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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,033 --> 00:00:05,767 ( harmonica wails ) 2 00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:10,000 ( theme music playing ) 3 00:00:44,033 --> 00:00:46,234 ( laughing ) 4 00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:52,634 - MOM. - WHAT? 5 00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:56,033 - I GOT A KNOT IN MY SHOE. - WEAR LOAFERS. 6 00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:01,567 - COME ON, MOM. - ALL RIGHT.GIVE IT HERE. 7 00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:05,100 CAN I HAVE PIE FOR BREAKFAST? 8 00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,334 NO, THAT'S CONTAMINATED. 9 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,434 GO SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST NOW, 10 00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:11,734 AND DON'T SPILL YOUR MILK TODAY NEITHER. 11 00:01:11,734 --> 00:01:14,267 HERE YOU GO. 12 00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:16,067 IS THERE COFFEE? 13 00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:18,801 - DAN...? - YEAH? 14 00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:21,601 ISN'T THERE COFFEE EVERY MORNING? 15 00:01:21,601 --> 00:01:23,834 YES. 16 00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:28,100 IN THE 15 YEARS WE'VE BEEN MARRIED, 17 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:31,033 HAS THERE EVER BEEN ONE MORNING WHERE THERE WASN'T ANY COFFEE? 18 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,834 NO. 19 00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:37,834 THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME EVERY MORNING IF THERE'S COFFEE? 20 00:01:38,934 --> 00:01:41,434 IS THERE TOAST? 21 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,100 - WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? - MOTHER, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. 22 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,634 OUR SCHOOL'S HAVING A FOOD DRIVE FOR POOR PEOPLE. 23 00:01:54,634 --> 00:01:58,367 WELL, TELL THEM TO DRIVE SOME OF THAT FOOD OVER HERE. 24 00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:01,267 - MOTHER! - TWO CANS.THAT'S IT. 25 00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,467 DON'T TOUCH THAT CREAMED CORN. 26 00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:06,300 - ( telephone rings ) - I'LL GET IT. 27 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,434 - HELLO? - MOM! 28 00:02:08,434 --> 00:02:10,434 - HE STARTED IT. - DID NOT. 29 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,801 KNOCK IT OFF, YOU TWO. STOP IT.GET AWAY. 30 00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:15,934 - LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. - YOU HEARD YOUR FATHER. 31 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:20,501 - DON'T TELL HIM THAT. - GET OFF THE PHONE. 32 00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:23,534 - MOM... - NOW. 33 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:26,968 I GOT TO GO. BYE. 34 00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:28,901 DAD, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE REALLY GOOD FOR BREAKFAST? 35 00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:31,133 - WHAT? - PIE. 36 00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:34,267 - TELL HIM NO. - NO. 37 00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:38,567 ( phone rings ) 38 00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:42,868 OH, HI. I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND I'M GETTING BOOBS. 39 00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:47,667 BECKY CAN'T TALK NOW. 40 00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:52,334 OH, MY GOSH. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE YOU THIS. 41 00:02:52,334 --> 00:02:55,167 - WHAT IS IT? - IT'S A NOTE FROM MY HISTORY TEACHER, MISS CRANE. 42 00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:57,167 - YOU GOT TO MEET WITH HER AT 3:15. - TODAY? 43 00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:58,634 UH-HUH. 44 00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:02,400 WHY DO YOU WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS? 45 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,334 I'VE GOT A LIFE, TOO. IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO. 46 00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:08,534 I'M SORRY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, THROW MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE? 47 00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:11,901 YEAH, AND TAKE YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER WITH YOU. 48 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:14,467 ( horn honks ) 49 00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:16,467 YOU GUYS DIDN'T EVEN BRUSH YOUR TEETH. 50 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:18,467 WE DON'T HAVE TIME. 51 00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:20,868 WE'LL MISS THE BUS. 52 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,067 - BYE. - Dan: BYE. 53 00:03:23,067 --> 00:03:26,868 QUICK, THEY'RE GONE. CHANGE THE LOCKS. 54 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,434 WHAT IS IT? 55 00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:34,367 - I REALLY DON'T WANNA PICK... - WHAT? 56 00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:37,634 I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE TOAST CRUMBS ON THE BUTTER. 57 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,167 WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? YOU'RE GONNA SMEAR IT ON YOUR TOAST. 58 00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:42,067 IT AIN'T RIGHT. 59 00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:44,567 YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE JELLY IN THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR. 60 00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:46,701 WELL, THAT'S SICKENING. 61 00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,667 - SAME THING. - IS NOT. 62 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,267 - AFRAID SO. - ALL RIGHT, HERE. 63 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,901 NICE, FRESH BUTTER. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. 64 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:02,934 I LOVE YOU, DARLIN'. 65 00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:05,200 I LOVE YOU, TOO. 66 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,701 ( horn honks ) 67 00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:08,701 SAVE ME THAT DETERGENT COUPON. 68 00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:10,634 BECKY! 69 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,334 - DAN. - WHAT? 70 00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:15,334 THE SINK'S ALL BACKED UP AGAIN. 71 00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:17,334 I'LL PLUNGE IT RIGHT AFTER BREAKFAST. 72 00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:20,100 I DON'T WANT YOU TO PLUNGE IT. I WANT YOU TO FIX IT. 73 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,834 - YOU GOT IT, BABE. - THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK. 74 00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:25,434 - YOU GOT TO FIX IT TODAY. - ABSOLUTELY. 75 00:04:25,434 --> 00:04:27,534 MOM, MY BOOKBAG JUST FELL APART. 76 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:29,534 I JUST BOUGHT IT YESTERDAY. 77 00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:32,033 - ( horn honks ) - MOM, PLEASE, YOU GOTTA TAKE IT BACK. 78 00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:35,167 - ALL RIGHT. I'LL DO IT AFTER WORK. - THANKS. 79 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,634 - BYE. - GOODBYE. 80 00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,934 COULD YOU MEET WITH DARLENE'S TEACHER TODAY? 81 00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:44,534 I CAN'T DO IT TODAY. I'M PUTTING IN A BID ON A JOB. 82 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,901 IF I GET IT, ME AND FREDDY START CONSTRUCTION THIS AFTERNOON. 83 00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:50,100 HOW ABOUT THIS BOOKBAG? CAN YOU EXCHANGE THAT? 84 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:53,968 COULD YOU FIT THAT INTO YOUR TIGHT SCHEDULE THERE? 85 00:04:53,968 --> 00:04:56,234 IT'S EITHER THAT OR FIX THE SINK. 86 00:04:56,234 --> 00:04:58,300 OKAY, FIX THE SINK. 87 00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,968 I'LL DO EVERYTHING ELSE-- LIKE I ALWAYS DO. 88 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:05,501 I'LL HAVE TO GET OFF WORK AN HOUR EARLY, LOSE AN HOUR'S PAY, 89 00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:08,167 TOTALLY REARRANGE MY WHOLE SCHEDULE. 90 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:12,100 BUT I DON'T MIND. 91 00:05:17,834 --> 00:05:20,067 ARE YOU EVER SORRY WE GOT MARRIED? 92 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,801 EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE. 93 00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:27,133 - ME, TOO. - YOU ARE REALLY? 94 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,567 - NAH. - OKAY, ME NEITHER, THEN. 95 00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,968 HEY... 96 00:05:37,968 --> 00:05:40,033 WHO WOULD YOU HAVE MARRIED IF YOU DIDN'T MARRY ME? 97 00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:42,901 - ROSIE--! - COME ON, WHO? 98 00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:44,767 NO ONE. 99 00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:48,234 OH, I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T-- WHO? 100 00:05:48,234 --> 00:05:50,234 THIS TIME I SWEAR I WON'T GET MAD. 101 00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:53,033 - I KNOW, BETH WINCHESTER. - ARE YOU KIDDING? 102 00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:56,033 I'M NOT GONNA GET MAD. I JUST WANT YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH. 103 00:05:56,033 --> 00:05:59,033 I SWEAR I'M NOT GETTING MAD. JUST TELL. 104 00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:01,067 JOSEPHINE CARTER. 105 00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:04,200 JOSEPHINE CARTER, THAT OLD SLUT? 106 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,501 SHE HAD GREAT TOES. 107 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:11,033 - TOES? - YEAH. 108 00:06:11,033 --> 00:06:13,200 SHE USED TO SIT THERE AND CROSS HER LEGS 109 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,534 AND DANGLE HER SHOE OFF THE END OF HER TOE. 110 00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:20,133 DROVE ME CRAZY. 111 00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:22,501 - SO YOU WERE GONNA MARRY HER FOR THAT? - YES, MA'AM. 112 00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:24,033 WELL, WHY DIDN'T YA? 113 00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:27,901 WELL, THE MORNING I WAS GONNA PROPOSE, 114 00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:30,501 I TOOK HER OVER TO THIS LITTLE COFFEE SHOP, 115 00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:33,734 A REAL QUIET OUT-OF-THE-WAY PLACE. 116 00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:36,767 AND JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO POP THE QUESTION, 117 00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:39,300 SHE SMEARED TOAST CRUMBS ALL OVER HER BUTTER. 118 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,367 THAT WAS IT. I GOT UP, I LEFT. 119 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,734 I DIDN'T EVEN PAY THE CHECK. 120 00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:47,567 YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY CUTE, DON'T YA? 121 00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,601 PRETTY MUCH. 122 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,334 BOOKER, I GOT TO GET OFF AN HOUR EARLY TODAY. 123 00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:03,133 I CAN'T DO IT. WE'RE 200 CASES BEHIND ON THAT GILLMAN ORDER. 124 00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:05,801 BUT I GOTTA, BOOKER. IT'S REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT. 125 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,801 YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MY POSITION. 126 00:07:07,801 --> 00:07:09,934 WELL, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MY POSITION. 127 00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:12,801 I GOT TO GO TO SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY KID'S TEACHER. 128 00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:16,434 ROSEANNE, HERE AT WELLMAN PLASTICS, 129 00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,434 WE ARE A TEAM. 130 00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:20,234 I'D LIKE TO MAKE US A WINNING TEAM. 131 00:07:20,234 --> 00:07:22,234 ALL THE PLAYERS ARE EQUALLY AS IMPORTANT. 132 00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:25,634 THE RUNNING BACKS ARE NO MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE PULLING GUARDS. 133 00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,801 - PULLING GUARDS ARE NO MORE-- - YEAH, I GOT IT. 134 00:07:27,801 --> 00:07:30,701 IT'S LIKE A BIG OL' QUILTING BEE. 135 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,934 A WHAT? 136 00:07:32,934 --> 00:07:35,567 WHERE ALL THE BAREFOOT WOMEN ON THE PRAIRIE GET TOGETHER 137 00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:39,000 AND THEY ALL STITCH THIS ONE REALLY INCREDIBLE QUILT, 138 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,033 AND NO ONE PATCH IS ANY MORE IMPORTANT 139 00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:43,501 THAN ANY OTHER PATCH KIND OF THING. 140 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:45,133 UH-HUH. 141 00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:49,801 THE WOMAN SEWING THIS PATCH HAS TO GET OFF AN HOUR EARLY TODAY. 142 00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:52,334 - LOOK, ROSEANNE-- - I'M LOOKING, BOOKER. 143 00:07:52,334 --> 00:07:55,534 - GIVE ME A BREAK. - ALL RIGHT. 144 00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:59,167 I'LL GIVE YOU A HALF AN HOUR, AND IT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR CHECK. 145 00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:01,200 WELL, THERE GOES THE PORSCHE. 146 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,100 I JUST LOVE IT WHEN A GUY TALKS SPORTS. 147 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:07,234 IT DOES SOMETHING TO ME. 148 00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,234 THE ONLY THING THAT'S MORE EXCITING 149 00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:12,901 IS WHEN DAN TALKS ABOUT HYDRAULIC JACKS AND SNOW TIRES. 150 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:16,100 YOU CAN JOKE ALL YOU WANT. YOU GOT YOURSELF THE IDEAL MAN. 151 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,200 - OH, "IDEAL," HUH? - SURE. 152 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,234 I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE A MAN LIKE DAN. 153 00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:22,567 HE STAYS HOME. HE NEVER RUNS AROUND ON YOU. 154 00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:25,534 HE'S GOOD TO THE KIDS, AND HE'S HYGIENIC. 155 00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:30,133 WELL, CRYSTAL, YOU THINK HE CAME THAT WAY? 156 00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:35,567 IT'S 15 YEARS OF FIGHTING THAT MADE HIM LIKE THAT. 157 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,234 YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT. 158 00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:40,467 I'M SERIOUS. A GOOD MAN DON'T JUST HAPPEN. 159 00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:43,400 THEY HAVE TO BE CREATED BY US WOMEN. 160 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,100 YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. 161 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,534 WELL, I DO KNOW EVERYTHING, CRYSTAL. 162 00:08:50,534 --> 00:08:54,467 A GUY IS A LUMP LIKE THIS DOUGHNUT. 163 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,167 SO FIRST, YOU GOT TO GET RID OF ALL THE STUFF 164 00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:59,167 HIS MOM DID TO HIM. 165 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,734 THEN YOU GOT TO GET RID OF ALL THAT MACHO CRAP 166 00:09:04,734 --> 00:09:08,067 THAT THEY PICK UP FROM THE BEER COMMERCIALS. 167 00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:12,434 AND THEN THERE'S MY PERSONAL FAVORITE, THE MALE EGO. 168 00:09:17,434 --> 00:09:19,901 ( whistle blows ) 169 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,100 HI, SIS. 170 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,400 - HI.ROSEANNE. - WHAT? 171 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,400 YOU REALIZE THAT MOST PEOPLE 172 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,534 USE ONLY TWO PERCENT OF THEIR MIND'S POTENTIAL? 173 00:09:31,534 --> 00:09:34,133 - THAT MUCH, HUH? - LAST NIGHT... 174 00:09:34,133 --> 00:09:36,267 I WENT TO THIS INCREDIBLE SEMINAR. 175 00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:39,234 WHAT WAS IT THIS TIME, "DARE TO BE A MILLIONAIRE"? 176 00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:43,200 - "SEE IT AND BE IT." - BE WHAT? 177 00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:49,934 - HI, JACKIE. - HEY, CRYSTAL. 178 00:09:49,934 --> 00:09:52,400 ROSEANNE, THIS GUY, DR. JERRY MACKLETT, 179 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,067 HE TEACHES YOU HOW TO TAP INTO THE HIDDEN TREASURES 180 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:57,067 OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND. 181 00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,067 - HE DOES, HUH? - YEAH, IT'S SO SIMPLE. 182 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,067 HE GOES, "IF YOUR MIND CAN CONCEIVE IT 183 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,100 AND YOUR HEART CAN BELIEVE IT, THEN YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT." 184 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,834 ACHIEVE WHAT? 185 00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:07,167 SIS HERE WENT TO ANOTHER ONE OF HER INCREDIBLE SEMINARS. 186 00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:09,167 IT'S GREAT. IT'S GREAT. 187 00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:11,667 - MAYBE I SHOULD GO WITH YOU TO ONE OF YOUR SEMINARS. - "SEE IT AND BE IT." 188 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:14,334 THAT'S THE ONE YOU SHOULD GO TO, CRYSTAL. THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. 189 00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:17,200 - I'VE LOVE TO CHANGE MY LIFE. - Jackie: WELL, YOU CAN. 190 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,334 FOR ONLY $30-- IT'S A ONE-NIGHT COURSE, 191 00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:22,934 WHAT YOU GET ARE THE BASICS OF VISUALIZATION. 192 00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:27,300 - VISUALIZATION? - YOU USE YOUR MIND'S POTENTIAL TO GET ANYTHING YOU WANT. 193 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:30,133 YOU WANT A BRAND-NEW CAR? ALL YOU DO IS VISUALIZE IT. 194 00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,667 THAT SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH. 195 00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:33,868 MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING HERE, SIS. 196 00:10:33,868 --> 00:10:36,801 - YEAH, YOU-- GET OUT OF HERE. - I'M SERIOUS. 197 00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:40,868 I'M VISUALIZING A CLEAN HOUSE... 198 00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:43,534 AND KIDS WHO DON'T TALK BACK 199 00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:45,968 AND A HUSBAND WHO WAITS ON ME HAND AND FOOT. 200 00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:48,067 YOU CAN HAVE THAT. 201 00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,834 AND WE'RE ALL GETTING IN CRYSTAL'S BRAND-NEW CAR... 202 00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:55,300 AND WE'RE DRIVING UP THIS BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN ROAD 203 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,300 TO GO TO THE COUNTRYSIDE 204 00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,667 TO VISIT MY SISTER IN THE NUT BARN. 205 00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,300 HI.ARE YOU THE HISTORY TEACHER? 206 00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,400 YES. I'M MS. CRANE. 207 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,400 HI. I'M DARLENE'S MOM. 208 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,601 OH, I'D GIVEN UP ON YOU. YOU'RE 15 MINUTES LATE. 209 00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:21,934 I'M REALLY SORRY. I GOT HERE AS SOON AS I COULD. 210 00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,067 I DON'T THINK WE CAN DO THIS TODAY. 211 00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:26,868 - WHAT? - I HAVE ANOTHER ENGAGEMENT. 212 00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:29,167 WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA GO PLAY TENNIS? 213 00:11:29,167 --> 00:11:31,200 SQUASH. 214 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,434 COULD WE DO THIS ANOTHER DAY? 215 00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:35,934 NO. 216 00:11:35,934 --> 00:11:39,100 I HAD TO GET OFF FROM WORK AN HOUR EARLY AND LOSE PAY, 217 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:41,100 THEN I GOT CAUGHT IN TRAFFIC. 218 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,200 ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DO IT TODAY. HAVE A SEAT. 219 00:11:55,734 --> 00:12:00,033 DARLENE HAS BEEN DEMONSTRATING BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS. 220 00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:01,634 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 221 00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:05,300 SHE'S BEEN BARKING IN CLASS. 222 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:09,100 - BARKING? - LIKE A DOG. 223 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,234 WELL, DID YOU TELL HER TO STOP IT? 224 00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:13,801 - Ms. Crane: I DID. - DID SHE STOP IT? 225 00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:17,968 - SHE STOPPED. - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 226 00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:21,834 I FEEL THIS BARKING IS AN AGGRESSIVE MANIFESTATION 227 00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:23,801 OF A DEEPER INTERNAL PROBLEM. 228 00:12:28,634 --> 00:12:30,734 HUH? 229 00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:33,367 NOW, LET ME EXPLAIN. 230 00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:35,501 WE HAVE FOUND 231 00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:37,634 THAT WHEN BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS ARISE IN THE CLASSROOM, 232 00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:40,667 IT USUALLY INDICATES A PROBLEM AT HOME. 233 00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:43,000 UH-HUH... 234 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,901 HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER? 235 00:12:49,901 --> 00:12:51,701 I'D SAY IT'S TYPICAL. 236 00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:54,734 "TYPICAL"? NOT SPECIAL? 237 00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,234 TYPICAL. 238 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:59,901 DO YOU FEEL YOU SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH YOUR DAUGHTER? 239 00:12:59,901 --> 00:13:03,200 YOU MEAN LIKE "QUALITY TIME"? 240 00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:08,200 YES. DO YOU SPEND ANY FREE TIME WITH DARLENE? 241 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,634 WELL, I HAVE THREE KIDS AND I WORK, 242 00:13:10,634 --> 00:13:12,968 SO I DON'T HAVE ANY FREE TIME. 243 00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:15,167 SEE, NOW, THAT MAY BE THE PROBLEM. 244 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:17,000 MM-HMM... 245 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,868 I THINK THE PROBLEM IS IS THAT THERE IS NO PROBLEM. 246 00:13:19,868 --> 00:13:21,701 YOUR DAUGHTER BARKS. 247 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,267 OUR WHOLE FAMILY BARKS. 248 00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:36,801 I TALKED TO YOUR HISTORY TEACHER TODAY. 249 00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:39,200 OH, MS. CRANE THE PAIN? 250 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,801 YEAH, YOU'RE A REAL JOKESTER, ALL RIGHT. 251 00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:44,300 - ( TV audio clatters ) - TURN THAT DOWN. 252 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,234 ( TV audio stops ) 253 00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:50,467 SHE SAYS YOU'VE BEEN BARKING IN CLASS. 254 00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:53,501 YEAH. 255 00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:56,334 WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO THAT FOR? 256 00:13:58,067 --> 00:14:00,467 MOM, SHE IS SO BORING. 257 00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:02,467 IF I DON'T BARK, I'LL FALL ASLEEP. 258 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:05,200 MOM, DID YOU GET MY BOOKBAG? 259 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,200 - YEAH, IT'S OVER THERE. - OKAY, THANKS. 260 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,200 I MEAN IT, DARLENE. YOU NEED TO KNOCK IT OFF. 261 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,234 I'M SERIOUS. NO MORE BARKING. 262 00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,567 BUT EVERYONE MAKES FUN OF MS. CRANE. 263 00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:15,300 MOM, THIS IS BLUE. 264 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,868 - HEY, I'M TALKING TO MOM. - WELL, SO AM I. 265 00:14:17,868 --> 00:14:21,334 - SHUT UP. - DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP. YOU ARE SO IMMATURE. 266 00:14:21,334 --> 00:14:25,067 STOP IT, YOU TWO. KNOCK IT OFF. 267 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:30,734 YOU'RE GONNA USE THAT BAG UNTIL YOU'RE 30. 268 00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,834 OH, GREAT. I'M JUST GONNA LOOK LIKE A FREAK. 269 00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:36,534 - WHAT ELSE IS NEW? - SHUT UP. 270 00:14:36,534 --> 00:14:40,434 THIS IS WHY SOME ANIMALS EAT THEIR YOUNG. 271 00:14:46,934 --> 00:14:50,234 I WANT YOU TO TAKE ALL OF YOUR STUFF O YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW. 272 00:14:50,234 --> 00:14:52,567 - HI, BABE. - HI. 273 00:14:54,467 --> 00:14:57,667 DAD, I STRUCK OUT MARK WINSTEAD SIX TIMES. 274 00:14:57,667 --> 00:15:00,267 - YEAH, I SAW THAT IN THE SPORTS PAGE. - DAD-- 275 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:04,067 AND SOMETHING ABOUT HIM BEING YOUR BOYFRIEND? 276 00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:06,133 WHAT? HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. 277 00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:08,400 YOU ALWAYS STRIKE OUT THE ONE YOU LOVE... 278 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,400 MRS. WINSTEAD. 279 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,434 HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. I CAN'T STAND HIM. 280 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,767 - * K-I-S-S-I-N-G... * - Darlene: BE QUIET! 281 00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:18,934 * FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE... * 282 00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:21,501 - DID YOU GET ANY BEER? - IT'S ON THE COUNTER. 283 00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:23,767 THANKS, HONEY. YOU'RE A PEACH. 284 00:15:23,767 --> 00:15:27,467 * THEN COMES MARKY IN A BABY CARRIAGE. * 285 00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:30,000 HEY, THIS IS WARM. 286 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,934 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 287 00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:35,634 DAN...? 288 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,634 YES? 289 00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:39,734 HOW COME THAT SINK AIN'T FIXED YET? 290 00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:42,300 I'M GONNA GET RIGHT ON IT. AW, CHECK THIS OUT. 291 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:46,000 A GENUINE HAND-CARVED FIGUREHEAD. 292 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:51,100 UH-HUH, YEAH. 293 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:54,367 WHEN I GET THE BOAT FINISHED, I'M GONNA SLAP THIS BABY RIGHT ON THE FRONT. 294 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,868 - OH, YOU ARE, HUH? - YEAH, AIN'T IT A BEAUT? 295 00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:59,934 I CAN'T BELIEVE DWIGHT WAS GONNA THROW THIS OUT. 296 00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:02,534 WHAT WERE YOU DOING OVER AT DWIGHT'S? 297 00:16:02,534 --> 00:16:04,834 ME AND FREDDY WENT OVER THERE TO HELP HIM WORK ON THIS TRUCK. 298 00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,968 YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA START A JOB TODAY. 299 00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:10,200 WELL, I DIDN'T GET IT. SOMEBODY PUT IN A LOWER BID. 300 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,734 SO YOU HAD, LIKE, THE WHOLE DAY OFF? 301 00:16:12,734 --> 00:16:15,467 NO, I DIDN'T HAVE THE WHOLE DAY OFF. 302 00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:17,400 I WAS BUSY... 303 00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,534 MAKING CONTACTS. 304 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,868 WITH WHAT, DWIGHT'S TRUCK AND A SIX-PACK? 305 00:16:24,868 --> 00:16:28,567 - OH, COME ON, ROSEANNE. - OH, COME ON, DAN. 306 00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:31,000 I WAS HOPING TO KICK A LITTLE WORK MY WAY. 307 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,000 I GOT MY LAST TWO JOBS FROM DWIGHT. 308 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,534 WELL, MAYBE HE CAN GET YOU YOUR NEXT WIFE. 309 00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:37,534 - MAYBE. - OOH! 310 00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:39,534 WHAT WOULD I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU? 311 00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:43,100 JUST SIT THERE AND DRINK YOUR BEER, HUBBY. I'LL FIX THE SINK MYSELF. 312 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,367 THE HELL YOU WILL. I'LL FIX THE SINK. 313 00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:48,167 OH, TALK IS CHEAP, MR. FIX-IT. 314 00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:51,267 FIXING A SINK IS A HUSBAND'S JOB. I AM THE HUSBAND. 315 00:16:51,267 --> 00:16:54,334 AND I'M THE WIFE, SO IT'S MY JOB TO DO EVERYTHING ELSE, RIGHT? 316 00:16:54,334 --> 00:16:57,400 - OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT. - OH, WELL, IT MUST BE TRUE. 317 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,434 I PUT IN EIGHT HOURS A DAY AT THE FACTORY, 318 00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:01,467 THEN COME HOME AND PUT IN ANOTHER EIGHT HOURS. 319 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:04,434 I'M RUNNING AROUND LIKE A MANIAC, TAKING BACK-- 320 00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,567 - MOM, WHERE'S THE TAPE? - IN THE BATHROOM, THIRD DRAWER-- 321 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,133 ...BOOKBAGS, TALKING TO TEACHERS AND EVERYTHING ELSE, 322 00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,334 - AND YOU DON'T DO NOTHING! - WHOA! 323 00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:14,033 HEY, I DO PLENTY AROUND HERE. 324 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,033 LIKE WHAT? 325 00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:18,033 CLEAN THE GUTTERS. 326 00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:19,567 AND...? 327 00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:23,100 WHAT'S THE POINT HERE, ROSEANNE? 328 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,634 THERE IS NO POINT, OKAY? 329 00:17:26,634 --> 00:17:28,601 NO POINT. 330 00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:35,767 THE POINT IS... 331 00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:39,334 YOU THINK THIS IS A MAGIC KINGDOM 332 00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:41,601 WHERE YOU JUST SIT UP HERE ON YOUR THRONE. 333 00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:43,100 - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. 334 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,300 AND YOU THINK EVERYTHING GETS DONE BY SOME WONDERFUL WIZARD. 335 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,300 POOF! THE LAUNDRY'S FOLDED. 336 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,300 POOF! DINNER'S ON THE TABLE. 337 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,434 YOU WANT ME TO FIX DINNER? I'LL FIX DINNER. 338 00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:53,501 I'M FIXING DINNER. 339 00:17:53,501 --> 00:17:58,334 OH, BUT, HONEY, YOU JUST FIXED DINNER THREE YEARS AGO. 340 00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:04,067 THINK I CAN'T COOK? I CAN COOK.I'M COOKING. 341 00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:06,400 AND I'LL SPEND THE REST OF THE NIGHT WASHING UP THE DISHES. 342 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,934 - HEY, I DO THE DISHES. - WHEN? 343 00:18:08,934 --> 00:18:11,434 THURSDAY, 6:45 P.M. 344 00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,968 1970-WHAT? 345 00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:20,734 WE CAN'T HAVE A BIG CAN OF CORN FOR DINNER. 346 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:26,133 I'LL DO IT. OH, LET ME DO IT. IT'S EASIER. 347 00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:28,367 SEE? I TRY TO HELP. 348 00:18:28,367 --> 00:18:31,834 WELL, YOU BETTER TRY A LITTLE BIT HARDER. YOU KNOW WHY? 349 00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:35,067 YOU BETTER COME DOWN OFF OF YOUR THRONE RIGHT NOW 350 00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:37,667 AND START HELPING ME OUT 'CAUSE I'M GETTING FED UP. 351 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,467 WELL, I GOT A ROYAL NEWS FLASH FOR YOU-- 352 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:43,467 MOM, DAD! DARLENE CUT HER FINGER OFF! 353 00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:46,267 - Roseanne: WHAT HAPPENED? - SHE CUT HERSELF WITH THE SCISSORS. 354 00:18:46,267 --> 00:18:50,367 LET'S SEE.OKAY. COME ON, LET'S GO. 355 00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,501 TAKE HER TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM! 356 00:18:52,501 --> 00:18:54,501 SHE NEEDS A TOURNIQUET! 357 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,834 SHUT UP, HONEY. 358 00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:59,667 I'M JUST GONNA RINSE THIS OFF FIRST, OKAY? 359 00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:02,200 - Darlene: OW... - Dan: IT'S OKAY. IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 360 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,167 WE JUST GOT TO KEEP YOUR FINGER ABOVE YOUR HEAD. 361 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:06,801 - BUT IT HURTS. - YEAH, HONEY. 362 00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:09,467 TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR FINGER. THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. 363 00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:11,467 - I CAN'T. - YEAH, YOU CAN. 364 00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,734 - THINK ABOUT A FLOWER. - FLOWER? 365 00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:16,200 YEAH, CLOSE YOUR EYES. GO AHEAD, CLOSE 'EM. 366 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,300 OKAY. NOW, THINK ABOUT A REAL PRETTY FLOWER. 367 00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,300 IT'S OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD, 368 00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:23,934 AND THE SUN'S SHINING ON IT. 369 00:19:23,934 --> 00:19:26,067 - CAN YOU SEE IT? - NO! 370 00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:29,801 FORGET ABOUT THE FLOWER-- THINK ABOUT THE DEMOLITION DERBY. 371 00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:34,100 - WHAT ABOUT IT? - REMEMBER HOW THAT YELLOW STATION WAGON GOT CLOBBERED? 372 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,601 YEAH, THAT WAS NEAT. 373 00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:38,601 AND THEN TWO GUYS SANDWICHED HIM 374 00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:40,667 AND SLAMMED HIM INTO A WALL. 375 00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:43,767 - YEAH? - Dan: AND THEN RICKY TORNADO COME FULL SPEED 376 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:47,067 AND TORE THE GUY'S REAR END OFF AND FLIPPED HIM OVER. 377 00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:50,000 YEAH, THAT WAS A BLAST. 378 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,234 OKAY, BUB, YOU'RE ALL FINISHED. 379 00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,167 - I AM? - YEP. 380 00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:56,334 I DIDN'T EVEN FEEL IT. 381 00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:58,801 - Roseanne: PRETTY COOL, HUH? - YEAH.THANKS. 382 00:20:07,701 --> 00:20:10,968 - ARE YOU HUNGRY? - NOT REALLY. 383 00:20:10,968 --> 00:20:13,300 - GREAT, I'LL FIX DINNER. - GREAT. 384 00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:32,033 ( rough scratching ) 385 00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:34,334 HERE YOU GO. 386 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,334 OH, THANKS, BABE. 387 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,000 THANK YOU. 388 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,501 HONEY, FEEL THAT BOARD. 389 00:20:39,501 --> 00:20:41,234 YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW SMOOTH IT IS. 390 00:20:41,234 --> 00:20:43,234 RUN YOUR HAND ALONG IT. FEELS GOOD, HUH? 391 00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:46,434 ( flatly ) YEAH, I'M TREMBLING WITH EXCITEMENT. 392 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,200 JUST THINK... 393 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,868 WHEN YOU AND I ARE RETIRED, WE'RE GONNA BE CRUISING THE CARIBBEAN ON THIS BABY. 394 00:20:53,868 --> 00:20:55,868 I'M NOT GETTING ON THIS THING. 395 00:20:55,868 --> 00:20:57,868 IT'LL BE GREAT. 396 00:20:57,868 --> 00:21:00,701 WE'LL SPEND OUR LAST YEARS TOGETHER SAILING THROUGH PARADISE. 397 00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:03,801 THIS SAILOR STUFF REALLY TURNS YOU ON, HUH? 398 00:21:03,801 --> 00:21:05,567 ABSOLUTELY. 399 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:09,167 THERE'S NOTHING MORE ROMANTIC THAN DRIFTING ON THE OPEN SEA. 400 00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:11,167 - YEAH? - YEAH. 401 00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,634 BE ALL ALONE TOGETHER EVERY NIGHT, 402 00:21:13,634 --> 00:21:15,801 CUDDLE UP IN BED... 403 00:21:15,801 --> 00:21:18,601 MOONLIGHT DANCING ON THE WATER. 404 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:24,067 EVERY NIGHT WILL BE A VOYAGE TO ECSTASY. 405 00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:27,300 YOU'RE TURNING ME ON. 406 00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:30,234 - I AM? - YEAH.LET'S DO IT. 407 00:21:30,234 --> 00:21:32,601 WHAT ABOUT THE SINK? 408 00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:35,767 ANYWHERE YOU WANT. 31088

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