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1
00:00:09,969 --> 00:00:12,072
Thanks for having us all over
for dinner, Chris and Linda.
2
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,639
Yes. It was fabulous.
3
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,516
Oh, we're just really happy
that your boys
4
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,577
have become such good friends
with our little Butters.
5
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,997
Yeah! We figured that if our boys
are gonna be great friends,
6
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,814
we should all get to be friends,
too.
7
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:23,941
Friends by default.
8
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,819
Our boys do seem to be spending
a lot of time together lately.
9
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,155
I think ever since
their friend Kenny died,
10
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,174
they've been looking for someone
to fill the void.
11
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,825
Well, our son
is a perfect void-filler.
12
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,910
It's nice
that he finally has your sons
13
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,495
to be his best buddies.
14
00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,373
Look, you guys.
Butters is asleep.
15
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,499
He's such a douchebag.
16
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,060
Hey, have you guys
ever seen this trick?
17
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,837
When someone's sleeping, you can
take a glass of warm water.
18
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,256
And you put their hand in it.
19
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,257
Yeah?
And then what?
20
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,634
And then you pee on 'em.
21
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,365
No, dude, you're supposed to put
their hand in warm water
22
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,682
and it makes them pee.
23
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,600
Oh, really?
24
00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:59,518
Oh, well.
25
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:00,686
And we were thinking
26
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,491
since they've all become
such close friends
27
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,815
how great it would be for us
to all go together to Aspen
28
00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:06,067
for a ski weekend.
29
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,903
Aspen?
Uh, we can't really afford that.
30
00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:10,905
You see, Linda and I found
this ad
31
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,282
where you can get two nights
free in a condo in Aspen
32
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,576
if you attend
a time-share presentation.
33
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16,911
They let you stay for free?
34
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,264
Yes! And all we have to do
is attend a 30-minute meeting.
35
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,582
Well, that sounds like
a good deal.
36
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,501
Sounds good to me.
Let's go this weekend.
37
00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,003
Oh, boy. Skiing in Aspen.
I can't wait.
38
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,049
Hey, boys, we're all going
to Aspen for the weekend.
39
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,175
All right!
40
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,011
Wow! A ski trip
with my new best buddies!
41
00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,931
Oh, I'm all sticky.
42
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,851
Here we are, everyone.
43
00:02:11,841 --> 00:02:13,134
Oh, this is gonna be
so much fun.
44
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,261
I haven't skied in years.
45
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,638
- Where are Butters and Eric?
- They're still asleep.
46
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,391
Butters, Eric, come on!
We got to get to the powder.
47
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,896
Hello, folks!
I'm Phil, and this is Josh.
48
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,249
We're with the Aspen
Time-Share Company.
49
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:28,273
Hello!
50
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,984
You folks enjoying the condo?
51
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:31,360
It's lovely.
Thank you.
52
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,987
You guys, you guys.
53
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,881
You're not gonna believe this.
This is so funny.
54
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:35,905
What?
55
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,075
So, last night
while Butters was asleep,
56
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,243
I gave him a Hitler.
57
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,578
- What's a Hitler?
- You know!
58
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,639
When somebody's sleeping,
you put your finger up your butt
59
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,863
and wipe it on their upper lip
60
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,541
to give them
a little Hitler mustache.
61
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,876
You've never Hitlered anyone?
62
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,085
No, I never have.
63
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,210
Here he comes.
64
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,964
Good morning, fellas!
All set to go skiing?
65
00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,302
Uh, what's so funny?
66
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,387
Nothing, Butters.
Right, guys?
67
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,805
Well, we can't wait to show you
68
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,807
what Aspen Time-Share
is offering investors.
69
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,267
Shall we do
our 30-minute meeting?
70
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,227
Do we have to do it right now?
71
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,479
Well, best to do it
and get it out of the way.
72
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,189
Okay.
73
00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:11,108
Boys, we have to go
to this time-share presentation real quick,
74
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,652
but you go meet your ski
instructor on the bunny hill.
75
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:14,653
Okay.
76
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,072
We'll meet you boys
on the slopes.
77
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,158
- Hey, do you guys smell that?
- Smell what?
78
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,535
Uh, it kind of smells stinky
in this condo.
79
00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:24,914
I don't smell anything.
Do you guys?
80
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,760
Do you guys smell that?
It smells bad out here, too.
81
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,113
I'm starting to think this
whole town smells like doo-doo.
82
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,890
Yeah. Well, you see,
that's why they call it Ass-pen.
83
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,786
All right, little dudes.
Great to see you out here.
84
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,686
My name is Thumper,
85
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,730
and I'm gonna be
your cool ski instructor.
86
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,855
His name is Thumper?
87
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,375
We're gonna take it slow,
take it easy,
88
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,360
make sure everybody has
a good time.
89
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:58,489
'Cause what is skiing about?
Having a good...
90
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408
...time.
That's right.
91
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,494
Now, just a few safety things
to keep in mind.
92
00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,459
First of all, look
straight ahead when you ski.
93
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,890
If you look down,
you're gonna fall.
94
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,249
You're gonna have a bad time.
95
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,875
Also, be aware of skiers
around you.
96
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,320
If you run into another skier,
your skis are gonna cross...
97
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,754
Gonna have a bad time.
98
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,756
So where's the part
where we have a good time?
99
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,883
Hey, little dude,
you got some crap right here.
100
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,593
That's my face, sir.
101
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,387
We're gonna do this
without any poles
102
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:24,348
until we know
our two primary feet positions.
103
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,518
To go slow,
we wedge our skis together
104
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,104
in the shape
of a slice of pizza.
105
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,232
Then to go faster,
we put them parallel like...
106
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,233
french fries.
107
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,192
You see that?
108
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,695
Pizza... french fries...
109
00:04:37,820 --> 00:04:39,613
Pizza... french fries.
110
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,199
Hey, this is gonna be
just like eating at Shakey's,
111
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,117
huh, fellas?
112
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,242
Let's have the little dude
on the end try it first.
113
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,997
- What's your name?
- I-I-Ike!
114
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:49,873
Okay, Mike.
Ski down to me.
115
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,793
Go on, Ike.
116
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,795
Pizza.
117
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,630
French fries.
118
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,425
Pizza.
French fries.
119
00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,343
French fri-i-i-es!
120
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,388
Pizza-a-a-a!
121
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:07,181
Okay.
You see what he did?
122
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,143
He french-fried
when he should have pizzaed.
123
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,104
You french-fry when you pizza,
you're gonna have a bad time.
124
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,233
And so we think
we can convince you
125
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,526
to buy one of our condos
126
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,653
that's opening right here
in Phase IV.
127
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,323
That sounds like
a great investment opportunity.
128
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,128
I'm sorry, but none of us
can really afford
129
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,951
to own our own vacation condo.
130
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,756
To be honest,
we're just doing this meeting
131
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,538
because of the two-nights-free
deal.
132
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,248
Oh, I know.
That's what everybody says.
133
00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,666
"Not me.
I can't afford it."
134
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,044
But what if I told you could own
one of our properties
135
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,628
for only $8,000?
136
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,007
For $8,000 we can buy a condo
here?
137
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,343
You see, time-share means
you buy the condo
138
00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,636
with about 20 other people
like yourselves.
139
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:46,930
You share the condo
with other investors
140
00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:49,058
and pick the time
you want to stay.
141
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,894
"Share," "time"...
Time-share!
142
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,937
So then it's not really ours.
143
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440
Sure it is...
1/24th and a half yours.
144
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,125
You see, time-share
has made it possible
145
00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,860
for even working-class people
like you
146
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,571
to say, "I've got
a little place in Aspen."
147
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,490
Try it.
Try saying it.
148
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,241
"I've got a little place
in Aspen."
149
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,327
I've got a little place
in Aspen.
150
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,162
Rolls off the tongue nicely,
doesn't it?
151
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,831
Say, guys, how you'd like
to tell that hot secretary,
152
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,792
"I've got a nice little place
in Aspen"?
153
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,877
Just kidding, wives.
154
00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:18,754
Listen.
Uh, it's been 30 minutes.
155
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,631
We'd like to go hit the slopes
now.
156
00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,567
You've still got to come
to the time-share luncheon.
157
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,635
We did give you
a free condo for the weekend.
158
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,179
Your ad said we only had to
attend a 30-minute meeting.
159
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,722
Right, but this isn't
that meeting.
160
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,057
The luncheon is that meeting.
161
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,058
Don't worry.
162
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,644
You're gonna have a great
free meal at the luncheon.
163
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,606
French fries.
Pizza.
164
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,731
French fries.
165
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:39,942
Come on, Cartman!
166
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,777
No more.
167
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,115
Looks like you think you're
a pretty good skier, huh, kid?
168
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,783
I'm catching on pretty fast,
I guess.
169
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,410
I've been skiing for 22 years.
170
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,036
Think you can beat me?
171
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,204
Uh, no.
172
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,664
What's your name, hotshot?
173
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:54,665
Stan Marsh.
174
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,500
Stan Marsh?
175
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:59,128
Stan Darsh is more like it.
176
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671
Darsh.
177
00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,214
All right.
How about a race, then?
178
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,632
You and me.
179
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,758
Dude, I'm just learning.
180
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:12,182
Looks to me like you're not
such a hotshot after all.
181
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,308
I never said I was.
182
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,461
You may think you got
what it takes,
183
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:20,399
but as long as I'm around,
you'll always be number two.
184
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,693
See you later, Darsh.
185
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,078
And that is why owning
a piece of an Aspen condo
186
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,246
is not only possible...
187
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,789
It's downright smart.
188
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:40,294
Oh, here it is, as promised...
A fabulous free lunch.
189
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,379
Filet mignon and lobster.
190
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:43,839
Not bad.
191
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,966
It's nice to feel rich,
isn't it?
192
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843
Oh, you know,
this is really great.
193
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,012
It sure is.
194
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,016
- What?
- Wait.
195
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,477
You see, that's the great thing
about time-share...
196
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,937
You get a little taste
of luxuries you can't afford.
197
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,315
And then share it with
the people that come tomorrow.
198
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,650
All right. We've been here
for over three hours.
199
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,652
Yeah.
Can we go now, please?
200
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:07,529
Of course you can.
Go hit those slopes.
201
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,090
If you could,
please show me the backs
202
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,575
of your table place cards
real quick.
203
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,536
Oh, my God!
You got the red sticker!
204
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,806
- They got the red sticker?
- They got the red sticker!
205
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,915
What's the red sticker?
206
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,501
Well, that means if you come up
to the condo sales office,
207
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,544
you'll receive one
of three great prizes.
208
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,669
No, no, no, no, no.
209
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,315
We did your meeting
and we did your lunch.
210
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,423
We're finished, okay?
211
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426
Okay. Okay. Fine. I mean,
it would only take a second.
212
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,178
But, I mean,
what did we do for you
213
00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,764
except give you a free condo
for the weekend?
214
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,641
Seems like you could just
at least come up
215
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,309
and see what prize you got.
216
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,606
Oh, all right!
217
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,072
- Pizza.
- French fries.
218
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,197
- French fries.
- Pizza.
219
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,242
- French fries. Pizza.
- Pizza to French fries.
220
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,205
I wonder where our parents are.
221
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,290
Who cares?
I'm having more fun on my own.
222
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,877
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Stan Darsh.
223
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:04,795
Oh, no.
224
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,297
Say, Darsh, you don't mind
if I take Heather out
225
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,966
for some fondue tonight, do you?
226
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,217
Heather?
227
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,262
Sorry, Stan, it's just
that when it comes to skiing,
228
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,930
Tad has all the right moves.
229
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,598
I just might show her
my moves tonight,
230
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,058
if you know what I mean.
231
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,383
You aren't mad, are you, Stan?
232
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,646
I mean, a girl's got to look out
for her best interests.
233
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,065
Who are you people?
234
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,650
Still don't want to race me?
235
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,610
I told you he was chicken,
Heather.
236
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,947
Stan Marsh the Darsh.
237
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:32,906
All right, dude.
238
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,425
If I race you,
will you leave me alone?
239
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,326
Oooh!
240
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,536
All right.
Fine.
241
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,163
You and me at the summit.
Now.
242
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,331
Okay.
243
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,375
- Race! Race!
- Race! Race!
244
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168
Ladies and gentlemen,
245
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:48,922
Aspen Mountain presents
another extreme racing showdown.
246
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:52,092
Seven-time world Aspen champion
Tad Mikowski
247
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:55,220
versus eight-year-old
Stan Marsh!
248
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,974
You're going down, little boy.
249
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,392
Yeah, probably.
250
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,394
Do you think Stan has a chance?
251
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,568
Uh, go, Stan!
252
00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,782
French fries.
Pizza.
253
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,076
French fries.
Pizza.
254
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,120
He's got him!
Tad's gonna win it!
255
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:30,297
Yeah! Yeaahh!
256
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,135
Yeah!
You lose, Darsh!
257
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:40,931
Yeah!
258
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,602
Uh, Stan, y-you gave it
your best shot,
259
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,103
and that's all Jesus asks
of you.
260
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,509
Dude, I'm just happy this
whole stupid thing is over with.
261
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,942
No hard feelings, right, Darsh?
262
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,738
Yeah!
263
00:10:56,448 --> 00:11:00,619
Stan, for whatever it's worth,
I think you were really brave.
264
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,787
Thanks.
Who are you?
265
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,121
Hey, all the cool teens
266
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,499
are gonna be at the youth center
tonight for a dance.
267
00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709
I hope you'll come,
because you're just so...
268
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,379
Well, you're just so...
Well, that's all!
269
00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:13,757
Finally, we get to go skiing.
270
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,301
Oh, my God. Look how long
the lift lines are.
271
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,012
Yeah. I guess these passes
the time-share salesmen gave us
272
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,222
will come in handy.
273
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:22,933
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
274
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,309
We have the special passes
275
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,104
to use the exclusive lift
from the time-share company.
276
00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:28,772
Go right on ahead, folks.
277
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,482
Thank you.
278
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,860
Well, this certainly is nice.
279
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,630
Yeah, we may not have gotten to ski
earlier,
280
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:38,073
but with this lift, we'll get
more runs in than anybody.
281
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,909
Have fun waiting in line,
suckers!
282
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,285
- Whoo-hoo!
- Oh, Chris.
283
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,540
Hey, look. This chair lift
goes right into a building.
284
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,209
Welcome back, folks.
285
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,213
We've got a special new offer
we can't wait to tell you about.
286
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,798
Oh, God damn it!
287
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,259
Dude, it's been 12 hours.
288
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,052
Where the hell are our parents?
289
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,683
I'm glad you guys came.
Do you like our youth center?
290
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,184
Seems fine.
291
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,186
Yeah.
Too bad we're getting shut down.
292
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,898
That hotshot skier Tad's father
is gonna bulldoze the building.
293
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,734
Where are all us kids
supposed to go?
294
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,402
Don't care.
F-F-F-F.
295
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,654
E-E-E-E, T-T-T-T, Y-Y-Y-Y
296
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,539
- What do you want to do now?
- I don't know.
297
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,491
Safety dance
Let's dance.
298
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:29,416
Butters, I hate you
with every inch of my body.
299
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,252
All right, Aspen,
as a special treat tonight,
300
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,255
we're proud to have the winner
of today's race, Tad Mikowski!
301
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,551
Oh, God.
Hey, everyone.
302
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,220
I'd like to sing a little song
if I may.
303
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,806
Let's go, you guys.
304
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:48,685
This is a song I wrote
about Stan Marsh.
305
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,645
Sta-a-a-n.
306
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,980
Darsh.
307
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,692
Stan Darsh, Darsh, Darsh.
308
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,695
Stan Darsh.
309
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,323
Stan Darsh, Stan Darsh.
310
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,701
Stan Da-a-a-rsh, Darsh.
311
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:06,411
Stan Darsh.
312
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,413
Dude, what the hell
is your problem?
313
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,210
I raced you.
You won.
314
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,419
A rematch?
315
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,839
Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber
than I thought.
316
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,800
He'll ski you anytime, anywhere.
317
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:20,925
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
318
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,385
But this time, if he wins,
319
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:24,721
you get your dad to not close
our youth center.
320
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,555
What?
321
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,724
All right, then.
Let's make it interesting.
322
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:31,353
Tomorrow afternoon...
on the K-13.
323
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,565
The K-13?
324
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,236
But that's the most dangerous
run in all of America.
325
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,321
Well, I'm not chicken.
326
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,698
Are you, Darsh?
327
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,576
I'll be there, you queen.
328
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:47,994
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
329
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:52,541
Oh, Darsh, you're even dumber
than I thought... again.
330
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:54,960
See ya tomorrow.
331
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,756
You're not really gonna go down
that K-13 run, are you, Stan?
332
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:00,882
Dude, I have to.
333
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,884
Stan, you can't let that Tad guy
get to you.
334
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,009
Screw him, dude.
335
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,637
Dude, he's got Heather!
336
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,097
You don't even know Heather!
337
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,557
I know, I know!
I just...
338
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,451
Look, I can't explain it,
but I have to do this.
339
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,061
I'm not gonna die.
I mean, how bad can the K-13 be?
340
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,186
The K-13?
341
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,814
You don't want to go down
that run.
342
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,482
That run's got a history.
343
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,484
Thirty-five people have died
going down it,
344
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,862
and some say you can still see
their ghosts up there.
345
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,071
It was on that very ski run
346
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,007
that a group of students
were killed by a wolf boy
347
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616
who escaped
from the mental institution.
348
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:28,785
You see, that ski run
was once a burial ground
349
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,620
to a tribe
of vampire Wichika Indians
350
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,664
who ate the flesh of children
with no eyes.
351
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,876
Yeah. A lot of history
on that ski run.
352
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,254
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
353
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,379
Look, Stan.
354
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,275
When Kenny died, I learned
how important friends are.
355
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:43,717
I'm not gonna lose
another friend.
356
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:44,902
This isn't about you, Kyle.
357
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,512
I have to do this, okay?
I have to!
358
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,603
So you see,
it's the investment opportunity
359
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:55,812
that keeps on giving.
360
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,617
How many times
do we have to tell you this?
361
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,400
We don't want to buy shares
in a condo.
362
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,360
And we certainly
don't want to pressure you.
363
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,361
Pressure us?
364
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,630
You kept us all day yesterday
365
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,239
and then had a chair lift
bring us back.
366
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:07,866
Hey, you can leave
any time you want.
367
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,428
Of course, that is if you don't
want the super-secret fun prize
368
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,596
for attending the slide show.
369
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,788
No, we don't want
the super-secret fun prize.
370
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:14,915
We just want to ski!
371
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,708
- Come on, everybody.
- I know!
372
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,835
Have you ever considered
going in on a time-share?
373
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,712
That's only a couple thousand
each, Josh.
374
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,964
Don't listen to him.
Let's just go.
375
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,925
My God, can you believe
those people?
376
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,801
I hope you don't blame me
for all that.
377
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,346
The ad did just say
a 30-minute presentation.
378
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,181
Let's just get out of here.
379
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,995
Folks, I'm glad you're back,
because we forgot to mention
380
00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:38,229
time-share condos
are still deeded properties!
381
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,860
Ooh! You folks really lucked out
this time.
382
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,695
You're visitors number 1,000.
383
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,906
That means you can listen
to our special offer
384
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,532
for privileged members only.
385
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,701
That does it.
I'm calling the police.
386
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,291
Mister ski instructor,
I need a lot of training fast.
387
00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,960
I'm gonna race down the K-13.
388
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,212
The K-13?
But you're just a beginner.
389
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:05,131
If you ski out of your league,
you're gonna have a bad time.
390
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,258
I have to do this, okay?
I have to.
391
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,864
Alright, well, if you got to get good
at something really fast,
392
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,262
there's only one way to do it.
393
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,388
Come on!
394
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,565
The day is approaching
to give it your best.
395
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:26,111
And you've got to reach
your prime.
396
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,280
That's when you need to put
yourself to the test.
397
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,783
And show us a passage
of time.
398
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,868
We're gonna need a montage.
399
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:37,330
A sports-training montage.
400
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,748
Montage.
401
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,209
Show a lot of things
happening at once.
402
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,587
Remind everyone
of what's going on.
403
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:48,258
And with every shot,
show a little improvement.
404
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,677
To show it all would take
too long.
405
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,971
That's called a montage.
406
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:56,307
Even "Rocky" had a montage.
407
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,642
Montage.
408
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,812
In any sport
if you want to go.
409
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,606
From just a beginner
to a pro.
410
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,692
You need a montage.
411
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,820
A simple little montage.
412
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,447
Montage.
413
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,993
Always fade out in a montage.
414
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,161
Montage.
415
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,873
If you fade out, it seems like
more time has passed.
416
00:17:19,998 --> 00:17:23,001
In a montage.
417
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,711
Montage.
418
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:26,921
Montage.
419
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,550
All the ad said
was we had to attend
420
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,010
a 30-minute meeting, right?
421
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,636
And it's been a day and a half.
422
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:36,431
- These guys won't let us leave.
- That's not true, officers.
423
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,141
We said they could leave
at any time.
424
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,643
All right. Let me see
if I got this straight.
425
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,896
You two gentlemen
are offering part-time
426
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,732
limited liability ownership
in one of your fabulous condos
427
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,151
for the one-time price
of $8,000?!
428
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,152
That's right!
429
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,404
Sounds to me like if anybody
should be arrested,
430
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,240
it should be you people for
passing up such a great deal.
431
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,951
That's right. You're practically
stealing condos at that price.
432
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,495
Book 'em, Danno.
433
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,081
Oh, Jesus.
434
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,791
No.
No!
435
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,876
The police work for time-share,
too?
436
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,836
The police, the mayor,
437
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,255
the president
of the United States.
438
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,759
Perhaps now you see
the severity of your situation.
439
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:17,722
I think we shall all sit down
and listen to the presentation.
440
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641
Sit!
441
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:25,438
Now, you're probably
asking yourselves...
442
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,024
can my time-share condo
turn into a profit?
443
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,349
What kind of cash flow can
I realize from my investment?
444
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,643
The answer might astonish you.
445
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,576
For over 10 years,
investors have seen their...
446
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,076
The powder is fresh,
and the stage is set
447
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,579
for Tad versus Stan on the K-13.
448
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,623
This time
you're not just gonna lose,
449
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,333
you're gonna die.
450
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,919
I can't lose another friend.
First Kenny and now Stan.
451
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,963
All I'm gonna have left
are you two douches.
452
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,590
Ready. Set. Go!
453
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,717
Pizza.
454
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,761
Pizza.
Pizza.
455
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,346
Tad's got the lead.
456
00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,681
Come on, Stan!
457
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,814
This should slow down Darsh
a bit.
458
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,237
And it looks like Tad
is way out in front.
459
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:17,699
Now I'll win for sure!
460
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,826
Oh, dude, I can't look.
461
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:29,711
Let's see what some sand does
to your speed, Darsh.
462
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,799
He doesn't stand a chance now.
463
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,388
I'm gonna beat him!
464
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,391
The race is half over,
and Tad is still out in the lead.
465
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,189
When Darsh skis by here,
I'll let all these hamsters go.
466
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,107
That should distract him
just long enough
467
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,234
for me to win the race!
468
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,778
Oh, Tad.
469
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,405
What are you doing up here?
470
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,239
Oh, nothing.
471
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,284
I just thought maybe I could
distract you with these.
472
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:13,296
Good job, dude!
473
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,297
Thanks.
474
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,716
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
475
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,803
You did it, Stan.
476
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:25,475
Thanks a lot, Stan.
477
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,894
Now we're gonna be able to keep
the youth center.
478
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,356
Well, that does it.
479
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:33,608
Looks like the spirits
of the Wichika Indians
480
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,401
can finally rest in peace.
481
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:39,322
Thank you, Stan.
482
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:43,451
Stan, I was wrong about you.
Would you like to go out again?
483
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,576
Go ahead, Stan.
484
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,871
She's everything
you ever wanted.
485
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,873
There you are, boys.
486
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:49,832
Mom, Dad!
487
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,268
Where the hell
have you guys been?
488
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,003
We got a little held up
at the time-share sales office.
489
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:57,006
Yeah, but the good news is
we finally came to our senses
490
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,758
and bought some shares
in a condo.
491
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,844
So we all get to come to Aspen
for two weeks every year.
492
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,144
What's the matter?
Didn't you boys like skiing?
493
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:05,765
No!
494
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:08,434
We can't keep track of when you
pizza and when you french-fries
495
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:10,559
and when the hotshot
asshole skier takes your girl,
496
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,081
if you're supposed
to race him the first time,
497
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:14,083
or train first to beat him on
the really difficult mountain
498
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,267
so you can save the dorky-
but-hot girl's youth center.
499
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:17,318
Skiing sucks!
500
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:19,445
Yeah.
What a stupid sport.
501
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,617
I heard that you were
the one responsible
502
00:21:24,742 --> 00:21:26,452
for making Tad lose the race.
503
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,412
Thanks.
504
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:31,249
Yeah. Well, he really flipped
when he saw these.
505
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,210
Quaid.
506
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,879
Start the reactor.
507
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,385
Talking away
508
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:45,430
I don't know what I'm to say
509
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:48,266
I'll say it anyway.
510
00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,894
Today's another day
to find you.
511
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,105
Shying away
512
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,358
I'll be coming for your love,
okay.
513
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,652
Take on
37527
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