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All language subtitles for 3.2.1....Frankie.Go.Boom.2012.PROPER.BLURAY.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 3 00:00:48,501 --> 00:00:50,711 Hey, Frankie, let's go have a picnic. 4 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,671 No, I don't trust you. 5 00:00:53,381 --> 00:00:55,841 I got your favorite cupcakes. 6 00:00:58,471 --> 00:01:00,011 Are they real this time? 7 00:01:01,681 --> 00:01:02,851 Mom! 8 00:01:05,521 --> 00:01:08,361 He's your brother! Your damn brother. 9 00:01:12,191 --> 00:01:13,361 Get over here! 10 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,321 Where'd you get those cameras, you little fuck? 11 00:01:20,951 --> 00:01:23,371 Where'd you get those cameras? 12 00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:25,001 Did you steal them? 13 00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:30,841 Get back here, you little fucker, I'm gonna kill you! 14 00:02:27,561 --> 00:02:28,641 Mom. I can't talk. 15 00:02:28,811 --> 00:02:30,441 Uh-oh. You sound tense. 16 00:02:30,561 --> 00:02:32,941 I'm not tense. I'm writing. Can I call you back? 17 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,901 No, no, no. It'll only take a second. What're you writing? 18 00:02:36,151 --> 00:02:37,401 What do you think I'm writing, Mom? 19 00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:40,451 Writing books you never finish is masturbation, Frank. 20 00:02:40,741 --> 00:02:43,281 And I mean that with love, so don't take it as an insult. 21 00:02:45,871 --> 00:02:47,501 Anyway, there's a party on Friday for your brother, 22 00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:48,961 and he wants you to come. 23 00:02:49,121 --> 00:02:54,211 Mom, I don't see Bruce. I don't talk to Bruce. You know it, he knows it. 24 00:02:54,421 --> 00:02:57,011 It's been three years now! Get over it. 25 00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:58,471 Mom, I'm hanging up. I'll call you back. 26 00:02:58,551 --> 00:02:59,931 Let it go. He's off drugs. 27 00:03:01,391 --> 00:03:03,601 He wanted it to be a surprise. 28 00:03:03,681 --> 00:03:04,971 I know you two have your stuff, 29 00:03:05,431 --> 00:03:06,771 and his counselor said everyone has to 30 00:03:06,851 --> 00:03:08,481 go through this on their own time. 31 00:03:08,561 --> 00:03:11,141 But if you can come to his graduation thing, I think you should. 32 00:03:13,731 --> 00:03:19,321 Mom, I just don't think it's a good idea. I'm really into this book. 33 00:03:20,281 --> 00:03:24,031 And I just started a garden. Looks amazing. 34 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,161 But tell Bruce I'm proud of him. 35 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,621 No, you know what? I'll tell him myself. I'll write him a letter. 36 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,751 Oh, my God. Would you really do that? 37 00:03:32,831 --> 00:03:34,631 And when he finds out you're not coming 38 00:03:34,711 --> 00:03:37,551 and he overdoses in a crack house, we can read it at his funeral. 39 00:03:46,681 --> 00:03:47,971 Fuck! 40 00:04:58,081 --> 00:05:00,341 Oh, there you are! Bruce called. 41 00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:02,511 All the other families are there. I don't want to be late. 42 00:05:02,591 --> 00:05:03,721 Chris, he's here! 43 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,221 Hi, Mom. 44 00:05:05,511 --> 00:05:07,471 Come on, the "hi" was implied. 45 00:05:08,801 --> 00:05:10,101 A lot of pictures of Bruce. 46 00:05:10,221 --> 00:05:13,061 Bonnie Hubbard's son raped a girl when he got out of rehab. 47 00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:14,771 We want Bruce to feel loved. 48 00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:16,691 - Sure. - Chris! 49 00:05:16,771 --> 00:05:17,941 I'm here. Stop yelling. 50 00:05:18,021 --> 00:05:21,111 Why are you wearing the burgundy when I suggested the blue? 51 00:05:21,231 --> 00:05:22,191 What? You said red. 52 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:24,241 Tell your son it's time for him to move back home. 53 00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:25,321 What? 54 00:05:25,401 --> 00:05:27,111 My people are Jewish. Moses led us out of the desert. 55 00:05:27,321 --> 00:05:29,161 It is disrespectful to go back. 56 00:05:29,281 --> 00:05:30,701 Would you please stop picking on him? 57 00:05:30,781 --> 00:05:32,121 If what happened to him at his wedding 58 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,251 happened to you at your wedding, 59 00:05:33,331 --> 00:05:34,621 you'd want to hide in the desert, too. 60 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:35,661 - Hi, Frankie. - Hi, Dad. 61 00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:36,961 - So now he's guilty? - Guilty? 62 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,291 - Who said anything about him being guilty? - You did! 63 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,881 - And you said it in your own words! - He's traumatized. 64 00:05:39,961 --> 00:05:42,131 And look at that! That is not a blue sweater, that's a gray sweater. 65 00:05:42,751 --> 00:05:44,631 We'll have to use your car. 66 00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,551 What's wrong with yours? 67 00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:49,471 We don't have cars right now. Bruce stole them for drugs. 68 00:05:49,591 --> 00:05:51,011 We said we wouldn't tell him! 69 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,261 Who said we wouldn't tell him? 70 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:56,061 I'm sorry, Bruce stole your cars and sold them for drugs? 71 00:05:56,141 --> 00:05:57,851 Why are you so hard on your brother? 72 00:05:58,311 --> 00:05:59,941 Drug addiction is a disease. 73 00:06:00,021 --> 00:06:02,071 Would you be mad at somebody because they got cancer? 74 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,071 If they stole my fucking car, I would. 75 00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:07,491 Just don't mention it tonight. Besides, the mopeds are fine. 76 00:06:10,321 --> 00:06:11,781 They're all we could afford. 77 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,581 Apparently, the insurance company 78 00:06:13,661 --> 00:06:16,001 doesn't consider it theft if it's family. 79 00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:26,841 Hi, my name is Bruce, and I am an addict and an alcoholic. 80 00:06:28,511 --> 00:06:30,011 Thank you, thank you. 81 00:06:30,511 --> 00:06:33,311 Today's a big day for me. I've just come out of rehab. 82 00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:35,851 And today I am 90 days sober. 83 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,731 Who's that woman? 84 00:06:38,811 --> 00:06:39,811 Thank you, thank you. 85 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:41,271 Think I know her. 86 00:06:41,351 --> 00:06:42,361 Thank you, thank you. 87 00:06:42,561 --> 00:06:43,571 Be quiet. 88 00:06:43,651 --> 00:06:44,691 Thank you, thank you. 89 00:06:46,191 --> 00:06:50,701 My disease had left me in a drug-induced sleep. 90 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:56,291 It was rough. But even then I had a dream. 91 00:06:56,411 --> 00:07:01,581 Just like this guy. Just like old Marty King. "I had a dream." 92 00:07:02,711 --> 00:07:07,671 My slavery was not picking cotton, or eating gumbo, or whatever. 93 00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:12,391 But it was gin and it was cocaine. And I have been released. 94 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,771 Thank you. 95 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:24,861 Today, I would like to thank Mom and Dad and Frankie. 96 00:07:25,771 --> 00:07:27,111 This is for you. 97 00:07:27,901 --> 00:07:28,901 Thank you. 98 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,291 There they are! 99 00:07:38,411 --> 00:07:39,581 There he is. 100 00:07:42,541 --> 00:07:43,961 You look so pretty today. 101 00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:45,341 There's my leading man! 102 00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,751 Say something, Frankie! 103 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,671 Would you not do that, please? 104 00:07:48,841 --> 00:07:51,681 Oh, I'm sorry. I've been waiting three months 105 00:07:51,761 --> 00:07:52,971 to get this puppy back in my hands. 106 00:07:53,051 --> 00:07:56,261 Bruce put his directing career on hold while he was getting better. 107 00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:58,011 They don't allow cameras in rehab. 108 00:07:58,101 --> 00:07:59,271 Is that really Jack Knoll? 109 00:07:59,351 --> 00:08:00,561 Yeah, oh, I never told you... 110 00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:03,101 Jack! Jack! Come over and meet my family. 111 00:08:03,231 --> 00:08:04,311 Two seconds! 112 00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:06,191 We might be doing a picture together. 113 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,861 With you directing? Did you hear that? Oh, my God! 114 00:08:10,361 --> 00:08:12,361 When did you become a director, Bruce? 115 00:08:12,991 --> 00:08:15,161 Dude, I've been directing my whole life. 116 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,621 Don't you remember all those funny movies 117 00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:18,161 you used to make when you were boys? 118 00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:21,371 He tortured him. Bruce tortured him on film. 119 00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:22,791 That's not true. 120 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:31,301 It's good to see you. I haven't seen you since the wedding. 121 00:08:31,971 --> 00:08:33,171 - Right? - Yup. 122 00:08:34,221 --> 00:08:35,471 You're not still mad about that, are you? 123 00:08:37,891 --> 00:08:39,061 Let's just forget about it, Bruce. 124 00:08:39,141 --> 00:08:40,601 Right. You don't wanna talk about it? 125 00:08:40,681 --> 00:08:41,771 Nope, not really. 126 00:08:41,851 --> 00:08:43,311 It's just that I kind of wanted to talk about it. 127 00:08:43,441 --> 00:08:45,731 Do you think it would be okay just to keep this about now? 128 00:08:45,811 --> 00:08:46,811 That's not a problem. 129 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,611 Jack Knoll. Isn't he that actor with all those guns? 130 00:08:49,691 --> 00:08:50,901 Didn't he shoot somebody? 131 00:08:50,981 --> 00:08:54,151 Hey! Bruce, your old man's fucking gossiping about me, man. 132 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:58,071 I'm just kidding, man. I'm just kidding. I'm Jack. I love you people. 133 00:08:58,321 --> 00:09:00,791 I just grazed him, didn't really hurt him. 134 00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:05,001 Listen, your son, this man here, saved my life. 135 00:09:05,961 --> 00:09:07,381 If it hadn't been for him, 136 00:09:07,461 --> 00:09:11,251 I would've just ripped my skull, right above my eyebrows, 137 00:09:11,341 --> 00:09:14,091 just ripped it off and taken my brains and smashed them out. 138 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,261 This man is a saint. 139 00:09:15,341 --> 00:09:16,971 Those are sweet words. Thank you, Jack. 140 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,971 Bruce, are these your parents? 141 00:09:19,051 --> 00:09:20,311 Oh. Yes. 142 00:09:20,391 --> 00:09:21,971 You must be so proud. 143 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,681 Dharma, this is my family. 144 00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:26,351 Are you in show business? 145 00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:30,861 Mom, this is Dharma D-Cup. She's been, like, in a billion porn movies. 146 00:09:31,111 --> 00:09:32,111 Really? 147 00:09:32,191 --> 00:09:33,441 Yeah, but I'm done with all that. 148 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,701 I'm going to try and get into real acting. 149 00:09:36,651 --> 00:09:37,861 I'm sure you'll be great. 150 00:09:38,071 --> 00:09:39,071 Thanks. 151 00:09:39,411 --> 00:09:41,371 You're a terrific actor. 152 00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:43,041 What? 153 00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:46,081 You. You have a talent. 154 00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:51,881 You, the way you played that comedy. It's so rare, so special. 155 00:09:51,961 --> 00:09:53,051 You're a great actor. 156 00:09:53,381 --> 00:09:54,711 Thank you. What is he talking about? 157 00:09:54,881 --> 00:09:57,721 The short. The short, man. Superb. 158 00:09:57,881 --> 00:09:59,721 - What short? - My short. 159 00:10:01,391 --> 00:10:05,391 The short that I shot at UCLA film school, bro. Remember? 160 00:10:05,641 --> 00:10:06,891 About the wedding. 161 00:10:07,981 --> 00:10:10,481 Right. You showed them my wedding video? 162 00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:13,441 You know what, it's not actually called My Wedding Video anymore. 163 00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:16,151 It's called The Wedding Video for copyright reasons. 164 00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:22,581 Frank! Frank! 165 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,331 Frank, they didn't know it was real. 166 00:10:25,411 --> 00:10:26,581 They thought that you were an actor. 167 00:10:26,661 --> 00:10:29,081 Come on, it's not like a million people haven't seen it already. 168 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:32,751 It wasn't a million people, Bruce. It was 18 million people. 169 00:10:34,921 --> 00:10:38,051 Okay, I shouldn't have shown it to Jack without asking you first. 170 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,181 Oh, you think? 171 00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:41,761 And I shouldn't have put it on the Internet. That was a mistake! 172 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:43,561 Okay, Frank, I'm sorry! 173 00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:47,431 Did you just say you were sorry? 174 00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,601 I shouldn't have put your wedding tape on the Internet. 175 00:10:49,891 --> 00:10:54,321 I regret it. It was a long time ago. I've been a shitty brother. 176 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,491 But I'm a different person now. I'm sober. 177 00:10:57,571 --> 00:10:59,361 And I would like us to start again. 178 00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:06,451 All right, fine. 179 00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:10,751 I'm gonna cook you breakfast before you go tomorrow. 180 00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:12,131 See you tomorrow. 181 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,051 I love you, Frank! 182 00:11:18,461 --> 00:11:20,551 Hey, hey, watch it! 183 00:11:23,971 --> 00:11:26,181 Why aren't you in a car? 184 00:11:26,261 --> 00:11:27,311 What? 185 00:11:27,431 --> 00:11:31,391 This is LA. Nobody walks here. 186 00:11:32,151 --> 00:11:35,521 Take a little bit of advice and learn the lay of the land. 187 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:38,361 Yeah, well, let me give you some advice. There's a rehab back there. 188 00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:40,151 Are you trying to say I'm an alcoholic? 189 00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:42,911 Because that is ridiculous. 190 00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:48,451 Alcoholics don't even ride bicycles, buddy. 191 00:11:48,581 --> 00:11:54,751 They drive in a car. So you are that, you are an alcoholic. 192 00:12:03,221 --> 00:12:05,091 Lady, are you okay? 193 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,271 Hey. 194 00:12:13,851 --> 00:12:14,851 Great. 195 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:24,911 Lady. 196 00:12:26,241 --> 00:12:27,241 Hey. 197 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:58,611 Fuck! 198 00:12:58,771 --> 00:12:59,771 Where am I? 199 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,401 In a parking lot. 200 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,701 Why am I in a parking lot? 201 00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:06,071 You passed out. 202 00:13:08,531 --> 00:13:09,831 So you stayed with me? 203 00:13:11,581 --> 00:13:12,581 Yeah. 204 00:13:13,911 --> 00:13:16,291 Okay. Tell me where you live and I'll take you home. 205 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,591 I don't know where I live anymore. 206 00:13:23,171 --> 00:13:25,341 I went home today. 207 00:13:25,431 --> 00:13:28,931 And my fiancé, I dressed like this to surprise him. 208 00:13:29,051 --> 00:13:34,181 And then I get home and he was there. And he was playing tag. 209 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,191 Tag? 210 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:40,821 Naked tag. With the guy who cleans the pool. 211 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,531 The pool boy, I guess. 212 00:13:43,741 --> 00:13:45,491 And he's like, "Babe, what do you mean, 213 00:13:45,571 --> 00:13:47,781 "you haven't heard of naked tag before? 214 00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:51,121 "You haven't heard of it?" And I'm like, "No! I haven't heard of it. 215 00:13:51,371 --> 00:13:53,241 "Because it's not even a game, 216 00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:56,121 "and I'm not an idiot, so stop saying that it's a game." 217 00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,251 He's like, "Babe, I have an erection! 218 00:13:58,331 --> 00:14:01,541 "But it's only because I'm super-competitive!" 219 00:14:01,631 --> 00:14:04,631 And I'm like, "Who's competitive in tag? 220 00:14:04,961 --> 00:14:08,051 "Have you even ever heard of anybody that's competitive in tag? No! 221 00:14:08,131 --> 00:14:10,341 "Because it's a game that you play with your friends. 222 00:14:10,431 --> 00:14:11,851 "It's a friendly game!" 223 00:14:12,681 --> 00:14:14,471 - Fuck. - Yeah, it's usually pretty friendly. 224 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:21,021 He gets me drunk and then he sits me down and just tells me everything. 225 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:28,241 I'm sorry. God, I have no idea why I'm laying all of this on you. 226 00:14:28,321 --> 00:14:30,491 I don't even know you. I'm really sorry. 227 00:14:30,821 --> 00:14:33,871 No. It's okay. Really. 228 00:14:37,121 --> 00:14:38,411 I'm sorry. 229 00:14:47,171 --> 00:14:48,471 I don't know what your plans are, 230 00:14:48,551 --> 00:14:50,511 but do you maybe wanna go somewhere? 231 00:14:53,971 --> 00:14:56,891 Yeah, you know. Let's go somewhere. 232 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:01,521 Sure. Okay. 233 00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:04,231 Great. 234 00:15:05,651 --> 00:15:07,361 Would you mind putting your seatbelt on? 235 00:15:07,441 --> 00:15:09,901 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I live or die. 236 00:15:10,321 --> 00:15:11,321 Okay. 237 00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,751 Wait, no, wait, wait. 238 00:15:22,831 --> 00:15:24,541 My parents are asleep in there. 239 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,551 There's a place in the back. 240 00:15:54,031 --> 00:15:56,241 Shit, that's actually my brother's stuff. 241 00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,261 I made this when I was a kid. 242 00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:15,601 Cool. 243 00:16:17,761 --> 00:16:19,221 So you don't live here? 244 00:16:20,351 --> 00:16:25,441 No, no. I actually live in Death Valley. 245 00:16:25,981 --> 00:16:28,401 And what do you do in Death Valley? 246 00:16:28,611 --> 00:16:30,231 I've just been kind of camping out 247 00:16:30,321 --> 00:16:31,941 and trying to write this novel, which is... 248 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:36,781 - Okay. - Is that all right? 249 00:16:36,991 --> 00:16:38,951 Um... Yeah, sure. 250 00:16:40,451 --> 00:16:41,911 So what do you write about? 251 00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:46,251 Revenge, mostly. 252 00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:49,301 What is your name? 253 00:16:50,631 --> 00:16:52,421 - Frank. - Frank, I'm Lassie. 254 00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,471 - Hi. - Hi. 255 00:16:54,841 --> 00:16:57,261 So, Frank, I was just wondering 256 00:16:57,351 --> 00:17:01,721 if perhaps you could just want me tonight. 257 00:17:01,811 --> 00:17:05,311 You can do, honestly, whatever you want to me. 258 00:17:05,811 --> 00:17:07,561 Like, really, pretty much anything. 259 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,321 - Okay, Lassie? - Uh-huh. 260 00:17:10,611 --> 00:17:13,151 Could we maybe kiss first? 261 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:15,991 Yeah. Yeah. 262 00:17:17,451 --> 00:17:18,491 Okay. 263 00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:38,841 - What's the matter? - What? What? 264 00:17:38,931 --> 00:17:42,141 You're not hard. What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong? 265 00:17:42,221 --> 00:17:43,981 No. We just started. 266 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:45,851 Right, but, I mean... 267 00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,601 - Actually, Lassie, you're kind of squeezing. - Yeah? 268 00:17:48,691 --> 00:17:52,361 I am? Sorry. Is that better? 269 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:55,531 I mean, you're still squeezing. 270 00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:56,701 Really? Fuck. 271 00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,491 Okay, how about that? 272 00:17:58,571 --> 00:18:00,451 That's a little better. 273 00:18:00,781 --> 00:18:01,781 Yeah? 274 00:18:03,121 --> 00:18:04,831 Oh, my God, you can eat my bra. 275 00:18:04,911 --> 00:18:06,621 Like, I'm not just saying that. It's edible. 276 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,171 I got it in a sex shop. It's not toxic. 277 00:18:09,251 --> 00:18:10,251 - It's a turn-on. - Lassie. 278 00:18:11,211 --> 00:18:13,251 I think I'm okay. For now. 279 00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:15,881 Maybe later. 280 00:18:16,301 --> 00:18:18,511 I'll just... I'll keep it on, so, yeah. 281 00:18:23,391 --> 00:18:27,021 But you're gonna, like... You will eventually get hard tonight. 282 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,231 Right? I'm just asking. 283 00:18:30,441 --> 00:18:31,441 You will... It'll happen? 284 00:18:31,561 --> 00:18:33,401 It's never been a problem before. 285 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,441 I think we'll be fine. 286 00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:39,411 Great. 287 00:18:59,091 --> 00:19:02,601 I'm sorry that I'm crying. It's stupid. 288 00:19:02,681 --> 00:19:04,261 You must feel like enough of a failure. 289 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:14,861 Which you shouldn't. Lots of guys can't get erections sometimes. 290 00:19:15,231 --> 00:19:18,781 God damn it! I just don't understand why I'm taking care of you. 291 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,661 Because, you know what, this is actually a really fucking horrible 292 00:19:22,781 --> 00:19:24,951 time for this to be happening to me! 293 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:30,961 I just don't understand it, I don't understand why nobody will fuck me! 294 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,131 Your parents. Right, I'm sorry. Fuck. 295 00:19:40,801 --> 00:19:41,841 Thank you. 296 00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:48,851 Fucking hell. 297 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,401 I should just go. So, I'll go. 298 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,821 You don't have to go. 299 00:19:58,151 --> 00:19:59,741 Really. You don't have to go. 300 00:20:17,001 --> 00:20:20,511 Okay. I literally never talk about this. 301 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:27,101 I found out my fiancée was cheating at our wedding. 302 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,061 Really? 303 00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:34,271 We were only getting married because she was pregnant. 304 00:20:36,731 --> 00:20:38,401 It turns out it wasn't my kid. 305 00:20:39,691 --> 00:20:40,691 Wow. 306 00:20:42,031 --> 00:20:43,281 My best man. 307 00:20:43,361 --> 00:20:44,571 No way. 308 00:20:47,581 --> 00:20:48,781 What'd you do? 309 00:20:52,711 --> 00:20:54,041 I hit her in the face. 310 00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:57,211 What? Sorry. 311 00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:01,671 It wasn't really a hit. It was more like a slap. 312 00:21:05,381 --> 00:21:07,391 And then I pulled her hair a little. 313 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:14,601 And then I got an upset stomach and I threw up on her. 314 00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:18,061 It was fucking terrible. 315 00:21:18,401 --> 00:21:24,071 I knew that I knew you from somewhere. I saw that... 316 00:21:24,151 --> 00:21:26,821 I saw your wedding video! On the Internet. 317 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,371 Yeah, well, a lot of people did. 318 00:21:28,451 --> 00:21:29,831 Why did you put that on the Internet? 319 00:21:29,911 --> 00:21:31,911 I didn't. My brother did. 320 00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:36,081 So weird. My friends used to watch that video all the time. 321 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,791 They thought it was the funniest shit ever. 322 00:21:42,841 --> 00:21:44,091 I never did, though. 323 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:48,591 I thought that it was just sad. 324 00:21:48,681 --> 00:21:51,471 Like watching someone get their heart stepped on, 325 00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,561 right in front of you. 326 00:21:53,851 --> 00:21:54,891 Or something. 327 00:21:55,851 --> 00:21:59,061 Well, you're, like, the only person who ever saw that. 328 00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:10,571 You still hate her? The girl? 329 00:22:12,621 --> 00:22:13,831 No. 330 00:22:16,621 --> 00:22:17,581 Yeah. 331 00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:20,131 She sounds exactly like Peter. 332 00:22:20,211 --> 00:22:25,301 Just a lying, cheating, whore bitch. My God. 333 00:22:27,341 --> 00:22:28,431 Go on. 334 00:22:28,721 --> 00:22:33,601 No, I just think that that's really selfish and cruel and evil. 335 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,811 And whore-like. 336 00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:40,561 Okay. One more time. Slow. 337 00:22:42,151 --> 00:22:45,651 Oh. Okay, um... Okay. 338 00:22:47,651 --> 00:22:49,611 She was... What was her name? 339 00:22:50,861 --> 00:22:51,871 Sandra. 340 00:22:51,991 --> 00:22:54,701 Sandra is a fucking 341 00:22:57,871 --> 00:22:59,081 horrible 342 00:23:00,961 --> 00:23:02,381 cunt-face 343 00:23:04,171 --> 00:23:05,171 bitch. 344 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:08,721 And she fucked you up. 345 00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:14,181 She fucked you up and she sent you to Death Valley to die. 346 00:23:23,401 --> 00:23:24,481 Holy shit. Holy shit! 347 00:23:24,571 --> 00:23:25,611 Okay, now stop talking! 348 00:23:25,731 --> 00:23:27,531 - I can't believe it! - Please just stop talking. 349 00:24:00,771 --> 00:24:01,811 Morning, Mom. 350 00:24:01,891 --> 00:24:02,901 Morning, horn dog. 351 00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:05,151 I saw your lady friend leaving. 352 00:24:07,271 --> 00:24:08,531 I'm gonna take a shower. 353 00:24:14,031 --> 00:24:15,281 Hey, bro. 354 00:24:15,411 --> 00:24:17,621 Hey, sorry. I didn't know you had company. 355 00:24:17,701 --> 00:24:20,041 No, that's okay. You remember Claudia, right? My editor. 356 00:24:20,451 --> 00:24:22,751 Oh, we weren't... We're just friends. 357 00:24:23,541 --> 00:24:26,041 I mean, she'll come over and let me eat her out sometimes, 358 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,171 but it's not serious. 359 00:24:27,251 --> 00:24:28,251 Hi, Frank. 360 00:24:29,171 --> 00:24:31,091 Oh, wait. Bro, bro. I wanted to talk to you. 361 00:24:34,221 --> 00:24:37,351 I wanted you to know that I filmed you and that chick last night. 362 00:24:37,681 --> 00:24:41,021 And I am glad that I did. When she hit you with her bike... 363 00:24:41,101 --> 00:24:42,351 It was awesome. 364 00:24:42,431 --> 00:24:44,351 It was just... Bang! Fucking love happens. 365 00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:46,271 - Italian vibe. - Let's see what happens next. 366 00:24:46,811 --> 00:24:48,191 Like very early Cassavetes. 367 00:24:48,271 --> 00:24:51,901 But I heard you loud and clear last night when you talked about 368 00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:55,111 wanting to be in the loop and all that shit, and here's the deal. 369 00:24:55,281 --> 00:24:57,621 I dropped a copy of what I filmed off at Jack's. 370 00:24:57,951 --> 00:24:59,281 - Good for you, baby. - Get it back. 371 00:24:59,911 --> 00:25:01,751 He asked me to be honest, and now I've just been honest. 372 00:25:01,831 --> 00:25:02,871 - It's pathetic. - Bruce... 373 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:05,041 Oh, shit. Let me handle this. 374 00:25:05,121 --> 00:25:06,171 What? 375 00:25:06,461 --> 00:25:09,751 Bro, I'm sorry, okay. 376 00:25:11,631 --> 00:25:14,341 I didn't film you two having the sex. 377 00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:16,141 If that's what you're worried about. 378 00:25:16,301 --> 00:25:18,051 I mean, I watched it. But I didn't film it. 379 00:25:18,261 --> 00:25:22,141 Okay. Bruce. You're going to give me the address. 380 00:25:22,311 --> 00:25:24,561 And I am going to go pick up whatever it is you gave him. 381 00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:27,151 Why're you being like this? We just had a beautiful moment. 382 00:25:27,481 --> 00:25:29,571 - We had another beautiful moment... - Give me the fucking address! 383 00:25:29,691 --> 00:25:31,071 Boys, stop fighting! 384 00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:33,531 I finally get my life in order! 385 00:25:33,611 --> 00:25:36,161 I finally find someone in the business who believes in me. 386 00:25:36,321 --> 00:25:38,701 And I ask my baby brother for one little favor 387 00:25:38,781 --> 00:25:39,781 to help me achieve my dream. 388 00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:40,911 And will he help? 389 00:25:40,991 --> 00:25:43,081 How is Jack Knoll seeing a movie 390 00:25:43,161 --> 00:25:45,211 of a drunken woman hitting me with her bike 391 00:25:45,331 --> 00:25:47,331 helping you get your dream, Bruce? 392 00:25:47,421 --> 00:25:48,791 Stop fighting! 393 00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:51,591 Because it's funny, man. It's fucking funny. 394 00:25:51,841 --> 00:25:53,711 Not as funny as the stuff in the clubhouse. 395 00:25:56,301 --> 00:25:57,341 What did you say? 396 00:25:57,431 --> 00:25:58,431 Nothing. 397 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:02,311 Bro, you just swore to me that you didn't film me in the clubhouse. 398 00:26:02,511 --> 00:26:05,811 No, I did not. I swore I didn't film you having sex. 399 00:26:05,891 --> 00:26:07,021 And that was true. 400 00:26:08,311 --> 00:26:10,611 But we had sex in the clubhouse! 401 00:26:10,691 --> 00:26:13,821 We had sex almost immediately in the clubhouse. 402 00:26:13,901 --> 00:26:15,861 I mean, that's what we did in the clubhouse. 403 00:26:16,071 --> 00:26:18,611 That depends on how you define sex. 404 00:26:18,701 --> 00:26:21,581 Personally, I think that sex involves 405 00:26:21,661 --> 00:26:23,451 one of the people having an erection. 406 00:26:23,581 --> 00:26:25,451 - Yeah, that's usually the case. - Will you shut up? 407 00:26:25,661 --> 00:26:29,251 I'm just saying. It took quite a while for that to occur. 408 00:26:29,711 --> 00:26:34,001 But when you finally, finally did achieve that erection, and good for you, bro, 409 00:26:34,251 --> 00:26:37,471 but when you did, I cut. Because, as far as I'm concerned, 410 00:26:37,591 --> 00:26:40,551 sex is a private thing, a sacred thing between two people. 411 00:26:40,721 --> 00:26:41,761 Even if it takes a while. 412 00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:42,851 Bruce, Bruce. 413 00:26:42,931 --> 00:26:47,181 Listen to my rationale. How many movies have sex in them? 414 00:26:47,431 --> 00:26:48,561 All of them. 415 00:26:48,641 --> 00:26:50,691 How many movies have impotence? 416 00:26:50,771 --> 00:26:51,771 None of them. 417 00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:53,271 Impotence makes us pop. 418 00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:56,361 Am I wrong? 419 00:26:58,241 --> 00:26:59,241 Wow, wow. 420 00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:01,951 You just hate that I'm making something of my life, don't you? 421 00:27:02,031 --> 00:27:03,831 You just hate the fact that I'm a director now. 422 00:27:03,911 --> 00:27:05,911 No. I don't. You know why? 423 00:27:05,991 --> 00:27:07,831 Because you're not a director. 424 00:27:07,911 --> 00:27:10,081 You're a fucking pervert. And a freak. 425 00:27:10,421 --> 00:27:15,001 Well, listen to this. Action. Cut. Action. Cut. 426 00:27:16,091 --> 00:27:20,591 Fucking action. That is directing, my friend. 427 00:27:22,511 --> 00:27:25,261 Come on, man. Just let him watch it once. 428 00:27:25,431 --> 00:27:28,851 Did it even occur to you there's another person in your stupid film? 429 00:27:28,931 --> 00:27:30,481 I mean, did you even think about that? 430 00:27:31,771 --> 00:27:33,191 Mr. Knoll! 431 00:27:35,481 --> 00:27:38,611 Jack? Jack? 432 00:27:42,701 --> 00:27:44,531 - You just gonna walk in? - Yes. 433 00:27:44,621 --> 00:27:47,791 Jack? Hello? 434 00:27:58,591 --> 00:27:59,971 Buddy? 435 00:28:06,181 --> 00:28:07,641 Is this his house? 436 00:28:08,351 --> 00:28:09,521 Must be redecorating. 437 00:28:10,351 --> 00:28:11,641 Jackie-boy? 438 00:28:17,111 --> 00:28:18,111 Hey, man. 439 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:20,241 Hey. Almost done. 440 00:28:20,491 --> 00:28:22,991 What's up? You look amazing. 441 00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:25,911 Where's all your stuff, bro? 442 00:28:25,991 --> 00:28:29,491 Collection agency. Said they're coming for my treadmill this morning. 443 00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,661 Let them try. Let them try! 444 00:28:31,831 --> 00:28:33,041 He's got a gun. It's a gun. That's a gun. 445 00:28:33,121 --> 00:28:34,171 He's virile. 446 00:28:34,331 --> 00:28:35,381 Mr. Knoll. 447 00:28:35,461 --> 00:28:37,251 Call me Jack, son. How's my form? 448 00:28:39,091 --> 00:28:42,591 Pretty good. So, my brother dropped off a DVD... 449 00:28:42,881 --> 00:28:44,091 DVD. Haven't seen it yet. 450 00:28:44,221 --> 00:28:45,391 I thought you said that you were gonna 451 00:28:45,471 --> 00:28:47,011 watch it before your agent came over. 452 00:28:47,181 --> 00:28:50,431 Agent dropped me as a client. Said no one'll hire me. Fuck him. 453 00:28:50,641 --> 00:28:52,061 Should've fired him years ago. 454 00:28:52,141 --> 00:28:53,981 Got me up for grampa roles now. 455 00:28:54,061 --> 00:28:57,651 Come here. Look at this. Come here. Hit my ass. 456 00:28:58,441 --> 00:29:00,611 Frank, hit it. Really hit it. Hit my ass. 457 00:29:00,901 --> 00:29:02,741 I am not hitting his ass. Punch his fucking ass. 458 00:29:02,821 --> 00:29:04,321 Come on! Hit it hard! 459 00:29:05,201 --> 00:29:08,701 Yeah, damn right! Does that feel like a grampa ass to you? 460 00:29:08,781 --> 00:29:09,791 Not at all. 461 00:29:09,871 --> 00:29:12,251 That ass is harder than a dick on Viagra. 462 00:29:12,411 --> 00:29:15,541 But, no, I got an agent who says, "Take the grampa roles. 463 00:29:15,671 --> 00:29:17,211 "They die at the end." He's a lunatic. 464 00:29:17,291 --> 00:29:18,631 I don't wanna die. I don't wanna cry. I wanna fuck! 465 00:29:18,711 --> 00:29:20,381 We gotta get the DVD and get the fuck out of here. 466 00:29:20,461 --> 00:29:23,091 Bruce, we gotta do movies where there's lots of fucking! 467 00:29:23,221 --> 00:29:25,721 Don't worry, I can see it in your eyes, I'm fine. 468 00:29:26,551 --> 00:29:29,221 Watch this, motherfuckers! Where's my addiction, Bruce? 469 00:29:29,301 --> 00:29:30,471 Way back there, Jack! 470 00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:31,721 Can you see it, Bruce? 471 00:29:31,891 --> 00:29:33,351 It's fucking way over there! 472 00:29:33,431 --> 00:29:35,811 Fuck you, addiction. You cannot catch me! 473 00:29:35,981 --> 00:29:37,691 I win! I win! I win! 474 00:29:37,771 --> 00:29:39,021 You win! 475 00:29:41,361 --> 00:29:43,071 Come on! Let's watch your movie. 476 00:29:43,611 --> 00:29:44,611 Action! 477 00:29:44,951 --> 00:29:46,411 Hey, hey, watch it! 478 00:29:49,371 --> 00:29:50,911 - Make him turn it off. - I can't. He's enjoying it. 479 00:29:53,371 --> 00:29:54,751 Frank, you got talent! 480 00:29:55,371 --> 00:29:56,711 I can see it! 481 00:29:57,081 --> 00:29:58,461 Isn't the camera work good? 482 00:29:59,001 --> 00:30:00,631 - Oh! - Frank? 483 00:30:04,671 --> 00:30:06,681 - What are you doing? - Oh, shit! 484 00:30:06,761 --> 00:30:08,221 What the fuck are you doing? 485 00:30:09,591 --> 00:30:11,101 What the fuck was that? 486 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:12,891 - You didn't see that spark? - What? 487 00:30:12,971 --> 00:30:14,141 What are you doing here? 488 00:30:14,351 --> 00:30:15,641 That'll dry right out. 489 00:30:15,891 --> 00:30:17,191 What are you doing here? 490 00:30:17,391 --> 00:30:20,271 Frank? You know my daughter? 491 00:30:20,731 --> 00:30:21,731 She's your daughter? 492 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:23,981 Dad, could you maybe put some clothes on? Maybe? 493 00:30:24,151 --> 00:30:25,861 - This is your dad? - Yeah. 494 00:30:26,781 --> 00:30:27,781 Oh. Hi. 495 00:30:29,031 --> 00:30:30,321 How do you know my Lassie? 496 00:30:30,741 --> 00:30:32,741 Rehab, from rehab. Last night. 497 00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:34,951 I was late. I was on my way to see you... 498 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:36,871 Yep, exactly. Exactly. ...and I ran into him. 499 00:30:36,961 --> 00:30:38,711 How do you know my father? 500 00:30:38,791 --> 00:30:41,381 My brother was his roommate. 501 00:30:41,501 --> 00:30:43,211 Hey, in rehab. 502 00:30:43,301 --> 00:30:44,501 Brother? The brother... 503 00:30:44,591 --> 00:30:45,671 Yep. Mmm-hmm. That one. 504 00:30:45,961 --> 00:30:47,221 I'm gonna finish my workout. Okay. 505 00:30:47,301 --> 00:30:49,051 Then let's all have a calm breakfast inside. 506 00:30:49,131 --> 00:30:50,301 What a coincidence. 507 00:30:50,431 --> 00:30:51,891 He's an amazing man, your father. 508 00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:53,721 Jack, don't forget the treadmill's on! 509 00:30:53,811 --> 00:30:55,641 Oh, shit! 510 00:31:04,941 --> 00:31:05,941 But I fell... 511 00:31:06,491 --> 00:31:08,201 What is wrong with you? 512 00:31:08,281 --> 00:31:10,321 People are not just wandering around, 513 00:31:10,411 --> 00:31:12,371 waiting for you to make movies about them, Bruce. 514 00:31:12,451 --> 00:31:14,031 This is a public place, Frankie. 515 00:31:14,121 --> 00:31:16,291 If they don't wanna be filmed, they shouldn't come here. 516 00:31:16,371 --> 00:31:17,831 Where are you going? Where are you taking me? 517 00:31:18,161 --> 00:31:20,211 Going home, Dad. We're going home. 518 00:31:20,291 --> 00:31:21,711 No, take me back in there! You're the doctor! 519 00:31:21,791 --> 00:31:23,421 OxyContin! Just get me them, damn it! 520 00:31:23,501 --> 00:31:24,751 He's an orderly. Will you just calm... 521 00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:26,461 - What's wrong? - He wants drugs. 522 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:27,591 Jack! 523 00:31:27,671 --> 00:31:29,341 Come here, please. Please, listen to me, man. 524 00:31:29,421 --> 00:31:30,971 Look, I am in deep pain, man. 525 00:31:31,051 --> 00:31:32,931 The doctor said I needed some painkillers. 526 00:31:33,011 --> 00:31:34,681 The doctor said Advil was fine. 527 00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:35,891 He told me OxyContin. 528 00:31:35,971 --> 00:31:37,311 He did not say... 529 00:31:37,431 --> 00:31:39,771 He did not say OxyContin. He said OxyContin. 530 00:31:40,021 --> 00:31:41,021 Give me a Darvon. 531 00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:43,981 Okay, Jack, listen to me, drugs aren't your friend. I am your friend. 532 00:31:44,061 --> 00:31:45,111 And what I'm going to do, as your friend, 533 00:31:45,191 --> 00:31:46,611 I'm gonna take you to a meeting. 534 00:31:46,691 --> 00:31:48,361 Can I have your car keys? I'm gonna take him to a meeting. 535 00:31:50,701 --> 00:31:52,451 Make sure you get that DVD! 536 00:32:01,081 --> 00:32:03,251 Well, it's nice to see you again. 537 00:32:03,331 --> 00:32:06,711 Yeah, you really don't have to say that to me. 538 00:32:07,051 --> 00:32:08,131 What are you talking about? 539 00:32:08,211 --> 00:32:09,801 I mean, I knew you weren't going to call me, 540 00:32:09,881 --> 00:32:12,051 which is actually totally fine. So... 541 00:32:12,801 --> 00:32:17,851 I already did. Twice. Check your phone. 542 00:32:20,811 --> 00:32:25,561 I don't believe it. Look, Frank, I don't do what we did last night. 543 00:32:26,231 --> 00:32:28,231 Okay. And I know that lots of girls say that, 544 00:32:28,321 --> 00:32:31,071 but I really never, ever, ever do that stuff. 545 00:32:31,401 --> 00:32:32,651 Okay. 546 00:32:32,741 --> 00:32:35,951 And now it turns out that you know my father, who I want to kill, 547 00:32:36,071 --> 00:32:41,001 and anytime I get sucked back into his whole crazy world, 548 00:32:41,081 --> 00:32:43,121 it ends very, very badly. So... 549 00:32:47,461 --> 00:32:50,261 Lassie, I actually don't know your dad. 550 00:32:50,341 --> 00:32:54,931 But I do know what it's like to want to kill a relative. 551 00:32:55,011 --> 00:32:59,351 Hey, look, I'm not trying to suck you into anything, 552 00:33:00,471 --> 00:33:02,851 I'd just really love go out on, like, 553 00:33:02,931 --> 00:33:05,771 a regular date with you. You know? 554 00:33:06,731 --> 00:33:08,731 We could see a movie. 555 00:33:08,821 --> 00:33:11,321 Maybe get something to eat that isn't part of your underwear. 556 00:33:19,701 --> 00:33:21,331 Hi, everyone. My name is Jack, 557 00:33:21,411 --> 00:33:23,541 and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. 558 00:33:24,161 --> 00:33:25,421 Hi, Jack. 559 00:33:25,541 --> 00:33:31,381 Drugs and alcohol cost me my career as a movie star. 560 00:33:31,801 --> 00:33:33,721 And I only say that in case any of you 561 00:33:33,801 --> 00:33:36,551 doubt that this disease can take away 562 00:33:36,641 --> 00:33:38,391 the things that you love most. 563 00:33:40,721 --> 00:33:43,981 That's what happened to me. Just one more thing. 564 00:33:44,391 --> 00:33:47,691 If any of you ladies wanted to have sex with me back when I was a somebody 565 00:33:47,771 --> 00:33:51,321 and didn't get a chance, meet me out back. I also have a pool. 566 00:34:02,331 --> 00:34:04,291 Have you ever worked at a strip club? 567 00:34:04,371 --> 00:34:05,661 - Bruce? - Yeah. 568 00:34:05,751 --> 00:34:07,251 Hi. My name's David. 569 00:34:07,331 --> 00:34:08,331 Hi. 570 00:34:08,461 --> 00:34:10,291 - This is my wife, Natalie. - Hello. 571 00:34:10,421 --> 00:34:13,841 We related to everything you said in the meeting. 572 00:34:13,961 --> 00:34:15,881 We wanted to be in the movie business our whole lives. 573 00:34:16,011 --> 00:34:18,761 And when we got sober, we swore we'd 574 00:34:18,841 --> 00:34:21,601 finally do what we were supposed to do. 575 00:34:22,181 --> 00:34:24,181 That's why we started our company. 576 00:34:24,271 --> 00:34:26,181 Los Angeles Pictures. 577 00:34:26,271 --> 00:34:29,061 Los Angeles. "Angels." 578 00:34:30,811 --> 00:34:32,521 Did you know that angels are everywhere? 579 00:34:32,861 --> 00:34:34,361 I did not know that, David. 580 00:34:34,481 --> 00:34:36,031 There's one standing next to you. 581 00:34:37,451 --> 00:34:39,861 Don't be afraid. That's Sonya. She follows us. 582 00:34:42,781 --> 00:34:45,501 Did you come with Jack Knoll? Are you friends? 583 00:34:46,621 --> 00:34:48,541 Jack? Yeah. Big time, good friend. 584 00:34:48,711 --> 00:34:50,251 No, hit it, hit it, hit it. 585 00:34:50,421 --> 00:34:52,381 Do you think that you and Jack would be 586 00:34:52,461 --> 00:34:54,881 interested in making movies with us 587 00:34:55,011 --> 00:34:56,051 about angels? 588 00:34:56,591 --> 00:34:58,841 Thanks to dentistry, we have plenty of money. 589 00:34:59,471 --> 00:35:00,471 Oh! 590 00:35:00,551 --> 00:35:02,721 You guys are like Christian tooth fairies. 591 00:35:04,721 --> 00:35:05,811 That's amazing. 592 00:35:05,891 --> 00:35:07,771 We're ready to go. 593 00:35:07,851 --> 00:35:11,151 We're just looking for like-minded artists to join us. 594 00:35:11,311 --> 00:35:12,731 You know what's weird? 595 00:35:12,811 --> 00:35:17,901 Jack, only yesterday, was talking about how much he loves angels. 596 00:35:19,111 --> 00:35:20,281 Oh, my God. 597 00:35:21,451 --> 00:35:22,531 It's a miracle. 598 00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:23,661 It's a miracle. 599 00:35:23,741 --> 00:35:26,331 So, how much money do you guys have? 600 00:35:27,251 --> 00:35:28,911 - We have a lot. - Shh. 601 00:35:30,791 --> 00:35:31,831 Should we pray? 602 00:35:31,921 --> 00:35:33,251 - Let's! - Let's pray. 603 00:35:48,811 --> 00:35:50,851 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, Claudia... 604 00:35:50,941 --> 00:35:52,311 Shhh. 605 00:35:53,611 --> 00:35:55,691 Be very quiet. 606 00:35:58,531 --> 00:35:59,861 Help! Mom! 607 00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,401 Shut the fuck up! 608 00:36:01,951 --> 00:36:03,781 Okay. Okay. Just do it. 609 00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:11,211 - Hey, bro. - Where you been? 610 00:36:11,291 --> 00:36:13,041 Well, Jack and I went to a meeting. 611 00:36:13,121 --> 00:36:14,381 After which I was approached by 612 00:36:14,461 --> 00:36:15,921 some very serious film producers. 613 00:36:16,001 --> 00:36:17,921 I need my keys. I'm late to meet Lassie. 614 00:36:18,001 --> 00:36:19,261 Okay. Have a good time. 615 00:36:19,341 --> 00:36:20,971 You got the DVD, right? 616 00:36:21,051 --> 00:36:23,051 Weren't you supposed to get the DVD? 617 00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:26,721 How do you know he's not home? 618 00:36:26,811 --> 00:36:29,561 He stayed for another meeting. So, where are you going to take Lassie? 619 00:36:29,641 --> 00:36:32,141 Just get the DVD out of the player and stop talking. 620 00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:34,311 Why are you always so mean to me? 621 00:36:37,571 --> 00:36:39,071 - It's fucking gone. - Shh! 622 00:36:39,151 --> 00:36:40,611 He's sleeping. 623 00:36:41,491 --> 00:36:43,031 Fine. 624 00:36:44,321 --> 00:36:45,371 Where are you going? 625 00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,661 I'm going to get it. 626 00:36:52,331 --> 00:36:53,921 What if he has an alarm? 627 00:36:54,001 --> 00:36:56,961 You think he has an alarm? He has no furniture. 628 00:36:57,041 --> 00:36:59,251 But you think he's gonna pay for an alarm? 629 00:36:59,341 --> 00:37:01,261 Use your head, Frankie. 630 00:37:01,631 --> 00:37:03,631 I'm sorry! I'm not a goddamn criminal. 631 00:37:03,721 --> 00:37:07,221 Yeah, well, it's just as well, because you'd be a terrible one. 632 00:37:08,141 --> 00:37:10,271 Just, fuck... Bruce, the guy has guns. 633 00:37:10,351 --> 00:37:12,891 I know he has guns! And he will use them on us 634 00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:14,391 if he ever watches that video. 635 00:37:14,851 --> 00:37:16,191 So are you gonna help me get it back? 636 00:37:16,271 --> 00:37:17,521 Or are you gonna stand out here all night 637 00:37:17,611 --> 00:37:18,821 and whine like a little bitch? 638 00:37:18,901 --> 00:37:20,571 Oh, I'm a bitch? I'm a bitch? 639 00:37:20,651 --> 00:37:23,781 Then how come you're the one always sucking Jack Knoll's balls? 640 00:37:23,861 --> 00:37:25,821 He's my friend! 641 00:37:28,281 --> 00:37:30,661 Holy shit. The pig is in the pool. 642 00:37:30,911 --> 00:37:33,461 The pig is in the pool? Oh, fuck. 643 00:37:33,541 --> 00:37:34,661 He's fine. He's swimming. 644 00:37:35,501 --> 00:37:37,671 What're you talking about? Pigs can't swim! 645 00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:39,881 Jack shouldn't have kept a pig by the pool. 646 00:37:39,961 --> 00:37:41,801 It's irresponsible. It's not our fault. 647 00:37:41,881 --> 00:37:43,511 We are not leaving him in there. 648 00:37:43,721 --> 00:37:44,761 Fine. You go get him. 649 00:37:44,841 --> 00:37:46,761 You get him! I'm going on a date after this. 650 00:37:46,841 --> 00:37:48,181 - I can't swim. - What? 651 00:37:48,261 --> 00:37:51,761 I can't swim, Frankie. I never have. I don't like water. 652 00:37:51,851 --> 00:37:53,311 I can't even drink the stuff. 653 00:37:53,851 --> 00:37:55,351 You fuck! 654 00:38:05,531 --> 00:38:07,951 I think he's dead. I think he's dead! 655 00:38:08,201 --> 00:38:10,071 - Heimlich him! - Heimlich him? 656 00:38:10,201 --> 00:38:12,831 Do it! Heimlich him! 657 00:38:12,911 --> 00:38:14,581 Squeeze his little belly. 658 00:38:22,671 --> 00:38:24,261 Is that a condom? 659 00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,761 Yeah, that's definitely a condom. 660 00:38:27,301 --> 00:38:28,971 Get it off. 661 00:38:29,181 --> 00:38:30,931 - Who the fuck is out here? - Jack, Jack! 662 00:38:31,141 --> 00:38:33,101 It's Bruce. Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 663 00:38:33,471 --> 00:38:34,521 What are you doing here? 664 00:38:34,601 --> 00:38:35,601 I was worried about you. 665 00:38:35,891 --> 00:38:37,351 Hey, Dharma D-Cup. 666 00:38:37,441 --> 00:38:40,561 And I thought it would be good if I could be here when you got home. 667 00:38:40,651 --> 00:38:42,611 And it's a good thing that we were, 668 00:38:42,691 --> 00:38:44,191 because your pig fell in the pool, man. 669 00:38:44,281 --> 00:38:45,861 - Is he all right? - He's fine. 670 00:38:45,941 --> 00:38:46,951 We saved him. 671 00:38:47,491 --> 00:38:48,741 Mr. Knoll. 672 00:38:48,911 --> 00:38:53,281 Since we're already here, would you like us to get the DVD player fixed? 673 00:38:53,371 --> 00:38:54,911 That's a good idea, Frankie. 674 00:38:54,991 --> 00:38:56,451 Don't worry about it. 675 00:38:56,581 --> 00:38:59,331 My housekeeper took it home with her. Her husband fixes them. 676 00:39:27,321 --> 00:39:28,741 Hey, guys. 677 00:39:28,821 --> 00:39:31,361 We're looking for Ramon and Celia. 678 00:39:31,821 --> 00:39:33,161 They just left for now, bro. 679 00:39:34,331 --> 00:39:35,701 Right. Um... 680 00:39:35,791 --> 00:39:37,081 Do you know where they went? 681 00:39:37,161 --> 00:39:38,831 None of your business. 682 00:39:40,751 --> 00:39:42,671 You're done now? 683 00:39:42,751 --> 00:39:44,961 What's up, homes? Listen, 684 00:39:45,041 --> 00:39:46,711 Cecilia, the chiquita who lives here, 685 00:39:46,801 --> 00:39:48,921 she works for a guy called Jack Knoll. 686 00:39:49,011 --> 00:39:53,471 You know Jack Knoll? He's a big TV actor. 687 00:39:53,551 --> 00:39:55,351 You don't have a TV. That's okay. 688 00:39:55,431 --> 00:39:58,021 Jack's a really good amigo of mine. 689 00:39:58,101 --> 00:40:01,391 And he sent me over to just grab something from... 690 00:40:01,481 --> 00:40:02,651 They just left. If want to come back a little... 691 00:40:02,731 --> 00:40:03,731 Maybe we'll just have a quick look inside. 692 00:40:03,811 --> 00:40:05,861 Maybe I'll just break your fucking legs if you take another step. 693 00:40:06,521 --> 00:40:07,781 You're gonna do it? 694 00:40:09,901 --> 00:40:11,571 Okay. You're a lot bigger standing up. 695 00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:12,741 Sorry to disturb you. 696 00:40:12,821 --> 00:40:14,201 Just get the fuck out of here. 697 00:40:14,281 --> 00:40:15,871 See that. 698 00:40:41,391 --> 00:40:43,311 I can see it. It's just here. 699 00:40:43,391 --> 00:40:44,481 Oh, my God. 700 00:40:48,401 --> 00:40:49,731 You have to do it. 701 00:40:49,821 --> 00:40:51,651 - What? - You have to go in. 702 00:40:52,861 --> 00:40:55,621 I swore on my sobriety that I wouldn't steal anymore, Frank. 703 00:40:55,871 --> 00:40:57,911 And besides, breaking and entering a stranger's home 704 00:40:57,991 --> 00:40:59,291 is definitely a felony 705 00:40:59,371 --> 00:41:00,911 and I've already got two strikes. 706 00:41:01,001 --> 00:41:02,711 If you think you're going to manipulate me and... 707 00:41:02,791 --> 00:41:04,121 Fine. 708 00:41:04,461 --> 00:41:07,131 I'll go. I'll do it. It's fine. 709 00:41:07,961 --> 00:41:09,711 Bruce, neither of us should do it! 710 00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:12,881 Frank, if I get caught and go down for 30 years, 711 00:41:13,221 --> 00:41:14,381 will you do me a favor? 712 00:41:14,471 --> 00:41:17,011 Promise you won't put Mom in a nursing home. 713 00:41:19,971 --> 00:41:21,561 All right. Wait. Wait. 714 00:41:31,191 --> 00:41:32,491 - Stop pushing. - Okay. 715 00:41:39,741 --> 00:41:40,741 You okay? 716 00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:34,261 What are you doing? 717 00:42:34,841 --> 00:42:36,011 He's attacking me. 718 00:42:36,091 --> 00:42:37,091 Shake him off! 719 00:42:37,551 --> 00:42:39,431 He's really strong! 720 00:42:39,511 --> 00:42:41,431 Frank, Frank! Stab him! 721 00:42:41,551 --> 00:42:43,471 - What? - Take this knife and stab him! 722 00:42:43,561 --> 00:42:45,101 I'm not fucking stabbing him, Bruce. 723 00:42:45,181 --> 00:42:46,981 He's, like, a million years old. It doesn't matter. 724 00:42:47,061 --> 00:42:49,351 Okay, just bring him over here. I'll stab him. 725 00:42:51,311 --> 00:42:53,071 He fucking bit me! 726 00:42:54,031 --> 00:42:55,031 Give me the DVD player! 727 00:42:59,991 --> 00:43:00,991 Good luck. 728 00:43:02,451 --> 00:43:04,491 Bruce! Bruce! 729 00:43:04,581 --> 00:43:05,581 What the fuck? 730 00:43:15,381 --> 00:43:18,131 It really took you 14 hours to get me out? 731 00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:20,801 When Bruce gets arrested, we always let him spend the night. 732 00:43:20,891 --> 00:43:23,221 Your mother and I decided we shouldn't play favorites. 733 00:43:24,221 --> 00:43:26,471 Bruce is a fucking criminal! 734 00:43:26,561 --> 00:43:27,981 Ex-criminal. 735 00:43:28,061 --> 00:43:30,391 And you are scarcely in any position to judge. 736 00:43:31,151 --> 00:43:32,151 Here. 737 00:43:41,741 --> 00:43:42,741 Stop sign! 738 00:44:02,511 --> 00:44:03,551 Hello. 739 00:44:03,641 --> 00:44:05,011 I am so sorry about last night. 740 00:44:05,101 --> 00:44:07,391 Don't even worry about it. Bruce called me. 741 00:44:07,471 --> 00:44:09,231 He told me all about your father's scare. 742 00:44:09,311 --> 00:44:10,891 Are they sure that it's not a heart attack? 743 00:44:11,891 --> 00:44:13,441 Yeah, he's... 744 00:44:14,941 --> 00:44:16,111 They said he's fine. 745 00:44:16,191 --> 00:44:17,191 Good. 746 00:44:17,361 --> 00:44:18,731 So... 747 00:44:19,151 --> 00:44:20,361 You want to get together later? 748 00:44:21,451 --> 00:44:23,161 Right, well... 749 00:44:24,071 --> 00:44:26,451 Frank, I just don't think that I have the time. 750 00:44:28,121 --> 00:44:30,451 Right. Okay. 751 00:44:31,001 --> 00:44:32,621 The relief organization that I work for, 752 00:44:32,711 --> 00:44:34,331 they just offered me this position in China 753 00:44:34,421 --> 00:44:35,421 that I'm thinking about taking. 754 00:44:35,501 --> 00:44:38,131 So, it's just kinda crazy right now. 755 00:44:39,511 --> 00:44:41,551 But if I'm ever in Death Valley, then, 756 00:44:41,671 --> 00:44:43,721 you know, I'll absolutely give you a call. 757 00:44:44,721 --> 00:44:46,101 Okay. 758 00:44:47,811 --> 00:44:50,061 Okay. Have a safe trip. 759 00:44:58,321 --> 00:44:59,531 Fuck. Ow. 760 00:45:02,321 --> 00:45:04,611 Hey, bro. I got it. 761 00:45:04,701 --> 00:45:06,031 All broken up. 762 00:45:08,661 --> 00:45:11,371 I also got all the tape. That's for you as well. 763 00:45:12,161 --> 00:45:14,751 And don't worry. Jack's maid isn't going to press charges. 764 00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:18,091 Are you okay, bro? 765 00:45:18,171 --> 00:45:19,961 Did someone touch you in prison? 766 00:45:22,801 --> 00:45:24,221 Have my car keys? 767 00:45:27,221 --> 00:45:29,761 Look at me and tell me you don't have any more copies. 768 00:45:32,561 --> 00:45:35,851 I swear, on my sobriety, 769 00:45:36,521 --> 00:45:38,521 that I don't have any more copies. 770 00:45:48,621 --> 00:45:50,531 Now swear that no one else has any. 771 00:45:54,371 --> 00:45:56,581 Okay, since your impotence is 772 00:45:56,671 --> 00:45:58,461 apparently so embarrassing to you, 773 00:45:58,541 --> 00:46:01,841 I had Claudia completely re-edit my movie. 774 00:46:01,921 --> 00:46:04,671 Which means, technically, I don't even have to show it to you. 775 00:46:05,131 --> 00:46:06,341 Because as you will soon see, 776 00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:08,261 this movie no longer has anything to do with you. 777 00:46:08,471 --> 00:46:10,141 But I'm happy for you to see it 778 00:46:10,221 --> 00:46:11,891 because you're my brother and I love you. 779 00:46:12,641 --> 00:46:14,061 Claudia, play it for him. 780 00:46:14,231 --> 00:46:16,561 Well, what you're about to see, in my opinion, 781 00:46:16,641 --> 00:46:20,311 is a serious step back from the integrity of Bruce's original work. 782 00:46:20,401 --> 00:46:21,481 Could you just press play, please? 783 00:46:21,571 --> 00:46:24,111 Okay, will you just stop yelling at me, please? 784 00:46:24,241 --> 00:46:25,701 - I'm not even yelling at you. - You're being rude. 785 00:46:25,781 --> 00:46:27,151 Just play it. 786 00:46:39,631 --> 00:46:40,751 - What's wrong? - What? 787 00:46:40,841 --> 00:46:42,131 - What's wrong? - What? 788 00:46:42,211 --> 00:46:44,671 You're not hard. What's wrong? Am I doing something wrong? 789 00:46:44,761 --> 00:46:46,921 No, no, no. We just started. 790 00:46:49,431 --> 00:46:50,851 - Actually, Lassie. - Yeah? 791 00:46:50,931 --> 00:46:52,101 You're kind of squeezing. 792 00:46:52,301 --> 00:46:55,981 I originally planned to put fuzz face on the genitals. 793 00:46:56,061 --> 00:46:59,231 But it's actually a lot funnier with genitals. 794 00:46:59,311 --> 00:47:02,521 Especially since you were having so much trouble with your genitals. 795 00:47:02,691 --> 00:47:04,191 I'm sorry. Who the fuck are you? 796 00:47:04,281 --> 00:47:06,781 This is Arthur. Arthur, this is Frank. 797 00:47:06,861 --> 00:47:09,661 Arthur's a bigwig in the whole in the whole fuzz face game. 798 00:47:09,781 --> 00:47:12,031 And what exactly did you plan to do with this? 799 00:47:12,121 --> 00:47:14,661 It's going to be submitted to a sex-tape site in the valley. 800 00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:17,331 It's a do-it-yourself fornication and lighting emporium, called 801 00:47:17,411 --> 00:47:19,791 ChooseALampAnd GoFuckEachOther.com. 802 00:47:20,001 --> 00:47:21,131 Please get hard. 803 00:47:21,461 --> 00:47:24,051 Please get hard. Please get hard. Please get hard. 804 00:47:24,961 --> 00:47:26,341 Oh, shit. 805 00:47:26,421 --> 00:47:28,381 Frank, you ungrateful little bitch. 806 00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:30,431 We did this so you wouldn't have to be embarrassed! 807 00:47:39,311 --> 00:47:41,901 Hey, idiots. I uploaded it without the fuzz face. 808 00:47:41,981 --> 00:47:43,061 Now your film is going to be seen 809 00:47:43,151 --> 00:47:44,231 the way it was meant to be seen. 810 00:47:46,821 --> 00:47:47,991 What? 811 00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,821 Are you into lesbians? 812 00:47:50,911 --> 00:47:52,451 That's a thing with guys, right? 813 00:47:52,701 --> 00:47:54,331 The girl is Jack Knoll's daughter! 814 00:47:54,411 --> 00:47:55,831 Great art hurts, Bruce. 815 00:47:56,331 --> 00:48:00,251 Mmm... Boobs. I love your boobs. 816 00:48:05,671 --> 00:48:07,301 Do not honk my horn. 817 00:48:07,381 --> 00:48:08,381 Can you go around him? 818 00:48:08,461 --> 00:48:09,631 Oh! Oh! 819 00:48:10,671 --> 00:48:13,471 Look who's suddenly nervous about someone seeing the movie. 820 00:48:13,551 --> 00:48:15,931 Yes, I'm nervous about being killed! 821 00:48:16,011 --> 00:48:18,641 As soon as he sees that video, you don't think he's gonna kill you, too? 822 00:48:19,431 --> 00:48:21,521 I am nervous about being actually shot! 823 00:48:21,601 --> 00:48:24,021 Not about the possibility of maybe somebody on the Internet 824 00:48:24,111 --> 00:48:26,271 seeing my embarrassing weiner. 825 00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:33,361 No. Open hand! Open hand! 826 00:49:03,521 --> 00:49:05,441 - Hey. - Excuse me. 827 00:49:07,401 --> 00:49:09,481 Kip, Kip, it's him, it's him. 828 00:49:11,281 --> 00:49:12,651 Your video was dope, dawg. 829 00:49:12,741 --> 00:49:13,951 I'm the director. 830 00:49:14,491 --> 00:49:16,821 The most original sex tape ever. 831 00:49:16,911 --> 00:49:18,121 Shut your mouth. 832 00:49:18,531 --> 00:49:19,491 We'd like it back. 833 00:49:19,581 --> 00:49:23,661 I mean, a sex tape with no sex. That is just genius. 834 00:49:23,751 --> 00:49:25,421 Yeah, it was great. The thing is, 835 00:49:25,501 --> 00:49:27,131 it was actually sent to you by mistake. 836 00:49:27,211 --> 00:49:29,421 So, we're really gonna need you to destroy it. 837 00:49:29,501 --> 00:49:32,011 I can't do that. Once it goes up, it's up for 72 hours. 838 00:49:32,131 --> 00:49:34,471 Wait, wait, wait. You're saying it's on the Internet now? 839 00:49:34,681 --> 00:49:36,931 Come, check it out. You got some great feedback, dawg. 840 00:49:37,261 --> 00:49:38,221 Come on, man. Take a look here. 841 00:49:38,301 --> 00:49:41,811 Dad! Cut it with the welding, man. Come on! 842 00:49:42,021 --> 00:49:43,061 Are these all for me? 843 00:49:43,141 --> 00:49:44,141 Yeah, yeah, yeah. See? 844 00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:46,601 Here's the deal, either take it down right now, or... 845 00:49:46,691 --> 00:49:48,651 - Is five boners good? - Five boners is great. 846 00:49:48,811 --> 00:49:49,861 That's five out of five. 847 00:49:49,941 --> 00:49:51,071 Five out of five boners. 848 00:49:51,151 --> 00:49:52,361 And they're really stingy with boners. 849 00:49:52,441 --> 00:49:55,741 Yeah, they don't give boners for anybody. Dad! We have customers! 850 00:49:55,821 --> 00:49:56,991 Hey, pal, pal, you wanna negotiate? 851 00:49:57,071 --> 00:49:58,071 No, I don't. 852 00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:00,121 They call me Alfred Bitchcock. 853 00:50:00,871 --> 00:50:03,411 That's hilarious. I don't know what that means, though. 854 00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:05,211 - You want a car? - I don't want a car. 855 00:50:05,291 --> 00:50:06,581 I got a '93 Honda right outside. 856 00:50:06,671 --> 00:50:08,461 I have a DUI and I drive a Vespa. 857 00:50:08,631 --> 00:50:10,751 "Kinky In Kualalumpa" thinks that I'm a visionary. 858 00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:14,221 If other men are on our site and they see a guy like you 859 00:50:14,301 --> 00:50:16,381 having trouble getting an erection, 860 00:50:16,471 --> 00:50:18,341 keeping an erection, forming an erection... 861 00:50:18,431 --> 00:50:19,391 Right. 862 00:50:19,471 --> 00:50:21,511 ...I think that they'll feel a lot better about themselves. 863 00:50:21,641 --> 00:50:23,271 I don't want to be too forward, 864 00:50:23,351 --> 00:50:25,431 but would you like to maybe get some coffee or something later? 865 00:50:25,521 --> 00:50:26,891 - Anytime. - That'd be great. 866 00:50:26,981 --> 00:50:29,311 Like, wait, did you mean romantically? 867 00:50:29,401 --> 00:50:31,361 Most certainly romantically. 868 00:50:31,481 --> 00:50:33,281 - Bruce, can we leave, please? - Sure. 869 00:50:33,901 --> 00:50:35,241 All right. Hey, send us more stuff. 870 00:50:35,321 --> 00:50:36,451 Seriously, guys, you cannot fucking 871 00:50:36,531 --> 00:50:37,661 mess with people's lives like this. 872 00:50:37,741 --> 00:50:39,071 I really appreciate your support. 873 00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:41,701 You will take this down, or you will face the fucking consequences. 874 00:50:41,781 --> 00:50:43,331 I will call you, okay? About this. 875 00:50:44,161 --> 00:50:45,621 Did you think I didn't just see that? 876 00:50:45,701 --> 00:50:49,711 You heard the guy. They've only got, like, 15,000 subscribers tops. 877 00:50:49,791 --> 00:50:53,051 Mostly in Asia. And he's going to take it down in 72 hours. 878 00:50:53,131 --> 00:50:55,211 I am not waiting 72 hours. 879 00:50:55,841 --> 00:50:58,341 Why are you so embarrassed about your impotency? 880 00:50:58,801 --> 00:51:01,391 I don't have impotency! 881 00:51:02,761 --> 00:51:04,931 I had a brief one-time-only episode. 882 00:51:05,021 --> 00:51:08,521 It happens to everyone. I was impotent last night. 883 00:51:09,231 --> 00:51:12,021 I know. I was. I mean, I had just watched your video. 884 00:51:12,111 --> 00:51:13,361 So, it was probably just some kind of 885 00:51:13,441 --> 00:51:15,941 fraternal sympathy softie. But even so... 886 00:51:16,031 --> 00:51:17,111 Claudia had to put three fingers 887 00:51:17,191 --> 00:51:18,651 up my ass last night to get me hard. 888 00:51:18,741 --> 00:51:21,241 I understand your pain. Family. 889 00:51:21,321 --> 00:51:25,041 Hey. David! No this is a good time. I've just come from church. 890 00:51:35,381 --> 00:51:36,631 Do you want me to hum? 891 00:51:36,711 --> 00:51:38,301 It's just my jaw hurts. 892 00:51:38,381 --> 00:51:39,881 Mother of God... 893 00:51:40,261 --> 00:51:41,301 Okay, Dad! That's enough. 894 00:51:41,391 --> 00:51:44,141 Well, that was excruciating. 895 00:51:44,221 --> 00:51:45,641 Just tell me you can get it down. 896 00:51:45,721 --> 00:51:47,771 This is out of our area of expertise. 897 00:51:47,851 --> 00:51:50,021 Although Sydney did just e-mail me 898 00:51:50,101 --> 00:51:52,651 that it is illegal to film someone in an unflattering manner 899 00:51:52,731 --> 00:51:53,811 without their knowledge. 900 00:51:53,901 --> 00:51:56,231 And that was definitely unflattering. 901 00:51:56,321 --> 00:51:57,321 - Dad! - What? 902 00:51:57,401 --> 00:51:58,611 Sydney, he's my partner. 903 00:51:58,691 --> 00:52:00,951 How am I supposed to help you if I don't know what's going on? 904 00:52:01,571 --> 00:52:03,241 Listen, I think you should call Judge Collins, 905 00:52:03,321 --> 00:52:05,741 have him issue a take-down order. 906 00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:07,241 Here's his number. Thank you, dear. 907 00:52:09,751 --> 00:52:12,291 You gotta be kidding me! You showed the intern? 908 00:52:12,371 --> 00:52:14,381 Everything here is confidential! 909 00:52:20,881 --> 00:52:22,591 - They're dentists? - That's right. 910 00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,221 And they are super rich, Mom, 911 00:52:24,301 --> 00:52:26,181 and they wanna make a movie with Jack and I. 912 00:52:26,261 --> 00:52:28,311 - That's fantastic. - I know. 913 00:52:28,391 --> 00:52:30,061 I'd love to have you involved in some way. 914 00:52:30,141 --> 00:52:31,941 Me? Of course. 915 00:52:32,021 --> 00:52:34,771 It's been too long since you and I have created art together. 916 00:52:34,861 --> 00:52:36,651 When did you two ever make art together? 917 00:52:36,771 --> 00:52:38,531 My painting. 918 00:52:38,611 --> 00:52:40,401 Don't you remember I sat for that? 919 00:52:40,861 --> 00:52:41,861 Yes. 920 00:52:42,071 --> 00:52:46,161 Great things are happening. Sobriety has worked wonders with your life. 921 00:52:46,241 --> 00:52:48,201 Excuse me, am I invisible? 922 00:52:48,291 --> 00:52:49,871 Your beautiful sober son just put me in 923 00:52:49,951 --> 00:52:51,501 a porn video without my permission. 924 00:52:51,621 --> 00:52:53,871 Oh, stop it. There is nothing in that video 925 00:52:53,961 --> 00:52:56,461 that earns it the title of porn and you know it. 926 00:52:57,171 --> 00:52:58,591 You watched it? 927 00:52:58,671 --> 00:53:00,551 You showed it to Mom? You showed it to Dad. 928 00:53:00,631 --> 00:53:02,301 To help get it down. 929 00:53:02,381 --> 00:53:03,721 Mom, why would you watch that? 930 00:53:03,801 --> 00:53:05,721 I watch all of Bruce's films. 931 00:53:05,801 --> 00:53:07,221 Besides, there is nothing wrong 932 00:53:07,301 --> 00:53:09,641 with a mother seeing her son's penis in repose. 933 00:53:09,721 --> 00:53:12,811 Had you gotten aroused, I would've stopped watching. 934 00:53:12,891 --> 00:53:14,901 Can we stop talking about this? 935 00:53:14,981 --> 00:53:19,481 I am seeing a judge tomorrow and all of this is going to be behind us. 936 00:53:19,571 --> 00:53:20,901 Stop being such a drama queen. 937 00:53:20,981 --> 00:53:23,401 Mom, I'm on a website where people fuck fruit. 938 00:53:23,491 --> 00:53:25,701 It is not people. It is one man. And it's very funny. 939 00:53:25,781 --> 00:53:27,491 And don't talk with your mouth full. 940 00:53:27,571 --> 00:53:30,041 Oh, my God. Please be poison. 941 00:53:30,121 --> 00:53:31,581 When did he become such a prude? 942 00:53:31,661 --> 00:53:34,541 You know, I hate to say it, but I think I agree with her on this one. 943 00:53:34,621 --> 00:53:37,171 What was the point of your mother and I having sex with the door open 944 00:53:37,251 --> 00:53:38,591 if we were raising a puritan? 945 00:53:39,841 --> 00:53:41,421 - Dad. - Thank you, my darling. 946 00:53:44,511 --> 00:53:45,591 May I be excused? 947 00:53:45,681 --> 00:53:47,851 Oh, look who's finally being polite. 948 00:53:48,351 --> 00:53:51,351 You know, some nights I really miss the sound of you guys making love. 949 00:53:51,641 --> 00:53:53,021 Yeah. Me, too. 950 00:53:53,891 --> 00:53:55,891 I'm so sorry. I didn't know who else to call. 951 00:53:56,311 --> 00:53:58,021 What is going on? 952 00:53:58,151 --> 00:54:01,401 I swear to God, if you fire one more shot, I'll fucking kill you. 953 00:54:01,481 --> 00:54:03,361 My fiancé! 954 00:54:03,941 --> 00:54:05,951 My fiancé called him and told him everything. 955 00:54:06,031 --> 00:54:07,951 I have no idea what he was thinking. 956 00:54:08,031 --> 00:54:11,121 So, of course, my dad just totally flips out and he goes to grab his gun. 957 00:54:11,201 --> 00:54:12,951 So I just locked him in there, in the shed. 958 00:54:13,081 --> 00:54:16,581 And is this his normal reaction to a situation like this? 959 00:54:16,871 --> 00:54:20,501 He's freakishly protective of me, in his own weird way. 960 00:54:20,591 --> 00:54:23,211 Jack! Hey, buddy, it's Bruce. 961 00:54:23,301 --> 00:54:24,381 Stay out of this. 962 00:54:24,801 --> 00:54:28,931 I'm gonna open the door, but you have to give me your gun. 963 00:54:29,011 --> 00:54:30,301 - No. - The thing is, Jack, 964 00:54:30,391 --> 00:54:33,271 it's really not cool to shoot people anymore. 965 00:54:34,101 --> 00:54:37,101 It's illegal. Besides, I've got really good news. 966 00:54:37,191 --> 00:54:38,731 What news? 967 00:54:39,061 --> 00:54:41,401 I am opening the door. 968 00:54:44,901 --> 00:54:46,321 Gimme the gun. 969 00:54:47,111 --> 00:54:48,951 - What's the news? - I got us producers. 970 00:54:49,031 --> 00:54:50,281 - Really? - Yeah! 971 00:54:50,371 --> 00:54:52,281 You know, why don't you just take drugs? Just take drugs again. 972 00:54:53,241 --> 00:54:54,291 Why would you say that? 973 00:54:54,371 --> 00:54:55,831 Because you are just as bad... 974 00:54:55,911 --> 00:54:57,621 You're worse, actually, when you're sober. 975 00:54:57,711 --> 00:55:01,671 So, please, I am begging you to take drugs, Jack. 976 00:55:01,751 --> 00:55:07,171 First of all, I don't think you should be calling me "Jack." 977 00:55:07,261 --> 00:55:09,641 I think you should call me "Dad." 978 00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:16,311 Hey. 979 00:55:16,981 --> 00:55:18,391 Hi. 980 00:55:20,561 --> 00:55:22,651 You okay? 981 00:55:31,451 --> 00:55:32,531 Are you sure you're okay? 982 00:55:44,671 --> 00:55:47,011 Sorry, if I'm giving you mixed messages. 983 00:55:48,591 --> 00:55:50,431 I don't really think that it takes a genius 984 00:55:50,511 --> 00:55:54,351 to figure out why I'm a little bit confused. 985 00:55:57,351 --> 00:55:59,691 I think we're all a little bit confused. 986 00:56:00,311 --> 00:56:02,731 Thanks for being a good guy. 987 00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:04,191 I'm really not. 988 00:56:04,271 --> 00:56:06,441 No. You really are. 989 00:56:09,701 --> 00:56:12,031 What do you mean, the judge thinks we should leave it up? 990 00:56:12,111 --> 00:56:15,831 Well, apparently, these gossip websites bribe clerks to alert them 991 00:56:15,911 --> 00:56:17,331 when people get down sex tapes, 992 00:56:17,411 --> 00:56:18,951 in case there's a celebrity involved. 993 00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:20,711 Anyway, Lassie's a celebrity's kid, 994 00:56:20,791 --> 00:56:21,921 and there's only 48 hours left, 995 00:56:22,001 --> 00:56:25,091 so the judge thinks it's just not worth the risk. 996 00:56:25,171 --> 00:56:27,671 Okay, you know what? Fuck it. 997 00:56:27,751 --> 00:56:29,091 Can I borrow one of Dad's ties? 998 00:56:29,171 --> 00:56:31,171 I got my meeting with the producers and I want to look fancy. 999 00:56:31,341 --> 00:56:32,431 Aw, of course you can. 1000 00:56:32,511 --> 00:56:34,261 - Where are you going? - I'm doing what I should've done 1001 00:56:34,341 --> 00:56:36,601 from the very beginning. I'm telling Lassie. 1002 00:56:36,681 --> 00:56:37,721 Why? 1003 00:56:37,811 --> 00:56:38,811 The judge can't get down the sex tape. 1004 00:56:39,181 --> 00:56:40,641 What? No! Wait, wait, wait. 1005 00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:41,771 I'm not asking your permission. 1006 00:56:41,851 --> 00:56:43,521 No. I told you, man. She's never gonna see it. 1007 00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:46,321 I'm telling Lassie and I'm going home. 1008 00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:50,031 Can you believe that pussy came from your pussy? 1009 00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:52,741 What about Phil? Maybe he can help. 1010 00:56:52,821 --> 00:56:54,871 - Who's Phil? - Phil. 1011 00:56:55,991 --> 00:56:57,701 I love you, Mom. 1012 00:56:59,201 --> 00:57:01,001 His cell mate from prison. 1013 00:57:01,081 --> 00:57:02,711 The guy who eats rats? 1014 00:57:02,791 --> 00:57:04,121 Don't be so negative! 1015 00:57:04,211 --> 00:57:06,131 He hacked into a bank and got $20 million. 1016 00:57:06,211 --> 00:57:08,131 He's not just some guy that eats rats. 1017 00:57:08,211 --> 00:57:11,131 Hey, Phil! It's Bruce. Long time, man. 1018 00:57:11,211 --> 00:57:13,511 I'm actually just calling because I need a favor. 1019 00:57:13,591 --> 00:57:16,091 He's talking to his friend, the ex-con. He eats rats. 1020 00:57:16,181 --> 00:57:17,891 Don't tell Mother I told you. 1021 00:57:18,011 --> 00:57:19,851 Yeah, so is it okay if I send over my brother? 1022 00:57:20,141 --> 00:57:21,771 What? I'm not going! 1023 00:57:21,851 --> 00:57:24,391 He's a computer whiz! He can get the sex tape off the Internet. 1024 00:57:24,481 --> 00:57:26,561 He's a rodent-eating ex-convict I don't know. 1025 00:57:26,651 --> 00:57:27,771 Hey, we're both coming. 1026 00:57:33,111 --> 00:57:35,321 Hello? 1027 00:57:39,911 --> 00:57:42,291 Hello? Phil? 1028 00:57:43,621 --> 00:57:45,001 Hi. 1029 00:57:47,131 --> 00:57:48,251 Is Phil here? 1030 00:57:52,511 --> 00:57:54,091 Hello, Bruce. 1031 00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:55,761 Phil? 1032 00:57:58,551 --> 00:57:59,931 It's Phyllis now. 1033 00:58:00,431 --> 00:58:03,181 Oh, my God. That's weird. 1034 00:58:04,771 --> 00:58:08,191 I'd like to introduce you to Frankie. 1035 00:58:08,271 --> 00:58:10,481 Oh, the brother. 1036 00:58:10,571 --> 00:58:11,821 Charmed. 1037 00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:15,741 Kiss the hand. 1038 00:58:23,621 --> 00:58:25,621 Come in, boys. 1039 00:58:37,591 --> 00:58:40,261 No. I'm clean as a whistle. 1040 00:58:40,351 --> 00:58:42,141 I'm impressed. 1041 00:58:52,611 --> 00:58:53,821 No thanks. 1042 00:58:55,071 --> 00:58:58,281 It's not nice to make a lady party alone. 1043 00:58:58,361 --> 00:59:01,161 Especially when she's doing you a favor. 1044 00:59:02,451 --> 00:59:03,451 Right. 1045 00:59:04,241 --> 00:59:08,211 So, Phil, do you think, maybe, we could get this movie down off the Internet? 1046 00:59:08,291 --> 00:59:09,331 It's Phyllis. 1047 00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:10,421 Yes, it is. 1048 00:59:11,381 --> 00:59:15,761 I get so horny when I smoke pot. You, too? 1049 00:59:20,641 --> 00:59:23,851 You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, 1050 00:59:24,181 --> 00:59:26,521 but I found your film very healing. 1051 00:59:28,391 --> 00:59:30,691 I've had a lot of sadness lately. 1052 00:59:30,771 --> 00:59:33,151 A lot of new girls do. 1053 00:59:33,231 --> 00:59:38,361 Grieving the lost phallus, it's normal. 1054 00:59:38,571 --> 00:59:39,781 It's so normal. 1055 00:59:39,861 --> 00:59:41,871 But I have to tell you. 1056 00:59:42,911 --> 00:59:44,911 When I saw what happened to you last night, 1057 00:59:44,991 --> 00:59:48,041 Good Lord, I didn't miss my cock one bit. 1058 00:59:48,161 --> 00:59:51,001 Would you like to see it? 1059 00:59:51,331 --> 00:59:53,041 My phallus. 1060 00:59:54,091 --> 00:59:56,881 No, I asked if I could keep it. I keep it in a jar. 1061 00:59:57,711 --> 00:59:59,221 Well, I mean, not all of it. 1062 00:59:59,301 --> 01:00:02,391 I mean, some of it they had to use to reconstruct my vagina. 1063 01:00:02,471 --> 01:00:04,851 It's an amazingly interesting procedure... 1064 01:00:04,931 --> 01:00:08,561 You don't have to go into all of that for us, Phyllis. 1065 01:00:11,061 --> 01:00:14,981 You be nice to your Auntie Phyllis, you little shit. 1066 01:00:15,071 --> 01:00:16,981 No, no. Frankie didn't... 1067 01:00:17,071 --> 01:00:20,151 Frankie would love to hear all about your penis operation. 1068 01:00:20,241 --> 01:00:23,411 It's just, we're kind of in a hurry to get the video down. 1069 01:00:25,411 --> 01:00:27,581 Why has no one asked to see them? 1070 01:00:27,661 --> 01:00:29,201 Your tits? 1071 01:00:29,411 --> 01:00:30,911 I'd fucking love to see your tits. 1072 01:00:33,331 --> 01:00:35,251 And how 'bout you, Frankie? 1073 01:00:36,671 --> 01:00:38,511 Fancy a peek? 1074 01:00:44,761 --> 01:00:47,011 I will not help people who don't support me. 1075 01:00:47,101 --> 01:00:48,311 What is your problem? 1076 01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:50,021 - What did I do? - You hesitated! 1077 01:00:50,231 --> 01:00:53,601 When someone offers to show you their tits, you don't hesitate, you look! 1078 01:00:53,771 --> 01:00:55,271 Bruce, I don't even know this guy. 1079 01:00:55,361 --> 01:00:56,691 Why should I look at his tits? 1080 01:00:56,771 --> 01:00:59,361 Her! Motherfucker! 1081 01:00:59,441 --> 01:01:01,361 I'm done helping you. 1082 01:01:01,441 --> 01:01:02,741 - Bruce! - I'm not gonna be late for my meeting 1083 01:01:02,821 --> 01:01:04,911 to watch you abuse my lady friends, Frank. 1084 01:01:05,371 --> 01:01:06,451 Bruce, I'm sorry! 1085 01:01:06,581 --> 01:01:07,781 Don't say it to me! 1086 01:01:18,211 --> 01:01:21,381 Phyllis. It's me again. 1087 01:01:40,901 --> 01:01:43,531 You're a very good dancer, Frank. 1088 01:01:54,121 --> 01:01:59,091 Phyllis, I would really like to, 1089 01:01:59,171 --> 01:02:01,421 but I'm actually seeing someone right now, 1090 01:02:01,501 --> 01:02:03,671 and I'm kind of old-fashioned that way. 1091 01:02:06,511 --> 01:02:08,801 Please don't be mad. 1092 01:02:09,051 --> 01:02:11,561 She's a very lucky girl. 1093 01:02:11,641 --> 01:02:14,981 So, do you think you could 1094 01:02:16,561 --> 01:02:19,981 maybe help with the sex tape? 1095 01:02:22,281 --> 01:02:24,031 Well, 1096 01:02:25,741 --> 01:02:28,031 since you couldn't get it up, 1097 01:02:28,371 --> 01:02:30,621 I may as well get it down. 1098 01:02:35,871 --> 01:02:37,871 Let's see what we have here. 1099 01:02:38,831 --> 01:02:40,921 I really appreciate it, Phyllis. 1100 01:02:42,801 --> 01:02:44,211 You know, 1101 01:02:45,921 --> 01:02:47,551 there is something you could help me with. 1102 01:02:47,681 --> 01:02:49,091 Anything. 1103 01:02:49,181 --> 01:02:53,931 I have this date tonight. And I really, really like this lady. 1104 01:02:54,021 --> 01:02:57,441 I think I might be a lesbian. You don't have any problem with that, right? 1105 01:02:57,561 --> 01:02:58,561 No. 1106 01:02:58,651 --> 01:03:03,901 Well, I got waxed for the very first time, you know, down there. 1107 01:03:06,821 --> 01:03:08,911 At the end of the day, I went with the Brazilian. 1108 01:03:08,991 --> 01:03:11,911 And, God, I hope I didn't make a mistake. 1109 01:03:11,991 --> 01:03:13,661 I just want everything to be pretty. 1110 01:03:18,791 --> 01:03:22,091 Would you like... Would you like me to take a look? 1111 01:03:25,261 --> 01:03:26,301 Would you? 1112 01:03:26,631 --> 01:03:28,471 Yep. 1113 01:03:28,551 --> 01:03:29,841 Okay. 1114 01:03:41,231 --> 01:03:45,111 Oh, Lord, again we thank you so much 1115 01:03:45,191 --> 01:03:47,781 for Jack and for Bruce. 1116 01:03:47,861 --> 01:03:51,161 In your name we pray. Amen. 1117 01:03:51,241 --> 01:03:52,281 - Amen. - Amen. 1118 01:03:52,371 --> 01:03:53,991 Amen. Hallelujah. 1119 01:03:54,081 --> 01:03:56,121 Good, good. 1120 01:03:56,201 --> 01:03:57,791 Thank you, thank you. 1121 01:03:58,501 --> 01:04:03,211 And we also wanted to talk to the two of you about... 1122 01:04:05,421 --> 01:04:07,461 Sex. 1123 01:04:09,511 --> 01:04:10,511 Uh-huh? 1124 01:04:10,761 --> 01:04:14,391 Well, you see, my wife and I, we're celibates. 1125 01:04:14,761 --> 01:04:15,931 Shut up. 1126 01:04:16,011 --> 01:04:18,731 We've taken a lifelong vow of chastity. 1127 01:04:18,811 --> 01:04:19,851 Oh, my God. 1128 01:04:19,931 --> 01:04:23,401 Oh, we don't expect you to live a similar lifestyle. 1129 01:04:23,481 --> 01:04:24,521 Oh, dear, no. We never would. 1130 01:04:24,651 --> 01:04:25,731 No. 1131 01:04:25,821 --> 01:04:31,201 But we do feel very strongly about our films being "sex-free." 1132 01:04:33,321 --> 01:04:34,451 "Sex-free." 1133 01:04:34,571 --> 01:04:35,661 Yes. 1134 01:04:35,741 --> 01:04:37,541 You want a film with no sex in it. 1135 01:04:37,621 --> 01:04:39,411 - Correct. - Yes. 1136 01:04:39,501 --> 01:04:42,001 Lots of angels. Zero sex. 1137 01:04:42,171 --> 01:04:43,711 Is that going to be a problem? 1138 01:04:45,591 --> 01:04:47,591 - Maybe. - No. 1139 01:05:03,521 --> 01:05:04,521 Phyllis! 1140 01:05:07,191 --> 01:05:09,191 I love you, Phyllis. 1141 01:05:16,781 --> 01:05:20,251 Look at us. We're on regular date, like regular people. 1142 01:05:20,331 --> 01:05:21,541 It's nice. 1143 01:05:21,621 --> 01:05:23,671 It's a miracle. 1144 01:05:23,751 --> 01:05:25,211 When do I get to read your book? 1145 01:05:25,291 --> 01:05:26,711 Because I kind of want to. 1146 01:05:26,791 --> 01:05:30,301 I think probably never. I'm pretty sure it sucks. 1147 01:05:30,881 --> 01:05:34,761 I'm pretty sure it sucks, too. But I still want to read it. 1148 01:05:35,551 --> 01:05:37,971 I won't judge you. 1149 01:05:38,051 --> 01:05:39,261 Maybe the next one. 1150 01:05:41,021 --> 01:05:44,481 Excuse me? It's you. Love the video, dude. 1151 01:05:44,561 --> 01:05:45,901 Fuckin' hysterical. 1152 01:05:45,981 --> 01:05:47,271 It's all right. This happens all the time. 1153 01:05:47,361 --> 01:05:50,111 Seriously. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. 1154 01:05:50,691 --> 01:05:52,821 You know it got, like, a million hits in three hours today? 1155 01:05:52,901 --> 01:05:55,991 Awesome. Fuck off. You know? Thanks. 1156 01:05:56,071 --> 01:05:59,371 My God, I don't know how you handle that shit. 1157 01:05:59,451 --> 01:06:00,741 Eat my bra! 1158 01:06:02,251 --> 01:06:03,581 Eat my bra! 1159 01:06:04,161 --> 01:06:05,171 What did he say? 1160 01:06:05,251 --> 01:06:07,381 I don't know. I don't think he was talking to us. 1161 01:06:14,261 --> 01:06:15,341 What? 1162 01:06:26,061 --> 01:06:29,191 We could act out your masturbation fantasies. 1163 01:06:29,271 --> 01:06:30,981 Maybe that would get you hard. 1164 01:06:31,481 --> 01:06:34,191 Someone must've pirated a copy off the original site 1165 01:06:34,281 --> 01:06:35,451 before I shut it down. 1166 01:06:35,951 --> 01:06:40,831 Like, I'll be a cheerleader and you be the captain of the football team. 1167 01:06:41,241 --> 01:06:43,541 Maybe you just need some kind of encouragement. 1168 01:06:43,621 --> 01:06:47,121 I'll cheer you on, I'll cheer you on, I'll cheer you on. 1169 01:06:56,721 --> 01:07:00,681 Please get it down, Phyllis. I'll do whatever you want. 1170 01:07:00,761 --> 01:07:03,511 We can dance. I'll look at your penis. 1171 01:07:03,641 --> 01:07:05,351 - Frank! - Go get the jar. Does it open? 1172 01:07:05,431 --> 01:07:06,481 I'll touch it. 1173 01:07:06,561 --> 01:07:08,941 Frank, Frank, Frank. I know how you feel. 1174 01:07:09,651 --> 01:07:14,691 You're embarrassed and you're ashamed 1175 01:07:14,781 --> 01:07:16,741 and you want to die. 1176 01:07:16,821 --> 01:07:20,111 It's the exact same way I felt when the guys on my high school team 1177 01:07:20,201 --> 01:07:23,911 walked into the locker room and I was dressed in a cheerleader's uniform. 1178 01:07:23,991 --> 01:07:27,581 But it was at that moment, I got a glimpse, for the first time, 1179 01:07:27,661 --> 01:07:29,461 of my true me. 1180 01:07:30,831 --> 01:07:33,921 And that is what I want for you, darling. 1181 01:07:36,171 --> 01:07:41,261 Let your humiliation set you free. 1182 01:07:43,351 --> 01:07:45,811 Come here, sad screw up. Come here. 1183 01:07:47,681 --> 01:07:50,351 That's a very nice shampoo you're wearing. 1184 01:07:50,941 --> 01:07:52,691 Now he'll never work with me. 1185 01:07:52,771 --> 01:07:56,111 Jack? Don't be silly. He adores you. 1186 01:07:56,281 --> 01:07:58,741 Mom, he tried to shoot a guy who cheated on his daughter. 1187 01:07:58,861 --> 01:08:00,361 I put her in a sex tape, 1188 01:08:00,451 --> 01:08:04,491 which has now been viewed by eight million people since breakfast. 1189 01:08:04,581 --> 01:08:08,081 It's not a real sex tape. It's just a funny little movie. 1190 01:08:11,041 --> 01:08:12,331 - That's it. - What? 1191 01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:14,791 It's a movie. I'll just tell Jack 1192 01:08:14,881 --> 01:08:16,461 that what I shot in the clubhouse 1193 01:08:16,551 --> 01:08:19,381 was a teaser for a larger film. 1194 01:08:19,881 --> 01:08:21,131 What's the film? 1195 01:08:21,221 --> 01:08:22,721 I'll work that out! It writes itself! 1196 01:08:28,851 --> 01:08:30,521 - Hi. - Hey. 1197 01:08:30,601 --> 01:08:32,521 I'm so glad that you called. 1198 01:08:32,601 --> 01:08:36,821 My dad is at a meeting, but I ordered us some dinner. 1199 01:08:36,901 --> 01:08:39,691 So, I hope you're hungry. 1200 01:08:45,241 --> 01:08:47,661 Here. Sit. 1201 01:08:47,741 --> 01:08:49,751 I actually have something to tell you. 1202 01:08:51,081 --> 01:08:54,541 It's kind of the reason why we're eating Chinese food. 1203 01:08:54,631 --> 01:08:55,921 You're going to China? 1204 01:08:58,711 --> 01:09:00,551 The opposite. I told them no. 1205 01:09:01,471 --> 01:09:04,301 It's just kind of the worst time for me to go. 1206 01:09:06,931 --> 01:09:09,271 It might have a tiny little bit to do with you. 1207 01:09:16,691 --> 01:09:18,861 You all right? 1208 01:09:21,281 --> 01:09:22,531 You do these? 1209 01:09:22,611 --> 01:09:24,951 I was really into knights when I was a kid. 1210 01:09:26,161 --> 01:09:28,491 "A strong kind man, dipped in metal." 1211 01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:32,751 Listen. It's actually a very normal fantasy for a girl whose father 1212 01:09:32,831 --> 01:09:35,751 has never been in a relationship ever. 1213 01:09:35,961 --> 01:09:38,131 You can connect the dots and see 1214 01:09:38,211 --> 01:09:41,841 why perhaps I was in need of some chivalry. 1215 01:09:48,141 --> 01:09:50,641 So, what did you want to tell me? 1216 01:09:54,941 --> 01:09:56,061 I'll tell you later. 1217 01:10:25,091 --> 01:10:26,091 Hey. 1218 01:10:26,181 --> 01:10:27,761 Thank you for the date yesterday. 1219 01:10:27,841 --> 01:10:30,561 It was really, really nice and normal. 1220 01:10:32,181 --> 01:10:34,141 Listen, Lassie. Can I talk to you about something? 1221 01:10:34,231 --> 01:10:35,941 I'm actually just running into a meeting right now. 1222 01:10:36,021 --> 01:10:37,191 Can I give you a call back in a little bit? 1223 01:10:37,771 --> 01:10:40,651 Oh, and your brother, he stopped by and he took your car. 1224 01:10:40,731 --> 01:10:43,321 He said he needed to trade it for a crane or something, I don't know. 1225 01:10:43,401 --> 01:10:45,401 He said you'd understand. 1226 01:11:01,501 --> 01:11:03,251 Hey. Sorry I'm late. 1227 01:11:08,381 --> 01:11:09,591 - What's going on? - This is actually 1228 01:11:09,681 --> 01:11:13,061 a really fucking horrible time for this to be happening to me! 1229 01:11:13,141 --> 01:11:18,561 I just don't understand it, I don't understand why nobody will fuck me! 1230 01:11:41,711 --> 01:11:44,751 But everyone else has sex, why can't we? 1231 01:11:45,171 --> 01:11:46,171 "Why can't I?" 1232 01:11:46,921 --> 01:11:49,511 Everyone else has sex. Why can't I? 1233 01:11:49,591 --> 01:11:50,931 Behold. 1234 01:11:51,011 --> 01:11:56,521 I am an angel, sent by God, to make you pure. 1235 01:11:56,931 --> 01:11:59,141 Dad! I'm gonna need more wings. 1236 01:11:59,231 --> 01:12:00,561 - What? - More wings. 1237 01:12:01,771 --> 01:12:03,191 - Bruce. - Cut, cut. 1238 01:12:04,481 --> 01:12:06,231 Isn't this fucking amazing? 1239 01:12:07,361 --> 01:12:08,361 What is this? 1240 01:12:08,441 --> 01:12:09,861 I'm making a movie of that night. 1241 01:12:10,451 --> 01:12:12,201 - What night? - The night in the clubhouse, bro. 1242 01:12:14,281 --> 01:12:17,371 Okay. Everybody, places. We're going again. 1243 01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:22,121 No. Actually not places. 1244 01:12:22,211 --> 01:12:25,961 Could everyone just pack this stuff up and go home? I'm sorry. 1245 01:12:26,091 --> 01:12:27,551 Frankie, stop being such a girl. 1246 01:12:27,631 --> 01:12:29,381 Do not disrespect me in front of my crew. 1247 01:12:29,471 --> 01:12:32,011 Okay? I will slap you down. I will fucking slap you down. 1248 01:12:32,091 --> 01:12:34,181 All I'm doing here is trying to make everyone else happy. 1249 01:12:34,261 --> 01:12:35,561 The producers want an angel, 1250 01:12:35,641 --> 01:12:37,141 Jack won't do the movie unless Dharma's in it. 1251 01:12:37,221 --> 01:12:38,641 Jack is in the movie? 1252 01:12:38,721 --> 01:12:40,811 Of course Jack's in the movie. Jack's the money! 1253 01:12:41,391 --> 01:12:43,901 But he won't do it unless Dharma's in it, who can't fucking act. 1254 01:12:44,191 --> 01:12:45,271 Stop fighting, both of you! 1255 01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:47,231 And I am doing all of this, bro, 1256 01:12:47,321 --> 01:12:50,741 just to make sure that you and Cassie don't get embarrassed. 1257 01:12:50,821 --> 01:12:51,901 - Bruce? - What? 1258 01:12:51,991 --> 01:12:53,491 Isn't Jack supposed to be in this scene? 1259 01:12:53,991 --> 01:12:56,741 Can everybody just stop talking to me? Please? 1260 01:12:57,031 --> 01:12:58,831 Okay. We're going again. 1261 01:12:58,911 --> 01:13:01,001 Last time. Rolling sound. 1262 01:13:01,251 --> 01:13:02,501 Bruce! Action. 1263 01:13:04,461 --> 01:13:06,751 Don't listen to the angel. 1264 01:13:06,841 --> 01:13:09,091 Have sex. Have sex now. 1265 01:13:09,171 --> 01:13:10,261 Angrier! 1266 01:13:10,341 --> 01:13:11,341 Have it all the time! 1267 01:13:15,341 --> 01:13:16,681 Oh, fuck. 1268 01:13:19,181 --> 01:13:20,681 What are you doing here? 1269 01:13:20,771 --> 01:13:22,771 Tell me that you didn't know that he filmed us that night! 1270 01:13:23,641 --> 01:13:25,861 I didn't. I swear to God, I didn't. 1271 01:13:25,941 --> 01:13:27,441 Well, did you know that it was on the Internet? 1272 01:13:27,521 --> 01:13:29,531 Cut! Places! We're going again. 1273 01:13:30,901 --> 01:13:31,901 Oh, my God. 1274 01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:33,241 Action. 1275 01:13:34,821 --> 01:13:37,871 Why won't anyone have sex with me? Wait... 1276 01:13:38,371 --> 01:13:40,291 Is that an angel? 1277 01:13:40,491 --> 01:13:44,291 I forbid the blood to enter your cock. 1278 01:13:44,371 --> 01:13:46,791 Rise, penis, rise! 1279 01:13:46,881 --> 01:13:49,001 Bruce, could you have her say "phallus" instead? 1280 01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:50,171 What is all of this? 1281 01:13:50,251 --> 01:13:52,301 Fill with blood! Fill that member! 1282 01:13:52,381 --> 01:13:55,091 Bruce is making a movie so that 1283 01:13:55,181 --> 01:13:56,641 we won't have to be embarrassed. 1284 01:13:56,721 --> 01:13:58,051 What are you talking about? 1285 01:13:58,141 --> 01:14:01,521 Sex out of wedlock is wrong. 1286 01:14:01,601 --> 01:14:03,141 Get that member filled with pleasure! 1287 01:14:03,231 --> 01:14:05,391 I forbid the blood to enter your cock. 1288 01:14:05,481 --> 01:14:06,731 Get it in that pussy. Go... 1289 01:14:06,901 --> 01:14:07,901 - Phallus! - Phallus. 1290 01:14:07,981 --> 01:14:09,151 - I forbid... - I'm the devil! 1291 01:14:09,231 --> 01:14:10,691 ...the blood to enter your phallus. 1292 01:14:10,781 --> 01:14:12,571 I'm the devil. Fuck that pussy! 1293 01:14:12,821 --> 01:14:13,991 You big penis. 1294 01:14:14,071 --> 01:14:15,571 Can you say "organ" instead? 1295 01:14:15,661 --> 01:14:17,911 Motherfucker! Come here! 1296 01:14:20,081 --> 01:14:22,291 Did you put my precious daughter in a porno video? 1297 01:14:22,371 --> 01:14:24,871 You are fucking dead, do you hear me? 1298 01:14:24,961 --> 01:14:25,961 Oh, shit. 1299 01:14:26,251 --> 01:14:28,131 Time to die, motherfucker. 1300 01:14:31,591 --> 01:14:33,011 Bruce, Bruce. 1301 01:14:34,471 --> 01:14:35,971 Fuck. 1302 01:14:36,051 --> 01:14:37,801 - Okay. Okay. - Someone call an ambulance! 1303 01:14:37,891 --> 01:14:39,301 Call 911. Call 911! 1304 01:14:39,431 --> 01:14:40,971 - He shot me in my belly. - Okay. I know, bro. 1305 01:14:41,061 --> 01:14:43,351 I know. Just keep breathing, just keep breathing. 1306 01:14:43,431 --> 01:14:45,481 Just keep breathing. 1307 01:14:48,021 --> 01:14:49,611 I knew you loved me, bro. 1308 01:14:49,691 --> 01:14:52,571 You! When you grab me, go like this. You gotta really hold me. 1309 01:14:53,281 --> 01:14:54,241 You want to go again, Jack? 1310 01:14:54,321 --> 01:14:55,321 Let's go! 1311 01:14:55,611 --> 01:14:57,321 He doesn't know anything. 1312 01:14:57,411 --> 01:14:58,991 He just thinks that he's playing the part of a father 1313 01:14:59,071 --> 01:15:02,281 who found out his daughter's in a sex video. It's fine. 1314 01:15:03,041 --> 01:15:04,291 You're such a fucking asshole! 1315 01:15:04,371 --> 01:15:05,371 What? 1316 01:15:05,451 --> 01:15:07,041 "What?" What's the matter with you? 1317 01:15:07,121 --> 01:15:09,881 I just want an option in case we decide to go dark in the end, bro. 1318 01:15:09,961 --> 01:15:11,711 Lassie, I'm sorry. Lassie. Leave me alone. 1319 01:15:11,791 --> 01:15:13,251 - Lassie. - Leave me alone! 1320 01:15:16,011 --> 01:15:17,131 But it looked that realistic? 1321 01:16:30,661 --> 01:16:32,541 Mom, stop fucking calling. 1322 01:16:33,041 --> 01:16:34,791 It's not your mother. 1323 01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:38,301 Unfortunately, I can't bear children. 1324 01:16:39,631 --> 01:16:40,631 Whatever. 1325 01:16:41,051 --> 01:16:43,761 I saw Bruce's movie, along with, 1326 01:16:43,841 --> 01:16:46,061 I don't know, a few million other people. 1327 01:16:46,141 --> 01:16:47,351 And what the fuck was he thinking, 1328 01:16:47,431 --> 01:16:49,101 not letting me play the angel? 1329 01:16:49,181 --> 01:16:51,561 That woman was absolute dog shit. 1330 01:16:52,561 --> 01:16:54,271 So you still talk to that girl? 1331 01:16:55,021 --> 01:16:56,401 She still mad at you? 1332 01:16:56,521 --> 01:16:57,901 She won't take my calls. 1333 01:16:58,821 --> 01:17:00,741 She hasn't responded to any of my e-mails. 1334 01:17:01,241 --> 01:17:04,071 Yeah, I heard through the grapevine that she's going away. 1335 01:17:04,871 --> 01:17:05,991 Poor thing. 1336 01:17:06,081 --> 01:17:07,621 - Where? - China. 1337 01:17:09,081 --> 01:17:10,541 You think you're embarrassed? 1338 01:17:10,621 --> 01:17:12,001 Try having half the planet watch 1339 01:17:12,081 --> 01:17:14,081 some guy not be able to fuck you all night. 1340 01:17:15,041 --> 01:17:17,041 That's embarrassing, my friend. 1341 01:17:19,001 --> 01:17:22,131 Anyway, I thought you should know she's going away. 1342 01:17:22,221 --> 01:17:25,431 Just in case one of the people on this phone call 1343 01:17:25,511 --> 01:17:27,431 wanted to start acting like a man, darling. 1344 01:17:29,601 --> 01:17:32,771 Let your Auntie Phyllis give you a piece of advice, Frankie, baby. 1345 01:17:33,691 --> 01:17:36,151 I don't give a shit how many people saw 1346 01:17:36,231 --> 01:17:37,691 what happened in that clubhouse that night. 1347 01:17:37,771 --> 01:17:40,031 And I don't care what they thought about it. 1348 01:17:40,111 --> 01:17:42,781 They weren't there. They were just watching. 1349 01:17:45,321 --> 01:17:48,531 If you really fell in love with that girl that night, 1350 01:17:49,701 --> 01:17:52,621 then what the fuck are you still doing in the desert? 1351 01:18:10,681 --> 01:18:11,811 Francis. 1352 01:18:15,851 --> 01:18:16,851 Hey, bro. 1353 01:18:22,741 --> 01:18:26,571 Listen, I know we haven't talked since the whole angel debacle, 1354 01:18:26,661 --> 01:18:28,531 and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. 1355 01:18:29,241 --> 01:18:32,751 After you left, I got to thinking, maybe I'm incapable of change. 1356 01:18:33,121 --> 01:18:34,291 But, look, no camera. 1357 01:18:35,161 --> 01:18:37,121 - Well, I'm impressed. - Right? 1358 01:18:37,501 --> 01:18:38,501 You proud of me? 1359 01:18:38,581 --> 01:18:39,591 What time's her flight? 1360 01:18:40,001 --> 01:18:43,301 7:00 p.m. We better hit the road before we lose the light. 1361 01:18:47,931 --> 01:18:49,721 Hey, Bruce, can you help me with something in here? 1362 01:18:49,801 --> 01:18:51,391 Sure. 1363 01:18:54,021 --> 01:18:55,891 - You need a strong guy? - Yeah. 1364 01:18:59,771 --> 01:19:01,941 Frank! What're you doing? 1365 01:19:02,021 --> 01:19:03,361 You're not filming this, Bruce. 1366 01:19:04,191 --> 01:19:05,191 What? 1367 01:19:05,901 --> 01:19:07,451 Plenty of food and water in there. 1368 01:19:07,531 --> 01:19:09,701 There's even a mirror in case you want to jerk off. 1369 01:19:10,781 --> 01:19:12,621 TV gets Channel 6. 1370 01:19:12,701 --> 01:19:15,581 I swear on Mom's tits, I'm not gonna film you. 1371 01:19:16,911 --> 01:19:18,371 Okay, maybe one shot. 1372 01:19:19,211 --> 01:19:21,091 Maybe two. 1373 01:19:21,881 --> 01:19:25,051 A master from far away! Bro! 1374 01:19:25,131 --> 01:19:27,681 I just want to give you a happy ending. 1375 01:19:30,721 --> 01:19:34,141 Frank! I love you. 1376 01:20:03,921 --> 01:20:05,091 Hey. 1377 01:20:05,171 --> 01:20:07,051 Dad! Tell us when people come in! 1378 01:20:11,051 --> 01:20:12,591 Excuse me? 1379 01:20:36,491 --> 01:20:39,831 I am a strong, kind man dipped in metal. 1380 01:20:40,331 --> 01:20:41,791 Dipped in metal. 1381 01:20:44,001 --> 01:20:46,631 And I have come to take you away from all of this. 1382 01:20:47,501 --> 01:20:50,971 And to protect you and to defend you. 1383 01:20:51,591 --> 01:20:54,341 And to apologize for sucking at it so far. 1384 01:20:55,721 --> 01:20:57,931 Lassie, I know all about embarrassment. 1385 01:20:58,021 --> 01:21:01,271 Eighteen million people saw me throw up on my fiancée. 1386 01:21:01,941 --> 01:21:04,811 And 35 million people saw my dick not work. 1387 01:21:05,561 --> 01:21:08,651 I'm standing in front of you wearing a car. 1388 01:21:09,531 --> 01:21:11,951 Don't go. It won't help. 1389 01:21:16,241 --> 01:21:17,581 Frank. 1390 01:21:19,701 --> 01:21:24,001 I really appreciate all of this effort, I just... 1391 01:21:27,291 --> 01:21:31,131 I can't live here anymore. I have to go. 1392 01:21:33,971 --> 01:21:35,551 I'm sorry. 1393 01:22:06,541 --> 01:22:07,631 Come? 1394 01:22:09,631 --> 01:22:11,801 Come and visit me. 1395 01:22:12,211 --> 01:22:14,381 I could probably use a knight. 1396 01:22:20,891 --> 01:22:24,061 I might have a little trouble with the metal detector. 1397 01:22:48,831 --> 01:22:51,881 "Wow. I've never had sex with a knight before." 1398 01:22:52,501 --> 01:22:55,051 "I'm gonna fuck you on the Round Table, bitch." 1399 01:23:00,101 --> 01:23:01,101 Cut! 1400 01:25:02,301 --> 01:25:04,051 Felt real to me. 97939