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1
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,500
All right, Kent!
2
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:58,800
Go, Hayley.
3
00:00:58,900 --> 00:00:59,900
Seven minutes.
4
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,800
Go get 'em, cowboy.
5
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,900
See you in seven minutes.
6
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,700
Stu, run it by me again.
7
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,400
Kissing is first base.
8
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:12,800
Second base is boob.
9
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,400
- Third base is-
- Finger.
10
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,000
- Finger?
- Or thumb.
11
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,300
Okay.
12
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,700
Charlie, trust me.
13
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,300
Second base is what
it's all about.
14
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,900
I'm all about
the boobies.
15
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,000
Okay.
Anything else?
16
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,700
An intentional walk
is a kiss on the cheek.
17
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,100
An inside park home run
is a blow job.
18
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,400
What's a blow job?
19
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,100
I have no idea,
20
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,600
but I overheard
my dad saying
21
00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:38,500
that he gets one
once a year on his birthday.
22
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,500
So it must be good.
23
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:54,600
Yeah!
24
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,500
You, me.
25
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,800
Closet.
26
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,100
Seven minutes.
27
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,100
Heaven.
28
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,600
He's so gross.
29
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,500
Sorry, Jennifer.
30
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:15,600
Stop.
31
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,000
Don't touch me.
32
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:18,700
Stand on that side
of the closet,
33
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:19,900
and I'll say we kissed.
34
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:23,000
I will... if you say
we did the nasty.
35
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,900
No.
I'll say we kissed.
36
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,100
Say I touched
your boobies.
37
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,100
No!
I'll say we kissed.
38
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,100
Okay.
39
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,900
I kissed your boobies.
40
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,400
Anisha!
41
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,300
Stop staring.
You're freaking me out.
42
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,100
I'm looking at you
'cause I like you, Charlie.
43
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,500
It's okay.
44
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,200
Come on. You can
do what you want.
45
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,100
That's okay.
I'm kind of new at this.
46
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,600
Let me see your penis.
47
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,200
What's the matter?
Don't you want me?
48
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,100
Oh, my God!
49
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,700
That's my boy.
50
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,000
He's probably
blow-jobbing her.
51
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:37,100
Anisha!
I can't breathe!
52
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,300
I love you, Charlie.
53
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,400
I've loved you
since the third grade.
54
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,100
Um... thank you?
55
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,900
So you like to play
hard to get.
56
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,900
Back off!
57
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,500
I've read
in my mom's Cosmo
58
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,900
this is supposed
to increase pleasure.
59
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,000
Don't worry.
This is my first time, too.
60
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,100
First time what, killing?
61
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,600
No, Charlie.
Making love.
62
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,200
Get off me, you freak!
63
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,600
Charlie Logan, you are not
my boyfriend anymore.
64
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:09,800
I hex you!
65
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,100
You what?
66
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,500
I hex you.
You will never be happy.
67
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,000
Around you love will fall
like rain.
68
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:21,100
But you won't hold it.
Your heart will pain!
69
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,000
Once the girl
has been with you,
70
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,500
to the next she will be true!
71
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,800
Was that Phil Collins?
72
00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:37,500
What happened?
73
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,500
Did you thumb her?
74
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,100
Charlie, we could get arrested
for public indecency.
75
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,900
I like the way you think.
76
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,100
Okay.
77
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,300
All right!
78
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,800
Oh, my-
Oh, my God, Carol.
79
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,000
I love you.
80
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,400
I love you!
81
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,500
Thank you.
82
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,200
I love you, Charlie.
83
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,300
Oh, that's nice.
84
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,100
"That's nice"?
85
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,100
I'm licking the sand
off your balls,
86
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,300
and you say,
"That's nice"?
87
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,500
No, I said,
"Oh, my God" to that.
88
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,000
I said, "Oh, my God"
very enthusiastically about the ball lick.
89
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:58,500
Hey, listen, I'm sorry.
90
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,500
I just don't think the "L" word
should be thrown around casually.
91
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,200
The "L" word?
What are you, eight?
92
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,500
How about the "F" word
and the "you" word?
93
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,300
I can't believe
you and Carol went belly-up, man.
94
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,600
She was so into you.
95
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,500
Yeah, well, she was
a, uh, noisy eater.
96
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,700
It's that word, Stu: love.
97
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,200
I wanted to say it,
but I just- I couldn't.
98
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,700
How can I say something
if I don't feel it?
99
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,700
Easy. Lie.
100
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,200
What do you think
all relationships are based on, man?
101
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,300
Lies.
102
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,000
"No, honey, your ass
looks great in those jeans. "
103
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,700
"Honey,
I love your parents. "
104
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,200
"You're kidding me. That sore right there?
That's not herpes. "
105
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,400
You know what I'm saying?
106
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,700
So, then, who are you
taking to Katie's wedding?
107
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,700
Oh, I don't know.
You want to go?
108
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,300
Do bridesmaids give head
in the coat room?
109
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,400
Of course I want to go!
110
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:10,200
You know how easy it is
to score at a wedding?
111
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:12,700
Have you ever scored
at a wedding?
112
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,600
Pacing myself.
113
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,300
Must be weird.
114
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,000
You were dating Katie
six months ago,
115
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,600
and now she's
marrying a doctor.
116
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,300
I'm a doctor.
117
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,400
He's a heart surgeon.
You're a dentist.
118
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,500
It's like saying
General Patton and Colonel Mustard
119
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:26,900
are both military men.
120
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,900
Hi, Dr. Stu.
121
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,000
Natalie.
122
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,200
I jerk off
to her mammograms.
123
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,300
God, I love my job.
124
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,900
Every day is like Christmas.
125
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,700
Who are you
working over today?
126
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,300
Dr. Charlie,
you're five minutes late!
127
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,100
You've got four fillings,
three cleanings,
128
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,600
two crowns, and a canal.
129
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,100
You've got too many patients,
130
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,900
and I've got too little patience
131
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,400
for you to be gabbing gossip
132
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:01,400
with Dr. Boob Jobs in the hallway.
133
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,000
How are you today, Reba?
134
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,000
Were you just
looking at my tits?
135
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:06,600
Because I am more than happy
136
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,300
with what the Lord Almighty gave me.
137
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,000
I wasn't looking at your-
138
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,600
Come on, Dr. Charlie.
139
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:26,200
I don't want anybody else
140
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:30,300
When I think about you,
I rub myself
141
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:34,800
I don't want
anybody else
142
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,800
When I think about you,
I touch myself
143
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,200
You are what-
144
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,500
Okay, you're my wingman.
145
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,300
If the blonde asks,
146
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,800
I'm the billionaire
who invented string cheese.
147
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,000
If it's that redhead,
148
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,000
tell her I wrote
"We Are the World. "
149
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,300
And, uh, if it's
that cheerleader hottie over there,
150
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,600
my penis is in
the Guinness Book of World Records:
151
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,900
girth, not length.
152
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,400
I want it to sound believable.
153
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,000
Holy shit.
154
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,100
Activate pelvis.
155
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,600
Yo, yo, yo, hold on
to your pantyhose.
156
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,300
The hostess
with the mostest
157
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:21,900
has got a toastess.
158
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,000
I just want to thank everybody
159
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:33,200
for coming to share
this day with us.
160
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,200
I couldn't imagine
being any happier
161
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,700
than I am right now.
162
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,800
Wait till tonight, sweetheart.
163
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,800
I know it's
a little unorthodox,
164
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,800
but I'd also like
to propose a toast...
165
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,400
to Charlie Logan.
166
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:53,500
Thank you, Charlie,
for being my lucky charm.
167
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,500
To Charlie!
168
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,600
- To Charlie.
- To Charlie.
169
00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,100
So, you're that Charlie?
170
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,400
What Charlie?
171
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,800
You know, Charlie,
the- the dentist.
172
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,300
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
173
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,900
- Oh, no. Are you okay?
- That's horrible.
174
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,100
- I'm all right.
- I didn't- I didn't mean to.
175
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,500
Sorry about that.
176
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,900
Oh, jeez.
177
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,400
Here you go.
178
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,700
- Thanks.
- Sure.
179
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,500
Oh. There I am.
180
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,500
Join us.
181
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,300
So, what did I miss?
182
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,600
Not much.
183
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,500
Same old-
I do, I do.
184
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,900
"You may
kiss the bride. "
185
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,900
White cake
with raspberry filling,
186
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,700
and the doves
being released,
187
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,400
but the doves
refuse to leave.
188
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,100
I'm Cam. I went
to college with the bride.
189
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,400
I'm Charlie.
I used to date the bride.
190
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,500
Me, too.
191
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,700
Well, no. I mean,
it was a one-time-only
192
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,300
experimental thing,
sophomore year.
193
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,800
We were young.
And drunk.
194
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,900
Is this person
being dipped in acid?
195
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,700
Waiter, could we
have some chloroform for the singer?
196
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,400
What are you going to sing?
197
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,500
I'm thinking about
doing Bon Jovi "Livin' On a Prayer. "
198
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,100
Really?
That's the one I was going to do.
199
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,500
- Oh, really?
- No.
200
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,800
So, Cam, what do you do?
201
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,400
I run the Penguin Habitat
at Aqua World.
202
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,200
Seriously, what do you do?
203
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,500
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
204
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:56,600
I'm a serial killer.
205
00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:58,800
My passion is killing people
I meet at weddings.
206
00:11:58,900 --> 00:11:59,800
What do you do?
207
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,400
FBl.
You're under arrest.
208
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,500
Your run is over,
Miss "Wexler,"
209
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,800
if that's your real name.
210
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,400
Actually, I am a dentist.
211
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,700
You're a dentist?
212
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,100
You'll love me.
Perfect teeth. No cavities.
213
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,500
Want to see?
214
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,200
Oh, my! My legs!
215
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,300
I'm sorry.
216
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,400
Water!
217
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,200
Oh, no!
218
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:25,500
I'm sorry.
219
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,800
I'll just get in there and-
220
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,200
- That's all right.
- I'm sorry.
221
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,000
Wait.
Let me see, let me see.
222
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,300
- Thanks.
- It looks like cum!
223
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,500
Well, here I am.
224
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,100
What are your other two wishes?
225
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,900
Stu, Cam.
Cam, Stu.
226
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:44,900
- Hi.
- Hi.
227
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,400
It's actually Doctor Stu.
228
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,900
I'm a reconstructive
surgeon.
229
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:51,700
If anyone has an accident
or is born with a deformity,
230
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,400
I'm there to help.
231
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,700
And by deformity,
he means small breasts.
232
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:58,700
He's just jealous
233
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,000
because he has to clean
plaque all day long
234
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,900
while I'm out
making the world a better place.
235
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,700
Cam, you will not
believe this doofus
236
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,600
that just tried to pick me up.
237
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,000
Oh. Hi.
238
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,000
Hi.
239
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,200
- Again.
- Yeah.
240
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,700
Yeah.
241
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,000
I got to go.
242
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,700
Nice to meet you.
243
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,000
Tits and teeth.
244
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,100
I don't think
she was into me.
245
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,500
Say, uh, ladies-
246
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,700
Hey, you.
247
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,200
Hey.
248
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:34,900
- You look great.
- Thank you.
249
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,500
So do you.
250
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,900
So, how are you and Carol doing?
251
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,200
We're-
252
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:47,000
We're just giving each other
a little space right now.
253
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,400
I worry about you
sometimes, Chuck.
254
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:52,100
Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.
255
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,900
It's better
to have loved and lost
256
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,700
than to have never
loved at all.
257
00:13:55,900 --> 00:14:00,000
I'll buy that when you can honestly
tell me that you have loved.
258
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,300
Touch�.
259
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,400
I just want to see you
happy, Chuckles.
260
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,800
Attention, hot mamas.
261
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:11,600
Can we have all
the single ladies
262
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,500
out on the terrace
for the tossing of the bride's bouquet?
263
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:15,800
See you.
264
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:24,900
Ready, ladies?
265
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,600
One!
266
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,900
Two!
267
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,500
Three!
268
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:52,400
Morning, Reba.
269
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,100
Good morning, Dr. Logan.
270
00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:58,100
Good morning, Doctor.
271
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,100
I think I have a cavity.
272
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,600
Me, too.
273
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,600
- Hey, Sharon. Is Stu in?
- Hi.
274
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:41,100
Sharon-
Oh, Dr. Logan.
275
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,300
Can you come back here
for a second, please?
276
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,400
Oh, I'm sorry.
277
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,600
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We need you.
278
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:55,600
Dr. Logan-
279
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,800
This is Pleasure.
280
00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:00,100
Nice to meet you.
281
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,000
The pleasure's all mine.
282
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,700
Get it?
283
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,500
"The pleasure's all mine"?
284
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,600
My name is Pleasure.
285
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:12,300
That is... enormously clever.
286
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,300
We need
a second opinion.
287
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,700
What do you think?
288
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,200
Are they even?
289
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:21,400
So you knew they were even.
290
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,900
Of course they were even. I did them.
291
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,300
I just wanted you to see them
292
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,100
without having to pay
for a lap dance.
293
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,200
How did you get a license
to practice medicine?
294
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:29,600
You need a license?
295
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:33,300
Listen, have you noticed
anything different about me?
296
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,800
Other than your aversion
to fantastic, gigantic titties?
297
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,700
Women seem to be
coming on to me
298
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,700
in an unusual manner.
299
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,200
Really?
300
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:53,900
That's crazy.
301
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,100
Charlie! Stuart.
302
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,400
Carol.
303
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,900
Are these back
in season again?
304
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,100
You're getting married.
305
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,500
What can I say?
306
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,700
I guess you are
a lucky charm.
307
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,000
You have 14 new messages.
308
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,200
Message 1.
309
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:31,500
Hey, Charlie.
My name's Nicole Adams.
310
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:32,700
You don't know me,
311
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,700
but I got your number
from Amy in Radiology.
312
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,800
I was wondering
if we could meet up
313
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,100
for drinks
one of these nights.
314
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,800
Hi, Charlie.
My name's Julia.
315
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,600
I normally don't do this, but I'm desperate.
Could you-
316
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,200
I'm not sure how you
choose your dates,
317
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,600
but I'm 5'10", blonde-
318
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,200
Hello, Charlie.
My name is Daisy.
319
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,800
Uh, actually in town-
320
00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:54,100
Hi. My name is Bob.
321
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,300
No, it's not a wrong number.
Hear me out.
322
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,300
Hi. This is Cindy.
323
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,600
I'm a friend of Katie's-
324
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:01,600
Hey, my name's Colleen-
325
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,100
Hey, there.
We met at the gym.
326
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,200
StairMaster buddies?
327
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,900
Eat up, Shadow.
328
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,600
Last chance before bedtime.
329
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,700
Good boy.
330
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,300
Grumpy, don't be a pig.
331
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,800
Don't be a pig.
That's Chester's.
332
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:24,300
There you go.
333
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,700
Good boy.
334
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,100
Here, Dougie.
Gobble it up.
335
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,100
Come here, Tina.
336
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,500
Grumpy,
you're such a pig.
337
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,600
Joe, hurry up!
338
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,300
I want to go home.
339
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,800
Did you get lost
back there?
340
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,000
Sorry.
341
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,400
Just taking five...
342
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,500
hits from my bong.
343
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,000
If they catch you with weed,
you're going to get fired.
344
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,600
They don't care
that you're my brother.
345
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,100
Oh, take a chillaxitive.
346
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,800
How is anybody
going to know?
347
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,500
Maybe 'cause you smell like you've been
bathing in bong water.
348
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,200
Sweet.
349
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,400
What's that in your pocket?
350
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,400
Oh, I was looking for this.
351
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:12,900
Three months.
352
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,800
Hey, Skully.
353
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,600
Joe!
Joe, I'm slipping!
354
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,300
And you think I look wasted.
355
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:39,200
Grumpy, no!
356
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:51,800
You okay?
357
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,400
I think I chipped a tooth.
358
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,200
It's great to finally meet you.
359
00:19:58,300 --> 00:19:59,300
Let me get that for you.
360
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,900
- Oh, thank you.
- Sure.
361
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,800
- All right?
- Yeah.
362
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,700
All right.
363
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:12,700
Are you ready?
364
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,200
Yeah, let's go.
365
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,200
Don't you want to, uh-
366
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,400
What?
367
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,900
I don't know,
have dinner first?
368
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,800
Is that how this works?
369
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:30,100
How what works?
370
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,100
The thing.
371
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,800
The thing. The magic.
372
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,100
The charm.
373
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,600
Wait a second.
374
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,200
Gretel, what the hell
are you talking about?
375
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,500
You're a lucky charm.
You have sex with someone,
376
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,400
and then they find
their true love.
377
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,700
Isn't that how it works?
378
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:47,900
Has everybody
lost their minds?
379
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,000
That's ridiculous.
That's absurd.
380
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:51,500
Do you want top
or bottom?
381
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,500
Put that back
in your secret booby place.
382
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,600
That's- No.
383
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:57,800
I don't want to take
advantage of you.
384
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,800
Look, don't take this
so seriously.
385
00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:05,000
I'm certainly not.
386
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:06,800
I'm doing this on a lark.
387
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,400
And you won't be
taking advantage of me.
388
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,500
Do you know how many
loser boyfriends I have had?
389
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,200
Do you know how many times
I have given myself-
390
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:16,800
body, mind, soul-
391
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:19,200
hoping that this was it,
this was the one,
392
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:23,900
only to find out he was
just another asshole?
393
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,800
Look, if there's a chance-
394
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:30,900
I mean even a. 0001 %%% chance
that you're the key,
395
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,800
that being with you could
open the door to something better,
396
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:39,800
well, I think I'd be
taking advantage of you.
397
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,900
Do you want to have sex
before or after dinner?
398
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,500
Actually, I have dinner plans.
399
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,100
I got to get that.
It's my emergency line.
400
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,100
Oh. Emergency.
Now, that's sexy.
401
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,300
Dr. Logan speaking.
402
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,500
Hey, it's Cam Wexler.
403
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,600
Remember,
from the wedding?
404
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:01,600
The serial killer?
405
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:07,200
Yeah. Yeah, hi.
406
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:08,500
I'm sorry to bother you,
407
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,200
but I have a bit
of a dental emergency.
408
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:13,200
You don't have to make up stories, Cam.
409
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:16,400
If you want to see me,
all you have to do is ask.
410
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,200
No, seriously.
I chipped a tooth,
411
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:19,300
and it's Saturday night,
412
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,600
and I don't know
who else to call.
413
00:22:21,700 --> 00:22:23,200
Oh, you chipped a tooth?
How?
414
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,300
I slipped while having
a fish fight,
415
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,600
slid down an ice ramp,
416
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,000
got tackled by a penguin,
417
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:30,400
and fell face-first
into a fake ice boulder.
418
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,500
This is very common.
419
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,300
Do you know
where my office is?
420
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,700
Yeah. I got your card
right here.
421
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,500
I can be there
in 20 minutes?
422
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,700
20 minutes.
I'm leaving now.
423
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,100
Okay.
424
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:56,900
Okay, all fixed.
425
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,400
Does that hurt?
426
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,100
Can you describe the penguin
that attacked you?
427
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,500
Very funny.
428
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:04,700
You can rinse.
429
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,400
So what really happened?
430
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,000
Did you get caught
in the middle
431
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:12,900
of some North Pole-
South Pole gang war?
432
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,100
There are no penguins
in the North Pole.
433
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,400
That's polar bears.
434
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,600
You really are
a penguin freak, aren't you?
435
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:20,300
Oh, you have no idea.
436
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,400
Obsessed is putting it mildly.
437
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,400
I believe you.
438
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,300
Oh, what's that?
439
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,800
Oh, I travel
to Guatemala every year
440
00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:31,600
to help some
of the poorer villagers.
441
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,800
That's so sweet.
442
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:38,800
Sorry!
443
00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:40,500
Oh! Oh, no!
They went in!
444
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,500
They're in there!
445
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,900
- What's in there?
- The things!
446
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,500
Oh, here.
447
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,900
Oh, I'm sorry.
448
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,400
This is bad.
449
00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:50,600
- You're hurt.
- It's okay.
450
00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:52,000
I'm so sorry.
451
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,400
Should have worn
that lead vest.
452
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,600
Oh, this always
happens to me.
453
00:23:56,700 --> 00:23:57,900
Are you okay?
454
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,100
Yes.
Yeah, I'm fine.
455
00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:00,600
- You sure?
- I feel good.
456
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:04,500
Man. I hope you let me
buy you a new shirt.
457
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,300
No. No, really.
It's, uh, it's good.
458
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,100
But I hope you'll let me
take you out to dinner...
459
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,200
sometime.
460
00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:14,500
Trust me, you can do
far more damage with a steak knife.
461
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,800
I'm sorry.
I- I can't.
462
00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,000
How much do I owe you
for the tooth?
463
00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:22,300
Wait a second.
So you will draw first blood,
464
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,300
but you won't
make it up to me?
465
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,000
Please, how much?
466
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,100
No.
467
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:30,700
Your money's no good here.
468
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,800
You sure?
469
00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:34,200
I will not accept that.
470
00:24:34,300 --> 00:24:36,300
Really?
471
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:37,400
Thank you.
472
00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:38,400
Yes.
473
00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:41,200
- I'm sorry.
- No.
474
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:45,300
See you in six months
for a routine stabbing.
475
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,000
- Bye.
- Bye.
476
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,900
Change your mind?
477
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,500
My car won't start.
478
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,500
Sure it won't.
479
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,300
No, really.
I left my lights on.
480
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,800
Fine.
I'm pushing the car.
481
00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:17,100
No, no, no, wait.
I want to jump you.
482
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,200
Now?
483
00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:28,900
Not now.
Wait till I get this in here.
484
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,100
Now?
485
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:34,900
Oh!
486
00:25:36,900 --> 00:25:38,100
You okay?
487
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:39,200
Yep.
488
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:40,300
Let's-
489
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:41,500
I'm so sorry.
490
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,100
No, no. It's fine.
It's good.
491
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,900
Cauterized my wounds.
492
00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:48,500
Thank you.
493
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,300
Thank you for fixing my tooth
494
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,600
and jumping my car.
495
00:25:52,700 --> 00:25:54,000
Don't mention it.
496
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,300
And thank you
for taking me home
497
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,400
to get my spare
set of keys.
498
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:12,700
I have a feeling
this kind of thing happens to you often.
499
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,400
My brother
calls me Murphy.
500
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:16,400
Murphy?
501
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:18,400
You know,
like, Murphy's Law:
502
00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:20,300
anything that can
go wrong, will.
503
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:21,800
Details.
504
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:23,600
Check out the thumb.
505
00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:26,000
Holy crap!
506
00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:28,100
What, did you get
pissed off at a stamp?
507
00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:31,200
How many bones
have you broken?
508
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:33,600
- 12.
- 12 bones?
509
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:36,300
I'm warning you,
keep a safe distance.
510
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,000
Come on. I can't believe
it's really that bad.
511
00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:41,100
Is this the heat?
512
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,200
No!
513
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,500
Convertible top.
514
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,600
Oops.
515
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:54,700
Keep the meter running.
516
00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:55,600
All right.
517
00:26:55,700 --> 00:26:57,100
Oh, shit!
518
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,700
Shit! Shit! Shit!
519
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,200
Pardon my French.
520
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:04,500
I speak a little French,
and that sounded like "shit. "
521
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,700
I left my house key
on the car ring-
522
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,100
You know what?
Doesn't matter.
523
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:26,900
Got it!
524
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000
- Sorry.
- You all right?
525
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:37,600
Yeah.
526
00:27:37,700 --> 00:27:39,500
- Hope these are the right keys.
- Yeah.
527
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:54,700
Thank you.
528
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,900
I'm sorry about the top,
529
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,400
and the, uh,
nerve damage in the back,
530
00:27:59,500 --> 00:28:02,500
and the whole
electrocution thing, and-
531
00:28:02,700 --> 00:28:05,400
I'd still like
to pay for the tooth.
532
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:07,700
I told you.
Buy me dinner.
533
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:10,600
Lunch.
534
00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:12,300
Vending machine.
535
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,300
Drinks. Water.
I'm easy.
536
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,300
I'm just...
537
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,000
not emotionally available
at this time.
538
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,500
I'm okay with that.
539
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,900
I'm looking for more of
a physical relationship anyway.
540
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,300
So I've heard.
541
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,600
I was kidding.
542
00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:38,300
That was a joke.
That was a stupid joke.
543
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,800
Okay. I- I get it.
544
00:28:41,900 --> 00:28:43,200
So no way, then.
545
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,600
I'm sorry.
546
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,700
Good night, Dr. Logan.
547
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:00,300
Thank you.
548
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,600
I, uh...
549
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:04,600
Yeah.
550
00:29:46,100 --> 00:29:47,200
Hi, Dr. Charlie.
551
00:29:47,300 --> 00:29:49,500
Reba! What the hell
are you doing here?
552
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:50,800
Sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you.
553
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:53,300
I used the key you left me
in case of emergencies.
554
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,600
What's the emergency?
555
00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:58,300
I know about the charm.
556
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,200
Not you, too.
557
00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:01,500
Somebody
posted about you
558
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,200
on perfectmatch. com
559
00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:04,900
It's an internet
dating site.
560
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,400
Yeah, I know what it is.
561
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:07,700
This is out of control.
562
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,200
These stories
are just coincidence.
563
00:30:09,300 --> 00:30:10,700
That's what I thought.
564
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,600
But then I went
to urbanlegends. com,
565
00:30:13,700 --> 00:30:15,000
and nobody's disproved it.
566
00:30:15,100 --> 00:30:17,900
Reba, I'll see you at work on Monday.
Good night.
567
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,800
Dr. Logan, you've always
been there for me.
568
00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:21,600
When you need a day off, yes.
569
00:30:21,700 --> 00:30:23,400
When you need a lift home, yes.
570
00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:25,400
When Reggie died
four years ago,
571
00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:27,100
you sent that beautiful card.
572
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,600
Do you remember
what you wrote?
573
00:30:28,700 --> 00:30:32,100
"If there's anything I can do,
please let me know. "
574
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,100
Yeah, but, uh-
575
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,700
Well, I'm letting
you know.
576
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,200
That's not
what I had in mind.
577
00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:40,600
These panties are edible,
578
00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:42,300
but I'd avoid the tush area
579
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,800
as I've been sitting
for about three hours.
580
00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:46,600
Reba, I'm not the guy for you.
581
00:30:46,700 --> 00:30:47,900
I'm not saying you are.
582
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,300
But the next guy might be.
583
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:51,900
Dr. Charlie, if we're together,
584
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,700
I know I'll find my soul mate.
585
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,600
That- That's ridiculous.
586
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,200
No.
587
00:30:59,300 --> 00:31:01,100
No, Reba. Don't cry.
It's okay.
588
00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:03,800
Come on, Dr. Charlie.
589
00:31:03,900 --> 00:31:05,900
You got to do this for me.
Please.
590
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:06,900
- Reba!
- Charlie-
591
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,400
I can't do this.
592
00:31:12,500 --> 00:31:14,000
Don't worry.
593
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,100
I'll do everything.
594
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,300
Please.
595
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,000
Just close your eyes
596
00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:23,400
and imagine somebody beautiful.
597
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,100
I'll imagine you.
598
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,800
No one but you.
599
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:44,500
Reba?
600
00:31:44,700 --> 00:31:46,200
You slept with Reba?
601
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:47,700
Shut up.
602
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:48,700
You shut up.
603
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,500
What the hell's
the matter with you?
604
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,500
You're telling me
that you have the power
605
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,200
to turn any hot chick
out there-
606
00:31:54,300 --> 00:31:55,600
any hot chick-
607
00:31:55,700 --> 00:31:59,500
into a knob-gobbling,
lance-waxing flesh monger,
608
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,300
and you're out there
plowing the back 40 with Reba!
609
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,900
You don't know
because you weren't there.
610
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,400
Thank God I wasn't there.
611
00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:08,600
It's disgusting.
It's revolting.
612
00:32:08,700 --> 00:32:09,900
You're nasty.
613
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,000
How was she?
614
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,500
Dude, check it.
615
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,300
You see, that is
the kind of tail you should be chasing.
616
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,500
I could suck a fart
out of her ass
617
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:20,800
and hold it
like a bong hit.
618
00:32:26,100 --> 00:32:28,500
Nice stop, kid.
Way to be.
619
00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:31,900
Dude, these chicks,
620
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,200
they think that you're,
like, a lucky charm, man.
621
00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:35,700
I mean,
you poke the poon,
622
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,400
she marries the next guy
she dates after you.
623
00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:39,700
It's not true.
624
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,000
Who cares if it's true?
625
00:32:41,100 --> 00:32:42,700
Wake up, man.
626
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,400
You got it made.
627
00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:46,700
What is it
that all women want?
628
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,300
To get married,
629
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,400
raise crib midgets,
630
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,100
and apparently, buddy,
631
00:32:53,300 --> 00:32:55,600
you got the ticket
to the big show.
632
00:32:55,700 --> 00:32:57,200
Do you know
what this means?
633
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,800
Trim.
634
00:32:58,900 --> 00:33:01,700
You're going to be seeing
trim like Tommy Lee,
635
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,200
like Colin Farrell,
636
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,300
like Ellen DeGeneres-
just-
637
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:10,400
Have you considered
the possibility the reason
638
00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:12,000
you haven't been laid
in the last decade
639
00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:14,700
has something to do with
your routine use of the word "trim"?
640
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:15,900
Yeah!
641
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,700
Seven days a week, 56 weeks a year, trim!
642
00:33:21,700 --> 00:33:22,800
That's my bad.
643
00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:25,200
Where's your manners, shithead?
644
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:26,800
What did you say to me?
645
00:33:28,900 --> 00:33:30,000
Little help here, honey?
646
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,300
Look, you and I are different, okay?
647
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,300
Besides the fact
that I'm not retarded,
648
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,200
I don't want
to take advantage.
649
00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:41,400
- Dude.
- Yeah.
650
00:33:41,500 --> 00:33:44,000
Was Martin Luther King,
Jr. taking advantage
651
00:33:44,100 --> 00:33:46,300
when he said that thing
in that place?
652
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,000
I don't think so.
653
00:33:48,100 --> 00:33:52,100
Was Gandhi taking advantage
when he was doing his thing?
654
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,500
No.
655
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,500
And don't tell me
that Gandhi didn't score
656
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,500
some sweet-ass
Native American trim.
657
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,300
Gandhi was Indian.
658
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,400
They don't like
to be called that.
659
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:04,500
Dude, I thought
you wanted to feel love.
660
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:05,600
I do.
661
00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:09,400
So stop dipping your foot in the pool
and dive the fuck in!
662
00:34:09,500 --> 00:34:11,400
And think about this, man.
663
00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:13,700
You'd be providing
a much-needed public service.
664
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,000
You'd be helping women find love.
665
00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:18,400
Now, don't come bitching to me
666
00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:19,900
you haven't found Miss Right yet
667
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,200
if you got women lining up
for the position
668
00:34:22,300 --> 00:34:24,500
and you're turning
your back on them.
669
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,100
Nice.
670
00:34:31,100 --> 00:34:32,800
I guess.
671
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,900
If I did it for the right reasons.
672
00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:38,400
Whatever helps you
sleep at night, biznatch.
673
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,100
No, no, no. Whoa, whoa.
Don't take off my top.
674
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,200
Something wrong?
675
00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:17,100
They're for the baby.
676
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:18,900
You have a baby?
677
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,800
No, but I will someday.
678
00:35:27,900 --> 00:35:29,300
It's really good.
679
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:31,400
Fuck me.
680
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:35,400
Fuck me harder.
681
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:39,400
Oh.
Yeah.
682
00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:40,900
Fuck me!
683
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,800
- Fuck me!
- I'm fucking!
684
00:35:42,900 --> 00:35:45,600
Fuck me, you cocksucking,
cum-guzzling shithead!
685
00:35:45,700 --> 00:35:46,900
Split my pussy in two!
686
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,200
You motherfucking asshole!
687
00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:54,600
Is something wrong?
688
00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:33,100
Oh, God.
689
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,200
Oh, God!
690
00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:40,400
Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus Christ, almighty!
691
00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:42,900
God, my savior!
692
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:47,300
I shall adore thee from now
until forever more!
693
00:36:47,500 --> 00:36:49,800
Oh! Amen!
694
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,400
Would you like to
pray with me now?
695
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,600
Uh... no.
696
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,000
Yeah, I don't do that with men.
697
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:32,900
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
698
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,800
That's it!
699
00:37:34,900 --> 00:37:36,900
That's definitely it!
700
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,600
That'll be my wedding dress.
701
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,200
What do you think?
702
00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,500
Megan, I swear I know you
from some place.
703
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,300
We went to high school together.
704
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,100
Megan...
705
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,900
What's your last name?
706
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,100
Gilles.
707
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:11,400
Gilles.
I knew a Matthew Gilles.
708
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,000
God, you do look like him.
Is that your brother?
709
00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:17,000
Actually, that was me
before the operation.
710
00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:34,400
Thanks.
711
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:38,500
You're welcome.
712
00:38:41,700 --> 00:38:43,900
- This just isn't working for me.
- Yeah, right.
713
00:38:44,100 --> 00:38:45,900
You're just gonna give up
boning all these women?
714
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,000
These girls don't want
to be with me.
715
00:38:48,100 --> 00:38:49,900
They want to be
with the next guy.
716
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,300
So what? The road
to the next guy leads through you.
717
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,000
It's not that satisfying.
718
00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:57,900
I'll tell you not satisfying.
719
00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:00,800
Last night I masturbated
into a grapefruit.
720
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,000
I put it in the microwave.
721
00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:05,800
I heated it up
a little bit, which helped,
722
00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:06,800
but...
723
00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:09,400
still.
724
00:39:16,300 --> 00:39:20,200
You know, I read somewhere
that penguins like to eat their own shit.
725
00:39:31,100 --> 00:39:33,400
You have 108 messages.
726
00:39:34,500 --> 00:39:36,400
Messages deleted.
727
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,200
The female lays a single egg
728
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,200
and rolls it onto
the feet of the male.
729
00:39:55,300 --> 00:39:58,000
The male stands
and incubates the egg
730
00:39:58,100 --> 00:40:01,000
until it hatches,
about 65 days.
731
00:40:01,100 --> 00:40:03,500
Having built up
a thick layer of fat
732
00:40:03,700 --> 00:40:05,600
to sustain him
through the long winter,
733
00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:08,300
he never leaves the egg
to hunt for food.
734
00:40:08,500 --> 00:40:12,100
The female returns just
before the chick hatches.
735
00:40:15,300 --> 00:40:18,000
If you have any questions,
please feel free to ask.
736
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:26,700
What are you doing here?
737
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:28,600
Are you telling me
that the male penguin
738
00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:30,700
really lives off
his own fat for 65 days
739
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,400
while he's protecting
the egg?
740
00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:34,500
You think that the female could bring him,
like, a mackerel burger?
741
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:38,300
Seriously, why are you here?
742
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:39,800
Look, I don't buy the whole
743
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:42,100
"I'm not emotionally available" thing.
744
00:40:42,100 --> 00:40:43,100
Are you dying?
745
00:40:43,300 --> 00:40:44,700
Is that why you don't want
to get involved with me?
746
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,600
Because you don't wanna
hurt me when you die?
747
00:40:46,700 --> 00:40:47,800
No, I'm not dying.
748
00:40:47,900 --> 00:40:50,600
Well, I'm not dying either,
so what is it, then?
749
00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:52,700
Am I not your type?
I can take it if it's that.
750
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,500
I think you should go.
751
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:56,800
No, I think
I should stay,
752
00:40:56,900 --> 00:40:59,700
because I paid $38.00
to see you today.
753
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,900
And I'm not leaving
until you pay me my money back.
754
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:03,300
Is this the dude?
755
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,200
- No. Joe!
- Have you been talking about me?
756
00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:06,800
Why aren't you wearing your shirt?
757
00:41:06,900 --> 00:41:08,300
- Has she been talking about me?
- Yeah.
758
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:09,600
- No!
- You're the dentist.
759
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:11,600
I am the dude!
760
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,000
No, I mentioned you in passing.
761
00:41:14,100 --> 00:41:15,600
I said you were funny.
762
00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:17,300
- Oh.
- And you said he was-
763
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,400
And I said you were
charming and...
764
00:41:20,500 --> 00:41:22,300
good-looking, and...
765
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:23,400
you have a nice smile.
766
00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:25,500
Oh, I would not go out with me, either.
767
00:41:27,500 --> 00:41:30,200
Excuse me, miss?
How come the mommy penguin
768
00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:32,600
doesn't bring back food
for the daddy penguin?
769
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,300
'Cause the daddy penguin
doesn't need any food, sweetie.
770
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,900
I have another question.
771
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,500
Why won't you go out with Charlie?
772
00:41:45,100 --> 00:41:47,700
- She'd love to.
- Joe! You're my brother!
773
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,800
Why are you taking his side?
774
00:41:49,900 --> 00:41:51,900
Because I know
how long it's been-
775
00:41:53,100 --> 00:41:54,900
Another word,
I hide your stash.
776
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,800
Go put a shirt on.
777
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:01,700
Look, how about this.
778
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:03,400
Why don't you eat,
779
00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:05,900
and I'll just digest my own lard.
780
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,400
Look...
781
00:42:09,500 --> 00:42:11,100
I just...
782
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,500
I know three women
you've gone out with.
783
00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:15,600
I'm just not into dating
as a sport.
784
00:42:18,500 --> 00:42:20,400
Wait, you said if anybody
had any questions-
785
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:22,400
- No! I'm not going out with you!
- That's not my question.
786
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,700
That was the little girl's question.
I have a new question.
787
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,000
What is that penguin
right there?
788
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,800
That's a Gentoo,
one of several species
789
00:42:32,900 --> 00:42:35,700
of penguin that is
completely monogamous.
790
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,400
I hope that answers
your question.
791
00:42:37,500 --> 00:42:39,200
Oh, and penguins are unique
792
00:42:39,300 --> 00:42:42,400
in that mate selection
is up to the female.
793
00:42:42,500 --> 00:42:44,700
Much like our relationship.
794
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,800
Why do you wanna take me
to dinner so badly?
795
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:48,100
You look hungry.
796
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,400
Seriously.
797
00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:52,100
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
798
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,000
Because you remind me
of these penguins.
799
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,100
Yes, they're kind of
awkward and goofy.
800
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,600
Yet in the water,
they're so beautiful.
801
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,000
Okay.
802
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,300
Okay, what?
803
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,400
- Okay, dinner.
- Will you put that in writing?
804
00:43:17,500 --> 00:43:19,500
Don't push it.
805
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,700
But only as friends...
806
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,200
because if you must know,
there is someone else.
807
00:43:26,300 --> 00:43:28,300
His name is Howard Blaine.
808
00:43:28,500 --> 00:43:30,400
He is a foremost expert on penguins,
809
00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:33,400
and I'm meeting him
later this year at a conference.
810
00:43:33,500 --> 00:43:35,300
I'm interested in him.
811
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:36,600
Well, I'm interested
in choreographing
812
00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:39,200
a wacky line dance
that sweeps the nation,
813
00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:41,900
but we both know
that's never gonna happen.
814
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,000
One date as friends.
815
00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:46,000
Fine.
816
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:47,400
Bye.
817
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,600
I'm okay.
Just-
818
00:43:50,700 --> 00:43:52,100
- Yeah.
- I'm fine.
819
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:55,900
Bye.
820
00:44:13,100 --> 00:44:15,600
So do sharks get cavities?
821
00:44:15,700 --> 00:44:16,800
No.
822
00:44:16,900 --> 00:44:18,800
- You have no idea, do you.
- I don't know.
823
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,400
I thought we were gonna
ask each other personal questions.
824
00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,500
Isn't that the point
of 100 Questions?
825
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:25,900
Is that your question?
826
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,300
No, my question is...
827
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,800
Why penguins? Why?
828
00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:33,100
Why teeth?
829
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:34,300
Same as every other dentist.
830
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:35,400
Couldn't get
into med school.
831
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,200
That's funny.
832
00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:39,400
My parents didn't think so.
833
00:44:39,500 --> 00:44:41,700
So really, why penguins?
834
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,200
Couldn't get into shark school.
835
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:47,800
I don't know,
lots of reasons.
836
00:44:47,900 --> 00:44:50,200
For one, you can't help but smile
when you see a penguin.
837
00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:53,800
Yeah, plus they have that bad-ass tuxedo
embedded in their flesh.
838
00:44:53,900 --> 00:44:55,200
I know! They're just so cute.
839
00:44:55,300 --> 00:44:56,800
I just-
I just love 'em so much.
840
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,700
I just love, love, love 'em!
841
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,500
I even go to Antarctica
for research.
842
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:04,500
Oh, it's so beautiful there.
843
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,300
You know they have
once-a-year sunsets?
844
00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:09,500
You haven't seen beauty
until you've seen that.
845
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,600
Oh, I don't know about that.
846
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,600
And the penguin rituals
are just fascinating.
847
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:20,100
Okay now, by rituals,
do you mean, like,
848
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:21,700
eating their own poop?
849
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,200
No.
850
00:45:23,300 --> 00:45:25,300
Like when a male
is sweet on a female,
851
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:26,800
he searches
the entire beach
852
00:45:26,900 --> 00:45:29,400
to find the perfect pebble
to present to her.
853
00:45:29,500 --> 00:45:31,000
When he finally finds it,
854
00:45:31,100 --> 00:45:32,500
he waddles over
855
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,400
and presents the stone
by placing it at her feet.
856
00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:38,000
If she accepts,
they'll be life-long mates.
857
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,800
It's kind of like
an engagement ring.
858
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,500
Yeah, it's unbelievable to watch.
859
00:45:47,100 --> 00:45:48,700
I have a feeling
860
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:50,700
that you are
a very good kisser.
861
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,100
And I know this because I spent
an hour and a half inside your mouth,
862
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:55,700
and I scoped it out.
863
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:58,100
What makes you think
I'll be kissing you, huh?
864
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:01,700
You all right?
865
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,000
You okay?
866
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,900
I guess I was wrong about
the "really good kisser" thing.
867
00:46:30,100 --> 00:46:31,600
Come on, we'll find
something you're good at.
868
00:46:31,700 --> 00:46:32,800
What!
869
00:46:35,300 --> 00:46:38,000
Perfectly imperfect?
What the hell does that mean?
870
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:39,400
I don't know.
871
00:46:39,500 --> 00:46:42,500
I mean, haven't you ever
fallen for someone's flaws?
872
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:43,900
I'm a plastic surgeon.
873
00:46:44,100 --> 00:46:47,000
I see a flaw,
I pour spackle over it.
874
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:48,900
Hey, are these new?
875
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:50,400
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, no!
876
00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:54,100
No, you don't touch these.
877
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,400
It's Pamela Anderson's
breast implants.
878
00:46:56,500 --> 00:46:58,500
Why are they not implanted
in her breasts?
879
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,300
It's a reduction, baby.
This is what came out.
880
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,800
So you're hoping that
some sick dude will buy these?
881
00:47:03,900 --> 00:47:06,300
Some sick dude already did.
882
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:07,900
This dude!
883
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,500
What the hell do you want
Pamela Anderson's breast fillings for?
884
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:12,300
Why the hell do you want
Miss Penguin Pussy?
885
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,300
To each his own, buddy.
886
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,600
Oh, Miss Penguin Pussy.
Who the fuck are you?
887
00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:19,500
Stu Klaminsky.
Nice to meet you.
888
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:22,800
Anyway, Cam's the one, man.
889
00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:25,300
When I'm with her,
I don't know, Stu.
890
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,100
I mean, I feel like...
891
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,500
She just-
She-
892
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:30,900
Completes you.
893
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,200
- Screw you.
- Screw you.
894
00:47:32,300 --> 00:47:33,500
And can I just say
895
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,500
that I'm an idiot
for listening to you?
896
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:36,500
Public service.
897
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:37,500
May I remind you
898
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:38,900
that you got
your axle greased
899
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,300
a fair amount
in the process?
900
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,900
What's sex without love?
901
00:47:43,900 --> 00:47:45,300
Sex!
902
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,400
It's still sex!
903
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:50,200
Jesus Christ.
904
00:47:50,300 --> 00:47:53,400
I never met a guy so bummed
to squirt a little baby gravy.
905
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:54,700
Baby gravy?
906
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:56,900
You know, man chowder.
907
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,600
Can't believe you're going
cold turkey for this chick.
908
00:48:02,700 --> 00:48:04,500
If she wants me to be
more like a Gentoo,
909
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:07,100
I'm going to be
like a Gentoo.
910
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,500
You lost me.
911
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,100
Gentoo.
It's a monogamous penguin.
912
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:15,700
Who's ridiculed
by the other penguins
913
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,100
for being a fag.
914
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,000
Here it comes!
915
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:32,300
You got some- right there.
916
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:33,600
Thanks.
917
00:48:33,700 --> 00:48:35,100
Do I have any on me?
918
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:36,100
No, no.
919
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:37,500
You want to get that?
920
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:40,000
You're silly.
921
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,700
I have something for you.
922
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:44,800
Really?
923
00:48:45,900 --> 00:48:47,300
A gift?
924
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,000
Oh, bad form.
925
00:48:49,100 --> 00:48:50,500
A gift on the third date?
926
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:51,800
Open it.
927
00:48:51,900 --> 00:48:53,300
Okay.
928
00:48:57,500 --> 00:48:59,600
You're an asshole.
929
00:48:59,700 --> 00:49:01,700
Yes, but a thoughtful asshole.
930
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,300
Thank you.
931
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,400
So, fess up about this charm.
932
00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:10,500
You heard about that.
933
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,100
Yeah. It's quite a scam
you got going.
934
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:14,700
- No, it's not me.
- Please.
935
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:15,900
It's not.
I'm serious.
936
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,700
Somebody somewhere
got it into their head
937
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,400
that once a girl's
been with me,
938
00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:20,600
she'll meet her true love
939
00:49:20,700 --> 00:49:22,600
with the next guy
she goes out with.
940
00:49:22,700 --> 00:49:23,700
Can you believe it?
941
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,200
Please.
942
00:49:25,300 --> 00:49:27,900
People will believe
whatever they want to believe.
943
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,400
Okay. I've got one for you.
944
00:49:43,500 --> 00:49:45,000
Did you know
it is physically impossible
945
00:49:45,100 --> 00:49:47,100
for a human being
to lick their own elbow?
946
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:48,300
How do you know that?
947
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:49,400
No one can do it.
948
00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:51,200
All right.
I can do it.
949
00:49:55,700 --> 00:49:57,500
Can't do it, my friend.
950
00:49:57,600 --> 00:49:58,800
All right, fine.
951
00:49:58,900 --> 00:50:00,000
I've got one.
952
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,900
Did you know
that the average person
953
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,200
produces 10,000 gallons of saliva
in their lifetime?
954
00:50:04,300 --> 00:50:08,100
Did you know that I produce
10,000 gallons of saliva in one kiss?
955
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:09,200
That's disgusting.
956
00:50:09,300 --> 00:50:10,700
I'm going to show you.
Come here.
957
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:12,200
I'm serious.
I'm serious about this.
958
00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:14,100
I don't like sloppy kisses.
959
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:47,900
Are you trying to unhook my bra?
960
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,500
No. No.
I wouldn't do that. No.
961
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:53,900
Why not?
Am I not your type?
962
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,000
You are definitely my type.
963
00:50:56,100 --> 00:50:57,200
What's your type?
964
00:50:57,300 --> 00:50:59,900
Black and blue,
riddled with bandages.
965
00:51:01,300 --> 00:51:04,200
And braless.
Yeah. Definitely braless.
966
00:51:20,100 --> 00:51:22,100
Your move.
967
00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:28,800
That's it?
968
00:51:28,900 --> 00:51:30,500
Socks are next.
Slow down.
969
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,100
Wuss.
970
00:51:37,100 --> 00:51:38,500
You really want to do this?
971
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:41,000
I mean, you really want
to take us further?
972
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,100
This is not happening.
973
00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:01,300
I got to get it.
974
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,300
It's- It's my emergency line.
975
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:04,300
No. No.
976
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,400
I got to get it.
I'll be back.
977
00:52:06,500 --> 00:52:07,600
I'll be fast.
978
00:52:11,500 --> 00:52:12,500
Dr. Logan speaking.
979
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:14,300
Dude!
980
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,700
Is this an emergency?
981
00:52:17,900 --> 00:52:19,500
You're going to want
to hear this, man.
982
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,600
Well, I am rather busy
right now.
983
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:23,800
Good night!
984
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,800
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Did you bone her yet?
985
00:52:25,900 --> 00:52:28,800
Look, unless
this is an emergency,
986
00:52:28,900 --> 00:52:31,000
call my office
in the morning.
987
00:52:31,100 --> 00:52:33,400
Fine. You want
to lose her forever,
988
00:52:33,500 --> 00:52:35,200
you hang up the phone
right now.
989
00:52:35,300 --> 00:52:38,200
This is going to be
the best night of your life.
990
00:52:38,300 --> 00:52:39,900
Are you still there?
991
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:43,400
Chuck. Are you there?
992
00:52:43,500 --> 00:52:44,800
What are you
talking about?
993
00:52:44,900 --> 00:52:47,200
Dude, it's that charm thing.
994
00:52:47,300 --> 00:52:49,700
It turns out it's real!
995
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,600
No. That's not true
because you told me yourself-
996
00:52:53,700 --> 00:52:55,100
Uh-uh, but now I believe.
997
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,100
I started
calling all your exes.
998
00:52:57,100 --> 00:52:58,400
They're married.
999
00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:00,000
Not just some. All.
1000
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,300
A to Z on your Palm Pilot, man.
1001
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,100
Susan Agrezzi
to Jeannie Zeigert.
1002
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,500
Every single one
you closed the deal with.
1003
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:09,300
And did you see this month's
high school newsletter?
1004
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:10,700
Sarah McDowell.
1005
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:12,600
What, the girl
I lost my virginity to?
1006
00:53:12,700 --> 00:53:14,400
Did you see who she
wound up marrying?
1007
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:18,000
Tony Lamberto, that douche bag
she dumped you for!
1008
00:53:18,100 --> 00:53:21,100
You know what this means,
don't you?
1009
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:22,600
You shake the sheets with Cam,
1010
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:24,900
she's going to marry
the next guy she dates.
1011
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:29,000
This- This-
1012
00:53:29,100 --> 00:53:30,400
I hate you.
1013
00:53:30,500 --> 00:53:33,000
I really hate you!
1014
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,900
I got to go.
I got to go.
1015
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,700
A dental emergency.
1016
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,000
Freak accident.
1017
00:53:43,100 --> 00:53:45,600
Children, they thought
it was gumballs.
1018
00:53:45,700 --> 00:53:47,200
Ball bearings,
1019
00:53:47,300 --> 00:53:49,800
and it just fucked up
their shit.
1020
00:53:51,300 --> 00:53:53,200
You look great.
I had a good time.
1021
00:53:53,300 --> 00:53:54,300
I got to go.
1022
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:57,400
I got to go!
1023
00:54:00,100 --> 00:54:02,000
I can't believe you're
really considering doing this.
1024
00:54:02,100 --> 00:54:04,200
If you believe it
and everyone else believes it,
1025
00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:05,500
what else can I do?
1026
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:06,700
Anything but this.
1027
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:07,900
I got to be sure.
1028
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:10,000
I've got to put the curse to the test.
1029
00:54:10,100 --> 00:54:12,000
Where is she?
1030
00:54:12,100 --> 00:54:13,500
She's beached over there
1031
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:17,000
by the giant garbage bag
full of doughnut holes.
1032
00:54:17,100 --> 00:54:19,300
Eleanor Skepple.
1033
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:23,200
She's angry, rude,
and she smells bad.
1034
00:54:23,300 --> 00:54:24,900
In addition to back acne,
1035
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:29,200
she's got front acne
and side acne.
1036
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:31,300
You see that glass of water there?
1037
00:54:31,400 --> 00:54:33,400
She keeps her teeth
in that glass.
1038
00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:37,200
So you're saying
that she's single.
1039
00:54:37,300 --> 00:54:38,700
She's your best bet, man.
1040
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,500
You sink the soldier all you want.
1041
00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:41,900
This chick ain't never
getting married.
1042
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:44,200
If she was the last woman
on the face of the earth,
1043
00:54:44,300 --> 00:54:47,200
humanity would come
to a screeching halt.
1044
00:55:04,900 --> 00:55:08,400
Hey, asshole,
got my peanut butter?
1045
00:55:08,500 --> 00:55:12,000
No. My name's Charlie.
1046
00:55:16,700 --> 00:55:18,300
I'm sorry.
I was just wondering
1047
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:21,500
if, um- if I could
take you out tonight.
1048
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,300
How does that-
How does that sound?
1049
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,400
You want me to elaborate?
1050
00:55:29,500 --> 00:55:31,400
No. I get your drift.
1051
00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:33,100
I'm sorry to have bothered you.
1052
00:55:39,900 --> 00:55:42,400
Pay you a hundred dollars
to go out with me tonight.
1053
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:46,600
$200.
1054
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:50,300
Make me happy.
1055
00:55:58,700 --> 00:55:59,900
So a thousand dollars,
1056
00:55:59,900 --> 00:56:02,500
and all you have to do
is take me to dinner?
1057
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,500
Well, actually, I thought
that maybe we could,
1058
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,700
you know, we-
you and I could, uh-
1059
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:16,700
get physical.
1060
00:56:18,300 --> 00:56:20,600
All right.
1061
00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:24,700
I'm gonna fuck you
till you die!
1062
00:56:43,100 --> 00:56:44,700
And now we wait.
1063
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:52,900
Oh, Coco,
I know how you feel.
1064
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,000
We just put ourselves
out there,
1065
00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:56,200
and what happened?
1066
00:56:56,300 --> 00:56:58,000
I'm left hanging.
1067
00:56:58,100 --> 00:57:00,200
Huh, girl?
1068
00:57:02,900 --> 00:57:04,700
Has he called yet?
1069
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:07,300
No, Joe, he hasn't.
1070
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:11,200
Thanks for asking.
I really appreciate it.
1071
00:57:11,300 --> 00:57:13,700
God, I feel so stupid.
1072
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,100
Why did I act like that?
1073
00:57:17,500 --> 00:57:19,000
Why hasn't he called?
1074
00:57:19,100 --> 00:57:22,100
All this waiting
is driving me crazy.
1075
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:26,200
You know, there's always
some madness in love.
1076
00:57:26,300 --> 00:57:32,000
But there's also always
some reason in madness.
1077
00:57:33,300 --> 00:57:35,000
Nietzsche.
1078
00:57:35,100 --> 00:57:37,100
Been using the pages
of this philosophy book
1079
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:38,300
for rolling paper.
1080
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,300
It's like I'm smoking
their thoughts.
1081
00:57:48,300 --> 00:57:49,300
It's him.
1082
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,300
Well, get it.
1083
00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:53,000
I'm gonna let it ring.
1084
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:57,800
I'll screen it.
1085
00:57:57,900 --> 00:58:00,100
Sorry I haven't called,
but I've been really sick.
1086
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,100
I can't even get out of bed.
1087
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:05,900
Do you think maybe we could
just talk on the phone
1088
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,100
or on the computer?
1089
00:58:08,900 --> 00:58:10,800
I'd really, really like that.
1090
00:58:10,900 --> 00:58:12,300
Call me.
1091
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,400
I can't pretend
to be sick forever.
1092
00:59:36,500 --> 00:59:37,600
Come on, man.
You're my hero.
1093
00:59:37,700 --> 00:59:39,700
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you gotta do this for me.
1094
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:41,900
You got this, my brother.
You're a crazy train.
1095
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:43,600
You're the man
in the mirror.
1096
00:59:43,700 --> 00:59:45,400
You're a force of nature.
Hurricane Stu.
1097
00:59:45,500 --> 00:59:46,400
I can't do it.
1098
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:47,700
You have to do it.
1099
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:49,200
No one's asked her out yet.
1100
00:59:49,300 --> 00:59:51,800
Yeah, right. So I go out
with Eleanor Skepple
1101
00:59:51,900 --> 00:59:52,900
to test your curse,
1102
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:54,200
and what happens next?
1103
00:59:54,300 --> 00:59:56,000
I'm walking down the aisle
with Shamu!
1104
00:59:56,100 --> 00:59:57,200
I don't think so.
1105
00:59:57,300 --> 00:59:59,000
Do you see what I'm doing here?
1106
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:01,600
The friend card, man?
1107
01:00:01,700 --> 01:00:02,700
Yeah.
1108
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:03,800
That's mean.
1109
01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:05,900
You leave me no choice.
1110
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:10,400
Give me that,
you son of a bitch.
1111
01:00:10,700 --> 01:00:12,300
If I marry her, Chuck,
1112
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:14,700
we're going to hunt you down
and eat you.
1113
01:00:29,100 --> 01:00:30,200
Yeah, Stu.
1114
01:00:34,300 --> 01:00:36,300
I can't believe
you're still sick.
1115
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:37,800
How long has it been?
1116
01:00:37,900 --> 01:00:39,700
Two weeks. It's, uh...
1117
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:41,100
it's killing me,
but, you know,
1118
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:42,600
I don't
want to infect you.
1119
01:00:42,700 --> 01:00:44,800
At this point,
I wouldn't mind.
1120
01:00:46,900 --> 01:00:48,700
You know, I feel
like a kid again.
1121
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:50,600
I haven't talked
on the phone this much
1122
01:00:50,700 --> 01:00:52,000
since I was in high school.
1123
01:00:52,100 --> 01:00:53,400
That reminds me.
1124
01:00:53,500 --> 01:00:55,600
Would you go to the prom with me?
1125
01:00:56,900 --> 01:00:58,700
I love your voice.
1126
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:02,000
The crazy things is,
I can't picture you anymore.
1127
01:01:02,100 --> 01:01:04,100
Okay, here's the update:
1128
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:05,400
I am now 4' 3",
1129
01:01:05,500 --> 01:01:09,100
I weigh 235 pounds,
and I've got a cleft eye.
1130
01:01:11,500 --> 01:01:12,800
Can I ask you something?
1131
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:14,200
Yeah.
1132
01:01:14,300 --> 01:01:16,600
Are you not into girls?
1133
01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:24,200
No.
No.
1134
01:01:24,300 --> 01:01:27,100
Are you... seriously, are you there?
1135
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:28,100
Yeah.
1136
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:29,700
I'm not... not into girls.
1137
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,700
You should have seen
my room growing up.
1138
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:33,800
It was full of posters of... of girls!
1139
01:01:33,900 --> 01:01:35,700
There was no guys.
It was girls!
1140
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:39,000
Well, are you avoiding
actually seeing me?
1141
01:01:39,100 --> 01:01:42,600
No, Cam. I'm dying to see you.
It's killing me.
1142
01:01:42,700 --> 01:01:45,700
Then come over.
Right now. Wash my back.
1143
01:01:45,900 --> 01:01:46,900
Come on.
1144
01:01:47,100 --> 01:01:49,200
I'll wear a mask.
You could wear a mask.
1145
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:50,300
We'll play doctor.
1146
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:52,900
Ooh, boy. I want to,
1147
01:01:53,100 --> 01:01:54,200
but with the-
1148
01:01:54,300 --> 01:01:55,900
No buts.
I need to see you.
1149
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:58,100
I need to see if that
birthmark you have
1150
01:01:58,200 --> 01:01:59,300
really looks like Alfred Hitchcock.
1151
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:01,200
Now, wait. No. That-
1152
01:02:01,300 --> 01:02:03,500
That is a restricted area, okay?
1153
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:04,900
Not everybody gets a peek
1154
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:06,400
at the Master of Suspense,
1155
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:07,700
if you know
what I'm saying.
1156
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:08,900
If I can't see you,
1157
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,300
we should take
our phone relationship
1158
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:11,500
to the next level.
1159
01:02:12,700 --> 01:02:13,900
What do you mean?
1160
01:02:16,500 --> 01:02:17,700
Oh, yeah.
1161
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:19,500
That feels good.
1162
01:02:19,700 --> 01:02:22,300
I like that.
Do you like that?
1163
01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:23,900
Like what?
1164
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:25,300
That's my phone sex voice.
1165
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:28,700
Come on, Charlie,
work with me here.
1166
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:31,700
I want to. I just don't
think that we should do that.
1167
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:33,600
I mean, nothing to do with-
1168
01:02:33,700 --> 01:02:34,800
Does your phone
receive pictures?
1169
01:02:34,900 --> 01:02:36,000
Yeah, why?
1170
01:02:36,100 --> 01:02:37,000
Sending.
1171
01:02:37,100 --> 01:02:38,200
Sending?
1172
01:02:38,300 --> 01:02:39,900
What are you sending to me?
1173
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:42,500
Fuck!
1174
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:45,800
- I got it.
- Got it?
1175
01:02:45,900 --> 01:02:47,400
I'm done for the night.
Thank you.
1176
01:02:48,500 --> 01:02:49,900
Oh, God.
Hold on one second.
1177
01:02:50,000 --> 01:02:50,900
Stu, what's up?
1178
01:02:52,500 --> 01:02:54,500
The deed is done.
1179
01:02:54,700 --> 01:02:56,800
I went out
with Eleanor Skepple.
1180
01:02:56,900 --> 01:02:58,700
I'm not proposing to her,
1181
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:00,700
so you're in the clear.
1182
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:03,500
Are you there?
1183
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:05,200
Chuck?
1184
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:11,300
I feel better.
1185
01:04:00,300 --> 01:04:01,900
Camcorder in the bedroom, huh?
1186
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:03,000
Kinky.
1187
01:04:09,500 --> 01:04:11,900
So, for the, uh, camera,
1188
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:14,600
do I have to sign a waiver
or something, you know,
1189
01:04:14,700 --> 01:04:15,800
for internet purposes?
1190
01:04:15,900 --> 01:04:17,700
You really want
to talk right now?
1191
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:21,200
Whoa, those are nice.
1192
01:04:21,300 --> 01:04:23,000
Oh, God bless you.
1193
01:04:25,100 --> 01:04:26,000
You pushed me.
1194
01:04:26,100 --> 01:04:27,700
Sorry.
It's been a while.
1195
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:30,200
I can see I'm going
to have to wear protection.
1196
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:55,600
Stop staring at me.
1197
01:04:55,700 --> 01:04:58,000
You're creeping me out.
1198
01:05:27,300 --> 01:05:29,300
...no matter what your size.
1199
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:31,000
You will not go to waste.
1200
01:05:31,100 --> 01:05:32,500
Sometimes it takes
a little love
1201
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:35,000
to make someone want
to shed the pounds.
1202
01:05:35,100 --> 01:05:36,700
Two main reasons-
1203
01:05:47,100 --> 01:05:48,600
What the hell?
1204
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:53,000
Hello.
1205
01:05:53,100 --> 01:05:55,500
"The deed is done"?
The deed is done!
1206
01:05:55,600 --> 01:05:56,700
I thought you said
1207
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:58,200
you went out
with Eleanor Skepple.
1208
01:05:58,300 --> 01:05:59,700
No, man. I just said that.
1209
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:01,400
What?
1210
01:06:01,500 --> 01:06:02,900
I didn't want to risk it.
1211
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:04,300
Marrying her?
Are you stupid?
1212
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:05,600
But I saw you, man.
1213
01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:07,300
You asked her out.
1214
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:09,400
No, man. I asked her
what time it was.
1215
01:06:09,500 --> 01:06:11,200
She said it was 3:53.
1216
01:06:14,300 --> 01:06:15,800
I can't believe
that I trusted you, Stu.
1217
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:16,900
You fucked me!
1218
01:06:17,100 --> 01:06:18,200
Take out your friend card.
1219
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:19,900
What?
1220
01:06:20,100 --> 01:06:22,500
Take out your friend card now
and rip it up
1221
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:23,800
because you fucked me, Stu.
1222
01:06:23,900 --> 01:06:26,800
Oh, buddy, she's just a girl.
1223
01:06:26,900 --> 01:06:30,100
No. It's not a girl.
1224
01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:34,000
It's the girl.
1225
01:06:34,100 --> 01:06:36,700
Now I'm going to lose her.
1226
01:06:40,100 --> 01:06:42,300
I'm not going to lose her.
1227
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:52,000
Breakfast in bed.
1228
01:06:53,500 --> 01:06:57,500
Wake up! Good morning!
It's a beautiful day!
1229
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,000
Wow.
1230
01:06:59,100 --> 01:07:01,500
Am I supposed to eat
my way out of here?
1231
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:03,200
I walked into the supermarket.
1232
01:07:03,300 --> 01:07:05,600
I stood there. I was like,
"What does Cam want?"
1233
01:07:05,700 --> 01:07:06,700
And I couldn't stop.
1234
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:09,800
I was like, "She'll want that
and that and that," and I got it all.
1235
01:07:09,900 --> 01:07:12,100
They didn't have Spam, though.
I talked to the manager.
1236
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:14,100
They won't have it in until next week.
Anyway, enjoy.
1237
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:15,900
Are you okay?
1238
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:17,400
I am fantastic.
I feel like-
1239
01:07:17,500 --> 01:07:19,000
I did this-
1240
01:07:19,500 --> 01:07:21,000
And then I gave myself
one of these. Look.
1241
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:22,900
And I made out with myself.
1242
01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:25,100
You're acting kind of strange.
1243
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:26,700
No. No, no.
1244
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:30,600
Yeah, eat up. Eat up.
Try that. Try that.
1245
01:07:30,700 --> 01:07:31,900
Eat up.
1246
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:34,200
Hey, um, what are your plans
1247
01:07:34,300 --> 01:07:35,800
for the rest of today?
1248
01:07:35,900 --> 01:07:38,300
I'm going to work.
1249
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:40,100
I'm going to go
to work with you!
1250
01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:41,400
I'm going to hang out.
1251
01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:43,900
I got it all planned out.
I'm going to go.
1252
01:07:45,700 --> 01:07:47,700
I'm kidding.
I'm not going to work with you.
1253
01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:49,000
Actually, Saturday.
1254
01:07:49,100 --> 01:07:50,400
What are you plans for Saturday- Sunday?
1255
01:07:50,500 --> 01:07:51,400
What are your plans
for Sunday?
1256
01:07:51,500 --> 01:07:52,800
Don't even answer that
1257
01:07:52,900 --> 01:07:54,300
because I'm already
thinking about Wednesday.
1258
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:55,500
What are you doing Wednesday?
1259
01:07:55,700 --> 01:07:57,300
Let's just seal it right now-
seal the deal-
1260
01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:58,900
and then I'll do my pineapple dance.
1261
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:00,700
Yes, Wednesday?
1262
01:08:03,500 --> 01:08:06,100
This is your fault!
Everything!
1263
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:09,600
You!
1264
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:13,500
Jesus Christ, why me?
1265
01:08:13,500 --> 01:08:16,300
Just shut your lips, Stu.
Shut up!
1266
01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:20,700
Hi, Cam. What's up?
It's Charlie.
1267
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:21,900
How are you doing today?
1268
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:23,100
I just wanted to call
1269
01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:25,100
and make sure I had
the right number,
1270
01:08:25,300 --> 01:08:27,700
and I do, and I do.
1271
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:28,900
How are you doing?
1272
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:30,400
Having a good day at work?
1273
01:08:30,500 --> 01:08:32,800
Well, I'll let you get back,
but I wanted to remind you,
1274
01:08:32,900 --> 01:08:36,000
Wednesday night,
you and me, happily.
1275
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:38,500
All right.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
1276
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:40,000
This is your fault!
1277
01:08:40,100 --> 01:08:41,500
His!
1278
01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:47,900
You already ate.
Why are you-
1279
01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:00,300
Is there something different
in here since lunch?
1280
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:28,600
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana
1281
01:09:28,700 --> 01:09:31,400
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana
1282
01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:33,900
Got me lookin'
so crazy right now
1283
01:09:34,000 --> 01:09:36,900
Your love's got me
lookin' so crazy right now
1284
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:39,400
Got me lookin'
so crazy right now
1285
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,300
Your touch has got me
lookin' so crazy right now
1286
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:45,100
Got me hopin'
you'd page me right now
1287
01:09:45,100 --> 01:09:48,100
Your kiss got me hopin'
you'd save me right now
1288
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:50,700
Lookin' so crazy,
your love's got me lookin'
1289
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:55,400
Got me lookin' so crazy,
your love
1290
01:09:55,500 --> 01:09:57,200
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, got it.
1291
01:09:57,300 --> 01:09:59,500
Got me going,
so pay me right now
1292
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:03,600
Raise the habitat.
1293
01:10:03,700 --> 01:10:05,800
Crazy, crazy, crazy
1294
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:08,100
Crazy for you
1295
01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:11,200
Changed my mind.
1296
01:10:11,300 --> 01:10:12,800
Took the day off
so I could hang.
1297
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,200
I won't be in the way.
1298
01:10:14,300 --> 01:10:16,600
I know what you're thinking.
I'm going to be in the way.
1299
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:19,600
But I think I'm going to blend in like this.
I think I'll blend. Look.
1300
01:10:19,700 --> 01:10:21,300
I know how to do that.
1301
01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:24,700
Charlie, I'm working.
1302
01:10:30,300 --> 01:10:32,200
Or I could go.
1303
01:10:32,300 --> 01:10:33,700
Yeah, I-
1304
01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:37,700
Get out of here.
1305
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:40,700
No, no.
1306
01:10:40,800 --> 01:10:41,800
Thanks.
1307
01:10:50,500 --> 01:10:52,000
Have a great day at work.
1308
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:54,900
My car's this way.
1309
01:11:08,100 --> 01:11:09,200
Hi, Cam.
1310
01:11:17,400 --> 01:11:19,200
Work is done.
Time for fun.
1311
01:11:23,100 --> 01:11:24,300
Hey.
1312
01:11:26,200 --> 01:11:27,800
Listen, I know
an amazing sushi place,
1313
01:11:27,900 --> 01:11:29,200
and the best part of all:
1314
01:11:29,300 --> 01:11:30,600
when you're finished
with your leftovers,
1315
01:11:30,700 --> 01:11:32,900
they put them in a doggie bag-
or a penguin bag.
1316
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:34,600
- Charlie-
- Oh, you don't like sushi.
1317
01:11:34,700 --> 01:11:36,300
Uh, Thai? Indian.
1318
01:11:36,400 --> 01:11:39,400
Listen to me, you need
to leave me alone, okay?
1319
01:11:39,500 --> 01:11:40,800
I need some space.
1320
01:11:43,300 --> 01:11:44,600
So tonight is no good.
1321
01:11:44,700 --> 01:11:48,700
I'm very close
to changing my phone number.
1322
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:50,600
Do you understand?
1323
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,500
If you were a hamburger
at McDonald's,
1324
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:11,900
I'd name you my
McBeautiful Tittie Sandwich
1325
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:13,400
With Titties On Top.
1326
01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,200
- Can I see Stu?
- Just a sec-
1327
01:12:29,300 --> 01:12:30,400
Yeah.
1328
01:12:30,500 --> 01:12:33,300
Stu, I need you.
It's important.
1329
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:35,600
I'm Dr. Charlie Logan.
1330
01:12:35,700 --> 01:12:38,300
I don't know who this Stu
is you speak of.
1331
01:12:48,500 --> 01:12:49,400
Call me.
1332
01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:50,500
I need your help.
1333
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:52,500
Hey, are we still friends?
1334
01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:54,900
Cam is going to fall in love with
and get married
1335
01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:57,100
to the next guy she goes
on a date with, right?
1336
01:12:57,200 --> 01:12:59,300
I'm going to be that next guy.
1337
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:00,900
Yeah.
You're a plastic surgeon.
1338
01:13:01,100 --> 01:13:03,800
You're going to...
change my face up.
1339
01:13:03,900 --> 01:13:06,000
I don't care if you
give me a beak.
1340
01:13:06,100 --> 01:13:08,000
I'm going to look
like a different guy.
1341
01:13:08,100 --> 01:13:09,300
That way,
when I meet her-
1342
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:10,500
Hi. My name's Ronald-
1343
01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:12,700
I'm the new guy
she falls in love with.
1344
01:13:12,800 --> 01:13:13,900
Let's go. Right now.
1345
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,200
Don't look at me
in that tone of voice.
1346
01:13:16,300 --> 01:13:18,800
I'm talking the truth.
Please?
1347
01:13:18,900 --> 01:13:20,800
Chuck...
1348
01:13:20,900 --> 01:13:22,900
take a look around, man.
1349
01:13:23,000 --> 01:13:25,800
I mean, I can give you tits.
You want tits?
1350
01:13:25,900 --> 01:13:28,700
So you're
not going to help me.
1351
01:13:28,800 --> 01:13:32,200
Yes, but not by
rearranging your face, man.
1352
01:13:32,300 --> 01:13:34,000
Come here. Have a seat.
1353
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:36,600
There's got to be
a better way, right?
1354
01:13:37,700 --> 01:13:39,600
I mean, I know
things are bad now,
1355
01:13:39,800 --> 01:13:42,700
but things could be
a lot worse, right?
1356
01:13:42,800 --> 01:13:45,400
Listen, you could be
like my cousin, man.
1357
01:13:45,500 --> 01:13:47,000
He found out last week
1358
01:13:47,100 --> 01:13:48,900
he's got an inoperable
brain tumor.
1359
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:51,700
That's horrible.
1360
01:13:51,800 --> 01:13:53,000
Yeah.
1361
01:13:53,100 --> 01:13:54,900
He's only got, like,
one week left to live.
1362
01:13:57,300 --> 01:13:58,600
That is...
1363
01:14:00,100 --> 01:14:01,500
perfect.
1364
01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:03,800
That's perfect.
He's the perfect guy for her.
1365
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:04,900
What?
1366
01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:06,000
Yeah.
There's no harm, right?
1367
01:14:06,200 --> 01:14:07,900
He gets laid.
She falls in love.
1368
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:09,100
He's dead within a week.
1369
01:14:09,200 --> 01:14:10,300
I swoop in, console her.
1370
01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:11,500
Bing-bang-boom,
everybody's happy.
1371
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:12,700
Hey!
1372
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:15,500
Why don't you club her
and have a wedding ceremony
1373
01:14:15,600 --> 01:14:16,400
while she's knocked unconscious?
1374
01:14:16,500 --> 01:14:17,700
That'd work!
1375
01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:21,700
What the hell
is wrong with you?
1376
01:14:21,700 --> 01:14:25,200
You have to let her go.
1377
01:14:25,300 --> 01:14:28,700
That's the one thing
I can't do.
1378
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,000
- Next time I'll bring my suit.
- Yeah.
1379
01:15:02,100 --> 01:15:03,400
Oh, no.
1380
01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:05,300
Oh, no. That's not good.
1381
01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:11,800
No.
1382
01:15:11,900 --> 01:15:14,100
It's over.
1383
01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:15,500
That has to be George.
1384
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,700
George.
1385
01:15:20,200 --> 01:15:21,800
Hey, George!
1386
01:15:21,900 --> 01:15:23,500
- What's up, George?
- What?
1387
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:24,900
- How you doing, George?
- I'm not George.
1388
01:15:25,000 --> 01:15:26,400
You're going to stay
away from Cam, all right?
1389
01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:29,700
You're going to stay away
from Cam, you hear me?
1390
01:15:29,800 --> 01:15:32,400
- You're George!
- Charlie!
1391
01:15:32,500 --> 01:15:34,000
- I'm not George!
- Cam!
1392
01:15:34,100 --> 01:15:35,200
What are you doing?
1393
01:15:35,300 --> 01:15:37,200
I just met George.
He's a real jerk.
1394
01:15:37,300 --> 01:15:38,700
You shouldn't like him.
I want to see you.
1395
01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:41,300
Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!
1396
01:15:41,500 --> 01:15:42,400
No!
1397
01:15:43,100 --> 01:15:45,500
Falling.
1398
01:15:47,200 --> 01:15:48,500
What is wrong with you?
1399
01:15:52,800 --> 01:15:53,900
I'm being bitten!
1400
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:56,200
Does he have fish
in his pants?
1401
01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:04,600
Oh, those fuckers
are vicious.
1402
01:16:04,700 --> 01:16:06,100
Yeah? Well, they don't like it
1403
01:16:06,200 --> 01:16:07,800
when someone disturbs
their environment.
1404
01:16:07,900 --> 01:16:09,400
Time to go, buddy.
1405
01:16:09,500 --> 01:16:11,400
I know I've been acting crazy,
but there's a reasonable-
1406
01:16:11,500 --> 01:16:12,700
Let me guess, Charlie.
1407
01:16:12,800 --> 01:16:14,200
You believe
you're a lucky charm,
1408
01:16:14,300 --> 01:16:17,200
and you're afraid I'm going
to marry the next guy I date,
1409
01:16:17,300 --> 01:16:19,800
so you've been smothering me
and attacking my friends.
1410
01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:20,900
What about George, okay?
1411
01:16:21,100 --> 01:16:22,500
What about your date with George?
1412
01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:24,500
Wednesday night?
What big date with George?
1413
01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:26,300
George is my hairdresser!
1414
01:16:28,100 --> 01:16:30,700
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I was eavesdropping.
1415
01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:32,700
Are you really
Charlie Logan the lucky charm?
1416
01:16:32,800 --> 01:16:35,400
Because... I was wondering-
1417
01:16:35,500 --> 01:16:37,600
I can't. I'm sorry.
Cam, listen. Cam-
1418
01:16:37,700 --> 01:16:39,600
- No. Charlie, I just don't think we can
do this anymore.
1419
01:16:39,700 --> 01:16:40,500
- Don't say it!
1420
01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:41,900
- It's not working.
- Please, Cam.
1421
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:44,100
Please, just don't say it's over.
1422
01:16:46,300 --> 01:16:47,400
It's over.
1423
01:17:16,500 --> 01:17:17,400
Dr. Charlie?
1424
01:17:17,500 --> 01:17:19,400
Hi, Reba.
1425
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:21,400
I've been
calling you all day.
1426
01:17:21,500 --> 01:17:22,600
Where have you been?
1427
01:17:22,700 --> 01:17:24,600
Decided to take
another day off.
1428
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:27,500
Hey, does our building
have roof access?
1429
01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:30,800
Oh, things can't be that bad.
1430
01:17:30,900 --> 01:17:34,200
You know, I owe you a thank-you.
1431
01:17:34,300 --> 01:17:37,100
I met a guy, and he's wonderful.
1432
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:38,800
I really think he's the one.
1433
01:17:38,900 --> 01:17:42,900
That's great.
I'm happy for you.
1434
01:17:44,300 --> 01:17:47,600
You've done a good thing,
Dr. Charlie.
1435
01:17:47,700 --> 01:17:51,000
Helping people find love.
1436
01:17:51,100 --> 01:17:52,400
It's great.
1437
01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:57,600
I bet you didn't think
you'd be responsible
1438
01:17:57,800 --> 01:17:59,400
for helping me
find true love again,
1439
01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:00,700
but you did.
1440
01:18:00,800 --> 01:18:02,600
You did, Dr. Charlie.
1441
01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:15,200
Dr. Charlie, are you all right?
1442
01:18:15,300 --> 01:18:18,300
Love fall like rain.
I'm in pain.
1443
01:18:18,400 --> 01:18:19,900
She was right, Reba.
1444
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:21,000
It's raining.
1445
01:18:21,100 --> 01:18:22,900
Oh, my God!
1446
01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:28,600
Stu, I need
to Google something.
1447
01:18:28,800 --> 01:18:29,900
Unacceptable!
1448
01:18:30,000 --> 01:18:31,200
Hey!
1449
01:18:31,300 --> 01:18:32,500
I wish I hadn't seen that!
1450
01:18:32,600 --> 01:18:34,500
A man can't masturbate
in his own house?
1451
01:18:34,600 --> 01:18:36,000
That is disgusting.
1452
01:18:36,100 --> 01:18:37,300
It's a known fact
1453
01:18:37,400 --> 01:18:39,000
that stimulation
of the prostate-
1454
01:18:39,100 --> 01:18:41,400
No, no, no, no.
Just get dressed
1455
01:18:41,500 --> 01:18:43,100
and wash your hands!
1456
01:18:45,900 --> 01:18:48,000
All I know is that I'm hexed.
1457
01:18:48,100 --> 01:18:50,600
Yeah. If by hexed
you mean bat-shit crazy,
1458
01:18:50,700 --> 01:18:51,800
then yeah,
you're hexed, man.
1459
01:18:51,900 --> 01:18:53,000
Don't you remember?
1460
01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:54,400
Black lipstick,
long fingernails. A total freak.
1461
01:18:54,500 --> 01:18:56,200
She wanted me
to show her my penis.
1462
01:18:56,200 --> 01:18:57,800
I wouldn't,
so she pulled my nipples
1463
01:18:57,900 --> 01:18:59,300
and put a hex on me.
1464
01:18:59,500 --> 01:19:02,200
Stu, I've lost the most
special person of my life.
1465
01:19:02,300 --> 01:19:04,300
I have to break this spell.
1466
01:19:04,400 --> 01:19:06,600
You haven't lost me, dude.
1467
01:19:06,700 --> 01:19:07,900
I'm here for you always.
1468
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:09,700
Just drive the fucking car.
1469
01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:15,800
Oh, I'm so sorry, buddy.
1470
01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:22,200
Hey, what's up with Chester?
1471
01:19:22,300 --> 01:19:24,200
His girlfriend Molly's sick.
1472
01:19:24,300 --> 01:19:26,300
I sent her away for treatment.
1473
01:19:26,400 --> 01:19:28,100
He stopped grooming himself.
1474
01:19:30,800 --> 01:19:32,400
It's heartbreaking, you know?
1475
01:19:32,500 --> 01:19:33,900
If she doesn't come back,
1476
01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:36,500
he may never find another mate.
1477
01:19:42,100 --> 01:19:46,100
Murphy, maybe
you reacted too harshly.
1478
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:48,100
You should call him.
1479
01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:49,400
I can't, Joe.
1480
01:19:49,500 --> 01:19:51,500
You saw him.
He's crazy.
1481
01:19:51,600 --> 01:19:54,500
Love does that
to you sometimes.
1482
01:19:54,600 --> 01:19:56,800
I don't want another one
of your philosophy lessons, Joe.
1483
01:19:56,900 --> 01:19:58,800
He was smothering me.
1484
01:19:58,900 --> 01:20:01,100
I want to be part of someone's life,
1485
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:02,300
not all of it.
1486
01:20:02,400 --> 01:20:06,800
Have you taken a look
at your bedroom lately?
1487
01:20:06,900 --> 01:20:08,400
If you love something,
1488
01:20:08,500 --> 01:20:11,900
sometimes you just want
to be surrounded by it.
1489
01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:21,300
That's it. That's it.
1490
01:20:25,300 --> 01:20:27,800
How can I get her
to break the spell?
1491
01:20:27,800 --> 01:20:30,300
I don't know. She wanted to look
at your penis, right?
1492
01:20:30,400 --> 01:20:31,800
That was a joke.
1493
01:20:31,900 --> 01:20:33,200
Chuck?
1494
01:20:34,900 --> 01:20:36,100
Chuck, that was a joke.
1495
01:20:37,100 --> 01:20:38,100
Oh, my God.
1496
01:20:44,600 --> 01:20:46,800
Hi. Is your mother home?
1497
01:20:48,500 --> 01:20:51,200
Is your mother's name Anisha?
1498
01:20:51,300 --> 01:20:53,600
What's with the 50 questions?
1499
01:20:53,700 --> 01:20:55,100
That was two questions.
1500
01:20:55,200 --> 01:20:56,500
It's a hyperbole.
1501
01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:58,100
Sweetheart, who is it?
1502
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:03,800
Are you Anisha Carpenter?
1503
01:21:03,900 --> 01:21:05,800
Do I know you?
1504
01:21:07,300 --> 01:21:09,000
Charlie Logan.
1505
01:21:10,300 --> 01:21:13,000
Look, I know this is
going to sound crazy,
1506
01:21:13,100 --> 01:21:15,700
but you put a hex on me
1507
01:21:15,800 --> 01:21:17,000
so that all my girlfriends
1508
01:21:17,100 --> 01:21:18,900
would fall in love
with other people,
1509
01:21:19,000 --> 01:21:20,700
and I need you...
1510
01:21:20,800 --> 01:21:22,300
to reverse the spell?
1511
01:21:26,500 --> 01:21:27,700
Woo! That-
That's your pendant.
1512
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:29,200
You used to wear that!
1513
01:21:29,300 --> 01:21:32,200
You wore it at the party
when you pulled out my hair
1514
01:21:32,300 --> 01:21:33,900
and did the- with the thing.
1515
01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:35,300
And then you wanted
to see my penis,
1516
01:21:35,400 --> 01:21:36,500
and I said no.
1517
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:38,500
Go to your room, Lila.
Lock the door.
1518
01:21:38,600 --> 01:21:40,000
But this is just getting good.
1519
01:21:40,100 --> 01:21:41,000
Now.
1520
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:44,700
I'm sorry.
1521
01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:49,200
What can I do to convince you
to help me?
1522
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:11,100
This spell-
turn it off, please.
1523
01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:12,600
Charlie, I was just a kid.
1524
01:22:12,700 --> 01:22:14,000
I didn't know
what I was doing.
1525
01:22:14,100 --> 01:22:15,400
I don't even know
what I did.
1526
01:22:15,500 --> 01:22:17,000
You fucked up my life!
1527
01:22:17,100 --> 01:22:18,200
That's what you did.
1528
01:22:18,300 --> 01:22:20,000
I asked you
to watch your language.
1529
01:22:20,100 --> 01:22:22,400
Your room. Now.
1530
01:22:25,300 --> 01:22:30,400
Anisha, I am begging you.
1531
01:22:30,500 --> 01:22:32,800
Have you ever wanted
someone so badly
1532
01:22:32,900 --> 01:22:35,000
that you would do anything
to get them?
1533
01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:39,300
If someone's
meant to be yours,
1534
01:22:39,400 --> 01:22:41,900
eventually they will be.
1535
01:22:46,000 --> 01:22:48,000
No.
Wait. No!
1536
01:22:48,100 --> 01:22:49,900
If you think
that by me being here,
1537
01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:51,100
we're supposed
to get together-
1538
01:22:51,200 --> 01:22:54,200
I wasn't talking about you.
1539
01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:57,500
My husband Kurt.
1540
01:22:57,700 --> 01:23:00,200
Really, Charlie, I was 10.
1541
01:23:00,400 --> 01:23:02,300
I may have thought
I was in love,
1542
01:23:02,400 --> 01:23:04,300
but I was also hot
for Scott Baio.
1543
01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:07,200
So-
1544
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:15,800
I've blown it.
1545
01:23:16,900 --> 01:23:20,200
Well, then,
all you can do is let her go.
1546
01:23:31,200 --> 01:23:32,300
Yeah, dude!
1547
01:23:32,400 --> 01:23:34,100
You're my hero!
1548
01:23:36,500 --> 01:23:39,100
How was she?
1549
01:23:39,200 --> 01:23:40,300
Take me home.
1550
01:23:40,400 --> 01:23:43,200
I'm not that easy, man.
1551
01:23:43,300 --> 01:23:46,300
You're going to have to
take me to dinner first.
1552
01:23:46,400 --> 01:23:48,500
You little munchkin.
1553
01:23:48,700 --> 01:23:50,400
I have to set her free,
1554
01:23:50,500 --> 01:23:52,600
let Mother Nature
take its course.
1555
01:23:52,700 --> 01:23:54,500
If you love something,
set it free, right?
1556
01:23:56,300 --> 01:23:58,400
I think Cam is really
going to respond
1557
01:23:58,500 --> 01:23:59,800
to the new gay you,
Chuck.
1558
01:23:59,900 --> 01:24:02,000
Take me home.
1559
01:24:02,100 --> 01:24:03,700
I got a phone call to make.
1560
01:24:15,900 --> 01:24:18,800
Hi. I'm trying to find
Howard Blaine.
1561
01:24:18,900 --> 01:24:20,100
Hi, Howard.
1562
01:24:20,200 --> 01:24:21,900
Um, we've never met,
1563
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:26,300
but I have a friend
that you really need to meet.
1564
01:24:32,600 --> 01:24:33,800
Howard?
1565
01:25:51,300 --> 01:25:52,900
Eat me.
1566
01:25:53,000 --> 01:25:54,500
Eat me.
1567
01:25:54,600 --> 01:25:56,000
Gotcha.
1568
01:25:58,400 --> 01:25:59,600
Owned.
1569
01:26:00,600 --> 01:26:02,600
Owned.
1570
01:26:02,700 --> 01:26:04,400
I'm getting married!
1571
01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:08,100
Chuck! I found my dream girl,
1572
01:26:08,200 --> 01:26:11,200
and it's all because
of you I just proposed.
1573
01:26:11,300 --> 01:26:13,100
Lara, get your sweet ass
over here.
1574
01:26:13,300 --> 01:26:14,500
You remember Lara?
1575
01:26:16,500 --> 01:26:18,600
Lara stepped out of heaven-
1576
01:26:19,700 --> 01:26:23,100
and into my office
to correct a condition.
1577
01:26:23,200 --> 01:26:24,400
She's got polymastia.
1578
01:26:25,600 --> 01:26:27,400
Has more than two boobs.
1579
01:26:27,500 --> 01:26:29,600
Isn't that perfect for me?
Show him.
1580
01:26:29,700 --> 01:26:30,600
No, no.
1581
01:26:30,700 --> 01:26:32,000
No, no, that's okay.
1582
01:26:32,100 --> 01:26:33,400
Really. I don't mind.
1583
01:26:33,500 --> 01:26:35,700
Yeah, I used to be
embarrassed about it,
1584
01:26:35,700 --> 01:26:37,500
but that was before
pookie pants here
1585
01:26:37,600 --> 01:26:39,800
made me realize
how special I am.
1586
01:26:39,900 --> 01:26:41,000
Oh, baby,
you're so goddamn special.
1587
01:26:41,100 --> 01:26:42,900
Oh, I love you, monkey pie.
1588
01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:44,500
- Okay, show him.
- Okay.
1589
01:26:47,600 --> 01:26:49,100
Is that or is that not
1590
01:26:49,200 --> 01:26:51,400
the most beautiful sight
you've ever seen in your life?
1591
01:26:51,500 --> 01:26:54,700
It's like seeing
the Grand Canyon for the first time.
1592
01:26:54,800 --> 01:26:57,400
It's like seeing Earth
from space.
1593
01:26:57,500 --> 01:26:59,200
Like Three's Company,
1594
01:26:59,300 --> 01:27:01,200
but all Chrissies,
you know what I'm saying?
1595
01:27:01,300 --> 01:27:02,400
I'm happy for you, buddy.
1596
01:27:03,700 --> 01:27:06,600
But, dude, that's not
why we came, okay?
1597
01:27:06,700 --> 01:27:10,100
Did you know that it smells
like shit in here?
1598
01:27:10,300 --> 01:27:12,100
You may want to open a window.
1599
01:27:12,200 --> 01:27:13,600
It's making me a little-
1600
01:27:13,700 --> 01:27:14,900
Okay, you tell him, baby.
1601
01:27:15,000 --> 01:27:17,600
Okay, so I'm friends with Katie,
who knows Cam,
1602
01:27:17,700 --> 01:27:19,700
and she said that Cam
said she's leaving today
1603
01:27:19,900 --> 01:27:22,400
for Antarctica
with some penguin guru.
1604
01:27:25,900 --> 01:27:28,900
That's nice.
I'm happy for her.
1605
01:27:32,200 --> 01:27:34,800
You sure as shit
don't look happy.
1606
01:27:34,900 --> 01:27:38,000
I loved something,
and I set her free.
1607
01:27:38,100 --> 01:27:39,800
She met somebody else.
1608
01:27:39,900 --> 01:27:42,900
But I set her free.
That's what's important.
1609
01:27:49,400 --> 01:27:51,400
She's leaving, buddy...
1610
01:27:52,800 --> 01:27:54,100
for Antarctica...
1611
01:27:55,400 --> 01:27:56,900
right now.
1612
01:27:57,000 --> 01:28:01,100
She is going.
1613
01:28:01,200 --> 01:28:05,300
She's going.
1614
01:28:05,400 --> 01:28:10,700
She's... leaving.
1615
01:28:10,700 --> 01:28:12,100
What the fuck am I doing?
1616
01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:13,300
That's what we're saying!
1617
01:28:13,400 --> 01:28:16,100
Go!
Go get your girl, will you?
1618
01:28:16,200 --> 01:28:17,200
He's a little slow.
1619
01:28:48,800 --> 01:28:51,200
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, guys.
1620
01:28:51,400 --> 01:28:52,600
Ma'am, excuse me.
1621
01:28:55,200 --> 01:28:58,400
Has the flight for
Antarctica boarded yet?
1622
01:28:58,500 --> 01:29:00,600
There are no direct flights, sir.
1623
01:29:00,700 --> 01:29:01,700
Connecting flight?
1624
01:29:01,900 --> 01:29:03,800
Which one?
There are two.
1625
01:29:03,900 --> 01:29:05,000
Has the flight
1626
01:29:05,100 --> 01:29:07,700
with a passenger
named Cam Wexler boarded yet?
1627
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:11,100
Sorry, sir.
Can't give you that information.
1628
01:29:11,200 --> 01:29:13,600
Sir, you won't be able to go
to the gate without a ticket.
1629
01:29:13,700 --> 01:29:16,200
I have to get
to Antarctica,
1630
01:29:16,300 --> 01:29:19,400
so I will take a ticket
for both planes.
1631
01:29:19,500 --> 01:29:23,100
There are only first class
tickets available, sir.
1632
01:29:23,200 --> 01:29:26,400
Of course there are.
I'll take them both.
1633
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:30,000
Are you traveling
with any baggage?
1634
01:29:30,100 --> 01:29:31,200
No.
1635
01:29:31,300 --> 01:29:33,000
No.
1636
01:29:33,100 --> 01:29:35,600
You do realize
that it's -60 degrees there.
1637
01:29:35,700 --> 01:29:36,700
Yes.
1638
01:29:39,000 --> 01:29:41,500
And that'll be $17,412.
1639
01:29:48,300 --> 01:29:49,300
Just do it.
1640
01:29:53,700 --> 01:29:54,800
Here you go.
1641
01:30:03,400 --> 01:30:05,900
Shoes, belt, watch.
1642
01:30:06,000 --> 01:30:07,900
You've never been
to an airport, dummy?
1643
01:30:15,300 --> 01:30:16,600
What goes in pockets?
1644
01:30:16,700 --> 01:30:17,900
Change.
1645
01:30:18,000 --> 01:30:19,900
Change.
Change goes in pockets.
1646
01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:21,100
Put it in the little bucket.
1647
01:30:21,200 --> 01:30:22,600
Don't waste
my big bucket.
1648
01:30:22,700 --> 01:30:24,200
No.
Small bucket!
1649
01:30:24,300 --> 01:30:25,600
I don't need it.
1650
01:30:25,700 --> 01:30:26,800
Want to make this quick?
1651
01:30:26,900 --> 01:30:28,300
I am in a real hurry.
1652
01:30:28,400 --> 01:30:29,800
Let's do this.
Take your pants off.
1653
01:30:29,900 --> 01:30:31,200
What?
1654
01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:33,400
You heard me.
Take your pants off.
1655
01:30:35,600 --> 01:30:37,600
I'm kidding you, weirdo.
Don't do that.
1656
01:30:37,700 --> 01:30:39,200
Why would you do that?
1657
01:30:39,300 --> 01:30:40,600
Come on, let's go.
1658
01:30:42,500 --> 01:30:44,900
Go, go, go.
1659
01:31:06,200 --> 01:31:07,100
Cam.
1660
01:31:08,500 --> 01:31:10,600
Wait!
One more! Here.
1661
01:31:18,300 --> 01:31:19,300
I meant to do that.
1662
01:31:30,500 --> 01:31:31,400
Here.
1663
01:31:31,500 --> 01:31:32,500
Thanks.
1664
01:31:34,300 --> 01:31:35,300
Charlie?
1665
01:31:35,400 --> 01:31:37,600
I'm sorry.
Please don't be mad.
1666
01:31:37,700 --> 01:31:40,500
Antarctica? You couldn't have
just taken her to a movie?
1667
01:31:40,600 --> 01:31:41,800
Charlie-
1668
01:31:41,900 --> 01:31:44,000
Look, I know that it's
crazy that I'm here,
1669
01:31:44,100 --> 01:31:46,700
but it felt even crazier
not to come.
1670
01:31:46,900 --> 01:31:49,300
Excuse me.
You have to take your seats.
1671
01:31:49,400 --> 01:31:50,300
Charlie-
1672
01:31:50,400 --> 01:31:51,500
My entire life,
1673
01:31:51,600 --> 01:31:53,200
I've been nothing more
than a stepping-stone
1674
01:31:53,400 --> 01:31:55,100
to every relationship
I've ever been in.
1675
01:31:55,200 --> 01:31:58,200
There's always been a next guy
who's better than me.
1676
01:31:58,300 --> 01:32:02,200
For once in my life,
I want to be that next guy.
1677
01:32:05,300 --> 01:32:09,200
I've never said this
to anybody in my whole life.
1678
01:32:09,300 --> 01:32:10,300
Cam...
1679
01:32:14,100 --> 01:32:16,300
I love you.
1680
01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:17,800
I love you, Cam.
1681
01:32:20,400 --> 01:32:23,000
Please don't go.
1682
01:32:24,500 --> 01:32:28,000
Charlie, I'm coming back
on Wednesday.
1683
01:32:28,100 --> 01:32:29,500
What?
1684
01:32:29,600 --> 01:32:30,500
Yeah.
1685
01:32:30,600 --> 01:32:31,700
But Howard and-
1686
01:32:31,800 --> 01:32:35,200
Have you met
Howard's wife Marilyn?
1687
01:32:35,300 --> 01:32:37,600
Howard's wife?
1688
01:32:37,700 --> 01:32:39,200
Howard's wife.
1689
01:32:39,300 --> 01:32:40,300
Hi.
1690
01:32:40,400 --> 01:32:41,800
Hi, Howard's wife.
1691
01:32:41,900 --> 01:32:42,900
Howard's wife.
1692
01:32:42,900 --> 01:32:45,400
I know about your call
to Howard.
1693
01:32:45,500 --> 01:32:47,200
I knew you wanted to meet him.
1694
01:32:47,300 --> 01:32:49,200
I knew it would make you happy.
1695
01:32:49,300 --> 01:32:51,500
I swear that's all
I've ever wanted to do.
1696
01:32:51,600 --> 01:32:54,400
Plus, mate selection
is up to the female.
1697
01:32:56,500 --> 01:32:58,500
But, Charlie,
you've been acting so-
1698
01:32:58,700 --> 01:33:00,300
I know, I know.
Idiotic, nuts.
1699
01:33:00,400 --> 01:33:02,400
And no more lucky charm excuse.
1700
01:33:02,500 --> 01:33:05,800
I'm done thinking
about the past and what could be.
1701
01:33:05,900 --> 01:33:08,800
All I care about now is what is.
1702
01:33:08,900 --> 01:33:11,300
And this-
1703
01:33:11,400 --> 01:33:13,600
This is.
1704
01:33:16,600 --> 01:33:18,300
Ladies and gentlemen,
1705
01:33:18,400 --> 01:33:20,100
we are about to close
the cabin doors.
1706
01:33:20,200 --> 01:33:21,300
Please take your seats.
1707
01:33:24,400 --> 01:33:25,500
That's for you.
1708
01:33:25,600 --> 01:33:27,100
Here.
1709
01:33:47,500 --> 01:33:48,500
Charlie!
1710
01:33:58,500 --> 01:34:00,100
Excuse me, are you that guy who-
1711
01:34:00,300 --> 01:34:01,400
He isn't anymore.
1712
01:35:01,400 --> 01:35:02,600
Excuse me.
1713
01:35:17,500 --> 01:35:20,400
Giggle monkey,
what are you looking for?
1714
01:35:20,500 --> 01:35:21,800
Sex tapes.
1715
01:35:21,900 --> 01:35:25,500
What is the point in house sitting
if you can't scope out
1716
01:35:25,600 --> 01:35:28,700
some good old-fashioned
homemade porn!
1717
01:35:28,800 --> 01:35:31,100
- Score!
- You're a genius.
1718
01:35:33,200 --> 01:35:34,300
Okay.
1719
01:35:34,400 --> 01:35:35,300
Hold on.
1720
01:35:43,300 --> 01:35:45,200
Do it. Do it. Oh, yeah.
1721
01:35:45,300 --> 01:35:46,200
Babe.
1722
01:35:46,200 --> 01:35:47,800
Yeah, what?
1723
01:35:47,900 --> 01:35:48,900
Oh, you like that.
1724
01:35:49,100 --> 01:35:51,000
You like when I do
stuff with the-
1725
01:35:51,100 --> 01:35:53,500
All right. I'll do it
for just one last time.
1726
01:35:53,600 --> 01:35:54,500
This is it.
1727
01:35:54,600 --> 01:35:55,700
Okay.
1728
01:35:55,800 --> 01:35:56,800
Because I'm not
into bestiality,
1729
01:35:56,900 --> 01:35:58,300
and you know that.
That's documented.
1730
01:35:58,400 --> 01:35:59,900
No, I know. It's fake.
1731
01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:00,900
All right.
1732
01:36:01,000 --> 01:36:01,900
But it's hot.
1733
01:36:02,000 --> 01:36:02,900
Okay.
1734
01:36:03,000 --> 01:36:05,300
Hey. So, uh...
1735
01:36:05,400 --> 01:36:06,600
so do you want to-
1736
01:36:06,700 --> 01:36:08,200
You come to this
glacier often?
1737
01:36:09,500 --> 01:36:13,000
I'm really interested in you
because you're a Gentoo soul.
1738
01:36:14,200 --> 01:36:15,500
You like that?
1739
01:36:15,600 --> 01:36:17,900
Yeah, I like that.
Do it faster.
1740
01:36:18,000 --> 01:36:20,100
You like... when I do that?
1741
01:36:21,400 --> 01:36:23,300
You ever seen me
go down on a-
1742
01:36:23,400 --> 01:36:24,500
Shh. It's okay. No, no.
1743
01:36:24,600 --> 01:36:26,000
Baby, baby, don't worry.
1744
01:36:28,000 --> 01:36:29,300
Yeah, I like that.
1745
01:36:35,100 --> 01:36:36,300
You like that, don't you?
1746
01:36:36,400 --> 01:36:37,300
Yeah.
1747
01:36:37,400 --> 01:36:38,400
Oh, that's so hot.
1748
01:36:38,500 --> 01:36:40,700
Shh. No more "Uhh. "
No more "Uhh. "
1749
01:36:43,700 --> 01:36:45,500
Do it. Yeah.
1750
01:36:45,600 --> 01:36:46,500
Oh, yeah.
1751
01:36:47,600 --> 01:36:50,600
That's really good.
1752
01:36:50,800 --> 01:36:52,200
Okay, now do the other thing.
1753
01:36:52,300 --> 01:36:53,400
Do the other thing.
1754
01:36:56,600 --> 01:36:58,600
Look at me. Here's
really what you like.
1755
01:36:58,700 --> 01:37:00,500
Yeah, you know what I like.
1756
01:37:00,600 --> 01:37:04,100
Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm really
getting in the mood now.
1757
01:37:04,200 --> 01:37:06,100
You like when I eat
your penguin ass?
1758
01:37:06,200 --> 01:37:08,500
Yeah. Baby,
I think I'm ready.
1759
01:37:09,900 --> 01:37:13,400
Turn it off, baby.
1760
01:37:15,100 --> 01:37:16,300
You still in the mood?
1761
01:37:16,400 --> 01:37:17,300
Yeah.
1762
01:37:17,500 --> 01:37:18,400
All right.
1763
01:41:09,700 --> 01:41:12,700
Subtitled by J.R. Media Services, Inc.
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119252
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