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1
00:00:00,835 --> 00:00:05,464
-Girls, I've made a big decision.
-You're having a sex change?
2
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:11,679
I totally support you, but be careful, Han,
female to male is very tricky.
3
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:14,765
Well, you would know.
4
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:21,689
Meow, he must have already started
on the hormones.
5
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:23,649
Now, here's my big decision...
6
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,527
...we're moving from those icky,
glass ketchup bottles...
7
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,112
...to modern, new squeeze bottles.
8
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:33,408
Wow, that is some fresh,
outside-the-box thinking.
9
00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:37,371
It's like being an intern at Apple
during the summer of '76.
10
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,665
That's right. call me Han Jobs.
11
00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:49,966
Oh, I will only call you Han Jobs.
12
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,317
I can't believe everybody else is gone
and we're stuck here doing this.
13
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,611
-Ew. This is a really toxic, plastic smell.
-Give me that.
14
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,406
(INHALING DEEPLY)
15
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,409
Max, are you huffing a ketchup bottle?
16
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:18,787
Mm-hm. Hoping it kills the brain cells
that'll remember...
17
00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:21,123
...I'm stuck doing ketchups
on a Friday night.
18
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,415
Max, give it to me.
19
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,918
Whether you believe it or not,
you're above that.
20
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,421
You know what? We're above this.
Forget this. Let's go out.
21
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:31,926
I mean,
I'm newly single and you're not picky.
22
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,594
True.
23
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,765
Ready to let my hair down
and have one of those...
24
00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:40,433
...crazy-yet-fiscally-responsible
kind of nights.
25
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,603
Steal other girls' drinks
when they go to the bathroom?
26
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,524
What can you do in
Williamsburg if you have less than $20?
27
00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:50,235
Hang out on the sidewalk
and look good till you turn 35.
28
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:53,989
Then turn to your friends and say,
"I have to move home."
29
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:55,533
Hey, you know what?
30
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,951
The Raveonettes are playing
the Lorimer Lounge.
31
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,370
We got a little tip money
and lot of "deez."
32
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,290
So let's just watch the magic unfold.
33
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,543
I haven't seen the Raveonettes live
since I saw them in Denmark.
34
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:09,546
That is crazy
because I first heard of them...
35
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,383
...when I was dry-humping a guy
named Mark in his den.
36
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:14,175
So....
37
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,302
Twinsies.
38
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,641
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING INSIDE)
39
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,978
Wow. My life has really changed.
40
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,229
Last time I was in an alley
behind a club...
41
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,983
...I was in an SUV
with one of the Olsen twins.
42
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,485
I still don't know which one.
43
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:36,323
Hey, speaking of the Olsen twins,
I once woke up next to a garden gnome.
44
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,158
Well, so much for our plan.
45
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,036
Yes, we've still got "doze,"
but no tickets.
46
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:42,746
There's got to be a way for us to get in.
47
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,290
(BELL RINGING)
48
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,585
What up, ladies.
49
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,086
Hi, moo. Whatever.
50
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:52,756
You need tickets?
51
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:55,925
Well, Bessie, we might be interested.
How much?
52
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:59,013
You can have them for free
if the blond one milks me.
53
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,473
How bad do you want those tickets,
Caroline?
54
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,558
Ha-ha. Not that bad.
Bye, moo, whatever.
55
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,769
(RINGING BELL)
56
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:09,606
Sorry, Max, but I can't come back from
pulling a strange man's teats.
57
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:13,860
You think that.
And then you do it, and it's not so bad.
58
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:17,531
Wow. New York without money
is like no magic.
59
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,867
There's magic all over this city,
with or without money.
60
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,870
You just have to make your own.
61
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,122
-By drinking.
-Oh.
62
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:26,873
Purse beer.
63
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,251
Sorry there's no purse nachos.
I ate them all.
64
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:33,881
Best I can do is the cheese dust
down near the birth control.
65
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,723
Okay, this is ratchet. We're just
standing here like a couple of Beckys.
66
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:46,393
-Where's your magic now?
-Oh, you wanna see magic?
67
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,064
Abracadabra. Let me in, dumbos.
68
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,567
Abra-ca-damn-dabra.
69
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,532
I don't know what
that trash bin said to you...
70
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:03,993
...but you make a cute couple.
Be a shame to break up...
71
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,830
...before you got to see
what your kids would look like.
72
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:10,334
Been a rough couple of years,
what with me considering grad school...
73
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,920
...and him being a trash can,
but what can I say? It's love.
74
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,007
I understand.
Americans love their garbage.
75
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:21,261
How else would you explain
The Real Housewives of everything?
76
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,391
You're welcome for Euro Disney,
by the way.
77
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:30,312
-My name's Graham. I'm with the band.
-Max. I'm with the blond.
78
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,648
You two can hang
backstage if you like.
79
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,442
Your boyfriend can stay outside
and get trashed.
80
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,112
Hey. Ratchet-ass Becky.
We're in.
81
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,577
CAROLINE:
Earl, I'm worried.
82
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,581
I haven't seen Max
since she left with that guy last night.
83
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:51,290
I've called her a million times.
84
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:55,504
She picked up once, and she was either
having sex or fighting a bear.
85
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,673
Don't you worry.
Max can take care of herself.
86
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:03,678
I once saw her push a truck
out of her way with her mind.
87
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,889
Hey, everybody!
88
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,103
Hey, pardon....
89
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,521
Pardon my appearance...
90
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:17,942
...but I was just in the park running
after the high school boys' track team.
91
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:22,740
I told her it was fine with me.
I know she will never catch one of them.
92
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:28,120
Oh, says you.
I'm going to the prom with Brandon.
93
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:32,582
Yeah, if his dad will lend him the car.
94
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,293
Sophie, I always love
when you wear that outfit.
95
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:38,672
It makes me wanna Xana-do you.
96
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,632
'Sup. Pip-pip and cheerios.
97
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,427
Max. Thank God. I was so worried.
98
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,305
Wait, why do you look extra pretty?
99
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,598
Probably the new shades
I didn't pay for.
100
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:52,810
Or the hours of him going Downton
on my Abbey.
101
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:57,441
Hold up. No spoilers.
I haven't started season three yet.
102
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,026
Earl, you watch that show?
103
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:04,447
Yes, I do. I enjoy any show
where the help is white.
104
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:11,538
-So you slept with that guy?
-Oh, I really slept with that guy.
105
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:15,416
You go, girl.
Don't stop till you get enough.
106
00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,170
I'm surprised you spent the night.
107
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:22,507
Don't you usually leave before they
realize there's nothing in their wallet?
108
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,677
Last night,
you were complaining about no magic.
109
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,348
Then I woke up this morning to a view
of the park and hot cinnamon rolls.
110
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,891
I'm back at the diner,
but full of cinnamon rolls.
111
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,394
Boom. Magic. Suck it, David Blaine.
112
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,355
At least you had fun.
The only fun I had last night was...
113
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:40,983
...when that cow dude passed out on
his feet, and I tipped him over.
114
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,696
-So are you gonna see him again?
-Sunday.
115
00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:47,658
I realize you haven't heard these
words since you lost your money...
116
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:48,867
...but you're invited.
117
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:54,540
So you're asking me to be the third
wheel on a two-night one-night stand?
118
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,627
So I guess a private plane
and two tickets to the Grammys in L.A...
119
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:02,130
...won't do it for you either,
because bitch we're invited.
120
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,966
The Grammys? That's so exciting.
121
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,468
My self-esteem could really
use being mistaken...
122
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,971
...for Taylor Swift right now.
123
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:12,098
Which tells you
how low my self-esteem is.
124
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,060
The guy is sending a private plane
for me. A private plane.
125
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:19,480
-That's how good I am in bed.
-We're going to the Grammys.
126
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,067
-What's all of the excitement?
-We need the weekend off.
127
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:25,903
-We're going to the Grammys.
-The Grammys? On the real-real?
128
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:30,158
Do you think you'll meet 2 Chainz?
That's my boy.
129
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:32,702
No, he can't be your boy.
He's my boy.
130
00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:35,247
2 Chainz is the man.
He sings my anthem.
131
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,915
"We Represent the Lollipop Guild"?
132
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,420
I'm talking about his ode
to big-booty ho's.
133
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,629
"Birthday Song" is my song.
134
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,425
No, "Birthday Song" is my song.
Every morning in the shower, I rap:
135
00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:51,846
(RAPPING) All I want for my birthday
Is a big-booty ho
136
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:55,391
That actually makes you look whiter.
137
00:07:56,475 --> 00:08:00,396
I'll give you the weekend off if you
get him to sign my concert T-shirt.
138
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,815
Well, we're never gonna meet him,
but done.
139
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,401
All my dreams are coming true.
140
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:12,117
This is so exciting.
I'm finally going on a plane ride.
141
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,954
-Max, you've never been on a plane?
-I've never been on a plane.
142
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,372
Max, even snakes have been
on a plane.
143
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,507
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Good morning, madam.
Welcome aboard.
144
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,677
It's a lovely day for a flight, yes?
145
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:35,474
I'm Agnès and if you need anything at all,
you can just let me know. Hmm?
146
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,433
Cool. Cool.
147
00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:41,562
Please don't lag behind.
148
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,607
I just got French bombed
and I have no idea what she said...
149
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,400
...but I think we should tip her.
150
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:51,197
Oh, my God. I can't believe.
I'm back on a private plane.
151
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:55,284
Max, thank you so much for having
sex with that stranger.
152
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,871
It was my pleasure. Literally.
153
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,708
Welcome aboard.
I am Agnès. I can take those for you.
154
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,294
Do you have luggage?
155
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:06,837
Oh, uh....
156
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,509
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
157
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,052
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
158
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:16,932
Oh, thank you. I'm not Angelina Jolie.
I get that a lot.
159
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,600
Oh, you speak French very well.
160
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:24,063
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
161
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,902
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
162
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:36,868
Le French fry.
163
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,620
(BOTH LAUGHING)
164
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,914
(SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH)
165
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,457
That's all I know.
166
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,919
Every time you ice me out with her,
that's what's coming your way.
167
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,841
So how does this work?
Do we need tickets? Where do I sit?
168
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:53,719
I don't wanna embarrass
myself in front of French steward.
169
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,886
No seat assignments.
You can sit anywhere.
170
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,596
Oh, cool, like AA.
171
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,725
Oh, I love a G5.
172
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:04,479
This reminds me so much of the plane
we used to have.
173
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:07,566
Wait,
Max, this plane looks very familiar.
174
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:11,695
-Max, this was my plane.
-Well, it's my plane now.
175
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,322
-Wait, if this was my plane--
-Which it isn't.
176
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,991
There'd be something
I hid for an emergency.
177
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,869
Money? Gold? Kettle corn?
178
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,873
Yep, my Chanel lip gloss.
Abra-ca-damn-dabra.
179
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,250
You were a billionaire
and for an emergency you hid lip gloss?
180
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,753
In case something went wrong...
181
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,754
...I wanted to look good
if I was going down.
182
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:33,549
You know they don't care what you
look like, as long as you go down.
183
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,385
What's wrong with me?
I'm glossing like a rich gal.
184
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,014
This has got to last me two years.
185
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,225
-Would you like a towel?
-How much?
186
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:45,770
-Max, they're free.
-Oh, like the donuts at AA.
187
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:49,566
Jeez! That's hot!
You should warn a bitch.
188
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,027
I'm so sorry,
it's her first time on a plane.
189
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,614
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
190
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,157
(LAUGHING)
191
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,201
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
192
00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:01,495
(CHUCKLES)
193
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,580
(SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH)
194
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,581
Every time.
195
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:09,211
We only are waiting for one more
passenger, and then we'll be departing.
196
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:10,961
Champagne?
197
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,090
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
198
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:16,051
Ooh. The last time I had champagne
was at a Filipino wedding...
199
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,095
...I crashed at a DoubleTree.
200
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,514
Another passenger?
I wonder who it could be.
201
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,724
Probably my mother.
202
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,893
Every time something great's
about to happen...
203
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,477
...she shows up and ruins it.
204
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:30,399
In 20 hours, we went from beer
in an alley to Dom on a plane.
205
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:34,485
-That's pretty magical.
-Yeah, this could not get any better.
206
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:40,033
Max, it did just get better.
That's 2 Chainz. I can't believe it.
207
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,411
Good morning. How y'all doing?
208
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:44,995
Cool, cool.
209
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:51,961
Mr. Deux Chainz, Good morning.
Coffee, water, champagne?
210
00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:56,258
No, I'm really tired,
I just wanna crash. Not the plane.
211
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:57,967
Do you have any Sleepytime tea?
212
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:03,097
Sleepytime tea? That is so gangster.
213
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,515
Oh, we're moving.
214
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:07,101
Buckle your seat belt.
We're about to take off.
215
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,815
I'm a little scared.
What's it gonna feel like?
216
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:15,025
Oh, that's it?
That feels familiar.
217
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,196
Guess I have a private plane
in my nightstand.
218
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,409
I can't believe this.
219
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,538
I'm standing in a flying living room,
eating ham.
220
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,081
That's prosciutto. From Italy.
221
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:34,129
It's ham. From right over there.
And I'm about to go ham on this ham.
222
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,755
It's been two hours.
When's 2 Chainz gonna wake up?
223
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:37,966
I want a picture.
224
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:41,052
You want him to wake up for a picture?
I'll handle that.
225
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:46,765
-Anything?
-Nothing. Do it again.
226
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,692
Wow. That Sleepytime really
knocks you out.
227
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,235
He must have two-bagged it.
228
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,488
He's totally out. Let's just do it.
229
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:01,155
We're gonna take his picture.
230
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,115
-Nothing else, right?
-Yes.
231
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,451
I can see how
these things can get out of hand.
232
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,205
-Okay, I'm first.
-No, I'm first. It's my plane.
233
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,663
Actually, it's my plane.
234
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,291
Was your plane. It's mine now.
235
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,543
I had morning sex for it
with a leg cramp.
236
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,716
(WHISPERS)
Do another. Do another.
237
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:26,972
Good one.
238
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:29,768
(LAUGHING)
239
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,436
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
New Facebook default.
240
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:35,315
In fact, this is my default pic
for everything, including my tombstone.
241
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,317
Since you did boobs,
I'm gonna put my booty in his face...
242
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:41,488
...because all he wants for
his birthday is a big-booty ho.
243
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:49,120
Get closer.
I can't get you both of you. Come closer.
244
00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,084
I never get tired of waking up like this.
245
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,004
Oh, Mr. Chainz. I am so mortified.
246
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,673
I didn't wanna bother you,
I was just gonna be cool.
247
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,510
Oh, that ship sailed with the butt pic,
and then crashed with Mr. Chainz.
248
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,429
I just wanted a picture
because I'm such a huge fan.
249
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,225
And I wanted to wish you luck
tonight at the Grammys...
250
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,727
...because your music means a lot to me,
and I related when you said:
251
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,773
(RAPPING) When I die
Bury me inside the Gucci store
252
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,734
When I die
Bury me inside the Louis store
253
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:23,529
All I want for my birthday
Is a big-booty ho
254
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,740
All I want for my birthday
Is a big-booty ho
255
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,033
(LAUGHING)
256
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,369
Yeah.
257
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,495
Hey, what's the party, players?
258
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:35,165
I heard booty and I heard ho's
so I had to do a pop-in.
259
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,711
Always some weird white guy
coming to crash a party.
260
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,129
Chainz.
261
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:44,717
Stop. No way.
I can't believe it's you flying this plane.
262
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,678
Caroline. Been so long
since I've seen you. Bring it in.
263
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,849
-Oh, Max. This is Bill, the pilot.
-The pilot?
264
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:54,394
Why is he walking around?
Brace for crash, brace for crash!
265
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:59,982
-It's okay. It's on autopilot.
-Oh. Autopilot. That's how I live my life.
266
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:03,820
Pilot Bill is an old pal. He used to fly
my friends and I around in college.
267
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,779
Yeah, good times.
268
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:09,326
This is my friend, Max, and it's her
very first time on an airplane.
269
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,077
Hey, mine too. J.K. Ha-ha.
270
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,081
Why don't you take a stroll
down there and check out the cockpit?
271
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,917
The cockpit? If it's anything
like the gay bar on 14th Street...
272
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,168
...I'm not dressed right.
273
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:24,381
Oh, it is so good to see you.
God, I'd forgotten how beautiful you are.
274
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,301
Aw. Thank you, Pilot Bill.
275
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,761
I never thought
I had a chance with you before...
276
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:31,806
...because you had so much money
and I was 20 years older...
277
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,600
...but now you're broke
and I had a facelift...
278
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,727
...so we're kind of on the same level.
279
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,647
Oh, a face lift?
280
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,815
That's why your face is so tight
and pink?
281
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,942
I thought maybe you were in a fire.
But you look good.
282
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,778
-Sure, let's go out.
-Great.
283
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,365
I'm gonna grab a coffee.
I'll be right back.
284
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,413
What you doing going out
with a guy like that?
285
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,165
Well, here's the thing, 2.
286
00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,250
You don't tell the pilot flying the plane...
287
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,211
...that you don't wanna go out
with him.
288
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,546
Got you.
289
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,881
You just keep flirting with him
until we land.
290
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,841
I gotta make it to the Grammys.
291
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,138
So you've really never been
on a plane before?
292
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,807
Technically, it's my second time...
293
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:16,475
...if you count the Rock-O-Plane
ride at the carnival.
294
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,477
I guess I was rocking
that plane too hard...
295
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,438
...because half way through,
my mini 747 fell off its gears...
296
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,274
...and I crashed to the ground.
297
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,943
Would've been a lawsuit, but
the carnie paid me off with a Sno-Cone...
298
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:29,114
...and also no one cared
about me as a child.
299
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,865
Put your hands on the wheel.
Give it a spin.
300
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,451
No, I'm good.
301
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,538
Wow. We are really up there.
I have never been this high.
302
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,749
And trust me I've been high.
303
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:43,503
Yeah, I hear that.
No one liked to get high more than me.
304
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,798
I did everything: pills, weed, coke...
305
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:50,552
...and what's that called when you
crumble the coke on your weed?
306
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,803
Anyway, I loved to get high.
307
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,099
But that's all way behind me now.
308
00:16:56,265 --> 00:17:00,019
I've been clean and sober ever since
that Denzel Flight movie came out.
309
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:04,398
-It's still in the theaters.
-Yeah, I saw it last week.
310
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:08,027
Maybe I will put my hands
on the wheel. You know, just in case.
311
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,404
(ALARM BEEPING)
312
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,531
It's the carnival ride all over again.
313
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:18,078
-I broke the plane! I broke the plane!
-Okay, everything's under control.
314
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:21,039
Just, sit down, sit down.
Put your seat belt on.
315
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,917
And Caroline, here's my cellular.
316
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,296
Of course, you can always get
at my mom's--
317
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,632
-Go save the plane!
-Yeah, yeah.
318
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,634
We'll be fine.
319
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,387
I was not meant to die as the second
banana in a cross-country booty call.
320
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,807
(YELLING IN FRENCH)
321
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:45,773
What did she say?
322
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,984
I have no idea.
I heard "love" and "why now?".
323
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,778
So just in case....
324
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:51,988
I should tell you...
325
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,115
...I took $10 out of the cupcake fund
for a Big Mac and never told you.
326
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:56,326
I should tell you...
327
00:17:56,492 --> 00:18:00,497
...I took $100 out of the cupcake fund
to keep my hair this naturally blond.
328
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,708
BILL (OVER PA): Okay, everybody,
we've got a bit of a situation.
329
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,961
Looks like my new girlfriend's friend
broke the plane.
330
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,463
No, I'm just kidding.
We had some engine trouble.
331
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,342
We're gonna have to make an
emergency landing in Kansas.
332
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,219
Go, Chiefs.
333
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:16,429
Hey, blondie.
334
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:20,642
Why don't you keep us in the air? How
about you go give the pilot a little love?
335
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,648
Okay. Okay, thank you.
336
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,983
Well, good news.
We're not stranded here.
337
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:34,489
I just got off the phone, and according
to my new boyfriend, Captain Facelift...
338
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,324
...your new boyfriend, the Brit...
339
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,992
...is flying us home tomorrow
on a commercial flight.
340
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,578
-Coach.
-What?
341
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,999
I don't do coach.
342
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,836
And I'm pretty positive 2 Chainz
would have taken us on that...
343
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,006
...other plane they sent, if you hadn't
rapped for 30 minutes...
344
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,967
...in that cornfield after we landed.
345
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,845
I don't care what you say.
I burned that corn field up.
346
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:00,347
Let's eat something.
They delivered the food.
347
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:04,685
Slim Jims, Cheez-Its, Pizza Pringles
and two ham-and-cheese sandwiches.
348
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:08,815
-Ham? Where's the prosciutto?
-There is none.
349
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,983
(SPEAKS IN FRENCH)
350
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,153
Because we're at a motel in Kansas.
351
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:18,156
And the lady at the front desk called me
a snob for ordering the Pizza Pringles.
352
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,160
I can't believe
I'm not at the Grammys...
353
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,873
...and I'm stuck here eating a lousy
vending-machine sandwich.
354
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:28,209
Well, it's better than doing
those ketchups in the diner.
355
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:32,713
And crash-landing in a corn field with
a rap star with our heads still attached?
356
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,340
-That's pretty magical, right?
-Yeah.
357
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,719
And 2 Chainz did say
he enjoyed meeting us...
358
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,512
...that we were two fine, big-booty ho's.
359
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,891
-That's pretty magical.
-That's pretty magical.
360
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:46,352
Han is gonna be so jealous
when he hears I met our boy.
361
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,730
Oh, my God,
we forgot to get Han's T-shirt signed.
362
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,233
Or did we?
363
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:56,738
When you don't have enough money
to fix your own mistakes...
364
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,240
...you've got to make your own magic.
365
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:02,367
Max, it's 2 Chainz
with a Z, not an S.
366
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:05,413
The one time I know
how to spell something...
367
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,664
...and it comes back to bite
me in the ass.
368
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,086
Oh, it's starting.
Ready to go to the Grammys?
369
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:21,596
Don't get any ham on the dress, we have
to return these to get our money back.
370
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,140
You think Beyoncé's saying
that right now?
371
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:27,101
If we can make our own magic,
we can make our own Grammys.
372
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,310
TV ANNOUNCER:
The Grammys.
373
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:31,396
(IN HOARSE VOICE) Max Black.
Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing?
374
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,776
My roommate's rent. Ha-ha-ha.
375
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:41,240
You're right. This is pretty magical.
But wait. I think it can get better.
376
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,992
(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER TV)
377
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,789
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
378
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,333
(CHUCKLES)
379
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,125
See?
380
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,587
Way more magical.
381
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,173
This kind of feels
like the private plane.
382
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,969
Yeah, the one I have
in my night stand.
383
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,955
English - US - SDH
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