort of guy
who remembers those things.

No. You're the
sort of guy

who sends a woman
flowers to be mean.

You're really
the only person

I've ever met
who can do that.

I'm quite something.
Yes.

I sent them
to mark an occasion.

Are we really going
to do this every year?

For I am a man
of occasion.

I started working
for you in February.

This is April,
and you're an idiot.

You started
working for me
once in February

then stopped
for a while.
Yes.

Then you started
again in April.

That's the one
I choose to celebrate

'cause it's the only
one where you started
working for me

and it wasn't followed
by your not working

but rather going back
to your boyfriend.

And how,
in comparison
to that and him

you can call me "mean"

is simply another
in a long series

of examples of how...
Oh, shut up!

Honest to God,
do you ever get tired

of the sound
of your own voice?

No! No, no, no.

Well, where are you
going now?

Sam and I are going to punch
up the thing for tomorrow.

Hey, we need funny people.

Yeah?
You know any?

See, right there
was a joke.

It's the oldest joke
in the book.

I'll say.

You know what,
Ado Annie?

I sent you flowers.

I think what you're
trying to say is

"Why, thank you, Josh,
they're beautiful.

"How very
thoughtful of you.

Not many bosses would've
been that thoughtful."

Really? What I think I was
trying to say was, "Shove it."

Then I guessed wrong.

You want me to help
with the thing?

Yes, I do because you are such
an hysterically funny person.

Did you notice how I
used "an" there properly?

Yes, I did.

You crack me up.

You know,
there are times...

Yeah?

When, to put it quite simply,
I hate your breathing guts.

So, the flowers really
did the trick, huh?

Oh, yeah.

SAM ( shouting ):
Ainsley?!

Ainsley.

Ainsley?
Hello, Sam.

Didn't you
hear me shouting?
Yes, I did.

And?
I chose to ignore it.

Because?
You were shouting.

You're adorable.

Yet ill-adored.

Go figure.
Yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm going up to Smith
College tomorrow.

Why?
It's my alma mater.

Reunion?
No.

The Woman's Studies Department
is having a panel

on resurrecting the ERA.

Who else is on the panel?

Rebecca Walker,
Gloria Steinem

Ann Coulter, Naomi Wolf...

You know, something
like 40% of all women

opposed the ERA

and in my entire life

I've never met
one of them.

Ainsley Hayes.
Nice to meet you.

You're not.

Yes.

You're not!

Yes.

You're not, you're not,
you're not one of those people!

Sam, if by "those people"

you're referring
to Episcopalians...

You're going back to Smith
College, the cradle of feminism

to argue in opposition
of the Equal Rights Amendment?!

And get some decent pizza.
Yeah.

They're going
to hate you.
Sam...

I'm a straight Republican
from North Carolina.

You don't think they hated me
the first time around?

Yeah.
What are you doing?

I want to punch up
some of the jokes

for the Correspondents' Dinner

and I'm looking for people
left in the building

who are funny,
but I can't find any

so I came to you.

I would think, Sam

with your infectious
sense of humor

you would have no trouble.

You want to help me or not?

I need to do this.

We've ordered Chinese food.

Okay.

JAY LENO ( on TV ):
...And Australia announced today

they're holding
the 18th Annual Nude Olympics.

The Nude Olympics
in Australia, huh?

You thought it was exciting
to win a race by a nose.

Oh, you've got to watch this.

( laughter and applause )

Did you see the draft
for the Correspondents' Dinner?

Yeah.

It's not funny.

Sam's going
to work on it.

Toby, take it easy
in there, okay?

You can go in.

Good evening,
Mr. President.

Hey, Toby.
You want a drink?

No, thank you, sir.
I'm fine.

Have a drink with me.

Sure.

Bourbon, no ice?

Thank you.

You know what
I just found out recently?

To be called "bourbon"

it has to come from Kentucky.

Otherwise,
it's called "sour mash."

An Algerian-born terrorist

named Reda Nessam was arrested
at the Canadian border yesterday

with a U-Haul containing

ten two-ounce jars

filled with nitroglycerin.

And they don't allow
that kind of thing at Yosemite?

No.
Anyway

on advice from State
and Intelligence

I closed the embassies
in Tanzania and Brussels.

What about the FAA?

They want me
to order the airports

to heighten security,
but it's a holiday weekend.

I don't know.

Toby, I've got
to tell you something.

Does the FAA

have to present evidence

of a credible threat?
Yeah.

How do they do that?

I don't know.
They do it, but...
Is there a...?

Sir, is there a time frame?

About an hour.

Toby, around ten years ago,
for a period of a few months

I was feeling run down,
and I had a pain in my leg.

They both eventually subsided

but then, eight years ago
the pain came back

as well as numbness.

My vision would be blurry
sometimes, and I'd get dizzy.

During an eye exam

the doctor detected
abnormal pupil responses

and ordered an MRI.

The radiologist found plaques
on my brain and spine.

I have a relapsing/remitting
course of MS.

I'm sorry, sir.

I have Multiple Sclerosis, Toby.

( Toby clears throat )

( clears throat )

What does relapsing/
remitting mean?

I'm sorry?
What does

relapsing/remitting mean?

It's...

I don't know...

It's the good kind
of MS.

It's the good kind.

Yeah. As opposed
to secondary progressive.

Which is the bad kind.

MS is a chronic disease
of the central nervous system.

Symptoms can be as mild
as numbness

or as severe as paralysis.

And loss of vision.

Yeah.

And cognitive function.

Yup.

TOBY:
Is it...

I'm sorry. Is it fatal?

No. That's the good news.

The bad news is
there's no cure.

Yeah, that I knew.

Does relapsing/remitting...

PRESIDENT:
Ever turn into
secondary progressive?

Yeah.

Sure.

Is there any way
of telling if it's going to?

No.

Okay.

I'd like to stand up.

Can I stand?

Yeah.

( knocking )

I'm sorry, sir, uh...

I need to...

Can I, uh...

Excuse me.

CHARLIE:
Mr. President?

Yeah.

You wanted the
call from Mr.
Garreth at the FAA.

Charlie, could you put it
through to my office?

Yes, sir.

Go take it in my office.

JOSH:
See?
Yeah.

Larry?
Yeah.

See the problem?
They didn't bring
the funny, Josh.

No, they didn't.

What are you doing?

I'm jotting down some go-to's
in case a joke doesn't work.

"I haven't seen an audience
this dead"-- that kind of thing.

You think the
President's going
to get heckled?

No, but I've read the speech
and you'd be wise

to have
some dead audience metaphors.

Okay, here we go.

"Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am very happy to be here

"and I want to thank

"the White House Correspondent''
Association for inviting me.

"I expect I'll be
stuck here tonight

"with my fair share
of verbal harpoons.

"I don't mind.

Just don't stick me
with the dinner check."

Wow.

And then it says here
"Allow for laughter."

Unless we give
that instruction
to the audience

I don't think it's
going to be a problem.

"I don't mind, just
don't stick me with
the dinner check"?

It's like
he's playing Grossingers.

"I know some of you are troubled

"by my frequent use
of Latin references.

Well, all I can say is,
No te preocupas."

The joke there is
that it's in Spanish.

It's that kind of Latin.

That's where
you'll want

your first
dead audience joke.

We're not going
to need one.

Donna, who gave you
those beautiful flowers?

I did. Me.
Those are from me.

What's the occasion?
Nothing.

Our anniversary.

Our not anniversary.

Donna doesn't like
to talk about it.

I really don't.
Okay.

A few years ago, Donna's
boyfriend broke up

with her, so she
started working

for Josh.

Then the
boyfriend told her

to come back, and
she did and then

they broke up,
and she came back to work.

I thought you meant
you didn't want
to talk about it.

I'm a spokesman.
It's in my blood.

Well, they're
nice flowers.

"And I'd also like
to thank our host

Bill Maher."
We're not making
fun of the host.

Who are we making fun of?
MEN:
Republicans.

SAM:
I only wish the
Speaker were here

tonight, but he's held up
in negotiations on the Hill.

He's demanding
his latest pre-nup

include
a line item veto?

There it is.
SAM:
All right, two groups.

You guys there.
We'll stay here.

I want to be
in the other group.

Why?
The Kung Pao Chicken.

Get the Kung
Pao Chicken
and come back.

In a half hour,
I want to make Toby laugh.

So I found out
about a year ago.

Two nights before the
State of the Union.

He had an attack.

He did?

When he passed out
in the Oval Office.

That was an attack?

Yeah.

I thought
it was the flu.

It wasn't.

How is it poss...

How is it possible
that this was kept a secret?

First of all,
who else knows?

You're the 16th person.

Who else?
I'll tell you
some of them.

I won't tell you
all of them.

Why not?

'Cause it's not entirely
my business.

I'm not sure
of my footing here.

The President will be
off the phone in a minute

and in the meantime,
you'll take what I give you.

It's not entirely
your business?

The First Lady.

The doctor, radiologist

the specialist,
the kids...

Who else?

That's it for now.
He took a physical.

Those doctors were
from eight years ago.

He took a physical.

It's in remission.

It doesn't show up
during a physical...

Leo...
It's in remission.

Nobody lied.

Nobody lied?

Nobody.

Nobody lied?

Is that what you've been saying
to yourself over and over

again for a year?

Leo, a deception
of massive proportion?

I can't even...
He gets a physical

twice a year
at Bethesda.

His doctors
are Naval officers.

Are you telling me that officers
are involved in this?

These guys are going to be
court-martialed.

Nobody... Listen to me.

Nobody lied.

Nobody was asked to lie.

Coercion.

Nobody was asked to lie.

Officers, the First
Lady, surgeons

Surgeon Generals,
for all I know.

The plural of Surgeon General
isn't Surgeon Generals

It's Surgeons General.

Like Attorneys General,
or Courts Martial.

Nobody was asked to lie.

That was Garreth
from the FAA.

Upon interrogating
Reda Nessam

they believe it's possible
that another rental car

crossed the border yesterday.

They believe
it's headed

to a safe house
in Paterson, New Jersey

and the FBI thinks

they can apprehend him
in 24 hours.

Of course, the only way
all of this will happen

is if Reda Nessam
is telling the truth.

So who wants odds?

Anyway, they're still

looking at forensic evidence,
and we're going

to talk again in a few minutes

to decide if there's
a credible threat.

I'm sorry, sir.

I didn't hear that.

I said we're going to decide
if there's a credible threat.

Why?

What are you guys
talking about?

JOSH:
Hey.

CHARLIE:
How you doing?

You have any idea how much
longer Toby's going to be?

I don't.

Let me ask you, you think
this joke's funny?

I'm sorry
the Speaker isn't here

he's up on the Hill in
last-minute negotiations.

He's going over his pre-nup
and he wants a line item veto.

Well, I think it's
pretty funny, but...

What?

I wouldn't do it.
Why?

I think it's going
to call attention

to the First Lady
not being there.

Where's Mrs. Bartlet
going to be?

She went back up
to Manchester.

She's not coming to the
Correspondents' Dinner?

Probably not.

Charlie, what's going on?

Sorry.

All right.

You don't know
when Toby's out?

No.

Okay.

All right, here we go.

"Equality of Rights
under the law

"shall not be denied
or abridged

by the United States or any
state on account of sex."

What's the joke?

It's not a joke.
It's the Equal
Rights Amendment.

When did that
come back?

Read what
these guys have.

"Shall not be
abridged or denied

on the account of sex."

Very dangerous
language.

This must be
stopped.

What could possibly be
your problem with the ERA?
It's redundant.

Why are we talking
about the ERA?

She's doing a thing.

Yeah, but it's not back
or anything, is it?

Certainly not if
Phyllis Schlafly over
here has her way.

Look...
It's redundant?

I'm a low-
maintenance lady

I got the 14th Amendment,
I'm fine.

How about...

The 14th Amendment,
which says

that a citizen of the
United States is anyone

that's born here,
that's me

and that no citizen can
be denied due process.

I'm covered.

Make a law for somebody else.

Here's a joke based
on the premise

that the party afterward
is hard to get into

and that the President is
the Commander in Chief.

I hear the Bloomberg party

is going to be hard
to get into this year

but I'm not worried.

I'm going to the party
with the 82nd Airborne.

And then
the President says

"Wow, I haven't heard
a room this quiet

since we lost
the signal on Galileo."

Or, "Wow, I haven't
seen my staff

update their resumes
this quickly

since the last time I tanked
at the Correspondents' Dinner!"

Josh...
Yeah?

When you yell,
you make it harder

for people to find the funny.

Who gave you
those flowers on your desk?

A mean man
who can't read a calendar.

Sam.

We're doing fine.

Toby's going to come
in here and nail it.

This is his thing.

Yeah, cut the Speaker
joke, okay?

Mrs. Bartlet
might not be there.

Okay.

All right, so we're
going to be fine here.

Yeah, we're doing great.

We're doing great,
everybody, right?

Sam, we've got one here

but it involves a John Wayne
impersonation and a sock puppet.

Yeah, we're eating it.

Leo said you had
an attack last year.

Hmm?

Leo said you had
an attack last year.

Yeah.

A couple of nights before
the State of the Union.

Yeah.

Wasn't that also the night

you saw satellite pictures
of India moving on Kashmir?

Yeah.

India and Pakistan were
staring each other down

control of some nuclear weapons
had been put in the field.

Yeah.

So in the middle of a...
I don't know what you call it.

An episode.

You were in the Situation Room
as Commander in Chief.

I know, I can't believe
we're all still here.

Mr. President...

The episode was over.

Leo was with me

the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs
was with me

as were the Secretaries of State

and Defense.
Do you receive medication?

I'm sorry?

Do you receive medicat...

I get injections of Betaseron.

From whom?

From a doctor.

None of your current doctors
are aware of your condition.

Mr. President,
is your wife medicating you?

I think it would be best

while temperatures
are running a little high

that you refer to my wife as
Mrs. Bartlet or the First Lady.

Yes, sir.

What you got, Leo?

They'd like a few more minutes.

The FAA?
Yeah.

Talk me through what
heightened security means.

Well, they deploy
more uniformed
police and the dogs.

They hand-search
luggage.

And they discontinue...

curbside
check-in, yeah.

Eliminate the
first two rows of
short-term parking.

PRESIDENT:
Okay, they want
a few minutes?

Yeah.

Toby's concerned
that the peaceful

solution I brokered
in Kashmir last year
was the result

of a drug-induced haze.

I was there with him.
So was Fitz.

So was Cashman,
Hutchinson, Berryhill...

Well, that's fantastic.

Toby...
None of you were elected.

I was elected,
they were appointed.

The Vice President was elected.

He has the Constitutional
authority to assume my...

Not last May, he didn't.

He didn't last May when you were
under general anesthesia.

'Cause I never
signed the letter,
but I don't

think I got shot
'cause I got MS.

I don't think you did either,
sir.

I meant that during a night
of extreme chaos and fear

when we didn't yet know
if we'd been the victims

of domestic or
foreign terrorism

or even an act of war

there was uncertainty
as to who was giving

the national security orders

and it was because
you never signed a letter.

So I'm led to wonder

given your condition and
its lack of predictability

why there isn't simply
a signed letter

sitting in a file someplace.

And the answer of course is that
if there was a signed letter

sitting in a file someplace,
somebody would ask why.

The Commander in Chief
had just been attacked.

He was under
a general anesthetic.

A fugitive was at large.

The manhunt included

every Federal, state and local
law enforcement agency.

The Virginia, Maryland,
New Jersey, Pennsylvania

and Delaware National Guard
units were federalized.

The KH-10s showed Republican
Guard movement in southern Iraq

and 12 hours earlier, an F-117
was shot down in the no-fly

and the Vice President's
authority was murky at best!

The National Security Advisor
and the Secretary of State

didn't know who they were
taking their orders from.

I wasn't in the Situation
Room that night

but I'll bet
all the money in my pockets

against all the money
in your pockets

that it was Leo...

who no one elected!

For 90 minutes that night

there was a coup d'etat
in this country.

"And the walls
came tumblin' down."

I feel fine, by the way.
Thanks for asking.

Sir...

No, Leo, Toby's concern

for my health
is moving me...

Mr. President...

Shut up!

You know your indignation
would be a lot more
interesting to me

if it weren't quite
so covered in crap.

Sir?
Yeah.

Mr. Garreth.
Thanks.

Are you pissed 'cause
I didn't say anything

or are you pissed 'cause
there were 15 people

who knew before you did?

I feel fine by the way.
Thanks for asking.

Take the call in here.

We'll step outside
for a minute.

Yeah, this is the President.

SAM:
Self-deprecation.

Yes.
Self-deprecation's
what we need.

Yes.

Self-deprecation is
the appetizer of charm.

We need jokes
about the staff.

We need jokes
about the staff.

Let's start
with you.

Problem is there
aren't many jokes
you can make about me.

How about this.
Um, "Knock-Knock."

"Who's there?"
"Sam and his prostitute friend."

( Ainsley laughs )

See, I think that was a bit
of misdirected anger there.

I'm okay with that.
Well, in that case

Ainsley, you know why
I got you flowers in
April instead of February?

'Cause you ditched me
the first time around

to go back to the
guy who ditched you

the first time
around, only to have

him ditch you
the second time around.

Ow. What the hell?
That was him.

He was being you.

Well in fairness,
I think everybody
should have a turn.

Sam, is there anything

we can pull,
anything funny we can recycle?

Yeah, pull something I wrote
from October

called Government-wide
Accountability

for Merit System Principles.

That one was
a barn burner, was it?

( sighs )

Do you have any idea how
much grief I took from
him when I came back?

How much?

None.

I walked in the door.
He said, "Thank God.

There's a pile of stuff
on the desk."

This is his way.

He's just going to snark me
every April.

The prince of passive/
aggressive behavior.

What does snark mean?

I don't know, but he's doing it.

Is there any
coffee left?

In the mess.
Anybody want
anything?

You think they
have cheesecake
down there?

It's a quarter after midnight.

The pastry chef usually stays on
till dawn.

I'll go see what there is.

You know, we should make
a joke about women

'cause there's
no law against that

or paying them
less money than men.

Well, there is
a law against that.

It's the Pay Equity Act.

It was passed in 1964

when women were making
59 cents to the dollar.

What are you
making now?

Seventy-nine cents.

So, everything's fine.

No, there are still
some problems,
but I'm not worried

'cause the Federal
Government's coming
to the rescue.

Look--

You think pay disparity
is 'cause some sexist
in human resources

hired two people for
equal positions and
paid the man more?

Oftentimes, women--
And oftentimes,
women make less money

over the course of
their lifetime because
they choose to.

Oh, good night, nurse.

They do not choose
to make less money.

They're financially punished
for having kids.

They made a choice
to have kids.

Well, not necessarily,
if you guys have your way.

But that's
a different can of tuna.

I flat out guarantee you
that if men were biologically

responsible for procreation,
there'd be paid family leave

in every
Fortune 500.

Sam, if men were biologically
responsible for procreation

they'd fall down and die
at the first sonogram.

If the Amendment
is redundant

then what's your problem
if it's passed or not?

Because I'm
a Republican.
Have we met?

I believe that every
time the Federal
Government

hands down a new law,
it leaves

for the rest of us,
a little less freedom.

So I say, let's just stick
to the ones we absolutely need

in order to have water come out
of the faucet

and our cars not stolen.

That is my problem with passing
a redundant law.

Sam?
Yeah.

The all-night pastry
chef, you were just
kidding about that, right?

Yeah.

He's still on with State
and the FAA guys.

So Hoynes knows?

Hmm?

Hoynes is one of the 16?

Yeah.

And he thinks
the President
won't run again.

He thinks
there's a chance.

Will he?

Will the President run?

Where's the First Lady?

In Manchester.

Why'd she come to me after
the State of the Union...?

Toby...

Why, why's she mad
at the President?

It's because the State
of the Union set up
the reelection run.

And somehow, she's under
the impression that's not
supposed to happen.

The First Lady...

I have no kind
of investigative mind, zero.

It took me six days
and 23 minutes to figure it out.

He'll run.

Yeah.

Yeah, 'cause we stood in that
office a couple months ago

you and I, and you said,
"Take my hand.

We just..."

Never mind.

He'll run.

Hoynes was 14.

Who was 15?

Dr. David Lee...

the anesthesiologist at G.W.

He had to know about
the Betaseron.

Getting back to Hoynes--

I'm sorry, Leo, but I need you
to look at me right now

and tell me the doctor's not
under any kind of surveillance.

The doctor's free to talk
to whomever he likes.

Well, I'm sure we're going
to find that out soon enough.

He's not going
to leak it.
Someone will.

Toby...

Leo, Hoynes left
bread crumbs.

He, he wanted me to find out.
A camping trip to Killington?

That was a
jackass move.
I don't think so.

I think he may be the
only one around here
who's acting responsibly.

To who?

The Democratic Party.

It's seven and a half months
till the Iowa caucus

and no one's been told
the President might not
be the nominee?

He's going to run.

He may not have
that option, Leo.

When this story
breaks, it will be
because we broke it.

And we'll control it.

And the public
will accept it.

It's not like
it's unprecedented

that a President
conceal health issues.

What do you think
is going to happen?

I mean it, what
do you think is
going to happen?

Well...

I suppose one of...

five things.

The President can decide
not to run.

He can run and not win.

He can run and win.

And, what are
the other two?

Leo...

You think he's going
to need to resign?

There's going to be

hearing upon hearing
upon hearing.

He hasn't broken a law.

( door opens )

CHARLIE:
The President's
on his way back.

Thanks.

Says you.

And you don't have
to break the law

to get served
with Articles of Impeachment.

Toby, it is never going
to get that far.

Write down the exact date
and time you said that.

DONNA:
See, the thing about me,
is that mine is a dry wit.

And a dry wit,
like a fine martini

is best enjoyed...

LARRY:
Uh-oh.

Yeah, nowhere to go there.

What the hell took so long?

We got the coffee,
but then I spilled it
coming up the stairs.

You know, the
first couple times.
Where's Josh?

For how long?
You sentI've had time to spill
to get tcoffee, you know, a lot.

I'll find him.

So, guys...

Yeah.
When I was
downstairs

I made a decision:
I'm registering with
the Republican Party.

And I'll tell you why,
if you're curious.

Because they're a
freedom-loving people.

We also like beef.

You know, you insist
the Government
is depraved

for not legislating
against what we can
see on the newsstands

or what we can see
in an art exhibit

or what we can
burn in protest

or which sex
we're allowed
to have sex with

or a woman's
right to choose.

But don't you dare
try and regulate

this deadly weapon
I have concealed on me

for that would encroach
against my freedom.

Yeah, and Democrats believe
in free speech

as long as it isn't prayer
while you're standing in school.

You believe in the Freedom
of Information Act

except if you want
to find out

if your 14-year-old daughter's
had an abortion.

We believe in the ERA.

Well, go get 'em.

How can you have an
objection to some-
thing that says...

Because it's humiliating.

A new Amendment
we vote on declaring

that I am equal
under the law to a man?

I am mortified
to discover

there's reason to believe
I wasn't before.

I am a citizen
of this country.

I am not a special subset
in need of your protection.

I do not have to have my
rights handed down to me

by a bunch of
old, white men.

The same Article 14
that protects you

protects me.

And I went to law school
just to make sure.

And with that, I'm going back
down to the mess

because I thought I may have
seen there, a peach.

I could've countered that

but I'd already moved on
to other things in my head.

Josh.

Oh.

Well, that
was predictable.

Yes.

I'm trying to find
that speech Sam said.

You know, we keep
them on computer.

Well, yeah, sure, I suppose...

Except you don't know
how to use a computer.
Right.

Josh, Josh, Josh.

Yes.

Joshua, Josh, Josh.

What the hell is happening now?

You feel, I believe, because
you're quite addleminded

that this job was
my second choice.

Hey I'm just grateful we were
your last choice.

I'm going to give you
a little gift right now,
which you don't deserve.

Donna, if you've got your
old Catholic school uniform

on under there,
don't get me wrong

I applaud the thought, but--

Okay, what I need is
for you to stop being

like... you
for a second.

Okay.
When I came back

you remember I had
a bandage on my ankle?

Yeah.
I told you
I slipped

on the ice on
the front walk?

Yeah, you know why?
'Cause you didn't

put down the kitty litter.
I was actually in
a car accident.

You were in
a car accident?
It was...

Seriously, you were in
an accident?

It was no big deal.

You told me it was a late thaw.

Yes... I did.

Anyway, they took me
to the hospital

and I called him,
and he came down to get me.

And on the way...

he stopped and met some friends
of his for a beer.

He stopped on the way
to the hospital for a beer?

Yes.

And so I left him.

Which was the point
of my telling you this.

I left him.

So stop remembering that.

What I remember
is that you took me back

when you had absolutely
no reason to trust me again

and you didn't make fun of me
or him

and you had
every reason to.

Donna...

You're going to make fun
of him now, aren't you?
No.

'Cause that's why I didn't
tell you in the first place.

I'm not going to
make fun of him.
Good.

But just what kind of
a dumpkiss were you...

He was supposed to meet
some of his friends.

He stopped on the way
to say he couldn't.

And had a beer?
Does this make you
feel superior?

Yes, you are better

than my old boyfriend.

I'm, I'm just saying

if you were in an
accident, I wouldn't
stop for a beer.

If you were in an
accident, I wouldn't
stop for red lights.

Thanks for taking me back.

Oh, and the flowers
are beautiful.

Why not
heighten security?

Hmm?

At the airports, why
not heighten security?
What's the downside?

Sorry about that.

What's going on?

Charlie?

I've got to
make the call.

Yes, sir.

Let's get
Garreth back.

( sighs )

Toby was just asking
what the downside

of going to a security
condition was.

The scanners they use take
an hour to search the luggage

of 250 passengers.

The condition requires
two photo I.D.s.

Most people only have one.

Delays.

Delays are the downside.

( knocking at door )

CHARLIE:
Mr. Garreth.

That timed out well.

Hal, okay, let's do it.

I'm ordering
the airports

to a 2-condition.

You'll have
it in writing

in about five minutes.

Thanks.

I didn't know enough.

I know the feeling.

I have no intention
of apologizing to you, Toby.

Would you mind
if I ask why not?

'Cause you're not the one

with MS, a wife, three
kids and airports to close.

Not every part of me
belongs to you.

This was personal.

I'm not willing
to relinquish that right.

It will appear to
many, if not most

as fraud.

It will appear
as if you denied

the voters
an opportunity

to decide
for themselves.

They're generally
not willing

to relinquish
that right, either.

Yeah.

Mr. President,
at some point in the near future

we're going to have to speak
to some lawyers.

Well that's what usually brings
on the episodes

but if you say so.

It's 17 people, by the way.

I'm sorry?

You knew.

We weren't counting you.

It's 17 people.

( sighs )

I don't know.

It may have been
unbelievably stupid.

It may have been
unthinkably stupid.

I don't know.

I'm sorry, I really am.

I've got to go
in the other room and, uh...

Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow.
Thanks.

Thank you,
Mr. President.

ED:
I think that's
a good one.

( talking and laughing )

AINSLEY:
Toby!

JOSH:
What have you got?

ED:
Um, okay, so the
President was asked
to pick tonight's menu.

And he says,
uh, just serve

anything you want
except lame duck.

SAM:
Toby, listen,
listen to this.

Okay.

ED:
So the President
says, "I know
times are tough.

The NASDAQ just
filed for not-for-
profit status."

( laughter )

AINSLEY:
What about the one
about the Pentagon?

JOSH:
Okay, you have
to try and imagine

that the President
is saying it.

TOBY:
Okay.

JOSH:
Tell me if you think
this is funny...