All language subtitles for South Park Season 6 Episode 3 Freak Strike

I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks
without temptation.

Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.

Ample parking day or night.

People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"

Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy!

Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.

Today on
"The Maury Povich Show"...

These poor, unfortunate people

all have horrible
disfigurements.

And you won't believe how we
exploit them for your amusement!

That sounds pretty good.

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

Hey, Kenny!

Mrph rmhmhm rm.

That's awesome, Kenny.

Now, gosh darn it, fellas,
my name's not Kenny.

- Kenny's dead.
- Okay, not-Kenny.

I'm not gonna wear this coat
anymore neither.

I should be able to be
you guys' friend

without wearing
Kenny's old coat.

Be quiet, not-Kenny.

The Maury Povich freak show
is on.

All right, then.

Our next guest is a little girl

who was born
without a midsection.

Please welcome Damla Jones.

Hello, Maury!

Oh, sick, dude!

You're a very brave little girl,
and I'm very proud of you.

Thank you.

Can you tell the audience
how miserable your life is?

Uh, yes, it is.

You're a cutie.

Do the other kids at school
sometimes make fun of you?

Sometimes.

Do people sometimes stare
at you?

Sometimes.

Do they go, "Oh, gross.
What the hell is that thing"?

Um, I don't know.

Well, your mommy told us
you like to listen to music.

Yes.

Well, guess what, Damla.

We're gonna give you
a $300 gift certificate

to CD World in Torrance!

All right, everyone.
Stay tuned.

Because next
we're gonna meet a woman

whose head was smashed in
on a logger.

And we're gonna give her
a makeover!

This is terrible, dude.

Maury Povich parades these
poor people around on his show

like carnival freaks

and then gives them prizes
at the end as if to justify it.

What a dick.

Dude, one of us should make up
some disease

and get on "The Maury Povich
Show" so we can get a prize.

- Cool!
- Oh, yes!

That'd be awesome.

Do you think they'll believe it?

- What disease should we say?
- Shh. Be quiet, you guys.

Hello.
Is this Maury Povich?

Well, who the hell are you?

Well, I'm calling about your ad
for freaks.

Right.
I mean people with disabilities.

Yeah, I have a friend.
He has a deformity.

I think he'd be perfect
for your show.

Great!

His condition?

Uh, he has a condition
called Chin-Ball-Alitis.

Yes, his balls actually hang
from his chin.

S-Shut up, you guys.

Yes.

Yes. Of course.
He's very upset about it.

Yes, he cries all the time.
Miserable. Uh-huh.

- You wa... Really?
- What?

Dude, they say they'll
fly him out day after tomorrow!

- Awesome!
- Cool!

Yes, I'm sure I can convince him
to come on the show.

There will, of course,
be a prize involved?

Great.
I'll call you back in an hour.

No.
Thank you.

Yes!

- This is gonna be so funny!
- It sure is!

But how are we gonna get
the balls put on Butters' chin?

Yeah, how are we gonna...
Wait. Butters' chin?

- Yeah.
- But that's me.

- I'm Butters.
- We know.

You're the one doing it,
Butters.

Who'd you think
we were talking about?

Well, hold on just a second,
you guys.

Hey, I know how we get the balls
on Butters' chin.

Those Star Trek dorks
down the street.

They're always making
crazy masks

and special effects
for their dumb movies.

- Hang on, now.
- Yeah!

I'll bet they could make
a fake set of balls.

- Come on, Butters!
- Wait!

- Why does it have to be me?
- It has to be you, Butters.

- Think about it.
- Yeah.

But, fellas, if I go
on "Maury Povich"

with...
With my balls on my chin,

my parents are gonna be
really mad.

We'll just tell your parents

we're going on a camping trip
with my parents.

- They'll never know.
- I'm sorry.

But the answer is unh-unh.

Kenny would've done it.

So? I told you guys before.
I'm not Kenny.

We know.
Believe me, we know.

We're reminded every day
that you're not Kenny,

because Kenny was cool.

Yeah. God, I wish Kenny
was still alive.

He'd put balls on his chin.

He was such an awesome friend.

Well, come on, guys.

If Butters won't even put balls
on his chins for us,

I guess we know where we stand.

Yeah.

Aw, gee whiz.

You... You promise
my mom and dad won't find out?

Now, we're going to apply
the latex with some spirit gum.

That spirit gum
sure is stinky.

Where'd you get the balls from?

We made a plastic mold
of his chin

and then made a latex scrotum
and put two golf balls inside.

Nice.

Now we just blend
the skin tones,

add a little hair, and presto!

That looks awesome!

Oh, I feel silly.

They look great on you, Butters.
They really do.

I believe you owe us payment
now.

All right. The original Avid cut
of "Star Wars: Episode One."

- Wow!
- They weren't lying!

Why the hell
would they want that anyway?

"Episode One" sucked balls.

Yeah, it sucked
hairy Butters' chin balls.

Hey!
Stop it, man!

Gay Air flight 243
with service to New York

now ready for general boarding.

- That's your flight, Butters.
- Here's your ticket.

They're gonna have a car waiting
for you at the gate in New York.

Wait.
You guys aren't coming with me?

Hell no, dude. Then we couldn't
watch you on TV.

Hold on a minute, guys.
I've changed my mind.

I don't want to go.

God, isn't Butters awesome
for doing this, you guys?

Yeah, he sure is.

Doing all this
to bring us back a prize.

What a great friend.

Butt-ers! Butt-ers!

All right, then.
See you guys tomorrow.

Thanks for coming
on the show, kid.

Maury is very excited
to meet you.

This is the greenroom,
where you can hang out

with the other guests
until we call for you on set.

Boy With Balls on Chin,
this is Man With Foot on Head,

Girl With Rapid Aging Disease,
Disfigured Country Singer,

and Man with No Face.

Wow. Scooped-Out-Face Guy.
I've seen you on TV before.

Yes.
This is my sixth appearance.

I'll come back in a bit, folks.

Hey, Roger,

what the hell is with these
horrible veggie platters?

Yeah. We told you last time
we want fresher vegetables.

I'm sorry. This is
what the studio provides.

Just take a seat on the couch,
kid.

I'll be back in a minute.

Boy With Balls on His Chin.

Haven't seen you around.

How long you been
on the circuit?

- What circuit?
- The talk-show circuit.

Don't tell us
this is your first one.

Well, yeah.

You've all done it
more than once?

"Oprah" two times,
"Jenny Jones" once,

"Sally Jessy" five times.

You've only done "Jenny" once?

Oh, I hate doing
"The Jenny Jones Show".

They don't even have
their own hair people.

I'm doing "Jenny" tomorrow.

Yeah. You picked a good show
to do first, kid.

But you need to learn the ropes.

There are a lot of people
like you all over the country,

and we all do talk shows
for a living.

We all know each other

and we all
kind of stick together

to make sure our industry
is protected.

Yeah, like when someone lies
about being a freak.

Oh, they... they do, huh?

Yeah, they'll make up
a fake condition

to go on these shows
and then take our money away.

We don't take kindly to that.

I can certainly see why.

It's okay.
Folks don't do it anymore.

Not after they saw what we did
to Lobster Boy.

Lobster Boy?

Yeah, Lobster Boy
used to make appearances

on all the talk shows.

He was one of the most popular
disfigured people on TV.

But then one day,
we all found out

that Lobster Boy
wasn't a real freak at all.

He was just an actual lobster.

Lying sack of crap.

- So you know what we did to him?
- What?

One night,
all us freaks got together,

and we boiled him alive.

Now Lobster Boy is no more.

Oh. Yeah, I hate when people
fake conditions, too.

Those stupid fakers.

We're glad you agree.

Okay, Boy With Balls
on His Chin.

You're up next.

Oh, Jesus.
See me through this.

Today on
"The Maury Povich Show,"

we bring back some of
our favorite disfigured people

and introduce you
to some new ones.

- Here he comes!
- This is gonna be awesome!

Our next guest suffers
from a rare birth defect

which caused his testicles and
scrotum to grow from his chin.

Testicles and scrotum!

Please welcome 8 1/2-year-old
Napoleon Bonaparte

from South Park, Colorado.

Thanks so much
for coming on our show.

Oh, that's okay, I-I suppose.

So is it tough being...
different?

Uh, yeah.

And do all the kids at school
make fun of you?

They sure do!

They always say to me,
"Butters, you're not Kenny."

But I never said I was Kenny.

They say Kenny would do this
and Kenny would do that.

- Uh-oh. We're losing him.
- I'm tired of it.

You hear me, fellas?

Kenny's dead, and you just
have to deal with it.

Uh, yeah, but I mean, do the
kids at school make fun of you

because of your condition?

What condition?

You have balls
that hang off your chin.

I do?!

I-I mean yeah, I do.

Uh, yeah, the kids at school
make fun of me for that.

- Whew!
- That was close.

What names do they call you
at school?

Oh, well, um, I guess
they call me, uh, Chin Ball Boy

and, uh, Ball Chin Boy.

When I'm walking, they'll say,
"Hey, there goes Chin Balls."

And do they call you "freak"
and... and "weirdo"?

Uh, yeah, I suppose.

And do they point at you
and laugh?

Do they make you wish
you'd never been born,

make you wish to put an end

to the whole miserable,
wretched earth?

Uh, sure.

Well, Napoleon,
we have a surprise for you.

- Wait. Here it is. Here it is.
- The presents!

Because you are such a brave
little chin-balled man,

we're gonna send you
directly from this studio

to the world's largest putt-putt
golf course in the world!

Oh, really?

Did he say the largest putt-putt
golf course in the world?

Go on. You're going right now.

But that's not fair.

That means Butters gets to go
and we don't.

Yeah!
We thought of the whole thing.

Oh! Once again, Butters
is trying to screw us over!

That asshole!

Hello.
Is this "The Maury Povich Show"?

Yes. Hello.

I'm calling because I saw
your television program,

and I also have balls
hanging from my chin.

I'd like to come talk about
my disorder and perhaps get

a free trip to the largest
putt-putt course in the world.

I'm sorry, but we're done
doing freak shows for now.

We're looking for people
for a new topic.

What's the new topic?

"Please Help
my Out-of-Control Child."

Hey, I'm out of control.

Really?

Is your mother in tears
every day

- over how disobedient you are?
- Uh, sure!

Does she worry about you
doing drugs and having sex

at such a young age?

Yeah! Sure! I-I do crack
and potpourri and g-greasies.

Well, that's great.

If you can get your mom
to come with you,

we'd love to fly you out.

My... My mom?

Mom.

Yes, sweetie?

Could you do me a favor?

What's that, my little man?

Could you, um, go on
"The Maury Povich Show" with me

and say that I'm out of control
and do drugs and have sex

so I can go to the largest

putt-putt golf course
in the world?

Hmm. But you're not
out of control, muffin.

You're my perfect
little gumdrop.

I'm just asking you to lie
for me.

- You love me, don't you?
- Of course I do.

Oh, I have such a pretty mother,
such a wonderful mother.

- Sweetie, don't.
- Then it's settled.

Oh, I've got
such a great mother,

such a beautiful mother.

Just what did you think
you were doing, Butters?

Not only did you lie to us

and say you were on a camping
trip with Kyle's family.

You made a fool of yourself
and us on national television.

I'm sorry, Mom.

Well, sorry isn't gonna make it
this time, mister.

You know, your grandmother saw
the show and had a mild stroke.

Oh, gee. I-I didn't mean
to almost kill Grandma.

I promise I'll never go on TV
with balls on my chin again.

Ugh. You better believe
you won't, buster.

Your father and I
have to leave now

to visit Grandma
in the hospital.

But you can just take
those balls off your chin

and march right up to your room.

Yes, ma'am.

Serves me right.

Putting balls on my chin
and lying about it.

Why, I should be grounded
for a month.

Why do I do these things?
Why can't I behave myself?

Hey, Butters, those other
freak people from the show

- were just here looking for you.
- Oh, Jesus! They were?

Yeah.
They wanted to find you bad.

Oh, God.
What'd you tell them?

I told them where to find you.

What?!
Why the heck would you do that?

They want to kill me
for not being a real freak.

Well, it serves you right
for screwing us over.

Oh, Jesus, no!

They've come to boil me alive,
just like Lobster Boy.

I got to get out of here.

Wait! I can't go anywhere.
I'm grounded.

Oh, Christ!
What a pickle!

Napoleon?

Napoleon Bonaparte?

I think he's up here.

Oh, hello, folks.
What's the problem?

There you are,
Boy With Balls on His Chin.

We've got big news.
The union is striking.

The union?
Oh, that's why you came?

We're tired
of our crappy prizes,

so the union president,

Man With Terrible
Skin Condition,

has told us
to round everyone up.

Oh, I can't freak-strike,
fellas.

I-I'm grounded.

Grounded for what?

For having balls on my... Aah!
I mean nothing.

I'm not grounded.

Good.
Then you can march with us.

- Freaks of the world...
- Unite!

Today on "Maury Povich,"

these moms don't know what to do
with their out-of-control kids.

Young boys and girls so whorish
on our show

that it borders
on child pornography!

We're here talking with moms

who think their children
are out of control.

Now, Vanessa here says that her
13-year-old daughter, Vanity,

is already doing drugs
and having sex with older men.

Vanessa, what does Vanity say
to you

when you tell her to do
her homework?

She says she hates me.

She... She calls me "retard".

Then she says my cooze is all
dried up and nobody wants it.

Well, let's bring her out.
Here's Vanity!

Whatever.
Whatever.

You fucking cocksuckers
don't know shit.

Fuck you!

Wow. Vanity, you are really
an out-of-control teen.

Whatever!

Maury, my mom don't know shit.
You can aks her.

I aks all my homies
if they be down with it.

You know, it's all good.
Shit.

Fuck you, cocksuckers!

Geez. That girl is pissed off.

Okay. Cartman family,
you're on in two minutes.

Why can't you just listen to me
and love me and...

Shut up!

Shut the fuck up,
you dried-up skank!

I'm glad you're not like that,
poopsy-kins.

But if I'm not
the most out-of-control teen,

I might not win the prize.

Excuse me.
I want to make a quick change.

Where's wardrobe?

Second door on the right.

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike!

Brothers and sisters, the time
has come for us to be treated

with the respect we deserve!

We're a strong and diverse group
of people,

with members like
Woman With Crablike Body,

Incredibly Obese Black Person,
Man With Brains Outside of Head,

and Liza Minnelli.

The talk shows have us on and
give us little gifts and perks

while they make
tens of thousands of dollars!

We told the talk shows
our demands, and they laughed!

They say they can get
plenty of other stupid guests

to go on their shows,

so we must picket
those other guests.

Oh, guys, I-I need to go.
I can't picket, guys.

You're not gonna picket?

Who's not gonna picket?

Boy With Balls on Chin
doesn't want to picket.

It's just that my parents are...
I can't picket.

Why?
You're not a scab, are you?

No, I'm not a scab.

Now, we will split up into
groups and form picket lines.

The first group will be led
by Incredibly Obese Black Man.

Excuse me. I'm not
Incredibly Obese Black Man.

I'm Incredibly Black Obese Man.

Oh. Right.
My bad.

And now back to more kids
who are out of control,

on "The Maury Povich Show"!

Our next mother
is Liane Cartman.

Her son claims to be the most
out-of-control kid in the world

and says there's nothing
his stupid mom can do about it.

Why won't you kids behave?!

- Oh!
- Shut up, skank!

He's not talking to you!

So, Ms. Cartman,
you can't control your child?

Oh, my little poopsy-kins gets
into no-nos once in a while,

but he's still my perfect
little sumpsy-kittles.

Well, your son made a video backstage.
Let's take a look.

Maury, I am out of control.

Yeah, I use drugs.
I can do what I want, bitch.

Yeah, I have sex,
and I don't use protection.

It's my hot body.
I'll do what I want.

I don't go to school,
and I kill people.

Whatever!
I'll do what I want.

Oh, he's such a cutie.

Well, let's bring him out.
Here's Eric Cartman!

Whatever!
Whatever!

Maury, my mom can't control me.
Aks her!

Go on.
Aks her!

Ms. Cartman, what does
your son like to do?

Ooh, he loves playing with his
Clyde Frog and Wellington Bear.

Mom, we're pretending, remember?
Sex and drugs.

I mean sex and drugs.

Whatever! Whatever!

I'll do what I want!

Oh, whatever.
You ain't tough, ho.

I run with gangs.

Oh, yeah?
I run with 12 gangs.

And we only commit hate crimes.

Whatever!
I'll do what I want!

Whatever!

You ain't bad.
You ain't nothing.

I ditch class and go shoot
heroin in the school bathroom.

Whatever!
I ran for Congress and won.

Then I had sex with an intern,
killed her, and hid her body.

Whatever!
I'll do what I want!

- What do we want?
- Better prizes!

- When do we want them?
- Now!

- What do we want?
- Better prizes.

- When do we want them?
- Now, I guess.

Sir, I really got to go home.

My parents are gonna be sore
at me.

Napoleon, you need to understand
something.

For you a union to work,
all members must be prepared

to make sacrifices
and stick together.

But I got to get back
to my family.

We're your family too, Napoleon.
We're like you.

When we look at you,

we don't even see
the testicles on your chin.

We see the testicles
in your heart.

- What do we want?
- Better prizes!

- When do we want them?
- Now!

Oh, hamburgers.
This just keeps getting worse.

Okay, folks.
We're gonna have to move along.

Why? We're a union,
and we have a right to picket.

I'm sorry,

but the government does not
recognize you as a union.

You'll have to go.

What are you saying?

That because of our appearance,

our organization
is less important?

Now, now, now,
I'm not telling you people

that your union doesn't matter.

I'm just telling you
that you're not really people.

All right.
That does it.

It's time to bring out
the big guns.

Prepare the video sabotage.

Oh, no.
Not the video sabotage.

Who is the most
out-of-control child?

We're back with Maury.

We're here talking with moms

who think their children
are out of control.

Whatever!

I slaughtered five baby seals
with my bare hands.

Whatever!
I'll do what I want!

Now let's meet Joline.

Joline says that her daughter
is also out of control,

that she's flirting
with older men...

And she's only four months old.

That's right, Maury.

Let's bring her out.
Here's Chantal!

So, Joline, exactly how
is your daughter out of control?

You say she flirts
with older men?

Maury, it's like this.

Whenever I have friends
over to the house,

Chantal will come waltzing
into the living room

completely naked!

Whatever.
I helped in a drive-by shooting.

Whatever!

I digitally put Jabba the Hutt

back into the original
"Star Wars" movie.

I'll do what I want!

That is out of control.

Why, just last night,

I had three gentleman callers
over to my house,

and Chantal took her clothes off
right in front of everybody!

You see? There she goes.
There she goes.

Whore!
You goddamn whore!

Attention, "Maury" viewers.

What the hell is this?

A lot of decent,
hardworking freaks in America

are losing their talk-show jobs
to freaks of a different nature.

Sure, everyone in this great
country of ours is a freak.

But true, physically deformed
freaks must be recognized,

for it is these real freaks
that make you all feel better

about yourselves
for not being one.

So next time
you're watching television,

make sure it's a show
with freak freaks

and not just with people
that are freaks

because they're stupid
trailer trash from the South.

That's what we mean when we say
look for the True Freak label.

Look for
the True Freak label.

When you are watching
a TV talk show.

Remember somewhere
a union's growing.

Our wages going
to feed the kids.

And run the house.

We work hard.

But who's complaining?

With TFU,
we're making our way.

So always look for
the True Freak label.

Because you need us
right here in the USA.

Uh, sorry, America.
A little glitch there.

Anyway...
They're right.

We should've never crossed
that picket line.

Come on, honey.

Wait. Wait.
Come back!

Maybe we can make
the other out-of-control kids

take their clothes off, too.

Whatever!
I'll crap in Maury's pants!

Sir, the ratings
have just started to plummet.

Those damn freaks!

I gave you shoes and groceries!

And this is how you repay me?

Very well.

Come upstairs
and... we'll negotiate.

We did it!
The strike worked!

Now we can go on
with our careers.

Oh, thank God that's over.

Now I can get back home.

Butters, you have screwed me out
of a prize for the last time!

Oh, double hamburgers.

Jesus Christ!

That out-of-control kid

ripped poor Napoleon's balls
right off!

Get him!

Boil him!

Hey, things actually turned out
okay for me this time.

Butters!

Oh, I know.