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1
00:00:02,228 --> 00:00:02,292
.
2
00:00:02,519 --> 00:00:02,592
.
3
00:00:03,454 --> 00:00:04,161
Y'all having a good time?
4
00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,479
[cheers and applause]
5
00:00:05,556 --> 00:00:07,456
This next song,
called Chocolate Muffins,
6
00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:11,418
it is not--I repeat, it is not--
a double entendre.
7
00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:13,170
(backup singers)
¶ Not ¶
8
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,422
Not if you're thinking
sexually.
9
00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:18,216
¶ If you would show me
your chocolate muffins ¶
10
00:00:18,293 --> 00:00:21,511
¶ I could add my sprinkles
and icing ¶
11
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,680
¶ I will be your baker,
baby ¶
12
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:27,276
¶ I could love you so long
and so nicely ¶
13
00:00:27,352 --> 00:00:33,106
¶ I will mix your batter
with my big wooden spoon ¶
14
00:00:33,183 --> 00:00:36,526
¶ Make you forget
the other baker ¶
15
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,195
¶ He would be home soon ¶
16
00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:40,447
¶ Oh, chocolate muffins ¶
17
00:00:40,524 --> 00:00:42,824
¶ It's time to bake ¶
18
00:00:42,901 --> 00:00:47,329
¶ Oh, when I say, "Preheat,"
you say, "Oven" ¶
19
00:00:47,405 --> 00:00:48,705
- ¶ Preheat ¶
- ¶ Oven ¶
20
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,415
- ¶ Preheat ¶
- ¶ Oven ¶
21
00:00:50,492 --> 00:00:51,541
¶ Damn, girl,
it's getting hot in here ¶
22
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,043
¶ From all this preheating ¶
23
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,836
¶ It's time for
my favorite part ¶
24
00:00:54,913 --> 00:00:57,756
¶ It's time for
the icing, baby ¶
25
00:00:57,833 --> 00:00:59,674
¶ Don't lick the bowl, baby ¶
26
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,843
¶ It tickles, but it
makes me feel weird ¶
27
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:03,637
¶ Chocolate muffins ¶
28
00:01:03,713 --> 00:01:07,140
¶ I think I, I think I,
I think I, I think I ¶
29
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,234
Oh, I don't believe it.
30
00:01:09,311 --> 00:01:10,727
Band, break it down.
31
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,312
¶ ¶
32
00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:14,439
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very special lady
33
00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:15,565
in the house tonight.
34
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:16,566
I love you, Craig!
35
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:17,659
Not you, baby.
36
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:21,696
Her name is...
¶ Victoria ¶
37
00:01:21,773 --> 00:01:23,448
(band)
¶ Victoria ¶
38
00:01:23,525 --> 00:01:25,334
Haven't seen her
since high school.
39
00:01:25,410 --> 00:01:28,161
She used to--use to wear
the key earring in her ear
40
00:01:28,238 --> 00:01:30,247
like Janet Jackson, yeah.
41
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:31,715
[laughs]
42
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,500
Can I come talk to you?
43
00:01:33,577 --> 00:01:35,293
¶ Is it okay if I come talk
to you right now? ¶
44
00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:37,170
Victoria, can I come
talk to you right now?
45
00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:39,422
You gonna stay right there?
Wait for me, baby.
46
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:41,716
¶ Wait for me, baby,
here I come to talk to you ¶
47
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:43,301
Hey, my name is Craig Robinson.
48
00:01:43,378 --> 00:01:44,594
And I'm Ben Robinson.
49
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:45,679
And we are
The Nasty Delicious.
50
00:01:45,755 --> 00:01:46,847
- And we'll...
- Be...
51
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:47,848
- Right...
52
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:51,560
all: ¶ Back ¶
53
00:01:51,636 --> 00:01:54,437
[cheers and applause]
54
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:56,189
(man)
¶ Mr. Robinson ¶
55
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,608
¶ ¶
56
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,569
¶ Mr. Robinson ¶
57
00:02:00,645 --> 00:02:02,487
Victoria Wavers.
58
00:02:02,564 --> 00:02:03,822
Mm!
59
00:02:03,899 --> 00:02:04,823
Ooh!
60
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,283
The girl that got away.
61
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,701
Craig Robinson,
62
00:02:07,777 --> 00:02:09,578
the guy who stood me up
for prom.
63
00:02:09,654 --> 00:02:11,830
Come on; you're not still
upset about that.
64
00:02:11,907 --> 00:02:13,456
Oh, no, not at all.
65
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,833
I was able to wear
that dress a lot of places.
66
00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:15,917
Oh, you want to see pictures
67
00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,169
of me and my dad
slow-dancing?
68
00:02:17,245 --> 00:02:19,212
It's not sad at all.
69
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:20,338
Hey, I apologized
for that.
70
00:02:20,415 --> 00:02:21,631
- Did you?
- Yes.
71
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,799
"Girl, why you trippin'?"
72
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,467
That's an apology?
73
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,511
Why don't you let me buy you
an "I'm sorry" drink?
74
00:02:26,588 --> 00:02:29,264
Oh, I don't think
they make glasses that big.
75
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,640
[laughs]
76
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,267
Tell me what you been up to
all these years.
77
00:02:32,344 --> 00:02:33,727
Uh, okay.
78
00:02:33,803 --> 00:02:36,730
Um, went to Princeton,
Wall Street.
79
00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:39,575
Made a lot of money,
wanted to give back,
80
00:02:39,651 --> 00:02:41,860
and now I'm teaching English
at Studs Terkel.
81
00:02:41,937 --> 00:02:43,612
- Our old high school.
- Yeah.
82
00:02:43,688 --> 00:02:45,238
That's crazy.
83
00:02:45,315 --> 00:02:47,240
I do some substitute
music teaching around town
84
00:02:47,317 --> 00:02:48,458
when I'm broke.
85
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:49,492
I like it.
86
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:51,870
Teaching, not being broke.
87
00:02:51,947 --> 00:02:54,247
Well, maybe we'll
run into each other...
88
00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:55,299
when you run out of money.
89
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:57,167
I'm out of money right now.
90
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,585
[laughs]
91
00:02:58,662 --> 00:02:59,586
Bye, Craig.
92
00:02:59,663 --> 00:03:00,846
[chuckles]
93
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,434
(Ben)
Victoria Wavers.
94
00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:07,436
Whoo, she grew up fine.
95
00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:09,763
That booty and those eyes.
96
00:03:09,839 --> 00:03:12,432
And that booty.
97
00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:14,643
Man, you really blew it
by standing her up for prom.
98
00:03:14,719 --> 00:03:15,936
I know, B.
99
00:03:16,012 --> 00:03:19,272
She's smart and funny
and mad successful.
100
00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:20,774
The only reason
I stood her up
101
00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:22,776
was 'cause it was our band's
first paying gig.
102
00:03:22,852 --> 00:03:24,444
I had to take that shot.
103
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,738
I always wanted to make thing
right with her, though.
104
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:28,498
You want to get
a girl like that back,
105
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:29,866
know what you got to do?
106
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,701
You got to do something
unexpected,
107
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,620
like the time I climbed
up Theresa's balcony.
108
00:03:33,697 --> 00:03:34,955
She shot at you.
109
00:03:35,031 --> 00:03:37,341
Yeah, but I got some.
110
00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:39,334
You get her number?
111
00:03:39,411 --> 00:03:40,510
No.
112
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:41,845
But I do know
where she works.
113
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,472
You know what you do?
114
00:03:43,548 --> 00:03:44,965
You should hide
under her desk
115
00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:46,591
and pop out
like a jack-in-the-box.
116
00:03:46,668 --> 00:03:48,969
Surprise, bitch!
I'm here to surprise you!
117
00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:50,595
Surprise!
118
00:03:50,672 --> 00:03:56,360
I probably won't hide
or jump or curse at her.
119
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,283
The kids in my math class
think they're so clever.
120
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,567
The kids in my chemistry class
121
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:08,321
think the atomic weight
of beryllium is 1.816.
122
00:04:08,398 --> 00:04:10,540
Idiots.
123
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,325
I asked them
what weighs more,
124
00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:14,327
1 ton of metal
or 2,000 pounds of wood.
125
00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:16,380
This kid wrote,
"My penis weighs more"
126
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,415
and drew a picture of it.
127
00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:19,549
Well, if that's to scale,
128
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,385
this kid won't need high school.
129
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,295
Hey, everybody.
130
00:04:23,371 --> 00:04:24,921
I'm Craig,
music sub for the week.
131
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,265
- Hey, Craig.
- Hey. Craig.
132
00:04:26,341 --> 00:04:27,590
I'm Samir,
chemistry and physics.
133
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,009
- Robinson?
- Ashleigh?
134
00:04:29,085 --> 00:04:30,844
- Ah!
- Get over here, girl.
135
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,345
How do you two know each other?
136
00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:33,888
We taught
out in the suburbs together.
137
00:04:33,965 --> 00:04:35,473
You still dancing
at the Booty Bungalow?
138
00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:36,566
Friday nights.
139
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,518
Just paid off
the lake house,
140
00:04:38,595 --> 00:04:40,353
and now I'm looking
for some rental properties.
141
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,855
- Whoa.
- Whoo!
142
00:04:41,931 --> 00:04:43,606
You're a stripper?
143
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,900
What did you think I meant
when I said I worked on poles?
144
00:04:45,977 --> 00:04:47,902
Climate change.
145
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:50,414
Well, I have to finish
grading these penises,
146
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,741
but it was great
to see you.
147
00:04:52,817 --> 00:04:54,868
Hey, man.
148
00:04:54,944 --> 00:04:56,494
Jimmy Hooper, phys. ed.
149
00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:59,039
But most people around here
call me Magnum P.E.
150
00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:00,999
No, we don't.
151
00:05:01,076 --> 00:05:02,926
What's with
the tennis getup?
152
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,544
Oh, I'm glad you like this.
153
00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:07,088
I played professionally
from '89 to '91.
154
00:05:07,165 --> 00:05:08,298
- Oh, that's cool.
- Yeah.
155
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,799
Why'd you stop?
156
00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:11,426
Have you ever been
out on the road
157
00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,345
with Boris Becker
and Ivan Lendl?
158
00:05:13,421 --> 00:05:15,063
He's a music teacher, Jimmy.
159
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:18,466
"Magnum."
160
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,688
I'll just leave it at this.
161
00:05:23,765 --> 00:05:27,650
When Ivan Lendl says, "Let this
dissolve on your tongue"...
162
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,652
don't.
163
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:32,405
I feel like you have some
deep psychological issues
164
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,407
to work through.
165
00:05:34,484 --> 00:05:35,784
Well, thank God I got you,
buddy, right?
166
00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:37,535
We're gonna be tight.
I can feel it.
167
00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:38,995
Let's put a pin in it.
168
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,955
Hey, tell me about
Victoria Wavers,
169
00:05:41,032 --> 00:05:42,415
English teacher here.
170
00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:43,467
She's got the room
right next to yours.
171
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:44,634
She's totally hot.
172
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:45,886
We went to school here
together.
173
00:05:45,962 --> 00:05:47,462
I was supposed
to take her to prom.
174
00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,848
Oh, crabs?
175
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,801
No.
176
00:05:52,877 --> 00:05:54,052
Yeah, I didn't go
to my prom either.
177
00:05:54,129 --> 00:05:55,678
- Tennis?
- Crabs.
178
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:56,805
[school bell rings]
179
00:05:56,881 --> 00:05:57,981
Good to meet you, man.
180
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,808
[students talking]
181
00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:01,434
What's up?
What's up?
182
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:03,737
I'm Mr. Robinson,
sub for the week.
183
00:06:03,814 --> 00:06:05,864
You can call me Craig, Mr. C,
184
00:06:05,941 --> 00:06:07,657
MC Craigy-Craig.
185
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,660
Look, I'm not like
your other teachers.
186
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,028
I went to school here.
187
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,696
I'm one of you.
188
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:15,740
And in my class, we don't just
listen to music;
189
00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:16,866
we make music.
190
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,493
We don't have
any instruments.
191
00:06:18,570 --> 00:06:19,702
Ah, that's where
you're wrong at.
192
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,871
You are the instrument.
193
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:25,083
I am an instrument
of death.
194
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,419
That's a really weird thing
to say.
195
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:28,586
What's your name?
196
00:06:28,663 --> 00:06:29,963
DJ Quan Phook.
197
00:06:30,039 --> 00:06:33,633
Okay, DJ Phone Book,
come on up here.
198
00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,051
- What's your name?
- Lance.
199
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,137
Mm, too white.
What's your real name?
200
00:06:37,213 --> 00:06:39,889
Deandre.
201
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,891
Deandre, come on
and join us, would ya?
202
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,560
Hey, Hashtag.
203
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:44,602
Come on;
put the phone away.
204
00:06:44,679 --> 00:06:45,645
My name's Maria.
205
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:47,531
Okay, Maria, come on down.
206
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,732
Yes! All right.
207
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:51,443
Let's see.
Who else?
208
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,695
Oh.
209
00:06:53,771 --> 00:06:55,155
Hey, Shy.
210
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,031
My name's Halle.
211
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,450
Hey, Halle.
212
00:06:58,526 --> 00:06:59,492
You want to come
join our group?
213
00:06:59,569 --> 00:07:00,618
No, thank you.
214
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:04,914
You know...
215
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:10,712
You know Adele, Lady Gaga,
Elvis Presley, George Harrison?
216
00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,714
What do all these great artists
have in common?
217
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,724
Hermaphrodites.
218
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:20,221
I just Googled it.
They were all shy.
219
00:07:20,298 --> 00:07:23,066
[tentatively]
Yes.
220
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,518
They were all shy,
okay?
221
00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:26,936
I was shy at your age.
222
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:30,190
Now look at me;
I can't stop running my mouth.
223
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:32,192
So what do you say, Halle?
Come join us?
224
00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:33,943
No.
225
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,570
Okay, I respect that.
226
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:38,457
All right, anybody else?
227
00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:40,584
Anybody else want
to come on up
228
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,660
and join our little group
up here?
229
00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:43,786
Hello, anybody?
230
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:44,787
Fine!
231
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,499
All right, she's in! Yes!
232
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:50,168
All right, so now
just follow me.
233
00:07:50,245 --> 00:07:52,212
- ¶ Ba ¶
- ¶ Ba ¶
234
00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:53,796
- ¶ Ba ¶
- ¶ Ba ¶
235
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,599
- ¶ Ba ¶
- ¶ Ba ¶
236
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:56,925
- ¶ Ba, ba ¶
- ¶ Ba, ba ¶
237
00:07:57,001 --> 00:07:58,176
Nice.
238
00:07:58,253 --> 00:07:59,260
Okay, let's put
a beat to it.
239
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,720
- ¶ Ba ¶
- ¶ Ba ¶
240
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,096
- ¶ Ba ¶
- ¶ Ba, ba ¶
241
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,264
- ¶ Ba ¶
- ¶ Ba ¶
242
00:08:03,341 --> 00:08:05,600
- ¶ Ba ¶
[students continue]
243
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,185
¶ First things first,
I'm the realest ¶
244
00:08:07,262 --> 00:08:09,479
¶ Drop this and let
the whole world feel this ¶
245
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:12,232
class: ¶ I'm so fancy ¶
- Whoo!
246
00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:14,150
class: ¶ You already know ¶
- ¶ Come on, come on ¶
247
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,945
class: ¶ I'm in the fast lane ¶
- ¶ Yeah! ¶
248
00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:18,196
class: ¶ From L.A. to Tokyo ¶
249
00:08:18,273 --> 00:08:19,906
Now, that's how
you make music.
250
00:08:19,983 --> 00:08:21,199
Give it up
for my singers, y'all.
251
00:08:21,276 --> 00:08:22,909
[cheers and applause]
252
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,244
Come on!
You can do better than that!
253
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,578
Make some noise!
254
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:27,580
[drumming and cheering]
255
00:08:27,657 --> 00:08:28,998
What is going on
in here?
256
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,166
Craig?
257
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,626
Shock and awe, baby!
258
00:08:31,703 --> 00:08:33,220
I'm here to ask you out.
259
00:08:41,236 --> 00:08:41,310
.
260
00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:43,096
Craig, what are you
doing here?
261
00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:44,597
Subbing.
Must be fate, right?
262
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:45,932
Hey, I have an idea.
263
00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:47,392
Let's pick up where
we left off last night.
264
00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:48,685
Oh, me leaving?
Okay.
265
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,853
Oh, come on, Vic, now.
266
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,522
Craig, this is weird.
267
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,816
Well, I would go more
with "surprising."
268
00:08:54,892 --> 00:08:57,652
Okay, surprise!
I have a boyfriend.
269
00:08:57,729 --> 00:08:59,279
Is he bigger than me?
270
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:01,447
Ooh, from what
I can remember, yes.
271
00:09:01,524 --> 00:09:04,867
See? We're like
two chili peppers
272
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,452
that got separated
from the batch
273
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:08,922
and 20 years later got thrown
into the same mole.
274
00:09:08,999 --> 00:09:11,457
What the hell
are you talking about?
275
00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:12,676
We're spicy.
276
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,678
This is gonna be good.
Yeah.
277
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,421
What do we have here?
278
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,432
Oh, Principal Taylor,
this is our new music sub.
279
00:09:19,509 --> 00:09:20,592
Craig Robinson?
280
00:09:20,668 --> 00:09:21,801
Here, come on.
Give me some.
281
00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:23,011
Oh,
that's not gonna happen.
282
00:09:23,087 --> 00:09:24,938
Thank you, Ms. Wavers.
I have this.
283
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:29,309
She fine, right?
284
00:09:29,385 --> 00:09:31,811
You didn't check into
the office this morning,
285
00:09:31,888 --> 00:09:33,313
Mr. Robinson.
286
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:34,814
I was going to,
but then the bell rang,
287
00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:36,691
and then I just didn't.
288
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,693
You think you're funny?
289
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:40,320
Think life's a big joke?
290
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:42,071
Gliding around
with your Coco Crisp hair
291
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:45,375
and your regal Nubian glow?
292
00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:49,495
I've met a thousand
Craig Robinsons.
293
00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:52,415
Are you on BlackCupid.com?
294
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,000
Don't get cocky with me,
Music Man.
295
00:09:54,077 --> 00:09:55,627
I've banged, snorted,
and ingested
296
00:09:55,703 --> 00:09:57,462
some of the biggest bands
of the '80s.
297
00:09:57,538 --> 00:09:59,589
Dexys Midnight Runners?
298
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,933
Who the hell
do you think Eileen was?
299
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:05,011
If you think
you're gonna walk in here
300
00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:08,848
with your sweet African musk
and get over on me,
301
00:10:08,925 --> 00:10:12,727
you are subbing
in the wrong school, Shaft.
302
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,438
I can't tell if you like me
or hate me.
303
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,066
I like Biggie.
I hate Diddy.
304
00:10:18,142 --> 00:10:20,443
You don't even register.
305
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,112
Eileen, can we please finish
discussing the budget?
306
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,040
Whoa!
Get out of town.
307
00:10:26,651 --> 00:10:30,078
¶ When I say, "Preheat,"
you say, "Oven" ¶
308
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:31,496
- ¶ Preheat ¶
- ¶ Oven ¶
309
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,089
You're Nasty Delicious!
310
00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:37,418
I'm John Dalton,
Eileen's boss.
311
00:10:37,495 --> 00:10:40,588
I've seen your band, like,
a hundred times.
312
00:10:40,665 --> 00:10:42,131
What are you doing here?
313
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,716
I'm subbing music class
for the week
314
00:10:43,793 --> 00:10:45,852
to try to hook up
with the English teacher.
315
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:49,689
She'd be lucky
to have you.
316
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:52,892
You know, I slap
a little bass.
317
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,018
Bllllaw!
318
00:10:54,095 --> 00:10:56,020
That's tight, Dalts.
319
00:10:56,097 --> 00:10:58,064
Anyway, I look forward
to seeing you Friday
320
00:10:58,141 --> 00:10:59,524
at Back to School Night.
321
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,401
Faculty attendance
is mandatory.
322
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,694
Come on, Eileen.
323
00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,455
Hey, I just got that.
324
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:09,125
- ¶ Preheat ¶
- ¶ Oven ¶
325
00:11:16,075 --> 00:11:17,917
Whoa,
where did you get that?
326
00:11:17,994 --> 00:11:19,544
Took it from
my brother's drawer.
327
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:21,087
Cool.
328
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:23,098
Can I ride the dragon
with you?
329
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,843
I'm not here!
I'm not here!
330
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,511
I'm not here!
331
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,722
What's going on,
Deandre?
332
00:11:30,798 --> 00:11:32,107
Uh, we were just talking
333
00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:34,851
about organizing a study group
for Saturday.
334
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:37,645
With DJ Phone Book?
Not likely.
335
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,231
Who's your tutor gonna be,
Mary Jane?
336
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:41,774
That's not mine.
337
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:42,992
I've never seen that before.
338
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,777
What's wrong with you?
339
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:47,113
You know you could get
kicked out of school for this.
340
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:48,906
Plus, this is
a terrible spot.
341
00:11:48,983 --> 00:11:50,783
You got no cover.
342
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,452
Anybody could have just
walked up on you.
343
00:11:52,528 --> 00:11:54,704
So you gonna tell
the principal?
344
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:55,788
No.
345
00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:56,956
But I am gonna
hang on to this.
346
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,625
That's super cool, Mr. C.
Thanks.
347
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:02,128
And if you were gonna
smoke that,
348
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:03,129
where would you go?
349
00:12:03,206 --> 00:12:04,464
Colorado.
350
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,890
Get your little ass
to class.
351
00:12:10,671 --> 00:12:12,605
Ben, what are you doing here?
352
00:12:12,682 --> 00:12:13,848
How did you get in here?
353
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,108
Oh, I told them
I was Jordan's dad.
354
00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:16,976
- Who's Jordan?
- No idea, man.
355
00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:19,696
It's Chicago; every other kid
in the city is named after MJ.
356
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,732
Yo, I got some amazing news,
big brother.
357
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,150
What's up?
358
00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:25,985
I booked us a gig
in the hottest spot in town.
359
00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:27,120
The Odeon?
360
00:12:27,197 --> 00:12:28,988
The mother-loving Odeon.
361
00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,157
And they gonna pay us
double our quotes.
362
00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:32,200
We got a quote?
363
00:12:32,276 --> 00:12:33,826
We do now, and it's double.
364
00:12:33,903 --> 00:12:37,672
both: ¶ Oh, the Odeon,
the Odeon ¶
365
00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:39,632
¶ What date
do we play? ¶
366
00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:41,626
¶ We play this Friday ¶
367
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,878
[sighs]
368
00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:46,005
Why you stop dancing?
369
00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:49,675
This Friday, it's--I got
this Back to School program.
370
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,676
I got to be here.
371
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,011
Back to So What?
372
00:12:52,088 --> 00:12:53,304
You'll cancel.
373
00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:55,306
Craig, we need the money
from this gig.
374
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,183
We're the most financially
irresponsible musicians
375
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,518
on this planet.
376
00:12:58,594 --> 00:13:00,236
I took a limo here.
377
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,022
Come on, man.
It's the Odeon.
378
00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:04,148
Craig, are you in?
379
00:13:04,225 --> 00:13:07,068
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm in.
380
00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:08,277
Excuse me, B.
381
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:09,278
What up, C?
382
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,279
Can I get a slide?
383
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,247
Most definitely.
384
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,282
both: ¶ Slide, mm, uh ¶
385
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,159
¶ Slide, mm, uh ¶
386
00:13:15,236 --> 00:13:16,628
¶ The Odeon ¶
387
00:13:24,353 --> 00:13:24,426
.
388
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,379
Hey.
389
00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:27,880
Why you tagging the door?
390
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:30,216
The city gives us money
to cover the graffiti.
391
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:31,884
I take the cash
and use it to buy lunches
392
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,219
for kids who can't
afford them.
393
00:13:33,296 --> 00:13:34,512
Oh.
394
00:13:34,589 --> 00:13:35,888
Now I kind of feel like
a dick.
395
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:37,265
Um...this Friday,
396
00:13:37,341 --> 00:13:39,016
I have a gig with my band.
397
00:13:39,093 --> 00:13:40,935
I was wondering if I could
not be here.
398
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,353
What are you, like 40?
399
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:45,273
Around.
400
00:13:45,349 --> 00:13:48,276
You're a substitute teacher
and a part-time musician.
401
00:13:48,352 --> 00:13:50,736
You probably have a roommate,
little or no money,
402
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:56,409
and even with your...
powerful yet sublime physique,
403
00:13:56,485 --> 00:13:58,244
you have no direction.
404
00:13:58,321 --> 00:13:59,495
Go ahead, go.
405
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,205
Go play with
your little boy band,
406
00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:04,041
and I'll cover for you,
Terence Trent Disaster.
407
00:14:04,118 --> 00:14:05,301
Damn.
408
00:14:06,871 --> 00:14:09,889
Okay, place your hands
behind your back.
409
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,053
What the hell was that?
410
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:18,347
I was late.
411
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,933
I give 'em a choice: detention
or a ball to the face.
412
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,977
I call it Face Ball.
413
00:14:23,054 --> 00:14:24,279
Hey, you're not gonna
believe this,
414
00:14:24,355 --> 00:14:25,938
but Victoria's boyfriend
broke up with her.
415
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:27,222
What are you talking about?
416
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,441
I heard a couple teachers
talking about it
417
00:14:28,517 --> 00:14:29,984
in the ladies' bathroom.
418
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,411
I mean, I heard a couple
teachers talking about it.
419
00:14:31,487 --> 00:14:33,070
This could be
my opening.
420
00:14:33,147 --> 00:14:35,281
I could finally make things
right and then some.
421
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,200
But I only got one day left
working with her.
422
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,327
What could I do?
423
00:14:39,403 --> 00:14:41,129
Just leave it to me,
buddy boy.
424
00:14:42,365 --> 00:14:44,081
Check this out.
425
00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:46,959
Our new substitute teacher,
MC Craigy-Craig, is no joke.
426
00:14:47,036 --> 00:14:49,012
He caught me red-handed
but let me slide.
427
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:51,014
He--he really is
one of us.
428
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:55,968
I'm untouchable, like--
like the Teflon Deandre.
429
00:14:56,045 --> 00:14:58,012
What's going on over here?
430
00:14:58,023 --> 00:14:59,272
I was just telling them
431
00:14:59,349 --> 00:15:01,140
how you caught me
with a little weed-weed--
432
00:15:01,217 --> 00:15:02,400
What--come here.
433
00:15:05,262 --> 00:15:07,396
[piano keys bang]
434
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:08,973
Let's get something straight.
435
00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:10,900
What happened yesterday
will never happen again.
436
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:13,194
I know, 'cause I found
a better spot.
437
00:15:13,270 --> 00:15:14,987
You're too young and stupid
to understand
438
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:16,489
you got a second chance?
439
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:19,375
If I played things by the book,
you'd be expelled.
440
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,952
You'd be
just another black kid
441
00:15:21,028 --> 00:15:22,203
thrown out of school
for drugs.
442
00:15:22,279 --> 00:15:24,288
Then what?
Your life is over.
443
00:15:24,365 --> 00:15:26,549
Sometimes you have to play
by the rules.
444
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:27,550
But you don't.
445
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,002
Yeah, and my life is hard.
446
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:31,629
If I catch you again,
447
00:15:31,706 --> 00:15:34,057
I'll make sure you're thrown
out of the school myself.
448
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:35,341
We clear?
449
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:36,467
Yes, sir.
450
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:38,144
Get your little ass
out of here.
451
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:44,934
"Found a better spot."
452
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,986
Kid's a mini me.
453
00:15:54,478 --> 00:15:56,079
What's going on in here?
454
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,905
So listen up, dog.
455
00:15:57,982 --> 00:16:00,324
We got a plan to get you
and Ms. Wavers together.
456
00:16:00,401 --> 00:16:02,284
You got no game.
457
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,087
How do you know about that?
458
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:05,588
Magnum P.E.
459
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,581
He tweets at us, like,
20 times a day.
460
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,376
Yeah, it's like
@TheRealMagnumPE.
461
00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:11,419
Why are you guys doing this?
462
00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,346
One, we owe you.
463
00:16:13,423 --> 00:16:16,007
Two, we think you and Ms. Wavers
are cool.
464
00:16:16,083 --> 00:16:18,175
And three, you got to promise us
"A"s right now.
465
00:16:18,252 --> 00:16:21,554
And four, you are my father.
466
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:23,681
Okay, I'm not promising you
"A"s.
467
00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:26,058
I'm not DJ Phone Book's father.
468
00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,111
But I could use your help.
469
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:29,570
Is that cool?
470
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,525
Yeah.
471
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:37,245
We have a lot of work to do.
472
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:40,698
[school bell rings]
473
00:16:40,775 --> 00:16:41,699
[plays song fragment]
474
00:16:41,776 --> 00:16:43,075
What up, big bro?
475
00:16:43,152 --> 00:16:44,702
Hey, what's up, man?
476
00:16:44,779 --> 00:16:46,328
You know there's a stripper
from Big Booty Bungalow
477
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:47,705
just walking around here,
right?
478
00:16:47,782 --> 00:16:49,632
That's Ashleigh.
She's the math teacher.
479
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,084
Whoo!
Damn shame.
480
00:16:52,161 --> 00:16:55,046
Stripper got to teach
just to make ends meet.
481
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,715
Yo, so I came by
to go over the set list.
482
00:16:57,792 --> 00:16:59,550
Listen...
483
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:00,926
I can't do the gig.
484
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,053
What are you talking about?
485
00:17:02,129 --> 00:17:03,471
Victoria.
486
00:17:03,547 --> 00:17:05,148
Tomorrow's our last day
working together,
487
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,183
and my kids are doing
something amazing for me.
488
00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:11,437
Yo, we promised to never
say the words "my kids."
489
00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:13,147
Craig, you're blowing off
490
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,657
the highest-paid gig
we ever had.
491
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,284
You told me to do this.
492
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:18,652
You told me to be like
jack-in-the-box.
493
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,613
Why would you listen to me?
I'm an idiot.
494
00:17:20,689 --> 00:17:23,115
So don't listen to you now
or don't listen to you then?
495
00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:24,325
Don't listen to me ever.
496
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:26,327
But listen to me.
497
00:17:26,403 --> 00:17:27,578
We need this gig.
498
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,122
I'm sorry, B.
499
00:17:30,199 --> 00:17:32,541
I like it here.
500
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,293
I'm 40.
501
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:36,045
I'm a substitute teacher,
part-time musician.
502
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,464
I got to do something.
503
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,974
There'll be other gigs.
504
00:17:40,051 --> 00:17:42,435
We lose the Odeon
without you.
505
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:47,565
Fine.
506
00:17:47,642 --> 00:17:49,141
Have it your way.
507
00:17:49,218 --> 00:17:51,319
But that 30-foot
inflatable Craig
508
00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:53,738
is gonna look stupid
on stage without you.
509
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:01,245
.
510
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:01,703
(Taylor)
Yeah, I think he's gonna have
a great year.
511
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,781
Thank you so much
for coming.
512
00:18:03,858 --> 00:18:06,325
[music intro playing]
513
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:08,119
Why is that music playing?
514
00:18:08,195 --> 00:18:10,955
This is, like,
my all-time favorite song.
515
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,331
Do you know something
about this?
516
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:13,999
Maybe.
517
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,960
[ Escapade playing]
518
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,211
Oh.
519
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,130
¶ ¶
520
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:21,298
(students)
¶ Escapade ¶
521
00:18:21,375 --> 00:18:23,634
¶ We'll have a good time ¶
522
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,928
¶ Escapade ¶
523
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,805
¶ Leave your worries behind ¶
524
00:18:27,882 --> 00:18:29,807
¶ Escapade ¶
525
00:18:29,884 --> 00:18:31,142
¶ Well, you can be mine ¶
526
00:18:31,218 --> 00:18:32,685
Oh!
527
00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:36,355
(students)
¶ Escapade, escapade ¶
528
00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:38,741
Craig, what is all this?
529
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,318
I'm really sorry
for standing you up at prom.
530
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:44,113
Will you have one dance
with me?
531
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,824
¶ Escapade ¶
532
00:18:46,901 --> 00:18:48,993
¶ ¶
533
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,328
Would you like to dance,
Ashleigh?
534
00:18:51,405 --> 00:18:53,122
Oh, my god, I am so late!
535
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:54,173
Thanks, Samir.
536
00:18:56,911 --> 00:18:59,420
Well, no Bollywood ending
for you, pal.
537
00:18:59,496 --> 00:19:01,264
Do the Magnum.
Do the Magnum.
538
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,340
Do the Magnum.
Do the Magnum.
539
00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:05,885
Do the Magnum.
Do the Magnum. Do the Magnum.
540
00:19:05,961 --> 00:19:08,888
¶ Escapade, escapade ¶
541
00:19:08,964 --> 00:19:11,390
¶ ¶
542
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:14,351
[cheers and applause]
543
00:19:14,428 --> 00:19:16,187
That was amazing.
544
00:19:16,263 --> 00:19:18,030
That was fantastic.
545
00:19:18,107 --> 00:19:20,032
Man, I wish I had
a music teacher like you
546
00:19:20,109 --> 00:19:21,284
when I was in school.
547
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,944
Who are you?
548
00:19:24,021 --> 00:19:26,488
Craig, this is my boyfriend,
Robert.
549
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,032
- Hey.
- Hey.
550
00:19:28,108 --> 00:19:29,241
If we're gonna make
that reservation,
551
00:19:29,318 --> 00:19:30,492
we should probably
get going.
552
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,036
- Yeah.
- I'll be out front.
553
00:19:32,112 --> 00:19:33,713
Just great, man!
554
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,875
Thought you guys
broke up.
555
00:19:37,952 --> 00:19:39,126
Who told you that?
556
00:19:39,203 --> 00:19:40,878
Oh, that doesn't matter,
guys.
557
00:19:40,955 --> 00:19:42,713
What matters is,
this right here,
558
00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,798
this happened.
559
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:46,434
Magnum out.
560
00:19:48,128 --> 00:19:50,888
Craig, this was
beyond sweet.
561
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:52,139
Apology accepted.
562
00:19:52,216 --> 00:19:54,817
- Clean slate?
- Yeah, clean slate.
563
00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:02,816
This was a massive waste
of school resources.
564
00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,276
You killed that!
565
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:06,070
I've never seen kids
more engaged
566
00:20:06,146 --> 00:20:07,747
at a school function.
567
00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:10,449
What do I have to do
to get you here full-time?
568
00:20:10,526 --> 00:20:12,201
Supervisor Dalton,
don't you think we should--
569
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:15,338
Woman, are you high?
570
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:19,842
So what about it, Craig?
Will you join us?
571
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,347
Okay, I'm in.
572
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:28,092
This place just got
a whole lot funkier.
573
00:20:28,168 --> 00:20:30,228
Brrw!
574
00:20:32,256 --> 00:20:34,098
As long as you take care
of your kids,
575
00:20:34,174 --> 00:20:36,150
we're gonna get along
just fine.
576
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,322
I've got my eye on you,
Billy Dee.
577
00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:46,110
Say hello to your new
full-time music teacher.
578
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,163
[cheers and applause]
579
00:20:52,901 --> 00:20:58,122
[R&B music]
580
00:20:58,198 --> 00:21:01,208
¶ When I say, "Micro,"
you say, "Wave" ¶
581
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:03,127
- ¶ Micro ¶
- You suck!
582
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,471
[music stops]
583
00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:09,300
What the hell is all this?
584
00:21:09,376 --> 00:21:11,093
Craig, what you doing here?
585
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,970
So we cool?
586
00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:14,438
Hell, yeah.
587
00:21:16,892 --> 00:21:18,276
Y'all ready to party?
588
00:21:18,352 --> 00:21:20,519
[cheers and applause]
589
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:23,063
I hope your ears are 18,
590
00:21:23,140 --> 00:21:25,199
'cause they're about
to get sound-banged.
591
00:21:25,276 --> 00:21:27,401
One, two, three, four!
592
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,869
¶ ¶
46009
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