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1
00:00:02,033 --> 00:00:05,767
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:10,000
( theme music playing )
3
00:00:44,033 --> 00:00:46,234
( laughing )
4
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,634
- MOM.
- WHAT?
5
00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:56,033
- I GOT A KNOT IN MY SHOE.
- WEAR LOAFERS.
6
00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:01,567
- COME ON, MOM.
- ALL RIGHT.GIVE IT HERE.
7
00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:05,100
CAN I HAVE PIE
FOR BREAKFAST?
8
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,334
NO, THAT'S
CONTAMINATED.
9
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,434
GO SIT DOWN AND EAT
YOUR BREAKFAST NOW,
10
00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:11,734
AND DON'T SPILL
YOUR MILK TODAY NEITHER.
11
00:01:11,734 --> 00:01:14,267
HERE YOU GO.
12
00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:16,067
IS THERE COFFEE?
13
00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:18,801
- DAN...?
- YEAH?
14
00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:21,601
ISN'T THERE COFFEE
EVERY MORNING?
15
00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:23,834
YES.
16
00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:28,100
IN THE 15 YEARS
WE'VE BEEN MARRIED,
17
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:31,033
HAS THERE EVER BEEN
ONE MORNING WHERE THERE
WASN'T ANY COFFEE?
18
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,834
NO.
19
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:37,834
THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO ASK ME EVERY MORNING
IF THERE'S COFFEE?
20
00:01:38,934 --> 00:01:41,434
IS THERE TOAST?
21
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,100
- WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?
- MOTHER, THIS IS VERY
IMPORTANT.
22
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,634
OUR SCHOOL'S HAVING
A FOOD DRIVE FOR POOR PEOPLE.
23
00:01:54,634 --> 00:01:58,367
WELL, TELL THEM TO DRIVE
SOME OF THAT FOOD OVER HERE.
24
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:01,267
- MOTHER!
- TWO CANS.THAT'S IT.
25
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,467
DON'T TOUCH
THAT CREAMED CORN.
26
00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:06,300
- ( telephone rings )
- I'LL GET IT.
27
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,434
- HELLO?
- MOM!
28
00:02:08,434 --> 00:02:10,434
- HE STARTED IT.
- DID NOT.
29
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,801
KNOCK IT OFF, YOU TWO.
STOP IT.GET AWAY.
30
00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:15,934
- LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.
- YOU HEARD YOUR FATHER.
31
00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:20,501
- DON'T TELL HIM THAT.
- GET OFF THE PHONE.
32
00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:23,534
- MOM...
- NOW.
33
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,968
I GOT TO GO.
BYE.
34
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:28,901
DAD, YOU KNOW
WHAT WOULD BE REALLY
GOOD FOR BREAKFAST?
35
00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:31,133
- WHAT?
- PIE.
36
00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:34,267
- TELL HIM NO.
- NO.
37
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:38,567
( phone rings )
38
00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:42,868
OH, HI.
I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR
AND I'M GETTING BOOBS.
39
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:47,667
BECKY CAN'T TALK NOW.
40
00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:52,334
OH, MY GOSH.
I WAS SUPPOSED
TO GIVE YOU THIS.
41
00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:55,167
- WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S A NOTE FROM MY
HISTORY TEACHER, MISS CRANE.
42
00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:57,167
- YOU GOT TO MEET
WITH HER AT 3:15.
- TODAY?
43
00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:58,634
UH-HUH.
44
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:02,400
WHY DO YOU WAIT
TILL THE LAST MINUTE
TO TELL ME THESE THINGS?
45
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,334
I'VE GOT A LIFE, TOO.
IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T
HAVE NOTHING TO DO.
46
00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:08,534
I'M SORRY.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,
THROW MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE?
47
00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:11,901
YEAH, AND TAKE YOUR
BROTHER AND SISTER
WITH YOU.
48
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:14,467
( horn honks )
49
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:16,467
YOU GUYS
DIDN'T EVEN
BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
50
00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:18,467
WE DON'T
HAVE TIME.
51
00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:20,868
WE'LL MISS
THE BUS.
52
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,067
- BYE.
- Dan: BYE.
53
00:03:23,067 --> 00:03:26,868
QUICK, THEY'RE GONE.
CHANGE THE LOCKS.
54
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,434
WHAT IS IT?
55
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:34,367
- I REALLY DON'T
WANNA PICK...
- WHAT?
56
00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:37,634
I CAN'T STAND IT
WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE TOAST
CRUMBS ON THE BUTTER.
57
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,167
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
YOU'RE GONNA SMEAR IT
ON YOUR TOAST.
58
00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:42,067
IT AIN'T RIGHT.
59
00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:44,567
YOU DON'T LIKE IT
WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE JELLY
IN THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR.
60
00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:46,701
WELL, THAT'S
SICKENING.
61
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,667
- SAME THING.
- IS NOT.
62
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,267
- AFRAID SO.
- ALL RIGHT, HERE.
63
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,901
NICE, FRESH BUTTER.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
64
00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:02,934
I LOVE YOU, DARLIN'.
65
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:05,200
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
66
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,701
( horn honks )
67
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:08,701
SAVE ME THAT
DETERGENT COUPON.
68
00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:10,634
BECKY!
69
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,334
- DAN.
- WHAT?
70
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:15,334
THE SINK'S
ALL BACKED UP AGAIN.
71
00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:17,334
I'LL PLUNGE IT
RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST.
72
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:20,100
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO PLUNGE IT.
I WANT YOU TO FIX IT.
73
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,834
- YOU GOT IT, BABE.
- THIS IS THE THIRD
TIME THIS WEEK.
74
00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:25,434
- YOU GOT TO FIX IT TODAY.
- ABSOLUTELY.
75
00:04:25,434 --> 00:04:27,534
MOM, MY BOOKBAG
JUST FELL APART.
76
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,534
I JUST BOUGHT IT
YESTERDAY.
77
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:32,033
- ( horn honks )
- MOM, PLEASE, YOU GOTTA
TAKE IT BACK.
78
00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:35,167
- ALL RIGHT.
I'LL DO IT AFTER WORK.
- THANKS.
79
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,634
- BYE.
- GOODBYE.
80
00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,934
COULD YOU MEET WITH
DARLENE'S TEACHER TODAY?
81
00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:44,534
I CAN'T DO IT TODAY.
I'M PUTTING IN
A BID ON A JOB.
82
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,901
IF I GET IT, ME AND FREDDY
START CONSTRUCTION
THIS AFTERNOON.
83
00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:50,100
HOW ABOUT THIS BOOKBAG?
CAN YOU EXCHANGE THAT?
84
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:53,968
COULD YOU FIT THAT
INTO YOUR TIGHT
SCHEDULE THERE?
85
00:04:53,968 --> 00:04:56,234
IT'S EITHER THAT
OR FIX THE SINK.
86
00:04:56,234 --> 00:04:58,300
OKAY,FIX THE SINK.
87
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,968
I'LL DO EVERYTHING ELSE--
LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
88
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,501
I'LL HAVE TO GET
OFF WORK AN HOUR EARLY,
LOSE AN HOUR'S PAY,
89
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:08,167
TOTALLY REARRANGE
MY WHOLE SCHEDULE.
90
00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:12,100
BUT I DON'T MIND.
91
00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:20,067
ARE YOU EVER SORRY
WE GOT MARRIED?
92
00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,801
EVERY SECOND
OF MY LIFE.
93
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:27,133
- ME, TOO.
- YOU ARE REALLY?
94
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,567
- NAH.
- OKAY, ME NEITHER, THEN.
95
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,968
HEY...
96
00:05:37,968 --> 00:05:40,033
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE MARRIED
IF YOU DIDN'T MARRY ME?
97
00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:42,901
- ROSIE--!
- COME ON, WHO?
98
00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:44,767
NO ONE.
99
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:48,234
OH, I'M SURE
YOU WOULDN'T-- WHO?
100
00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:50,234
THIS TIME I SWEAR
I WON'T GET MAD.
101
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:53,033
- I KNOW, BETH WINCHESTER.
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
102
00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:56,033
I'M NOT GONNA GET MAD.
I JUST WANT YOU
TELL ME THE TRUTH.
103
00:05:56,033 --> 00:05:59,033
I SWEAR
I'M NOT GETTING MAD.
JUST TELL.
104
00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:01,067
JOSEPHINE CARTER.
105
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:04,200
JOSEPHINE CARTER,
THAT OLD SLUT?
106
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,501
SHE HAD GREAT TOES.
107
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:11,033
- TOES?
- YEAH.
108
00:06:11,033 --> 00:06:13,200
SHE USED TO SIT THERE
AND CROSS HER LEGS
109
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,534
AND DANGLE HER SHOE
OFF THE END OF HER TOE.
110
00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:20,133
DROVE ME CRAZY.
111
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:22,501
- SO YOU WERE GONNA
MARRY HER FOR THAT?
- YES, MA'AM.
112
00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:24,033
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YA?
113
00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:27,901
WELL, THE MORNING
I WAS GONNA PROPOSE,
114
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:30,501
I TOOK HER OVER TO THIS
LITTLE COFFEE SHOP,
115
00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:33,734
A REAL QUIET
OUT-OF-THE-WAY PLACE.
116
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:36,767
AND JUST AS I WAS ABOUT
TO POP THE QUESTION,
117
00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:39,300
SHE SMEARED TOAST CRUMBS
ALL OVER HER BUTTER.
118
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,367
THAT WAS IT.
I GOT UP, I LEFT.
119
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,734
I DIDN'T EVEN PAY
THE CHECK.
120
00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:47,567
YOU THINK YOU'RE
PRETTY CUTE, DON'T YA?
121
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,601
PRETTY MUCH.
122
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,334
BOOKER,
I GOT TO GET OFF
AN HOUR EARLY TODAY.
123
00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:03,133
I CAN'T DO IT.
WE'RE 200 CASES BEHIND
ON THAT GILLMAN ORDER.
124
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:05,801
BUT I GOTTA, BOOKER.
IT'S REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT.
125
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,801
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
MY POSITION.
126
00:07:07,801 --> 00:07:09,934
WELL, YOU
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
MY POSITION.
127
00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:12,801
I GOT TO GO TO SCHOOL
AND TALK TO MY KID'S TEACHER.
128
00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:16,434
ROSEANNE, HERE
AT WELLMAN PLASTICS,
129
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,434
WE ARE A TEAM.
130
00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:20,234
I'D LIKE TO MAKE US
A WINNING TEAM.
131
00:07:20,234 --> 00:07:22,234
ALL THE PLAYERS
ARE EQUALLY AS IMPORTANT.
132
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:25,634
THE RUNNING BACKS
ARE NO MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE PULLING GUARDS.
133
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,801
- PULLING GUARDS
ARE NO MORE--
- YEAH, I GOT IT.
134
00:07:27,801 --> 00:07:30,701
IT'S LIKE A BIG OL'
QUILTING BEE.
135
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,934
A WHAT?
136
00:07:32,934 --> 00:07:35,567
WHERE ALL THE BAREFOOT
WOMEN ON THE PRAIRIE
GET TOGETHER
137
00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:39,000
AND THEY ALL
STITCH THIS ONE REALLY
INCREDIBLE QUILT,
138
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,033
AND NO ONE PATCH
IS ANY MORE IMPORTANT
139
00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:43,501
THAN ANY OTHER PATCH
KIND OF THING.
140
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:45,133
UH-HUH.
141
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:49,801
THE WOMAN SEWING
THIS PATCH HAS TO GET OFF
AN HOUR EARLY TODAY.
142
00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:52,334
- LOOK, ROSEANNE--
- I'M LOOKING, BOOKER.
143
00:07:52,334 --> 00:07:55,534
- GIVE ME A BREAK.
- ALL RIGHT.
144
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:59,167
I'LL GIVE YOU A HALF AN HOUR,
AND IT'S COMING OUT
OF YOUR CHECK.
145
00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:01,200
WELL, THERE GOES
THE PORSCHE.
146
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,100
I JUST LOVE IT WHEN
A GUY TALKS SPORTS.
147
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:07,234
IT DOES
SOMETHING TO ME.
148
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,234
THE ONLY THING
THAT'S MORE EXCITING
149
00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:12,901
IS WHEN DAN TALKS
ABOUT HYDRAULIC JACKS
AND SNOW TIRES.
150
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:16,100
YOU CAN JOKE ALL YOU WANT.
YOU GOT YOURSELF THE IDEAL MAN.
151
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,200
- OH, "IDEAL," HUH?
- SURE.
152
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,234
I'D GIVE ANYTHING
TO HAVE A MAN LIKE DAN.
153
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,567
HE STAYS HOME.
HE NEVER RUNS AROUND ON YOU.
154
00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:25,534
HE'S GOOD TO THE KIDS,
AND HE'S HYGIENIC.
155
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:30,133
WELL, CRYSTAL, YOU THINK
HE CAME THAT WAY?
156
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:35,567
IT'S 15 YEARS OF FIGHTING
THAT MADE HIM LIKE THAT.
157
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,234
YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT.
158
00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:40,467
I'M SERIOUS.
A GOOD MAN
DON'T JUST HAPPEN.
159
00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:43,400
THEY HAVE TO BE CREATED
BY US WOMEN.
160
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,100
YOU THINK
YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
161
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,534
WELL, I DO KNOW
EVERYTHING, CRYSTAL.
162
00:08:50,534 --> 00:08:54,467
A GUY IS A LUMP
LIKE THIS DOUGHNUT.
163
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,167
SO FIRST, YOU GOT TO GET
RID OF ALL THE STUFF
164
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:59,167
HIS MOM DID TO HIM.
165
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,734
THEN YOU GOT TO GET RID
OF ALL THAT MACHO CRAP
166
00:09:04,734 --> 00:09:08,067
THAT THEY PICK UP
FROM THE BEER COMMERCIALS.
167
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:12,434
AND THEN THERE'S
MY PERSONAL FAVORITE,
THE MALE EGO.
168
00:09:17,434 --> 00:09:19,901
( whistle blows )
169
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,100
HI, SIS.
170
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,400
- HI.ROSEANNE.
- WHAT?
171
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,400
YOU REALIZE
THAT MOST PEOPLE
172
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,534
USE ONLY TWO PERCENT
OF THEIR MIND'S POTENTIAL?
173
00:09:31,534 --> 00:09:34,133
- THAT MUCH, HUH?
- LAST NIGHT...
174
00:09:34,133 --> 00:09:36,267
I WENT TO THIS
INCREDIBLE SEMINAR.
175
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:39,234
WHAT WAS IT THIS TIME,
"DARE TO BE A MILLIONAIRE"?
176
00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:43,200
- "SEE IT AND BE IT."
- BE WHAT?
177
00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:49,934
- HI, JACKIE.
- HEY, CRYSTAL.
178
00:09:49,934 --> 00:09:52,400
ROSEANNE, THIS GUY,
DR. JERRY MACKLETT,
179
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,067
HE TEACHES YOU
HOW TO TAP INTO
THE HIDDEN TREASURES
180
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:57,067
OF YOUR
UNCONSCIOUS MIND.
181
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,067
- HE DOES, HUH?
- YEAH, IT'S SO SIMPLE.
182
00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,067
HE GOES, "IF YOUR MIND
CAN CONCEIVE IT
183
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,100
AND YOUR HEART
CAN BELIEVE IT,
THEN YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT."
184
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,834
ACHIEVE WHAT?
185
00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:07,167
SIS HERE WENT
TO ANOTHER ONE OF HER
INCREDIBLE SEMINARS.
186
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,167
IT'S GREAT.
IT'S GREAT.
187
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:11,667
- MAYBE I SHOULD GO WITH YOU
TO ONE OF YOUR SEMINARS.
- "SEE IT AND BE IT."
188
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:14,334
THAT'S THE ONE YOU
SHOULD GO TO, CRYSTAL.
THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
189
00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:17,200
- I'VE LOVE TO CHANGE MY LIFE.
- Jackie: WELL, YOU CAN.
190
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,334
FOR ONLY $30--
IT'S A ONE-NIGHT COURSE,
191
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:22,934
WHAT YOU GET
ARE THE BASICS
OF VISUALIZATION.
192
00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:27,300
- VISUALIZATION?
- YOU USE YOUR MIND'S POTENTIAL
TO GET ANYTHING YOU WANT.
193
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:30,133
YOU WANT A BRAND-NEW CAR?
ALL YOU DO IS VISUALIZE IT.
194
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,667
THAT SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH.
195
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:33,868
MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO
SOMETHING HERE, SIS.
196
00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:36,801
- YEAH, YOU--
GET OUT OF HERE.
- I'M SERIOUS.
197
00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:40,868
I'M VISUALIZING
A CLEAN HOUSE...
198
00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:43,534
AND KIDS
WHO DON'T TALK BACK
199
00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:45,968
AND A HUSBAND WHO WAITS
ON ME HAND AND FOOT.
200
00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:48,067
YOU CAN
HAVE THAT.
201
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,834
AND WE'RE ALL GETTING
IN CRYSTAL'S BRAND-NEW CAR...
202
00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:55,300
AND WE'RE DRIVING UP
THIS BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN ROAD
203
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,300
TO GO
TO THE COUNTRYSIDE
204
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,667
TO VISIT MY SISTER
IN THE NUT BARN.
205
00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,300
HI.ARE YOU
THE HISTORY TEACHER?
206
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,400
YES.
I'M MS. CRANE.
207
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,400
HI.
I'M DARLENE'S MOM.
208
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,601
OH, I'D GIVEN UP ON YOU.
YOU'RE 15 MINUTES LATE.
209
00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:21,934
I'M REALLY SORRY.
I GOT HERE AS SOON
AS I COULD.
210
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,067
I DON'T THINK
WE CAN DO THIS TODAY.
211
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:26,868
- WHAT?
- I HAVE ANOTHER
ENGAGEMENT.
212
00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:29,167
WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA
GO PLAY TENNIS?
213
00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:31,200
SQUASH.
214
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,434
COULD WE DO THIS
ANOTHER DAY?
215
00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:35,934
NO.
216
00:11:35,934 --> 00:11:39,100
I HAD TO GET OFF FROM WORK
AN HOUR EARLY AND LOSE PAY,
217
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,100
THEN I GOT CAUGHT
IN TRAFFIC.
218
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,200
ALL RIGHT,
WE'LL DO IT TODAY.
HAVE A SEAT.
219
00:11:55,734 --> 00:12:00,033
DARLENE HAS
BEEN DEMONSTRATING
BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS.
220
00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:01,634
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
221
00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:05,300
SHE'S BEEN BARKING
IN CLASS.
222
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:09,100
- BARKING?
- LIKE A DOG.
223
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,234
WELL, DID YOU
TELL HER TO STOP IT?
224
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:13,801
- Ms. Crane: I DID.
- DID SHE STOP IT?
225
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:17,968
- SHE STOPPED.
- WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
226
00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:21,834
I FEEL THIS BARKING IS
AN AGGRESSIVE MANIFESTATION
227
00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:23,801
OF A DEEPER
INTERNAL PROBLEM.
228
00:12:28,634 --> 00:12:30,734
HUH?
229
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,367
NOW, LET ME EXPLAIN.
230
00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:35,501
WE HAVE FOUND
231
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:37,634
THAT WHEN BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS
ARISE IN THE CLASSROOM,
232
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:40,667
IT USUALLY INDICATES
A PROBLEM AT HOME.
233
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:43,000
UH-HUH...
234
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,901
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE
YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR DAUGHTER?
235
00:12:49,901 --> 00:12:51,701
I'D SAY
IT'S TYPICAL.
236
00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:54,734
"TYPICAL"?
NOT SPECIAL?
237
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,234
TYPICAL.
238
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:59,901
DO YOU FEEL
YOU SPEND ENOUGH TIME
WITH YOUR DAUGHTER?
239
00:12:59,901 --> 00:13:03,200
YOU MEAN LIKE
"QUALITY TIME"?
240
00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:08,200
YES.
DO YOU SPEND ANY
FREE TIME WITH DARLENE?
241
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,634
WELL, I HAVE
THREE KIDS AND I WORK,
242
00:13:10,634 --> 00:13:12,968
SO I DON'T HAVE
ANY FREE TIME.
243
00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:15,167
SEE, NOW, THAT
MAY BE THE PROBLEM.
244
00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:17,000
MM-HMM...
245
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,868
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS
IS THAT THERE IS NO PROBLEM.
246
00:13:19,868 --> 00:13:21,701
YOUR DAUGHTER BARKS.
247
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,267
OUR WHOLE FAMILY
BARKS.
248
00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:36,801
I TALKED TO YOUR
HISTORY TEACHER TODAY.
249
00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:39,200
OH, MS. CRANE
THE PAIN?
250
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,801
YEAH, YOU'RE
A REAL JOKESTER,
ALL RIGHT.
251
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:44,300
- ( TV audio clatters )
- TURN THAT DOWN.
252
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,234
( TV audio stops )
253
00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:50,467
SHE SAYS YOU'VE BEEN
BARKING IN CLASS.
254
00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:53,501
YEAH.
255
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:56,334
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANNA DO THAT FOR?
256
00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:00,467
MOM, SHE IS
SO BORING.
257
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:02,467
IF I DON'T BARK,
I'LL FALL ASLEEP.
258
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,200
MOM, DID YOU GET
MY BOOKBAG?
259
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,200
- YEAH, IT'S OVER THERE.
- OKAY, THANKS.
260
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,200
I MEAN IT, DARLENE.
YOU NEED TO KNOCK IT OFF.
261
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,234
I'M SERIOUS.
NO MORE BARKING.
262
00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,567
BUT EVERYONE
MAKES FUN OF MS. CRANE.
263
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:15,300
MOM, THIS
IS BLUE.
264
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,868
- HEY, I'M TALKING TO MOM.
- WELL, SO AM I.
265
00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:21,334
- SHUT UP.
- DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP.
YOU ARE SO IMMATURE.
266
00:14:21,334 --> 00:14:25,067
STOP IT, YOU TWO.
KNOCK IT OFF.
267
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:30,734
YOU'RE GONNA USE THAT BAG
UNTIL YOU'RE 30.
268
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,834
OH, GREAT.
I'M JUST GONNA
LOOK LIKE A FREAK.
269
00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:36,534
- WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
- SHUT UP.
270
00:14:36,534 --> 00:14:40,434
THIS IS WHY SOME ANIMALS
EAT THEIR YOUNG.
271
00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:50,234
I WANT YOU TO TAKE
ALL OF YOUR STUFF
O YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW.
272
00:14:50,234 --> 00:14:52,567
- HI, BABE.
- HI.
273
00:14:54,467 --> 00:14:57,667
DAD, I STRUCK OUT
MARK WINSTEAD SIX TIMES.
274
00:14:57,667 --> 00:15:00,267
- YEAH, I SAW THAT
IN THE SPORTS PAGE.
- DAD--
275
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:04,067
AND SOMETHING ABOUT
HIM BEING YOUR BOYFRIEND?
276
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:06,133
WHAT?
HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND.
277
00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:08,400
YOU ALWAYS STRIKE OUT
THE ONE YOU LOVE...
278
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,400
MRS. WINSTEAD.
279
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,434
HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND.
I CAN'T STAND HIM.
280
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,767
- * K-I-S-S-I-N-G... *
- Darlene: BE QUIET!
281
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:18,934
* FIRST COMES LOVE,
THEN COMES MARRIAGE... *
282
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:21,501
- DID YOU GET ANY BEER?
- IT'S ON THE COUNTER.
283
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,767
THANKS, HONEY.
YOU'RE A PEACH.
284
00:15:23,767 --> 00:15:27,467
* THEN COMES MARKY
IN A BABY CARRIAGE. *
285
00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:30,000
HEY, THIS IS WARM.
286
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,934
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
287
00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:35,634
DAN...?
288
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,634
YES?
289
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:39,734
HOW COME THAT SINK
AIN'T FIXED YET?
290
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:42,300
I'M GONNA GET RIGHT ON IT.
AW, CHECK THIS OUT.
291
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:46,000
A GENUINE
HAND-CARVED FIGUREHEAD.
292
00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:51,100
UH-HUH, YEAH.
293
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:54,367
WHEN I GET THE BOAT FINISHED,
I'M GONNA SLAP THIS BABY
RIGHT ON THE FRONT.
294
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,868
- OH, YOU ARE, HUH?
- YEAH, AIN'T IT A BEAUT?
295
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:59,934
I CAN'T BELIEVE DWIGHT
WAS GONNA THROW THIS OUT.
296
00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:02,534
WHAT WERE YOU DOING
OVER AT DWIGHT'S?
297
00:16:02,534 --> 00:16:04,834
ME AND FREDDY WENT
OVER THERE TO HELP HIM
WORK ON THIS TRUCK.
298
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,968
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
START A JOB TODAY.
299
00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:10,200
WELL, I DIDN'T GET IT.
SOMEBODY PUT IN A LOWER BID.
300
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,734
SO YOU HAD, LIKE,
THE WHOLE DAY OFF?
301
00:16:12,734 --> 00:16:15,467
NO, I DIDN'T HAVE
THE WHOLE DAY OFF.
302
00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,400
I WAS BUSY...
303
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,534
MAKING CONTACTS.
304
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,868
WITH WHAT, DWIGHT'S TRUCK
AND A SIX-PACK?
305
00:16:24,868 --> 00:16:28,567
- OH, COME ON, ROSEANNE.
- OH, COME ON, DAN.
306
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:31,000
I WAS HOPING TO KICK
A LITTLE WORK MY WAY.
307
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,000
I GOT MY LAST
TWO JOBS FROM DWIGHT.
308
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,534
WELL, MAYBE HE CAN
GET YOU YOUR NEXT WIFE.
309
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,534
- MAYBE.
- OOH!
310
00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:39,534
WHAT WOULD
I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU?
311
00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:43,100
JUST SIT THERE
AND DRINK YOUR BEER, HUBBY.
I'LL FIX THE SINK MYSELF.
312
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,367
THE HELL YOU WILL.
I'LL FIX THE SINK.
313
00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:48,167
OH, TALK IS CHEAP,
MR. FIX-IT.
314
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:51,267
FIXING A SINK
IS A HUSBAND'S JOB.
I AM THE HUSBAND.
315
00:16:51,267 --> 00:16:54,334
AND I'M THE WIFE,
SO IT'S MY JOB TO DO
EVERYTHING ELSE, RIGHT?
316
00:16:54,334 --> 00:16:57,400
- OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT.
- OH, WELL, IT MUST BE TRUE.
317
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,434
I PUT IN EIGHT HOURS A DAY
AT THE FACTORY,
318
00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:01,467
THEN COME HOME AND PUT IN
ANOTHER EIGHT HOURS.
319
00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:04,434
I'M RUNNING AROUND
LIKE A MANIAC,
TAKING BACK--
320
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,567
- MOM, WHERE'S THE TAPE?
- IN THE BATHROOM,
THIRD DRAWER--
321
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,133
...BOOKBAGS,
TALKING TO TEACHERS
AND EVERYTHING ELSE,
322
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,334
- AND YOU
DON'T DO NOTHING!
- WHOA!
323
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:14,033
HEY, I DO PLENTY
AROUND HERE.
324
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,033
LIKE WHAT?
325
00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:18,033
CLEAN THE GUTTERS.
326
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:19,567
AND...?
327
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:23,100
WHAT'S THE POINT HERE,
ROSEANNE?
328
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,634
THERE IS NO POINT,
OKAY?
329
00:17:26,634 --> 00:17:28,601
NO POINT.
330
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,767
THE POINT IS...
331
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,334
YOU THINK THIS
IS A MAGIC KINGDOM
332
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:41,601
WHERE YOU JUST SIT
UP HERE ON YOUR THRONE.
333
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:43,100
- OH, YEAH?
- YEAH.
334
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,300
AND YOU THINK
EVERYTHING GETS DONE
BY SOME WONDERFUL WIZARD.
335
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,300
POOF!
THE LAUNDRY'S FOLDED.
336
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,300
POOF!
DINNER'S ON THE TABLE.
337
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,434
YOU WANT ME
TO FIX DINNER?
I'LL FIX DINNER.
338
00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:53,501
I'M FIXING DINNER.
339
00:17:53,501 --> 00:17:58,334
OH, BUT, HONEY,
YOU JUST FIXED DINNER
THREE YEARS AGO.
340
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:04,067
THINK I CAN'T COOK?
I CAN COOK.I'M COOKING.
341
00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:06,400
AND I'LL SPEND
THE REST OF THE NIGHT
WASHING UP THE DISHES.
342
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,934
- HEY, I DO THE DISHES.
- WHEN?
343
00:18:08,934 --> 00:18:11,434
THURSDAY, 6:45 P.M.
344
00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,968
1970-WHAT?
345
00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:20,734
WE CAN'T HAVE
A BIG CAN OF CORN
FOR DINNER.
346
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:26,133
I'LL DO IT.
OH, LET ME DO IT.
IT'S EASIER.
347
00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:28,367
SEE?
I TRY TO HELP.
348
00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:31,834
WELL, YOU BETTER TRY
A LITTLE BIT HARDER.
YOU KNOW WHY?
349
00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:35,067
YOU BETTER COME DOWN
OFF OF YOUR THRONE RIGHT NOW
350
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:37,667
AND START HELPING ME OUT
'CAUSE I'M GETTING FED UP.
351
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,467
WELL, I GOT A ROYAL
NEWS FLASH FOR YOU--
352
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:43,467
MOM, DAD!
DARLENE CUT
HER FINGER OFF!
353
00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:46,267
- Roseanne: WHAT HAPPENED?
- SHE CUT HERSELF
WITH THE SCISSORS.
354
00:18:46,267 --> 00:18:50,367
LET'S SEE.OKAY.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
355
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,501
TAKE HER TO
THE EMERGENCY ROOM!
356
00:18:52,501 --> 00:18:54,501
SHE NEEDS
A TOURNIQUET!
357
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,834
SHUT UP,
HONEY.
358
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:59,667
I'M JUST GONNA
RINSE THIS OFF
FIRST, OKAY?
359
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:02,200
- Darlene: OW...
- Dan: IT'S OKAY.
IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
360
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,167
WE JUST GOT
TO KEEP YOUR FINGER
ABOVE YOUR HEAD.
361
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:06,801
- BUT IT HURTS.
- YEAH, HONEY.
362
00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:09,467
TRY NOT TO THINK
ABOUT YOUR FINGER.
THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
363
00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:11,467
- I CAN'T.
- YEAH, YOU CAN.
364
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,734
- THINK ABOUT A FLOWER.
- FLOWER?
365
00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:16,200
YEAH, CLOSE YOUR EYES.
GO AHEAD, CLOSE 'EM.
366
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,300
OKAY.
NOW, THINK ABOUT
A REAL PRETTY FLOWER.
367
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,300
IT'S OUT
IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE FIELD,
368
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,934
AND THE SUN'S
SHINING ON IT.
369
00:19:23,934 --> 00:19:26,067
- CAN YOU SEE IT?
- NO!
370
00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:29,801
FORGET ABOUT
THE FLOWER-- THINK ABOUT
THE DEMOLITION DERBY.
371
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:34,100
- WHAT ABOUT IT?
- REMEMBER HOW THAT YELLOW
STATION WAGON GOT CLOBBERED?
372
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,601
YEAH, THAT
WAS NEAT.
373
00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:38,601
AND THEN TWO GUYS
SANDWICHED HIM
374
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:40,667
AND SLAMMED HIM
INTO A WALL.
375
00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:43,767
- YEAH?
- Dan: AND THEN
RICKY TORNADO COME FULL SPEED
376
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:47,067
AND TORE
THE GUY'S REAR END OFF
AND FLIPPED HIM OVER.
377
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:50,000
YEAH, THAT WAS
A BLAST.
378
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,234
OKAY, BUB,
YOU'RE ALL FINISHED.
379
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,167
- I AM?
- YEP.
380
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:56,334
I DIDN'T
EVEN FEEL IT.
381
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:58,801
- Roseanne: PRETTY COOL, HUH?
- YEAH.THANKS.
382
00:20:07,701 --> 00:20:10,968
- ARE YOU HUNGRY?
- NOT REALLY.
383
00:20:10,968 --> 00:20:13,300
- GREAT, I'LL FIX DINNER.
- GREAT.
384
00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:32,033
( rough scratching )
385
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:34,334
HERE YOU GO.
386
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,334
OH, THANKS, BABE.
387
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,000
THANK YOU.
388
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,501
HONEY, FEEL
THAT BOARD.
389
00:20:39,501 --> 00:20:41,234
YOU WON'T BELIEVE
HOW SMOOTH IT IS.
390
00:20:41,234 --> 00:20:43,234
RUN YOUR HAND ALONG IT.
FEELS GOOD, HUH?
391
00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:46,434
( flatly )
YEAH, I'M TREMBLING
WITH EXCITEMENT.
392
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,200
JUST THINK...
393
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,868
WHEN YOU AND I ARE RETIRED,
WE'RE GONNA BE CRUISING
THE CARIBBEAN ON THIS BABY.
394
00:20:53,868 --> 00:20:55,868
I'M NOT GETTING
ON THIS THING.
395
00:20:55,868 --> 00:20:57,868
IT'LL BE GREAT.
396
00:20:57,868 --> 00:21:00,701
WE'LL SPEND
OUR LAST YEARS TOGETHER
SAILING THROUGH PARADISE.
397
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:03,801
THIS SAILOR STUFF
REALLY TURNS YOU ON, HUH?
398
00:21:03,801 --> 00:21:05,567
ABSOLUTELY.
399
00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:09,167
THERE'S NOTHING
MORE ROMANTIC THAN
DRIFTING ON THE OPEN SEA.
400
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:11,167
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
401
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,634
BE ALL ALONE TOGETHER
EVERY NIGHT,
402
00:21:13,634 --> 00:21:15,801
CUDDLE UP IN BED...
403
00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:18,601
MOONLIGHT DANCING
ON THE WATER.
404
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:24,067
EVERY NIGHT WILL BE
A VOYAGE TO ECSTASY.
405
00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:27,300
YOU'RE
TURNING ME ON.
406
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:30,234
- I AM?
- YEAH.LET'S DO IT.
407
00:21:30,234 --> 00:21:32,601
WHAT ABOUT
THE SINK?
408
00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:35,767
ANYWHERE
YOU WANT.
31088
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