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1
00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:04,915
Hi! Today's special is clam chowder,
2
00:00:05,093 --> 00:00:06,999
and today's advice is: Don't eat it.
3
00:00:08,706 --> 00:00:11,547
Do you have Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch?
4
00:00:13,702 --> 00:00:16,136
You are really killing it tonight, Mary,
5
00:00:16,138 --> 00:00:19,323
and leaving no evidence.
6
00:00:19,325 --> 00:00:21,358
We're coming from Sherlock-con.
7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,894
It's like Comic-con,
but for Sherlock Holmes fans.
8
00:00:23,896 --> 00:00:25,946
So it's way cooler.
9
00:00:25,948 --> 00:00:27,781
Excuse me for a sec.
10
00:00:27,783 --> 00:00:29,316
There's another waitress here
who is gonna be
11
00:00:29,318 --> 00:00:31,485
a big fan of all of this.
12
00:00:33,822 --> 00:00:35,823
You're welcome for what
I'm about to show you.
13
00:00:35,825 --> 00:00:39,093
Look, guess what they are.
14
00:00:39,095 --> 00:00:42,529
Time-traveling lesbians.
15
00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:43,714
We're not lesbians.
16
00:00:43,716 --> 00:00:46,500
I am.
17
00:00:46,502 --> 00:00:49,803
What is this?
What just let out?
18
00:00:49,805 --> 00:00:52,556
A sale at the Burlington Coat Factory?
19
00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:56,209
They're Sherlock Holmes super-fans
coming from a convention,
20
00:00:56,211 --> 00:01:00,014
which means there are a lot of cats
home alone right now.
21
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:03,717
Well, I'd say the only mystery
is who here gets laid the least.
22
00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:06,854
Hello.
23
00:01:06,856 --> 00:01:10,057
Cracked it, Watson.
24
00:01:17,170 --> 00:01:20,051
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:25,514 --> 00:01:29,067
One of those Sherlock ladies left
her carpal tunnel brace in here.
26
00:01:29,069 --> 00:01:30,685
No address, but there's
a card that says,
27
00:01:30,687 --> 00:01:34,522
"in case of emergency,
dial 1-800-chocolate."
28
00:01:34,524 --> 00:01:37,008
And I'll take that.
29
00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:38,343
Okay, everybody.
30
00:01:38,345 --> 00:01:39,527
It's that time again.
31
00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:42,997
The diner's big spring clean!
32
00:01:42,999 --> 00:01:45,917
Oh, my God, has it been
six years already?
33
00:01:45,919 --> 00:01:47,835
Too bad I just developed
carpal tunnel.
34
00:01:47,837 --> 00:01:49,921
Max, do you think
you can fake a stroke?
35
00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:51,489
Fake a stroke, fake an orgasm,
36
00:01:51,491 --> 00:01:53,925
basically anything that will
get me out of work.
37
00:01:53,927 --> 00:01:58,012
Okay, we have lots of chores to do,
and somebody will have to double up,
38
00:01:58,014 --> 00:02:02,100
because earl asked me not to speak
to him for the rest of the night.
39
00:02:02,102 --> 00:02:06,854
Didn't I tell you to keep
my name out your mouth?
40
00:02:06,856 --> 00:02:09,724
So, girls, what do you say
we make it fun, huh?
41
00:02:09,726 --> 00:02:13,061
I'll read a chore.
You raise your Haned.
42
00:02:13,063 --> 00:02:16,781
Scrape the fat puddle
from under the stove!
43
00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:21,185
No takers?
44
00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:22,820
Next.
45
00:02:22,822 --> 00:02:27,542
Clear the spider community
in the walk-in!
46
00:02:27,544 --> 00:02:29,994
No takers?
47
00:02:29,996 --> 00:02:31,329
Next.
48
00:02:31,331 --> 00:02:35,967
Clear the spider community
in the dish room!
49
00:02:35,969 --> 00:02:38,252
No takers?
50
00:02:38,254 --> 00:02:41,005
Han, sorry, I can't clean.
I have carpal tunnel.
51
00:02:41,007 --> 00:02:44,178
The doctor says I can't put
any pressure on my wrist.
52
00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:49,480
And I can't clean either, Han.
It's my jaw.
53
00:02:49,482 --> 00:02:51,733
I've got real bad "T.M.Z."
54
00:02:51,735 --> 00:02:57,388
Oh, you girls are so full of crap,
like that third stall in the men's room.
55
00:02:57,390 --> 00:03:00,124
Any takers?
56
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:03,394
She was so friendly
in the job interview.
57
00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:09,701
Bonjour, Max.
58
00:03:09,703 --> 00:03:11,068
Oh, Chef Nicolas.
59
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:12,704
Why am I seeing you
outside of pastry school?
60
00:03:12,706 --> 00:03:13,904
Is it about my flan?
61
00:03:13,906 --> 00:03:16,257
Because no one likes that stuff anyway.
62
00:03:16,259 --> 00:03:18,993
Oh, no, that's not why I'm here.
I want to speak to Caroline.
63
00:03:18,995 --> 00:03:21,379
But, yes, I gave your flan a "C"-minus.
64
00:03:21,381 --> 00:03:22,747
It was flat.
65
00:03:22,749 --> 00:03:25,416
Hmm. I'll go get her. Wow.
66
00:03:25,418 --> 00:03:28,919
First time a teacher's
ever called me flat.
67
00:03:28,921 --> 00:03:31,973
Ow, ow, ow!
Oh, my wrist!
68
00:03:31,975 --> 00:03:33,975
Oh, I thought you were Han.
69
00:03:33,977 --> 00:03:36,978
Please, I'm twice the man he is.
70
00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:38,329
Nicolas is here.
71
00:03:38,331 --> 00:03:39,947
What? No, no, no!
72
00:03:39,949 --> 00:03:41,733
He can't be in my personal life!
73
00:03:41,735 --> 00:03:44,452
I'm having a hard enough time avoiding
working with him at pastry school.
74
00:03:44,454 --> 00:03:47,655
Did I just call the diner
my personal life?
75
00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:50,958
I think so. I wasn't listening.
So what do I tell him?
76
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,910
Tell him he's married,
and I don't go out with married men.
77
00:03:52,912 --> 00:03:54,746
Tell him what we had
was a passing flirtation.
78
00:03:54,748 --> 00:03:56,998
Tell him now it's over,
and he has to move on.
79
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,301
Got it, you died in a grease fire.
80
00:04:00,303 --> 00:04:02,336
She's not here yet.
81
00:04:02,338 --> 00:04:04,021
Oh, well, will she be coming?
82
00:04:04,023 --> 00:04:07,425
Will she be coming?
Nope, not anytime soon.
83
00:04:07,427 --> 00:04:10,928
Okay, I'll text her.
Au revoir, Max.
84
00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:13,231
Sir, don't take this the wrong way,
85
00:04:13,233 --> 00:04:15,436
but you are one fine-looking man.
86
00:04:16,753 --> 00:04:18,035
Well, thank you very much.
87
00:04:18,037 --> 00:04:20,471
And back at you.
88
00:04:20,473 --> 00:04:23,441
Tell me something I don't know.
89
00:04:23,443 --> 00:04:25,610
Look at this.
Nicolas already texted me.
90
00:04:25,612 --> 00:04:28,112
"Will you have dinner?"
what should I do?
91
00:04:28,114 --> 00:04:29,947
Just ignore it, like I'm doing
with that table
92
00:04:29,949 --> 00:04:32,617
That's flagging me down right now.
93
00:04:32,619 --> 00:04:35,419
I'm putting a stop
to this Nicolas thing.
94
00:04:35,421 --> 00:04:38,873
"I'll have dinner with you
when you leave your wife."
95
00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:41,843
And se-end.
96
00:04:41,845 --> 00:04:44,095
If you ever say "se-end" again,
97
00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:47,131
We're not gonna be "fri-ends."
98
00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:50,134
Hey, everybody!
99
00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:53,020
I just got back from Sundance.
100
00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:57,744
I saw ten Mark Ruffalo movies,
and I got to watch Catherine Keener DJ.
101
00:04:58,629 --> 00:05:00,188
Whoever that is.
102
00:05:01,281 --> 00:05:03,231
I was in an indie movie once.
103
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:07,852
Well, a guy filmed me eating a sloppy joe
in the dressing room of a sport chalet.
104
00:05:07,854 --> 00:05:11,021
Sophie, how did you get
into the Sundance Film Festival?
105
00:05:11,023 --> 00:05:13,541
Oh, I'm dating one of the bigwigs.
106
00:05:13,543 --> 00:05:18,212
He drives the Miramax party bus,
and he wears a big wig.
107
00:05:18,214 --> 00:05:21,966
So I'm thinking about producing
my own movie.
108
00:05:21,968 --> 00:05:24,218
You know, getting into the biz, babe.
109
00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:29,507
Sophie, if you need an actor,
let me know.
110
00:05:29,509 --> 00:05:33,394
But I'll only do full frontal.
111
00:05:33,396 --> 00:05:36,981
I'll also do partial frontal
or just penis close-ups.
112
00:05:39,101 --> 00:05:43,554
And if you need someone to play God,
a judge, or an old guy sitting on a porch,
113
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:45,323
I'm your man.
114
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,563
Everyone, keep piping your cakes.
115
00:05:52,565 --> 00:05:53,831
Keep piping.
116
00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:56,312
Max, vite, vite.
You need to pipe that more.
117
00:05:56,476 --> 00:05:58,354
That's funny, because
my high school guidance counselor
118
00:05:58,404 --> 00:05:59,793
told me I need to pipe way less.
119
00:06:00,673 --> 00:06:03,007
Max, you are falling behind today.
120
00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:04,241
Where's your Deke?
121
00:06:04,243 --> 00:06:07,211
In my pants, where it always is.
122
00:06:07,213 --> 00:06:08,746
Oh, you mean Deke.
123
00:06:08,748 --> 00:06:10,581
He's got the flu. It's everywhere.
124
00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:13,885
No one can shake it.
It's like Taylor Swift.
125
00:06:13,887 --> 00:06:15,803
Yeah, or Pitbull.
126
00:06:15,805 --> 00:06:17,438
Okay, everyone, that's time.
127
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,308
I will see you all tomorrow.
Au revoir, class.
128
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:23,060
Au revoir, chef.
129
00:06:23,062 --> 00:06:24,729
Let's go. Let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go.
130
00:06:24,731 --> 00:06:26,764
Come on, come on, hurry.
Let's get outta here.
131
00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:28,432
What's the hurry?
You sound like my mother
132
00:06:28,434 --> 00:06:31,736
whenever the real people who lived
in the house would come home.
133
00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:34,288
We need to leave now,
while Nicolas is in his office.
134
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:35,456
I don't want him to see me.
135
00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:38,042
I said everything I needed
to say to him in my last text.
136
00:06:38,044 --> 00:06:41,796
Ooh, I smell scandal.
137
00:06:41,798 --> 00:06:44,298
So I've been hiding
in the stairwell all day.
138
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,283
Guess where those stairs go.
139
00:06:46,285 --> 00:06:50,955
A room where ten Vietnamese
women are making next year's "Prada."
140
00:06:50,957 --> 00:06:54,392
And they do not like visitors.
141
00:06:54,394 --> 00:06:56,093
Oh, is that where you were?
142
00:06:56,095 --> 00:06:58,679
'Cause he asked me,
so I told him you were pooping.
143
00:06:58,681 --> 00:07:01,432
Max, don't tell him I'm pooping!
144
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:05,353
There's no shame in it, Caroline.
Everyone poops.
145
00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:07,238
I don't.
146
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,490
I just eat, digest,
and then an angel comes
147
00:07:09,492 --> 00:07:12,660
and takes it away in the night.
148
00:07:12,662 --> 00:07:14,645
Excuse me, John. This is private.
149
00:07:14,647 --> 00:07:16,030
It's just between us girls.
150
00:07:16,032 --> 00:07:19,334
I know.
That's why I'm standing here.
151
00:07:20,336 --> 00:07:22,987
Okay, I'm ready. Let me just grab
the medicine I got for Deke.
152
00:07:22,989 --> 00:07:24,956
Aw, that's sweet.
You got him antibiotics?
153
00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:27,992
No, I got him Vicodin.
I want him to feel better.
154
00:07:27,994 --> 00:07:29,510
I just have to make it
down the hall
155
00:07:29,512 --> 00:07:31,362
until the elevator
without Nicolas catching me.
156
00:07:31,364 --> 00:07:33,447
Oh, like sexual Frogger.
157
00:07:33,449 --> 00:07:37,385
Game over.
Your frog just got hit by a car.
158
00:07:37,387 --> 00:07:39,220
Caroline, there you are.
159
00:07:39,222 --> 00:07:41,122
I can't help feeling you're
avoiding me or something.
160
00:07:41,124 --> 00:07:45,109
Avoiding you? No!
I've been...
161
00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:48,145
pooping.
162
00:07:48,147 --> 00:07:50,881
For five hours?
163
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:54,986
She had a reluctant stool.
164
00:07:54,988 --> 00:07:58,155
Oh, is that not helping?
165
00:07:58,157 --> 00:07:59,373
Caroline, I have something to tell you.
166
00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:00,408
Can we talk?
167
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,660
We're all waiting.
168
00:08:02,662 --> 00:08:05,046
You know in your text
how you said that you won't
169
00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:06,781
have dinner with me
while I'm still married?
170
00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:08,666
Better clear some space on my DVR.
171
00:08:08,668 --> 00:08:11,218
There's a new scandal.
172
00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:15,561
Well, you can have dinner with me,
because I'm leaving my wife.
173
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,285
Uh, hello?
What happened?
174
00:08:36,287 --> 00:08:37,670
Dude told you he was
gonna leave his wife,
175
00:08:37,672 --> 00:08:42,808
And you left faster
than Vladimir Putin at a gay bar.
176
00:08:44,894 --> 00:08:46,762
It's all a blur. I blacked out.
177
00:08:46,764 --> 00:08:48,230
I don't even know how I got here.
178
00:08:48,232 --> 00:08:50,649
I think I took the train, but, Max,
179
00:08:50,651 --> 00:08:55,187
I might have taken the bus.
180
00:08:55,189 --> 00:08:56,638
It came out of nowhere.
181
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,741
I never expected him
to leave his wife.
182
00:08:58,743 --> 00:09:02,664
It came out of your thumbs
when you texted it to him.
183
00:09:03,948 --> 00:09:07,149
Look, when I texted him that,
I was just being flirty.
184
00:09:07,151 --> 00:09:13,455
Flirty is me not wearing underwear
To the times square M&M store.
185
00:09:13,457 --> 00:09:15,341
So you really don't want him
to leave his wife?
186
00:09:15,343 --> 00:09:16,792
No!
187
00:09:16,794 --> 00:09:21,193
I mean, sure, maybe I fantasized about it,
but in my fantasy we were on a ski trip,
188
00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:25,334
and I was jumping up and down, excited,
With my best friend Jennifer Lawrence.
189
00:09:25,336 --> 00:09:30,472
Cool, maybe call Jen next time
the possum traps you by the garbage cans.
190
00:09:30,474 --> 00:09:33,359
Look, I thought we were just
having a fun distraction.
191
00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:37,279
You know, a couple kisses,
a dry hump here and there.
192
00:09:37,281 --> 00:09:41,016
Oh, like the cheerleaders
with the good grades.
193
00:09:41,018 --> 00:09:44,536
Exactly. I'm not the type of person
who wants him to leave his wife.
194
00:09:44,538 --> 00:09:47,823
No, you're the type of person
who almost wants him to leave his wife.
195
00:09:47,825 --> 00:09:51,126
Yes! Yes, that's me!
I'm the "almost" girl.
196
00:09:51,128 --> 00:09:54,463
I almost lost my virginity 25 times.
197
00:09:54,465 --> 00:09:57,466
This was my conversation with
my friends every Monday in high school:
198
00:09:57,468 --> 00:09:58,834
"Did you?"
199
00:09:58,836 --> 00:10:02,338
"Almost."
200
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:06,809
Funny, 'cause I almost
went to high school.
201
00:10:06,811 --> 00:10:08,877
Max, I have to figure out
what to do about Nicolas
202
00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:13,015
before he almost makes a big mistake
and leaves his wife.
203
00:10:13,017 --> 00:10:15,984
He's not leaving his wife for you.
204
00:10:15,986 --> 00:10:20,722
It's just a thing you say
to pretty women to get them into bed.
205
00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,825
Like, "I'm a Russian prince,"
206
00:10:22,827 --> 00:10:26,445
or, "That was a good story."
207
00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:28,864
With a tank top collection
like yours,
208
00:10:28,866 --> 00:10:32,567
I'm surprised
you have to say anything.
209
00:10:32,569 --> 00:10:34,421
I know, right?
210
00:10:35,423 --> 00:10:38,073
So you don't really think
he's serious about leaving her?
211
00:10:38,075 --> 00:10:41,576
No. I've told dozens of women
I'm leaving my wife for them,
212
00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,230
and I'm not even married.
213
00:10:45,232 --> 00:10:46,650
Here in America.
214
00:10:48,152 --> 00:10:49,935
That was nice of Oleg.
215
00:10:49,937 --> 00:10:52,388
Just when you think you've seen
every part of a person,
216
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:55,590
'cause he's shown you on his phone,
217
00:10:55,592 --> 00:10:57,059
he surprises you.
218
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:58,260
Oh, I feel so much better.
219
00:10:58,262 --> 00:10:59,711
Nicolas is not going to leave her.
220
00:10:59,713 --> 00:11:01,697
No, why would he leave her for you?
221
00:11:01,699 --> 00:11:04,401
Well, you don't have to be
nasty about it.
222
00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:10,656
Max, I just got another text
from Nicolas about him leaving his wife.
223
00:11:10,658 --> 00:11:15,244
Oleg, now he says he's telling his wife
tomorrow at 4:00 that he's leaving her.
224
00:11:15,246 --> 00:11:17,212
You got a timeframe?
225
00:11:17,214 --> 00:11:20,382
Oh, if he puts a clock on it,
it's happening.
226
00:11:20,384 --> 00:11:22,501
Pick-up, cantaloupe.
227
00:11:22,503 --> 00:11:24,987
Max, there's a clock on it.
228
00:11:24,989 --> 00:11:26,472
But isn't his wife in France?
229
00:11:26,474 --> 00:11:27,973
Yeah, but they skype every day.
230
00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:30,592
They're like the French Jetsons.
231
00:11:30,594 --> 00:11:32,978
He's gonna skype break up with her?
232
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,396
That is low.
233
00:11:34,398 --> 00:11:36,349
And smart.
Might steal that move one day.
234
00:11:37,351 --> 00:11:40,736
Oh, good, I see your wrist is better,
and I'm gonna need some help.
235
00:11:40,738 --> 00:11:44,274
The cleaning situation
has gotten a little complicated.
236
00:11:45,776 --> 00:11:49,344
The spider communities are at war.
237
00:11:49,346 --> 00:11:51,163
Han, I can't clean.
238
00:11:51,165 --> 00:11:53,031
I'm in the middle
of ruining someone's marriage.
239
00:11:53,033 --> 00:11:56,168
Then, Max, please.
Things are escalating quickly.
240
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:57,836
There was a discarded piece of ham,
241
00:11:57,838 --> 00:12:01,840
and apparently both kingdoms
thought it was theirs.
242
00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:04,793
Oh, no takers?
243
00:12:04,795 --> 00:12:07,713
All right, enough with all this texting.
I need to stop this.
244
00:12:07,715 --> 00:12:10,516
I have to go over to his place tomorrow,
and tell him face to face.
245
00:12:10,518 --> 00:12:11,967
Tell him face to face?
246
00:12:11,969 --> 00:12:14,169
I don't even have sex face to face.
247
00:12:18,441 --> 00:12:20,976
I hope Nicolas takes
my breaking it off with him okay,
248
00:12:20,978 --> 00:12:24,029
because in my fantasy when I told him,
he wouldn't take no for an answer,
249
00:12:24,031 --> 00:12:26,515
bought me a plane, and I gave
Jennifer Lawrence a ride home.
250
00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,650
In my fantasy,
251
00:12:28,652 --> 00:12:31,687
a talking dragon gave me a cape
That belonged to Jesus.
252
00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:36,276
But that's probably because I took
too many of Deke's Vicodin earlier.
253
00:12:37,578 --> 00:12:39,828
The lobby told me
you were on your way up.
254
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:41,997
Caroline, I did not expect you.
255
00:12:41,999 --> 00:12:44,883
But you knew I'd be coming?
256
00:12:44,885 --> 00:12:47,586
We need to talk, and Max is here
for moral support.
257
00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:48,870
I know how this works by now.
258
00:12:48,872 --> 00:12:50,389
Come in.
259
00:12:50,391 --> 00:12:52,140
Okay, how do I put this?
260
00:12:52,142 --> 00:12:58,313
How do I put this? Nicolas,
I came here today to tell you...
261
00:12:58,315 --> 00:13:00,566
to not do that.
262
00:13:00,568 --> 00:13:03,101
But why?
I want you so much.
263
00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:04,786
Okay, you...
You don't want me.
264
00:13:04,788 --> 00:13:06,188
You don't even really know me.
265
00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:09,758
I do. You're sexy
and funny and pretty and smart.
266
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,910
Okay, you know me a little.
267
00:13:11,912 --> 00:13:16,031
Look, I am not the type of person
who breaks up marriages.
268
00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:19,585
No, she's the "almost" girl.
She almost breaks up marriages.
269
00:13:19,587 --> 00:13:21,370
Yes, yes, that's who I am.
270
00:13:21,372 --> 00:13:24,172
So I don't want you to make that call,
and break up with your wife over Skype.
271
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:26,174
I am not breaking up with her
over Skype.
272
00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,927
Okay, great, perfect.
No skype.
273
00:13:28,929 --> 00:13:32,914
No. Because that's her in the lobby.
274
00:13:32,916 --> 00:13:36,084
I'm breaking up with her in person.
275
00:13:48,509 --> 00:13:50,726
Oh, my God, that's your wife
in the lobby?
276
00:13:50,728 --> 00:13:53,294
Your wife is here?
What are we gonna do?
277
00:13:53,296 --> 00:13:55,147
Calm down. I can fix this.
278
00:13:55,149 --> 00:13:58,433
You need a fake mustache,
a fistful of paprika, and a new passport.
279
00:13:58,435 --> 00:13:59,818
If you don't have
all three of those things,
280
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:04,172
I can make it work with two,
as long as one of them is a mustache.
281
00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:06,108
There's no other way out.
282
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:07,943
Come on, Max, we have to get
out of here now.
283
00:14:07,945 --> 00:14:09,961
Oh, oh, yeah, and, uh...
284
00:14:09,963 --> 00:14:12,480
Don't leave your wife for me.
Whatever we had, it's over.
285
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:14,149
Oh, and...
286
00:14:14,151 --> 00:14:15,751
This shouldn't reflect badly
on me in school,
287
00:14:15,753 --> 00:14:17,986
'cause I worked hard for that C-minus.
288
00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:20,172
Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.
289
00:14:20,174 --> 00:14:22,624
Okay, but only because she just
got out of the elevator.
290
00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:25,293
She can't find me here.
I can't be this girl.
291
00:14:25,295 --> 00:14:27,896
I don't want to be the whore
he's leaving her for.
292
00:14:28,898 --> 00:14:30,982
That's my favorite Dr. Seuss book.
293
00:14:30,984 --> 00:14:32,768
Caroline, what are you saying?
294
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:35,020
You were just leading me on
this whole time?
295
00:14:35,022 --> 00:14:38,339
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold it, Pep� Le Pew.
296
00:14:38,341 --> 00:14:41,193
And, yes, I've been saving
that one for after finals.
297
00:14:41,195 --> 00:14:42,944
It is not just Caroline.
298
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:47,099
You've been chasing after her harder than
a fat kid in a rolling doughnut contest.
299
00:14:47,101 --> 00:14:49,517
- That's true.
- Wait, wait, Caroline.
300
00:14:49,519 --> 00:14:50,952
Do we still have a shot or not?
301
00:14:50,954 --> 00:14:52,154
No.
302
00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:53,688
Then better go hide in the bathroom.
303
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:55,390
I don't want this screwing up
my marriage.
304
00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:57,109
What?
305
00:14:57,111 --> 00:14:58,693
Well, if you're not going
to be with me,
306
00:14:58,695 --> 00:15:00,796
I'm going to have to stay
with my wife.
307
00:15:00,798 --> 00:15:03,415
I mean, I'm a man.
I cannot be alone.
308
00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:04,716
Now, go, go, go.
309
00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:06,168
She cannot find you here
in our apartment.
310
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:09,254
Why don't you just tell her the truth,
that nothing happened between us?
311
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:10,505
She will not believe me.
312
00:15:10,507 --> 00:15:11,757
I have a history.
313
00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:13,408
There are two of us here.
314
00:15:13,410 --> 00:15:16,762
I also have that history.
315
00:15:18,015 --> 00:15:19,264
Nicolas, c'est moi.
316
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:22,383
Now go, please. That's the least
you can do after ruining my life.
317
00:15:22,385 --> 00:15:24,653
Almost.
Almost ruined your life.
318
00:15:24,655 --> 00:15:25,904
Come on, Max.
319
00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:28,190
This is totally inconvenient.
320
00:15:28,192 --> 00:15:32,060
My "C" better go up to a "B."
321
00:15:35,615 --> 00:15:38,450
This is crazy, us hiding
in a married man's bathroom
322
00:15:38,452 --> 00:15:40,735
like a couple of cheap floozies.
323
00:15:40,737 --> 00:15:44,424
So far, I'm just hearing a factual
depiction of what's happening here.
324
00:15:45,426 --> 00:15:48,409
Let me see what's going on.
325
00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:55,884
I can't understand them.
326
00:15:55,886 --> 00:15:57,135
I thought you spoke French.
327
00:15:57,137 --> 00:16:00,355
Only enough to impress Americans.
328
00:16:00,357 --> 00:16:02,557
Je dois utiliser les toilettes.
329
00:16:02,559 --> 00:16:04,259
Oh, my God. Les toilettes.
330
00:16:04,261 --> 00:16:06,061
Les toilettes, that's where we are.
331
00:16:06,063 --> 00:16:08,997
She's coming in here!
What should we do?
332
00:16:08,999 --> 00:16:11,082
Pretend we're hot plumbers?
333
00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:14,269
Hide in the shower.
334
00:16:19,158 --> 00:16:21,460
I think she might notice us.
335
00:16:24,831 --> 00:16:27,448
You know that's all glass, right?
336
00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:29,317
Let me just get you
a clean hand towel.
337
00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:31,019
She has to pee-pee.
338
00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:35,140
She can't come in here to use
the toilet, 'cause my life is in it.
339
00:16:35,142 --> 00:16:36,791
I know, this is unfortunate.
340
00:16:36,793 --> 00:16:38,093
So go out the window.
341
00:16:38,095 --> 00:16:39,961
What?
342
00:16:39,963 --> 00:16:41,813
It's not a problem.
343
00:16:41,815 --> 00:16:43,631
There's a ledge wide enough
for you to walk
344
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:45,934
to the neighbor's terrace,
jump, and get away.
345
00:16:45,936 --> 00:16:47,986
Stephanie did it.
346
00:16:47,988 --> 00:16:49,654
Who's Stephanie?
347
00:16:49,656 --> 00:16:51,606
That's... not important.
348
00:16:51,608 --> 00:16:53,742
She's fine.
349
00:16:53,744 --> 00:16:56,811
Now go.
You have to go.
350
00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:58,747
Unless you think
you and I still have a shot.
351
00:16:58,749 --> 00:17:02,117
I'll be on the ledge.
352
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:05,337
Come on, Max.
353
00:17:05,339 --> 00:17:08,206
No way, not happening, Lucy.
354
00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:11,877
If he loses his bad marriage,
I'm responsible.
355
00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:14,262
Almost.
Almost responsible.
356
00:17:14,264 --> 00:17:16,164
Max, I wouldn't even be
in this situation
357
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:19,301
if I wasn't working with him
to put you through pastry school.
358
00:17:19,303 --> 00:17:20,635
Oh, so this is my fault?
359
00:17:20,637 --> 00:17:23,838
Max, please just let it be your fault.
360
00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:31,146
It's completely doable.
361
00:17:31,148 --> 00:17:33,882
By the way, it's raining.
362
00:17:33,884 --> 00:17:35,233
Come on.
We can do this.
363
00:17:35,235 --> 00:17:37,953
We've crawled 15 feet on our roof
to get illegal cable.
364
00:17:37,955 --> 00:17:41,206
Yeah, for the Breaking Bad finale!
365
00:17:41,208 --> 00:17:43,375
Something worth dying for!
366
00:17:45,995 --> 00:17:47,162
Oh.
367
00:17:47,164 --> 00:17:49,297
Oh, my God, are you insane?
368
00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:51,132
Get back in here!
369
00:17:51,134 --> 00:17:52,584
Max, maybe you're right.
370
00:17:52,586 --> 00:17:55,870
We should've taken
the hot plumber route.
371
00:17:55,872 --> 00:17:58,256
I'm coming back.
372
00:17:58,258 --> 00:18:01,343
My legs won't go!
Max, help me back!
373
00:18:01,345 --> 00:18:06,648
Damn it.
Damn it, bitch.
374
00:18:08,585 --> 00:18:12,654
She's in the bathroom.
375
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,222
Oh, she closed the window.
376
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:16,741
And she locked it. So go.
377
00:18:16,743 --> 00:18:18,276
Go, go!
378
00:18:18,278 --> 00:18:21,896
If Stephanie did it, we can too.
379
00:18:21,898 --> 00:18:24,065
I can't believe we're up here
all because of him.
380
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,785
I am such a bad judge of character.
381
00:18:26,787 --> 00:18:29,337
Of course you are.
I'm your best friend.
382
00:18:29,339 --> 00:18:32,123
Max, I'm sorry.
This is bad.
383
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,209
Well, at least it can't get
any worse, unless we fall.
384
00:18:35,412 --> 00:18:37,596
- Oh!
- Or it starts to hail!
385
00:18:37,598 --> 00:18:40,382
Ow! Ow!
Hurts like "hail!"
386
00:18:40,384 --> 00:18:42,250
It's clear! Come on!
387
00:18:42,252 --> 00:18:44,519
I don't wanna die!
388
00:18:44,521 --> 00:18:46,154
Me neither!
389
00:18:46,156 --> 00:18:47,522
That's weird.
390
00:18:47,524 --> 00:18:50,225
For the first time in my life,
I don't want to die.
391
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:52,143
I have a boyfriend and my first "B."
392
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:54,095
Oh, God, I'm getting soft!
393
00:18:54,097 --> 00:18:56,264
I can't die!
I haven't made my comeback yet.
394
00:18:56,266 --> 00:19:00,201
In my fantasy, you and I move into that
penthouse I bought from Jennifer Lawrence.
395
00:19:00,203 --> 00:19:03,622
Right over there,
with the roof garden, see?
396
00:19:08,411 --> 00:19:10,178
Are you two all right?
397
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:14,249
I mean, whoever you are.
398
00:19:14,251 --> 00:19:16,468
Am I dead?
399
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:19,571
Almost. Almost dead.
400
00:19:24,977 --> 00:19:27,896
Oh, my God.
401
00:19:27,898 --> 00:19:29,581
What happened to you two?
402
00:19:29,583 --> 00:19:32,984
Well, we crashed through a window.
It was pretty dope.
403
00:19:32,986 --> 00:19:34,602
It was kinda like a Die Hard movie,
404
00:19:34,604 --> 00:19:37,822
if they ever let girls do
cool stuff in those movies.
405
00:19:37,824 --> 00:19:39,424
The necks all right?
406
00:19:39,426 --> 00:19:41,693
We have whiplash, and I have
some bruises on my back.
407
00:19:41,695 --> 00:19:43,811
Max took the brunt of the fall
but feels nothing,
408
00:19:43,813 --> 00:19:46,614
because she's mostly made of Vicodin.
409
00:19:46,616 --> 00:19:48,450
Well, I'm glad you survived,
410
00:19:48,452 --> 00:19:51,670
because I don't know what
I would do without you around here.
411
00:19:51,672 --> 00:19:54,706
Aw, thanks, Earl.
412
00:19:54,708 --> 00:19:57,509
I meant you.
413
00:19:57,511 --> 00:20:00,128
I know.
414
00:20:00,130 --> 00:20:03,831
Max, how were you ever strong enough
to hold me up with one arm?
415
00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:08,186
It's the arm I used to drag my mother
out of bars with as a baby.
416
00:20:08,188 --> 00:20:10,605
Well, I want to say something to you.
417
00:20:10,607 --> 00:20:15,043
I hope you know that if you were
the one that slipped on that ledge...
418
00:20:15,045 --> 00:20:18,279
I would be dead.
419
00:20:18,281 --> 00:20:21,950
Well, I'm glad that's out in the open.
420
00:20:21,952 --> 00:20:23,151
Everybody!
421
00:20:23,153 --> 00:20:27,288
I have an update about my life!
422
00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:28,523
Oh, whoa.
423
00:20:28,525 --> 00:20:30,291
What happened to you two?
424
00:20:30,293 --> 00:20:32,994
Sophie, we had an accident.
It's a long story.
425
00:20:32,996 --> 00:20:36,715
Yeah, all of yours are.
426
00:20:37,344 --> 00:20:40,502
Well, I'm out of the movie business.
427
00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:43,505
I broke up with my bigwig from Miramax.
428
00:20:43,507 --> 00:20:47,832
We got in a huge fight,
and he threw his big wig at me.
429
00:20:49,179 --> 00:20:52,564
He told me I'd never eat lunch
in this town again.
430
00:20:52,566 --> 00:20:54,933
And I said, "Hey,
431
00:20:54,935 --> 00:20:58,186
if I'm in town,
I'm eating lunch, baby!"
432
00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:02,857
Oh, no.
433
00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:05,693
No, no, no, I don't have
spider bites over half my body
434
00:21:05,695 --> 00:21:08,413
So you two could fake another injury.
435
00:21:08,415 --> 00:21:09,664
Nice try.
436
00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:11,783
Oh!
437
00:21:11,785 --> 00:21:15,286
Ooh, I'll bet that hurts.
438
00:21:15,430 --> 00:21:18,368
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www.addic7ed.com
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