All language subtitles for New Girl S01E02 Kryptonite 1080p DSNP WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-MiU_track4_[eng]

-SCHMIDT: Jess.
-Yeah.

Can I ask you something?

You want my help?

Sure.

You consider me a sexy man, correct?

I don't know how to answer that question.

I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight,

and I'll probably
bring her back here for sex.

I have to get to school
'cause it's Astronomy Day

and I'm dressing up like Galileo,
so I have to put on my beard.

I get that, but as a lady,
where in the room do I look sexiest?

You know, like…
Like, where am I best on display?

Here?

Here or…

Here?

Hey, what is going on?

Um, Schmidt wants to know
where in his room he looks the sexiest.

Well, it's a big room.
What are your choices?

Okay, I'm glad you asked. All right…

-Here…
-Mmm.

Here…

Or here, you know,
maybe just reading a book or…

That's a lot of options.
Could you do 'em again really fast?

-You want to see 'em again? Okay.
-Please.

Here, here…

Here.

-Wait, what was the first one again?
-Yeah.

Okay, I get it.
All laugh at Schmidt, great.

Here, here…

(SINGING)
Hey, girl, whatcha doing?

Hey girl, where you going?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

-Who's that girl?
-It's Jess!

I'm so excited to meet him.

No, Jess, he's sleeping.

He flew in late last night.
We took him straight to the bar.

Took a bunch of shots, got drunk,
screamed "I love America,"

now he's happily passed out.

-Let's let him sleep.
-Guess I'm not the new kid anymore.

-Just one of the guys.
-You're still the new kid.

Winston lived here before Coach did.

So Coach said they used to
play basketball together in college,

but then Winston went pro?

In Latvia, okay?
He went… Went pro in Latvia.

It's a big difference.

Well, the team logo is a fig,
just a… Just one single fig.

Oh, you're jealous. That's so cute.

(SCOFFS) Of Winston? No, no, no.

It's been two years.

He's gonna have to recognize.

I'm a lot flyer now.
Want to see me flex my base?

No, no, no, no, no, no.
Put your shirt on.

-Let me flex my base.
-Put your shirt on.

-Ba-boom.
-It's the morning.

(WHISPERING) He's gonna love it.

Jess, what are you doing?

What is… What is she doing?

-(CLATTERS)
-(GASPS)

Who… Wh… (STAMMERING)

I'm Jess.

(SINGING)
I'm Je…

WINSTON: (SHOUTING)
What's happening?

Why are you doing that?

JESS: (CONTINUES SINGING)
…ess.

I can't believe you didn't
tell me he was hungover.

I totally told you he was hungover.

I said he was drunk at the bar
and now he's passed out.

Hi, Winston.

Hey, I apologize
for what happened before.

Not cool, bad call.

I've been talking to the guys
about boundaries,

so I totally get it.

Perfectly fine, no problem.

Do you have a tank top I could borrow?
You look like you're about my size.

It's just that
I'm really low on clothes right now

'cause I broke up with my boyfriend.

-Oh, God.
-I caught him cheating,

and I grabbed whatever I could and…

You know what?
I'll let you check my lost and found.

It's where I keep all the stuff

that girls leave behind in my room
after we fo'nicate.

Got sizes 0 through 10.

What have you done to me, Nick?

I am so happy you're back.

You have made love
to a lot of forgetful women.

Oh, man, look at these. Wow.

Oh, look at that. Rosh Hashanah, '06.

Yeah, nothing orthodox
about what we did that night.

Winston seems nice.

Did he say anything
to you about the room?

-What room?
-The big room.

I kind of took it from him when he left.

I used to be in the small room.

This happened in the small room.

Twice.

Never going back there again, Jess.

He's never gonna give you that room back.

(SCOFFS) Come on, man, it's Schmidt.

You know, they have a saying in Latvia…

"That guy is so stupid, we could
easily take things away from him."

-(LAUGHING) That's a saying?
-Yeah, it is.

That's a weird saying.

(GRUNTING)

What do you think?

Jess, I've been telling you
this for weeks,

but you got to call Spencer
and you got to get your stuff back

unless, you know…
Unless you're scared.

No, I am not scared.
It's just complicated.

That stuff was…
That stuff was ours, and I miss them…

Jess, look, it's a ball.

Oh, a little b-ball, huh? (CHUCKLES)

I'm actually pretty good.

I used to play with my mom.
(STARTS SINGING)

Defense, defense
Watch out for the defense

Sneaky, sneaky, wah-wah

-You get used to her.
-Hey, Schmidt.

-(ALL GROANING)
-NICK: Oh, come on.

-Oh.
-WINSTON: Wow.

JESS: Oh.

My bad.

I'm sorry, you guys.

That was my TV, Jess.

It's kind of all he had.

JESS: I'll get you a new one.

I just can't afford it right now.

If you don't mind me asking,
what's the plan?

You don't know me like that,
but I need a TV.

Do you have a TV at Spencer's?

Yeah, I do. It's just really big
and thin and bright.

-Go get it.
-Go get it.

No, I can't call Spencer.
I haven't talked to him

since he cheated on me with that ho.

Actually, that's not fair.
She might be a really nice ho.

I just don't want to
get in a big fight with Spencer.

I want to be friends with him eventually.

Why do you want to
be friends with your ex?

I don't want to be friends with Caroline,

and all she did was rip me
open and tear out my heart

with her perfect, perfect hands.

(GROANS)

He has a power over me.

It's like he's a wizard and I'm his mage.

I think it's his hair.

He has this, like, really beautiful hair,

and whenever I see it,
I get the whoo-whoos.

-Oh, my God, I hate my life.
-SCHMIDT: All right, guys, just…

Look… (SIGHS) Jess, I know.

Closure.

Ouch.

Am I right?

I don't know what you're saying right now.

Okay, Jess, think about it.

It's not that complicated.
Just get the TV back.

-I need a TV.
-It's important. It's a television.

It's what brings all of…
Just get us the TV!

Okay, it's not a big deal.

I'll do it. I'll call Spencer
and I will talk to him,

and I will talk to him,
so yay.

Yay.

Hi, Spencer.

-Hi, Jess-Jess.
-(SIGHS)

Wow, I missed this place. Mmm-mmm.

How's your yogurt thing, Schmidt?

Oh, the parfait?

-It's parfait.
-Come on, don't.

Oh, hello. You look beautiful today.
And smart.

Stop talking to me, Schmidt.

So you're making
all the calls now, Schmidt.

-Sure.
-This must mean you are the top dog.

Yeah?

-Yeah?
-Absolutely.

You know, I'm glad you guys think that
because, you know, I think that, too.

100%.

I mean, when I moved out,
obviously there was a power vacuum.

-Mmm-hmm.
-Yeah, I needed a leader.

I didn't know which end was up.

No… I mean, Nick's a bottom…
you know what I mean.

Absolutely.

Say, Winston, do all top dogs
need the biggest room

or is that kind of cheesy?
Is it a little overkill?

No, no. But I definitely see
what you're saying, though. Definitely.

Um, every top dog is different.
Every top dog is different.

Hey, Schmidt, what, uh,
kind of top dog are you?

The kind with the big room.

I'm so glad we're talking.

Last time I saw you, you were so mad.

-How is, um…
-Rochelle.

Rochelle. Fancy name.

-She's great.
-Rochelle…

-Like a mermaid.
-Yeah.

(MIMICKING BEING UNDERWATER)
Hello, I'm Rochelle.

I fish.

Yeah, we have a lot in common.

Obviously we both love bikes.

I love bikes.

Not enough.

Um, Spencer, I need my stuff back.

My TV, and all my winter clothes,

-and my plants.
-Yeah, of course.

I would have brought it today,
but I rode my bike here.

You know, without the basket.

Okay, well, when would be
a good time for me to come…

-So good to see you.
-I really need my stu…

Shh…

I need something, too.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Thanks for taking me
to the airport, Jess.

Of course.

All you have is your bike, Rochelle.

SPENCER AND ROCHELLE: (SINGING)
You want it

You got it

You want it, baby

You got it, uh
Just bust a move, uh

BOTH:
You want it.

JESS: $550 for the TV?

Seems a little steep.

I'm gonna write down a figure,
and this is as high as I'll go.

You drew a smiley face.

I'm a teacher. Do it for the kids.

For the kids…$550.

I can't go home without a TV.

I thought pawnshops
were about helping people,

and frankly,
right now I feel taken advantage of.

And I just got out
of a long relationship,

and I don't know
what I'm doing emotionally

or, let's be honest, sexually.

I'll just…

Just get out of here.

Are you trying to rob me?

Hey, where's Winston at, man?

I think he's in his room, Schmidt.

(SCHMIDT SIGHS)

You really think I'm top dog?

Yes.

You think I'm head baller, shot caller?

Yeah, Schmidt, I feel that way.

See that, man?

That's my new thumb ring.
How choice is that?

Little skull… It's so nectar.

Did you just make up "nectar"?

No, it's a volleyball term.

What is Winston doing in there?

He can't hang out in there.
It's too small.

NICK: What's up?
SCHMIDT: Yo, what up, Cece?

Hey, are you all right?

I'm sorry, I didn't get the TV.

-What happened?
-Ugh, I'm a terrible roommate.

I mean, seriously,
you guys told her to call Spencer?

That is not your job.

That is my job.

All right, so what happened?

(GROANS)

He needed a ride to the airport.

-What?
-For his new girlfriend.

-Are you kidding me?
-You serious?

I'm supposed to pick her up
next Sunday.

-Oh, my God, Jess.
-SCHMIDT: Wow!

What's wrong with me?

I figured it out.
This guy's your Kryptonite.

You need to stand up,
and you need to fight him.

I tried to fight him, but I can't,
'cause I'm powerless.

You're not ready to let him go.

I think you know deep down,

once you get your stuff back,
you know, it's over over.

I can't believe
I'm actually gonna say this…

But I agree with him.

No, you guys are wrong.

I really… I really want to move on.

-Then you got to fight.
-All right, I want to fight.

-And get mad.
-I want to get mad.

All right, then do this.

Pretend this is Spencer's face. Punch it.

Get it.

Come on, do it again.

All right, punch it like a man.

-Harder than that!
-CECE: Come on, Jess.

NICK: Come on, Jess, you're angry.

-Good!
-CECE: Get angry, for real angry.

NICK: That's dancing.
That's punch dancing.

He broke your heart.

He did terrible things to you.
You hate him.

-JESS: I'm mad!
-Good.

-CECE: There you go.
-I'm bad!

You're ready. Go get your stuff.

-I'm gonna go get my stuff!
-Go get it!

-Come on, Jess.
-JESS: Really mad!

-NICK: Proud of you.
-Gonna go get it.

Get your stuff.

I'm gonna face the facts.

I'm gonna ask you guys
right now to come with me.

Seriously, guys.

-NICK: All right, yeah.
-I can't carry everything alone,

and I can't be alone.

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah! Loud music!

Loud. It's loud.

Okay, you are ruining
my pre-game mix.

-What am I gonna say?
-"Hey, Spencer, give me my TV back."

"Hi, Spencer.
Give me my TV back, buddy."

Hey, no "buddy."
How about "jerk" or "idiot"?

Mr. Crabs.

Mr. Crabs is an option.

Your hand is on my leg.

Oh, your hand's on my leg.

No, it really isn't.

Classic he said, she said.

Okay, Jess, just pull over right there.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
-NICK: What are you doing?

JESS: Okay, you know what?
Just one more shot.

One more time around, Jess,
and then we're good. You got this.

This is it.

(ALL ENCOURAGING)

-SCHMIDT: Come on.
-Just one more time.

Gonna…

(SIGHS) Another…

NICK: All right, this is the time.
This is the time. Wow!

One more shot. One more shot.
Just one more. Just one more.

-You know, I'm on to you.
-What do you mean?

Okay, you told me that I'm top dog,

but secretly, you think
you're top dog, all right?

And now you're just trying
to out-top dog the top dog.

Jess, please take these doors
off child-lock so I can kill myself.

Men working.

Look, things are different now, man.
You're not top dog anymore. I am.

Okay, you know what?
You are absolutely correct.

You are the top dog.

-Here.
-What… What are you doing?

There's no top dog crown.

You trying to make me look stupid?

Look, man, this is about respect.

I'm a lot flyer than I used to be.

Yeah, much flyer.
I respect you, Schmidt.

No, you don't.

Because if you did,
you would have told me

that the small room
is the top dog room.

(SONG CHANGES TO
SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST)

(ATTEMPTING TO SING ALONG)

(SINGING)
Just when you thought our chance had past

-What?
-I own this song.

You go and save the best for last…

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)

What's happening?

What's happening is that
this is a great song.

CECE: I'll be out here
if you need me, Jess.

(DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY)

Oh, Jess-Jess.

That's the wizard?
He's wearing a scrunchie.

WINSTON: Looks like he juggles clubs
on the beach.

Yeah, like he'd ever have a job.

Didn't you just kind of assume
he'd have a handlebar moustache?

Come on, Jess, just go in there
and get that TV.

(SIGHING) I miss you, Jess.

CECE: Don't hug him back.

(GROUP GROANING)

CECE: Ugh!
SCHMIDT: Oh, that's not healthy.

I told you to water the plants.

Huh? Oh. Oh, you know it's not my thing.

I told you to water the plants.

NICK: Uh-oh, uh-oh.

(GRUNTING)

What is she doing?

-ALL: Oh!
-Oh, what a mess!

(JESS YELLING)

I'm coming in!

Jess, take your shoes off!
We keep an Asian household.

Didn't see that coming.

She going to be okay in there?

SPENCER: Put that down! Put that down!

-Jess, wait, wait, wait!
-(LOUD CLATTERING)

Let's sit down
and just talk about this, okay?

Hold on. No, that's mine.

-You can't take that.
-(LOUD CRASHING)

-(CAT YOWLING)
-Jess, hold up.

Let's… What are you doing?

I got it!

It's really heavy, but I got it!

Oh, my God, we created a monster.

NICK: She looks like
Helena Bonham Carter.

WINSTON: Oh, God, she's gonna drop…

Soft hands, Jess.

Jess, come on, let's share it.
You know, work out a system.

Hey. Hey, that's my shirt.

-No, this is my T-shirt.
-No, that is my shirt.

It has my name on it.

Don't drop it. Jess, don't…

Don't… Don't drop it… Don't…

CECE: Come on, everybody out now.

-ALL: No, no, no, no!
-(ALL GROAN)

-Give me my shirt!
-I like this shirt.

Hey, Jess, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Sorry. Don't mind us, pal.
We're just here for the TV.

-Who are these guys?
-They're my roommates.

-Cece, hi. Hey.
-I'll get the rest of your stuff, Jess.

Wait, Jess, let's just talk
about this, okay?

You know, rap it out.

We can't rap it out.
We're not together anymore.

-It's not the same.
-Doesn't mean we can't talk about things.

There's nothing to talk about.
Give me my shirt back.

No, you gave this to me.
I want to keep it.

Give her her T-shirt, man.

No, I don't want to. I gave her this hat,
too, so I'm gonna take this back.

-This one? You want that?
-Yeah.

Then I dare you,
come take it off my head, pal.

I dare you.

You guys look ridiculous.

Look, dude, give her the shirt back.

I bet she worked hard
on that jamboree.

Yeah, a play on words… Jam-boree.

-Jam.
-JESS: Jam.

Girl made a lot of jam, Spence.

You know how
time-consuming that can be?

You need a jar funnel, a canner,
some fresh fruit…

Strawberries, raspberries,
maybe a tayberry, maybe a ripe…

No more fruit, man.

You live with these people, Jess?
Seriously?

Stay here until you find a better place.

You know what? I don't like you, stretch.

I don't like anything about you,
and I'm not afraid to…

I got this.

I've got a place to live, Spence.

It's over.

I spent six years
trying to figure you out.

All you are is a guy
with really beautiful hair.

I'm happy you cheated on me.

Thank you.

Because if you hadn't,
I would have married you.

And then you would have
hurt me all over again.

(SIGHS) And, yeah,
I was scared to start over.

I didn't know what to do,

and yeah, I'm living with
three guys I met on the Internet.

-And yeah, stranger danger is real.
-(SIGHS)

But I love these guys.

I barely know them.

I just met him, but I love them.

NICK: I would just take it easy
with the love stuff.

All of them.

Give her the shirt back, man.

What happens if I say no?

You know what happens?

Schmidt happens!

Ow!

What was on your hand?

Thumb ring, bitch!

You got some Schmidt on your face.

You know what? Fine!
Here, take it!

-Keep the bell.
-Hey. What?

You know, I thought we were
gonna handle this like adults, Jess.

Yeah, well, I thought you were
the love of my life, so…

Suck it, Mr. Crabs.

You hit that guy.

Whatevs. You know.

(CHUCKLES)

You know what?

Maybe I didn't have respect
for you before,

because if this is what
respecting you feels like,

then this is definitely not how I felt.

(CHUCKLES) So, you recognize.
Represent, what?

Okay, look, I'm gonna be
completely honest.

I've been messing with you.

But it's just that
I wanted my old room back.

-You know, you're right.
-(SIGHS)

I've been away a long time, and
things have changed around here,

so I guess I kind of
got to get used to that.

You keep the big room.

See, now you're just
deep dogging me, man.

I'm not scared of your mind games.

I'm taking the small room, Winston.

Schmidt, that's not
what I mean, but…

No. Why don't you listen to what I mean?

You can double reverse dog me
until the cows come home.

I'm not falling for it.

What do you take me for,
some kind of idiot?

(QUIETLY) Yes.

I can't believe I got all my stuff back.

You did, but most of it's broken.

Yeah, it's broken,
but I don't know, it's mine.

Yeah, but it's broken.

Hey, look at that.

-I think it's working.
-Oh, my God!

-We got a TV again.
-It's a TV, and it's working.

NICK: Hey, we got the TV back!

All right!

JESS: You guys are awesome.

I'm going to make you so much jam.

Please don't.

(SINGING)
Oh, we're gonna have a jam sess

Absolutely not.

Okay, what are we watching?

I have some DVDs.

Um, Adventures in Babysitting,

uh, Prancer, Newsies, Curly Sue.

I'm going out.

Yeah.

Wait. Where are you guys going?

These are heartwarming films.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(EXHALES) Curly Sue. Let's do this.

All right, let me go get it.