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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,197 --> 00:00:07,128 Did you fart? KEVIN: Yeah. 2 00:00:07,368 --> 00:00:09,769 (chuckling): Yeah. You can't do that in here. 3 00:00:09,771 --> 00:00:11,514 It's the men's room. Come on, man. 4 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,013 What country are you from? I'm from America where you 5 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,482 can fart almost anywhere you want. 6 00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:18,585 You, sir, are an animal. I'm not an animal! 7 00:00:18,705 --> 00:00:21,248 I'm a human being. Humans fart! 8 00:00:21,428 --> 00:00:25,196 Okay, we fart! Oh, no. 9 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:30,006 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 10 00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:33,645 If you can't fart in the bathroom, then where can you fart? 11 00:00:33,765 --> 00:00:35,965 I was just giving out little bubbles, little... 12 00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:36,887 PETE: You know, just 'cause 13 00:00:37,005 --> 00:00:39,005 you give it a cute little name doesn't make you any less than 14 00:00:39,007 --> 00:00:41,374 of a shit bag, okay? Well, I have been 15 00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,610 extraordinarily gassy recently. We know. 16 00:00:43,612 --> 00:00:44,607 God, this is like a rancid batch. 17 00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:46,708 I think I still have Ted's AIDS cocktail floating around down 18 00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:48,910 there. I don't how those guys put up 19 00:00:48,912 --> 00:00:51,046 with that stuff. Well, Kevin, the alternative 20 00:00:51,048 --> 00:00:52,014 is the end of Philadelphia, so... 21 00:00:52,137 --> 00:00:54,103 Hmm, good point. TACO: Spoiler alert. 22 00:00:54,105 --> 00:00:56,072 I only saw the first half. I feel like I'm at a 23 00:00:56,074 --> 00:00:57,940 MacArthur family reunion. I mean, I realize Ruxin is out 24 00:00:57,942 --> 00:00:59,742 of town on business, but where the hell is Andre? 25 00:00:59,744 --> 00:01:02,164 Have you seen him? Yeah. He's not doing good. 26 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,296 Went to his place to shower, and he didn't even get off the couch 27 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,265 to cook me breakfast. Do you guys think he blames 28 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,924 us a little bit for the whole Trixie situation? 29 00:01:09,044 --> 00:01:11,211 Why, because of the bachelor draft thing? 30 00:01:11,213 --> 00:01:13,046 Can you imagine how you would feel if that whole thing just 31 00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:15,315 blew up in your face? I think you mean her face. 32 00:01:15,317 --> 00:01:17,417 (laughter, Kevin groans) Okay, this is what I'm 33 00:01:17,419 --> 00:01:19,419 talking about, okay? The NFL has a whole bunch of new 34 00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:21,655 rules for safety this season, right? 35 00:01:21,657 --> 00:01:23,757 Mm-hmm. Maybe we need to institute a 36 00:01:23,759 --> 00:01:25,725 few of our own, like no headhunting, no attacking a 37 00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:27,894 defenseless receiver. I an, if there was ever a 38 00:01:27,896 --> 00:01:30,063 defenseless receiver, it's Andre. 39 00:01:30,065 --> 00:01:32,165 That's not how we were taught to play the game. 40 00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,000 We were taught, when someone says something stupid, bam, you 41 00:01:34,002 --> 00:01:36,169 say something back. All right, you just take it 42 00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:38,171 easy, James Harrison. This is our best friend we're 43 00:01:38,173 --> 00:01:40,407 talking about. Fine, I'll do the best I can, 44 00:01:40,409 --> 00:01:42,275 but on game day, when he comes walking in in some stupid outfit 45 00:01:42,277 --> 00:01:44,511 that an Ecuadorean gay man would dress his dog up in, then I 46 00:01:44,513 --> 00:01:46,913 don't know what I'm gonna do. Mm. 47 00:01:46,915 --> 00:01:49,349 JENNY: Oh, Christopher is gonna love this school. 48 00:01:49,351 --> 00:01:51,718 This play yard's amazing. Although this playground 49 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,120 looks a little pornographic to me. 50 00:01:54,122 --> 00:01:56,523 What?! It's not. Yeah, look, babe. 51 00:01:56,525 --> 00:01:58,525 That tube's like a... like a shaft, and those spheres... 52 00:01:58,527 --> 00:02:00,527 Look at-- that girl's playing with the balls. 53 00:02:00,529 --> 00:02:02,529 Stop. Stop doing that. Look, the-the tube is heading 54 00:02:02,531 --> 00:02:04,531 right towards the pink curtain. No. Stop. 55 00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,533 Which is obviously the labia minora. 56 00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:08,935 Stop it. Labia majora. 57 00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:11,137 Oh, God. I don't know which one. 58 00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:13,373 The labia. Oh, my God, just stop saying 59 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:15,442 "labia." But I'm just saying, you 60 00:02:15,444 --> 00:02:17,377 could be, like, "Oh, hey, Timmy, show me on the playground where 61 00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:19,713 the man touched you on the playground." 62 00:02:19,715 --> 00:02:21,481 Oh. Oh, my... Oh, my God! Is that who I think it is? 63 00:02:21,483 --> 00:02:23,650 That is Jay and Kristin Cutler... and the Cutlet. 64 00:02:23,652 --> 00:02:25,852 Our kid's gonna go to school with the Cutlet! Yes! 65 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,821 Our kid is going to go to school with the Cutlet! 66 00:02:27,823 --> 00:02:29,623 See? I told you, babe. You go out to dinner, you get 67 00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:31,725 drunk, you go home, you have sloppy unprotected sex, and 68 00:02:31,727 --> 00:02:33,927 look. You become best friends with the 69 00:02:33,929 --> 00:02:38,431 Cutlers. It all works out. I told you! 70 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:41,501 Ooh. Whoa! 71 00:02:41,503 --> 00:02:45,238 Not good. Oh, my gosh. 72 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:48,108 He has yet to touch his copy of Mister magazine. 73 00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:51,144 Can you smell that? Not even a hint of CK One in the 74 00:02:51,146 --> 00:02:52,479 air. 75 00:02:52,481 --> 00:02:54,848 Jesus. Hi, Andre. 76 00:02:54,850 --> 00:02:58,451 So, this is the man cave, huh? ANDRE: No. 77 00:02:58,453 --> 00:03:01,288 It's supposed to be the magic man cave. 78 00:03:01,290 --> 00:03:03,657 A place for all the dudes to come once I was married. 79 00:03:03,659 --> 00:03:06,092 Defenseless receiver. Mm-hmm. 80 00:03:06,094 --> 00:03:08,461 Defenseless receiver. But now I'm not married, 81 00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:10,664 and no dudes want to come in my man cave. 82 00:03:10,666 --> 00:03:13,099 Hmm. Andre? 83 00:03:13,101 --> 00:03:15,468 I'm just alone. It's okay. 84 00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:17,871 I know I wasn't your best man in marriage. 85 00:03:17,873 --> 00:03:20,473 (whispering): God help me. But I am prepared to be your 86 00:03:20,475 --> 00:03:24,277 best man in bachelorhood, and... What? 87 00:03:24,279 --> 00:03:26,680 I will make you forget all about... 88 00:03:26,682 --> 00:03:29,115 Trixie. How'd you learn that? 89 00:03:29,117 --> 00:03:31,484 I've been practicing that for three weeks. 90 00:03:31,486 --> 00:03:33,887 I couldn't get it. Andre, it took, like, two 91 00:03:33,889 --> 00:03:36,289 minutes to learn. No wonder why she left. 92 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:38,692 It's not because I made her blind. 93 00:03:38,694 --> 00:03:40,994 It's because I'm a terrible magician. 94 00:03:40,996 --> 00:03:43,196 There are other reasons, too. Yeah, but... 95 00:03:43,198 --> 00:03:45,065 Man cave was supposed to be full of magic, but now it's just 96 00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:47,067 a dark, smelly hole. (Taco and Pete sniff) 97 00:03:47,069 --> 00:03:49,302 Nights were gonna be filled with ball juggling. 98 00:03:49,304 --> 00:03:51,504 I even had a night for black magic. 99 00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:53,506 I wanted to learn the ancient art of sword swallowing. 100 00:03:53,508 --> 00:03:55,508 All right. Enough, enough. Bye, Andre. 101 00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:57,510 All in my man cave. Bye, Andre. Sorry. 102 00:03:57,512 --> 00:03:59,713 No one's coming in my man cave anymore. 103 00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:01,715 Everyone's just pulling out. How great is this place, 104 00:04:01,717 --> 00:04:03,917 guys? I know, it's really nice. 105 00:04:03,919 --> 00:04:06,152 Beautiful, absolutely. I love it. 106 00:04:06,154 --> 00:04:08,154 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, my... Oh, that's all right. 107 00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:10,156 So sorry. I-I apologize. 108 00:04:10,158 --> 00:04:12,158 Okay, see you guys. Good to see you. 109 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,060 It's okay. Okay, bye. Good to see you there. 110 00:04:14,062 --> 00:04:16,162 Wow. You look so much like Jay Cutler. 111 00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:18,064 I get that all the time. I don't see it, though, really. 112 00:04:18,066 --> 00:04:20,166 Weren't we in a baby class together? 113 00:04:20,168 --> 00:04:22,502 Oh, wow. I don't know. I don't. Maybe. 114 00:04:22,504 --> 00:04:24,437 I haven't been back. Do you know that somebody 115 00:04:24,439 --> 00:04:26,539 actually stole a bottle of my breast milk? 116 00:04:26,541 --> 00:04:28,942 Unbelievable. No way! 117 00:04:28,944 --> 00:04:30,944 Yeah. KEVIN AND JENNY: No! 118 00:04:30,946 --> 00:04:32,846 Oh, it's probably that Russian mob. 119 00:04:32,848 --> 00:04:34,848 Whoa! Whoa! Jesu... 120 00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,750 Good God! Holy cow! 121 00:04:36,752 --> 00:04:38,752 Kid's got a cannon. Probably gets that from his 122 00:04:38,754 --> 00:04:40,854 mother. Is it just me, or does this 123 00:04:40,856 --> 00:04:42,789 playground look like a sex act? You know, I was thinking the 124 00:04:42,791 --> 00:04:45,024 same thing. I'm, like, "This kid looks like 125 00:04:45,026 --> 00:04:46,893 he's about to be ejaculated right out of that thing. 126 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,762 He's about to be a money shot." I mean, who puts a pink 127 00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:51,197 curtain on a slide? I know. 128 00:04:51,199 --> 00:04:53,032 Jungle gym is about to plow that piece over there. 129 00:04:53,034 --> 00:04:55,135 Yeah. This kid just keeps rubbing 130 00:04:55,137 --> 00:04:57,103 these balls like they're gonna do something, you know? 131 00:04:57,105 --> 00:04:59,305 Yeah. Hey, it's great meeting you, 132 00:04:59,307 --> 00:05:01,574 Kev. It's good to know there's some 133 00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:03,610 cool parents here. Kev? 134 00:05:03,612 --> 00:05:06,613 This is amazing! The MacArthur-Cutler road trip. 135 00:05:06,615 --> 00:05:08,815 No, no, the MacCutler road trip. 136 00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:11,050 I like that. Every year, Kev. 137 00:05:11,052 --> 00:05:13,052 Ah, let's get T-shirts made up. 138 00:05:13,054 --> 00:05:14,954 Jenny, of course. We would be honored to be 139 00:05:14,956 --> 00:05:16,756 Chalupa Batman's godparents. Thank you so much. 140 00:05:16,758 --> 00:05:18,591 Hey, Jay, what do you say tonight we pull the old wife 141 00:05:18,593 --> 00:05:20,593 switcheroo? I yell "Yahtzee," and we all 142 00:05:20,595 --> 00:05:22,996 switch rooms? Why not? 143 00:05:22,998 --> 00:05:25,432 Awesome! Hey, I'm sorry you got to take 144 00:05:25,434 --> 00:05:27,801 one for the team. What are you gonna do? 145 00:05:27,803 --> 00:05:30,170 Oh, oh, I get it. It's okay. Cool, cool. 146 00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:32,605 So, uh, I'm sure I'll be seeing you guys around. 147 00:05:32,607 --> 00:05:34,974 Yeah. That would be great. 148 00:05:34,976 --> 00:05:37,410 Later, guys. You, too. So good... 149 00:05:37,412 --> 00:05:39,779 Bye, guys. See you guys later. 150 00:05:39,781 --> 00:05:42,182 Bye. Yes! Yes! 151 00:05:42,184 --> 00:05:44,617 They called me Kev! They called me Kev! 152 00:05:44,619 --> 00:05:46,920 They said we were cool. I knew these things would 153 00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:49,255 start to pay off. 154 00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:55,900 That's right, I'm gonna be best friends with Jay Cutler. 155 00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:58,340 Really? Yeah. I can't wait to leave 156 00:05:58,342 --> 00:06:00,476 you shit sippers in the dust. Well, I'm glad you're having 157 00:06:00,478 --> 00:06:02,344 a great time, 'cause there is one among us, namely Andre, who 158 00:06:02,346 --> 00:06:04,513 is doing much worse than we thought. 159 00:06:04,515 --> 00:06:06,715 Ah. We're gonna have to do 160 00:06:06,717 --> 00:06:07,243 something to goose that poor bastard's spirits. 161 00:06:07,483 --> 00:06:09,483 Well, I will not go back to that spa with him. 162 00:06:09,485 --> 00:06:11,719 I won't do it. No, we-we may have to let him 163 00:06:11,721 --> 00:06:14,121 win. The season? 164 00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,090 No! Geez, what's wrong with you? I'm talking one game. 165 00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:18,092 It's week one. It doesn't really matter 166 00:06:18,094 --> 00:06:20,294 long-term. Okay, who's he playing? 167 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,663 You know. Oh. 168 00:06:22,665 --> 00:06:24,898 Yeah. Okay, you good with that 169 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:25,858 Taco? You good with letting him win? 170 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,960 Yeah. I'm cool with it. It's not up to me, though. 171 00:06:27,962 --> 00:06:30,329 It is totally up to you. It's your team. 172 00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:32,464 Yeah. I gave the control of my team 173 00:06:32,466 --> 00:06:34,600 to this guy who hangs out at the library. 174 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,802 He's a war vet. He has something called, uh, 175 00:06:36,804 --> 00:06:39,204 PSTD? You mean PTSD. 176 00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:41,206 No PSTD-- plenty of STDs. Taco, why aren't you running 177 00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:43,442 your team? I'm supporting the troops. 178 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:46,979 And who has time for this bullshit anyway? 179 00:06:46,981 --> 00:06:50,449 Should be around here. He likes to sleep in the 180 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,451 reference section. Sure, why not? 181 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,320 (sniffing) Yeah, he's here. All right. 182 00:06:55,322 --> 00:06:58,690 (snoring) Okay. There he is. 183 00:06:58,692 --> 00:07:00,792 Waking him up's a bit of a process. 184 00:07:00,794 --> 00:07:03,629 (whispering): Penico. Penico. 185 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,397 I'll take you to Hell with me, hajji! 186 00:07:05,399 --> 00:07:07,399 Jesus Christ. Holster your weapon! 187 00:07:07,401 --> 00:07:10,068 Holster your weapon now! Oh, Christ, sorry. Taco. 188 00:07:10,070 --> 00:07:12,070 Hey, buddy. Hey, how you doing? 189 00:07:12,072 --> 00:07:14,072 I need my fantasy football team back. 190 00:07:14,074 --> 00:07:16,074 Oh, so you made your first billion-- congrats. 191 00:07:16,076 --> 00:07:18,410 Mm, not exactly. The PBIB's still losing a lot of 192 00:07:18,412 --> 00:07:20,646 market share-- people just shaking it off. 193 00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:25,851 So as per your orders, the team is still under my command. 194 00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:27,853 I'm so glad you guys came over. 195 00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:29,688 I know. Me, too. Thanks for having us. 196 00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:31,690 Of course. I'm sorry the place is such a wreck. 197 00:07:31,692 --> 00:07:33,692 Our house is ten times worse. We're just finishing up 198 00:07:33,694 --> 00:07:35,694 construction. You are? 199 00:07:35,696 --> 00:07:38,397 It's been a real hassle, especially during the season. 200 00:07:38,399 --> 00:07:41,033 Jay literally cannot focus on anything but football. 201 00:07:41,035 --> 00:07:43,702 Tell me about it. When Kevin is in the middle of 202 00:07:43,704 --> 00:07:46,772 football season, he's just... gone. 203 00:07:46,774 --> 00:07:49,841 Jay has laser focus. I mean, he pushes his body to 204 00:07:49,843 --> 00:07:52,077 the limit. Kevin, too. 205 00:07:52,079 --> 00:07:55,180 When he is setting his lineup, he will lock himself away in the 206 00:07:55,182 --> 00:07:58,283 bathroom for hours. Laser focused. 207 00:07:58,285 --> 00:08:01,553 Yeah. Yep. Surprise! 208 00:08:01,555 --> 00:08:04,423 Hey! Hey. 209 00:08:04,425 --> 00:08:06,892 Where is Jay? Jay's at work. 210 00:08:06,894 --> 00:08:09,695 Oh. How's it going, boys? 211 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,530 It's going great. I'm glad. 212 00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,532 You think Jay's gonna come to the next playdate? 213 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,367 Probably not... Oh. 214 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,369 ...would be my guess. Hey, can you watch them for just 215 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,371 a second? I'm gonna go grab some milk. 216 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,206 Yep. Excuse me. 217 00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,041 Okay. Kevin. 218 00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:25,043 What? Don't ruin this. 219 00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:27,246 I'm not ruining it. You're probably ruining it. 220 00:08:27,248 --> 00:08:29,248 What are you... telling her stories about your college years 221 00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,083 again? No. 222 00:08:31,085 --> 00:08:33,952 "Oh, I got drunk and I pumped gas naked one time." 223 00:08:33,954 --> 00:08:37,589 That was you! (laughing): That was awesome. 224 00:08:37,591 --> 00:08:39,591 Oh, my God. Just... It was like yesterday. 225 00:08:39,593 --> 00:08:42,995 ...go. Go before you... So wasted. 226 00:08:42,997 --> 00:08:45,230 Did you... I got bubbles. 227 00:08:45,232 --> 00:08:47,466 Oh, my God, I can taste it. Jenny, the kitchen is gr... 228 00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:51,737 Oh, my God. Oh. 229 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:57,075 You guys don't smell anything? Nothing? 230 00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:59,144 Maybe one of the boys has a poopy diaper. 231 00:08:59,146 --> 00:09:01,313 Mm-hmm. Here, bud. 232 00:09:01,315 --> 00:09:03,515 Here's your milk. Here, you hold it. 233 00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:05,884 Ooh, there you go. 234 00:09:05,886 --> 00:09:13,125 (screaming) Whoa-ho! What a hit! 235 00:09:13,127 --> 00:09:14,860 Oh, my God, oh... Oh, my God, oh, my God. 236 00:09:14,862 --> 00:09:16,528 Nice hit! Are you okay? 237 00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:18,196 Whoa, he took the milk. Is he all right? 238 00:09:18,198 --> 00:09:20,365 That's breast milk, that's kind of weird. 239 00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:22,601 Uh, I don't know what... Yeah. 240 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,803 ...just happened. Um, I'm so sorry he sacked your 241 00:09:24,805 --> 00:09:27,105 son. Yeah. 242 00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:29,174 That wasn't a sack. Well, it was a sack and a 243 00:09:29,176 --> 00:09:31,176 strip. No one sacks a Cutler. 244 00:09:31,178 --> 00:09:33,011 Have you seen your offensive line? 245 00:09:33,013 --> 00:09:34,846 I think everybody sacked a Cutler. 246 00:09:34,848 --> 00:09:37,449 Kevin? Well, my little guy's getting 247 00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:43,188 tired, so we should go. No, you don't have to go. 248 00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:46,391 Nope, no poopy diaper. But you should check your slacks 249 00:09:46,393 --> 00:09:49,895 maybe. Bye. 250 00:09:49,897 --> 00:09:54,032 (door opens, closes) That went well. 251 00:09:54,034 --> 00:09:57,002 It did not go well. In fact, Seabiscuit decided to 252 00:09:57,004 --> 00:09:59,404 put on a little bubble show for the Cutlet. 253 00:09:59,406 --> 00:10:01,907 I was so close to hanging out with cool people finally. 254 00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:04,242 I hear you, bro. After being out there, it's hard 255 00:10:04,244 --> 00:10:06,812 to come back in here and listen to all this mishegoss. 256 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:10,082 We are not out of this. The Cutlers are huge on charity. 257 00:10:10,084 --> 00:10:12,584 They're hosting that charity event for the school at their 258 00:10:12,586 --> 00:10:15,387 house. We are gonna charity the shit 259 00:10:15,389 --> 00:10:17,489 out of them, you guys. They are going to love us for 260 00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:19,491 it. Well, while you guys are 261 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:22,260 desperately trying to become the couple that the Cutlers hate the 262 00:10:22,262 --> 00:10:24,396 least, I'd like you to see what the newest member of our league 263 00:10:24,398 --> 00:10:26,398 is up to. Not only will he not throw the 264 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,900 game or give up control of Taco's team, but now he's 265 00:10:28,902 --> 00:10:33,004 posting. This is Taco and I will be 266 00:10:33,006 --> 00:10:35,574 victorious on the battlefield. Hey, Taco. 267 00:10:35,576 --> 00:10:38,677 Hey, Andre, I have one question for you. 268 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,712 Did you ever have to tell a friend that his dick was blown 269 00:10:40,714 --> 00:10:43,849 off and then you realize it wasn't your friend, it was you? 270 00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:47,552 You don't know what it means to lose. 271 00:10:47,554 --> 00:10:49,554 But you will. I think this will really 272 00:10:49,556 --> 00:10:51,556 cheer up Andre. I don't think it will cheer 273 00:10:51,558 --> 00:10:53,392 him up at all. I think it'll do the opposite 274 00:10:53,394 --> 00:10:55,394 actually. Hey, you know what? 275 00:10:55,396 --> 00:10:57,696 Since the season hasn't started yet, what do you say we make it 276 00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:02,934 a ten-team league? I got just the guys. 277 00:11:02,936 --> 00:11:04,936 Oh, it's Will and Ron. Ten teams! 278 00:11:04,938 --> 00:11:06,772 They're really violent. Ten teams! 279 00:11:06,774 --> 00:11:08,774 Ten teams! Yeah, ten teams! 280 00:11:08,776 --> 00:11:10,609 Ten teams, Andre! Ten teams. 281 00:11:10,611 --> 00:11:12,611 You... (shushes) What do you mean... (shushes)? 282 00:11:12,613 --> 00:11:15,080 I lost my dick for your freedom! Have fun on the Fourth of July 283 00:11:15,082 --> 00:11:17,082 while I'm sitting there peeing like a girl! 284 00:11:17,084 --> 00:11:18,917 I got no dick! Okay. 285 00:11:18,919 --> 00:11:20,752 And that is the newest member of our league. 286 00:11:20,754 --> 00:11:22,587 All right, don't worry about it. 287 00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:24,589 The commissioner will take care of this. 288 00:11:24,591 --> 00:11:26,591 You should bring a gun. You turned it into a bong, 289 00:11:26,593 --> 00:11:29,928 Taco. I did. 290 00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:35,467 Sergeant Penico? Oh, wasn't there, didn't do 291 00:11:35,469 --> 00:11:37,302 it, wasn't me. My name's Kevin MacArthur. 292 00:11:37,304 --> 00:11:39,104 I'm-I'm a... Remember the league? 293 00:11:39,106 --> 00:11:41,139 I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the commissioner. 294 00:11:41,141 --> 00:11:43,141 I have a proposition for you. What do you got? 295 00:11:43,143 --> 00:11:45,010 How would you like to meet Jay Cutler? 296 00:11:45,012 --> 00:11:46,678 Jay Cutler? Yeah. 297 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,747 I'd love to meet... I mean... (stammers)... In person? 298 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,582 In person, yeah. Do you think he'd sign 299 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,452 something for me? I mean we can ask, we can... 300 00:11:53,454 --> 00:11:56,588 Brought it back from Fallujah. 301 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,890 We'll certainly ask. 302 00:12:05,228 --> 00:12:09,151 Yes, ladies for Andre. Can I get two vodka tonics, please? 303 00:12:09,391 --> 00:12:11,391 You stay here and just soak this in. 304 00:12:11,393 --> 00:12:13,393 You are single, get used to this. 305 00:12:13,395 --> 00:12:15,395 I don't want to be single, I 306 00:12:15,397 --> 00:12:17,497 want to be with Trixie. You're looking at this 307 00:12:17,499 --> 00:12:19,633 completely wrong. Do you remember in the old days 308 00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:21,868 we would watch football and there was one game on? 309 00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:23,703 Yeah. Even if it was shitty, even 310 00:12:23,705 --> 00:12:25,705 if it was boring, even if it was a blowout, you had to commit to 311 00:12:25,707 --> 00:12:27,707 that. Now we got the RedZone channel, 312 00:12:27,709 --> 00:12:30,176 right? Being single is the RedZone 313 00:12:30,178 --> 00:12:32,412 channel, okay? You can watch any game you want. 314 00:12:32,414 --> 00:12:34,414 You can watch two at a time if you want. 315 00:12:34,416 --> 00:12:36,416 The one with the big butt over here? Great. 316 00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:38,418 Big boob game, channel 27? Going over here. 317 00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,487 I mean, look at Taco. This guy, his dick's just 318 00:12:40,489 --> 00:12:42,489 flipping around the channels willy-nilly. 319 00:12:42,491 --> 00:12:44,524 Did your parents get divorced when you were young? 320 00:12:44,526 --> 00:12:46,526 Oh, my God, how did you kw that? 321 00:12:46,528 --> 00:12:49,095 This could be your life. Yeah... I mean, yeah... 322 00:12:49,097 --> 00:12:51,531 Yeah, yeah, you're seeing it. You know, it's all good good. 323 00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:53,567 Yeah, well, you know, I don't think you're using that right, 324 00:12:53,569 --> 00:12:55,402 but yeah. Okay. 325 00:12:55,404 --> 00:12:57,237 Hey, boys. You guys see how many Jettas are 326 00:12:57,239 --> 00:12:59,573 parked out back? Aren't you glad Trixie's dead? 327 00:12:59,575 --> 00:13:01,741 She's not dead, she's blind. Is it all right if I invited 328 00:13:01,743 --> 00:13:03,743 an Eskimo brother who was in town? 329 00:13:03,745 --> 00:13:05,745 Yeah, as long as it's not Sergeant Penico. 330 00:13:05,747 --> 00:13:07,747 No, they don't let crazy homeless people in this bar. 331 00:13:07,749 --> 00:13:09,583 All right, put this in your body right now. 332 00:13:09,585 --> 00:13:11,418 Yes. Oh, vodka? 333 00:13:11,420 --> 00:13:13,420 No, I want a Riesling. Don't say that, okay? 334 00:13:13,422 --> 00:13:15,255 No, don't. You just lost 50% of the 335 00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:17,257 dating pool. Lips to the glass. 336 00:13:17,259 --> 00:13:19,192 Now, stop breathing and drink. There it is. 337 00:13:19,194 --> 00:13:21,294 Bartender, can I get a Vaportini, please? 338 00:13:21,296 --> 00:13:23,296 What's that? It's a way to inhale your 339 00:13:23,298 --> 00:13:25,799 drink. Light a little flame. 340 00:13:25,801 --> 00:13:28,768 Set the booze on fire. It vaporizes. 341 00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,937 Then it goes straight into your bloodstream. 342 00:13:30,939 --> 00:13:36,610 Check it out. (coughing) 343 00:13:36,612 --> 00:13:39,946 No, Officer, I have not been drinking tonight. 344 00:13:39,948 --> 00:13:41,781 I'm gonna smoke a martini with you. 345 00:13:41,783 --> 00:13:43,450 Yeah! Let's do this. 346 00:13:43,452 --> 00:13:45,151 Can we maybe smoke a pisco sour? 347 00:13:45,153 --> 00:13:47,787 Say, man. You can smoke whatever you like. 348 00:13:47,789 --> 00:13:50,824 But me personally, I prefer that good good. 349 00:13:50,826 --> 00:13:52,826 What's up, Snoop? We're over here. 350 00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:55,629 Snoop is your Eskimo brother? How do you guys know Snoop? 351 00:13:55,631 --> 00:13:58,298 What's up? Yeah. 352 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,300 What happened? Snoop, this is my Eskimo 353 00:14:00,302 --> 00:14:02,102 brother, Pete. Hey, Pete, how you doing, 354 00:14:02,104 --> 00:14:03,603 brother? Does that mean that 355 00:14:03,605 --> 00:14:05,071 we're, like...? Eskimo brothers-in-law. 356 00:14:05,073 --> 00:14:06,773 Family. And this is the guy I was 357 00:14:06,775 --> 00:14:08,742 talking to you about-- Andre. Yeah, but you can call me Dre 358 00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:12,445 Dogg. You know, I gotta say this, 359 00:14:12,447 --> 00:14:14,981 tonight was totally lame, but now it's all good good. 360 00:14:14,983 --> 00:14:17,117 That's not the right way to use it. 361 00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:19,119 What do you think about this outfit, Snoop? 362 00:14:19,121 --> 00:14:21,321 You think this is good good? On the real? 363 00:14:21,323 --> 00:14:23,990 It's not even one good. Oh. 364 00:14:23,992 --> 00:14:26,292 It's horrible. It's a train wreck. Bad bad. 365 00:14:26,294 --> 00:14:28,128 All right, boys, let's light 'em up. 366 00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,996 That's what I'm here for. All right. 367 00:14:29,998 --> 00:14:34,501 ALL: Smoke your drink! 368 00:14:34,503 --> 00:14:38,338 Good good! Stop it, Dre! 369 00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:42,976 Ooh-ee, that's the do-it fluid! Eskimo brother. Whoo! 370 00:14:42,978 --> 00:14:45,145 Ice fishing in the same hole, baby. 371 00:14:45,147 --> 00:14:47,981 Yeah. I never asked you this, Snoop: what do you do? 372 00:14:47,983 --> 00:14:51,851 Mm... Yeah! Bro time. 373 00:14:51,853 --> 00:14:56,623 Bro time! Oh, boy! 374 00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:59,926 Gentlemen, these ladies would like to smoke some drinks. 375 00:14:59,928 --> 00:15:06,733 (Taco coughs) You're getting me wasted. 376 00:15:06,735 --> 00:15:08,234 Getting myself wasted. You're just here. 377 00:15:08,236 --> 00:15:10,070 Living in the red zone is amazing. 378 00:15:10,072 --> 00:15:12,972 I can go to you, I can go to you, I can go to you. 379 00:15:12,974 --> 00:15:14,574 Switch back to you, and back to you. 380 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:16,142 I have the power to switch to anyone. 381 00:15:16,144 --> 00:15:17,477 Wait-- what are you talking about? 382 00:15:17,479 --> 00:15:19,045 You're switching to different girls? 383 00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:20,880 Yeah, 'cause if I get bored with you... 384 00:15:20,882 --> 00:15:22,749 You get bored with me? Excuse me? 385 00:15:22,751 --> 00:15:24,884 Yeah, I'll be, like, I'm on this one over here. 386 00:15:24,886 --> 00:15:27,654 Who do you think you are? I'm an owner of a DirecTV 387 00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:29,923 package that allows me to have the RedZone. 388 00:15:29,925 --> 00:15:32,058 Bam, bam, bam! I'm single and I'm loving it! 389 00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:34,027 I'm out, asshole. You know what? 390 00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:35,895 One game's over, another one's gonna begin. 391 00:15:35,897 --> 00:15:38,965 What about you? Okay, that's a man. 392 00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:46,005 I sucked 'em both dry! But I only have a pair of aces! 393 00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:48,074 No, no. Nope, not even close. 394 00:15:48,076 --> 00:15:50,043 Pair of aces! No, not close. 395 00:15:50,045 --> 00:15:53,012 I am actually good at magic. And I'm gonna invite all of you 396 00:15:53,014 --> 00:15:57,016 to see me perform tonight in my magic man cave. 397 00:15:57,018 --> 00:16:00,553 Everyone is welcome inside my man cave. 398 00:16:00,555 --> 00:16:05,024 So come into my man cave! That's not really as bad 399 00:16:05,026 --> 00:16:07,360 as it sounded. It sounded bad. 400 00:16:07,362 --> 00:16:10,764 Guys, I forgot to tell you, come inside the back door, 401 00:16:10,766 --> 00:16:13,466 'cause that's the one that's always open. 402 00:16:13,468 --> 00:16:16,569 (clicks tongue, laughs) Did you by any chance 403 00:16:16,571 --> 00:16:18,605 slip anything extra in his Vaportini? 404 00:16:18,607 --> 00:16:21,741 Yeah, we call it Kush and Ciroc. 405 00:16:21,743 --> 00:16:23,943 And I may have put some ketamine in there, too. 406 00:16:23,945 --> 00:16:25,979 Nice. So, Andre's in a K-hole? 407 00:16:25,981 --> 00:16:28,548 It's a Dre-hole. (all laugh) 408 00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:32,619 Okay, everyone's gonna come back to my man cave, and I'm 409 00:16:32,621 --> 00:16:35,755 gonna do some magic. But first, just for a little 410 00:16:35,757 --> 00:16:39,759 bit, have a nap. That's right. 411 00:16:39,761 --> 00:16:47,467 Get this over and get a little comfy cozy and... (sighs). 412 00:16:47,469 --> 00:16:51,104 (woman laughing) Andre, we're entering 413 00:16:51,106 --> 00:16:53,606 your back door. Ew. Ooh, this place 414 00:16:53,608 --> 00:16:55,508 is hideous. Oh, it gets so much worse. 415 00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,343 Let me show you something amazing. 416 00:16:57,345 --> 00:17:00,980 (both laugh) (woman chuckles) 417 00:17:00,982 --> 00:17:04,083 (both moan) (woman giggles) 418 00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:06,286 You know, this couch is magic. Oh, it is? 419 00:17:06,288 --> 00:17:08,021 Oh, yeah. Oh! (giggles) 420 00:17:08,023 --> 00:17:12,625 Oh, it feels magic. (both moaning) 421 00:17:12,627 --> 00:17:17,163 Ta-da! (couple screaming) 422 00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:20,433 Ah, ha-ha-ha! Ta-da! Jesus, Andre! 423 00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:22,435 I mastered the Man in the Box! 424 00:17:22,437 --> 00:17:25,038 I mastered the Man in the Box! You know what? 425 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,540 Do me a favor, make my number disappear, huh? 426 00:17:27,542 --> 00:17:30,009 (Andre laughs) I mastered Man in the Box. 427 00:17:30,011 --> 00:17:32,545 I was trying to be man in the box. 428 00:17:32,547 --> 00:17:34,447 Thank you very much. Thank you. Ta-da! 429 00:17:34,449 --> 00:17:37,050 Oh, shit. Cheer up, orgy. Whoo! 430 00:17:37,052 --> 00:17:39,352 No, no, no, no, it's a magic, it's a magic trick. 431 00:17:39,354 --> 00:17:41,054 Oh, God. Oh, I got to pull out 432 00:17:41,056 --> 00:17:42,495 of this man cave. Andre, film this. 433 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,040 All right, guys, let's get a picture. 434 00:17:47,117 --> 00:17:49,105 Get in there. Yes, you guys, get together 435 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:51,274 with Sergeant Penico. This is the veteran I was 436 00:17:51,276 --> 00:17:53,610 telling you guys about. How did you hurt your ankle? 437 00:17:53,612 --> 00:17:56,212 Was it over in action? No, no, no, no, I got in a 438 00:17:56,214 --> 00:17:58,147 fight with a dog over a sandwich. 439 00:17:58,149 --> 00:18:00,350 Geez. But the, um, I lost my dick 440 00:18:00,352 --> 00:18:01,851 in the war. Oh, wow. 441 00:18:01,853 --> 00:18:03,519 All right, Sergeant. Get the picture? 442 00:18:03,521 --> 00:18:05,521 I got it. Good to see you, Sarge. 443 00:18:05,523 --> 00:18:07,557 Hey, Jay, never let 'em get you down, Jay. 444 00:18:07,559 --> 00:18:09,826 All right. That one has my heart. 445 00:18:09,828 --> 00:18:12,629 It's our life's mission to help reassimilate people 446 00:18:12,631 --> 00:18:15,231 back into society by inviting them into our fantasy 447 00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:17,033 football league. Mm-hmm, we call it 448 00:18:17,035 --> 00:18:19,702 "The League of Dreams." Yes, The League of Dreams. 449 00:18:19,704 --> 00:18:21,337 League of Dreams. Wow. 450 00:18:21,339 --> 00:18:23,339 That's impressive. Yeah. We have an AIDS 451 00:18:23,341 --> 00:18:25,541 patient. Ted. 452 00:18:25,543 --> 00:18:28,077 And a recovering alcoholic. Chuck. There's Ruxin, 453 00:18:28,079 --> 00:18:30,346 who had severe heart problems. It's almost as if he's 454 00:18:30,348 --> 00:18:32,081 dead inside. Taco the drug addict. 455 00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:34,017 Yeah, drug addicts. I don't even know his 456 00:18:34,019 --> 00:18:35,551 real name. And then there's Andre, 457 00:18:35,553 --> 00:18:37,820 our saddest case of all. We never thought we'd get 458 00:18:37,822 --> 00:18:39,522 him back. No, there was no place 459 00:18:39,524 --> 00:18:41,257 for him in society. But he's doing 460 00:18:41,259 --> 00:18:43,059 much better now. He's doing so well, 461 00:18:43,061 --> 00:18:44,661 he is a doctor. BOTH: Wow. 462 00:18:44,663 --> 00:18:46,195 It's great to give back. Mm-hmm. 463 00:18:46,197 --> 00:18:48,231 I feel awful because I feel like we really misjudged 464 00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:49,499 you guys. Completely. 465 00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:50,934 That seems to happen. I don't know why. 466 00:18:50,936 --> 00:18:52,335 Yeah. We should definitely 467 00:18:52,337 --> 00:18:54,237 hang out again. We would love that. 468 00:18:54,239 --> 00:18:55,571 Oh, sure, yeah. That'd be great. 469 00:18:55,573 --> 00:18:57,073 Absolutely. Well, listen, you guys 470 00:18:57,075 --> 00:18:58,908 enjoy the party. Go have some fun, and we'll 471 00:18:58,910 --> 00:19:00,443 catch up in a little bit. Awesome. 472 00:19:00,445 --> 00:19:01,711 Thank you. Okay. 473 00:19:01,713 --> 00:19:03,746 Great, guys, okay. (Kevin sighs) 474 00:19:03,748 --> 00:19:05,882 We are going to hell. Yeah, and we're taking 475 00:19:05,884 --> 00:19:07,550 the Cutlers with us. Yep. 476 00:19:07,552 --> 00:19:09,185 (stomach growling) Ooh, boy. 477 00:19:09,187 --> 00:19:13,423 "Ooh" what? No. No! These bubbles need a home. 478 00:19:13,425 --> 00:19:15,892 Fine. Go to the bathroom, but spray afterwards. 479 00:19:15,894 --> 00:19:18,428 Oh, fine. So tell me about this 480 00:19:18,430 --> 00:19:20,863 League of Dreams. The actual fantasy football 481 00:19:20,865 --> 00:19:23,366 knowledge in this league is pathetic... but the 482 00:19:23,368 --> 00:19:26,069 message boards are great. Did you see the post when 483 00:19:26,071 --> 00:19:27,637 Jenny's kid drank your breast milk? 484 00:19:27,639 --> 00:19:29,138 Wait-- what? When Jenny's kid dra... 485 00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:30,907 when she stole your breast milk. No. 486 00:19:30,909 --> 00:19:33,276 So you're the one that stole my breast milk? 487 00:19:33,278 --> 00:19:35,578 No. Yes, you did. 488 00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:38,381 Okay, yes, but there's a perfectly good explanation. 489 00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:40,316 Oh, please tell. Well, Taco was throwing 490 00:19:40,318 --> 00:19:42,485 this huge party... Whoa. The addict? 491 00:19:42,487 --> 00:19:46,089 Yes. And Kevin's mom kept testing my breast milk with 492 00:19:46,091 --> 00:19:48,458 these Breastalyzer... So you stole my breast milk 493 00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:50,560 so that you could get wasted? I'm sensing a little 494 00:19:50,562 --> 00:19:52,462 judgment here. Breast milk's good if you 495 00:19:52,464 --> 00:19:54,597 ever... Like, you just got to flavor it. 496 00:19:54,599 --> 00:19:56,232 Oh, God! Jay! Maple syrup. 497 00:19:56,234 --> 00:20:02,238 (Kevin groaning) Oh, I'm gonna blow. 498 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:06,743 (groans) Oh, my God! 499 00:20:06,745 --> 00:20:12,482 Need spray! It stinks! Oh, God! 500 00:20:12,484 --> 00:20:17,587 Oh, no! Oh, cock, shit, mother, balls! 501 00:20:17,589 --> 00:20:20,323 Kevin? We gotta go! She's the one that stole 502 00:20:20,325 --> 00:20:22,025 my breast milk. What? 503 00:20:22,027 --> 00:20:24,694 Kevin, we gotta go. Oh, my God. 504 00:20:24,696 --> 00:20:26,996 (Kristin gasps) What did you do? 505 00:20:26,998 --> 00:20:29,132 I spray-painted their bathroom cabinet. 506 00:20:29,134 --> 00:20:31,200 It must have been left over from the construction. 507 00:20:31,202 --> 00:20:33,669 Why are you spraying it? Because I had a bubble. 508 00:20:33,671 --> 00:20:36,172 Dude, you can't do that here. Well, if you can't fart 509 00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:38,941 in the bathroom, Jay, then I ask you where can one fart? 510 00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:41,611 You animal! Even in war you don't do that! 511 00:20:41,731 --> 00:20:43,774 Oh, I got another one coming. Sorry. 512 00:20:44,405 --> 00:20:55,318 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 513 00:20:55,368 --> 00:20:59,918 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42479

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